#139- Fanthrax Only- College Memories

sex Lives of college girls. Yeah, well they should keep it a secret. These girls are up to no good. Uh no, the sex lives of college girls. Okay, I gotta say I just I wasn't even gonna talk about at the top of the show because we don't like you just heard me do an ad for it. And now we're doing an episode all about college stories and uh it's a special fan tax episode where we're just

gonna listen to your college stories. But um, I do really like this show and it's really like quirky and fun and has like it's just it's quick moving, good acting and I'm kind of inspired by it sexually. Andrew, did you watch it? I got the synopsis from Noah. Oh my god. I just had to be honest. Uh well, yeah, I mean that we keep it honest on here. What what were you? Why couldn't you watch it? What did you watch instead? Curb and I've passed out locking Curb.

I was, you know, pretty tired, long day of travel, and then I I didn't. Yeah, but but it's two o'clock there. What did you do to I went to Whole Food for for us, and then I took picked up your packages for you. Um. I packed for Chicago because I have to help Brennan move and I got drive the Chicago and drive back. So I was doing things other than did you just forget to watch it? Four girls have sex in freshman year and you forget to watch it? Or did you just say I don't

want to I didn't. I didn't. Uh, I don't know exactly how I know I wanted to watch it. I went to watch in the living room real quick, and our troubleshooting. You can't watch things real quick, because it's that's the problem. I tried to watch it on two times fast forward because I, I waited until this morning to watch it, and UH and I we were supposed to watch it before this episode. No big deal, but um, I waited until I had. I left myself an hour

because I was going to watch two episodes. I thought there were half hour there an hour long, which actually ends up being great because you know, more is better. But then um hbo Max took off the little fast forward thing they used to when I was watching Fboy Island trying to cruise through, I was doing double time

or at least one point five. But they make you watch it in the same speed, um, which is better because this show does move fast and it's like almost like thirty rock level jokes of like like it's they're fast moving and that's what I like about it. Um No, you watched it, did you like it? Yeah? I especially liked the uh plot twist at the end of episode one. That's what I was into too, because I was ready to about it as I watched, and I was like, you know, I might not get through the first episode.

I'm like on a time crunch. And she was like, I'm wait till you get to the end. You'll be very invested. And I did not see that coming, and I feel like, uh, that's why I feel like sexually empowered by the show that I thought was going to be. Like, I don't know. Sometimes I don't want to watch things about college else because I get jealous because that seems like such a fun time that I kind of missed out on because I was not doing I was like

doing comedy and just kind of tapped out. And um, this is Uh, everyone will find some character to relate to in this as a girl or even a guy like, um, it's fun. I'm excited about the show and I'm in that I need to be forced to watch shows. This is like a good thing for me. We should get more sponsored shows because I will get into more teaving. I'm in, so it will be a great Thank you for getting my packages though, Andrew, I appreciate it. Did anything fun? Cam Actually uh six things? Um, I had

to use a blue cart so that took time. I told you you only had to get the two. I only said the ones at the beginning. The ones at the beginning are the ones I'm getting fees. I'm sorry it wasn't able to U decipher that because it's in like it all is under one phone number. So it's like, I know, but the ones at the beginning of the are it's okay, but I appreciate. I mean it's more than okay. You've got them also, thank you, but I was trying to make it as easy as possible for you.

I'm thank you. But I think the show you never got laid in your dorm? Did you or did you ever even have any sexual experience? Really touched myself in my dorm. One time, my friend and a girl were watching me masterbate um through like at one point, Uh, someone was drunk and we kicked like the metal part of the door so you could see through our door, and I was like jerking off to the one porn I owned, and uh, they were watching I think the whole time. What was the porn you owned? Yeah? Yeah,

it was trying to think what it was. That's every guy had one porn, Okay, construction workers, girls gone Wild? No, but I met the girls gone Wild guy in college, the guy that went to prison. Yeah, yeah, I could see why he did, just by the interaction. He had a bus and he was like going up to drunk

college girls. That's what they would do. I mean, it was so fucked up, and he was like, hey, I don't even know if he ended up dating my buddy's ex girlfriend, and uh, yeah, I don't know anyways, but yeah, that guy he uh yeah, did you hang out with him? I bet you were like kind of trying to be friends with them. I mean, that guy was cool for a while because girls just like I wanted to hook up with him. Flash him he got hot chicks because hot chicks wouldn't be on camera. Oh yeah, no, no,

we're still besties. We definitely, Uh how did you run into him? He just came into There's a bar called the Boot in New Orleans at two Lane where it's just like the biggest it's it's the number two Ernie, or at least it was the number two I think about all the bars in New Orleans, and it was

number two behind Pat O'Brien's of like money making. So it was just packed, and you know, they just drive the bus up around like one am to get these drunk college girls to do fucking shit on camera that they'll regret the rest of their life, you know, because I think they just paid them in like pizza, and they they got drunk and then they signed a release,

I'm sure. I mean, yeah it was. I feel like I relate to these girls in this show because they're especially the girl Bella, who is trying to get on the uh the cool like Harvard Lampoon style paper, like the like SNL writers all right on this one. It's like a fake college that they're all going to that's

made up for the show. But it's like kind of like this prestigious college that has this really cool comedy newspaper that she's trying to get on, and it's like a boy's club and it's all boy comedy writers and they're like, we already have two girls on staff. Sorry. So it's really interesting to see the politics of how she's going to try to get into the comedy world.

UM like her. At first they're like you need to call the a c l U and like complained that they said that there was only two girls on the paper and like this is sexist. And then another girl's like just be cool and try to be like one of the guys, like try to get them to like you, because if they do that, then the what you're around.

It was just interesting, um techniques for how to get in, and then she ends up giving a bunch of hand jobs, which I also love because she did the same thing I did, which is like she is also hasn't is very inexperienced, and it's just like I'm just want to like do weird things, and like she's like thrilled by giving six hand jobs. She doesn't feel like sad about it. Okay, I'm gonna watch the show. I had no idea. Yeah, it's not like girls where you're gonna see a lot

of awkward sex and like nudity. It's more like, um, you know, you you see like you see guys kind of their faces when they orgasm and her kind of like you furiously vigorously jerking. But it's a it's a quick montage. It's not like these uncomfortable sex moments. But it's just really funny and it has that thirty rock it's you know, it's Mindy Kaling wrote it. So I'm guessing this girl, Bella is based off of her trying

to like navigate the comedy world. And she has a Bella has a poster of Seth Meyers on her wall of like who she's in love with, and uh yeah, it just kind of um. Yeah. Then there's this other girl that's like, really she's poor, and so that she's and she's also like she slipped with this guy who like abandons her right after she sleeps with it. Like it's also stuff I'm already talking about, and I wish girls would figure out sooner. So I'm kind of glad

that this is out there for girls to see. And um, yeah, and there's a good plot twist at the end. I'm I'm gonna keep going. It's cute. It's so cute. I want to be on it, but I don't want to be a parent because like all the people I know and it are playing parents. It's like Rob Hubill and um, Nicole Mill Nicole from Mad TV, and um, what's her name? Plays this senator who's she's a Sherry Shepherd is playing the one of the girl's moms, so like all of my I mean, those people are a little bit older

than me. But I don't know i'd be I'd be like a I don't know, a soccer coach or something, which is a whole other thing. Then there's a Jesus Christ no, like I felt was so good. I mean that that storyline, Okay, So if you if you weren't sold on it. Now I'm not. I'm not even I don't need to even do this. They didn't ask me to talk about the show like that much. But I just I just got done watching it some kind of into it. Um, how's St. Louis Andrews Louis is good?

I mean it's cold. Uh. We were just in San Diego and then Angele You're like, oh yeah, okay, okay, alright, alright, weather here you are. But I like, I mean, I like it here. There's nothing really going on. Um, I'm trying to think of anything has gone on here. I mean, I'm just here alone. So I go to Starbucks. Nothing weird happened there, and then I walked back, you know

what I mean? Like that's that's why St. Louis is great though, or like it's it's like, oh, I didn't see anything that's gonna scar my life for a week. What did you see in l a that's going to scar your life besides my legs without spray? That in a meal's chest hair, I mean it was pretty. I was looking at a meal. I was looking at a

meal because we share a room by choice. Actually, everyone's like, how could you I was like, yeah, no, we want to be in there together in San Diego because in in l A we had a house and we each had our own bedroom. But then in San Diego you and a Meal were in the same hotel and I was looking over and uh, it was like seven am and the sun is just coming through the window and it's like half on it. He looks So I took

a photo. I guess send it to you. He looks angelic, just sleeping and he snores like I look, you know, like he's snore. I look over and I'm like, is a Meal like a fat guy in a skinny outfit or like a skinny body. I don't know. He snores like he's a skinny you know. It's pretty cool. But like I did the same ship, like we both think we're dying in the middle of the night. And but I just looked over and here he probably doesn't I think he does, or he's starting to um get there.

But yeah, just uh, I was just looking at the lighting of his face. He looked like a little like g if what Jesus I think would look like yeah, you know what I mean, like because he's you know, he's Arabic or half Arabic and like or whatever, and he's just got his where's where where's he? His dad from? His dad is from Lebanon and no, I was asking you just to see if you knew I knew, but

I'm glad you knew that. And his mom is from the suburbs, so if anyone's gonna it was a fun time us three living together at the house and then um, yeah, you guys shared a hotel room. Uh. In San Diego. We had two shows in San Diego. Jason Braz performed with us on the early show, which was such a treat because Anya is old friends with him. She used

to open for him on the road. Um, and he lives an hour away from San Diego, and so he he I think, asked Anya if he could get tickets, and then I was like, can he come backstage and hang out? And then can he actually perform with us? So I got to like do a little comedy bit with Jason Raz and sing with him, and he was so nice and so cool. Andrew, I mean it was I walked in and you know, you're like, yeah, he's a big fan, and I was like trying to play cool,

but not play it cool. You know, like the right away, I go, hey, you know, and I'm yours um. When he's looking at the tongue in the mirror, what does that mean? And He's like, whatever, whatever you want it to mean. And I was like, come on, fucking idiot, I'm such a loser asking my question what am I doing?

I have stared at my tongue in the mirror and like, have you ever done the thing where you're like, your tongue looks like a little animal Like it's like can you make it look like it's like peering around, like it's like like scared, Like you can go like like your tongue becomes if you do it enough, if you look at your tongue in the mirror and move it around you and start to see it as like a little rodent in a hole that's like like scared to come out and like and like search like it has

the twitchy movements of a little mole rat thing the tongue when there's a thing on TikTok where people are touching the bottom of the tongue. I don't know if it makes you horny or whatever, but I feel like the tongue really makes if you start touching your tongue like oh, we're like we're animals, Like huh, well, it's just such a huge muscle that you can manipulate. And I didn't know, but you can teach your tongue how to do the two, like I could do the one

and make it a taco. Oh yeah, that one. But there's a there's a technique that you really wait, hold on, let me see what are you laughing? They look that go from TikTok. Be able to do it. I don't know why I can't do it anymore. Um. Well, I'm still in Los Angeles. It's good. I mean you're at the hotel. Yeah, uh, nothing to report here. Um. I just filmed a lot yesterday for a thing, and um drove back from San Diego. Um had someone drive me, which is super nice. I drove down there with Andrew

drove us. I slept on the way down there on Saturday. And then yesterday, Uh, this show that I'm working on, they had a production assistant coming meet me at the hotel and then drive my car and I just got to be in the back seat like and they were like, Nikki, we want you to get some sleep. And I was like honestly, I just want to be on my phone, like I haven't had any time to just scroll and

be worthless. But you know what I did is I watched I just got into like trust sing YouTube to suggest things for me and just like letting it roll because I think I left the room at one point when I was watching a video and it went to the next one, and I was like, they kind of nailed it. And now I'm I'm really into watching stories of like disfigurement or people that like lose a bunch of limbs or like become completely disfigured and like their

partners staying with them and like the Triumphs. And I just watched one that I really recommend, and it's the it's like the incredible story of Alex Lewis Alex l e w I s. He's a guy that got this and skin infection that caused him to lose all of his limbs except like up to his elbow on on one arm and like a stump on the other and stumps for legs and half of his face and he has this It's it's just an incredible story and I really loved it. And then I watched, um something about

like the Michael Jackson docu. Oh you know what is so good that everyone needs to watch before we get into your fan th rex college stories. I can't recommend it enough. Tony Bennett um is five and he has Alzheimer's and he just performed his last concert ever at Radio City Music Hall with uh Lady Gaga and he is like, you know, he doesn't remember. He's like he's had Alzheimer's for like a couple of years now. So

it's pretty much it's it's taken hold, you know. And it's a sixty minutes piece of Anderson Cooper following Tony Bennett on his final concert. And I promise you maybe that doesn't sell you on it. It is a tear jerker. It is inspirational, it's beautiful, it's sad, it's so good and um, it's like my new thing that I'm recommending to everyone. So check out the Tony Bennett Lady Gaga thing. It's so good. He only remembers things when music comes on, and then he like everything comes back and he can

remember everything. And he's just like such a showman at the age of ninety five. It's pretty incredible. I wonder why why that happened, because like with people with Tourette's can also like when they're focused on something, singing or playing basketball or a stutter. Yeah, it's wild. It's wild how the brain works like that. Well, my foot pain goes away when I'm performing, and the second I walk off stage my feet are killing me. It's just the instant my footsteps off of the light. It's like I

rip off my shoes, but until them, I don't. I don't feel it at all. And I'm on stage for two hours. It's very bizarre. Um, but they actually talk about why this, like his um, his doctor actually talks about why this is and the phenomenon of it. So it's it's a really fascinating piece and it's you know, fifteen minutes long. All right, let's take a quick break and we'll get back with fan trax. Your college story. All right, we're back every time we're doing all college stories.

I know, I love it too. Him just in the living room with a sheet over a blanket over his head, but there wasn't any like music behind it at the time. And then from there here, Hey, what you mind, um, you know, uh grabbing a clicker for me? Thanks? Uh, this is a special episode of all fan tracks, and it's going to be all of your college stories. We solicited Andrew put out a video on our um you know, Nikki Glazer pod Instagram page and asked for your college stories.

You know, good for you if you remember stuff from college. Uh, so let's get to it. Let's hear from you guys and hear some stories. No what you said, they're really good, right, Oh my gosh, they're so funny. Oh yes, they can't wait. Okay, let's get started. All right, let's start with Brian. So here's my memory from college. I went to school for woodworking, so um, it ended up being an all guys school.

Even though it wasn't an all guys school. Um, we had guys above us that were recording rap music all day every day until you know, two or three in the morning, listening to the same hip hop beat over and over and over again. A bunch of guys in

the dorm got really piste about it. So I went to the janitor's closet and got some buckets, and for like two days piste and shipped in these buckets, and then one night compiled all the buckets into a trash can, leaned it against the guy's door, knocked on the door, and ran away. So when he opened the door, this entire trash can full of pists and ship flooded his

dorm um. I was right below, so it came through his floor and my ceiling, and uh, you know, not only did I have to suffer through this hip hop beat that was on loop, but all of my bedding and clothes and everything like that were covered in pists and ship. There was no washer and dryer on campus, so I had to bring it all home to mom's house that weekend. Oh my god, I love a guy who doesn't waste sheets, even though they have waste on them. Wait a second, did this guy take was? Was he

a part of shipping and pissing in the bucket? I kind of missed that. It didn't sound like he was. He just seems just like the guys. How do they should? I mean, that is a they could be charged for that. That's a biological yeah, I think. I mean that dropped through the floor into his betting. Uh, I mean that is so disgusting. I am horrified. I am I am speechless.

How that guy's music I'm gonna get I'm gonna get some pisting ship on my door because of the sounds that just made me make at this hotel room I'm in, I'm so it was just I cannot believe how disgusting

that is. What I mean, kind of an interesting um technique home alone type of contraption, you know, homemade like, but that is so disgusting and also like, just man, that makes the second I heard that, I go the things that have happened in this world are like, it just opens up a world to me that I hadn't even considered of pranking people with buckets of piss and ship.

And I'm like, that's probably a common thing, okay, but how many times do you think they went to the door and we're like, hey, can you like not play this at two in the morning. We're trying to sleep, we're trying to study, we're trying to do keg stands like you're really fucking with us, Like it seemed pretty selfish to blast music that no one wants to hear

in a dorm. I don't know. I feel like maybe I understand, but I and I know you probably might have done something like this in your college years, but I do not think the crime and that he fits the punishment at all here that is so disgusting. And honestly, I bet it was like, you know, I bet they were no one is quiet in college. I but he was doing something in response to them being loud too. Like It's like, but I have you ever experienced that

where someone just plays a song over and over? Besides me with Taylor Swift, But yeah, I mean those guys shipped on his dream for sure. I have I ever done well, we did stuff in fraternity life where it's like that kind of ship like but I'm just trying to think of Like I remember one weekend when I was staying in Venice with my ex boyfriend and we were in a major, major fight, like it was breakup times, but we had no I had no car, nowhere to go, and I had to stay at this place and we

were just stuck. It was July four and we were stuck in this apartment together in the studio apartment, and like it, we just weren't talking. It was the end, and but there was nowhere for either of us to go. And I remember there was this party next door that kept blasting uh Kanye's song Click. There's a lot of different you know artists on it. I think jay z is on it, Uh maybe not a And anyway, it's

a great song. And I ended up being so grateful that I got to know that song over that weekend because I just remember that was kind of the soundtrack to our that weekend of just being stuck somewhere with someone that just hates you and you both are like breaking up but no one said it yet, and like it was. It was the worst. It was the worst situation I've ever been in with a boyfriend. And but Click was playing and then I got really into that

song as as hot as that click. Yeah. Yeah, it's such a good song if you haven't checked it out. Um yeah, but my relationship was a bunch of ship in a bucket that weekend. Um, all right, let's get to the next pand Rex. Okay, here's one from Joanna. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, Noah, this is Joanna. I just thought insto story, um about college memories, and I was thinking, does anyone actually have any clear college memories? Just kidding No, I actually didn't

pretady that much in school. Um, but what I was was totally checked out by my fourth year, Like I just wanted my diploma get the hell out of there, and I had this project. It was really similar, and this is probably why this is top of mind for me. I was watching scenes from my marriage. In the very first episode, there's a college student interviewing an interfaith couple, and that's what I was meant to do for this project.

I was like reaching out to people by email. I had my professor connect me with an interfaith couple, and no one would respond. I couldn't get anyone to sit down with me. It was around the holidays. I was trying to get this out the door, and I was like, fuck it, I'm going to be using pseudonyms anyway, right, So I decided to make up a couple, and every quote in that paper was completely made up. I guess I'm way more creative than I ever thought possible, because

I got a pretty good grade on it. And it's something that like simultaneously haunts me but also makes me laugh every time I think about it. But anyway, thanks for putting on the pot every day. I love you guys. Hope to see you live sometime soon. I'm in New England, so maybe Connecticut. We'll see all right. Bye? I hope to see you too. Thank you for that. Yeah that is I like how she says it haunts her, but she's also like kind of proud because yes, so much

of college is this like just under the gun. I have to get this thing done. I fucking am too depressed or too drunk or too hungover or to whatever to actually do it. And then you just sometimes you cheat, sometimes you fib that. I like that. She's probably of an honest person, so that's why bugs so that she like had to lie. But also what a what an exercise in creating and writing fiction? You know, like what was she saying in her faith? In her faith? What

does that mean? Does that mean two different means? Like two different things? Yeah, oh man, I want to hear her quotes as a Jew, like I just like it's like so like jenner Rick, she just writes all men at the end of everything. The wife says, she's like, I don't know what Catholics actually do? Um that is uh yeah, I like just cheating essentially. Yeah, I mean I know that was your emma. I mean that's all I did. Yeah. I I got a paper, a twenty

page term paper. I just my buddy sent it to me from his college and I just changed the name on top pretty much. Yeah, and like I had to change like seven words and I definitely should have changed more. And I got like a B minus And I was like mad at my buddy for like not being smarter.

That is wild, Like why did we do that more of just like I guess that sometimes the assignments were so specifically or just you know, like trade papers across state lines, you know, like, oh, I wrote this paper about Chaucer for there's gotta be you know, but I guess, I mean, I'm almost happy didn't. I couldn't do it internet,

Like we still had to like go through books. Like now with the Internet, I don't see how you could not plagiarize or just because well now they can catch you, because I think that so much is uploaded electronically that it's scaled. It would probably scan every paper that's on this database for any kind of you know, repeat sentences or word structures, and then they would be able to bust you. If I bet there's some kind of with technology you could cheat easier, but you can also get caught.

I mean because I did a paper once. I did a paper once, um for physics. It was quantum physics. You know, I don't know why I picked that. Oh my god, I pretty much plagiarized. I mean, like I definitely did not understand it by the end. And when I got my paper back, I got a big red F on it. And on the last page my professor

was like, do you even understand what you wrote? At least you didn't getting caught plagiarizing, Like, at least you just thought you were stupid as opposed to a cheater, Because I think that is like the most humiliating thing is being caught lying, and it's just like such a lie. I would feel. I never cheated in that way of of stealing someone else's paper, thank god, but like, I, uh, yeah, that I would feel. Oh god, did you ever feel

like a lot of guilt? Andrew Um. I think underneath it all, I might have wanted to get caught, to just be able to start over and maybe get help. I think that might have been the underlying reason of like, because I wasn't going to class, I was very depressed. I had horrible anxiety. I couldn't sit in the classroom

without having a panic attack. But I didn't really know what it was so I just cheated and I thought okay, like so, like I really didn't feel like I had a choice but to cheat to get by, like so it didn't. I didn't really feel guilty about it for some reason, because is it weird that I trust you us because I know that you cheated so easily that like, and I feel like you would you still do that? Have you? Like, would you go back at a polity? Yeah?

Have you changed? Like it makes me go God, I don't know if he what if he would cheat like like or just I feel like you could lie easier than I thought before. Um, yeah, this is all like you're more honest with it with with lies now because I feel like I've I don't think I've caught you in a lie, and I feel like either you're really good at it or you just don't do it now. Um, I mean no, I think I like have changed tremendously

from that moment. Like I think, uh so much of the cheating was just caused by not being able to be productive without it, So it's like now I don't Yeah, I don't see how you know, I picked a profession that works for me and so I don't have to cheat I could just that was the whole reason why I love comedy and doing stand up because I performed it and I couldn't. You couldn't cheat, or I couldn't um copy someone else or one you get called out for copying jokes um. But like that's why I loved

it so much. I didn't rely on anyone else except for myself on stage, and that's why. Yeah. But I don't mean like cheating and comedy. I mean like cheating just it's what cheating is is a micro It's it's a lie. Yeah, yeah, I mean, no, I hear you. I mean yeah, I mean I do you try not to lie? I mean because I I feel like I try not to. But it's just sometimes you just want to give people what they fucking want, and it's easier to just be like I loved it or whatever the

funk is. I think what happens is I wouldn't lie or or feel that way if I felt like the reaction from the other well, that's why everyone lies. Andrew. I know, I'm just telling you that to avoid the reaction. And I know you're saying that I lie to you because I'm scared of you. But the thing is we've gotten into this before. What's so bad about a no?

Or like what you don't want to hear? I think you're scared of what you don't want to hear, which is scary, but it's um but the person that that person is entitled to tell you what they feel, you know what I mean, And I have to remember that too sometimes of like if I tell someone what they want to hear because or what they don't want to hear, and I know what they want to hear, but I just don't think they look good in that outfit, and I know they don't have anything else, but I can't

be like, you look great, so I go, um, it's okay, and then they go and then they're mad, and yeah that then they're entitled to be mad, just as I am entitled to not like them in that and I'm entitled to react to them being mad by by like lying, not lying by not even like like if if that person, I don't know, I don't know exactly how to explain it. All I'm saying is that like the reaction, Yeah, that

person is entitled to whatever fucking reaction they want. But if I think it's um uh, not a nice reaction or or um like not consider it. Then then I'm not even I don't know, so it's like, yeah, I'm just saying it's not a good excuse to lie, to be like because I well, it's because I just didn't want the reaction. I mean, that's why everyone lies, I guess, but I don't know. But I think there's like white lies,

and then I don't know. I feel like there's times where people can lie where the reaction is so harsh that like the lie is almost okay for me if it's a white lie, if it's like it justifies it. Yeah,

because but this is not worth the other end. I've done that before, to where it's like this person is going to be mad at me for three days and I can either just like not be dishonest and a little that's not gonna because then how you're saying it is like then like the lie is so fucking bad, but the reaction is like, well, that's people's reaction, you

know what I means. So then it's like, well, I'm just saying, you know, I don't like to life, not because of the other person, but for myself because when I lie, it's like betraying who I am. If someone goes, did you like my movie? And I'm like, yeah, it's like that is a self betrayal that that compounds over time and makes me less happy. I feel it's not about like a tangent. Yeah, but I do feel like though, then to lie truth in that moment and it's going

to hurt them, that could be. That could be selfish on your part because you can't deal with you're lying, so you're going to tell them the truth, which is actually gonna maybe hurt them, even though it's subjective. I'm serious. Pick up that book Lying by Sam Harris. It's on the shelf, and they have an argument for why you should never lie, and it's just it's just ironclad. There's just no excuse to ever lie unless you know. There's like one example where he said, it's okay to lie.

It's if you're you know, a small child runs to your house because someone's chasing them to murder them, and the guy comes to your the murderer comes to your house and says, is the child in your house right now? And you actually don't have to lie. You can say I don't want to answer that. You don't even have

to live with then. But that's the only times if you're like protecting someone's life and like there's violence, Uh, there's someone there's something I immediately in front of you that's like a violent act that if you if you lie, it's going to preserve your life. That's the only time. But really you can just say I don't I don't want to answer that, I don't have to answer that, or you can just shut the door. That's not a lie. Um,

all right, moving on, alright, let's talk about our favorite topic, drinking. Hey, pstis, I saw some story that you want stories from college, So here is my submission. So it used to be captain of the cheerleading team. No big deal. So, um, so we were a competitive cheerleading team in college, and we had a competition coming up that's kind of like our big end of your thing that we've been working

towards all year. And we had kind of told their co chis or agreed to just like not drink for the month and like we're going to hunker down and take care of our bodies and like just really be ready for this competition and do well. So like the week before we leave for this competition, Um, it's this one girl's birthday, and we're all kind of like, okay, well,

like we're going to have a party for her. So we just like all decide that we're just not going to tell anybody, Like we're not going to tell the coaches, We're not going to post anything on Facebook, because I think it was like Facebook at the time with like sixty photos per album type chip um like, Okay, we're just gonna be secretive and go have fun and then

go to this competition. So when she leaders drank, they start to stunt, and stunting when you're drinking is like super fucking dangerous and long short end up putting his head through a glass kitchen table and was passed and couldn't compete. So we got thanks best. Oh damn. Oh, I mean yeah, cheerleaders getting drunk, they're gonna try some

things that they should be doing. It's like that's that's stunting is as drinking, well, you don't don't stunt well well drunk, it is so wild to have that in your back pocket when you're drinking, Like, it's so scary to know that, like at any moment, a guy can flip you three times and then like catch you by grabbing your vagina, Like who wouldn't want to do that when you're drunk, you know, Oh, it's the first thing

you want to do. And especially if you've been practicing it a ton and you nailed it at practice earlier that day and you finally got this move that you've been working so hard on, you just have this false confidence. And and by the way, that is false, Like people always go like, I get liquid courage. It's dumb. You're dumber. You're not actually courageous. Your stupid or courage is actually you know, be going past the fear that's real courage.

When you're drunk and you think it's courage, it's because the things telling you not to do that that you should usually overcome them in order to do something are just not there because you're dumb. So that's a big dismantling of of that that people always go. But it's liquid courage, like I gotta have like if he needs

to get drunk to do something, you shouldn't be doing it. Also, I think like, uh, if there were you know, when I played football in high school, they made a sign you're not gonna drink during season for you know, two months or whatever they made you like. So then the first thing you want to do as a high school kid is go drink because you're like, fuck the patriarchy

or whatever. So like that coach being like I want you on your best behavior, They're like, you're a college kid, you're gonna go, Okay, I'm gonna go stunt through a glass table. You know, it's like what's his name the coach for the Chicago Bulls back in the day, what was his name, Phil Jackson? He just goes, yeah, go because I'm gonna trust you to do what's right and I'm not. I'm not your keeper. And you know that's yeah, coaches putting those limits sometimes it makes you want to

do the opposite. Um for sure, okay, yes, um. And and alcohol can stunt your growth and stunt your stunts. Uh, let's get to the next one, alright, one more about being drunk. Okay from ta Okay, my name is Taylor Love the podcast. Taylor's voice currently in the bathroom at work. Second Sunless But oh my god, this is really embarrassing. But when I was a freshman one time, I was so drunk. I don't drink anymorey, I but one time I was so drunk I had a piece so bad

in the bathroom. Lines are insanely long at this bar because it was like the main college bar. So I had found a cup um on the dance floor and I was on like this surface standing up. But anyways, I grabbed the cup, stuck it up my skirt, and I pad in the cup um and then my friend was like, okay, go away, and so I grabbed the cup and threw it through a cupful of my pee and onto the dance floor, like into the middle of people. Oh my god, be funny. I mean, like what was that.

Now I don't drink, okay, now I don't drink. Yeah, I mean the the idea that you pean a cup, you get this, you get it done, you get it all in the cup, and then you go and you you throw it on the dance floor. That's a drunk move there of like just not doing the logical things, which is like you just did this amazing feat, which is peeing in a cup in a public place, you have a skirt on, Like the line is long. You

just avoided this thing, Like, good job. Like maybe that's the kind of liquid courage you needed to get that liquid into that cup and then to toss it. And that's where the drong person comes in of like just throw it away. But like I mean the people that had pissed on their shoes that night that didn't realize it until. I mean, college is so disgusting. And you know what, someone definitely did the running man and slipped and not imagine lived underneath that floor, got it all

over their bedding. I did shit like that all the time of just like doing this like just a knee jerk thing. That was just the grow the worst thing you could do. He's probably trash care right next to her, and she just decides to go toss it in it. My buddy would pee at the bar, like he'd go we'd be ordering drinks and he'd be like, hey, hey, hit me on the shoulder, and I looked down and he's just pissing on the bar. No, I can't believe

alcohol is a thing though people. No, Yeah, it's just it's just why it's just And then I looked down his dicks out he's been I'm drunk, and I'm like like like, there's no thought like someone's gonna have to clean this. There's none of that, like there's no thoughts of others the girls, like people who clean up after college storms or like parties after college kids wearing apart. It's just those people really deserve our respect because yeah,

they're just disgusting. Like the whole thing of if you miss the paper the trash can with a paper towel, always pick it up. If there's little streamers of toilet paper when you're trying to get it out of the thing and you're on the floor, someone has to pick that up. Pick it up. That's what the latest curb

was all about. That that there was a so a girl like a dentist who was dating his friend, dropped something on the ground like a pirate booty, just dropped a chip, and Larry David saw her not pick it up, and so he went back to his friend. He goes, she left the chip. She left it for someone else

to pick up. Not a good person to date. And like that was like the whole Yeah, that was the true if you are someone who is if you're an adult and you haven't reached a place where you know, occasionally you slip and you just get selfish and you drop something. But like I really have made it a superstition of mine that if you leave any trash on the floor for someone else to pick up at any point, you're bad things will happen to you. That trash is

gonna amount to bad things coming back to you. And so now it's almost like an O. C. D obsession of mine. Like even the tiniest little piece of toilet paper, I have to pick it up because I'm like, someone will either have to sweep it into a thing and pick it up. There's going to be a human effort going into picking that up. That is not fair because I did it, um, even though that's their job or whatever. Um,

let's get to the next one. Okay, let's do one about a mispronunciation from Cato a college Miss drew Indah. So I just saw good choices leaving memory from college and I wanted to share a good one. Um. I'm still in college, but this is from my freshman year and this is when I know I should have dropped

out of college. I had a bio lab report to you, and I said Spanish leaves instead of spinach leaves twenty times throughout the labport and I saw the red lines like the squiggles coming up under Spanish leaves, and I was like, that's weird, like why do they want Spanish or spinach leaves to be capitalized, but made the connection that Spanish leaves was not what I was supposed to be writing. Anyways, I love the podcast, Thanks sir, all

you guys do shredded lead and Spanish leaves. That's an order at subway to that, san I went extra Spanish sleaves, thought spinach was Spanish, like like you just I think you look at that word and it is kind of the same e and s in some words, right, like conscious. I love that. I love our little listeners, They're so cute. Conscious really bugs that one I always get worried about before I say it, Like I, it's conscious and conscience,

conscience and also grantit and grant grant. I also get those confused granted and grant it, and then I also get, um, oh, there's another one that really gets me all the time.

What you know. I was looking at my notes the other day and my friend was taking notes on my set and he typed in molestation, but it auto corrected to mole station, which I think is a hilarious new way to say that you were a victim of mole station and then maybe you can find a like And I was just talking about your tongue being a little mole. So mole station is so funny if you like, if you had a bunch of moles and you made like a little, um, little like train station for them, and

that mole station. Um. Yeah, So that's just a fun way to look at that word. What was ano? Oh? Yeah, remember when I had those bad thoughts and I was thinking killing, Like I want to kill myself. That was the thought I kept having. And then I was like, change it, So what it means something else? I want to kill on stage myself. I want to kill. And then it was you can change it, change suicide, like you know, like sweet side notes, like when we drove by Carl's Bad and it was Carl's bad, like just

like it's bad. That made me laugh so hard on the way to San Diego, Andrew was like, what's Carl's bad? Carl's Bad? That made me giggle a lot. Yeah, I was happy because you really, Oh my god, Sandy, San Diego always makes me think of eating a waffle on the beach. It's a Sandy ego lego, my ego yeah. I always picture someone eating a waffle on the beach

whenever I hear San Diego. It's a good Yeah. These are fun and picturing, like like different moles you put on your face, like you get a Crawford or like like I just picture moles with little suitcases waiting at a train station and like hugging each other and like saying goodbye, and like one running after the train being I'll miss you, and the girl is like, yes, that look like yes, that guy makes it so much cuter

than Oh my god. I met a bestie yesterday. Like I was in my lobby at my hotel with Carlyle's Carlyle's birthday yesterday, as I was with her and her boyfriend and we were having um a nightcap and um, this girl came up and forget her name, Gabrielle I think it was, and she was like, Hi, I'm just listening to podcast. I'm a big fan. And I was like, oh my god. And I was right in the middle of being like and these fucking molesters, they are sneaky cuts.

Like I was talking about molestation and I go, oh my god, I was takeing about I was talking about sexual predators and child abuse, and she was like pretty on brand for you. She was like, I really appreciate those those talks to you do so Um. I was like screaming about molestation in a lobby and I got approached my fan. Our fans are so great, by the way. Um, not only am I deeply soothed by Taylor's voice? And whoever who was our last caller? It was three in

a rum girl in the bathroom. The last one was Cat Cat and then who was before Taylor? Um, okay, it was Uh, Ali, Ali, Taylor and Cat. Y'all got really soothing voices. And I wouldn't mind if you made me a voice memo and send it to my d M s. That's just like an a SMR of you, just like talking about your day in a very calm, slow voice. Because I just almost went to sleep listening to your voices. I am deeply soothed by women's voices.

And uh, the other day, my uh, the guy that I'm I'm seeing, Chris, he was like, I think I figured out why you love Taylor Swift so much because he heard this TikTok that she did about fall Um and like it's it's about you know, pumpkin lattes and leaves, and like it was her voice was so he was like her voice was so soothing, and I think you just love a voice like that that feels like almost

maternal and like just calm and soothing. And so I think he's onto something because Taylor's voice is is just a dream. I want to go to the final thought, I it will get to one more fan threax, but I do for all our Swifties. Thank you so much for allowing me to go off the other day on Red. I'm not done going off about everything I just got into. You know, I'm taking my time all too well to a minute version, got it down, obsessed. I've I've spent a lot of hours listening to that over and over

saying it with Andrew. Andrew almost knows all the new verses. It's incredible how much he's picked up of that. Appreciate that, Andrew. Um, I bet you Think about Me is my favorite, maybe one of my favorite Taylor Sois songs of all time. That is off the Red new album. It's from the Vault. It's so good and I've talked about it already, but I'm in the music video for it. That Blake Lively directed was is incredible. I watched it last night for the first time. I haven't had really time to dig

into it. Here's an interesting thing. So for Swift he is out there, or for just anyone interested Taylor Swift just they She did the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony that filmed a little under a month ago in Cleveland, and there's footage from it taken from people in the audience, but it aired on Saturday night,

and so we have the official video of it. And I was watching it and there's this moment at the beginning where and I put on my Instagram and she the camera comes up behind her, and um, she's singing, Uh, what the Carol Kings song? Does? She sing? Fuck? I can't I can't come to mind right now, but it's, Um, it's a classic. You you you would know it if you

reckon if you heard it. And the camera comes up behind her and then she sees it and she turns and she just shoots at this glance that is so hot and sexy, and like, I want you to know, if you watch that, do you feel things? Because I do anyway, So I know the director of the Rock

and Roll Hall of Fame show. Joel Gallen, he directed um all the roasts, and I've gone to his house to watch the roast before and um we become like texting buddies because I I was obsessed with this Prince video of Prince at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and he's playing while I a guitar gently weeps and he does this incredible guitar solo that's one of the best ever. And I found out Joel Gallen directed it,

so I was texting him about it. So he knows I'm a big music fan and love these performances, and he invited me to his house on Saturday to watch the screening of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. Unfortunately was in San Diego, but I was like, I can't wait to watch Taylor's performance. So I watched it last night and I saw this moment and I was really interested to know did she ask them to do that? Like when she performs, do you think does she have

the camera come? And like how does that happen? Does she just sense it? Is it? Do they tell her they're going to come there? And then she knows? Um, what do you guys think when when there's a shot where the camera comes from behind and then all of a sudden it's right here, you know, like from her face, and then she looks at it the last second and nails this last line. I do think I think she is talented enough to to get that feeling and do it on her own. I feel like she is a

perfectionist enough where it's actually timed. Agreed. So I asked him, and I said, was that a youth thing? And you told her that it was going to be there? Did she want it there? And he goes, she just sensed that a camera was there. It was they went through a run through, you know, with like where the cameras were going to be. He didn't even tell her about that camera. That wasn't really a planned shot. He goes,

she's that good, she just sensed the camera. I mean, go watch it and see what this girl was capable. It looked like a choreographed thing. And honestly, I was bummed out that that was the answer, because it was just so good I wanted it to be. Actually, it was actually happy for the answer because it means that maybe I could do that someday, because I'm never going to be someone who's going to go through shot by shot backstage with someone that ain't ever gonna beat me.

But if it's an instinctual thing that you learned from doing it enough, maybe that could beat me somewhere. Maybe I just thought that was your special. You have a you know, I know Louie did it on one of his specials where he had a camera guy actually on stage, and maybe you can, like, maybe not your whole special, but like one of your bids, you could kind of connect with the audience that way. It's a good idea.

I might send them that that example of that shot because it was just so beautiful and I just want to do it. Um, okay, let's get to the last one. All right. This one's from just Stine Stein. Hey, Nikki, Andrew and Noah, it's Justine in Michigan. Um, so you needed voicemails about memories from college. Well, I immediately think of this time I was hooking up with this guy.

It was my sophomore year of college, and um, we're in his basement and he started to go down on me, and all of a sudden he stops and he puts his hand like up to his mouth, back and forth and then like looks at his hand, back up to his mouth, looks at his hand, and the lights are off. I was like, what's wrong, and he's like, I'll be right back, and he goes leaves the room. I looked down and there's blood all over me. Obviously I'm mortified.

I think, oh my god, I started my period. I'm literally I need to die right here and now in this moment. And uh, he comes back from the bathroom and said how embarrassed he was that he got a nosebleed, and I was thank god. Um, it was still really embarrassing and awkward, and obviously we stopped picking up and it was just weird. But that is the memory I think of in college. It's just really shitty sexual encounters.

I love you guys. Oh my god, dude, you know if you start your period that you can't be at fault for that. That that that's you know, if you're on your period and you don't tell someone before, or you drunk and you forgot, I would even excuse that, but like, um, no shame in starting your period if it had been but as a freshman in college or as sophomore in college devastating if that was the case,

and thank god he had a bloody nose. And I love that it went from you being embarrassed to him feeling I mean, getting a nose lead when your boy, I feel like it's just a thing that is It's almost like the period of for boys because you guys, you guys get boners, of course, but like getting nosebads, it just means you're a dork. It means you're like, it's like, what does it mean dorks? I think it's cool kind of it's like I don't know what's happening.

It's lead like it's always a dork thing. But why every movie it's always I know you mean my mom told me I shouldn't where these pants are? Like it's always just like the altitude in this ship. Why now I'll still lead? Keep push bye? Oh my god. I I nosed please are hilarious and they are so vulnerable because I pick my nose and I have long fingernails. Will it will just or all like to be rubbing

my nose and it'll just hit, it'll nicket. Jason Brows this weekend just told us a story backstage that right before he came to the show. He was washing his face and he had long nails on his picking finger for guitar, and it just when he was washing his face, one finger just went up his nose and scratched it and he was gushing blood down his face. And I was like, oh, that happens to me. But I'm actually

picking my nose. And also when I used to have a nose ring in college, constant constantly hitting it and it bleeding all the time. Um So it's just very sensitive tissue in there and then you put then you put sensitive tissue inside it to clog it up. I wonder if that guy is somewhere tells that story and he's like, oh god, I can't believe I bleed it on her. Like I wonder if he's like, I bet he's like, I thought it was a nosebleed, but it ended up being her period. He switches in it wasn't

my noseble dog, And it's like a different podcast. He's calling into Delia's podcast with that story now and they're like, fuck that bit, bloody pussy. Oh my god. Okay, well, thank you so much for this special episode. We have another episode out for you. It will be out on Thanksgivings, so Wednesday and just in time for you to listen on Thanksgiving, maybe save it for that. It's gonna be our live episode from Cancoon, which UM, you know, oh

my god, so funny. It's so funny, you guys. I was there and I had fun, so I hope that you enjoy it. Thank you so much to every Bustie that came to a show this weekend in Los Angeles and San Diego. I I love meeting you. I can't say it enough. I just we're instantly friends. We we both feel it whenever we meet. And UM, I'm in Denver this weekend. I hope to see you guys. They're for shows. I'm taping my HBO special which was announced

last week. Um. And there will be two shows on Saturday night in Denver, and then the following week will be in Portland and San Francisco. I'll also be coming to Calgary. Uh. Andrew won't be on that one, but I'll be in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. UM coming up on the December and also we are going to be in um uh yeah, We're also going to be in Pittsburgh to Pittsburgh and uh I believe Connecticut um in December as well, So go to Nick Laser at com slash Tour for tickets and uh, I can't wait to see

you out there. Appreciate you all so much more and more of you coming to shows. It's been so cool to see since Like we started this toward July and when I said the Nick Laser podcast, how many woos there were then two? Now it's like most of the audience and that's just it's just the best feeling in the world. We love you guys, and uh, yeah, we'll get through this week of just two episodes. But don't worry. We're not like easing out. I know it might be

feel like that, but that's not what's happening. It's just a busy time in the holidays. But we'll stay with you. Don't worry, and you you stay with us, so don't be care. And Jack and Jil. Someone gave me Jack and Jill by the way, I bestie, did I forget who? Thank you for that? By the way. Mm hmm