#218 An Odd Duck (Fanthrax)

She's getting shade in our room. She's so hot. I just took her for um walk and she just lays like we went in the Starbucks. She just lays flat on the ground to get that cool ground. She's so she's so overheated. It's so goddamn hot outside. Think about how many times she has to step to just to get there. I know she has so many more steps. Yeah, you're right, you're those Santa Pete, aren't you? And I pick her up because she gets so lazy on walk. She's so fat right now? What's she doing? Look at

She's going even deeper underneath the table camera. I don't know that. There's something about what dogs want to die. They go away and they go, oh hurt taylors Wagon, she's not dying. No, no no, no, she doesn't jump up, she hasn't. Don't don't you always gotta pick her up? Sorry? I saw I saw some video of like this dog I was gonna was too old to die. That sounds like a James Bond Yeah, that actually is pretty cool line. H James want Sean Connery dead? Yes, yeah, welcome to

the row. I think he is. I think he died of I'm gonna say four years ago. Five years ago I found out Don McLean was still alive today. Really, oh yeah, he sent Taylor Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry. He died at age ninety October twentieth foss alarm October four years ago. In what it's felt like, dog just walked off into the woods and goes, I'm too old. I'm gonna die. I know I'm gonna die. That's crazy. Luigi thought Luigi was really really sick when I first

got him once and he just disappeared. They don't want to burden you, and they want to be alone. And that's when your animals go off and do something weird and they're like hiding under tables. Something they're hiding so that I don't know, there's probably like they don't want to be bothered when they die. They want their like I don't know what it is. But he went out. He would not come out from under the stairs because

he's just going down there to die. And it was so sad when we looked up, like what's going on with that, and they're like, no, that's what they do before they die. And I was like, oh, Luigi was dying. Oh my god, Yeah, you were a baby boy. He was so sick. It's he was so cute when he was sick. I wanted to make him sick. I'm a little embarrassed that I'm dying. Kidding. Yeah, they're like ashamed. I always that way about a subway. If I die on the subway, I would feel terrible say that to

just I don't know. I think my last like would be embarrassing. We're talking about like getting creamate and stuff, and it's like I would literally donated my body to necro Felix because I don't care or or lay it out in the like, I'm sure you have some listeners right now they're like, please die tomorrow. They I mean that those people just want me dad. They don't want to suck my buddy. I mean that's just YouTube commenters.

UM what I wanted to say, though, I read on read on Reddit that um, a lot of people this woman goes it was the saddest story gear up trigger warning for sad dog thing. She was like, my dog recently died and uh, you know not not like they weren't even that old or anything, but they were just having issues where they were like peeing in the house, shipping in the house, and like she was like, I didn't know that that was a sign of like like severe illness that my dog was like shutting body, shut,

shutting down. I just thought the dog was being bad, and so like, I feel so bad reflecting on how I was like yelling at my dog the weeks leading up to it's like diagnosis because I just thought he was being like a bad dog and I was like yelling at him because he but he couldn't control it. And it's like, so if your pet is doing things that it's like abnormal, don't yell at them. Last night

I got up to go the bathroom, I walked. I always walked marrying the Luigi right before I go to bed, so like sometimes eleven thirty at night, just for their last p because the idea of them holding in Pete throughout the night like makes me so sad. So they both went. And then in the middle of this morning, at five am, I went to the to my bathroom and I'm like, God, Chris's shower last night is still

you got water everywhere? Maryan b everywhere a lot too, And I was like, did that's that's what I do when she pas? Even though little dog? God, well, they were playing so art last night that they were drinking a lot. They were playing so it was so freaking cute. They were lying they sit, yeah they do. You know what lists their spirits is? I don't know what this is, if there's any vets listening. Why is Luigi such a bummer when I'm home alone with him, Like, he's always

looks sad. He always is looking at me disappointed. He's never wanting to play with me. He gets excited when I first come home after a while, but then it's just like as soon as that is over, he just goes to the couch and he looks at me like like he's almost like ashamed or sad, and like I go, what's going on? And he and he gets he leans

away from me because he's just so sad. And the second Chris or you or any friend comes over that he knows he starts playing again, like not with us, but just like he gets active and starts like going to chew on a bone in the corner like acts, no, there's no attention, Like there's no, he's not getting attention when a friend comes over, it's like it's it's it's it's not because he's getting attention from both of us,

Like I will just have a friend. No, mom be sitting on the couch talking and Luigi suddenly will be happy across the room chewing on a bone like la la la, Like why why can't he be like that? Think about yourself. When you're with your mom, you're not like, yeah, wow, just alone with her. You just sit in silence and then cool uncle shows up, You're gonna get more excited. That's the same kind of concept. I don't get what you're saying. I I would have just been happy, like

hanging with my mom. I didn't like when uncle showed up. I don't want my mom's friend to show up. I want more attention because now my mom is giving attention to this person. So it doesn't make sense to me. He just likes to having all the people he loves together in one place. It's almost like when Chris isn't here or you're not here, he's worrying about you. But then when he's got you both here to people who he knows he loves, he's just happy to have you.

And so every time Chris is over, he's like, they are so cute, and I'm like, they are never like this when I'm alone. Luigi is a different animal when I'm with him, and then when someone else is around, he is just so um. He's just happy. He's chewing on bones. He won't touch a goddamn toy to save his life. When I'm alone with him, he has bones everywhere, fresh treating. I will give him treats. I'll give him

pieces of like a fucking pigeon I just killed. No, But the second someone comes over and I'm like hey and we're just talking tos, not even paying attention to him, he goes and he picks up that bone, and then he's like, I'm not and he just choosing the corner by himself. It's so weird. Here, here's my theory. My theory is when you're home alone with him, he feels like, Okay, I just have my mom here, I'm doing my job to hold my post. And then when someone else comes,

he feels free, especially if it's someone that he trusts. Okay, well, this person is taking care of my mom. I'm gonna go do my little thing in the corner. I like that. The only thing that because I do think that in some ways that's true. He is so not aware of me when I'm home. It's not it's not like he's like worried about me. He's he's mad. It looks like

he's mad at me. Constantly. I'll look at him, then I look over at him and he'll just look back away and I'll go get when some kisses and hugs and he'll he'll move away from me, like get away. He hates it when we do the podcast. He fucking loves it. He loves this is his comfort zone. As two people he knows talking to another person on zoom, two people he knows, having fun, Like he just feels

secure when when there's family together. I think I relate to that of like when everyone's taking care of your maybe your right, no, like I know that these people are taking care of so I don't have to try anymore. Well, I mean when he gets to your parents house, he perks up like a motherfucker, gets real excited. It's that's that I'm not confused about, because that I haven't seen a while. The initial like Chris comes over, He's like, all over Chris. I get all that. It's after Chris

and I are just established. Hours later, he's chewing on bones. He's so happy and has nothing to do with us. It's it's not like he's playing with us. Does something similar like we'll hang out in the house, you know, and then when Brennan comes, it's like a different cat. It's like, who then is this guy? This guy is a good time. Have you been, Um, how's how's it been being home from the road? We have the weekend off, You're going to a wedding coming up? Um? Yeah, what's

been the scoop this week? We don't talk outside of the podcast how's life been? We save it all for the pods. Listen if you're If that makes anyone sad out there, how often do you talk to your best friend? We talked to each other for an hour a day. We're together all weekend, like we talked plenty. We we we've probably talked more than any two people on earth almost, you know. So anyhow, Um, it's good. Like things are good. Like I don't know. I mean, I'm I'm happy, freaking

I I like being home. I like having a schedule. Now for some reason, I'm getting older. I like I see myself as a morning person. This morning, I worked out at seven seven am. I went to a class seven am, and I loved it. Then I had all morning. I was just doing like little things that I necessarily want to do. They don't I don't overthink it. I

just get it done. I love when I wake up early in the morning and you get something done and then you have you've accomplished so much by eleven, like you're just like I'm my day is done and now there's no burden of like I gotta get that thing done. It takes me a while, though, to get back into that. Like I'm supposed to be writing my book proposal, and I'm like I can't. I did a show on Sunday night. Monday, I have to do a podcast and I I didn't

have a day off. I know I don't have days off, and so I said it last week, but I mean, I I can't get I was supposed to start my book proposal this week again and start working on I cannot do it. I've been sleeping. I've been pushing the podcast till eleven thirty because I'm like, I need to stay in bed, like I just can't get up, and it's um. But when I'm when I am home long enough where I can get in that routine, god, it feels good. It takes me like three or four days

to get back in that kind of routine. I've been running again and it's awesome. I really feel like if you ever to we didn't go on the road, I would be I'd be like a six am person. For me, it's not the road on the weekend, it's the um. It's the week days being filled with bullshit, like the

press stuff has been killing me. Like I feel like Monday to Thursday, Friday, Sunday to Thursday, or Monday to Friday, that's a good enough chunk where I'm like, Okay, I can always count on that to do the same thing. Like weekends, I can be traveling and it's like a weekend, you know, if I have Monday to Friday where I'm just doing a one podcasterday and maybe one other or working on my book book proposal, that leaves me enough space to create to do stuff. It's just like I

just can't get a break. It's just constant. I had to have a phone call with a woman after this about I signed up to do this thing that I thought would be really fun because I thought I would have time to do it, and it's like I don't have any time. I had to learn a TikTok dance this NBC show that I have to film myself doing. I thought I could film myself on the phone. They just sent an entire camera case that I have to set up and learned this TikTok dance. I haven't learned

the dance yet. I invited my sister over because I was like, it would be fun for us. Both were both bad at dancing, but we like to learn dances to learn it and I love I don't care about being a bad dancer on TV anymore. So I gladly was like, I'll do this. They're not paying me that much, but I'm like, I got Now I gotta learn this dance. I thought it was going to be like three weeks from down. They're like, no, we needed by Friday eight am.

So it's Wednesday right now. By the way we're filming this, I have to learn a dance in two days. That is not that easy. And to set up a camera. Yeah, I love that they're making you the director. They're like, hold the boom? Can you hold the boom? And can you get yourself flying to l A As soon as they go you can do this remotely. I was like, and they said shoot it in high death and I'm like, oh,

that means on your phone. I think they changed their mind after the initial pitch, and now they're like, but I did get I'm not giving back the suitcase they just sent me. And they sent me a suitcase and it's a gorgeous suitcase. So I'm like, I'm keeping that. It's probably like a Target one, but still put nice three months. You're gonna be like, yeah, we're gonna need that bad man. But I've loved getting back in a routine. Yeah, I've been running again, and you know what, Yeah, I

just do the same route every day. I probably gotta switch it up and I'm gonna get murdered. But um, I've been bringing my Tiger Lady with me when it has it's my self defense tool. So come at me. You're gonna get scratched pretty hard. It's gonna be pretty annoying. You can still write me, but you're gonna your your back's gonna get You're gonna look like you were first. Yeah, they're gonna look like I liked it at first. Um, I uh yeah. But it's been fucking hot here. I

mean we we left on Friday. Last Friday, it was forty degrees. We came back on Sunday, um forecast for Monday four degrees. So I've been running and I love running in extreme heat. I love it. There's something about it's like because I don't run for like burning calories anymore. I run for like the cleanse of it, like my soul and like just sweating a lot and like feeling like, oh, like I love the feeling that I get on a run.

Four miles is perfect for me because the first smile, I'm like Okay, this is easy one mile, and then the second mile, I'm like, oh it's a little bit harder. Third mile. I want to fucking die and I want to give up, but I keep going because I like the feeling of Louis k used to say he'd run five miles a day because there's always a partner in five miles where he wanted to give up, and you have to persevere a pest. Everything in your body is saying please stop. Which there's a point where if you're

having an injury, do please stop. Writing a movie, And like those middle pages that are like you just gotta get through them to get to the writing a movie. Yeah, middle pages, if you write a movie, it's like I said, watching a movie, I'm like reading a movie. Subtitles call the pages. Um. Yeah, Like the middle is the hard part. But man, when that voice on my app goes one mile left, like it's perfect. There's something about thinks in

quadrants for me. Four pieces first pieces like easy, second piece, a little hard, third piece. I want to die. If there was two more pieces, it was fifth, it would be a little bit more insurmountable. There's something about the last fourth that is so easy because it's almost done, and I just it feels like it's it takes me fifty thirty six to fifty minutes to do this, depending

on how fast I'm going. And lately, because I just don't care about the time, I'm not trying to be at the time and I'm just trying to like kind of just listen to a podcast, like go through my thoughts. I've been running like ten fifty miles, Like I mean, I used to be up seven thirty and now I'm like, no, this is just about shuffling along and it's just so it's so nice and you instantly feel better. My mind is so much clearer. I feel healthy, like I don't.

There's no part of me anymore that goes, oh no, I can eat a lot tonight, or like, oh good, I'm not gonna be There's no It used to always be mode evated by I don't want to be fat, or like now I can eat, or now I deserve something on the other side of this, And instead now it's just like a treat that I get to go run.

I'm like excited. So I feel about that class. You know, it's interesting, like it's it's f forty five it's called and I've talked about how it's like a little CULTI like today was David Beckham day, Like it's his workout. He comes up on the screen, so he's getting paid millions of dollars. Yeah, it's so funny too. He's like stands on his on his good side the whole time. He's stupid. He's like, hey, what's up guy. It's like it's just his left side of It's it's very Mariah Gary.

But the f stands are functional. And obviously I joked that I can't get on the floor and stuff like that, and I've on'tly been doing this two weeks. But a lot of its movement that you just don't do when you get older. You just you just work out. You either run or you This is like ship you would do like if you were training for soccer back in I mean hence David By like like today there were like box jumps and this box it was like four ft.

I'm like, I'm not getting like, I don't know in my mind as a forty two year old man, I go, if you ask me literally two weeks ago, could you get up on the I go, no, I can't, And literally in two, dysfunctional forty two. Yeah, yeah, diabetes forty two.

I'm sucking jumping on this box and ship and I'm like, it's like blowing my mind how quick you can change your brain and your body to fucking to be like no ages, I know it sounds just you can literally still move your body, like really, well, if you could just get over the hump in two weeks up stack of boxes David Becka that are sponsored by David left Side. No, it's that's a good point, and I always referenced this, so I'm sorry I've said a million times on the podcast,

but it just boggles my fucking mind. The story that I heard on Radio Lab that podcast about a woman who was an ultramarathon runner that used to run marathons and half marathons and she was always get like, you know, she was just casually a marathon runner, not good at all. Her brain. She had a brain injury where a part of her brain that uh short term memories. She has no short term memory anymore, so her brain is constantly restarting.

She can remember things long term, like you know where she went to high school, friends from, but like anything short term, it's not it's constantly restarting, and she could suddenly overnight do these hundred and fifty mile races when she was really just a you know, a five kres it was like a ten k Like she wasn't doing anything like any anywhere close to this. All that changed for her was that she was looking at these races. It was she was constantly starting over on these races.

So if you constantly look at your life as instead of going this bike, right, I have to do is twenty miles, if you just take it one mile at a time and start over, you can do more than you've ever thought you could do. And I think that that's something that I you know, even for this book. As soon as my the woman helping me was like, let's not look at this as like a forty page proposal. Let's take it one page at a time, one little thing.

There's always tiny steps you can do. And I think that that's that's just it's so mental because the way we look at these things we go I can't, like I was talking about two days ago about the whatever you're dealing with binge, eating, uh, smoking cigarettes, drinking, this idea of like it's hard, this is gonna be This

recovery is so hard. Quitting drinking so hard. If you keep telling yourself that it's you're not gonna you're you're giving yourself excuses not to to give to give up along the way, if you treat it like, well, actually, I just have to be sober this next minute, then this next minute. Then I always tell people that are like, you know, in my eating to sort of recovery, They're like,

I'm never gonna get to binge again. That's the only thing I ever want to do, saying that you just don't binge for the next five minutes, and then start over and say you could you can binge in five minutes. How it feels after five minutes not doing it. Let's go to break and see if you can make it

through this new commercial break without binging. We're back. I know this is turning into like an eating disorder hell podcast, but I feel like, as I've been listening to podcasts that have helped me overcome stuff, if I have a message of recovery that can get through with a comedy like self Care kind of the conversational podcast we have, why not put that in there, because you know we can have it. You can have it all you I don't. I'm doing this recovery talk tonight, which is last night.

It happened on Facebook. It's uh if you want to check it out, It's the Addiction Center. It's American Addiction Centers facebook page. I did at Facebook live about my recovery journey in quotations because to me, I just I you know, once I got sober from alcohol, I went to pot, and then once the pot was taken away, I went to limia, and then I went from beliemia.

I went to been starving myself like I'm always and then once I was starving my couldn't starve myself anymore, I went back to pot, like I'm always replacing it, and even now I'm like micro dosing a little bit,

and like there's always I'm I'm replacing. So I'm a little bit reluctant to be like I'm recovered and I can't wait to share my steps with you, But I do feel, um, I'm very grateful that I get to like talk about it and it I now it does help people, because first of all, it's not fucking perfect and I and I posted about it in Rachel find Stein wrote to me I was like, so good that you're doing this, and I'm like, I feel like a fraud because I'm like, I just took like a micro

dose mushrooms, which I don't feel, but I do like it. I know it helps me. There's something. It's not like I'm like getting fucked up or I'm like, whoa the sun. It's like so subtle, I don't feel it, but I'm still reaching to something that is not me to like help me. And I'm on the antide pressence. Actually I'm not anymore, but I'm on like I take things is to make me feel better. Sometimes I do a kombucha because I'm like, I just want to feel something different.

Caffeine I'm fucking addicted to. But I feel like, as I always tell people that are dealing with addiction, stuff is like there's always gonna be something you supplement it with, whether it's crying, whether it's like feeling your feelings, like all these uncomfortable things. But if it's the less of the if it's lesser bad to yourself. For me, smoking pot is less evil than drinking for me, some people might be the other way around. To me, blieve you,

for a while was less bad than drinking. Then that got too bad because I was getting mouth sores and like my sore throat was sore, and I was tired of cleaning toilets. Okay, So then now I'm going to switch to this other thing like I'm always and that's that's okay. Well, the addiction is switching, like that's an addiction in itself. Of I don't think that that is no,

I think that well. I I know that I'm dealing with feelings of discomfort when I want to reach for the food, when I want to reach for the pot, I just having an uncomfortable feeling, and I want to feel something else, even if I reached from music to go like, um, I just don't want to think right now. I want to put on music like it's something to kill the thoughts that I'm having because I'm uncomfortable with them. And that's okay, Like it's okay to have it's okay

to have addictions. You're not a bad there's nothing wrong with you. It's like we're constantly seeking other things to distract us. It's you know, I always say, though, if you're being like I can't believe a smoke pot. I can't believe it drinks so much. I got wasted last night. Let's just say, if you didn't get wasted, you might have beat your children, you might have kicked your dog, you might have cut yourself. These things are might be worse than what you did. So maybe you were doing

the best thing you could do and that's okay. Does any of this presentate with you, Yeah, for sure. I mean I think the idea of having I guess you could call them healthy addictions, although you know, any healthy addiction can become unhealthy depending on how when your life becomes unmanageable. You know, Um, this class helps me tremendously in the sense of it gives me structure which then

I could apply to my life. And like, I just feel like it's the first time I took a workouts because I've done CrossFit, I've done like other kind of things where it starts out like, oh, I'm into this, and then they go you could do a little bit more weight than that you could do, and then it becomes like man man upping kind of ship again. And it's like stats are on the board. Yes, now no

it doesn't, but they do have stat stuff. But it's like for your own heart rate like like what you are percentage wise, and there's a little bit of like come on, you could do you could do more in regards, but it's not like meat headed like I've been around like a lot of meat off the treadmill because you're trying to run fast in front of Brenna. Does it feel like was that feeling that you got before you started sprinting that time where you got injured? Do you

feel that ever? Now? No? I don't. I don't even though I did jump as high as I could it, but like the idea like, no, it doesn't feel like there was whatever that was about getting past the fear in that way instead of trying to prove something to someone like becoming a fear of like I can't jump this as opposed to like if I jump this then everyone will like me. Yeah, yeah, it was, honestly it was. It's just like a way to like push yourself without that like fucking like you could do you could do

more weight, and then that's how you get hurt. Number one. That's how like like the I like you don't do good form, then you're not doing it correctly. Like there's so many reasons so like this is good because it pushes you without that like extra like just there's just something about like it sounds like what I'm trying that it's it's motivated of like, no, you can do this. This isn't about like prove it, you fucking pussy. It's

like what's stopping you from thinking? That looks like a crazy amount, but we know you can do it and it's not gonna hurt you, like trust that this is okay and that you are capable of this. It's conquering fear as opposed to, uh, trying to be better than trying to prove yourself. When we conquer fears, I feel like even me signing up for this dancing when I they asked me to do it, I'm having flashbacks of Dancing with the Stars. I'm having flashbacks of getting trashed

on that fucking podcast about my Bob Saget song. Like I'm having all these fears like if people see me do this dance, which once I saw the dance, I'm like, well, this is not as cool as the Lizzo Like in the minute, I'm gonnaita sentiment that that's a really cool dance where she's like, no, this one is like I feel the earth and the moon and the stars and the sky, and I'm doing things like this and it's jazzy and I try and it's like a little bit embarrassing.

But I was like, honestly, if I learned this dance, I will feel so good about myself. And I am scared of this, so I'm saying yes to it because everything in me is going, don't do this. But I learned the hard way when I did the first pitch that also scared me. And again, like Dancing with the Stars, I did it. It did not go the way I wanted to. I was humiliated. No matter how much people say it wasn't that bad, I personally was deeply humiliated

by it. And I was talking about it in therapy with Chris yesterday because that was a day that oh my god, I was so fucked up that day. So that day I was you know, I did two days of press in New York for three days in a row. That just broke me. I mean, I told you guys both like I, if I did the podcast, I'll start crying because I'm just so tired. I can't even I can't do it. And um, and I've only been that

much exhausted from work in the past. One time when I went to the Comedy Seller in two thousand, like thirteen, and I was trying to do stand up and Nicki and Sarah alive and right all day, And one day I started up the Seller to do a set, and I was just like, I can't, Like I didn't even know what was happening to me. It was truly like Lindsay Lohan hospitalized for exhaustion. So on the heels of that New York trip, I fly right home on Friday after Thursday night, I'm on Watch What Happens Live. I

go out with Cured and Shipgun and those friends. I like a good night, but it's still like a late night. I packed. My flight is at fucking five in the I get up picked up at five in the morning from the hotel I land. I haven't you know, I have to do the podcast, have an hour sleep, and then go to this Cardinals day game, which I'm embarrassed by. Ak a like the way Noah is when she has a party thrown for any kind of attention that she didn't feel like she earned, Like is that right, Noah?

Like having your birthday party bar Mitzka, that kind of thing, like at a wedding. You're just like, what I didn't like get a degree. I just got someone to love me, Like, I don't need all the attention. Yeah, I just don't like the spotlight. Yeah. I related to you on on

that Nikki Glazer day. But I couldn't say that because it was such a gift that was being given to me and people are worked so hard, and it was for me to be anything like I don't want to do this, like this is embarrassing, would be really hurtful to the people that put so much effort into this. And prior to I'm trying to make this quick, prior to me doing the Cardinals game, and this whole Nicky

Glazer Day came to be. I sent the email to Chris, my boyfriend because he loves the Cardinals, and was like, hey, um, what do you think of the schedule, all the press interviews, all the things of doing at the Cardinals game? And he was like, you would be cool maybe to throw out T shirts with Fred Bird or whatever. And I think I've talked about this before, but I really examined what happened that day, and I was like, oh, my god.

I would love that the girls are hot. You get to wear short little shorts, you get to like be on the dugout and like throw T shirts and be like wow, and like it's kind of like being a Hooters girl, but like in a tasteful way. With fred Bird. I was like, oh my god, that would be so fun when I and I really was going home about it, and then Chris was like, okay, and that was his suggestion, and I said yes to it, and I was meaningful

of it. I followed up with him being like, oh, yeah, to make sure that because he's talking to people, he's like, I'm getting involved. I was like, make sure you do the T shirt thing. So again, I'm like, do the T shirt thing again. I'm thinking in my head that was his idea, but I'm into it. And then the day I throw the pitch, it doesn't go well. I can't I can't cry about it because I then I say, it seemed like an ingrade. I don't want to be. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I

just want to like get through it. And then I have to go do this, you know, slingshot, these T shirts with these hot girls. I'm feeling fucking big, and I saw like myself in my outfit, I did not look small. I looked old compared to these girls Like I just all the shame of that pitch started going to my looks and my athletics proudness, and like, who do you think you are? People this game think you're a joke. No one cares about Nikki Glazer. Everyone's like

embarrassed that you're even doing this. They're probably like, what does Nicki Glazer day? Like? Stop? And so I'm waiting in the wings before going out to do the T shirt and I am in no mood to do this, and I'm trying to keep it together, but I'm kind of projected. I'm so mad that I can't accept that I have done this to myself. I agreed to this. I was the one that was like, yes, Chris, I want to do that idea you had. I can't accept that because if I do, then I start going like

I have to. I'm so embarrassed about the pitch. I have to blame someone for it. It cannot be my fault. It has to be they didn't let me practice. They wanted me to do this, and I was coursed into it.

I don't even want to do this this fucking like because then they're going the slingshot thing is a lot harder than it looks, and I'm like, oh, great, a fucking another thing that I'm I'm like, I don't even want you to tell me how to do it, so I have an excuse for when I do it poorly, I can blame you for not telling it to me.

And so I start kind of getting an attitude towards Chris, who's with me, because he's you know, you tru the people you love the most, you like take it out on them because you know they're gonna be there for you regardless, and they love you, so you start being a brat to them, and so I'm just like, I don't even want to do this, like like you know, when I get I'm kind of alone with Chris and one other guy that I'm like, he won't tell anyone, I'm being a little ingreat and I'm just like, yeah,

I guess I'm writing, Yeah it's raining outside, cool, Yeah I look look like I was just being abraut, like gonna funk it up and just look stupid again and trying I'm like letting out and he's kind of like, are you mad at me because you're doing this? Like and in my head, I'm like, yeah, it was your fucking idea. You added this to my day and you don't know how tired I am and you're not looking out for me, and I'm like And later on that came up as like I felt really weird that day.

It felt like you were like making it like I forced you to do this thing, and like and I go, yeah, I did make it that way. Like when I re examined, did I go, oh my god, you got me in the world. I was being the biggest brat. You got me in my baby. I was being a baby because I was tired, so I had no way to be like strong emotionally. I was embarrassed, which makes me like you, you know, you trip over something on the sidewalk and

you go, what a funk because you're so embarrassed. When you get embarrassed, yeah, you get you you either get angry or you get like, oh I'm meant to do that. You get killed, or you get angry like this wasn't my decision at all. Yes, And so that's what I did. I was like, and so I explained him last night. I was like, I, you're so right. I was blaming you for that because I couldn't blame myself because I was already so embarrassed. I had to give the blame

to someone. And he goes, but I just suggested it. You. You were the one that was like, I want to do it, and you were enthusiastic, and I was like, yeah, you're right, it's fucking I was like, because he goes. It was interesting because he said I like sometimes we say things to each other that we just go That felt really good to hear, like I needed to hear that.

I didn't know I needed to hear that. I told him once that, you know, because I meet a lot of hot guys and guys that on paper seem like really like amazing and maybe from afar, like they're like celebrities that I've maybe like drooled over or like I like their character, and then I meet them and I'm just like, I give them a lot more than they deserve because I don't know them, I've projected a lot

onto them, they're hot whatever. And there was something about Chris and going to therapy with me and like really working on himself and being emotionally vulnerable that I was, like I told him one day, I was like, every time I see a hot guy now that I might project a lot of like perfection onto of like or I start getting in those what ifs I dated him.

If I'm having a bad day with Chris or whatever it is, I always see a little meter above their head now that is on zero for like emotional intelligence, because I just haven't met someone to me that's willing to be as nimble and like doing uncomfortable things emotionally that Chris has. And I was like, for me, your meter is on like nine, like you've got but you you challenge yourself, and like I just I don't. I don't let guys start out on like nines anymore. They

have to prove a nine. To me, they're all on zero. And he was like, there's something about that that really made me feel safe, like because I'm sure there is

a part of him that's like you're famous. Now you're gonna meet guys that are very shiny and like if we're having a bad day and you go on set with someone who's like fun and like flirtatious and like you've seen him before on paparazzi shots and he looks so cool and like maybe he played emotionally evolved character, like you might give him a lot more than he deserves. And I'm like, no, I don't do that anymore, Like

I I have everyone starting at zero. You have to earn that to me, And he was like that made me feel really good. And then the other night he had told me that, like, no matter what, I just know you're a good person. I always and if anyone were to ever say you're a bitch, I would really I think I mentioned this before it just he goes, I would never let someone call you a bit I think a lot of times like people can say that

women are bitches are like maybe in the past. I don't think he said this, but he could maybe think I was or like maybe I was up to no good or like was out for myself. He was like, I know that you're a good person, and there's just something about that that made me feel the same way

that dumb meter thing I said. I was just like, Okay, if we're on that base level where you can even though I make you mad and some days I can seem like a bitch, if you can get to the place of like, her bitchiness is coming not because she's inherently a bad person, it's something's something's up that's making

that happen. I can always be okay being myself or like that I have I have the freedom to be a bit sometimes because you know, I'm not one, and that that day I'm It's Halloween, you know, and I'm dressing up as a bit, and there's just something very nice about having that. Do you really, is there anything that you've been given like that where you go, oh, I didn't know I needed to hear that compliment or I needed to hear Brenna say that. Is there anything

that stretch you? Well? What strikes me is the suggestion thing, the idea that like, I've done things where like someone will suggest something that I don't want to do it, but I do it and then I take it out on They don't deserve the anger or whatever, but because

I agreed to it. And so I've done that many times in my life where someone's like, hey, let's go do this and I'm like yeah, instead of having like uh not an argument or a disagreement about wanting to do it, or like maybe I'll feel guilty because they'll be like, well, I thought it would be a good idea, and so then you just do it. And then you're there at the thing and you're like, what the anyway you forced me to do it? Because I was trying to be nice and I and I'm scared that you're

gonna get bad at me if I'm not nice. That is still you What if that person would get mad at you? Like, okay, well then deal with that, like stop people, please. Where I've gotten to or I'm trying to is like, even if I do put myself in that predicament that I don't want to be in, I go,

it's not there. It's stop pointing. Just stop pointing. Start maybe learn a lesson of not saying yes too quickly to things or being okay with when you get to something going like I can it's okay for me to not like this, even if I thought I once was gonna like it, it's okay. It doesn't mean that I'm like, here's the other crazy thing. You might really love it?

Oh yeah, I know. That's why Chris was talking about pickle ball yesterday, and I just don't want to play pickleball because I'm nervous about being unathletic around his family who is athletic and like holds like that in high esteem. Like I think I have this fear that they're going to reject me as one of them if they see how unathletically and cline I am. So I'd rather just not be there and and have them not even think of me, as opposed to going and being like, oh,

I don't need to play. Then they go, well, maybe she's bad. Maybe we need like a montage where we go and play pickleball and and you get really good and you just show up like it would be so funny to train. I'm not kidding you. I think I might start taking to pick the ball lessons and then show up one day. He does, how watch my poet. This would be amazing. Please do not tell him that is a good idea. And I think I'm going to

do it as a Oh I love it. Okay, let's go to break and come back with all fan tracks all day long. All right, we're back. Let's get to it. We're supposed to do an all fan track show, but you guys know, we get all found tangents, so the rest of the show will be all fan tracks, but it's you know, it's a regular size segment. Let's do it. You guys seriously need to look at the YouTube of this because I'm covering myself in all the the things

I got just in fucking New Jersey this weekend. So many letters, This beautiful painting that bestie made of her parent. She has a cockatoo that has a shirt on that she made it a little like you know, um vest that says bestie on it, so her parrot. I forget the parrots, same bestie. It says don't be cut. On the frame. It says the Nikolaser podcast. She did the logo that from the T shirt, which besties have been wearing that T shirt, the Nikkei Layser podcast t shirts.

They're so fucking cute. I love them. I love our merch. It says mascot because this this I forget. Oh it's miss Marilyn Monroe is the name of the parrot, and I want to thank that bestie. I forget her name, but she was lovely and we're gonna hang this up. Um, you know, I got so many cards, let me just pick one at random. Noah, can I read a letter? That one of our best he's wrote to you. It's there's a bracelet in it, a moonstone bracelet. It says

dear Noah, and she got your name right. N o A is just in case Bessie's want to know know what. You are one of the most genuinely kindest person I have ever people I've ever met. You're so soft spoken, and sometimes I wish I could be, but that's not for me. You have so many unique things about you, and just that makes you one of the greatest and interesting, most interesting people I know. You've taught me to look at situations differently and to take different perspectives into account.

I see this when you chime in when Nicki and Andrew have a disagreement. You have such great ideas for the pod and are so creative and make the pods such a fun experience. Love your white board, by the way you do things and ask so politely and just show how great of that just shows how great of a person you are. Reminds me to be more patient.

Love obvious voice in the fant Rex segment, which is my favorite because hearing other besties stories and connections makes me so happy for them that they also have a space in this podcast. I can't wait to meet you someday, but keep killing it. Jeesasi love Edith and she was at the Madison nine PM show, so shout out to Edith.

She wrote us all letters Andrew got his mind. I haven't read read it on another one, but yes, I feel that way about Noah and I love that Noah, you know, sometimes gets zero airtime on episodes because we are just chatterboxes, but people still like that letter. I almost like, I cannot believe how how they get they

get her so much. That is that is Noah to a fucking tea of being patient, thoughtful, flawed, open about her flaws, are standing working on herself, like Noah is dividing balls with her nose, admitting adorable things, her adorable voice, someone who was just such a good friend, was such

a good friend to me. The other night when I, you know, reach out to her about something that we were going to talk about offline, she shared this thing that she's going through with me, and we were talking about it and sharing and it was just so so

nice to catch up in that way. And then you know, it's so like Noah does, like she shares this thing that like should take up hours of our conversation and dissecting going through and then I share a little something like just a little like yeah, I've actually been feeling that way about this, and she's like, wait, what's going on with that? And then it turns then we talked for so much longer about my dumb little thing, and it was just like if it wasn't dumb. No one

never makes me feel dumb about my problem. She never makes me feel like I'm not being a good friend to her, even though there are times where I go like, man, i haven't checked in in a while. All I do is work with her. You're just to really just a gem of a person and so good, damn good at your general girl. I love to hear that. You don't want to hear adorable. Yes, it's so, it's but I love that Edith saw you so completely in that. Let's get to um, Let's get to some of our messages.

Voice all right, I'm want to start off with Nick from Germany. You're gonna love this. Hi, Andrew, NICKI and Noah. I'm Nick and I'm a bestie from Germany. And I wanted to tell you a mispronunciation and cursed story today. A few weeks ago, a friend came back home from the US where she lived the past year, and somehow it's very common that Germans who lived abroad sometimes pretend they don't know German words anymore. So a few days ago Germany's Next Top Model. It's the German version of

Next Top Model by Tyra Banks. If you know that show, it's very huge here in Germany and they are all about diversity this year, so there are some fatigued plus size or best ages, you know. And my friends said as we watch, oh, I love that there is so much. I don't know the German word viarity this year. I told her, first, bitch, you are so for pretending to not know your native language anymore, and second, you don't know the English word either variety. So that's my little story.

I hope you guys have all the swells. I love you guys, love the Oh my god, what the hell that is that that guy went and recorded a just kidding from the podcast to use it on I mean that nick standing ovation for that. Thank you so much. All. I want to watch Germany's Next Up because that show is not big in the US anymore like it used to.

Be but man, when that show was like popular, it was so fun to watch, So it would be kind of cool to watch a country that really is obsessed with that show still and like puts that much effort into it and cares that much. It might be a good watch. Um. That reminds me so much of the Ilari Abaldwin thing of when she's on the Today Show and she goes how you say cucumber like during the segment because she speaks Spanish so much, I will say that there who told me that? When you do speak

maybe sometimes the way that you besties say that. Sometimes you say my friend Nicky and people are like, who's your friend Nicki? And you're like, oh, I'm not really friends which podcast? It's how I feel about Reddit sometimes, where I'm like, did a friend tell me this? Or just these people being so open um. Someone said in a Reddit defending her, I think it was that that when you speak another language sometimes so much you do

forget the English word. I think your friend was trying to be kid, but I want to give the benefit of the doubt that sometimes you just you can't make that translation. And I almost give yet that benefit of the doubt. Maybe she did forget how you say cucumber um? Also, but also how do you say is probably how you would say if your native English speaker, you wouldn't say how you say, you know, Like, I also think that's

suspicious to do the English like a foreigner. I'm thinking about how many times I've said variety and it's really only with like cereal or potato chips. Yeah, Like, it's

not a word I say a lot. So I give her to benefit doubt because that is not a word that I if I forget it, but necessarily even diversity, Like he's saying, like she could have picked any German word that is like has a lot of different cultures or like has a lot of different whatever it was she could have she I have a feeling Nick knows this friend better than we do. This friend is capable of which does not make them a bad person. I'm wondering, Nick, if you actually did say, and if she goes, what

does that mean? And you try to explain it because a lot of times when you call out, it's such an insult once you really explain it to someone, like I think you're trying to be cool right now that it's hard to like actually kill someone who you have to then explain what kurd means. It's easy to kill a revving engine because you just go kill and the person is kind of like that sounded shitty, but I

don't know what it means. Um, maybe you just thought it, but I want to know if you really did kill your friend and what the in Germany or German in Germany variety. Okay, let's go to the next one. Okay, here's one from Ida. Hey, besties, hope you're having a good day having all the swells everybody else as well. I was just listening to the mullet House episode and the conversation of the fact that, uh, the word pussy and the word pussy sounds the same or similar, I

should say, um, is kind of funny. So I actually have a story. Um. I was working at a hotel and I had a very bad I think it was like a cut on my finger or something like that, and my manager was standing next to me. Uh, and I'm a little bit of an odd duck. I'll kind of just randomly shout things out loud. What I you know, saw that my finger was pussy, And I say out loud, my finger is so pussy. And my manager just looked at me, laughed and walked away. Um, so that was

pretty funny. I hope you guys are having a good day. I love you all. It's all. It's so funny, Eida, because almost if you were to say my cut looks like a pussy, it would be less disgusting than saying pussy, because puss is such a gross word on its own, it's almost worse than pussy. I love you that you call yourself an odd duck. I think that's a very gentle, sweet way to describe like what you know. Sometimes I go,

I'm a weirdo. Sorry, I'm just weird, and it's like really derogatory, and like I always feel like an odd duck too with some of the things anxieties I have some of the weird things. I'm just like, I just don't like that, and I'm I'm just weird. Sorry, I'm just stupid. I just don't like it. And it's a gentler way to be like just an odd duct because ducks are so cute. I love that. And I want to know what other things you scream out loud sometimes, Um,

but I do. And I also want to know if you followed if your manager, if you ever went back to your manager to be like, I was talking about this cut on my hand and it looks like like I wonder if it looked like a pussy too, because a lot of times the pussies do look like wounds. I mean, I think, Yeah, I'm trying to think of other like words that we could use, maybe for when you feel you know different, aut no like a nice no. Autistic is actually makes me feel nice because it's like

it's not my fault and odd duck. What's another example? There was a great Reddit I was reading, Um, maybe I can just pull it up real quick. Sorry, now, are spending a lot of time on Reddit. I'd go every single night just like this is the eight reference. It's where I get everything. I don't understand what people do if they're not on Reddit. It's it's the cutest, most fun stuff. Oh there was Okay, let me just pull this up because this was so what's your favorite euphemist?

This is different, but it says what's your favorite euphemism for a dumb person? And this is another way of like, you know, just like funny phrases. I could give them a penny for their thoughts. And I'd ask, and i'd get I could give them a penny for their thoughts, and I'd get changed back. Someone said, a beautiful lamp, but it sure isn't shining much. My great grandmother used to just say that he's got two brain cells left and they're fighting for third place. The wheel is spinning,

but the hamsters dead. That made me. I love that. They sound like dr philis. Ums. You're the reason we've now listen. You're the reason we have worn in labels. Um. They have um. They must have put your swing too close to a wall as a kid. You're Oh, this one's good, honey, You're less useful than a chocolate teapot. Yeah, it's so good. Um, all right, let me just read this one really quickly. I just opened this randomly. This is from a bestie I think in Montclair, New Jersey.

From a bestie. It says she printed this up. It looks like a newsletter. There's pictures of us on it. It looks like like, oh, like my synagogues newsletter. Yes, it does look like that. It's from bestie Kristen Um on Instagram. She's fly Underscore Yellow Underscore Bird Underscore Fly Fly Yellow Bird Fly Hi, Nik, congratulations on your well to serve success. And it is so jackpot that someone like you with such such a great grand platform chooses

to be a voice for all animals. Your message for kindness and respect to animals is reaching so many of this. I remember meeting her, she gave me Vegan shirts too, and your enlightenment is undoubtedly helping animals in some way across the world. God bless folks like you, Ricky your vase, and at Leasha Silverstone. Hell fucking us, I didn't realize this was going to be like such a um like. I'm not choosing this because I'm like, guys, look how

sweet I am. It is pure enjoyment to throw in my air pods and spend an hour with no Drukie and other best das while I am going through my day. Thank you for this podcast. Listeners benefit from your encouragement to dare share and bear our feelings. I love dare share bear what oh that's got to be a segment name that is good with which foster's healthy relationships of our own and in between sweet belly laughs. You're even still beliefs in those still striving to reach a goal

and confidence in those contemplating a change. What's more, you often suggest tools to deal with guilt and temptation and resources for those wanting to incorporate better health and wellness into everyday life. You all absolutely rock. Thanks again for all you do. Also just to share, sorry Andrew Nikki, please please careful with that cute baby talk voice. Sometimes it seems like you're going to send Andrew into outer space, like the sound is a feather to his taint or something.

What does that mean? And I talked like this apparently I'm turned on by it. Oh um oh, and then she signs up. Oh, she said she saw us at the Walmont Theater in New Jersey, which was the most best the attended event I've ever done. And uh she signed off, just don't eat animals, thank you very much, bestie Kristen Um and she put little pictures of us. It was so nice. I don't even know where you get pink paper. That's like, I don't remember doing baby

voices or you responding words. That must have been one episode that I just can't remember. And I came a lot. I do remember that episode. It was a lot of coming. Yeah, it was like a Shakespearean because that was with, Yeah, it wasn't about me, but it was daring the baby voice, daring um, but it was still wasn't you. I don't even like, oh, you know what. It was probably on the day where I was doing this, like the talking about Elizabeth Holmes. If I was pitching like this, or

I have an idea for a blood mission, it's that episode. Um, let's do another fan thrax. Okay, you want to give us a advice. I love to give advice. All right, here's a voicemail from Michelle. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah. This is Michelle. I was listening to the podcast where you were talking about UM narcissists and alcoholics and how you have to stop being friends with them. And I have a situation where my childhood friend UM really only

talks about herself any time we get together. But I was wondering how how would you recommend ending that relationship. Is it something that you just kind of slowly let fizzle out and stop reaching out to that person, or is it something where you would have a conversation with them, or what has been your experience with ending those types of relationships? And any advice you have would be great. Thanks by I'll let you take this one first. I mean for me, I think it depends if she changes

what you want to have a friendship. I think you have to have a conversation with her first if you want to possibly keep it going explained, like how she makes you feel, how she doesn't ask you questions, how she just talks about herself. And then if she just goes, well, you know what, that's who I am, or she goes no, I don't and does and dismisses your feelings or cut you off. Um, I think you're right, but I also part of me goes she I hear the tone of

her voice. She's done. And you know these people, it's almost like maybe you haven't been forthright with them about what you're feeling, but you've given them the tests of like, let's just see if they ever ask about me in this entire hangout, and you've given and you you can see you can be friends with them long enough that you know that there's something that is unfixable about this, or that they don't or maybe they don't take accountability

for other things in their life. Every breakup they've ever had is the guys. But whatever it is, and you just know it's not this is not negotiable, or it probably is, And maybe you just don't even want to be friends with this person anymore, which, by the way, you're allowed to not want to be friends with someone. You are allowed to not want to be no accu doesn't anymore just because they're your cousin or cut things off with a brother or something. You are allowed to

do those things if they aren't serving you anymore. And I think people feel so bad because they're like, well, I've known her since child, our parents are friends. I guess she doesn't have anyone else. She needs to learn that if she continues this, she's not gonna have anyone else. You don't need to be the one thing that's getting her to go. Well, at least I have her. I

don't have to change. That's actually enabling. I said this before, possibly, but the best way a friend has cut it off with me is to say, babe, I'm going you can. You can, because this person probably is not going to ever accept any blame for themselves, and they're going to spend it anyway. And it is a youth thing ultimately, because you are being friends with someone, you've been friends with someone that for a long time has not been

giving you what you need, which is a you problem. Um. As much as you could probably understand that what's the girl's name that rotus Megan Michelle Michelle Michelle, I feel like just say the next person. The time this person writes you, hey, babe, I'm just going through a lot right now in my life and I I just need some space. It has nothing to do with you, because honestly it probably it doesn't. What it has to do with is that you have boundaries now and this person

isn't living up to them. So and if you make it about them, they're gonna get defensive, They're gonna come at you and try to change, They're gonna like keep going. You set a boundary of babe, I need some space, um, And I just don't think I'm gonna be able to hang out for a really long for a bit, and I'll let you know when i'm ready to again. That way, if they keep reaching out to you, it's done now. Maybe this person and you share friends and you're like,

now I got to cut out all those people. No, you don't. You're allowed to cut out people in your life. You're allowed to and it might be awkward. It is a hard thing to do saying the word babe or whatever kind of loving thing you can say, doing in a loving way, taking accountability for that. This is your decision.

There's nothing they could have done or do. But if you want to repair this, I think writing an email, preparing like writing a letter and getting it, getting it all out where you won't get interrupted like I did to Andrew when I telled him to answer this for me, um, and he didn't do a good enough job in my mind, so I started, No, that wasn't why at all. Um No, I think you had a good point, but I just saw, like, but I don't want her to have to work it out.

Sometimes I'm just like, don't try to work this. That just happened. But that that's I feel like that happens all the time, where then the person doesn't learn. They just go, oh, well, all right, they just didn't want to hang out with me. I guess nothing's really wrong with your job. It's not not your job. But I'm just saying that it happened. The person goes, is it

something I did? Then you can say yes, and you can be honest, but wait for them to be curious if it's something they can change, because someone who is like that's you know what intervention although shows about people are saying we are not going to have you in

our life anymore. Or if you keep using this drug, if you keep hurting yourself like I'm out, you need to pull your love for people to change because once they're once that tent pole comes out, they are a tarp on the ground and they have to figure out there's some I don't have that support anymore. My point though, is that with an intervention, right, there's something concrete, like you're taking this drug. We know it's the drug. This

is it, right? But if it's someone that just talks about themselves and doesn't ask about they probably don't really

even they might not even be aware. So maybe a letter just so you can say it all without getting sidetracked by them responding and saying everything you want to say in a very loving way of like, you know, sometimes I go I need a lot more in friendships than maybe most people do, and I require people to be interested in my life, which I have not felt for some reason I haven't felt for maybe you are interested in my life and and I'm not interpreting it

that way. But there's something wrong here and it doesn't feel good to hang out with you, and I don't want to fake it with you. And maybe it's all me, maybe have to work on myself. Maybe we aren't just meant to be friends right now. Always lead with like love and not a lot of blame, but stating the facts of like, I feel like you don't care about my life, and I don't want to be friends with people who don't care about my life because for me

my friendships, I care about my friend's life. So when you don't care about mine, it's totally fine that you don't, but it means I interpret that as you don't you're not a good friend to me. And so just you know, speaking from you as opposed to speaking from I and not so much you would be helpful. Michelle and I hope it works out. And I know that's so tough, especially if you have friends in common or like places

of hanging out in common. You might see them around friends before just over the things that could have been rectified through a conversation. I just said this to Chris so hard, though, But I've seen people change after a conversation where you're like, oh, I just said to Chris the other day, when you when I say something that kind of makes you go I didn't like that. Instead of um, like what I do a lot of times, instead of just going okay, like like that's how I

do it, I don't say okay. But like he was like, I don't say okay, And I'm like, whatever that is for you where you hear something and you're just like, I'm just gonna ignore that she said that because it's so upsetting. Will you try your best to just clear up whatever is going through in your head? And he's like, well, sometimes that's I'm just not even aware of it. And I go, well, you know what I can do when I when I feel you may be shutting down, because

I can feel it immediately. If I bring up something and I'm like, wait, what did I say wrong? He just dropped the subject. I can then go I'm feeling like you didn't like what I just said. Can I ask you if that rubbed you the wrong way? And what?

So we can help each other in real time as opposed to just going they're mad at me and then creating the story about why they're mad and they're so as sensitive and all this stuff, when really it was just like a misunderstanding and honestly trying to avoid a fight, when really when you try to avoid fights, you make such a bigger one down the road. Final thought, I know what you said that this just recently happened to you. I had yeah, very quickly, because you have an interview.

A friend broke up with me over email I didn't like. And it wasn't because I did anything wrong except um that I remained my friends your email. It was what was her reasoning. So the reason was, um, she is going through a divorce with another friend that I'm friends with, her husband her next husband, I guess, and uh, I'm still friends with him, and I was still friends with her. But in her message she said, right now in my life, I can't be friends with anyone who supports this person.

And you know, I respect her decision. I'm not mad at her. I understand this is a life turning event for her and whatever her brain is telling her is not anything against me. It's just what she has to do. So I think you're right about UM just being honest in an email, and it was it was not emotional.

It's just kind of sterile and just very direct, and I'm I'm appreciate, you know, I think it's it was actually very big of her too, beyond me with it, and and to just be honest instead of just kind of ghosting and like not inviting, which is when I was not getting back. Yeah, yeah, interesting, And you know what, that actually leaves space for the future of being like, hey, this thing that I before is no longer the case, like when you get really honest, even though it might

hurt to hear, like you can't help your feelings. She can't help that. She is just I can't help that. I did not want to be friends after I found out one of my friends voted for Trump in the two thousand and sixteen election. I was so hurt by it, and she had claimed that she she voted for him because really long time friend that I had, you know, wasn't close with anymore but a high school friend. I was so deeply disturbed that my friend, who I like,

who's a woman who has daughters, voted for Trump. I just couldn't. I couldn't do it, and I said I can't, I cannot be friends with you, and all of my other friends were like, really, you're pulling out of this front like our group chat because of this, and I'm like, I'm too angry about it. It honestly has nothing to do with her. It has to do with me and figuring out why I can't get over how someone has

a different opinion about something to me. But to me, that was like being friends with my ex husband and picking this side that I think is nothing but pure evil based on how emotionally invested I am in this thing going on. If you choose his side, I can't. And I am just now reconnecting. I mean, we always stayed friends. I would always write on her birthday. We'd

write each other like little inside jokes. But the day to day stuff that we used to be doing it it disappeared, and I there's a I was like, I was just in a bad place, and there's in some ways I stand by it. Some ways, I'm still sucking angry about it because I just don't understand how her logic would be. Every man in my life voted for Trump. How am I not going to do that? To me, that was like, um, because you have a brain of your own, and when you get in the voting booth,

your husband's not monitoring. You just tell them you voted for Trump and then don't do It's like, do what's right for your daughter inside the booth, bitch. But maybe what's right for her daughter is having lower taxes or whatever her husband had convinced her was better than you know, protecting your right to an abortion, a safe abortion, whatever in you know, for me, were the issues in two thousand sixteen that were on the line and voting for him. And I don't know the whole story and I don't

know her experience. But we've just started talking again and I don't talk about politics obviously, that's just we don't talk about Bruno. And it's still hard for me though.

It's still there's a part of me that really is like so angry and feels betrayed, and um, yeah, it's like but you know, I've had friends take breaks from me too for whatever reason, and I feel like so angry because I'm like, she doesn't understand, like I wasn't doing that because just like my friend was like, I didn't do it because I don't care about abortion rights. That did because I just want to get along with the men and my family, which I don't understand. I

don't my my the men and my family. My their love isn't contingent on me voting the way they vote. But what I don't know what it's like to be in a family like that. So it was a struggle. But I like people asking for advice. I hope that it helped her and that I don't know, I hope that people get stuff out of it, you know, like it would be funny if she was just like five years later, they're like, no, I'm still going through it. I'm still best friends with this girl who hasn't asked

me one question. I gotta say, Michelle, every fucking person I know has one person like for one or two people like this in their life that they are just friends with out of just being nice and going with what they did before following doing what your family does. Oh, they're friends with my family. Oh there, my, they are my family. I gotta just put up with it, like you don't. And people only get better if you set

boundaries for yourself. They learn how to have boundaries for themselves, and they learn they learned that their actions have consequences as opposed to like, you're not doing anyone any favors by faking like putting up with them unless they're your boss, and like, you know, you're just trying to get a page jug right, Andrew better agree with me? All right, Okay, here we go. Oh yeah, rap. You know, sometimes I

feel like a hedgehog. I'm running through to smug. All I want to do is jump like a frog, but I get held down by this fucking girl ohover here, which ships like a log. But dude, I'm just working around. It's just a song. Uh. And sometimes I feel like a llama, you know. I get mad at your mama. And sometimes I want to vote for Obama, but he's not on the tickets, so you gotta just hit it. And then a friend votes for Trump and you might

have to quit it. But the point of this all is that Quidditch is a game that was in Harry Potter her and I know that sounds lame, but I gotta go because I gotta get on a call. I'm talking about a dance that I don't want to do it all am. I gonna bomb it, probably, but let's just see on NBC two thousand three. Al Right, guys, don't we have a great weekend. We'll see you on the Pod on Monday and Joke Jackie the Joke Man, marlen Stern, Baba Booie hit U with behind by Guys Beetle Juice