#151 Casually Co'uhl In The Name Of Being Honest

and I think November, like yeah, it was like around Thanksgiving. Okay, So, um, well, I hope you had a good hanaka out there, and um yeah, I'm back home in St. Louis, um with Luigi by my side. I've missed you so much, my kid. Um. I can't stop watching the video that I heart. UM podcasts posted on their account. We posted on ours already. But when I kissed the mic and think it's Luigi's head, I'm I'm so glad you all like that as much

as I do. You know, you ever see a video of yourself and you go or like see here here back something you said or did and not like when you were a kid, like not like, oh my god, I was so cute when I was a kid. But you see something of yourself now and you go, oh, I'm cute like you kind of like, go, I get what the appeal is, because sometimes I think if you relate to the show or relate to me, you probably have a little bit of a low self esteem issue sometimes.

And yeah, you you your friends tell you that you're adorable or that you're funny and all these things, and you go, I don't know, you know, I still think I'm fooling everyone. But that video, I'm like, I'm fucking cute as fuck. I I want to date that girl. And um this weekend, I also had that experience when I should take up my O in in busil, I actually gonna leave him in because they feel pretty good. Um. I was in Canada and Calgary. I met so many besties at the meet and greet there, and um, I

had I didn't have my whole tour with me. Drew wasn't there, Anya, a meal, Matt Jen, no one was there. I just because it was Canada, it was right before the holidays. It felt like it's at a casino. Usually those gigs aren't just like if they're not the same as like the theater gigs. But this show was so incredible,

long story of my day that day. I don't want to bore you with my air travel horror, because I never really let air travel like when when woe is me, bad day of travel, delays, bags lost, all that stuff get to me. Ever since the Louis c. K joke about people complaining about WiFi on a plane, and he does the best version of it, I think on this Conan interview that he did where he was kind of like doing the bit before it ended up in his special,

but it ended up in one of his specials. Um whenever people whenever he has a delay, and they're like, I was on the tarmac for four hours, you know, I think in his joke he says forty minutes, but usually people go four hours to lay you know, and being on the tarmac for four hours that is a reason enough to complain. But let's say your flights delayed two hours or whatever and I missed my connection. Oh and then what happened? Did you fly through the air

miraculously like a bird? Did you? Like? You gotta appreciate air travel, And he he makes the point that you know, to make the flight across the country, it used to take, or to get across the country it used to take months and a lot of you would die along the way, and now you just take a ship and watch a movie.

So whenever there's delays and stuff, I always remember that joke, And that to me is why stand up is so important, because I don't think oftentimes I always compare stand up to music, and I'm always like, God, we're the lesser of the two because we don't move people, we don't stay with people as along. But it's moments like that where I it shifts the way I look at things, and I don't think songs do that for me, where

I'm like, I never thought of it that way. So you know, I'm eternally grateful for Louis c. K Uh changing the way that I see air travel in any you know, hardship that happens. That being said, it was a crazy day um on Friday to get to Calgary. Got picked up it uh five in the morning? Um was it five? Doesn't matter? It was earlier than that whatever, who cares um for my seven am flight got there. On the way there, I realized that the COVID test I had gotten the day before, I had not gotten

the results yet. And you can't get a boarding pass at the airport unless you have a negative COVID test. That being said, I had had a COVID test on Tuesday, which would put me in the seventy two hours of having a COVID test. But I'm taking a flight to Seattle, all right, from St. Louis or from l A. When I get into Seattle, I have a layover for many hours,

and then I from Seattle to Calgary. The flight that leaves for Calgary is at Like I know that my COVID test on Tuesday was at eleven am, so it does not put me I'm out of the seventy two hour window in Seattle. However, I'm not out of the seventy two hour window in l a X. So I'm wondering are they going to decide based on my connection city or like it's all down to like if the person at the gate is like looking at it close enough. So I stand in line for like forty five minutes

because I don't have any priority for West Jet. I get to the counter show my COVID test and she's like, do you have a time stamp? And I'm like, there's no time stamp, and she's like there has to be, and I'm like, there isn't one look at the whole thing, and she calls her people. She's like, there's no time stamp. She's like, we can't let you on. And I'm like calling the COVID people because I got one the day before.

It's supposed to arrive overnight in an at it. And so I'm talking to this lovely woman who helped me so much. Um, and she was like, they haven't gotten the results. We didn't know you needed a rapid. Sorry, that was disgusting sound um and UM, we're waiting on the results. You know, they could come into any second. But and I'm texting with Jen, my assistant, and she's going, go try to get a COVID test a rapid somewhere and then we can get you on a later flight

to Calgary. And I am just wanting it too. I just want someone to go, just don't go, you know, like this is too much, because there's always something you can do. And I talked about this with you know, looking hot. There's always something more you can do to look as hot as possible and to look better, and sometimes you're just like I don't want to do it. You know, I could go get a rapid COVID test.

Off campus near l a Ox. Get an uber, go over there, get it, Uh, pay two hundred dollars, come back, get on a later flight, and and in the end, yes, I would spend on a new flight. I would then, you know, eat the cost of the last flight. I would pay two hundred extra dollars for the COVID test. I'm making a lot of money on this gig. So in the end it's still would be worth it, all right,

But is it? Is it? Like I just was like I just don't want to do the stuff that I could do, and I'm looking at the flights, going, oh, I can't get it. I can't do it because I would get at eight o'clock in the flights at eight and Jen's like, actually this one gets in at seven thirties, so you and I'm just like stop making it work. And then finally I go, okay, you know what, Nikki,

just do it. I went back to the deal memo where they send me the original thing of like this is how much money you'd make, and I was like, okay, I don't remember how much this was, but if it's over this price, I have to do it, because this is I could, you know, get I could do something good for the world with this money. And by that I mean get some uh m sculpt on my ass. It would be good for the world, believe me. And I got on a bus, so I go down so I'm at it, you know, check in. I go down

to arrivals with my bags. It is it is so crazy packed at the airport. It's like a nightmare. But I'm just trying to stay calm. And I go down and to get an uber, I call an uber. There's no no ubers. So then I text Jen there's no ubers. I give up, Like how am I supposed And she's like, well, you have to go off campus to get picked up by an Ubert or you can send an Uber black. And I'm like, I'm not paying for an Uber black. I'm getting a regular Uber. I'll get on this little shuttle.

So I'm waiting for the bus. As soon as I realized that this shuttle, I start chasing this bus because it pulls off and I'm like, I didn't get on the bus. It just went by. As soon as I realized I had to take it, so I wait. Another bus comes along. I get on that bus. It pulls off and write when it pulls off. I get a call from the COVID test lady that says your results are in for the rapid you're negative. Uh, you're good to go. Now. At this point, my flight is in

forty minutes. That means it boards in ten minutes the original flight. I've already paid for a two COVID test that I'm going to take on this bus journey to go get my uber to go take it. It's a mile away. Um, so I say stop this bus and I it goes and it stops, and I opened up the doors and I'm like, I'm sorry because the bus driver was really nice and was like, how's your day going? And I was like, not great, but now it's good because you're nice. Thank you. So it's already was like

a fell. We have a new set, you guys, and part of it just fell. That's okay. So anyway, run upstairs. And at this point the line to get back to the ticking encounter. None of those people in line know that I had waited in line already and that they told me to step aside and wait till I got my COVID results. They think that I'm just this crazy woman butting the line. But guess what, you can do whatever you want if you look crazy enough. So I run him to the counter and go, I'm so sorry.

My flight is boarding in forty minutes, all right, said, my flight is boarding in ten minutes. I was just told to go get a COVID test. I just got my results. And the guy is like, it's too late, girl, it's I'm so sorry. And I'm like, oh no. I'm like, oh god, I have to take a later flight. And he goes, you're checking bags, right, and I go no, and he's like, oh, okay, then you're not late. So that was like yes, So because I didn't check a bag, he gets me on my flight. I run upstairs. I

go through. Thank God for t s A or thank God for clear by the way, thank God for clear. I go through. I get then I get on my plane. As I'm checking into the plane, they go, there's no more room on the plane. You're gonna have to gate check that bag. Okay, that's fine. I'm used to checking bags. What's the big deal. I land in Calgary at six o'clock. My shows at eight. The venue is forty minutes away. It'll leave me time to go there. Shower, do a

quick turnaround. It's fine, So I checked my bag, go to Seattle. Two and a half hour layover, which then turns into a five hour layover. I don't care. I get to fly through the air miraculously, like a bird. I get on the plane. I land in Calgary at six o'clock. Oh, originally I was gonna land at like, uh five, I think no, I was gonna land at three. So then this gets me in at five thirty. I go through customs, everything smooth as silk. I go out

to the baggage claim. I wait thirty minutes. I eat my little curious salad that I bought in Seattle, and put my coat. I'm having a good time just waiting for my bags. I got time. Then it turns into an hour. Everyone's flight that is landing at the same time as ours, they're all getting their bags. All my flight, we're just waiting and waiting. Then it's an hour and forty minutes and we got over to the baggage claim people and they say, we don't know where your bags are.

They took them off the plane, and we don't. They got lost between the plane and the baggage claim and We're all just like this is hilarious, and I'm like, I gotta go to a show. I'm not happy about wearing this stuff on stage, but whatever, I have a show in a half hour and it's forty minutes away. I have an opener, so that'll be fine. So I go, Um, I'm really calm this whole time, and I'm texting with the guy who's there to pick me up this really so nice um British man who I just bonded with

so much on the drive there and back. But he is texting me being like, I can't abandon my bag by the way and have them send it later because it's in custom so you can't go just go send someone to pick it up. And they said, so I waited another half hour. Now it's eight o'clock, my show is started. I'm forty minutes away, and I say I have to go, and they said, okay, well we will send bags now because we're so sorry they lost it. We found the bags there at domestic baggage claim. This

is international. They took them to the wrong baggage claim and I was like, great, let me go pick them up, and they were like they're on their way. Over here, but it's going to take like an hour. And I was like, I don't have an hour to spare. Can you keep my bag here and I'll come get it in the morning And they were like, yes, but you're not gonna be able to get here in the morning because this is the international baggage claim. You have to you can't get into. This isn't like you just walk in.

It's international. You have to go through security. And I was like, ma'am, I'm begging you. And then is there any way that you could have my bag selected and then you bring it to domestic so that I can in the morning before I go min international flight stopped by the domestic you know, office and get it. And she was like, I'll see what i can do. And I was like, ma'am, I'm begging you. I just need to get in the morning. I'm not going to have

it tonight. It's fine. And I was like, it's baby blue, it's in a way luggage. It has stickers all over it, one of them says Vegan. And she was like, I'll see what I can do. When I was thank you, I left. I went to do the show. The show was so fun and that is what brings me back to my original point of you realize you're funny when you don't know it. I was there with my friend

John Cullen Cullen the comic on Instagram and Twitter. He's so funny, he's um, he's just a guy who met in Canada ages back, and he was so sweet and we became friends just working at Yuck Yuck's different clubs and he um he uh did a half hour filled the time killed. I'm backstage. I get there, they've scrounged together some makeup for me from like people who know people that are at the show. And so I have this little smattering of makeup. Thank you so much for

the girls who let your makeup to me. And they also make a run to Shoppers, which is Canada's Walgreens, and they get me some stuff and some face wash and deodorant and socks and stuff like that. So nice of this casino, the Gray Eagle Casino in Calgary. And so I do my makeup. My hair is three days old. I didn't get a chance to shower. I'm wearing lu Lemon leggings, I'm wearing gym shoes. I'm wearing um a black shirt that I luckily found in my backpack that was clean. And I go out there and I and

John is bringing me up. And right before John brings me up, we're a backstage talking and I said, actually, will you tell He goes, what do you want me to say? And I'm like, will you tell the story you have? I remember you have a story of us meeting on Twitter. I couldn't remember the details of it. But he goes on stage and he brings me up, and I posted on my Instagram story, but I don't

know if you could hear it. And sometimes people just go past my story because you think it's just me posting a comic comics like like muffled bits that you can't hear. But he told the story of back when he was a single man. And this was like two thousand, probably thirteen, you know, twelve thirteen, he wrote on Twitter.

I wrote, so, you know what was my friend got married, So it's two thousand, like twelve, and I was a bridesmaid my friend's wedding and I said I didn't have a date, and I wrote a joke about it on Twitter and he was like, um, I'll be your date or something like that, and and I saw that his so he had on his on his Twitter, he had a cartoon picture of himself, remember when I had a cartoons And then in between me seeing his tweet and me writing back to it, I had seen that he

had changed it to an actual picture of himself. So I wrote, did you just change your avatar to a picture so that I would consider it? And he was like busted. And then so it went from that. I loved that I called that out and he was like, oh god, she knew. Then he said that he tweeted at me later on something flirty of like I just had a dream. And a lot of people do this on Twitter, by the way, and I don't mind it. It makes me feel good when you like shoot your

shot by saying you had a dream about me. It's one of the best ways to tell a girl that you are indoor. But he said, I had a dream that I was dating Nikki Glazer, and I responded, go back to sleep. And I didn't even remember what I responded, but I remember what He's on stage telling this and I'm like, please be funny, and he's like and she responded, I'm like, please be funny, and he was like go ahack to sleep and it made me laugh out loud.

And it's so hard to be objective about yourself, Um when you like don't remember what like usually I know every joke I've made, you know, um, which is interesting because Atlantis Moore said, I was watching her documentary last night. It's on HBO Max and it's called Jagged. It's really good and um, you have no idea, like you gotta watch it if you're an Atlantis Moore set fan. But she says that she has this amazing ability as an artist.

When she writes a song, it comes out of her She gets the whole thing done, and then she she forgets it completely. It completely goes out of her head. She doesn't remember what it sounds like. She couldn't conjure it. She has to then go and memorize it pretty much. But when she first writes a song in the studio and they lay it down to track and they you know,

they're done, she doesn't remember it. So then on the way home she's able to listen to it completely objectively and hear whether like as a fan of music that doesn't remember the song is able to here if it's good or not. From an objective standpoint, which is man that is would be such a cool skill to have, which I did experience a little bit when I was

editing my special last week. I finally finished it. That is the reason that, um, we didn't do a podcast on Wednesday or or on Thursday actually rises because I had to edit my special. I finished editing it. Editing is a great word. Editing. It is a hard thing to say. But I finished editing it, and it's so good,

and I was eight. I made myself laugh a couple of times because I did things that I never normally say, and it was so I'm I'm that was nice to have some space from it and go back and look at it because I do think it's really funny and I'm glad for you. I'm excited for you guys to see it. So um anyway, I went to the bag

so I did my show. I went to the baggage claim the next morning to Domestic, thinking it was not going to be there because that woman at West Jets baggage claim was so disgruntled and like not in the mood. And I go to the west Jet International or Domestic. I walk in. There's bags everywhere because they had a lot of delays. Every just stacked up bags. It looks like a looks like an art exhibit of like, you know,

it looks like, honestly, you know, like Holocaust. Sometimes they have all the luggage and they're like, this is that's what it looked like like the these people didn't survive. It was kind of, you know, eerie looking morbid. Look through all of it. None of my bags were there, and I just go to the woman. I go, I know my bags and international I wasn't able to get it last night. And she's like, no one's there, no

one gets no one's there yet. We're setting those bags over later, but they're not gonna be there till later. And I go, what do I do? And she's like, I don't know, and she's being so mean, and I look and I can see in the office there's like the door is cracked a jar slightly, and I see that there's some luggage back there, and I know, listen, it's probably not mine. And I don't want to make this woman. She's trying to be kind to this like angry Canadian woman, because it takes a lot for a

Canadian to get disgruntled and this woman is there. It's it's five in the morning, and I say, or no, it's six in the morning. And I said, ma'am, is there any way you could just go check in the office for a baby blue away luggage bag. It's like a carry on. I'm like, I, you know, just in case, because the woman yesterday told me she take it. And she was just like, it's not gonna be there, and I'm like, I know, please, can you just check. She

goes back there and I'm so shocked. She even brought it back out because she had to eat so much crow, you know, so she wheels it back out and I was like, yeah, And I didn't want to say I told you so, and so I did it. But I told her so and it was there, and so shout out to everyone at west Jet. I'm sorry that I was so mad at you on stage that night and said that, you know, Canadian Canadians had their own spirit airlines.

It's called west Jet. And you know, I don't I didn't say this, but don't ask a you know, uh, the ground crew at what don't date the ground crew at west Chet because they can't find luggage on the tar mac let alone. Your clips something, you know, I made some like I wanted to make some hackey joke like that. But let's get Andrew in here. I love west Jet Andrew. What up, Andrew? We have a new studio. Everyone were talking about it. If you want to go watch this, it'll be on YouTube in a couple of

days if you're listening. But if you're watching it, welcome to our new little uh hobby den. Like we have our things on the wall that we love. I feel like I'm in your rooms. We literally, yeah, we literally put this together so fast this morning. We're going to add to it. If you want to send us ship that is like associated with the show that is pretty and would look cool in this kind of format, we will hang it up on the wall. We want to

switch things out. Um, we want to represent you know, I love to Like, let's just go through it, Andrew, walk us through your little nook over there. All right? My nook here starts with Willie Nelson, who I'm a big fan of, especially Redheaded Stranger album, and it's a kind of a um uh like they made the I guess that the style of that art looks craggy and like almost like they did Willie Nelson's skin for the style of the art. If you look, you know, like look at his face, it has like do you know

what I'm saying? It could just be dirty from being in the bag taken out. Gave a real Willie Nelson like you love will Ignore for years. Willie Nelson's granddaughter listens to I know Ra Raylan. Yeah, which is the most Willie Nelson granddaughter name you could ever find? Over girl eat eating eating rope, I don't know, eating rope country. So that's Willie. A great smile. I feel like his teeth, he is so cute. Yeah, those are probably I love him because he didn't make it in Nashville, right, he

had his perfectly shaved face. He was trying to trying to be what they wanted. And then he moved to Austin, grew out his beard, fucking said funk everybody, and then blew up from that. I don't know, it's kind of cool. Have you read his biography or just Wikipedia? I read his biography. Yeah, the whole thing actually cool. Yeah. And then I got a guy on a jet ski who isn't related to me, although I feel a strong connection, like you, I thought it was you No, I wish

I I had a three seater. That's a two seater. Okay, So did someone send you that? Know? I bought that the other day and I was building my own studio from my podcast on. This stuff was up on mine for like three days. And then this is a Florida license plate because you're this jet ski. You were arrested for speeding on a jet ski in a man zone. Yeah. Jet skis are deep in my heart, especially without a governor, so it could go as fast as possible a governor.

A governor actually keeps a jet ski from going to its full potential. So it's like some jet skis can go eighty five and they put a governor on it, so it only could go like sixty. Oh. Is that like a catalytic converter. Yeah, it's catic converter. You know that. I met the governor of New York Como. No, they replaced They replaced him with No Como. Um like they replaced him No Como with hocol It's name Kathy Hokel, I believe, but I met her at that Bruce Springsteen

show I did on the Red Carpet. They just brought her up to me. And we're like, here's Kathy Kel and I was like, oh, or here's the governor. I was like, oh my god. And I was like so excited, and I was going to do a bit about it on stage. Chris was with me there and I was kind of running through what I should say, and I was going to be like I met the new governor. She did not know who I was, but the feelings mutual because I had no fucking women in a men

dominated field. Yeah, men dominated that. Okay, then you have a tennis rack, Oh you about Florida license Florida played Born and Raised in Florida Deep in My Heart Again, which had a jet skis online. It's not a real license play. It's just for fun, yeah, because you you could get a felony for doing that, can you. I remember one of my first stand up jokes, not even a stand up joke. It wasn't senior year. I was

in a sauna with Mick FuMO and No FuMO. Nick FuMO was like one of the popular boys, but like all was really nice to me and took a liking to me. Just thought it was kind of funny, and I think it was like at a play party, but This was senior year when popular kids started doing the plays because they realized like it was a good way to get attention. And so mc FuMO, who was usually like played football, was in this play. We were in this sauna like hanging out at up but we weren't

like naked. It was just like I don't know, we were in some I don't remember, but we were talking about if you steal to license if you steal license plate, it's a felony. If you get two felonies, you could go to prison for life, Like I think that's h and we got we were just laughing about like who's the guy that just wants a license plate so bad

that he's willing like to risk his life. But I remember him laughing really hard because I was like, you gotta, you gotta just have like a real love for license plates. You want to just decorate your you know, man cave. But that wasn't a word back then in two thousand two, but I just remember that was the first time I was like, oh, that kind of sounds like a comedian bit.

And I think the I mean, imagine me fIF teen is when you would steal a license plate, you would steal an ornament on the front of the street sign. Everyone stole my buddy. He's like the most normal guy ever. He's like, oh, check this out, and he had like forty five Mercedes Benz and Jaguars and like that is so rude and like that guy, Yeah, he steals family pictures. The only thing you can think about being like a fifteen year old. You stole a lightnesse play, you're like

one more like most people that you don't. That's the stupidest law. It's okay, Um tennis racket, I haven't played in a long time, played a lot in Florida, and you're not gonna play anytime soon. That things on the wall looks like a little applebee's over there. Yeah, the court's gonna have to come to me. Um next, I got my golf clubs just to run through it. Spider X putter, uh twenty two Massuno wedges just got him. Love them. Mazzuno. Oh those are running shoes. I love Mazzuno.

By the way. Very cool thing about this company. They don't pay pros. They're like, fuck you, we're not gonna You're lucky that you even get to use our stuff. Honestly, that's approach Um, they're like the Ferrari of like they don't need commercials. They're like, you're gonna come to us. Have you seen that tip talk or have you seen did you watch It's Creek? I watched the first SA I watched like the first episode. Okay, yeah, I've only

seen like the first five or six episodes. But there is this thing that was on reels the other day that I couldn't stop watching that. Everyone who watches Ship's Creek knows it. It's the daughter character, and she's clearly it looks like she's auditioning for something. She's like, I'm a Lamborghini, I'm a d D. It is so compelling and funny. Um, I gotta find it. Anyone who knows it's what I'm talking about understanding is like, I'm so

confident coming in like you deserve me Lamborghini. I'm a real cool Like she's like, I'm a She's I'm just gonna look for it right now, UM talk us through. It's pretty amazing, not like Ferrari Lamborghini. Like even if you didn't know what the funk it is, it just sounds like Home Runs. That's that's the song. A little bit her name is Alexis, and I guess she's auditioning for something. And I'm just gonna get to the song because I saw it on TikTok and I couldn't stop.

And even if you know this, it's if you don't know what, you definitely need to hear it. But even if you don't do know it, you'll want to hear it again because it's so good. Okay, so she walks in, are you ready, let's do it. I don't Lamborghini. I'm a healthy star. I'm a little bit tipsy when you drive my car. And I'm a little bit single even when I'm not. And she's dancing, I'm a little bit. I'm a little bit la la la um. And I

saw her on Kelly Clarkson. She did it, and Kelly does this whole thing about I'm a little bit Texas and she doesn't. It's so good. Zoo could work perfect in that song because that's who they are, Like she could. I'm a little Miszoo. No, I'm a twenty two. If you want to use me, you're gonna have to buy it. We're not gonna give you free clubs because you're for life, or pay you any royalty. Uh you want me my wife,

go fuck you, I'll funk your wife. U and Collin sign Oh real quick though, nine irons and t s. I to try what is this just for four people? Yeah? That was real quick. That was real quick. By the way, I'm looking to a theso okay, but Zoos doesn't care. They're not going to give it to you a free they might get what if they only give it to to Uh non prose connection made and I'm promoting mazoos, but he's kind of sucked me in the d M S recently said that I'm a diva. Well guess what

I'm going on mazoo bitch. Oh unless you want to give me claps. I just got to deal with something too. I want to fucking buck wild. Well here's the thing. Can I just tell you what it happened? This will be interesting to someone as much as that was to those four people. I was on Daily Mail, which is my favorite, like gossip Rag I do the app Yeah yeah, and I saw this obvious like photo shoot with Helena Christiansen.

You know who Helena christians Uh supermodel. Um, she's an older in her fifties probably at this point, maybe sixties and she was wearing these amazing black cargo shorts or cargo pants that were like shiny and had like a perfect zip on the ankle. And I'm just like, I became a tessed with finding them and they weren't labeled like who made them? And I was just so frustrated. I was on posh Mark, I was on eBay, I was like anywhere I could look, I was trying to

find him. I could not find who makes these. I couldn't find anything like them. So then I was like, oh, wait, I have too stylists. Maybe they can figure this out, or you take a photo. I didn't want to do that because I didn't want other people to buy. No, it wasn't that it was about like I just I

didn't want to buy. I didn't want my d MS filled with like, well there's a similar pair here, Like I just wanted to know where they were, and I was I would have gotten there eventually, but I wrote Danny and Emma of Danny and Emma style d A n I and they wrote back, oh those are um And I can say now because I just got I just bought them, and so there I don't I'm not worried about them selling out. They are by Saint Art, New York, Saint Arts s A A I N t Art New York, and um they go. I was like,

thank you, Oh my god, good job. And they go, let me ask if they will gift you before you buy? All right, let me wait. So I waited. They said, haven't heard back from them, but we'll let you know. That was the end of the day Friday. Then today we would love to extend a discount to Nikki. Please find below and let us know if there are any issues. So they copied and pastes that and send it to me off at st New York. Thank you so much

to them. Um, this is not an ad or anything but those So I went buck wild because I haven't gotten a lot of my Christmas gifts yet, and I bought. I spent so much money. But when you spend so much money and then off you're saving a lot. Off is not that much, but it's decent enough. And with Christmas shopping, I'm just so overwhelmed by it that I just want to Like, I went on Sapphore the other day to restock my things, and I was like, oh,

I'll just get my mom and sister. Like the essentials that I use, that's probably what I would want as a gift, as like my favorite shampoo, my favorite condition or like high end stuff. Again, they're not going to buy themselves twenty dollar conditioner, but for one month, they'll have really nice for a month. No, but I would. I would probably even replenish this for them. But like I Brenda was going nuts about this thing that starts with a deed. Does your hair it's like five dollars.

Does your hair like it straightened your hair, like curls the dison or something. Oh, it's a Dyson thing. Okay, interesting apps. Brennan needs to have her own blog of like, because she has great style, she has great taste. And I bought so many things that she's told me to buy and it's been awesome. Um, so you go and

you buy all this stuff. And then at the end, I spent two thousand dollars in the end, but I bought like four coats that are all five hundred dollars that and if my mom and sister listening, please stop listening now even though you know you're getting a coat. And then um, I bought these pants and I bought a cute little dress and like, I don't know, I treat yourself sometimes my my Like I'm in a mood and I that this is this it's a compulsion these

things I don't need. But I also know that I'm having Carlile Forrester move in here after you move out, she's moving on. They have returns till January for the store. I will never return something on my own ever ever, But I now have a living assistant. Was coming and she will return the stuff for me, so I will get the money back if if all fails. But usually I never returned anything. I had one of those nights.

The other night, I was I was sick and like you know when you're sick and you just need something to make you feel bad, and like maybe hitting purchase and I bought these clubs and it didn't come correctly. So I was able to get a refund because UPS sucked up. You don't spend this much of money, like you don't, just like you was like like there was a sign that was saying, hey, don't spend this much, and I was fucking so extencted. At first, I was like they're not coming, and then I was like they

shouldn't come. You ever have that, like, oh, so you got you didn't get the clubs and you got refunded. Right. It was a sign from or like you go to post something just your internet like this is what the besties have learned from me, and what I continually learned back from them is like everything is meant to be and like, I but I don't I know that saying I've spent The other night, I said something and I felt really could when I said it, because someone even

could me about it. Um. I was backstage with Jim Jefferies and a couple other comics and he was talking about we're talking about buying a home and he's like, oh, what do you You bought a place in St. Louis or whatever however he talks and I said, no, I don't. And I go, I'm tired of this buying thing. Everyone wants me to buy and I go, I don't get it. And the and I had so many besties verify this for me. In the end, if I buy a place and I own it and then I sell it, the

most money I'm gonna make. Let's say I buy a two million dollar place, which is I hate to say in my budget, Like I'm not bragging, it's not that's not yet. But this is what happened. I didn't even say that. This is what I said. And there were two comics there that I didn't know. I don't know how much money they make, but I know Jim makes the amount of money I make, probably a lot more, and I think it's could. I don't want to. I'm never bragging about money. I'm just talking in truth is trying.

I mean, I'm sure there are times when I do brag unintentionally because it's a point of pride to make money in this society. But not talking about money, I think is so weird, and not talking about the honest to God of like I made this much money. That is criminal that I made that much money, but it's kind of cool, like let's celebrate it, or like I don't not kg about how much money I make. But so I'm back there, I don't know how much money this one girl makes. This other guys there, I think

I don't even know if he's a comic. But I said to Jim, I go, I don't understand buying houses, but everyone's so like you gotta buy I go, Okay, So best case scenario, I flip a house or I sell a house after I live in it, the property goes up, and what do I make on that two hundred three thousand dollars profit from buying that? And I go, I'll just do a few more gigs and he goes, WHOA, Okay,

well not everyone is you. And I'm like, but for for me to make two three hundred thousand dollars on a home, the home better bet is going to be expensive as fuck, right, Therefore I would be that that that is in the like if I was talking about, um, you're not to take a gig. No. No, what I'm saying is he was like, well not everyone makes that. He goes, not everyone makes the amount of money we

make on a gig. N can. I'm like, but if I'm talking about a home where you're going to resell it in a couple of years and make three on it, that's an expensive home. That's a million, two million dollar home. You're not buying a two million dollar home unless you're making that kind of money anyway. So for me to act like, oh, I'll just um take eighty gigs and to make it more like, but someone who needs to take eighty gigs to make that much money, shouldn't buy

a home that much? So art he almost kind of killed me, and I was like, it's not care. I'm not trying to be like. I'm just that that that could be extended to anyone. So let's say we're talking about a hundred thousand dollar home and they they're going to make a thirty thous That means more obviously to someone in the income bracket of owning a hundred thousand

dollar home. But at the same point, I would say, for to buy a home and to put down that money up front that you're not gonna be able to touch and and put down all that money like thirty tho dollars on the back end of that, just don't buy a home. And and because you're at least putting down thirty to buy that home, so getting thirty later, what is the difference? I don't get it. I feel like I think the idea is that your mortgage would be considerably less than what your rent would be you're

gonna I don't think it would be that much less. Yeah, So it's about it's about building equity and making more of your money and the best way that I understood it is if you bury a dollar and you bury like a brick of gold, let's say, or like a house or whatever, in like thirty five years, the dollar is going to be worth inflation and the and the goal is going to be worth unless the house is something that is very like as a tear down. It probably is on a swamp land at the Indian Burial

ground like I did. But no, but like, here's the thing, though, you could buy a two million dollar house, and if you buy it correctly, you'll make way more than two. Yeah, you could double. You could. Nikki Glazer does not make wise decisions and investments. So there's no way I'm making you think I'm going to double my money. I'm just saying my my brother bought New York real estate and he his But that's we're talking about hundreds of millions

of dollars. Now we're talking about tens of millions below that. But my point is is it's still he's still like, let's take out my brother and let's take out them wrong conversations. So I am a hundred percent wrong. The thing is, I don't know that for me, I would rather do um ten gigs to make that chunk of money. Then I would um like separating myself from that much money upfront, which scares me. UM having to manage my own property, um having to like just the pressure of ownership.

There's a lot that is psychological for me. That is, I'm paying the price for you could feel stuck. You feel like I'm realizing that. It's the same as like dating. I was gonna say it being the guy that I was going to say, commitment, Yeah, improving, working on it, stuff like that. It's like an ongoing process, but it

could be positive. Doesn't any other thing too, is like if you buy a hundred thousand dollar house and let's say you make, you know, like the lowered amount of money you make, the bigger that chunk means more to them and they don't have the ability. I acknowledge that too. I acknowledge that too, and I but I wasn't. I thought that. I guess when I used to be make a lot less money and I heard that people would say talk about numbers that were not even something I

could dream of. I think that I probably felt like kid, But I don't want to. I don't want to. Actually, I don't like when rich people, and I'm not like and compared to the thing I'm not. I'm well off and I'm so happy. I don't need any more money in my life, but I want more um because that's capitalism. But I and I want to survive. Can I ask a questions? Were you trying? Did you feel like there

was party to trying to impress Jim Jeffrey. No, I was actually trying to be like, what's the point of buying a house if it would just do three more? But it wasn't because it was like um withou Jim Jeffrey, Oh god, No. And I will acknowledge when I try to impress people, it's like there is a part of me that is and will always because we I'm not perfect. In that moment, I would you know, I would put Poppy's life at stake to promise you. I was not

trying to impress Jim Jeffreys. I was really trying to get at the at what my understanding of property investment is and why it doesn't seem that like cool to me. But here's the thing that I've seen. I've seen I've seen so many TikTok's where it's like like someone like logan Paul would have be like, I sold this n f T for ten million dollars. If I put in even a little bit more, I would have made a

hundred million dollars. Like they're throwing out numbers like I'm I invest in this cryptocurrency and I made eight of you of doctors being like, if it the blade would have gone one millimeter to the right, you would have bled out and died like all of these like if, And it's like, but it didn't happen. Well that and yes, and the doctor as well as this person that's they're bragging without bragging, so it's like that didn't even make it. But he's also bragging and he made ten million. But

joint is and people react to that. People fucking like when people are like bragged dogs and are like I made a hundred million dollars of for investments, Everyone's like, man, I want to be that. It's like the damn blizzarian effect. It's like that there's a there's a thing to just leaning into the care and there's a market for that.

I want to say that I didn't just say that I spent two thousand dollars today to be because that is a fucking ton of money, and I do not it is not that to me does not seem pedestrian or like I just spent two grand That is to me, like I just bought like an iPad, like a really nice iPad, worth of things, like a computer, worth of dumb clothes. And I want to say to anyone who's listening who relates to that, in no way has no it doesn't even have two doo dollars that they could

get their hands on today. That um, I'm not I'm saying that because I just don't want to be dishonest and I don't want to talk about things, and and there is something about like you don't have to be honest all the time. It's just that can kind of uh, you know the Jake Jillen Hall or the Tiller Swift line of like you called me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest, Like you can be kill in the name of being honest. You can so casually in

the name of being honest. That's a new thing when people are like, sorry, I'm just being honest. It costs a million dollars and I have it I'm just being casually killed asually in the name of being honest. Can someone please make one of these like stitches with said casually ki ceo uh l. Everyone can relate to this

happens all this happened to me. With online chopping, they go there's off or this is what the original price was, and then you go to check out and it's like eight, and then there's a line through it and then it's six, and you're like, oh my god, they're so nice. They saved the day's psychological bullshit because they built it for Remember from Oprah that I'll never forget that I watched when you save on something, So let's say I just saved five dollars today. If I go and I spend

that five dollars elsewhere, I did not save it. And also, when you spend fifteen hundred dollars, because you would have spent two thousand, you didn't save. You spent fifteen hundred dollars. So when you buy something because it's on discount, not buying it is way more of a discount than buying it. And that's where we get We we think that it's someone a math book on all our equation. We gotta get to the news. I wanted eighth grade math, but I have twenty minutes before I have to go to therapy.

Oh my god, single and uh and pumps him up. It's called lip injection and it's by um two faced and the color is pretty pony. All right, don't do it? Okay. A forty four year old woman who is dubbed the hottest mom in the world now going on double dates where their year old daughter. Oh god, I got this. I was Elizabeth Hurley is the hottest mom in the world. By the way, I was like, fun this story, and then I see the photo. Who's the mom? Who's the mom?

Let's play a little game. Who's who's the mom? What's the mama? It's pretty wild? Oh wow, yeah, my mom is definitely I don't know. I don't know who the mom is. I'm gonna go by body. And by the way, my body looks like as I say, you think, um, what color? Which color? Bra? I guess correctly because which color skin? No? No, what color bro Um. I think the mom is the white? Yes, yes, And I only know that from um. That was a random guess. Honestly, everything about this I don't you guys have got to

see this photo. That's insane. And honestly, I think the one in the white is hotter. By the way, can you filter one side? Her name is? She's it's insane good fun I mean these girls are both filtered as funck too in this photo. I have to say. So that is another thing. These filters are out of control. But here's the thing. Can you filter one side of a photo and not the other side? Spade was talking about, Um, yeah, of course, if you can filter, you can have filter

now Spade. I went to dinner with Spade the other night and we were talking about these filters and he's like, I don't trust anything anymore, Like you just can't. And we were talking about how a girl comes, like you meet a girl online and then she comes up to the table and you go, um, You're like, oh hi, and she's like hi, and you're like, are you is

her mom coming in to check in on her? Like we feel like girls look so much different than they're filter pictures like that, you would think it was a mom, Like not this mom. But also have you seen the g the g Forces one where the girl is in the plane. No, have you seen that? Oh? My god, it's all over read it. This girl is in a like a fighter jet or something where you have g forces like on your face, and it starts out and she looks sixty seven. I mean, I'm like in a

hard sixty seven. And then it turns around like she's almost upside down, and it just shows ages. Just gravity, dude, ages, just gravity. There's nothing else about it. And her skin goes and then all of a sudden, she goes up and she looks like Camille Caustic, like the hottest like Victorious that she literally in her real life looks like Camil Caustic, and she looks like sixty seven. It's the coolest thing. Um, yeah, this is good for them. Women

are just gonna start driving. This is exciting for me because I I, you know, I'm aging, and um, I get a little worried about things sometimes I see my skin slipping off my head. But um, I'm also like, I just know that the surgeries out there, which that woman is definitely employed, and like the skincare and the different things, like it's gonna be okay. And my mom

this weekend she was in l A shooting stuff. My mom was in l A shooting things with that camera stuff, and my mom is so beautiful and like I was just like, oh, I'm gonna be quite all right. It was just so nice to see. Could you imagine going on a date with your mother, like let's say she wasn't dating your dad, Like, yeah, I would love it. I would love it. It would be wild, I guess, like, would it take the intimacy out of it? Though? I

mean first dates are always the thing? Is I love when my biggest thing I realized when I shifted back into kind of considering dating my acts. We were just like friends this summer, and I realized when I wanted to like take things back to like that I was interested again romantically. Was when he expressed how much he loved my parents and like how much he thought my

mom was just hilarious. He said that I'll know I've lived a good life if I get to the end of it and I've spent as much time as I could around Julie Glazer, and he really meant that, And how he was so enthusiastic about my dad's band and like, um and how good my dad was, Like it wasn't him trying. I mean, he was not he was just

being genuine. I know when a guys trying to brown nose, and it was just genuine, and it made me so attracted him that he was into my family and other guys along the way, Like when men are super into my family and make an effort to like be chill with them, it's so sexy to me and so um no, I'd love to go on a day with my mom um next, Sorry how that would look. Don't you like it when like people like Brenna shows interest in your family?

Oh for sure. I mean when she looks at like my nephew Teddy or like yeah, it's a lot of I mean, that's all the photos are. Let that's be

known to any men listening, I think or women. People really appreciate it when you show like genuine interest and curiosity about their family if there are people that like their family too, and even if they don't like I feel like a lot of times I would bitch about my family to my boyfriend when we were together, and he got the idea that I didn't like them, and so he would often be like, come hang out with my family, like you don't even like your family, and

I'm like no, no, that's just it's like when you make fun of yourself and it's like, no, I still like myself, yes, yes, well not I don't, but well yeah, I was just talking in generalities. Um. It is interesting too when someone goes, okay, I sweet your nephew, like there's a beauty and like the honesty of that too though, where they're just like a little dismissing the fine. Yeah, like know, who's really cute this one, but the other one I'm okay with it. Like that's the way I

kind of feel about Poppy and Arlow. Like Arlo and I don't have the crazy connection that Poppy and I have, but that's for later. Like Arlo and I, there will be a time where Poppy is the lesser, the one I don't like as much. In Arlow's the one. I'm like, I'm obsessed with you. We're going on double dates with them exactly. Um, let's get to the next story, all right.

A TikTok doctor says the average length of an erect penis is probably shorter than the UH proposed five point five five point one because most men with small wieners probably want to consent to being involved in those studies.

That is a great point, doctor saying Wieners, I say that on stage, by the way, that women need to stop making fun of men's small penises, or just it's not even making fun of men's small penises talking so much about how much they love big dicks, because you know what you're doing there, you're making You're making guys without big dicks feel bad. And the problem is, which is exactly what this is talking about. Men that have small penises will not go, hey, that makes me feel bad.

You know, like if you're making fun of I compare it to body shaming of women in terms of like fat women. You know, when guys are like, she's so hot, she's so like, always about their thinness and their fitness. They might not be saying I'm not attracted to fat women, but that we fat women. Hear that loud and clear. Now. The thing is, fat women can't hide that they're fat, whereas men with small penises, you don't know, So men with small penises don't go, hey, that makes me feel sad.

You know, there are a few that are like proud about there, but it's very very few, and so men with small penises never say anything about it. They internalize it. They don't even tell their therapists, They won't tell their closest friends. They they have this secret alone that they can never share with anyone because apparently it is the

most shameful thing to have a small penis. So what you do when you're a woman who talks about loving big dicks openly to in front of men, you make these men with smaller or like average penises or ones that they they might even have a big pennis and think they have a small penis. You make them feel

really bad. And it's it's worse than body shaming for women because women have a place to go when their body shamed because they there are other women who are clearly fat that they can be like, hey, I feel bad about this, or bald or whatever it is. Even bald men don't suffer as much as men with small penises. So just be mindful that these men don't have anywhere

to go. And it's that is the worst thing when you are suffering alone with something and you don't have a community of people that you can go or that you can just say, hey, that makes me sad, and they end up this is why men end up becoming in cells why they end up hurting themselves, why they end up hurting others. It's so it's a big thing that I don't want to minimize by being by saying, oh, it's just all comes down to small penises and women.

It's your fault that men shoot up, you know, grocery stores, but it's not. We need to We need to just be mindful of men with small penises. And if you're a man with a small penis right now listening down the gun and grab the penis, no, I love you and I would date you. I would never not date a man with a small penis. I want this to be a clip. I want to say to any man out there, you might not even be me. Know, Andrew

has an average penis, so this doesn't count. But if you're a man who feels bad about your dick s eyes, don't laugh during this because it sounds like we're making money. Okay, If you're a man out there with a small penis, all right, I want to talk to you right now and say that I would never not date you because you have a small penis. I want to make the point that do you think lesbians are miserable because there's no penises in their sex life. No, lesbians like the

feeling of a penis inside them too. They like to be filled up, but they don't care that the partner doesn't have a penis because they use toys. So men with small penises, you can always use toys. It's better to use toys. They feel better to us because you can use them with your hand and it with your pelvis. And honestly, a woman that is ever going to be like I need a big dick is completely insecure and it has and is just hitting back at all of the things that she feels that she's not being good

enough for other men for and it's just projecting. It says nothing about who you are. For every woman that wouldn't date you because of your penis, there are so many women that would and women that wouldn't date you. They're dumb, their dominant, they don't understand what what could be with the with the toys that are being used with your mouth, with your hands. So please do not

hate yourself because you're a small penis. If you want, you can always DM me and just write small penis and all caps and I will read your truth and you can lament to me about it, and I will not judge you. I will not write you back, I will not screenshot it and share it with anyone. I am a safe space and um, if you want to talk to someone about it, you can talk to me

about it. Yeah, a woman that's like I need a big dick, probably it's like maybe like my pussy so like it makes her pussy feel small, maybe that it could be a thing. And then the other thing is that when when when guys shame women vagina, I've heard like women go, you're still I don't like, you're lucky to get this pussy, Like, no matter what the pussy is, you're lucky to get them. And I feel like guys need to get that dialogue with like, oh, you're making

fun of my little dick. You're lucky to get this little dick, like like you almost like you and you are. And there is a there is a trend. I know, I'm going back to TikTok of women holding up rulers and be like I don't want this seven point five inches. I don't want nine inches. I want five inches. It's like it's called boyfriend dick what they're calling it. And the thing is I hope that you watch those and you feel empowered in that you trust those women because

it is not about your dick. Siye, I do believe that you know, unlike I will say, unlike women who might not be attractive to men because men want a skinny woman and they're like, I'm obese, and so I don't even have a chance with that guy. They're actually worse off based on that guy's reasoning to never get that guy than a girl who says I need a big dick. Well, then guess what, go buy one at the store. A guy with a small penis can go buy a big dick and and and please that woman right.

Whereas a woman who is bigger and a man is like I need a small woman, she's ship out of luck. So I will say that there's a benefit to being a man with a small penis that these women who you seem to not even be allowed to date because they need a big dick, you actually can bring one to the bedroom. And it's called a dil do and there are so many of them, and they're way better than actual penises. No offense to all the penises that

I know. You could lose weight, but you can't grow a bigger dick, but not some people can't lose weight. I get that. I know some people will never look like Emily Radizowski no matter what dick does. Kind of weird. Let's go to break? Why do I care? Why do I care? All right? Billie Eiler says the met Gala made her realize famous people are just literally nobody's. And by the way, all the swells and it's Monday, and you know what that means, It's Monday, it's always at

the end. Okay, yeah, so literally nobody's I like that line. Yeah, everyone is literally a nobody and she goes, you know what she was on Howard. The main thing that night made me think was how famous people are just literally nobody's just randoms and it's so weird. I was like, Wow, all these people are just somebody that's in class with you, and you think this person is kind of annoying, you really like this person, you get along with this person.

Everybody's just like embarrassed and insecure about what they're doing. Insane. So all these people, like they're dressed to the nine, they're in these huge dresses everything, and they're all celebrities

are just like us. They really are, like they all when j Lo gets out of that limo and is wearing that corseted like you know, with Cardier bedazzled thing, and she's got this like look that she's like sucking on a lemon and her eyes are pulled back because of that surgery where you can get threads in your face that pull you back, like all the hot deeds.

They feel just the same way that you do, of like how this dress is itchy and my foot hurts, Like sometimes we just forget that everyone is just us. So is it a disservice too to show this grab gravitas? Is it a disservice to going so putting them on a pestil? No, because it's fun. That's the thing is like we as long as you don't read into it

like they're inherently better than you. And I think that's what I used to do when I was young, and that's what led me to, you know, want to be It didn't lead to my eating disorder, but it definitely My eta disorder was not about being thin. It was about not feeling like I was enough. But I always thought it was about wanting to be thin, looking like Jenniferraniston looking at having the stomach of shape of Britney

Spears on the MTV Move Music Awards two thousand. Like I thought it was about wanting to be I'm a slave for you, Britney Spears. What it really was is that I wasn't good enough as I was and no amount of skinniness because I was way skinnier than Britney Spears and Jenniferranston and was not better than them. And that is the problem, is that we put a moral value on it, like they're a better person, when really these people are actors are the fucking worst, you guys.

I have been around so many famous people at this point, and it is so rare that one of these actors are actually cool. Musicians are cool, Comedians are cool. Actors are so not cool. They're dork stude. They're these guys that went into like did theater school there. They think they're so cool. They're I was I was making Spade laugh the other day so hard because I was like, I was getting so mad because we're talking about some comedian we really respect, and like, who was hanging out

with someone who is really fucking lame? And I was just like, there's no way that that comic who we know is cool thinks that person is cool. There's just no way they're doing it. But they're more famous, but they're more famous, and they're doing it to be cool. And that's the truth, is like the actor suck. Jennifer Lawrence is the only actor I have met that's not true.

She's one of the only actors I've met who is actually as cool as as you want her to be and as like and comedians, by the way, they're not all cool, but way cooler than most actors. I found what was interesting about like Billy Billy Eilish, Billie Eilish, Like her whole thing was baggy clothes, you know, like that was like her things like you don't have to show your body, even though everyone's we got again, we

have to her body. And then I was watching Atlanta Is More Set with You Last, and her whole thing was looking like an adult done up at the age of eleven, like the opposite, Like they've had the opposite trajectories. And they both were very famous at fifty. But Billy was completely covered to being covered. Oh my god, have you seen her? She is wearing you know, baggy things again like but but yeah, so, but I mean, I

guess you kind of do the opposite. So Lanta's went from that to grungy to no I know, yeah, no, I know. So it's like her hair covered her face. And final thought, Brenna was saying last night that she was Everyone's so eager to see Billy Eilish's body, like they just as soon as she became of age. It was like, what is what's her body? She hides it and no one ever does that with men. No one's ever like what's he got underneath their tips? Today? And

I was really excited. My boobs are so my my hormones. Also, I've gained some weight recently and they are so like look please just look at this. Look how big these things are today. They're giant. I did a video for the guy I'm dating that I said on this secret app and I love doing these videos. I was just like, hey, I have an emergency. I was like, I don't wait to alarm you, but like, do you see what's happening here?

I was like they're too big, and I was like, I have to wear this bra that literally looks like a um one of those bras that you breastfeed your baby, like it's just this giant bra that's like grandma bra almost because there's so there. I've kettle belt tips today and I did this video though, and I'm just like they're so big, like you have to come over and look at these, like I don't know what to do

with them. And he wrote back he was like that was so fucking funny because I always liked he always says that I am the perfect combo with like funny and hot, where I'm just like I always am like, what do we do with these? But I didn't. I did an emergency video today where I was like, they're the biggest thing will ever be ever be today. And I don't mean to sexualize Billie Eilish, but she's got some big old titties, tiggle biddies. I mean today, I've

got some Billie eilish is. It sucks because tids can be so big where if you don't hide them, people think you're showing them. So it's like no matter what you wear, like anything besides a big sweater, you're like, you're just showing your fucking cleve. It's like I'm wearing a fucking I really hard at my tips are not as big as some girls tips that like cause back

pain and all those things like. But I'm really excited today to have some tigg old biddies and they're gonna get They're gonna drain soon, they'll go back to the way they were. But right now, I'm just I ate a lot. Recently, I've been like stressed out. I've gained weight. Anyone that knows me, like out there, listen, I've gained like ten pounds recently. Nouns I usually do around Christmas. If you're out there and relate to me, like, fucking who cares. I needed that extra food to get through

the stress I felt recently. It tasted so good. I don't regret it. My body will normalize when it needs to, and I'm fine and I love my body. Today I have to wear different pants and I don't look the same in pictures, but fuck it, Like, let's let's enjoy our bodies because I have hands today and I wanted to, Um, we gotta get to top one, bottom one, No, but leave to top one. There's no rules. Top one, bottom one real quick before we leave. Noah, is that cool?

Don't you have a minute left. Yeah, but that's fine, we can get it done. Top one, bottom one fast food restaurants, okay, fast food, bottom Andrew go least favorite, least favorite. I'd have to go with Sonic alright, Noah McDonald's whoa, Okay, I want to I'm gonna go Jack in the Box. There was an equal I scared there in the nineties in St. Louis this sauce. There was some orange sauce on something one time that I got it. I didn't like it. I'm gonna go Jack in the box,

even though I do like their coats. Where like Donaldson comes from. In like the nineties, there was a chicken head in the chicken nuggets and I saw that news story and after that, I was never able to go to You know what, whenever there's a chicken part in chicken nuggets, I always go, yeah, it's chicken, you idiots. So I'm not saying that to you, Noah. But like I love when there's like a claw and they're like I found a beacon my nugget. It's like, yeah, you're

eating a chicken. It doesn't remind you that it's a chicken. Yeah, and it should because it's a chicken, all right, number one go I found a cow head in my burger number one, And I'm I'm going from a place of when I used to eat me because I don't eat fast food anymore besides subway. But that's not gonna be my top one. I would have to say. I mean chicken file a, Chick fil a from Sundays. What about Sunday Sunday? I just wait till Monday, all right? No Chipotle,

Oh you could do. I was thinking, like really garbage like fast food, like, but you're right. I would go Chipotle too, but I'm gonna stick to like the worst, and I'm gonna go like stuff that's bad for you know, but the worst, like the worst fast food, like the food fast food chains that are not good for you, like they try to be, but they're not ever like Chipotle is, like Chipotle is. There's no drive through. Okay, so we didn't we didn't say drive through it. She's

not seem angry. I'm not mad. I'm gonna go Taco Bell. But really, if I'm going to go, I haven't had McDonald's in so long. But if we're going off of McDonald's, either Taco Bell or McDonald's in the nineties. That's the last time I had either of those. Loved it so much, had a bug in my taco bell eight around. I'm telling you everyone has had a bug in their taco

about what it is. That's what it is. Now we will get more into the in depths of We know the busties are loving the food discussions, so we love that so much. I just want to is today real quick? I have one minute before I go to therapy. I got this letter from a bestie to the UH this weekend. I think it was from Nicole Um. Maybe not Nicole, but it doesn't have a name with it. If you could tell me who said this things, my best friend NICKI has taught me. I love this list so much.

I want to cry. Number one, my weird thoughts don't make me weird. Number two, I don't choose my thoughts. Number three, always be honest. Number four, it is always okay to say no. Number five, I did not choose my brain. Number six. Other people are going through things as well. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Seven. If you can't find something to be grateful for, be grateful that you have hands. Eight it is okay to feel all of my feelings. Nine, I can get high

off my own supply rather than reaching for a vice. Ten. I don't need to be concerned with how others perceived me because I know who I am. Eleven The people who love me will accept me as I am. Twelve, Be humble. Thirteen. When I don't like how I look, I can laugh at myself fourteen to continue on my twelve step journey. Fifteen. If I didn't do something, it was because I wasn't meant to do it. Sixteen. If people are late for the airport, let them in front.

One day, that will be me. Seventeen I don't need to feel guilty for not working out. Eighteen It's okay that there are things I don't want to do, like hiking and watching sports. Nineteen except the accept the thought that there will one day be a day where I will quit drinking. Twenty I am okay alone, And she says, you have saved me in my darkest moments, and I'm so grateful for you. I am so grateful for this list, and I am going to keep it on my fridge

to remind me of all these things too. Can someone make that you know Jimmy John's how they have lists. Can someone make that a thing? I don't know, like, make that like a metal thing with the different the wall. Yeah, plaque if you are. If you have a Plaque store, UM right to us and I'll send you the list again so you don't have to listen back. Um. Thank you so much you guys, don't be kid. We'll see you tomorrow. And good jack oh whole Wyoming