#254 Do What You Want

into these things and they don't get canceled. They all gonna get canceled. Like you just look at like this. There's this new billboard for Charlemagne the Gods New. She has a new show coming out on Comedy Central. I'll promote it. Why not, it's gonna get canceled like everything else. No offense to him, you know. Um it's called I like the name of it because whenever I see a good name for a show, I always think back on like the times I've had to come up with names

for shows. I have a document in my phone like full of possible names for shows. Podcasts, talk shows, um specials, children bands, plumbing companies. I don't know where my career is gonna take me. And his is called um A hell of a Week and it's once a week and it's a talk show. Maybe it'll do well. I mean, I mean he's amazing. It doesn't I mean, shows get cancel all the time that are great, but it'll get

canceled just like everything else does. There was some quote I read recently that someone said, oh, this was from It was a subreddit about It was in the dom wi subreddit, which I don't even subscribe to because it is such a toxic place. But sometimes on demoi d e u x m o y on Instagram they have like a blind item where it'll be like this b list comedian was a terror to work with. No, this this blonde uh badass in quotes female comic was a

total cunt to everyone she worked with. And I'm always like, was this me? And then I read further and I like it's like, you know, it says something about like she there's always like one thing that makes me think it's not me. Um, And it's like, because I could sometimes be a cunt, but then it's like to every single person on the crew and always like not me, you know, like, I'm not gonna I've never been. I don't think rude to a camera, op or like and

do whatever. So I always go to dema subreddit because that's where they break it down and they go who could this be? And everyone speculates and usually people know exactly who they're talking about. So I went there the other day just to look see what was going on, and okay, that's not good. Um hold, I think he's muted because I was wondering why he's being so quiet. I like this silent film star Andrew. Andrew's like Eric from f Boy Island. Oh now he's kissing the llama.

Now he's looks like he's things are getting Brenna needs to be alerted. Oh no, oh no, he's telling us to be quiet, and well he penetrates the guys. He's fucking the llama, which representive Andrew. I don't know now he's going down that. I hate this so much. Andrew, You're not gonna be able to ever run for Congress

because of what you're doing right now. This is really not that you ever would, but I mean you could, but that's what you want to do with your fame or infamy at this point if it's a fake, Yeah, God, that is funny. And we were still going, is that what is God that you guys have to watch the video of that and go on our YouTube because what I just witnessed you really get a little look into

how Andrew might fuck. Um. That's why I like Chelsea Bretti used to have this joke of when guys go like, oh really and they do like the jerk off motion, you can tell how they jerk like. It's like a little window into how they jerk off when they're like, oh yeah, oh so I'm gonna wait in line for forty five minutes. Yeah, And then she's like and then she does a great thing where she's like, you know, like women when they eat it. She's like, I hate eating a banana because it's just so sexual and I

just can't stand it. So instead I just I pull it off with my fingers and then I smush it in between my fingers and like from so she's then just doing the pussy eating side. That's so funny. Well that when guys do the jerk off, they always make their dick way bigger. It's always out to here and their hands are wide. You never see a guy like go, you know, like get real close. You know, it's always closer than what that is, you know what I mean. It's always like fuck you, bro. So this joke has

been done. But women are never like, oh, really, I'm gonna pay four hundred dollars like rubbing their clips for a fucking haircut. Yeah, I'm just gonna um not that that's a phrase it I don't like is that when you use that? Yeah, whenever the barberge charges me too much? Quite before. But did you have any thoughts on what I was saying about Charlomagne the Gods? I thought you were like friends with Charlomagne the God when I was like mouthing off on trying to be so quiet because

I'm waiting for it. He wants to be in with Charlomagne the God. I'm the ghostwriter for God. I like the idea of you naming It's just so funny, how like like if you named yourself Nikki the Goddess, and then everyone just imagine like, hey, that's your name, that's who she is, Nikki the Goddess. I mean, you think it's not humble. You don't you don't think that's chilling? Yeah, I didn't. I smelled with a A. I mean imagine waking up in the morning, Charlemagne the god six. Yeah

you know how like where's the six? Yeah? The six is like an a and like you know like hack or speak or whatever. Oh yeah, like really is know what you're into? Some definite different little ship the dark web dark Web Noah finishes every email with that little like emoji face that has like glasses but like the is our browser furrowed if you know what I'm talking about this And she put on a wig and she's like a little bit more eyeliner and she's like, hello,

welcome to four chance. I don't even know what is imagine if I knew, Yeah, like wake up, Like imagine yourself ten years ago, fifteen years ago and you're getting in the comedy or you're getting in the radio and before you really even made a name for yourself. It's like bringing a wookie on stage. I mean that's just as much of a look that you are committing to.

I mean what it is. It's like it's the same thing though, Andrew, because it's like because you're just starting now overcompensate for the fact that you don't have talent yet, so you need to, like, do have something else, which we I mean, I brought a cigarette on stage of open mics, like it's all and if you're from like the rap world, it's not too weird. If you're a

black person, it's a little bit. I don't know. I think it's it's it would be lame for I mean, not that it's just this is not a race thing, but maybe it is. I don't know. You can find the rest of that thought. On four June, did sound like that was cool? That was cool with so thank you, Andrew. I'm so glad I gotta pass from you. You man pass about a black man thing thing. I mean, I

just feel like, no, I get it, you couldn't. I don't know how to describe it, but everyone knows what the funk I'm talking about, right, Like I think, I don't know. I just feel like it looks cooler when Yeah, of course, although you know, Kesha, I'm trying to I'm thinking of like Lizzo, like names like that, CARDI B. You know, I'm Meg, the Stallion, jay Z, Little Wayne. Yes, And then you know that's it doesn't sound as cool. I mean it's it is cool. I mean why did

we let why do we let that go? Why? I mean, because are there any other comedians that have names like that? Anyway? Eliza tried to lose Slessinger, and I think she goes by Eliza. But I think that's just because she was, like Slessinger's as hard for people to get and it does make a statement of like I'm fucking Eliza, or like I'm Adele, you know, like I'm not what's Adele's last name? Do you know? Um computers? Um a deli not anymore? Bit I got no, oh no too early?

Or I think her. I think Adele is actually her um. I think Dell was her last name and um u a was her initial and it was her first name was the farmer and or last name's computer. Yeah that's what I said. I said that over eat. Oh my bad, Oh god, lady, dude, you're getting a doubt. I'm getting man and so um yeah, I don't know, like what what could I change it to? Like I could go by Nikki. I don't think anyone else is just NICKI there's no other like famous. Well there's Nicky Taylor, there's

Nicki Read, there's Nicki Nicki minaje. Fuck I think Nicki Minaj gets Nicky. I'm gonna give it to her, not you know, just based on the coolness factor. It's she's got to get it. Who what did you just say? Nikki Oh, Nikki and Ella? What's her name? Bella? Nicky Bella? Do you know that I got her? I mean, I

think you do know, but maybe my listeners don't. I when I did Dancing with the Stars, she was on the season uh of on me before me, I was just in Montreal, So I'm gonna slip in some frong lay and she left behind her robe that said, you know I had Nikki at strawn into it, so I stole her robe, kept it like if you don't want it, how do you keep your robe from Dancing with the Stars? Which is like this beautiful velvet robe. That's how well she's doing in life. She's just like, I don't need this,

this is perfectly. She went back for her husband. Well who did she marry? Um Are Artem Artem Artem was her dance partner and they do this really sexy dance in an elevator, Like the scene is like an elevator, and they were not fooling around during the show. Allegedly she was very much in a relationship and nothing went on.

That's impossible. It's impossible that that didn't occur. I'm not making any assumptions, but as someone who was on this show for one episode, I know that you feel things that you can't help when a hot Russian man is throwing you around. Your husband doesn't exist, your boyfriend doesn't exist. Nothing in the world matters when a hot Russian man may throw when you were around. It's not possible. I can't believe these guys that Robert Hershevik as well, thank you.

I would do anything for my career. I would, except just burn it down by alleging that Nikki Bella uh An Artem maybe had feelings for each other before she under the season. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like that just because you didn't then you still were rubbing genitals like there was yeh, it's okay, Like you can't turn it off. I don't even begrudge anyone feeling things

for other people when they're in a relationship. Like if you were to get mad at your partners because they felt something for someone else at one point and developed a crush. I mean, you can get mad at them if they let the crush like go on and on and on and like possibly lead to betraying you. But you can't help your feelings, y'all. You just can't help it, and cry just gonna happen, and hopefully you can, you know, talk to your partner about it and get ahead of it.

I kind of gave um Chris the scenario the other day where I was like, because we're talking about long term success of our relationship, and I was like, Okay, let me give you an example of like maybe something down the road when we are like our worst nightmare of like we're a couple and like, um, I don't know like this, I meet someone at a show or something and I just feel some energy in me that's like,

oh my god, I'm like attracted this person. And then he makes a flirty joke and maybe, um, you know, our arms touch or something, and I feel it through my body in a way that's like arousing, and then I think about him like like can I go to you about that? What would we do? And he's like, is this a real thing that I'm like, no, it's not. I like made up a total scenario and it was funny because he was like, this sounds so specific. I'm like, I'm a writer, I'm good at this, Like and I

did you know I pulled? I pulled from like obviously like things I felt before when I wasn't in a relationship. But um, he was so a quarter. He's ad two pounds. His name is Jeff, He's from Wyoming. He was cool about it specific you get with. He has this great opener where he's like, comedian, Yeah, well I did. I did kind of Chris's worst scenario, which is like, you're gonna get dazzled by one of these comics who like

is funny and charming and like kills on stage. Because he's heard my act, he knows how I feel about male comedians sometimes, how women just cannot help but be attracted to them because instinctually there you know, if you watch my special, they look powerful, they seem like the tribe leader. Everyone's watching them. There's something like horny about it that you can't help I Luckily, I've been exposed to it so often that it does not dazzle me anymore.

And to be an actual great comedian and to really knock my socks off or get my socks wet from like you know, my pussy juice is flowing down my leg. You really have to like be a really good I mean I I see potential in people all the time as young comedians and go, Wow, that guy is gonna be good. Wow, that guy is so good for his age. But there's not there. I know every comedian, now I've

been through them. I've seen them all. You know. It's not like I've i've seen them all well, I've been through him in the sense of like I've tried, I've clocked him, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I get it. I guess I get what you're saying. They've been through me all through. But like, there's no one that's gonna emerge on the scene that I'm going to be like, oh my god, Like I just doubt it because anyone who's gonna emerge is going to be young.

And comedy is a fair industry, Like no one is good out of the gate in a way that is good in fifteen years. There's just no one. I would almost like if I was sending my girlfriend over to do Dancing with the Stars. I'd be like, you know what, just fuck the guy the first day. I'd rather know, build up, just get it over with, because you're gonna realize it's okay, it's not gonna it's gonna be good. Just to never let their partner do Dancing with the Stars.

I'm not kidding. You Just let him the first day,

then get out of ay. I don't even think, like, if Brenna was wanted to become an actress and she got into some movie where she had to like have intimate love scenes with someone, I would say say the same thing to her there, because I just don't think that you can have these if if the person is single and you're in this location and everything's like you just it's not like cheating is going to happen, but there's going to be a removal from you because you're

not going to be on set. There's going to be this like secret world that you have with this person. It's gonna get You're gonna need a plan of action for when I'm the guy that puts the sock on the guy's cock before he does the love. If you're there, that's fine, that's I heard Jada Pickett Smith was there for every one of the love scenes and make out scenes. Will Smith did that movie with Mark Rabbie, Oh my god, just staring and apparently Margot Robbie and him did have

a thing. I didn't have a thing. If you look online and you go to De Moins, which is where I was last night, um they have there's this one. There's like this photo um series of them and like at the after party you could tell, like for the rat party or maybe the premier party for um, what's the stupid movie they did? Blink? I don't think even think it's stupid. I think it's good. I haven't seen here.

It's good. They did a movie together with one word and it's like blink or like space or something and bounce or something, yes, like slap or something like that. And there there's a photo booth pictures of them and you can tell they're both drunk and letting it fly a little bit too much of like them being hooking up in and um anyway you think, do you think like they're like, you know what, gett in the photo booth we're gonna I think they won with like celebrity

ship like that. It's like we're gonna put you, We're gonna have your whold hands, we're gonna look strong in the eye, and then we're gonna put Jade in the back photo bombing. I mean, yeah, it's a good idea, it really is. Have you noticed that Justin timber Lake and Jessica Bill, like right after he got caught like holding hands of that girl in on the balcony in New Orleans while he was filming, Like afterwards, they started wearing all these jazzy outfits together, like they match and outfits.

They're like doing this whole promotional tour for like our relationships. Fine, go look at like Justin timber Lake and Jessica Bill. Lately, I cannot either the relationship is stronger than ever or weaker than ever. It's kind of like Instagram posting. Either couples are about to break up and they're doing one last like push, or they're strong and it's consistent. We'll see if the jazzy outfits are consistent. But they keep wearing matching outfits and everywhere together. And I'm jealous of

the relationship. Um, not that mine isn't great, because I do have. It was nice to just like run that scenario by my my man Sea World and just be like uh, and he's like, oh, you know, he had a good I don't think you'd want me to tell you what he said, but he had a good, non nefarious, um way of handling it that I liked that maybe if he ever comes on the show, we'll talk about

it again. But um, yeah, it was. It was because acknowledging those things instead pretending like they're not going to happen. Because if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone and interacting with other people in the world, when your partner isn't holding your hand next to you, you're gonna get crushes. You know. My only thing is like, why even bring up a worst case like I feel like with brend she'll bring up like things that are during a tornado. Why having to go under a desk?

You know I'd rather just die, didn't. Well, I'll tell you why, Because if you have a relationship that spans decades, someone's going to have a crush on someone else because you are people that have working sexual organs and hormones. Agreed. But my only thing is, like, I feel like I'm not saying women, but Brenna shall bring up things like four years from now, like what what about four years from now? And this is the scenario And I'm like, well,

I'll just we'll do it. Then we'll deal with it then, you know what I mean, Like why are we even bringing up these future problems or future things like why? Why do it? Why run the tsunami? You're gonna go out and collect seashells when the when the shore starts pulling from the I'll be like, woa, Like, come on out, let's play football. Remember Thailand? No, dude, that was different? Yeah, that was different. Did you guys are freaking weird playing?

And you're not wrong. I mean, there's ways to handle it in both ways. But I think that I would wonder what Esther Perel would say, Well, we're going to play Esther Perel's game later, and is this excent um insulting to her for some reason because she's French? I feel like it is not because when you buck the French EXI inherently or Austin Okay, well still I feel like Austria that region. I feel like I can buck it, not mock it, but you know, imitate it because I

inherently think it's better than me. Hey, as a guy from originally Russia and Florida. That's it's cool. Okay, thank thank you so much. All Right, when we get back, I'm going to tell you the thing I read on Don that I was teasing before before we realized Andrew couldn't talk Charlie chap Let's be right back, Andrew. We're back. And Andrew left us off last before the break with a song about calling it a song is quite a stretch. Um about Snickers bars. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like

a jing'. That's the slur you posted recently on Instagram. Your callie, bit callie, your DJ CALLI bit cal no, come on, no no, and let him say Cali us a DJ CALLI. Yeah, I think it's silent. I believe

I'm not wrong. CALLI like the is very soft. I think, Um, I'm sure his is okay, so uh yes, Can I just quickly say that Jim wat thing is that there was a subreddit that was like or like a post on Jima that was like, what's the It's all people talking about celebrities and they're like, what's the best celebrity,

what's the best advice you've ever heard? From the celebrity and you might actually have some of this too, because you've fallen asleep to books on tape of celebrities Andrew right, Yeah, yeah, that's where real good advice comes from. I think it is like when they write books because none of them really know how to talk um like on interviews a lot of times, but from YouTube you get a good quote. Oh yeah, there was one from God. I forget who

it was now, but it was that. Um. When you make a TV show and this goes for like anything in your life, it will eventually get canceled. So make the show you want to make, because if they cancel it and you make a show that you're trying to get people to like, it's gonna go away eventually. There's only so many shows The Simpsons, Um, Friends, Seinfeld. Those are the only shows that I can think of right now that people don't that that ended, you know, sim As,

it hasn't even ended. But Friends and Seinfelter the two ones that I go, oh, they walked away from them when they could have kept going. But that doesn't. That's so rare. That's like literally your better chance of getting you know, struck by lightning while getting eaten by a fucking shark. Um, so your show is gonna get canceled, So make the show you want to make. I wish I would have read that advice because I think that

and I'll probably need to read that again. Like I think I've gotten better at it in my life, doing the thing I want to do, Like the carrot top joke I did the other night that bombed. I wanted to do that joke. I thought it was funny. Even though it didn't do well. The audience sucked for everyone

that show, so that was a good news. But um, not doing what people want of you and doing what you want to do because it's going to something's going to go wrong with it anyway, and if it goes wrong, at least you can say I did it my way. I did it my way. What's interesting, the more you do stand up if we're just talking about stand up, even when you do well, like that kind of goes away too. So you might as well do exactly what you want because yeah, you know what I mean. I

have this whole idea. I was talking to myself in the shower. I have this like because I'm I'm performing at Zanies in Nashville, and I'm already planning. I'm planning the opening and I'm thinking about Nashville. And I literally told myself this whole like seven minute not seven but maybe like four minutes story that would be like an opener for Nashville. That's a little um out there, But you gave me a pass, I'll say. Yeah. My point

is is like and said, that's fine, dude. You know when comics like do like made up stories and they're like these long winded like stories where you're like, uh, like speak you into this scene of like Richard Pryor would do it, and like he was like yeah, anyways, So like I have this whole idea and I'm like, I can't do that, Like what if this bomb? Because to come back from a five minute made up story would be insane. Why don't you just do it later?

Why don't you just open when they've already I mean, I know you're gonna do what you're gonna do, but like there are tricks of the trade that tend to work, so you can get this. You can do that and not risk anything because you should open. You never listen to my advice on this, and it always goes well for you, but you can't. You have no um uh impulse control when it comes to like something you're excited about, Like it's that's just who you are. Good thing about

who you are? Yes, Like I think that's a good thing for you to follow. Is like you're the guy that like, if there are things to put on your hamburger that will make it taste better, but you're hungry and they're across the room, you will just eat the hamburger instead of walking to make it slightly better because maybe you would make it better, but maybe this story would have been better off. So I mean I would

never know. Like, so the idea very quick is like it's like this whole scenario of a guy named Jimmy Ray from a small town in Texas who he doesn't even have WiFi, but he has six songs on a CD and the whole town believes in them. And he gets in his pickup truck that the whole town paid for him and he drives auto way into Nashville to meet with Warner Brothers. Warner Brothers goes, you know how many TikTok fires if you have? Are you trying out a bit right now? No? I'm telling you what the

bit is. I'm not trying it. I'm telling you what kind of is I guess it's kind of our I'm not I'm really it's fine, just do it. But I would never do that. I'm just boggled with when you do this because I'm like, people are listening that are going to be at that show. Well, yeah, I mean, what do you Does that not register to you? Because i know people are gonna be like, Nicky, don't stop him, You're being a bit. But I'm like, when when you hear something a second time, it takes some of the fun.

I mean, I'm just so precious about stuff. Continue if you want to, but like, do not think of that? I think of that all the time. Well here's the thing. I don't think I'm going to do it at the show. That's why I really so many weeks before. Yeah, I I I just like almost you'd be here. Jimmy Ray has a mixtape and everyone believes in him, and he goes, he packs up of stuff and he moves to Nashville.

He's like, I'm gonna make it. Mom and dad, and mom and dad, you know, sit on the porch and yell, you know, check the oil there's out the window and says, I'm leaving my boy. Names didn't seem like I left long ago. He gets the Warner brother and they're like, first of all, we don't have a CD player here. We can't even list. But he got Hot Chicken. By the way, he had to stop get the hot Chicken. He heard about that, and it was I'm kidding. Nashville

is like known for hot Chicken. I like the idea that, like, he's still okay, I gotta know you're jumping. No no, no, no no, no, okay, I'll go back. I got the hot Chicken. No one's gonna know what you're talking he's I know, I know, but even in not I knew exactly what you're talking about. But I also I need to play Devil's advocate a little bit here and say that you go. He gets to the place he's got they don't have a CD player, which is hilarious. He

got the hot Chicken. I pictured the record exects with Hot Chicken. You're in, you have planted us in the recording student, you've ended us at the studio and Warner Brothers, and then all of a sudden, you go. But he got that chicken. It's like, just know he got the hot chicken before he went to his studio. Okay, so you need to say that, yes, that would be a joke about like his assholes already burning before he gets

to Warner Brothers. A get Okay, you skipped that part before it because I was doing the cliff note version, because okay, we can't drop a ham drip without the ham. I don't know what you're talking about hot ham. So so they go, you know, get the funk out of my office, and then the guy's like comes out, So jim Jimmy Ray doesn't even sleep a night and naturally just drives right back to his small town and he's just so sad, and he's with a dog, a dog somehow showed up and the dogs uh huh. The dog

showed up in his car. Ye, Like he's in the back of the truck. And he's like, no, I guess I picked this guy up on the way. So the exact comes out. He goes, I don't want another motherfucking Jimmy Ray in my office. I don't want anyone fuck Jimmy Ray. Now, if we could get Jumping Jackie from TikTok, who has twenty five million followers. I'd love to have her. And they're like, well, she doesn't sing. He goes, that doesn't do you think I fucking care if she sings.

And then late at night, he's sitting in his chair and he comes across Jimmy Ray's c D and uh, he plays it and he just starts smiling. He got a CD player, Yeah, he had one at home. Home. Okay, it's an old It's okay. I just need to go on this journey. I just need to understand where this record executive is. Okay, So that after he's yelled about Jackie and he doesn't care Jumping Jackie, who's viral. I mean this literally is the movie Elvis if you haven't

seen it yet, He's what, he's what you mean, He's what? Okay, go on. So essentially he plays the music, he smiles, He runs back to his office the next morning, or drives back. He's so excited. Jimmy Jay has already killed himself. No Jumping Jackie, I got I heard the six most amazing songs in my life last night. Get Jumping Jackie's reps on the phone. She's we're giving him to her.

So Jumping Jackie now has these amazing songs, and Jimmy Ray five months later driving in his truck and he hears on the radio his own song by Jumping Jackie, and then he just drives off a cliff. Okay, I think he should go to a get a lawyer and sue. But I know I had a few different endings. Okay. One was, I don't understand where this story came from. I think this is your fantasy of what might happen to you or something. Well, no, I think, well, I'm

sure it's some kind of projection. I mean, all our stories are about us, about TikTok's, and like everyone who's famous now is a TikTok star, and like just Nashville, and I feel the way I look at country music, Jimmy j could go be a songwriter in Nashville. Those people make tons of month monthy. Yeah, that's maybe he'll drive back. Even Jimmy J. I wanted him time. Jimmy Well, I think jim Jumping Jackie and Jimmy Ray should collab and jim Jimmy so so my talk. I think we

should work at. My other thought is that he was he would do a dance to his own song by jumping Jackie on TikTok and go viral, and that's how his career would then. Okay, so that whole that whole thing to open with would be it would be a fun ride like we had fun, had fun. Yeah, but I just don't I'm a little confused if it's a joke. It's like how you get into it, Like what do you say to them and go my my idea of the Nashville dream is I mean I think that that

makes sense. Just go, hey, Nashville. This is how why I see you doing it because you're so excited about it. Hey, Nashville, how's it going? Okay, So Jimmy Ray, he's a guy that believes in himself. He's from Texas, and he gets in his car because remember you are no I do it to do sometimes where I'm just like, I need to get this joke out right away or I'm gonna forget it. And so then you how are you going

to get into that though? I really want to know know exactly how you said, Well, I have to joke about how Naturville used to be really country now whatever I very pickup truck is a Bachelor atte party mobile, They're like, We're gonna live forever, Morgan, while and what's my pussy? If Johnny Cash was alive today, he would shoot all these people. Nashville is just not the same like Nashville. Now. I think when I look at a country story of Nashville, this is how I imagine it.

Something like that. Yeah, yeah, Okay, No, I like that. I think, um, I think it's I like it. I think it's just I mean, I think it needs all the I don't think it needs a story as much as like your point about I think you could make it just a joke about how you know, I don't know it could be Good songwriters are being replaced by TikTok stars who named something like jumping to Jim and Jackie is so funny though, And Jimmy Ray, Yeah, are you Jimmy Ray? Who wants? Who wants to know? Are

you any Ray who wants to know? Who wants? I mean that song? This hasn't been that long that good music is not making its way to the front because that song was not good? Who wants to know about that? Are you any Ray who wants to know? Who wants? You? Don't remember that song. Definitely knew it. Um It's almost like I'm bloon Okay, what are the lyrics? Uh oh, it's actually are you Johnny Ray Ray, Slim Ray? Are you Slim Ray? Who wants? Are you are you Fay Ray?

Who wants? Are you Sting Ray? Are you sing Ray? Yeah? Are you Link Ray? Are you Sugar Ray? Oh? Sugar Ray? Every Morning? Hello? And I'm gonna tonight. Um oh, this guy's like mocking him, this kid, and he just goes nuts.

He was so cute. It was like so much type back in like the nineties, like that kind of surfer boy that kind of looks like he's looking at the sun too, Like it's like he doesn't have sing song like it's kind of squinting, like I don't know, man, he's like hungover looking you can light a match on his face kind of surfer boy. Had a couple of good hits. Yeah, every Morning. Do you know that? Hoodie and the Blowfish hold like the record for the most album sales ever, Like it's one of the top five

and in the world ever. He's had an insane country career on his own too, I know. But Hoodie were so fucking big back six. How did they come up with that name? And everyone calls him hoodie? You know, like, who wouldn't think his name was hoodie Darius? I mean, that's insane. What a weird name. It is weird, but it was. I think it was part of their appeal. But almost like you would go, don't do that, Like, if you have a band, you're like, that sounds too ridiculous.

I don't know. I always thought if I had, it would be called do you have any band names? What's a hoodie? I don't. I think it was just now maybe I don't know. I don't think it was ever called a hoodie hoodie? You know, have you ever been in a band? Um like for a hot minute? And it was a cover name for a hoot minute, hot minutes? A hot minute is a hot minute? Is a good

name for a ben What was the band's name? We didn't even have We didn't even get to that part, okay, but it would have been a hot a hot minute, crib death. What was your idea for a band name? You had one? Stars without makeup? Oh that's good. Minds me of that that Lizzie song or Lizzie what's her name? Stars Ellie Goulding Golden Even before her there was a song about stars. Star Yeah, okay, that's not about stars. Her name was about stars. Okay, let's get to the news.

Fade into you strange. You never knew that nothing, no star in there, no fade. I was fading stars, Fade exchange. You never knew. It is a good song. And she's so beautiful. She looks like Angelina Jolie and they never she never did anything else. She has a good YouTube video of her singing like a Day. It's like, it's just like Fiona Apple alually looking like, Okay, we gotta go to break. We'll come back when we'll um people do why do we care? And then we'll play a

little game. All right, we're back, Um, why do I care? Why do I care? All right? Euphorias Sydney Sweeney gets candid about the not so glamorous side of Hollywood. Here's her quote. It's built to try to make you backstab people. It's insane. My agent is my best teammate and I'll have her forever. I see how people are like we support each other, and I'm like, no, you fucking don't um. And then when asked about whether she talks to co stars on Euphoria about it. She said, we didn't really

talk about that kind of stuff. I liked this article because also in it she talks about people being like, you're so rich, do you want to house? And she's like, no, I have I rent a one bedroom apartment. I can't afford a house. Do you know how much actors make? And Noah had sent this to me, being like, you were the first to say this, And I don't know if I was the first, but I definitely said celebrities do not make a lot of money unless they are

TikTok stars and monetizing their YouTube channels. That's why Bree Larson has a fucking YouTube channel. You guys, if you don't know, Marvel isn't making her enough money? Because what did Sydney Sweeney say about that? Said, Um, she's famous, dude, She's in tons of stuff. She is she is the it girl right now and she can't afford what do you think She's making an episode on Euphoria and then literally split that in half. Yes, she has to give

five percent to her lawyer. She said, ten percent to my agent, three percent or something like that to my business manager. I have to pay my publicist every month, and that's more than my mortgage. Um do you know what publicists cost? Six thousand dollars between fun but ween they were three and two thousand twelve three a month, three thousand a month. And that is not just you know, for the Brad Pitts of the world. Six thousand dollars isn't for just the Morgan Freeman's. I don't know why

his name came to mind. It is for the It's for everyone. If you want to publicist, they have, um, you know, blanket like it is a flat freight fee for everyone, six thousand dollars a month. And that is why I go off and on for having them. And I you know, sometimes when I'm not having things to promote, I turned that faucet off, and I go, I'll, you know, I'll turn it back on when I have something to do.

And I was going to turn it off recently because you know, a boy just aired good clean filth came out, But then I got I got tours, dates to promote, and they get me in different magazines and publications locally. So I gotta keep that faucet on the rest of my life. That's six gees a month, you guys for you know, and they're they're very good at what they do, there's no denying that. But that is a huge cost.

And yeah, so every time I get any kind of check, you know, I taxes, you already take out, I take half, I cut it in half, and then I just cut that number like I cut off that number and then I take away that like it's about you know, I always give thirty percent to taxes and then another percent goes to at least goes to lawyers, manager, agent um, business manager. It's insane. It's so much money. Yeah, the day of a list celebrities making like thirty million a movie,

not unless they have a wine company. No, that's why these guys all you know, zac Efron is the face of Zodiac, beef Jerky or some ship, you know, Like, this is why they and they don't have touring money. That's the problem with actors. Like thank god, people always like, Nikki, are you on the road, And I'm like yes, because that's the only way I make money. It's not the only way. I make good money from my heart radio.

I make good money from TV, but it's not enough because of all the things that you I have to keep going on tour, and I feel bad for actors who don't have that ability to go on tour. I don't feel bad for them, but like that is the thing that we get to do. She also said, which that um she goes. They don't pay actors like they used to, and with streamers, you no longer get residuals. No. Rizzi's no, I didn't know that. You just yeah, there's

it's it's not uh. You know, Tom Cruise made something like a billion dollars likes eighty million or something off of Top Gun because he had points are like you know, on the back end. So at some point you can negotiate that stuff. But I mean, you gotta be a real You gotta be a good with money to be able to like you got to be an investor. You have to own property like Hannibal Boris owns apartment buildings. Um, you know, Andrew Schultz is starting a whole fucking conglomerate.

Like you have to think you have to be very good with um, you have to be good with money. I just thought you could just do whatever, like you could just do your talent. It's just so not enough. I mean it is, it's enough for me, but I'm leaving so much money on so like actors have a finite career. I mean, you know, she has to wed age to be a big time act and then thirty six and if she hasn't solidified herself as one of the greats, like one of the great greats, she's she's

not gonna get work someone. Yesterday on Chris's show, they were talking about Ashley Judd and they're like, because she got written out of um her mom's will, her and her sister both didn't make it well nothing nothing from and you know, I think it was like dollars or something. And they were talking about like, oh, Ashley Judge is doing fine and she doesn't need money, and I go, I'm screaming at the radio or my phone. I listened on the arch app. I'm like, no, she doesn't. First

of all, she got wine. I believe she got Harvey Weinstein. Where she got I think she married a driver from what I understand it. But I'm just say from acting, that girl is not making money off of what the home is, where the heart is. She's not raking in those TBS dollars when that airs once a year. She's a Jeopardy that movie, like you know, Double Jeopardy. She's not making money off that anymore. That money's long Gawan and it's just, um, I just think that we have

this site. I would have never known. So, like, you know, you're an actor, you're on TV, like you probably have so much money. And not to say that fifty an episode is not a fun ton of money, but it doesn't last, especially if you have to keep up this

image of having lots of money. Like I've told you guys before, When I get styled for a TV show, it is two before tailoring and you know spray tan and hair and make and then hair and makeup is at least five hundred dollars a piece for for so that's a thousand dollars So for me to go on Seth Meyers if I want to get styled, which my stylus wrote to me being like, after I styled myself for Seth Meyers, I just spent the thousand dollars on

an outfit. And they wrote to me being like, hey, if you need us for anything, like you could tell They were like that was a miss, honey, Uh, you need us, Like they're just do you think as I could have looked better. My hair was, um, not my favorite, but um, I like the outfit. Um, I didn't do it. I got that was HBO actually paid for me to have. That's what I'm saying, so that I don't know. I mean, sometimes I think you gotta be like, well, what is the cost effectiveness of? Like why do I need to

spend that much money? It's huge because I look amazing every time I do something, and that can't be Adam Sandler wearing basketball shorts on Letterman. You know, I think it would be I think it'd be a amazing Yeah, one one person to do that and then it would be funny. But you, as a woman, you need to look like I'm sorry, you need to look a certain way and you don't need to, but in order to keep the image up, like you're killing it, like I talked to um. We'll get to the game in just

a second. My listing a female A fellow female comic wrote me or sent me away yesterday. A fellow Philly Um sent me a message yesterday saying that she saw my special and how it made her. Um, she loved it and it made her laugh and like almost cry because she was like, you just talked about so many things that I didn't even you know, know, I was grappling with and it was so nice and and she was like, you know, I'm really struggling right now, um in my career, and this is someone who you would

not think of struggling. And it was so nice to hear that from her, because listen, I know that everyone I attribute so much success to struggles. But it was nice to hear this, and I think she had. She was kind of writing to me being like, I know you're killing it right now, like maybe I could hear you tell me something about how you chose to do You're so yourself, you're so you How did you be

able to turn that into what you've turned into? And I was like, Babe, read my interview magazine interview, because you will see the truth behind all of this, which is like it's all like, no matter how much I look like I'm killing it, how quaff I am, how much I'm I'm on HBO, I have a special, I have a podcast, I am on Conan. I'm like I still question everything every day and still am jealous of people, still feel like I'm hanging on by a fucking thread.

I still don't know what I'm gonna do in the future. I still like I have achieved all these things, and then they didn't bring me the kind of happiness that I'm looking for. Like I'm grateful for everything I've gotten, but it's still it's never enough. And so I'm I'm desperate to always let other people know, like, yes, I don't want to say that I'm not killing it and that my life isn't so blessed and I'm not so lucky, but it's not don't ever ascribe any perfection onto me

because it ain't what it looks like. And I wish more people would do that because I know all these people I prescribe or prescribe whatever, write a prescription for perfection by you know, fiser um that that they're not feeling that way, and and I like that. Sydney Sweeney came out and said that, like, it's not you know, it's it's not what it looks like and we don't

all love each other on set and it's not. It's just so nice to hear that, because God, it hurts to look at this stuff sometimes to go, God, they're fucking killing it, and as someone who looks like they're killing it online all the time, I'm telling you it's it's not what it looks like. And not that I'm like so depressed you should worry about me or anything where that I'm not, you know, grateful for my life,

but god, it does not change. Why do you think why do you think people get such positive response from someone looking like they're larger in life? I always wonder that because I mean I get tricks sometimes too. You know, you'll look at someone and be like, oh my god, there are killing it. Man. Well I'm I'm nothing compared to that, which, you know, it sucks to have that feeling,

but you know, it's just so weird. How like we'll see someone on a private jet and be like, man, what a fucking awesome person, you know what I mean, Like we give them such power because we want to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy, and it looks like happy. Think they're happy. Yeah, yeah, we think they're happy.

We think like if I had that, I would be happier, I would be more loved, I would be all these things, you know, I would have and and and then it's like even if you know that things aren't what they seem. It's somehow doesn't really make a difference. It's it's weird.

Like I'm really frustrated by this psychological phenomenon where like you can trace what makes you fucked up and be like, Okay, I go after this type of person because my dad did this or whatever, and that does and you can uncover it all, but it doesn't change what you're attracted to, you know. Like on was saying to me in a text the other day, she was like, because I was talking about my jealousy issues and she was like, but you know that it doesn't make you happy, And I'm like,

it doesn't matter that I know that. I know that. I know. I've read statistics about it. I've read books about you make as long as you're making your happiness above, that will not change. I know that for a fact, doesn't change it. So why doesn't the why won't it work? That you know it? A meal and I were talking

about it. Amal this weekend was in Montreal and had the best showing and he's having all these huge successes come his way in one like from one performance and he's like, and then I had a bad set or like I had a mediocre set. Later at a bar this show he jumped onto that. You know, they were all French and so they didn't understand him, and that's probably why he didn't do as well as he wanted.

And he's like, and I just feel like I'm a huge fraud and that I don't deserve any of this, and I'm like god man, and he's like, he goes, but it doesn't matter that I know, it doesn't matter, that that set doesn't matter, and that all these things are still true. It's still it's still doesn't knowing something.

The only thing where knowing it changes. It has been that that back book Healing back Pain, When you know your back pain is from your cognitive struggles and your mental you know, uh turmoil, your back pain will go away. And I wonder why, knowing that you go for unavailable men because you're you're seeking the love that your father never gave you or whatever you unpack in therapy, why

that doesn't make it stop. I'm still attracted to the same men even though I know that they're bad for me, And then I'm only attracted them because my dad didn't love me enough, Like, why doesn't that make it go away, and that's what people have a problem with talk therapy. It's like, yeah, I'm figuring out why I do things, but that doesn't change the fact that I still want those things. So when does that end? It ends when

what what I believe? And I don't know this to be true, but I believe you start doing inner work and you start giving up this idea that you can change yourself, and you just accept yourself. And when you're able to accept yourself, then comes the love for yourself. And when you really truly love yourself, then you can start making good decisions. But just knowing that you're fucked up doesn't make you able to it's it's it's the

first step. Literally, in your a the first step is admitting you have a problem and seeing But if that was it, there wouldn't be eleven more steps after that. Then you'd be done. You know, Acknowledging the problem is not enough, and changing too quickly doesn't really work, you know what I mean. Like, even if you could trick yourself and be like, I'm done fucking those kind of guys, I'm over that. I'm on the nice guys. I'm a

different person. What I said about being in a relationship and thinking your partner will never be at charted someone else like you can you can say I'm gonna love you forever and I'm never gonna like anyone else. You can't help your feelings. No, you can't help your feelings when you're driving straight out of town road behind Brooks. Know that Barth Brooks drove. And now that I think about it, maybe that's why the story was in my head.

He drove from Oklahoma, I think, to Nashville, failed miserably, like in two days, and left and went right back to Oklahoma and then came back another time. Isn't that crazy? Whoa that other time? That's the ticket? Keep trying. I like this other quote that I read in the column by book that said, when you're going through hell, keep going Tony Fee. Now he goes, I'm not a winner, I'm just a loser that didn't stop trying. Yeah, it's

really nice. I think I might I might have messed it up, but it was that was No, that's the same thing, like, if you're going through hell, keep going, like, don't stop. Final thought, Let's play the quick esther parallel game the game. Yeah, okay, alright, so the prompt card is share something unbelievable and the story is a time

I unintentionally hurt someone. Okay, mine is Um the day Burt Reynolds died, I was at Dancing with the Stars promo shoot and it was, um, we're backstage, and I got up alert on my phone, like we all did you know, like a push notification from the you know, fucking CNN actor Burt Reynolds dies, age whatever. And I just said, oh my god, Burt Reynolds died, like just whatever. And this guy goes what And I was like, we're Reynolds side and he's like, oh my god, he's a

really dear friend. And I was like, oh, cock fuck. And that was a good lesson I learned that, Like, and it was the same reason I got loud at the about the Pete Davidson guy, Like celebrities, no are loved by people and have people that care about them, and I have personal relationships, and when you mouth off about them, Nikki, about you know, everyone I talked about today on this episode, like their relatives might hear and care about them, and like, I don't want to hear

you say bad things. And so it was a lesson that I probably needed to learn early on in this episode, what about you guys unintentionally that's tough because it's usually intentional. Um no no no. But like sometimes like there's I love that you just no no no no no no, Like we were going Andrew no and you're like no no no, but it was just dead, so please stop, please stop. Yeah, yeah, we weren't. We would say anything. But settled down. Everyone settled down, Everyone calmed down, calm down.

What I meant was is that, well, that was a joke that obviously didn't land cared up. It was in between unintended, like when you when you unintentionally like it was it was. It wasn't pretty. How do I put this? So like when I filled up, when I when that guy helped me fill up my gas. Okay, so I was driving through Florida. I stopped in a small town in Florida. This guy Jimmy, Jimmy right, no, no, this though, this is not unbelievable. That was part of the prompts.

So I stopped in Florida with my buddy Glenn gas station, and I filled up my car with diesel. I filled up my whole fucking car tank with diesel and I had to shove the fucking it didn't even fit in my gas tank. I was like, man, these gas tanks are weird in the middle of no Oh my god. I love the struggle to do something that you don't even need to be doing. So anyways, this guy ended up siphoning it out at two in the morning, like he had to literally put the gasoline in his mouth.

It was the nicest thing pretty much anyone's ever done for me. Took him about an hour to siphon it out with his mouth. And I was like, I'll pay two hundred dollars and I never and you were like, I'm gonna send it to you, man, and don't worry about it, like I'm gonna get it to you. And he gave you his address and everything. Yeah, he gave

me his address. And that's why it's told Andrew through the years, you have to spend two hundred dollars and pay it forward to someone who doesn't see it coming, like you have to get rid of that karma. Or if you know this guy it's in penscle No, no, just give two hundred dollars to a charity and then you'll be or intentional, That's my point. I don't know

that was intentional. That didn't Well, you can fix it by donating two hundred dollars to something, and then it will be literally your karmic um debt to the world will have been paid. All right, I'll to a homeless guy to a golf center, no idea of one. Yeah, so this happened, um when I was in high school. And the unbelievable part about is that, like you won't believe that I've that I ever did this to someone.

My friend and I we just found this guy. Um, this was like the time of chat rooms on line right now, cyber bullying, I think, not to find out. And we pretended to be like we found this guy from our school. We didn't. He was not in our class, just some random guy, and we pretended to be a girl that really liked him, and he wanted to meet us, meaning the girl, and um, we like arranged, oh yeah, let's let's meet by the doors on you know, like

on the second floor, and he came. He was at the doors like like a single rose and we just like looked through the stairwell doors and we never showed up. And that like I didn't you know. At first we thought it was funny to go fund someone in a stairwell to make this right in the world. And I hope you two, you guys figured this out. That's you listen, that has been a dream with someone and tell them to like you're gonna, you know, like with someone that

deserves it, you know, to make them think. I know. And that's my buddy did that went after he had sexually girl and he goes, yeah, meet me out under the dock out on sunset. Oh your friends with um that male comedian that um I know did that to women he slept with Chris and Dlia. No, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, you guys, we gotta go. Thank you guys so much for listening to the show. Um we have a one more episode this week. It'll be tomorrow. We love you so much. We're gonna gear your fan

threats tomorrow. I'm in l A Anderson St. Louis. No, it's in Arizona. Don't be kot there. And Ji