#123 R & R & A Brown Towel

mark Mom. She's so disappointed me in those in those boots that she opened up. I just saw the disappointment on our face of goes what you paid twenty bucks? Oh forty two? All right? Sorry coming not a big dale, just kidding. Thank you for all the replies yesterday about my mom. I got a lot of d m s being like wow, she we've never really heard her. Um, and you sound exactly like her when you do an impression.

I thought she killed it. And you know, afterwards, I was running around frantically trying to get to my next thing, and I didn't have time to go like I did say like great, job. That was awesome. You know, all the things you say after a performance is done. Um, but I'm while I'm like uploading video and like, you know, just mom, that was seriously so good, thank you so much. And you know I could just tell she was just like,

what's that good? And I'm just it's so interesting. People that don't work regularly in you know, podcasting or broadcast whatever it is, I forget they need validation. And why do I forget that? I mean I needed so much too. I think the problem with my mom is, and I later was telling my dad, is that when you give it, she negates, it goes You're no, it was I was terrible. No, Mom, I got a d M about how um beautiful you

were this weekend. I sent her the screenshot of like someone who met her and was like, God, your mom's beautiful. They will they'll say anything. Okay. Well they also said that they enjoyed my show. Well it was it's just like okay, So eventually you just stopped giving people compliments if they can't take them. Um. And it always brings me back to that inside Amy Schoomer sketch of that

I did. I think was first season for her show where a bunch of girls are meeting up to give each other compliments, or like meeting up to spreading to each other in the park, giving each other compliments, and none of us can take compliments or none of the girls are like they're all just like no, my god, I'm like disgusting. Oh my god, Like I uh, what do they say? They're like, um, oh my god, you

have like your tips are amazing. They're like kay parodies and they're like, yeah, Katy Pergis, it's for the Holocaust. It was just like stuff like that, like you're right, I'm disgusting. One girl is pregnant and just oh my god, you're pregnant. She's like, are you kidding me? I'm like a hundred years old. When I burth this thing, it's just gonna be like a bunch of cobwebs, like just

every girl negating the compliments. And then I stroll up and they're like, oh my god, I love your jacket and I'm like thanks, and all the girls are just like what, like they can't understand a girl that would take a compliment. And then our everyone's head to explodes. One girl walks into traffic, Another girl just takes a gun out of her purse and blows her head off just because they can't handle. It's really funny. I just

ruined it for you. But um, yeah, yesterday I was doing something and um, every girl that worked at this place was like gorgeous. And I said to my friend who is a manager there, and you know, like runs it. I go, what is this? What what you're hiring models? I go, this isn't you know, Hooters? But I mean I couldn't think of an example of a place that hires beautiful women like this isn't what's the name of like a nice class? Literally, my references are so terrible.

I need to like expose myself to more things. I need to read more. What's like a place that hires like super hot women? I you know what I said. I ended up going this this is like them because it was like a place where you rent canoes? I go, this is the pretty woman like big mistake, huge of of outdoor activities, Um, because it just seemed like all the girls there were like better than me and so hot. Um,

what's like a club? Like if you were if I was to say, Noah, what is an exclusive club where all the women that work there are hot, like you know, one of the hide That's all I can think of. I know that was a cool place to go to. Oh, I guess the first thing. I didn't realize it was a club, but the first thing that came to mind is European Wax Center. Oh my god, that's really that's a great reference. All the women they were so beautiful. Yeah,

like all the receptionists are just studying. Oh my god, you were right about that. It's so funny because my friend used to go there to get his back laser hair removed and he used to have stress about it because he was like, the receptionists are so hot. It's

so funny you would say that. See, this is the joy of having people in your life that comedians, because you can go what's the first thing you think of when you think of this, and then they say something and you're like, that's more genius and on point than anything I could have come up with in my brain. Um So I'm gonna use that next as my example

when you jumped me. No, European Wax Center is so funny because everyone either knows about that place and it seems like a place that hot girls would work or you've been there and it's actually verified. But yesterday no, uh um, there was a girl there at this place, younger girl, and she had pink hot pink like eyelinder under her eyelet, like not over like the bottom, hot pink, which putting pink next to your I, let's be honest, kind of a risk, because there is an affliction called

a pink guy. So if you're not, if you're dealing with like a kind of bacterial infection pink color, you're it's you're treading into territory. So today I did a hot pick under eye liner which I used, um ah lip pencil liner, and I don't know what it's gonna look like from a far off shot. You can see it on the YouTube in a couple of days when this uploads. You know, we have a YouTube channel. Now you can see all of my Tailor Swift shirts that

I've been wearing. Now I think this is probably day eleven. I'm kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel. I'm saving some faves for later, but this one is just you know, this one is very understated. People might say that's not a Sailor Swift shirt. You're damn righted as is from the reputation towards a tank top. It's a muscle T. I love a good muscle T. What do

you think about, um, pink under the eye eyeliner? Okay, I used to have a pink eyeshadow that I really loved and um, I like, I think that red is a primary color of green and my eyes are green, so like the pink tone popped out my green color more. Yes, So I loved it. And blonde classically looks great with pink. That is kind of why I love pink so much. It's whenever I wear that color, people go, oh my god,

you look amazing, Like it's just a good color on me. Um, I think it's because of the blonde air, maybe my skin tone when I spray Sally Hansen. But you're right about the You know what taught me about the eye color and like what colors you should use was that Alme campaign back in probably two thousand seven eight. Does anyone remember that. I know I'm gonna get dams from girls.

They would give you a palette. I think they still do it, and it's like what color your eye is, and then it's like a brown blue for me was brown blue, like tope or like gold, and it was for like blue eyes and they weren't wrong like those colors. Browns do suit me more than you know other colors. But um, yeah, I love learning little makeup tricks that I never thought of. I just go to this girl, do you have pink eyeliner under the under not over?

And she goes yeah, and I'm like, I'm stealing that look, even though she was like definitely a different complexion than me, different hair, every couldn't be more different than me, but I was very into it. Um, No, how's your how's your day yesterday? I can I my day was great. I think I don't know. I can't even remember what yesterday was. To be honest with you, I know everything. You're like, can we do a B S B check? Okay? Body body? Um? Not that great. I took a UM.

I took a class on Saturday. Um. It was like a tribute class for someone else at my gym who passed away. And they did like a seminar with some black belts and stuff. It's a it's a jiu jitsu gym. And I did a move where I had to do a role and I rolled on my neck the wrong way, So I'm just kind of like been off. Yeah, I'm just kind of like dealing with the with the neck like a muscle spasm, which stinks, but it's almost gone. So I'm very happy for you so bad. Would that

feel good to like dig into it? Yes, I mean av he's been massaging it and putting tiger bomb and stuff, and when he massages it just feels like he's like putting a knife in my back and like just like moving it around. But it does feel good. Is it the way he's massaging or does he do everything like he does the soundtrack or the intro for fan Trax just yelled in my ear. Well he's a commander, right, um so he uh so any massage feels like a knife.

It's just like a byproduct of having this muscle spasm because it, you know, it like walks in the back of my neck, but it affects my shoulder and my upper back. Yeah, it's like as it called when they say that it goes. It's I watched so many massage videos on the sm are I know. I usually know the word for um when it like radiates down, there's like a special word for that, and affects so many things. Yeah,

forget the name for it, but I'm very common well sciatica. Yeah, but the word for it radiating down your leg it's um god, I forget it's it's like, oh, that's a blank spot. Like it means that it has impact everywhere, which really everywhere on your body has effect everywhere else. But um, I'm sorry. Okay, So be body is not great. Spirit spirits, good school, spirit school spirits, good Buzzy is getting uh, I keep forgetting what it is for boys.

But he's getting snipped tomorrow, and I'm a little bit Yes, Spade, I think Spader Neuterard Spade because all of my dogs were Spade and I've only had male dogs besides Marion. Okay, so he's getting Spade tomorrow, and I'm just having a little bit of a I don't know, mom, I'm just nervous. Yeah, why I'm nervous, Just I don't like the thought of him being uh scared, not scared like um, anesthetized. I

don't know. I just have a fear, not feeling, not having natural like cat impulses to fuck no no, no, anesthetized no, the the anesthesia. Yeah, yeah, being put to scott or whatever temporarily. Yeah, because it Yeah, I honestly, I just took Luigian for a check up to get anxiety meds. I got him on prozac and he is going to get a dental that's what they call it. It's pretty much just like tooth cleaning and they have to necetize him for. And I'm like, yes, isn't that

kind of like adding danger to the whole thing? Like sometimes they don't wake up from that. I don't mean still on the age Okay, he's in a pretty good age category. I feel like most spangs, like I've never I really don't hear many times of dogs being you know, not waking up or cats not waking up, but I understand the anxiety of that. That was the moment that I knew Luigi was mine to keep when I was fostering him, was when he went and got spayed and

the technician had him on the um. They had a Muslim because he was so freaked out and biting, you know, And at that point he wasn't even like warmed up to me that much. He was just barely I had him probably for like four days, and he was just kind of like I don't trust you, bitch. And then when he was on the table and the technician had muzzled him and was like you know, checking him, like feeling his glands and stuff, and Luigi just looked at me.

And I think I've told this before, but he looked at me when I was waiting on the stairs like chair right next to him, like mom like do something like the eyes were like looking to me like you're you're you look After that look, I just like in my car and was like sobbing because it was just

like something finally depends on me and loves me. And that was the moment I knew that he loved me, and I loved him like I was all he had in that world and he just like he I think he had to in that moment just accept me because I was the only one that was And then I just go by bitch, and I left and went to probably went to Starbucks. Um no. But then after that, I just cried in my car. I was like I know it's him because of that that look of like mama, um.

I do wonder though, what do they do with the balls? What are they I do with buzzies balls? After they take them off. Um you can get an anklet made or a key chain. Um, I don't know. I mean, I'm guessing just in the trash they recycled them. I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to ask though, because I'm so curious. Um, yeah, I mean, I that that's a great question. I think you should ask that.

I was talking to my vet the their day and was talking about, you know, I've I've heard anecdotally I think, or maybe on Reddit somewhere, which you can only trust, that so much that veterinarians are the number one they kill themselves more than any profession. And we always used to hear dentists where that, which I don't know where that came from, but it's vets, and even the vets

said it. She was like, yeah, you know, we are we are prone to depression because we have we get into this because we have like massive amounts of empathy. And it was more about I was like, oh, yeah, because I hear like you get into this business to save animals and you end up putting them down all day. She was like, it is that, but it's more that you know, when if someone cries, like because I have

involved with animals. I'm generally people who love animals are very empathetic to not only animals, but people as well. And not only is it sad to put down a dog, which happens all the time and is the way we is, the gentle way we and most pets lives, which is so weird to me that that's like the best decision. But in a humans life, it's just like no, just suffer until the very end, until your body just like you know, you you choke on your own fucking um,

you know, lung tissue. Um. But and if you let a human, if you let an animal die the way we let our grandparents die, you would be cruel and selfish. But that's neither here nor there, um. But it is, it's both here and there. Um. But what they she said is it's just so set like people when they're putting down their pets, they're in the probably one of

the worst states they've ever been in. And so she has to comfort you know, when the vet is there, if your vets just cold and not there to comfort you or hug you or kind of like treat you like this is more special than the other ones, Like they do it all day. You know, she says sometimes there's like thirteen in a day was her worst day. And I'm like, how do you make each of those people feel special? Like and and and how do you

let that in without? You know, if all day you're watching people just like like sobbing, how do you walk away from that? And like, I let go home watch Gray's Anatomy like you just and so she was talking about I, you know, I get people to open up about things they don't want to open up about almost immediately, And I felt a little bit like why are we on the subject? And I hope this woman's okay sharing this because you know, there were cameras following me around.

I still don't know why, guys who I didn't get it, but there were cameras there. And I was talking to her about, you know, I want to get Luigi meds because I'm on meds. Why do I again, it's like the euthanization thing. Why do I get to experience some relief from this? But giving your dog prozac is like a you know, late night monologue joke. I just remember Jay lettle Be like here people are giving their dogs prozac. Like it was just like, oh, that's so stupid dogs.

Aren't people who so bid? It's like, if your dog can find relief from it, why wouldn't you give it to it. So I was telling her that, and I was like, you know, I love therapy, and she's like, oh, girl, me too. She said to me that she goes to do E d m R E M d R E d m R whatever the one is that isn't the music genre that rapid eye movement thing. You've heard of it? Noah, right? And I was like, dude, that's the one I want

to do. Because right before I went for um F Boy Island and I wasn't doing a podcast then, So you guys don't know this, But I went to Whitney Cummings gave me actually her therapist, and you know, she gave me a lot of things. She gave me clothes, She when I come to visit her, she gives me books, just work books to like heal. She's amazing, such a good friend. And she gave me your therapist. She gave me a nutrition is. She give me all like all this stuff and she's like, I'll pay for her like

she's just like, you know, she's just so generous. I love her. To death, and she gave me this woman and we were gonna start e D m R. Well, the woman is in l A. I'm in St. Louis, so I bought the the system. So it's you hold these little paddles. It's like scientology. Like at first, it feels like, is this like a you know, what do they call it in psyitology when you're doing when you're telling them all their secrets so they can use it against you if you ever try to leave. You know,

it's a dumb word. But um, it felt like that. But instead it's like these paddles buzz and they create pulses back and forth just to like switch your focus, I think. And then what if you want to look into it if you have like a lot of trauma um and even if you don't, like I don't have specified trauma I have like you know, I don't have like car accidents or uh, specific abuse that happened to me. But it's kind of like this or maybe I do. This will go in there. If you have PTSD, this

goes in there. And said of talk therapy where you're just talking for years and years, this can get in there and just target it right away. The place in your brain that is keeping you stuck in that moment and and and literally resolve it. And it's all based on your eye movement and it's just a very pointed technique. So anyway, I found someone locally who's going to do it,

and that was honestly UM. I did Jamila Jamil's podcast UM a while back, and we both have kind of come to the same place with our body image and like accepting our bodies and like not starving ourselves anymore and all these things. And I kind of shared with her offline, like how I did it, and she shared with me online how she did it, and her technique was E E D M R UM. And So if you're someone out there who is struggling with that kind of stuff or literally any trauma, I just recommend looking

into that. I have a lot of friends who have done it and who have seen amazing, really quick results with trauma work, and just you know, and it doesn't have to be major and massive, and like, I don't deserve to do it because I didn't go to war. I don't deserve to do it because my parents were cool. Like, there's stuff in there it can you can benefit from it, so I have a machine. So I'm gonna start going because this VAT gave me the card. Anyway, that's my story.

I'm sticking to it. Let's get Andrew in here, and I want to know how he was able to turn off our fire alarms when yesterday my mom and I were trying to get the beaping to stop. And I know, I understand that means the batteries need to be changed. I know, um, but I needed the beating to stop. And I don't have batteries yet and they're hooked to the wall and there's no batteries, so I don't know what's going on. I'm going to call the building. Anyway. My mom and I had to stack a chair with

a suitcase on top, and she had to hold it steady. Andrew, who is as tall as me, just seems to make them stop right away. I need to know his secret. Let up, Andrew, welcome back. Yeah, you've been pooping a lot. You pooped last night, this morning and then again this morning. Why how much do you poop? I mean I would say twice a day, like once, maybe once a day actually severy once a day on av Yeah, I'm no,

I'm definitely more than that. I don't know. And I also engage in sex that makes me have to like get it all out once a day. No, but you would think you'd poop more. No, I just have it stacked up. So it's like once a day ready to go, and then like sometimes twice a day sometimes do you know exactly what time? No, but like if I know I'm going to be engaging in activities back there, I just I need about fifteen minutes now and good to go.

Can I ask you a personal question? Like only, um, last night, Yeah, when I went to my room for a second, did you go prepare yourself and come out like I'm ready for you? Master? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. It's like it's like I always making in the waiting room. I can feel you come out. Your order is ready,

Like that's how you've done that before. I was because I go another room and I because I don't like him in my bedroom while I'm in my bathroom because there's stuff you here, and I blast the like um wait, no, I blast. It's sounding okay as a personality. As a listener, it sounds like you're preparing yourself for Andrew. Oh no, no, no, no, no no, someone was here. Part okay, my sexual partner was here, Like I didn't know that part, and I always whenever he always goes. Last night, I got a

little horny for him. Unexpectedly. I didn't think I was going to engage in this act because I just we were just hanging out, but we always do, like we never don't if he comes over, Like, but I wanted to do more than just give a blow job, you know, like I wanted to receive some stuff, which I can, but I wanted it to involve his penis. Yeah, so um, like down there, I wanted it to involve his penis, like he could do toys me. But like I just and I enjoy I enjoy that act. It's not like

I'm like it's the only thing I can do. It's like I like it. So um. I wasn't in the mood to like prepare because it takes so long. And I'm sorry to anyone who doesn't want to hear any of this, but I do believe that um education about how to. I just never I was someone who was having this kind of sex. I want to call it something else. I hate the word. Yeah maybe um asshole sex? Is that better? Or butt? Hole, fill my butt hole or oh my god, my duty hole, something like that.

Um rector RAMMINGA so I was railroad crossing. Let's call it railroading. No, that sounds worse. Are are r R? A little R and r um for rector ramming? But we all know what I'm talking about. What I say are and ye're kind of it, But it sounds like

rest and real exitation, Okay. So I enjoy a little r R and a lot of it actually, And I think that even though I've been doing it a really long time and it used to be more of like a delicacy and more of a special occasion thing when I was in a relationship, now it's become a staple of my UM life and I I really want to put out there that um, it should be that way for other people as well. And like I wish I would have done the research and done and really try.

I was too scared to try because I was so scared of the stigma of being someone who like buys the tools to make it efficient because then it's like your this, that's your thing, and you have to like where you put all those things, and then it's like if you're investing in that then what's wrong with you? But it has led to like such a great experience that A I don't worry about getting pregnant. I don't have to be on any birth control because of it.

I never worry about um any residual stuff happening. I'm for I'm as free as if it were in my vagina. UM. I feel very clean. I feel like I it's made me balance my diet better. UM, it feels amazing. It's connective and um enjoyable and very intimate, and it feels so good. But I wouldn't you know, I do a bit about it now, which is not even a bit, but I go, you know, I wish everyone would be more open to anal I really just do and no pun intended whatever, Like I just I understand because I

hear so many girls going I've tried it. No, no, no, no, no, I've tried it. I hear you, and I'm sure it did hurt. But unless did when you tried it? Did you use all the lube in the land, like literally all of it, like a whole bottle of it? Did you use so much? What if the argument is is if you need to use that much lube maybe naturally it's not supposed to happen. I get that, But are you naturally supposed to be swinging a golf club with a glove and like weird spikes on your shoes? None

of that's natural, but it's still enjoyable. Okay, good argument, and also it feels so good. I'm not yeah, that's true unless it is black or brown. Um U. I just picture your white glove and I'm like, that's gonna be a whole thing. Um what about the communication part of it? There's a lot of other things. I say, do you use all the lube in the land. If you can't say yes to all of these, then you have not tried to handle, in my opinion, and you

should give it another shot. Have you come once or twice vaginally or clatorally, um so that you are relaxed enough to for your body to receive further penetration, or have you been on the brink of climax? Like are you extremely relaxed with at least twenty to thirty minutes of four play that is just dedicated to your vagian and your pleasure and not his? Okay, if you can't answer yes, so that you haven't tried it? Number three?

Have have you taken tiny? Have you first of all clean cleaned yourself out in a way that has made you feel less knowing that nothing's going to happen, or if something does happen, it's truly not your fault because you did everything you could. Do you have a partner that do you have? Four? You have? Do you have a brown towel down? How now brown towel? Do you have? Or blacked out? Do you do? You have a partner who if something does happen, you could probably look them

in the face again and they are understanding and compassionate. Numbers? That was number five? Five? No, brown towe was four? How now brown tower? That five is partner? Number six is do you? Um? I want to list? I want the people on the YouTube channel to make a list. Next to me? Do you um? Do? Oh? Do? Did you get warmed up with fingers? Maybe a tongue? A smaller thing? Sorry, I'm just a smaller thing than what is about to enter you? And uh? Numbers seven? Do you do you like it? Do you want to do

you want to experience? Do you want do you want to do you want to experience? More pleasure? In your life and are you are you interested in actually doing this or are you doing it for you? Are you doing it for them? Now? If the answer is you're doing it for them, sorry we're getting the numbers confused. But let me just say sub note on are you doing it for them? If you're doing it for them and it's turning you on to do it for them,

you're good to go. But if you're doing it for them because you just want them to like you more, obviously not good to go. I think then you can say you've tried it. If you don't like it, after that you can say you've tried it, and then we can we can talk seven in R and R heaven, that's what they call it. That's the list. Okay, question. You are a very hard worker. You When you get

your mind onto something, you're extremely motivated. Now, if you're a lazy couple, I feel like out there the idea of thirty minutes of four play as well as like different steps to get your butt ready, then you shouldn't do it. Yeah. I just think that that's where I think you shouldn't do it. I think that's because I think all those steps by the couple equals no, thirty minutes of four play. Do you think that's too much?

I think for a regular couple that just wants to fuck like for like maybe just like penis and vagina, like you can have you can have sex like make her calm, like once or twice, and maybe you don't come, so you can actually be interested in what you're doing. No, I think you can do that. But I'm just I'm just saying if every time you have to prepare like

you're Geisha, then it's a kind of a lot. Well, let me just say that it makes I agree with you, because every time that I have sex, now because I'm not having vaginal sex, I have to do the Well, No, that's just if you now, I can skip many of those steps because I know how to clean out myself in a way that I don't need even sometimes need to put down the brown how now brown towe and I don't um and all the lube in the land is doesn't isn't at any time consuming You're like that

gets like the tires changed and my now I'm stop. And but I will say that it is there. Days like last night, I I had to get horny enough to motivate me to go prepare, because it's about fifteen minutes of squeezing water up your ass and then pushing it out, doing it again, pushing it up, doing it again, pushing it up like it's it's and it's a lot. At the end of it, you're like, I think I just sucked myself with this thing, Like I've been penetrated

a lot by this little tube. Um. But the because the investment, you go, oh my god, I put something. I didn't just lay back and get it. I didn't just like put you know, push my underwear side. When you put in work to something, the reward is so much better. Let's say you do all that work right, you already know I think you know my question. He comes in seconds. How upset? Are you? Not upset at all? Because you have a dildo next to you that you

can finish off the process. Because that does happen a lot. Is like I a lot of times with my partner, he will finish, and he he doesn't even know that I want to keep Like, I don't even know that I want to keep going because I I'm so turned on by them finishing usually that he will just keep going um afterwards without even me asking with his penis not hard and like he's obviously probably not as turned on, but sometimes it it oftentimes leads to him getting hard

again because he just keeps going. So you just you have a toy on hand, and I would would recommend like anal training kits. There's like you know, different sized ones that move up and up and you can do up. You can work with the ug But I promised you, like, I just think it's the thing. Um, I was trying to think of a toys r us. Lust toys are lust. Sex toys are lust. Yeah, boys fuck me in my butt something like that my butt hole. I just wanted

more people to experience. I think that I think has brought me a lot of joy that I just didn't know about. And I was enjoying anal so much before, or R and R so much before I knew all of this, And now I know all of this, and it's like a whole night. Does it takeaway? When it's a delicacy? You know, you eat like you know, a rainbow roll, which is you know, twenty dollars, so you're like, oh my god, I get a rain But then now you're offering essentially spicy tuna every day does that, and

then your vagina becomes a delicacy. So whatever you're not doing becomes the thing that you kind of go, oh, well, this will be exciting again once we go back to this thing. And and I don't think other couples are going to do anal every time. It is so much work. I have as much as like probably a porn star who films anal, Like I have to get ready for

a scene. But I enjoy investing that time, and like my partner is really grateful for the time like that I put into it, Like it's something that I can give to our relationship. That that's like it's a love language of like anally douching for fifteen to forty minutes. You also got to get the camera operator, the boom guy, white noise in the room. It was interesting last night. My partner, UM said to me, partner, well, he's my sex partner, and it just feels very country. My partner

and had his spurs on his boots. Uh. He said to me, Um, top your horse and listen to me for a second. He tilted his his hat and he said, well, you know, we talk a lot. We fantasize a lot of in in um in bed and talk a big game of different things. And it was interesting. Lest during during and Daring, Sorry, did you understand what I'm saying? Daring? Oh? Like, um, double dare dirt, daring, dirt dirt, Uh fred Dart do you say fred darst? Okay, Well that's weird, especially during

this song Daring, a fred Dar song. Um, so he said, just kid, just kid, he said to me, Um, if I you know, it's it's interesting communication. We have the most open communication in bed. Like I've said things that could probably get me charged with a felony and I'm exaggerating, but like the things I say in Better Wild, and so are the things he says. And I'm going to kill your family and steal their car. I only at where I knew you were sucking all right? It was

one and how do man? So he did say to me the last night, I'm trying to be very thoughtful when I say this, and I thought it was just so adorable. He was like, you know, because we're talking about what happens if we take this too long term, like if we get married someday and we're not even boyfriend and girlfriend. But I was like, you know, he

knows that I want that someday. And he's like, what if you know, the things we're talking about doing eventually, which were now just like fantasizing about, but if we eventually do those things, which are wild things, He's like, what if there's and he goes, I don't even know that this is true, But what if I don't envision my wife doing those things? And if if if for me, He goes, I don't think that's going to be the thing.

But I'm just worried that if I picture you as a wife, that my idea of those things I might not want to happen to my wife, but to my like partner, to my partner, it's it's fine, And I go, That's kind of what I'm enjoying about this time where I'm not a wife, is like I can be the whore and like be the um, you know, kind of the woman that you would never marry. Like that's kind of the fantasy. Is Like we talk about that a lot,

like you know, our fantasies involved. My fantasy is involved like GBS, right, and a lot of times yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I should call it stay in a lafe. It's gbs. Yeah, gang and you can feel warfare. Yeah, so a lot of those GBS involved, like in our fantasies men that are married and in the fantasy, but that's not what

I want to actually happen. But in the fantasy they are, like there's something about I like being it's for me, a woman that involves in the gangmang is like the ultimate like whore, Like, oh my god, she's servicing all these guys and you can't even believe what a wore this girl is. Like it's almost like the um, the everest of hord Um for me, like and for me as as many as you, like you know, in my fantasy, it's like hunter, like it can be so many it's disgusting.

But wondering, I'm not I'm not judging. I'm just wondering, Like I say, like I have, I've kind of liked the idea of them being like my wife would never fucking do this, like you're such a whore, Like I never marry you, but like I'm going to think about this forever when I'm sucking my boring wife and like not that they don't want to marry me, but they they they say I'm a different category. And by the way, this is I do want to be a wife some

day that a guy would think of another woman this way. Like, I'm not trying to be like I want to steal your man and have him think about me. That's part of a fantasy of like being the ultimate whore. It's my thing. Okay. So he was saying to me, like, what if, and I was like, that actually fits exactly with what I want, Like I want to separate those two as well. And he goes, but you might end up, you know, I might end up wanting my wife to do those things even though we haven't done those things.

He was like, I don't know yet, but I'm just wondering if if in the future I decide I don't want to do any of the stuff we've been talking about fantasizing about. I'm like, He's like, would you want to be with me? And I'm like, yes, In fact, I'm terrified of any of the things that we're talking about doing. The idea that you would bring strange men into the bedroom to bang me is horrifying, and he goes, Actually,

I like that. It was interesting, he goes, because that means if you're scared of it and I'm making you do it. Then it isn't you wanting it, it's me. It's it's still me in control. And it made me think of this thing and I don't want to mean to compare it to the R word, and I'm talking about the real R word. Um, but I was reading on Reddit and I'm going to get to the news in a second. I'm sorry. Well, I was reading on red.

I was reading on Reddit that, uh, there's so many R words coming back, but this is not R and R. This is like R a P and then blank, um. I was reading on Reddit that a lot of jab There was someone that said, why is all Japanese porn? I really love Japanese porn, but so much of it is like rape. It seems like rape where the girl at first is fighting it off and then she ends

up enjoying it. Okay, that's that's I don't know this to be true, but a lot of people that were commenting about Japanese porn said that is a like of the porn that's Japanese porn and starting Japanese you know porn makers is that version where the girl at first is like no, no, no, and then she loves it.

And the reason is that I read through all of the kind of people psychoanalyzing this kind of porn and why the Japanese culture tends to drift towards this is because in the Japanese culture, being a woman who enjoys sex is like or you're not to be trusted. You might you know, stray. It's like you you are a whore and like, you know the same kind of way weird if you're forced into it and you enjoy it after.

It's so it's not about rape for them. It's not about like they like to rape women like it's about the woman isn't actively loving it until the guy is. It's the guy's idea. Now, I don't mean to compare the two, but it was just an interesting because people. I don't want to shame the Japanese culture for having these because at first I was like, what the funk

Japanese love rape? And I was like, it is misogynistic that a woman can't have pleasure, and that if she does have pleasure, it means that she's going to abandon her family and abandon her man because she just loves dick so much. I mean, that is just like this false idea of what a woman who enjoys sex is.

But it was interesting that the same way that, um, I just love the psychology behind the stuff of like, oh, my partner might be into a g B situation if it's his idea, and I'm a little bit nervous, Like he was, like, I like the idea that this is the thing you want, but you're also like, I kind of don't want it, because then that means if you're doing it, it's because I I'm your master and I told you you have to even though he secretly knows I want it. Does that make sense? Yes, it does.

It's like when you have you ever heard someone tell a story and they're like, fucking I love I fucking did fucking uh cocaine and then I'll fuck this hooker and the ass and it just feels dirty because they're just so accepting of it, and as a listener, you don't really want to hear how like comfortable they are with because then you're just like, oh, this is kind of like a bad person. But then if it's like a fish out of water where it's like I did

cocaine and I and I you mean Andrew Colin act. Yeah, your entire comedy act. You are that way like you are. You're a guy that's done some of those things, been in those situations, but you're always the guy that's like, how did I get here? Yes, as a listener, it's a little bit more palatable then because I've been at like storytelling events and just some guy will get and I'll be like, I've done something similar in that, but I don't feel that great great about it like that.

I love that analogy. You're spot on, and I think that that's why you're so lovable in the scenarios that you put yourself in where you're you're around guys that are that like let's fuck or dude, and like let's just you know, but you're a You're a guy that's just like once to hang out with the guys and then you are like suddenly a part of this thing. But you're like you but you're not like I'm want to funk, like you don't have that, but you are around guys that like kind of bring you into it.

So your story is about those things never come off as do she Yeah, so essentially so then so then if if your part your patner, how do I if he robbed the bone his cloudsdale to town saloon and you're sitting there and you're going, look, I like these five gentlemen here about a ball. I would I wouldn't say that. I'm he would have to choose them. Idea. Okay, hey lady, I know what do you think of all that? No,

I'm saying no, the initial thing would be bad. If you go I like the five God, I want to Yes, He's like, oh that's a little much. But during it, this thing that he's forcing me to do, I come around to enjoying it. Well, then he's the one that gave it to me. He's the chef that made the food that I'm enjoying. And if I exactly obviously all this sounds horrible to like an ear of someone that

says misogynistic. So it's it's based in you know, ownership of women and thinking women are loose and not to be trusted if they enjoy sex, and like, it's it's all based on that. But you know, I am finally in my life not trying. I'm acknowledging that and presenting a way to both acknowledge that men are wired to think a certain way and that they can't help it, and at the same time going, well, how can we thick?

How can we got to acknowledge the problem. So the fact that he was able to say, I am I'm uncomfortable with you wanting it because it makes me feel threatened and secure that you would want other guys. But if I, if I've concocted in a way that it's

my idea, it makes it more palatable for me. That to me is acknowledging the problem and coming up with a solution, whereas it's not being in denial of just like, no, I just I just like I just like it that way, He's going, this is why I like it because of the fund up thinking that is based on the patriarchy. No, your face is kind of scrunching. Oh no, no, I'm just I'm taking this all in. I view the bedroom Americans using a lot of lube. I see. I see

the bedroom as like an alternate universe. Yes, and like you know, all these fantasies and stuff is between consenting people adults, and it's just like you can't really compare it to reality. So do you say the R word or all that? Like, I don't see it as um, the same as the crime, right, I see it like fantasy. But that's when people were having a problem with Reddit. The guy on Reddit goes, I love Japanese born, and I love Japanese women. I loved up. He's probably Japanese himself.

He could have been at least I don't think it was a fetish thing. He said. I'm just disturbed that it all seems to be rapey. And this guy was like, I don't want to see women fighting. I want to go to the end when they're enjoying it. Why does he have to start this way? And it was an interesting thing. Noah, hold on before we get to the news. This is news. Last night with my patna, I was doing I was just like, you know, talking to him unlus,

you know, doing things. We're just talking about, yep, making some annimal balloons. And I suddenly go, oh my god, I want to separate it with my nose. I listen, I go my Noah told me he knows of you obviously and knows you. I said, Noah, so innocent. The other day said I don't know. I like to just and I did an impression of you while I'm like holding a dick. Sorry, Noah, and he's like naked. I go, I don't know. I just sometimes I like to um

divide it with my nose. And he laughed so hard, and I go, so can I divide it with my nose? I was like, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's so comforting. I want to do it. So I just put it my nose and I divided it with my nose, and I go, I'm dividing it with my nose, and I like set it into his asshole literally, because like I literally did an impression of you into his asshole book and dividing it with my nose. My nose

bats flew out. Wait, I want to do my best, not my Yeah, I just put your bats like, like, you know, screeching out. I'm glad you liked that of them hanging upside down on my hemorrhoid. Yeah, I mean sometimes I oh, yeah, like your hemorrhoid is a stalagmite, like one of those dripping caves. Okay, we gotta get to the news. Wait wait, wait, so then, how did it feel? It feels so cool? No, one's right, it feels awesome. Every girl's out there. Try say, I'm dividing

it with my nose when you're down there. It's so cute and honestly, I think, by the way, that was my favorite moment in the podcast ever, ever, ever, the futest, funniest thing I've ever heard, because you said it so instantly and or you know, like innocently and matter matter of factly that if you don't know what I'm talking about. It was from like a few days ago, two days ago, two days ago, when Andrew was in Charleston still and

she said, I don't know. Sometimes I just like to just put my nose on because you're talking about balls, and she goes and I just like to divide them with my nose, and it's I mean, there's I'm going to teach my children to do that. I'm gonna teach my daughter to go. You know what, You don't need a blow a guy, just divide it with your nose and then I'm gonna carry the one, carry a one two divided by one is and then add a zero to the end and then like I love long division.

It's fun. Okay, let's get to the news. So funny. So if you have thirty ball sacks, get to the news, and hey, what's up there, folks, I'm back. I know you guys missed me at least. Um it's Wednesday, so we all know what that means. Did you listen to my mom wednesday? I have not. I'm a little nervous that she probably did better at me, so I need maybe two days. She was really good, but she wasn't you, Andrew and you know that. But she was really proud of her. I want her to do like kursten and

stuff like sit on your chair. I think it would be so fun. I love having a third It's fun. Yeah, g B, g B. Let's let's get in person. Yeah that you picked, just kidding, just kidding, just getting I don't want Julie on here, all right? Anyways, have all the swells Julie out there. I hope you're at a thrift store. Um. You know she doesn't listen to the podcast. Obviously, she was like, what is all the swells? What is that? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Let's get

to the news. Sorry, okay, Um, researchers, Fine, okay, this is obviously you're gonna say. This is the most self this is the most apparent paragraph you've ever heard Researchers find that online daters decide whether to swipe right within a second, and that the attractiveness of a person is what compels people to swipe right and if they accept the date like what you called it the most apparent I don't know that that's the right word, but yeah,

the most obvious. Yes. Like. The results reveal that people who like a profile first are more likely to be accepted by that person, regardless of an unappealing profile or if the person is not as attractive dating apps like match dot com tender okay, ten percent of long lasting adult relationships in America, Oh so wait, ten percent of adult relationships right now from dating. I would have thought it was more. I would think it was more too. I think that a lot of those people la la

la um. How do you feel about this? If if you go to the guy that swipes right and write to you, and you go, what did you think of my third photo? And and maybe you make your third photo. We're saying this, they don't even look at the other photos. Yeah, they just swipe right right away. Do you go and you make your third photo? I don't know, like a picture of a dead squirrel or maybe that's not a good time. But you know, like uh, something horrible or

something like whatever, just me. Would I wake up in the morning like just puppy eyes, like kind of looking like I was a fight with Tyson. Yeah. So and they go, what do you think about a third photo? Photo? And they go, oh, I loved it? What was it? Yeah? But do you think that would you want a guy to like read your whole profile? You care if it was just one photo and they were like, oh, not

at all. I feel like, you know, once we go on a date, I would hope that they would look a little bit more, but no, I think that the first photo is absolutely cruise and yeah, and that I wouldn't if anything, I would be like a little bit more, I would be I would prefer them to just be like obviously, you know, as opposed to like let me see you know. Yeah, when someone goes I love your like unhinge, like oh your top three or this, it's like do you think I'm hot? Like what do you like?

I don't. I don't even think of answer. I don't know. Then then in the first like a first line, would it be better to comment about like how hot you think someone is or something on their profile, because usually the profile stuff is an icebreaker. Agreed. I think that I like Hinge for that, and Bumble has that now going to Bumble slowly turned into Hinge in terms of like the prompt questions and things like that, Um, you like a witty line. Actually, I've noticed that. Yeah, I

like a witty line, and I like good punctuation. Um, I just like a person that doesn't like when you have recently had a guy that did like two sentences and he didn't put a period in between them, and it was just like, I can't deal with someone who it's just it's it just tells me who you are in a way that like I don't you know. It

just was like it was too weird. And then um, oh my god, I matched with this black guy okay on um Bumble and I went to go say hi to him, and there's this new feature on Bumble that it is just when when you pull up the chat, it's just like send a high send a wave. And I thought it was just gonna send a wave like

it's a way for girls. I thought for I thought for sure, it's it's like, oh, they've adapted to the idea that women shouldn't be the aggressors, and they're making the most easy way for a girl to flirt without being too too aggressive. So it was a hand wave and they just go say hello. It was an easy button. I thought it was just gonna send a wave to the guy. It's sent a jef of Cardi B going hey babe, And I'm like, first of all, this feels like I cocked like a jiff that would like do

you do you understand this? Yeah? Is this the version of what? Like? It just felt so like it was it just picked a random Jeff and it just happened to be Cardi B. And it's like it's fine, And I just wrote, oh my god, I don't even know

what the funk that was. I tried to just wave at you can, and he goes, I'll just ignore it, and then he went on to use run on sentences, you know, just sentences that ran into each other, and I just couldn't but um, and he said, he was like, oh, I see your musician, because I have a picture I guess where I'm holding a guitar. But um, he go, He's like, do tour. I'm just like, okay, Well, like, can you just send a gift instead, like stop trying to I had a CARDI be just slamming the door.

Um No, it was just so, it just was so awkward. Seemed like I chose like, what's a great what's a great? Um? Well, no, no, I wasn't gonna ask that. If a guy's like a seven in the looks right, he looks like me but a little bit more attractive. Maybe, Uh, what's a great first about me Lyne that you've seen before that a guy could use or a girl could use in her profile that might um counteract the fact that they're not

as attractive as they should be or not. Um, I think just someone saying what they value without being too um so, not too silly. No, I think being too silly is oftentimes I'm like, wow, they're they're trying sort and a lot of times they don't nail it. Like the one guy that I read to you we both liked. He was like I'm a bad boy because I'm bad at everything or something like that. That was funny, like that,

that's hard to do. Don't steal that one, though. I want you to come up with your own, you know, just steal it. No, don't. If I find out you stole it, I'm gonna be like, it's like a quote from some movie. I'm not privy too, but like everyone knows, I'm going to be like and I'm sure that something in that vein I think, like I think I like a guy writing I value blank, blank and blank, like I, uh, you know, these are the things that I enjoy doing.

I don't mind a guy that's like I like the outdoors. Politics, you hate, you hate when guys right, No, but if that's telling me who he is, now I know you know I like um. So start off with three right things you love, but not saying what you think we want to hear, Like, I think that the best thing to do is like we like a guy who knows who he is and isn't doing anything to try to

peak to peacock and like get us. I think what a good advice would be is maybe do too broad things like I like outdoors, I love cooking, like a joke. And then the third thing, don't make a joke, you though, just something very specific to you that you really like that maybe not everyone likes. That's good, Like I love outdoors, I love I love um traveling. Phobias would be a funny thing. Yeah, And I'm afraid of spiders and I'm afraid of yeah, like a fun fact at the last one.

And one time I met you know, Tony Braxton. Yeah, or just like somewhere hey the CARDI B gift. But sometimes though, sometimes though, when guys do a interesting fact about themselves, like and one time I booked a one way ticket to Africa with with no plan and no and I'm just like, that's the one thing you've done cool in your life. And I just go, there's someone who's done one cool thing and they can't stop talking about the thing. And I judge that, so it's it's

it's very tricky. Yeah, it is tricky. Yeah, I just showed up to the airport, I said, I just picked the spot on the pictures of you with friends is key. Oh that was another article that I didn't pick, but something about like you look more attractive smile with friends friends. No, yeah, alone when you you can't be the ugly. But I don't mind a guy having someone take a picture of him in like a monument or like on a bridge or somewhere cool where he's obviously told someone to take

a picture and he's alone. That is so much better than a selfie. So yeah, selfies, I gotta say. I know it might be your only option, but just ask a stranger to take a picture of you. The problem it's not someone's self. It's also selfie face and you know what I mean, selfie faces. Yeah, it's also like just smile if you do a selfie, smile maybe yeah, And it doesn't feel it self, almost like you're just sending a picture to your mom of like my mom, Like send a selfie you'd send your mom instead of

one that you'd send like that. Also, Um had one more thing to to say, No, no, no, Um, it was a monument standing alone. Friends. Yeah. Oh I'm begging you girls that have guy friends that are single. When you think your guy friend looks attractive or is wearing a good outfit, take loads of pictures of him and just send him to him and go listen, I know, because he's gonna go no, no, no no, I don't want that.

Just go, it doesn't matter. Just start, say tell me a story, and have them tell you a story where they're smiling a lot. Go fake laugh, just laugh, laugh, laugh, then shoot from all the angles and then just air drop him too, the guy so he has he has dinner profile pictures. Yeah. Girls, we've got to help out our guy friends. Guys ain't taking pics. We were always want taking pictures. To just do it for your guy friends. It's they're never going to ask you, even though they

need it desperately, all right. Next story, a local news station in Spokane which we can Yeah, Washington air porn over this aired porn over the shoulder of a meteorologist, daring. Um, yeah, thirteen seconds of it. I heard it on the radio this morning. Really yeah, well yeah, seconds that's long enough to get your an already. I mean you are and are? I mean that's what you know? Um, that's what we were watching. Probably Wait, so are we going to see this? Oh? Well?

I wish I could have found the footage, which apparently was of a woman's backside. That's what I heard. It was her, but you see the TV monitor on like over her shoulder, that's where it is. Thirteen seconds. That's a long time on the huge and she didn't know

it was there, I'm guessing, or do we ever? Did the meteorologist kind of with a TV set behind her shoulder like on the side of her and The funny part is like the weather pattern that's behind her right now with like the white in the middle looks like a close up of an asshole. Yeah, I mean people called in. They were like, I can't believe people looked at porn earlier that day, last night. They just want something to complain about. And it's not like anyone meant

to do that. Whoever did it is either like a little scamp that just got fired or it was an accident. Yeah, I mean it's an interesting accident. I mean, how how does that even happen? But it is interesting how much people care when I say I pay for porn on stage and people just kind of go, you like, it's shocking to pay for porn. It's like, is the only thing in our society. I think that people just are like you you pay for that. It's like, yeah, it's

a it's a it's a service. It's but YouTube's free ads, Okay, so if porn had ads, you would feel less inclined. Well that's why I pay for it. I don't want to put up with ads and I want the Yeah, not the kind of I watch because I pay, but like the idea that it's crazy to pay for porn because there are places that you can go and not put up with ads and it's just banners, you know.

It's like, I just I think it's so funny that it's the amount of people that pay for porn versus don't pay for it are very different than people who pay pay for YouTube premium and don't. I think it has again it goes back to like the same stigma of like buying things for your butt to clean. It is the idea of like I'm paying for porn. That's like bad. Like if I'm not paying for it, I'm not really like part of it. I'm you know, I'm better than that. But if you're not, you know what

I mean. I know advertisers are paying for it, but I just feel like we need to. That's why only fans I just I don't know, I just like to. I'm I'm still subscribed to so many only fans and patreons that they just don't even I don't even use their content. I just want to make sure I'm supporting artists who struggle. But I could do better. I need to do better. Um, all right, let's go to a quick break and then we'll come back with what do I care? Why do I care? Why do I care?

Can I can I do a left turn here? Okay? So well no, this is why do I care? But okay, So there's this these two guys on TikTok. I don't know if you've seen them. Everyone's talking about the Yes. So there's the Island Boys. They're two twins. Right, this is what they look like. They look like human cartoon characters. Oh my god, they look like yeah, machine gun Kelly's uh sperms. I was gonna say that they do. So there's these two brothers and they're like, blow, they blow

up their tattooed over. You know, it looks like, you know, they didn't write. I think they're just freestyling in a pool and everyone like, I don't know. It's weird when these things catch fire because everyone's talking about So I want to know your real thoughts on the song, right, I can't wait to hear this. I'm staying like you want to find this? Can you show it to me? Dumb shopping like dumb on the put my this song? Yeah, like a shadow mega his hair looks like a king crown.

On Twitter, this video from yesterday has eight point one million views. Okay, it's definitely there. Look boy, dance boy. Okay, I like it. I get it. I actually, I mean it sounds like alligator boy. Dude, that's what I was thinking, sing alligator. But I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I mean alligator. I think they copied alligator boy. I'm an alligator boyator boy, I ain't no do you have this documented onliner anywhere? It doesn't sound that much. I

mean it sounds more like I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator I started, no, it's I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I ain't no kid. I ain't no carget kid. I ain't no gargata kid. I ain't no cracket that kid. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator bull. Alligator boy, I'm an alligator bull. But if we did it in a pool, we gotta do this.

We got our hair up, we got we got do that, mil walkie. There's no pools open this pool down here. We got our pool open to Yeah, we gotta do it. Um, god, how much we use them pol These guys blew up. I mean they're blowing up. I mean it's a very like six nine kind of field. But they're nice kids. Like if you watch their video, like people talk shit a lot about them, and you can like they're problem They're like, look, I know you have a problem with me. I don't know why you do. I don't have a

problem with you. Kind of They're not. Like taking one more video of them and see just I want to hear them like talking and yeah, I'm not in boy. Okay, so they're white guys. They look like Pete David's Davidson's. I was not going to he got a winktobe. I was like with, like, where are they from Miami? Oh so they're not island boys. Okay, Okay, I've seen enough. Um yeah, they're gonna be famous. I mean they are famouses we honestly, Okay, it's kind of original. It's like

it's it's an individual thing. Their hair is insane. It has these spies. They look at the Statue of Liberty. Yeah it was you know, a delinquent um tattoo on the face. A lot of people talk about tattoo on the face, but if you want to make him to do that, and if they're going out, they're getting recognized all the time, Like that is such a look you can't you know, Judah Friedlander is someone that you know

everywhere he goes he has that. He looks very distinguishable. Um, you know you like, you know, we could be anyone the most where, the most universal looking people. Um, I think we gotta we gotta start wearing something like very noticeable and like order might be. I think they're like, take someone like Luke Combs, right, well he's a he's a heavier anleman, but he looks like an everyday truck. Like there's you either got to look like the everyday

trucker at first getting recognized all the time. But I bet you it's gonna end up being not fun and they're gonna be wearing very thick concealer to cover up like they're just so they can or just flattening any of these people that have tattoos on their face. It's cool. But even though I got these, yeah, I was wondering what was happening there? Do you think it looks like I have an infection? Yeah? Oh, ship. It doesn't look cool. Okay, well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, but I didn't know.

But at first, the thing is, it's it's hot pink, which is like not the color of an event. Let me just look at it. At first I thought an infection. I go, what, Actually, I still like it. I thought cankers were moving to your eyes, canker eyes. But this is the honest thing. Then, like it kind of grew on me throughout the podcast and I stopped. I started

to like it. Okay, you liked the pink. Yeah, at first I was like, oh, I know, I know, but it's both eyes, and it's like it's that both the girls, it's the both Speaking of songs, it's time for Slice of Life. This is our Wednesday segment. It's wild Card Wednesday, so we always do a different segment today UM for wild Card Wednesday, I'm going to UM. Well on the podcast video on YouTube, you'll be able to see the

video of this. But I got asked by Bob Saget to participate in UM, a charity event that he does every year. It's called the It's for the Sclare Sclare Derma Research Foundation, where Sclare Derma is a autoimmune disease that is fatal and doesn't have a cure, and it is just took the life of his sister. It took the life of his sister and still takes the lives of many people. And it's just so many people suffer with it. Not a lot of people know about it.

The Sclarre DRMA Research Foundation, UM look them up. They do like so much good work. And Bob always gets this, like cavalcade of comedians and celebrities who send in videos for these events. And usually it's a live event. But the past two years have been up covidy obviously, and so last year I did a thing, and then this year I decided to um do a song and I decided to I worked with you, I asked you and Brenna about it. It's like, is this a good idea?

I decided to take the full house theme song. I know, at first I thought it was family matters. I thought it was like, it's a grand tradition, that's that's full house. I thought it was you take the good you take no no, no family matters is um uh oh no, no, it is. That's just I was gonna say, it's a rare condition. It's called scleroderma read any news like. I was going to do that, but then I realized that's

not the that's the Family Matter theme song. And then I looked up Full House and it's everywhere you look, everywhere, So I decided to do that song. I looked up the chords for it. They were not clear, so I just made up my own. They are not right. I am not good. Uh. This was a thing I did in two takes because I just did enough time. But I think it ended up being pretty funny and I wanted to share it with you guys. And this is something I did well. Andrew and Brenna, we're having sex

in the next room. I think, miss you, Brenna, miss you baby. Hi there, it's Nikki Glazer and I am so honored to be one of Bob's friends that he hits up every year for one of these videos. Um. I hope that you take the time tonight to donate

what you can to the Sclare Drummer Research Foundation. Um. They do such incredible work and they only really beg us for money once a year, and UM, yeah, I just it warms my heart how much Bob cares and um, how many texts he sent me over and over reminding me to send this in so um with that I don't have uh stand up comedy performed for you. But over the past year, I've learned a couple of chords enough to to to sing this and whatever happened to Bob sag it's charity. I wake my year they call

from him, asking me to work for free. Then I get that text from Bob and I say, here we go again. Every October since the day I met Bob. I met Bob. He asked me for content, and I have to look and I have to look up to look up how to pronounce s wear a derm. But then I read the facts like how we have no cure so Manny's still suffer like crowds when Bob is on two don't e two s R fuck you, Unicel and every other charity just for tonight at least least

then it did. Bob, bain't daint thing, Ranny don it Have you ever thought about doing I'm a Boy. I don't think about it. Those guys didn't come out yet. That was great. It was actually really well received and it was very easy to do. It was really it was fun to do. I love doing stuff like that all day. I hate when you say you're not a good songwriter writer and then you I mean, I can take it. That's so Yeah, what do you think writing songs is? That's what they all do well. Melodies are

hard for me to come up with. Have you tried. I'm a melody boy, I'm a melody girl. I'm a melody girl. I'm a melody girl. Um. I tried the other day to write a song. Was so embarrassing. It was, Oh, you know what it's I want to do a song about called um because I'm so into this artist right now. Um. I know everyone and you've tried to get me a do it before, but I only like this one song right now. I'm obsessed with it. Maggie Rodgers. It's called back in My Body. I'm obsessed with this song. I

can't stop singing it. It's about when she got really famous and was on tour for the first time, and she thought, like that's all she wanted to do, is like be on tour, and it's her out on the road having panic attacks and like hating it and wanting to leave and like it's just so. But if anyone can relate to it. I didn't even know it was about her on tour until I showed the video of her. F Yeah. Yeah, if you're out there and you haven't seen this yet, type in Maggie Rodgers, Farrell n y

U and it's a tear jerker. I think totally it is. Um. Yeah, she got discovered by Farrell. She's just cool and um. But anyway, this song, what was I getting too? Oh? So I've tried to write a song I just am. I like songs that have like double meaning obviously, and I think the coolest double meaning I've kind of stumbled upon in my comedy is that isn't too sexual or whatever? Is settling And like we say settled down down, And we also say like you shouldn't settle. When are you

going to settle? Stop? Settle down, Like we say that to someone who's like freaking out. We also tell women you need to settle down, like and find someone soon, like you need to find a man, settle, you need to settle. When are you going to settle? And also

like you should never settle. So there's so many different meanings of settled that I think a song about settling would be a cool and about like the struggle of um, when to settle and why and and having it be about like yeah and just having it kind of have you tried, like let me think about I'm a settling boy, I'm a settling so um like other things I've heard. I don't know. I just feel it's probably original, but it just sounds like a lot of others. Okay, what

about this? It makes me think of I'm settling down, I'm settling down. I'm settling down. I'm settling down, settling. Now have you come to me? I just make a decision. And I watched that about writing a song, the YouTube video, and it was just like, it's all I talked about this in the podcast yesterday in my opening. It's just about making decisions. And the problem with songwriting for me is if I'm you know, doing a minor A a minor A, I'm like, but what if there could be

a better court progression? And then I can't land on that, and then I just give up because I'm like, this isn't good enough, and I just I always wanted but the thing has anything, you can make it simple, and then a better guitarist no offense can then make it more. There's a better guitarist out there than me. Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write a song. I should settle, just on a couple of chords and then some words and then it's over. Thank you guys so much for

listening today. As always, jumpy Kid and uh Frost