#173 More On Time

bothering me. Yeah, that's more like it. No, I was just about to say that, Um, well, we were talking about um, we were snapping before the show to get like the video SYNCD up. It's you know, behind the scenes stuff, you guys. But um, and whenever we snap, we're on like such different feeds that it's always like not synked up. For the editors. What are who are the editors d c J, D Christian and Dorsey Christian

and James. Dorothy Christian and James are the ones that go through all of our video every single episode and edit it so special. Shout out to d c J. Make sure you throw them some love, um as well. Besties I don't know and there and they can say like hey, no, Druki and d c J because like it is fun whenever I'm doing a show and I know that there's going to be a guy in an edit bay, usually like this kind of dark room that's going to be watching me over and over and probably

just hating. Like whenever I watch something too much, I end up like hating it, especially when you're just like toiling, especially on my special, because I've been giving so many notes that I'm just sure this person wants to fucking murder me, and um, yeah, so it's just nice to give them someone. But sometimes I just talked down the ones and I'm like, are you having a rough day? Maybe go out and get some sunshine. Vitamin D is really helpful for your whole immune system. And do you

have an animal with you in the edit bay? Go take them for a walk. They probably need to get in Like are you happy in your career? I'm glad. I want you to. I want you to love what you do. Is there anything like I try to talk to them a little bit, and I'm sure they resented um.

Before the show started, so we were snapping for d c J, and I said that, oh that snap was probably that we all did a snap one by one that was very off time, and I said that one was probably more on time than the other ones, and you said more on time. It's not like I was saying more on time. More on time. That's a great name for a podcast, actually a more on time, You're on time anal eyes similar. But I love when things sound like other things. I think it's called hominems, but

those are more words that sounding the same. But um, I really love when I heard one the other day that involves O U. So there's lots of songs that I hear like the lyrics just sound so weird that you just put other things in their place. And one of the most famous ones was in high school. I forget who discovered it. I think it was Kristen. We have a friend named Laura Holly. She had discovered like

she was Magellan. Like, honestly, wait till you hear about this discovery and you tell me if it's not up there with Magellan, I don't. I love that. Whenever you talking about this, we always just say Magellan because we don't know. At Columbus Magellan, there was one with the name t No. It was something tim Bolt or something. I don't know. That's I think that's a Romeo and the couple that cross the country, Lewis and Clark, the couple anywhere, Lewis and Clark. No, I'm thinking of Lewis

and Clark. It's Lois Lane and Clark Kent. Who did they mean to do that? More more on time? Um, But seriously, my friend Kurson was walked around with someone, didn't she She did not go discover She was not one of the pioneers. I don't think. Um. I'm sure she discovered things in her time. I was literally, yeah, I think that was a guy. Um More in time, Um, I was singing the Pocahona song. Have you ever heard the wolf Cry to the Blue Corn Moon? I love

that song? Or asked the grinning Bob Cat why he grins? I love when she wrote that and sang for the first time. It's an underrated Disney song. Um. But Kirsten discovered our friend Laura Holly the song Come on, Eileen. I probably brought this up before, but it goes the song starts, didn't anything Dan, and they say Laura Holly, And it is so clearly Laura Holly as opposed to any thing else. It really is coming on Eileen, but it sounds like Laura Holly so much. Eileen is just

a funny phrase too. Yeah, and that's what I mean. We didn't even know what calm was at this point in our lives. Like I think we would have just said it was there's another song that says your name, Yes there is, but I just want to tell me you don't hear Laura Holly. Laura Holly is the what you're listening for? Oh God, sorry again, sued, I know it sounds like more than ten seconds. Okay, God, damn it, here we go, come on. That was Ry Columbus, right

freaked out. So then there was another song, you know, and oh be your crying, and I thought it sounded like there was a girl in our field hockey team named Kate Albi and I was like Kate, oh be and she was like whoa and she really liked it. So then two days ago, I think you had said to Noah, I see Noah, and I was like, why

does that sound familiar to me? And I realized I was singing the other day during an Instagram live step back from that ledge my friend and they go, I sing over received grid phrase you know you don't belong, but they go I see Noah, and I was like, oh my god, it sounds the same as I See Noah. There's another one, have you heard? Have you ever heard Andrew Colin? It doesn't really have a nice float to it.

There are probably places where you could hear and co in. Yeah, and then yeah, put your you know it's fifty K magic or whatever. That Bruno mar song is put your Picky Brings up to the Moon, but it sounds like put your Nikki Glazer to the moon. I love people that just like throw their name in every song though they're just like, yeah, it's just like you know who the people you know you can hear it right wise.

You on that David Spade joke where he's like when you go see someone in concert and they're like they try to put the name of the town in the song, and you're just like, we get it, and they're like on a dark Arizona Highway and it's like, we get that. You know you're in Arizona town. It down Hotel Florida. Yeah, but it is. There's something so nice about a musician

saying your town's name. Yeah, They're acknowledging that they know where they are, which is nice, you know, I mean it gets so much credit though, that's the any part, or like a joke in between songs, you know, they say anything and people are like, math smells pretty good, smells pretty good out there, and it means he smells weed, and we all just go my guy looking weed, dude, David, so fucking just one illegal substance that we're all around.

Oh ship, Dave. I did cry at his concert? You did? Yeah? Were you on something? Just my heart? Did you really? What? What song made you cry? I love? Or lay down? Or I think it was a grave digger because my grandpa just died. Wasn't really about your grandpa. I blamed it on my grandpa, but I think it was how much I love Dave. I cried. I was like, I gotta Rusty goes are you crying? Rusty? The third he goes, are you crying? It was probably like crashed, one of

the slow ones. It's a sweet song. It's a sweet song. Crying and he looks over he's like, are you crying? I was like, dude, you know my grandpa died, and he's like, your grandpa, Like that was like seven years ago. That was like nine years ago, your grandpa died. Oh my god, are you like on the lawn or where? Yeah? Yeah, to be like, dude, you want another Yeah, you want to you want to do a yeager mom? And he looks over, I'm just crying and be like, dude, I

missed Grandpa Marvin. Soon you really about how your ground. Your mom won't be able to go ever, be on the lawn. She'll never hear fucking crush again on the lawn because like he can't push your wheelchair up crying. It's so funny. Have you ever cried at a concert? I cried at David Happy because I loved him so much.

I mean, any it was probably crushed or say goodbye like one of my favorite songs, like I would just I was so even Kursten recently was like, I remember you crying at his shows that we were all like Jesus Christ. But I mean, if anything, I was probably trying to force the tears to be like this is how much I love him. But you know what I'm saying, I was trying to be like Beatlemania. Probably um, but I think I've cried, I've cried at Um. I don't know.

I'm trying probably will go concerts when he plays um, She's a Jar. I really love that song. There's just sometimes that you just I just want to make sure I think, okay, Jesus Christ, that doesn't pretend well for me. I just want to know what I'm going to play in a week. I don't want you to play it. We all heard about Noah crying at Slipknot. What song? Was it My Mother and the Ass or something? No I was crying to. I wanted to get out of there.

I'm not really a Slipknot thing. You know what's on? What have you ever cried at? An? Have you ever cried at? Yeah? I think it was a Dying Fetus show. It's a real band. What happened? Did you heard your ankle mohing? I just love Noah getting jacked up or dying Fetus cat like like early like three hours before this show would be like, throws some fetis on. Dude, throws some fucking dying Fetus on. Now, don't put on

their new ship either. I'm talking old school Fetus, when it was before fetus, when it was just come in their daddy's sucking nuts. Put on bilical news. All of these are great pars No that was their album because it was a diet fetish. Wasn't it fun to talk about that? Uh? Fuck? I remember I did a show in New York. I'm just trying to We didn't even think of that. Eggs. That's a great name for eggs. That is kind of a good one, sucking running eggs.

Wait what were you just about to say? I did a show one time in in the Lower East Side had Niagara Bar. Have you ever been there in New York City? And it's a famous It was a very famous like eighties rock like Bad Brains, like all these like random yeah no, it's into it, but like they have like a plaque on stage and it's just all the most absurd names a band ever And I just went through. That was my whole set, was just making fun of like Bad Brains. I would have loved to

see that. So wait at the Dying Fetis concert, when do you cry? And what song? And how like? No she didn't really cry at a time? No I didn't. I was it was a joke. Uh yeah, but it's like probably like a movie like um uh Fox in the Hound. I think that's that always made me cry. One gets a lot of people. I think, yeah, animals, free Willie, right, yeah, um uh. And City of Angels was the one that I couldn't be They had to wait till everyone left the theater because I was sobbing

so hard I couldn't collect myself. I don't know what was happening. I think my hormones were changing. It was eighth grade and anything about like I like because it was at the end when mcgrian and this guy and Nicholas Cage finally get to be together and then she's going down the mountain on a bike and she fucking is just like enjoying it and she gets hit by

a fucking truck and I'm like Jesus Christ. And then like just something about people trying to be together and then something taking them apart was just And also Romeo and Juliet I cried at the ending of that of just like her going Ah, that's clar dances cry at the end of at the end of the movie, it soundedly the truck horn that hit fucking Meg Ryan. If you ever watched Claren Danes is crying at the end of Robio Juliette. It's such a good cry because it's

just not. She's just like, oh my god, that scene killed me. I cried in Um, I would cry watching the movie Beaches. I've never seen it, but I've heard Bett Midler and this girl has cancer, her friend has cancer, her rich friend who like has everything you would think, you know, married to the rich guy. And Bette Midler is like still like a struggling either artist or whatever, still poor. And then girls like you don't, you're just jealous of my money, blah blah blah. And then she

gets cancer and then Bett Miller fucking her husband. No a better movie, And that's when I cry. Everyone always talks about Beaches because it showed him as Any movie that has like flashbacks of them as kids being great and then them dying later, that's that always hits me. Any movie that has a nice flashback to when they like really became friends. Selena, I never saw the movie. That's such a good movie, dude, it's really is. I know it's assist killed her, right, so they really kind

of just don't cover it. They don't show that scene. You know, they just show a rose falling on stage, and you know that, like then they show the headlines of like her assistant killed her that they don't. They chose not to like recreate that scene for some reason. Um anything for Salinas. That sounds racist, but that's exactly how that guy sounded. Me and my sister were like

they called her Selena's um. You know Radio Flyer, who another sadie about two little boys who's like octopus teacher married. Yet I was sad too anything. Yeah, animals for a step mom when what's her name is dying Susan Surandon and she's like, I just want you to accept Julia Roberts as your new mother. It's like all about Julia Roberts coming in and like being the new mom, and

she's like villainized by the by Susan Surandon's character. And then Susan Surandon gets cancer and it's dying and then she kind of like passes the torch to the step mom and like to Julia Roberts and it's beautiful and sad, so so sad. I can't stop thinking about Radio Flyer. Now. It's two boys and their mom dates a stepdad who's abusive, and they want to get away, and their whole way, whole way of getting away is they build their own little airplane. Out of like a radio flyer wagon wagon.

Oh my god, dude, oh my god, it's so sad. It is so sad. If anyone's seen Radio Flyer, you know that it's fucking probably wanted. It's such a heartfelt movie. It's insane, probably because I wanted to get away, probably a little radio flyer. Yeah, but I couldn't figure out that the mechanics. I tried. It flew like three inches and then I broke my arms. You ever tried to run away? I did, but I was just out of shape. No, really, did you like pack your like little bindle stick? I

ran away one time. I got to the end of the cold to sack and was just like, I'm not Yeah, I got it same. I didn't even bring a sandwich. Yeah you know, No, well you don't bring sandwiches for like an eight hour plane ride. Yes, prepare. Camping would be a nightmare. Oh I would die in a second. We'll just get something out there, yeah, Andrew, it's the woods will make me a tuna fish. All right, let's take a quick break and come back with that is coming. Um,

we're back. What are you giggling about? That was funny, man. Sometimes you make me laugh. Sorry, Nicky, I'm sorry, I'm sorry you make me giggle gaggle. Last night we went to go eat. After we went to we went to the grocery store and then we were like, oh, let's just go get a bite at this tacos place. And Andrew shows up and the guy like one of the waiters like knows him very well. Yeah, he's a regular

already at this place. Yeah. It's like I used to, like, I go into a bar and the guy, you know, behind the bar, he'd be like, hey, you wouldn't know my name. Just like there's the guy that drinks too much and throws up on the bar and pisses himself, And I'm like, it's dude, Tommy from Fucking Snake and Jakes knows me. There's a bar in New Orleans called Snake and Jake's. We had an abe and Jake's Jake.

So Jake got around. He had a lot of different partners, partners and if you took out your dick, you got a free drink. If you were naked in the bar, I swear on my life Louie would have killed it. Uh No, but I'm serious. Ship, I went there. That's what an audience would do anyways. But yeah, if you were if you got naked in the bar, guy or girl,

you get free drinks. Um. What a fucking concept. Yeah, I mean I feel like that is a but it's it's illegal to be your kind of just look the other way, you know, because the other way there's more tips. There's everywhere you look. Oh my god, so many times I would like you it out, but like I would make sure it was fluffed and like fluffed to them. Yeah, hammered, I would just be like I didn't do it like

half my dick. You know, even if you were hammered, you were always aware that it was not what you wanted. There would be nothing words than a girl from a balcony going that and then not throwing them or throwing the beads like the small ones, because they always had these giant beads. Yes, and those were for the amazing tits or you know, amazing cock or whatever. So guys would show their cock for beats. Yeah, I don't remember that.

I mean, it's not like I was down. I just St. Louis is the second biggest Marty gross celebration in the country, and so we we kind of get it, but I don't remember that girl showed her. Well, yeah, that's the whole thing. I mean, that's a commonly known thing. But I think Dick for beas is, do you guys want jewelry to ship? I love Also Andrew cares about or you know, cared about the size of the beads. Yeah, it's to get the small ones you wanted. You one bead,

not even the necklace I just got. There's just a bead of sweat. Yeah, it was pretty amazing. Yeah, you would fluff it beforehand. You just try to get aroused, Like, but if you just knock it around, do you get aroused? I knocking around you? You play with it a little

bit and it just sort of wakes up. Yeah, it's kind of like going like this to your eyes after you wake up to be like okay, yeah, it doesn't actually help you wake up, but it just makes it feel like you know what I'm saying, Like, you're not like jerking it. No, you don't jerk it. You're just touching it. Yeah, you're fluffing. It's called fluffing. You know.

You fluff because you can't over fluff because then you're you don't want to whip out a hard penis, because then you're trying too hard, right, Oh my god, that's so you're walking a fine line. It's like girls with nipples. I guess like if you show your kids, a lot of girls will probably make sure that their nipples are hard before they show their kids, or would want to maybe, yeah,

I would. I would probably just go I'm just gonna wing it because they're good either way, or they're like you know, but yeah, hard nips are always probably the better way to make your Yeah. No, you ever show your kids in public? Uh? No, I don't think I've done that. It was on a plane. Well, okay, only when I had them pierced, but I don't. I haven't showed I never showed them. No, at least I don't think. Yeah, that's continueing to sentence. Only when I had them pierced. No,

I never showed this. Well liked people who were like, hey, did you get a pierced Yeah? Show Wait a minute, people, Then maybe I did just to show my friend. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you're flash your kids for beads or anything. Now, I've never flashed. I really haven't. I would do it because it's so funny. It's such a quick thing that people kind of go, did I see that? Are not? But I was always very um and I've got pretty good boobs. It's like, I I don't know why I haven't done it.

I never mooned anyone because I was felt the same way about my asset you felt about your dick, and like it's it's going to be like so disappointing that no one's gonna throw anything at it. And um, but my boobs. Yeah, I should try flash, but girls don't flash that much. Like when would I flash? Robin flashed like we were on a boat last year and the during in the Caymans and um, Robin my uh friend

makeup hair girl. Yeah, she has great boobs and she has no problem flashing her tits and she just did it for fun to be like whoa like at at the people back on the boat like get in the water and they were like we just it's it's a funny thing to do to people. But again, I don't want to anyone I would flash. I would be sexualizing myself too, So I would never flash you because I don't want that would just it's not our vibe and it's not like you could moon me because asses are

not sexual, especially mine because it's covered in hair. But yeah, would you ever moon people? Are you insecure about your ask? No, I'm fine with that. I remember. Yeah. I wonder what they do in Europe though, because tits are not a thing. They're like, yeah, they put on their shirt. You want beads? Jumpers are sweaters. You never went to Marty Grand New Orleans. No, only um in St. Louis. Oh my god, it is. There's no part of me wants to go to a place that is the most crowded on the day that

it's the most crowded. It Never in my life has that been something I wanted to do. And I was wild and cookie. You're on You're on Bourbon Street and you can't if you want to get ten ft that way, you just wait for the crowd to like push you that way. It's like a Travis Scott, Oh my god, Oh you went there? Um, yeah, I would. I hate crowds so much. That's why I'm so excited this weekend. We're probably gonna go whale shark swimming and we're doing it on Sunday, which is Super Sunday. And I think

that most people just block off that whole day. We're gonna be back by kickoff. No worries there. But if i'm why because I don't think why Gary, Well you can stay on the boat, but you can. Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's it's nice. There's food on the boat. It's like a boat. No. I mean, like you can watch them, but I'm going to swim with them. It's not scary at all. It's like you don't need to snorkel. They're not dangerous. If you pull up a photo of

a whale shark, they're I know, but they're gentle. There's they've ever once killed anyone in the mill, Like, yeah, it's it's not Yeah. I mean Sarah Lena was scared when we went um the last I went, you know, last two years ago, and I just held her hand and like she just swam. I just swam with her holding my hand and we just like stayed together. So I could just do that with you. Can you put your head just on the water and look with from the boat. No, No, I'm sorry. Do you want to

request one of those and pay the extra money? It is, yeah, do not go because you're think you might be scared of whale shar there in the words shark just intimidates people, But they don't. They're not. They're just big old fish. They're giant fish. What they eat like sucking algae and ship plankton. This is the same thing as these fucking sting rays and caman things to be scared of when

there's no evidence that they've ever hurt anyone. Like, I understand having fears, but there's nothing to be scared of, all right on that case, what's your biggest fear that they're going to just decide to eat a human? Well, it's not just if you're down there, you're it's not just like a whale shark like tank. There's other fish I know, but like like what if an orca showed up, works don't hurt you either. Killer whales are here, yeah,

I know, but they don't hurt you. Have you seen a rambe or whatever, a rombe that that one was in, a that one was in. A killer whales have killed people in the in captivity. Well stop it, stop it. You can also drown you could also, I know. But I'm just saying I'm not afraid of sharks when I'm surfing. It's not exactly you're not. If you're not afraid of killer whales when you're surfing, then you can do this. Stop being a baby. I'm not gonna let you have

anxiety about this. You can have anxiety, but I'm not gonna. It's such a cool experience. Talk to seriling about it. Let's get to the newsst Hey, it's the news, folks, It's Tuesday. You know what that means. It is Tuesday. I hope you're having all the swells out there. We sure are. Um here we go. Lots of people die

every year during, during or just having sex. Uh, pathologists explains, in most cases caused by physical strain of sexual activity or prescription drugs drugs did treat e d erectile dysfunction, for example, or illegal drugs such as cocaine or both. Wait, why eat so viagra? Yeah, viagra because they can just attact your blood flow. Oh, cause scroke or something. So. Sudden death occurred mostly in men, average age around fifty nine, and most frequently it's a heart attack. Oh my god.

New studies should suggest that sudden cardiac death and people under the age of fifty is mainly due to sudden Oh I guess that's the age where you like are still having sex, because I think it drops out pretty severely in your sixties. Yeah, then you die thinking about having sex a disease of the heart muscle. So if you have like priority and you don't know that your hearts sucked up? Yeah, what a way to go? Would

you want to go? Having sex? Sometimes I feel like I am because because you know, like we'll funk for a long time and I'll just be like, he'll be so exhausted. I'm like, I stand up at it a bed. Sometimes it was like, yeah, it is such a strenuous activity for the man involved and sometimes the women. You know, for sure the women, but I and I'm just getting a lot of this from the poor and I watch, But the men do so much work. There's so much work doing this constant Like that's a lot. I don't

want to die for one orgasm, Like it doesn't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Like the idea of like heart what about if you were in some like Berri's boot camp bullshit, Like would you want to die for that? Like doesn't that get your heart rate up just as much? That's a good point if you're comparing it the berries, like why would you You're gonna die somehow, like if you have a heart condition, it's gonna get you. If you

it's if it's you know, an unknown one. Well, it says it's extremely low and accounts for point six percent of all cases of sudden death. And then two is when you see a whale shark, it says here, which is weird. Um no, that's I would go fucking a whale shark. Well, it says. Also, I read the articles something about like thirty nine year old guys like like the eight like I'm past the age that like it happens when it does happen. Wait you yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I don't think I'll be sucking at I

mean my dick soft at forty one. I mean, how many viagram am I gonna have to take? Just one? I think probably just one. But you said you're not taken by a great anymore. No, Well, Beautrin has been

helping with Yeah, yeah that's good. Yeah, I mean I don't know what's in that drug, but dude, I tried to lascurbrate last night and just nothing there is literally in Our internet connection is pretty slow here, and so I just wait and wait for these clips to load, knowing that it's probably not gonna work for me anyway, based on the little um previews that they've shown, you know, the pictures where I go, okay, maybe, and then I read the details to see if there's all the things

that I want in a video, and um, it's coming to buffering, Like just like to search through an hour long video to find if a guy calls this girl a good girl, because there's no way to search for good girl porn where the guy says good girl. There's no way to search for porn where the guy is encouraging and sensual and like it's also hard but also kind. It's like there's no weight, so I just have to sift through all the ship looking for the one thing

that's going to do it. And some nights I'm like, do I want this kind or do I want this other kind? And I can't even tell what I want. And then last night I was just like, it can't be done. There's nothing would be good for you. That's what I go to. It's it's called um uh red Gift and it's just just yeah, and it's just you go like you they're long and you go and they load and and once you find one, it gives all ones that are like that in the feed. And then

and it has sound and everything. Yeah, red red Jeff ri ri E d G. I F it's a dot com or an app. I don't know, you know it it on the I go to subreddits for the kind of porn I like, and then they on Reddit that the sound is muted. But then they have a link at the top that says red Jeff and I was click that link and then it takes me to this red Jeff thing. And so it's right if you just good in the red Jeff now out because they don't

categorize it that way. But if you type in like like I go to certain separated it's and then I'll see something that I like. And like last night, I clicked on one because it was some double penetration one that I was going to have been too. And then I went to the red jet version and said started looking like, oh what about this video is like all these other videos and it was just American and I was like, I don't need American girl, Like what about this?

Was she wearing like a fucking yeah, no, she wasn't. She was just like a blonde girl. And so I guess they were like, whoever watches this is into Americans. So it was just a it's just I'm I am grateful for born, I'm grateful for all the women who have gave given their careers and they're like social lives and risked things to like make this stuff. But it's just there's gotta be a better way. And yeah, having having um, I need to get back to basics of

like fantasizing. But there's just nothing I I want to fantasize about. I guess it's yeah, anytime I try to use my brain, it just and I can't stay on the subject. No me neither. I I wonder off, I get lost in the woods and I can't get back. Okay, next story A burglar burglar? Burglar? Does that have three burglar? I've always said burglar? Is it burglar? It sounds like you're saying like a burglart. It sounds like I'm the hamdled look at the look at burger, look at the word.

I feel like I'm doing ham burglar. But I've shortened it the burglar, which is actually better with it you don't need the ham there, how I say it because it already says burger eight. So you got the ham burglar from McDonald's. My way is burgerler. So then you got burger in it already. Oh yeah, burglar, burglar, burglar. But do you see why there's no there's nowhere for that in the way that it's written. Yeah, it's like when I say tubular or no turbulence actually that yeah syllable.

I take it out in that some words. I take out turbulence, turbulence, burglar, burglar. Okay, people are going to kill themselves. Okay, turbulent no no, no, you just go, but you do a hard bee instead of beu you go. But turbulence, it's turbulence. Yeah, I leave out the and regular, regular, regular burglar, burgular throw you so I take that you out of Okay, So what happened with this burglar? So he was in turbulence? Oh my god? Can you imagine

he was just the regular burglar? I mean you're reading that. Can you just hold it up so that you just don't disappear for people? It's okay, okay, Um, a regular burglar, A regular burglar, Okay, burglar. Wait, we try to save burglar. Okay, I could do it, burglar. I just think of turbulence. Can't wait for this. Okay, A burglar left, No, no, no, no, A burglary, A burglar. Yeah, there you go, a burglar. It's really short there, it's really short. It's gonna say,

I feel like someone stole the you. I wonder who it was. Burglar. Your life is about to change. You're gonna have so much more free time now, all right, okay, a burglar. A burglar left two hundred dollars an apology note when victims came home to find a window he broke, and then he ate shrimp, drank beer, and bathed inside at home. Oh my god. This sounds like if you burglarized, I wouldn't leave two hundred. I'd leave like forty. Okay, Well, it's not completely unheard of for a homeowner to come

home in the middle of a burglary. It is quite uncommon for the suspect to be non confrontational about the crime, so that he but it thought they didn't come home during it. Yeah they did. They found him in the house. Yeah, keep going bathing, shrimp in the bathtub, and a beer. So he left two hundred dollars like hey, don't arrest me. So I wonder if you would have left a two

hundred dollars if he didn't get caught. He just felt really embarrassed and was sad, and he left the two hundred dollars because he broke a window to get in. And but I wonder like once they caught him, he was like, just hold on, hold on, let me just like I got some money. And then did he like, how do you leave two hundred dollars if the people are like you know what I'm saying? Maybe they were just like, hey, who are you? And he was like, here you go, here's for the shrimp pie. I mean,

there's no way you two worth your shrimp. And with the window, oh, the window abo the bath, Chad knows what he left behind is going to need clean up. Have you ever been burglarized? No? But I would I stole plenty. Really, I would like steal from my roommate, but just quarters. He had like a quarter jar and I would just steal him to eat double stacks from Wendy's. Oh my god. I was like, they're just quarters. Yeah, he's a rich guy, you know, it's just a hundred

thousand dollars he's a millionaire. You never stole, well, no, you would steal from from from Yeah, I did some stealing. Um, I stole one time from someone who was like a friend. And I have to And it's like one of these things that haunts me that I have to like what happened. No, No,

I just don't want to. Like it's one of those things in my past that I was like really just not a good person, and like I have to uh do a like you know, when you're in a twelve step program, you ultimately have to get to a point where you uh was it cash though, or was it Yeah, it was I stole money from a business I was working for, and like it was not good and you know, you justify it. It's weird how you could justify I would justify it and um and yeah, I oh I

have to. Um. You know I've given back to that establishment a lot to make up for it. But they don't know why I've done that. You know what I'm saying, you have to actually at some point I'm going to have to explain what happened and like to them, what if you go to jail? It was? I mean the

statute of limitations, this way. I mean, this was forever because to jail for stealing scrunching still weighs on me though, you know, like doing something like that where the person those people trusted me and I stole from them and um, and it wasn't a lot, but it was just like I knew it was wrong, and I lied to them about it, and it's just like I just can't get over I I it's it definitely is like affects me

subconsciously at times. I think a lot of times it's like where you're at in your mind and where you're at financially. You know, I remember how you people hurt

people hurt people. I was not making a excuse for it, but because I know that about myself, when people do things like that to me, or like I witnessed them, I can go that person doesn't want to You're in a sociopath If you are stealing so that you can hurt someone, that's that's that's different than just like be having a fucking something's wrong with you on the inside. You hate yourself and so you're just doing bad things.

I had, like I don't know when I was dog walking for you, I don't know how much money I had. I barely paid rent, and you you would have like gigs on the weekend and then you would have like just so much cash just sitting on And I'm like, she won't care if I never took it. I swear to god, I don't think I had the thought of, like, what's she won't even I would never know, but I would have known. But I reallysted you, you know, like and clearly I could yeah, because I really didn't do it.

I really would tell you because I think it would be good. But there are a lot of people that leave out cash to to um. I just that was me being just like like something, I don't have respect for money because it scares me so much. So like I don't like to count my money. I don't like to like have all the bills facing one way and know exactly how much is in my wallet at any given time, because I just money scares me. I don't I don't even know how much. Like I've talked about this,

I don't know how much money I have. I really, if I took a guess, I could be off by so much it would make you like I would probably you know, like I'm really dumb when it comes that stuff, but it's just because it scares me. And so that wasn't me trying to be like look how much me. No, I didn't take it like that. But I think sometimes

people do that and it's really icky. Like I remember my friend said that he lived with this girl once and they were all like starving artists, and she got a bunch of commercials and she would leave checks out for like that. She would just be like I forgot to catch like I'm just like it. She would leave it out purposely on the kitchen counter to be like

she put on the refrigerator. She's like, I don't know how I got there because like my test score it, and then what's the note about how you guys are poor pieces of I saw that same girl one night. We were all hanger out and she stumbled out of her bedroom and like was catatonically drunk and like couldn't didn't even see a bunch of people were in the kitchen like hanging out comics. She just like stubble out, was like like saw through us and then just got it.

Um got out of pan and was like cooking eggs at like four in the morning, but like wasted and We're all just kind of watching because she didn't acknowledge us, and we were like hi, and she's just like and then she just decided to wait for the eggs to cook and like lean up against the stove like with her back to it, and like slink down it and just like sit there. And she had like ship all over her underwear, and it was like so she was

in her under which it was so embarrassing. And I think at the time, I probably didn't have a lot of empathy, so I was just like, ha ha, she's sucking ship in here. But she's such a piece of ship. But now I'm like, that is horrifying. And I've been that girl before. I mean, I've been drunk enough that I've shipped myself. Have you ever I've shipped myself? But

Silber never drunk. Well that's respectable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, and I only had forty bucks in my account, so I yeah, I mean, I think I used to wipe with my fucking cash. That's the way you. I I got you walk all right, let's get to let's going to break and um, why do I care? Come back with why do I care? Why do I care? Why do I care. Tom Holland from Spider Man and Zendaya's boyfriend thought Mark Wahlberg gifted him a sex toy. The two men recently shot the movie Unchartered and spent some

time hanging out together. This included Wahburg fifty, giving Holland twenty five a gift, and driving him back to his hotel one day. Essentially, Mark Wahlberg was kind enough to give me a massage gun after I left his house in l A and he drove me back to my hotel. I was confused as to what kind of massage gun this was, having never seen one before, and I thought it was the type of self pleasure. I thought Mark Wahlberg was driving me back to my house for other

reasons than just being a gentleman. I didn't know. It's Hollywood, baby, who knows what's going to happen. That's the Holland by all accounts that I can tell, is just awesome. Yea and funny. Honestly, did you know he murdered a fucking crime? He just blinded him. Yeah, he just beat him to almost death. Well you know, aren't important? Yeah, yeah, made up for it because he gave Tom Holland. Yeah, that

he used to killowman. Uh, it's just over time. It's like it's like when it is uh, the man out of Migraine and he used the massage gun to poke him in the eyes for six years. Yeah. Yeah, the guy eventually died from old age. Um, okay, so not we're not mocking anyone's death. By the way. No, the guy was sucking um he was starting nine. Okay, so I gotta stop. This is burglar um cam drop, cam drops,

cam drop. What do you think like Tom Holland To me every interview I've seen, he's like, like, all these people so humble and so good at what they do. Are they like that good at acting? Where people are just cool? You know, I've met a bunch of cool people in my life, and sometimes they just end up being actors, you know what I mean? Yeah, but usually you ran against actors what you ran to it against actors in the past. Oh yeah, against actors, I know.

I was like, yeah, that was definitely a more on time. I was like for class president. Um, yeah, I think that some actors can just yeah, be actually cool. And I don't know, but he he seems great and you love Zendia watched Euphoria. I watched season one. I have to watch season two. I don't. I've never I don't know literally anything about it except all the memes about like this is how people in Euphoria high School dress,

it's how people at regular high school dress. And I was probably being talked into Twitter I goes and dia Emmy after I watched the latest episode, and I was just like reaffirmed that, like every single person was saying, like how incredible it was. She plays like a kid addicted to drugs. I mean it's a little over the top. You know, some would say too over the top, like Okay,

come on, what are you doing? But and how is no one noticing that she's on drug there's a lot of ship that's but yeah, there's a fine line between good acting and overacting. I know it's close. She's right on the line, but like, I don't know, she does something within her eyes where like you, she looks like good acting is totally subjective, like what what people think

good actors are. I mean, I think we can all grant some people, but like some people just love the way some people do things, and other times you're just like, oh, it's I like them more like, oh, that's exactly how they would talk. But a lot of times that's just like the dialogue that they have to do. People in film and TV just do not talk like normal people,

and it really bugs me. Yeah, you hate that, you like, no one would ever talk the way, you know, like the whole tropes of when people hang up on the phone, they never say goodbye. On TV, there's never a goodbye. It's just a thing. It bothers me. When people are eating, they never eat, they never take bites of food. I know, these are all things that you know, either waste time or will mess up the shop. But like I like, I like realism, you know, like my favorite shows, they

really are, they're my favorite shows. And more like herb Curb, you know that that borders on people like, that's very real, realistic, I would say, because they're also not following a script. They're just talking the way they would talk if given

that scene. You know, they're just given a prompt. But then there are times I watched Curb and I go, no one would ever act like this, no one, you know, And then you just have to suspend disbelief that, like, Okay, Larry is just a magnet for people being upset with him everything he does, and everyone is irrationally upset at every step of the way for him. So okay, that's the world he lives in. But at least the people

talk like normal people. Yes, yeah, I'm trying to think of a show that is is very just like they tend to be pretty boring and slow after life, they talk like normal people. They talk the way people would talk.

Ricky Gervaves is a comic, so I think he does a really good job of like knowing what I was talking to Bill Dixon the EP of the show We're working on Perfect Strangers too, and he said that when he's hiring reality show producers are people that like, he likes to hire comics as reality show producers because they they noticed things like human interactions, they noticed the things beneath the surface that because that's the comics job is to like look at the world and see it through

different lens where you go, oh my god, I never even saw it that way, holy shit. And so he likes to hire comedians because he knows that they're good at reading people and knowing what the motives are and like what I mean that is like that's the skill I've always had that sometimes gets in my way when

you like over anal lies things. But last yesterday I came up with a motive for something and Andrew was like, if that is true, because I go, I don't know why this person is doing this or whatever, and I go, I have a theory, and he was just like, if that is why? That is so fucked up, and I go, I sometimes you know how like people get in the mind of criminals and they're like he used her ear

as fucking yeah, like that just weren't there. But then when they were, when they were, uh, when you acknowledge that, you're like, oh, they were there the whole time. Yeah, that's fucking wild. But then you're like and then you've done that a lot with you had been so wrong where I'm like, I get why you wrote that caption on that thing because you were trying to let this person know that, and you're like, no, it's just like

you're right. Sometimes you're right, but then sometimes I'm like, yeah, it's so like sometimes I feel like you come and you're like I'm like yeah, obviously, Like in my mind, I'm like, yeah, you figured it out, like obviously, Well, sometimes I'm trying to draw attention to the fact that, like, you're being too obvious. So it's not even like I'm going, I'm going Andrew be a little bit more obtuse about your motivations for things. What I just wanted to steal

from you? Nick? What what's the big money? Dude? You just leave up? Oh man, that's a whole another thing we didn't Oh man, I didn't do it. But these kids as a prank, Oh god, oh no, we got to get to read it up. Yeah, they read it dumped on a dollar bill and they would put it in the street and have people pick it up. But in fairness, it was like like normal like rich football people,

not like they weren't like fuing with homeless people. Well, how do they guarantee the people walking down the street they're going to be ritch football people? Oh my god, those people have a story forever I picked up a dollar and had shipped all over it. Yeah, let's get to Reddit dump karaoke mode. This is your Reddit doum. It's time for Reddit dump. Is where I go through all my Reddit saved posts that I wanted to share

with you guys. Where I go through Reddit late at night. Um, No, will you play the thing that I just texted you? And um, this is the new Britney Spears perfect. This is the new Britney Spears um song that you know. I want to play the first one? Can we play the first Britney Spears she released in her bathroom a couple of weeks ago. This was on Instagram. We covered it on the show. This was Britney Spears singing in her bathroom and she she just recently released a new one.

But let's listen to the first one. Okay, great, that's a great flashback. Okay, now there's a new one that I found on Reddit. I want to play it for you guys. Noah, hit it. This was found in Funny and Funny. I'll tell you the subpreddit later. Wait one more time. Let's hear it, dude, I gotta put this on my Instagram. It's too perfect. Them next to each other, Holy sh it. Um, that was from Funny Animals and

that's definitely a cat me owing. And they did not connected to the Britty video I did, and that is a that is a dead ringer. I didn't even play them next to each other last night when I came up with that joke. I mean it's uh, that was incredible. I mean I heard that cat though is still has under conservative ship. That's what I've heard, pretty kitty. Um this is when I found on next fucking level the subreddit,

and it was tornado sirens harmonizing. This guy was in the goal of um four tomato tomato four tomatoes that were spotted around his area. But he's in the middle of four tornado sirens in his area and they all turned harmonizing. It's one of the most beautiful things you might have heard this. It was going around months ago, but it's reservice I want to share with you. At one time, all the tornado sirens in my neighborhood accidentally harmonized the middle of about four sirens. So it may

have been that four sirens were going off perfectly. Seriously, this is crazy. I'm in awe. Doesn't that sound like the end of Free Willie or something like like like that movie August or whatever. What is it the movie where the kid heard music everywhere? No, I don't know that one. It's called Charlie hear music everywhere. Oh yeah, He'll be like, oh, there's four tornadoes. That's sharp f f Oh, he know, he's like he's good at Yeah,

that's like his whole thing. What's it called his new songs light switch or something, and he took a light switch. Oh yeah, you told me that, But that's like tornado. Fucking um. This was from ask credit. It's a straight man of Reddit what instantly makes a woman unattractive? One? The top rated one was a couple three or four ankle hairs on an otherwise perfectly shaved leg. So you're not alone. I don't care that. It was just a joke. What happy true? Happy true? I don't know you. I

just remember it was specifically ankle hairs. Ankle hair. Yeah, there was time. Yeah. Someone said when a woman says I'm a bit, it's just who I am. Or it takes a special man to handle me like you are grown handle your damn self. Red flags all around. I'm like, don't watch of Island. Yeah, don't watch perfect Stream. If you can't handle me am at worst, you don't deserve me at my best. It's probably the worst mindset to come across in a person. Yeah, yeah, I don't like those.

Another person said not being self aware meaning not admitting when she's wrong. And getting mad until you apologize, even though it is her fault. Um hobby interest shaming, unless, of course, your hobbies and interests are interesting. I don't know what that means. Being addicted to heroin or meth. Oh, that's a good one. Being mean to animals, I mean, duh okay um, okay, so your mom, you know what I mean? That everyone away says, like the way that they treat the help I guess you could call it.

It's just so indicative of someone. I mean, I rarely witness as someone being like I don't think I'm friends with anyone who is mean to people that workplaces. I mean, it would be ridiculous. But the thing is, unless you're around those you don't know you could be okay. Um, today I learned, And I don't think a lot of times those people even know they're being mean because they just do it. Uh. Today I learned today I learned.

In Albanian superstition about hiccups is that when they occur when someone mentions the hiccupping person's name, that they occur when someone mentions the hiccuping person's name and conversation. To stop the hiccups, one must say the names of anyone they think talked about them. The hiccups will cease once the gosiper's name is spoken. I kind of like that.

So if you have hiccups, you just start saying names of people you think might be talking about you, and if they are the person that you got it right, then your hiccups will stop. I mean, I think eventually you get to it and nacops would have stopped anyways. But or have you trying to scare someone out of hiccups? Oh? Yeah, it worse, Yeah, because it disrupts your or some there's something going on, like some kind of tick inside your limbic system and it disrupts it. Yeah. Or you drink

water through a napkin. I always drink water. Plug my nose, plug my ears, put my head between my legs and then swallow and it always works. Always take us up with water. I'm serious, It is never not worked for me. Or I hold my breath always until I pass out, daring like the JFK speech, you know, like or or like and they got hiccups. How funny that would have been. It's interesting. You never for anyone who gets migraines or hiccups or sucking anything you rarely, it rarely happens time

or trust when you are performing, it goes off. There's something about it, like I've never once gotten a migraine on a day I have to work. It always happens on a day I don't have to work. I've never gotten because it is building up while you're working. I think, No, I think it's something about it that's mental that That's what I'm saying. No, but I think it gives you

the idle brain is the time when it. I think, if my brain goes do you if you you cannot get this migraine during this there's just no way we're gonna let you get that. So you're gonna we're gonna protect you. There's something that And it's just like what about like your special taping, if you got the hiccups or you have it, would never have saying diary, that's the thing. It's just it doesn't even when I have

to poop. Really but like say I'm about to go on and i have to poop, it goes away when I'm on stage or if I'm any kind of sickness or anything I'm dealing with. When even a sore throat or like I lose my voice, it will come back on stage a little bit better. It's so weird. There'll be times where like I'll have indigestion and I'll be burping. Well, the person is calling my name. I can't get this burt out. Okay, I'm not gonna. I'm gonna. I won't be able to say my first and then literally get

on stage and then it's like completely gone. So let's go into final thought. This is from asked credit. It's called anti bucket list. What's something you'll never do again? Someone said rent a car while visiting New York City. So and said, that's like asking to babysit someone's kid on vacation. Um. I just said a burb um so uh. Someone said, assume that every coworker, uh someone that's something that you'll never do again. Assuming assumed that every coworker

is a friend. Oh, I like that one. There's some really good ones here setting settling for a relationship knowing you're not really happy. I was a server for five years. It was fun most of the time, but got almighty. The worst customers could drive a person to murder. I don't know what they're saying they'll never do again. Go to Times Square for New Year's Eve. Looks great on TV, not great in person unless you pay to get in the walled off area. Go to Disney World's Magic Kingdom

on Christmas Day. Shoulder a shoulder, people, insane lines and nothing special I couldn't see earlier in the month. Swim in the sea at night whilst drunk, nearly drowned. Go swimming with whale sharks. They fucking eat you, I promised. Wait, I want to get that one. Um, someone said, I refused to do retail again. People are literally such assholes and don't realize you're trying to help them and still get their job done, and still get your job done. Um.

I like these. Child Birth and the postpartum period, Love my daughter to death, one and done, pulling an all nighter, ages, catching up on me binge drink. I used to go down benders for a week or two. Now I barely even drink. Uh yeah, stay at a job of an unhappy at bungee jump. Oh this is the one. I wanted to read bungee jump as soon as they as my feet left the edge, all I could think of, Well, that was stupid. It was exciting and probably safe enough, but it was enough for me to know I will

never willingly do that again. Have you guys bungee jumped? No, I jumped out of a plane. Oh yeah with a bungee. Yeah, you got him mixed stuff. Actually, the guy's hair could have bungee jumped. He had looked really long hair, and it just like, dug, you know, it's just like interesting, like could they strap you in? They literally like, yeah, you scared. Uh, it was really early in the morning

and so it got you like you were vulnerable. No, No, I was like, I didn't really think about it that much, But didn't you have to think about it the night before when you agreed to do it or whatever you agreed to do it. I don't think I did it with Rusty. I knew it was worth Rusty, yes, and I paid for it and I didn't pay me back for years, and I wouldn't be like, dude, did I cry Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he was playing because

he landed on the lawn of the Dave Matthews. I would never I don't understand why people do it, and I know that if I do do it, I'm going to be like the small percentage of people where it gets like caught around the neck or something. Yes, someone said in this thing, I agree with you. I would never do it, just one thing I could definitely die without doing. I mean also the same, but I'm more about that about my like I don't want my face

to go like this. I didn't mean scary, because the plane you go up in is from like I'm working propeller barely so. Someone said, so fun fact that I learned after bungee jumping was that apparently if you have severe myopia, it's not recommended at all. I had gone and had a blast until I felt a pop in my eyes and got a migraine and spots in my vision. Turns out I had mild vitreous detachment in my eyes that I had left a small dark spot in my

vision seven years later. So yeah, probably won't be doing that again. Um. This one. Someone said, I know someone whose cousin died from bungee jumping. She wasn't connected and she fell to her death. It's also on video, and the person edited their comments said, quit asking me for the video, go to hell. Um. Someone said, my aunt jumped in her harness broke she broke her butt, but luckily she's fine. Now someone said, how can you tell

that she broke her but there's a big crack in it. Um. So this one, this was the one that I wanted to read to you guys. I told Andrew about this. Ah, there's another one I recently heard of where the guy running it running the bungee jump company said no jump, but with a heavy accent. The person heard now jump and she jumped to her death. And it is true. They connected me to the news story. I want to read this to you. Bungee jumper plunged to her death

due to instructors poor english. Um. This was June seventeen. Two bungee jumping staffers have been found guilty of manslaughter after a team heard now jump instead of no jump from an instructor with poor English. A court has heard accord as her Dutch teenager Vera Mole seventeen plunged to her death before her rope was secured when she misheard a Spanish instructor. It happened in the bridge of Cabinskabe Zone Day they sell, located in the northern Spanish province

of Cantabria. In two thousand fife. Oh this happened too, thats fifteen. This girl, look at her, What a cutie, poor thing. Yeah, I wonder they weren't licensed to organized jumps from the bridge. Both operators face face sentences between one and four years in jail. It's crazy, like why when they put the rope on away from that's why they This would never have happened if it was a real company. The bridge was not even being meant to be used for bungee jumping. Um yeah, like insane nip

line like through the mountains and ship pretty wild. And because I heard about someone getting like a cut on their leg and then getting like a bacterial infection that made them get their skin like started cut off everything up to their fucking head. I'm not kidding you, like a little tiny cut, like someone jumps in a pond in fucking Mexico and they get a little time the bacteria from the fish. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we almost went and got our skin eaten at the fish pedicure place.

But then we googled peda fish pedicure, and it turns out the fish only eat the skin, not because it's a part of their diet, because they're starving and they just might as well eat that, so that's already bad. But then also they can they carry disease. They're like animals that carry disease, and these if they're not properly clean. These animals are not cleaned, and they're water is not clean and you can get like a disease. So don't

go to those places. Do not support businesses that use animals and pretend like these animals like you go, oh, I'm just giving the fish a meal. No, they're just like they'll just eat anything. At that point, it's really sad, but kind I wish I would have tried it before I knew the facts. You know. It's one of those things. Yeah, I mean that's but everything you could find like oh, guy walks down the street got hit by a car.

I can't walk down the street, you know what I mean, Like they're every No, but once you know that it's cruel to animals. But I'm saying, like one person dying, like you can find one person dying in every single act. My point about your whale shark adventure, Mr, My point about you not jumping out of an airplane, well I don't want to do it because my skin is gonna stretch. I don't want to do it because whales will stretch my fucking nipples. They're going to train a bread sweed

on those puffs. All right, guys, we are done with the show today. We'll be back tomorrow with Moore. Thank you for listening. Don't be ca and yack, that's not one. Look it up. It's the named Jackie Jack somewhere