#121 Long Division

my alarm at like, it's fine. I went to though, it's fine. Still, do you have a big day? Um? I have like a it's fine, Nikki, have a regular day. Okay. Um. This is the life of a radio producer. First, my first rodeo. That's true. I was thinking this morning when I woke up. I was thinking of the montage at the beginning of The Morning Show. Have you watched that show? Yeah?

Or like it's like they just and like people on the Today Show are always so chipper in the morning, and like as I was thinking of putting on the Today Show because I was up so early, and I was like, that'll make me feel like ready to stop that day because I don't know, there's something about waking up in the morning to go to school and then my dad would be eating breakfast getting ready for work, and I would be, you know, go in to eat

cereal or whatever. And the Today's show, those people were so wide awake it made you feel like it was okay too. It waked, it woked waked, it would waken, it would awaken you because of their personalities. But you know, and then I just pictured a producer being like guys speed Ship or this Morning, like they always have to like kind of phone it in because you can't always

be that chipper um. And I just felt so bad for anyone who works in like morning anything like morning entertainment, because you've got to be chipper a f When you did Howard, you know, he's on so early in the morning and you have to do you know, you have to get ready and all that, and they even start earlier. I think, you know, Howard's probably up at three. Oh yeah, and Howard for the first time, you could hear Howard's

voices voice in some of Beth's videos. This weekend, Beth, his wife, was posting videos of cats and you could hear Howard's voice and I was like, oh, I just haven't been able to listen in so long because just no time to listen. And I miss him. I miss his voice. It's so nice. People so many times on the show on the road come up to me at meet and greets and are like, we know you from Howard and they replayed my um and I judged the

Perfect Penis Contest last year. It was probably like a year ago, and they replayed that recently, so I got a lot of new fans from that, and UM, yeah, I just love I love meeting these fans. No, I can't wait for you to come to one of these tour shows because they're always like I wish no I were here for the picture. They always they always grab Andrew because Andrew's usually off to the side at the meet and greets, which I don't know how he does that.

I used to hate that so much, of like standing next to the headliner as people would come out and say good night, Like I I always used to just hide in the green room because I just couldn't take standing there with like nothing to sell. There was no point I was just standing there and waiting for someone to say something nice. Andrew's not the type of person that has a problem waiting for compliments and and and being okay if people walk by and don't say anything.

I mean, maybe maybe he does have a problem with that, but it doesn't seem to as fact his mood. Everyone's very nice, though, But I just I just hate anyone giving me something because they're like, oh, she's standing here, I should say something to her too, and then or you know, is it hitty? I mean, you don't want anyone to pity you. Uh. I just only want to get things I deserve and that i've like earned on

my own merit, not because people feel bad. That's you know why I blur my eyes because I don't want people to look at I don't want to look at people in the eye because they'll just laugh no matter what. That's why I don't like to do crowd work, because it seems like a cheap way to get people to laugh. I just don't like to do cheap things or like things that I don't know. It's because I'm not I don't feel like I'm just worthy enough by just being that. I have to like prove myself to earn love and

it's not enough that I'm just there. Um, I give an announcement now before show is right all like I so Anya goes out and then Andrew goes out. Um, but in between Andrew and Anya, I bring up Andrew and I give a little like you know, intro to Andrew and like kind of explain I don't know, I don't our friendship, and just it's kind of fun. It's it's it's just a way for me to go out there and a little like warm up and not not really be expected to do you know, joke joke joke, joke, joke, um,

even though it is joke heavy. But I always say to them like if during the show you have to like p please just go because I kept meeting people at the meet and greets that were like, oh my god, I be so bad the last half hour of your show. And I know I probably said this before, but like I've been just saying, if you have a panic attack, if you have anything like get up and go. I am not you will not throw me. I am not gonna like be distracted and be like what are you doing?

Like what's I'm not gonna pretend like I won't call you out and say you're gonna go have take a ship like other comedians might. That's always fun stuff when that happens. By the way, I'm not you know, I'm not uh, you know, judging them for doing that. But

I just feel like people are so anxious nowadays. I just hate the idea of anyone not just being able to sit back and have a comfortable time, like they're watching TV on their couch, like that kind of comfort where you're not expected to you know, where you're Because people watching comedy shows, I realized they are so scared you're gonna make fun of them, or that it's gonna be turned on them. Some people want that so badly, and that's why they're like heckling. But I remember you,

I want to go see the Blue Man Group. Um when I was like a little kid, and I was so terrified that they were going to grab me and make me participate. I mean so freaking scared. Noah, Like my parents took me because they got free tickets. When we were young. We went up to Chicago for my dad's work and they were telling the story the other day when we were in Chicago and they're like, Nick Eat was horrified the entire show because we had to

sit separately. I mean, my sister I had to sit separately. I don't know why. There just weren't enough tickets available or whatever. It was really the Blue Band group was huge back. I mean they were. They were seriously it was like stomp huge and wait, what do they used to do? Like what was their gimmick? Well, it's the same gimmick. I think. They come out and they they're amazing percussionists, and then they pour paint into the drums and then there's lights coming out, so it's like this

blue splashing plaint. They have blue faces. They don't talk the whole take time. They just do like weird sounds and like um, and then they call on an audience member to come up and eat a bunch of marshmallows. I don't know. It was just like they just used audience participation and they would just like they were creepy dude. They would just like come out and like look at you and like crawl across the c I don't know.

It just scared the ship out of me and UM and my parents that like the whole time they were just watching me be so scared. I couldn't. I couldn't. I was just always scared of being being singled out and those things, even though now it would be like kind of my dream, Like I imagine the kid version of me would be like, please pick me, I wouldn't

be on stage. But back then, oh boy, no, no, no no. Did you like um, like if you went to Disneyland or any place like that, Not like you necessarily had to for for this answer, but like any kind of like character that was dressed up Santa. I mean, I know you're Jewish, but like any kind of like you know, Mickey Mouse, these people in costume, even like Chucky Cheese, Animatronic. Did g are you a child that likes to hug those people and like get up in

like and and I don't understand. I don't understand kids that are hugging Mickey Mouse and Goofy at Disneyland, don't. I don't get it. I think I honestly, I think I was. I do remember going to disney and uh, you know, hugging Goofy and stuff. I used to love hugging them. Why was I so scared of those people? I didn't think they were people, by the way, Like I knew that they were people. I knew that, but I just I also there was something they were like

not Goofy, but they weren't a human either. There was something in between. Because it doesn't look like the cartoon. I mean, that's the thing. Do kids think this is the cartoon? Yeah? Like do they think the cartoon is a cartoon representation of the living Goofy, which is this giant like almost like Bigfoot like character, Like it looked like Bigfoot to me, like mysterious. They don't talk to that is very weird. I don't like the fact that they don't talk and they just like motion and they're

like whoa, it's like mascots. I hate mascots. I think there must be a phobia of mascots and I have it. I mean, now I could just be like, I know, that's just like a dude in that, but I just I don't like how they always seem to see me and wave at me, like want to interact. I was scared of everything as a kid, and then my parents were talking about they brought me to six Flags as a young child, and by young I mean like eleven, and we went on this like spooky hay ride or whatever.

I hate Halloween, like haunted House anything like that. Count me out. God. That was one of the worst things about growing up as a teenager in St. Louis is like they, you know, the radio ads were like, oh, come out to Spooky Halloween in Grants Farm with the Googles. Well, and it's like every there's all these different places you can go. Silo X were lasers. You have to walk through lasers, and men with chainsaws will come at you. And the thing is that none of these canna touch you.

You know that. I used to just scream when I don't have to go through them. I used to scream, like, dude, touch me, you can't touch me. It's a legal like that was the Do you remember that like rule that if they touch you they have to like they like you could sue them. Do you remember that rule of like hunting houses? I did not, we can't touch houses. Did you ever go in one? I I think I went once and it traumatized me so bad. I still

don't like going to them. I'm okay terrified. Well why did you go in the first place, because like kids were going, like your peers were going. I think I was like on a date or something or something like an X wanted to do. Oh god, I I hate them so much. But my parents said that that that we went on this hay ride. And they were always pulling me on things that I didn't want to go to and making me feel like I was nicky. Come on,

it's not bad. And I would see all these kids in line and I'd be like, God, none of these kids are freaking scared of anything. And I feel like such a baby. Was always like Nikki, such a baby. Roller coasters, movies, anything that got scary, I just would

freak out. And they brought me on this roller coaster or on this hay ride, and they were like, Nikki got so scared on the On the hay ride, they had an actress that was a little girl and a guy pulls her off screaming and then puts her in a shed and then the shed blows up, and it was like, of course I would be scared of that. I mean, that's really good, a good idea, but still

so scary. And last night I was over at my sister's house and I was watching there's some new Muppet Halloween special with like a million celebrities in it, and then there Arlow is five about to be you know, the four and a half, and he keeps being like, go to the scary part, go to the scary part. And I'm like, what is wrong with this child? And then Poppy is two and a half and she's loving the scary part too, and it's like, there's this really scary part that even made me jump. I was like,

what why do people like to get scared? I don't get it. I hate being scared so much. Um I just yeah, I mean I was just listening to the radio and Halloween Kills, you know whatever. The Michael Myers movie number one of the box office by far. People like being scared. There's this adorable video on TikTok, you know of that voice that's like, my daughter loves Michael Myers more than Mickey Mouse. It's like that stupid TikTok voice. But it was like, my daughter is the biggest fan

of Michael Myers. He came to her birthday parted. Did you see that video? It's so creepy. He comes out from like a middle school with the administrative office and she sees him from far away and then starts running to him and like and then I thought he was gonna like pull out or have a machete or whatever in his hand, but he just picks her up and she's so happy. I was like, that kid is so cool. I would have been so jealous of that little girl. My parents had to pull me out of Pinocchio, the

Disney movie Pinocchio. Why because the whales scared me. I was scared of everything name it, and I was scared of it. I came up with tactics in um. I guess it was six fifth or sixth grade. We went to go see the Imax. Oh, Imax is scared the ship out of me. There was all the stars that

you like in the beginning of the Imax. It's like this is Imax and you go through like the galaxy and you get oh no, but there was this We were seeing the Ring of Fire and it was all about volcanoes and I was like, Imax just scared me. But I had to go for this field trip and I my mom was out of town on like a girl's trip or something, and my dad. I couldn't stay home from school six because there was no one to watch me because my dad had to go to work.

So like I had to go with this field trip, and I was just like, I mean, I was so scared, and I was like, I can't hide my eyes during it because everyone will make fun of me. So I that's when I learned to blur my eyes and I used a headband to cover my eyes very surreptitiously, so no one knew. I was just scared of everything. And yeah, I'm x is are cool as ship Now. I don't know why I don't go all the time. It's so fun um to feel like that. Oh my god, what

was I just about to say? Over this weekend something cool happened? Oh god, I forgot seeing my niece and nephew yesterday. That was so funny. I haven't seen them in so long. They are so sweet and Poppy had a band aid on her head, like Nellie was so cute. And I have this thing no where, I have a trunk full of like out to Target one day and just like went wild and bought like every single toy

under seven bucks that I could find. And I just bought like forty toys, you know, filled my trunk with them, so that every time I come over to their place, I can like bring a toy and they can associate me with you know, tangible things that they get, and and you know they can I can make them good consumers and realize that love is giving you things. But I don't see them often, so I always want to

bring them a toy. But it's just turned into this big fucking cluster fuck because every time I bring a toy to Harlow, he hates it. He is so excited about it. He goes, he do you bring a toy, and I'm like yes, and then I go in my trunk and I have a toy for Poppy and a toy for Harlow. I tried to buy, like, you know, toys that they each would want, and Arlo's very much into like I don't want girl things like I want

boy things. So at first I was just giving them toys like gender neutral, like whatever, and he would always get upset because he wanted Poppy's toy, like his toy was never good enough, even though if I gave if

I switched them, he'd want whatever Poppy like. He just never he's so excited and then he gets it and then he's like I ate it and he like throws it, and then it's a big fucking mess because my sister is like, you need to thank aunt Nikki, and I'm just like, no, you don't like you don't like your toy. I don't care. It's fine, Like you're entitled to not like things, like you know, being polite that can come down the road, like you don't need to be polite

your four and a half. I don't care, um, And she's like and then we get into a fight because I'm like, stop making him like thank me for something he's not grateful for, Like it's dishonest, Like I just don't want him to ever have to lie to me. And so now I pulled up yesterday and he's like, do you have a toy? And I go yes, and I go listen, harlow, this might you might hate this toy based solely on the fact that I've given you seventeen other toys and every single time you hate them,

you might not like this one. And it doesn't matter what it is, by the way, it doesn't matter, and it's you know, you might be listening to this and be like, what a little brat, But like he's just a kid that gets so excited about he's like me, he likes the before he doesn't like. Actually, when he gets the thing, it's over. The excitement is over, and he's not wrong. That's how are like a reward system works.

Our dopamine shoots up when we're anticipating something, and then when we get it, whether it's an orgasm, food, it goes down as soon as we get it. It's not like the first bite, the first orgasm, it goes down. It's right before you get it. That it's the highest and the only reason we crave sex and food and all these things is not literally for the sex and food. It's for the dopamine that those set off that give us the urge to get those things. I read that

this weekend. It was a very interesting read in that Cupid poison Arrow book. But like when I was a kid, I never wanted I never wanted to open presence because I realized that that feeling goes away when I opened the present, and I why I would stave it off. That's why I don't like to come. That's why I don't like it, because I just want to keep I know that it's gonna go away. That's why I don't like to eat. I don't want the the urge and the yearning to go away even though it always comes back,

you know. So I told him, I go, Arlow, good chance, you're gonna hate this toy. If you don't like it, you can throw it on the ground. I don't care. But that's only You're only getting one toy, and you gotta just move on and we gotta go inside and we gotta play with your other toys that you still have that you do like, because a lot of times he's just like, I don't like that, and then he just like it, gets so mad the rest of the

time because because it's over, the fun is over. And so I'm teaching him about like I'm trying to teach him about being grateful for what you have, even if the thing that you are anticipating. I mean, I'm teaching myself essentially, because I get excited about things and then they're over and then I get sad again. But I have to remember that even before I knew that thing was coming, my life was good, so I can go back to that stasis and not go down to these

depths of like sadness. Like I mean, this is very representative of everything in my life. Like I don't like anything to be over um or to like reach the climax, because it will be over. But if I just think about before I even anticipated I was happy, then I can just get back to that instead of going the into a negative space. Anyway, he hated the toy. He liked it first we were on a good role. Then he started looking at Poppy's toy. He liked it a

lot more. And then Poppy wouldn't share with him, and I go, come on, just share. And then I realized a way to communicate with Poppy that makes her feel like she that to get her to do things is to whisper. And so I go, Poppy, you gotta share with Harlowe and she go, I don't want to share. I go, you gotta share. I love sharing so much. It's so fun because you get it back. It's yours, but you share it and then they play with it

and then they give it back. She's like a ship, and she just like, if you make it a secret, you can get kids to do anything because they feel like special and like it's like clandestine. So you can be like I love broccoli, Oh my gosh, are you gonna eat that broccoli? Like you can get it's like a new technique I came up with. And Pobby is so cute and she whispers because I feel like it's

just me and her. She's so sweet. I always think these kids are gonna forget who I am, and then they just like embraced me and it's so god I freaking love it. Is there anything sweeter than a child like laying on your lap and like just wanting to hug you. I love them? Um, yeah, and I'm gonna be really sad when their childhood is over and they don't want it to go away. And that's why people keep having babies. That's why my sister is having another one. Dude,

December five. Let's get Andrew and here he is in South Carolina. Still. I left him there. I left you there in Charleston one day ago. Um, we were in Durham on Friday and Charleston on Saturday. Great shows. Thank you so much all the best sees that came out and asked about my canker sores. Are they still going Yes? Am I a little bit concerned? Yeah, They're never going away. They always get down to ten percent and then now I'm talking and they're bulking back up to thirty. It's fine,

We're gonna survive. Let's get Andrew in here. What up and Drew? What's going on? How's it going in South Kakilaki? Well? Do you like my headphones that my dad let me borrow. They're terrible. You look like an air traffic controller. You really? I mean those look like those soundproofing ones that they were on the airfield. My dad bought gamer headphones and a gamer computer because he likes to graphics better when he trade stocks. What wait, what, I don't know. I

don't get what that means. My dad trades stocks. He and apparently the uh what he uses has like different graphics and stuff, so he likes to the whatever the gaming computer gives him and then he's gaming. I don't know, it's a little much, but yeah, he gave me these headphones last night, and I was like, Nikki are gonna love these? Nikki are going to love these? Um? And then what about we know we realized Andrew forgot all of his podcasting equipment. He's like, it's fine, I'll go

to best Buy. I'll get a bunch, I'll get new stuff and they'll return it. How are you going to return it? Are you just gonna go it didn't really work. Fucking thief. You're on video using it? Wait where if you pay for something, you're not a thief. Okay, you're thee turns something after you use it? You a thief? Not true? Not? Um, oh my god, besties chime in. It is not It's not virtuous to wear something or use something and then return it after you've done using it.

This isn't a rent. You think I'm gonna return this. You think I'm gonna take my time. No, I'm gonna have this blue snowball in the back room where I put everything else where. I'm a hoarder. Right, you're right, but the thought process was right. And I had to drive forty minutes to best Buy last night from where I'm staying, and and I kind of missed there wasn't an electronics store anywhere closer? Or did you just have your mind set on the best Buy? You want to

see where I am right now? I'm in the middle of ship. Uh you there, I get where you are. You don't need to show me. You're in the middle of a golf course. I get it. But you gotta see this here. Can you see that? I mean there's a lake, yeah, and where's a yard. Yeah, I'm on the I'm on the third floor. Okay, but none of this makes me feel like you're not close to a bust buy there's places that way, now, Nicky, you don't understand. You really proved it to me, Andrew. I get it. Um,

you're in Kiowa, right, Kiowa. Yeah, it's in South Carolina outside Charleston. Um, how's golfing been? We wanna hear Jesus Christ? You are? Oh there? I thought you were just being your dad for a second. You're showing us you're is that? What? What is this jacket you're wearing. This is my uncle's real estate company that I got fired from. I thought you were showing us the golf. That was an accident. Didn't you feel like he was showing us the label

on purpose? NOA, yeah, what's going on? I don't know what's going on? Man, I'm out of it. I played so bad. Oh no, oh no, NICKI I can't even like no, and I can't even all came down to this rise. Andrew has been training, As you know, Andrew has been obsessed with golf for months and months and months, and it all came down to this, like there's no he has no other competition in his life. There's no

other like this is it? Dude playing against his two brothers and his dad in like one of a great golf course on South Carolina family trip, showing them what's he's put the work. He's put in thousands of dollars on lessons, thousands of dollars on new clubs, thousands of hours on on just practicing, and it all came down to this. What happened? Dude? Um, First of all, I'd like to thank you're a little exhausted from doing ten minutes two nights in a row. I'd like to thank God.

First of all, I'd like to thank my team. I'd like to thank my my golf pro at Family Outing and Golf Center over there in outside St. Louis. You know, everything was supposed to come together for Andrew Collin. Um. He put in the hour just tell us. I don't want to do a news conference. Oh I thought I was. Just tell me what happened. I went to the range. It was very windy. Okay, it was extremely windy. I'm not used to very tight, tight uh uh courses where

you can lose a ball. Very easily. I was playing with my older brother who is no offense towards him, absolutely terrible. I mean I played bad, but this this guy on six holes in a row put the ball maybe he hit it maybe fifteen yards and about a hundred yards right like it was. It was, so you know, it's like, you know, you play. I hate to say that you played. Are we focusing on his game? He didn't he he's been working, he's a father, he has

multiple properties. Yes, he hasn't been He probably has played maybe an hour of golf in the time that you've played thousands. Yes, you know that he should be bad. What was what was going on with you? Um? And what did you shoot? What? What? What was your score? I can't even say. It's like did your dad beat you? My dad ended up winning. We we played based off my handicap, which it's hard to explain what handicap is.

Whatever you kind of like shoot over par is your handicapped, so like mine, for instance, yesterday was a ten or twelve or ten a ten, and then everyone played off of me, So how do you know what that is? Going into it? Like you played off of like what your last game was, the last you know four months where I've been shooting um mid eighties or lower every

single time. Okay, So so to give you an example, yesterday on the front nine, I shot a fifty one, which would be a total score of a hundred and two. So I was twenty over whatever I usually shoot. I honestly haven't shot that bad. I was better before this whole thing started. It's you got the yips, dude, No, because you know what on the back on the back nine, I started off bogey par par birdie parr, and then I had an eight because we had to wait so

fucking long for these fuckers to play. There was a conference out here and it's a bunch of nerds from Dell and they all watch each other fucking tall. Yeah, people are still buying Dell's I mean, I think at this point it's it's just a table company that people use the computers for. But but anyways, I was a little off. I'm not gonna lie. I felt like I was a little off. Did you have fun? Did you have fun? I don't know, I gotta think about it.

I got on that and you were in quite a mood when your first nine holes were not what you wanted them to be. Was there a lot of cussing? Was there throwing of clubs? Um? I put away to clubs a couple of times, very angrily, very angrily. Um. I then, you know, did you document this on Instagram? I wasn't following you yesterday. I did not. I did not. I was too Honestly, I played that bad where it wasn't even funny to me, which is crazy. Did you were you able to sleep last night? Like? What? What?

What's the runoff from this going to be? I fell asleep watching many videos, you know what. I hit some of my clubs very well. I did not hit my driver well. And I started to look for different, uh different golf stores that were open for some reason that at midnight to trade in my driver for another. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I looked there was it was closed. Unfortunately. You think it might be the club. No, it's me. I know it's me, but I like it. You know, it's probably

just this happens a lot. Like you you prepare for something, it's it's like it all comes down to this. I mean you've been talking about it all week of like, oh my god, Like there's been a nervous energy I'm playing with my brothers and my dad, and like, I mean, you already have like a lot of you know, your family is like succession. You know, like there's a lot of uh family drama that is just beneath the surface that none of you were talking about. There's a lot

of tension. There's also a lot of um goodwill and like just you know, you guys have so much fun together, but there's there's a this is you like being able to show like I've I've really worked at something and this is what I've show what of This is where I can, like my older brother, he might be more financially successful than me, but this is where I'm gonna like really show I could I can put the work in and he's gonna I'm gonna prove to him and to everyone that like I can also be as successful

at something. And then you know, is it was it? Did you do? You think it was a mental thing? Obviously right because your game you said you went to the less another day and your your instructor was like, dude, like blown away. I mean you joked about the ten minute thing, which is a common joke that you say, but but I mean, there's just no you cannot say that you were tired from the shows. You just can't.

You just can't. I'm not tired from the show. I'm not tired from my ten minutes, and I'm tired from traveling. We travel fifteen hours and my brain is a little off, and even if it's ten minutes, my brain still needs to get right to perform. It's still a thing, you know. Yeah, yeah, So, and then I slept, you know, you like a nice green room hang. I didn't get home until what twelve that night. I didn't go to bed until probably one thirty, you know, And then I wake up at seven to

go to their hotel. So I slept five and a half hours. Then then we traveled an hour and a half to get here. Uh. And then we hit balls, and then I ate too big of a lunch before the match. I had a trout salad with way too much bread. You know, all these things, sad person of the day, a little drought salad. So all these things do add up. And I love a trout sound because it sounds like such a healthy option. And then you said with so much bread? Yeah, well, trout salad is

a like a tuna fish, if you will. But with trout. Yeah, okay, it's a it's a delicacy you want and colin type of salad. Yeah, well, I like a triple bogey where you get the egg salad, tuna, and chicken salad all on the same plate and you mix them up. God, golfers of the most least healthy diet, we like to chill anyway. So I came out here, and all that being said, I think I'm gonna play much better today. I didn't. You definitely are. I put way too much

on it. I showed my goods in the sect back nine. I'm gonna be honest, I'm all right, but it was a lot. We we look forward to hearing about what happens today. Keep us posted. I hope you documented on Instagram. I think that might make give you a little bit more of an investment in it and and um lighter attitude about it all. So it doesn't if you do play bad, at least you can make comedy out of it. Let me put on INSTA. I mean, yeah, I think

I could. Uh, you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and blame you for this because yeah, because it sounds like you didn't get enough sleep. I wanted a green room hang after the show. No, no, no, I got it. I got it comes down to I got a text on the third hole about when we were going to do the pod, and then, you know me, I get worried, like, you know, can we do it tonight or tomorrow? And then I was thinking about having to get the best buy.

So it was a very tough day. But you know, your boy's gonna Andrew Collin's gonna bounce back and he's gonna play well today. I promise the tech. The text I said that delayed the podcast even more than you originally thought. You made you stressed out. Yes, I blame I blame you, and no I blame no. Listen, listen, I deserve it. I just hope you have fun, try to have fun and not. It's none of this matters. Let's get to the news. Apparently here it comes first.

Oh boy, it's Monday, folks. You know what that means. It's Monday. I hope you're having it started, I have. I hope you're having all the swells out there. I'm not because my dad has took me out of the will because I played so poorly yesterday. No, you were even going to take you out of it if he if you did better than him. So I think he's probably pretty happy right now. Honestly, I don't know. I think somewhere in the middle would have been best. But

here we go. Okay. Horrifying horrifying video shows a subway worker walking through roof food, putting food on the bathroom floor and drinking out of bottles before putting them back in the fridge. Demand said, demand, No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What I don't want to hear this? Why I depend on subway? No? What is that? Well, in fairness, it wasn't the only thing I can eat on the road. I don't think he was sucking up your lettuce, though.

You're the only person that only eats lettuce at some point, you know that's true. Okay, So it was the meats. Yeah, it's mostly the meat and the bread. But desecrate animals that gave their life for your shitty five dollar sandwich? What did they do? What? I love this? Though? I love this? The man said he did it to draw attention to his films and meats and music, and made a series of thirty horrified videos after putting in his

two weeks notice. So he did this all as a reward for himself, you know what I mean, like to get attention for himself. So I just follow him on Spotify and I just figured it out. You mean Scort Casey's son. Wait what what is what? What do you what did the guy do? I don't understand the picture I saw. It just looked like a bunch of trash, like in a on the floor. I mean, yeah, he walked all over to food, he drank, he's doing an art piece, and then he put the food back in.

I mean, I don't think there's a photo of him in the article. And he took all of the cold cuts and he put it around a toilet seat and took a selfie in front of it. I mean, that's pretty brilliant. This is worse than what Jared did. This is better than my golf game yesterday. Oh my god. That's kind of that kind of is I like it as a vegan to be like, you know, this is basically what you're eating anyway, Like people can be grossed up by that, but you're eating animal parts. So his name,

his name is Jermaine. Jermaine. He's at one point I'm willing to take a higher risk for a higher reward. I mean, I mean, I like this. This kind of sounds like the American beauty guy that filmed plastic Bags. I do want to watch this guy's films. What the fuck you when? You know? I mean, listen. I went to subway this weekend in um god, a really small town somewhere between Durham and Charleston on Like, you know, all we're doing is two lane highways the whole way.

It was a big fucking phobia fest for old Glazed Dog. And we finally get to the subway in a really small town attached to a gas station, and there's this guy working there that it's just I mean, the people that work at subway looks so that there's no sadder employee than a subway em play none none. I bet I beg you to find a person who looks more disgruntled, not even disgruntled, just they're the life has been sucked out of them. They don't make eye contact. They just

our machine. Like I've I've you know, I used to go to subways all the time and I meet, you know, some fairly nice people occasionally, but it's always just me, like, I'm sorry, can I get a little bit more lettuce, and it's like, why don't I have to beg for you to get more. I know it's annoying that you have to replace the lettuce eventually, but just you didn't have to slice meat for me, you didn't have to toast it. You didn't have to chop my salad and

a fucking weird bowl like they make you do. Sometimes this is the easiest thing you could ever make. Why did you you don't You're not losing money, even if you own this franchise. You're not losing money by giving me more salad. Just give me more fucking let us. I like that shredded let um. But this is the life behind these people's eyes. I love watching you order a salad at Subway. It is I mean, I've been doing the same thing since I was you know, I

think sophomore year of high school I start. My my obsession was Subway started, and probably sixth grade. I used to get a roast beef on white uh lettuce, extra extra lettuce. You ordering a roast beef on white bread is fucking wild. Oh my god, it was so delicious. Eventually went to Turkey because I thought that was more healthy. You know, Yeah, it's because it's it's a lighter color. And what does that mean of this mean beef sounds like oh, if someone's beef, they're fat, so equals like

all of this just lies. And then um man, quiz Nos was my jam in high school. I toasted white bread a turkey. They had that like roasted turkey that almost like it wasn't like you know, the slimy with the Italian fucking dressing my hand. Yes, yes, lettuce, so much lettuce pepper chini's. I used to have them go and my friends would always make fun of me, but I came up with a great plan. At my local

quiz nos. I'd go, honestly more lettuce than you think any human would ever want on their sandwich, I'm telling you right now. And then they would do it, and I'd go, honestly more than that. I'd say, here's what you do. Put your splay your hand out like you're giving a high five. Now dump it in the salad. Now close it like a crane, like let's do uh, like one of those toy machines, and then get as much as you can now put it back into like I would always do that. But you know what these subways,

it's always just I'm sorry, gonna get more less. I'm so sorry, Like I apologize every time because they make it seem like it's the worst thing they've ever had to do. And I hate on subway when they slam the mayo and goo pump bump bump, that's my favorite part. Oh god, it's squirts all over some gross. But I do love something. Why don't you bring the toy idea? I think I think maybe I think going a little more,

a little more. They that's cute when you're in high school, and like flirting with the guy at quiz Nose who works there, does ain't cute when the guy is you know, you know what I think him? You know what I think the cold cut to the bathroom. What I think that subway They just First of all, it's always like one or two people that work in the whole store. They have to make the bread. They have way too many responsibilities there. I mean, I feel for any employee

of these places. I mean they have to make fresh bread. I mean fresh bread there. It smells like plastic. So it's like I don't even know why they have to make it there, But I guess it does taste pretty good. It's the illusion they heat it up there something. Well, I guess it does rise there. I don't know they have a grain field in the backyard. UM okay, yeah, they got to wake up. I used to UM, I used to have a joke, but this really did happen.

One time I walked into a subway and the guy you know, obviously was trained to go welcome to subway. And I thought he said, I work at subway. Now, So one time I walked in, he goes, I work at subway, and I go, did you see you work at subway? And he was like and I said, welcome to subway. And I was like, oh, I thought you said I work at subway. And he goes, well I do. Stared at each other. I was like, I'm sorry, dude, sorry, they make you say I work at the subway. What

did you say after that? You just are like, in silence, said now put your hand out giving me a high five. All right, let's get to the next story. Next story. UM, here are some salvating thinking about subway. I love it. That's shredded lettuce. It's so fresh. What Andrew, what are you looking down at? Look at look at what we can see when you look down there. It's just hat headphonest nedphone, those awful phone. Hey dude, I play Fortnite.

Every knee's everyday knees all. We had fun in the green room hanging, by the way, I had That's all I want. That's why I go on tours for green room hang I can't stop doing that because you've got to have a better golf game. First of all, Nikki to follow us, he get starts to get sleepy. He's so funny when he's just like yeah, that's why he lays back and he's like yeah, yeah, yes, that was sad. That's why I said. That's what I said, we start

we deserved. Making Andrew talk when he's really tired is so funny. That video I posted of you singing Yes, it's very trying to make your voice as beautiful as possible because we were making fun of how bad andrews and I go try to honestly saying as best you can find, give me a song right now, I can say I could really sing. I can't um uh Jackson Brown, running on empty, I'm running on empty, running on empty.

It's not bad, by the way, it's like kind of beautiful, but it's not good, you know, like it's it's just like I think you you think that making it good. It's like like like raise your eyebrows. Give me a lesson, Give me a lesson, Give me a lesson right now? What do I do? I can't. I don't know. I'm going to a voice lesson later today. I don't know what the fun to do. You go to a voice lesson, you just talked to a lady for an hour and a half. You don't even start joking you. I didn't

even talk about it on the show. The last time I went to this voice lesson with this girl who I like, I'm obsessed with, I talked the entire lesson. We never sang one note. No, I had to apologize. I go, I am sorry. I talked the whole time. She didn't even talk, and I go, I just really needed this. She was like, it's okay, and I had I've been embarrassed to go back. This is the first time I've gone back, and it's been weeks and weeks because I was so embarrassed that I talked the whole time.

UM not surprising for me. Okay, next door okayas class the sounding slang name for a vagina and penis. Oh, classies sounding slang. It's very small, classiest sounding slang terms for vagina, good old hat, headphones, just no, person, just hold up your the classiest names for a vagina. Yes, for the last six hundred plus years. Okay, so this is like almost going to be the Canterbury Tales. Yes in six Okay, here's vagina in six of bell Shoes belt shoes, belchose. Okay, I think it's I think it's

Bella chose. It's L L DASH C H O S E. I like this. In sixteen they called it a phoenix nest. Don't phoenix's rise from the ash from your ass? Uh? Contra contrapunt in? Yeah, I think Noah highlighted the ones I won't be able to say here. Okay, First of all, a phoenix nest is a classical term for a penis, not a vagina. Well, the phoenix nest and so is a contrapunctum. Oh, these are all labeled under vagina. Interesting, now there's a there's penis. I just didn't underline it.

Maybe that's why. Well, no, you have penis after vagina in the list here. You know what, you look very Lady Gaga today. Thanks. Like I feel there's been multiple times I've looked at the screen and been like, that's Lady Gagat Like a part of my brain thinks it is a thatch cottage. That's kind of funny. That's gotta be a pussy. Yeah, I mean that makes sense with the hair in front of it. I like this one a lady's load to pay. I mean, okay, I what are you telling me that's a penis? Too? No? No,

how about a privy council? What can you serve vagina? Privy council? Well, privy means I mean, I guess they're saying privy means like I'm privy to it, Like I know it a council. It's got to be a penis because it sounds more stately and these are probably written by men. Privy council. What about an afro Dsac Desatal tennis court? What? Yeah, yeah, it's something. Um, I mean that can't be from third and sixty. There wasn't tennis courts back maybe there were one. Um, that's vagina. Noah,

I'm afraid that's a penis. Nikky, What does any of this mean, it doesn't relate to anything. I can't even understand how this even makes sense. Do you talk about dicks on the golf course? Is there sex stock on the golf course with you and your brothers and your dad. Um, that's where a lot of like really lewd conversations happen. Tits was mentioned. At one point, tits was yeah, I can't remember in regards to what your dad had one removed.

He did have one removed to make his swing better. Oh, you were saying that women's have uh, you know, boobs getting the way of a good golf swing. Yeah, my dad had big fat tits, so they got in the way, but he got one. Kind of reading on Reddit yesterday there was a m you know, in the ask men thing It said what is your biggest insecurity? And I thought of you because I thought puffy nipples. Someone's got

to say puffy nipples. No one said it, you know in the top comments, you know the number one thing that most men are insecure about. Noah, I think about what it takes some guesses and it's not the Privy councils good guests. I would have thought that as well. Yes, money, Yeah, it made me realize Noah, like men really need to

feel like they earn and that they like have. It made me so sad that all these guys feel like they're just such less men because they have a studio apartment or because they don't drive a cool car like and of course you know that stuff does matter because it's like or it you know, it can matter to a lot of interesting that I would have never thought that would have been like the one I saw over

and over and over. Well if you say that, uh, when women want to like dress certain way or where heels, it's because you know, magazines and guys think you guys are catering to what was Yeah, yeah, which is money, No, which is protection and security? Right, but you know it used to which is true, but it used to come from like we were the weaker sex and so we

need more defenses against things. And we also like our you know, when we have babies, were definitely slower and like I'm guessing we were just like we need we need men to protect us. Why now we do we need to get our nails done every couple of weeks so we can scratch people, scratch tigers. That might be what did you call a saber tooth tiger. I don't know a tiger with teeth bigger teeth. No, no, no, you've had some line for a saber tooth tiger. You must it up. Ah, and someone made a meme for

us about it. I forget what you said. This is a great podcast. Um okay, so let's take a quick quick I can come back with why do I care? All right? Why do I care? All right? Why do I care? Um? How Aree Mandel? Can I do a left turn here? Real quick? Oh? I know what happened with Howie Mandel. Yeah, he fainted in a Starbucks after getting a colonoscopy yep, and he was dehydrated. Yeah. I did a comedy show after doing that, so fuck you, Howie, thank you. I still was wearing the socks that they

give me on the show. Yeah, the grip socks. Yeah we was it just because you were like, oh I like these socks. I just thought it would be funny to be take my shoes off and show people that I was wearing the song and they like it. No, they didn't really care for it. But um um alright, so you so yeah, I mean, colonoscopies can be traumatic to your system and and you don't eat to eat before him, so he was like probably low and fluids,

and he fainted at a Starbucks. He saw the price of his latte and him fainting on a Starbucks floor as a germophobe. Yikes. He's also a workaholic. He went and did a logan Paul's podcast during that day. Like it just sounds like he can't take a day off. But yeah, um, I could see you fainting and not knowing and not knowing why because of working so hard. Well, um, yeah, I have fainted before. But I think my canker sores are definitely like I don't get sick, you know, like

I rarely get colds or flues or anything. And I think that my body knows that, Like if we give her the flu, she's not going to even fucking feel it or do anything with it. So we're going to give her something so the only thing that will make it so she can't work, which is we're gonna infect

her time with sores that makes it so she can't talk. Um, Karma, cankar stors, I believe are like you're like people keep telling me it's herpes that I need to try like valal tracks, and I'm just like, I don't think that's true. I mean, I will be open to the fact that I have some sort of like it's I don't care. Honestly, I would not care if I had something that was like a viral thing in my mouth. Like I had a cold store before in two thousand, like ten or eleven.

It was the last time I had one. But and no shame if you get those. I don't think anchor stores are that. I've been getting them since I was a kid. I don't have I didn't have HPV as a four year old, like it just I think it's just your body's um, just weakened immune system and anxiety and lack of sleep and abrasions in your mouth. Anyway, it was so funny. These two girls came up to

me at the show this weekend. Andrew heard it and they go, She was like, Nikki, how so many besties asked about my cold sores at the at the Beaten Grades. It was so nice. It was so nice to like how are they? And I got to show them close up. I was like look and they're like, oh boy, and I'm like, see fucked up um. But one girl was with her girlfriend and she was like, here, you gotta take um Valtreks at me or something and it sounded like val Treks and I go, it's not viral, girl,

it's not her reason. She was like it is. It's a form and I'm like, it's not. I've researched this a ton, Like if that were it, I would take it, but I'm I'm not gonna take Valtrek's needlessly. And she's like, I swear to God, he used to get them all the time, and now I take a daily. I don't get him. And I was like, okay, I will ask my doctor about it. Then she was like, also, I only dated men until I started dating her, and I took a chance, and oh my god, you gotta try it.

It's like this is the answer. And I was like, okay, so let me get things straight. I'm gonna ask my doctor about bisexuality and I'm gonna start taking about which one is it? Um. But this girl was just like spouting out like you gotta do this, and I love what you gotta do, Like I gotta recommend this thing, so you know I'm open to it. I can't tell you the amount of women meeting and no in my personal life who dated men and then all of a sudden fall in love with a woman and they're like, oh,

it was this the whole time. I'm open to it, but there's nothing about I don't want to switch my apps to women. I just I need a woman just come in my life and I fall in love with her, like like, oh my god, I didn't even realize I could feel this way. It's not gonna happen with me like putting my I just it's not that's not the

way it's gonna happen. But I'm open now to looking at women in a different light, like how so like you mean like just you know, like the way I look at men when I meet men and just being like, oh, could I date them? Like that's how I get interested in men generally. You're in my sphere and I go, oh, the guy's kind of cute. Let me just keep being friends with them and see where it goes. And then I eventually go, actually I like them, and then it's like,

all right, now I've got a crush. They None of my real like relationships ever start on these apps where it starts off with like do we like each other. Well, I feel like you're you love a toy, you love multiple toys. I mean a woman can provide that very easily. Yeah, I don't need a dick. Yeah, so all these things like, so I do need dicks, but I you know, they can be brought in by someone who doesn't have a dick or someone with a dick, you know. And I love and I love a dick attached to a man.

But um, I feel like even if I was in a relationship with a woman, we would have some kind of rule where we could have those brought in. At times, I feel like I would have others brought in. Maybe the man could have sex threw her legs into you. No, I don't need it to be like it, and I mean they were girls can wear strap on. There's there's no issue sexually with me, like my sex life where I'm like, oh no, it would be weird. I just I like a masculine energy and I like the way

men look strong. Job. Yeah, do you like you like a hairy chest? Surprisingly to me? Yeah, yeah, I like hair on a man. I like Harry legs. I like Harry, like ass crack, I like balls, I like it. I like Harry pitts, not that women can't have those two. I like stubble, I like them, I like men what about? But I do feel like fine that um, I could be in a really good relationship with a woman. I'm I'm into it. But as a woman, when you think

of balls, like what is it about balls? Do you like? Like? What? What? Because they're so absurd and they there's nothing on our body that even resembles them almost they're almost like tit, you know, like you guys don't have them, so you're

just like what is it? And you just want to like squish them like that is in a good pair of balls, Like it's very a taught pair of balls that's like full and like feels like, uh, you know, like a a squid that washed up on the jellyfish that washed up on the shore, Like like taught, not saggy. That's a good that's a good feeling in your mouth, in your life and your hand, even a saggy pair.

It's just funny And there's something powerful about feeling balls when you're blowing someone and like having that kind of control and making it like it's just a new kind of it's it's just like a dick. You know, it's like this thing you don't have that you get to kind of play with and it's squishy and fun, and when you get more comfortable with it, it's great. I was giving Brenna foot Missige, and I covered her. We'll have the foot with my balls. Good. I bet it

would feel cool. I was once with someone that had balls that were so big they reminded me of the thing from that that. Um, what's the movie with the fat kids at camp? Or little giants or little jump on that big thing in the lake? Yeah, the blob? What the Jotapata movie? He wrote it Ben Stiller's in its Heavy Weights. His balls looks like that giant it was. They were so big and interesting. I loved it. Um yeah, I what are you? What are your feeling about balls? Noah,

I agree with everything you're saying. I love it. It's like a stress relief ball. Yes, those attached to someone you care about. Yeah, those zen things that you can just move in your hands. Um, do you feel? Um? Wait, what was I going to say about balls? Um? I used to be scared of them though, Like there you know when guys are like, oh, I got hitting the balls like they're too sensitive. I don't want to touch them. I don't want to make a guy feel uncomfortable. Now,

I just get in there. Oh, balls in your mouth? Have you ever do you like to do this? Yeah, it's all very fun. There's so much to play with down there. You put the whole balls in your mouth, like, yes, I do one at a time. I'm too scared to squish them too much. I don't know. Oh. I try to go all in and I try to do it like a like I'm the Blue at the Blue Man Group show with Marshmallows. You put the whole scrotum in your mouth. Wow. I don't even have a big mouth either.

I really get them in there because it's almost becomes like a challenge. Yeah, it's like getting all the lettuce like the toy arm. Yeah, it's so interesting. Yeah. I like putting them on my nose and like feeling them divide. Oh my god, that's so it's just very therapeutic. I'm literally going to do that the next I've been just I just want to feel them divide with my nose. I just miss long division. I just oh my god, carry the ball. Oh my god, that is so funny

because we know that. I know exactly what you're talking about, feeling them divide. No, it's perfect, it's perfect so far. All right, let's get to top one, bottom one. I think we're talking about balls. Things you like to divide with your nose. Top one, the left one, bottom one, the right one, and coke. I'm giggly today? What's the top one? Bottom one? Today? We're doing singing voices? Is that the one we turn? I thought we're doing fountain

sodas today we're doing fountain sodas. Okay, fountain soda is alright, Like this was an interesting one. Andrew, you came up with this. I'm going to ask you to start. What is your least favorite fountain soda? Are we talking about ice? Are we talking? I mean you came up with this, dude? What I I okay? I would say my leaves favorite? What do you mean? Are we talking about ice? What do you mean? What do you mean? We said the least favorite fountain sodas? And you go, are you talking

about what? No? Because ice matters in this dude, that's the ice does matter. Okay, So like whatever kind of ice you want? Okay, all right, I would say my least you're starting with a crushed ice. No. I love crushed ice. I know you. I said, you're starting with crushed ice. What are you putting on the crushed ice? No? Oh, so your least favorite is going to be cube dice. Yes, big junkie cubes of ice that are coming out like every twenty seconds ago. Yes, yes, and you just have

to wait and hold it. And they have circles in them. They have circles. They have empty circles in them. It's like the Swiss cheese of ice. Yeah. Does that looks like a little bunyan separators? Yeah, I would have to say, and I noticed is probably hack. But uh it's hack for a reason is when you go to a diner and they have the shitty ice, the ice that's even too big to chew on. Um, because it will hurt your teeth that I don't have. And you love chewing ice. I did until I lost my molars in the war.

But um, the War of eighteen twelve is what the number of my teeth went from going down. Uh. So it's funny. So, I mean, you know, I love the divide like Noah, but um, you know, so when when you go into a diner, and you go, hey, can I get a coke? And they go with pepsi? Okay, And I gotta tell you it's not okay, it's not okay. Why isn't here a monopoly one or the other. Just have fucking both there, right, Okay, who's saying to a diner, hey you got coke? We're not doing business with you.

It's like what pepsi? Fuck you? But okay, So that would be my my least because it's just I'm expecting a great coke and I get a fucking pepsi. Alright, great answer. Um, I am gonna go for my least favorite with um. The little dribble of water that comes out of the like a minute made like the little white the white nozzle you pressed next to the minute made one to get just the water mixture and it comes out and it has yellow, and get to wait so long for the yellow to drain out so that

you can get just clear water. Where that dude, it's I have no idea. It's I think it's all the holes in the ice are cut out and then melted, and then a guy takes them in the back and puts them in the toilet and takes a selfie with them and they're bringing them back in the machine. I don't like that dribble of water that they go, we got water on the thing and you have to go with your little cup. You got to fill it with water and it takes longer. And um, I just want

to water. I want the water to have his own spigott. And does spigot sound like a hate term? Yes? Is it? No? But does that have all the parts of a racially um insensitive everything? It has everything, but the words pigott is not sound good aver saying it, but that is the word for it. And I want water to happen. You know what's so bad about that water is you could even throw a little lemonade in there in a clear cup and people won't call you out because they're like, oh, yeah,

that makes sense that water totally. It's um. You can do whatever you want with the water cup. We all know that there's no rules. No one's really watching that. The subway employees, they can't see that far. Their vision has been ruined from just staring at this the board in front of them making sandwiches. They never look you in the eye. They can't see beyond the meat. The cold cuts. So they'll they'll let you get away with just the water cup for water, sure, for water? Um,

all right. Sometimes though, if they've been like, hey, don't know, don't use that water cup and you I saw you could uh dr pepper in that and you go, no, this is water and they go, oh, yeah, I forgot. We were in Flint, Michigan. Okay, no h What is your least favorite found soda? Least favorite? Bottom has to be root beer general. I mean I don't get root beer in general when it's from a fountain, even like

it's just drinking licorice. Why does anybody like it? Oh? Disagree, hard disagree, girl, I don't even I'm I'm so on board with you dividing balls with your You've divided this podcast with that, with that, with that bottle. Just wait until you hear my top. God, root beer is like the nose that cut these balls off the sucking podcast.

You never you never liked rutbier ever, Like I can understand not liking it out of a fountain because it's like, oh, rupier needs to be bottled, but like you just don't like to be in general. You think it tastes like a niece. Yeah, like like licorice and not not the rawberry one, like the black licorice. You know it has like black licorice is liquorice, And I think strawberry licorice is a bastardization of liquorice, right, But we all think

that that's licorice, because who the hell likes black? I mean some people do like black. It tastes like medicine. To me, I don't like it, Yes, agreed. I love root beer, and I think it probably was medicine initially, so that's not too far off. But I do love root beer. Um Zva SODA's the ginger root beer is one of the most delicious things on the planet. My sister yesterday gave me a diet and w also a delicious beverage. I'm back on diet soda. Have they given

me ganger source? Probably um andrew Top soda Fountain soda. Okay, it's it's so tough, but you know, Chick fil A does a good job with their ice. So you throw a DC a little diet cope. Chick fil A, take the lid off, don't funk with the lid, don't drink through this straw because then you get right to that crushed ice. What you get there, chew up drink. It's fantastic.

It's like usually I hate Andrew and his ice shoeing because it is insanely loud, and he shakes, he rattles the cup before he goes for it, so you get at and so it's like a precursor to let you know. But this weekend we add to our flights. Got really fucked up. That's a story for another podcast. We committed maybe a federal crime this weekend. I don't want to get into it. Got really fucked up, Yes, exactly. Well, we landed in Durham. We're supposed to fly from Durham.

Or sorry, we're supposed to fly St. Louis Charlotte to Durham. We had landed Charlotte because our flight connection was going to be too late. Because our flight was delayed out of St. Louis, we had to get a car service from Charlotte to Durham. Um, you know, two and a half hour drive. This old old old man picks this up. I could have sworn he was probably ninety, but he

ended up being sixty six. Um. I like flip those numbers around sir um he I felt was falling asleep at the wheel at one point because we heard the traction go and it like lasted too long. You know, like when you like fuck, like you're driving someone and you drive over the rumble strips and you almost stay on them longer because you're like, I know him on it, because if you were to jerk off constantly, you would have been like I made a mistake, but instead you're like,

I wanted to go on the rumble step. I was kind of stayed on him too long, which made me think that he did wake up, but he knows how to not jerk when he wakes up because he does it so much. He so I was worried about him falling asleep. Then I couldn't fall asleep. But then Andrews started shaking the ice, and I go, that is keeping this guy awake, because I know what's keeping me awake. And I really liked it. Well. I feel like sometimes when I drive with old people, I go, oh, they

could just die right now. You know you ever think about that going like ninety on the highway and you're like, oh no, it's like they could have six years ago. I mean, just based off science. Yeah, they could. Just I feel like there's a little bit of a there's a precursor to just dying. I don't think when you die of old age, it's just like what about a heart attacks? Heart attack? Well, I think you'd go like and then he'd slowly pull off the side of the road.

Is Bussy on you? Noah, Buzzy? Oh? I thought, see there's like a black like your your outfit. Your sweater has like a black thing to it. So I thought Buzzy was like laying on you like you know how your sweater has like gray on it and then black. It looked like Buzzy was crawled up he was on me before. Okay, that makes sense. Um, my number one fountain soda is a suicide. Um, what is killing myself

in front of the machine because none of it's good enough? No, um suicide classic kids thing where you just go down the road a single soda in it. I don't know why they called it a suit side, but that was the first time I've ever heard that term in my life as a child. And um, that's when you just get them all, but you don't do the juices, you know, all the carbonated ones, so you go Mountain Duke, dr pepper pepsi, diepe you know, I would skip diapepsi because

that was for my mom. And then I would just hit the you know Mr pib maybe a slice and you just make a fucking crazy sugar concoction with all of them and it just turns into the color of you know, pepsi. But that's I used to like that. It's like my it's like the chicken salad, egg salad, tuna salad of the soda. Yes exactly. Um So I

like to do that. As a kid. I always felt like very like badass and like it was the earliest way to do like drugs, you know, like taking a chance, throwing caution to the wind, not knowing where this was gonna lead you to, like sugar and soda and like And also that was the first time you had like you were autonomous as a child, like you had the right to go get your own Like there was very there was a lot of like, oh, you got your

own cup, you know when you go to McDonald's. And there was just something very fun about being in control as a kid there And I used to just shirk all of my control and just how is a coke. Have you ever gone just coke and a diet coke? Half and half? I wonder how that I'm going to try that I'm trying. I'm sure be delicious. Yeah, I'm sure it's great. Yeah alright, No, number one, okay, Number one has to be soda water. Yeah, the straight soda

water from from the fountain. Yes, I'm into it. And what it's it's always like, I always have such a hard time ordering it because depending on who's taking the order, how they know it's either a water cup and nothing or it's they charge it for soda. No, it's just okay. I either have to say, um, I'd like a Seltzer please, huh, a club soda? H what? Soda water? Got it? But what if you're helping yourself to the to the fountain, bever do you buy a soda if you're not getting

the flavor? Does the car you should you pay for the carbonation? I believe you should, like I treated like water. Okay, well, but the way you're saying water but that, you know, is a different thing altogether. I love soda water too. No, it is my favorite beverage. Let me just say, when you get your own fountain sodas soda water and then a splash of whatever juicy kind of juice they have, citrus juice. Seltzer for me has to be in a

can like I don't. I'm not a huge I love a club soda with a straw glass bottle for me. Oh glass, who's having glass? Oh? Like a period? Remember when club soda came? I feel like when my mom would drink club sodad look at my mom drinking clubs like it was like fancy, It's like water, it's everything. I mean, I started drinking club soda when I was a drinker, and I would get a club soda and kettle kettle one and soda with a with a lot

of lemon, and then boom, no taste them. And then I got addicted to soda, and then you know, diet soda became just so so much super loose and all that bad sugars that I switched and now Lacroix. I mean, it's like it's no one could have predicted this. And perry a is not the same as soda water. I don't know the difference. Why is it different? Don't slide into my d m s and tell me I don't even care. But it is different. I realized it is. And when you call them sparkling water mineral water, what

the funk are you talking about? No? No, um. Anya is always like and I'll have a um and I'll have a mineral water. I'm like, no, she goes, that's that's another word for sparkling water. I go, yeah, maybe in nineteen two, no more mineral water equals like flat water. That's like maybe in a glass bottle. Right to me, I feel like mineral water water. Yeah, that's what I thought. It's not because it is mineral water. Oh no, that's yeah, yeah, but no one calls it mineral water anymore except an

that's what they call it. A pussy in I think. Final thought, I um, I'm taking Luigi to the vet today, um for anxiety two because I never even thought like, oh, maybe I could do something about his anxiety. And I'm like excited to have maybe a chill or dog than I have. I just want him to feel calm, in peace, really chilled out. What does he go to a therapist or a vet? Like he's gonna sit on a little couch, lay down. He's already sitting on a corral about his feelings.

I would give to I would give anything to know where he came from and what he's been through. What have you been through? Like sometimes I watched these Dodo videos and these dogs are so shaky and sad and going before their pet, and it's just like, what what would harm you? What? Who harms a little baby dog? And I just want to know what you know atrocities he's seen because he's been through so much trauma. I mean, this is like adopting someone who's been in war as

a child. I wonder streets. I wonder if anyone uh brings their animal in to get drugs for themselves, like they can't get the drugs anymore because they were drug addicts and or they're oh yeah, I bet you anything. Whoa Because you ever seen that Seinfeld episode or Cramer's Uh he has a cough and he can't and the dog has the same cough as him. Oh my god, it's so funny. He ends up taking cough medicine. He's in denial about his cough, and Jerry is like a germopopus,

like you've got to get that checked. And then he is taking care of this dog and the dog has the same kind of human cough that crame as they like pumped in a human cough. And it's one of the funniest scenes ever. Jerry is trying to give Kramer medicine to um to, you know, heal his cough, and he's like, He's like, you gotta take this medicine. He's like, no, Jerry, no,

I don't want to. And he grabs Kramer and he like he puts the pill in Cramer's and he's just doing the dog thing where he's like and then he like tackles them to the floor and it's just like and rubbing his neck and going like eat it, eat it, and holding his mouth shut, and it is. Kramer's like interpretation of a dog taking medicine is one of the funniest comedic moments I think of all time. I love that Seinfeld is now on Netflix. I haven't watched it yet,

but it's just nice knowing it's there. There's so many things I gotta watch. I really want to watch Brittany Murphy doc No, what were you a Brittany Murphy fan? You watched the documentary yet? Um? Are you gonna be able to wait a week until I get to st Louis and maybe we'll watch it. Yeah, we can watch it together. That'd be great. Okay, I'll save it. There's it's a two parter. I'm very excited. What happened to Brittany Murphy? I think I know and I think it

was old. You said mold, like like muld will hear you godwhere? Yeah, that's my speculation. I read a report one time that it's mold, but who knows. Um. I'm very excited to watch that documentary. I heard. It's very sad. I feel like she's still alive for some reason. She's been gone for so long. It's been ten years. Over ten years. Oh Luigi, you stink boa I think you just like anally expressed. Oh god, Okay, I gotta go take him to the vet and wash his ass before

I do. Oh, I think it got on me. Okay, well, this was a podcast, and Andrew will be back tomorrow from South Carolina again. And oh my god, this is seriously infiltrating my skin. I have to go shower and I'm running late. I love you guys so much, Thank you for listening. My dog just anually expressed on me, anually expressed yourself. Noah, likes to divide balls with her nose. Andrew's gonna play a better golf game today. I'm gonna go shower and probably have to shave my head for

what just happened to me. Um, you skunked me, Luigi, you skunked Uh, don't be and um yes,