#131 The Busiest Blonde Woman

great because I'm gonna feel accomplished. I'm gonna go to a therapist after this and then off to Cancoon and I have two flights. I'm going to sleep the whole time. I might give Andrew my um business class seat because I just find that I cannot sleep comfortably. Oh poor baby, can't sheep come you by in business yet? Get get

boo boo boopp wait and wait. Um yeah, it's just like too cozy and like they keep offering me like hot towels and coco and it's annoying and free money and I'm just like I have enough, get it out of here. Um No, it's uh, just on some of these ways they don't want to have, like a really nice business class. I mean, if you can slay horizontally, there's nothing better. No, have you ever been on a flight where you could lay flat? Oh my gosh, the best? It is insane? How great is I'm so sorry to

those of you who haven't experienced it. You will someday, I believe that for you. I may never again. But boy, is it just uh just a delight. You just have a bed. There's nothing like it. But I will say, let's say that's a ten out of ten experience on a flight, right, And I think that there are even better ones that I haven't discovered, that are like, you know, your own private room on a plane. Like I think some of those like Korean Air really treat you nice.

You get the whole, you get like an apartment, um and a musus, and like, you know, it can be it can it can be way better than what I've experienced. But then I would say it falls down pretty like there's a ten and a tent. Then we go to like up a business class and it as long as I can recline, it was horizontal, And then between that and anywhere else in between that I don't want it.

Either want horizontal or I want coach. I do not want them between because I just enjoy curling up in a little ball next to the window, and so I might give Andrew. But Andrew Wis gets an aisle, so he's probably on the aisland coach, which I'm not gonna, not gonna take. But maybe I can take his aisle seat, switch him up to business class, and then I off I have to bargain with someone to switch because a lot of people like aisles, but I just love curling up next to a window, and um yeah, I would

rather have that than than than these seats. I just there's something so maddening to me about paying more for something less comfortable. How do you how do you like to be on a plane? Noah, uh, I definitely like the window, but I've been opting to look out it or to lean lean, lean, and then you you got me that turtle uh neck brace thing that's yes, it

doesn't really connect brace. So um, now I don't mind the aisle because I can like stretch my legs out and have a place to put my head with that thing. I forgot about my turtle. I have that in the other room. I should bring that just in case of tragedy. Um ye, yes, in case I get whiplash on the tarmac. Um yeah, I I I can't wait to sleep on

this plane. I just love it because, you know, although there's everyone knows there's WiFi on planes now and you can be in touch with people, you always have the the chance your wife I could be down and then you have the excuse of like I'm in space, like I cannot talk, and not that I would ever lie about my wife I being down if it's not like it's almost like, why were you responding to these emails? I wouldn't say the wife I was down, but I would say I'm on a plane, and they could just

take it from there. And uh, you know, it's so funny that the only time when you can be really inaccessible to people and it be okay is like at night between the hours of like you know, nine and nine, which is a big swath of time. I feel it's pretty good. But other than that, during the day, we used to have times where we didn't have to We were either in the like we were away from the phone,

We're away from our desk. You just leave your desk or office and like no one could get in touch with you, and the secretary would like take notes, so you just had to stay in your office. I guess all day like where people tether to their desks and their phones the way we are of like just needing to be in touch. It's so wild that I can't even fathom what it used to be. Like, I mean, at what age did you have your first job? What

year about tenth grade? I think, what about you? I guess like my real first job was maybe at eighteen. But it's even just not even jobs, it's like people being in touch with you, you know, friends, anyone. I just I was at I was at the dentist with my dad the other day, took him to for a dental surgery thing and we were talking to the surgeon and my dad's getting anesthesia for his uh, he's having teeth pulled. Um, he has some dead teeth and you

know in bone loss and stuff. My dad is such a healthy person and like A has always lost every day. Like my dad just health comes easy to him. He's very much like Kirsten where he's just like I just like Whole Greens and um, they're delicious, and I love flossing. It feels good like Kirsten likes flossing. Kristen loves putting in her in visil and Kristin loves washing out her in visilne. Kristen loves stretching in the morning and like a big glass of water. She loves meditating, She loves early.

Everything Kirsten loves is things other people are just like h and it just she just likes it. Um but my dad is that way, and he is. But you know, age creeps up on you and things start to deaden. And he's having three teeth removed, he's getting anesthesia. You know, he's going under. He's going down to Australia to uh to have his teeth bold. And um I I I had eight teeth bold when I was um A taught

like eighth grade for my goddamn braces. There's something that happened in St. Louis where all the orthod honest, we're just taking all the kid's teeth out to make room for braces. Because also another guy, Lewis House, you know Louis. He's like he has a podcast, he's a self help guy. He's also from St. Louis and he recently got veneers or something new teeth because he was from St. Louis and had too many teeth removed for braces. And I had eight teeth pulled and I did not go under anesthesia,

And I go, Dad, why just do local? Like just it'll lumb you out. Put on some headphones that have white noise so you can't hear the clunking and they're and you know that they're grunting as they pull, so and then close your eyes. Because I asked the doctor how long the procedure was five to ten minutes. I'm like, you're gonna go under for a five to ten minute procedure? Like just get just grin and bear it, but don't grin too hard because you gotta have your mouth open.

But like, if you had three teeth pulled Noah at the dentist, would you want to go completely out? I'm going through this exact same thing right now. I have to have four of my wisdom teeth pulled. Nervous as fuck? You go under? Right? Well, I don't know. So my dentist just told me, like, no, first you make a consultation and they tell you what the possibilities are. Just let them know what your concerns are where you're afraid of because I thought you just before. I feel like

that's something you get done in your twenties. The dentist who told me to have them pulled was like two years ago, and I was like committed to doing it, and then COVID hit so I just was like, Okay, well, now this is my excuse to delay it. Yes, and um, I just have you have to get them pull What happens?

They Um, okay, so we'll get a little technical. There's uh, like pockets in the gums because of the way that they're growing in food, and like plaque gets stuck in there, and then bacteria and infections and bone loss and all the things. Yeah, yeah, I got it. So you're gonna have your words and teeth bold. When are you doing it? I don't know. I'm so scared have to do it, but I was. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. It does suck. I remember, I I was. I remember my recovery.

Recovery wasn't bad at all, but I remember some friends having you know, like they can get impacted and like you look like a chipmunk for several days, and um, yeah, would you. My dad just doesn't want to hear the like he doesn't want to feel like he doesn't want to be awake while they're pulling teeth, and I get it because it's so like visceral. But there's like, I don't know, you're whenever you have your mouth numb, it doesn't feel like anything. It feels like not like you

just feels like there's someone. It doesn't feel it's I don't feel attachment to my mouth when it's not. And I don't know, I'm just very soothed by the dentist. I love it. It just makes me feel like no one can and another that's it. No one can get to me. Like if you're having dental work done, no one. Everyone hates the dentist so much. I don't but like, oh, just oh my god, I'm sitting on my mom's just kidding. I'm like, why am I hearing my mom's voice coming

from my ass um uh she uh yeah. I just feel I couldn't believe that my dad was just such a pussy. I mean like not, I was just like, oh you five minutes, you gotta go under. I feel bad. I got a bullied them and my dad just come on because I got eight teeth fold and I got a root canal without Like, I just just put up with it. It's not you get numb, and it hurts to get the shot to get numb, but it doesn't hurt that bad. You can handle it. But I guess some people just like have a lot of anxiety about

the dentist. But I just love it because no one can be if you're having tooth surgery or any tooth stuff, no one talks, no everyone knows you're off limits. And when you're in the dentist chair with your mouth open staring at the ceiling, there are no expectations on you. You are as good as dead to the world, like truly, no one expect you to do anything. No one expects.

No one would be like, you're a bad mom if you're like daughter was like drowning and you were like you're drownist, like they'd be like, oh, that's fine, like let her drown. Like you're at the dentist, like it's a one time aside from being like in a coma, that no one expects anything of you, And I love it, you know, like when you're That's why I like airplanes, That's why I like mine. Shafts That's why I like dentists. And because airplanes, you like, have to be on like

I had to go on it. If you're like in UM, I'm trying to think of it. If you're in a movie, that's your choice. You're doing that for you, like I have such um, I always have to you know. That's this is a running theme in my life that I have to go through struggle to reward myself with anything. To have to have time off from work, I must be getting a root canal. What does that say about me? I need a vacation. But the thing is I would I don't enjoy vacations. I'm actually going to Camcoon and

I'm working the whole goddamn time. But it's fun work. That's why I chose fun work, because I knew in order for me to feel like deserving of a life and and and pleasure and rest, I have to work. Therefore all the time. Therefore, try to make work fun. I think that was probably my reasoning in choosing this job.

But I read um. I read the synopsis for the first episode of Squid Game, and I gotta be honest with you, I cannot wait to get back to reading about squid Game, Like, I'm not watching Squid Game, but I am just as obsessed with what happens next on squid Squid Game from the Vulture dot com recaps as anyone would be watching it. I think this is my

new thing, dude. I think I'm gonna consume. I think I'm going to play a game where I read episode recaps of entire seasons and then I go toe to toe with Andrew who has seen the shows and we find out who knows more, who like grasps the show more, who has more appreciation for the show. And I understand that I will be missing out visually on you know,

the cinematography and things like that. However, I will supplement with materials like visual materials, like for instance, I read the Squid Game first episode description and they were talking about, um, the weird like doll like figure that like gives the rules for the game, or like the the weird doll. There's something like doll that like oversees the game, And

I'm like, what does this doll look like? I can't get a good enough description from I can't picture it from the even though Vulture dot com has the best television recaps in my opinion, especially for the Bachelor in Paradise franchise. This girl named Ali Barthwell does Bachelor in Paradise recaps even if you don't like the show, and I've never even heard of it. Check out one of her recaps. They're so funny. I wrote her and was like, you're one of my favorite writers. And I was cracking

up because just such a good writer. And but anyway, I went and looked at the doll just to see what it looked like, and um, boy, Squid Game is good. I love this dark ship, but I don't want to see it. But I do want to because someone told me about the first episode and about what happens in that first scene. Wait a second, Noah, did Andrew tell us about the first episode, the red Light Green Light? Yeah? He told us on the podcast the other day. That's

my problem. I was about to tell you the whole first episode, and Andrew already told us that's what got me into it, But I was like, you know what, I got to read it for myself, and I read it this morning at breakfast. I am so excited to get on the plane today and sit down and read the rest of Squid Game. And then I just realized it's like reading a book. What am I? I'm like, you know, what's times reading can really be as good as TV. It's like, yeah, idiot, that's what a book

is called. Like like, I'm honestly I just reverse discovered books. You guys. Like all they did was I here someone good, a good writer to write what they saw on TV and like, you know, much like books can become great TV shows. Maybe squid Game was a book. I don't know, but I think I gotta read books again because I yeah, instead of vulture recaps. Oh my god, are you watching anything on TV? No? No, I'm really not. Are you

reading a book? Are you reading any TV? I think I'm just like no, I'm just like being very boring these days. I just have to take care of ship. Do you do you what are you doing from entertainment? We just I mean, Isaac uh, we have citrus trees. So I've been learning about how to take care of citrus trees. Like That's where I am in life right now. That's cool. So do you what do you do? You like? Google stuff? Um? Google books? Like I'll go to the

bookstore and just like pass through some books. Cut Oh my God, you're living like that's life. I want to take me back. That is so cute that you go to the bookstore and are just like just like picking picking a book and like doing the thing where you like claw it with your finger and you're like, like you looking through books is a s m R for me. I want to like hear that record of people. I'll face time you next time, and then you like slowly

page through it. Honestly, that would be a great SMR. Um. Let's get Andrew in here. We gotta jet off to Cancoon pretty soon. Here Cancoon soon? There you go? There you go? Perfect? Is that one of your hats? Well, it's my vacation hat. We're going to Mexico. Um wait, are you really going to wear that around the resort? I love it. I was thinking about our live podcast. We're not gonna have headphones on even so be similar to this. That's true. I mean I don't know what

we're getting ourselves into. I mean the live podcast alarms me. It will be two o'clock at pool side. But you know what alarms me is the wrong word. I just I don't think about things until we go into them. It's my biggest fault, but I'm just gonna wing it. Look, I think we go everyone having fun out there, and then seven people we do an aerobics class. That's what I picture happening pool side or like um MTV spring break,

That's what I wanted to be. But I honestly think it will be about twenty two people sparsely placed around the pool. There'll be a pool bar where more people are gonna be paying at the talking people are gonna be talking. We're just gonna have a conversation. Eventually, we're just gonna go We're not trying to win you over.

We're just gonna talk for a little while. If you want to listen for the four people that are peeing in the shallow end, thank you for listening to us, because I can't imagine that many people are going to go through customs, go through COVID stuff to get to see us tell dick jokes for ten minutes. I just and pussy jokes. Well, that's not what we do in the podcast. I understand why they would go see stand up this podcast. Live podcasts are a different beast, like

they just are. That's why podcasts are better when they're not live. Fire Pool at two pm outside it does, It'll be fine. We'll make fun of it. I'm gonna we'll have fun. Like, I'm not nervous about it at all. Um, I can't. I can't be. I mean, I I just is there anything in your life you're nervous about? Not really good? I try not to get nervous anymore. I try to like be in the moment and worry about it when it happens. It's hard, but uh, yeah, I

don't know, I mean, I don't. I also like, unlike you, Like if I had like a special to be working for, of course i'd be not to make you nervous. But yeah, of course, like a deadline of some sort like that that adds a whole different thing. Shouldn't but it does. Yes, I know, I get. I get. Um that's where I start to feel guilty because I don't My special is on the taping in on and I don't think about it when I think about it. I just stopped thinking

about it. Like my friend came over yesterday and has like some notes that he took during one of my performances that he watched, and I go, He's like, I really want to go through these notes with you, and I'm like, the thing is like I don't want to think about it's so it's scary to me, and I'm so nervous. I'm not nervous about it, but I'm so overwhelmed by thinking about it and what it has to be, and like I I'd rather wait till the last second,

and I just don't want to. I don't want to look at it yet until like the week of until it's the one thing on my plate that's looming and it's it's go time where there's no no turning back. Like I always write my best jokes last minute. I always everything I do is last minute everything for me, and a month out, three days out to be like oh my god, like thinking about it, even having calls about what I'm gonna wear. I'm like, guys, we have twenty three days to pick out a fucking outfit. I

Am not going to have this conversation yet. I don't know what I want to wear in twenty three days. But they're like, Nikki, this is a production. We this is actually late for for when we're supple to have. We should have had this conversation three months ago. I'm like, why so they can grow the cotton to make a shirt that like what. I could pick out an outfit the night before and it wouldn't change anything, no offense to my hair and make to like my wardrobe. People,

wardrobe is important. No one's saying it's not. But I know that we can get it done the week before. People love to prepare. People love to prepare. It makes them feel like they're working. What I do is I make my life filled with things that I can just push till the last second. So I'm constantly doing things that have been pushed the last second and there's no prep before any of them, because prep is just bullshit that makes people feel like they're doing work and they're

not because they only have one job. But if you do a lot of jobs and you just do the amount of work that is actually necessary, you can do so you can make more money, You can do more things instead of just like some people just love between preparation and working hard. Because I know, maybe I'm just making an argument for my system, which is procrastination. Because you you often say that, you know, like the best

player ever works harder than everyone. They do. They don't talk about doing they do, They don't they don't write down notes about I mean, listen, Yes, I could be a better comedian if I sat down with my notes every day. That's doing I'm talking about, like a call about doing and then a call about the call about doing, and a call about the I'm so sick of calls. I'm so sick of anything that can be done in any I mean, this isn't the first this is being said.

There are so many meetings that happen because people need to justify their fucking existence at a company and their their position. Meetings do not It can be they can be texts, they can be emails, nothing, So few things need to be called so many times? How many How often are you on a meeting or a zoom meeting with people and it's just ten minutes of small talk until someone finally goes all right, so let's get into it. Okay, So so you get there was ten minutes of just

bullshit where literally nothing interesting happens, no interesting information. Let's do let's do it, let's do the let's for the podcast right now. This is a call that doesn't happen though, because we we don't don't. But let's say, like if we were doing at the podcast, all right. But by the way, this happens all the time for other podcasts. They might be better than ours, so maybe this will help us. But here's what I'm doing. I'm making the

preparation part of the job. I'm fitting in. So now I'm making Yeah, this isn't wasting my time because this is the job. Okay, and this let's just try it, and you know what, we have to keep it entertaining. Thus it makes it fun for us. So even if this conversation was happening outside the podcast, it wouldn't be this fun. So I'm amping up the fun of thing because I'm making it part of the job. Let's be honest.

We don't want to see the friends writer's room while we're making only I do see the behind the scenes of fronts. That should be a show, make a show of the prep That's okay, all right, go ahead, um, okay, So you're yeah, alright? No? Are are you on? I can't really see her? Oh I'm sorry, I was on mute. I'm here. Oh Hi, how's it going? How are you? What's going on like that? That? Uh? Is it hot where you are? It's Arizona? Yeah, Oh, it's great. It's

cold here today. Yeah, I haven't even been outside yet, is it really? Yeah? It's I just hate you. It comes on so quickly. Yeah, it's just like out of nowhere. What about you don't even get any like kind of break in between, like it's unbearably hot and then cold. Okay, but yeah, so what do you want to talk about the podcast? Um, we got to a little fast. I think could have kept going. I think for another TD. You guys go to Starbucks this morning? Yes? Yes, Oh

my gosh, got the regular. Love it, love my Starbucks. Oh my god, there was a crazy thing that happened at Starbucks today. We can't even get into it. Let me Oh my god. So wait, hold on, you guys. I'm gonna quickly just like let the dog out. I'll talk to know about something else before we get to do it. Can you is it cool if I just hit I'm going to take about thirty seconds to ask

if it's cool that I take another thirty seconds. And then when I take that thirty seconds, it's gonna I'm gonna come back and thank you guys for another thirty seconds. About taking the thirty seconds, so I'm actually going to add a minute to the thirty seconds instead of take five seconds. So cool. Okay, so we're at Starbucks. This is wild. The guy writes my name, I say, Andrew. He writes down shot from the other room. Dumb. No, I was like, that's not my name. Actually, that would

be a very cool anecdote for a Zoom meeting. It is yet Yeah, no, no, I did you hear I blew my head off in the next thro Should we keep going on though? I mean with your lifeless body? Yeah, I'm sure it was not. She's the host of the Zoom meeting, so it can't end until she Yeah, I can't end. It might expire because I didn't pay the foreign inding nine a month or whatever. Okay, So guys, um, let's get down to it all right. Um, So we're

going to Mexico. So excited. I got sun tannilition okay, um okay, So we're thinking for the So it's going to be we already know all the things that are happening because we all got an email about where it's going to be in what time? Okay. Um, So let's just like talk about that time again. So it's gonna be at two o'clock, so we'll probably get there. We all know that you generally get somewhere about fifteen minutes before or like we could probably text about the time

to arrive. Let's just talk about again, like when the show is it's at two, and then we are going to talk about when we should arrive, which is like half hour before. You know what, I might like bring my makeup there. That's the thing you guys don't need to know. But it fills up some time in this meeting to make me feel like I did something today. You know, I feel like we're she's seen on the video? No, what can we can we check? Can you send an

email real quick? And then we will response. It's gonna be how that text the person that has the info about that, and then we wait for a response like you're about to get it, and you'll go, hold on, he's writing back. Oh wait, no, that's that's actually they're not writing back. Actually I'll just wait. I'll let you

guys know when he writes me back. You know how when that happens during a meeting, when they go, let me just column right now, and then you just I'll have to listen to it ringing and then you go, you know what, I'll just when he writes a jack call it, you know, which you know you should have done in the first place. So, um, let's so we're going to talk. Yes, the sun be out at two. I'm just wondering what the situation will be. Do we have the sunglasses? Yeah? Okay, so there's gonna be sun. Um,

there's gonna be water people. Now, it's like a spring break vibe. Should we should we have a beach ball? Should we have anything like fun pool related that we can play around with the audience? Or do we just keep it more what we usually do? I mean, I don't know how we should go about this. Should I love it? I love it? Oh my god, I have the crazies story about a beach ball, but I just I can't even but that reminds me of a thing. Okay, I'll shelve it. We'll have another meeting about that. Guys,

there's only five minut it's left in the zoom meeting. Okay, Well, we I think we accomplished a lot. Yeah, I feel like more confident. Um, let's wrap this up. And when I say that, I mean, let's talk for about thirty more minutes about and then after that we're gonna close it with like just some general bullshit again, maybe kind of referencing things we talked about in the beginning, and then we'll sign off the meeting and go and then um, I'll make my eighth bowl of oatmeal for the day.

I mean that sounds fantastic, and shove it down my face in numbers real quick, almost like you know, hurtful way some numbers. Yeah, I'd love, I mean, i'd love. What are some of The average podcast is about an hour and four minutes to give or take minus four plus six. And you know, a lot of people what they don't understand is that the attention span of a

regular listener is only about forty two minutes. So if you take forty two divided by an hour, which is sixty four minutes, that's you're looking at, you know, not a great percentage a couple numbers, that for sure. So then if you take that, you subtract actually advertising, which is another five six minutes, you're not speeds download speed, especially if you're still on a O L and you have the old school computer, it's gonna be attention rates

and the drop off effects. Not to mention, now, these people listening, are gonna be in water, They're gonna be swimming, They're gonna be in the shallow then deep end shallowing. So I'm just saying that it's gonna be harder than you think. So when you run the numbers plus the pool minus the attention span times how long do podcast goes for, you're gonna realize that this is gonna be difficult. But I really feel like we're gonna be able to accomplish it with the beach ball, Thank you very much.

On on this note of like conversation, So, I recently got an offer for like a a commercial kind of thing. Yeah, it's it's actually a you know I get I get these every so often, and this one is actually like a cause I believe in Maybe guess what it's about, And it's about me, It's about it's it's just anal Loubes vegan, anal loubs of course. Yeah. Yeah. Does it taste like actual you have to drink it? Um, Yeah,

it's it's the impossible anal loop. I want to make an an loup vegan that tastes exactly an impossible burger crumbles yesterday on top of my salad. Holy fuck, dude, it's not it's no joke. It's so good, you know, Like I don't I know someone um who has made this point, so I'm kind of stealing this this this point. But I think vegan meat brands and stuff do themselves a disservice when they compare themselves, like it tastes just like chicken, Like, don't it doesn't need to be a

different taste. It doesn't invalidate that it's a good it could be better, you know, you know, it doesn't need to because when you start doing that, that's when the mediators are like, it doesn't tute the same, and then they go fuck it and then they're like almost there. They convinced themselves that it's terrible because of you know, it's it's trying to be this thing that whatever. So um, I can't say yeah because I think I mean, they offered it, but it might not work with my schedule.

But it's a it's a vegan kind of it's a it's a it's a vegan meat and I'm really excited about it and I can't wait to do it if I get to do it, but um, it might not work for my schedule, but they you know, they give you all these terms and like what you need to do socially, what you know, what's going to be required of you, like based on the hours. And then they're like, you know, it's this many hours of shooting in this

amount of time span. Like they'll they're like five hours of shooting in an eight hour window, so that means like it could be hours here and then you know five hours, two hours, four hours later, whatever, um. And then uh, that doesn't include glam which is another two hours. So and then they were like, and then you need to have a call about you know, being a brand ambassador, and like what that means and how and and the call They even say the call is gonna be a

sixty minute call. And so you know, whenever someone gives you an offer in this business, which I did not know, I just would take any if I didn't have agents, I would just go Joe, okay, great. Yeah. But the thing is they lowball you. I didn't know that, Like I don't I think people are like earnestly, you know, it's a it's a good amount of money. But I was like, oh my god, you know we can get more. Like it's it's just I don't have the time for it, so for me to do it, it has to be

like squid game money, you know. So, um, they're gonna murder me uh if I don't Uh yeah, um so they um. But they they came back with another offer and they cut the prep call down to thirty minutes, and I go, are they gonna talk faster? Like, first of all, like why did we need to have an hour? If the prep call could have been thirty minutes, why wasn't it initially? Like what do they get? I understand they get more material from me if we do six hours of shooting, and we now we whittled it down

to four. So they're doing something that is of disservice to them because they get more content out of me with six. It's your time, They're they're guaranteeing themselves an hour of your time exactly. But they're in that sixty minutes where they're teaching me about the brand and about

talking points and stuff. I know that they maybe they can get more information out in that time that I can then go and and and I have to do interviews and stuff about this and do press, which I would be happy to do because I believe in the product. But um, if they can get it in thirty minutes, why not be Why are what they could be? Why do a lot more for their money? If hair, if hair stylist can do a job two hours, why don't we do it in two hours instead of six? Listen?

Are they offering the same amount of money and saying that you have to do less time, more money and do less time? Yes, So did you counter that you want to show? We countered we want more money and less fun of time, and we got it. Interesting, Yeah, but it was that doesn't interest me like in terms of like Mike, my point is the only thing that interests me is the call that I'm having with the executives. That has nothing to do with content they get. It's

just teaching me about the brand. If you can do that call, If if you come back to me and say we've shortened that called to thirty minutes, what they've just done there is cut down on the bullshit they've cut out. Hi, Nikki, I watched f Boy Island like they're cutting let's cut that from every meeting. Let's just get down to brass tax and if you actually like someone take it offline and where are out of though. Then they took that half hour out of my prep call.

There's no I understand that. But then you wanted shorter probably film times. Yeah, they took those down two from six hours to four hours, from six to four. Yeah, did they keep anything almost the same? They cut everything about everything. My social post went down by um, my number of interviews I have to do went down. Everything went down. Money went up, And that is the beauty of show business and having agents. That's why you have agents.

That's why they take ten percent of every dime I make, and then my manager takes another ten percent of every dime I make, and then my lawyer takes five percent of every dime I make. I didn't know this of my income before taxes, by bye bye bye bye, and then after that. So whenever I make a check and I see that check, I go so long, I just kiss it goodbye. I even slice it in half. So

I guess they got to uh your age. It was manager need to make more than they gotta ask for twenty percent more of what you originally were offered to make them worth anything. Uh yeah, pretty much. I mean essentially what they got me was there there their money. But that's my money. You know, that's actually money to me. So and listen, I'm never I'm number one of those people that's like I have to give off. Like I'm saying that kind of shocked because I've never really looked

into it. And for the first time ever this year, I got the courage to ask my business manager how much did my managers and lawyers take? By the way, I've never known, and I've they've been taking. I've had a manager an agent taking money for you know, over ten years, and I've always been like, do they take age or like, I don't know numbers and you're a big numbers guy. You even wanted to go over them in our zoom meeting. Yeah, I mean I could go

over your agents numbers real quick. I mean ten percent over about ten years as perpetuity, which I don't know if you know that word, can I? But I do want to say I love my managers and agents. They've made me more money than they've taken from me, for sure. And so is my business manager. He's a very good person. Um,

my lawyer is a snake. But that's why I love him because he fights for me and he's the one that famously, when I was crossing the street in Montreal going to dinner with him at the Just for Last festival in two thousand fourteen, he saw a bus coming, Like I was going to the dinner with my lawyer, Love Ginsburg, who I truly love, but there was a bus coming and I like it looked like I was

getting too close to it. So he was like, whoa nicky and he like kind of held me back, like, don't don't even try to cross yet, you're gonna get hit. And I go, that's what sweet and he goes, no, no, no, it's not about you your money to me. He's like, you're my daughter swim lessons and I was like, that's what he said. He didn't say that, but that's what he's saving. He's like, you're my wife's uh you know, pilates instructor. Sure in ten years will be like I

just keep going. Yeah. He's like, please, it's too hard to let you go personally, but I will say that last night before we get to the news, my manager it was the best thing that has ever been said to me complimentary wise from my manager. And he says a lot of nice things and he's just one of

the nicest guys and such a champion of mine. But yesterday he got me on a call with the woman that sets up all the um the like the this, like uh, she organized the commercial, like so there's a there's a group of agents at my agency that get you endorsement deals, and she Lauren. He was patching. He was like, Nikki, we're on the phone with Lauren. Lauren. Uh, here's Nicki um also known as legitimately the busiest one

woman in show business. And hearing that from my manager who has you know, gath Agin, Jim Jeffrees, Okay, holy it, you know I take that back, Alex, I need you to be less specific. The busiest blonde woman named Nicki on this phone call almost got hit by a bus I think he would have said anything, yes, no, it's very nice, it's very nice. Why was that so validating to hear that I'm busy? Because because he knows when when my mom goes you're so busy, I go, what

do you know about busy? Alex Murray knows busy. He's just to know that I'm busy. It's yeah, he knows show business busy. And it was just validating. I needed to hear it from him, I like your shoes. Let's get to the news. It's Wednesday, folks. You know what that means. It's Wednesday if you're having all the swells and if you're not well, tomorrow is another day. Shit

really invalidated everything, thanks manager. Okay. Men with golden penis and I've heard about that and arrogance and stems from the assumption that a steady supply of the emails will be sexually interested in them are ruining sex and dating for women. So a study shows that only in college is male, and then in New York, like, for example, it's three to one girl to guy. What is that about. I think more females are college age students, by the way, so more men aren't going to More women are going

to college than men. I think there's just more women in. It's a like birth rate is always pretty much around fifty maybe fifty one at most, but it's never deviates that much. I think also potentially women that just graduated college that moved to New York, maybe their parents are more inclined to help them from did just come out on Netflix? And so more girls are just like I'm going to go to New York. But I think it's been way for a long time in New York City.

It could be there sex in the city, it could be cultural things like that, Like that's why I wanted to go to n y U was Felicity. Oh, I didn't even know that was filmed in New York. Yeah, oh, she followed Ben there. So yeah, so these guys have, you know, an endless buffet of women, so why why end up with just one? And they're saying that this

is creating men to be just rude, dismissive. Ghost girls have written me on Instagram bussies dm me that they one in particular was saying that she was talking to a guy on bumble and the second she she said something that was just like oh like either I'm not I'm not interested, or you know, in a very polite way, and he's like that shamed her and was like why would you ever do that? Like who how could you even?

You know? What made me like, I understand there's people out there like that, but but how could this sweet girl who's a fan of the show, she's obviously a smart person and a nice person be tricked into swiping right on this guy? So he had enough on his profile to indicate that he was a normal person. I mean, this person isn't just swiping blindly, right, And that guy that appears like a good person could then fat shape you and your d m s before you even meet him.

This kind of yeah, this tuitive. I mean we all know that, getting cat calls and you go fuck you and they go I wouldn't want you anyway, fucking slut and you're like, I'm a slut because I don't want to fuck you. Yeah, I mean that's a lot of what it is. He probably just added fat there, but I mean it was just rejection and then he was like, well I'm better than you. My beds could explode, like fuck you. But I the only thing that I think that might be going through his brain is that he's

on bumble. She swiped, she's had hellow, so obviously she's interested, you know, and he's probably thinking, oh, she's You know, guys will think that to have a guy think you're fat and harbor that into they wait for a time, or to think that, or to harbor these thoughts about you that make them feel like you're lesser, you're easier because you don't like yourself as much because you're overweight, therefore your being more willing to funk the first night. Honestly,

it's the other way around. Bruised ego. You know he was rejected, but I was wondering, have you I don't know, like if if on a date or like, have you gotten a message on a dating app that was just like what the hell um I have? I've gotten a lot of d ms that are just like why would you ever think you had a shot like that. I'm almost offended that they think, like you're coming to Daton for one night. I'm you're coming to Columbus for one night.

I would love to take you out. And it's a guy that like, first of all, it's account as private, but then you see is little picture and it's a guy with like you know those dumb glasses that have like a blue tint on them, I don't even know, like they're like running glasses. And he's like got he's he looks he just looks like a tool, Like there's nothing about his profile that would look cool, and he's just and he's misspelled some things and hasn't made his profile.

He's told me nothing about him, Like I would just go you know what mysterious. I think I think that's enough or something or that they saw one thing where I'm like, I want a boyfriend as like you know, I was being I was people offer me money to put me in touch with you. This guy goes how much is it gonna take? And then I read up on his comments like three up the guy's married. Yeah, like he told me he was married, like three comments before that, and then he goes how much is it

gonna take? And I was like, I mean that's why I'm not That's why I need an agent. I just go, I need an agent. Yeah, it wore you out for thirty minutes of my time. Get it down to fifteen and I'll talk. What if I gave you part of the money and you were in on it? Should I write this guy and be like, it's so funny and I'll give you there. Used to be that guy that would offer me just to give me money because he

just wanted to give me money. Yeah, that guy's hard to just want to buy me things and like for with nothing in return. But sugar daddies want something in return. They want your company, they want you to go to dinner with them. Even most likely sexual favors. They want something. This guy was far away and just wanted to send me money just and and necklaces and jewelry and like

find things. And it's like a it's a kink. They have a fetish and and and I was almost like, why wouldn't I, you know, like, why would I not accept free money? Did you have to meet him? Or no? I think this was I think i'd the first the only time I like accepted, because there's been a few of these people. I think it was two thousand six fifteen or sixteen, and I was like, yeah, I'll take five bucks for PayPal. Yeah, why not? You don't know

my address, I don't know who you are. I've made it clear that you will get nothing from this, Like fans have a better chance of getting free tickets from me just writing a d M being like you know, I can't afford it, I'm really sorry or whatever. Then they would if they're like, I'll send you money for free tickets, because then it creates an exchange. I told this guy you get nothing. Ever, ever, ever, I think it did, because is you talking about this right? No,

I'm not saying it's a lot. I'm just saying that's what he got, like use that money. It's financial control. It's just like, oh, even like if he like bought me shoes and he sees them where wear them on TV, It's like I have a part in her life. And if he's if he isn't not my address and he can't get me, like, why would I turn that down? That is let me make it clear, do not offer me these things because I will turn it down because

I can't. That is a slippery slope. And I have had those guys in the past be like, why aren't you talking to me? Like so nothing back, and I'm like, I'm busy and we had a deal. You get nothing. This is exists and company and only fans. It almost like cameo is what we just we're talking about. But it makes it more like legit, so it doesn't feel

like you're whouring yourself out. I told my dad yesterday, but you were talking to my parents about my act and like how they feel about me, um, you know being I said, I felt like a porn star a lot of times because I talked about porn, like talk

pornographically on stage. And then sometimes I just feel like people are like when I walk into a room if they've just watched my special and it was the one that in which was highly sexual, they're almost like kind of have this nervous like boner energy around me, or they're like to keep the kids away, like there's just a a black sheep thing that some people put on me of like you're a nasty girl, you're a bad girl, and um. And I was telling my parents that and

they were like, you know you do you? Nikki? Like it doesn't we know you're you're a good person. I go, well, why is why is sex connotated with even being a bad person? Like why you don't need to say I'm a good person because there's nothing about me talking openly about sex that should make you think I'm a bad person. And then my mom goes, I go, what if I did porn? And then my dad goes, no, you you're not that type of girl, And I go, what is what type of girls is that? Dad? And he's like,

that is not just giving it away for free? And I go, who says it would be for free? He's like putting that out there And I go, Dad, you saying I can't do porn makes me want to do porn so bad, and not to be like I want to make you uncomfortable, Dad, but to prove the hypocrisy of what you're saying, Like you think that porn stars are bad people, that that there's something morally correct up about them, and of course yes, the men involved in porn.

Sometimes there can be moral corruption in porn for sure, just like in any business, like I don't know, uh, show business, but I almost you know, I've always said that I wanted to do porn because I would like to bridge that I would like to show that it's normal and be like, oh my gosh, this girl that we all accepted on NBC is now doing porn. But then I would be I can't do porn because I

would be ostracized. The business does not allow it, because because being free about sex and being open with your body is a moral issue, and people just go, you know, if you're a stripper, you're you're a different type. She's on the wrong side of the tracks. And it's just like, I just it made me want to do porn so bad. I go, Mom, Dad, don't tell me not to do porn because and they go, do porn, do it? Nikki.

We would support you because they want they're doing reverse psychology, because it really there's something about when people go that would make when I know for a fact that like I know, I'm right, being open about sex and putting it out there for the masses to consume is not a bad thing, Because I go, Dad, have you never consumed porn? So so the things these women that you're consuming the entertainment of from time to time He goes, well, I'm not addicted to it. I'm like, well, that's not

the answer. That's not what I was asking. So it's either you're addicted to it or you don't watch it at all, Like, give me a break. You people enjoy porn, but they act like porn stars are the worst people in the world. It's like, it's like, how how has porn become beheading videos where where the people in them are like the scourge of society. Yet you know, I feel like there is a gap being bridge there though, Like there's this porn start line of Rhodes. There's a

couple other points. She's she has sixteen million followers on I get it, but like, is she in mainstream movies? No? No, But my point is is that she's in mainstream YouTube culture, which I know isn't that good. But she but she's not seen as she's actually put on a pedestal by I mean a lot of like, you know, eighteen nineteen year olds, but like the type of porn pedestal. Fucking yeah,

pedestal where they and it's pretty hot. But she but like, there are porn stars like that that you know that are on bar stool a lot that are seen outside of just sucking and fucking where they oh, they're selling merchant, they're like, you know whatever, they're getting brand deals, they're getting, they're seeing more as like, oh, these are like movie stars most to these people. So it is starting to, i think, change the conversation. It's it's very crazy to

be able. That's why I'm so in awe of them. It's because I just can't believe, how could you do that. It's like, I'm it's the same as like cliff diving or those guys that flow through the air like little flying squirrels and then like barely at the ground. That's porn. To me, That's how I look at porn stars. I'm just like, oh my god, it's so cool that you do that. I'm so glad I get to watch it, But I am like, I could never do that. But it's not like I'm like, I don't think Cliff Jumpers

are bad. People are like, don't have him at our family dinner party. I look at it literally the same way of like, because actually porn stars do look at sex very like they almost look at like. I was just like, like the way we look at comedy or or or being on stage. People go oh my god, how could you go on stage? And they're just like they're less crazy and like weird about sex than the people that would be weird about having them at the dinner party, do you know what I'm saying? Or Thanksgiving

dinner whatever. All right, let's get to why do I care? After this break? Why do I care? Why do I care? Okay, so nick him he won't read Jessica Simpson's book I lived it for use for her first can't refuse the audio Okay, Yeah, I guess you could do any audio book or the Vulture recap call back or Blankets. Oh my god, I just was checking my subscriptions, like on Apple, I paid for Blankets prescription subscription for a year. I gotta get back into it. I do like it. I

do too, and I have audio books too. I have like nineteen credits that I haven't used. Dude, Okay, So Nichols, she won't read uscas is this book, which, by the way, I heard was great. I gotta read her book because I'm writing a book right now, and hers is one that everyone goes. I didn't think it was going to be good, but is. Yeah, because people are like chicken un you know, and then they're like, she must be an idiot. I really like her all the you see

her her latest Instagram post. So she's been sober for four years and she put up a photo of her and tooth. It doesn't even look like you would never even knows her if you got out. She've had a problem on a lot working and so she put up this photo. No make it was the day she realized that she wanted to be sober. Wait the picture that she put up, Wait, I want to look at it. It's pretty incredible. She has three kids now, she looks so happy. I didn't you know, I'm not gonna lie

like I kind of forgot about her. And then you check out her Instagram and that's more successful than oh my God. This person is the early is in the early morning of November one, two dozen seventeen, is an unrecognizable version of myself. I had so much self discovery to unluck and explorer. I knew in this very moment, I would allow myself to take back my light, show victory over my internal battle of self respect and brave

this world with piercing clarity. Personally. To do this, I need to stop drinking alcohol because it kept my mind and heart circling in the same direction, and quite honestly, I was exhausted. Um. I wanted to feel the pain so I could carry it like a badge of honor. I wanted to live as a leader does and break the cycles, to advance forward, never looking back with regret and remorse over any choice I've made, and would for the rest of my time here within this beautiful world.

I love this. She's yeah, four years. I think this is a good thing. There's so much stigma around the world alcoholism or the label of an alcoholic the real world. That needed to be done, in work that needed to be done in my life was to actually accept failure, pain, brokenness, and self sabotage. The drinking wasn't the issue I was. I didn't love myself. I didn't respect my own power. Today I do. I have made nice with the fears, and I've accepted the parts of my life that are

just sad. I own my personal power with soulful, soulful courage. I am wildly honest and comfortably open. I am free. I love you. Jessica Simpson Listen like obviously she's she's done it, like the had the so much of that is what I feel like I had last year when I stopped starving myself and like you know, dieting or abusing myself with food, it's still a struggle. Much like I'm sure she still has days where she wants to

drink or is does something selfish. Sure, like you know what she's saying is like, drinking is not the issue. Me starving myself wasn't the issue. Me wanting to be thin wasn't the issue. It's me loving myself. And if you are abusing yourself with any substance, it's not the it's not the drug, it's not like it's just you don't like yourself and you don't accept yourself, and and it's so hard to do. But it is possible. Um, even though God, I mean there there two days ago

I could not accept myself. I was teetering on the brink of hurting. You know, I was hurting myself with my the mantras to myself. I was hurting myself in just the my room being messy. I mean, I find other ways to abuse myself, even if it's not with alcohol, marijuana or I wonder if she like starving, mrs performing and mrs singing and like, you know, that was such a I mean, I guess a big part of her life now as being a mother and billionaire. Oh oh really,

she ended up she's more. She's richer than Brittany, Christina and all those girls Mandy combined. Like that becomes like, you know, you become such a big Yeah, if you had a brand and then you just stopped doing comment, I don't want to make I don't want to make more trash for the world if I could create Brianna became a billionaire off of brands, like if, I don't know,

it's just interesting to me. It's sad to me though, a little bit that these you know, they're not they're so talent, they could put out so much amazing creative word. But that's what she's clear, Like, I bet you will get an album from her that will be probably won't sell well, no offense, because it's like that music, it doesn't do. Like Mariah Carey just released another like Christmas song and I just don't think it's going to do as well, even though she's made the most popular Christmas

song of all time. Like, but I bet her album that she makes, whether it does well or not, it won't matter. You know, the artists that weigh their worth on sales, they aren't sober like she is. Like she has done the work. You can tell where and you know I'm not if she's doing the work. And I know when I do the work, it's nothing matters, Like it doesn't matter. And that's almost gets in my way.

Like with the special coming up, I just know that if it's the worst thing I've ever put out and I bomb it, and I am totally unprepared and I totally fucked up by not preparing more. I was gonna say the guy that was gonna give me notes I said to him, I was like, I don't want to.

I don't want to go over notes. I don't want to go over my act and he goes, you need to and it was just like a rude awakening of like, you're right, someone needed to like slap me in the phase of be like Nikky, it's time to do the work, like it's looming. And I feel though that if I get to that point and I record it, it was always meant to be that special, Like I the fact that I didn't work on it wasn't because I was lazy.

It was because I just couldn't. I couldn't and the fact that I had to record that special with everything going on in my life that led me to not be able to prepare that special is meant to be whatever it is, and I'm not having any regrets anymore. It's one of the chapters I'm working on for my book is um dealing with regret, because I when I was going through immense regret over like forgetting to say jokes or like a one conan interview I did where I just didn't feel like it was very good and

I was like, why did I say this? I could have said this joke just I remember just scouring anything for like a podcast about regret, like how do you get over regret, and there was like not a lot of resources for me. So I'm I'm going to write something about it, because I really am at the point now where I just go it was meant to be that way, it was always going to be that way.

And cursing the other day lost to pair sunglasses on the way here when she flew they like fell out of her bag at t s A. And she doesn't lose things. She's just a very organized person and she takes care of her things. And they were like, you know,

fifty dollar sunglasses and she lost them. And usually if Carson loses something, I hear about it constantly because she just like talks about things in her life that especially things like that, like I lost something that is so unlike me, Like how did Like I would have heard about it. She didn't tell me about it for three days and then she goes, oh, yeah, I lost my

sunglasses on the way here. She goes, but when I realized I lost them, I heard your voice in my head from the podcast saying I was never meant to have those sunglasses. I was only meant to have them for that amount of time they were meant to go would be with someone else. After that, and they weren't mine to have. They were always going to be lost in that moment. There was nothing I could have done,

and that was that's where they should be. And and I go, that's why I haven't heard you obsess over these sunglasses because I because, yeah, I'm so I'm so glad that that got out there because it's helped me so much. And I sometimes say things on here where I'm like, does this help anyone, because that that kind of, you know, thing helps me when I lose something or I make a you know, I am in a fender bender or something. I'm just like, God, why didn't I

just tie my shoe? And then I wouldn't have been in this exact moment, Like these little things like that have done differently. It's like, stop it. It was there's nothing you didn't know, There's nothing you could have done. But you know what I can do is get to collection of kids getting ready for there's person. So Okay.

I was actually talking to uh my lover last night and thank God, someone that I you know, I'm hooking up with, and he was saying he's never acknowledged kid, and it's always been kind of a thing our relationship where I'm like like whenever I say he just goes kind of like like it just kind of like I can tell it, like it's just not something he's just like accepting. And then last night he was like, I had some thoughts about and I was like what, Like it was almost like he got down on one knee.

I was like, wait, wait, you you're acknowledging kut and he was like, he goes, you guys need to put out a cut book like Urban Outfitters book of like all of our submissions of the kiss things and make a book of kids. And so I think that's our first branding thing for the podcast collection of kids. Okay, let's hear this first one. Okay, this first one didn't leave a name. I don't think. I think you know it. And Andrew. I'm calling him because I have a from

this weekend. So on Friday night, my friends and I went out in St. Louis and we were with a couple of guys we went to college with, and the one guy was driving us and he he was like talking about the strip club and he was showing us his complimentary entry fees and just like wouldn't stop talking about it. And it just was like waiting for us to have a reaction, but none of us here and it just felt ye like who, we don't care that you're going to a strip club. We don't want to go.

He would then he was like you guys don't want to go tonight, and like like why so? Yeah? I mean I was, I was. I was in threat of being before when I told you guys my manager said I was the busiest woman in comedy. Because that's a brag. But what I what I what what took me out of being is the fact that I set it up as like this made me feel really good, like I

acknowledged why I was sharing. It was like I I'm I'm being selfish right now if you acknowledge, like, like, how could that guy do that and avoid being cast? I mean he's bragging essentially, he's bragging about how rich he is that he could handle this, you know, fifty dollar fee. Like if I could handle that, imagine what I could do for you, you know what I mean? Like, because my money is endless, I could have a girl ride on me and I could come in my own pants.

How cool am I? How do you? How do you? Is there a way to what to show your entry cards two girls without think You could say, look, how could I am by showing that? You could even say that. You could be like, I know this is could but I'm kind of proud of this, or you could be like acknowledge, I really really do enjoy going to these strip clubs. I value them, value how they make me. I'm a good tipper. I just yeah, I don't know.

I mean it's hard to like, yeah, it's hard to is like a black card cut if you throwed that, like and it's like a weighted car. Is there a way to use a card that's like that without being killed? There's plenty of rich guys that you would never know have a black card. You know. There's the guy that's like, I got it, and he's like whips it out and throws it over his head and like it just he makes it breaks the table. It's six by six ft. It's like a giant check. He's like, hey, can you

run this? No, well, just you know, I'm good for it, and then he just buys the whole restaurant. God bless you. But that's one of my favorite things ever. Um. Yeah, so anyhow, but yeah, it's a. If you call out cut, you can do whatever you want if you go listen, guys, I just want to show how fucking sick and loud my engine sounds ready like you're not cut. You've called it out. Okay, next one, Okay, next one comes from I think j D's name, Hi, Nikki Glazer Pod. My

name is Jad Daily listener. Um, No one makes me laugh harder, So thank you, guys. UM. I just wanted to share a cup moment since you always reference it's been a while the state reference. I have to always think now that most nineties rock is pretty cut. And I was listening to Lightning Crashes by Live and I couldn't help but think the whole time out cut that song.

I just wanted to share. Thanks, Thanks j D. I think that songs about the Oklahoma City bombing crashes and old Can you write a CURS song about a national terroristic tragedy? Kind of? Because you know what's ki is like all is like singing like that is making a

choice to sing, like learning. Singing is feelings in songs like any kind of like ah, like like trying to get your like trying to sound trying to get is singing cur like sometimes when I listened to my own like, I get what you're saying, Like there's a way that he could sing that song without But like any singing I'm talking about, like any recording artist well be saying rap and like certain kind of singing pop music, their

whole thing is trying to look stand up. So kid, I you know what's not You know what is the Deterrentica honesty And that's what I liked Jessica Simpsons thing, and that's a big recovery thing is just if you're honest all the time, you will see that you have an addiction to something, like you aren't going to hide an addiction, so you have to deal with it. That's why I like the first step of like recovery things is like admitting you have a problem. It's like getting honest.

So if you're always honest, could cannot exist in an honest world if you're like what what what makes everything suck is just dishonesty is not showing your true motives or your true intentions. And that's why I love love on the spectrum because they can't be care false confidence,

false cockiness. Ego. Yeah, I I love Machine Gun Kelly, but um, someone sent me that clip of him with with Megan Fox, I am weed and uh, And I was like, I think it's funny, you know, I like defended him because I like machine Gun Gally and I was like, I think it's funny. And he was a little annoyed that I thought that was funny. He was like, you are like a comedian, you think that's funny. I'm like, yeah, because it's just like a funny thing to say. She

said you smell like weed. And he was probably a little bit nervous as Megan Fox, and he was just like trying to think of the coolest thing to say. And he's just like, I am It's just a dumb to say I am weed. Doesn't make any sense. And he goes, let me just clarify. You can think it's funny, but please admit it's And I was like, oh, I mean, I think that's maybe the definition of saying I am weed is for sure. I mean, I think people can be and you could have a balance of a lot

of things. But if he is weed, like, we don't know. I mean, I got a little and I'm about to see him where I'll tell you soon spoiler. I mean there's actually not a oiler. Okay, next, spoilers are cool on a car on a what's the point of spoilers? I don't to just look like you're going faster? What honestly, what is a spoiler? A spoiler to make you go

faster when you're standing aerodynamics? Serodynamic? Okay, you would think it would slow you down, though, But going fast as cud like just to go around in circles and go fast? Like why do It's only to be like I could like what is boilers can get? I mean early nineties boilers racing and going fast? Is because why do we need to reason why you like porn? Why you want to do porn? You know? I want to come? No you want it? Well, these that's how they can come

and mentally and physically they go fast and they feel. Man, I'm getting a little existential about like I think almost everything is okay next week. I'm sorry. You're gonna love this one. Oh good okay from Maria. Hi, guys, I love the podcasts or every morning with it. Thank Cogressive. You're hilarious. He made me laugh every day. I have a kick to report report. I live in New York City, so I often run in Central Park and I have found that male runners in general are just pretty kid.

I don't think they can help themselves. I think it's just something that comes with a territory. Anyway, I saw the sky one time as I was running, and he had a bottom of his shirt was pulled up and in his mouth, so it was creating like a crop top moment, and I guess it was to show off his abs. I'm not really sure what the objective was there, but he was just running along holding the bottom of his shirt and his mouth creating this fashion statement, and

I thought that was pretty dark. But another thing that is is something that I did myself. I am actually with your friend a Meal on Hinge a couple of months back, and I really really wanted to hold myself back from do it, but I really couldn't. So my first message was about you and um, I hope he wasn't offended by that. But we can all be a little kiss sometimes. I have realized that, oh at all. Thank you guys so much for making this podcast. I

really do appreciate it. Thank you what was her name, Ria? Ria? I love that. And yeah, sometimes people go, I know this is kuld, but like I love you or whatever. It's like that ain't kid like, that's just honest and like you you, I mean you're you have a mutual friend with a meal me so like if that's you're my friend, if you listen to the show, especially daily, and especially if you are like calling out, because um so I would I would be mad if you didn't

write a meal. Hey I know, Nikki, Yeah, you know what's pretending like there isn't a connect? Yes, yes, that would have been Yes, I feel like, who's Nicky Glazer? Meanwhile, like carved in your back? Yes? Oh my, that's such a good one. I have to peece so bad? Can I just go so fast? It's almost it's too distracting. I do remember, Like when guys put their shirt up their show their abs, it is like like you can

I saw a thing, but here's the thing. And don't you want the argument I'll give guys if you some people go, whyn't you just use the top of your shirt you know what I mean, to wipe off the sweat off your brow or whatever, because that doesn't show your abs as much. The top is already wet from sweat. You sweat more up top than you do towards your stomach. So do you use the bottom of your shirt? Yes?

If you are well. That guy must run a lot, so doesn't he know he should take like a handkerchief or something and not just run with his shirtey runs with a handkerchief with a pipe, with a pipe and a and a hat with a feather. You should run with I don't run. I don't know what they use. Why doesn't he just have a hankerchief? Nike should come out with the Nike handkerchief. Oh do you need to blow snot? Do you need to get sweat off the

top of your head? We got you covered. No, It just said why didn't the guy that wipe the sweat off with his shirt carry a handkerchief? Well? Running um or a towel, but a handkerchief. No one used a handkerchief. Did he have a pipe? And and I had with a feather? Do while he runs and put down his jacket when there's a puddle for a nice lady out of the carrot seeing in the rain? Um, oh my god, that's so funny. Yeah, when so I guess he was he was sweating? Is that he was? Yeah, he was sweating.

I was talking to the top of your shirt, but it's already wet. That's the problem. That's Yeah, I'm a big sweater and when I run and I have like sweat in my eyes, I you know, have to like pull it up and do it with like the Sometimes I'll take my shirt off just to get so I don't like cover up my eyes and doing it. I have to admit, like I've been running before and I

don't need to take my shirt off. But I'm like, I look fucking great and I don't and I don't go to the gym, I don't get to go to the beach, I don't go to the pool, and I kind of want to show off my body and I'm I can run away as before anyone was like she thinks she's hot. And it's just like I'll sometimes run in a and it's I sweat so much that it feels more free, Like it feels good too. It's not like I'm making myself more uncomfortable to show off my body.

But I will not deny that showing off my body is part of me wanting to take off my shirt. I mean, I think I think you deserve it. I mean, also it gives you a scapegoat of like, you know, you're not just like walking around the park like Nick almost Nick. If you're running, it like gives you workout clothes, all that ship yoga pants, It all makes you sexier with under the guys of Oh no, I'm just saying yeah.

I mean, it's just admitting that I wanted to wear something that makes me cuter or like, yeah that that I feel embarrassed do I mean I wouldn't comfortable wearing a sports braw with your yoga pants, just like around town. Well, Noah says, why don't you just wear red lipstick and high heels in a summer dress while you were on Nikki and a handkerchief. Well that's in a bonnet and scarf around my neck or like like I'm in a big sunglasses and curlers in my hair and a petticoat.

Um yeah, garter belt. I don't know. I'm just naming other things, um because those aren't comfortable and and they're not good for running. But I do sweat a lot, and I but male runners I absolutely thinker cut. Like I'm just like you look crazy. You are don't have enough fat on your body? What are you running for um, what are you running from? Oh? What do you want from Me? I loved that song, What do you Want from Me? What do you Love from Me? Adam Lambert?

Adam Lambert? I loved him. I loved a couple American idols who had kind of one hits. I loved Adam Lambert What do you Want from Me? I loved um. David Archiletta Crush. That is honestly one of my favorite pop songs of all time. If there are any other David Archeltta Crushed fans out there, just no, You're not alone, but sometimes you feel alone because it is a song that no one knows. I hear it once in a while, like over the sound system at TJ Max. It is.

It's a great song though, and he's it's you know, it's about a girl, but he's you know, came out Yeah. Um David Um Cook, Yes, a career Yeah? What was his single? Um? I don't know, but him, the bald guy. David Cook and I used to text each other. He was my first like um, I would say, celeb like uh potential. We met. I had been on last coming standing. I think we were both from Kansas City and you know kind of got our start in Kent City and um, we met at like a god, how did we even meet? Oh?

We met here in St. Louis. I was here in two thousand nine. I moved back to live with my parents. I've been on the Tonight Show at that point and last comic sand so I had like a little bit of TV cred. He had one American idol I think two years before the year before and we saw each other at Blueberry Hill. He was in town doing a show and my friend I was with my friends and my friends like went up to him were like like we I was like, oh my god, he's so cute

and just didn't want to say anything. But my friends I think went up to two of my guy friends went up to him, were like wingmandum for me or said something. And then he invited us somewhere and then I think he was like They were like, he's like interested in you. I was like what, And I just couldn't believe it. And I think these are the MySpace days and I think maybe I slid in there. I don't know, but then he was supposed Then we started texting and we never met again. But um, I've always

like had. I remember listening to that song a lot, being like I'm gonna be this guy's girlfriend, like projecting that into the world. I like had the Big. You know, it's one of those things where you just think that something's gonna get off the ground and it literally never even leaves the gate, and you're like I and you're already in Paris on vacation, and you're like, it's your honey. The plane ain't taken off, you haven't even boarded. They

won't let you on. Your bag is too big, Your baggage just too much, Like what are you even thinking? Like the places my mind will go in fantasy land with guys or have gone in the past. Now I now I cut myself off from even the first step. Yeah, you don't even get the ticket. I don't even like price line it you don't kayak? Yeah, I mean yeah. It's it's good though, to have those like I think you have to have like these these dreams to then reach something. Maybe it won't be that dream, but at

least you're dreaming. I know that sounds cheesy, but at least you're like thinking, Big might not date David Cook, but I might date a Line Cook yeah, who almost went to Paris during the summer between junior and senior year, but he failed out because he was addicted dogsy. Now I love fantasizing about boys. It used to be one of my favorite things. Did you Fantasia? Burino? Never liked a single of hers really, justin Guarini I thought was

gonna be bigger. Bo Bice has a the best song ever, I think on American Idol when he sings acapella, bo Bice acapella. I don't even know any Daughtry. I liked him, Patry, I really like Daughtry um, but no voice people. I couldn't even name a voice person neither. Yeah, all right, well we've covered it all so much. I love her. Carrie Underwood. Yeah, I mean that's Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson's

audition on American Idol, best audition ever. You've never seen all of them, so you can't really say that, but the best one you've seen, Yes, But her winning and singing a moment like this after she wins is even just listening to the audio of it makes me cry because she is so cute. Speaking of I'm gonna I'm gonna see her very shortly. Chances is there anyone I could bring up that you don't know? Oh my god? She goes, oh god, kind of moment, like you should

do that. You do that on her show, everything changes, beauty remains, so she does that. Something so simple can mix plain. I can sing as good to Kelly Clarkson when she's weeping uncontrollably. All right, gotta go. Thank you for listening to the podcast Prosperity. Uh don't and oh my god, you're so Gloder