#227 A Slow Pressure

I was talking about pedophilia at the time, so maybe it's a change of subject. But I was going into a lot of detail at a high volume because there's you know, blow dryers going off nearby about how everyone's been molested. So maybe it was a change of subject. But she was actually this girl that does my hair, Um, earthquake, Yeah, I mean it really brings things to it. Think definitely, we're wor you here here in St. Louis are a lot of earthquakes. We are on the new New Madrid

fault line. I wanted to say New Madrid, but no, it's we pronounce a new Madrid. Here. Um, so yeah, we're on a we're on a big fault line. Yeah. Um, I don't even know I'm stroking out today because I forgot that. We just I've been having really short term memory loss that is different than when I smoked pot, where it would be like it would happen all the time. But sometimes I just I do something in literally seconds later, I'll be like, we need to do that thing, and

they're like, we just did it. It's really it doesn't scare me for some reason, even though it probably should, because it's just such a now, like when we we snap so that when the video the video editors can all know, you know, we do like the like you know the little thing they have in movies where it's a clipboard and you're got clip you know that black and white thing that really is a thing that's in movies. People don't know that that actually exists in TV and stuff.

It seems like I feel like everyone knows it from Wayne's World, remember three two, And they always would say they would always go one and don't say it, and you don't say the one. I don't know. You see so many videos where people go one and they're like hi, and you hear the person taping say one. Um. Anyway, I've just been having those go yes, go and or just someone's face just going from like dead to like on. And you know we talked about little time. I was

just doing a bunch of press for our show. It's going international. It's just debuted in UM, South Africa, Romania, UM, and Canada. So I was just talking to a bunch of South African journalists and um just having that zoom moment of like the interviews over and just being like thank you and like keeping the smile going because it's still I still feel happy. It wasn't fake, but it's it's hard to just not drop your face immediately. So so you've been repeat eat you know yourself. You feel

like do you forget other things? Like sometimes in the shower, I'll forget that I just washed my whole body, and then I'll go did I wash my body? You know things like that, Little things like that I forget a lot. Yeah, I'll do stuff like that. I'll be like did I put those clothes in the dryer? Or did I pick up that thing on the ground that I meant to pick up? And then I'll go back and look and go it's gone. Yeah, I picked it up. I guess I don't know where I put it now that's a

whole another conundrum. But you know, little things like that you're supposed to pay attention to. I think as you get older to be like, but it's not to the point where it doesn't matter if I remembered or not if we clicked, Like, that's okay, I can have that. I don't know when you start being alarmed. I guess when people start going, hey, we want to talk to you about something, and they like have this tone with you, like so we've noticed, Like, that's when hopefully forget that.

Is that a passive aggressive that voice or is that just passive passive? I don't even know what that voice is, but gosh, is a triggering. Do you know whose voice is so triggering? I put on my Instagram story the other day Tucker Carlson obviously is just the i'd rather listen to. You know, Well, I was just gonna say something really dark, but I won't go there. But I just picked the worst thing that you could ever listen to. Um. Yeah,

I'd rather listen to someone mouth off about pedophilia. UM. But I just the way he talks is like and sometimes we don't do that. Like he talks like I said, he talks exactly in the same tone you would talk to someone to a child about like, well tonight you have to go to bed early because Santa is coming.

Santa will bring you presents, and sometimes he doesn't like it is this cadence and this rhythm that is I mean, I know that's part of people go well, you know, because there are children, he's talking to people that have are simple minded and so you have. But it's not it's something there's something a little hypnotic about it. It's

like a rhythm he does. But I don't I can't stand being talked to like a child and he talks to like but he's kind of talking like and the liberals want you to think this, like he talks about liberals and the way we talk like we're talking about Sanda. I don't know. It's just I couldn't believe I realized he talks like he's talking to children. I hate him

so much, don't. I don't think I've ever hated anyone more than him, and I just and someone said the other day he's getting more and more attractive and how that's irritating. He is a good looking man. He's goodly. He looks like, you know, a captain of a lacrosse team, kind of has the Wolff the waff haircut. I just don't like his. Don't have that tone with me, Tucker. I just want to see his He called you a good girl while he had that tone. He said you're

doing a great job. No, because I knew it would it would be fake. He wouldn't be actually meaning it, which, by the way, good girl. I looked it up last night. I didn't even look it up. I was on Reddit, of course, going to bed, and someone was talking about one of the Reddit threads was what's something you're into sexually that your family would be shocked to find out about you? Or like the normal person And people are like anything because it's my family's gross. But I think

that's an interesting question. Like your friends, like if Noah was into something and I was like, wait, what Noah the yeah, that was a good one. But anyone like Noah who's like soft spoken and like as a Chippernus, and why would think you would be leaning they'd be more shocked that you've only had sex with one person

like it's the opposite effect for you. Well, I think because people expect you to love like the roasting I think makes people think I'm like dominant and like want to be like, oh, fucking small balls and your dumb little dick, I'm gonna sucking dominate you pussy. Oh you want that? You think you want that? Like that kind of thing that did pretty would be kind of fun

to do. Because I was reading last night and people that are sub subs also like to be dominant, So I think that I could be good at being like because sometimes you know, I don't want to get into any details about my sex life, uh currently, because it's just perfect and I want to keep it that way by not talking about it explicitly. But um, there are times where I I do feel like putting a little bit of like, no, this is happening and you can't fight it is. I know that turns me on so much.

That and so much of the porn that I watch, which is I go to um Reddit and I typed enforced orgasms, which is my favorite subgenres where like girls are tied up and like being forced to come like

a ton of times. But now there's a lot more men on those also having forced orgasms where women tie them up and like are like you can't come, but like try to make them, so it's becoming more I've been following this subredit, never actually following it because I don't want that on my record, but going to the subredit for years now and now it's just probably men being tied up having it done to them, and there's something about it where I have learned so much what

I like as someone who is a sub that I feel like I do a really good job at being a dom because I know exactly what we want to hear. And sometimes when dominant people are following into that role just because their person likes to be a sub, not necessarily that they are naturally a dominant person, that sometimes they don't get it exactly right because they don't know what it's like to want that. But I know what it's like to want it, so I can probably give

it pretty good, if that makes sense. It is funny when someone's being a sub but then also wanting you to do what they want so they are dominant. Tricky game I play where I'm like, you know, I'll go, um, do whatever you want to me. Also a little slower.

I'll just go you know, I'll just say like, I'll just just if you you know, if I have an understanding with partners that I engage in this kind of stuff with where it's like there's I've never explicitly had like safe words, but there's there's a tone I go, please stop doing I did do a cut Tucker, I had a little bow tie on that strangling me. Um. Yeah, there's a tone where I go no, more like I don't like being slapped. I just don't. I don't like it shocks me. I like a slow like pressure. I

don't like out of nowhere. Um. But then sometimes I do like that if it's gentle enough. But like there have been times where it's like, oh, we that falls in line with the rest of the stuff I like, but no, no that, And then I just go like like, I'll just do it as a character like, um, like I want to be good, but I just don't like being slapped, Like I'll do it as the like, and he's like get it, you know. But um, I was reading about because I've always been like, Okay, what am

I really into? And when I look in porn, I can't there's I've always been like Mike the Men, Mike the Men, which is what that girl, this girl made me um in l A. She's a graphic designer artist and she made me a kind of colo with my face on it, says Mike the Men on it. Um. Because I just want men to be more miked in porn, because I want to hear them say the things that I want to hear, which is good girl like no, oh you think you're going to do that? No, that's

so sweet you can't. Oh, look at you? Like. I like that kind of um at you from a man because I found that Yeah, like, god, you're fucking bags forty nine point six pounds. No, no, like it's always it's like eight nine a hair dryer. Um no, like like like right before we come kind of thing like huh, I love a orgasm sound love it? And I like when guys make noise like, oh my god. And that's what I read. Yes, I realized last night. The thing that I'm specifically into that I didn't know how to

name for it. I've always heard, but I didn't really put two and together is a praise fetish. I like, pray is kink, which is you know, good girl falls into that, but also like it's a it's a wide, wide array of things. But if you like hearing like compliments on your body, compliments on how tight you are, compliments on how big your dick is, if you like being shrouded in compliments, you might have a praise fetish.

And they got into the psychology of it, which I find is interesting because most people, for me at least, I don't like compliments because I feel awkward with them sometimes and you feel like you don't deserve them. Now when you are being forced to take them on, when you're in this like kind of fantasy world of sex, it becomes easier to have all these compliments. And it's

also humiliating in a way to get complimented. A lot of us feel humiliation when people compliment us too much, and so humiliation is already a kink in and of itself. So a lot of times people have a praise fetish because it's a part it's partially humiliation because they're so embarrassed that they're getting all this praise about how hot

they are or whatever. But I really definitely have a praise fetish to a degree where it's like I like, but there's gotta be I want to find a name for it of what I'm into, which is being told I can't until I've been like I've proven myself and then I can, and then I've begged enough. I feel like a lot of times in porn, girls are like please, can I come? And the guy's like no, And then she's like please and they're like sure, and I'm like, no,

make it work for it a bit more. There's more than just one not like get mad at her if she does, like I love when I know this is getting really kind of too pornographic, but no. My favorite porn is when the guy is like the girls tied up or whatever and he's doing such to her and he's like you can't come, and then she and he's like doing everything he can to make her, Like that's

always what I asked for. I'm like, you do everything you can to make me come, and you tell me I can't, and if I do come, I've disappointed you and I'm in trouble and I'm gonna have to pay for it. Like that is my kink, and I feel like the best the one that I like the most is um God, what was I was on a tangent, then I forgot sucking ham drip um. So when a guy says you can't, you can't, tries to make you, you beg, and you beg and then oh yeah, that's it.

When they my favorite, and this happens very rarely. If you ever find a porn where this happens, please send it to me, please please, please, please please, because there's no category for it. The girl sneaks one in and the guy catches her because you can sneak orgasms by just like you know, not screaming, not doing stuff, and

just but your muscles can track down there. So like anyone who has enough knowledge of what a female body does when it has an orgasm will know when it's actually happening, just because even if your face is like no, I'm not And when people go did did you just come? Oh? You think I wouldn't notice that, like getting and getting

busted for it. And then my other one that I super can't find anything for is when a girl, like when perverted teachers, and I know that there's tons of those perverted male teachers, UM bring in a girl and she and they like make her, not make her do stuff, but they're like, oh, we're gonna show you like how to do some stuff, and they're like very gentle, very nice to her, and she feels like kind of like she has to do this because they're like older teachers,

like elders of the church. I mean, who's the girl? A student, a hot student, and she's just like curious and wants the stuff, but she also feels like, am I going to get in trouble? And they're like, no, the only way you won't is if you do it here under the safe circumstances, kind of like you can drink, but only if you drink around me kind of thing. I love that, but it's and I like creepy gynecologists.

I mean it's I'm all over the place gynecologists that don't fuck you, but they like do stuff with their fingers. I don't like because everything in a college this video, it always the guy ends up sucking the girl or like she and it's very obvious. I like where the

girls like is this happening? And the girls like having an orgasm, but like almost a shame she is because she's like this isn't supposed to feel good, but like it is having and the girl likes it, by the way, that never is the girl and not that there's any shame. And if you do like things where the girls like I don't like this because to each their own great fantasies are a thing. They are not rape their fantasy.

But for me, I like when the girls like I like this, and I feel guilty that I like it. I think someone could diagnose me with a personality disorder based one. I mean, I think I think everything you're saying aligns with people that like step mom porn. It's like, you can't have it, get into that. You can't What do you mean? I want to, but I won't let myself like. There's something about like a step dad or like a dad making the girl like go down on our step mom or something that I gotta be honest,

it is intriguing to me. I don't have step parents, but like bringing parental things into it obviously is so taboo and wildly popular is probably number one on But I don't have any step siblings, so I can't as someone that has them. It doesn't doesn't do it for you, No, no, it just it doesn't. I don't let my brain doesn't go Hey man, I got a step sister, Melanie, I could jerk off to this, like it doesn't really connect that way for me. I don't have church elders either,

and I still want that fantasy. And I don't go to the yologist. I've been waiting to get into one for years. Uh. They yeah, none of them will getting meds for you. I'm like, will you also check out my asshole? And they're like, no, we don't do that. Here is what I go. Most of the stuff I watch online, you guys are doing all the holes you think. Your ology goes into the proctology as well. I just

love any three for one like a bogo. I don't know how people don't watch porn and just I've been trying to use my imagination and um it's I've got I've gotten far, but not far enough. Like it's just there's something it almost feels like, Um, when Charlie in the chocolate factory, remember when they're farting to keep afloat burping. Okay, well that was a different That was a porn I watched. Um,

you know that when they're queaving so they can stay alive. Yeah, but you know how they're trying to keep like they keep falling, and they keep trying to burp to like get it more up and up. That's how I feel with fantasies, is I get up high and then it starts to fall and I just can't. I can't keep I keep trying to keep the fantasy in the air, and it starts to dissolve away, Like my brain does not keep a storyline going. And it's not because of my A D D. It's not because of my short

term memory. Wait, this is when you try to masturbate without porn with like a fantasy where I'm like, okay, let's just run through like my ideal scenario of something that could actually happen in my life, and I start going with it. It's I used to feel like that you actually are more closer to you, like the idea of like you haven't been a kind of college in a while, you don't have elders. It's such a fantasy.

It might be hard, but that might be hard far away from you, know, there are no fantasies of like backstage after a show, this comedian who has struggled to find loves most of your life and it was a virgin until she was twenty one, and is into anal stuff, gets a visit from a you know like it just Dave Matthews shows up like that. Those fantasies don't really

who know? Have you typed that in? I probably? I wonder what the record is for someone typing in a specific thing they're looking for in a poor I've never I've I've just started getting before I typed in words and just gotten more specific because there is I just type in like natural kids. Yeah, speaking of I've got some manned I've I have kbts today big time. I feel like my my pre menstrual cycle starts eight days before I start bleeding and my boobs hurt so bad.

Today I felt like my bones were made. I just feel heavy and I don't know, they just like are painful. They just feel like, oh, I've had to use a bra that is only like I never even fit in normally. They're just but they're not like luscious, They're just like they're like utters. I just I feel like disgusting today, but also okay with feeling disgusting. Noah, do you relate? We'll find out after this break Andrew. Every road leads

to another road. If you take two, end up going back. Noah, do you get pre menstrual symptoms like eighteen years before your period even starts and then also five days after it ends, so that you never get a break ever all the time. But I I like having wait. What does the case stand for it? Oh? Cattle bell Okay, yeah they're cattle today. Yeah, so like I like having wait. I'm always like walking around just like cupping my boobs just to hold them as they're bigger. Yeah, that is,

there's just one about that. In two days they're going to be amazing, they'll be like more full, but right now they're just like they feel they hurt and they feel like they're pulling on my skin, and like it made me feel like what girls must feel like when they get implants and they are still sore from surgery. And I felt a lot of empathy for girls who

get their tips done today. It sucks that your kids feel their biggest while also hurting, because when guys want to play with them, you can't really get that rough or the pain actually feels good. Let's be honest with ours. Estrogen causes the breast ducks to enlarge, and pro gesture and production causes the milk lands to swell, that's why your kids are Oh okay, Well, yeah, I guess we learned something today. I learned that I don't want you

to ever read about the female anatomy. I got more free if you need it, like porn search, the longest sports search. I went to Willco this weekend. Um to the Solid Sound Stival in North Hampton, New York, North North North Adams, Massachusetts. Anyway, it's where mass smoke. It's it's the Berkshires. I didn't know I was in the Berkshire's. It's so freaking beautiful. I flew into Albany. I was so when I did carpool karaoke with Wilco, which I

talked about on the show. They were my favorite band since two thousand seven, and um, I used to be obsessed with them all these things, and over the years I've become an adult and less obsessive. But then you know, Carproclarioki called. They asked, who ed wod do it with? I said, will go, thinking they were way too cool.

We did it. It was the best time ever. And while I was there a few months ago in Chicago doing that, they invited me to the Solid Sound Festival, which is their music festival that they it's like, will go sponsored and we'll go plays, and it's all bands that are friends with will go, and there's comedy there. And I always was like, God, I really want to go to that, but I don't want to ask to be to go, like I wanted to go perform in the comedy tent, and it's John Hodgeman is the one

that does it, Nick Offerman. It's all these like kind of intellectual comedians that I felt like Josh Gondelman was there, but every year it's John Hodgman is is the one that puts it together, and he's, you know, an author and you know, he was on The Daily Show, just a brilliant guy. And I just felt like I don't know if I'd even fit in there. And so this year they were like, yo, yeah you should go. They

mentioned in Chicago, and I was like, okay, And it's funny. Crystal, their manager, was like, everyone says they'll go, but no one ever shows up, Like you're the only one that She's like, it's really cool that you showed up. And I was like, I I wouldn't miss this for the world. Like me and Nick Offerman, who played Um what's his name? On Parks and Rec. He you know, he talks like this. He has a mustache and he's grumpy all the time on the show. He really does talk like this in

real life. And he is also one of the biggest Ron Swanson. He's also one of the biggest Willco fans ever. And we are very similar in that we both love Wilco and can't believe we're friends with them. Like he is exactly like me, exactly where And he's been going to the festival for years and years and years. He's been friends with Jeff for a while. He got Jeff on Parks and Rec and that's how they became friends. But Jeff Tweedy the lead singer of book Oh and So.

But I'm I'm there, So I gots to go there, I go. They throw me on a secret show, but I'm really there just to like hang um. Chris is supposed to go with me, my boyfriend. The morning of we are going, he's not feeling well. He missed work the day before. We didn't hang out for a couple days because he was feeling sick. He does he's testing negative for COVID. No worries. I'm going to the airport. He's already there, and he's like, I just took a test.

I'm positive I'm going home, and I'm like fuck. And so I go alone, and I'm like, it's just gonna be awkward because I feel like I'm already just kind of they loosely invited me, but they don't really want me to come, you know. I was looking forward to just having that time with Chris to like not feel in the way I don't want to be backstage, like hey, guys gonna hang and jam out. And I just was like, oh fuck. And I'm I'm someone who was constantly around people.

People think that I like, I'm good at doing things by myself, but I'm not really booked on this festival. No one knows I'm there. I just I have no friends there. Josh Godalman is gonna be there, but he's not there until Saturday. And I get there on Friday morning, and but it was awesome because I get on the plane to go and I'm feeling like, God, I wish

I had COVID. I don't even want to go because these people don't they don't even want me to go, and I'm gonna be so awkward, And then all of a sudden, I see that will Go's new album, Cruel Country, drops that morning, twenty one songs like almost triple album, and it might be triple but you know, and you can't tell on Spotify, and I'll like, Okay, I'll just start listening to this just to like gear up for the weekend, even though I kind of don't want to

learn new music. I just want to see them play the hits, like I'm glad they have a new album, but I'm not ready to, like listen to music is hard,

even if it's Taylor So or Will Go. But then I started listening and it was like so freaking good and healing, and I was still very anxious from like all the turmoil of last week in our country, and this album is about our country being like cruel and fucked up, but also like loving your country, and it's just it's almost like I I was like, I can't believe you put up this album like on a week where we needed it so much. But the truth is

every week stuff happens in America. Where you go. It could have been you know, there was a shooting the week before or the week before, you know, like but this week it was just like, oh, I needed it so much, and I just spend enough time with it where I heard each song maybe three times, and then I selected a couple that I was like, these are my faiths. And then that night I get there, I sleep. I get there and I'm too scared to come out of my hotel room till four and head over to

the festival. It's been going since twelve. I got in at twelve, Yeah, and I'm just like too nervous socially to be like, I'm just gonna wander around. But I go over. I wonder around by myself. It's just all Will go FA the next day on Saturday. So then I finally like right to Crystal, the manager, who was like so nice and was like, oh, I'm here just wondering around, and she was like, oh my god, come backstage. And so I go backstage and I meet everyone. I

have lunch with Nick Offerman. We are like talking about how much we love Will Go and he's talking to me about how he got into writing books, and he's just he's he talks exactly like Ron Swanson, but he's the kindest man ever, and he's so in love with his wife Megan mollally, you know who plays Karen from Well and Grace. But he's like, he's like, I can't even believe I'm with her. He remembered that we interviewed him on our show You Up, which I didn't think

he would even remember. So I didn't do the thing of like nice to see you again. I was just like, nice to meet you, because I assumed he wouldn't remember his press tour four year, three years ago. But he was like, I believe I did your show when I was promoting one of my books, and I was like, you did, um. But then that I love about you, Nikki. You're so down to earth. You're a star, like you are a celebrity and people want to have you around.

So I just I just like, this is one of the things that make you so lovable because you're so humble and like down to earth. Have bad self esteem? Yeah, it just felt like no, I mean that's that's the thing is where I'm like, I I know, like I have to remind myself like I'm accomplished, like I deserve to be here, like I'm an artist, to like everything's okay, You're not less than even if I didn't have all these My IMDb didn't look like it does. I still

deserve to be there. They asked me to be there. I'm a genuine fan. I don't want to be in the way. I'm not trying to be good. And so I get there and I don't know, it was just it was awesome. Everyone's so nice. And that night, uh, they're like, do you want to go side stage? I'm like, yes, like and so I go side stage and the first night of the show, they play their twenty one song new album back to back with no like, no talking

in between, just straight through. And there's just something so magical if you're a music fan out there and you like know what it's like to be this obsessive about music and especially your favorite albums, Like there's this will never happen to Me again where I have only had exposure to an album of my favorite band for one day, where I only know a handful of songs well enough to even pick them out and be like, oh, I

like this one. But there's a familiarity. There's this sweet spot where it's like, I mean, Wilco never performs for crowds that don't know every single fucking word of their song, and if they do, it's one song here in their new song. This is a whole album that none of these local fans had any time to learn any So we're all just just dancing and like just watching, not lip sinking, you know, Like that's hard for me to concert to just like not know the lyrics. I had

the best time of my life. I cried. I fell in love with songs. I fell in love with music. I just and then I thought I was being annoying. Um and because I was just so enthusiastic, and I'm the only one on the side next next to the sound guy that's doing all the sound for the monitors that the guys on stage are listening to to hear the music back at them, and he's running around. There's so much crew. I mean, what it takes to put on a music show next to like versus a commun

show is obs. Yeah. I was outside in this place, mass moocha. If you've been, it's a it's a museum. It is the coolest festival this. It was so much. It was it was like unlike any other festival I've ever music festival I've been to. It's like contained and it feels like six Flags of music festivals. It's very easy to get around, it's paved, it's like it's just

well done. Is a great festival. But then the second night, anyway on your comes feeling but feeling of first record here, like you listen to it first time ever on the plane and I'm like having like a little bit of a sob story for myself, like Chris Calm and I'm gonna be alone. But as someone that you know, I think there's a ton of our listeners like can't listen to new You're just so stuck on even your favorite

artists are old albums. Yes, but what a way to experience it where you go It doesn't even feel new anymore. It's like you. It feels like part of you because of this experience and because you got to And if Chris would have been there, I wouldn't have listened to that album, and that night I would have been listening to these songs for the first time, which is not the same as the third and fourth time. The fourth time you hear a song you love is maybe the

best it will ever be. Right now, I'm I'm I'm literally in a honeymoon phase with the song Story to tell from Cruel Country. Please, besties, get on board with this. It is the saddest, most beautiful song. I don't even know what it means. Jeff is so poetic, but it starts out I have been through hell on my way to hell, and it's just it's just He's funny, it's weird,

it's beautiful, and that song. I there's nothing better than when I find my new favorite song and I'm in this stage where I'm like, I just learned the lyrics to it, and I know how many times do you listen to your favorite new song? That was it? I kill it? You know what it's like, Ariana ground Day, Pete Davidson. The flame will burn out, but it's too good to not have sex with it constantly. I just

can't stop. I guess it's nice, though, to be a fan of Wilco, which I'm kind of a fan for my brain, it's hard with it when it's so lyrical. But it isn't though. This song isn't or is it? Because none of his lyrics make sense. It's all like weird No for me though, that's like where the lyrical like not? How like you wanted to make more sense. Yeah,

but let's tell someone that's a huge fan. It's got to be fun because because when songs are so simple, you can beat them to death and in three days you're like, I'm kind of over it because I know every word. It's so easy my brain like as it was by Harry Stone. I like that a lot. Yes, that song, I've already it. Yeah, I had a great weekend in New York as it was. And then his other song Daylight. We're still seeing each other. Yeah, it's going down on me a lot, but I'm getting tired.

It needs to do more like the Stern version, the live version. It's nice that he can it can sometimes like it can shave its beard and be like a little bit different. That's how I feel like the Stern version versus the studio album. I'm like, oh I went a little bit more of a dirty version of Daylight. But um, I guess what I'm saying with well, like to overlook you can if there's gonna be a song to over listen to and that you won't get something

that is something. Yeah, melodically it just doesn't go do what you think it's gonna do. It surprises you every time, but I just want to say. So. Then Saturday comes along. I sleep until fucking three o'clock in the afternoon. I like, I was too scared because I was so drained emotionally from the show the night before, and also I was feeling a little depressed. I was getting into PMS mode my kettle belt since were coming in and Anya and Matt and their friend Chris, who worked on all the

songs that I made. He's a musician too. Um. They came from where they live in New York, three and a half hour drive. They were coming to hang out, and I got them tickets through Wilco, who are so nice and just give me any I want. They let me go to the merch booth and they're like, just anything you want. Just tell them you're Nikki and that Crystal said you can have anything, and I was who

was the best? So because all I used to wear was Wilco stuff, so like to now just have like it's like supermarkets sweep or like I feel like one of those kids on the Nickelodeon where they used to like let them in toys or us and just grab a bunch of toys. That's that's what I like. They're at the Will Go Merch booth. But um so there, Crystal, I have my eye on the Geane jacket. I don't want to overextend, but if there is an extra gene jacket,

um no, I want everything. I will literally take everything. Of Crystal's watching this, I was modest. I want literally every piece of merch and I will wear it every single day. And I'm not joking you. I want everything, but I was just trying to know. It's an interesting thing though, of like going overboard. But while trying to you want everything, but you wanted to see when people go have whatever you want to go, can I have everything?

And they're like, well, we didn't mean that. You're like, okay, what do you mean. I got a hat, I got a short sleeve shirt. I got another short sleeve shirt, and I got a sweatshirt that I made that only had an ex sexual large, which is what I liked. But I know I had it a dress and it was Jeff Tweety dress and I wore it the second night to the show. So I'm side stage the second night and the second night there they just do they

play what they want. It's just like a fun set mixed with some of the new stuff that is great, and um Anya was there. We're both side stage. No one else's side stage. By the way, there's not room for anyone else. And I feel in the way I feel annoying, but I'm assured that you were not. It's fine. And all the guys I know all the guys at this point because I did car pookaraoke. They're so freaking nice. And after the first night some of them said to me like, your enthusiasm was so nice for us, like

how much you were into it. And I didn't know if they were being nice or not, but I was like, I want to trust that they meant that, and so tonight I'm just gonna really enjoy myself. And so the second night, I went on you right on the side, state like no, but do you do it? Before they went up? Did you already do your stand up at this? Stand up was during the day? Stand up was like, well, what it was amazing? It was with that, yeah, I feel like so it was just it was just a

comedy comedy show and it was awesome. I mean, it's indoors. It's a huge venue, huge room. It's where Wilco practices was practicing before they went on the big stage. But it was amazing show, Nick offered and me Johsh Gondelman, a comedian named io I forget her last name, she's incredible. Um uh yeah, and I did like jokes about Wilco. We were calling like, I was like, this is so great. It's not like Coachell at all, where everyone cares about

what they look like. You guys like just don't give a ship and some of you should like did any of you even am I at a music festival or a float trip, like what's happening here? And it was just you know, giving them about and how much Wilco fans love wearing Wilco merchandise. I was like, none of you are trying to be cool where You're like, I'm not gonna wear the band to the band. You're like, no, it wasn't At this point I was wearing Oh, I don't think I was wearing a Wilco shirt. But I

was like, but I'm one of you. I love that ship. And then me and Josh Gondelman and um uh, We're backstage and Anya and Matt we were all trying to come up with like funny because Wilco fans are usually like older men, you know, like they just are kind of older people. And so I was like, your March booth is insane. Here you have every like they have so much March Crystal, who runs the merch, is like,

it's just cool ship. And there's tons of like different Fannie packs and like hats and buttons and jean jackets and uh socks and guitar picks like anything you could want. And so we were just going over like we're taking Wilco songs and making them funny um like items. I was like, there's a lot of new items coming out, and I was like this, it's it's like fast fashion and there the merch booth has like thousands of options.

I was like, and then Josh Gandaman gave me the line he was I was like, it's like forever forty one in there. And so then I was like, you guys have like Casino Queen. The songs is Casino Queen. I was like, they're coming out with a Caswino Queen, kraftmatical adjustable bed. There's the song heavy Metal Drummer. I'm like, there's the heavy metal hip replacement that's gonna be released on Sunday, So get in line for that. Let me

go through the other ones. Um, you have the Um there's a song called can't I Need I Need a Camera And I was like, there's them I need a camera, Like, no, I would like a camera, not one one on your phone. I want to take it like an old picture, like just some old man pitching about it. Um, she's a jar opener for arthritic uh people. There's the sky Blue Sky Alice Um summer Teeth Denter's I Am trying to Break your Heart brand pacemaker and so yeah, I was

just going off. But is the perfect person. He was like, this is what I was born to do. He's fantastic. He writes for Jesus and Merrow. He used to write for John Oliver Show. He's and he's a great comedian Josh gondleman Um and I have so much more to say.

I do want to share one last thing. Uh that the best thing that happened to me that I put on my Instagram was that I felt annoying the whole time because I was dancing so much and having like the best time, and especially when it's all the songs the second night that I like know every word too, and I've and he played she Has a Jar because he knows from when we did um Carpolkaraoke that that's my favorite song that I want, like on my funeral playlist.

And I cried when we did Carpoo karaoke to it, and it was just like, he just knows what it means to me. And someone one of the roadies came up to me was like, I just want to let you know I've worked with him. I've worked with hispan for twelve years. Uh, that's the fifth time I've seen them play that live. I just want to know. And then some of the band members later came out to me and was like, you know, we were playing She's a Job Like they did it for me. He did

it for me. It was really really meaningful. And then afterwards, I just want to play this. So I am just gobsmacked at how amazing the show was. I feel like on I'm just like I feel like Hi, I'm just

like just the happiest I've ever been. And they're walking off stage and um, I'm holding my phone because I want to film them walking off stage because they're right walking right by me, but I also don't want to be holding my phone because I want to applaud, So I put my phone in my Fannie pack um and just let it record so I could just have them coming off. And I wasn't trying to record them like acknowledging me, like I did not want them to be like I wanted to just applaud them and tell them

great show, because they did. And so I'm I'm doing that, and then this is what Jeff says to me. And I'm so glad I caught it on tape because I probably wouldn't have believed it if I would have not, uh like recorded it. So I just want to play this really quick. So I'm applauding and you gotta listen to me. I played this for person and she was like it sounded like you were like, thank you, thank

you for having like I'm so obsessed listen to this. Okay, oh my god, it's honest, thank you for letting me lock out. Amazing. So wait one more time. I start out by saying a plus because I'm just like, as they're working by them like a plus plus because they're like, they haven't played live in a while, and I'm just trying to I'm trying to think of, like what I would want to hear if I really gave the best performance that a fan of mine could ever imagine, because

that is what happened to me. So listen again, side stage person, Oh my god, it's at rock out. Thank you for letting me rock out. But he's like, you're the best side stages person ever, And so that is like I am now like I'm going to every local show i can because if they actually do like my enthusiasm, it's it literally is the best feeling I could ever have in my life. I would literally give up sex to just have that feeling the rest of my life,

Like that was my favorite feeling of that. Although you did pick them from carpool karaoke and you show you know, lyrics to your favorite song, I'm sure when they see someone know the catalog, like you know, like there's something like I don't know, beautiful to it, and you showing up although you don't think you're important at times, it's just as like you showing up for them and being there for them. They feel the same way, and you

need to like take that in a little bit. It's like you're a good girl, no like, but just take that into because you know what, in their mind, they're thinking, holy shit, this fucking badass comedian is like really enjoying an old man band, you know, or like whatever it is there. So you know, I mean, and I know as someone who has fans like me with Wilco that I and Jeff is someone who I I relate to.

People were like, do you relate to Jeff because you're both from like the Midwest East from Belleville, which is very close to St. Louis. It's practically St. Louis and obviously Chicago band. Um, They're like, do you think it's because of like your Midwest roots? And I'm like, no, it's our depressed roots. Like he's a depressed person. He you know, grew up like addicted to things and with anxiety. And that's how that's why I like him so much. Is like I relate to him as being someone who

does not think. He's could he thinks, so he's constantly like I know Jeff like because I am him. And I was like, I took him. Like the last thing I said to one was like, I want you to know this album is the best thing ever and you you need to notice you need to let it in. You need to let it in like this, I'm not bullshitting you. It is so freaking good and I hope you hear this. I hope you hear me. I'm not

lying to you. And um, but I know it's it's hard because you just go there being nice or they don't really know that I kind of tricked them with this one thing, but it was. It was the best weekend and it's and like it's nice to you know, it's like that Chris couldn't go obviously, yes, and it would have been a whole different take that and the

flip it and go, you know what. Granted, Maddenan you were there, but there's something about going to an event alone where you could literally be whatever the funk you want to be. And whether it's a fanatical fan or maybe someone that just sits at the lawn and doesn't even want to partake but just wants to have their own moment, there's something beautiful about that. So yes, I don't recognized. I was just like walking around quietly, like just observing it was. It was nice to be alone,

but it was scary. And now I realize how people feel when they're like I don't I'm scared to go alone. Like it takes, it takes courage, and it takes a lot of like triumph over anxiety. But like, just just try it. You can always leave. That was my thing. I was like, I can always leave. I don't have to stay. That's the best about ven. You can always you can leave. You can always leave. So I think

that's the thing. So many people don't want to do things that they're scared of because they're like, well, then that's just the way I'm going to be the rest of my life. It's like, no, you can always go back to the way you're doing it. Let's get to the news. Oh boy, I hope you had all the swells this weekend. Happy Memorial Day. All the swells, all the swells. Apparently, all the swells. It's Monday. You know

what that means. It is Monday back, do you know? Okay, So you guys have some tour dates this weekend in Cleveland, Ohio, the Agora Theater and Carnegie of Homestead Music Hall in Pennsylvania, and the Lyric in Baltimore on Sunday. And we got a celebrity coming to the Baltimore show. I'll tell you later. Really Ray Lewis, But yeah, we got good shows coming up Cleveland. I love performing in Cleveland. And then is that in Is it in Pittsburgh? Is that probably where

that is? I mean, Pennsylvania has given us such great shows so far. Yeah, please come out to those shows. I think tickets are still available in Nikki Glaser dot com slash tour and yeah, let's thank you. No, uh okay, the first news story. According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, there is no normal frequency sex for couples, providing everyone in the relationship is happy. So how often a couple should have sex depends on what the people

in the relationship decide works best for them. Um, and that can range from no sexual activity at all to a few times a day, week or year, wow a day. Um, so curious about that. Well, you know, there's so many things where it's like, what's the right amount of times I should eat fruit or exercise? And no one ever just goes whatever you want. That's kind of the only time where it's like whatever, Like you sleep as much as you want, but people go that's a little too much,

that's not enough. But you're essentially doing whatever you want all the time. It's nice to know that with sex it is kind of whatever you want as long as both parties are happy. Well, and that's that's the tough part. Yeah, I think, I don't know. I'm trying to do this thing where your dopamine le you don't always like I saw something where like stay if something's give and you like hi, dopamine making you happy, like you could almost

reject it sometimes to make it. You know, you talk about this a lot to build up of it, you know, and a lot of couples, like in other countries whatever, they won't have sex for two like it's just we're not gonna have sex for two weeks because in two weeks we're gonna fucking want it so bad. And that if you keep whatever filling that dopamine up like we do with TikTok or whatever, like, then it's gonna make you sad and it's gonna start the bleeding. It stops

being even exciting to do so, like, yeah, I love waiting. Yeah, so if you funk once a week or once everywhere that does it, it's not a negative you Yeah, yeah, anyhow, but I agree I feel like though that it can be I don't know the kinds of sex that you have for me. Then this is obviously because we just

heard everyone's different from me. I feel like I I think that there should be I would like just like cuddling sometimes, or just like intimacy of like touching and like kissing and just maybe dry humping, maybe not to completion a couple of times or whatever, or maybe just you know, a beach on the couch that isn't you know? And then there's sometimes where it's like, no, I'm going to lay out everything I want you to use on me. I want to lay out, I want to set the stage,

put town towels. When they lay out the different ways that's going to kill them. It's probably the same spread uh war paint on um freedom. Yeah, I feel like it's different kinds of sex. But that's that's interesting. Good to know. Next, tell me what you think about this coin Base, which is just like a cryptocurrency company, is reportedly testing out having employees rate each other in an app with a thumbs up or thumbs down after meetings

and other interactions. What this seems insane? Yeah. The staff are reportedly asked to evaluate one another after meetings and other interactions. Based on how well they model ten core company values and um, yeah, who wants to model company values? Like who like? Let's do it in the metaverse two. You know what, if you give someone a thumbs down, you have to show your face? How about that? Yeah

that's the thing. Well on on YouTube now you can unlike something and it doesn't show you how many unlikes. You only show positive So I mean, I don't mind hearing negatives. I just don't. I don't know. Oh, I dig employees should rate each other, no, because I think that it's competitive, and you would a lot of times I don't like something because they're better than me at something, or they're they're doing a better job, or they're naturally

more inclined to this thing. So a lot of times I will if the worst version of me or thumbs it down someone who's actually doing a great job, because I don't I'm threatened by them. So your company is going to suffer because you're thumbing someone down because they can, you know, produce better than you. Yea, So maybe the company should just follow whoever is getting the most thumbs down is probably yeah, it's yeah, the negative stuff. I

just can't. I just don't. I don't. I know criticism is important um to grow from, but I just don't think. I think we already are so all feeling constantly and inundated with comparing ourselves to people and feeling less than that. There's just there's no one should invite any of that in their lives. Yeah, I find sometimes I seek it out. I don't know why. I never do. I even read Wilco's like well, after I listen to the album, I'm like, I wanted to see what people think of this, like

you know, music reviewers. And so I saw stereogument posted something on Instagram and I'm like, I'll read it and I will stop reading it if it disagrees with if it is saying that they they're not good, I'm going to take it. Like I was almost reading it as like I'm in the band and they fucking loved it, and I was like yes, and then I were the next thing. Everyone I mean this, this album is critically

acclaim across the board. And when I saw will Go this weekend, I you know, it's the day it came out, and I'm seeing everyone from the band and I was like, hey, not to trigger you. I don't know if you read reviews, but I just I'm not gonna say anything. It's all good, like you know, like I just want to say everyone's getting it and it's very exciting. But I had to I had to preface it that with like, don't you know, I don't want to trigger you because smart people who

I think will call are don't read reviews. And Jeff, Jeff I have heard uh used to not and now he kind of is in a like sometimes you just go through a period where you like seek it out and yeah, I think very smart people are susceptible to Norm McDonald, oh yeah, I don't see it yet. But he was just talking about how like he's like, I'll always take part in a poll, like no matter how

smart you are, there you fun. That's why on Instagram I love those so but like, you know, to your point, like if I read a review for not even for myself, for like a band, and I really love the band and I love the album and it's a negative, I'll start going maybe I'm wrong, and I know I shouldn't. That's what I said when I said comments. I did

an interview. When someone goes do read the comments, and I say no, But you know what, I know my friends and family read comments about me, and I know that they love me and they think those comments are probably wrong. But there's something in your brain that has

happened to me. When I look at a picture of someone on Instagram or I look at a video, and then I read the comments and someone says something negative about it that I didn't notice, and then suddenly that is a part of my belief system about this, and I have been influenced, even though that person I don't know them. They misspelled things, They have made me skewed

a little bit towards not liking this as much. And so to act like you or anyone who loves you is immune to reading reviews and feeling bad or comments, you're delusional and you need to stay away from them because there's nothing good there. It is going to the

desert for water. It is. There's nothing. Yeah, there's nothing even the people that and you know who really gets off on it, the people that hate whatever it is and then they see another comment that just proves their point, and oh yeah, when I hate something, and then so I go, God, I wish I could comment this thing. And then it's already commented, and I get to like thumbs up it. Yah, that's a disgusting part of my soul,

it really is. But I felt that was generally, when I'm jealous, this person is either really popular and making something that I think sucks and I just am mad about it, or they're really popular and they're making something that's really good and I'm convincing myself that I wouldn't even want to make something good like that jealous, I felt bad though, like Jack Harlow, who I really do like, I really I loved his last album. I wanted this new album to be great and it just wasn't for me.

And then like Pitchfork, it was like two points like something really works always mean yeah and there and you know what part of me thinks Pitchfork is probably a snooty motherfucker like horse r P. Yeah. I mean like put someone writing a review. It's one person. Oh yeah yeah, And I just feel like part of me wants to be like fuck you, you hate him because he's so mainstream. But then I was like, you know what, I agree, and I felt bad. I wanted it to be better.

You know, sometimes you can read a negative review and be like, yeah, we're all as artists to put out bad ship. I just want to say that to anyone who is maybe not an artist or whatever you do, Like you're allowed to have a bad day at work and like put out a shitty report or whatever you do, you're you know why, because it makes the good all that better. You're allowed to have a bad day at work. I'm allowed to put out a comedy special that isn't good.

I'm allowed to put out a show that isn't good. We're all trying our best, and sometimes we You know, if you watch the Carlon documentary, how many times did he reinvent himself or do what he wanted to do and it just didn't hit with the zeitgeist? It just didn't. They didn't like it, or they made fun of them. Then he just shifts and does something else and everyone fucking forgets about it. No one doesn't. It doesn't have to follow you, and it doesn't have to be who

you are where. I have to allow myself to put out shit and love a redemption story like people do love like, you know, the shittier it is, and then if you really can make that left turn and make something great, God people because people go, I was right that it was bad, you know what I mean. Watch the Cheryl Crow documentary last night. It was all about this, let's go to break and come back with redd and top Boom boom boom, We're back. Um. I did watch

the Sharyl Crow documentary last night on Hulu. It's so good. There's something in it that like, was so wild that happens. I want people to just to check it out. Rock. No, I don't think she ever did, but she did that song up with Crid Rock. I can do a really good Chryl Crow by the way, I'll do kid rock. Um. Okay, what's the song? You know the song that they do. I've been searching for you for a long time. Can seemed to get you off my mind. I've been something dud.

I don't know the lyrics, but it's always I do feel like I do it. Hold on, let me try it one more time. So yeah, it's called picture hold on kid Rock. Let me just look up the lyrics because I want to. Okay the lyrics. Um live in my life in a slow okay. Um, been been fueling up on cocaine and whiskey. I wish I had a girl, girl who missed me, I haven't sleeped and three damn that Yes, I put your picture away? Wait again, sat down and cried today I can't look at you while

I'm lying next to him. Wait, hold on, trying too hard to do it. No, last night I was doing it so well that the dogs were like, what's going on? Because it was like, we want to soak up the sun. Who's doing a good affron like hardic if I can't do it without using the background, but I swear to god I could do a like please stop, please put pitchy fork. Um okay, so let's get to reddit. Um. I'm going to start with this is your reddit. Gotta

feel like kill tonight. That's pretty good. Good, thank you? Okay, reading myself that people love it, leaving Las Vegas a different album. All right, here we go. Um um okay. So someone this is a mispronounced It's from the subreddit bone Apple Tea, which is uh a joke of bon bone appetite. Someone wrote bone Apple tea once and so this is subred of of mispronunciations. And someone wrote a

tweet that said, my joints hurt really bad. I think I have Arthur writes this, which they probably just dictated arthritis, but it can correct to do. Arthur writes this, Um. This is from me, I r L. It's a tweet that I just relate to so much that I sometimes tweets you just go or Mames you go. How does someone nail it so hard? This is from armand Doma on on Twitter. I'm thirty two years old and still deeply terrified that consuming anything from the hotel room mini

bar will somehow bankrupt my entire family. Relatable, so relatable. I am a woman that has more money than I know what to deal with. Sometimes I'm not bragging, but it's just true. And I still will not even think about touching anything in the mini bar. It's because we're told from when we're five, if you go near it, you funny. Sometimes it made me want to do it now.

Sometimes I'm even scared to put like a water bottle in a hotel fridge because I think that there's like a weight in there and if I take it out and I think I took something out, and then they're going to bank, like literally, you will be homeless on the street because of because are um. This is also from UM. This is from to me I r L for me I r L. It's another subredit of just tweets that are kind of on the mark. Um. It's from Emily Mernane Uh Emily underscore mrnane on Twitter. It says,

we don't need to get coffee to catch up. Honestly, I can just shoot you you a text to let you know I have no updates and I am doing bad. I love that because sometimes people want to get together and you go, what like, why do we have to bring coffee? And it is why do we have to make it a thing? I know? Um? Yes um. This is from a d h D Women of subredit. It's another tweet says tries to learn someone's name brain, No, we are at capacity. Me what brain? Angela, Pamela, Sandra

and Rita Me. Those aren't even real people. Those are Mambo number five lyrics. Brain A little bit of Monica in my life? Me, please stop brain. The trumpets just I don't know why sometimes means that one probably doesn't work as much when I'm like reading it, but it really made me happy. Oh my god. This is another one from Emily Murnain that was on the last one. I did not know that I like two of her things. This happened over weeks at a time said people with

good singing voices should not be allowed to do karaoke. Sorry, but it is not fun watching you do a little star search performance. I'm here to see drunk Keith fight for his life through living on a prayer as God intended. Tomorrow night is my birthday and we are going to um sing karaoke supposed be tonight, but my sister and brother didn't get back in town in time. Um and I'm excited to do some show crow and really I'm

thinking about opening it to the besties. So I just want to say I think I'm gonna do it tomorrow. If you're St. Louis bestie. Wednesday Tomorrow, June one, If you want to come to Westport Social at around six thirty, we will be doing karaoke and hanging out. Um. I don't the karaoke rooms are small, so it might just be like a certain number of people can fit in at a time. But I would love to meet you and see you. If you just want to go to

Westport Social. There's tons of stuff to do there. It doesn't have to be a whole thing you can go alone. I will greet you, um so Westport Social tomorrow night at seven o'clock is when it starts. Um. This is one did I do this last week? It's from Thanks I hate it and it says your car will never make that noise for the mechanic your car is that your car is like, that's our special noise. I can only make that noise for you. Yeah, yeah, I mean

I think with anything like you could. Also, you know, you're having a pain when you go to the doctor, and then when you get to the doctor it goes away. So you know, I swear to God you my kidneys are bleeding, Like now you're fine. My cars. You know, there's that light and it always turns for some reason, it turns off to and then you think your car is fine. I know, but the light is just broken. That's your car is bulb for that like actual yeah,

final thought. Here's one from AskMen. It says my girlfriend just asked did you hear that? Ask? Did you hear that? Asshole? And then she farted what immature things do your partners do? I think that's so funny. It's funny. Where like um brando, well maybe fire and she'll go, I was just a two and it kind of was just doesn't make such a cute. But then all fucking all fire where the doors? Where the fucking the light goes on in my car somehow,

and I'll go a little too, like if cover with it. Yeah, it's literally not a I don't know what do you do? That's someone said, grips ice cubes in her hands unbeknownst to me, then saunters up and so seductively wraps her arms around me, then shoves her ice cold hands on my belly. That's cute. Yeah, it's a little left turn. My girlfriend does that stupid what's that on your shirt? And then flicks my nose trick when there's actually something

on my shirt. It's okay, though, I get her back by wetting my hands then rubbing them on her face while saying I hate it when I pee on my hands. Oh, I do that all the time whenever I go to the bathroom and wash my hands and it shakes some hands, I go, it's it's I just went to the bathroom. It's not what you think. It's p um uh. Someone said, I like to get in elaborate poses before I let one go. My wife just laughs and calls me an

idiot for things my wife does. She likes to play punch me in the face and I'll sell it like I got hit by Tyson. She loves that one. I don't know what that is. I'm trying to think of funny things I do. My brother got me when we were younger. He put ketchup on his hand and grabbed a knife and I thought I cut him, you know, or like I had a night and then he like

somehow he threw up and I thought I slid his wrists. Yeah, And I was going to the bathroom and I remember an old man saw me walking the bathroom was like are you okay? And I was like what. It was so scary to have an old man just like grab me and be like are you okay? No, got catchable man, um, I think that. I mean, we do so many dumb like little inside joke, gummy worm, But oh that was for another boyfriend. That was fucking weird. I mean, yeah, I once my is like it's relatable, but it's also

like you. But I don't understand how anyone doesn't do stuff like that for their boyfriend. If that if their boyfriend isn't grossed out by that kind of stuff. So he liked gummy worms. That was his favorite snack. He was coming to visit me in California. I was picking him up from the airport. I knew he would finger me immediately upon getting in my car, so I put a gummy worm in my vagina so that when he fingered me, he'd go, what the funk is that? And he pulled out a gummy worm and he did and

it was funny. And then his dick was a gummy worm all weekend. Yes, boom, oh boy, um, I think that I do. Um, that's a fun Yeah, that was. That was a fun one. I mean, I what was one that I did? Chris? How long? You know? I would have grabbed his hand and go, I have something to show you, you know, when it comes right out. Yeah, but people are like shocked that I did that. I'm sure, fox up my pah balance, But you know what else, fox up my pH balance? Down there a man's dirty hand.

So it's like, who cares? What is? People go? You put up? You put a sanitary a thing that I'm supposed to eat right for the package. I put it in my vagina and you're acting like that's so shocking you put dirt men's dirty fingers and penises in your pussies or even your own fingers. Um. I think that I'm trying to think of, like do you don't take a tit out? That's what I do if I'm wearing

a tanktop. We'll have a serious conversation and I'll like just turn around and I'll just respond back and a couple of notice that is That's one of my favorite bits too, is just um acting like I like to play the character of I can't I don't know what to do with them. It won't stay in, the shirt doesn't fit, and I'll just just keep going like but it's not working. And kind of it's a Rachel Einstein move of like my boobs are too big and I

don't know what to do with them. She has a great bit about girls just being stupid, like my chips are just jump um. But I think playing that kind of dumb character is fun and I put my idea. I tried that kind of with Brenna over the weekend, where I go, should I should where this beating suit? And I turned around and I took my balls and I put them on top of the video. It was like, is this cool? Because we were all like debating on

what to wear and I was like, nothing matters. Like she was a little worried about what she'd wear, and I was like, is this cool? And she goes, don't ever do again. It looks like you have a bald chicken and on top of you. And then I googled if you google bald chicken, it looks exactly exactly like

what it looked like. Yeah, and it was I don't know, it was fucking That was one that is just those little bodily things that you were talking to someone with a straight face and then they suddenly see it and they're like, oh my god, that's always fun. Um. So there was one from ask Women. This is what I saved. It says, what do you feel comfortable doing platonically with women that you cannot do with men? So this is

to asking women? Um uh, they said, I mean there's so many cuddling, holding hands changing in front of them. I don't hold hands with my girlfriends, do you know, No, never me neither. But I don't cuddle with them either. I've always felt uncomfortable with that. And the one that did cuddle me once, I think was gay, and the whole time I was like, I know girls do this, but I can't do that, um, complimenting them, especially on their appearance. This is my own shortcoming, though I wish

I had the courage to compliment men. No, no, no, that's a woman. All. I feel constantly about how men don't get compliments. Let's step it up. Everyone compliment men. And I like, um, I like your Instagram today was really funny. Your post, the thing where you said the Italian steps trying to get pussy on Italian steps is so funny. And then when you changed the word of the um. Yes, the choice of penis was really really funny.

It was really really well done. Um. Someone said, discussing politics, some guys get too emotional while discussing serious topics, so I prefer talking to ladies. I do believe talking politics sometimes with men is frustrating because a lot of them have to do with like women's issues, and you you are like, you don't get it, but like, how can they They're not a woman, So it's kind of like a losing battle. And sometimes you yeah, um, sharing beds,

changing in front of each other, cuddling, on couch holding hands. Um. I used to share beds with my male friends all the time, and I just want to say I am so so sorry to all the men that I forced to sleep in the same bed as me because it was inappropriate, even though I knew that nothing would happen between us. You probably had a little bit of a crush on me. It probably was that comfortable for you. You probably were thinking, maybe she likes me, maybe she

doesn't like probably kept you up. I should have just let you sleep on the couch instead of being like, no, don't sleep on the couch. That's stupid. I should have let you do that. Um, And I'm sorry for if I like lead you on or anything. You don't have to put on the little nighty and then be like, my dumb tits are sleeping next to you. Do you want to go any worm? Yeah, there's a globe worm in my pussy to keep us up. But we're platonic, Yeah totally, yeah, why are you being weird? Okay, we

gotta go. Do you want to take us out on a wrap? Sure, I'll take us out on a wrap because you always know that I'm about the snap with a snap back. That's the kind of hat I wear with a heart attack from a big Mac. I got a loose sack that I put on top of my shorts and it looks like a bald chicken, but it's not. It's a mick chicken from McDonald's. Man, you really brought the heat. I gotta go because I gotta meet and greet who with who. Well, I gotta go jump online.

I'm pitching a show to Netflix, and it's gonna be fine whether they take it or not. I'll be okay. Things are just gonna go right. This is part of my day. My dad's gonna come over later. We're gonna go on I g Live. We're gonna play some music. It's gonna be about five hours long. And my dad lost his voice, so he was like, why should even come? And I go because you play guitar and you can just shut the funk up and just play and I'll sing, and he's like telling me about his weekend. I'm like, Dad,

I don't care. Let's wait until we're alive and we can do this on air. Let's not have a conversation. It's not worth having. If we can share it with the world. That's what's happening. Your dad is literally the do we have to meet up to have coffee me with you? He really is. He was trying to have a conversation on the phone. I go, let's do it, Let's wait for Instagram live. This is very I'll be much more engaged if I know people are watching me and watch my dad. All Right, we gotta go. Thank

you guys so much. We'll be here all week Um having a friend on the show on Thursday, Taylor, one of my best friends from high school, one of the originators of can't wait to have her in studio. But we'll be here tomorrow on my birthday. And you come to Westport, come to this weekend to see shows. I'll be as me performing for the first time as a thirty eight year old and don't be Cat and Jack London