#159 Bit By Bees

much to do? You know? It's like I I have honestly so many things that now I can't do today because I have to go get botox and micro needling and potential filler. I'm just like, I'm almost oppressed at the idea of getting all this stuff done today. But it's like, you need to do it because my face is old and I'm about to be on TV like a lot. It's so insane. And I was watching The Bachelor Atte last night. These twenty something. First of all,

they've aged up on the Bachelor Atte. Everyone's I think the median age, which I could also say average because those two things mean nothing different to me. I know median is if like, if you list them all out, it's like the middle one. I think that does that mean you the mean equals average, So you meant to say mean, well, I just said media. I bet it would be the same. Sometimes they are the same. Sometimes

they're different, which is wild. What do you have in the middle, Yes, well there's definitely not ninety sevens in the middle of that of ages. Um. I just kept pushing, putting my own face, like like if I got out of the car, how different I would look? What I look like? The old Because at one point an old woman gets out of the car and it's like, oh, it's the old woman. She was the driver, she was she was for the Next Bachelor at they're doing like

the senior edition. She was going to need a ramp, there's no steps over a wheelchair. I just love like going really old, Like we're going to do the senior Edition, and I mean, what is the senior edition something? Yeah, she's really You think they would call it the senior edition if it was just people in their forties, Yeah, that would be that would be funny if they called it that. But they're not funny. Oh yeah, that's true,

but so several. Do you think senior can sometimes mean people in their forties, like a senior citizen can mean someone in their forties unless you're being funny back in the day, what one day you know? Today we all know it. But all these girls that are seven mean mean age of twenty eight, by the way, is what I meant to say, which is so different than it

used to be. By the way, they used to have eighteen year olds on The Bachelor, and I would say two years ago you would look at the somewhat average out their ages from the Bachelorette into that in sixteen versus this this batch of them and let's see what we get. Someone else do that. I don't have time for it. Well, I kind of want to do it, though.

Do you think the idea that used to be and more independent woman nowadays, the longer they're waiting to get married, I think they're demo is aging they need to like and they're smart. They listen to me because I said, I don't want to watch twenty two year olds pretend

like they're gonna get married year olds. Okay, sure, you're still a little naive, but I can at least buy that you've been through some ship and you're gonna get more interesting people that have been through stuff, that have excess, that have baggage, that have history. Like they're bringing more to work with on the show. Yeah, it's not fifth Wheel,

it's not a limit date. It's not shipwreck. You know, this is the Bachelor, and they're gonna get married, like you have to get married, you have to get engaged. By the way, the guy who hosts the new host of The Bachelor, Bachelor, his name is fun what's his name? Almost a Jesse Owens and that is not it. That's a black back in the day when Jesse Palmer. You know who that is? Oh, the football player. Yes, now I thought they hired a black guy, you would think,

but they didn't. They hired this guy who looks like thick, Robin Thick. He does look like Robin, really thick. And then I know he gets his hair cut. He played for the Gators, he played quarterback. He's you know, he's an attractive guy. He gets his haircut where I get my hair He's an attractive man. He could be a bachelor. Yeah, David Letterman gets his haircut there too, right, Yeah, the

same guy that I get my hair cut with. Don't touch the beard, he tells the guy, Okay, and don't talk to me and don't look at me in the eyes now. Uh. Clayton, Clayton, Clayton. That's how the girls stayed on the show. Clayton Clayton. Clayton Eckard is a football player. He is the bachelor. He is identical to the host. It's like you're watching a father and son on the show. To get this guy, does he look like a young Allan Thick. Let's see. Hold on, I'll do it. I'll try to do a side by side here.

To me, I'm sorry. If I were someone who wasn't white, I'd go all white people look the same. If I looked at these two, I mean they have a similar haircut. They're both tall, white men, athletic, big, big builds. It looks like Jesse's a little bit older than him. It's and Jesse was a past bachelor, by the way, working on by the way is from St. Louis, Eureka from Clayton, so f boy being on that set. Look at them side by side, Holy sh it. Then Clayton is huge

because Palmer is about six two six three. He's giant. His arms look like he looks like stretch arm strong. It looks like his arms don't make sense. Kept being like does he get you and water do not? He's like one of those little sponge dinosaurs. He was a capsule when they first art out of the show. I love those little so much. I don't know why you still do. No. I did back then put in the capsule and water. That's that was our TikTok. It's like, look at it, go look at it, go look at that.

It's a staging swords. Because you thought that like maybe your parents could change, like yeah, it's a little good, or I could grow, I could go through puberty. Oh that your penis could turn from go to a capsule to a six. That's why I put it in water all the time. I would just dip it for hours and be like turned into a brown swords. Oh, you were a little boy. You probably did think like maybe I can you like watching things grow. Those things were cool.

All of a sudden it would go from like healthy like Jurassic Park. I mean it's unbelievable. Okay, wait, baths as a kid, baths, baths who bathed to you as a child. Um, I think, uh, I don't know. I took a lot of jet I suck the jets, you know that. So I did take a lot of baths. We had an indoor jacuzzi, so I sucked those all the time. And I don't know if I put soap on you did it? I just put I was still dry from the top half. God, because I was just

the jets on my knees. Oh god. And then you were just bathing in a pool of Like, dude, would you come No, I tried. This is pre dinosaur. This is prey before I developed. Yeah, back in the pill day when I was just a pill. Wait what we're talking? Oh, fay. Every if you're short on these shows, the chances of you winning is like six, Like because you when you're standing next to these tall guys in a lineup, I just don't think you can win. I don't think you

can win. I want to see the height winners. It's probably like the presidents. They're all probably above five eleven. Yeah. I think we as a woman that like short, that is not opposed to dating shorter men. I don't, I don't. I don't know. It is true that women seem to prefer. Society seems to prefer saying, especially in a game like this where they're all lined up next to each other, Yeah,

I mean that's true. I don't know. I'm trying to like play the card of like, well, if you're a woman and you're sucking even slightly ugly, but then also if you're a man in your I guess if you're in a lineup and you're ugly, you're you're more funed in regular world where you don't have this literally line up next to the part even you know it's going

to kill you. Like if if you only meet one person in your life and they're ugly, you'll think they're the most beautiful person you've ever met, because they are because they're the only person you've ever met. So okay, how about this you go on a dating app and instead of one at a time, it's ten up there at a time, and you pick the one that's the

most tried to see you out of the lineup. I like this, So then nine, I would say out of those tendo, probably six if they were singles, would get swiped, right, because you would fuck them because but if you compare all ten, no, I think if you're a man, probably six of them with swite. As a woman, you're swiping left on everyone because they're just I mean, that's just the way I do it. No, you never were really doing the apps. I would have loved you. Did it

was okay? Were you swiping left a lot? Oh so much? Yeah? So much? Yeah if they weren't into metallica and sucking on nipples? Heart, Have you told av yet that you want your nipples black and blue? No? Not yet. Will you let us know when you do? Please? Do? Well know she'll have a pep in her step and a and a band aid on her braising out of my shirt black. And the women on the show who are all around have all had filler and things in their face. To the point, and I've said this before because it

has been happening for several years. Young women now have surgically different faces that you're talking about comparison. Your mind starts seeing things differently like you. If we can, I would love to look at faces of the Bachelor before filler and botox went bananas, because women's normal faces. We just don't see him often anymore. You see him in the Midwest a little bit more become human filters. Yeah, we've filtered our own faces in real life. The women.

I mean, if you what is it about a woman that hates showing an expression in their forehead? Like what? I just want to get behind the psychology behind it, because it's wrinkles and wrinkles have always been associated with age. Right there you go, That's all it is there? When are you stay? Hang out with Jennifer Lawrence, she would be like, seriously, stop making me laugh, stop it and she would hold her face so that it wouldn't wrinkle.

Oh wow. Also, Kim Gardashian the same way, doesn't smile in pictures because of wrinkles, of wrinkles in her eyes of anywhere, Like you get them here anymore. Sun is done, smiling is done, bun is done, expressions are done. I don't mind a slight, but I want to take away a little bit of it. And no, because you you you look at older women and they have more wrinkles on their face. That's when you start showing wrinkles on

your face. You just start going crazy. And everything you see on Instagram is filtered or the women have worked one. So you're comparing yourself to women who have worked one if everyone just started looking like you know that um twilight zone where everyone has a pig face and then the woman is they are like, we tried to operate to get her by to normal, and it's her face and she's beautiful, and they're like, it's horrible. It's just

like everyone can look these surgical faces. I think if they were you were placed in the nineties, you would look insane. But now it's everything we see in magazines and like everything's adapted to that. So like having a Kardashian face like filled cheekbones, kind of like like a wind blown cat, like a cat in a um in one of those skydiving machines, a cat with g forces being applied to its face is what everyone's going for now. There's a thing called a ponytail lift that's for younger

women to get a facelift. Women, and they're like late thirties and forties called a ponytail lift. Look at the befores and afters and tell me that is not insanely good. It's like if you put a ponytail in tight, yeah, and it lifts everything to just go like this, Like right now, do you think your face is tighter? Because you're in a ponytail. No, I mean, now I don't think it is at all, But because it's not, you

look at your face? What do you Sometimes I think women see things that they think society sees, and one looking that closely, then um, what do you see that? My eyes are going down? Here? I see that my cheeks are kind of everything's being pulled down kind of, and I just want like a lift. I tried sleeping upside down. I know that's what apparently crazy to get dollars. Where did you hear this? Really? I don't know if someone told to me that once and that just like

stuck with me. I think he actually doesn't sleep up to it and he sleeps sitting straight up so that there's no but it's not. Yeah, look there are days where my face I'll look in the mirror and go, that's on my face because I'll eat too much sodium or you know back in the day when I would drink you know, back in the day. No, but and then like I'd wait cubing, like I'd be like, who the fuck is like my face? You see it all?

But then to think that's my face because that day it's bad, I think That's when you start getting in trouble. When you start looking at your face every day, become a person that's on TV and yeah, and everyone on the show is ten years younger than you, and you start getting a little cuckoo, and then you get stuffed under your face and then people go, look at her face. It looks so bad. But guess what. Sometimes when I have stuffed into my face, everyone goes, You're you look amazing?

What's going on? So don't act like you out there? Don't act like you do. You don't know when people have had stuff done to the face. Ariana Grande has had a ponytail left allegedly. That's where I first heard about it because I read on this blog that, you know, on subreddits where all these people are weighing in about what celebrities have had seblastic surgery and not talked about it,

which is everyone. They were saying that some doctor kind of outed Beyonce and got like death threats from the bee Hive of like, you don't say our queen has said plastic surgery. And then they also said with pretty good evidence that um, little little Ariana Grande had a ponytail lift. And then I told Matt you were going to say little grande, little grand Well, she uh, she got a I told that she had a ponytail lift

to Anya and Matt. Anya's boyfriend Matt Pond and he was like, but isn't her hair always in a ponytail? And I'm like, it's kind of funny of anyone to get a ponytail lifts. It looked good. She's been doing her whole life. So today I'm supposed to go get MICRANI. You know you've had that right, Yes, No, I'm going to my place I did normally go. That's I don't need to see Brenna when I'm checking out personally. I don't want to go there because I don't want to

have the place I go. There's a woman that's my age. I don't want to see. I love Brenna. I don't want to see her go like, you look great and my face is bloodied and has pin pricks, and I'm like, do I look like you? Yet? I don't want that ship. I know she can save me. I don't need it. Alright, alright, um, but if you are, if you don't mind that, go over there. No wait, so wait, so then what are you getting done. I'm getting done botox, which I've always done.

Uh yeah, I get it around my forehead. I do sometimes I do a lip flip, which it just like goes here and it makes your lip because the filler with girls. There's a girl on the Bachelor right now. Let me look up her face so you can see who I'm talking. Actually I don't want to. She has blonde hair, she has no upper lip, but she got lip filler. And because I don't know how Kylie Jenner did it. How she went from having my lip upper lip which was even worse, so she had like that.

What have you seen Kylie lately? It's not it's not good, I know, but her lip looks really like her lip when she first got done and used to look really full and like almost natural, you know. Um, And I don't know how to get that look because I've gotten filler in my lip and it just makes you look like you have like a plate in your lip, like it looks like platyplus not even no bit by Bees would honestly look b B B b b b Byes is my favorite band that's like co headlining all the

palooza they're doing. They're they're making it. It's in the stream world. But yeah, bit by bees um so I love their song called you Ain't Alone Baby Cakes, baby Cakes, You Ain't Alone baby Cakes is honestly was supposed to be their single off their first track, but I love that it got buried. But um, it clearly should have been a single. That's what they said, That's what they had. Railroads Scarf, Yeah, We're road Scarf was dope though it was,

but it wasn't what there. It didn't like really represent what their sound was about on their album. It was a little up, be a little hard, a little like intense as opposed to I Love You Baby Cakes. Yeah, you know it just you know those songs where it just is like I went to to live in room. We're watching in Kansas, though, was probably my favorite album. We could do this all day. My favorite thing. They were right shooting themselves, but I really enjoyed it. Dude

shooting themselves. Is was also that hidden tracks shooting themselves that you can find on vinyl tape. Dude me and Chris the other day we're doing um barbon kat, do you know? Or what's the they were on. It was Fred Armison and Kristen Wiggs characters No, no, no, they were Fred Armison and Kristen Wiggs characters on Barb Barbon something um and Seth Seth Myers was the correspondent we can update and used to be bring on Barbon whoever.

Fred Armison and Kristen Wigg, and they would do the thing where they're like they're they're debuting a new song. They're like a couple that has like holiday songs, and they're just really cheesy. They were only Christmas sweaters and the like, Um, they're always out of breath because they forgot that their segment was that week, and so it's clear that they're just making up these songs. And then they just go like, well holiday here already, and we're

going to Kristen Wig. So Fred is leading it in Kristin Wiggs. So funny Barbon calf. If you want to have a good time, just pull up those clips. And I was saying that you are so good at that, at repeating people and getting I'm not as good. Every time I'm in a fight with Brenna, you start, I start doing it and she goes, you're doing this to get me to shut up, And I'm literally going. You're doing this to get me to shut It would get physical. You know what I'm good at? That I'm really good

at and I do the mouth for it. Can we try it? Hey, everybody, thank you for coming out. I love everything about this world. This world is unbelievable. It has water, it has land, mountains and valleys. When I was a boy, we would travel to Nebraska to look at the whales watching, and turns out they were in Kansas. Bit by bit, I realized I should start a piece. You gotta get to a break in the badoon. We're back. It's the news. Let's get it to it. Yesterday, No,

we did it because it wasn't working. So they heard it, but we didn't really, And I'm living in a time. It's tuesday, vols. You know what that means. It is tuesday. No, didn't you do that yesterday? It means Bob's dead? Yeah, I did that, happened yesterday. We could just keep doing

it because he's last night. So I wrote a song for Bob sagett I, well, Matt wrote a song, and then I that I. So I'm recording music this week at a recording studio, and I'm just doing it as like a make a wish for myself just I'm not gonna yeah, have all this was. I'm not gonna like I have no there's no guarantee I'm going to release anything. But I'm paying thousands of dollars to just have this

experience and see if I can do it. And every time I go on Instagram Live, people are like, we want an album, and I'm like, I need a lot of practice before I release anything. But yesterday I was going to record We recorded two songs on Sunday, and then yesterday we were going to record two more and I was listening to one of the tracks that we were going to record, and um, he wrote it about me and a Meal being stuck in an earthquake Vegas.

But we were, we were together, you were on stage, so you were you know, you're the the ten minute version of the song that we're never gonna release that I'm going to perform on s and now two thirty three Andrews on the stage. I don't care. I was heading back from couples therapy yesterday headed to the studio and I was like listening to the song and I was getting so I was sad about Bob and which is one of about my favorite bit by bees like EPs that just a drum machine. I know he did,

and he did it all on that. By the way, did you know that the weekend was when they were supposed to finish it? That? But you thought I was going to say the weekend? The guy was no, No, I didn't. I knew exactly what you're doing, Okay. So I was listening to the song and I was like, I love this song. I love that it reminds me of like me and a meal underneath this like table. It's like a beautiful song, but it was like there's

like a sadness to it. I was like, oh, and and Chris had texted me, you know, the night Bob died, like, hey, you're recording music this week, you should maybe think about maybe writing a song about Bob and don't And uh it's so I know that movie is great. So I said, um, yeah, that's a good idea, but like to write a song, I don't know, like we already have all like a Levin songs written that I'm recording this week. And then I was like, oh, wait, this song would be good.

Maybe I can rewrite the lyrics. So I wrote Matt. I was like, hey, Matt, can I change the lyrics to this and making about Bob Sagett And he was like, I don't care. Yeah, totally. So I wrote all new lyrics and it actually fit perfectly because the first verses, like the last earthquake was in Las Vegas. We were cracking jokes and it's about the earthquake, and so I was like, oh my god, the last time I hung up with Bob was in Milwaukee, and so I was like,

the last our last run in was in Milwaukee. We were cracking jokes. So it just fitted. And then the rest of it and it's so pretty. So when I was recording yesterday, the there's this there's this bridge part that it's like um uh King of Fatherhood, King of Fatherhood, um something something uh. I forget the lyric, but it's like, um, when I was down, you brought me up, um, King of Fatherhood, someone to trust. When I was down, you

brought me up. And I just like couldn't. For some reason, I was trying to think of it so that I could have the emotion in the song. But then I started like I couldn't. I started like crying and it was so nice that people I'm recording with like take a break, and so I I at first I was like I just want to, like not because if I bawled, my voice is all going to be like weird. And so I was like, no, I got it. Let me just keep going, and that I was just like your father.

I was like, look, look, so we took a break. They were all so nice, and then we they went to Starbucks, took like an hour break, and then we came back and I was like, I'm ready, and then then I was fine. I was like I had cried and was good to got out of my system, went through the whole song, and then at the end there's

like it's it's just really sad. It's just like me talking to a god person being like, please don't hurt the people I love, Please don't take anyone, and all this stuff, which was already the lyrics of the song original one, so I got to keep the chorus and um. And so I finished it and I'm like, please don't take anyone. And then usually like when you finished, they're like, great, oh my god, that was awesome. All right, so let's

move on. And I knew it was the last take so I'm like, please don't take anyone and it was just like quiet, and they're in the next room and I'm just like and they're like, uh, we're kind of emotional over here, like they all cried. It was so sweet and at that point I was like, you fucking pussies, get you know. It was really nice that I was

able to. That's why I think it's special. I'm going to release it because because like, I don't care if it's not good, because it's just it doesn't have to be because it's just about friendship and I think that people can put their own thing onto it. And I think that Bob would have would love it. And it's so nice that Bob actually his death got me to release something before I felt ready to. And yeah, so

that's my news today. I'm sorry. I just no, No, it's fine that you hijacked because the first word is about a terrorist? That is it really that? Um? See what was I gonna say? But why not have that same like I do the same thing, but like you're like, I can release it because of this because I think people thinking I think I'm cool or thinking I think I'm good. I just I don't know why Like the other day when I posted that Woody Harrelson picture, I had to like make a million caveats of like, I

don't think I'm special. I know this is a humble break because the thing is it was it was when yes, did Jim Norton post I don't even know what that the one about, Um, I don't know the guy that died the dedication post did you want to? Because I felt like you posted that and then you were like, oh, let me give an anecdote about my life like with the celebrity. Oh that didn't even collect to me. But yeah, Jim Norton's post about Cindy Poartier was so funny. No,

it wasn't that at all. In my head, it was just I want to share this thing that is a little braggy that I got to meet this really famous person. I was also used to be friends with this famous person. There's no context for it on Instagram when you post something there was no Woody Harrison didn't die, like, you know, I could have sat on that until there's a Woody Harrison won an award or something. So it seems like, oh, this is that's why I'm doing it, you know, like

me releasing this song. It's a little self serving. I sound good on it. I think I kind of sound good. It's a song I wrote, but because it's about Bob Saggett and he died, I have an excuse. But when I posted a picture Woody Harrison apropos of nothing on a random Sunday after Saturday afternoon, that to me seems

just like there's no I have to tell. I have to admit this is just a humble brag, and then I have to get and I'm I'm one of these people that the humble brag that gets more likes than even not a humble But you know what it's like, Well, it's not about getting likes. I wasn't doing that to get likes. But why why post anything? Because I was posting it because I look good in the picture. I'm bragging that I got to meet what you like. But

the humblebragg did not get me more likes. I don't think I think it does because I think acknowledging well, if it did, then that is sincere likes that I can accept, whereas the ones that would just be because I met what he Harlson, I would not accept it's almost like this podcast. When people like my stand up to me, I feel like I'm tricking people because it's a performance. It's a little bit more curated. I can't accept the compliments as much I do and I acknowledge them.

But when people like the podcast and like me on the podcast, that fucking straight to the heart. The other one goes through like my foot and like goes to the side because of the bunyan and travels up and it's all like it's it's a I get shot because it's like a friendly like a you know, it's I don't It doesn't sink in. But because the people that like the podcast, I'm not trying nothing on here is

me trying to be anything get myself. Whereas that caption where I'm saying I have a roommate, I live in St. Louis and I drive my mom's car, that that is the real me admitting that and me being like a lot of people were like, you seem unhinged, and I'm like, that's the real me. I am. I'm a little and I liked that A special or you know, a bit by bees forth coming out is actually I didn't want to tell anyone but do you talk to them still?

You talk to Trevor Andrew's friends with the basis from bit by Bees and he didn't want to brag about it, but I will do it for him anyway. We gotta get to the news. But I do want to say though, when you humble bragg um, I just that is me to throw in the caveat. It's just who I am. Bo Burnham. I've talked about this before on his special. It annoyed me how much he had to call out what he was doing all the time. It's self awareness

to a degree that is almost exhausting. But that's me, babe, Let's me, and you know it's not me as posting put picture of myself with Woody Harrelson acting like that that's my normal life because it ain't. Baby, and as a woman and as a girl that used to when I was young, get very triggered by like cut. Everyone's

life is so much better than mine. I really think it is up to us, when we're presenting something that is not a normal representation of our life, to call it out for people who might be struggling with that comparison thing. Because if someone if I saw like one of my the women that I look up to or like, you know, compare myself to posting something and then at the end they go, here's the real story. I did the while I was writing this, I was eating oatmeal.

I spilled it on my computer and you know something gross. It would take me out of it and go, listen, she's just like you and I I needed that so much as a kid, and I wish there would have been more of she's just like you. So I always try to add a layer of that, not so I can be like I'm the norm. I'm in the every woman like me. It's because I'm talking to myself that

used to go, wow, she's killing it. Because if I haven't bought my head tomorrow and I go on my Instagram and I don't know, say, I don't know who I am, and I look at this girl and I see her, I'm gonna get a little jealous of myself sometimes because it is on Instagram. It's not representing my real life. So I just feel like it is up to us to have a Surgeon General's warrant of our real life. I agree with that. I just think like

the photo in itself, not just with Woody Haroldson. But does any photo where you look hot, or where you where a celebrity, or like if my body looks good or whatever, and then you write the caption, it's like what you It's like when I used to like put up funny things where my where I looked attractive. Still but but listen, the photo is already getting people to be the funny thing. You're not being sincere. You're being funny.

You're not saying I'm being now if you had a caption that I'm being funny right now, so I can post a hot picture that's sincere. Yeah, but I think that's implied already before even writing it all out. That's my point sometimes, but it's not okay. But if you just put up that picture of Woody Harrison and go here I am with my celebrity friend that I just met yesterday, that's another way of doing exactly what I did. Well, that's how is that different? I just it's a different

presentation of it. I just feel like that the nuances are already understood that here I am. Obviously I'm not going to put up a picture where I looked It's just a different joke, Like it's the same joke, but it's a different way of presenting it. It's just as funny and possibly shorter. But I also like that I talk like that anyway. I just if you don't like it, like a lot of people are like, I do not

like this. This is a crazy woman. I'm like. I even sent it to Chris before I posted it because I was like, I felt crazy, and I'm like, do you like me after me? Do you still? Do you still like me? Do you think this is representative of the way I am? And He's like, you do not need to write all that, Like you are enough, just like people don't need to know that you throw yourself under the bus too much. But I I love it's very much. And so when I checked with him, I've

been checking with him a lot on things. I got asked to do a naked photo shoot yesterday from magazine, and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do it. No, I'm so excited. You know. That's why I did Dancing with the Stars because you guys were like outfits. You get to be so hot, and I was like yes, um, and I it's coming, it's like soon, so there's no me getting in shape for it, and there wouldn't be anyway. And let me just say, my body isn't the best it's ever been. But I'm just

like whatever, um and it's it's. And I got asked to do it from my publicist just to ask if I would be interested in receiving the invite for it, because they weren't even gonna send the offer if i'd never post news. She's texted me. She was like, would you pose nude for like a tasteful thing where you'd be covered up, you know, on your asshole? Only my asshole? So is gonna be from Uh it's gonna be uh yes? What is it called? When you are you going to show? Come? Uh? Yeah?

So anyway, I don't know that of me to be able to do it. But I was like, I asked my you know, not my boyfriend, but the guy that I'm very close to is being my boyfriend. I asked him. I was like, I didn't ask him. I didn't go, no kidding, I go. It wasn't like I was asking permission because he goes, were you asking like my if I would have said, did you think I was going

to say no? And I was like, no, I didn't think I would still do it, but I just wanted to gauge, like because he's just kind of a good arbiter of like this isn't you. He'll let me do anything that's truly me, or like not let me, but like give the okay, I guess that still sounds like a passing permission. I promise you I'm not um But he was like fuck yes to it, like he wants

me to do a topless special. He's like that would be so funny and cool, like just saying fuck it, like men can be Bert christ Er can do it. You should do it. And I've got slightly bigger tits than Burt and m And he was like yes. He was like this is awesome, and publication is like a good, it's a good. It's up there with like it's not Maxim, you know which I would gladly do. Maxim reach out to me when you do the senior edition um or like f A F f A h M? Is that

was that the old one. I would even do fucking Playboy. I would do it. I would, but it was nice to get the from the person who you know sees me naked most and it's probably a little bit proprietary about my nakedness and me giving that away to the world. He was like, fuck, yeah, you look amazing, like put it out there. And he was like, is this gonna make you kind of like he was a little worried about eating sort of stuff, like is this gonna make you do some things? And I was like, honestly, I

would do the shoot right now. And I had just eaten like so much Thai food. I was just like, they can. They're gonna tweak anything that I would have a problem with My body would be like a skin. Well, how new are we talking? Are we talking like I'm gonna do the Jennifer Aniston this where she's sitting like this, Yeah, and she had her tids out. She said, yeah, yeah, it's it's she's naked, but it's like this, and so

you see she's blocking her vagina with her leg. You would need a bigger leg though, I have a bigger leon, so we're good, I know, but right, but my leg is also bigger anyway, um, and I'm gonna have my style the Rachel Okay first News story. Seriously, Noah is like getting hives. No we have you don't care? Okay, God, here are some expert approved tips for masturbation without a vibrator for women. You ready, try a diagonal diagonal, oh boy,

pterodactyl stroke. Imagine that there's a clock over your clitterers with Okay, hold on with the twelve closer to your anus and the sixth closer to your belly button, so it's clock like you're if you placed the clock. Okay, okay, and then stroke from one to seven if you're righty, or eleven to five if you're a lefty. Use one finger to run circles around your clours without touching it directly. Interesting, Okay, I'll run circles around my clas it sounds like I'm like, oh,

I'll fucking kick your ass. Alright, I'll finger You're alright. Try rubbing your curs with one finger, two fingers, three fingers, four fingers and your no no, no, no, no, it's nothing about you. It's just you don't have a clitterus. You know, before the sponge soaked up the water, it kind of looked like one. Um. You know what when you are doing a manual clatoral rub as you with your fingers, which I'm thinking you've done before. Of course, Okay, do do you um lift up the hood? No, it's

too and it's too like intense. Oh so you do it with hood on you you you pet the turtle with the shell still on. Correct, I need to lift up the hood. My clip is so it looks like a from the start though, or like after you've worked on them, you know, like I don't really fucking I don't even do four play with myself. I'm like, let's just jump on in. But my hood is I have a significant hood and my clip is the size of a um, you know, like a little like a not

a um. What are the grains that you buy that are like orange that are perfect circles, lentil or like a lentil, they're the size of a lentil, a dried lentil. I think so s lentil. And that's not a huge hood, but it's like it's it looks like a piece of bubble gum, like a little person in a clan outfit.

I really want to do a thing for my boyfriend because when I blow dry my hair, I look at my vagina sometimes because it's out and my lips hold fold like so my hood is here and then my lips go are like you know, coming out sometimes like my majora. But they hang down probably like a half of a quarter whatever that is like a third of an inch down. But if I pull them enough, they can go down to like, you know, a little bit more.

And it looks like a bunny rabbit so much because the way I'm looking at it looks like like it's just like, hey, and for Easter. I don't want to put a nose and a little I want to like, I want to make it an Easter bunny for Easter and say like happy Easter, which I don't think you'll even like because it's like that instance of humor. But he's the only person I could ever show that too. Maybe my friend you better get on that WhatsApp chat again around Easter, noah, because she kind of like fell

off the WhatsApp chat. But like you gotta get around to Easter because that's where I'll put it. Okay, deal, But yeah, so you lift the hood. I'm wondering if our listeners left the hood all right? Let us know, if you get size bean, would you say you're your clip is no uh maybe like like a shrunken navy bean or something like that Okay, so it fought for our country or like a like a like a Pinto does your does your no? But like mine decides like a Pinto car does yours? Ever hide in your body

like because it's like it's too like mine. Sometimes I'm about to come and then it literally will go not a girl, and it will go in and I can't fucking find it. That happens with my dig not into my body, but it will goes soft right when I'm gonna come, which is kind of weird. Mine hides like no, it's like me trying to give Luigi a bath, Like the second he senses it comes out when it's like, oh, my voice is up here, and it seems like I'm

like over by the cabinets where the treats are. But then the second that I run the water, it's like, I wonder. And that's why that one thing I showed on the show one time that you like clip your clip to make it like exposed, it was actually I'm going to try that again, but I think I was clipping it on it instead of around it, um because it always retreats. Okay, what are some more tactics because I need a try and then around and then start

with one. Get all the way to four fingers, and then if you're a six finger person, get weird using two fingers placed one on each side of your clips, rub up and down. You can also try a side to side tap your clators with one to two fingers tap technique, tap au keep your underwear on. You could also try this with a rougher fabric like jeans. Oh I love that's Hey, is this talking about my joke?

Will you use the little the little button on the pull your outer labia together and rub your clatres through the folds of your skin? Okay into this? Yeah, I've never tried any of that. I ate a girl's jeans

one time, blowjob once. It's so funny. One guy once told me that he was at a strip club and getting a lap dance back where things were like kind of happening back there where she was offering maybe more money for other things, and he's like no, no, no, but she threw his jeans like he was hard and like bit his penis through his jeans and was just like and like breathed on it. I do that to my man all the time. I love. It's an over the pants blow try to actually suck a dick through jeans.

Like and also, guys, I think this is a cool trick to say no, you don't get it unless you work for it, and like, try to suck my dick through my jeans and make the girl will be so like it's like a game if you make things games for women where you're just not giving it because guys take out their dicks so soon, we never have like I want it. If you make us beg for things, when you finally give it to us, will be so into it, more so than you've ever seen us. I

think it's maybe put on another pair of jeans. Of jeans, yeah, do um never nude. It is interesting in a guy that's not circumcised. So there there they have a hood. They have a hood. Maybe it feels good to play with the head of your cock through underwear. I guess you could use your underwear if you don't have one.

I love when I masturbate. I think for some if I'm ever doing like hand stuff, if if a guy is starting down their hand stuff through my jeans and then my leaving my underwear on to the side, like not doing directly, all of that is so good. You can do really firm pressure all you can go right in with firm pressure when you leave on that stuff. But that's just a good way to get a girl

warmed up. If I could give any advice to men hooking up, which is a fumbly thing to do in the beginning, less is more like don't like like the teasing thing gets kind of annoying after a while and it's not as hot. But if you go like hard but with like clothes on, that's very interesting. That's that can be very fun because the girls like, just fuck me already, and like you just won't and go, I don't think you deserve it at and she'll be like, what do you want? And you go, I guess I'll

know what when I see it. And then the girl will just make it a fun game. It's so hot, just jerk off on her jeans, all right. You lube to help your fingers glide over yourtorious lube for yourself. Ladies, try masturbating in different positions. Stimulate your clip with other objects. You can try grinding against pillows or under a faucet in the bathroom. Luigi Luigi's tongue, Luigi's Penis Luigi's asshole. Try holding your breath for a short period of time

as you masturbate, kind of like a choking technique. I can't recommend, you know, the suction toys more you know girls, but I will say that I have to get the Shameless Flirt dildo that has uh like I've shared it before. It's green. It's called Shameless Flirt. It's very expensive, but if you're someone who has some extra cash, dude, it's By. It's By cal Exotics is the nickname of the brand. And it it goes it's not just like vibrating. It goes like it's like a sledge, like a you know what,

do they break up? No, no, it's just a let me just go get I think I've seen Oh yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes. I got a new one because I lost the charger for the first one and so I just had them. I had bless Us send me a new one. This one, it looks like it's dirty, but I clean it every time with a dildo cleaner. So so this is it. And watch this. Oh my god, I'm not kidding you.

The other day Chris was using this on me and he had me blindfolded and he goes and we were kind of doing a role play where it was like someone else was sucking me. He was like letting someone else and he was like he's arriving in his chopper. Now. I could not stop laughing the entire time because then it gets it starts to do a cool beat at so there's different settings. Okay, that's the fast and now

that's the chopper. He's getting ready to leave you. This is a beat that actually but by Bees used it is I was gonna say the same thing. This was off the third epoy come on over, Drumma boy, Drumma boy vibrates. I swear to god, I know it seems like a lot. And the first time Chris used this, I have to say he was like, tell you what the funk? I don't like this because it's just no, it saves him. This is the one thing I think women don't understand about guys. When you were using toys.

When when we're doing this guy, which that does you get a little bit of carpal tunnel like you it hurts our hands like and I know as a man you should be able to grab a hammer and are jerking you off. They get that and they also when they're blowing you, they get it. I'm not saying that, I'm just saying. I'm just saying, but this is gonna save you time. You just put us. But girls, you know what you do with this. Girls, if you're buy your self, I'm serious, get one of these. Blessa is

where they sell it. It's called the Shameless for it. Keep on your underwear and use your underwear as a way to hold it in. So put your underwear about like mid thigh, and then the underwear. You can pull the underwear up as you're using it, so you don't even have to hold it. The underwear works as like a harness for it to push it up. And this is something I put in after I've stimulated myself clatorially enough that I'm like wet and it can go in. And I also sometimes use lube just to like get

it in. If I want one, And you can use the serum that I recommend for your face the ordinary. You can use that serum as well. This stuff. This thing is. So I'll give you one because I have an extra one. Yeah, but I just need to get uh, I'll give it to you. You can come just down and charge it on mine because I only have one charger. I'll give you an extra one because I have an extra one. But no, but it's dude, this there's no likenes for this to it's clean like to me, I mean,

I'll use anything. I'll use a nine iron. Yeah, well, actually have a box. You can just pretend like it's clean. Even though she listens to the podcast, we can't let her. I'm not gonna lie. Um. Okay, we have five minutes left. Let's get to another story. Can were in? Luigi? Are you okay right now? Are you gonna ask us for this one thing? Uh? Do you want to read the headline? Or it's going to make you look at the answers. It'll make me look at the answers. Okay. Social media

users share the surprising uses for everyday items. Can you guess? Okay? Okay, so I'll read the item and then you guys guess what. I guess what they're doing? Okay, turning off of it. Well, the tiny hole in an airplane window. The tiny hole, Oh um, I know, do you know what you're they're talking about? It's this little hole that's almost like the size of up a pencil lead. Um, probably smaller, like

a little bit smaller than a mechanical pencil. Lead. Um, I would say sharpening sharpening a pencil, I don't know. I would say, um uh, just getting a little bit more air. Or if you're if you're making plato and you want to give the plato ie, you can press it against it and it will make it a little eye. Good guess. Unfortunately you're wrong. It's to provide ventilation so the glass won't Oh. I thought it was like life hacks that you can do things that you go what

is that for? Okay, this makes sense. I would have said it was like to depressurize the window a little bit. I'm it's to prevent fog. Okay, yes, okay, here here's another one, so let's let's start all over. Yes, okay, the small extra pocket that's located inside the jeans pocket key, No, that's for your buttons. Okay. Actually, it's to provide extra

support to stop the trousers from ripping in their weak spots. Ah, you should put a little pocket about the crotch then, because I see so many guys getting holes down there. That's true. I used to get those holes there a little cocaine there. Yeah, that's where a lot of people will put it, which is like the most obvious place. It's a great place for key though too. It's a little small for a key. Now this yeah deep enough. That one's pretty deep, but a hotel key. And these

are some classic levies from like the eighties. Okay, go on, okay, so have you ever seen that small hole next to the lock in the padlock? There's like a little tiny hole. Yes, yes, that's to open it if you don't have the key. Wrong, that seems like a way to just breaking like a master little key. I'm going to say it's to make it so it doesn't flog up. It's to drain water and avoid them from going rusty, as well as providing a way to oil it. Ah. Interesting, Okay, okay, this one,

I like this. Should do more of these. Yeah, I don't know how many there are, but but I mean like this kind of concept quizzing us. Okay, the tiny hole next to the camera on your iPhone? Oh that's the um wait, let's look. Oh there is a tiny hole there. Fog fog another foggy hole Andrew lens for what for? Zoom huh for It's for to go on a conference call with your boss during COVID. Okay, close it's phone. Yeah what wow? Okay, okay, what about Dick

and everything we're talking about? And I just want to thank the Daily Mail for this article. I don't want to take any credit. Don't ever thank the Daily Mail. They are the worst. Fuck you, Daily Mail. We're stealing this from you and you had nothing to do with it. They're terrible. But also there might number one new source from Alright, fabric swatches provided alongside the spare buttons in on new clothes. Um patching up holes? Wait what was it? Fabric?

What they give you fabric's watches sometimes in a little um sewing kit. Right, Yeah, that's to plug up holes. Okay, Actually it was news to me too. It's to test your cleaning products to ensure that you won't ruin the fabric of the full garment. Still, God, there are so many dumb things. By the way, a sewing kid in the hotels is you never need it. I only use those needles to like rip apart my hangnails. I don't

even know there were needles in there. Oh, there's needles and sewing kids all or even like the shoe shine fucking rag. That is something like in nice hotels they have all these like dumb little things that you're just like, yeah, back in the day, they needed that back. And I get sad when I walked past a shoeshine place in an airport and it's just abandoned like that kid, I know,

I um do you know. I just want to say I'm not saying this as like I used to have a joke of it, but I used it was one of my favorite jokes I did where I go like, I've given like six hand jobs, like back in the day, and that was that day was Tuesday. Because when you do say back in the day, it's just funny to say it's like one day you gave back in the day and then yeah and that was recent and it was one day. Um, it's like reminding my Shoemore joke.

That's like I've had sex with like seven people and that was like a crazy night. It's like like the kind of thing alright, going alright, So the Starbucks cup that you have there, the lid, that tiny hole that is obviously what not the whole but itself. Okay, what can it be used for? I actually saw this one. It's like a funnel, right, Andrew. The one I did see it's a cup hold like a co coaster. Oh for the cup soa no, it's not fit, doesn't really fit.

I gotta say, it's like it's not fitting bogus all right, I guess they're wrong anymore. Oh yeah, okay, this one you probably know because I think if I knew it, you guys probably know it. The hole in the tab on fizzy drink cans. I'm guessing that's just a pressure thing. Well, just what can you use it for besides opening the cable in the town. Oh, I've seen this before. Use it on your zvia cans. I don't know what is it. It's for, Um, you can use it for something. So

some of these are some of these are not? No, no, no? What is it? So? If you if you flip it all the way towards you, you can use the hole to hold your straw so it doesn't like Oh yeah, I like that one. That's cute. God. I saw a really good life hack the other day that I was like, God, I can't wait to use that. It was something so simple and so smart. Fuck Okay, well that was unhelpful to everyone Jesus. Sorry, guys, I thought it was going

to come to me, but it did not. Um anymore. Okay, I have two more real quick um food related Okay. The hole in the arm of a pan a pan like hang to hang it, hang it. No, it's to keep you from having to rest your wooden spoon on the side or get a dirty while you're cooking. You can. I have a little spoon dish because I hate that. We were just talking about that. It gets so dirty

so fast. But spoon dishes are dope. Um. And there's also a lot of cool like appliances or like spoons themselves that you can use that like levitates, so they don't when you put them down on the counter, they don't touch the counter. I mean, I guess they could still drip, but it's there's cool technology now. UM. I would love to hear anyone send in life hacks any of our listeners, just a prompt for some fan trax, some lifeas that you either found on TikTok that you

actually use, or one that you discovered on your own. Um. All right, okay, the last one which a chin hole on your dog's asshole, close the whole in your pasta spoons. Oh, I know that's to measure the amount of pasta that is like a half a cup or something, um, the serving size for one person. Correct? Yes, yes, so you can put in the pasta in it before you even cook it. Yeah. Yeah, I had no idea. I didn't

need to know that either, But that's cool. I know that meat is supposed to be a fist, but either. You know what, why don't you we all just eat until we feel full instead of these measurements, because I feel like measurements always bumped me out. I also never mind leftovers, like I'm a I'll eat the leftover. I like that three hours later. But let's be honest, like we all eat left I've never once eaten leftovers the next day when I have done that before, because I've

forgotten about them. It is. I feel like I feel like a woman in a movie. That is, like I feel like Emily in Paris, and I don't even watch that show, but I feel like Lily Collins, like I'm just a normal girl who like keeps leftovers and like eats it later because never once have I not like crept the food is still warm when I'm re eating it and I and I take it home from the

restaurant like I'm such a a civilized woman. I'm helen hunting what women want, like I swear to God, like I always feel that's the thing that makes me feel like more of like a normal woman than anything. And I can't even do It's so funny, you say, because well, Brenna, we had spaghetti the other night. I but Branna keeps leftovers. She did it perfect. She has tupperware, she puts a meal prep, but kersen meal prep. She does tuper wear with it. She's like, I'm just gonna bring the noodles.

I was gonna bring this, and I'm like, oh my god, Like that's a real thing because for us, I feel like we either eat it right away or that will sit in the fridge for I don't know, nine months. Yes, we're very similar. I do want to say to Brenna, if she's listening, I will come by your met spots. But she seriously is so beautiful that I just know,

like me looking like and I would. She's my friend, so I don't care if she judges me or like I'm and I'm not comparing myself to her, but she is so beautiful that that type of person greeting me after I have like after I'm like, I'm trying to be you, and she's like, oh my god, you look, how was it? Oh my god, you're gonna love the Restulet's like that kind of thing, which she probably doesn't talk that way, and like, but I've been to enough

of these places. There's always a woman older than me working the front desk, and that has served me in my life. It's interesting because it's like you would think it would be the other way around, because you would see what you could be. No, and that's what she's there. I mean, like that is smart to have like her, And but she needs to have a tag that says Brenna forty six and then you go, Okay, what did

that make you feel worse? No, because it makes me feel like, oh my god, if you can look like that when you're forty six, Yeah, because if it would make me feel when I came out of this thing, because you always look rough no matter what. After we have all this stuff done, you can't expect results right away.

This isn't like the hair salon. You don't leave like I can go to a cocktail party now if you leave look like you just got Chris Brown, and so you you would just think, oh, I'll look like that in the morning, and by the morning you you definitely don't. But Brenna is not there anymore, and no one's accountable. Um okay, let's go to break and we'll come back with why do I care? Why do I care? Well, we're skipping why do I care? Today because we talked

enough about celebrities. Bob Sagan's dead and um let's get to Reddit dump. Um my favorite. Can you tell a facial? No, you can't know. I'm sorry. You can't tell when people get facials unless it's like right after and it's like, it's great, it's called diamonds something I don't know. Um, this is it's so nice to get a facial. Facials are not abrasive ones. I guess this one. They took off dead skin, which extractions though, and they pop all of your did that? Did they do that for about

two months? So they didn't have that much. I don't get those done anymore. I would actually recommend girls not get extractions when they go in for facial and your lady will be like, no, what are you doing? I don't I've not done an extraction in two years, and my supportes have never been smaller, and it's never been better. I do think extractions caused the problem that makes you need to keep getting facials. But I'm also not an institution and I know nothing. Okay, so can next huh

oh yeah you key mode. This is your I love your laugh in the background. Okay, so this is the subreddit next fucking level, and this is David Bowie talking about the impact of the Internet on society. This is pretty good. Yeah, this is back in the day. Sorry once, this are so hard to make start. Let me just fucking now. I screenshot at it. God damn it, Bowie.

I don't need this ship that. I don't think we've even I think the potential of what the Internet is going to do to society, both good and bad, is unimaginable. I think we're actually on the cusp of something exhilarating and terrifying. It's just a tool, though, isn't it. No, it's not. Now, it's an alien life form. What do you think I mean when you think about life on mine? Yes, it's just landed here. That's it's simply a different delivery system.

There you're arguing about something more profound. Oh yeah, I'm talking about the the the actual context and the state of content is going to be so different to anything that we can really envisage at the moment when the interplay between the user and the provider will be so in sympathical, it's going to it's going to crush our ideas or what mediums are all about. I mean, I just love the idea of cut to some girls showing her vagina on TikTok's hilarious. Use the word in visage.

I want to keep I want to do that work. You know what I learned, I need to get into Bowie more. I'm not I've never been a Bowie head. I do love like so many songs he wrote, and then other artists covered, like, um, didn't the Food Fighters do a Bowie song? There's like one of their hit songs that No I copied his beat no no, no, no no and mine, and yeah, that's insane that that

was ever that was a different song. Um. And then also that there was this girl on Howard Stern Show that did a cover of Life on Mars It's so beautiful. What was her name? And Howard was like talking, daring it, but he also loves it. Whatever. Check out life on Mars Howard Stern cover and you'll find this girl. Aurora is her name, and it's so beautiful. Um let's move on. There's a TikTok. This is called TikTok cringe and I don't This is often TikTok's that are not cringeing at all.

They're just cool. This is a guy at Disneyland, and I don't know if you'll be It looks like it's in fast forward times four, but this is a guy that's playing the piano at Disneyland, and he's total savant. It says talented Disney playing Disney piano player. Hold on, I just want you to hear how fast this fucking is. And then at the end he gets even faster. Now listen to this needs to bottle that up. Boy, it's

watching it is so incredible. I I just you know, you watch things like that and you go, what am I even fucking doing with my life? And I know he's like a rain Man types of kind of kid. They're they're just he just has to be. It's too wild. He's too young to be that fast and that good This is from Rare Insults of the kids put the cups had the cup stacking kids? Um is that talent paying off anymore? Uh? This is from rare Insults cup

stacking kids. They open for Yeah, you guys, can someone please make a lullapaloos at two tho shirt and put bit by bees and what was the one I just said, stacking cup kids. Let's just start startin. Someone start compiling all the band names, and I want to do a Nikki Glazer podcast line up. Yeah, let's like interview different bands and honestly, you can take other things from our show that have been like inside jokes and make them into band names, and it would be really funny to

do like a tour shirt. Preta they're headlining the E d M text. Well it's three sisters that have vagina, Okay, so ahim drip him? Uh So this is from rare Insults subreddit. This is just like funny, Like it's like this because it's very specific things, which obviously are the best jokes. Uh. So this the headline is this is probably the first time I've seen someone take a shot at a letter. So this is someone from Twitter. I

don't know why they ex out their name. But it's a screenshot of Twitter and it says Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it, but it has no place between P and R should be at the end with the weirdo goth letters. Calling the end of alphabet weirdo goth letters like X y Z is so funny to me. I loved it so much that I did I could see cubi. It doesn't make sense. Um, okay, this was belong at the end. So this this was

from suspiciously specific And this is a um excerpt. It's a picture of a book and it's from a book called the Manuel the civil Civilite poor le petit fi luciage de maison book by Pierre lou Louise. And I don't know when it was written, but it seems probably and it's and what that translates to is the young Girl's Handbook of good Manners. And it was probably from back in the day in France. And you can hear it from the lay it's written. It says, never ask

a gentleman, do you need a suck? That is how little sweet walks, is how little street walkers express themselves. Say in a low voice and in his ear, would you like my mouth? If he is a gentleman whom you have not previously sucked, and the title of this chapter is sucking. If he is a gentleman who whom you have not previously sucked, do not start in by skillfully licking up and down his prick and behind his balls. He would form a bad opinion as to your past.

Take his prick into your mouth, modestly, lowering your eyes, suck slowly, spread your jaws apart so as to not bite, and clench your lips so as to not drool. When the gentleman is about to come, do not interrupt yourself to ask him how his mother is doing, even if you had forgotten to do so before. When he ejaculates, silently swallow it all to the very last drop, and then say something nice about the taste of the liquor you just drank. First of all, they wrong, I mean

that turned me on a lot, right, Yeah. Do I feel like language like Shakespearean ship was just a way to you know, say pound, you know whatever, like songs back back in the day, like we're about sex, like but like words like this, it's just so funny. They're just they're trying to hide the raunchiness of that humans are animals. Yeah, and the guy that wrote that was so fucking turned on when he wrote he was such a perv. We gotta get to the final thought. Um,

this is one of the sweetest things ever. This is from the I've seen this before and I wanted to share it. I don't know if it's going to translate to audio. I apologize if it doesn't. Um. This is from the subreddit hold up, which means like hold up h O l up is. The subreddit is a great one to check out, and it's things that like you're watching them to the end you're like wait what and and there's always a twist. So this is um, I think like, uh p s a kind of thing that ran. Yeah,

but it's the audio. I think we'll suffice this ran and it's fifty five seconds long, so stay in there with me. It's on it RAN. I think in like Europe somewhere or in the in the UK. I don't remember which because I forget what their accent is like. But so it's a pregnant woman in her probably late thirties, looks like forty, um at a bus stop and there's an old man sitting next to her about three ft away on the chip like there's a chair between them, her purses on it. And then there's this old man

that's old without botox, sneaky. Oh sorry, yeah, this's from the nineties. She's you're okay? Are you all right? Yeah? How far along are you? Well? I was just wondering how long? Sorry, trying to cheesy for you to say. Finding it tough, you must be exciting. I'm scared everything. I'm sure you will be fine. People say that, but what if I'm not. I don't manage everyone. Who does? Do they? What about your family? It's complicated. You don't get along. Me and my dad and he's sick. Okay,

come along, this is us dad. Come on. The whole time. It was her dad and he has Alzheimer's. Isn't that sweet? He's just like I love the idea of like she's she seems like she's just like over this man talking to her, and like just the way you would be if an old man started talking to you and you're pregnant and you're just like and you're like she's but

then she gets vulnerable. She's like, I'm worried he's like, it's gonna be okay, and she's like, you know, any context you put that in, it's like, what do you know, fucking old timer's dad that is giving me that I have to like change your fucking diaper now, and you don't even know who I am or old man who doesn't even know who I am? Like what do you know?

And he's like, what about your family? She says, just me and my dad, and then him being like it's gonna be okay, and then the bus pulls up and she's like, come on down, like it's it's such whoever thought of that is brilliant? It is such a sweet twist. I loved it so much, isn't it sweet? So you can find that if you want to look it up and see it for yourself because it's a great video. Um, you just search within the subreddit hole up h O

l U P and it's what a sweet man. And then they're they try to do an ellipses like dot dot dot, but they use five dot dot dot dot, wait, dot dot dot hole up dot dot dot. So that's how you can search for it. Um Um, I want to share one more thing. Uh, this isn't too afraid to ask. Okay, how do orgies end? This person asks, like everyone cuddles for a while, or each person walks out of the room awkwardly after they've had enough. Great question,

I thought, how do you guys think? Or I mean, I've n and when people come and then they just leave. But but I think sometimes, I mean, I'm sure at times people come and then just wait around for the end. For other sex ends, and I'm just like, all right, let's go watch TV, or like like you just kind of like laying it for a second. And sometimes you're like, I want to talk about it. But sometimes you're just like all right, So everyone kind of does their own thing,

like almost like the way after a game ends. But like, well, I think it depends. I think, does everyone come? Is it a pickup game? Because a pickup game you don't really know the people. Everyone gets together and then you just leave separately when the game's over. If it's a orgy that's happened multiple times with the same partners, then yeah, then you do those things. Then you hang out after and get pizza. Yeah, this is brosky too. To five says it kind of depends, but usually a bit of

both based on what you know do. Um. Some people will have other things to do that night, like you said, or in the morning, so they'll leave when they're done. But some people may stay all night and cuddle, etcetera. Also depends on the venue, but usually there's a hotel room. Someone else said, UM, let me get to the next one. Sorry. Uh um. Good game, good game, good game, good game. They all like walking alive, orange slices, a sun and capricans.

A sudden realization that you work with half of these people, someone said, cheer on the last people still going like it's the Grand National. That's funny. When I was in college, I had a job delivering pizza for a while. I wants to deliver to pizza to a hotel room. Inside we're two couples in their fifties, men and boxers, ladies and bras and panties. So it appears that some orgies end with pizza and I'm good with that. Um. Or maybe the party just started. Where are you going? I

have to return some videotape. I don't know what that is. Um. You know the scene from the Matrix to when Neo is fighting all the smiths in the courtyard and Neo just flies away and all the Smiths look at each other and just shrug and walk away. That or someone this is a here's a tribute to Bob Saget. Typically someone says, and we call ourselves the Aristocrats, and everyone laughs and goes home. If you haven't seen the Aristocrats, it was Pop learned like two thousand five, four or five,

I'm gonna say four. It is documentary that came out and it's a filthy joke. And there's a documentary and Bob Saget's all over. It had a great post about Bob. Yeah, let me read it. Um. Yeah, there were some really great tributes to Bob that I like, I really loved. I loved. Um. Someone said, no one said ever said a bad thing about Bob Saggett except his best friends. I forgot who said that it was a really good Uh,

it was a funny person. Um. John made a white post that said just it was a blank, I know. But this first one said I love you, Bob. I will never forget you. I will visit you often in my memories, and I hope I get to see you in my dreams. I will tell my kids about you. I'm taking you with me forever. This I realized John Mayer wants kids. I didn't know that, Um. And then these are pictures of him and Bob. And by the way, as someone who is friends with Bob Saggett, Bob fucking

loved jhn Mayor like a son. He talked about him so glowingly. He Chappelle and John Mayer were the two people that he talked about, and he was very defensive of and very just he just thinks he like a father. Talked about them more so John because I think John obviously is younger than Um Chappelle and like, but he talked about Chappelle is like a brother and John like a son. Like he fucking loved John Mayor. It was

really sweet. And I think we're going to find out that John Mayor is only like two months younger than Chapelle. I mean, I think so. But there's just something. Maybe John needs a dad more than my brother Bob. He's called my brother. My brother Bob was a force of nature, a big This is John Mayer, a big, tall love monster who had hugged me and rest his head on

my shoulder. That is that's fucking Bob Sagga for you, his love for the I just have to say this caption made me feel like I knew him really well because I I just knew all this this is so true. His love for those around him was always accounted for. He was deep and wide and vast. And he would probably have a joke about me saying deep and wide, because our listeners know Bob Saget could not let a sex joke like any He would come in on any little thing that was like sexual. It was so funny.

The man had ranged. I've met many people in my life, but when Bob crossed my path, I just held on to him and I wasn't letting go. I knew he was the realist thing. I would like you to know that the man you hope was as awesome as you think, was way beyond what you can ever imagine. He was impossibly kind and generous and loving. And I have more to say, So please let me just do like one more of these. Okay, it's just the way it's gonna be, um, And yeah, so I look forward to the next one

from him. But yeah, I just I feel like I didn't do a good enough job in saying the things I wanted to say about Bob last night. But like there's a part of me that feels like, you know, I was reading all of these posts Ryan Stout, I want to read his as well. Ryan Stout is um a friend of mine who is a really hilarious comedian and one of you know, one of the people I kind of started. I would say, we're in this same class. We started around the same time, around the same age.

UM dated briefly, uh, Ryan Stout said, My first experiences touring theaters was opening for Bob all of the fanciest Hollywood homes I ever stepped foot in where Because I was with Bob, my general understanding of how to navigate comedy, show business, and celebrity was developed with Bob's mentorship. He was so excited to share and elevate the lives of those around him. On dozens of occasions, I heard him say the words, I just want people to be happy.

But here's the thing that really gets me. Every year he called me on my birthday, and I wasn't the only one. He called a lot of people on their birthday. He must have been reaching out to multiple people every day. He had so many friends, and he made sure to check in on all of them, which is such a gift because now in his passing, his memory is a bridge that allows so many of us to check in with each other. I'm not in the habit of taking pictures with people, but over the years I happened to

collect a few with Bob. The blurry one is from our first show together. I ended up opening for Bob a few times that last year, and quite frankly, it was my first year or that year was my first year in Los Angeles, and I wouldn't have survived it

without without him. Love you, Bobby. Um. So many people felt the same way that I felt about Bob and and felt like loved by him and just just like this fatherly thing that like, I don't know, I keep thinking like of people that I'm just as close as I was to Bob too, and if they died, would I have the same reaction. I think so. But there's something else about Bob that was there was even though it was just deeper, there was something so um you know,

I said it yesterday. I just felt like he loved me and would have done he would have dropped anything to be there for me. In fact, he kind of did, like when I would having all those cameras around me. For a while, he did a couple of face times with me. We had to like reshoot them, and he was always available, always cool about it, stayed on the

phone with me way longer than he needed to. And I'm so glad because I have these two face times with him that you're gonna see in the thing that eventually comes out with the cameras around me, where Bob is giving me advice and we're cracking up together. And Bob was the one that was like, do you want to screenshot this conversation so that you can use it as footage? And we were already shooting it, like with a camera on the side, and I thought, and they

were like, no, you don't need to. But because Bob said that, I started screenshotting it and now I'm able to like I probably wouldn't have the footage and that ever, but now I have the footage of me having these like great conversations with him, and um My buddy opened. Brendan Air was on our you Up. He opened for Bob.

That's the first time I ever met Bob Zaggy. I went and watched Brendon open for him at Westbury in Long Island and already came to actually, so we both got to meet Bob Sagging, and I remember we were like so nervous because we were still like probably three or four years in and Brendan's mom came to one of his shows and he actually writes about it and insting, but Bob made sure the meet and greet didn't start before Brendan's mom came back to me eat him and

like tell him how great her son is and made sure to like no hold off everyone, like I'm gonna like make this special for your family and stuff. I don't know. It's just like a little thing that he didn't have to do that made him think outside himself in that moment. And he remember Ari was leaving early because they were like two shows or whatever to go do some shitty gig in like a shitty barb are you actually wrote me, and Bob was just giving him

so much shit. He's like, why would you go and do a show for three people not listening when you can hang out here with us and have a good time giving were like, I don't know, just a memory like the first time like meeting him, and like just like it just shows though like so many fucking huge comedians wouldn't fucking take time to meet your mind like thought than he never he was and his friends with

fucking everyone. Every famous person knows Bob Saget and loved him and um, and he was nice to everyone, to everyone. And I'm really wanting to get a sweatshirt made with Bob Saget on it. I don't know why is that cheesy? Like a cool old timing, like you know America's funniest home videos like just his you know, like cool sweatshirts,

like a meal made of his dad. Like I really want a Bob Saget sweatshirt because I just want to, Like, I want people to go, I like your sweatshirt and be like, let's just talk about Bob, not so I can brag about being friends with him, just to be like, I just want to I want to talk. He has one of those faces. The more photos I see, it's just like and that's why he was a Danny tan, That's why he begins and he aged so handsomely like he was. He was boyish in the beginning, big like

a big he was such a softie. Um, I'm so glad the world that everyone that listened to the podcast. So many of our besties like reached out to me, and so many people. I don't know why. This was so heartening to me, And it's kind of a brag I probably got. We have to wrap. I probably got upwards of fifty and that is not an exaggeration. People saying you were the first person I thought of when

I heard Bob Second died. And for some reason that makes me feel so fucking good because I'm not crazy in thinking that he meant a lot to me, because I think that, you know, I think the people he's closest with probably didn't know how special our relationship was. That's the thing that bothers me is that, like, you know, when Harris Whittles died, Harris and I like had a secret relationship. I would always sneak in through the back of his door to like hook up with him, like

we just didn't. I never was out with him in public. We would always like talk on a I am and then I'd go over late at night and night leave. And so when he died, there was no one to like validate, Like when I was really sad his friend, like showing up his funeral, people would have been like did you even know him? It's like, funk, we we just had this and not that Bob second and I had a friendship. We actually had a friendship mostly on air. But um, you just I don't know what it is

where you just don't feel justified. Um, but I do. And I'm a song is coming out about him pretty soon and I'm going to try to put it on Spotify and everything and you can listen to it and it's it's a great song that I did not write, but I you know, wrote the lyrics too. I'll talked to Trevor to by Bees. Maybe not doing it cover, but like letting it Yeah, I mean I would love him to do the bass track on Yeah. Song for Bob is what I called it. Thank you so much

for this extended episode that went a little bit longer. Um, love you guys so much, don't We'll be here tomorrow. I'll have a be stung face and Chip