#147 First and Last?

you're yeah, maybe that's it. Um, Yeah, I'm feeling just did not wanting to get out of bed, wanting to go back to dreamland, like just wanting to stay horizontal, and like thank God for having a dog that needs to be walked, because I could have just kept John going today and I definitely pushed as far as it

could go. Luigi is so patient, like he just waits for me to even you know, a lot of dogs like wake up their owners and he just will patiently wait, Like Maryan will be like up in my face, like licking and being like and like it, like she'll just make noises. So that I will eventually wake up, which is like a smart dog obviously, but Luigi is just he knows like he respects my time and a little too much. Where I'm like, come on, buddy, like get me out of bed, um, He'll just like look at

me and wait, and he'll wait. He would wait forever. He would just hold it um before. But then I go to the bathroom and I brush my teeth and I washed my face. He doesn't even get excited about going out yet. He will contain it. And then as soon as I'm done with that, he starts wagging his little tail and then he jumps down from the bed and he's ready to go because he knows I am. He's just so good at like reading energy. I really appreciate you, Luigi. You're a good boy, um, but you're

also a burden and uh no, he's not. Actually, he's so easy. I was just talking to you before the show started about how I just I mean, I've said this before, but like I don't know, I'm just wondering why I can't be more um productive on these weeks where I like, don't I'm not you know, being followed around by cameras anymore? I'm not. My schedule isn't completely jam packed with things, and I've just turned into such

a lazy slug a bug. I'm just like I just want to play guitar or I wanna, um, I don't know, watch the Morning Show or that's it. Can we talk about Yesterday? I went on Instagram and lucky for me, I saw Nikki Glazier Pod going alive. I know, I knew that Andrew wasn't home because I had just texted Andrew to help me with a file. So with people, I click on, um, Nikki glazer Pod and you're playing

guitar and singing. I was just like so um in the mood to play, And I just know for me, like I will, I want to just practice performing a little bit more. And like, you know, my friends don't want to suck any hear me perform. My family doesn't care to like they get bored. Everyone gets bored, and it's like, yeah, I mean a lot of people on

Instagram Live definitely got bored. And but I don't get um, I don't get sad if I see the numbers go away, because I'm just like, oh, people have like lives that they like. I sometimes I'm watching Instagram lives and I just have to go because you know, my doctor appointment is ready. They just called my name or whatever it is. So I don't get offended if numbers drop off. I don't feel like, oh, I'm I'm taking up people's precious time.

Like I just feel when you're bad, it's when you're learning a new skill and you need to practice in front of the people and like practice performing if it's a performative skill or whatever. I have a real hard time with like forcing people to watch me. And so I'm so lucky that I have built an audience that I've garnered through an actual talent I have, and then I can take advantage of that. But everyone's so nice

and like supportive. And then there's a couple of guys that are just creeps that are constantly like saying weird stuff that I wish I could just kick out of the room. But um uh, but everyone else is like

so nice, and there's tons of swift Ease. So I was just playing a bunch of Taylor Swift stuff, so um it was just nice that there were so many swift Ease in there that were like writing out the lyrics as I was like playing like you could tell they were like singing along, and you know, as a Swifty myself, like, I just know it would I would love to watch someone and play Taylor Swift songs if I if there was that thing happening, I might start

a separate account. Actually that's just like a Swifty learning to play guitar, and then it's just you just follow me and you get concerts every day if you want them. Well, bestI is and myself included, we're asking for a regular appointment. That's so nice. I might do it. I mean it was. It's the most fun thing to do for me, and it doesn't see that feels like a giant waste of time for me though, because I get done without and I'm like that, well, it's not a giant waste of time.

It feels very fulfilling. But I feel why do I feel guilty about doing something that isn't what I'm dreading? Like? Why is it that the only times I feel good about what I've done is if I'm doing something I'm putting off? Do you know what I mean? Doing one thing that you don't enjoy, Yes, if I don't enjoy it, or yeah, if I've been dreading if it's something I have to do, what I'm dreading, doing that makes me feel so much more accomplished than doing something I actually enjoy.

And the only time I really feel comfortable not doing anything is on a plane. And like reading a book that I you know, that isn't you know, even reading books to me is just an indulgent thing to do because I have I have deadlines right now, like I'm

supposed to be writing a book, not reading one. Like there's so much stuff that I'm putting off, and I think I've just kind of fallen off of feeling really confident, like all the things that I usually um talk about on this podcast and try to get people to feel about themselves, Like I'm just having a dip in that recently. Like I think it's like winter blues, also a hangover after having just accomplished a couple of big things and just feeling, you know, like I've just been like I

feel sluggish, my clothes don't fit that well. I'm starting to have kind of like I'm I'm struggling right now because I've probably gained like five to ten pounds and that's just a fact. It's like it's not something bad, it's not It's just a fact. And it always happens every winter to me. Always I get and this is my body does this. It goes between you know, five pounds underweight two ten pounds over my like you know, baseline where I feel my best. That's just the way

it goes. And if you're feeling in my shoes, because most people out there are like not happy with their bodies unfortunately, and if you are one of those, I just wanna say that I'm in your boat right now of like feeling uncomfortable in my skin, Like you know, I have an itch on my stomach and I just want to itch it with a pencil so I don't have to like touch my stomach and feel how different

it feels compared to two weeks ago. I'm looking at pictures of myself now compared to two weeks ago or whatever it is, and it's it's two weeks ago, and maybe yours is two years ago. And so you're like, Nikki, shut up, Like I'm fifty pounds overweight, what are you complaining about five to ten? It's like it's all the fucking same, because it doesn't it doesn't matter It's like, I really have to remember what I've said before, and I know those helped other people. Is that whatever I

am right now, I'm meant to be? Like I saw a picture of myself that I I went into the guy I'm dating to radio show yesterday and they posted a picture on their account and I just looked so like the worst version of myself and they had a ring light and everything, and I'm just like, God, I look just not even old, just like not myself. Why is my mouth making a squeaking sound or is that Buzzy's not buzzy? I just breaking noise coming from my mouth?

What is it that? Do you have your invisible line it? No, there's like something happening where I suddenly had like a a read from like a wind instrument in my mouth. I was so weird. God, And you guys go back and listen for like a little weird whistle. Okay. I think there's like a piece of skin on the top of my roof of my mouth that's like catching the wind, you know what I mean? Where is it? I feel it?

I do feel it, and it just hit a vibration. First, I'm gonna I'm gonna isolate it and put it at the end of the god like put it to some jazzy music of like like it was seriously kicking. Um Okay, I think I dislodged it, but it might return. Um. Yes, as I was saying, I just feel seeing yourself in the photo, and I just I remember you seeing something um early on when we that It made me feel really good about because I hate the way I look

at every single picture. But you said how like, well, in professional studios they have special cameras and it depends on the lens that you use, and it's only like one, like one instance, one frame, and you just don't like yourself in that one frame. But if it, you know, it could be there could be other frames. When models take photos, it's like thousands of pictures and then they

choose the one at of thousands. So the chance that someone in a studio is going to take one picture and it's going to be one where you look good, yeah, it doesn't help me because that is because I mean I'm glad, but I it just showed pieces of my face that I was just like, oh, your face is changing, which it is, like there's just no doubt about it.

And like I'm dreading seeing I don't watch the video from this show, but even the still image that comes up on my YouTube like list of my face, it just seems like my face is melting off and I look like just so tired and like it's it's hard for me to see that that image every day. It's like it's rare, and they pick such a good one.

They pick the best one they can find, which is like so sad that I just can't look the way I want to anymore in in this setting, I guess um, but it just it just is what it is, like it doesn't I can't try to control it or become obsessed with it. I just have to just put my head down and like keep going, like I just have to. And instead of fighting that wave that keeps crashing up of like you're ugly or like you're pale, you need to go get injections in your face. You need to go.

You're not doing the right skincare, You're ugly, like all these things that are You're like you're flabby, you need to run more, and you need to eat less. All these thoughts that I have, I just dive underneath them and dodge them. Because it's just not going to make my life better, and that that kind of self hatred and those kind of steps that I would take to feel better never work. They work in the instant, but

they don't work like in the long run. Starving myself in the long run is just gonna lead me to be wacky with food later on. It's going to leave me to be tortured. I just know it might be a short term fix, but I want long I want to feel good all the time. And I don't want to be fucking hungry. Um, I just won't. I don't want to be hungry. I don't want to be uncome dribble and I don't um. You know, I just have to accept that this is the way I'm supposed to

look today, and there's a reason for it. And there's a reason that I'm ten bounds overweight, and it's because you know, I couldn't. I couldn't work out the past month and a half. I didn't have time to. It's now cold. I don't want to go for a run. It makes my legs itch. I am eating a little bit more because I'm feeling stressed out about deadlines I have, and that makes me feel comforted in a moment when I'm feeling stressed out. It's like, there's nothing wrong with

me that I'm over eating. That's a normal human reaction to stress. It's not wrong that I don't want to go to the fucking gym when I don't feel like it. That's a normal reaction. Um. And what I can do and what I do do do do is um. You know I've been like, what did what did I do? Good?

That was yesterday that I did good of myself. I play guitar, and I took a risk, um, you know, going live on Instagram and putting myself out there like that, even though it's self indulgent and maybe isn't like good. I just give you my observation as your friend watching that.

So what I really enjoyed because I love seeing people who are close to me like in their element radiating and like I could tell that you were feeling joyful, and you know, like in between the times that you were scrolling or you lost your place in the guitar tab, when you were just like singing and playing the guitar, you looked so like in your element and just really enjoying yourself. And that like transferred onto me, like I

could feel that joy through the phone, you know. So I just want to say that I really appreciated that and I love to see you doing things like that for yourself. Yeah, thank you that that is like the happiest I can be is playing guitar and singing Taylor Swift. It's the happiest that thing I know to do. Um in this world. So and I'm so great. Like today, I got on a radio interview, UM that I woke up late for and they were like, oh, you're so we hear you're swifty and I was like yeah, and

they're like, what's why? What's wrong with you? Was that? Why? What did they say? They were like, because I was talking about comedians being insecure and I'm like, anyone who says they're not is a bad comedian and they're not telling the truth. And UM, They're like, oh, is that why you're all so swifty? And I was like, yeah, because she you know, she's this woman on stage that radiates so much confidence and is so sure of herself. But at the same time she sings about being insecure

and that's her. The truth is coming out and I connect with it. And they're like, well, then why can't she keep a man? And I'm like, because, first of all, she can. She's been with the same guy for five fucking years. And oh, I got so mad, and I was like, she maybe maybe because it's hard to be date someone who's famous. And they're like, well, the guys that she dates are famous, and I'm like, right, it's

hard to date those guys. And it's hard to be famous and date and and be more famous than those guys and have them be threatened by it, and like it takes and oh, I just did it again. There's a little piece of skin that's making my mouth into a saxophone. Um. And and then I go and by the way, I just think that if you're single or dating around or haven't found the right person for years and years and years, it might not mean that you're broken. It might mean that you're doing it right. I was,

And then I went on my tirade about it. I'm like, I don't respect people who are in marriages for fifty years. Most people in fifty year marriages just didn't have the balls to fucking leave, because you know, I I was that um which said the anecdote if I was at dinner with friends, and there were six of us there. Three of us our parents were together, three of us

our parents were divorced. And you know, us with our parents together have this like they're still together, that they have such a good marriage, and then they go, Okay, out of us three that have our parents still together, how many of us are our parents sleeping in the same bedroom still And only me one out of those three. So, by the way, that's that is to me, five broken marriages, just two that are still under the guise of like

I'm still married. Just because people are married does not mean it's going well, or just because they have a boyfriend doesn't mean it's going well. There's this like whole like misunderstanding and just delusion that if you have a boyfriend you're somehow like more lovable than if you don't.

And I think it's actually the opposite a lot of times that people that are okay being alone, even though I said the other day like having wanting a partner is not something that you should feel bad about, or being codependent or what all, like all those words like aren't necessarily a bad thing, like we should one part renership. But if you're alone and you're okay with it, or you know, you wish you at a partner and you're trying, and you aren't settling for someone who's gonna mistreat you

or not meet your needs that you have. Good for you, you seem to be a stronger person that person that desperately just needed a husband to to feel something. And I'm guessing that people that just want a boyfriend or want a husband, once they get it, what what's next? Then you feel that need? You're are you whole? Now? Are you done? No, You're not done? Then you have kids, Then you have more kids, and then you can't have kids anymore, and then what do you fucking do? And

then you you know, it's we're constant. I'm not saying that I don't have things that i've I am addicted to or that give me purpose when I'm feeling like I don't really like myself enough. Yes, I identify as different things that if those once I get meet those needs, I'm like, what else do I like? I relate to mothers who threw themselves into being a mother, and then they're like, okay, now my child's grown, Like what the

fund do I do? I relate, but I'm just saying, you've got to stop putting a lot of perfection onto these people that have these perfect little families with their perfect little photo sessions on Instagram and their love and their huggies and their cuddles. Like it's all. It's not perfect.

There's just no way. And that is. That is a great thing to have in your life, but just know that those people are very lonely too, sometimes in those marriages, in those relationships, very very lonely more so than you person who has a world of opportunity out there, and those people have only that person that they have to make it fucking work. And a lot of times you you look out and you have a perfect partner, but I think more often than not, it's not that way.

And it's a lot of fucking word. Let's get into it more with and Hey, Andrew, what's up? I said, we're sluggy Buggy today. We're both like sluggy Wuggy buggy. I know. I saw. I woke up this morning and Andrew was in the podcast room. I heard him sniffling, and I go, what are you doing in here? Because he's usually in his room or the kitchen, And he said, those areas were too hot, and he's usually a guy that loves it hot in the house and I go too hot, I'm hot. I actually I don't. I'm not

that I am. Can I feel your head? I think I'm good on my head, I'm good. It's more yeah, you're a little warm. Yeah, but you know it's like an yeah, only you know for me, it's only you know. We go ask him out. It would be the first podcast who's uh host is putting up the mometer in their ass. I don't know. I feel like Bobby Least on that uh probably one most of Good Friends episodes.

I just love that your asshole and your your mouth run on the same temperature, and that is funny, like you would think your asshole would always be a little bit hotter. It's weird. That's so weird. We thought about to take why don't they have one? You know how that you could do one where it just shoots your forehead. I mean we all know that. Why doesn't do it with your ass cheek next time? In forehead of your asshole? Yes? Yes,

well I guess yeah, at the top of your asshole. Yeah, um or I think you got to get in there. I don't know that isn't no. I guess you don't because you do it on your forehead. Yeah, so maybe just a left cheek. Also, no one cares. It says like forty degrees and people are like, go, you're great. Oh my god, the COVID check. I like you sniffle a. It just sounds like you just sound vulnerable. I know when boys get sick, they just sound like I'm a baby. And it just makes me like you all more. I know,

because it lets my guard down a little bit. And I think Brenna loved it yesterday. Yeah you being a Jewish single, I'm gonna yeah. And oh my god, I love when Chris gets say and I will say his name gets sick. It's like I just like to hold his head like a baby's head, like like like I'm holding an infant and I just go somewhere new would Or he's sleepy. It's like if I could just have

a boyfriend that's constantly a sleepy, sicky baby. It's like have you ever seen the Phantom Thread or um the one with it was such a good movie Daniel day Lewis and some other chick. And that's what happens is like she starts to notice like she only she she's only nice to her when he's sick, and so she starts to like they both have an agreement that she starts poisoning him because it's the best the way there were it's the only way the relationship works is if

he's sick. And so she like in one scene just like pours poison and he's just like watching her cook and he's just like yeah, and it's just like they have this agreement, like this is how we're gonna last. That's so interesting. It is interesting when you feel like you don't have a you don't even have a choice to have energy. So then you're very calm because there's

no other choice other than be calm. And I think that and there's a dependency there, like women want to feel needed and like they and there's no your ego goes out. Your ego is sick too, so like anything in you that's like I don't want to look stupid or like when you're sick, you just you have a toilet seat, you lay on the toilet or the bathroom floor, like you're you just are willing to do things that are But with ego, I think you know, my father

he got can't breast cancer. Even that that diagnosis alone is embarrassing, you know, my dad. Yeah, it's very embarrassing. It is. It's the most embarrassing cancer for a man. I would say, well, pussy cancer, yes, yes, that's just that's just a cancer for a guy who's can only do green Hills. Um, but yeah, my dad, But my no, you were not blues. You weren't a pussy, and you're not a pussy if you only do green Hills. It's skiings very difficult, my dad, pussy for getting the most

bitch any cancer. No, of course not but no, But I'm just saying he dropped his like after going through that and realizing your mortal and and all that ship Like it's exactly what you're saying, Like it really like if if you're really sick, even after that the after effects, you're gonna be nicer to people most likely. Yes, whenever I get well after being sick or feeling bad, I'm just such like you just appreciate life. It's like gratitude.

It all comes back to like if like you're depressed or you are angry, like stopping and trying to work on being grateful for like the dumb the most banal ship that you have is brings you to a place of like banel. I think you mispronounced it, did I? I think it's now I love anal sex uh analyze um. This is the funny thing too, about me being sick right now because you read O macron versus delta. So my brain, that does sound like a Mortal Kombat like

it does. It sounds like a Transformer fight. And but like I was, like my old brain pre Zoloft ten years ago, I got COVID. I definitely have covid, And then like my brain now is like you hit golf balls for four hours and thirty degree weather, you're probably you got a cold, remember the common cold. But also remember that though it's just so funny, like and people don't get those anymore because we're wearing masks like people.

It was also, yes, I do remember that. It's so funny though that people aren't even thinking about those things. I know, I know, it's just weird because I have a I have a cold. Yeah, and like anything that let's say, but anything that's like in the news or you know, let's say you're you are dealing with a parent that is cancer. And then you start to have a pain. You're like, it's cancer, but you know you pulled a muscle doing this thing, Like it's yeah, what

whatever is in the zeit? Guys? You start to think. But also, O Macron, I like, are you scared of getting COVID because you might die? Or because it would isolate you from people? Like what's the fear with oh Macron if you did have it? I mean I don't really, I mean just the fear of missing out on shows this weekend and not being able and giving it to other people. But for me, I'm not worried I'm gonna die. But what about But no one worries about giving colds

to other people? Like this morning you're like I think I'm sick, and I'm like, okay, well, if you had a macron, I wouldn't be in the same room as you. Yet if you have a cold, it's like, okay, I'll see you in five. That's the thing. Like, Um, a friend of mine was recently at work and someone came in and was like, oh, I'm sick, and he was like, hey, can you put on a mask? Or and she goes, oh, it's not COVID. It's like, yeah, but masks also protect you from other things too, and and we forget that

because obviously we weren't. Never were, Like remember the Asian people were always wearing masks, and because they were, they know that mass prevents spreading of illnesses. And it's just a fact. Someone said, try to blow out a candle with a mask on, like that just proves it. You're not. You can't so you can get No, you don't get one. But um, that that is wild to me that we let people blow out candles and like go like just droplets everywhere, and then we're all like, let's have a

slice COVID cake. Yeah, COVID cake. But um yeah, I I it's just so funny that this person just thinks masks equal COVID. It's like, no mask can prevent everything. And um and I actually, I mean this is maybe for Reddit next week, but I wanted to just it's just too good. Uh. They were talking. There was this ask Reddit the other day that I saved that I wanted to share about masks since we're on the topic of it, that was interesting to me and I wanted

to hear what you guys had to say. About it, but it said, um, what's a non COVID reason that you like wearing a mask for? Um, do you guys have any that come to mind? Because I had want cold weather, yes, especially right now and Louis so it

warms until masks. I didn't you know, obviously I've I've wrapped my face in a scarf before, a little bit bundling, But like, you never thought that a mask could could be a sore so fucking warm, you know that you wear skiing was like rabbit bank or rabbit bank on top of a mountain. Um, you'd wear you'd you'd wear the mask, and I'd feel like I'd be afraid I'd be called a little bit you know, the one, the black one with like the whole You're like, I'm wearing

a mask. I'm such a little big spider man. Yeah, but you're like you can't even handle the cold or you look like um, what's his name, Silence of the Lambs? Oh yeah you do. It's kind of hot. Yeah, that's so funny. I would never think that would make me look like a little bit um like I've got breast cancer. Hey, I'm just kidding. Um, no, weights Uh, it's true. Though, like I did know what did you realize how warmthing

masks were until last year? I feel like that was something that dawned on me and I love about them. I don't like them because my like there's condensation that builds around my nose and mouth and I just can't. I just feel like I have swamp ass on my face right right, I feel like it almost becomes a swamp pass. Face is hilarious. I feel like it becomes

a UM. I know, it's your own breath, so it's kind of gross, and it's also like bacteria breath, but like you know, when you don't know this, but when you get a facial they steam your face and it almost feels like that, like you're like getting your your pores are opening up with your fucking gross It's it's like a little beard for you. It just feels so warm.

I think that's one of the benefits I um. Someone said, whenever I'm concentrating or working on a task, I tend to stick my tongue out or leave my mouth open. And I really like it when people don't have to see that. Oh yeah, I do you that. I do that. My dad does it too. Whenever I write, my tongue comes out cute dog with an Instagram with millions of followers. Yeah, I'm jealous. Someone said it covers my double chin. Someone said the nasty smell in the subway, that's cool. Hate

at subway. I hate the guy that gets on the airplane with the fake mask, the one that fake covers your face. That person, what do you mean. There's mass now that are like, they look like skin. You get them for your own face pulled down and they're like, actually, my mask is I can see the ones with like a mouth on it. But yeah, that's just whatever. That guy, he should die. Oh my god. Um someone says, allergies and so I can ignore people hides my acne. I

think it could cause redness. It can cause acne. I think defeats the facial recognition software. Um, I have pollen allergies. Masks helps a ton, Nobody notices if I didn't shave. Um it hides my teeth. I love that. Oh. Someone said when this all started, I noticed women making eye contact with me more than normal. Then I figured it out. I'm a six foot tall guy in decent shape, nice hair, and a face like a chimpanzee with the mask, I

look like I could be attractive. That's so funny that you women are looking at you more because you have a mask on it because they don't usually because they see your face, Like you don't see when women are looking at you from behind because they can't see your face. It's like, I'm just gonna leave it on. It's just us. It's fine. I'm gonna can I just suck you with the mask on, but kiss me? Can you? The best is when you ki you ever kissed? Yeah? Mask on mask?

It is kind of cute. I like it. It's like, uh yeah, it's a kiss condom. Um. I like it because it shields the sun when you're walking outside or in your car. I wear a mask in my car, um and it it protects my face from sun damage. Like all my cheeks is, I get all the like age spots from like sun damage. And like it's just such a great excuse to never have to be in the keep your face out of the sun. I love it.

It doesn't make you appreciate outside more because you're like if I'm on the airplane for three hours with it on, and I get out right when and I just take it down. Oxygen you know, it kind of feels nice. Let's get to the news. Yeah, let's do that first. First, it's Wednesday. You know what that means. It's Wednesday. I hope you're having all the swells out there, even you. Dave, Dave, Dave, David Devote, just go with David. Davy Day is a

cute name yet, Davy Crockett, Davy Jones, Davy Jones locker. Okay, a man threatened to kill a woman, all right, next door story? Yeah, okay, no, you gotta guess it was on a New York subway. What did he try to kill the woman with? Oh? I could give you. Okay, that's close. A mask, a cane close, A walking stick very close. Ah, he's a he can't seem a walking stick, walking stick turn into potentially if you took off the knob on the bottom and sharpened it, a wooden spike,

two of them. Jesus Christ, A wooden spike was a vampire. Sound like you wouldn't sound like it was like a thing that would be on a person. I know it was fun. Yeah, you would never get there. Tell me what happened? So year old woman? Just you know, your typical getting on the train on fifty ninth Street subway. He threatened the killer. The man who was disheveled had two pieces of wood. What the train is the four train?

It was the Yeah, the local, not the six is local? Uh. The woman got away unhurt and the attackers still at large. So if you see a guy with wooden picks, he is not in a band. He's not a drummer. He is a murderer. Terrifying. She got away on skates by a woulden spike Like, yeah, I mean, I don't know if he like came up to her and started threatening her, and she walked off the subway and got out of

the train station. Yeah. Bradley Cooper actually had a story about this where he got held at knife point on a train. He's going to pick his daughter up at school and a guy he thought the guy was asking he was, you know, a creepy guy was kind of walking around him, and you know, he's famous, so he gets constantly people are kind of like lurking around him working up the current task for a picture. So he thought it was that and the guy, you know, held a gun up or held a knife to put him.

And there's something interesting about be like he did even recognize me before he stabbed me. How annoying our friend? Actually, I don't know if you have met Doug. Um, yeah, don't tell me. I'm friends with Doug before you check our friend? Wait, who is it he got his face cut? Oh wait, I know that guy. Yeah, I showed you the story. He told the story on this is not happening.

And he saved a woman from being like raped or like on the train, right on the train, at the train and he didn't even know how bad it was until he went up and his whole face was that's what. Yeah, that's what Bradley Cooper was saying. That was the interesting part of the story was that he didn't obviously get hurt by the knife. He was able to run off and he ran up to the street and told a cop like I just got you know, held at NiFe point. And the cop was like, check yourself, check yourself. Are

you Are you stabbed? And he's like no, and he goes, no, check yourself. Because people don't realize they've been stabbed because it's so quick and it's such a small little thing that you don't know. Yeah, and your adrenaline stabbed in the chest. You don't feel the knife wound. Maybe maybe like a few hours later you could be like, oh there's the like it's just you don't feel that. It

was myach. But I remember if someone find who I'm talking about, but my eleventh grade um teacher who taught a p Euro Mr Harry, Yeah, European history, that's what we called a Euro. Mr Harrick. He was the best teacher everyone, one of them. You had just signed it from Mr Harricks clas because he was just like the

coolest guy with all these fascinating stories. But he one time told a story and I wanted to say it was like art student Archduke Ferdinand or something was they it was assassinated by a guy stabbing a needle into his chest like the tiniest thing that he didn't notice it. And they even when he after he died, they were like, it's the cause of this And they found that someone walking by him stabbed him with the tiniest like needle

through his chest and it caused him to die. But with but if you could send me that story, I want to know where that in such a little way that he probably no one knows, yes exactly it was, It was just like an assassination by like the tiniest fucking thing, And it was just that for some reason that stayed with me. Not enough to know who the funk it was or any other details, but I would love to know if that happened or if I'm just imagining that. I think I got a solid be I

was not good at history. I just there's too much of it. It makes me go, it's like my room, cleaning my room, I go, there's too many jewelry, like a jewelry box. I'm like, there's too many things. History is just so overwhelming with, like there's too much that's happened. I don't Yes, that's why I would memorize it. And that was really good at essays. I was really good at connecting, Like I was really good to talk about themes of like you know, racism or like socialism whatever,

you know, those kinds of concepts. But in terms of like if you asked me about who was fighting in World War One, just don't don't ask me. Because Carolina and Texas, right that classic state rivalry. Yeah, it was a good football game. I don't know those things. Like I'm really embarrassed about my lack of It's interesting if you watch Jeopardy the Cold War good at trivial pursuit though, if it was asking a form of a question and there was like something to spark your brain, I think

you would you know more than you think. But in terms of like talking about conflict in the Middle East, conflict like literally, what's the Cold War? Do you know? The Cold War? Cold War? Kids? Great band? Uh? No, cold War with Russia was threatening to attack America with nuclear warfare. So then me and my friends would have to hide under our desk every once in a while, and I would save us from your friends. Yeah, my boy, you did not have to do Yes, I did you did?

I think we had this argument before. We had this argument right after the Spanish flu I had to hide under that. No, I'm telling you they were still doing Yeah, even in the eighties there were still a worry of Corey end date. The end date is apparently Yeah, I was nine, Okay, wow, interesting, Yeah, I'm telling you we had that. I write me and say, maybe I'm crazy, Maybe I'm like I was in kindergarten, so I didn't,

but maybe I saw it in a movie. And like we had tornado drills where we had to do that hide in the hallway and going this and just lay in the hallway, and I mean kids are doing school shooting drills, you know, Like, yeah, it's not I definitely know that it was happening. I just didn't know if it went that long. But Okay, Like I knew all that stuff about the Cold War, But were there any other countries involved in the Cold War besides Russia in

the United States? Right? There's tons more? Yeah, well, especially like when we were watching the nine eleven documentary on Netflix that talks about all the conflicts that led to eleven, and like, yeah, Afghanistan and then like how Russia was involved at one point, and like when it starts getting into too many countries getting involved in Poland and like Game of Thrones, I just yes. And that's why Game of Thrones in football, I cannot It's all connected. Yes,

football is the same thing. Conflict makes me go I'm out because there's too many players in positions speaking of other countries. Can you please get to the next news story because I'm dying what you have to say about it. Um, here we go. Sorry, I'm sick. To take it easy on me. Okay, ABBA's plans ABBA's plans. Oh my god, ABBA's plans a concert with special effects to project plans it's it's my Apostrophees. That was the mistake. Sorry, Andrew,

thank you. No I appreciate that. Uh yeah, they plan a concert with special effects to project the nineteen seventy nine version of themselves performing on stage. Uh. They'd rather fans remember us as we were, so they'll perfect. You want me to say that word, No, I took it out seven sept Okay. So they're in their seventies. Okay, So basically what they're they're working with those special effects company. They've already recorded this. They got into like the special

effects hundred sixty cameras. They're gonna perform, but you're going to see the nineteen seventy nine version of themselves on stage while they sit in the audience. But the nineteen So those young people are gonna move like seven year olds. No no oh yeah, you know, like so they're all like kind of moving like slow and like drinking water bottle. That twenty year old in a wheelchair. Yeah, they're gonna

look like the Bears. Yeah, um, I do believe that. Um, you know, we don't like watching old people because it reminds us of our own mortality and young people. Much like Noah said when she watched me on my Instagram Live yesterday, me full of joy gave her joy. When you watch young people, it makes you feel young. When you watch old people, it makes you feel old. Like, So what about when you went to see the Rolling Stones?

That was very cool because they move like twenty year old still, Like, maybe Abba doesn't have that kind of workout regimen and pilates, you know. Yeah, there's a difference between the real guy drooling and just trying to play Richards.

I downloaded or I have saved some footage of him playing guitar, as you know Keith Richards now, because the way he does it, it just looks so smooth, Like there's some guitars that look like they're working like they're like and there's some that like make the same sound, yet their hands are just like it almost looks like they're in slow motion. He's one of those guys that just doesn't look like work because he's been dead for thirty five years. Yeah, I've read it. I read his biography.

I mean that dude fucking party and he has like every disease that he just beats. He fell out of a tree. You just can't kill him out of every stabbed him with a wooden spike, he would die. I hope not. He was so good when I saw him in UM. But do you think like it's a fact that like bands I feel like or like rap, like you gotta be cool, Like the whole idea is like being cool. And then the older you get, I guess,

the less cool you know. I've been saying this on stage, like I am in the best years of my life because I'm I'm not old yet, but when I get older, less people are gonna come see my shows. It's just the fact of the matter, Like, yeah, young, there's more, there's less people alive who know who you are or grew up knowing who you were, and your fans start to die and fall off and not have his much energy to spend money going to shows, and then you have people going to see you that you know are

your fans for forever. But like you know, and I it's not going in my special because I wasn't able to get it to a place where this joke worked. But it's true, like everyone's like Nikki you're you can age in this business, and it's like, yes, I can, but it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be a successful when I age. No one is no one and everyone goes. Everyone says Joan Rivers. They love Joan Rivers.

They did not love Joan Rivers. Before Joan Rivers died, people talked before that documentary came out, and even after the documentary. The documentary showed how much work she put in and how fucking strong she was and smart and fucking talented, but she was constantly trying to chase that well she and she was. It's not even about them. She was chasing Whey. She just said yes to everything because she was hungry. She was always hungry. She was

with all the jokes. That was pretty cool. She was insane, Like you gotta watch that documentary if you haven't seen it. But um, but before she died, she was a joke. People would go, what she do to her face? She's so annoying her voice. She'd be on the red carpets. You know, she got fired from E for the stuff. Like no one was like she's a legend. You know, some people were, But all of a sudden, after she dies, she turns into this like saint of comedy and the

best there ever was. And even I got into her post posthumously because I didn't that so much more at tension was put on her and I was able to look closer and realize how badass she was. But we do not celebrate older women. We we picked very few to celebrate, and an older men too. I'm not this

isn't enough. You have a better chance and stand up to stay relevant while you age then like a pop star, like there is something to like wisdom and getting older and being like, you know, Larry David is still killing it. George Carlin was going hard until yeah, yeah, I want

to Louis didn't get in trouble. I think I want to look like George Carlin when I get older, when I like age, I think I'm gonna literally look like him, because the other day I was like he had a clip and I was like, I kind of look like like I loved it. I love George Carlin so much. I'm now just kind of getting into him. And he he just was saying everything like he was just telling the truth and was really fearless and uh and empathetic and such a good person. From what I could tell,

it wasn't like a douche bag. And yeah, I just I really I got to get into him more. If you guys have like George Good George Carlin clip to send me, send it my way because I need to get it's just so much, I know, but that's too much. I need to go through it. And like, well, if you type in I've watched it before, like on YouTube, they have likes best. Yeah, I'll do that. You could do what ABO doesn't know. The thing is, I don't.

I feel like right now I would. I would have to shoot my little hologram right now because I feel like I'm peaking right now in terms of looks and like, yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying I got you know, if you ever get a proactive campaign, I was always thinking this, Like remember proactive commercials. Oh yeah, everyone did. My mom bought it for me. She sent it to me the care package. In college, all my friends got cookies and like warm scarves and like like just sweet

letters from the mom. And my mom just sent me a cold package of fucking proactive I didn't even ask for it. She's sweet. It was. It was actually very sweet. She just wanted me to stop picking my face, but I could not stop. That was my issue. Um, But proactive commercials. I always made the joke of, you know, whenever I had acne on my chin, which I used to have all the time before I started taking spiro lactone, which I really recommend any girls out there that stuffer

with hormono acne spear lactone. Um is, I tried it for so long and I was always doing you know, milligrams of it or like low dose, and it never worked for me. And now I do a hundred and I do not get sits anymore. I never get them and it's all spirit acted on. But um, there may be side effects for you, so maybe just ask your doctor.

But anyway, UM, I used to always say like, oh, you know, look at my chin tonight, you guys, I'm shooting my before pictures for my proactive commercial because whenever it was Jessica Simpson or Justin Bieber or Justin, they would always like zoom on this picture of them with like just this terrible cystic acting like one's it on their chin, and um, yeah, you always need the before photos. I loved the before photo too, because I think they just added the ZiT like no, someone, I mean those

were real life, yes, before photoshop. Well, I think the photoshop has been around for a while. But then last night I saw tintok of like a guy that was obese and then you know, he kicks off his shoe and then then it cuts and then it comes back and his shoe is back on and he's like thin, you know, and he's done all the work and he starts walking and I'm like, God, that before shoot was depressing because he just kicked off his shoe and then he had to just go get on a fucking stare

climber and begin this journey. I just those before videos

standing alone. Think of how many before videos have been taken of like this is gonna be in my TikTok and then they never get in shape or they never you know, and then they get in shape and they get a million likes, and then there then they just they are going to get fat again because we're out of shape again, because like the attention, that's what you're a lot of people just do it because they know at the end of this it's gonna be a million likes.

But isn't that why anyone loses weight is they want the likes. They want to feel better about themselves. They want to they want to they want to look good. So that other like, what's what's the desire to look good other than people thinking you look good and getting love. I guess so, I guess so no, I guess that's and then you get to a poise where you're like, oh god, I look good, and then you can start

eating like shit again and let your guard down. And then that's why diets and intense exercise jamans don't work, and you'll always go back. You just have to have You gotta do it for not just the likes. On TikTok is what I'm trying to say. You can do it for the likes, but you just don't do extremes of like I'm just gonna breach this goal and then I'm done. Because you ain't done, it will all come back. And also, don't pick an exercise regiment or a diet

that you can't do the rest of your life. Like if you if you really want to say I'm never gonna eat sweets again, then sign off for the rest of your life, because it's the only way you're not gonna gain weight again because of the second you let your guard down and you have sugar again, or you have carbs again. It's all coming back. Diets don't work. Diets don't work. Let's take a quick break and then come back with why do I care? Why do I care?

Why do I care? Jennifer Lawrence revealed she had a day of Hell Fill Me with Leo DiCaprio and Timothy shallow May. She said Timothy was just excited to be out of the house. I think it was like his first see and she was annoyed with the song the cap DiCaprio chose to play in the car scene they shot.

What I read the article, it makes me think like Timothy was really excited to obviously be next to Leo, and there's probably like this whole like new comic energy in the car, and then DiCaprio was like probably too confident, playing like a song over and over again that no one wanted to. They didn't say what's song? God, I would literally, but I think it was the combination of

her number. I should text her, just tell me the song, Jen Just I know I haven't talked to him five years right now, No, I don't want to because I don't want it to come back with this number is not and I can't. You haven't talked to someone in five years. You can't reach out, what's up? What was that? Does it check out? The Timothy telling me that new comic energy, I bet you did, but you anything, and

it's you know, I would be annoyed. I get annoyed sometimes when like, you know, I'm with another smomic and then new comic is there and they're a bigger fan of that comic than me, and they have they have that excitement about this guy that I know is started at the same time as me, has put in just as much work and they're getting all the love because he you know, is you know and and listen, like if I was in the car with Justin denver Lake and Taylor Swift, I would be fawning over Taylor Swift

and just to like would probably feel the same way of like, hey what about me? But like so everyone's allowed to like someone more, but I could. I could if I could, if I were a Jennifer Lawrence and Leo was getting doated on and I'm like, oh am, I just sucking chopped livery Jennifer Lawrence. Oh my god, she looks so good. Pregnant makes me want to get pregnant. She looks so good. Her face filled out, like fills out like in a way that like women who are

pregnant just looks so luscious and full of life. And like, I just love a I love a pregnant arm like I like women that just like have a little bit more like but women get very sick though right during pregnancy can but like, I don't know, there's just there's like a full like there's a beautiful fullness to a pregnant woman's body that looks like so good. It's it's definitely hot. She looks amazing. She looks better than ever,

and I'm just so into it. Did a guy named Yeah, he's an art dealer named Oh, I forget his name. No it's not Connor, it's it does. I forget his name. I never met. It's Cook Maroney. Yeah, we we were. We were hung out right up around right before she met him, is when we were getting close and then we just kind of because of life, Yeah, no reason, but I she was she felt like a really good friend.

I really liked her. I did. I did kind of think about my relationship with her recently because I was thinking about like being friends with famous people and like, and I was just thinking of a defense of like, Okay, I didn't pursue my relationship with Jennifer Lawrence, even though I could have, Like, if I really wanted to be friends with me, I could have kept that going for like for a while and in for false pretenses, you know, like we naturally drifted apart now because we didn't like

each other something. It's just like you know sometimes like you're at different parts of your life. And and then I was like, what was I just friends with her because she was famous? And obviously there was a part of that of being like, god, it's cool to be friends with this person that is like you look at and you go, God, I want to be a friends with her. She seems so real and cool. But I remember when she first came around, because I met her

through Amy, who she was friends with. I remembered being like, I don't want her around because we were with all of Amy's like high school friends and me and Rachel and Bridgett, and I remember we were on this like yacht that Amy had like rented out for us, to hang out, and she was like, oh, Jennifer is gonna come today, and I just I've told the story before, I think, but I just remember thinking I wish she wouldn't come Caprio, because everyone's going to change, you know

what I mean. Yeah, no, not that I wanted the attention, but like everyone's just gonna be on their best behavior. Everyone's going to be focusing on getting hurt to like, and I was projecting because I felt like, now I'll have to do that too, and I I'm going to want to change so that she likes me and thinks I'm cool. And I just wanted us all to just be comfortable around each other and not have to like

turn it up for jay Law. But then she got there and she was just she was cool, and she honestly was the type of person where you go, god, damn it, fuck you, you really are that funny and that real and that like not wanting to be you know.

She wasn't as much as like, oh I want to be the center of attention that I thought she would be, to just a beautiful, um, cool, cool girl and um have you met people like that where you're like, god damn it, you're also cool and you're good at this, and you're like, can you just be do you want them to ever be a dick? Or do you want your I met, Yeah, I mean he got in trouble for that thing, and I felt so bad for him. Actually, but um uh, you know who I met? I met

what Chase Crawford? You remember cradd so fucking nicely, like insanely nice? Who's not nice? Ed? Westwick, go funk yourself, Go fund yourself? At Westwick? He was telling a story to a girl. It was like late night partying, yeah, Ed, and I walked in and and they were talking about history, maybe World War One, I'm not even kidding, like something, and I knew something like I knew. It was like one fact I knew and so I just like you threw it in a fact And he looked at me

like who are like discuss? And I wanted to fucking rip his And luckily I think he's kind of over hopefully. I don't know anything about it, but you know, anyway, but Chase Crawford. I got stuck in an elevator and he was there when I got stuck in an elevator. Yeah, anyway, that's a whole another story. But yeah, I got stuck in an elevator and uh I we got out by pulling it apart and I jumped out and the firefighter was like, you could easily died. I know, I can't

believe that. That scares me so much. The Chase will always remember that, dog dude, if you I mean, who's not going to remember getting stuck in elvert? Was it just you and Chase? No, it's me and my buddy. Chase was right like trying to get us out of the God, dude, I'm so glad you made it. Okay, let's play a game. It's Wednesday, so it's wild Card Wednesday. We're gonna play finish my sentence, but it's gonna be a fun interactive one. Noah, what has finished my sentence today? Okay,

so you guys have the item? Well I have I have the thing that I'm going to go get out of right outside. Okay, So the finish my sentence is, oh, the smallest pocket of my travel bag has Okay, I'm gonna say for you, Oh wait, do you have to finish the sentence or do we just answer this? No? No, So now you say, what's an Andrew's bag, and it says, what's okay, the smallest item the an item that is

in the smallest pocket of my backpack. I'm under colin in the smallest that is in the pocket of my backpack. Backpack is um a is a receipt to a golf thing? Is a golf tea? Some kind of a golf Tea's a good one. I'm thinking I don't know what it's in there. I'm thinking that or well, we'll find out. I'm Nikki. The thing in my smallest pocket. Oh that's tough. It's either a very tiny vibrator or or like, um fuck, maybe probably medication bottle. Okay, yeah, let's okay, let's go check.

I'll go go. Okay. I have a lot of pockets in this thing. I'm polly pocket over here. I'm guessing this is the smallest one. Okay, I've got a lot of things. Um listen, you're not wrong. There is one empty empty clon. I think this is um yeah, clon a pen but at point to five milligrams thing. Okay. There's also a loose um medication. I think this is like a acne medication. Yeah, it's Viba scale for hair. No, this is for hair, Viba scale. I'm gonna take it

right now. Actually, um, let's see what else. A hair brush, um, a scrunchy um, Zvias or Stevia in the Salles Listerine pocket packs. Um, A polaroid of myself that a photographer in l at it was on a set. Uh, my plant squalling stuff that I love from the ordinary and oh I lashed serum from Rodan in fields, a gift from Carlisle Forrester and a sharpie and another what is this a clown car? Yeah, by the way, a t taking. I got a golf tea Viagra, Oh my god, Viagra

red medicine on my nose. Nose medicine all such an old person lotion, lotion, tooth fresh holder, brush holder, the tooth fresh inside part of the charger recticar. Oh my god, such a great representation of who we are, except your toothbrush. Yeah, that's a false. Another charger block. Okay, let me see. It makes so many creams. The older you get, the more creams you go. Okay, I've got another pocket here

that's small, lighter from when I used to smoke weed. Yeah, I was gonna guessed, but another weird um polaroid that looks like it from a shoot where I got raped or something like. It's like a blurry yeah, like you look like it looks scary. I look like that's the last that should be in the last image. You're going to use a ring. Oh that's a pretty ring that I wore the other night, and I just threw it in there because I forgot to put my jewelry bag. And then um, a bunch of cards from the game

Answer the Internet that I got from Barstool. When I went in there, they gave me a like, oh, they're the kissed questions. Ever, let's close this out by answering some kick question. All right, final thoughts. So this is from Barstool Answer the Internet Questions has funked up as you want. Would you rather your dick shit it's skin like a snake or haven't rattled like a rattlesnake every time you move? Okay, girls can't play this game. Give this to be barstool. Which one would you rather have?

Dick already said? So I don't want it to rattle, you want it to rattle? Okay, Barstool readers shoes ship, dude. That's because all the dicks probably already have. This is the kiss question. What could you do longer? Hold your breath underwater? Forehead sober sex? Dude? I don't know, man, Probably can I take Joe left record? Uh souber sex? Well, seventy eight percent of barstool means sober? Who there like a co version of Beavis and butt head? Yeah? Kid, yeah, Okay?

Would you rare this? I probably would get cut, masturbaated, ship in your pants in public. Oh dude, I'd probably get caught masturbated and ship in smelly. Oh my god, these are so dumb. Um okay, um, oh my god. This one's such a this is like this might be what's that that? Would you rather shoot webs like Spider Man or have claws like Wolverine? And then in parentheses it says both come out of your dick? What which one would you rather have? Like claus like Wolverine come

out of your dick or spider webs? Let's be honest, I already have webs that come out of my cock. You know, I've already been doing that for a while. Um. That's actually kind of a good question. Two buttons you can only press one. You instantly get one million dollars, or you have that, you get a hundred million dollars. It's give me a million. Really, no the second one, because after taxes, a million is like nothing exactly. Oh my god, taxes were involved. Well they're always involved death

and taxes. Okay. Um, would you bet on all one seeds beating sixteen seeds in march madness? If you if winning got you a million dollars, but if you lose, you get shot in the face. What well, a sixteen has never been a one seed, But I don't know what the upside is. You get a million dollars, you get a million dollars. Yeah, you love a million dollars no taxes. Okay. Would you watch a porn star? Who? Yeah? I had your mom's name, Okay, first and last is

your mom? Yeah, fucking your mom with her whole name with wooden fights. Yeah, dude, that's I love that you would Yeah. I don't even need to hear the other. Rather, rather, which activity takes more physical fitness, golf or porn? Good? Getting born? Man? Because friends, on what kind of porn? If it's the kind I want to shoot? You got you gotta do nothing? Oh that's true. Lie down and get fun with a three eyes. Thanks for watching today, you guys are listening however, you did it and we'll

see you tomorrow on the podcast, Don't be Care. And Lemon, why does my mouth thinking a squeaking sound that was so weird