#125 Fanthrax Only Pt. 2

We're doing a special episode, um, all because we have just so many messages and letters and things from our fans that we just can't get to them once a week and are you know usually weekly segments, so we're doing them all today, Um, as many as we can get through in a shorter version of the podcast. But listen, we give you four to is a week, so don't be sad that it's shorter. Back off, listen to it on slow speed and it will be as long as the other ones or just my regular speed. Um, Andrew,

what's that shirt you're wearing underneath? I like the pink font. Mom's uh, it's the Deli here in St. Louis. Oh cool, it's called Mom's delis established in Yeah, you never had a your dad knew what it was. Yeah. I don't like sandwiches that much, but back in the day, back in the day, I think I just went to quiz Nos. You know. Is there anything on the back of the shirt? Yeah? Yeah, but I love the pink off the black, pink and black, I mean don't love it. Um, Okay, so let's just

get to it. We tell our fans what fans t rexes, so fan traxes, videos, letters, emails, uh, sending a crow to drop, um, a tampon for you, written letters given to us during meet and greets. Um, it could be anything anything from our fans. We want to hear from you. We love hearing from you, and we're going to comment on what you say to us. So no, uh, kick us off. Fuck? Yeah, yeah, you're just scared. Luigi, Well he should be scared because it's fuss all right, let's

get into it. First up, First up, First up is Brianna, Hey, Nikki, Andrew and Noah, My name is Brianna. H Nikki. You've asked your listeners if they enjoy the fan trackx segment as much as you do, and I just wanted to let you know the answer is yes. Absolutely. There's something to be said about people just calling in and letting you know how loves you are. It warms me up inside for some reason. But I just thought I need to let you know personally that you are so cool

and I look up to you so much. My best friend and I have been listening to you since day one, and we unpacked nearly every episode together. You don't always agree with you, Nick, but we love you anyways. I cannot wait to see you in l A in November. Don't because of you, by oh my god. Like a true friend, you don't always agree with me. I don't like part of that made me go They sometimes get together and go, God, she's so wrong and stupid. The thing is, I say that about my best friends too

sometimes listen it happens. I love that, Brianna. The fact that you look up to me makes me think you're younger than me. That's true or true, maybe shorter, maybe both, um and thank you. That means so much to me. I I just so, I'm always like, how do people even discover me? And then how do they? And I love that. I love listening to something that my friends and I can unpack. I mean, that's why I get

involved in the Bachelor, Bachelor at all those things. It's just so fun and for me to put out something, for us, to put out something into the world that people get together and talk about, it's so fucking cool. It is cool. It is weird sometimes to think like I try not to think like that because sometimes I guess you could have fact what you say or how you act. It doesn't for me because I'm I can't

act smart. But I always have in the back of my mind that, you know, I always trying to consider someone going that was really late what you just said, because it's usually me thinking that. But I mean, yeah, I mean I try to think of Brianna and her friend now. I picture them for some reason in Koreatown because that's where I lived when I was in my early twenties, and and I picture them like walking around, even though it's not that safe to walk in creatown.

Sometimes I guess at night, I don't go discuss my podcast walking around at night, but I picture them like getting together, picture them at Starbucks. That's the only place that I ever talked to sit down and talk to people for a walk. Yeah, I wonder what they say, Like I wonder how much you could really dissect. I guess a lot. You don't listen to the first half, first part probably of the show. I get into a lot of weird places, and I'm sure, I mean, I

could listen back on those and disagree with myself. Like that's the thing I always say. I have more in common with people who disagree with me than and don't like me than those who do. But not anymore I have. I have better self esteem and I can accept that I'm not that I sometimes am wrong. It is interesting whatever you talk about the beginning, I come on without consent, like I you could literally, like it's not the right word. Are without consent, like I don't consent completely because I

don't know what you said. Well, okay, that's different than saying you come on without you You come on uh seemingly as like your your attendance to the show would mean that you are in line with all of my You should have a disclaimer that says, um, I do not any of the views expressed during the first fifteen minutes of the show or twenty minutes. Sometimes especially if it's twenty minutes. No, I have a it's funny. I get a vibe. I can feel it from my room.

There's an energy. There's a long like when Noah writes five minutes and then right, sorry, five minutes from now. Four minutes. No, okay, it's gonna be probably three more minutes. I go, No, I can really, but sometimes I mean it's good. Yeahs, I really find the my flow towards the end, I mean, my biggest fear as everyone goes, oh my god, I skipped the first part, so um, don't write in and tell us like a man. Yeah, like everyone used to say, there should be an MP.

That just the first part of But I always like to the first part of Mark Marin show more than the interview. I like hearing where his because you go to weird places when you are alone. It's almost like, um, the same as like the thing in jail where they put you alone with yourself. Yeah. Yeah, you just you

start I kind of start tripping out. Dude, you talked to Noah like she's uh like the wall yeah, like a guy, like a like a poster on my wall, like um redemption, Yeah, where you're cutting a hole in the back where you stopped after four inches because you're like, my hand hurts. It would be funny I get shot before I even I would even consider it. I would just feel it would feel so guilty being in jail. I feel like I belong there. I wouldn't be one of those people that's like I need to get out

unless I was really innocent. I would try to do it the legal way, which is like, you know, appeal to Kim Kardashian. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Um, but yeah, breaking out like trying to swim through Alcatraz, like we gotta swim this way. Sharks are sleeping at night and we yeah, we gotta get so much braver than I could ever be. It's it's ridiculous. Let's go to the next fan th Rex. All right. I just want to say, Andrew, the countdown that I send you is for like efficiency,

not for anything else. It's just so that you don't start doing something else. Yeah. No, I love the countdown. In Yeah, I get the countdown. I go minute left, and I was I was like, I was pooping and then she goes, no, she's ready now, and I was like, fuck, I thought I had a minute. I can't believe how long it takes you to poops in and out. Boy, probably too quick, and that's probably why I go multiple times.

I don't get it all out right right right. Maybe I have afraid fear of my butt hurting, so I cut her off. I don't call her her. She's a girl. Okay, Sorry to whoever is up next on our AX for that. Well, yeah, it happens to be Anonymous, but oh, I know him a reference to an old story. I literally used to think that any quote that was by an I thought

it was a Greek poet named Ann. You know some I thought it was the guy from Cereal add non Okay, oh yeah, let's hear from Anan, Hey, Nikky, Andrew and Noah. I have an anesthesia story, two different experiences where my husband um. One time when he woke up from getting an endoscopy, he was really agitated and he kept calling the nurses bitches uh. And he was just in like a curtained off room where there were like seven other patients in there and all the nurses were walking around.

So I know that they hurt him, but I think he was angry because they had a hard time getting his ivan before surgery. Um, So he kept telling me after he came out that the bitches had to poke him several times to get his ivy. So that was um, highly embarrassing. And then one other time he had to get surgery on his a c L. Um, he had to get his A c l replaced, And when he was waking up, Um, he said that he was having

phantom pains. And uh, you know, phantom pains are the pains that an amputee feels where they can still feel like they feel the limb that got amputated. And he said he could feel phantom pains, which was ridiculous because he didn't get his leg amputated, he just had a knee surgery. So I told him he was a dumbass. He because still there. So they're just a couple of funny stories. May love you, Thank you for those anonymous. Um. Yeah, you didn't know what phantom pain was phantom limb when

she started describing it. I've heard of it before. It's so wild to feel like a lot of times they feel like their hand is being put in like a meat grinder and there's no hand there, and it's just the brain nerves shooting off like you still have an arm fun and you know how they eliminate it sometimes as they give you um. There's some kind of system developed where there's a mirror where they have you look

into something that you can find. You can see a hand by moving your left hand, it looks like your right hand. So suddenly you can feel your hand and see that it's not being put in a meat grinder, and so you can visualize what your right hand would look like if it were there, and then your brain you can go, Okay, let go of the pain. It's so fucked, But maybe maybe I'll do with my foreskin. Do you think calling a bit that would be so

me if you had a phantom foreskin. Sorry, that's so funny that you're talking about that, because me and all my friends are on a group chat talking about whether or not my friend's baby should be circumcised, and we're all like either pro or anti, and we're all talking about like why, and it's just a big, well, phantom

foreskin pains a real thing. Maybe you should throw that doctor had to hold my little dick up to a mirror one a little um makeup mirror, yea, to make you feel like you had it and like, did you do you ever have phantom emotional pain from kids laughing and pointing at your eat dick? Yeah, especially when yeah, a c l s though you get a cadaver. Kids will make kids will make fun of That's the thing. That's a true thing though kids, I know, but that's cultural.

Kids make fun of you. They're gonna make fun of your dick, no matter what if it's not it sticks out. I'm telling you, I grew up. I'm telling you if I told my friend, you know, I'm I'm for whatever

wants to do. No, I'm actually like I'm either. But what I what I think is that if you raise someone to be with enough self esteem, which I think my friend will, they'll be able to tolerate the bullying and be able to deal with it more than you know, parents who back in the eighties, whenever we have these stories of my friend was tortured for his you know it's been his nineties, there wasn't like this open discourse

of like loving yourself. And I think that now kids are growing up liking themselves more and being okay with being different. And I think that my friend can do make her son so it's he's not someone who's deeply insecure about that. But I also whatever whatever she wants to do, well if you're a kid with foreskin out there right into us, and I would love to hear from people with foreskin and like the how horrible it's been, or like or women who have seen it and they're like,

I would never dated. I think we talked about this and people are very uh oh, It's it's like it's like I ever realized how polarizing it was. It's like a crazy that is people don't you'll understand with infections and then like and then the other side. It's literally like infection is an excuse that men do. It's like saying a deviated septim for a nose job. You just want to know his job. I had a friend in his like mid thirties he had to get a circumcision

because of infection. So it is real, touche touche. And she divided, why do we have why do they have this force can? Why is the force can exist? But why why is there? Why is there a a gall bladder, a pancreat Why are their tonsils? I don't know, is it a thing that um Eventually they're not needed. We grew out of it. But what did we need a force can for to protect our dicks from infection? I guess but the day back in as cave, people like before close, that was a way of fighters and stuff

could connecting it. Yeah, yeah, protection. But that's also so why don't I take off my cliptoral hood? Why? Why am I? Why are women's notes not being so infected by because they lift up the You just wash enough so that you get in there, just like sensitive, Just wash more because vagina more disease, vaginas get more yeast infections and stuff like that than penises. Right, So I

guess we should just start clipping off clatoral hoods. I would just say that if if michael oral hood didn't exist, I would be it would decrease my sensitivity because I would always be having something pushing on my clip right now, That's another argument people have that that guys say that when they're not So, I'm not a doctor, I don't know anything. But back to your husband calling the girls bitches.

So I wanted to sor no, I was going to say that some women cut their their their clips pierced because they want that cons Yeah, that would seem like a lot. Is it there clip piers or their clid hood piers? To be honest, yeah, yeah, I would get mine piers. I think that's kind of cool. I thought it was actually the clip and you're right, it is

the clatoral hood that women are getting pierced. It's it's a misnomer to say clip pierced, but it's the hood because it's getting your clip piers would be so fucking excruciating. Why did that her mind? Clip? I don't even have one. You do what your penis? Yeah, I guess it did if I felt in the top of my cock um. But if your penis could be larger because it had a foreskin, would you kind of want it? No, not

unless it was like considerably larger. But I think just looking at it where it would look like you'd have more length because it's like the tip of a high heel. Yeah, I don't think it would. It's just because it's like fake to me, because it's coming back, got it. It's it's it's it's like it's like wearing uh Timberland's White World gives you more height? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. But also, penis pumps are allusions to hey that was only four times, all right, But back to being called bitches? Do you

think anger issues? Right? That's my question is we get mad at people when they're hammered, when they say things when you're drunk. You tell the truth when you come out of colin Oscary. No, but that's my question. Yeah, I don't think that when truth, I think that it can obviously lessen your um the voice in your head

that says, don't say this, but I think it. I've done things when I'm drunk and said things that absolutely we're not true, and I did not believe them, and I treated people in ways that were you know, maybe anger from something else makes its way and then I shoot anger at someone that does not deserve it. But that's not what I want to be. That's not a

representation of how I really feel about that person. It's like, so I think that the end of stuff, he might have some anger and he might really be wanting to call women bitches in some part of his life, which, let me just say, everyone does. He's not alone. It doesn't make your anonymous husband a bad person. You know, there are things I think we all think and want to say sometimes that we can't um how do you feel about parents filming their kids after getting wisdom teeth out?

And they like funny, but but what about if you're that kid? And I'm sure most people will laugh about kid needs to consent to it, And I know you're like, well why does how would a kid know what he wants out there? If it's cute and harmless, like who cares?

Like I don't know. There's cameras following me around for something right now, and some people are like, what if I have kids someday and they catch me like saying this dirty thing or something like what if I what if somehow And it's like, um, you like you're it'll be okay, like you didn't murder anyone on camera, Like you saying that you maybe you know tasted come before isn't going to make your kid go jump off a bridge, or like it'll be okay for every person. It's like

why would you look? Let your not say homophobic stuff or racist stuff, but like they say, like pretty funked

up stuff when they come out. You know, yeah, I wouldn't put my kids saying no. But my point being is like parents will go, some people will go, how could you do that to your kid, and it's like I saw this other video on TikTok of a kid who had dad put his kid on like a like a four wheeler when he was like maybe six, and the kid fucking eight ship off this four wheeler and it's again it's polarized, and half the people are like, he's going to toughen open be the best four wheel

rider ever about the age of nine. And then the other people are like, how could you be so irresponsible? Place just mind your own like that kid is. If that's what's happening on camera to that kid, you can only imagine the trust like it's probably on a unicycle off camera. I don't know if people get so upset about stuff that isn't any of their business, but I guess I do. I do too. I'm always just like, why do you have a fucking designer dog? You piece of ship? Like bye? And then I go, wait, why

am I mad at this animal? Like I don't like designer dogs. I like, actively don't like those dogs, but at the same time, I won't kill an aunt, And I'm like, why do I hate these designer dogs? And like literally don't like the dog. It's like I'll have but I don't. But that's not true. Of course, I

love all animals. If I saw the dog at a shelter, I'd be like, oh, but the fact that the what happened to get that, for that dog to exist is such a disdisgusting thing I think, and like, just so stupid and empty and domb and wasteful of other animals that need homes that I just hate that dog. And it's not about that dog, it's about what I mean. Obviously, you could get to love you get from a month

that you get from a pure bred animal. But what if someone argues like, this was my dream dog growing up? Shut up, shut up, but I wanted this dog because I like the way they look and it was my dream dog. You don't get everything you want in life. If if you having your dream dog leads to you not getting a dog at a rescue that's going to be euthanized, and I know you're like, but that dog could have did that elementally, then give it back. Okay, try just try to do something that you don't get

to do everything you want. And I know I'm gonna get a lot of enemies from this. If you have a designer dog, I don't. It's not I'm still be your friend. I get it. They're fucking cute as fuck. I don't think they're that cute, but I know some people just really like the look of a dog that has like a gray smoshy face where they can't breathe, and like gray eyes that look through your soul. Yeah. Um, I mean I just lost so many We're gonna get so many thumbs down on this YouTube video, but I

just don't know what to say. There are a lot of things I do that are supporting bad businesses too, so I'm a hypocrite for sure. Let's go to a break. Let's go to a quick break, and then we'll come back with more. Honestly, think we could do these fan tax me and you forever for probably twelve hours, and I swear to God, I think we could literally do like we could. We should do a marathon. Maybe not today, Yeah, I got stuff to do. We'll take a quick break

and get some more, but not too much more. Alright, we're back, Let's get to more. Okay. This one comes from Kira, Kira, Hi, Nikki, Noah, and Andrew. I hope you guys are having all the swells. I love the pod listen all the time. So it's the very beginning. UM, We're having a great week so far. I'm just calling to say, UM, I suffer from panic attacks and whenever I get them, my teeth like chatter really fast, almost like I was shivering. But I'm not cool with my

teeth just chatter. I don't know why they do that. UM, but I was having one last week and my teeth teeth were chattering really badly, and I remembered how you say your skeleton is always laughing, and I just pictured that, like, when my teeth were chattering so fast, it looked like my skeleton was laughing at like a really funny joke,

and it helped me calm down. UM. So I don't know if anybody else suffers from that, UM, but that like it actually helped me so much when I was having a panic attack, so maybe it can help someone else. Thank you guys for being such a light. UM. You're not coming to my city on tour this tour, UM, but I know that I'll be able to see you in person one day, so I can't wait. I love you, Thank you, I love you, Kira. Oh my god, that's so nice. Do you relate to that when you have

panic attacks, having something take you out of it. Yeah, I mean I don't know if that would take me out of it. I was thinking about I was like, that's amazing. But then I would maybe think skeleton, think death. I think, uh, you know, my bones are inside my boy, I could lead me. Don't don't listen, don't don't listen to that. Just stick with it being funny and like it's worse. But yeah, I just yeah, I picture her teeth wound up on the table, this little a little feet.

But yeah, no, I relate to that so much. Um me is going calm down, Why are you gulping? Why are you clear your throat? That helps? I think that's what lead to it. But I just really don't understand panic attacks. I want to understand them because they have

symptoms where you don't even know. But if you're picking at your leg right, or if you're picking out your nails, you said sometimes you'll like looking to remember you told me one time you have like you have like episodes when you're alone where you I mean, that's a form of a panic attack. I would have hit myself. Well that is yeah, I mean, uh, yeah, you should probably

have a panic room for your own fists. But um no, but like when you pick your leg and stuff, that's a form of a pan I think, and it's coming out in that way, but I don't. But I know that I'm I can trace immediately to what I'm stressed out about, and I know what I'm doing. Whereas I think some people describe panic attacks is like you know and Ted Lasso, for instance, like he's on the field and he's like involved in the game, and then all of a sudden, his his his first sign of it

as his hands going on. Whereas for me, when I go to pick my leg, my first sign is anxiety, and then I go to that to soothe. Yeah, you have you have an ability not to go to death, which a lot of people that suffer panic attacks, that's where they first go. So let's say I'm having, you know, chess like heartburn, I go to heart attack where you

would go. But does the symptoms start So the heartburn might be from indigestion, you're saying, and then it will spiral into death and then panic attack and then you're just panicking that you're dying like that, Like it's almost like you're drowning, and you can't get out of the pool unless you accept that you're drowning. So it's it's almost like you know, when you're swimming and they go

go with the curt don't fight against it. That's exactly what you should do with a panic attack, which seems how do you do that? How do you go with a panic attack? Let's like talking about it. I mean, at first, you can like, luckily I have Zolov, thank you Jesus, you know, and yeah, and asked for Zenica and as for Zenica, and um, I'm trying to what.

At first you can't do anything. You just have to the quicker you could accept and get your brain around that this is gonna pass and that it's just panic. The faster, oh go away. But you want to fight it, like you want to fight anything. You're like, fight or fight, I'll fight this off. I'm going to stay alive. Had moments, yeah, where the most recent one was when I was on that Reddit thread and reading like all the worst things about me that I feared about myself, and it was

so like, I don't know how to describe it. It was like something of only maybe felt when I've been broken up with and it just or like, um, the worst thing imaginable is happening, and it feels like my worst fear, Like it feels like almost like a fantasy, like a bad dream. And medically or or with your body, it's just like in my it's in it's just like this like like just like like I don't know how I'm gonna have to kill myself to to I'm never

gonna get over the shame I feel right now. The only way that I will get over it, it's this sadness that like the thing that I fear more than anything in the world is happening, and all the things I do too, you know, for me in that moment, it was like everything I do to convince to say that's not like you're delusional if you think that people think you're not talented or that you're not or that you're obnoxious and you're dumb and you're you're not talented,

and that you're lazy and all these things. When it finally was like in front of me in many posts of people that seemed eloquent and like used to be fans and then they're abandoning me, it felt like it's this nightmare is happening, and I cannot believe it felt like like I just there's it felt there's nothing I can do to soothe this. There's nothing except suicide. And there was like a there's just a feeling of like

I have to do it. Fuck, I'm gonna have to kill myself because this is there's there's there's nothing anyone could say that will ever make me feel better about what I just read. Ever, I've seen it now, and in that moment, it's just like that's when I grab a scissors and I'm not saying that so that people go, I'm Nikki's trying to make us feel bad, so we don't ever say anything bad about Nikki because she's gonna threaten us with sell farm. I'm not saying that. Say

what you want about me. I'm it's my job to protect myself and to have coping mechanisms that aren't cutting myself. But there's just something about it that's like that That's the only time I felt like truly like I'm gonna explode, like I'm just I'm just like like I'm I I want to just I want I want to just implode. Yeah, it's interesting that what we're afraid of death, right, Yeah, can lead you to wanting death to get out of

it already. I don't know. I'm not saying that's what you did, but I'm saying, like it's just an interesting thing, like, well, it's the only escape from being a bad person, and that that if people hate you and you're you're a bad person, and um, and now everyone knows it, and now you have confirmation of it, this thing you've always sneakily thought. But everyone, all the you know, experts you see, say no, that's a symptom of your depression. But then

you go, no, actually it's true. I have some I could print out some pages of evidence that people people do think this about me. I'm not alone. I'm not delusional. Then it just becomes a death sentence of like you shouldn't exist, Like what, you're a selfish, bad person. You're not bringing any good to the world and not killing yourself to go. You hurt me, See how bad you hurt me. You're gonna suffer now because you're gon feel bad.

I killed myself. It's I have to get rid of myself so I don't do any more harm to the world. Do you think that it's kind of like, let's say you do have moments of where you're not being your best self, right, do you think and then you read that people see the way that you saw, do you feel like sometimes you might and I think I might do this too. Is like I'll act in a certain way that I assume that either people think I am

or what I think. I like, it's hard to explain, like sometimes you could be a bigger dick when people are just expect expect like, Okay, I'll be a dick. I am a dick, you know what I mean? Like like I want I don't know what the psychoyeah, I don't know what the psychology. If you're going to call me whether when I'm trying not to be then I'll just be yeah that kind of thing. Yeah, like when I when I yeah, sorry, no sorry, I was going

to say. I used to say that I have panic attacks until I had a therapy session and I really wanted to talk about it, and my therapist she's like, what is a panic attack? And as I started going, you know, trying to explain it, which is very difficult, I think what I realized is is that it's like

I think it's a misnomer. I think it's like it's um like uh an um amalgamation of like all of the issues that I'm that are unresolved or low self esteem or you know, like I don't have confidence, I don't know how to handle this, and it's just like it comes all together into one. And I think that once I stopped giving it um any cloud by calling it a panic attack and making it something I was

able to kind of like just like stop going through interesting. Yeah, I know, I get what you're saying by that, And the longer you get away from it, the more it doesn't even seem like you could possibly happen to you, right, Like, I don't give it a definition. I don't allow it to be a thing. That's what did with my brain, is that I what you're saying. Like when I started not having them, or started not having as much anxiety, I was like, I don't know, like made me kind

of like more interesting to have anxiety. Like I think there's something to like missing that feeling of like sadness or being scared or like because you kind of feel a little alive in the moment and you feel like there's something maybe maybe a little bit more interesting. You're more of a victim. You have an excuse sickness that gets you a little bit of attention or sympathy from people, Especially now that we are more aware of mental health and we we we we give more sympathy to people. Know,

how did your um panic? What? What? What you were defining as panticas what do they look like for you? Mine was I would just start like just having like heavy breathing and when I would close my eyes, I would just see shadows. And the only thing that would help me get out of it is I'd have to go into like a small room or like under the covers, or into like a closet, Like I would sit in like a closet and then it would it would pass.

Like it's just like did you feel like you were going to die where you did you feel like you were like gasping for air, like drowning kind of thing. Yeah, it was like that. I didn't have it. Those like suicidal thoughts are separate from that. I think that, you know, that's more like related to when I was, you know, going through a bad depression. But um, I think it's just like this overwhelming feeling of just the world just

kind of closing in on you. Yeah, I don't think I've I think, um, what I've experienced is just like not a panic attack, but I just even the just wanting and then the time like last year that I just like punched myself so many times, like just beat myself up, was just like that was I didn't want to kill myself. If that's the thing that I could do, that would like punish me for being such a bad person, And like that's retribution for all the people that hate you,

and like you're you. You're gonna keep living in a with a sheltered life and keep getting money and keep you keep having a show you have. There's no but no punishment. You got to take it out on yourself to make things right. I guess the other day I went to UM one of my like music lessons, and I was headed over and I was just like, God, you need to fucking do something for someone else. All you do is talk about yourself all day. You have a thing happening where it's just all about you. Every

fucking conversation you have is about you. You have people that all your friends are kind of like working for you. It's just like you. You you like what the fuck.

And I was just like driving over there and I'm just like, God, please, like, let me help someone today, Like I want to do something totally that is not self serving, which in because that is the because I was also feeling really depressed and sad, and I was like, I know the remedy for this is doing something that has nothing to do with me, isn't it's the self care for me is helping someone else and like putting

myself out there. And I was just like, police. But I was going to this thing that I was paying for an hour of this person's time to teach me a musical thing. And I got there and I was like, you know, they were like, how are you feeling. I'm like, oh, I'm good. We had see each other one a while and I'm like I'm good. Just pleasantries and I just go, how are you? And the person was like okay, and I was just like, tell me more. And we spent the whole hour that I'm paying for talking about this

person's problem. And I was able to give this person hope in a way that they hadn't felt in for so long. I was able to because the way that they communicated, they were feeling sad. I was like, I've I know that sadness, Like it's a very specific kind of sadness, same kind of suicidal ideations, same kind of there's certain types of depression, like this person had my type of depression, this very rare form of depression that manifests in this way. And I was like, I know

that kind is it like this this? And I eventually obviously made it about myself, but I just but that was my way of help. And we didn't get to anything that we're supposed to do. It was all about getting this person out of that funk and giving them hope. And I called a doctor that I know that helped me, and I was like, this person is going to call you. Make sure you here's what I've observed. I know I'm not a professional, but they seem to have all the

same characteristics I did. I really recommend the same kind of treatment you prescribed for me, um, but you know that's up to you, obviously. I just want you to assess them. Will you please let me know anything I can do too? If if they can't get in with you, can we find someone Like I took time out of my day to like and It was just so nice because I asked God or whatever I believe God is, for a way to help, and it just who knew me?

Me just going because I thought, oh, this person is not even gonna want to tell me about their life, Like I didn't want to go listen, can we make this all about you? Because I really need to do some service right now. I didn't have to say that. And this person wasn't like I'm sorry. The lesson was all about you. They were all about me. The person was just like, I go, thank you so much for this, and they were they were like thank you and we're like nearly crying and we hugged like I love you.

It was just so beautiful and it was just, um, it was just so nice. It was so nice and obviously in the end, very very self serving because I walked out of there like I'm a hero. But so what those self serving things are, the end justifies the means.

They're like all day long, like anyone to like I make fun of you know, I'm in Big Brother and I'm hoping it's like, okay, you're doing this so you can put it on your bumble account, but it's well worth it, Like It's the only thing that I would say is like, I'm not doing that to brag about it. I'm doing me to say, like, sometimes you it really does help your mood to help other people. And I

never thought that would be the case. But if my only thing is like if if I if you ask someone like how they're doing and then they explain, and then you go, well, I'd like to help you, then then I think it could almost turn to like, well, now I'm making this about me helping that person. I didn't say that. I just go tell me about that and I go, wow, I know when you went out to the doctor, Like was she like all for that? And yeah, I go, I have a doctor. Can I

recommend them? And she was like yeah, I mean I would love that. I'm gonna call you and leave a message. And then I wrote and like I didn't do anything over the top and didn't kind of like and the way I called the doctor was not like you need to subscribe, prescribe this and this. I was just like they they seem to have a lot of the characteristics I do. And yeah, it just felt I just I'm

glad now that I know. I wish I would have had that tool earlier on if if you're out there and you're suffering, I swear to God, going and picking up trash on your dog walk will make you feel better. And it's not even about like now I get to say I picked up trash and look at everyone's going to think I'm such a good person. It just feels good to do something that isn't for you. My panic was was thinking about myself. I mean, it's all about yourself.

Just a quick thing you can do that isn't journaling, That isn't like going to meditate, it's just go wasn't sad about starving kids like it was about me? Like it's like give a dollar to a homeless person, write a letter to your doorman or the janitor that cleans your building, like something that's just nice. Okay, Venmo Andrew. Uh, and he'll spend that money on himself. Uh. Next next fan fax Okay, next one comes sums from Nick. What do I like to close my eyes? NICKI? Andrew? Noah,

This is Nick in Northern California. Huge fan of podcast. Been listening since episode one. Actually I've been listening since before episode one. You up with Nicky Glazer got me through season one of COVID Spring, but you guys are crushing it. I just wanted to tell you you're doing a great job. Listen. I'm an uber driver and the best part of my morning is that in between passengers

I get to listen to the Nicki Glazer podcast. As soon as somebody gets out of my car, I switched it over, I crank it up, and then of course when somebody else gets back in, I have to turn it off because usually the conversation is about penises and buttholes and vaginas. You guys know how it goes, but

you make my mornings so thank you so much. I also wanted to point out that I was listening to an older episode, the one where Andrew's friend Seth Glassman comes on, and I thought it was hilarious that at least twice he said that he was an intricate part of the penis Pump story, and I think he make integral part. And I thought it was classic that just like Andrew, Andrew's best friend has a tendency to misuse words, just like Andrew does. I mean, you can't, you can't

make that up. It's amazing. Listen, you guys keep it funky. Right, You're doing a great job. Don't change the thing every morning. Just keep it up and Jack Nicholson, Yes, that's a good one. M dude him. That guy is I wish he did. He hasn't my brain all the time. He has uber driver voice. Yeah, like fun uber driver voice. You like San Francisco. Hey, guys, how you doing? Where you where you come from? Like he has. I'm excited that this is my uber driver. I actually want to

engage in this conversation. This guy is positive, fun, he reminds he's I want to be friends with them. He's kind of like Seth in a way, my buddy Seth. Like he talked, he sounds like he's almost from New York. You know. We sounded like our friend who he didn't sound like him, but the way his intonation sounded like Brad. Hey NICKI Andrew, Oh my god, I'm like, what was his name? Nick? I'm like attracted to Nick his voice. I feel like there's something to be said about what

if that was an app just about voices. I'm really into your voice, Nick, very into it, and maybe that's why you like me. We maybe have similar and I'm into this positivity. Like everything about him, screams like good guy. Yeah, we were real more so much he does. He's an intricate part of this Fantax episode too, integral? Integral? How do you not know that trick part? I can't believe I didn't catch that. I feel like I maybe I was trying to be polite because he was a guest,

but or maybe I didn't notice. I definitely didn't. I don't even notice when Nick said it, even after he told us why. Sometimes I'll look upwards and I'll I'll be like, I'm more confused by the definition someone you know what. I was watching a Megan Fox machine gun Kelly, um, have you been have you been video yet? But you sent me yeah, Like I showed you a clip of it. But there's oh I am we oh yeah, that the

I am weed thing? Um, But he goes at one pot, I was watching the whole thing and she was like, she used a great word. What was it? Oh no, my friend used um obsequious the other day, obsequious And I was like, what does that mean? And she was like, because I obviously no that word, know how to spell it, but I don't know exactly what it means. And it's um, I forget it already to somebody obsequious Okay, yeah, I was thinking it was like, yeah, yeah, I I can

often be obsequious to certain people. And it's again it's not my nature, but that word really hit me. I was like, I am obsequious in so many circumstances. And then but the word that she used, she used some word that I go, is this She even using it right? And boy was she ever? It was a perfect word,

like sometimes people with big words. She's so smart because someone I was listening to the Courtney Show, which is my favorite morning show in St. Louis, and Courtney was talking about listen watching that video and she goes, I gotta say, Megan Fox is really smart. And I knew she was smart. And then Machine Gun Kelly even says, like, you know she one of the questions was like what do people think, Like, what's something that someone would be

surprised to know about me? What's a secret talent? He's like that, you're smartest. Fuck your i Q is probably just so insane and you read all the time. And I was just again jealous about of Megan Fox. For another thing, she's really smart. She's from my hometown. Wait, what was the word that she was It wasn't that. It was something to do with your being your She's like, you know a word that means like beating around the bush or being obtuse, vague? Will you look up other

words that means like synonyms? Um let me look up vague. Uh no, she definitely unclear, uncertain, unfocused, and precise. I want more vague synonyms. She it was such a good word. Um uh nebulous, nebulous, nebulous. She goes, well, that was a nebulous response, and I was like, I think she used that wrong even though I don't know what it is. And I looked it up and I go, no, it was fucking perfect. But do you think she has like

maybe thirty words that she goes to. I don't think she's one of those people because it was such a It wasn't her trying to use nebulous. It just nebulous was a better use than saying vague or the other words that are on this list that I just looked up. All right, let's get to the last fan trax. Okay, let's do um. Let's end the show with this one. It's a it's an advice question also anonymous. Again, Hey guys,

I have a quick question for Nikki and Noah. I just got a kitten and I'm wondering when you guys have sex with your partners, do you kick your pets out of the room or do you let them like hang out in the room, because, uh, my kitten will like scratch at the door and the now and I'm trying to navigate if it's weird to keep her in the room or like if I should just keep her locked out, and so I'm just curious what you guys have been doing. Yeah, I would love the advice. Thanks guys,

love the pod. Thank you so much for this question. What a great question. No Uh, I'll start with you because you do have a new kitten as well. Um, what Buzzy must hear? Maybe the buzzy gets threatened by other things buzzing noises. Buzzy just got educated. I had like a sex education class a couple of days ago. So where was Buzzy And did Buzzy try to get

involved and multiply? No, he was just sitting at the window with your Oh he was just she was just she sorry, he he was just sitting at the window. Didn't try to get involved. Did you ever lock eyes with Buzzy or where the buzzy was in the room? He did. He did make us laugh at one point, but you know that only makes the sex better when you're laughing. Yes, yes, Um, what about you? Did you like go like this obvious balls? How did it? Um? I just find that it's so like what um the

listener was saying. When they're pawing at the door or making any kind of sounds or like crying, it just so much takes me out of it. I don't like it so distressing, and then you start getting torned up whenever you hear them scratching at anything. It's paths loves dogs for your dog. Like I used to always keep the dogs out of the room and they would go scratch at the door. And then when I would hear that sound, it would trigger me my pussy salvating, because

I would is associated with me having sex. It was weird. One time I heard it and I was like, well, not now, Marian's at my parents gross gross angry. But I will say, um, with dogs with with Luigi, I um, he is he's in the room and he's on his bed, and sometimes he like when we go to the floor or something and we're near him, he'll just want to get involved in stuff. But it's just like no, you go to your bed. And like, I think that they're not going to be traumatized. I think it's okay. We

watch them hump each other and we're not traumatized. They can handle they They're used to seeing each other. It's not a private thing that they do, and so I think it's okay. Cats also, even if I feel like cats they look at you, but they never feel that involved like with you, so it doesn't feel like they're as intrusive as a dog would probably lick your foot and be like yes, like really in there, you know, you say, lick my pussy. Though, watch out where they

had towards to a guy. If he's like and he just runs across the room starts laughing at your cat, I think like, yeah, I think like, I think that

you can overdo it. Though I'm sure there's some people that like pet their dog while they're fucking and it's just like, yeah, it is weird though, Like the one time, and I've told this before, I was on a couch and like getting doing doggie and like Luigi licked my face in the front and it felt like a gang bang, like of like a guy kissing you while you're getting

a guy from behind. And I was just like there was something about that was like a little like I'm not gonna like I wasn't like letting him do it, but there was a moment where I was just like, oh my god, this is hilarious too much. Yeah, and then Marian was eating Luigi asked it was all the whole thing that you little cock freak. Thank you for your advice questions. That's fun. We would love to help you with your life. Thank you so much for listening

to this very special episode of fan Trex. We will be back tomorrow with a fresh episode UM Tuesday in St. Louis UM and you, as always, you can catch our podcast on YouTube. We have video now, so go subscribe there through the link in our uh bio in our podcast and don't be and