#145 Between Us and Stevie

it's because of that. I'm just trying to trying to There's this gap in my tooth, so they had to they have to file in between your teeth to make room for them to like move together. So they made a gap in my teeth. And sometimes in pictures I am lie end up so you can see straight down the gap. It's a side gap. It's on the side of my tooth, and it looks like I just have

a big piece of fucking basil or something. It's like a line in my two it's a very it's so thin that it and it's not where the gap usually is. A gap is usually in the middle right, but it just looks I like I have something in my teeth in certain pictures and trying to close that bitch up and get my life back. Um, do you tell friends when they have food in their teeth? Oh? Hell yes, I think that's a sign of like a true friendship. Yeah,

you know what. Paris Hilton told me that too. Paris Hilton used to put on a shitty outfit when she was changing to get ready with her girlfriends. She put on like a really fuggy outfit, and then she would go out and be like, God, like, what do you guys think is this hot? And then they, if they were like yeah, I love it, she'd be like, you bitches lie to me, and you're not honest. She also like she leaves out things so that if she could

if like or at least she used to. I think she used to, you know, before she started getting like recovery from her PTSD or as Andrews is at PTSD from um being in those awful schools that people kidnapped their kids and send them away to these Like if you didn't watch the Paris Hilton, I am Paris. She also helped enforce some like legislation in Utah. She's so

I love her. She um she used to though. She used to leave her like stacks of money around to just test to see if people would steal and then she counted later or like she just leave things out to like seat to test people so if she could trust them, because she had trusted she used because her parents sucking hired some thugs to come kidnap her in the middle of the night and then they watched her get dragged off. I mean the trauma from that. So

mad at Cathy Hilton about that. Oh Buzzy, I see Buzzy. Sorry, he's like playing with my background and I'm just worried that it's gonna I saw the curtain going crazy, like there was a bunch of crew back there. I mean, like we got the wrong monk um. I uh yeah, she's she's cool and um she she's been through a lot and um yeah, I just what was I saying about?

Oh yeah, so she does that test. And then when I was filming Cooking with Paris, at one point she had something in her teeth and Whitney came in that night and was like, Paris, you have something in your teeth, and She looked at me like, you bitch, because she had just told me that's how she like tests people is to see if like they have something in there like, and I was like, no, I didn't see it. I don't. I think I look people in the eyes and not the mouth when I talk to them, um, which a

lot of people do the opposite. And so I think some people see teeth stuff more than I look at someone's mouth when I want to make out with them. Um. But I think a lot of people look don't like to look like eye contact. And I'll let you know if you have a piece of parsley in your eye um, or like deep in your soul, because that's what I'm looking at because I'm you know, I'm not avoiding intimacy, except yes, I am constantly all the time. Oh my god,

Buzzy is on your shoulder. Oh he is so cute him and I's a frisky little cat obvious away for like the next two weeks, so we have a lot of quality time to spund together. That's fun. Does Buzzy like you or a more? He lets AV hold him more and he's like biting me right now. But it's it's very playful. Um. Yeah, I don't know. I think he was social. Oh, he's so social. He likes to play, and he like wakes you up, and he like he

wants interaction with you. Yeah, he um. He'll wake me up in the night, but he'll start purring and it's just so irresistible. You know. It's tell me the difference between a dog and a cat for you, because we had you had cats before. Never I always wanted to, okay, and you had you obviously had dogs before you had your own dog, Bruno, who you you know I didn't lose, but you know who died last year and who you

had had forever. So I can't believe I haven't even asked you about this, Like, what's the should I get a should um dog? People be open to getting cats? Are you one or the other? What's the differences with the similarities. Let's talk about it. I have something in my throat, so I might start coughing, but it's okay, if you do, I'll I'll, I'll start talking. I think something went from my teeth in the back of my throat,

but I didn't see it. Yeah, I'm sorry. I got lucky with this cat because he's so thought there was a dog you had. I got lucky when I was four. Sorry, okay, you got lucky with this cat. Yes, because he's a feral cat. My friend found him in a in a parking lot. He was an outside cat. And he's so um like social and friendly. The difference that I really like is that he's he can be so independent. But when I say, you know, like when I asked him to come or whatever, he like will act like a

dog and he'll come to the room. I don't take him for a walks. He goes in his in his kitty litter. And I told you that I like cleaning the poop. It reminds me of like one of those like Zen gardens. I love those. Those were so like chic and in the nineties you were rich if you had one of those little ones. So you you okay, So you scoop the low maintenance, no walks, loving gives you attention, the independent, very funny, great sense of humor,

great sarcasm. Why what's what's the what's the buzzies like? Vibe like a little like playing it cool smart? Smart? And like do you see buzzy like playing games like I used to? You know, my dog. Luigi literally will do this thing that is so funny and smart, where he if he sees the dog come ing and I don't see the dog because he has better hearing and than I do, obviously, and smell he smells a dog,

wait on the block before I can see it. He will just pretend to sniff a flower because he knows I'll wait when he's sniffing, because I'm I honor his sniffs, so he'll just but he won't sniff. He'll just like put his nose by it, because to give the illusion that he's sniffing so that we can wait for the dog to come up. Is let's say the dogs walking the same way we are, and he knows if we keep walking, we'll get further, so he'll just pretend to sniff.

That is smart and cute, so cute. Buzzy will do this thing where he'll hide behind a corner and as we walk by, he'll just like pounce our leg. He'll just go like this like, no, I love that. No nails. He'll just clapping. Yeah, it's it's almost clapping, but no nails involved, so you could tell that it's friendly. Oh my god, that's so cute. Yeah, I've been craving getting a pet or something. Um. Sometimes he was gonna get a bird for a while. Yeah, yeah, he'll trip like

a bird. And then I was thinking, like, I wonder if we get like a parakeet, that's gonna be like, did you say a para key? I'm in a parakeet? Okay? I was like, did she I'm like a dog waiting by a flower until you say that tea. Um, yeah, a parakeet. This whole thing of like dogs and cats. Like cats and dogs they don't get along birds and cats like obviously, yes, birds trigger whatever it is in a cat's brain that makes it want to fucking eat it.

But there, you know, you know more than anyone that any kind of animal can get along with any other kind of animal, And it honestly always makes for a pretty cute Instagram account. Animals from different species being friends. It's fucking great. I was in UM Portland for two shows. Oh my god, Buzz you can hear him. Oh crabs, Bunny, it's just don't worry about it. Um. I was in this week in San Francisco and Portland, Oregon. Amazing shows, so many besties that all of them met so many

listeners of the show. Very moving. You all are so sweet. I always know I always recognize you right away when you come up, because you just have a sweetness to you. That UM is different than just the average stand up fan. And I can say that because the average standard fan isn't listening to this. And if you're listening to this, you're a bestie and you know. So I'm just preaching

to the fucking choir here, but it's just true. There's like a different vibe and and Andrew and I always walk away from those meet and greats like, God, we're the best fucking fans. So it's really nice to meet everyone. And there was one guy that was like, there's one guy on the and he definitely won't see this because he doesn't he's not on the internet. He's like, the you know, bragging you're not on social media is the new I don't have a TV. You know, it's like, oh, whoa,

you're so so much better than all of us. Oh do you communicate with your friends with books? But he was like, I don't have UM, I don't have social media. He kept saying, I wish I would have remembered how he said it was the kiss way in which he said it. But he ended me a business card that he made specifically for me and was like they hastily packed moving company or something, you know, because I used to say, my vagina looks like a hastily back suitcase.

And then um, he told me and Andrew that he wanted us. He was like, I got to stay something to you and Andrew, and he gets Andrew to come over and he like, it's like, I just want you guys to know that I'll never think about my fifteen if oh my fifteen year old daughter has invisilion and now every time I see that in Brasiln, I'm going to think about how when she gives blow jobs, it's not gonna it's gonna like smooth out her teeth and then they won't be his toothiet And I don't even

know why he brought Andrew into that, because that's my joke, but he wanted like Andrew to be there for it too, and he was trying to make us laugh. But it was obviously you know, I I just was like, oh God, that's I'm sorry to give you that visual image or what you know. I was just trying to be nice or whatever. And Andrew goes, Andrew was kind of annoyed by him immediately, and he goes, um, all right, well

send us pictures. And there was this other guy in line, because this guy was already like at a very big vibe of and just kind of like walking in like I don't really want a picture. I'm not like all these losers who wanted pictures. He didn't say that, but he's like kind of has that air about him like, no, no, I don't want to picture, no, no, no, I just want to actually have a human interaction, you know, like

that kind of thing. And uh he yeah, so and then the guy in line behind him laughed so hard at Andrew's joke of send a picture of your fifteen year old was so funny. Andrew was so funny this weekend. He was making me laugh so hard. In Portland on um Saturday night, we did two shows. You know, we

had traveled all day. We had San Francisco the night before. Um. He when he gets sleepy, he gets so funny because he just stops like he already doesn't make sense a lot of times when he talks, but when there is truly zero filter between his brain and his mouth the funniest stuff comes out. What did he say that was so freaking oh, he goes, Oh my god, Wait what

was that? We were talking about his asshole because his asshole was really hurting him this weekend, and I was laughing so hard I felt bad a meal and I were seriously about to like pass out from laughing because he was talking about one time he almost died, because I mean, I think he's told this on the Did he tell the story about when he got hungover in Florida and the heat in a car and passed out

and he passed out like he drove. I don't know if he drove drunk, but he passed out in a car that was parked in front of a police station and so in the morning, and he attended windows so the policeman couldn't even see into his car. But he was passed out in this Florida sun. First of all, the twinted windows saved him, and the parking in front of a police station saved him. He almost suffocated in

the car. He was almost dying because he was he did so the cop wrapped on his window and woke him up, and he almost died, like one of like a dog you leave in your car when you go into home depot, or like a kid that you forget is in the back seat, or that you'd say that you've forgotten the back seat because you really just want to start over in life. That that's what Andrew almost did to himself because he was hungover. He was so lazy upon being hungover that he couldn't just I go,

you couldn't do this. I did the roll the window down motion. He goes, no, I couldn't do this, and he just pushes the button. So we were Andrew Meal and I were evingsored because he almost like hot car dogged himself, which is just an insane thing to do with yourself when you're able bodied person. Andrew has so many lives Likekenny, it's it's he should not be like,

go it is a miracle that you are alive. He he was having asshole Paine though, and we were talking about I was like, I want to see your asshole so bad because it's it's he says, it's like a canyon. You know, He's drawn it for me, and it looks like someone drawing a star with their left hand, like it's just a mess, there's like jagged edges because he's had fissures and had it removed, like they cut out

his asshole. And so he says, there's like just a an open or like it's just there's no it's just tragic. And he won't let Brenna see it, and she's constantly always trying to see it too, because she's just like, what isn't he? And he's never seen it because he doesn't want to see what it looks like. And he's scared that if I look at it, or Emil looks at it, that we will be so horrified that then

he'll be scared that he's dying. And I don't want to obviously give him any anxiety about that, but I'm desperate to see it. And then Emil goes, if you've never seen it, then how can you draw it? And he what did he say? Fuck? That was the question that led to the funniest thing he has ever said, how do you? How do you not? He's he compared it to something so beautiful? That was so how does

Stevie wonder play? I mean, if if I've ever i'm upset with Andrew, I only have to remember that Andrew's never seen his asshole yet he's able to draw it. And then when a Meal said, how have you drawn it? If you've never seen it, he goes, how does Stevie wonder? It's so funny? Oh my god, Noah, I've been playing so much guitar I just learned. I'm so excited to get my life back. After the special taped, I was able to pick up the guitar again and start like

singing and sucking around on it. I'm so happy. I love it so much. I came home last night. I traveled all day yesterday. Um, I got to the airport right on time to check my bags and get through, and I get in line behind in the priority lane. You know, there's one person from me. It is a woman who has three kids, and she's making her husband.

I posted on my Instagram story. She's just handing her husband her bags, being like it's over fifty and it's all her ship, and he's just sweetly going through it, and she keeps going it's still over fifty and I'm just like, this fucking bitch, And I'm almost getting obsessed with this family, just like filming them and watching them. And then pretty soon I looked down at my phone and I'm like, oh my god, it's forty minutes till my flight, Like I missed the cut off to check

my bag. It's forty five minutes. And it's all because I was watching this woman be so slow because I thought I was. I had so much time, So it was my fault. It wasn't even her fault. It was my fault. But I was so mad at her at the moment because I couldn't see that. And then I missed my flight because you can't put bags on a flight you're not on. So I am. I stayed and waited, and it ended up being good. I traveled all day

yesterday alone. Andrew traveled on the flight we're supposed to go on, and I went on a later one, and I was alone all day and it was weird being alone for the first time and so long. Um, I like just I don't know. I was listening to really sad music. I c I'd a lot, which I never cried, but I was like crying all day yesterday. I even was I was out of layover at DFW and I

was texting something and it made me cry. And I was ordering at Starbucks and because they didn't have a mobile order at the you know, I'd wait in line like a pleab and the woman is taking my order and my eyes are watering because I'm wearing a mask and I'm just like can I and I don't want but all I wanted, really I don't. I didn't want her to see me crying. That is not I don't like being seen crying in public. I'm not trying to

get attention. I know some people probably try to do that, and that's something wrong with you if you're trying to get attention. Um, but I didn't want to. And then I was like, wait, I kind of do like I kind of want someone to go like I. And then I started to think if a stranger was like, hey, do you need a hug, I would have just like grabbed them so hard and like I needed a hug

yesterday so bad. So I don't even know if it was good that I was alone, but I was just like, so it felt nice to know that that's what I needed, though, you know that that would have made me feel better because usually I'm like I got it, but noah, oh my god, this is what I wanted to talk to you about. Have you read Attached? Of course it's the best. It's crazy good. It's kind of blowing my mind. I

just started reading it. It's always been the one that everyone's always suggested for me to read, including you, but like truly, it's the one that people talk about. And obviously it's it's based on the attachment style theory and whether you know, there's three attachment styles, but there's you can be mixed and it's like a secure, anxious, avoidant,

and you can be mixtures of those things. But your goal is to be secure, and anxious people are attracted to avoided people, and avoided people are attracted to anxious people. And it's just a big fucking mess. Um. And it's all based on your relationship with your parents, your relationships with past lovers, your relationship with yourself, all those things. And I have secure. I've taken the quizzes over and over trying to get a diagnosis of anxious or avoidant,

and I'm pretty secure. Honestly. Like my parents relationships, it's they were avoidant and um, but I I now am pretty secure, and I've taken it over and over and over, and I'm trying to even air on the side of like be your most vulnerable self, and I tend to be pretty secure, which doesn't check out for me though, because I think in a relationship I become I feel like I'm anxious. But that's when I'm with avoidant people.

But now then I know that. I think it's all since I've stopped having you know, when I dealt with my eating disorder and and started like actually liking myself, which was at the root of all that. Um, I can't. I can't tolerate people who are avoided anymore. I won't tolerate it. I sometimes do for a little bit, but I instantly go, no, no, no, this isn't gonna work.

If you're gonna do this, I'm out. And then they stop being they stopped being that, and then they do it again five days later, you know, Like, but I think I'm secure. I think I got but this is what I learned from the book that blew my mind. And and but which one are you? But by the way, are you avoided? No, you're anxious. I was anxious, attached. I think I'm like now anxious, uh uh hyphens secure, Yes, okay, I'll be anxious. I think I'm anxious. Secure, too, but um,

I um, I read because I don't want to. I don't want to be alone. That is something I'm scared of being is alone and abandoned for sure. But when it asked about my parents, like are you worried there? You know, it's like are you it asked about your parents and do you ever take a quiz? And you just know, like, funk, this is gonna sunk up my results, Like because I'm not this like every I'm this way for all this and then this one thing. It's totally not that like my parents. No, I do not feel

comfortable sharing my deepest feeling No, I am not. I know I don't share my deepest feelings. I don't feel like they can receive those with what I need for them to receive those with I I do like when I get anxious when I even start to reveal my feelings to them. Do I reveal my feelings to them? Yes, because I like at this point, I like force it. But um, when it asked like are you scared they'll

abandon you? Like that's never been a fear with my parents, which I'm very lucky in that, Like I just don't feel but I have had boyfriends over and over who I feel at the drop of a hat will just drop me at like a hat. Okay, So all of the work that I do on myself always stems back to if you don't love yourself, others can't love you. Like you have to be a whole person before you can. Really, the goal is to be whole. The goal is to

be a whole. That's always been my goal. But the goal is to be enough that like my um my, maya doctor not doctor abuse if used to tell me that the perfect relationship is one that you can live with the person or you could live without them and

you'd find either way, like, you're not codependent, right. Codependency is this like kind of um you know, it's this buzzword that is this whole sect of psychology that has made people go, oh my god, if I if I need a man, or if I need my partner, then I'm weak and I'm not enough and that's a bad thing.

But Attached tells you that it's not bad to need a person, and that this idea of another person completing you are making you more whole or a better version of yourself, is actually scientifically proven that they've didn't done studies where someone's about to receive an electric shock and if they get to hold a stranger's hand, their blood pressure goes down. If they're alone, they're blood pressure is

a certain level. It's pretty high. They are about to receive a shock that they are told it's going to hurt. If they hold a stranger's hand, they're their blood pressure goes down slightly. If they hold their husband's hand or wife's hand, it drops way dramatically. So what it tells you is that you're able to withstand pain and discomfort

if you have a partner. Then they did the other studies where a little baby girl is in a room full of toys and she's playing with toys and her mom is there and she's exploring, and she keeps walking around and looking at the toy and then looking back at the mom. We all know the little girl that does that. Little babies that they look at their parents were like, is this okay? Look at this? And then the mom leaves the room and the baby starts howling.

Another woman comes in, a stranger woman, and who's very nice, and the baby is just still screaming. And then the mother comes back in and the baby just hugs her and holds her tight, and then the baby slowly like make sure she's gonna stay, and then goes back to playing, which tells us that humans need loved ones to feel brave enough to do things that they want to do anyway, the things that are going to make them feel good

and be happier people. So this whole idea of like, I've got it, I don't need a man, I don't want to partner a romantic partners, just just like you know, the share quote of men are a dessert, like you don't need them, but they're nice to have. I actually think I need them. I might need a romantic partner, and there's nothing wrong with saying that or or demanding that.

And I need you know, there's this great example in the book, and I've only read the first third of it, and you guys know, I'm not going to go past that, but I got it right spouting this off like I

fucking wrote it. But it's just amazing. Um anecdote in the book about this couple that was on the Amazing Race and the whole time, this couple who you know, were like a great couple that had been together a while the woman just wanted the guy to hold her hand during the race, literally, and he didn't want to do it. And at one point, the guy has a bunch of like fear of bungee jumping and they're in the lead, and because he has fear of bungee jumping

and he's second guessing it, they lose their lead. And then they they lose and they go to the woman at the end and she's like, I shouldn't have been so needy that made him like not feel like I don't know why I needed that, Like it just is so death spurit of me, and like that was such a bad look, Like I need to just like understand that he doesn't want to do that. And it's just like when the woman that wrote book goes, if he would have just held her hand, she would have felt

more secure. He would have gotten her to be able to reciprocate that same thing that he gave to her in the moment of the bungee when he was when he needed her and the bungee jumping in is it. She would have been more able to give him that care and support that would have made him able to overcome that fear quicker than if he rejected her hand the whole time and made her then not really want to be able to be there for him in the same way because fuck you, you didn't hold my hand

and said this. You know, I think women just have this constant or at least I do, uh monologue of like in my head of I don't need like you shouldn't need someone to complete you. Yes, it's fun, Yes it's good, but that whole Jerry McGuire you complete me has always been like that's unhealthy. And it's just interesting that this book kind of turns codependency and everything I've learned in like you know, the twelve step pro ams of like you're enough, other people can't affect your feelings.

It's like, yes they can, and that's okay if they do. That kind of blew my mind. And you've known it all along, No what you've known it all along. I'm looking forward to having more of these conversations with you, and I really think you should read, like make this the one book that you finished. No, I'm going I was joking, I really am gonna keep reading this one

because it already is. You know, I always think I know what's it's going to be in it because I've heard my friends talk about this book so much, but I've already learned so much. And I sent pages to Andrew yesterday when we're traveling, so he knows all about this. Let's get him in your Handrew. Hey, Andrew, I was just saying that the your Stevie Wonder of Assholes that was between us, and it was so funny. Oh my god, that's the funniest thing you've ever said. And you've said

some fucking funny things, but man, that was good. Oh man, a fun weekend. Whenever you're tired, you just don't. You just say the funniest stuff when your defenses are down. I love when men just like are just like then, they just get like jelly. They just say weird stuff. I gotta stop drinking coffee. I think, what do you mean, just stay tired all year round? Yeah? It was so good. Um maybe um, are those the same ones that you

got poop onto? No, these are the same brand. There Larry David's m I copy Larry David's style usually I wait for someone to die. He is older. I'm not getting in early. I just really appreciate his style. It's very clean, it's laid back. I think, you know, that's who I admire. So I buy his shoes, and I bought shoes this weekend. Did you tell them about the human ship? So I bought Echo shoes. I was very excited about him. I was wearing him for the first

time on stage. As you know, I like to subtly bring attention to my sell through new things and tell you how great they are. And I was in the green room and I was like, look, hey, like these shoes, these Larry David's yeah, yeah, he points them out. He goes look at my shoes and he puts them up on the couch and he's showing us like they're brand new. And then all of a sudden, there's a smell. There's a ship. I smell, smell ship. And sure enough I look on the bottom of my shoe and Larry David ship.

I stepped in. Larry David ship, I think, And yeah, there's a lot of ship on my shoe that he got on the couch when he put us feet up on the couch to show us the shoes. How do you know it's human? You can tell. After living in New York ten years, I could tell anything. I could tell you what kind of ethnicity of the food they ate? Yea, Oh my god, human ship, dogshit in the city. Why we are so much more gross out by human ship than dog shit? Because if we're talking about food, human

food is good. Dog food is so gross Yet dog poop? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, why don't we get grostered out by dogop? I just made up word more. I think that for me, I think what probably happens is it's connected with pride disease, So I think I could get a disease from It's like if I was bit by an animal as opposed to a human, I'd be more scared about getting bit by the human because they could give you hepatitis or whatever. So you feel

like you could you're more connected to me. I know what I'm just saying, But yeah, you're biologically it's probably yes, there's more chance of disease in this uh. And I think we've had less exposure to human ship then, I mean our own. Yeah, you've tasted your own or millions of dogshits. I've picked up not one other person's dogshit or human ship. I mean if you're a parent, though, you get really into it. That's a good point baby ship, But baby Ship doesn't. Sometimes it stinks so bad. Oh

my god. Yeah, you don't care at all. Yeah, but if I had to pick up someone else's baby, even if yeah, and it was gross. Yeah I used to baby ship, did they. Yeah, you just get a little ship. That's a good point. I never thought of that. Yeah, you should get paid extra. You should. That should be a certain up charge each diaper you have to change.

Should should be. If I was a babysitter, I would say that's like, yeah, it is a little weird to like get in there and have to like get in there, but you just treat it like your own, just like Amy has a really funny joke about wiping her nieces vagina and just being like I forget what she says, but how it's just like just don't think about it.

Like just I remember when I had to um. There was this thing when Not Safe that we did the show I had in Coming Central, where we made guys dick picks like better we get a little models on their penises, like these big dioramas and they had a little hole in the diorama, and then we would put the diorama on their belly, and like they put their dick through it, and then dick would be like in the White House, or it'd be like taking a bath, or would be like riding a bike in Paris with

a little bag at. I wanted the dick to be the bag at in the bag of the man riding

the bike. Long story so anyway, I think I's sorry if I've told this before, But the day before the shoot, they realized that these big, you know models that they had made the dioramas, were too big for the men to actually reach around the model and then place their penis and position it in the bathtub with the cucumbers on size, so that someone else would have to handle these penises and pull them through the hole and put them next to the locker, like asking the girl to

prom one had a backpack on. I don't know what we were thinking. So everyone was like, we're not doing it. The our department was like, that's not our job, and I immediately was like, no, it is not. I've I've done this, this is my problem. I'll do it. I didn't want to do it, but I put on gloves and I had to pick up these limp penises and and hold them and like position them. Penises all day, many penises, and this is I do not touch penis.

Like that's not something I've done in my life. Yeah, especially a flaccid a man's flaccid penis, not like you know, little boys when you're wiping them when you're a babysitter. I've done that before, but I had never handled a man's penis. And even to this point, like you know, this was years ago, I wasn't like, actually, you know you have to shoot these guys in email saying look before you come in. Just know that they knew. They they knew that put out a chryslist ad of like

do you want your penis featured on this contret Central show. Yeah, but they didn't know that their penis was going to have to be touched by the host. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just saying they were definitely told the idea of an like a very professional email like NICKI Glazer will have to pull on your flash. So how did it feel to have a flaccid random cock? I just what I said. I was like, I'm a doctor,

I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. Like just treat I'm a doctor, and so I kept saying, I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor, I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor. The whole time I was doing it and does that work? And then I surgically removed it. Um no, it did. It did work because I had to like disconnect from it being a sexual thing the same way, like I was reading the subreddit about it is impressive you gave yourself doctor not nurse,

like you went through all the school and thank you. Yeah, I love taking on a a I'm a nineteen year I'm a senior doctor at like like like I've won many awards. I'm a prostituted on prestrest. I'm a nursing home. You know what it would aid, I'm a nursing I'm a random woman grabbing. Um, so I uh, what was I gonna say? Oh? Yeah, I was reading in the subreddit about doctor. You know surgeons and how they are. So you ever watch a surgery, they're like they're really

like they like knock. There was this guy that, oh I remember the reddit. It had a guy that had like a fucking arrow through his face and they were was like a sledgehammer to knock it through and pull it through because they had spikes on the other end if they tried to rip it out the other way, so they had to pull it push it through. And they're like bran bran brank, and it was so rough and everyone's like, god, why are they so rough? And they go do you ever watch a surgery video? They're

like they're there. I remember always watching Um I never wanted to get liposuction because whenever they would show it, they would be like and it would like be stretching out the woman's skin, and I'm like, that's the opposite of what this woman wants, is her skin stretched out. And they're like and like boom jobs. They have to like open up, like they cut a thing around your nipple and then they like stretch that hole open so they can put in the thing. I'm just like they're

so rough. I know, my dad, you have to do bone marrows transplants or whatever when you're a cancer doctor, and you have to like go through the bone. So they're just like you literally there's like an object and there's like they have to break through it. Like the human body. I mean, we're made to like be kind of not indestructed. But like, yeah, yeah, so what did you deem from that? So like then that I don't want that that you to be a surgeon, you have

to be kind of sociopathic. You have to kind of um not they That's what people are saying in the comments was that surgeons are often, you know, on the spectrum of sociopathy, they're a little bit higher than the rest of us because they can't have feelings about what they're doing because you're just cutting open. You know. It's like serial killers do that too. You know, they can

dismember people and not feel anything. I'm not feeling they're dead, doing into a live bodies even cree times they're dead. I mean, you don't read the things I do. God, I don't know why you read those before you go to bed. I don't know, because I just there's some part of me now that I'm like, oh, it's not gonna happen to me, Like I've aged out of being like the kind of girl that will be kidnapped and murder or something. I don't know what it is. I

don't go running at night anymore. I don't go like, um, I don't meet people for things on cragslist. I do know that I could be murdered, you know, even last night, coming back late, going to the in our parking garage, I was like, feeling safe in our parking garage because we have you know, you have to have a key to enter it. But someone could creep in there very easy. I mean, it would be fine, and you can fucking

strangle me. And I was listening to Taylor Swift ten minute all too well, and I was like, oh my god, it'd be so weird if I got strangled and my ear buds were in and I died listening to Taylor Swift. I had that thought, isn't that fun? Yeah, it's an interesting thought, considering like you could probably be strangled nineteen different times there in that song so long, Like it's like, can you strangle me towards like a nine minute seconds

at least here the end. I just wouldn't want to get to the new ending because that's my favorite party. Oh well that ends. That would be a good part to my favorite part is And I was never good at telling jokes, but punchine goes, I'll get older, butcher lovers stay my eight um. I came home instantly last night because I'm I'm learning how to play that song and do all the different strumming patterns that she does

and all of the stuff. And I got I got through it all last night, and I taught myself that. I'm so excited. But Jesus Christ, I can't hold a pick for the fucking life of me. It's still I don't know. I just don't want to. It does not sound good. No, I just can't get a good grip on it. And it doesn't feel like it's strumming the strings efficiently, and it just does. It's not a thing that plagues any other guitarists. It's actually my wrong pick.

You know. I have used a million different picks. I've used different grips on picks. I've studied every YouTube video about teaching about how to hold a pick. Supposed to hold it with your thumb and your pointer finger, and your pointer finger is supposed to go kind of like point out of your thumb like a right angle. And I cannot hold it that way. I want to hold it my pointer finger and my middle No does that. Maybe You're fingers are just too skinny. I don't know,

they're not. I do have a weird kind of like bent first finger, so maybe that has something to do with it. Well, what does two fingers? Does that mean? Then you're putting pressure, so you're not going to get it. There's just an efficient way to play, and that ain't it. Like, I just know that it's it's not a mental block. But I do hold my pencil a very weird way, and it has never held me back from writing. I mean, I mean you've I'm sure you've tried the other way

or tried to try. I try it in the middle of it and then it flicks out of my hand, or I try to sometimes I'm like, oh, I should superglue it and see if it appen, if it can stay, So I might do that. I literally might superglue it to my finger. If anyone out there has suggestions for me on how to hold a pick and has ever struggled with it, don't don't write me, actually, because I know you're going to write me the things I've already read.

Unless you have a true breakthrough method, or you just hold the pick in a different way and you're gonna make me feel better about holding it this way. Don't write me because I just I don't know what to do? What um? Well, I was gonna say, does it slide out? Does it? Yeah? It does? But it's not because it's like sweaty or something. It's because the grip is weird and I just don't like the way it hits the strings. It sounds bad to me to grow out your fingernails.

Can I give you a suggestion of what you might be able to do? So you know how you when you hold the pick and the point is the thing that hits the strings, if you turn it around and use the curved part, see if that makes it sound better. Okay, Okay, So it often just turns during the whole time I'm playing a song. It will just spin in my finger. So maybe you're strumming too hard. I'm not strumming hard enough sometimes, Like you gotta keep strumming. It'll it'll correct itself.

Just keep strumming. It's been a year and it has not improved. Everything else in my game has improved except that it is. It's just so weird. It's like my inability to understand football, Like it just won't stick. It's this thing that everyone else that plays guitar doesn't seem to struggle with. And it bothers me. Someone the other day was talking about how do you play an A? And I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, how

do you get all your fingers to fit? I'm like, an A is the easiest chord you could ever play. And there's a whole discussion about Yeah. I struggled with it too, and I'm like, an A, it's just the three stings. Some people do it with one finger. That's how I play it. Yeah. And then do you the high string, the bottom string, or the top string? I mean you know? Yeah? Yeah, No, no, I just I mute the three strings with my one finger. No, no, you play those? You press those? Yeah? I pressed up.

What about the one that's underneath. I just don't hit it. Oh OK, maybe I have chubby enough little hands, But I think you do want that one to ring out clear for a perfect A sound? Correct? No? Yeah, I mean modified. It's not perfect. But you know what is Emily Radischowski. You find I can find faults in her really? Yeah? No physically oh wow, our stomach. You're not into that. I could tell you what I'm sure other people have

pointed out, but I don't mind it. Her belly button oh yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the fact that you know it though. I mean, that's the well, when there's only one flaw, it doesn't bother me. When I've been the skinniest I've been, your stomach has it's so taught being pulled, so taught that your your belly button starts, you know, like okay, so take your belly button right now, if you push it, if you push the skin, it starts to come out. Yeah. So when you get skinny, it

starts to come out and be trude. And I think that's why, because she's just so thin naturally. Yeah, and I just think she was born like some people when they get their biblical cord cut off, they just cut off. It's just a bigger circle. Look, I'm picking out the one. Like I think people can handle it, you know what I mean. Like, I think my belly button is the only thing that isn't bad about. Let me see yours. You can't even see it. Oh yeah, that's good, that's

good one. I mean, do you prefer in any or anality? I mean, that's the thing I have. Like I can push my belly button and I feel it on my penis. Ah, it is weird when you push, you feel anything in your vagina, it goes like one on yeah yeah, but not like that Jesus crying. But they're gonna hurt people's ears. Come on out. Think of for friends, okay, my tip of my penis, though I really can't feel it on their first Oh man, I hope you guys had a

great weekend out there, had all the swells. It's Monday, you know what that means. It's Monday. We had a great weekend in uh in San fran and Portland's and next weekend we will be finishing the tour in outside Philadelphia and Richmond, Virginia. Yeah. I'm going to a Taylor Swift listening, like a Taylor Swift party um in Philadelphia on Friday. I'm so freaking or maybe it's on Saturday.

I'm so freaking excited. There's one in St. Louis on Friday that I'm missing, but they're happening all over the place now. It's so great, just a bunch of Swift ease go and sing and dance to her songs. I mean, I've never been so excited for something in my life. The company, and that's not true, the company for for the companying the company formerly known as Facebook Meta. Wait wait Facebook changed its name inc. Yeah, wait the company itself,

so Facebook is still Facebook. It's like the you say, I'm on Facebook, right, but the company that phones Facebook is now Meta. I saw this in the news and I didn't pay attention to it. I just saw a bunch of meta stuff and I was like, I don't care what the word meta. I don't know why, just like it just gives me something. Asked users to send nudes in order to prevent them from being used as

revenge born on Facebook or Instagram. So people, they're asking people to send in, uh, their nudes as well as them fucking so then the computer can recognize their body. So then if someone randomly tries to share it, it will get shut down because the computer will recognize that the computer is gonna keep it safe and protect you from having it shared elsewhere. And by computer we mean a guy named Jeff. Who are people doing this? I mean you gotta trust I mean, we don't even try

to Facebook with Russian intelligence. You're gonna send them your pussy? I don't know. That's insane. So they just want I mean they pretty much already have all that stuff. If you know the cloud you keep, if you keep any I mean it's wild. It's wild to think like we're getting ahead of someone else releasing your nudes. But there are. I mean, we live in an age where sending a dick pick or sending tits is like second nature. Now,

it's just the way it's done. I cannot believe how many pictures of tits and asses that the guy I am seeing has received from women before he even meets up with them. Yeah. Girls, I don't what is going on here. I mean, it's like, yeah, I love sending that stuff, but I send it to guys that deserve it, you know, and if they've sent stuff before. To one guy, remember, he was wanting me to send him things because he

kept sending me stuff. And I was like, okay, and I sent him an old picture that I sent to someone else, and I said, this is this was not taken for you, by the way. I wanted him to know, like, don't think that I just took this. This is what I'm capable of, but this wasn't for you because you don't deserve it yet. And this is how n f t s were creative. Don't give them things you know what I mean, Like the original guy got the n F T like that's so funny. Yeah, he got the

Van Gogh where it's like just nice titties. Um. I don't understand why women do this so fast. I mean, yeah, when I was single, you would they lead with tits that because though don't you get a bunch of dick pics in your d M S Nikki? Um, yeah, I would never entertain dating those men. And those guys just send their dicks around two but they want to just fuck. I think these girls want boyfriends ultimately, maybe some of them just want to funk, But I think, why don't

I just wouldn't. I don't think. I think girls sometimes do things to get guys to like them, and it actually does the opposite. It'll get their attention in the short term, but ultimately that guy is going to think you're sending those to everyone if you just send them so fast to him and bang you. But I don't think he's gonna want to marry not maybe you don't want to be married though I don't want to, you know,

and insinuate that every woman wants a relationship. Yeah, I think I think it's just kind of like sport fucking At that point, well I would just go post it on fucking um Reddit and blur your face and get so many much attention. If you just want attention from guys to say you're hot and stuff and take pictures, I get that, Yeah, but I think it's quantity over quality. At that point, you're picking the person that you want

the attention from because you like them. You know these girls are sending it, well that's well, that's a different thing. They're sending it on dating apps. I think that yeah, like when they start, you know, when you go from dating app texting. But I guess people are just horny out there and if you look good and you've got the pictures and it's going to get a guy to

want to fuck you, why not. Well that's the thing is like you get all these tits and dick sent to you, and then you're like, well, as a guy, and see the differences. I think as a guy, then we're like almost like a girl. It's like you're like, I don't want like but you know, but then what will happen is is then you go, oh, let's send pictures back and forthing like what you creep. It's like wait, I just got forty tis and now we don't want

to send tits And I'm sure, what do you mean? Like, if you're a guy in your celebrity at all, you get a ton of tits setting your right and so then you say it to a girl that isn't quite into that, and she's like, what the fuck that's what I'm saying. It's like, I I don't. I feel like maybe I'm getting defensive. I tend to do this when I'm I'm not someone when I don't do it, and I'm like, I don't want to have to do that

because I don't want to have to do that. I'm not going to because you are like saying it like someone's like, I mean they have and I won't do it. Like the most I've done is like I opened my mouth and I'm like, i'll do that. I'll be like, why is that? Because a guy will be like jerking off. A guy's jerking off and he's telling me about it for via text, and I'm he's like, just send me a picture and I'm like, no, no, I'm not going

to send you a tit or something. And so I just I'm like I point on my face for him, and yeah, it's it's very hot, but it's not gonna be anything that it can be used against me. You know. I like that years. It's just like you send a quirky face, right, I'm like boarding a plane. I'm like, it was literally on the arm, you freaking sending nudes backstage. It's not even backstage. This is like next to the stage, next to the stage, on the steps. Yeah, I was. I just took got a nipple. It wasn't like a

knew way could cover it up. Even if you walked, it would be so fast you wouldn't. I just saw you. I was like, it's not a tip. No you didn't. I did it in a way that you could not have You would not have seen anything. A report shows that the Toyota Prius Hybrid is a magnet for thieves, especially the oh four to oh nine models. There's a thing called the cattle cat converter. Do you know that? Wow? Because that's what steal more than anything. Yeah, do you

not know that? No one knows that. Yes, they do. Catalytic converter. You say it like you know other parts of the engine. Name another thing in an engine, the carburetor, Okay, keep going. I wanted to working the long nuts. Okay, um the filter, the um suspension bridge, that's that's actually that's a structure. Keep going, the access terminal drive, I don't know. That's all I am out. Okay. So, so the Cadillac converter catalytic catalytic converter is an essential part

of the exhaust system. It can go for a thousand dollars when so they sell it to scrap like so like these one stolen off his car. And that's why you don't leave your car in a parking lot like overnight, because they go and they just take them all. And there's certain models of cars that they just like love to take those, and your car can drive it will

just be really really loud. It was so funny. I went to go to take my mom's car and for um uh an inspection, you know, like to get the fucking what is it the environment on board with your car so you can get the plates nude. And I went in and I got an oil change too. I go, if I need an oil change, will you just throw one into and he was like sure, So he checked it and he called me and he goes, um, yeah,

you uh, you're a low two quarts of oil. So I tupped it off and up looks like your gaskets you got, I might need to replace the gaskets for the thing. And I go. He goes, so I'll have a price quote for you when you couldn't pick it up. So I tell my mom and she goes, you don't get those, and I go, I'll do it if I if it needs it, you know, And so I go and he's like, let me just go check the price. And he's like, so that's gonna be twelve hundred dollars and I go, um, no, so it's just leaking oil.

He goes, yeah, it's leaking oil. I mean that's why you need an oil change. And I go, but also i've been dread like you know, you're supposed to get oil change every four thousand miles five um. It was like he's like, so, I go, why don't I just get more frequent oil changes then? And he was I go, wouldn't that be cheaper? And he's like yeah. It was like okay, or just go get an oil change you know, twice as much, And I go, I go, is there

is it? Doesn't that make sense? Though? Dude, and he's because I go change like sixty bucks, you know, what is it? Thirty five sixty bucks at most? And I go and it's an annoying to have to go, but to just six. He goes, but you're leaking oil and I go, but it seems like you just get more and he's like, yeah, I guess I bet you. Also there's someone listening right now being like that should be like a two I know, like he's just putting gum on it, you know, like I don't know what they do.

I mean, it's I don't no one looks into it. Like, I'm glad that you called him out on that really dirty I really liked his dirty hands. I like a guy when they have like when they've been working on a car hands. This guy, I was attracted to his hands when he's like typing in the keys yeah yeah yeah, and then the keyboard has grease on it too, and they always type with two fingers. What do you want? I didn't know I would be horny for dirty hands.

Would you make him watch his hands before you fuck? Yeah? Because grease like you get it off that you get off all like as much as you can. But that turns yon, though I feel like, no, what doesn't all come off? Though? It's like a sharpie, you know it, like absorbs in your skin? Would you let him? Yeah? Loop it up. He's already up stick that an imminent guyd Incologists was arrested, and imminent imminent means like it's definitely gonna happened. E M I N E N t eminent.

Some guy, some guy by the way, a fan of ours. I guess, like, listen to it pod. I don't know if you heard him. He goes, I like the pod. It's pretty fun. It's pretty funny. And I go, okay, cool and like the way he said it already knew like I don't know, he just I don't know if he had it, like any mental issues. But he's like, you know, you're pretty good on it like that like everything that the meat and great. And then he goes he goes, yeah, you're like a like like your character,

like you're a fucking idiot. And I was like thanks, like it was so like, oh no, I remember what he said. That was not what he said. He goes, why isn't this guy famous? He's so funny? Have you are you not trying that was a difference different. That was funny. That was, how are you not famous earlier? How are your dogwalkers so long? Were you not trying? Were not trying? But they other guy, you're fucking idiot, Like you know, that's like, that's like what you play.

And I was like, did you see my post yesterday where that guys complimented my legs? My knees are two point five, my calves are an eight, my thighs are a ten. I'm just like he thought he was being charming. He wrote this after I posted. He wrote all these paragraphs. I didn't even read them music either Nicky or whoever is your assistant is and I just stopped reading. I'm just like, I know you were trying to get my attention by being like roasty, and it's like the opposite.

It's that's why I love. Our fans are actual fans. They never say ship like that, besties. Someone wrote a comment on our pod saying like, if you compare the comments on your actual we posted the same picture on both on both things, and if you go to the actual page for our fan page, it's just or or the pod page, it's literally night and day. It's fucking wild. Yeah, that's why I don't feel safe going live on my own. Like, that's why everything I do I really just want to

do on Nikki Glas. I just feel so much freer, more followers, more problems. That's what Biggie said before he gets shot. An imminent gynecologist means famous or highly regarded eminem gynecologists was arrested on suspicion of tricking patients and then having sex with him, claiming he could prevent cancer

with his magic flute. So god, he was telling women that he could because he was he had the booster for or the vaccine for HPV, that if they fucked him, then their HPV would either go he would never get it he's or they would never get it. I mean, obviously this guy's disgusting, But if you're falling for that, I mean it sounds like you're consenting. Like guys can say whatever they want to get you in bed, but it doesn't. But if he's a doctor, didn't I mean, yes,

that's did not professional, and I mean it's wild. But also, why wouldn't they just get their vaccine? I don't know why they would use the penis to man I am ianoke so he got caught. I kind of want to. I like porn where the girl's going in for a thing and like the doctor kind of gets a little bit pervy. Is that wrong? No, it's not wrong. I mean it sounds like you want the magic flute. No,

I don't want that. I like when they're just like, oh, like when they are just like the girls, like, um, I don't think you're but she like kind of likes it reluctant porn. But I didn't know, like I've I've been trying to Whenever I type in doctor creepy doctor, it's always like a guy that just starts like fucking the girl right away. I'm like, No, I wanted to be very creepy and insidious. You also type it in on zoc doc, which is interesting. Yeah, and there's none

in that will take my insurance. And they're booked out to like in April bullshit with Blue Cross Blue Balls. Um, all right, let's get to let's take a break, and then we'll come back with why do I Care? Why do I Care? Why do I care? Fuck? Sean Mendez releases broke Off Yeah, and he released a breakup bell in two weeks after splitting with Camelia, Camilla, Camelia cabilu. Um, yeah, what does Camila Cabella sing? But would tell me anything about her? And he when he missing, wait, la la

la la pie. Yeah, I want to eat pie. I mean, I don't know. I was just thinking of a funny thing that would be like, not sexy at all. Um, So he wrote this, and people think, like you break up two weeks ago? Did he have time to write? Was the song already written? Produced and recorded? Like you pust out a song in a day and get it, you know, mixed and mastered and all that, you know, within two days. I would say, So we released a song,

can we hear it? Uh? No, I don't have that all of it, but we can go over the If you tell me you're leaving, I'll make it easy. It'll be okay. If we can't stop the bleeding, we don't have to fix it. We don't have to stay. I will love you either way. Yeah, it was really nice. And then he said, that's not true. Your stomach was weird. You never suck my balls. No, that's what he wrote. Well, then he you're ready. Should have taken a little more time. Um,

that's nice. I like those lyrics. I love that idea of like, yeah, that's that's how I always want to leave every relationship. Now it's like we're both better people. We don't hate each other. We want to be friends. Because if you if you like someone enough to have them in your life romantically, like, that's insane to just go to being nothing. It's always made me so want the best for them because they didn't work with you,

or just to have never talked to them again. I understand that people get jealous and they don't want you to hang out with your exts are being friends, but I just if I feel like I don't want to date someone unless they would be someone i'd want to be friends with if we weren't sucking, I do feel like I could literally say, you know, honestly, I want the best for you. I want you to meet someone amazing,

but I also don't need you at all in my life. Yeah, well then you shouldn't have been with that person begin with, because they don't because shouldn't you want to you like the person and be like and want them around, like and I want to be with someone. I will say that there have been times that I was able to just be like I unless we're get out of my life.

But I don't want that in a relationship anymore. Like if someone is my boyfriend, I would want them to they would have to start out as like someone I would be best friends with. Anyway, Now I feel like that that's the way I want to part ways. I mean, it is like if you put out an album two weeks later, then I'd be like, Okay, that's kind of a song written about me. God damn it, I don't know. I don't want give me a b by you bitch

or whatever you look right, I don't need it. The other day, crying about a guy and like being so sad, and Andrew was like, well I love you, Nick, and I would just go like, what was the sound I made? You laughed so hard? I'll tell you a real by you bit? Well, I you thought I was playing, but I of course everything's a play kate when you think about it. If you're trying to make someone feel better, yeah, you're play kating to what there wants and needs. Yeah

maybe it didn't feel sincere. Well, it's just you know, it's like when like do I look fat? You go, no, you don't look fat, Like it's like they felt like that. Yes, where It's like I would rather you just say I don't look fat, Like that'd be so weird to just appro up nothing. You just say, hey, you don't look fat, right, and you'd go, it's so funny, you don't look fat at all. But but I just wanted you to know you don't look fat. You don't. You really don't what? Alright,

let's get to our segment every Monday we do. I don't know why I said it like that. Top one, bottom one. What's the subject this week? Noah chosen by Andrew. Salad topping, salad topping. What is your least favorite salad topping? Andrew, I'd have to say just regular onions. Oh, like a white onions, just one of those, Like they don't have any pizzas. It's just like they just look like fucking like worms kind of that are flat, just and they're like wet for some reason. But I don't even know

why they're wet. And I don't know if it adds any I like a red onion on a sandwich, like if the red on onions have a little zest to them, white bland, thick onion, or it's like the thin ones, the thin ones that have like no weight to them, Like, oh, you want that in your sad. It's like, no, I don't want to fucking onion up. I like a I like a fried onion, those little like yes, those are great, but it's like a raw onion. Get it out of here, doing my salad out, Get out of here, get away

from my fucking beats, your bitch by you bitch. Um. Okay, Noah, what is your least favorite salad topping. It's going to be very controversial, but the cruton crew toons. I wouldn't mind a cruton, but I usually I just like bread is not where I want to get my calories from, so I just go no, I don't need that. Um, why why not the cruton for you? I don't like. I find that they just have like a weird aftertaste. I also, I don't know, like, if I'm eating a salad,

I'm not looking for bread. I don't know, I'm just looking for vegetables. Okay, there are a lot of salad places that give you a big gast thing of bread with your salad, which obviously we're here for salad. We probably are trying to not eat as much bread. Yes, and they're like, how here you go? Like, anytime they put crutons and I'm trying to like diet or anything, I'll not eat the crutons until yeen and then I'm like I'll just do what Yeah? I always do that too? Yeah?

What about mine? I mean I have so many being a vegan, like any kind of but like, these are things that are like truly gross me out, and it I think the top prize is going to be. And this is also first of all, green olives are the grossest olives. I don't like black olives either, but green olives disgusting and sometimes they're not usually in salads, but definitely I don't want those in my salad. Now, what's the difference to you in your mouth? For a green

rist of black olive? Green is like a little bit slimier and has that red thing in it penis. Yeah, I don't like it a little. I hate it. Um. My least favorite thing by far is a cherry tomato. Cut it up, cut it up. I don't want that thing bursting in my mouth like a big old beetle that I have a fucking rotted log in the rainforest. I'm not sucking pumba. But I love gushers. But the just the snap in the squirt, it just reminds me

of a big, fat, juicy beetle. It's a lot because every other part of the salad kind of goes down pretty easily, and that one just goes crunches and then it ruins. It's splashes and just soaks. It's like a balloon popping all over your fucking bite. I don't like it. And it's too circular. It's like it's like a little balloon. Yes, I cut and I sliced them, so it's not one of the things that will remove from the salad, but I will have to, you know, slice it up. Uh, Andrew,

what is your favorite salad topping? Man? This is tough because I was gonna do. I don't want to do meat because I just feel like that's too easy. I think, uh, something like, um, oh, you know it's great. Crazins, Okay, I like a crazing and I like kidney beans, which kidney beans might be the worst name for food top ten. I just don't really just eat can't tonite, even though I only know that kidneys look like kidneys because of the kidney beans, and so it really looks like looks

like That's what I'm saying. I think we that's where we think we go. Oh my god, kidney beans really look like kidneys. But it's only because we we know what we know kidney beans. Just let's keep the body parts out of the name of the foods. How about that? You know I don't want to fucking intestine fucking broccoli. Yeah, get it out of here. Okay, I like that. No, uh, I cannot have salad without nuts on it. And my favorite, I think would have to be like a candied walnut. Walnut,

and we got this the sweetness in there. Yeah, that's a good one, a good crunch. You got the oil with it too, like it has like a if you're ever, you know, any vegetable that is saute aid is going to be better. A fried onion is going to be better than a raw onion. It's just that. And the walnut takes the place of a crouton if I'm gonna be honest, like it takes. Yes, My number one is a a what's it called? You put a chick piece

toasted chickpeas, like fried chickpeas off the crunch. The health factor, the deliciousness, the consistency, the way they snap. Oh if they're so freaking good. Love those in a salad everywhere though. They're fine if you find one, hold onto it and make it a full not a half salad. Yeah. Favorite topping for a salad is just more salad. I love Russell. I was gonna it was between Brussels and Good but they give me heartburn. Beats fantastic love a beat. Can we,

in our final thought, get into dressing? Oh yeah, I can get into dressing. Okay, let's do a bottom dressing. Um, the Thaie peanut dressing. Least favorite? No, it's my favorite. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Bottom. Probably Italian. It's like, what are we doing? It's like so boring, no fense, it's not it's about family. Love an Italian dressing. I love of a lighter vinegarette type. I don't like a thick,

creamy Yeah maybe that's the Italian I'm thinking of. But although I'm a big fan of cream, so yeah, you love the cream all right? No, what what's dressing are you not a fan of? I think just anything with like cilantro in it right to me? I have the thing where cilantro taste like soap to me. Oh my god. Interesting whoa yeah, okay, yeah, I think the grossest salad dressing is like, um yeah, any kind of like uh oh god, trying to think like a thousand island just

like you know, like yeah, Russia. I mean, I bet it's good. I just have never even tried any It just looks like ketchup mustard and manni I was right? Are you serious? Is that what it is? I mean, that's what I was told when I used to I can't grow. I think there's like a red pepper involved in it too. I think there's something else in there there that cannot be what it is that is horrifying. Oh and the tears of immigrants, yes, which is just delicious. No, yes,

it's uh no, yes, no, yes. What's your top dressing? My top dressing is from Aladdin Cafe in Kansas City or in City and where I used to work in college. It was like this vinagarette, this Greek dressing that they put on their Greek salad. If I'm gonna be, if I'm going on being here, best salad topping feta cheese. I fucking love feta cheese. It um but yeah, this it's this green, vinegary like cucumber and oh my god, it's so good. A Laddin Cafe Kansas City or Lawrence, Kansas.

Gotta go there. Try that dress salad dressing and my mouth is watering thinking about it. Yeah, top dressing guy, I mean, I guess, oh, I kind of said it. Or peanut the tai peanut like a tachini dressing tis fun, but miss miss So, there's amazing kind of me so dressing that they sell in um grocery stores. Or carrot ginger, carrot ginger Jackanese Japanese how stild dressing is the best?

That orange, fucking healthy, crispy light fresh off. You know it's good because the carrot ginger number one, because they'll bring out a salad a lot of these Japanese restaurants and it's just salad and just like a few carrots, and you still eat the funk out of it because the dressing so like you're that dressing is so tangy and sweet and light and that soups salad in it, and I love it, you know what I mean? Alright, we've really done it here. I really like talking about food.

I love it too, Yeah, did we just come up with we gotta have a news segment where we could talk. Yeah, food talks. So it is because it's so we all we all like and just like such different things. Yeah, I could go on for days. There's no food. I mean, well, let's get into it maybe later this weekend. Things we truly to test and would never eat, yes, eat, never

even eat. There's one for me that a lot of people love, and I just I wish I loved it because it seems like it would be delicious to like it. Because there are some that I hated as a kid, despised. Then they've come made a comeback. Yeah, if you're holding onto things that you didn't like as a kid, grow the funk up. Try it now as a doll. Stop it are a child. Oh you didn't like onions as a child. No one likes fucking onions as a child.

Start trying, but you like them? Saunt some people. I don't even went there, and just stop this little childish picking things off things. Just eat it, Just try it, and then if you don't like it, then then we can talk. I don't do avocado. It's weird how they cut it. Get out of here. Oh is that what people say? Avocado does kind of bump me out of

the salad because it is too mushy. It's just not a good consistency unless you mix it in with a dressing and like you know, make it like you know, creamy. But just like itself, it's just like it has no It's like is an apple that you bite into and it goes. It's not crunchy. Yeah, I like to go and then you crack it off. The apple macintosh, which is a smaller apple, has a softer feel to it. I'm a fan. All right, Well, there you have it. Thanks for listening, guys. That's your Monday show. I guess

with that was fun. It was like a relaxing, little like lazy river of the show. I really felt like I was in a lazy river. I do feel like people like lazy rivers in their life while you're driving. Nothing better. Yeah, that's just like mundane soft, not really that challenging, ye talking about Oh well, let's talk about it. Really. I hope we touched you guys today and not in that way. Thank you so much for listening. We love you so much and we're I mean not yeah, uh,

and don't be cut and ripper. MH, I did Jacqueline Kennedy did. I did the ripper the other day. All right, ready, let's do it again. Kidney beans,