#142 The Littlest Nick

eight days I've been so mine's three days. I have put no product in it. I did go running yesterday and maybe it got a little tangle during that. It's just when I sleep it gets so tangled. And I do put it up in like a bun, and I do one one fold of the buns so that it just doesn't get too many creases in it with a very like gentle silk scrunchy. Still gets tangled and dready. Um.

How do you preserve your hair for days? Well, I think on like day number four, I just wrap it up in a bun for as as long as I can until I'm just like sick, until my hair gets itchy. And then I wash it, and then why do you wait? Wait? So why do you wait eight days? Just because it's like, let's just go as long as we can. However long

this bun look well, we'll look cute. Yeah. I think like at the point where it was just so much work, my top just starts to like separate, and it's just so much work to wash my hair and I have to dry it and stuff. It's just like a two hour process. Oh my god, I can I you know it's it's because I just don't want to pull out all the strands that come out when I wash it. I'm just putting that off. But every day you put it off, there's more that are accumulating to fall out.

So it's kind of you're fucked either way. Um. Yeah, I I've been loading up on dry shampoo. Men don't know anything about any of this. I mean some men do. But when you're talking about dry shampoo over the weekend, and how many men like have thinning hair, and it's like dry shampoo will like thicken up your hair, they should try it, and your hair gets greasy. Men and dry shampoo, it's not like cleaning your it's it's not really cleaning your hair. It's just like powder that absorbs

the grease and grime. So look into it. Man, you just sprayed in your hair. It's not gonna make it a color. It's not gonna make it smell like anything. Um. I think it would be a good tool for men. Do you use dray shampoo? I do use dry shampoo. Yeah, it's a new ish, newer ish thing. I think the first time I got dry shampoo was two other than twelve. But it's like it wasn't none the thing that's been around forever. I know they used to use like powder

for wigs and stuff. It's all for the grease, right to soak up the grease something like that. Yeah, I'm I'm just like, I gotta walk my hair. I was gonna do it this morning, and then I was like, mm, I don't have time for it to dry, and I don't I don't want to blow dry it. I was gonna let it air dry, but it was gonna When it air dries, it just looks shitty, you know, And I wanted and then and then I'll have that shitty hair for about three days until I feel like washing it.

And so it's just like you're locked into whatever it dries as and I didn't have the samina to dry. I got a new hair dryer, though that's supposed to be like us, you know. I read all these reviews and it's supposed to actually like leave your hair shiny and straight. I don't know what kind of I got. I should tell you guys these things before I bring them up, but um, yeah, I've just been buying too many things I've gotten off my Poshmark obsession. I haven't

gotten any new clothes recently. I got a Taylor Swift sweatshirt, um that was on that seat. That's the one made and that's arriving at some point. But other than that, I've kind of had to like I wanted like a shopping freeze, and I say that, but I did get these necklaces that I found through this Instagram account that shows you what Taylor Swift is wearing, like every time she has a TikTok or do you think they dissect her whole outfit and then they link you to like

where you can buy the things that she wears. And this, um, this website. I don't know what I should tell you what it's called, but if you want to go and look, there's you can. It's like Taylor Swift Wearers or so.

I don't even know what it's called. UM. And I bought the same necklace and it's a layered necklace, which is the bane of my existence because they just get so tangled and like, I almost I got a massage the other night and I didn't, and I was trying to get out of there very quickly because I hate when the mssus leaves the room for you to get changed and they're just waiting outside the door for you

to get changed. Oh my god. I and I'm a fast moving person, and I still am like, oh, this is torture that they're just waiting out there with a little cup of water. UM. And I had one of my necklaces that I was trying to get back on really quickly. I couldn't find the class but I was just like, fuck it, and I threw it in my bag, even though it's my new tailor Swift necklace and I don't want it to get tangled through it in my bag.

And then I went to go find it UM a couple of days later because I didn't wear it for my special obviously, and then I was like, oh waiting, threw it in my bag and I went to go find it. I couldn't find it, and I just started getting so sad because I'm like, God, this is why you can't have nice things, which is a tailor swift lyric um, this is why this is Like you spent money on this thing, you already lost it. Like the

mental anguish. I went through thinking I lost this thing, and I went through all my bags a million times exactly the pocket I thought i'd put it in. It wasn't there. And then I'm at the airport and I like, look in the pocket one more time, and then it's there, and it was like, what the fuck happened? It was, but the the mental strife I went through thinking I lost it. I wasn't at peace with it. I I lost in neck class the way. But one of my best friends, Robin got me in the Cayman Islands. That

was a shape of Grand Cayman. It looks like a kind of it looks like a mermaid that had been run over by a um one of those big wheels that flattens things. Austin powers you no like it's like you know and where they're like, oh no, and it's like the slow moving like it's just a flattener. They roll over cement to flatten it. Anyway, it looks like that looks like a mermaid was crushed by one of those, and and everyone's always like, what is that on your necklace?

It looks like Florida if someone from Florida drew Florida, Like it looks so bad, and it's the kid, it's Grand Cayman. Anyway, it was probably very expensive. My friend Robin got it for me. She has great taste, and I loved it so much and I took it off at Whitney's house the other day to get a spray chan and I lost it. And I was at peace with that one because I've had it since March. That's a good run for wearing a necklace pretty much every day March to November. I'm happy with that. I was

Whitney couldn't find it, her assistance couldn't find it. Was we got spray dance outside, so it was like probably lost in the grass somewhere. But I was like, that was a good run for that necklace. My Taylor's was necklace I had had for a week and I was like, that is not a good enough run. I can make peace with losing things if I've had a good run

with them. I should have employed the same technique I use for everything else, Like I wasn't meant to have that necklace, like you weren't meant to have it, if this was always going to happen. But I was so mad, But luckily I found it, and that massage I got,

goddamn it, So I used to go. I found this guy when I was in Denver, probably two thousand twelve or something, and he was out of like an office place and had his own little private room, almost like a therapist office that you go into, and he was really good. And I remember going into him one time and I had such a bad like spot on my butt. All I wanted was my butt like kneeded out because it would just hurt so bad in these certain areas,

and I wanted him to be tortured. And I remember going into him, And it was also a time when my ex boyfriend and I were like breaking up, and it was kind of an uncertain time. He had he had, you know, become upset with me for very good reason while I was out of town, and I didn't really know the status of what he was. It seemed like he was going to break up with me, but I didn't know. So I was in this waiting period. He wasn't talking to me, like we weren't really communicated. It

was awful. And I went to go get this massage and he was like, well, what's going on here? And I was like, I just it's so painful right there. And he was like, Honestly, every pain that's like this acute, it's literally someone in your life who's a pain in your ass, like your that's what that comes from. Like he's a pain in the ass, like the mental anguish. This was before I got into that back book. And

I just remember being like, oh, this is that. Like it wasn't like he was like, oh the he was a pain in my ass, but it was like the pain of going through that breakup all decided to go to my butt. And so I went to this guy again. Now this is eight years nine years later. That was actually so eight years later. I go back to him. I message him because I still have him in my phone, like massage Denver, and I was like, are you still practicing?

And he's like, um, yeah, I kind of my license lapsed, but I still got the place and I was like, please God, yes, So I went there the other night. He was fantastic, but it was a two hour massage. It was so good, but it's just there's something about this, about the sensuality and the connection of a massage that leaves me feeling ikey afterwards, not because of him or

anyone that gives a massage. I can't get. I have a hangover from massages because it's like, I it's so intimate to let someone touch your naked body with like oils and this like music playing that His music honestly was a little sexual, but I, you know, I just said put on whatever you want, because he was like, do you have a preference, And it was like there were times when it was literally bound chick a wow wow, Like it was I heard whatever music, musical instrument goes

bound like it was sexual music. But he was not a you know, it wasn't that vibe at all. But it was just for two hours to have that kind of slow and like he was very into breathing, so to keep my breathing on track. He would go like, oh, that sounds like the sex from the no Orgasm book. Oh really is that remember about I haven't gotten that far yet, Careza Careza. Yeah, yeah, where you lay on top of your partner next to them and you have

like the same breathing patterns. Yes, it's very connective. And it got me into like it was really a good experience and I felt like I was letting go and releasing tension in all this. But I got done and I just I just scurried out of there like it was a guy wanting me to leave. Like I know that guys change after they come. They just aren't as into you. And I always try to get away as quickly as possible because I just I don't want I hate being in the way. I hate when people don't

want me around and I'm forcing myself on them. So as soon as i feel like I'm unwanted or like i've you know, the session is over, I'm trying to get out as quickly as possible. And I definitely felt that way, and then I just felt like I just have a hangover afterwards. I just don't feel good or right. And I gotta remember this, like massages, unless if I take off all my clothes are not good for me. They just they make me feel abandoned in this weird way.

And it doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, it does it just it feels bad afterwards. I think I've just have been abandoned after a sex so many times emotionally that it reminds me of that and maybe triggers that. That's why I like foot massages. You keep your clothes on, it's not as intimate. Um. I got in the uber though at this you know, in this suburb in Denver, and I popped in the back seat and he goes, in, your Nikki and I was like yeah.

He's like, oh, Nikki Glazer and I was like yeah, and he goes what wait what Well, I'm just I was kidding. Wait you Nicky Glazer and I go yeah, and I have the mask on. He goes what. I go, yeah, I really am. I don't know what else to tell. I know this is weird, but yes I am. And he was like wait a second, hold on, And then he's already pulled away and he goes, no, I'm backing up. We're going back in because he needed to pull over and I go no, no, no, we can, we can

you can check when we you dropped me off. He tries to back up to go back into the parking lot. He's about to pull out into the street and he's like, wait is a good we gotta go back and like this is by the way, nine thirty at night. I'm like, come on or ten o'clock, Like we're in this kind of desolate location. What was he trying to check to that I was really Nicki Glazer and that he could see me fully? And the thing is, he said there wasn't even a picture with my uber name. For whatever reason,

I go, did you see my picture and know? And he was like no. I just said Nikki Glazer as like a joke to myself because clearly you wouldn't be Nicki Glazer. But I just thought like that's the only time I've ever heard their name Nikki, And so when you got in, I was just like saying a joke to myself, like I don't even know why I said it, because it didn't even think that the passenger would hear me, like you know, it would be like, um uh, I

don't know. Trying to think of an example, um like, uh, somebody gets into your thing and his name is or like a guy is a waiter and you're like, his name is sunny and you're like, oh, sunny BONEO. And he's like, I am Sunny Bone. I mean that wouldn't happen, but like you know, where you just say something because it's that person's name, like it just occurs to you. Maybe he had just seen my name so everybody was just like Nikki Glazer. He said to himself, and I go, yeah,

I am. He's like wait, what what? What? Like it was? It took so long to convince him I was myself because first of all, I looked insane after his massage. My face was all puffy and I was just like, oh, like still recovering from the intimacy. And he talked to me the whole way about UM about it and then UM about how incredible it was. And it was incredible. Like I gave him the I was like, that is insane that you just said my name just to yourself and it was me And he's like, I just can't

believe this. It was very very nice. Um. I'm trying to think of other things that happened last weekend in Denver. Um. Yeah, it was just a the massage thing, but I need one so bad today. Know what. I went for a run yesterday, my first run in like two months, and I ran four miles like my usual and by the way, I was clocking like eight minute miles last time I was running. This one was my my average. Feed was like like and I was trying, trying, and it was

nice outside, wasn't cold. There's no excuse anyway. I am beaten up today from it. I am hobbling around like you just saw me. I am moving at the speed of a normal person today, that's for sure, but I'm moving like a grandma. I really do feel like this is the speed I will move at when I'm eighty years old. Just I'm very slow today. My tits feel like fucking kettlebells. I am. I'm so. I'm about to start my period. It must be that, It must be.

I said it. I was texting someone about it, and I didn't want to write period, so I just said I'm starting my and then I just wrote a space period. Um. But like I I'm so like heavy and I had so many nightmares waking up this morning. Something's going on? Do you get that? What do you I'm trying to track my symptoms on my old period app. But I can't keep them straight because I just keep having to take the morning after pill and it throws everything. It's

so stupid. I'm not doing it anymore. I've taken it twice in like three weeks, and believe me, I tried not to. I'm like, listen, I'm thirty seven. I've never been pregnant. Um not, my period dragger app says I'm not highly fertile today. Let's just I I went in and I scooped it out with my douche, like I did the thing you do when you suck up snot out of babies noses, that little thing. I did that

to my vagina. After the incident, and still he was like, I just think it's better to have like whatever this does to your body right now. He was very apologetic. He was like, because we both agreed to let it happen, and just I thought I could, Bob, I thought I could take talk him out of me taking the morning after To be honest with you, when it happened, I was just like, yeah, I'll take it. And I was like, I'll just not. I'll just tell him I'm not going

to and convince him. I don't have to. But then we talked and I'm like, you're right, I just take it, but it is someone told me there's a high dose of estrogen in it, and that's what used to give me migrants. So thank you to the bestie who said something about that. Um, and I'm gonna be I'm gonna be more cautious now and just you know, use the pull up. Have you ever taken the plan B? I have, and Um, the one time I had to take it,

I was not on birth control yet. We were using a condom and the condom came out, like came off during sex and it was like lodged inside of my vagina and he came and we didn't know that until we were done having sex. It was the scariest thing because one is is this kind of ever going to come out of me? And holy sh it, I'm only like twenty one. I don't I don't want a baby, like I'm so fertile right now. So then having to get planned B was a whole thing because I don't

know how because you used to have to get a prescription. Yeah, and or at least go talk to the pharmacist. And I think now it's over. You know it's behind the counter, but like you just have to be like can I have It's like buying cigarettes. Oh yeah, I had to find like a doctor on the internet back in the when like internet was brand new or something that's like Texas, except I'm sure in Texas they don't even let you go, Like I wonder if you can even buy a plan

being in Texas. Well, I was able to get it, and then it made me so sick. Like we were talking before the show started, it just puts your body in like self destruct mode. Yes, it's just awful. Yes. So there's like an alarm going off like everything everyone out, Like everything in my body is like what do we do? Um? And it forces you to have your period like right away.

But seriously, my booms are so heavy. I it's like I really shout out to all my heavy tidy ladies out there, like if you got those heavy kettlebell tits, that is a lot to lug around. They're heavier than they've ever It's like I'm fucking breastfeeding today. Um, and I just shout out to those women with your huge you utters. Um, but mine hurt. I don't think they always hurt when women have those kinds of boobs. But um, sorry, I'm like gripping my boobs please, uh yeah, go watch

this on the YouTube. Um, but yeah, it's like I'm wearing like a breastfeeding bra today, one that has like a trap door. That's what this This braw feels just like so medical, almost like it's like a something I bought it, you know. In that one islet Walgreen said has all the like as bandages and stuff. It just feels like, oh, I keep saying that, and I know Kirsen is listening to this podcast and laughing every time. I go, oh, okay, guys, enough TikTok, let's get Drew

in here. What good morning St. Louis in the surrounding areas? Speaking of St. Louis and surrounding areas, did you find an apartment? Girl? I am trying in girl, girl. It's hard out there for a girl. Girl, girl, girl when we talk like that, because it feels that racially ambiguous in terms of who you may be um imitating or girl never mocking girl. I know girl. Um so um, that's like a whole nother that's like the opposite end of despect um. So we look, I didna girl. Uh no,

so looking at apartments as hell? Dude, this move. You just sent me a photo. I go, okay, because I lived in Squalor in New York City. So you sent me this. I was like, I don't even have to see it. I'll moving. Yeah, yes, I wrote back. Yeah, so then you know now I like have a little bit discerning discerning taste. Yeah, this dick turning, um, so you wait for your dick to turn and go. I need to get out of here. I used my dick as like a compass. I don't know what those are.

These people hold that they yeah, yeah, called damn it keep going. So I end up going to like, you know, Lafayette Square two. People know that place. Yes, it's very pretty. Yeah uh. It feels like a civil war has gone through there and no one else ever moved back in. But like feels good, like historic. And they have these losts that are like there was a loft for nineteen hundred bucks. I'm not kidding you. It's like like it is two stories, like you feel like a king, Like

I wouldn't be able to fill all the furniture. But these lofts are hilarious because they're like we walked into one place, like this is a two bedroom and I'm like, we're looking around. We're like that's a there's not another bed, Like no, no, no, it's there. There's room for They don't put the walls. There's no wall. You have to imagine because it's you know, if you're what are you

talking about? I know. They're like you gotta close your eyes, and they go used to be an office, like it seems like it's still in office because it's like it's so barren. Like they don't put in floors. It's all concrete. They're like, we don't do doors here because we don't want to pay for them. They sound like it's like a taste thing, but it's really cost Yeah, they're like they leave the wire, Oh we could lead the wires open to an industrial Look that, um there's concrete everywhere.

That's you know, uh yeah, these walls have not been finished, but that's like a new it's like really shabby sheep it so is. And then they're like, oh, these wires you can get electrocuted every day and that's why you pay an extra three grandom months and uh so anyways, but the place is cool actually, like all that being said like it had like these old buildings that are converted, like have this beautiful brick can Like, oh, they're just nice.

They're like big, and you get a pretty good a lot for your buck if you get outside like this area, if you put up your own wall up. Yeah. Uh so, anyways, we're looking at four other places today. It's it's stressful. It's like because like I don't know, the area is more important to me than size. Oh yeah, you mean yeah, the part of town. Yeah. Uh but anyways, it's a fun process. Huh. Is it like in New York where if you don't make a quick decision right away, it's gone.

Do you feel that pressure? It's not like that in St. Louis, Like, it's not, but it's kind of dude, it's weird. It's like competitive. They don't there's not a lot of availability. I don't think a lot of I don't know. I think a lot of people have moved back maybe from New York or City. Is similar to New York because there's not like there's like, oh we have to if

you rent today, we get five hundred off. But if you don't rent today, it's going to be an extra eight grand and more and less walls, and you know, but are you doing six months or a year? Um? I think a year, and then if I have to get out as to get out, I think because then you I don't know, it ends up being almost similar money if you end early or if you do it six months they add anyways. But yeah, it's um, it's cool. I don't know. It's like a fun little process. It's

it's just seeing four today. That's a lot of places. You know. I like real estate. Yeah, I like seeing. It's fun like to and and to look for a place, not alone with someone else. That's more fun. Yeah, especially when like you walk into a place and you know it's not right. Yeah, you look at it. It's very funny. You look at each other. Oh yeah, just be honest, don't waste your time. Oh no, we're in and out.

We don't. We don't work around. I mean the person you always think, like the building managers who's showing you these places, like almost built the room or designed it, like they don't care. I mean, yeah, so they want to sell it to you. But it's like I always was like trying to be nice to these real estate agents that were showing me these shitty apartments. It's like, why they didn't. They're lying to me about all the features and how right this building is. They don't live here.

I mean some of these yeah, some of these departments. The floors are like they're just they're there. You can't walk on them without feeling like you're gonna fall every three seconds. They're just so imbalanced because their old buildings. You know, I don't know, but I like this area. It's a little pricey. We're gonna look at a place down the street, yes, but they only have one availability. Right. Um,

there's places by your sister and Matt. I just end up becoming best friends with your sister and Matt, and I mean that would be so fun. I mean I loved them. I was over there last night. Was freaking blast. I mean it was it was insane. What was insane about it? Just screaming kids. Yeah, just kids running around and then the new baby. So it's like the screaming has to like not be happening because they're a baby.

But the baby is used to being in my sister's belly and surrounded by chaos, like because it grew up and was incubated with only a layer of skin and muscle protecting it from the sounds. It's used to the screaming kids. So it's the forest just like it's just chill and doesn't really like make any movement when there's like shrieking happening right next to its little head. It's so wild. It was just inside her stomach. It was floating in a belly, like inside just the other night,

like when we were eating Thanksgiving dinner. And now it's like out and like in cribs and like can hear it can like look at a TV and like, is you know, is responsible for Like it would be better off putting in in a big bowl of jello inside the fridge and he'd be like finally I can relax again. I mean, I'm so jealous of babies. That's all I can think of when I see baby. It's like they don't know anything, they're not expected to know anything, they

have no responsibilities. They just have to suck on a tip, like they don't do anything, and they're just like precious and everyone loves them. It's like, God, I want to be a baby. I mean that used to be my joke of like holding a baby and being like, oh my god, I think, I I think, I know, like I want to be a baby, Like I don't want to be a way, I don't want to be a mom.

I want to be a baby. I can't wait to be a baby again or be well, you do end up being a baby, you go to a nursing home and you're then no one gives a funk about you, old people, it's so much worse than babies. But you become a baby again, like that's our um forest looked like my dad, like just like a you know, wrinkly head. Like you turn into an old you're an old man

when you're born. And that's why babies are not sexual neither or old people like, because you're dependent on sexual human beings to take care of you and wipe you and like be around you in babe you. That's why when you get older, you become no, there's nothing about you that's sexual anymore. And when your baby, there's because you are vulnerable to people who do have sexual desires, and so you don't want to. You don't want to.

That's why I always say, like, I don't want to be funk about when I'm ninety, because I need people that have get boners still to wipe me, and I don't want them getting a boner. And you don't want to be sexualized while your ass is getting white. Yeah, you don't. You you you you must you if you plan on getting you have to wipe my ass though with my asshole, just kill me. Even if I'm someone will else someday someone will have to wipe my ass. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I wish you

could convorky in it. You know, there's sometimes where it's like, you know, someone has dementia and they have to get their ass wiped, and if they were cognitive enough to know what other people have to do for them, they just like, you're not huh, that's why you're not cognitive enough or whatever. That's two. It saves you. It's weird. Your brain is like, no, you can't handle what your

body is. It's fucking wild. It's so sad. But yeah, when people are like I want to stay hot forever, no you don't, because then you're going to be sexually assaulted by people who are turned on by one of the groundskeepers. Yeah, and that's I mean, that's there are people that are very you know, my grandma got like a hundred fifty grand stolen't like people steal from old people even become vulnerable, bro, like they stole like two hundred thousand dollars. One guy was driving my mom's car,

remember that, around in Florida. And then I think he tried the old Fairs Bueller technique of coming back and reverse. It doesn't work. My mom was like, I don't she doesn't drive, so she goes from five miles to three miles. She kind of has an idea like, what is that me? I don't think I went to fucking Connecticut? Who looks the miles? Thought? I mean, I just think when you don't drive at all, you can kind of see that someone else is driving your car. Yeah, you can just

sense it. And this guy was just rolling around in a in a cool Corolla. I think she had I don't know, was in the trunk like I usually keep it in the front. Sea. Does she drive anymore? No, she don't even have a car anymore. Um but yeah, speaking of kids, though, I would forgot to tell you this. I went I was getting on a plane two days ago when we're flying back from Denver. There was I'm not kidding you, two hundred kids on my flight, all

in red matching T shirts. I was freaking out and I don't know, just there sounds they're twelve years old. Get that white noise? What are you guys doing? It was it was the teen tour that I was listening to, so they were going. There were kids. When you listen to their conversations, there's nothing said. They're just like I went to, oh my god, I got this backpack yesterday. I do. It was pretty cool, Like it was like it was like, I don't know, it's like it's a

little loose on me. Oh you got that loose backpack. Oh man, I like that loose backpack. Yeah. I was gonna get that backpack with my mom said I couldn't get that backpack anyway. So like, yeah, it's cool that I got these new jeans. Jeans are cool. I like jeans. And it's like that. It's just it's just going on all around me, and I'm like and I'm freaking out. I'm standing in line. I'm texting Brenda pictures of it because I'm just like, dude, I can't get on this

this flight. I'm gonna lose my mind. And I'm standing. I don't know put on some music or I tried, but they were just all around me. And then I realized I was standing for the wrong flight. I was, yeah, oh my god. Where were they going to Tampa Orlando or something like that, somewhere in California and St. Louis's right next to it. And the people on the St. Louis flight were just like these sad like like people

in blue jeans, blues sweatshirts. There. Every one time I got on the flight to go to St. Louis, people are decked out in like St. Louis gear to like make sure you know they're from St. Louis. It's the only time that you're on a flight and people will dress for the city they're going to is St. Louis. It's so bizarre. People have like people and like like Cleveland or something because they have like pash, there's path to being the underdog and like being a smaller city.

I guess I don't know. People love. I guess you grow up here. A lot of people don't leave. And yeah, are we going to blues game tonight? I still haven't decided nothing about going to The guy I'm dating got us has four tickets ago the Blues game, and I'm just like, I don't want to. I just I don't know, I don't know if I can do it. I was really looking forward to just like sitting on the couch and watching TV and watching the New Beatles documentary. I watched one and a half of it. My dad said,

was great. It is great. I think if you're a musician, you'll fucking love it. I thought I heard it's like kind of gives you an eye or a you know, a glance into the songwriting process. They speak, you know, how you speak gibberish with your friends. Yeah, they speak. You'll see they speak. They're gey John, get back, get go, and they but they like in terms of like saying like oh, do the beat like this, and do the it's what you'll see, it's another lane. They just look

at each other. What does the caption say? Because we have Hulu captions on, I don't know if captains knows what, But you watched it, what did it say? It set? No, it will say like, uh, I'm trying to think of it like an example, but even when you read it, it seems gibberish. It's just so shorthanded where they know exactly what each other. Paul and George get in, get into it. Yeah, but George left left the band during this.

He just walked out. He didn't. He just goes going to you know, check on me, Telly or whatever, and he leaves. Girls just never came back. I think he was like girl girl, Oh, girl girl, girls. Oh yeah, that's a good girls don't don't don't don't do you know that song? No, but it's probably about them trying to bang a seventeen year old, But yeah, it probably, but they I love that song because they go like, there's like this breathing in it. They're like, girls, Yoko

is just there. Oh yeah, dude, it's why it's cool. But but I heard that you do not get confirmation that Yoko is the one that's bringing everything down. You could feel a vibe of her, just like, dude, if you're trying to be creative and you're my story, wait, I just want to get to the girl part. Guys, you hold on. That was like my massage the other night was this guy going he was breathing. Oh, that's what you're supposed to do when you're um, have you

ever done the technique to get to sleep? The four it's four seven eight. You breathe in for four through your mouth with your tongue on the truth of your mouth. If you ever can't get to sleep, you guys, try this the four seven eight. You breathe in through your mouth, sorry, through your nose for four seconds. Hold for seven, breathe out for eight through your notes through your mouth, and go through your nose four hold for seven out your

mouth for eight. But you gotta go. You have to make a I don't understand how you can breathe out for eight seconds, though I lose when I right inhale. Inhale I can only do for four seconds. It's a perfect breathing technique for me. Whenever someone's like inhale, whenever there's an inhale exhale exercise on a yoga video or anything inhale, I cannot do. And this was you know, I haven't smoked pot for three and a half months. I cannot do anyhale. Let's let's let's see, let's inhale

right now. But it depends on if you're going or you're going steady inhale. Done. That's insane. Wait, let me just write again. Know what you do it too? Everyone I'll try to inhale as slowly as I can. Ready, wait, let's breathe it all out. Okay, inhale starting now, Okay, can't name, aren't dude? You've got amazing lung efency. Now, let's do out because I think I can do. I don't get it. Let's do out. Okay, let's breathe in

as much as we can. I have so much fat in my nose that you're getting more oxygen quick small you wait? You do? Do you struggle to breathe when you're like? Really, are you serious? My breathing could be better, and you actually do feel it at night when I'm sleeping, you feel like you're not getting enough oxygen. I've never felt that. Even the idea of feeling like I'm getting of oxygen makes me so freaking scared. You get scared oxygen if you're getting in ocygen. Um, yeah, it's I

don't really fear it. I mean if I go, I'll be oh suffocating. No no, no, no no. Wait. Let's do a breathing out okay, okay, and let's go in as much as we can through your nose. Okay about let me know when you're ready to go out ready through the bout, shut the front door. Okay, nothing makes you? Can someone please going on four seconds? Andrew? Can you you're gonnahal twice as long as me and I can exhale twice as long as him. What the fund is

going on? What's going on now there? Scientists? No? Uh well, I was gonna say, it's exactly what you said twice as long because you X held on eleven seconds and Andrew exhaled on like twenty. Excuse me, vice, person, makes no sense. You're getting more. I think you might be sucking in harder than me. Initially, I think you might be right. Like I have bigger nostrils, I have bigger like nose airways. Maybe if I just plugged one. Okay, we gotta get to the news. I know this has

been riven thing podcast. By the way, I think this should be a clip. This would be the clip we submit for the podcast to war for for an Emmy. They're not giving Emmy's Away for podcasts yet until they saw that clip. You get a peabody. I don't even know what a peabody. I love our listeners. That is not something I would have done the first month of the show. While we were still trying to get people to like us. But I know that our busties just rode with us on that, and they probably did the

breathing exercise with us. Let's get to the news. Oh man, it's Tuesday, folks. You know what that means. It is Tuesday. I hope you're having all the swells out there on this Tuesday. Tuesday doesn't get a lot of love Tuesday. Should I love Tuesday? Spar fun go one down on a Tuesday. Oh yeah, Ruby Tuesdays. I love their salad bar. Oh my god, the ruby Tuesday salad bar. Shout out. I'm a chili man. There's no salad bar of chilies. But in terms of salad bars, I don't even know

if they're doing them after Covida. I think they are Ruby Tuesday salad bar. Dude, I'm not kidding you. It's fucking great. Don't ever, don't don't uh, don't knock until you try. I think it's like and then you can do if you do it like eight ninety nine, you get two sides with it, and then you just get get ordered two sides and then make it a meal. It's it's a great place to bring your mom after like Carolines or something. Yeah. Oh yeah, we used to go to Ruby Tuesday. Yeah yeah, you mean tom but

they're one time yeah times square one. Yeah, and that was seven dollars in time. Okay, yeah, but you did get spinach. Let me guess the first Oh you want to I think I may have seen it on the email. First of all, I think you think that I would have picked it, but I just didn't feel like going down this road. Yeah, well, whoever wants to go down the road with me, I will just say that the whole Peta campaign. I just want to say one thing about the Peter campaign because I know that it was

in the news yesterday. You may have seen it. Peters doing this new campaign where they try to like get you, get your attention by being like, look at the hypocrisy, like is it okay to wear these animals on your clothes as leather? And they made like a whole you know, fake store that's selling human skin merchandise, and everyone on Instagram luke, I would love to wear this jacket. Oh ironically enough, cool, Peter, you didn't trick me. I actually

want the human head purse. And it's just like, no, you don't shut up. Shut up, you don't And yes, Peter can be so lame sometimes in their marketing. At least they're trying. And I know you're like, they actually killed more animal. Stand shut up. I don't want to hear any of it. People always are like, what do you like, Peter, they kill animals? You know what, I'm actually on board with what Peter does because I think it is actually more humane to kill animals than to

put them into these fucking factory systems. Everyone always goes, why, what's your big my biggest problem. I don't everybody a shirt that says meat is murder, because murder is the nicest thing we do to these animals. It's their lives that suck. And I'm not saying I don't know all the details about Peter, but people always go, Peter, you know, wants to kill animals that are in these situations rather than just let them live in the situation. And I

throw that too. Yes, exactly, I don't want these animals. I'm not playing Devil's advocate here because I do want a human head purse. But well, you know what devil's advocate is the devil, So yeah, defend the devil. Okay, I'm gonna advocate for the day. Okay for dv um uh with any in there. Um, So I don't I've lost I spell devil and around about you know what you're saying, spell words miss the letters come back to them.

Just kidding. Um. If if let's say we take all the animals out of the factories, right, what are we going to do with them all? Oh no, no, I'm just saying. See that tone. I didn't even get a question out without. That's not a reason to keep. Let them all die. Let all those animals that are currently sure, let them all die, because it would actually be less animals dying than if we kept just killing them. But let them all die. There we go. Chickens won't go extinct.

All the chickens that are still being raised and loved by people that aren't killing them. Let those ones live wild chickens, Let them live, wild cows, wild bulls. Let them keep some in captivity and make them make sure people are raising cows and nice. But all the ones that are being kept for food, try to get them homes. The ones that don't kill them or let him die. But in the end, less harm to the world. Than if we kept just doing it the way we've been

doing it. There's no argument there. I didn't. I'm not arguing like you can stop a train. If you can push a guy in front of a train track and save you know, one person, you kill one person or kill five people, it's like you kill one person. I don't know. It depends who's on the train. That's a good point. You gotta train of kids going to fucking you know like that is that in northern California? Because that's where they were going? Okay, yeah, maybe it sounds

like that. Maybe they were going to Carl's Bad. Oh my god, Carl's so bad? Okay, what's the real news? And I literally picked that story. I skipped over you thought you were going to skip it. Now we went even deeper. But when I catch a vibe in the kitchen of like you like like you're not like I'm depressed, but you seem insanely happy right now, which is now, Um, I tend to go, what are some happy stories here? I always wrote, No, I go, can you send some

happy stories? Nicky's in a mood, Nikki's tits are kettlebells? Today I am about to start my period, and I'm not it could even be a happy story. It's like kid gets rescued from orphanage and you're like funk or like like you find the negat like a like a tank. Good. That's what the US is. Yeah, true, Okay, Apple and What'sapp have built themselves into a multi billion dollar behemous

while preaching the importance of privacy and secure messaging. But the FBI documents says it's easy for the FEDS to harvest data from Facebook's What's Happened, Apple's eye Message, and eye Cloud. Wait tell me what you just said. I don't even know. Oh no, no, so What's App and stuff like FBI if the FBI wants to get your records, yeah, whatever your ship is in the cloud. Maybe it's a nude, maybe it's a you know, talking about talking about you know,

maybe another female comedian or a male or non binary. Uh, they could get five days. The last Facebook just has to hand it. It's an eye message. It's it's two separate things. There's WhatsApp and the data that they make available in I Message days. Well, that's I guess. I'm okay, sorry, go ahead. So I think like the main point of this is that Apple and Facebook are you know, totaling around there. Uh, you know, we're going to protect your

privacy this and that. Meanwhile, it's very easy for the FBI and this new expose on Rolling Stone, for the FBI to access your private information, your messages, who who's in your contact book, what's in your eye cloud? So the stuff that you think is private is not really private. Um, if the FBI wants something about me, this is the thing. I'm not one of these people that's good about arguing

against Like I'm like, I've got nothing to hide. If the FBI want to see like a picture of my ship I sent someone because it was like a big one or it looked exactly like a penis. There was one the other day that looked exactly like a pid. It was it had like the head, the ridge, the whole. Like it was crazy. It was like it was like

it was like it was insane. But I always go, why why do I care if they But if the FBI once into my data, can I explain it in a way that because I was the same way, I was like, I have nothing to hide, But I think it's the can frame you, Well, no, no, it's not the right attitude, so like, think of it takes something that's important to you and that you know, like is

a little bit controversial. So let's say they thought it was like a public health emergency, like how many people watch porn and they're like, let's go into people's messages and the people who are talking about porn or sending in a graphic images, they're risk to public health. So what if the f B I use it in that like, yeah, I see what you're saying, because it's like or it's like,

you know, this is how like Nazi regimes start. They're like, let's see who's lying about being Jewish by looking through their messages and like and said that the other night on stage. I was like, when I just joked about us losing all our rights when Trump is re elected inevitably or is not re elected, but that he just takes the office, and there's fucking you know, we have

a dictatorship, which is pretty imminent. I think at this point, um, how like I will be I I even said, I go, I will be beheaded in the town square for the special that I'm for the joke I just made. It will be used against me. We're Fox. It's like it's like China, North Korea, Like you cannot the things that we think now are innocent can be used against us.

I was thinking today about some jokes that I've friends of mine have made in specials, and I'm like, I cannot believe they haven't been canceled for that joke yet. I know where it is, I know where they could find it, and it's not like a joke, Like it's not like they they could be like things rules change,

And I think that's the part point you're making. Noah's like, things that might be okay to joke about or to talk about in privacy if they want to suddenly make a law against it and convict people for whatever it is, you know, like even the abortion laws in Texas, Like let's say a girl is chatting about wanting to get an abortion or got you then want the FBI in

your message totally. I mean there's things that I've sent in texts that are I don't send things in texts anymore, even jokingly ironic things that I'm saying, sarcastic things I'm saying because I'm like, it can be used against me. If I got hacked, someone could take that out of context.

I'm even thinking about me saying kill all the animals that could be taken out of context, like Nikki wants animals to die, not in the context of versus keeping factory far been going forever or killing all the animals that are currently in it now, Like yeah, I'm saying that, but it's like that could be somehow used to you know. It's like, no, I know, that's why, you know, but I'm not scared. I'm terrified. All right, let's keep going. The next one's fun. Dude, Um, Peter has now took

dick skin. No, my mom the other night, Yes, last night, we were at the kid's house. This was such a real moment. And by the way, I think my mom listens to the podcast because I went on a tirade yesterday. Not a tirade, but I just was talking about like mourning the loss of the parent you wish you had, or the sister or any or the friend you wish you had, or like the group of friends or you know, you just get what you get, and it's not because

you're a bad person. It's just like you didn't get Like sometimes we look at parents and we're like, oh, my god, I wish my mom was like that, or I wish my dad was like that, or like, you know, I wish my mom didn't have this quality, but she

had this one instead. It's like, you don't always get everything you want, and you just have to you really have to, like, instead of waiting for your mom to be that person out of nowhere, you just have to accept that you didn't get that mom and you have to like literally have like mourn that loss of the

imaginary mom you wish. And I think my mom heard it because this morning I woke up to a text that said, because yesterday I told her that Lauren was on the podcast, and I'm like, oh god, she probably listened to it. She goes, yeah, you gotta give her a timestamp next time. I goes, um, you want to come over some time this week and hang out or go do something. My mom is never It's like, never asked me to hang out, so cute, and I was, to be honest, I was like, what the fund are

we going to do? But then I was like, oh, we can go shopping. I need to get some stuff for the house. And I was like, Okay, let's go shopping and our manny petties, and she said, not sure about manny petties unless my foot heels up a little bit. My baby toe is tender. I took a scalpel to my mom's foot yesterday and I went a little hard on her baby toe and I nicked it. And I feel so bad. It's just like the littlest nick And she's like, I forget old people like don't heal as well.

It's so I'm such a fucking bad daughter. But I did get her corn out, which is gonna bring her an immense relief. But I got a little uh scalpel happy um. Anyway, last but you took the toe down as well. I just saw this toe and I was like, I just want to get this piece and I was just was not being very gentle and blood um okay, so next story. But my mom, I was like, we're going to She goes nikky. Do you have her? Um? You never think about freezing your eggs? Like very quietly?

And you know, this is my dad's in the kitchen with Matt. The kids are running around. My sister's upstairs with Forest, and I go, mom, just listen for a second. Let's just just listen and it's just like, yow boy, I want that. It's mud I want that. I want all more like just and I go, do you think I need that? Do you wish that for me? Like? You know what my life is? Why does everyone want you to have kids when it's like, my life is so good. I'm sitting here, I'm cutting up at your foot.

I get to visit these kids. I just taped a special I have. I'm not sad tonight, Like why, I go, why would you want that for me? And she goes, I don't know. I don't know. I even said that. I'm like, you know, if and if I do want it, I'll adopt. But I don't want that. I don't want it. I'm so glad. I'm I'm glad certain people want it because I love my niece and nephew and I know that they give a lot of pleasure to my um. My whole family is like we're obsessed with them. But

I just don't. I don't want that. I don't want to. I mean, it's just her about and I love how she said, do you ever think about freezing your eggs? Almost like, um, don't forget to bring a coat to New York this weekend because it's different climate there, like she said it, like I hadn't thought of it, Like it was just like the first time someone had been like, don't forget your passport, Like did you ever think about freezing your eggs? Like oh wait, oh my god, I'm

thirty seven and I haven't thought about freezing my that's thoughts. Never. Yeah, of course, it asks what is the process of freezing your eggs, giving yourself fucking hormone injections and then paying thousands of thousands of dollars? It's rough? How did they take them out? They go in and they fucking you sit in a coup ball for a month, and a farmer comes in and rustles around underneath your fucking and grab and you'd snap at him. Yeah it's not easy. Yeah,

I've never frozen. Also, I can be like it looks like me no, thank you, Okay, you're gonna like this story. A woman goes viral after sharing her elaborate fake wedding, complete with a professional photographer and fake room, in a desperate attempt to get her ex to text her. And not only that she put it up as a story on Instagram, she saw that the act saw this story, which hurt her even more because he said nothing nothing.

Oh wait, how do we know about this? She put it on TikTok and she goes at time when I made fake photos, she rented a stable with horses. She did the whole thing. That is so funny because on the redditum today I have something very similar. I love these because we've all done this on a micro level. These women are masterminds of it. Though we've all done this where we make our lives look a little bit more exciting to target one person. You know, what's her

exit strategy here? Let's say the guy goes, I'm jealous. Yeah, she's married. Now what's what's your plan here, lady? Or do you just want the attention of him getting sad? Because once you're married, the person goes, I'm out. This is gonna be like the graduate where he's going to come and bang on the fucking glass and try to stop your wedding. Yeah, you would have been better off like putting up like a video of you at the movies having popcorn with a guy. Yes you don't want

to go? Will I show you this thing on Reddit of what this girl did? This girl? This, this girl when you know, a step pretty much was the same kind of thought process but didn't go that far, because that is interesting where you're mourning the loss of your now boyfriend who died, you know, are you going to keep that up? Though? These people are lying a better

move than a wedding. I mean we've all done. I mean we do it every single day, a version of putting the curated truth out there that isn't really the truth. And even when it's like I've been crying all day and today is a rough day, and you're like in your car, like some days aren't great days, and this goes out to anyone else struggling today, Like it's like that is curated. Your tear looks beautiful. Your your ugly

cry face is like one is an enviable one. And you know it is like you're still wearing a perfectly like you probably fix your bra strap in the photo just to look like a little good Like it's rare. Is just totally on photos of you. Who I love one Instagram that Noah got me into, who is just truly honest and like I think isn't trying to be anything. Is Page Gin. Oh my god, I love Page Gin. You got me into her because Noah, by the way, you posted Okay, so she does um it's called the

viral podcast. I think with Chelsea lynn Um, Chelsea Linnen, Page Jin do this podcast called viral podcast. I started following just the clips because Noah posted them. No no One posted one in her story and I was like, oh my god, I love Page Gin's voice is like so soothing and she just like she reminds me of Noah. So Noa's obsessed with her. I go, Noah, it's you. It is you. This girl is you. But then I went to page page Gin is like on on the Instagram.

She's just like she kind of like sometimes has like glasses on and she just doesn't look like she really like puts that much work into looking hot. She's just like and she'll just like talk about anything, like I farted today and it was like it was like one that like scared me, dude, Like she'll just talk about and she's like yeah, and the way they I just love. We gotta start editing our clip. She's like their videos of her um roller skating in public and like doing

fake and she's an amazing athlete. She's so funny and she's but she's so hot, and she does this thing where she'll put like, um, she'll do like birth announcements by putting powder up her butt and then farting and then it will come out the color of like the baby's like I don't even know if it's a birth announcement, but like, she just she always has her ass out. She's farting all the time. She's so hot. She's really good at sports page jin g I and and and

reminds me of Noah so much. The way she talks is like very soft and like, oh yeah, I think we should do like her. And then Chelsea is so beautiful and like the way she talks, it's just like she's always like I just yeah, I get obsessed with their clips. I love. I don't listen to their podcast because I don't really listen to comedy podcast, but you know, I love podcast clips and they're a great one to follow. So, and Chelsea just got banned from from sucking Instagram for something.

But I just tried to click on her thing and it didn't come on. Yeah, she got banned, so she's getting back in, But I thank you so much, Chelsea. She had an amazing video Chelsea where she's eating at like a restaurant I think like in Vegas or something, and this roach walks along the table. She takes her tip because she has huge tits, and she just bangs the roach with her tit and the continues eating. Oh my god, she's my hero. She's They're so cool. I

love those girls. I want to be friends with them. I'm super and pages like this hot boyfriend and all they do is like fart together, and they're so they have so much fun and prank each other. Like I'm very usually not into these couples that prank each other all the time, but for some reason, their love is so pure and so adorable. And then there's I like went on a deep dive of like their relationship and like they just bonded over farts, Like I just love

I love them. I'm obsessed. Last night and it was smelly enough way to go get uh the spray and it was like I hate spraying over a fart because then it just almost like like you know, like a Gardenia fart. Gainia's putting a band aid over yeah, and it makes it almost like a sweeter, like you're still getting those little poop particles in your noves. I felt bad. I felt bad because I was laughing over my leg because you can't. I don't care if you fart, you can't.

Just giving me chill. This this changes everything, Yeah, because it seems so intentional. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, I was talking to my lover on the phone and I went to go pee while we were I was talking. No, I just he does not like bathroom stuff at all, which is ironic because listen, yeah, he's seen some ship um, but it's always you know, he just he just really likes the boundary of like no, and I'm talking on

the phone. All of a sudden, I was like, oh my god, oh my god, I'm so sorry and peeing. I'm so sorry. And you know, I've known this guy for quite a while and he was just like it's okay. Like, and I had to do the thing where I pucked toilet, but I didn't want to stop peeing, and my phone was in the other room because I was on air pods, so I didn't know how to like, I couldn't mute

it because I was already midstream. I didn't want to give up, So what I did was I took the toilet paper and I rolled it out very very far, and then I made I tucked it into my vagina and then I made a little ramp for the p trickle to go down into the toilet and not go thinking. And it's that's a that's a technique. Girls. You put a silencer on your pussy like gun. Yeah, but it's a ramp. You just make it so it has like a journey down, so it goes down to slide as

opposed to go. I made like a like a damn that like a beaver dam. Yeah. And that's what I do for or what to call it? What to call that? That when back the boundaries that other people have, even though I don't necessarily agree with them. True, what's the hurricane? When when the hurricane New Orleans it went over the Yeah, but the levy, your levy. You built a levy, Yes, I did. Got there. I was like, it's almost like the little ramp that UM are in pools for frogs

to get out of. I did the same thing last night. I mean, we're very similar. I not that I have so many techniques by the way for UM people to But the problem is you could hear a fart over ship, which is similar to a spray on top of a fart. We're just trying to I actually gave one of our besties, um, some of the best advice I've ever written out in my life, and UM, I think I should share it

on Fanthrox tomorrow. I don't think I ever shared it once before, but I was going to do a bit up about it on stage because it's just like great advice about how to poop um with a partner in then in the next room and um, while you write it out and we'll post it on the I did write it out. I'll yeah, maybe I'll do that. Okay, let's get to let's get to break we blue pass, why do we care? And let's go. Let's just start when we come back with Reddit Dump. Let's get to

our Reddit dump karaoke mode. This is your I literally sang that today when Luigi was taking a dump. Okay, UM, I don't know why I saved this. I think I saved this more for um, not for the show, but for uh my friends who still are defending still have a problem with you know, the Dave Chappelle, the whole Dave Chappelle thing and his obsession with making fun of trans people. Uh, I know what's I love Dave Chappelle.

I fall on the side of like well, I love the clip that I posted the other day on Instagram. I'm gonna play it real quick for you. This will shut everyone up not shutting. And I did find this on Reddit, so this is apropos um but this is my favorite clip. Um. This is from Uh, this is John Appropo. This is from James A Castor, who is one of my favorite comedians and like writers. He's a

British comedian and he um. This is his clip I found on Reddit in a section that was, you know, dissecting the Chappelle stuff and trans rights and all the things, the arguments against making fun of them and for making fun of them. I'm on the side of this clip which I'm about to play, which is trans people still have higher suicide rates than literally every other minority. Why do if you can, if you I understand that you should be able to make fun of anyone you want.

I I definitely air on the side of like free speech. But if you can, if you're smart enough comedian to choose something to make fun of, what and and are you encountering that many trans people in your life that it's so annoying for you to get their pronoun right or too. Is it that much of a hindrance to your day that you have to make that big of a deal of it. Just let them be unless they're hurting you. Let them be. Um And this is this is the James A. Gust the clip that I love

so much. I say whatever they like, Edgie comedians, no one tells them what they can and can't say. They will straight on stage top of their specials. Sometimes do tens tolive minutes just slanging off transgender people because straight out the gate, just making fun of transgender people that people on the internet get upset about it. The comedians always like god luck, that's not I'm a stand up comedian. I'm meant to challenge people. If you are not being challenged,

but don't watch my shows? And wat's the matter? Guystude? Shall I do? It's not job. I'm a stand up comedian. I'll mend your challenge people. But if you're not being challenge don't watch my shows. What's the other guys to shoe you? Tom meeting? But I'm man to challenge frequently. Not being challenge don't watch my shows. What's the other guys to shoge? Oh? Yeah, because you know he's been long over to a challenge the trans community. Oh, they've got that dog down for too long. If you asked me,

I mean not said anyway. There was this clip. There was I don't know why this was in a subreddit called bread tube. I don't know what that means. I guess it was a suggested subredit um. And this was just someone broke down why. I'm not even gonna get into it, but they broke down perfectly. The arguments for why Dave Chappelle is special was problematic, and like they are, just I love when someone just gives me solid reasoning that I can kind of go toe to toe with

someone who's trying to this agree. Did you hear about him going to his high school. Yeah, where they wouldn't let cameras. They should have, because the stories that came out of it just from people trying to remember they wouldn't let anyone record it. Or I thought he was trying to donate money and they wouldn't let him donate money, and that, well, yeah, he's he's trying to get a theater. The theater is named after him, and he's like, they're trying to get the theater not named after him, and

he's like, I'm getting canceled from ship. I don't even want, like I don't care, which is funny to say that. Um, but he told he just got into like arguments with a lot of the kids and was just talking over them and what. And you know, these kids are very entitled and don't really they didn't grow up with Chappelle's sow, so they don't respect him the same way that he's probably used to teenagers perspecting him. He's gonna been gone a while and probably hasn't been out around high school kids.

And um, yeah, anyway, Um. Someone just wrote though in this comments of David Chappelle's special, they go Uh Netflix paid twenty five million dollars for a vlog. Um okay, so here's uh. This is one from suggests me a book, which is a separate that I love where people just write like what they like in a book or books they liked, and then people who love reading suggest them a book. And I liked this. It said books that

give you a massive book hangover, which I love. You know, those times where you read a book and you can't stop thinking about it. A movie you can't stop thinking about afterwards, A massage where you feel violent. Um. I was saying I hadn't hang over after that massage. Um. These are some of the books that were in the top listed once. If anyone's looking for a new book. Lonesome Dove, the Goldfinch. I've read that didn't care for it, that I didn't love it as much as people. David

Copperfield by Charles Dickens were in peace. Um. Uh, Broken Earth trilogy. Um, this is how you lose the Time War, My Brilliant Friend, his Dark Materials, Lord of the Rings, second Hand Time Anna Karnina. Um. You guys, have any books that you would recommend as the ones that you just stayed with you and and almost that you wish you could read again because they were so good. And I know we're not. I'm not a big huge reader. I have been in the past, but yeah, I'm just

trying to this much. I know it's true. Is my favorite book by Wally Lamb. And that's when I've read twice and would probably read a third time. Books do not stay with me in terms of I can't remember them after I put them down years later. It's a gift because I get to keep reading things over and still get surprised. But that's one that I love. Like my music, Like you know, I like The Strokes and Tom Petty. I'm very basic bitch and a lot of

my things. And like even when I think about books because I haven't read that much, but like on the Road, Oh I haven't read that, it just makes me like it just relates a lot to my life. I feel like even catching the Rye like just being kind of like not really kind of finding yourself through doing things. Uh old Man in the Sea, which is just like that's cool too. But these are all very simple books.

Like I love how Hemingway Rights I got through. I was in a moment where I read like five of his books and like uh yeah I and then I like, um, I'm gonna tell you what I've been. What is in my want to read books? In Cold Blood Truman Cabode, I need to read that Crossroads, It's the new Jonathan Jonathan Franzen. I loved the one of Jonathan Frans's books. He's a Saint Louis Guy. Um uh, let's see, so you've been publicly shamed by John Ronson um. And then

there's oh God, the Alchemist, the Silent Patient. These are all things that have been uh the poison would Bible? Um, and oh East of Eden is gonna be my next one. Those are ones East of Nan and Ann and Karnada are the ones that I'm like, Okay, those are classics I need to read. And David Cofferfield, Um, no any books to you that stand out as ones that give you hangovers? Uh? You know, I I can never remember,

like when I'm reading fiction books. I remember, like one time I got through Paradise Lost, which by you know, that's like the hardest book to read, and of course I have read nothing at the end and I was like, okay, I don't feel like I achieved anything by getting to the end. Um. Yeah, I would like to take suggestions if anyone out there feels strongly that I would love a book like you feel like you know me, I would definitely take your d M suggestion. Please. I just

had to find this, yeah, because Jonathan, you know Jonathan Tropper. Yeah, on my phone he wrote, have you ever seen a movie? This is where I leave you? But yeah, Jonathan Tropper, Before I got in the stand up. I was like, I don't know, I never laughed at a book out loud, like like laughing hard. Jonathan Tropper, Jonathan Tropper or Trooper Trooper doesn't matter t R o PPR. So this is where I leave you. He has like made you laugh out loud. This is where I leave you. I'm going

to read it. Well, let's get back on Reddit dump um. This is one of the best jokes I've ever read, and it makes me furious that I haven't thought of it for a roast. It was just an Internet comment and this was from the subredit rare insults, which are just really good insults that they find on comments or you know, anywhere on the internet, you know, text screenshots. This one was This was a comment under kid rocks new music video and said kid Rock is an artist

that stops at nothing and then stays there. I mean, how good is that that? See, that's a roast joke that's just been sitting there forever and no one's thought of it. But like to take something that usually means you are the fucking best you stop at nothing, and then to make it about I mean, I couldn't believe it. I know, right, it wouldn't be surprised. Okay, so this is the one that I wanted to share with you guys that reminded me of the thing from before. It's

going to find all thought. So this is from sad Cringe the subreddit and this is just obviously happy. Yes. So this is a girl who did the same thing from our new segment that wanted to make a boyfriend jealous, and she said she goes rating all. This is what it says on our TikTok the the she's on a video I'm going to play in a second, but it says rating all the embarrassing things I posted to my

Insta story to try and get my ex boyfriend's attention. Okay, So Tina, I was going through a really bad breakup and I engaged in this absolutely unhinged behavior where I would hide my Instagram story from every single person that

followed me except for my ex boyfriend. Wait, okay, first of all, that is who knows even if it's insane, and it had to at least have been of So this girl is going through which, by the way, every single I'm not gonna say every single woman, but any unhinged lady out there that's been hurt by a guy has thought of a way to do this where you are trying to put out something that looks like it's for everyone, but you don't want everyone to see how desperate you are or to see catch you in this lie,

and you just like one person to see it. This bitch went ahead and did it people except for him, so I would post a story literally only for him to see it. Um. And every time I share this with my friends and family, everyone gets a kick out of it and it's glarious. So I'm not going to share it with the world. And i also want to know if anyone else has ever done this. Yes, okay, so this is actually from This is a girl in

her room taking up selfie in the mirror. I posted this picture like cute New Year's Eve outfit, saying I was ready for the year to be over. Um, I actually did not go out that night. I put on this outfit, put on jewelry, did my makeup, put on heels to take this photo, and then I went and sat downstairs with my mom and my sister and probably was asleep before midnight. She goes on to share one where she's in the watch she takes a picture of

um uh, it's like it's a glowy picture. Is selfie? Okay, and it says j K, because every year is a chance to grow and learn, and it's like she goes seven. Oh so she's rating these. This one's funny to hold on. No, it's okay if I keep sharing this. Yeah, No, I'm just like, oh I think I did that before. Yeah,

I remember when I did that. I love that this girl is sharing this, And it's almost funnier because these these new generations are so self reflective that they can they can catch these things quicker, like usually this would be something you share ten years later, not a month later. Because this girl looks the same as the girl in these photos. You know. It's interesting to me though, It's like there's a line between like being self reflective and

wanting to go viral. Yeah, so there's like I appreciate it that some people do embarrassing things too and then share it and be like brave, But this I still think we all benefit from it. Of course, of course. Okay, this one's gonna follow up because this was also for New Year's Eve and in the eighteen UM obviously, like I had done my makeup put on jewelry and I actually went into my closet and I turned all the lights off and made sure that it was really dark. Um,

and I took a boomerang. This is just a screenshot of that boomerang. But I was attempting to make it look like I was in a club, which our closet, which I was an adult closet. I don't know how I thought that one was good. Okay, so then in a club, but we're gonna go with seven out of ten? Do think that's cute? But in the effort was there, But I just think execution was poor. Okay, Okay, this one's wild. So it's a picture of her in an like in the backseat of an uber It looks like

she is doing a selfie. And what she had written on the post when she originally posted it was always fun when you're seven year old uber driver. Uber driver home asked what happened to your head? And you've got to disappoint her and tell her you ran into a street sign. And then she has a circle over mark on her head that like where she has like a kind of scratched on her foreard, a tiny scratch and

there's a circle on it that she has posted. Now, this is a great story, very specific purpose, and honestly, who knows if he actually picked up on what that was. But this was another boomerang, I think. But it was showing how I had a scrape on my head because I ran into a street sign when I was out with some friends and I ended up staying the night

at someone's place. So this was taken in the uber ride home the next morning, and I said something about how the uber driver asked, what happened to my head? I'm sorry? In what world? But an Uber driver noticed that tiny scrape on someone in the back seat of their car. Besides the point, um, but the point I was trying to get across was that I was ubering home the next morning, like on a weekend morning, early in the morning. So I wanted him to think that

I had hooked up with somebody and was heading out. Um, the scrape in the sign hitting my head, that part was true, with the Uber driver asked, king was not true. So a little bit of a seat in there. We're gonna give it eight out of ten. I mean, I just I writer, like what happened? Oh, we don't get that answer. We don't get that answer, not I mean usually it's it's like girls that think of all these

elaborate schemes and guys don't even think twice. But she's so smart and leaning into the heart strings of an injury. I have done things, you know, girls, girls do this way more than men because girls think girls. I've learned through reading these books about the differences between the male and the female brain. I don't want to say we're smarter, because obviously this is some dumb ship, but we are

thinking in a very layered way. Men are a sheet cake and women are a meal defoy, which is like a like like a very layered French pastry with thin layers. Men are just basic and they just are very like. They don't they don't think this way. It's manipulate, if it's crazy, it's sociopathic. But the way we we think about how you're going to we're very perceptive. We're very emotionally. Oh,

I think we are so much of the time. I do think that this man, if he did care for her, which she's trying to test, if he cares for her, he would give a shit about those things, if he would infer those things. She's not off of what human reactions would be if he did care for her still, but because he's it's dependent on that. So she's not wrong if she's if she you know, if he still likes her. It is interesting not to see keep escalating to eventually she's just doing nudes because it's just for

him because no one else can see it. And he's just like what I on my Instagram on block like hit everyone you know I went through. I hired some much to comute me on to everyone except one person, and then I started doing full blown nudes to just make that person think I had gone completely fucking insane. Dude, that's so funny. Do it? Oh my god. The only problem that I see I have an idea because there's gonna be maybe and then I would be a problem.

But one of them is like the time, well, you would do it in a way that is, it wouldn't get you canceled necessarily. Yes. I want to close with one thing that needs no commentary, but its thought. It was beautiful. This is Stanley. This is from made Me Smile the subreddit, and this is Stanley, the creator of where he says peace everyone, get along, No, no, no, this is about uh, Spider Man's costume, And this is

Stan Stanley talking about Spiderman's costume is so cute. The greatest things about Spider Man's outfit his costume was he is completely covered, so any kid could imagine he's Spider Man because no color of the skin shows. He could be black under that, he could be and he could be yellow. We could belong to any race. And that wasn't done purposely. It was done accidentally. But I think it was the best thing we did, making him so

that he could beat anybody under that costume. I thought that was so beautiful and I like that he was honest about it wasn't on purpose. I don't I like that too. Thank you guys for listening today. What a good pod. I'm in a good moon now started off a little hazy. Um. Love you guys, some of your book rocks. Don't be coo out there. And Jick, no, you can't just you can't just add hey, Spider Man could be anything, and so cann think about it. No, I don't want to just