#130 Mouse Suppository

do a nine slash nine and a half. Ten is always gonna be too big, but it's probably the shoes size I should wear because um my feet though have shaped two and nine because I've made them. Um My bunyans have made my tos curve in to to fit a nine, So UM, I don't wear ten now. UM a lot of uploaded pictures I have a three star rating. UM. I would really like to implore my besties to create a wiki feed account and get my score up if

you want to. You know what it is. All my scores are based off of UM I would say mostly this image that I gave to people of my mangled foot on Not Safe when I was doing that show, and it is a groteste picture. I remember, uh, one of my producers coming into my office during those days to be like, hey, we're doing this foot segment, like

can we just get a picture of your foot? And I just took out my you know, sweaty, pale, mangled claw of a foot and just put it on this sad carpet of Hollywood Center studio stages and my toneail is like purple. It's so, I mean, it still looks the same. It's very thin, My foot looks very um, my phot looks into rectic. It's like really sad. It looks like a nine eight year old woman's foot. Um, without question. So um, it's how brave of me to

put that out there. And then there's other pictures of my foot that are taken from Instagram that have been uploaded where people can see and yeah, so people are oh and people have actually stolen still images from my Instagram story, just flashes of my feet that they've stolen and uploaded, and yeah, my feet aren't great. Um a three out of five. I don't think it's very good for the site. I think most of these people are pretty generous. And um, yeah, that's a sad rating. And

how many how many ratings do I even have? We probably have more than reviews of our podcast. Um it doesn't say, but it should say. I want to know. Six hundred sixty five total votes. Oh I see yes, and one seventy three say beautiful, thank you. Let's get that number up. Hundred six say nice, hundred seventeen say okay, and a hundred forty uma say bad, um, bad and ugly. I love that those are different. Bad is slightly better than ugly. Um, you know what, it's whatever. I don't

I really don't care. Like I can't control my foot. There's nothing I can do for my feet other than manicure it to change it. I could get surgery. Then I'd be off my feet, and then I wouldn't be able to exercise. Then the rest of me would change, and then I'd get taken down for the rest of me. It's like, you can't you can't win. So not doing anything to my feet love my Bunyan's love the pain it brings me because I like pain and I like having the massage even though no one does it for me.

The other day, UM, Andrew and I did a uh foot massage sixty nine or each grabbed because I was like, dude, massage my feet please, and he was like no, no, And I was like just for like ten seconds, He's like, you massage of mine. I was like, great system. I was so good. I was really he knows how good I was, and he likes a foot massage just as much as me. No. It. We used to go in New York every day and we used to get two hours.

We used to start with a half hour and then we'd just be like, you want to go into the half hour and then we bump it up, then we go another half hour. The dollars for an hour you pay fifty bucks and then I tipped like insane amounts because I mean, that's just so cruel to put someone through all that. Um, but I just love a good foot rub and man, that faced massage. I can't stop thinking about it. I gotta get another one of those. That was life changing. Um I am Uh, Kirsten's gone,

she left and I'll miss her. Um. She was sleeping in my bed the past five nights. Was so fun. It was fun to be at home this past weekend. I've been out on the road every single weekend um for like, I don't know, it's probably it's abelt like seven or eight weeks in a row. I'm going to Cancoon to Marrow, which we will be putting those that episode will come out eventually. I'm thinking for Thanksgiving. Okay, Oh,

that's a good idea. A little yeah, everyone's gonna be around their families, a little vacation in your head, in your ears. Um, that'll be fun. We're going to Cancoon. It's like all these comedians. It's gonna be who's on her I want to get that itinerary because it looks so good. It's like I'm doing goddamn comedy jam, which is when a bunch of comedians play with a band

and sing songs. And I'm gonna play guitar for the first time and do just an acoustic version of blank Space, which I did last week on the UM Live podcast. So I'm gonna do that again, and then the band's gonna join me for like the last chorus because I just want to do so low and um yeah, that'll be so fun. That's what I'm looking forward to. And then I'm also doing an hour show and also a live podcast, so it's a lot to do. While I'm in Cancoon, I'm going to get a spray tand today

to prepare for it. I haven't even thought about swimsuits and wearing them in front of other comedians and how that will feel. And how do you feel about being around so many comedians? It's been so long? Right? Um? Yeah, it's well, I guess when I go to l A, I'm around them a little bit and I feel like, yeah, I guess it's been so long since. It's been like a lot in one space, but also no because on the road, I bring a meal in Andrew and Anya and Matt and it just feels like a bunch of artists.

It feels a comedians all hanging out like I've been getting really good hangs in. But I am excited to just hang with um. I think Jim Jefferies is there, Andrew Santino, Um, who else girls girls, Matteo. I'm excited to see Matteo and his sculpted fig um. He has the best body vegas short for figure um. He's he's an adonis. Um. Yeah, I I just Uh, I'm excited, and I really don't. I haven't even given a single thought to being in a bathing suit in front of comedians.

I will be I don't give a f I look fine. It's not like the best I've ever looked. Uh, But like I'm I'm just gonna I'm gonna just enjoy being in the sun and being able to be um at a resort, and I'm gonna live it up. And I'm not gonna worry about that stuff. I haven't even thought about it. That's my new thing, is not worrying about it until it arrives, you know, like just staying. Um,

my pants are flooding whatever that they've arrived, the floods arrived. Um, these pants are so good and I never wear them. And now I know why because I they flood and they make me so sad because I think I shrunk with them. Um, I shrink everything. It's just I should buy everything in an extra large, an extra long so that I can shrink it, because it's gonna get shrunk

no matter what. It's always there's gonna be there some part of me when I take the wet clothes to the dry clothes, where I go Nikki, you should go through each individual black blob in here. But then I go, nope, let's just roll the dice and I'm probably gonna be fine. And then inevitably there's like a really nice sweater that looks like it's made for an American girl doll. After I dry it, Um, the plus size American girl doll. They should have had a plus size American girl doll.

I wonder if they have like chunky, chunkier dolls just to create for everybody image of little kids. Um, did you have American girl dolls? No? No, just the I'm like old enough to know the cabbage patch Oh yeah, yeah yeah. I never of course, but never got into those for some reason. They just didn't look like people to me. I wanted more realistic. I never appreciated abstract dolls like Bratt's dolls. I mean those were were way too old for those. But mm hmm, like cabbageg dolls,

I knew they grew in the gardens. So the children aren't supposed to look human. I'm supposed to resemble a you know, gassy vegetable. But their faces and their hair was yarn. I want like, I wanted hair to be like mine. There were obviously body standards and hair standards in doll world that made me a little bit insecure

as a fine haired child. But you know, I'm grateful that I had a choice of dolls that looked like me, that you know, with no vagina and no nipples and a uh a waste that if I had it, you know, they didn't they do the measurements of Barbie. And if you had those measurements, you wouldn't have a stomach and you would just be dead, like it would you would all your organs would have to be removed. Um. But I also suspended disbelief enough to be like, oh, this

isn't what I'm supposed to look like. I think I could as a child, go this is for Barbie. This isn't for me. Um. But I do believe that. You know, when someone says you look like Barbie, it's like the nicest compliment because it's like this perfect version of what you should be. So I guess, I mean it does

create a beauty standard. I mean I just always remember being in the bath and feeling my hair in the bathtub, Like when I would lay in the bathtub and it would just the way it would like flow and feel so like silky and just it would be soft and straight but also bend in the right way and have this weight to it that just felt luscious. And then I'd get out and it'd be like thin and whispy

and like, you know, like Ebenezer Scrooge. When I got when it would dry, and I'd be like, why can't it just I remember thinking why can't it be the way it is when it's wet, like not understanding physics, still don't understand physics, but just wanting my hair to be like Ariel's. Um did you ever what was your first like uh female insecurity as a girl? Noah, like

being like, oh I wish I had that. And it's like a kind of like a sexual thing or like oh or catering to the male gaze kind of thing where you're like, oh my god, I wish I had boobs or whatever. Do you remember what age? Oh? Yeah, of course. Um My, when I went through puberty, I think my body just didn't do it in the correct order, and my legs were always like so skinny, but my butt started to grow so whenever I would put a skirt on, it would just look like two legs in

a bucket. That's what I would always like, this looks terrible, Like if you did a handstand, it would be like two mops in a bucket. Yeah, exactly. I just like girls so and even even until today, like I don't know how to wear skirts. I feel so uneven in them and it's just so like misshapen. Interesting, that's such a thing that's carried over because you have such a great body, such a great eggs. I mean, anyone can wear a scart. It doesn't matter if your legs looks

like mop bucket mops in a bucket. Um, but that is interesting and such a very like perfect description of what I made. It probably kind of looked like or

someone said something like that to you. I remember someone saying I had um like thin like chicken legs or something, and then I was like, my legs, they're like so thin, and being said about that, and then like the next day it was like someone said, my like, when I sat down, you know how your thigh goes when you sit down, and like like the muscle softened and goes to the side, and someone being like, look at your thoughts, and like, from one day to the next, feeling skinny,

too skinny, too fat. I'm too fat now you're too thin to get get there's a Britney Spear song about it. Yeah, there's like I love that Taylor Swift quote from her UM documentary where she's like, if you have enough fat on your body to have a butt end people, then you have a tummy. And if you don't want to have a tummy, e, then you don't have a butt or boobs. And it's like, you can't fucking win. And I just loved that because it's true. There's just no winning,

So stop trying to play the game. I you know, I've just I'm so glad that I get to share the way that I feel about my body now with people because it really doesn't change. Like even when I was really depressed the other day, and that's usually when, you know. I used to go to my therapist years ago, my abusive therapist, and I would sit down and go, I feel fat today, and of course I wasn't, and she would say, you're depressed, Like that's where your mind

goes the first thing you go to. Now I go to, you're not a real woman. You'll never get like, no man wants to love you. You aren't possible of being a homemaker or like yeah, maternal, but it doesn't go to your fat and um, you know, and people can go, well, NICKI, you're not fat, so why would you go to that. So maybe that's why I don't think that's it, because I really did feel that way no matter what it, what didn't wasn't about. I would find something about my

physical appearance that was just not okay. And I still do it, like I still look in the mirror sometimes and you guys have heard me say this, and just I just go like and it I started to go down that rabbit hole of like, oh my god, like

zooming in on picture. I saw a picture of myself the other night where my crow's feet were a pop in and it was just the way I saw my face for the first time where I go, there's some age on that face, like that looks like a thirty seven year old woman's face, like she's she's getting close to forty. Like that, there's no denying it. Her face

is showing it. And I looked like my mom, To be honest with you, I looked like my mom when I as I when I was a teenager, I looked like what my mom looked like, and um, you know, I could vividly remember my mom's face as a teenager, more so than when she was younger, obviously, and I just lose like my mom. And there's a part of myself that was like, I want to get those crow's feet taken out. They're always trying to put botox on my crow's feet, and I always like those because they

just like, I don't know, they've never bothered me. But the other night, I'm just zooming in and I'm like, God, you look old, and so what I mean, like, I don't know, it's just was I just moved on to the next thing. I just can't be bothered with it. I mean, I'm a little bit. The other day, Chrison is talking about micro needling and all this stuff, and sure, I'm going to look into it, but I don't know, there's other stuff I gotta worry about, and it just

it's just a waste of my time. I've wasted so much of my life worrying about my body. And I'm not going to say that it's not going to happen again. But man, you can just die tomorrow and then what are you doing? Just pinching yourself and looking in the mirror. I'm tired of mirrors. Um. And yeah, I don't know. I don't know how to get over it. For I don't it's it's not easy to do it. But I'm so grateful that I'm kind of done with that ship. Are you kind of done with it? Noah? Like I

have the voices quieted in that way for you. With body stuff, I have my my moments, but they're never long. It's just kind of like whatever. Yes, I don't know, like you have a different history with body issues than I do, so I, Um, I can't say that I relate to what you're saying. But for me, it's very easy to brush it off. I never really had, you know, besides the whole legs thing and you know, the chicken skin. I don't know, I just kind of stopped caring about it.

I just wonder, though, when we brush it off like that, if we're not if it's just going somewhere else, you know what I'm saying. Like, you know, yesterday, it was going through a feeling where I was maybe having to like close a chapter of my life with a relationship of friendship, and I was like, really, getting sad about it, even though I was like, oh, this is probably for the best, and I just was really getting like, I'm

gonna have to mourn this, you know. I was gearing up to like have a cry fest because I'm you know, I thought, I'm gonna have to say goodbye to this person for a really long time, if not forever, because of just a circumstance. And I just was like, you know what I was telling person, I don't want to

feel this. I just don't want to do it. Is there any way I can just not, I can just noumb out and just just and not with drugs, not with anything, just truly robot head, just like say bye, and just when the feelings bubble up, push them down, and I just know that's not true. It's gonna go somewhere else. And so I wonder when I look in the mirror and I go, no, you're not dealing with this, Yes, you hate the way your arms look, not today? Does

it just go somewhere else? Or do I have to like honor my arm and be like honor the pain I feel over my arm and like mourn the loss of tone or whatever that's I'm experience and sing, I wonder where it goes, because everything goes somewhere. I really wish, and I am good at just shutting down, and I'm

very bad at goodbyes. I would rather a friendship and with like, oh we just kind of ghost each other, then having the talk and being like and and saying it was we had really good times, and then starting to bad at goodbyes. I'm shocked. Really, I hate goodbyes. Hate them. That's why I always leave, like very abruptly, and I'm like, okay, I'm going like I don't like this, like tedious, like all right, well this was so fun,

I'll miss you. Like even today with Kirsten, I'm like chose to put in my laundry when she was leaving because I just wanted to be distracted and not like have the hug her and go oh this was like it's because it's it means it's over, and I get really sad when things are over. I've seen you, I guess like more like professional goodbyes, and I've always like

admired how you handle them. I looked up to it, but I guess personal even when we challenge ended you up, it was like I didn't mention it until the day of even though I knew it was coming. I just don't want to, like have any kind of lead. I don't want to I don't want to prolong a goodbye because if I if I talk about how great it was and all the good times, I will be so much more sad when I have to end it, as opposed to just done. Does anyone relate to that? Let's

talk to Andrew about it. Why, hello, Andrew? Are you good at goodbyes? Um? How do you feel about him in regards to any relationship or any like, you know, just anything, like you know, you know how I just leave everything very abruptly. I'm just like, I'm gonna go and then I'm gone. I'm just I don't like going. Well this was fun, yeah, Like I hate revising going. I just hate going over anything, whether it's my act,

whether it's a show we just did. I don't want to have a postmortem about how it went because there's first of all, it could be critical, or it could be it could stir up just like emotions that make me go like so fun and then I get sad as ending. So I just would rather go like fight, cut and dry, I'm I'm more like you. I definitely like if I'm leaving like friends that I know I won't see for like who know, six years, I'll be like what later, dude, instead of like I'm not gonna

see you and so long. You know, I just don't even know I'm gonna do without you in my life, because dude, we really do throw a football well together. Yeah, Like it's not. And that's partly because it's like I'm afraid of those emotions coming up, Like I wish I could hug and like actually like hold my dad while I'm leaving him and be like, God, I really do love this moment. It's more like, alright, dad, see seeing

in Hanakah. That's what it is. It's that not wanting to possibly have to cry or it's just pushing my feelings that are just like for me, maybe they're waste of time because I just go, I got stuff to do. I can't. I can't be crying. If I cry, it's everything. I'm on camera too much and I have to be

like on for things. So if I cry during the day, it pushes my schedule, it pushes things that I can't and and not that that's the different than anyone has to go into a meeting at work or have lunch with a person, or jump on a zoom call whatever it is like, or be around your kids. You don't want to be like weepy you there's never enough time to cry? Does that make sense? Our whole I mean, our whole life is designed like with business, you've got

to separate business from uh personal. You gotta you You're not gonna go to your client and be like please, I want you sign up so I can make money to feed my children. Like that's really the emotion you're feeling. But instead you're like, well, here are in the numbers,

seven percent, you know all the percent. But like it's interesting, like where it gets taught to like push these things down just so essentially so we can cope with life, I guess, But then it hits yet, like when you have a heart attack or you need therapy or you know you're you look back or just break down on a podcast or like truly, I mean when when people cry and they say they cry like I cry, Like it's a um a storm in Florida, Like it just passes by real quick within it goes it's a rainstorm

last fifteen minutes, not ten minutes, whatever it is, and you when it comes on though, you go, Okay, let's cancel the whole fucking day. And then all of a sudden, the sun comes out and you're like, I can't believe it's even raining and the ground is like shimmery, and you're like, what the hell happened? Um? That's how I

feel like. I sometimes want to cry for a really long time, but it just feels like a burden to those around me who have to comfort me, or if I go off by myself and cry and the people that, like, you know, the other day, I was crying because I was depressed and like there's only so much your friends can say or do, which is pretty much nothing when

you're super depressed. And then I just wanted to go cry in bed, but I had to wait till like the house was cleared out because I didn't want anyone to think that I was like I'm sad, Like I didn't want to hear you me. I didn't want you guys to hear me weeping through the door because I thought you might think that I was trying to act sadder than I was, Like it always steers stirs up in like I'm I'm trying to get attention. I get that.

I mean because we do. Let's we do try to get attention in so many parts of our life, so why wouldn't crying be another trying probably is a way to get attention because funeral. When I'm at a funeral, I don't cry because I don't want the attention on me. It's about the dead guy or dead girl, like or like I know, I know, but I just it does. I have the same kind of thoughts though, like of like woe me, or or like I hate when people

like come for me, like I can't handle it. Yeah, I just don't like, I just don't like hates pity too. It's her least favorite emotion on her of likes they glue up there or whatever. Yeah, it's well, I thought that a lot too as a kid, of like what are you crying about? That's ridiculous? And but for some reason when I love that, when um, I want the opposite of what I got as a kid, which was

like not a ton of comfort. And sometimes but my mom would sometimes when I was sick, my mom was really good about you, poor thing, like really good about like being nurturing and making me feel like I deserve to be sad when I was sick, and so sometimes when I get it sick, I would get really like I'm a baby, and I just because I do deserve it, like and I give it to people too when people are sick, I just go, oh, my god, you like

it's just the worst. And but I think that emotionally, I don't have any I don't give myself permission to feel sorry for myself when I'm emotionally sad. I just think though, like the idea of like the sun clear, like thank god our brains are like that. I just don't think that I get high enough though, because I just go, oh, I mean, the fact that I can cry it all is good and better than before. I used to just be a fucking you know, desert and

and just there was a drought. But now when it rains, it's just like sometimes you need a little bit more. And I just feel like I don't even That's why I don't like to cry, because I'm like, I know that I won't get It's like masturbating and you know you don't get to come, but you know, I like

to do anyway. But like you just know that there's not going to be the actual release because the person or getting a massage, Like you don't even want a massage for two minutes, that's not worth it to you if the person, if you knew after two minutes the person was going to be like, I fucking hate doing that. So how long do you want to cry for? I mean, there's you know, like until I I am to not because I'm done for other people. And you say the other day you were crying and then you were flying.

You were like, whoa, what was that? Like the sun came up? Yes, but then isn't at the end. Yeah, but I made it. It just so happened that I felt better afterwards. But I think that I needed more because later that day I was a little bit more weepy, and I was just I just couldn't do it because I had to go over to my sister's house for trick or treating and I didn't want to get there and and be, you know, the crying girl, even though

that's a cool costume. But if I gave you five days to cry, I think no, I wouldn't take them. That's too long you cry? How long does it last? On ap uh. I mean I don't like, no, no more than five minutes. I don't even think that's maybe that's long enough, but I think that is us being like I gotta this is just too indulgent. I gotta

wrap this up. It's like a quickie and sometimes you need like really like you need Kama Sutra for like it doesn't it's it doesn't you know, like do you when you finish up crying, does it is it because you feel like, okay, this is a little too much or is it just like you get it out? Do you feel complete thinking about like the last things that like what made me cry? And I think it was like mourning the loss of my dog. And um, I mean I guess I just like lose track of time,

so I can't tell you how long. But um, when he first passed away, I didn't cry at all, and then like it just came yeah that's wish. When when he died, like I didn't really cry. I was like in this weird like mode. And then maybe like a month later is when it hit me and I just let myself cry as much as possible. Um. It was also helpful that I wasn't like like at actual work.

I was at home, you know, I was um. But now but then like you know, like even like a year later, I would start thinking about him more if I would see his photo and like I would tear up and stuff. But it doesn't. I guess I just kind of like say, okay, you can let it out now. And then I just I'm like, Okay, I don't want to go into this sad place. Let's think of something happier him. And I'm realizing what it is that makes

me feel so uncomfortable about crying. What is it? It's not crying, it's it's that when after you cry, you're happy, and it feels like the change, the sudden change is like so abrupt that it seems like whatever you were upset about was fake and that you tricked everyone around you to get the attention and then suddenly got out and now you get the attention, and so you're suddenly happy because you got Like I feel like people think like, oh, Nicky just wanted us to get around her and like

stop down and make everything about her for a second, and now she's happy, and she's so happy that it no one could be that sad and that happy right away. But the fact of the matter is because I cried, I'm able to get it out of the way and be happy. But it feels like it feels fake, you know. It feels like someone pretending they're drunk or something, or

someone pretending there. It feels embarrassing. It feels like coming a little bit of like it feels out of control, and you're just like like making weird noises, making weird faces, and then afterwards you're just like, okay, like let's go back to north, like it's so embarrassing. You're like picking up your clothes, like the tissues. It's like where's my underwear? Like it's the naked state afterwards where you're like and I feel that I feel like a phony because I

feel so much better after I cry. That it's embarrassing of how and then I feel like everyone's like she was just faking it. Everyone used to fake crying. I think maybe as a kid to get attention, and maybe that's what's but everyone wants you to be happy, like it would be a weird friend to be like, man,

she didn't earn it. She's not really sad enough to get attention, but she's she's come up with she can switch on a dime so fast that it makes you think like this person's there could be an unstable person that like that uses tears for her advantage or whatever. But I feel like if it's like being like, oh my gosh, and we'll be right back with them, and we'll be right back with a fun trip to the

county fair. Okay, John, get over it? Like that kind of like fakeness of like you you can like show biz people where they're like, so on, were such a good day to day and I don't want to kill myself. Yeah, but if it was like if you were crying over like a Starbucks order. If no, but you had your heart hurt, you had lack of sleep, you're overworked. There were a lot of reasons of why this happened. But then suddenly the sun comes out and it's like fake,

why was she doing? No, that's in your head because maybe that's what I think of other people sometimes. Then okay, yeah, I think like kids do that. They're like when I asked you later in the day and I was like, how are you feeling, You're like but better, and it made me happy, like I was happy that you got through it. It wasn't like, dude, that was kind of fake earlier, like she was just acting to get you know, candy of of attention. Like there were no thoughts like that.

It was literally like, oh, I'm glad she got some rest finally, and now she can you know, kind of you can view things easier, you can you can understand things when you're in that state. Dude, you can't control it and you don't think that you're in that state because you're drawn, like drunk people don't know that. They're like, I'm fine, I can drive like they don't know that they're impaired, like you don't when you're when you're depressed,

you don't know that you're not. You think you're off, but like you can't explain it and you think you're right. You're like when I get depressed, just like I'm seeing things the right way, Like I I'm like a drunk person who's like I could drash, shut up, like I know what I'm doing, get out of here, like and

it's like, no, we have to take your keys. You're you're drunk, And people say, like you're depressed, you're not looking at yourself the right way you like, and I just don't believe it, and I'm just and then I get in the car and I slam into a tree and that that's what happens. And also as as the friend in the scenario, Andrew, I'm sure that you're the same. But if my friends are feeling sad or emotional over something, I never go, oh, don't be sad. It's nothing, because

who wants to hear that. There's there's versions of that that everyone can't help but do because they go, they go, but come on, look at your life. You've done that. Like I get that all the time for my parents. Of like last summer when I was depressed, I remember my mom saying, you just hosted Jimmy Kimmel. And she had a good point because I was like, I want to kill myself. And she's like, but everything you've dreamed of is coming true. And I'm like, yeah, you're right, mom.

Back in second grade, I said I wanted to guest host Jimmy Kimmel from an abandoned mansion in Hollywood during a pandemic, and it is coming true. It's crazy that I predicted that. No, but it's like people will try to I think that's it. I just was raised by parents that are like but starving kids in Africa and also, look, you have food and clothes and parents who love you.

What are you crying about? And then I feel like on your end, like you almost you feel like you need to justify your sadness, like your depression, Like you need to find a reason. Sometimes I feel like your brain like searches for something to be negative to match how you're feeling emotionally. Yeah, and like you almost like out hard is it to feel depressed when there's nothing wrong?

It's embarrassing? No, I know, I know you have to find something, Like it's like a survival mechanism of like you're drowning and you're grasping for something to justify into, like almost hold you up and like give you a because if you find that thing that you can go that's what's wrong. At least it gives you hope that if I fix that, or if that wasn't there, I

wouldn't be drowning. But if you're just drowning with nothing to point to, it feels like I'm going to just die out here, I guess, And I guess you just gotta figure out how to not get in the water. Without being able to swim. Before you start looking for something to justify the water is gonna come. I'm gonna fall off the boat sometimes. And I think that everyone listening that has depression, you're gonna I'm gonna be depressed again.

It's gonna come up. I just have coping mechanisms of knowing that it's okay to ask for to spend a great beautiful day outside in bed and get a nap in It's okay. It's okay too. I can journal about it. I can ask my friends, like, do you mind if I just sing a bunch of songs really loud to get my feelings out? I can, you know, I can, just I can. I can treat myself like I'm sick and like give myself the same kind of leeway and um softness and gentleness and ask for it for my

friends that I do. If I had the flu, like I just got to start treating the depression depression like the flu. And that's why I mean when I get sick, I I had a commitment on Sunday that I just said I have the flu of the brain like I have legit uh contagious because I'm going to bring everyone down. I can't be around people and look and I go. Unless I can take some cold ease and get rid of this, I'm not going out tonight because I can

infect everyone. Yeah, And the reaction was was, I'm that totally staying Like I just I hope that we can just as a culture like embrace calling and depressed and not have it be like did And that it's because because I don't get physically sick, and it's like a bummer to me because I don't get to ever call in sick, and if I do, it's a lot, it's a if I if I say I'm feeling sick, I rarely get physically sick. I get mentally sick, and people just it creeps people out. It makes them worried in

a way that you know, being physically sick doesn't. And but it's the honest truth that sometimes I just can't work. You know, I've had depression where you can't pinpoint it and you're just like stuck in bed and you can't call your friends and say I can't come to that because I'm depressed. You just have to say I'm not feeling it, which you know is the same thing. Yeah, Like, yeah,

it's hard. It's hard. I mean I've I've gone through months of depression in the past, but I've don't your depression look like though you don't have the voice saying killed myself. I say kill Nikki, kill Nikki, And people do get homicidal depression for sure. Oh I don't think I have that. I I mean, I I don't even know if we have a weapon. But um, I've looked. But oh shit. But then I gotta go down to my car and you're gonna blood all over them. You

just got them. You have to trade them in a again, and they'll be like, well these have pieces of and they'll be like that, sir, step right up. All right, that's pretty dark. But no, my depression is going. I still go to my room and I just lay down and I just recoup. And that's why when you're like you go to your layer a lot, I go, Yeah, I go there to just met alone time. I just worry that sometimes I guess I'm projecting, Like that's why I feel bad when I take a nap when I'm depressed,

because that's also the thing I want to do. That's like my cutting when I'm depressed, because they go in there and I think about killing myself. But I don't know the difference between I need a nap and I want to just check out from the day, And I know that checking out from the day is not what's

good for me. That's why I had to stop and stay out in the kitchen so long until I realized, like, are you wanting to go to bed to escape from the day or because you're really tired, And it was like, I'm tired for you, yeah, But for me, it's just like it's a balance. Like we talk here for an hour and a half, then we might shoot some stuff for a cup three hours, and then I hit golf ball us for two hours, and then I just go in bed, I put on a show I want to watch.

I'm not like overthinking it, like oh no, but I'm talking about when you're depressed, but when I'm depressed, when I'm depressident could almost look a lot like that too. That's why that's why I'm saying when you do usually depressed, Hey are you okay? Yeah, I'm good. I'm just I call Brenna a lot of times, like we check in and I hear you talking sometimes and then I go, oh, you're just like hanging out with your girlfriend. And I

get it. Like if I had a TV in my room, I definitely wouldn't use it, but if there was something in my room, but if there was a friend in my room, I might hang out in there. Let's get to the news. Someone to whisper, nothing, just to yes, I do Luigi first. I think Luigi's interactic. Well, they say the dogs take on the Yeah, thank you. Oh my god, have you noticed it's back? Baby. It's like a dog knows a storm is is coming before the storm comes. You're gonna look great at two months next.

But I think he's not eating to get my attention to be like, hey, I'm I'm distressed. And that's what anorexia is. It's not really about like, oh I want to be thin and beautiful. It's about I am suffering and I don't know how to show it. And it's like cutting yourself slowly. And I think that he's not eating right now to tell me something like I'm stressed, mom. He could get sad. I mean, you know, when we

have big highs. He had a huge high the other day, hanging out with the fam, hanging out with Marion, running around and right after he got a tooth removed, and he was on anesthesia the day before and he was on pain meds and so he had this this high euphoria day and now he's coming down and I made him say goodbye, and he like it really made him wallow in it. So maybe that's it. But apparently I hope you're having a good time out there. It's all

the swells and it's Wednesday, so or it's Tuesday. You know what that means. God, I just got hit by a really good mood. Really yeah, like the coffee. No, I think it was just like the conversation. Yeah, I'm glad. I'm glad that we process some stuff. It's good. Thank you guys. Yeah, of course, I like talking about this ship is so much more interesting than like, I don't know the first headline Dave Chappelle's comedy special Interesting you

say that, No way, okay, Dave Chappelle. A new study finds at the height of your heels can boost your orgasm because when a woman is standing in them, their pelvis tilts enough so that the muscles repeated contract. Strong pelvic floor muscles can also mean increase sensitivity during sex. This is like, this is the shoe lobby, this is getting it there into the you know, yeah, they paid someone to do a study. I mean this is ridiculous. Like was like, how can I get women to keep

wearing heels? Oh? I know it makes you come like, I mean, women are going to keep wearing wearing heels because they make your legs look fucking fantastic and they make your feet look really cute. And as someone who has a three out of five stars on Wiki feet, listen, the only pictures that are pulling that up to a three and not a one are the ones of my feet and heels. Two heels is the optimal, So that's not that high right now, It's not too bad. I've

been wearing only heels on stage, not heels. Not like, um, you've seen what I hate. I brought it on the show. I just hate a pump like a tall stiletto. But I love boots. I love boots. Um, I love wearing them on stage. Tall the higher the better. It's hard to dance on them at the end of our set, but it just makes me feel I kind of go numb during when I'm performing the Analine. The second I walk off stage, It's like when mab later in the day,

Do you think you're pelvic muscle? Is the question I wonder, let's try to pay attention to it. I don't. I don't think that's all get together and pay attention to your I mean, my sister just had a she has a tilted pelvis from pregnancy. That's a real thing. Yeah, what does that mean a lot of pain and she has to go do physical therapy for it. They have her walking and heels. Um they ever walking in heels that actually the top of her feet go up so

that she can tilt back. She's wearing yeah. Yeah, remember those those fit flops or those fit shoes that had like the heel where if you wore them, you would it would work work you out fit fit flops. No, you got to remember these. They were all the rage

about eight years ago. Look at fit flops everyone they were My mom had a pair, and they're supposed to work your cab muscles because they had a little bit more um, Like, the the sole of the shoe came at an inclined by your toes, so you're constantly like kind of working uphill. Yeah, yeah, you would walk more like I don't do keegels or any kind of vagina exercises. And I know I have those like balls that you're supposed to put up your vaginat's supposed to like you're

supposed to. I don't know what you're supposed to do with them, but they're like yeah, and what does that do tighten your vagina? But right now I'm doing some kind of pelvic floor thrust and um, it doesn't make me a little bit like horny, like it gets that vagina muscle like cranking. Um, you can do keegels, uh, guy,

Like I could feel it right now. It's like on the basis basically eagles, uh strong enough for a woman like your penis would be going like yeah, well it doesn't like shoot up, but you could feel it in the the head not the head, the base of your penuts. And it was apparently allows you to get harder, easier or longer, and like it helps your erection. But now it's hard whenever it takes do it for like to

two times, and then I'm like that's hard. Yeah, it's not like if I can't see the results right away, I'm not going to be doing it. And no, none, none of my partner will truly ever be are honest with me about like I don't want I would never want him to be. But I don't want anyone to be like, oh, you're feeling looser than before, you're feeling tighter than like. I don't want to know. I don't want to know what it is based on other women's Like I have a friend who's like, oh, my vagina

is so huge, like inside it's just like massive. And she's just like, I just have a really wide vagina. I'm just like I that is to me, the worst thing anyone could say about me. I don't know why. I mean, I do know why. But and she's someone who like cares very much about looks and like body image, but she's just like, yeah, I have a really fucking wine pussy. And it's like she's very nonchalant about it. Know what, do you worry about your tightness and your

keygels and your pelvic floor and all that stuff? Uh? I mean I wouldn't say that I worry about it. Um, you are reminding me of a story. Um, a friend of mine she hooked up with UM like a couple, and she was she was telling me about hooking up with the woman and she goes, you know, like it just felt like a hole in there and I've never felt anything like that before. Mmmm, that's what they say, what your asshole feels like? Well, I wonder, I wonder, Like we say all of this, but it's like, what

how much bigger could have vagina? B you know what I mean? Like wider wise? Like are we talking centimeters? Are we talking inches? I'm I don't know. I guess you would know if like if someone hands you a super tampon and you go, oh my god, yeah right, never gonna do that. And then if for me a super tampon, no probab, let's get it up there. Like I can take it. I can take like a lot. But how wide super tampon is not wider than penis? No? No, no,

it's not. But I mean there are some girls that are like how we like, And there are times when I haven't had sex in a really long time or had anything up there, and putting in a super tampon when you're not like gushing, like you're just kind of like menstruating, it hurts a little bit and I'm like, oh, goun it back, you know. But then there's times that there's times you leave the plastic on too. Yeah, I use magnum tampons sometimes and uh, it's just throwing a

hot dog down the hallway. So wait, so tampons though, just for guys out there, I know there's like there's different kinds. Right. That's the width of it or how much it's pretty much the girth of it. Okay, So it's not about blood flow. It's not. It is because I mean a girthier tampon is going to have more cotton to absorb more. So it's it's the more blood flow.

You'll pick up, bigger tampon that's going to have more of It's gonna be a tree that's been in the ground a little bit longer, more rings on that tree, you know. So what's the biggest one? Super super super plus? I believe I think you can go up to a superplus with tamp box brand now suppository, I don't know, just a little needle. It's you get the vaccine. It's a cotton vaccine up your pus. Um. Yeah you um. Diva cups are the ones that everyone uses. But good lord,

that is just so scary to take out. Um. That's that collects all the blood and like a goblet, like a king's goblet, and then you take it out or sometimes it looks like a Lance Armstrong bracelet and and like it's like a very taut The thing is you can have sex with those, and you put it in and it completely blocks your vaginal hole from having any blood flow and it stays up there like you put this, um. Yeah, but then you you take it out and you take it out like like a cup, and then you go

with this and it's just like a little bit. It's almost like a baggy. It looks like a dental damn

kind of baggy and has blood in it. And I mean I've said this before, but I remember using those and taking them out when I had like white just like a light color jean on at a restaurant and I'm like, if there was an earthquake or god forbid, someone walked in the stall and I was like, oh and like spilled it slashed everywhere, or I poured out some for my homies, it would be a nightmare the other night like, can can hardly not, can hardly wait?

What's the movie with Patrick Dempsey where he dances oh the American? Like oh, oh yeah, yes, it would be like that. I love when I come up with things. All right, let's get to the next story. Apparently apparently. I mean watching that video thoday was so fun I can't believe Kurston never saw it. There's some video today. I watched Pete Davidson's Okay for the first time. Yeah, Kirsten was doing I gotta say that Kirsten's rendition of it and telling me what it was was like, I'm

staring at you through the window. I'm going to stick a knife in your flesh in your face. He's like, Okay, that was funnier than the sketch itself. Person is so funny unny. I said to her today, I go, honestly, the way you described and let's be honest. She was she stole an idea, like it was their idea there. But she is so funny. And I've said this before.

I remembered as a kid, like I remember where I was when I go, She's going to be on SNL and it's like my dream, like to be on TV in that way, and I just I can't be It's just undeniable that this person is funnier than me. And everyone says that everyone knows it. She's just insanely funny um in a different way than I am, obviously, But I said to her this morning, I was like god, I was like you, honestly, if you tried right now,

you could get on SNL. You could Leslie Jones, you know, Leslie Jones didn't get on SNL until she's in her forties. But Kirsen really could get on SNL. She started doing characters on Instagram without question. I believe if she committed to it um and especially with like my help putting her out there, it would happen. She's that good um. But she just goes yeah, like I just feel like I probably could, but like this is just my life, and like you just like there's just some life, Like

you can't have every life you want. I was like, I love the idea of like she knows, she knows she's funny enough and she is and just being like no, thanks, like I would. And I guess I'm passing up like motherhood or like being a teacher. Many lives I could have that would be gratifying. But to turn down a life that could be s and now with I would say I would be eighty percent sure. I could get her on s I now if I if I'm not I'm not trying to be I'm not joking. I think

she's very funny. But then I think, you know, her character work is she's never had any training, a little bit of training. Honestly, I could get her. There should be like of like, uh, you know, like comedians. I could train comedians, not stand ups for some reason, but like, I don't know, I'm good at sketching impressions, but I think I could train someone to begin at it. I mean, try to do try to make videos with her. I mean that's where it starts. I mean, oh, speaking of

check out the Lisa Gilroy. The Lisa Gilroy. She I wrote to her and was like, I don't think I don't know if she wrote me back yet, but I discovered her the other night someone sent me Bestie sent me a TikTok of hers doing impressions And that's not even what I love the most about her. Impressions are great, she does a great ellen, but like her ship is so funny, women will really really like her. Girls. I'm not I g I l O R Y this girl,

the Lisa Gilroy. Just go look at her Instagram now and go to her reels and watch five reels and if you don't love four to five of them, then you know we don't have a lot in common. But UM, it's rare that I turn you onto someone so emphatically. So check out an American woman who was hit I love these stories, who was hit by a well that sounds bad, but who was hit by an SUV and was in a two week coma now speaks and a Keywi accent and she has now never been to New Zealand.

Whoa I mean, I was just listening to a podcast about this. There's some people that can speak like French like she was speaking French, she was speaking English like British. She probably spent some time in her boyfriend's British. Okay, yeah, so this is the thing. I was listening to, UM the Sam Harris. But she's never been a New Zealand. She's probably watched the show or something. She's had exposure. This isn't This isn't something that UM is humanly like.

I was listening to the new Sam Harris Ricky Gervas podcast. It's called absolutely Mental and you gotta pay for it. But god damn is it worth it. It's you know. Sam Harris is I think the smartest person I've ever heard talk about human nature. And if if you're a fan of anything that, I say, God, you're gonna love him. And then Ricky Gervase, obviously, no matter how you feel about him, I think he's a really good person. He's

a vegan, he's super funny. And these two just get on the phone and talk about just He'll be like, you know, Sam, what is anxiety? Like what is it? And Sam's like, well, I mean, it's fear. It's a manifestation of fear. It's a fight or flip, you know. And they just break it down and they and they're so funny. Sam is so funny because he's smart. But um he uh. They were talking about this about people that if if you just your body, because Ricky was

talking about how if you eat. They did some experiment when where people were eating fish, like raw fish, or some guy was on an island or something eating fish and eventually he just started eating the fish's eyes and he didn't know why, like, why would that be the thing you go to? Like something in him even though it's the most disgusting part of the fish. He was just drawn to the eyes. And then they realized it's because eyes have water in them, and his body knew that,

but he didn't cognitively know it. But his body was like, eat the eyes, we need water. He didn't know that there was water in those eyes. He didn't go, I need water equals eyes. His brain knew something he didn't know, right, So is it possible they were talking about two? Like you know, if you watch someone play piano and saw where the keys were all pushed, is your brain putting that somewhere and you just haven't found a weight on

the head? It unlocks that part of your book? Yeah, Like when if you if you listen to subliminal tapes or if you watch someone do like, can you is there way to know to unlock an accent or a language that you've heard spoken a lot, like can you unlock it? And the truth is no, unless it's like kind of practice. But I think that this accent thing is probably she's probably heard that before. But I don't mind when people have like take on the accents of

places they've been because I do it. French at one point, Russian at one point, and then she set on New Zealand. I don't know, man, because I would I have my voice a little lower. Whose voice would you take if you had to comics? Who was a good voice? I mean, you think about the biggest actors, they probably have the best voices, Like thank God, I wish I had that, not singing wise, just speaking wise. No, what does anyone I mean honestly, Noah, I might take your voice. I

heard you when you left me a voice memo. I guess it was yesterday, two days ago. I almost drove my car off a bridge because I was like sleeping and listen, it's just so soothing and like pleasant. It's just a dream. Um. I think I would take a New Zealand or I would take an Australian accident because it's it just sounds so crisp and cute. It sounds like they're like a chip English roles or like whatever. Then you're gonna have to I don't care about rules.

I mean, I can be a comedian than any language. I would. I would truly take a crisp Australian. Australian accents I just think are adorable on women. They're so cute, you know. It's probably one of the hottest. I mean, there's so many hot accents out there. French, it is very sexy. Nor it is the only thing I can say. No, No, that's that's Australian. NOI and went to New Zealand. New Zealand, if I watch Oh my God, how funny is Jamaist?

I mean recommending another podcast or just a show amazing? Yeah, if you watch Summer Heights High. I stopped talking like an No, you're good at that accent. I have to hear it a bunch. I'm only good at things if I hear about or if you get hit by an suv. Yeah, fingers crossed and so wild. Man, it's so wild that it just your brain. I mean it sounds cheesy, but we you know, they say what you use eight percent? What is going on in that other time? Ever? Test

your brain to just like think of something. So just let your mind go and think of the weirdest thing from your past, and you're just like, I'll imagine like a thin post from my middle school. Why didn't just pick that? I had a weird thought. OK. So we had this kid who was kind of crazy, uh, in our neighborhood, and I remember him just like having a machete and like he was just nuts with That's why there's no free will. You did not choose to pick that.

It just popped into it. My fifth thought, like I had to get there right, but still appeared out of think crazy think was the crazy. Oh my god, that kid that we kind of picked on to pick that, it just showed up. That's no free will. That's the perfect example. Okay, let's go to break and come back with why do I care? I wonder how many people in Florida think back and yeah, I see a guy with a machette. Oh my god, why do I care?

Why do I care? All right? Um? Amy Schumer makes a statement wearing a tampon, oh yeah, Halloween costume after having a hysterectomy due to endo trisis. Let's try that again. Let's just listen. Nope, endo, you've definitely heard this word before. I'm shocked. And endometriosis. Endometrios. No, come on, you're almost there enough. You've heard this. You've had to have heard this. It's because it's a common thing that a lot of women suffer with. Yeah, I'm not listening. Endometriosis. This is

the problem. Endometriosis. Endometriosis. I guess you know her uterus removed, right, so then she can't have babies anymore. Um, yeah, I think that's correct. I know what causes that I should know, but I know that it affects like one in nine women or something like that. It's insane how many women go through this, and it causes if you have really painful periods, more bleeding than most women. Like Lena Done'm had it. She also had the same surgery where she

had her computer is completely taken out. Um yeah, they and I love that it's called a hysterectomy and that women that are crazier called hysterical. It must be related like the disease of the uterus. She's crazy her mouth, yeah, I I yeah. She also was a spokesman for Tampax, so I think maybe that's also why the outfit was being worn. Yeah, she's done some commercials with them. Yeah,

I guess she's bringing it's interesting that a blue color. Yeah, that's no, I mean, that's that's the she look at the top, do you see the top, So the cotton is sticking out the top, So that's the apple. She's the applicator so it's like a plastic applicator, and then the top is coming out, and then her legs are like the thinner part of that you pushed through, So the legs you would push through and then that cotton part would come out and then it would be only

that blue top part with the leg part inside. That's how you put in a tampon. I mean it is wild that like. And then does she have the string? Yes, it's like, yeah, she's holding in the photo. Yeah, that's great. I love that. I liked that costume a lot, and you know, it's very Schumer and like funny, and I like I think that if Schumer wasn't being represented, like she wasn't doing it for tam backs, she would have some blood on there too. Oh my god, did you

hear me? Just sit on my mom, And I wasn't just kidding. Uh yeah, Well your favorite Halloween costume? You saw celebrities, celebrities. I couldn't stand all the Megan Foxes machine gun kellies, even though I get it, there's too many. You didn't see it, but I mean I saw about fifty ted last. I didn't only saw one. I saw it out in the wild. I saw like six or seven, just walking around, driving around. It might just be jacket

lost national hat and they were last. And then there are a lot of lassoes out there, and it's an easy outfit. You know. Any guy likes an excuse to have a mustache because they're they're seen as like porny. Yes, oh what's wrong with that guy? We're all less less it inside. We're all having anxiety and are kind of like questioning our choices. And I like a costume where you can see the person's I don't like wearing a mask all night. It's fucking annoying. Yes, I mean, what's

your favorite costume you ever wore? Did you ever get really dressed up? I think both of us. Yeah, I was Mary Kay and Nashley or like you know which one was the other one? And I was also para Sultan one year two and that was really good. Um that was that was like a really hot year and it was just like very Um I was living that

night and my sister was Nicky Hilton. Yeah, there is one photo and I cannot find it anywhere because I've looked for it, but it was really good and um then I was, Yeah, I was, I was one of

the Old Sans. I wanted, you know, as someone who was antarexic probably at the time, I wanted to wear a skeleton costume, you know, like like you know the way that you wear a jumpsuit with like the black skeleton and then have and then be holding a Starbucks cup with big sunglasses and like a trench coat and be like the ol Sans, because they were like, you know what I mean, it's like a joke. And my favorite costume that I put a Diet coke box on my head and I Diet, I just cocatte. You get

twelve cokes. That that's a good one. I liked this guy's um, Alex Bordi you know him. Uh he was a bachelor guy. He's one of my friends. I liked his costume. I'm sure it's been done a million times, but it was just all white and it said like four or four error costume not found. He just like and it was like, oh, pe was kind of funny. Pete Petelee and his girlfriend but they do they're beer pong table and just they just tied nine plastic red cups to their back and just would bend over and

have people player. God, I wish I would have been invited to a party. My nephew a squid and poppy was a monster and they got really tired and wanted to go home early. It was awesome. Oh my god, it was so great. All right, let's get into reddit dump. Oh, yes, there, this is your reddit dump. All right. I love your laughing that. All right, let's get to the reddit dump. I saved a lot. Oh my god, there's pictures of words coming up. Hold on, um god, I'm I love

reddit so much. Oh, this one is so good. Have you ever seen this clip? I wonder if we could put superimpose it Noah into the middle thing. This is a guy. It's a it's a it's a pretty famous viral video. But it looks like, you know, uh, security footage of a street, and there's a man walking towards the camera, like on a road, and then a man comes up from behind him and just taps him on the shoulder. Just a mysterious man comes up from beyond

testing on the shoulder. The man turns around the other way that the man taps him on the shoulder, and he turns around this way and as he turns around, there's this huge fence and he's like who and he runs out of the way, and it just is watched this. Watch watch, just watch this. How creepy it is? All right, I'm watching. I mean it's like dark a night, guys walking whoa watch it again? I mean, isn't that crazy.

It's like this angel appears out of nowhere and taps this guy in the shoulder and then keeps walking and you just see him walk off. It comes out of nowhere. It seems like this guy just there was had an angel watching him, knew he was about to die in a final destination way of having this huge fence come. The guy would have been killed by this fence had he not turned around and seen it. But the only reason he turned around was because the guy tapped him

on the shoulder right before. Really, that's real. I've seen it on read it a million times. My question, guys, if you want to see it, go to uh the subreddit next fucking level. And then search man just witnessed God himself and that's what it's My concern is that defense hit the the angel or whatever that guy was. Don't you think it could have been? Okay, here's one from ask men, which is always one I love and I love to ask you these two, what's the most

superficial reason for for uh why? I think they meant to say, for why you have rejected a woman. Some of the answers include, I mean it would have to be leg hair, armpit hair, happy trail hair, any kind of hair that you don't want it to be is very superficial. But you've been on like Instagram and Twitter and seen like leg hair, just like maybe even in real life you just turned off by I'm just thinking, like what else? One person said, I feel really bad

about this one. She appeared to be my age, like mid twenties at the time, but she had a cartoonishly thick Minnesotan accent. I couldn't hear her voice without picturing a middle aged hockey mom that wanted to serve me a salad that was three parts jello, one part vegetables, in five parts of mayonnaise. Andrew would have loved that. Luckily, the first date went poorly anyway, and neither of us

wanted a second date. I think I laugh. If you hear a girl laugh or how they speak, you can maybe, oh man, Sometimes I hear my own voice and I go whoa boy? That guy sounds angry. Um uh, this guy said, really shitty left turn to get into her apartment complex. Yeah, I mean that's you're just rejecting her. She's not good enough to put up with that, you know. Uh oh No, her feet looked like she kicked walls for fun. You know what to the guy that wrote that,

that wasn't the only reason you rejected me. Okay. I also have a grading voice and I have anxious attachment. Um. Someone said. When I was newly divorced, some friends had to get together where it was pretty obvious that they want me to meet a woman they thought I might hit off with. She was pretty funny and into many of the things. I was a very intuitive matchup. Then she started to refer to herself as the queen throughout the evening, and I was done with that. Not superficial

at all, that girl needs, said gown. I would say for me, it's like loving meat. That's not superficial to me. But anyone who identifies with like loving meat or someone who you know, now when I'm swiping on bumble, like you can find me in the outdoors, someone who loves traveling, sorry, like I don't want to travel. I do it for a living. Um and then, but these aren't superficial. These are like things were not compatible, superficial No chin um,

bad teeth, um bald. I don't care about short, don't care about Okay, you don't have to look at me while you're thinking of um, Like where's sweatpants? To a date? No? No? No? To a date? Like if I went over to your if you had me over, like watch a movie here at the apartment and you answered the door in that Actually that's like a nice ope, but those pants and like a dirt like I would just go. This guy doesn't even like me. He's not even trying. No, have

you ever rejected someone for superficial reasons? Uh? Yeah? Uh? Can you think of one? I'm trying to think. Um, I remember my home coming date, like permed her hair where it looked like she you know, put her finger in electric socket and I just couldn't. It just turned me off so much because it was like a big date for me, And I was like, this is what you decided to do. Did you say it looked nice to do? At least? Like because that's a big, a big change. You want some kind of I made a

ride in the back see my explorer. No, no, I just dude, it was like it was like it was wild. Picture was what I want. I just a picture of his prom date. You're gonna love. It's been so long since I've been on the date, so I completely forgot this. But I met a guy um on an app and we met a like at a bar or whatever in Manhattan. And I looked at his hands. I'm like, I love a good hand right, and his the ends of his fingers were so like bulbousie it looked like alien nodes

and saying, I was out, I get that. Oh yeah, that's that's I don't I agree with that one. Um, hands are important. Have too big a hands? It could turn me off. Okay, yeah, that that would make sense. I think that UM like the way someone smells. Yeah, I have been like, God, they're perfect, except like I just don't. I just don't like too in their smile like oh yeah, gummy. Yeah. Sorry to anyone who ask the thing is there? Some girls would say bald and short,

I wouldn't date. But for me, I'm like, if if you're someone that has bad teeth and what did I say? No? Chin. Let me be honest, I could still love you. All you have to do is seem disinterested in me and like like you're not as me and then yeah, and grow a beard and where. Okay, here's one last one life pro tips. If you need to get rid of an unwanted direction, bend over with your knees locked straight as far as you can comfortably go, and take three

or four big deep breaths. Wait, wait, what is this? If you want to get rid of an unwanted direction, you stand with your knees straight and knees locked straight, bend over as far as you can go, and take three or four big deep breaths with your in your mouth. Yeah, suck your own dick until you come and then the direction will go away. Um will that work? You think? What? Blowing yourself? Or that I could try. I'll try it later. I'll let you know it goes. Final thought, Um, when

was the last time you had an unwanted direction? Do you remember getting them? In school? No? Not really, nothing where it's like, oh no, but I remember we nicknamed his kid boner because he got a boner during this like a presentation in front of the whole class and like it just he was boner, like you're just boner now, and he kind of ran with it. I like that. He like, I guess people owning if you could see your dick and some pants with a boner, you probably

got a pretty good boner. I guess you can look at it that way. Yeah. I never girls never noticed boners. Uh when guys got him? Did you? Well? I remember like when I would take the subway every morning to work, there were a lot of men dressed in like those like khaki pants, and I would see so many morning boners. Oh my god, really yes, the g train bone. Uh would you be afraid if you're a guy that you would get a boner all the time? Yes? Yeah, I thought. I think. I mean it's the same as like if

your period blood goes through your pants. I think it's probably the same amount of worry. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to think, like when I got my first boner, Well, you get them young, like in public? Do you remember having one in public at an awkward time? Not really me. Me and my buddy Rusty in Spanish class would get boners and we make a move in our pants as jokes like that was a joke, like look at her boner move and it just me just go from the

right to the left. Hard nipples. That's something girls have shame about. They shouldn't and because it means it's either the room is cold or we're turned on right, but men love like the thing is they The other day, my mom goes, NICKI you can see your boobs and I go, do you mean my nipples? She's like yeah, and I go, so what, so what I have nipples Like, I don't know what. I guess it's like it's distracting and people don't want to see that. Stop rubbing in

our face. My mom is very much like she doesn't like when women um try to like flaunt their sexiness. She's just like, we get it cool. She thinks she's cool. That's so queer. She says. Do you think she just isn't comfortable doing it herself? And yeah, she she hates she's never shown cleavage ever. I've never seen my mom's cleavage and my mom is okay, boobs, yeah, they're great. Okay. One more thing this said made this was on made

me cry. The Supreddit says no caption needed except yes there is, because there's this is like a screenshot of a tweet and with a picture. So it's a picture of like a dirt like look at the dirty um. It's like a cement floor, and there's like a water splash, and the water splash is like a heart. Okay, And it says today is the one year anniversary of my wife's passing. As I walked into my shop, I spiled my water. She gave me a room finder that today will be just fine. And it's like, it looks like

he murdered her in this cellar. I mean like it's a really dirty basement. It looks like Blair witchy. Look at the splot of water. I love little things like this. Why not you see a heart? It's this easy shape for anything to be in the shape of um. But I was also like, it's just a splot of water. Your wife also, could you know what if the water shape looked like a dick, he'd be like, she's thinking of me today, Like whatever it was, it would be. But it's it is sweet to see little things like that.

I didn't make me cry, and that's for Dan. It did not. It's rare that things on made me cry even have the ability to get even a little bit um. Here's another. I didn't save this one, but I just went to made me cry and let me just see if this This has six thousand point six up votes, so this should be good. How can people say cats

don't have feelings? Like when my cat got deadly six she refused to eat a single thing, and it had been days, but when I started crying, she just ate a little bit, and upon seeing how happy it made me, kept doing it whatever she could. Now whenever I'm sad or crying, she finds wherever I am with a mouthful of food and eats the pieces one by one, every time looking up at me, making sure I was watching, or eat it all because she knew it made me happy, and it does make me happy. Maybe that's what I

need to do. Luigi, Luigia, he just won't eat, and I've been buying. I buy buy him one little little trays of food of like his lamb. I hate buying lamb. I pitched the lamb going bah and just being like mama. And I do it for you, Luigi, because you won't eat any food. Now It's no, he definitely doesn't because he had some of your eggs sandwich day and you loved it. He loved the eggs. Say much Jesus Christ. He's really I can't I can't tell whether he hates

me or loves me. And what I will say, Luigi now knows the podcast every morning, and like today, for the first time ever, he was in the podcast room before we began or before I came in. Andrew was already in here setting up, and then he was just sitting by the chair waiting for this time to happen. He really loves this. Yeah, it's rare that he just we just sit down and talk, you know, we're always like running around, and like he just loves this time.

It was really sweet and I'm so glad Luigi's a bestie. Well, we don't know, he definitely is. All right, guys, thank you for listening to the podcast. He's gotta be Um. We will be in cancunamorrow, but we've got an episode for you. Don't worry about that, um. And we're going to be in d C this weekend as well as New York Huntington's Tampa Tampa Tampa Friday, Yes, DC Saturday. That's not true. Yeah, no, it's not It's uh Tampa Friday,

DC Saturday. Are you sure? Oh, yeah, you're right, Okay, Tampa Friday, DC Saturday next week is New York ext next week, and then I'm going to be in New York on Monday night performing with John Stewart, Springsteen, Jim Gaffgan, Brandy Carlyle. No big deal. It's not nervous at all. I don't know what I'm gonna wear. Uh, not thinking about it until it happens, because there's no point in worrying. Now him, I can't wait. I've met him, I think

one time in passing. But yes, I'm definitely going to try to have a moment that I can uh tell my dad about so he likes me more. Not that my dad's love is infinite, but you know, i'd like a little. He'll just think it's cool. Maybe yeah. And the Boss, I mean, come on, I mean that's like the coolest line up ever. And Brandy Carter, I mean, I know, it's sick, it's crazy. And and Nate Bargatsie. Don't forget him, I call him the Boss. So it's going to be a little awkward. Guys, we gotta go.

Thank you so much for listening. Uh, we'll see you tomorrow. On the pod. Make sure you subscribe on our YouTube channel. Go rate my feet on Wiki feet and leave us rate and review on on the you know where it was. Wherever you listen to your podcast, we really appreciate it. Uh, see you next time. I'm Don't be Cat and Anon Robinson