#221 Tunnel Vision w/ Bestie “Em”

off camera, but I'm not good. I mean, that would defeat the purpose people because people will take that still image like this is who she is, and they'll uploaded as my IMDb pick, you know, Like I just can't have that. So instead, I'm wearing a pair of glasses that Paris Hilton sent me. But she sent me a gigantic case of sun glasses. I'm not kidding you. This box is half the size of a room. And I was so annoyed because I'm like, what is this big thing? And then you open it up and it is a case.

It's a display case that is as big as this table that you open up and inside are six pairs of glasses in like foam. Like it's like a case that you would send a Macy's to be like, here's how to display this. I mean, a giant waste of materials, But I'm very grateful for the class. Look like a cocaine DJ in Miami. Yeah, I feel it allows me to wear things that I wouldn't normally wear but really want to wear because Paris said it was okay and she sent it to me, and I would be a

bad friend to not wear it. Yeah, it is. It is interesting when you get it as a gift, you can wear whatever the fun you want. It's a gift. I have to I feel bad for that person. My nana is going to be so disappointed that I don't wear these nipple clamps. Yeah, I get it. Speaking of nipples. Um Well, and I were watching the Noah alerted me that Taylor Switch was going I've on n y US commencement speech and that they were broadcasting it on YouTube live.

And I didn't even know and Noah told me, so I go on live and Noah made the hilarious joke from yesterday's podcast Am Drip that you know Taylor swift has like bright red lips, and Noah just said to me, it's like, I wonder, I guess her her nipples are cherry red. Good joke thinking about what her nipples were. And I just stopped because that is not okay and she does not want that. And but Noe and I really enjoyed the commences. Noah, as someone who is not

a swifty what, I'm so glad that you are. What a good friend you are to give something. No just not even alert me to watch it with me too, like she watched it. She hasn't interest in things that not only her friend but obviously her the host of the show that she produces as an interest in. And like tries to this is what I want in every one of my friends, all my partners, romantic partner, to see the world through my eyes, to try to give things a chance that you might not necessarily like to

understand their friend Nicki. And it really meant a lot to me. How long was the speech? Minutes? Yeah, like minutes And how is it okay? I felt like this is speaking to us because it's the things that we talk about. She had a really great portion on cringe on the word on our YouTube or on our instant for the show because she did something cringe. She did a kid thing and then I, yes, it was a good joke, but I was like okay. And then right after that she was like, you know, one of her

lessons was live with the cringe. Just know that no matter what you do, you can't fight it. You will look back on your life and cringe. And cringe is just because the new cringe is what the hashtag I put on our on the post, but it was need that. That's how good she is. She says something ker not knowing that it's but then she retroactively then gives gives an excuse for being cur because she says, I'm gonna keep being She said in two thousand and twelve, I

dressed like a nineteen fifties housewife for some reason. It is funny at the time, you think I'm fucking pulling this off. This is my new look. I've done this fifty million times. But at what point do you realize it's cringe? And why does it suddenly become cringe because because of the times or because of you, Cringe is curt don't like I had a piphany listening to it. Like anytime someone goes that's so cringe, like my Bob

Saget song. A lot of people said it was cringe, Like anything that you can look at that through your life, that's cringe. It is the same as ker you were trying to be something so that other people would think something of you, You would not do it in a vacuum. I I say that I would have saying that Bob Saget song in a vacum. You don't know the things I do in a vacuum about Bob Saget that are not for anyone but me and my spiritual connection to

the past, you know, people who have passed. So it's like, but there are But why put it out there then? Um, I don't know, to help other people process what they're going through and to make it okay to be a little bit sacharin and ridiculous. But yeah, but what did you get from what she was saying about it? I got from the like, stop trying to fight, just let it happen, and that people are always going to try

to bring you down. And and my favorite point was which she had the same thing that um Conan had said in his um you know, his his last monologue during the tonight show when he left because Jay Letto came back to take back a job that he had already given Conan so um he played. He was a what's that word that we can't say anymore? You know what I'm talking about? So um let a Letto giver. So yeah, I count and so I gave you this and you just didn't in a handle it whill and

I'm not ready to disco die with my cars. That's good, thanks buddy. So Conan said, don't do don't be cynical, and that's what she kind of said. She was like, one thing that is I think she was on the heels of the cringe things. She said, one thing that is often cringe is enthusiasm. Don't work like I She's like,

I love enthusiasm. And then Noah, that reminded me of a thing you had said prior when we were when we first tuned in, she was about to come on stage and you were like, oh my god, this chat is insane. People going like Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, OMG. And you know, it was hard to type all those things while I was talking to you, but I did um shoot off a fair amount of mommy, mommy is. But that's why Swifties and you go. I can't believe this fandom.

I wish I loved something that much. I wish I had that much fervor for you know, you gave an example of your Carcass concert this weekend. Yeah, I was in line to buy March. I really wanted to buy a hat in the T shirt and the guy in front of me was such a huge fan. He had bought this like limited edition box set a vinyl, a T shirt and a hat, and I saw how much it rang up. It rang up for a hundred and ninety dollars, and he was just like admiring it and like so happy and like hugging it, and I just

was like so jealous of how enthusiast. And then I saw him like all the way in the front row, just like going crazy and being and I just felt so like jaded, and I just was like, you know, I miss being I don't think i've ever been. Actually I was. I was a fan of guns and roses that big, and then it squashed and I was just

like I just missed being a fan of something so deeply. Yeah, it's and it's enthusiasm, and it's like Taylor encourages uh this crazy enthusiasm, and like, ever does she haveing in of other people? Uh? Yeah, I mean like she's honored people at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Like, uh, what's her name, Carly? Uh no, Carly Simon. Um, she's you know, I think Joni Mitchell. Um. She is a Uh. There's been tons of examples of her, especially when she

was doing to and she would bring people out. She was so reverential and like, but like, have you ever seen her waring st Yeah, she wore the ninet shirt or shirt when she was dating a guy allegedly for the band, So she's she's she definitely would wear people's T shirts. But um no, I just feel like sometimes, Tim McGraw, we could all be so self involved to to to release ourselves to being fans of things outside ourselves. And that's why I asked a question, because like, I

have T like, I like sports, I love sports. I've never I don't. I think I've worn like a jersey twice in my life, and really like we're doing maybe not a jersey, but like what about just a shirt with the logo on it? I know, I I just I like the team. I just have never been like, hey, we're doing great this year. I've never been. And I don't know if it's a I think I do it

to attract annoying that that care about it too. Yeah. Yeah, Like that's what I like is when girls are like, like your shirt and then I'm like, yes, you get it, you like And I love when I see other girls with swifty stuff because I'm just like they we are. It's almost like we came from the same hometown or we went to the same high school. It's like that

kind of like kinship. That's why. And I wear it to be like because I know so many people think Taylor Swift is like they just have pigeonholed her as like this pop artist that is talks about boys, and maybe if I am wearing something of hers, not ironically, they might give her a shot and be like, Okay, that woman has is a Taylor Swift fans she seems cool. Yeah.

But although sometimes I think that I probably just add to the Wow look at that crazy lady with crocs and two dogs and a dog's an empty dog sling and um yeah, yeah, I was going to check out swift Starbucks Arners for herself. I always look like I'm going to a meeting where I'm like reading a bunch of other people, but it's just me to pack up for the day so I don't have to keep going back to that Starbucks. And they go, you have a problem, I go, no, I'm going to a meeting where everyone

wants the same drink as me. Oh my god, might encourage your your addictions, which is nice because everyone's addicting. No, I mean, like that's what I used to do. Like people who have food addictions will totally relate to this of like you want I want the same thing for every meal, and you get embarrassed. I've talked about this before.

You get embarrassed going back to the same place, even if you're addicted to cigarettes or something, and you're like, oh, we got already bought a pack there today, and the same guy it's gonna still be working there later. He's gonna know that I have a problem. Like, how could I've already gone. I did this with m I did this with caffeine, I've done this with fro yo. I would wait, I would find either another place that sold it and drive across town so I wouldn't have to

see that person again because it's or a subway. I used to get the same foot long sandwich every day and I would try to keep it all day, but I would eat it in one sitting, and I would always want another one, because once you start a bench, you're just like, I'll just keep going, and um, I would just go. I would drive so far out of my way to not see another person that worked there, so I wouldn't get the judgment that I got at the Starbucks downstairs the other day. But now I own it.

I was joking when I say I get a bunch. Sometimes I get too because I just want them back to back, not because I don't want to go back into the store. But there is a slight shame of knowing you are doing addictive behavior that is abnormal. Oh I do it a golf galaxy and uh what I mean. I'll go in, I'll put it for two hours. I'll hit different clubs. I've traded in numerous amount of clubs where um, and then they joke with me about the guy that's like, can you believe this guy fucking trades

in every fucking three weeks? A new driver like it's going to help him and it's not his horrible swing and he really isn't that good at golf. I'm like, wait, wait, is it like you left the tag on? You're like, I haven't used this, but they know, no, you just trade in for less. So let's say you buy They sell you stuff all the time. Yeah, no they don't. I won't buy you stuf. I'll buy new stuff. I should. Yeah,

you should. Yeah, of course, of course I should. But you think, is there a part of you that thinks it didn't work for the last person, why would it work for me? Yeah? Probably, and all the stuff. Yeah it's stupid, But I'm actually I am kind of done with the trading up and the idea of like, oh this will change, this will help me. It's fun, though, there's something, there's an enjoyment with it. There's you know,

getting lost in it, the addiction of it. I was thinking about the fandom thing though, too, about like, you know, we have some friends that are really close or that are in the locker room at times, and they'll tell you stories about like how the players don't care really at all, even about winning or losing, or their fans for that matter. So that leaves a little bad taste in my mouth too sometimes where it's like, Oh, they don't give a shit about me, why should I care

about them? But then also in your living room screaming and going like God damn it, like why why do that if it doesn't matter? Well, I don't, I don't, I don't do. My dad does that a lot. My dad. You would think you're at the game in the front row and he just got hit by one of the players. The way he yells, I'm jealous of that. Enthusiasts agreed. I am too, But I don't know why I get pessimistic about him. Legal you know, I was really pestive.

I mean I'm not as much but the biggest fan you've ever been of anything Tom Petty seeing him in concerts, do you ever get into an obsession of like putting his poster on your wall and wanting to read every book and every little thing about him? I mean I saw his documentary, which is did you see it like as soon as it came out, and were you like in the I was really involved in it, and and and seeing him live. I saw him live war times.

I saw him right before he died. With my brothers were singing every word like there's something, there's a story behind every song, and like when it was not stuff like that, not that far. But I know he's from Florida,

being of mind to know every little detail. I did it with the Beatles, but then that became overwhelming and it was my first My dad bought the anthology book and when the anthologies were coming out in like ninety six, it was like the second And there's the coolest moment I think for me and my dad ever, was because my dad's just as big of a Beatle fan as

I am, like a Taylor Swift fan. And um, when the Beatles anthologies came out, there they released new music that they found in these tapes and there um one is called Real Love and the other is Funck. It was the first one that was released, but it was that was like the coolest moment because I was maybe seventh or sixth and seventh grade, but I was the first time my dad and I we equally were like,

we're getting new Beatles music. So we heard a new whose song and we're just like, you know, it blew our minds to hear and it was just like a shared moment of like such fandom. And also he got me into will Go like there's there's all those Um, yeah, my dad loved traveling will Berries and he loved Tom so there's definitely like daddy loved me. So I learned the lyrics to you know, American Girl. But um, I've

been obsessed with Friends the show. I used to get all the books and read every single piece of information I could about them. I've been obsessed with Dave Matthews, Counting Crows, Will Go, any boy bands for you two? No, you know, I was just a little bit too old for backstreet boys and and young and old for young for new kids, and old for obviously one direction. I'm old enough where girls had Jean jackets with like their Donnie who that girl is pretty cool, that Donnie you know.

That was the whole thing though, Like this is you know, this is who I am? This person in this bay. It's just looking for identity for sure. Let's go to break and talk about more stuff. When we would get back, Andrew, I'm over the shoulder of a young lady. But I'm not creepying down the block and we're back. Um, what's been Uh, I'm just a question about the lyrics thing,

because you were talking about lyrics. I could I've learned, as we saw yesterday, I'm extremely lyrical, but now i've I've learned like songs before, but all I could know the words to songs and not the meaning or play the story in my brain. No, is not a lyric either. We've learned. Oh yeah, you're not a lyric hat either. It's more of a feeling, I guess. But she doesn't even memorize them. Recently, I've been I've been looking, oh,

you don't even memorize them. I've been looking at like lyric genius or whatever whatever gen and and really going over like Sturgill Simpson, Jason Isabel, what does it mean? Like? Why are they saying these words? What's the build up? What's the story like? What like? How did they put it together? For the first time in my life? And I think there's a lot of people that know songs but don't know songs, yes out there, and I don't know,

there's just a different kind of brain. Whenever I'm on the Instagram playing music and people like request songs that I like, known forever, and then I pull up the lyrics and I'm like that's the lyric, Like there's like moments like that and um, yeah you you uh would

you take the c D and read? My god, I mean with the ones I loved, you know, not with every single song, but I love there was something about right like, oh I just loved and I loved because so much of Dave Matthews is like horness and a home horness and no wa yeah, and so you would need to know what the funk he was talking about. And thank god for liner notes. Um TikTok is really funny with that ship with Pearl Jam. Have you seen Oh yeah, there's one where there's like a sign in

in some you know, Denmark or something. They're just breaking down the lyric and there's just like what he's what they think he's saying versus what he's Oh my god, it's the funniest should ever. But yeah, so you wouldn't know until you read it and then right or I would think I would know and then be so like there's a lot of Taylor Swift ones like that where you know, in the subreddit people will be like what did you think this was? And then what was it?

And there's tons that, Um, I can't think of any right now that I always Oh, this is a weird one I do, and this is this is where a very select group of people. This is so there in blank space, she goes, um, uh, so hey, let's be friends. Uh, you know it's like Cherlotte. Wait, I forget what it's something before something Hey, let's be friends. Um, but think space lyrics. I'll find it one second. Oh okay, Uh, she goes new money student. I can read you like

a magazine, ain't it funny? Rumors fly? And I know you heard about me an, so hey, let's be friends. I'm dying to see how this one ends. Well. When I was listening to the serial podcast the first one, do you know with um um odd? Not yes? And he murders? Does anyone remember the name of the girl he murders? Know? Her name is hey man Lee, her name, her first name was Hey. And so when she goes, so hey, let's be friends, I picture Taylor Swift saying

hello to the woman that was murdered. And I don't know what is wrong with me, but I always think of so hey, let's be friends, Like she's befriending this um Asian girl in the year two thousand. There was another part in the commencement speech I had to write it down that I wanted to bring up to you.

It's the part where she was talking about how she never gives advice unless someone asked her for it, because throughout her career, from starting young young, she's always gotten unsolicited advice from like executives and this and that, And she says, she goes that like she she always had this in the back of her mind that if she made any mistakes, all the children of America would grow up to If she didn't make any mistakes, all of the children of America would grow up to be perfect.

Do you remember when she talked about that. Yes, And because she said that, so many people said you're setting an example for young girls, and so don't mess up, and that if she did mess up, they would all be fucked and if she did didn't, they would be okay. So it was like on her shoulders. The more fans she got, the more like she she was the older

sister for all of these young people. She was like, there, yeah, that was interesting, and that's I always I always cite that as an example of like I've heard that before from people who mean a lot to me of saying what you did here is a really girls are looking up to you and this is really not a good look. And I don't know, I've never really struggled with being

a good example. And there have been people writing to me about like, hey, the way you talked about food today or like you feel fat, Like that really made me feel sad, and that's like not a good example to women. And then I catch myself and I go, yeah, you're right, like I was just in a bad state of mind. But I always argue, like I it was way more detrimental to me as a young girl to see people being like seeming like they were so okay with their bodies and like the way the world was

and acting like everything was okay. I think that this fake body positivity is way more harmful to women than women just skinny women being like I hate my body and it sucks and I don't know why. Like that, that at least addresses the issue of like I'm I know that this is wrong to say, but I'm struggling with it. So you don't feel then bad, Like I know that that can make you feel bad if you're bigger than that girl to go like, well, then she

probably thinks I'm fat. But what it deals, what it then causes us to address, is this skinny woman thinks she's fat? What is the issue here as opposed to this, as supposed to everyone being like, I love my body and if you don't, you're failing. So I just I think lying, even even if the truth is something that's really ugly, lying is worse than that for um, the

future generation. I guess. I guess though, It's like, what if someone is completely happy and completely content with being overweight or be like they really feel like yeah, but then but I know, but do you think that they're there? I know for a fact women who claim to love their bodies and then I know that they don't. Well, I mean, there's a big thing going on right now

with the Sports Illustrated cover. I don't know if god, I hated that cover so much, not the fact that they put a bigger girl in there, the fact that they put an older woman on there. It was it's all just such, here you go, Yeah, we are woke, and then what what we still have? Kim Kardashian does this make up for it? I posted something Yeah, I posted on I posted that. I took it down immediately because I was like, I don't want to get pulled into this. But I posted the old woman cover and

I go, does this make up for? And I was good, dota dot this and I was gonna do Kim Kardashian. It's like, no, we see through it. No one is jerking. Sports Illustrated is to jerk off to no one's jerking. No one should be jerking off to a sixty eight seventy year old woman in a waterfall. I'm sorry, that's weird. She's still beautiful, but it doesn't belong in Sports Illustrated, Like, what are we doing here? It's fine, Like she's a beautiful woman. I would kill to look like that woman.

I'm glad she felt herself. I think women should be in swimsuits. Yeah, sexualize them all you want, but but they were not. Actually they don't. Actually they don't care. Photographer who is some caddie little bitch who makes girls feel bad about themselves. Because I've had photographers who are used to shooting models and they make you feel bad that you're not a model. They were not loving that shoot. They were like, oh I got the old woman today,

Like It's no one that was all orchestrated. He was all performative. They want people talk, they want us talking about it like we are right now. But you know what, I take it all back because if it does make older, if my mom sees that and goes, oh, maybe I could wear a swimsuit like that and be proud and like look stunning and a little bit sexual, fine, like

then that's good. Or the bigger woman that you know Jordan Peterson gotten, he's pretty much canceled now because he he was just being fucking mean, like this is not set. What did he say, Well, this whole thing is. He was like not beautiful, like very like not beautiful. He ties it into like the woke taking control. I know, but I'm saying though, like it could just like you don't have to bring out that into everything. I don't know. I just felt like I thought the older woman was

the one that where I go, come on guys. Well he went, and then a lot of people on Twitter when after him, and then he goes, Twitter is volatile and people are coming after me, and then left Twitter crying bully, which was talked about actually on Sam Harris.

I don't know if you listened to it, but the crying bully, the guy that's the bully, and then when it turns to him, Yeah, I mean it happens all the time, But that the older woman, I will say, like, I will be seventy something someday, um if I if my brain lets me make it that far, and I I feel like I will look back on that and be like, that is lovely. I'm glad they gave her a chance. But I still want acknowledgment that we are

play cating you. We are that we are playing a game we want to get away with still being you know, ogling women for being a certain body type and worshiping Kim Kardashian and giving this person who by all means is setting bad examples for women with her diet talk and stuff like that. We want to still be able to support her. So if we do this too, it's like when people you know, amber heard donating donating in quotations. It's fine. We all do it all day long where

we go. I can have some of this if I eat the salad like sad if they did all overweight women and all older, all older overweight across the board. How do you feel about that I would love it. I would love it. But that doesn't that they can't come out with like another thing. They have to switch completely. Now that's not to say I still this is like, um,

what's it called? You know where they well, you know where they affirmative action where you you just acknowledge we are trying to alleviate a problem, which is there are too many of one kind of person representat here, so we are purposely putting in people that represent another uh minor already then that's fine. Just acknowledge that what you're doing. And maybe they did. Maybe they go, we're tired of having the same body image. We want to represent other people.

But to me being like, we didn't know that. We just realized these women are beautiful to come on in. No no, no, no no, and there's a Native American. Yeah, I was thinking about good. I don't know why, but I was like I was thinking, like there's always like they give you like one or two minorities, or one or two overweight or one old lady and and people

get crazy about it. That's what made me think, like what if Sports Illustrated was like, we're only putting in African American women and it's all African Americans all and maybe one white person and just to kind of finally understand like what it's being seen from the other way. I feel like sometimes they don't go far enough to show their message. Magazine there's there's plenty of black, but that's a black magazine I'm saying. I'm saying, a magazine

that has been predominantly white forever. Yeah, I like that would fucking for me. That would be like, oh, okay, they're really showing a statement here. But these like subtle like you know yeah, and it's like Nike like taking on Kaepernick and like, oh, we don't care about our sales. We're we're welke and we're for him. But they know that it always helps them. But it's always about the bottom line and that's what that's all it is, and

just be honest about it. It's like when um women on comedy shows, there's always one, but like and if they try to do too, they go, we got a woman, all right, sorry, we we already booked one, and it's just like now there's we're up to. Like maybe there can be like two per show, but if it's an all woman line up, it would be like that, you would have to call it something comedy cram yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah yeah, overary, yeah, overary, calm. Yeah, I don't know, something something better than what we just came up with me, but you know, playing it out, Yeah, I just I look, it's an it's annoying where it's like, you know, just talking to me. I don't know why. Hey, my eyes are up here. Comedy show, philopian, philopian funny. These hips are childbirth have to go because we have a special segment. What happened? Oh well we we we boom boom boom the news. We get through it so fast that you

don't even hear. Sometimes it doesn't happen because it's so fast. Slow it down. We went, Oh yeah we are. We're just chill here. We're such someone bribe listens to us on point o four or whatever. I'm not joking you. My friends and I have a WhatsApp thread that Noah is on. Oddly enough, she's poor thing. Do you turn those alerts off? Noah? Right? Oh yeah, it would be so funny for you to open your will you open your what'sapp app to see how many messages you have

unread from our group? Because no one's in our group. It's me, Sarah, Lena, Noah, Robin, uh, Perston, Um and Taylor and Noah dropped off like in August when and and obviously no one we've sometimes you just talked to no One and go like no, if you do hear this, we don't care that you're not getting back to us. Just know that, like, do not ever feel bad about not because some of us drop off for like weeks at a time, and like it's just the most forgiving,

awesome little place to be. But um we uh we talked about that in there because you can speed it up and everyone listens to I listened to Robin. I think we talked about this. I listened to Robin on one point five because she is British and so sometimes and she talks fast. I listened to Selena on two. I listened to Curson on two. I listened to Taylor on too. And for me, they just listened on one. It's so funny that you've just made all your friendship monks.

I swear to God. And then when I talked to them in real time, I'm like, did you have stroke? I also listened to Chris's show The Courtney show every day and it's always like that. Even and they have this one segment called um Can't eight and they do it's a theme song. It's called the best Thing I Saw yesterday and they always just share, like what something on the internet that they saw that was the best thing. It's like, I can't wait to show my friends today

the best thing I saw yesterday. And it's like this funny song, but every time I listen to it, it's like goes that fast. But then I was in studio the other day and it was like can white to show my ford to Jay and I go, are you guys dat? I'm like a minute of the air with this song. So it is already slow at two times of speed. All right, Well, we have a very special segment coming up um that we are going to do maybe monthly, which incorporates you the listener, So stay tuned.

We'll be back with that. Alright, We're back. So um it's Wednesday, so we have wild Card Wednesday. We just do different segments. We have a new one that is going to incorporate our listeners. It's time for Betty has Guessie Beste Guestey. Alright, today on the inaugural segment of Besties, as guestis, um, we are having on our bestie M who is Canadian and has a dog, definitely making a noise out of back for the last twenty minutes. I have to of course minutes. No, it's totally fine. We

uh we relate to that. Um M. We decided to have on because you know, for the segment, we want to talk to besties who have stories and experiences jobs, life experiences that we don't have and that we want to ask questions of. And so, um, you are a police officer, correct, that's right. Yeah, and you've you did a fan trax, right, and that's how we knew about you being a police officer. Yeah, I was. It was like three thirty in the morning and I was just making notes from a call and I had noted that

there were were several occupants in the car. And I laughed at myself for several thinking that several, yes, the several, thinking Andrew would think it was like a clown car with like hundreds of people and it was just three. Was it some kind of riot? Then every time every time I used that word now I laughed. Um okay, So my first question for you is how how did you be What did you always want to become a police officer or was it something you kind of fell into?

How did this happen for you? I actually was a teacher before, um, and I don't really know where the change came from her, where the switch flipped, But I just I found that I wanted something a little more challenging, I think a little more exciting. So, UM, I applied at to become a police officer and got on pretty quickly, and it's the greatest job in the world to me. Every day is exciting, every day is different, um, and

it's just always super challenging. So that's kind of what led me to that was is it different being a female police? Like? Are you there's not that many I'm guessing as many men. Yeah, I would say the ratio would probably be maybe like one female to like every maybe ten to twelve men. Okay, so probably the same as comedians probably, you know, UM, do you what is what?

During your training to become a police officer? Was there anything that you were like, oh man, I might not pass this, Like what was the thing that you didn't expect? Or which was really hard because I always think about the like the training and like how they try to weed out the week. Yeah, I think the physical stuff at the beginning, I was, I think overwhelmed by just because there's it's not different for men versus women because you don't go to calls as you know, the men

are going to go because it's a bigger part. You go because you're there. So some of the training in terms of the fitness stuff, um, you just have to train really hard. Um, you know, across the style very cup but um, you just you get through it. And um, I don't know, it's it's a driver's test where you just have to you know, pass it once and then you can kind of let yourself go because there's some cops that like, you know, could not run, you know,

a mile after themselves four years ago. Yes, yeah, I'm gonna let him go. I'll get the next guy. Yeah,

it's at least up here. And I actually I think in the States to um, you there's like fitness testing that you have to pass before you can get hired, and then like when you're at the police college or like in the States of the academy, there's a lot of training, but then you get hired and it's just kind of like, we just want to keep you because a lot of cops are quitting and retiring, so I think they lower the bar a little bit once you're hired, so that they just literally what what is there fear

in your mind when you think like I might have to pull my gun, I might have to shoot my gun? Like did you think about that before? Like the idea of being a cop is cool, right, You're like, oh, I'm on the beat. Yeah, I get to put on a uniform every day, I gotta stick Like it's kind of it's just it's like a kid's dream. Yeah. Yeah, you got all the fun things, handcuffs, you know, and then you get out of the bedroom. What what? No,

But like, did you ever fear that? And the think about being in a situation that was life or death? And how did you train your brain to eventually? And have you been in those kind of situations or things that you maybe never thought you'd be in but you found yourself in. Yeah, So it's definitely not like the movies where you know, there's all this big excitement with

those kind of gun calls and stuff like that. But there's two things that they teach you about when you're training, and you don't get to replicate those things until you're actually in the situation. So one is tunnel vision and the other's auditory exclusions. So when you're in a heightened situation where you're facing say I had I had a situation where um, a teenager had a knife to her own throat. She was, you know, suicidal and obviously in

a major crisis. And when I got to the call and actually located her, I didn't realize until I actually got there that she did have a knife to her throat. So she's standing there, she's got blood up her wrist, and she's got this knife to her throat, and I didn't hear I couldn't hear my radio, I didn't hear anybody around me. All I was like a straight tunnel just right to her. And then it was like I'm just yelling to her, you know, drop the knife, drop the knife. I want to help you. And all that's

from my training. It's like my brain didn't even process what was happening, or I wasn't aware of it. I just my training came out. And then it's like all of a sudden, I blinked and I had like five other officers there and we you know, we got her on the ground safely, and we got her apprehended and took her to the the hospital. But it's like your training kicks in and it's like all of your other things, Like I wouldn't have been able to hear a a

train behind me. It's like, yeah, so it's crazy. Is that from doing it from repetition when you're training, Because that kind of instinct doesn't lock in unless you've done it so many times over and over and it becomes habitual. I mean, is the training extensive, like of of putting you in those positions over and over so that you

can just click into it. Yeah, I would say, like maybe not so much situational, but like when we do our you know, like our firearm training, we do a lot of you know, pulling your gun and issue in commands like drop the gun, drop the gun, and drop the knife. I want to help you. Um, So you kind of just get that instinct when you pull your

taser out or you pull your gun out. You're automatically saying those things and then I think it all just kind of clicks and you're also going to a call you at least I I'm kind of playing worst case scenario in my head. So if I'm going to a call where it's like, oh, you know, gun drops and we get those a lot, and it's you know, fireworks or a car back browning, but you play the worst case scenario in your head and kind of anticipate how

you're going to respond. Yeah, So on the way there, you're almost running through what you will do in this circumstance so that when it actually happens, it just goes naturally. Okay, what we're going Cops? Obviously in America the last few years, I mean, it hasn't been the best pr for them lately. Does that transfer over to Canada? Do you guys talk about how the cops system is in America? How you know, maybe certain bad cops aren't called out by good cops,

and do you deal with that in Canada? That that, you know, the backlash that happens in America. And also the people have less guns in Canada? Correct or am I like the gun laws are different there? So does that help you at least show up on a scene where you're like, Okay, it's let's just see if you were working in America, would you be a little bit more scared. Yeah, yeah, the yeah, the gun situation down

there is, uh, in my opinion, terrifying. Um. Up here, we have a lot of illegal guns, and that's kind of the scary thing because I mean, at least down in the States, you know, you're a lot more aware of who has guns and people. I think that most people have more of a respect for guns, at least I think just because they own them, they've grown up with them, whereas here it's not the case. So, um, yeah, it can be a little scary, I guess when it comes to the gun stuff for sure. But why are

not tasers? Why don't you just taste everyone, like instead of shooting them? Like tasers just seem like such a great tool to just completely Like the girl with a knife to her throat, just taser immediately, Like well why why try to um you know, convinced her to drop And this is my this is obviously ignorant because it's not the way it's done. So why not though, because you if I got tasted the knife would like wobble

and then I drop it, you know. We yeah, so we we did have tasers out on her or that pillow fights, Why not pillow. Why not generally whisper in your ear? And then like the lobo, why not put a little laser pointer in their eye? That's annoying. Okay, go on, I like all these suggestions. I will okay, cool, Yeah, to bring them up the next Um, yeah, I know we had tasers out. We had tasers out on her. We didn't have guns out on her. Um. The taser has certainly like I go to my taser very often.

I'm not a big person. I am five ft three. I'm not going to win in a fist fight with a lot of people. Um. I pulled the taser out, and a lot of the time it's it's funny too because you call it out and you know right away who has been tasted before, Because the second you touch it, they're like, no, no, no, I'm good man, I'm good. And I'm like, oh wow, because they have you been tasted before and your training to know what it's like. We got yeah, we got tasted it. And how for

five seconds? What does it feel like? It feels like imagine a lightning bolt going through the top of your head and coming out of your foot for five seconds. Oh god. So it's it's almost sounds worse than like I'm reading this Columbine book. I don't mean to act like some kind of expert uncuntess, but everyone who is I do like rangelases Columbines by you. Oh my god, that's so funny. Um no, it's every you know, and

we've heard the SI million times you get shot. People just go oh, someone just shoved me from behind, like a lot of times. Doesn't even disable someone in the way that you think it would because your adrenaline in that situation A taser sometimes will will people not be debilitated from a taser. I mean I feel like that always know. I've seen people on drugs rip them out. That's little things. Why are there strings on the taste? I thought it's all electricity. It is, so it goes

through those. It's called they call it neural muscular incapacitation, which basically means for five seconds, you can't move anything in your body. Every single muscle sees is up. It is the worst pain. It's like you know when you get like a calf cramp at night, It's like whole body for five seconds. Oh my god. So um oh yeah, no, I guess you can ask go ahead, I want them

to tell us about the call she had for stolen clothes. Okay, so two seven so and this this was like a very and so is some people that you don't policing is exciting. This is just such a run of the milk hall. So this girl called in saying that she um her her jacket and a bunch of her pairs of her boots were stolen. Several pairs of her boots were stolen from her, like the front entrance of her apartment, and she had like a shared front entryway and then

a doorway into her apartment. And I got there and she showed me the area, and I said, okay, like I'll step in and we can take your report. So I step in and I'm facing her and she's telling me, and I look up at her and there's a big, like a shelf behind her, and she's got this massive white dildo on this shelf, just sitting out like a decorative peace. And I don't think I heard. Yeah, I don't think I heard a word that she said, because I couldn't gonna be strained behind you, which they probably

was lining up to. Fun this girl, five other women cops. That's so funny. Men the dildo or what like. I was so I was so distracted and I was kind of hoping that she would notice my eyes, just like gazing at that giant dildo. This thing was massive. Um um, I gotta wonder, you know, whenever I encounter a cop for some reason, I had like even talking to you, I'm I've pictured you are on a screen in our in our room here, and it looks like you're almost bent down talking to me through my door of my

car and you're issuing a ticket. Like there's there's an instinct in me that wants to apologize profusely, like kiss your ring, do whatever I can to kiss your ass. Like I almost don't think of cops as humans and I want to like normal people. Let even in passing, when you know, I'm walking the dog and there's a cop that walks by, there's a guiltiness that, you know

falls over me. Do you remember how you used to look at cops and is that or or like as just a normal pedestrian ornstrian, you know, just a normal person that is a non cop. Do you remember how did you ever have that with cops? Were like you just can't chill around them and do you now understand, like do you see people tighten up when you walk by? And is that the same in Canada? Because that's the way it is here in the States. We we definitely intense. Absolutely.

I used to be terrified of cops and I was. I've been pulled over a couple of times and I remember just being absolutely terrified and thinking that they could do absolutely anything I had. I never realized all the freedoms that civilians have until I became a cop and realized.

People will fight speeding tickets, they'll fight disobeys, stop sign tickets, they will do if anything, they'll video you, they'll do the most disrespectful things that Actually this kind of lends to another story that I was telling no about and just how people treat cops and something that I never would have dreamed of. So um, we had to We went to a call where it was a check. While being call on a guy who he locked his roommate out.

They were having a fight, and he put like a bunch of like three or four inch screws in the door so that even if you unlocked it, you couldn't open it. So um, we got to actually breach the door, which was kind of fun because I've never done that before, and you know, breached out with my shoulder and we go in and he's fine. Um that the apartment was nasty. His um he hadn't had hydro um so he like was shipping in his bathtub and it was it was

really gross. Yeah, like no running water and the appartment that sounds like just like an energy drink here. Okay, so yeah yeah, so um. But as I'm as I'm leaving, oh this bathtub and you must see stuff like that

all the time. That's what I do love about cops, as they seem very non judgmental of the surroundings when when you were they're not going to judge your dirty car, like they're just there to take care of a task, even though unless you have a dildo on the shelf, but go on, yeah, so yeah, we've seen you, name it, we've seen it. But um, as I was leaving that call, I go back out to my car and I had parked on just the side of the road and the front, the very front of my cruiser was just past a

sign that said no parking on this side. So about a foot of my car was just past this sign. So I'm walking out and there's this homeless guy walking by and he's pointing at my car and I'm like, hey, like just here for a policing And he looks at me and he goes, you're a two dick mouth bitch. A two dick mouth bitch. Yeah, yeah, does that mean you have a big mouth that she could fit in a two dick your mouth? And I'm looking at it right now. It's it's beautiful. It's not says a lot

about that guy, but yeah, okay. And because of your car, because you were breaking the rules that American cops break the rules compared to you being a foot out, they'll part the wrong way, take up the whole lane and then it turned on their side just to get somewhere faster. Oh yeah yeah. And they look at you like if you if you have a problem with it, They're like like testing you, like please bathing, have a taser right here.

I will say, though, I think, by and large, like I don't think all cops are like like, I know a lot of people that are cops that are like good people, but there is something that you must see on the force. And I will say this as a female comic, male comics are different than female comics, Like you, the reason you go into comedy as a man, we have a lot of similarities and why we do it. Our mothers didn't love us enough. We want we don't.

We have low self esteem. But there's there's you know, there's a pussy incentive that men have that women don't like. If you want to get a lot of dick comedy, isn't why you should. That's not something that women go into it for the dick. It just that would never occur to us. Do you feel as a female cop that you went into it differently, um, for different reasons than the men? And do you often feel like a lot of male cops can be ki and are trying to like gain control of maybe this you know, I

love the Sarah Silverman joke. I don't know if you've ever seen it on her show she gets pulled over and he goes, ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over today? And she goes, you got all season high school? And I like that there's like this deficiency that they're trying to make up for. Do you see that there are there are there bad cops within your force that you can go and name them. Yeah, there's

there's definitely that. I mean, it's it's like every job, right, you're going to have bad teachers, lawyers, doctor so um. But it's like in my notes for this, I literally wrote like, cops are cut, Like there's so many that. Yeah, it's like like the outfit and yes and yeah, and you people like the dating apps are on their Instagram with their their like uniform pictures and it is just so cut, like it's like, oh my god, you was

um illegal. Sometimes like I feel like a lot of times goodness will get you pulled over, like reving your engine blasting loud music, like do you feel do you wish you could write tickets for? There are some fines that would be considered cut that have actual names like unnecessary unnecessary noise from a vehicle, Um that way, yeah,

that's cut. Um. And then there's actually I don't know if you guys have what the equivalent is, but we have things called by laws here, so it's like each region or city has its own kind of set of like rules to live by, but they're not like actual criminal offenses, so things like, um, we have we have a by law that I love. It's called hooting and hollering, so you can actually get a ticket of fine for hooting and hollering. Oh my god, yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah,

but he's like, I wasn't hooting. I was wooting, Like you know, like, what what makes it a hoot and holler? I don't know, just waiting too much? Yeah, yeahs And that should be the way, Like I'm so annoyed. That is so when people it's often happens obviously with do you Here's my question, how much of the time, when you are ready writing tickets that are outside of like let's say traffic, even though this is placed into it where people are being getting in fights disorderly calls, how

much of the time are drugs and alcohol related to that? Liketh? I honestly say, if people would stop drinking so much and go to bed on time, we would not have calls for services. Like That's what I say to people in relationships who fight. I go, if you guys stop drinking, it would just know you wouldn't have no more fights or you the fight you have would be under control. Drinking contributes and obviously drugs, but drinking I think is the gateway drug to drugs, like drinking is what is

you know, legal and so and permissible? But like, so, what when you pull over someone um and you your first suspicion is probably always got to be this person's maybe drunk because they made an error or like you could. What are there signs that you can tell when someone's driving that you are to look for when they're when they're intoxicated? What are things that drunk people do when they're driving the other people don't? And what's the funniest

encounter you ever had with a drunk driver? Because I'm sure they've said some insane things to try to get out of it. Yeah. So typically they're either trying to drive perfectly, but like going way too slow and staying at stop lights for way too long. Yes, the perfect But I heard though that a lot of times really drunk drivers they don't correct right away, Like that's more of a high driver or like a driver who is just like not paying attention, you know, and ten their phone.

And drunk drivers are a little bit slower at their corrections. Is that a thing? Yeah, it's like bowl. It's like when you bowl with the bumpers up and it's just kind of right wow, And then their eyes don't you look at their eyes and like when you do the little scan with your finger, their eyes will tremble when they go side to side. If you're drunk, Yeah, it's called horizontal nous stagnus and their eyes. If you're a sober person, your eyes will track like wind shield wipers

on a wet wind shield. If you're impaired, your eyes will track like wind shield wipers on a dry windshield. So they stagger. And it's it's very It's a fun party trick. You should try it with your drunk friends. What about what about marijuana? Does that make you windshield wipers stagger like or like? So any kind of impairment will make you do the little wobbly eyed thing. Yeah, and some cops will say the eyes don't lie, and I say that's we don't say that. Oh my god,

it's so. What are some other things that you you go, Oh, this is someone I don't even have to I will do the roadside test because this person I don't maybe I don't smell alcohol, but this is a thing that drunk people do. Because I think it's so funny how often people give themselves away guilty people, maybe not even drunk, just guilty. Um. They're usually very put to answer and very very nervous. Um. A lot of the time we get drunk people coming out of like drive throughs, like

going to McDonald's. That's what I was gonna say. Why don't you just hang out outside taco bells? He said, put a breathalyzer on the taco bell Sun out to Clayton Champagne for that joke. He's retired commic. But um, that's what we're going to finish up with you. What I want to know, and this is for my own

peace of mind. What is something that you can tell people in dealing with cops that you would like advise people, like when you were twenty six and had never had anything to do with the force, that you would have like maybe benefited for knowing, maybe cop related or non comp related, Like something that you can tell the general public about what you know now. I would just say that, like,

cops are normal people. They all have you know, families, dogs, friends, Like we're not robots, and if you just talk to us like humans, because this is how I am. When I pull someone over, if they're nice to me, I have a hard time giving them a ticket unless it's something very agree diserbla. I have a hard time given. If you're just nice to me, you say, oh, I'm so sorry, like I didn't mean to do that. I I'm sorry that I did that. If they're nice, I'm it does I love that nice person? I mean, I

think that is so important. I think because I think so often people just get on the defense right away and they think cops are good because of the way you're portrayed in movies and also in America that we get on the defense right away. This person is going to be a dickt and a lot of times, let's be honest, they are. But I have gotten out of tickets before by just showing humility. Yeah, that's what I call my left tip. Humility and integrity. Um no, just

humility and um regret and that that's my post. But I just showed just N'm like, oh my god, that was so dumb, and also being like you're whatever you're gonna do for me, it's probably right because this was dangerous and I needed to learn my lesson. I was in Mexico and I got pulled over by a cop.

What's what's cop? And Spanish couple? So I got pulled over by policia and I will say that they because I was texting and driving, and I and he was right, you know, like I wanted to make the excuse of I was looking for directions, which I was, but still I was distracted. You so often is texting and driving illegal in Canada? Is it a by lague? Okay? Yeah, um, which it should be. It's isn't it Like don't you see it as like the number one thing with It's

like driving at this point. It super distracting and people don't realize that or how long they've been. They don't know how long they look down and you know that you're one of these people that is, look, I've done it before where I look up and I go, I don't know how long that was. That's not a good sign. Anyway, the guy pulled me over and I said to him, I was like, you're right, like I whatever you want to give me, like I need to pay the fine.

I need to learn my lesson. Like this was a wake up call because I like getting caught for things before they get worse, Like when I got caught shoplifting, I was like, I will never do this again. This is so humiliating. I would have kept going if I hadn't have got caught. So it's important to be fine and penalized for things. But he goes, you know it's

gonna be it was four hundred dollars and whatever. I already forget what paces are, but it was four dars American and he needed cash, which is suspicious, but you know policia. And I was like, I don't have it. I have like twenty dollars cash on me and he was like, okay, well then i'll take your I D and um, and you need to go pay tomorrow to get the I D back. I was leaving the next day and he was like, and if you pay to borrow,

it's going to be six dollars American. And I realized in that moment I have two driver's licenses because I got I lost one and then uh, someone found the one I had lost and returned it, so I had to and I was like, oh, I'll just let him take it, like I don't care that four. But then I thought they might give this that might be in some record. And then the next time I go go

through customs, it's gonna be a crazy thing. And they're gonna have to get someone else to host a girl island or f why island whatever we f person island and so um. I ended up paying it, but I paid him cash hand to hand. No, no right up of it. But you don't that's where you go. They can do anything. And I do find that when I've been cuffed before by cops, it is the worst feeling

in the world, which I'm sure you know that. You give people that feeling where something changes when they get cuffed, where you know you have no you don't know what's gonna happen to you, You have no rights, you are not You do have rights, obviously, but you just feel so. Have you ever been arrested, I mean clearly probably not right M I've never No, I've never been arrested. Yeah. Would they let you in the force if you had been, I don't know, I've heard of it. Don't even let

you if you've been arrested for anything. Yeah. I think people have maybe been arrested, but have like talked about and been honest about it, and maybe they've changed because I don't think it's a bad thing people. I mean people can change. People make mistakes, people fuck up, and it brings a different dynamic to the job. So could I be a cop at thirties? I'm about to be thirty eight in like a week. If I decided right now, like, let's say I'm a Canadian, could I you think be

a cop? Can you become a cop at thirty eight? And let's say I have no? Yeah, I had a Yeah. I had a classmate at police college who was in her forties. Really yeah, Oh my gosh, that's cool. And you know what's cool is that you decided to do something you were already a teacher. What did you teach? I taught elementary school? Okay, what did you teach? Um? My last job I was teaching. I covered prep, so I taught like all the fun born subject like music, art,

all that stuff. What made you go? No, no, no? The said for me, I just wasn't like satisfied. Fully. Is it easier for a kid to be quiet when you have a gun? It's probably like if I just had a gun. I'm sure there is a cut off of age to become a police officer, but I think a lot of people think, like seven, oh, I'm not going to have a career change. I think there's a lot of young like really young cops. Then I think that can be a problem because they're too young to

really understand people. Brain doesn't even finish developing until six or something. So we have some young cops and yeah, I shake mind, especially with how these young generations are now. I hate to sound old, but it's problematic. What's the biggest thing that you look at that you go, okay, these are these kids are different than they're just they're entitled and they don't understand discipline. They don't have discipline because they just get everything handed to them. That's a

that's the thing. Even in Canada, people aren't disciplining their kids and they're not getting disciplined in school because teachers can't discipline because arrants get angry at the teachers if they It's so bizarre. Anyway, that's another subject for another time. And thank you so much for talking to us from Canada. Thank you for being a bestie, thank you for coming to our shows. We'll see you in Toronto right um.

I cannot wait to meet you again. We met you in Vegas already and you brought me smarties, which is my favorite Canadian treat. The only thing I maybe given to my uh, you know, I can't even because they're vegan, but they're the best. They're they're big eminem. They're big Canadian eminem. They're not like the American Smarties. They have like a yes, they have a crispy like a harder outer shell. Amost and this brings me to my point

talking to besties about Smarties. Now, I'm just kidda, thank you, m we uh, thank you for being in our first episode or our first segment of guesties as bestiest. I am thank you. I wanted to say, like the looha of Canada, which is there anything that you say that's sorry? Here? Sorry, we say yeah, we say cheers a lot, cheers, cheers all right, bye girl bye, thank you. It took out a second to get off zoom, and I just want

to say it. I made this joke on Conan of where you go from leaving a meeting to then the screen comes up again leave meeting, and it leaves you this weird blank space. I am so trained now to keep my smile on the entire time I do it. I've done so much press for this. Welcome to Niki lays a question mark on e exclamation points. Does it

to nine Central, but I go bye, guys. And the other day I did Caitlin Bristow's podcast and I did a recording on my computer like for audio for backup just in case, and that interviews out now by the way,

No it's not yet, I don't think anyway. Um, And the recording kept going after it said good bye to them off zoom, and I knew it was still recording, and I I kept just talking like it was like, I was like, that was fun, like I invade it sound like because I knew that they might catch me saying something a little different or like just it's so insulting though when someone is like so enthusiastic and then

immediately dead face. I got the best text from Caitlin though yesterday, Um that said uh because I went on her podcast. Noah, you'll love this, Caitlin Bristow wrote me yesterday out of the blue, which, yeah, I know, what did you say to her? It was so funny. I forget exactly, but it was like, what's it like? Nicky got last What's it like to say? Um? Or no, Nikki says she got first voted off What's it like to say the first part of she wrote what is the book that you told me about on the podcast?

And I wrote getting Too I Do by Pat Alan and she was like, yes, ha ha, the book lives on talking with my girlfriend. I'm going to get so many girls into that book. Final thought, Yeah, I think so yeah. I. Um, I've talked about getting to I Do so much obviously um on this podcast on the up podcast. Uh. It permeates my life and is something that I think as many so so many valuable lessons.

And I also was editing my special yesterday and um, we're not editing it making sure it was color corrected properly, um, which it was. I got my friend's um husband to do it. He does like you know, so many He's done so many people's specials, and I'm so I got him a like such a good rate and he's so nice to do it. Anyway, I saw the color correction looked beautiful, but I'm like, can you make me a little bit more orange? And I'm like, I know no one wants that, no one would ever want that, but

glaze dog do. Um. But I was watching the special, which took me forever to do editing. It was hard enough and now it's already edited, so I can't make any more edit changes. This was just about listening to the sound and listening to and we're looking at the color come down. When I can't say, they're they're forcing me to get this done so that they can start putting together question the ad campaign. But the summer this

summer and um, I will say. I wrote to Chris because I was like, I can't watch this, um dreading watching it. You know, it's it's been since I think March or no, no like February that I turned it in finally and stop making making edits to it, even though I made a million edits. Um. I said to Chris, this is so good, and I will never let myself say it's not. It is really good. I'm really proud of it, I will say, though, And I think I'm wondering if I should admit this in the press that

I do for it. There is a there's a dead spot in the middle. There's a middle part where I get into the book and I have to set up the book to get us into some more things. And I am proselytizing, no, the I'm to get into a series of jokes based on the book. I have to set up. I didn't have enough. I look back and I go, there is a dead spot. Now. I want to just say that does not negate watching the special. You watch a lot of things that have dead spots

that aren't making you laugh the entire time. I contain multitudes. I can just have us. It's okay to have a section of stand up for about a minute and twenty seconds where it is just me, rapid fire, like explaining something. It's allowed. You're allowed to just be interesting and not like boom time. Um. I wonder though, like there are things I look back on that I'm like, why did you say? Like, is it okay as someone who is presenting something to the world to say I love this.

I think there's a lot of great stuff in here it. I do think that it could have been better. I am better than this, and I don't want this. If this were the last thing I was judged upon, I would feel no. Actually I would feel okay about that. But I know you shouldn't judge me based on this for my entire career. Like, if you don't like this, don't turn off Taylor, so me talking about what do

you mean? She said, like, yeah, this right? We are so many things all the time she was talking about that, she was talking about being a writer, and she goes, you write differently on your Instagram stories than you do in your diary. Then you do it an email with friends than you do in a caption on an Instagram story about a Mother's Day post like every you are multitudes like me, And this special was a slice of

my life. At the end of me, I was doing my I was recording the reality show that you guys are now seeing that was I shot the special November well kind of well post quarantine kind of for me, the special was post I don't have any time in my life to do anything except like I didn't have time to look over these jokes. I didn't have. I didn't have the proper amount of time I want to prepare for the special, But um, that does not mean

it's not great. Like there's you know, my special on Netflix and Degenerates, which Andrew think fucking God was therefore and brought me my dress when I had forgotten in l A and got to be there for it. That set was insane. That was falling on a time in my life where I was going off the rails, like the did night before suicidally like crying, throwing myself on the floor. That's special. The next night, I am insane,

but it's fun. It's a different energy to it. My perfect special was me so sober toned down, working so hard on every little joke had to be perfect, Like these are different, you know a little um and I just wonder though you always have to act like everything you put out when you're promoting it is the best thing you've ever seen, and I'm soap, like I'm proud of this special, but I want to just talk about and be honest about, like this special, um is not

what I is, not exactly what I wanted it to be, But that doesn't mean that it's bad. And that is I think you're you're the artist. You don't necessarily want to um stir the narrative of what how people are gonna because if I go, hey, look at this picture, dude, I look like dogshit, even if you don't, I'm just

trying to get ahead of people. Comedy Subreddit going like what it's I'm not subscribing to stand up comedy from from Reddit as soon as my special comes out, and I'll subscribe again in like a year when people maybe have forgotten about my special. But yeah, I just know. I know what I'm capable of as a comedian, and this is me doing something that I think honestly, I say it in the special, but I hope young girls

find this. It's almost like the show Real Sex was to me when I was growing up, where I was like, I know this is naughty, I shouldn't be watching it, but I learned some stuff or taxi cab confessions, like I learned things about human nature that when you sneak r rated things you learn. And this is something that I genuinely hope children sneak because I'm not doing any harm.

I'm not encouraging women to do anything that would not make them uh Like, I'm talking about sex in a real way, like I wish I'm gonna I might do this have this as a running theme. But I think for my next special it would be fun to call it, um uh I, well my next special. Actually I'm trying. I think I might maybe not my next one. My next next one, I'm gonna do all clean material and

just call it see. I like that, And I'm not really going to call it see because that sounds too like but like really like but no, but just like I get it, you can clean stuff. Here you go, motherfucker's that's what it's gonna be called. There's no uh, it's not even for my mom. It's really like, it's for people who think I'm not capable. I've already started writing. Every day I write a clean joke about just like

a thing, you know, like that. Yesterday was like people giving me plants as gifts, Like, I mean, I'm just gonna write about that, like I'm gonna I'm consuming gaff again, I'm consuming Nate Bargatzi. I'm consuming all these clean comics who I really look up to and realize like, oh I can do I can do this. Why am I The reason I'm not? I mean, talk about it in my special. The reason I talk about dirty things is because that's what's interesting to me and and the other

stuff isn't. But I like to Chris gave me the idea. I mean, he wants me to do an all topless special, so he's all over the place. Wouldn't be funny to do a topless special, and it would be my clean one that is funny. Sis are going to be great forever and you'll finally get to see my favorite lip color. I think like the whole idea of clean dirty is just like, even if you write a clean joke, it could come from your darkest, most twisted brain. And that's

and that's you know, that's all it's about. You know, that's what we find. There's a guy on I follow. He's he's the best guy to teach you guitar on YouTube based on everyone's recommendation. His name is Justin Guitar, and he started learning guitar left handed so that he could experience difficulty again and like relate to his students

that are struggling holding the pick. And so he talks about constantly his left handed guitar experience, which is just like what and he's an amazing accomplished guitarist on the right hand, but he's doing it the other way to learn. And I feel like, for me, clean comedy is left handed guitar. It's like, I'm I'm a master at what seemingly you would be able to put into it, but

I I've just never I've never done it before. What's hard for me too, is like I'll do a set and I'll have you know, two or three clean jokes and they'll they'll go well, and then you get that pop on a joke because I just think it's funnier too. And because they love stuff, especially if you've given them like clean hard. It's hard, you know. That's why peppering in the F word. People love. People love um like stuff.

Because we're Our job is to talk about stuff on there that we you know, um, that is that people don't talk about normally. And now we've got to go, and so I'm gonna close with a little rap. This isn't my best rap, but you know it's this isn't that Luigi sitting next to me. He's sad, he's always depressed. I gotta take him for a walk today. That means I gotta go get dressed. I can't really wear this out. I mean, I guess it's kind of fine. I got

the shirt from a rental company. Um, it probably cost what I pay for that retail. Hell fucking no, it's just a shirt that says blondie that's made to look retro. My shorts I got from a tanning place when I was waiting um for my booth to be clean. They have a whole retail section and the stuff. You know what I mean, it was overpriced, and they caught me. They said it it's on sale for forty bucks. I was like those shirts sorts that used to be bucks.

That's a steel. So I didn't steal them, but I bought them because sometimes it convinces me that I'm getting a deal, even when they purposely mark something up and then they take it down. That's real, that's real, that's what they do. I really got to go. I don't know why I'm talking about shorts. When I started talking about my flow, Hell yeah, hell yeah, yo, is this thing on? Yeah? Is this thing on? Yeah? It is? It's real on you can hear me. All right, let's

break it down. You know this is my dog, No it's not. This is marrying. I'd like to crumble her up, make her liquid fied, and shoot it like Heroin. Where are you done? That's all you need to do. That was fucking good. Don't even try to bring that. I mean, flowing does feel good because it just you know, what it forces you to do is be creative quickly and you're not sing and to turn your brain off and just go for the easiest rhyme. Noah, do you want to try it? Hell? No? Alright, guys, thank you so

much for listening. Thank you to m our bestie. If you want to be a guestie, Bestie, guestie, please right to the podcast on our Instagram. Even d m us tell us what the story If there's something that we talked about on the show, and you go, I actually have insider info on that, reach out to Noah. Submit your story and maybe we'll interview you on Busties as guesties and uh, we have a show for you tomorrow.

Don't don't you think we don't uh, don't be cut And I gave up on mine, I said Jack o'lanner. I said Jackson, Oh wow. I didn't even to the end because I was listening to you and I turned off my brain.