#195 The Story I Want To Tell

I can't. I can't tell you that in person, like I have to do it on air when we're like, for some reason, it's easier for me to say really embarrassing things and things I'm ashamed of into a microphone when it's like live than did like personally say to you. I honestly never say your last name because I just freak out because I haven't memorized how to pronounce it.

So I'm gonna guess and you just let me, Like if there was a gun to my head, I was gonna say, no, that's it Aer, Okay, Yeah, I'm going to remember it from now on because I'm always going to think of Avenue because it's always like a V or you know, like I think of eight. But I know that you hate birds, so it's not avian. I don't hate you, just hate pigeons, which are of the Avian family. So that's how I'm gonna remember. That's how

I that's literally how I do everything. And that does not mean I'm a bad friend, by the way, Like Noah's one of my best friends. But me, it just it's one of those things that has been on my mind for so long and I never am sure of it, so I always just don't say it. But I just want to get honest about it, because it doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Doesn't mean I don't love Noah. I forgot my but like one of my best friend Robin's birthdays yesterday, I forgot Kirsten's birthday this year. I

forgot my mom's birthday this year. I'm not a bad person because I forget birthdays. I love them just as much as they love me. I'm going to forgive myself for it, and I hope that they forgive me too. But I just there's certain things sometimes that I just go You're like, I just don't shame about Like it's it's shameful that I don't know how to pronounce your last name. And then it's like gets so like can it take something really? And then I feel too embarrassed yeah,

it's it's glass. Or for a long time, I didn't know how to pronounce my own last name either. OK. That kind of makes me feel better, but like also it's I don't know what. Okay, you feel better? You didn't know Noah's last name? Yeah, no, I honestly, I I don't think I've ever said her last name once out loud until because you didn't know how to say it. Do you do you know now how to say it? Say it? Andrew, what's my last name? Say it? Bit

same name? Name? Got your like you, I'm going to say the or is there Is it wrong to say the or it's a v i o r For our listeners who may not know, is it wrong to say? Is it a vy? Or? Because I would say the or? Or is it avier avor? I used to have? There are a lot of I used to have a language teacher, and she would go every time she would take attendance, she would go, Noah avoi. She would be like so dramatic about it. It sounds like because avoir a v o i r is the one of the you know,

most popular verbs, most used verbs in French. It's to have. It means to have so like you say when you say like J J apostrophe AI, it's like I have and that's a conjugation of avoir A v O I R. So it does look very um French. So I'm glad to have that out of the way. Like that is a burden to me that I have, Like I've just been avoiding for something and it's so interesting to me that I could never like I have asked you about it before and um, and I kind of like swallowed

my pride in asking you. We've had this conversation before and I got the answer, and I think I didn't create a mnemonic device to remember it. And so then I was like, fuck, wait, Like do you ever do that where you're like clear there, you like get some information, You're like, oh good, and then you are so obsessed with all the pomp around it that you forget actually

the thing. Like you get directions somewhere and you're like thanks, man, and you're like thinking about remembering the direction, so you don't actually remember that, you know what I mean? So I need a ways for your name, is what I'm saying. I need a gps um. But there are embarrassing things when it comes to like being a human being and

it doesn't mean you're a bad person. Like I think that so much of I'm always fearing that the things I do are all proof that I'm I'm selfish, i am a narcissist, I am only for myself, and I'm a bad person. And there's like, oh, I think I'm always trying to collect things that support that belief about myself. And so I was just talking with a good friend Ian Finance. He came by my hotel. I'm in York City and old friend of you know, the up Days

E and Finance. I haven't seen him in two years, and we were talking about honestly, like we we both are you know, people who like love recovery programs, and we were talking about like struggling with just substance abuse, whether it be you know, food, pot alcohol, uh, you know, sex, porn, whatever it is. We're talking about all that, and really I was just trying to what we arrived at was

like just it all. All this behavior stems from feeling like you are not a good person and wanting to alleviate that feeling of like feeling like anxiety because you're either scared or shamed or anything. And the only way to alleviate it is to get a little hit of dopamine. And when you reach for that thing to make yourself feel better, you're just all you are in that moment that you're doing something that is addictive or wrong or illegal, is you're just trying to be a person who isn't

in pain. And why would you ever be mad at a person that's just trying to not be in pain? And like, I just think that's a great way to I don't know, I just want to put that out there. It's like if whatever anyone out there is struggling with today, whether it be like, oh, I you know I I drove drunk a little bit less or one time, and I'm so ashamed of that. I'm never gonna been I shoplifted once, I have trouble cleaning my room. Everything you

do is you're just trying your best. Like you're just a person who's in pain, so like let it go, um. And so I'm just it's like a nice reminder for myself that when I feel I think that if I wouldn't have met with Ian and had that conversation, I think I would have just said and Noah's here and not said it, But I'm just like, I'm not a bad person because I don't know how to pronounce your last name. I love you, It doesn't it's just because

I don't know your last name and I have. You know, I felt really bad forgetting my friend's birthday last night. Certain people react the way Noah is. She would never be like, how can you not know? But there are certain people that you know. I was that way for a little while with Collins because people add s on my last name and I'm like, are you even my friend? How do you not know that I don't have an

s and those kind of people. It's tough because that's why we walk on eggshells when we we want to bring it up. But a lot of people react poor to the truth. So well, I don't know what to really do when someone reacts. Just came out. Well, we talk a lot about this. You and I talk a lot about this actually on the show of Like You.

You and I are both scared of being someone being mad at us, being criticized, having it come back to us, well will you do this or the person us having to walk on eggles because you're so scared of the response,

you're going to get from telling the truth right. And I actually just read a study on Reddit the other day that uh came out that said, you know, and I'm paraphrasing because I only read a third of things, and I probably only read a third of this headline, but it said that we underestimate how much people want constructive criticism. We are living in a society where we are so scared to offend people. We are also so fragilely egoed ourselves that we project that other people don't

want constructive criticism. So studies have shown that we bite our tongue more often than not, and we shouldn't be doing that because what people actually do crave is hey, um, you know, and there's a way to present it obviously, but like I love what you've been doing, but here's a way that I can love what you're doing even more, And like you're not a bad person because you did

it this other way. You're not wrong. Like even when it comes to sex, like I kind of there have been times in romantic situations for me where I am scared to voice what I like in bed because I don't want that person to feel like shame about doing it away that I didn't like and it's so stupid because like that one time that I was giving a hand job and my stupid ring that I can't get

off like scratched the person. Like I there was a part of me that turned into seventeen year old Nikki that is like, I'm not perfect and I funked up, and like he hates me because I did this thing. I'm doing it wrong. And there was like a flash of like this deep shame of like I'm bad because I did something wrong, and I, you know, I almost like started pouting and was just like I don't even

want to do it anymore. But then I'm like that is helpful for me to know, so this person I can give them more pleasure in the way they want that they're not doing this because they think I'm a bad person. And it's just so great to get older and forgive yourself for things. And I think you're right. Andrew is like there's so many times you don't say things because you're worried about the response, and those people that do go, oh my god, you don't even know

how to pronounce my last name. It's Glazer. You've been saying glass or you're my us friend, how do you not know that the truth is that's on them. Like if people get mad at you because they're trying to make you feel like a bad person, because honestly they feel like a bad person in some way in their life and they are projecting. It always comes down to that, because people who forgive themselves for being humans and being

flawed don't have that same aggression towards other people. So when you were met by someone who lashes out at you, like Andrew left on it to you in the past,

I'm trying to get better at it. But this is something we've dealt with where you've been scared to confront me about something or to say something that you need or want from me, because you're scared I'm gonna say now, or like you're I'm gonna say no, which actually is an answer and I'm entitled to say no, which is in your Like we dealt with that, which is another whole bag of bullshit. But like when I respond in a way that is like Andrew can believe you didn't

know that, why would you do that? And like that is me me being anxious that day because of some other ship, Like and I'm taking it on on you because you are the easiest. Like much like what you grab to soothe your anxiety, like for me, it's porn or masturbating or um over eating or you know, these things are things that get my dopamine up so that

I don't have to feel anxious. Sometimes the thing that I grab that is, you know, better than drinking for me, better than kicking my dog, whatever else might happen if I didn't do those things. Sometimes that thing that's the least harmful thing I can do for myself and others is being a little bit of a bit to Andrew. And that doesn't mean that I chose the right thing in that moment. That was the only thing I could do.

And this takes us really to the Will Smith thing because I've been thinking a lot about this, and what I realized was Will Smith is someone who is in immense pain. Immense pain because you don't do that unless you are, You just don't. And I'm getting to a place of real empathy for him because this is what happen in with will Smith. This is what I think based on how I respond to things and how I've

lashed out. When he got that look from Jada after he laughed and processed the joke, and he got that look from Jada for him, like we all are met with choices in life of like what am I gonna do? I'm feeling anxious right now, I'm I'm cornered, and there's a couple options for me right Sometimes for me those options are smoking pot that I do have in my drawer in my room still I know there's some pot

or that I haven't done since August. Or it's eating this entire thing of hummus with my finger and kind of numbing out. For me, sometimes I over eat the hummus and I eat way more to the point where I feel like I'm sick, because that, to me was the easy, was the better choice for me, And those two there's the only thing, two things I had to to soothe my anxiety right now. For will Smith in that moment, he is in a similar situation. He does not have He can't meditate, He he doesn't have the

options to soothe his anxiety in that moment. First of all, he has anxiety about fucking He's already had jokes about Jada made. He already knows that he's going to feel the wrath of her for like her being in a bad mood because of these jokes later on, or whatever is gonna happen afterwards. He's already thinking of that because there's been a couple of jokes already, right, you don't know what else is going on in their lives. And then they get to that moment and he's feeling anxiety

about the ward coming up. They get to the moment Chris Rock says a joke. Will laughs uncomfortably because he's probably just thinking about other things. Didn't even hear what Chris Rock said. He looks over at Jada and he sees the face that she gives him, and what he knows is on the other side of that look, the note, whether whether it's her punitive silence in the limo on the ride of the party, whether it's weeks of her shutting him out, whether it's her whatever it is. Right

then he had two options. Deal with Chris Rock and lash out at him and like get rid of this anxiety by doing that, or deal with what is on the other side of that look from Jada. That was his two options, fight or flight in that moment, and he shows deal with the Chris Rock thing. Now, Okay,

so now he has a new corner. He's choosing that one because it's it literally is less painful to him than whatever is on the other side of that Jada look, which leads me to believe their relationship and what is going on there is messier than we know, because he shows punching Chris Rock over dealing with that Jada look. So we don't know what's going on the relationship, but I get I'm guessing it's not great. So then he goes to Chris Rock and now he has another corner

he's backed into. Do I say something back to him or do I punch him? Let's say those are his two options. He is very A couple of these are like, you know, you're in a car and you see a car crash in front of you, and you either go around it or you push on your brakes. What are you gonna do swerve? Which we always have these options, which one am I going to survive? More? And for him, the option that was better in that moment that he

chose was punching, slapping slap punching. I think Will Smith because either he didn't have the right words or oh sorry, Chris Rock. Either Will Smith did not have the right words or he he does, isn't a man that could put his anger into words in that moment, or he thought that maybe his words were going to make him look stupid or or affect his life and his livelihood and cause more pain than the punch. But he only

did the best that he could in that situation. And I'm serious, like, I know, that's like, that's the best he could do. Guys. Literally, Yes, that was all Will Smith could do in that situation. I am not angry at him for it. And you know what, the academy not pulling him out was the best they could fucking do. And you know what, it wasn't It wasn't fucking good. They should have done something. And they had a lot of time to make those decisions to pull him out

and to have repercussions for what happened. It was out of the options he had in that moment. In those options, like he he didn't I know, You're like, well, he could have just what about the option of not saying any But for him, that option was more painful. But it's the best of two. It's the least not best, being the least harm out of the two options being the best, the devil, the the best for him because

in that moment, he didn't have any other option. Like if he did, if he had the ability to stay like he would have. I think, like I always say about like when people, I think Chris Rock epitomizes every single joke he's heard over the last ten years, especially recently about his wife. What's that? No, but Chris Rock

empitomizes No, I am, I'm saying it right. What I'm saying though, is that at that moment, there's been so much build up we have before that moment that Chris Rock could have been anything like he was just the the face of a million jokes Will Smith heard over the last ten years. And what I have learned is well, that was the corner he was backed into, a corner

that was the final showdown for him. Was it like that was the moment where it was like either yeah, I know, but I've I've heard staying quiet for Will Smith before, with all the jokes that were made against what Jada pinkets Smith before, when he was staying quiet and put up with it, that was him choosing quiet

over punching someone, quiet over punching someone. And it got to the point we're staying quiet and putting up with whatever Jada was gonna Whatever was on the other side of that Jada look was more harmful to him than doing what he did. He did the thing that was going to cause the least harm to him, which ended up being punching Chris Rock. But that's what I'm saying.

It's like, You're right, it was all. The other thing about will Smith is that, you know, I've heard this from other people, so obviously I'm just repeating what I've heard. But in his book, it talks about his own mother getting abused by his father, and he never stood up for his own mother, So he never stood up for the woman that he loved, that he respected. That that was that that he cared about the most in the world, which is now obviously Jada, even though oh she fucking

cheats on him. How could you fucking care about her life? Is weird? You can still care about someone like that. Yes, that's what was all. It all culminated to that moment, and it's he didn't have an option. He didn't know it was going to be that moment. He wasn't saving. It wasn't he it was It was a volcanic explosion that was rumbling for a while, and that was the moment.

But we do this all the time, Like there are times when I will get into a fight with my boyfriend over the tiniest little thing because it happens at the moment that my defenses are weakened. I'm on my period, I'm more emotional, I have been, you know, pushing things down that I'm upset about, and it all comes out over this dumb thing. It's not about the fucking whatever it is him making the wrong turn, it's about all

the other ship. It was just that it was just the thing that that it was the best he could do. And will Smith is someone who's in pain and was doing the best he could do in that moment, which wasn't very good, but it was all he could do. On the annoying thing that I see is like, you know, so he finally stands up for his woman, right, and then everyone goes, God, he's so emasculated. He just listens to whatever his woman like, you can't win, Like you

stand up for your for your wife, right. Obviously the slap could have gone about differently, but like the idea that like, oh, you're such a fucking pussy for being tough, you know what I mean, Like the guy can't win, so either he sits there and he takes it and he's emasculated, or he hits the guy and he's also emasculated, and all these like tough alpha males like no, you don't listen to your woman there, you just take the joke. It's like, I don't know this whole like meathead culture about.

And yet he he actually got up and stood up for her, So I don't. Yeah, I I you know, it wasn't the right way to stand up because if you really, if you would have had time to think this over, it was just him being in a car accident and there was a crash in front of him. Does he swerve or does he put on his brakes? We always have these like two things that we get aside and split second, and he chose one that was like either either way it was going to be messy

for him. He didn't have he didn't come into it. If you're premeditating, If he had ideas of like if someone comes at Jada, I don't give a funk who it is, tonight's tonight. Even that premeditation is the best he can do in that moment. No, I know, it's it's an interesting way to look at it, you know, because schedule. I'm feeling for everyone in this. Everyone's doing their best and some people are People can't help their

brains and what they do. I just got to remember that before I get on, you know, just just start hating everyone, and everyone's doing the best they can do. All right, Let's go to break and come back with a fun show of news and laughs. Alright, we're back. Let's get to the news. Wait, before we get to the news, let's get to your tour. Oh, thank you for that, UM tour DA it's coming up you guys. We are going to Austin, Texas. Uh. We are also going to New Orleans. Austin is April. I believe New

Orleans is, um, New Orleans April one. We're gonna um just talk about these cities a little bit, because when we talked about Winnipeg, it got people interested. And I just like learning about a little I've never learned about cities before I go there, and maybe this will help me come up with some jokes for places I want to talk about. Austin. Um, these are some things I just came up with ten facts about Austin, Texas you didn't know and if you might just like knee jerk,

want to plan a trip to Austin. There is This is part of the Moontower Comedy Festival that I'm doing. It's a whole weekend of all the best comics in the country coming together and doing shows. What a great place to just go plan a girl's trip. Planet Romantic. We can just go by yourself if you're a comedy fan and just binge comedy. So I'll be there Thursday night doing two shows. Um, but there's comedy live podcast happening all weekend long, and I just I really recommend it.

If that sounds good, do you plan a plan a trip around it? So? Um, Austin has the only nude beach in all of Texas. Hippie Hollow is a clothing optional beach located on Lake Travis. Oh my god, I love that. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Just in like layer wearing layers topless? I just love the idea of a guy that like puts on a winter coat and goes d But no, I've never you've been topless before wearing Israel or something. No, it was in um St Martin. I would love to go to

a nude beach. I don't want to have like my I don't want to get like sand in my vagina though, because it already does when you're wearing a swimsuit. And it's just like, havn't sand in your sandwich? Which you know, I got one done in um Austin. Uh um, let's see, I had no idea. Aren't interesting? God? These are the worst, uh Austin. If there's okay, these are all the worst facts. It's just like promoting things. Um. The Texas State Capitol

Building is the second largest capital building. Who cares. Austin is one of the sunniest cities in America at three D sixty five days, Austin gets an average of three hundred days of sunshine. That's awesome. I lived in Boulder and they also um For a year I lived in Boulder going to school, and that was also a place that set celebrated three D days of sunshine. And man, does that affect your fucking mood? You know? Kerson is one of those lights that she sits in front of

in the winter when she's in Kansas. City to like give her. I don't know if it's red light, but you know it's just like for people with UM seasonal affect disorder or whatever that like, and she says it really works. Um, I definitely feel a mood shift when the sun is out. But I'm also one of those pop that loves the rain because it gives me an excuse to be depressed, which I think actually makes the most fun. I had in Austin. I took a pontoon

boat down Lake Travis. That was cool. And then you go on a I don't know if you ever done Have you ever done a rope swing? It's uh like I did ropes courses like you know in middle school and stuff for like tema rope swing into the lake like swing where you let go. I've never been less grace, Like you only fall ten feet, but you would have thought I fell six thousand feet. The way I hit the water, It's like I hit it in a way that some it looked like God threw me down to

try to kill me. But it was cool. It was fun. I wouldn't but yeah, no, people do it all the time. The best is like you see those videos where the person let's go a little early and they missed a lake completely, which is, oh yeah, I mean you know what, I have done a rope swing off a yacht and that's not to brag, but it is. It was off.

Amy rented us the sign Felt's yacht in um the Bahamas for like all of her girlfriends, and we took we had to take a seaplane there and we're on this amazing fucking yacht where they I remember they had a whole boat crew like below deck that they ironed our sheets, which I thought was like, why are they ironing our sheets? That's so stupid, But um, it was

the nicest experience of my life. But they had a rope swing that went off the thing, and I remember being so scared that I was gonna let go at the wrong time and just like slam into the side of it and just like flop in and like it's just ropes, and like thinking, your upper body strength is like more than you, like I always overestimate how strong I am, but I looked pretty good. Actually, she posted um and then Austin, I'm just I mean, Austin is

just like a cool fucking city. The people are cool, comedy is always great there, i haven't been back in so long, and I've moved this date a million times, so like, I'm so appreciative of anyone coming out to the shows, and um, I'm gonna have a lot of comedians and like, um, you're gonna be there, but I'm gonna have like a lot like I think Dr Drew's coming to one show. Like I'm getting a lot of like the comedians that are in town are coming to

my show. So there's going to be an added element of me feeling like very excited to like perform for my peers because there's usually when you're performing, there's not other comedians in town like scoping at your show, and so that'll be fun too. And um, yeah, I went on stage last night for the first time since December, and so I did three sets. Dude, it was so fun.

I'm working on this new bit that I have. I always knew I was going to talk about this one thing that happened to me, and it was always so embarrassing and kind of like shameful and something that I thought that people would judge me for that I never I just needed space from it, and I've had a year away from it and now I'm ready to like

talk about it. And for the first time last night, because all their phones are tucked away in these little cases and things like that, I felt comfortable, Like I went on stage was I wrote an entire new ten minutes last night. I like sat down and wrote all these jokes, and it's hard to memorize all of them, but they really hit. There's some really special stuff going on, and I'm really excited about my next special because I have been talking to my boyfriend about it and we're

like talking about what I want to do. Like we're watching Bo Burnham a lot the other day and we were just talking about like this is because he's never seen bo Burnham. It was one of those things where he was like, oh, this kid's annoying and like wrote him off and I was like, you just trust me, You've got to get into it. And he was blown away and really inspired and was like, Nikki, this is what you need to do with the guitar, Like this is you you like, And that's the way I felt.

I was like, I wanna I need to like start saying more and being like as honest as bow is and I have been doing that, I think, but there's a new story I want to tell and um, he told me, which is a great way to look at anything creatively you're going through. It's like every joke you write, everything you do, should answer the question, what's the story you're trying to tell? Like what is what? What are you trying to tell me? What's the story you're trying

to tell? Like he said that he worked on a production like Anytime of Me works with this production company, Done and Dusted. They do these big events like the Emmy's Grammys and like I Heart Radio Awards and they're you know, the main guy, David Jammy always asks does this what story are we trying to tell? That's what they always start with. And I love that, Like even

an awards show has a story to tell. And you know, this is getting into like Andrew of you being like, but sometimes I just like to make a silly joke. That doesn't mean any doesn't have a like an overarching meeting, but that's a story to tell. It's like silliness is important, like that could be the story. So I'm just excited, and um, I'm also excited. We're going to New Orleans, um, and I want to just do a couple of fun facts about New Orleans. Uh, and also Andrew obviously lived there.

All right, but before Andrew says one, I have an interesting one. Did you know that Bourbon Street is not named after the alcohol named after the chicken? What's no, it's named after a royal family. Is Bourbon the drink named after the royal family too? Then they both named I don't look at that fact? All right? Okay? Bourbon Street that is New Orleans for me has been tough because I don't drink anymo. I wish I would have gone to New Orleans when I drank. I mean, it's

such a great city. Um, I hope that we maybe let's stay an extra day there or something too, Like I want to just have you take me around, Andrew, like, where would you take me in New Orleans? As someone who like has been on Bourbon Street has kind of done like I don't like beignets, I don't like fried food, I don't like drinking. I love like music, Like where would you take me? I have the perfect thing. It's it's my second fun fact. Yes, New Orleans features many

above ground tombs. I love those, Yes, many literally thousands. They can't put them under underground because of the water level, they'll just be floated down there. I love, I love going through. Some interesting fact about New Orleans is uh like you could live everyone like lives pretty much next

to a cemetery where everyone's above ground. It's just like and it and it becomes in a way where it's like, oh yeah, yeah, all those people are just floating like like just about Like I don't know, it's like wild how like normal people like New Orleans, Like you lived in St. Louis, now you lived in Florida, has lived in New York? Like what's the vibe in New Orleans? What are the people? Well, here's the thing. When you go to college, it's you are like, um, excluded from

kind of the culture or the people from there. You know, you kind of stick to your own. That being said, you know, there's a shirt or a phrase that's very popular in New Orleans called third World and proud of It. And I guess the idea is like loud conversation, saying the wrong things, dark humor, um obviously you know, throwing up on your own genitals, but like really like just so they've seen some ship and they're okay with like so that show can be like dirtier. Oh my god,

you could be can be touchy. It's not gonna be like groans. Like these people can get it almost anywhere. It Yeah, hard to like entertain hard to shock them, you know what I mean, Like, Oh, that's going to be a challenge. Come to our New Orleans show and watch us try to like get you to clutch your pearls or your you know, beads that you got for

show on your tits. And I feel like with New Orleans too, it's like just one of those cities where whatever, you know, when I did drink, but you sit at a bar and you you feel very like very quickly comfortable talking to the person next to you that you've never met, and you might hear a story that you that most people would probably not tell anyone, but it's like the story they lead with. And I think that's kind of where I've gotten that kind of attitude from.

I remember going from New Orleans to then living in like Hermosa Beach, California, like straight from there, and I was not ready for that for people putting on airs and like being more like just uh uptight, and so I would lean into getting up in her moosa to the point where I couldn't walk to prove that I was normal, Like that was a mentor this too, but like to prove how New Orleans I was. And you guys don't get it. I have some Yeah, I wanna,

I really wanna. Um. I love this. This is actually so helpful because I feel like when I go to cities, I don't try to know anything because I'm just like I get scared of getting it wrong or being like hating an outside or hating a tourist that doesn't know. So I don't even attempt to know because what I it's like not asking no how to pronounce her name, because it's like I'm so ashamed that I don't know it, that I don't even know what. I'm glad to get

into this. I would I would take you to like this place called Tipotina's, which is just a small music venue where like I don't know if you've ever seen like a band called the Meters. It's like this brass band. It's like fifteen guys all on you know, the stage at the same the energy is just so p funk there, uh you know in the funk Adelics, is it p funk. Yeah. Um anyhow, wait, oh yeah, yes, I know who that is. I think Wait, I don't have long draft. It's like

colorful dreads. He was in PCU the movie anyhow. But like I think live music for you in New Orleans that would be something that you would absolutely love any energy of it. Um, Okay, that was awesome. Maybe we'll talk a little bit more about those cities. But uh, you know, every every show, I think we want to cover a couple of cities that were coming to just so we can learn about them and get the people

that are from They're excited about it. And if you have any fun New Orleans or Austin facts to share with us, please send them in and we might feature them on the show. Okay, let's get to the news. It's Wednesday, folks, you know what that means. It is Wednesday. It's hump day. Baby. We're in the middle there with Tony. Is gonna go up from there? Or is it going to decline? No one knows really, but having all the swells out there and uh, back to you know, all right.

Sandra Bullock swears by the seven dollar drug store product for youthful skin. At fifty seven can you guys, guess what it is swears by this product. I'm guessing your Gina Cleaner cleanser. Um, I'm gonna guess coconut oil. Okay, well, uh, you're both wrong. It is preparation. H She said that while starring as Gracie Hart in This Congeniality, she took away a beauty hack and said, I didn't realize that putting hemorrhoid ointment on your face is acceptable in the

beauty business. But apparently but cream does help lines around the eyes. Okay, I guess it like plumps them up like I've heard of this before for like just um puffiness. I love it constricts blood vessels, which can reduce puffiness. Okay, sorry, that's what I meant. Um. I don't know why I was. I was thinking like like filler, like like usually when lines go away, it's her underry. Well. I was also, yeah,

I've got a tail coming out of my cornea. Um. No, I guess I think of like I love these little because from yesterday I was on set, I did beat Bobby Flay, and I my makeup artist goes like, oh, you have beautiful skin. I've been hearing that a lot. Recently, and I you know, it's spirolactin. Known is the hundred milligrams I take every day that cleared up my acne. But honestly, I washed my faith with like any old

face wash. It's I don't really have a brand. And then fucking that stupid serum from the ordinary plants, squalling, plant squalling seven dollars for a thing. It's I swear by it, you guys, Like it's just that's all I need. And it's so simple, and I've bought things that are hundreds of dollars, and I think it just can be

so much more simple than people think. And yes, I I'll And the filler I had underneath my eyes was one of the best, like you know, invasive kind of things that I've done, and I've done a lot of them. That and m sculpt on my butt gave me a butt and it hasn't gone away. And maybe all so like eating properly in gaining weight has given me a butt, but um, I'm sculpted on my butt. And then um, the filler underneath my eyes really helped with like just

the hollow eyes. And the thing is, I'm still lovable with or without it. But um, there are when it comes to skincare, you don't need to go crazy. And I would die for any bestie to call in with like here is or here's my like cheap thing that I swear by, Like do you guys know what? Do you have anything in your arsenal that's like just you'll always use the rest of your life In terms of hair care skincare, One thing that I learned is that um,

what does she say? Eyebrows are the window to your face or something so like if you have a good arch in your eyebrows, it's like an instant facelift. Love that I learned a new trick that I want to share that I rarely find a new trick when you're using an eye pencil. Uh in this and men listening, maybe show this with women in your life or if

you're a guy who wears guyliner. Um, when you're using a pencil, sometimes it's like it's it kind of like doesn't go well, like it's a little too cold, and it's kind of gets like it doesn't like smoothly go on because it's like a pencil. I saw my makeup parts one time. Just do a lighter and hold it over the lighter flame a little bit to warm it up, and then it goes on smoothly, like it's almost liquid eyeliner. And I thought that was like such a cool trick, but I did it the other day and I burnt

my eyes. So be careful. It doesn't take a lot, just a couple of swipes and then test it on your hands like it's baby formula. Um okay. Next story. Social media withdrawal symptoms differ in older and younger people. One study found that older participants reported greater psychological distress upon removing their mobile devices, while younger people reported feeling better, less anxious, and less depressed. The theory is older people may have more stressful lives and need an escape, so

they use their phones like a sedative. In contrast, younger people maybe seeking excitement, so they use their mobile device as a stimulant. Interesting because you would think that people whose brains have been formed with mobile devices would be more dependent on it. But I do find that there was I forget I was around a bunch of youths once. I'm not gonna get into details because that's my own personal business, but I remember being around youth and like

having them say, like, like even a meal. I remember telling me like, he goes yes, and as I just go to the coffee shop and I leave my phone at home, which to me, I would never do. I just I might put my phone in my bag for a little bit or put it face down when I'm having lunch with my friends, so I'm not triggered by like lighting up, but leaving it at home, I would

not be able to do that. And I think that I think that sometimes, Yeah, maybe your life gets so stressful it's it's harder to manage these these because what your phone is is exactly what we're talking about. It is a way to numb out so that you're not feeling your feelings because you're having anxiety, and so you go to your phone to like not think because it's too painful to you're avoiding pain. And I think when you get older, you get weaker to to make good

decisions for yourself. You just have less options because you're fucking tired, you're more in pain, because you're fucking weighed down by life, and it's just the easiest thing to to not give up. Andrew, Yeah, I think like social media, I guess you could replace that with like an actual drug. Right, So when you're young and you're feeling anxious, where you might fucking throw in some cocaine in your nose to fucking wild out, to to forget about everything and to

just live in the moment and be present. When you're fucking sixty, the idea of cutting up cocaine is just like I don't know, I mean, I think you'll die, but like like you want, you want to numb out, but you don't want to, you don't need, you don't want it to be harmful, Yeah, at least harm And I guess more younger you are, you're more apt to do things that are will numb you out way more than your phone that you don't know yet are like oh,

yeah that's true too. Yeah, yeah, that's true too. And also I think that's your point is like young people are like, oh, I'll just do cocaine or I'll do oh no, no, no, I just meant their using their phone as like Noah said, as like a stimulant. So like the idea of being like, oh, they would rather have not rather do cocaine, but like their phone is cocaine to them. It's like, oh, I want to see something fucking wild on my phone. Meanwhile, an older person thing z X. You know what I mean, like an

older person. She's saying older people have more are get more anxious when they're away from their phones. That was the study, So younger polical distress. No, no, but my point is is that they use social media as a sedative and younger people use as a stimulant. That's what Okaya, Oh that makes sense. Um. You know you don't see an old person taking speed usually because then they'll just crash your wheelchair into Like, yes you do. Really, we

had a president on oh have present. Yeah, it's like caffeine. We're all on speed in some way, like a d D meds that just took ten of them. Yeah, I mean it's like speed is rampant things that uppers. I hate downers, Like I I definitely always loved alcohol, which is a downer, but um uppers. I don't have addictive behavior towards like I did cocaine. I was like, I love this, but it wasn't like I want to do it. More like I'm just like Okay, that was good, and

I need to like stay. It's I don't have the downers I get addicted to uppers. Uh, but but yeah, we're all trying to mitigate it. Up and down, up and down. Um, let's take a quick breaker actually right now, and we'll come back and do more headlines. Alright, we're back, now, what what's the next headline? All right? A relationship expert has revealed the three real reasons that couples are triggered

to argue. The first underlying dynamic is about power and control, which may sound like you need to unload the dishwasher my way because that's the right way. The person responding badly to that because they feel like they're being bossed around and they're losing a sense of control exactly. The second underlying cause for arguing is respect and recognition. For example, you always make plans without even asking me first m Do you even realize how much I'm doing around the house?

Very common, right, Like I need to be I need to be men as we know, Noah, need masculine energy, whether that you're the female or male or whatever in the relationship. If you're the masculine energy, you need to be respected by the person to feel loved. And I think a lot of women fuck that. I realized that was The problem in my relationship was that I didn't. I didn't respect my partner the way that he I thought I did, but I didn't, And now I have.

I made the things. I made the right voices for myself to find the ways that I have the most deep respect for this man that I never had before. And it's as soon as I was able to tap into that, and it's real, and it's like fucking like I've never felt before the kind of respect that I have for my boyfriend. As soon as I tapped into that, everything that he was that he often would feel triggered

by or feel like insecure about, completely went away. It made him feel so safe because men need to be respected and women need to be you know, cherished, And it allowed him to cherish me when I respected him. But respect is huge. Um what's the third? The third one is being caring and closeness. And it may sound like why am I the only one to text? Mm hmmm? Um, I mean a lot like why am I the only one?

And the fourth is I kea yeah? Um yeah, it's like I mean all of this every argument that I get into, uh, in my relationship or in past relationships has always come from a place for me of fear of abandonment, fear that he's going to leave me so I leave him first, fear that um anger that I am having to not be myself because this person can't handle it, which really is about me not feeling like I'm good enough for this person because I should be able to be myself, and it it has led to

resentment of like, God, I have to like act like I'm okay right now because this guy will be mad at me if I'm not okay, and then I get mad at him. But really it's on me. I shouldn't be with someone that can't handle me. What am I doing? So it was always It's always coming from a place of insecurity and me and feeling unlovable. And the only reason I'm able to have a good relationship right now

is because I love myself. I just know it. And it doesn't mean that if you don't love yourself you can't be in a relationship, but to in a really healthy one, I do believe that you have to feel you have to respect yourself enough to let's to love someone else. I just I wasn't capable of it before, and I didn't even know I wasn't and I was doing my best, and I'm glad that it took me this long. But I I The other day, I was watching the reality show with Chris did I share this anecdote?

And I was watching the first episode and he was watching it through his fucking fingers because he doesn't want to see himself. He's like embarrassed of like he just doesn't. He's like me. But I told him, you're so good on this, You're so adorable. We are so cute. I'm like rooting for us, like I'm watching a Nora Ephron film, Like we are so fucking cute. And for whatever reason,

I've watched the pilot now three times. It was the third viewing with him, and I was watching it and I was like, I saw how much he loved me in it, Like I really saw it, and I was like, that guy loves that girl so much. I kind of stopped seeing myself. And I was also like that girl, she's a fucking lot, Like what a fucking guy this guy is? Like I always used to think I was such a fucking prize and like, why don't guys get it? And the thing is I am, obviously, but there's nothing

wrong with me, but I am a lot. It takes a very special highly like um tolerant and like gentle, like forgiving and like secure man to be with someone who is so opinionated, loud talkie like as me. It just it doesn't mean that like anyone who can put up with me isn't special, but it takes a very unique person. And I was just so I just turned him and I go, thank you so much for loving that girl. She is so difficult and like she's adorable and I love her so much and she is doing

the best she can. But that is a lot for someone to handle. And you're such a good man for loving her like she needs that love. And you're like, I just love you so much a loving her, and like thank you, because that's a lot. Like suddenly I

saw like what he puts up with. Instead of me being like, you're welcome, I was like and of course, like I'm amazing, and I we laughed together, and I'm a very forgiving and affectionate person, I'm sexy and all these things that are great, but I'm also a fucking handful and I respect him so much for being such a man and putting up with such a sassy, brassy woman that I don't think a lot of men could put up with, and I know a lot of men

couldn't put up with. And I just loved him so much for it, And I think it's a really great way to find affection for your partner is to just acknowledge that you're a tough cookie and that someone chose to be with you and how cool that is and chose to love you and like stand by you with all of your flaws. And I just I fucking loved him. So I just Chris smacking a random guy in the face because he has to put up with you. He's just smacking a guy at freaking Whole Food. He just

packed his food wrong. God, It's like if not me just watched the show, Just watch that reminds me, dude that Like, no, I don't know about you. But when I saw Jada Pinkett Smith not like get up and go like we'll stop, like, I was so embarrassed for her, and I thought, like I in that moment, if I were her, I would have been mortified that my husband

boyfriend did that. I very empressed. I wouldn't have been like, I know, I think she did and I just I didn't relate to that at all, And I don't know, No, would you like if someone you know insulted something about you, would you like av to like stand up for you in in that kind of way? And in what kind of way would you have liked Do you get horny for like him like standing up for you or like defending you, protecting you? I think it depends, like in

what way. But if we were in a similar situation, like in a parking lot and like his, if he reacted that way, he would only escalate it, and I would be completely turned off by that because it would

be actually putting you more in harm's way. Yeah, exactly, And it's like escalating to like a I don't know, like a I don't know too, like barbaric for me, like I I kind of the other day when I was on Stern, I was looking at the clip they posted, and I didn't see the comments because I just knew that it was going to be upsetting to me because I was a girl with an opinion and that has not met well by a lot of times. I didn't even look, but there were eight hundred comments, and I

was like hired that day. I was just very concise and like right straight to the point. It was good. I'm glad. I I really was kind of like embarrassed of that and didn't repost it because I was like, I don't even know what I said. I didn't even want to listen to it, but I want to say that I saw eight comments and it had just been posted, and I was like, oh, Ship, this is either like

very positive or very negative. But I just know there's going to be some stuff in there that's really mean, because I saw one mean tweet that was like, oh Stern, this is the decline of Stern. Like usual, they of any comedian to call in, all they can get is Nikki Glazer, and it was like, oh god, it just made me feel like he's probably ashamed that I even called in, or like it just made me it was

the worst thing to read. But I didn't mean to read it, you know, and I almost I sent I said to Chris, like I'm having a rough day because I saw comments and I just know I'm just predicting that so many are just so mean, and I almost wanted him to go read them and like go in there and like right back to them, or like fucking just like get in there and like just just right back to these people, like the way that I used to do for Amy, Like Amy used to get trashed

on the fucking Daily Mail and I would create fake accounts, you know, anonymous accounts or as myself and on Reddit and I would go, you don't know what you're sucking talking about. Calling your a joke thief is just a way to diminish her. She's not a joke thief. This is a fucking street joke that she knew was a street joke to set up her other joke. You're an idiot,

you don't know what you're talking about. Sit this one out, non comedian because you you're you're at Like I used to defend her all the time, and it felt so good, and I on, I love when people come to my defense. But at the same time, it doesn't ever work. This doesn't get through to people. And but there was something that what wanted me to I just want someone to witness what I deal with, you know, I guess that

was it. I wanted someone who I love to witness like the hate that I have thrown at me sometimes and like how and just to take that into consideration when I'm having a bad day, that like your version of a bad day is your own unique situation that

I have to empathize with. But also like just I want you just just see a little bit of what's being hurled at me because he doesn't see it, you know, and like and I don't see it either, but even just knowing it's there, it's kind of like Andrew, you like to know you would like the water to be clear so you could see if or you want the water to be murky so you don't know if sharks are there, right like and I wanted to be clear.

I don't know that analogy doesn't really work for this. Yes, it's but it's I just go with it must be negative, like I just go with. I don't want to. I'm not even gonna get in. I didn't read like all of it, you know, I just I really but like everything I saw, I mean, I honestly didn't see one negative. And I wasn't looking for negative because if I did, I would have went through like all of them. You know,

it was almost stick to you on it. There's just times where I just know it's negative, and I know that you are going to see it because you're really good at like just like you're good at like you're proud of me, and so you look at the stuff like you always come from a place of like, oh, like you're always so proud of me, and I'm like so appreciative of Like anytime I get good news, Andrew

is always just like, dude, that's fucking awesome. Like it's weird to give your friends in the business good news that doesn't involve them sometimes because it can be like it can be threatening and like it's hard sometimes, and like I just want to say, Andrew, I really appreciate how what a good friend you are to always celebrate my chief ments and like look out for me and like and you're you're just it comes from such a good,

loving place. And I just like really appreciate your friendship in that way, because it's it's not always easy to do, even for me when it comes to your achievements, Like I struggle with like because to me, it will mean he's gonna leave me. We're not gonna be friends anymore because he's gonna get too big and like he's like I, so it's it's hard not to go there. And I just I think it's just takes a really strong person. So I like, thank you for loving me in that

way as a friend. I appreciate it, and thank you for like I mean, it's reciprocated, as you know I've said many times, but like you know, just like little things like you. I don't know how the conversation went with David Spade to get me to open for him this Saturday, but but that was you going, Hey, I believe in Andrew. He lives five minutes away. There's no

other comedians there that are alive. But other than that, you know, no, but it's not it, dude, there's other comedians, Like Andrew's the best fit to open for David Spaide, and he's he's going to impress him so much that's going to lead to opportunities for him that I don't even that had nothing to do with me, Like I you deserve it and like it's it's something that I

gave to you because I felt it. Yeah, and I felt on your end, like I don't know, there's I don't know what switched with you either or like both of us, I guess where it's like Okay, we're we're a team. We're not. We're individuals. We want each other to win. It's not a fucking competition. I've said that to you before, like I don't want to be competitive with you, and and and you've said before in the past like no, yeah, I get, but like, I don't know.

Something like has changed with you that I've noticed that is I really like, appreciate, and like I work on it because it is not my normal instinct to feel. And I don't mean that, I don't mean by judging, like, but look look at you now, I'm proud of you, but no, like there is something about you. We're just struggle For me. I get so jealous of people's am Bushman's and I made this decision like Taylor Tomlins and Special was such a like she's so funny and she's

so young. I didn't want to watch it. I And it's all because I'm threatened by her. It's all because

she I'm scared she's funnier than me. People are gonna and people with female comics always go God think in every comment I read about her is always like the one female comic that I like like, And it's just it all feels so personal against me because she's funny, and I just caught myself in this like spiral of like like not wanting to celebrate her and this amazing special she just put out or how funny this fucking phenomen of comedy is because it somehow had something to

do with me, and I chose, even though it was difficult to me to fucking promote it because I was like, I'm not promoting this on purpose because I'm threatened by it. That is so dumb and so weak, and like, I'm so proud of her. Honestly watching her makes me a better comedian. I'm fucking grateful for her. And the second that I promoted her and was like like honestly said what I said, which is like this, you know, she's

a beast. She's like the one to look out for and look out for, meaning like watch, not like, oh, she's gonna take your place, but we're all threatened. Taylor Johnbinson is so good at such a young age. And I've been there before to where other female comics did not acknowledge me, and I thought I took it. I never took it as they were threatened by me because

I'm so funny. I always took it as they don't like me, and I thought maybe Taylor, because I'm not posting about her, and she knows that she knows, I know right, like she knows that I'm seeing her stuff like it. It's it turns into like she might think I don't like her, and that is so not it. It's actually the opposite. I'm such a fan that I like can't deal. It's the same way I don't watch Mulaney because I'm just like, it makes me feel so insecure,

so instead I posted about it. The second I posted about her, she writes me a d M We're d m ng back and forth just and I just go, I'm honest with her. I go, you are so extraordinary. You're like I I forget what I said, but I just spoke from the heart. And I didn't tell her all of this. She'll probably hear this and like find out. But I'm threatened by you, Taylor, because you're so funny

and it's so stupid. And when you go into the fear, the thing that you don't want to do, when you go into it because you know it's the right thing to do and you know that it will free you. On on the other side of it is like freedom. I love when I see her clips now, I like consume everything she has. There's no part of me that's like, oh God, like Taylor and I love about like m m a at the end when they hug each other after they like brutally kill what you tried to kill

one another. Yes, and honestly, Taylor might get things that I am up for. If Taylor didn't exist, I might work more. To be honest with you, I'm just let me just say though I'm not. Let's not live in this world where it's like there's a room enough for all of us. There isn't that women are there's one woman per show. There can be only one quirky best

friend on a Netflix thing. Yes, we're a decade different in age, but there might be a thing where Taylor gets something that if it wasn't for her, I would get it, and so I could maybe go, Yeah, she she could literally be a threat to me working. And even if let's say I do need work, Andrew, let's say I do need that job. So let let's say I'm sued and I lose all my money and I do need to work, and Taylor takes that job, it's still me uplifting her is going to benefit me in

the end, Like I'm not. I'm not not like Taylor is a threat to be getting things because she is so funny, she's young, she's beautiful, she's fucking honest and cool. But that doesn't mean that I should indulge in those like jealous and vs. Bat like feelings, because that is just it's coming from a place of hate, and I just want to like I don't mean to sound like Will Smith's succeptance speech, but I want to come from

a place of love. And like it took me. It took a lot for me to do the thing that I didn't want to do, which is like tell people, hey, watch Taylor. She because I don't because I think my fans are gonna go, oh my god, she's so much better than Nick. Why am I following NICKI follow Taylor everything. Now Taylor, it's like and in that right way, there

is room for both of us. And honestly, me watching Taylor and which I was avoiding for so long, has been like, oh my god, I really like what she's doing here, and it like makes me think about the way I'm approaching. It's going to make me a better comic talk about mental health. She loves talking about all

the things awesome. Yeah, And I had her on my podcast whatever like a while back, and I was like her, Nikki would be I've talked to you about this before, off Mike, but I was like, I know you guys

will be friends. I knew you would be friends like you have, But I think sometimes you're you become so you have so much common ship with like an enemy that like all it takes is one like real healthy Because why why I'm threatened by her is because we're so simia the same reasons why we would be such good friends is why I want to keep her at a distance and try to like like and honestly, I

bet Taylor would say Taylor will be me someday. She'll be ten years down the road and there will be some little phenom that is going to be in her rear view mirror who is getting a lot of attention and they're saying like, finally this voice. We've been waiting for this, and it's going like it's that song nothing New by Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers about um, will you still love me when I'm nothing New? When I'm not the new girl anymore. And I was the new

girl for so long. I was the young, like bratt like sassy, like kind of cute, like tell it like it is girl, And I'm not that girl anymore. Taylor's that girl now, and I I'm just like her success is has nothing to do with me, and I just I she is good for the world. She empowers girls to like be more honest, and that bitch has gotten to a place of honesty and being able to put it into joke form that is so uh precise. An expert,

She's an excellent joke writer. She's a truth teller. She is young, and I know we have a lot of young listeners that sometimes don't relate to what I'm talking about. If you don't know Taylor Tomlinson, absolutely check her out. If this isn't a ringing endorsement, I don't know what is. And I just want to I want to just like celebrate people that threaten me more. She is the new host of f Boy Island three. I didn't they that honestly could happen, and I would be like, actually, that's

a good you know, listen. I hope to work with her because like that's what this could lead to. Instead of me being like, final thoughts, I need to start listening to Taylor Tomlins's podcast and drop out on ours. Now. We gotta have her on the show to talk about this, because I'm going to write her a d d M after this, just to warn her that I go into a whole thing. But um, it's it for me starting out this episode admitting I don't know how to say

you know his name? Like, I am actually admitting a lot of things that I never thought I would love air You're really thanks, but I but it brought it came up because dude, Like, it used to be hard for me when you would get things, whether it be like a girlfriend, whether it be a cat, like things like that threaten me. But I mean, like in the past, if you've got a cat, I'd be like, oh, and Jealsea has this new thing to post about that is

like doesn't have to do with me. I don't know, no, mag it was so cute anyhow, But yeah, but like it when I have those instincts and I still do them, I'm I'm not freaking perfect. I'm sure there's going to be another Taylor Tomlinson that I'm gonna like have to like, but what is it about, like the posting of like me having a cat to post, like, why would that

offend or affect you negatively? Because it's getting you attend for a like Like, honestly, this is all really embarrassing to admit, by the way, And I don't think that I'm alone here and admitting that, Like when people's lives are going well on Instagram, you kind of resent it because you're in a bad place, like you want everyone to be as gloomy as you are. So like, obviously it has every everything to do with me that that's that's that didn't happen, by the way, but like, let

me just say how that could in a way? Um, you getting a cat? Oh, Brennan Andrew are so happy with their cat. Like he's he's so he's just happy. He looks happy. Everyone's happy for him. They're saying how cute the cat is. Everyone loves him. He's getting so many likes. No one likes me. Uh, he's gonna get so many likes that now he's going to realize, like, this post has nothing to do with Nikki, So do I really need to be friends with Nikki anymore? Like

it's not really helping like I can. That's the way women. Women are fucking we that's the way my brain thinks. I go so far and it's such a fucking narciss like it is nothing, but I take it personally and I'm just starting to realize, like I if you just come up from a place of like, what do I what's the story I want to tell? Honestly, what's come back to this? What's the story I want to tell. I want everyone in the world to feel love and happiness and joy, Like that's all I want for anyone,

and I wanted myself to feel that way. And anytime I want someone to not feel joy, it's because I don't feel joy and I wanted to match mine so like, but when it comes down to it, like those feelings of jealousy I have are all myself and I'm not a bad person for feeling them. That's why I'm talking about it honestly, because I don't think that's something to be ashamed of. To feel this way and to feel

threatened by people. It's I can't help it, but I but it's nice to share it and to be honest about it, because it just freeze me when I see you with like you know whatever like big comedians or like you know, you're you've traveled way more than I've just been in St. Louis pretty much just playing golf while you've done fifteen different shows, And it's of like that sometimes I go, oh, she's just gonna forget about me, you know what I mean? Like I have those thoughts,

you know, I have those thoughts. You've proven time and time over again to me that you have my back and that I am have value to you and no matter who you meet or like being on Howard or all that ship which is whatever, like you've proven that, Like, oh no, I'm not gonna But I still have those doubts all the time, you know. I have that brain that goes through that like, oh look at her there.

Oh yeah, she's just gonna move to l A. And I'm gonna somehow live in St. Louis and have to eat dinner with their parents without her, Like you know, I have these kind of thoughts. You know that you're not crazy to think that, like those kinds you know, Like so I, um, yeah, I guess that's true, and like that's very possible. All those things so I just want to validate that might have no I I you know, when it comes down to it's like trusting that like

our friendship is about, is not transactional. And I think that's what's gotten in the way for me sometimes is that I feel like, oh, if Andrew wasn't on the road for me with me, and I wasn't, he wasn't on my podcast, and all these things like would he be friends with me? And I think I've just come to the place where I like trust that you would,

and like it's not about the things you get. Those are great things that I'm able to like give you and and of course that's like it's awesome for for you and for me, but like it just gets I think sometimes when you have your friends on payroll or like you are wrapped up in like work stuff, you start to question if you are really loved for who you are, or for the opportunities you're providing, or because

you're like famous or whatever. And I think those were some insecurities of mine for a bit, and I just instead of being like, I know he loves me as a friend, I just whatever it is it is, and I'll find out when it happens, and if you if you do end up like let's say you do end up like only as soon as something about opportunity come along, we never talk again, right then that's okay, Like then I'll deal with it. It's like I just have to

let go. And the truth is, as soon as I let go, I realized, like, oh you you do, like there's just no question that you love. There's just no question. And you know, I constantly feel like, you know, uh, do am I talented to deserve these transactions because I'm getting it from a friend? Does that make sense? Like am I? Am I worthy of this? Or am I only getting it because of friendship? And I have to constantly question of like how talented really am I? Uh?

Without the friend take the friendship out of it, if you're just going off my joke writing ability or whatever like that, you know, like, uh, would would I still be you know, in the running and what and do you know what I mean? So then you know, like am I only keeping around for your friendship? But it's not about your talent? Yes? Well, I think that it's important to know that, Like bottom line, it could be it is both. But really, if I thought that you

weren't talented, I would just pay like I just. I wouldn't, I wouldn't put you on my show like I would, I would be honest with you and give and I have given you constructive criticism of like when you do this, dude, it is what you're really like. From my perspective, I think this is going to take you to the next level. This not so much. And like, so I I am aware of how talented you and like, yeah, I I

I get that too. I got that's so interesting because we both are insecure about Like you're insecure that all I care about is your friendship and you're I've insecure that all you care about is me using your talent. And it's so funny because it um. I keep you around as my friend because you're so talented and because you inspire me, and you are the sum of your five closest friends, and I want of my being to be what Andrew Collins got going on. And that's the

truth of the matter. And you not so much or no uh and noah, it's you too, Like you're someone I spend so much time with on this podcast, and you are one of my five closest friends as well. And like, yeah, I want I want what you. I would love to be Andrew. Um and and even though that's mostly sauce, Yeah, we gotta go. I gotta go run to a meeting. I love you both so much. What a great episode. Um, I'll be back in St. Louis tomorrow. We'll be face to face and uh, love

you besties. I hope you enjoyed the episode. Don't be and he to