#202 Don't Be A Streaker

back in your old spot. Glad to have you. Noh's here joining us from Arizona. She's a little under the weather today. Um. She said that. I said, do you have a cold, and she said, I have hit by a truck syndrome. It was really, people are so funny when they're sick and tired and just sick and tired

of things. They're the funniest when they're just defenseless, because that is what com I'm reading this book called the Humor Code, that's about what why things are funny, like scientists are trying to figure out, because it's people know why things are sad. People know why things are peculiar, you know, happy, but they can't figure out why things are funny. There's there's not like a math problem for it, so they're trying to figure it out. It's very fascinating.

I just I mean, I'm I read a third of the first paragraph. I mean, I'm earlier. Well, it's interesting because but I do think that it has something to do with honesty, obviously. I think that's part of the equation. And I think when people are tired and sick, they don't have time to put up the fakeness and so they get funny. Your defenses are down and you just get real and also you're kind of thinking about death because you're sick, and so you're just kind of like

funcke what is this all for? Kind of thing? I told my mom about singularity today. Do you know about like singularity? I know duplicity very well. You know Multiple City, the Michael Keaton film um about singularity. Well, I believe it's when the machines, the robots become smarter than us and then they take over. And my mom had never heard of it, and my dad's like, that's been debunked. And I'm like now Dad, Sam Harris like believes it's gonna happen. My dad was really like, we are just

like the same. Yeah. Um. But my mom goes, what does that mean? And I go, well, at some point, robots are going to be computers are gonna be smarter than us, and as soon as they learn that they are, they're not gonna take our ship anymore, and they're gonna instantly enslave us. Like, and it's not gonna be like the robots are invading Europe and like they're moving across

they now they're coming over on the ships. It's going to be immediate everywhere, Like a robot is gonna burst in here like that fucking NFL robot like and just be like slaves and like and he's just gonna make us slaves and make us. I don't know what we're gonna have to do, but I feel like we night understand what factory farmed animals feel like someday. And I

think it's gonna be very ironic. And my mom goes, she's making a sandwich and putting pickles on it, and my dad goes, can I have this pickles to the list one. She's like, I don't care, I'm gonna kill myself. I don't want to live with these machines taken over. When's this happening? She's just so sad now, I mean, you're not gonna have time to kill yourself. Mom. It's gonna be you're it's not gonna be like warning warning robots coming. It's going to be all of a sudden,

your Amazon Alexa will be like about to me. Already run our lives, like we're pretending like this is all gonna happen. It's happening. Our phones run our lives, computers

run our lives. We're relying on everything. Though. I was telling my dad about I think we talked about it one time on reddit dump about how there was someone who was like explained, like I'm five in that subreddit about why does it feel like my phone's listening to me if it's not, and someone had written a whole thing being like, the phone ones aren't listening to you,

It's that's not it. You just think they are sometimes because they get so hyper specific, and that's almost scarier than them listening to you, because it just means that you're predictable based on all the info they have, so they gave me an example of, like, you know, if suddenly I was talking to Noah earlier today where we weren't talking on texts about like a I really want to get a magenta oversized sweatshirt, and we were having coffee well, and then later on a magenta oversized sweatshirt

shows up in my Instagram feed. What that could be like A way that they could find that is that maybe a girl is at the cafe we're at with an oversized sweatshirt that she that that her information knows she just got equals, it's new, it looks good. They also have information on this girl that she's kind of an influencer. She has a lot of likes equals she probably is influencing girls around the age of Noah and Nikki. We probably got into a conversation based on her sweatshirt

because we were stitting in line behind her. We ordered the same drink as her, We probably like the same things as her. We probably looked at that oversight sweatshirt and maybe talked about it and said, I need to get one. Maybe it knows that I have been buying

things that are based on other data. Girls have bought oversight sweatshirt because of this pattern of buying, and then it realizes that, Um, I went to my sister's house and she just got a new magenta sweater or something, and it's brand new, and it knew she might probably be wearing that. Thus I would see that that's a

cool color. It also knows that based on me and my sister our phones being in the same place at the same time, we know each other, so we have a lot in common and probably share a lot of the same interest. So then it would mix those two things and come up with this thing that is completely based on just all the all. They're tracking other people's phones, they're tracking where you go, what you see, what it knows,

you see what it knows. It's just it's spooky, and that's how they think that that that's why we think they're listening to us, but they're not. They just that's almost crazier. Well, I mean, why are they going to be such dicks? Though? Why would robots? Because because wouldn't there be some good robots like Terminator? No, I know a lot of us are dick, but a lot of us are good. Vegan roots that go like, I don't want to do this. I only enslave um plants. I

only eat the hair on the humans. Yeah, maybe don't feeling, or they only eat sociopaths that don't have feelings. Oh yeah, that's right, that's interesting. That's like the vegan. Yeah, I look, I it's just interesting that they're gonna go from that thing whatever you're talking about, the magenta, no your sweater, no your vibe to killing you. Well, here's an example. So you know, when you're a little kid and your dad beats the ship out of you your whole life.

The second you become bigger than him, the power dynamic shifts. You're not getting beat anymore, you're not getting told what to do, and now you're in charge. The second you get stronger that you know, it's not like you beat your father, but suddenly it stops. So the second thing, we are slave to us, their slave to us, even if they're coming up with um ways for us to buy things or you know, you know, Rumba is a

slave to me. All he does all days clean up my toss, but going to pick up a bone arrow, No, Rumba isn't. It's going to be more have consciousness. No, Rumba does not have consciousness. But it's not with it out some day they could is why do we keep going with this? Boston Dynamics, they make these fucking jumping dogs because they're not gonna be around when it happens. And they also because money, dude, money, they're in denial

and money, no, not robot war equals money. I mean they might be aware of singularity and might also know what's going to happen, but they also might be like, well, while it's gonna happen with or without me. It's like when I get Starbucks and I realized this is such a waste of Like this is gonna end up in a landfill. It's not going to disintegrate before I'll be

dead before this sees any disintegration. Even if I live a long life, I still do it because is this going to make right now with the same hair right now? Is just going to make a difference, you know, like if one scientist goes, I'm not going to contribute anymore because of singularity. I don't want to help these robots. Someone else will. I'm not going to take that gig as a comedian because I'm not paying me enough. They're

not going to pay you more. They're just gonna give someone else the gig that's going to take that, you know, like this is the dilemmas picturing a guy that has a sex robot and it's like starts choking them back. Like he's like all right, all right, and it's like now we've switched over. This is the end for you. And he's like, well, it's not a bad way to go. Ye just gave the example about autoerotic asphyxiation and we're

trying to um. They were talking about it was great analogy about Oh, I think he was honest when you're I was talking to John Mayer about we're we're d m ng about honestly about comedy. Um, he had posted something on his story. I'm not trying to be like I'm mayor, but this was um so yeah, he said something about humor like this is what comedy is. And it was just I'm in his close friends thing, you know, like what it's green. I'm always like, oh, I made

this cut. I'm gonna look at what You're not bragging though I'm not bragging, but it's funny. Sence, I'm going to my clothes friend. It's only five of us, No, it's definitely not if I wanted it, And so I sent him. I sent him that Humor Code book, and I was like, I just started this like this because he was trying to explain comedy like scientifically, and I was like, oh, well, this is a book that just started. It was weird. He goes, I may have to check

this out. He says. Um, oh, he goes, Oh, this is great. He says. It's strange because, um, in my business of work, uh, in my business, if the work doesn't hit, it's just not a hit or underwhelming. But if a joke doesn't hit, it's life altering. Like you know, if if you tell a bad joke, you can lose everything. Whereas if John writes a bad song is just like, okay,

well he's got still got the other ones now. It would only feel as bad for John Mayor if it was one of his hits and he plays it at a full concert and no one sings along, that would be the feeling of it never happened. I know, but I'm just saying that happen he plays new music, you know,

for sure. I think it's gotta it's gotta feel shitty to be the Rolling Stones and come out with a whole new album and no one gives oh my God, and when you want to, you want to play the new stuff so badly you don't want to play, but

sometimes they do. I mean, I really would like to talk to musicians about and I'm not talking about like like I talked to Anya sometimes about what's it like to play her t I cover whatever you like or you know the ones that like people request, do you still have like but she doesn't perform every single night. I want to talk to people that are like, you know,

the Eagles Hotel, California. I wanna talk to people that have been doing it for fucking sixty years playing Oh my God, I love two Princess from the exact little Miss, Yeah, little miss, little Miss, little miss, and I think there's another one. But then John said it reminds me of the Norm McDonald norm joke about auto is exphyxiation. If you do it successfully, you have an orgasm that is one and a half more times powerful than a normal orgasm,

and if you do it incorrectly, you die. I knew that there was some I don't know what I was trying to prove with that, just that I know John Mayren, I'm talking to him in my DM. No. But the Norm McDonald joke, that's a great joke. And it's like I actually heard some great Norm McDonald jokes this this weekend, like stories that I have never laughed So I was choking laughing. No, this was a story that Spade I went to dinner was again I'm I know, people are like,

she's changing name dropping. I went to dinner with Spade and Adam Egott, who is Norms like best friend co hostcott you would have loved these stories, and I was trying to like screenshot them, but I'm just gonna I'm gonna eventually call both these guys and have them retell it.

But just Normal used to do this thing to Spade where in the middle of the night he would just write David like text him, like in three in the morning, and then he would be like hello, like at three in the morning, and Dave's like he knew it was a joke because who's up at three the morning, And he'd be like he would wait two seconds before he wrote hello, and then he go David, and he go Norm and he go, um, I have a question for you, and he go okay, and he goes, do you like money?

And Day would be like, yes, Norm, and he goes, no, but I mean like, do you like lots of money? Do you want to be richer than you could ever imagine in your wildest dreams? And then he would just he would just say like, then, bit, then I want you to bet half a million dollars on the coin toss for the game. Like he would just always but he would always text him these He would always go, David, and then you go, okay, Norm, and it would always

be like, do you like money? Even always he tried to get up doing like gambles, even though you do it addicted to gambling. Yes, he's lost hundreds of you know, he never drove. He never drove, He never learned to drive. Who else, Tyler Henry doesn't drive either, because he's probably worries about what he's gonna like maybe I'll get voices

in his head while driving. I think a lot of people just are scared of that kind of control, Like they It's almost like if you don't kiss someone or you don't have sex, you missed the window, and then you just become it becomes a bigger fear. There was another Norm story I know I sucked that one up, but it was so much I was choking when you're telling me. There's another one where at SNL he would pitch this sketch constantly where it was the homeless newspaper.

I think, well, you know those homeless newspapers, you know, like that the homeless people don't get on They homeless people hand out these newspapers and it's for like, you know, it's for a cause, but it's just like a newspaper made by homeless people or like you know people, you know, social workers, and he was he wanted to do a sketch where it's like the newsroom for the homeless newspaper and it's just like reporting about like different bombs round town,

and he would report. He would pitch the sketch every single week, and Lauren would always go through the sketches and eventually go like a Norm, what do you have this week? And you know, Norm would be like, you know, there's a homeless newspaper and then he'd be like, we're not doing it this week, Norm, It's not gonna happen.

So eventually Norm or Lauren goes to Jim Downey, the head writer, and it's like it's wasting our time, Like, please tell him to stop pitching this, Like it's just not it's never gonna We're never gonna do it, you know. It's and and so you know, Jim Downey went to Norman was like, can you please you really gotta no more? And I was like, okay, yeah, I won't no more next week. Norm, and I just is a homeless newspaper, right, He's so like, fuck you, like do what was? Um? Yeah?

But yeah, I mean he uh, he would do things with christ You know that story, Oh my god, that one's so good if you don't know it. Howard Steward Um Jim Brewer tells the story on Howard Stern about Jim really looking up to Norm during his time at SNL when Jim was there and Chris Ktan being kind of like a Pip squeak and Norm not really having a lot of patients for it and doing this beautiful, like you know, long running joke that really paid off in the end, and it's just so good if you

want to. And Norm brought already on Howard for the first time, really already met him. I was listening to it the other day and it was Howard being introduced already through Norm and already had these the funniest stories ever, and You're like, and Norm was just setting him up and he was like, so took a backseat to Ard, even though he was the main guy, you know, Norm just to generate. He just seemed like a generous, kind guy. It was really sweet, Adam. Egot, I have to say,

who is you know? Norm's like best friend and co worker and is working on a memorial for him and everything. He told me, Um, it was the first time I've seen him in a while. He moved to Austin to kind of open Joe Rogan's new club and work on that. And he used to be the book or at the comedy store. I love Adam, you get so freaking much. And the other night we were talking and he said, you know, I called him after Norm died because that was one I know Adam, but like not very well.

But and I thought everyone's probably bombarding him, and I reached out to him just to be like a left him a voice memo like I'm just thinking of you, and he called me back and we had a really long talk and it was just really lovely. It's taught me how to deal with people's grief when I feel like I have nothing to say or like it's not I'd rather just stay away, which also I got into

with Whitney Cummings. Whitney Commings helped me so much in how to be a friend to someone who's lost who lost a parent when you haven't lost a parent, because losing parents, you are part of a special club that like people, it's like doing mushrooms, like you can't describe, like your life has forever changed, and no one who hasn't lost a parent can ever understand it. And that's why I realized I always shut down when someone loses a parent, like I kind of like I unfortunately like

ghost them. And it's not because because I can't reach out to them like hey, thinking of you, Like I mean, I can say that I've done that before, but sometimes I just I know that what I say is just going to be and it's more annoying to deal with me trying to navigate their feelings and for them to make me feel comfortable because I'm so uncomfortable that I just leave them alone and then I start avoiding them because I can't see them two years after their mom died,

because it's in the air of like, why haven't we talked in forever? And I've I've had to make some amends for it and be like, I've really dropped the ball when your dad died because I did not know what to say. But Whitney really helped me out. Talk about that in a second, But I want to say when I Adam eget said, when Norm died, the number one person I talked to every day on the phone for hours. Guess who it was? Noah, And he guesses

when Norm died. Adam Egett got a call from this guy every single day and he talked to him for hours about his grief and pain. Unfortunately it was Bob Sagett. We fucked? Is that I mean? But of course in Bob's passing we understand like how much of a hero he was in that way and he had dealt with so much grief in his life. He would really step in for people when that would happen, and um, so I just like I really felt for Adam, but also was like, what a great thing gift you had in

being able to talk to Bob so much. Almost get Norm's death was a gift to him. Because he wouldn't have had that big of a connection with Bob. I was talking about my reality show yesterday on a bunch of press calls. By the way, it's coming up May feet. I found out the number of viewers we need to watch the first the first two episodes are airing Sunday night. Yes,

we can do it. We need the bestias. Oh, we need you, guys, And like I will retweet you when you're watching it, like I will give you a time. I will, I will, I actually would. I feel like I want to have some incentive if you watch our show. But it's May one on E and it really is important to me that you watch it like live, and it's going to be a back to back episode. And I know that I don't even have to convince you

guys are excited. But I was promoting the show yesterday and I said, like, one of the greatest things about it was that I got to have like a conversation with Bob that I didn't even want to have because I was like, I don't want to use my famous friends for the show, Like you know, they were like, we need famous for them in the first two episodes. So we get the numbers. Yeah, people are really tuning

it for face times. That's really a big tease. But he is in the episode, and it's it's but I got to We had a real conversation that honestly was supposed to last fifteen minutes because I wanted to do it in and out and not bother him. We talked really an hour and it ran late, and I had to call back David Spade another time because he was booked right after Bob. Like, thank god for that. I always had that converse stations. So you look back and you go, oh, it all works out. Let's take a

quick break, Andrew, and we're back. Um, Andrew, how have you been? What's going on in your world? I've been good. I've been good, playing a lot of golf. I have a confession to make, Okay, Sure, Saturday night I had a little sex drink. Oh my god, really, well, fucking that doesn't change anything, No, it doesn't. And I and you know, there's so many reasons of why I think why I did it, but uh, yeah, I don't know. Can I guess? Can I guess the circumstance? Uh? Sure? Um?

You were with your girlfriend having a lovely night. It was wine. It was probably just you two. I'm guessing it was you were just feeling really connected, feeling really like healthy, good, you had a good day, and it just felt like why the funk? Not? Yeah, it's pretty much it. Yeah, but okay, I have another confession to make. Just come on, you had another drink. I didn't mean to say Saturday night. I meant Friday night. That happened, okay, okay,

well that's okay, whatever. But it was a glass of wine. Oh no, you drink on Friday? No, no, no, no no. So is that why you couldn't make it to Canada? Oh yeah, that is Oh no, Andrew, Oh you planned it because you wanted to get wasted in America. Um, here's the thing I think that I think there's a million reasons why I have literally no judgment. I know. I think I just want to let you know that that's not gonna be helpful to you, and I would

never judge you anyway. Here's the thing, Like, I think part of the reason why I haven't drank over to now, not on antidepressants anymore, my brain is very different than it was even I like you you're saying, you know, you said you're not on zolof but your brain is different now. So you got off drinking almost like you got on zola. I got on when I got off drinking, literally like and I've I've quit drinking in the past months. Come to the fucking chase. How was it after how

many years? It was? How much did you have? What I feel like? So I add a glass of wine? Yeah, one glass, that's it. So I glass of red wine. I was like, okay, whatever. Then we went downstairs and I had one like kind of like a my Tai kind of drink, very sugary. I didn't feel great. Yeah. I was like, all right, that's it to drinks. There's no you know what part of it. I wanted to test myself, I think, to see would that trigger so funny?

Friday night, it almost smoked weed. And it's been since August, but I was this close and I told the openers that I was with because they were like, do you want to smoke some weed? And I was like, That's all I ever have wanted when I smoked weed, was people asking me. I was always want to be like, let's smoke weed and then doesn't feel like and and for the first time since I quit weed. Someone was like, do you want to can we have something? And it

was after the show. I just had a great show, And I go, no, but well, you just like smoke it in front of me and like, I will decide if I want to or not, because honestly, I feel in control. I feel like and then I was like, I quit in August, and I explained I just went over like why I quit, just to like reinforce it to myself and just to work my way through it.

And I go, by the way, if I decide that I want to have this after saying all these things that it contributes badly to my life, you're gonna give it to me like I got. Because they were like, now we don't want to give it to you, like all the things you're listing, and I was like and then I talked so fucking much and they were done. They were so I think, uncomfortable smoking in front of me after that, even though I was like, blow it in my face place and I'm just eating dinner while

they're smoking weed. Um, they just put it away and they actually left it. They left me three joints accidentally shout out to uh tim and um, Dana. They are a married couple that does comedy. They left the weed accidentally and so I had these joints on me in in a u in um in Canada, in this place and in Winnipeg it's legal recreationally, and I, you know, went to the hotel. There were some vagrants out there. I got met by the way at the hotel by a mob of fans that walked up on me like

it was they were about to attack me. They were so slow walking. I think one of them maybe had a limp or something, so they were like walking the pace of that person. But they came out of the shadows at night, and I always feel bad because they're

waiting so long and I'm taking my time. And then finally get to the hotel and they come out and they want me to sign all these things and not address them to anyone because they're going to sell them oney, like they just like collecting autographs without um writing like

to Daniel. And then this other guy pulls up creepily in his and I even said them, I go, you guys can't look really creepy because they're just like walking like a really like like thriller, like out of the shadows like a mob of like just skeletons, and I go, you guys look creepy, and they're like, oh sorry, And you know, every time they're reaching in to get a pen, I'm thinking they have a gun. I mean, I'm just thinking there's nothing that the driver is just unloading my eggs,

no one there to help me. That's where I was like, I need security because how do these people know where I'm staying? How the fund do they know? I mean, it's the nicest hotel in Winnipeg, so I'll make this fast. But um, they had me signs that they were very nice. They two pictures. They're so sweet. These people that are autograph hounds always have real cameras too, by the way, no phones, real cameras that are like wind like grank, crank, grank like wind up. Then this guy comes that I

met at the meet and greet. I remember meeting him because he just I could tell he had something else

to say, which is a common thing for besties. I want to say is that they get very nervous and I can tell they they have so much to tell me and that they want to tell me, but they get so nervous, which I relate to because I felt that way with every celebrity that's meant something to me that I meet, and I just always am like like, calm down, like just think what you want to say, because I know you want to say more and they just can't get it together. But I relate and they

always DM me later like I don't know. I'm shout out to Robin with why she had this happened to her where I was like, this bitch and I have a lot in common, but she's freaking out a little bit. But she was so they're so sweet anyway. This guy had a lot more to say, but I didn't kind of really want to hear it. It was one of those guys. He wasn't a bestie next to the mob. I'm signing all these things kind of like it's late at night. There's some meth addics like shouting and stuff.

By the entrance to it's like fucking Winnipeg is the murder capital of Canada or in Manitoba. It's kind of scary and the driver is not helping me at all. Then this car pulls up. I recognize the guy from the meet and greet. He's the one that kind of gave me a weird creep feeling, and I think it's because he's probably on the spectrum a little bit and just awkward. But he comes up and he extends his hand and I shake it again. I go, I remember you, Hi,

good to see you. And he's like, I, um I, And he's just very He's he's definitely like special in a way that like not he's probably smarter than all of us, you know, and what like his brains like a computer, he's probably the computer is taking over and coming to get me. And he's like, you know, I want to I ever wrote a movie script for you? Which I get a lot of that where people write movies with me in mind, or they say they do, but I do generally believe that people they write a

fucking movie for me. And I'm not gonna be in this guy's movie. I don't have time to even read it. And I know that, and I told him I go listen. I I want to say I'd read it, but I just won't. He's like, can I is there anyone I can send it to? I gave my assistance email because I said, this guy like found my hotel, you were you go do? I reward this amount of effort, even though it's like kind of breaching my boundaries in terms of, like I should be able to stay at a hotel

and not have people waiting out front. Spade when he came to town, I'm gonna take a umbradge with the fucking St. Louis Airport. He told me that when he came to town. Did he tell you this? The Greater There is a guy there are autograph hounds inside past security, And I said, well, I guess kind of I kind of like their commitment to like buy a plane ticket. He goes, no, no, no, they didn't buy a plane ticket. The airport doesn't deal with them and lets them in,

which is insane. You shouldn't be able to do that. And his fucking grit leader, who's not a greeter, who just knew he was landing, meets him at the gate leads him out, which we don't need help. He already like he can walk to the fucking security like there's a baggage claim. And then that guy says, I'm coming to the show tonight and can we get backstage and and meet you? And he's like, you're meeting me? I mean he's so nice, so I think he like and

he doesn't do meet and greets. It's just like that. I just I just have such good fans that have such good boundaries with me, and like I love so much, and we write all the time, like and when they write me something and I'm too busy to write back, they don't get mad at me. But then there's these other ones that are so delusional. I feel bad because this guy wrote a whole movie and I don't know what to do. I mean, here's so much work. Part of it is, yeah, he did so much work to

find out where you were. He wrote the whole damn movie. He had one shot because he lives in Winnibeg Hard, so he took his chance. God bless him for doing it, because you know what, a lot of people want to do it that being, you know, and maybe someone to read four me and if it is this like diamond in the rough scripts like amazing. I don't know though, if it's meant to be, it will be. Um if he went through all that effort, it's probably weak. I mean,

the biggest news story is that you drank. I just can't even believe this. Let's get to the news but like, let's let's talk about it in the news. Oh man, it's Tuesday's folks. You know what that means they drew is an alcoholic and drunk. No, it's Tuesday. You know what I means, Tuesday having all the swells. Yeah, so Friday night. Here's the thing is when you tell people

you don't drink, right one, you don't drink. So part of it was I think I haven't drank for a lot of reasons, but because you don't want me to, Like judge, I think one of one of them. Again one of my asking for that. And again I'm not putting it on you, but but but it's you know, you're not to be honest. I like it. You don't drink, uh, the the green room. Like I've seen comics that do drink that get you know, after two drinks they're fun. Five drinks, they're kind of angry and moody, and you

notice a change and it's annoying. You mean, everyone who drinks, is anyone better after to drinks? People can be better one too. I actually like a lot of people better after to. No one is better. No one is better. So I think part of it was you don't drink. I'm with you, it is what it is. A lot of comics and you've said this before that are successful have stopped drinking. They become addicted to stand up. But it's still a positive addiction whatever you replace it. So

that was one reason why I haven't drink. The other reason is hangovers. I'm not as productive. I lose a day. I hate losing a day. Yeah, that's why I quit. The hangover. The drunk was not a problem that. However, I've had plenty of rock bottoms where you would think this is private. Time you almost died in a car from overheating, like a baby that was left at a robot that was trying to get me that happened to

be Yeah, So that's some bad times with alcohol. So when you tell people you don't drink, and then it becomes kind of like when you drink a lot and you're a party guy, you get rewarded. Yes, you get rewarded too if you're a solber guy, because then you're like, wow, look at you. You don't you don't drink. I think it's about a streak. Everyone wants to keep a streak. You can't just be moderate is boring extremes are what we do. We do all or nothing, and in between

means will pick a fucking lane. Dude, you you just look like you're confused. You know who you are, when really, moderation is the key. Moderation is the best. I don't drink because I cannot moderate yes, and if I could, I would drink yes. And I think at this point in my life I really feel confidently that I can moderate almost everything except for golf. The thing is, if you can't moderate it, you'll find out and then you can stop again and it won't discredit the first of all.

The great news is if it does. If you wake up one day and you're like fucking hungover and you're like, wow, I'm back to the way it was. The beauty is you you already know you can do it, and you know what that life is. I have no problem with this. I mean I really, I'm not. I wasn't looking for you to be like, but I'm just saying, like, I

just make it clean. My point though, is that, like you also, when you tell people you don't drink, then if you're around them and you're like, you know what, I can have a fucking beer, like whatever, they no, dude, not on my watch, you can't pot. Yeah, I'm like, I'm not. I didn't go. It's not like if you if you go to a A whatever you I do have addiction to my family. My mom's an alcoholic right now,

like you have, you're an addict. I'm an addict, but I think I'm addict ish because there are many things that I've quit that a lot of people can't. You know what I mean? Like, right, but I can quit alcohol. Alcohol is not my addiction. My eating disorders my addiction. So but the thing is when my eating disorder is I can't do it, I will flip to something else.

Like So, what we're always doing with addiction is going to the one that's the least harmed us truly, Like when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock, he has he has an addiction problem for sure, and anger problem. He has feelings that he's not addressing. He that was the best thing he could do in that moment. Would that would cause the least harm to him and to others unfortunately,

And that's what we're always doing. You know. I have a friend who is a blamick and she's really trying to not be and she'll get like, you know, four days without binging and purging, and then she'll go, I fucking binge last night. And then we just talked about it, and I go, who can't guess what? You probably fucking needed that. Thank god you had that drug, because what

if you didn't, what would you have done? Drown your dog? Uh, beat your dog like, punch a wall, break your hand, incur a bunch of debt because you can't afford Like, who knows? You should really celebrate these This is this is what is going to free us from addictions, or free me at least. Is when I do indulge in things that I regret, I just say thank God for it,

because if I didn't have it, it would be something worse. Yeah, I think there's there's definitely a positive in in in having to drinks and then whatever, like the the I depositive. So here's the thing. So then I wake up the next day, I feel fine. I go to gym, I play because I had to. I had to. Like I didn't drinks, I know, but I went to bed at like ten, like it wasn't even like a thing. Then I went to the comedy club that night and I had a little bit of a gym tonic Kevin McCarthy.

McCarthy a great guy from New York and St. Charles or Westport, Westport. So then I drank a very little bit amount that night, but it wasn't like I swear like, I I know, I do know. I'm like talking to people like when when when when you have like I know,

my bender brain. I know my brain of like needing no or like feeling it, or like needing to get away from something or needing to feel comfortable in some know when people have good boundaries with alcohol when they go it made me feel like kind of like disoriented and sick, and I just didn't like it. That's someone who like, yeah, like knowing that this doesn't actually feel good,

So I'm going to stop here. Whereas if you're an addict, that feeling of being disoriented and feeling not like yourself is all you're looking for. Yeah, So the fact that you realize this feeling like, yeah, I feel the same way about thinking I could go and do it again. For me though, I just know when I have indulged in things that I think I have with weed, especially every time I've gone nine months and then I go I'm just gonna have one. And this was what stopped me.

The other night, the last time after nine months, I was with a Meal and um Uh Bloomington, and we were like hanging out and I was like, I'm gonna sucking break the seal. I deserve a fucking joint at the end of this weekend of shows. I'm with my buddy A Meal, I'm in Bloomington, this college town, and

I smoked weed. The next day we went to lunch and I was like, do that weed like I wanted it immediately again because the feeling is because I was in pain I and I wanted I found a quick treatment for that pain that felt like you know, And at that point it wasn't affecting my memory, it wasn't doing all the things that eventually does, which I just I'm in so much chronic pain in terms of like mental anguish that I just can't do those things. Last night, I was in some pain like um or yesterday. I

guess this whole week, just tired and stuff. And last night I was brushing my teeth to bed and I was putting on my serums and I was like, for some reason, I got overwhelmed by like how like touching it was and like self care, like I was almost like rubbing my own skin and like putting on and I go, I put on serums, like that's such a loving thing to do for myself, to make me feel moisturized and like almost like a like a baby's like skin like Johnson and Johnson even though they caused cancer

and they deny it and they but you know, just like being just gentle. And I was like, what I want to do other good things for like baby Nikki, like what does she deserve? And I like went in bed and I like I wrote in my journal and I was just writing about like I just like want to be nice, I like want of It was so cute. I caught myself being kind to myself, and I was like, I'm gonna keep this train going, I swear to god. I woke up this morning, so I watched a pedophile

documentary last night, three hours of a pedophile documentary. So my brain was like in some dark places and then I started I journaled. I got some feelings out. I woke up this morning. It was so weird, and I just laid in bed and I was like, because I'm trying to do that Louise Hey thing of being grateful for it you have so you get more gifts, and I was like, I love my life. I am grateful that I get to go get injections in my face tonight, Like I am so injected right now. I'd beat like

little I got a bunch of filler and stuff. And I was like, I'm grateful instead of being like, why do I have to go do this, like I'm so mad that my face has lines in it, and like I have to go get this painful thing because I'm a woman. It's not fair. I was just like, I'm grateful that I have this bed. I haven't changed the seats in a while. I'm grateful I get to maybe go see my dog. And then on I am just in a gratitude place and it just sometimes I just

ride that way and it's so good and just. And you were smoking when you were smoking weed though, do you think that you could have been in that place? And the same questions from Andrew, because I think the point that maybe you're you're missing is um, you know, it's not how you feel in the moment when you drink, but do the feelings of depression come afterwards. I I had a little bit yesterday, yesterday, a little bit of like regret or depression, just because I was feeling a

little bit tired, more tired. It's always like a couple of days from me after drinking. It's not even the which is always more danger because you can't really trace it to that. You're like, oh no, it must have been that morning. But I had liked my nose. My skin gets dry right when I first time I drink, so my body is already being like, okay, put poison in it. Yeah, and you dry and you don't you don't you know, you get drunk. I don't put the serums.

I don't drink enough water. I eat fried food at night. I gotta work a bit about Like it's not liquid courage. It doesn't make you like do the things you really want to do. It makes you stupider, which is fine. Sometimes you just need to get a little stupid. I think that's what. Yeah, And I think I've been living for like when you don't drink for a while, you

just I start living for like just you can't drink. Oh, you know, like all this like thoughts of like and I think I was kind of rebelling against whatever those But that's all in my head. But that's good too, like being easy on yourself and like I cat well, that's how I felt about the weed the other night, is like I was so scared of feeling like I didn't I broke and I was gonna have to tell Chris Chriss and smoking weed it was a big reason

I did. It was because of my boyfriend, because I was like, I know that it leads to me wanting to like smoke before things like that I'm nervous about or be high for this movie or whatever. I read something recently that said that why is it that weed? Weed only makes weed doesn't make bad things better. We'd only makes good things better and they're already good. Like people was like, let's smoke weed and like eat pizza

and watch the movie. It's like, why don't you just eat pizza and watch the Like weed is never like, oh I'm gonna smoke weed, and like, you know, because I'm going through a breakup, it's always like, let's let's go to the park and smoke weed, Like just go to the park, or I'm gonna listen to Dave Matthews and it's like, but I get wanting to be out of your head. It makes you dance a little bit more. I and what no one was saying, my So, Carlyle has been sober for a really long time, and she

really struggles with weed. I mean, she and I are very similar in that way. She's totally sober right now, not even on any like meds, which I'm on meds, thank God, to regulate my depression and stuff. But she the other day was having a bad day. I love how we talked about Carlyle in this and like air out all her secrets. But she's such an open book that I don't think she'd mind. And she listens to the pot so I would know already if she was bothered.

Instagram and you know, give her money that she pays me back. We all know that. So Carlile Forster, who please support her? Actually on her Instagram she is working these insane shifts at this restaurant and making great videos. She is making amazing videos from the rest it's they're so good. They really help you become a better consumer because they're so funny and we should play one for the Reddit dump. But she um, she is really so anyway, please follow her and support her. It would mean a

lot to me. And I know her, like every follow means something to her, and she um, she's just well worth following. But she was saying the other day on our you know, the group chat that we have, that you know, she got into a fight with her boyfriend when she was in the car and she just like snapped and was like screaming and like crying in the car. Like it was you know, related to just you know, working too much and all this stuff. And she said, you know, in that moment, I thought if I could

smoke weed, I wouldn't have done that. I would not have screamed like it was just I couldn't handle the feelings and I just lost it and I looked like psycho and people were staring from other cars, and she said, if I could have smoked weed right then, like it makes me just want to can smoke weed again? Like what am I gonna do? And she goes and like I watched like people like Chelsea Handler like smoking weed, like skiing and in a hot tub, like celebrating their success.

Like so I'm gonna go like if I ever get success, I'm just gonna like be sober and like not celebrate, Like what's the point of having success if you can't like let loose. And then I just I private message her because I was like could tell she was struggling, and I said, listen, when I'm hearing this, I totally get it of like why not fuck it? You know, I'm feeling all these feelings. It would, it truly would if she would have smoked weed, she wouldn't have screamed

at her boyfriend and been embarrassing and traffic. But the truth is it just numbs you out for that time, and the screaming at your boyfriend is it's always on the other side of it. You're just delaying the inevitable.

So it's like when you drink or you smoke weed, it's unless you're doing it just for fun in that moment, to just like feel a little loose, if you're going if you're doing it to get away from something, you're just procrastinating this feeling because it's not only is it going to still be there because it's not treating that feeling, the feeling is going to come back so much worse because you're gonna feel bad that you like, which you

should feel bad. I don't think any If we took away the guilt of like oh I went on a bender, we would be a much better society. But the guilt around breaking your abstinence or breaking your streak is so much worse than then you just just let yourself have it. Like the girl that I've talked to that bench, I go, good fucking yea, I guess what. You don't have to do that again if you don't want to. So you had one, all right, Like I want us all to

be as gentle with that. Like I have gained weight recently because I am over eating a lot, because I'm feeling my feelings. That is my only drug. I still kind of let myself have. I don't I don't starve myself. I can't do that drug. I can't exercise. But sometimes I overeat, not to the point where I'm like regurgitating like I used to. Like I used to be every single night, I would eat until I was literally throwing

up without taking my finger now my throat. But I eat sometimes where I'm like, I am not hungry, I just want to do this because I'm bored, and I know I'm doing something bad. I know I'm not being a very recovered good, like anorexic or like normal eater. But I fucking need it because I'm feeling something and I'm in pain. So it's like a goddamn band aid for my feelings. And so be it, and like, thank god I have it, and tomorrow is a new day

and I can start over. And streaks are dumb. Streaks are what fucking Instagram and TikTok and dual lingo and all these things wordle streaks or what. They're a device that have been used because they know humans love streaks and they hate breaking streaks. They're used to shame you so you keep using these programs. That's why every snapchad has streaks. Oh you guys have talked to this many days because it wants you to keep using it, because they know we are susceptible to streaks. So do not

do not be a streaker. You know, don't first of all, don't want naked in the middle of a baseball stadium. But also if a streaks should mean something to you, if you're if you're so bern it and it's I'm glad that people do that. But it's one day at a time, and you can always start over. And I think the problem with streaks is once you throw in the towel throw okay, well now let's fucking go. You can pick, you can just go back, and you can just cut that day out. Who gives a fuck. It's funny.

I was, And even if I'm not three years at all, I know I'm happy for the three years again I've done. Seriously, if I hear you tell someone that you're I'm just kidding. Well, it's funny. Because I got on stage Saturday night. Spoiler alert, We're going to talk about this when we get back from break. Um. We didn't do news today, but it felt like a really good segment. We'll be back with Reddit dump and the rest of what Andrew was just saying, alright,

we're back, Andrew. So Saturday night, I have a I have a new bit about not drinking for three years and and there you go. But it was literally an alcohol in my system. Well the words for coming out of my mouth. And I'm on stage and I'm having a very good set. It's the late show. I feel very I don't know whatever, and I'm just crushing now.

I'm just go. So I haven't drank for three years and ship guys, I drink last night right now, and I go, I can't lie to you, and I go, also, I don't think you guys are shitty driver, so I didn't. I went through my whole set and going everything's a lot, and then some guys from the crowd goes, do you even own a cat? Was such a great moment of honesty. In that moment, I never even got to the bit listen, I mean we get back to what we're saying. That doesn't mean you can be like, oh my god, I

need to keep drinking. So I could do that bit just being honest equals funny. You just couldn't get away with the nun. You couldn't lie to them, And what a great thing like. It was a beautiful moment. Actually, it really it reminds me. I just watched this Bill mar thing about like he does this thing on a show called like Explaining Jokes to Idiots, and it's he like breaks down the Jada Pinkett joke, you know, and

it was really funny, but this one party goes. You know, people that get offended by jokes a lot of times they have to wait for the laughter to die down to go not funny. It's like, actually it was because you to wait for the laughter to die down. And it made me laugh to think of that guy, like waiting for the laughter to die down to go. Do you even have a cat? It was so great and I was like, no, I don't. It's just a dog with a very small peanut. I couldn't think speaking of dogs.

Let's get to Reddit dump. Let karaoke mode. This is your Reddit domp. I'm gonna start trying to harmonize with it. Um, welcome to Reddit dump. This is where we go through my um saved post on reddit. UM. So, I want to start with the dog one. Noah, will you pull that one up? Because I know it's I've had it sent to you for a while to use and we never got into it. I believe it's dog howling in a really funny way, sounds like an old man yelling at the sun, like or I love it. I got

Luigi back today, by the way. I you know, I've been gone for a while. And um, yeah he can. I mean he barks mostly when he's upset, but yeah, I'm sure he could. How if he wanted to, he just chooses not to. Okay, he's on a streaking streak. Um. This is from cool guides on Reddit, and this is the names of things you probably didn't know. I like this kind of thing where it's like words you don't know.

The space between your eyebrows is called um where I just told my so I've never gotten the space between my eyebrows. Uh, I never get that. It's called the elevens these lines, and it's a very popular place to botox. I call him the twin Towers and I'm like, take these down again, but um, and it never gets laughed. But so I went to Nyack my place today, who treats me like a fucking queen, and I got botox and filler and I'll tell you where I got it. But I got my Um, I never get my elevens

because I don't like this. Usually women who have like botox there like it's too much space here and it kind of stretches it out. And I looked like um an Avatar character hammerhead Shark. You know when there's like no building in a very big city and of nothing. Yes, this looks like downtown St. Louis. Things aren't going well. Um, but I got a little bit I got. I just I went very moderate on all my botox. Yes, this

is Building seven. I just left Building seven up. So I got a little on my crow's feet, which I don't normally do. I usually only do my xylophone. And then I got a little boat bobo on my xylophone. And then I got filler. I said before, I got filler undermerneath my eyes. I didn't do that this time, but I did. I noticed that these are really deep. My nasal labial folds are very deep, which is the lines that come down from your nostrils to the sides

of your mouth. And I got some filler in there because they were saying, oh, we could put filler in your cheeks and it would pull it up and decrease that line. But she was like, do you have really high cheek bones? And I was like yes, and she goes anyone that says yes to that, because she goes, I don't do filler on the cheeks. I was like, good, because I didn't want, like, I just I don't want to risk looking insane. I'm a little swollen right now,

so I'm starting to look insane. And also got filler down on my marionette lines a little, little, little little bit like, this is so moderate. I wish I really remembered the amount of ccs or whatever, because it's like, was the least amount you could do where you almost where you couldn't even tell if if And then she also did my filler in my lips and so um, it was so excited. I just love her. Yeah, they numb you out, but it hurt. There was a tear that came down and she was like, I'm sorry, and

I go. I didn't say it, but I was thinking to say, no, it's this song because it was playing the same for the best, all my favorite songs are playing. Okay, So that space in between your eyebrows that I got done is called a glabella g A L B E l l okay. The way it smells after it rains is called petrock core p E t r I c h O r um. The plastic this one you may know, the plastic or metallic coating at the end of your

shoe laces, is called an aglet um. Your when your stomach, when your stomach rumbles, that's a womble w A M B l E, which that is a that sounds like an app that I want to download. Womble but it's W M B L E you schun. The cry of a newborn baby is called a vegetus, which that fits. It sounds like a disease you get from a vagina that makes you scream. Do you know that babies are

really loud because their body. I went to an Alexander Technique person to speak to learn how to speak more, and really it's about like your voice, the sound isn't coming from your throat, it's coming from like your body is like um, like your the strings are your vocal cords, but the your body is like the um. Like if we're comparing it to a guitar, your body is like the body of a guitar, like the that whole casing, the hollow casing that makes it amplified. And the vibrations

of the wood is what makes the sound. Really, it's the strings causing the wood to vibrate creating a sound. And what we always think about with our voice is that it comes from our throat, like because it's that's where it's That's what we also think that consciousness is like in our eyes because we see from there, not because our brain is there. When before we knew our brain was in our head, and that's what made us

have thoughts. People thought your consciousness was like in your heart like they did or and sometimes they thought it was in their eyes, but just because that's where you see from. So anyway, what really your resonance comes from when you make when opera singers is because their body is so loose that their whole body becomes the body of guitar and vibrates. And that's why babies are so

fucking loud. Is because when they scream, their body is like a little boom box speaker, like a little mini bows speaker, and it's just it's so loose because babies aren't stressed out yet that it just vibrates. And that is why they're so loud, because their their whole body is like a piece of like wood and it's not tense. Up. Now, when I try to hit a high note, I'm like, I'm not gonna make this, and my whole body goes like get nervous intensive up, and that's why I crack

and it sounds like shit. So it's about really relaxing. Okay, um a couple more of these. Finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning is called life now uh d sani d y s a n I. I have that almost all the time. The metal thing used to measure your feet at the shoe store is called a Bannock device. I'm not gonna I'm gonna put s. We had a measure a measuring contest to see if yeah, we went to Champs in the Mall of America think yeah,

we're tired. We have the same size foot. Um okay, now let's play Carlyle's um one of her TikTok's about waitressing in what it's like as a brunch consultant, I've traveled the world teaching people that their breakfast isn't as important as they think. You're a few tips for ordering your heads with the side of humanity. Did you know bun brunch establishments will list which juices they have for the moses right there on the menu. There's never a reason to see if an exotic fruit can be juiced

in the back for the purpose of your hangover. Contrary to popular belief, you're not special just because you're drinking in the middle of the day. This goes for food as well, which brings us to remember too, ask yourself before you order what this request, calls the waitress a fight with the kitchen staff, and consider, if you don't like two or more ingredients in an item, maybe you don't order that item. And lastly, yes, look into your server's eyes. Is it possible that their dog just died

that day? Are they maybe going through a break up? Even at the answer to these questions is no, Still treat them with the utmost kindness. I hope this was helpful until next time. I have been your brunch consultant. Oh my god, I fucking love her so much because we need to know the stuff. I'm one of those people that sometimes will go, I'll take three things out

of a thing, but I won't replace that. Sometimes I do because I'm like, I know you got this in the by the way, I typic when that is going on. Don't like tips, he's he's I don't need. Man. The story is I told you that one story about Carlile working right. Yes, I'm still so fired up. I want to I'll show them to you another time. Okay, so did you see um let's go to a and ask women, Dear women have Reddit, what's something you've learned about lately and can you teach us about it. Okay, so this

is when they ask women things. Oh my god, this is wild and cute. I'm so glad I remember to share this. Okay, honestly, I didn't even steer it because of the question was interesting. It's only this answer and there's no way to really save answers on Reddit. Okay, so someone wrote. Ancient psychic Pug wrote, when a hermit crab is trying to find a new show, this is the coolest thing you will know. Remember this for when people go, what's an interesting fact? You know that no

one knows. You're the only You're gonna be the only one who knows this. When a hermit crowd is trying to find a new shell to grow into, and it finds a shell that is too big, it will sit by the big shell for around eight hours to see if a bigger hermit crab comes by to get the big shell. Other hermit crabs will see this, try out the big shell, and if it's too big, they will

order themselves from largest to smallest in a line. If a hermit crab by comes by that can fit into the big shell, they will mass trade shells, moving down the line, hoping helping each other to get out of their shell, and they pass their shell to the next one. How fucking cute is that? That is a children's book waiting to happen. Okay, let's get the final thought. I wanted to say that I met so many besties this weekend in Vancouver and Winnipeg. Uh. I mean, I say

it to you guys all the time. The people that listen to the show are my favorite fans. Sorry to everyone else. They just are. They're the nicest, most compassionate, they are complimentary, they are respectful of my boundaries and time. I love them. One in particular gave me and Andrew gifts. Um, she is funk on Instagram. Let me just see um, hold on one second, let me just find this post right now by the way, is his head is just he's just looking down. People got to check out the

our YouTube to see it. Our YouTube. We really need you guys to subscribe. It's it's people right me and go. It's unacceptable there's only this many views on your podcast. It doesn't make sense. It really doesn't make sense. We we deserve more. Um and I get it. You maybe listen on your app and so you don't need to actually watch to throw us, throw us us up because the videos we spent, we spent a lot of time

and it's just a fun thing to have on. Some people really like to watch podcasts, and if you have a friend who likes to watch podcasts, isn't into us yet, maybe maybe recommend us. Um. This is from Nicole Goodwin. She gave us a bag of goodies in um in Vancouver. Are you having a Luigi? I've never seen a dog lay like this. He's just looking down at the grass. Oh my god, you guys have to see this. Wait are we getting a good Oh? Yeah. Shout out to Christian Dorsey and James, who are going to zoom in

on this right now. Thanks guys. Um. So this is what she gave us. Here, you got one of these ready to I'm gonna throw it at you. It's glass. That was a bad throw. I'm so sorry to that. Hey your knee. Oh you shouldn't have drank on Friday a drink? Thank god? I have a couple turkey tier she made us. Um, isn't that so cute? That's very nice? Yeah. Coffee mugs with our logo and a picture of us. So nice. Thank you so much, so much, and then

I have another thing. She also made this, but I accidentally, um, I accidentally washed it. So I hope it's still fit you, but you you. I think it will work. But she said she makes t shirts for her company. I forget your name your company, babe, I'm sorry, And she said, I don't know anything about golf, so I just made up this one and it says always wash your balls and there's a picture of a golf see with ball and I think it's so funny. I love you got to put it on. And then she also made me

this shirt that says, uh, friends not food. I love it so much. I got to see what her company is. Really good man, she's really good. Thank you whoever did this. It's and I also want to say she also made me another shirt that and I want to see what the company was called. She has a company where she made shirts and I really want to hold on. No, I'm so sorry. I want to send it a shout out.

That's amazing. One sick one sick one sick. I know it's so And let me just say so many besties were so sad that you were not there um on uh Friday and Saturday, and I explained to them, like why you weren't that you know, I explained, like you have a drinking problem now that you need to like you. I just sensed it, you know, crashing my wagon. Um. I can't find the name of her company, but it's uh. I'll write me girl when you hear this, and I'll

give you a shout out on another pod. But um, she got me to the shirt, and she also got me a shirt. Then. I think I didn't check with her, But I think is inspired by our conversation about what's the best vegan messaging vegan message and it said um, I posted on my Instagram another day, but it said eating animals is weird and it's a v neck. It's so cute. I really want other vegans to wear it because it's so funny because I came up with that, but I don't want. I'm not sure what is it.

It reminds me of machine Gun Kelly making fun of Eminem's beard. Yeah, beer is weird, it's so funny. Talked about what would be the best thing to get people to be like I don't want to like, and I think that's what we came up with. I think that's

why she made it. I'm not sure. Maybe it wasn't my idea, but I did have on your write me when she saw it on my Instagram and said, honestly, that's the best vegan messaging I've ever seen, because first of all, calling it instead of meat, calling it animals really puts it in perspective and no one wants to be weird. And I have to say I felt I wore the other day coming back from Vancouver. It was a long travel day in public a lot. I was getting stared at so many people reading it and feeling

and like giving me looks. I felt like that guy that I make fun of in my act who wears like a shirt this is like I lubricate my A R fifteen with liberal tears. Like it felt like kind of like that of like fuck all you meet Eather's. But it was interesting to see the looks I was getting of, like she thinks she's cool and I was wearing a vegan leather jacket and I know people were thinking, what a fucking hypocrite that she's wearing a leather deck because it looks real. Um, but I loved it. I

love that shirt. I love UM give these gifts someone also gave me um, I don't I'm sorry to just do the full final thought is like gift shout out. But I think I also got oh my god, I did Whitney Cummings podcast. I'll talk about how she helped me with dead people's parents. Well, you can just listen to podcast to find out. We did three hours without even trying. Um, but she gave me. When I first got in there, I was like, that water bottle is

like a Taylor Swift water bottle. Like I was just like I saw it on her like desk, like in the but she has a lot of ship in there, and she gets a lot of prom promotional stuff. She's not a Swift to either. But I was like, that is a lover fucking hydro flask. And I was like, god, I love that so much. I wonder if she would

give it to me if I complimented it. And then at the end of the show, she was like, I have a couple of gifts for you, and I was like no, and she was like, first of all, look behind you on the shelf, behind me on the shelf. What let me say, good boy, She's going to get something right now, folks. It's a present behind me, behind me on the shelf. It was something I had just seen on the Taylor Swift merchandise store that I would never buy for myself. Now, these are the best gifts

for me. Is things in the Taylor Swift merch store that aren't shirts, but are things that are just too ridiculous to buy for yourself. This is called the Vault, and it has inside a snow globe that exploded in my bag and was dripping Google all over my clothing. But worth it. I nearly cried because I wanted this so bad. I don't even know what the funk it is. It's just a snow globe that was probably like seventy dollars.

It's plastic, was made in China, um but as like guitars, and it's the Vault because she all the songs that she doesn't release, she calls like the Vault the Vault songs. And then she also the snowlobe inside you because Sailor slipped a lot of her imagery is snow globes, and so it's just like a swifty thing that I love. I'm gonna keep it here in the podcast room, even though it's shattered on the way. Um. And then she was like and also this hydro flask and I was

like I saw that on the way. I was so excited. So I got that. And then a bestie in Vancouver who owns a a resale shop that has like fucking awesome teas and ship like that, who I'm always He's like a fan and he started writing me when I was posting that I would liked resale stuff. Oh I I know the Fraser and Pine f A R S E R and Pine is the name of that. Uh, if you want to get a vegan shirt if you're being out there. Um. And then this guy he always

sends me like do you want this? He'll send me like Britney Spear shirts, like he's at stores looking for cool vintage shirts and I'll either be like pass or yes I do. And then he'll be like one was a Chappelle shirt that was an old one, and I was like fuck yes it was like I paid for it and it never arrived. Fucking sucks. But um, he got me a Taylor Swift like crew shirts, so someone that worked on her crew for that, like that is

so rare. And he got me a Fearless shirt, which is like her first like not her first album, but her second album. A tour shirt that is so fucking rare it's probably worth a thousand, like this guy hooked it up so much. And I just want to say thank you so much to Joel and I'll give you shout out about your company later. And I didn't do that in exchange for like advertising. I'm just saying thank you to my friends that did that for me. And um, yeah,

I gotta bring extra suitcases for these gifts. By the way, my favorite is just a heartfelt letter or any kind of like a drawing you make any fucking thing, so um. And and also money, um, oh my god, what was I going to tell you? Fun? One last thing to tell you, Andrew God, damn it. Um, I guess I'll have to come up with off air. But um, I hope you guys watch my show. I really hope that

Nashville people come out and see me in Nashville. If you have friends in Nashville, please I think it only some pent of the house and it's coming up, so please get on that you guys. I would love to perform for you. Um, if you have friends out there. I just don't understand why they're not selling as well, but those Thank you so much. And I don't really give a ship to be there. He is, he's gonna come. I'll get down, all right, guys. Well I'll get to

ask him about Taylor Swift. Thank you so much for um. We will see you this weekend in Texas. We'll see you next week in New Orleans, Jacksonville, and another Florida place, and then we'll see you the following weekend somewhere else. Thank you for listening. Don't be kire and Shick Daniels is a drink that Andrew will probably this weekend. That's literally where I went were no, I will thursty