#120 Just Kiddin'

I'm in the mood. You just talk to your mom probably yeah, probably that that, even though she's from Cincinnati originally, but we definitely adapted a St. Louis kind of accent. Um yes, so um I talked to me. It's almost like, uh, fire go, you know, have you ever seen fire Go? You know? Um? So my mom? Uh yeah, so I ate it a Landing cafe in uh Lawrence, Kansas, and I took a bite of this, like I think, you know, nightshades.

I might be allergic to them, even though boba ganos is my favorite fucking food and it's made out of eggplant any who got h My tongue erupted, like just got big swelled on the sides. It like gets bumpy and swells when I have an allergic reaction to uh tomatoes and lactons, lactons and um. And then I bit the side of my mouth because it's swollen, and then boom, cankers and then that those cankers just bread more cankies

and um man. I was just poor little Nikki. I got that de bacto debact all, which was like this um treatment for it that my ortho hooked up for me, so painful. I did it yesterday and like the treatments so painful, and then afterwards, for like five to ten minutes, it's just stinging so bad that you just it's the worst pain I've ever felt, right up there with migraines, like worse pain. And I'm just crying on the like Kirsten was kind of like rubbing my back. I'm just

like feeling so sorry for myself. It almost felt good because it gave me a reason to cry, which I want to cry just about being stressed out, and sometimes I can't, so it was nice to just cry and be like it earned so bad, and no one understands. But canker stores are so painful, and and I can't do my two favorite things with her talk and eat um. But then I wrote my Orthodox again and I said, listen to back to all is not working for me,

and uh, and they're getting worse. And I sent her up a photo that is alarming the mouth source, like, I sent this photo to so many people, like on this thing that I'm doing, cameras are following me. I was like, guys, look at my mouth. You sad for me? Maybe canceled the shoot um. And they were all like Jesus Christ, I mean it is. They were just gigantic white blobs in my under my tongue, and if you have canker sores, it just like hurts looking at them,

if you've ever known in that pain. Anyway, I wrote to my Orthodonis again center a picture, and she was like, Jesus Christ, Okay, I'm gonna prescribe you this mouthwash, this other mouthwash and then another bomb. And man, if you get canker source, the mouthwash that really did for me was an ant acid, like my Atlanta. That's what she was saying. She was saying, you know it's maybe you try switching around my Atlanta and I was like, I had never heard of that. But she goes, I'm just

gonna give you a prescription for something like it. Boy, the soothing it was almost instant where it was just like, oh my god, the answer. There was like some steroid thing too that I took. So I mean, it was all just like thank God for my mama, modern medicine

and Eminem's. I literally said that yesterday, I go thank God for thank God that my local pharmacy has something on their shelf that will take away this pain that radiates through my ear drum in my brain and is making me miserable and making me so not able to be fun friendly, funny just and you don't even realize. I was just like, wow, I just wasn't funny yesterday. I guess I've just been not in a good mood, and I thought it was because of you know, you

know I told you this. Now. I was getting upset about relationships in my life and it was all cranky, canky, and now they're gone. And today I woke up and I'm so grateful for like, you know, they're still there. There's still a little pain, but man better than it was, and like God, what like I have so much appreciation for like not being in chronic pain, and if you are out there in chronic pain, I feel for you so much, so so much, I like have all the

swells for you. My tongue had all the swells too this weekend, and that's why I bid it. But it's just there's there's nothing like getting well to make you appreciate how good life is and how grateful you are and how good you have it for about an hour or two, and then you go back to bitch and about you know that my Instagram is being slow, my

phone is, like, God, the storage is full. I've heard so many people complain about their storage being full on their phones recently, Like that's the number one complaint for people in my life. I'm like, our lives are pretty fucking good. Then, no, you said, you asked me before we sent the podcast, how's your cankers? And then you said how's your soul in mind? And I was like, oh, we should always do that. We should are like No, you said soul body brain bs B s B, Backstreet Boys, body,

soul brain. Um, So I love that. Let's check in on. My body is like an an eight and a half today, but I'm appreciating it like it's a twelve. Um, my soul is feeling very good, and I'm on a tend for my soul and my brain is probably like an eight and a half. So I'm I'm really firing. I'm fair enough. I'm feeling good. What about you? What what's your bsp today? Body feels I would say maybe like

a seven. Eight soul I'd say like a four because I realized I have some like unresolved conflicts that I'm just like avoiding and I just got to take care of it. What are you? What are you gonna do? You're not going into detail. I'm not gonna go into detail. I have a call with my therapist today, which is good. I didn't have one last week. She was on vacation. Um man, I needed it last week, right, Yeah exactly. UM,

it is so nice to you. What with that? You know you don't have to go into any detail whatsoever? But what, um did you thought this thing wasn't bothering you anymore? Or was it a new thing that you never even knew existed? And You're like, holy shit, I've got resentments here Was it like that or is it something that you thought was resolved and I was bubbling up? We already categorize it. So Okay, it's it's two things,

but I'll talk about one. One of it has to do with my mom and like us not speaking, and I just have to address it, like I have to figure out a relationship that makes me feel comfortable and also like not guilty and also not like I'm doing something against my will, you know. So I'm just so so complex. I'm so torn up about it. I don't know what I want from that relationship. Um, but I definitely don't want to feel what I feel right now, like not speaking to my mother and she's kind of

like alone. So it's just like it's really tearing me up. To be honest, I hear you. That's got to be so hard because you're hurt. The things you're hurt about, you're probably not going to get them. She's not let me.

I'm just gonna guess that. You know, when I've been in these situations you're hurt by someone, Um, they're not going to apologize or be accountable for how they've hurt you in the way that you need to actually move on, or maybe there's no way that they could yet they're still alive, they're in pain, um or alone or whatever. You feel a guilt for not being there for them, but you also, like you said, you don't want to just do it because but she's your mom. No, h

she's blood. Like this whole thing of like, yeah, well someone should have said that to her when she did blah blah blah. You know, I'm I'm paraphrasing or I'm I'm projecting, but it's like, you know, I so often I think back on the therapist I had, who was pretty terrible to me for a while, but and she was the first person to kind of go, oh, you know your parents. You you thought they were perfect, which is great and it helps you survive, and they are

so good. I'm like, but they they dropped the ball some places and and and maybe in obvious places, others

not so obvious. And I remember she said that I had to mourn the loss of the mom that I wanted to have, and that's not you know, if my mom watches this, I want her to know that doesn't mean that you're not a great mom, That that means that I had you know, we all have this fairy tale kind of we imagine our perfect mom and no one's ever gonna be that, And so I have to mourn the loss of the mom that I wish would do this thing and asked me about this thing and

touch me in this way. And I wish I had the dad that would have done this instead of this, and you know, and you just go, there's like this um anger of like why didn't I get that mom? And you almost have to kill her, like you have to, like you have to like, um, I remember feeling like my mom like died or something like this. I had to kill off this person I was waiting for her to become. And it was like this, really, I don't know if anyone's been through it before, and I'm sure

you have. No You've done so much work, but this kind of morning process of like killing off the expectations and it doesn't make everything perfect overnight, but like having no expectations. But at the same time, my my old therapist wanted me to like cut off things with my mom.

If things, you know, if I if she doesn't do this and change her ways, I have to put a boundary and go then I don't want to be around you anymore, and that that was her method that she wanted me to employ, and I tried it for a little bit, and I don't. I just didn't want to do that and thank God, like I just, um, my mom's not perfect. I still get so aggravated with her and it's a different situation than yours. But um, and with my dad as well. And I believe if I

ever have kids, they'll deal with the same thing. Well, they they'll have to kill off the version of the mom who isn't you know. Whoever I end up marrying's going to have to kill off the version of the woman that they thought that they were going to marry. And I love to do that. Two for the man, Like I'm sure there are things that AV does that you're like, Okay, I wish he didn't do that, or

I wish I could change that. That's why I'm very fascinated in my friend's husbands and like the people they've chosen to be with forever, Like but he's not, Like what about when he does something that you're like, why, Like how do you just not go? I don't. I can't be with someone like this, Like I just want to cut it off and go by, and especially because

they're not. I just I don't know what that is about me that wants to just do what you're probably doing to your mom right now and going like, well fuck you if you're not going to change and you don't want to address this by But then there's all the things where you're like, I don't know, no, uh, do you just feel like there's still a relationship to glean from, like reaching out to your mom again? Okay,

well that's the thing. The answer to that is no, I don't see having any kind of meaningful relationship with her. But at the same time, I do feel I'm like there's a pandemic. The whole world seems to be like crumbling apart, and she's she's on her own, like she she moved to a different state away from all of us, and I I just don't feel like a good person.

I know, I get what you're saying, but and me, like, do you ever think about looking at it from like a social workers perspective if she was one of your like she was on your sheet of people you have to check in on, like just a job, not getting not just checking in to be like, are you well, like, are you good? I want to talk to tell me a story about your life, like checklist to make you feel like you're not alone and having no because I think, I mean, I'm I'm guessing you've let a lot of

the expectations go. It sounds like like you're not expecting any kind of relationship, but there must be something holding you back from reaching out to her, because there must be some kind of feeling that you get after it that makes you feel sad or bad yeah, or angry. Yeah, I just don't want to be an angry person. And um, I think it's just like I have to learn how to manage that relationship, how to set boundaries better, and how to keep the door open as much as I want,

because she tends to just like barge in. And I don't think it comes from a bad place. I just I just can't take it and I have to learn how to control how much the door opens. And I think you're heading it so like right, like, I want to tell you right now, first of all, you're a good person, and I know that you telling you that is not going to make you just like go okay, thanks, Nicky.

I'm done feeling that way. But you really are girl, Like you're anyone who knows you knows that you're there for your friends, and anyone who is loving to you, you're loving to them, and even people who aren't loving, like just strangers. You're just like such a kind person.

And if your mom showed you, if your mom deserved your kindness, you would give it to her, even like even a little bit, like it says a lot that you are wanting to put up a boundary there and like people make their own beds, you know, and it's there's something so sad about living alone and being alone and they really don't have a choice, you know, with no free will. I do believe like your mom does not have a choice but to be alone, Like you go, oh, just make some friends, like go out and find a

hobby and like meet people. It's just like they can't fucking get it, and they just it's it. It's so sad. It's just sad to think of someone that you know,

just being alone. Just loneliness is sad um, But it doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own But the anger thing, dude, I mean I had an anger explosion last night that I was just like I did not know how to like even deal with the anger that spouted out of me because I felt in a moment Andrew and I had like a really good talk last night, um, right before we went to bed, but it was only spurred by the fact that I, like, we were talking about, you know, some drama in our lives, and uh, I

misunderstood something that he was saying, and I felt like he was kind of saying, I mean, the only reason I hang out with the only reason we hang out is because you're my boss. Like otherwise it's you know, we we kind of but it's difficult having a best friend who is of the opposite sex, who is you know, an attractive person for both of us, for both uh, you know, and like the thing is, Brenna is so cool about it never has made me feel weird. I've

there's no reason she should feel weird. Anyone who knows us knows that that's the way our relationship is. But it it seems to be. Um, it's just not something that I think a lot of people can understand her handle. And I am really resentful of the fact that, like, do you ever talked about this all week? Like when you get married, you just have to like kiss your one life goodbye because your your life becomes someone else

and it's not like you kiss it goodbye completely. But it's really hard to integrate the single life, which I'm not out like fucking people every night. But it's like I if I've always said when Andrew and I get partners, that we're going to hang out less, right, like that just happens because we're both like the reason we hang out so much just because we don't have we're we're pretty much filling that role without the sexual stuff. But

also we're friends. So like if we were just best guy friends there, you know, it wouldn't be of discussion if if Brenna was cool with it or not what she is, but it wouldn't even We wouldn't go, wow, she's so cool about you being friends with me. If I was a guy, it wouldn't be of note. And

I was just kind of getting frustrated. And we watched Romeo Michell's High School Even and Last Night with Kursten, and I was like, with Kirsten, and that movie is so sweet about two adult best friends who lived together, two women, and you know, in the end of the movie, Michelle gets the guy, and Romy is just like hanging out with her, and I was like the whole movie, Andrew kept saying that Kirsten was a Roomy and I was a Michelle, and I'm like, secretly, I was like

I've always been. I know, I'm a ROMI I'm the girl that doesn't get the guy, but who like has good ideas and it's like, come on, Michelle, like let's do this. And Michelle's just like, Okay, let's do it. She's like fun and a little bit more adventure or us and like everyone likes her and bubbly, and then in the end Michelle gets the guy and then Roman's like,

can I come along in your helicopter with you? Like Roomy doesn't end up with a guy, which I kind of like about that, and they end up like opening a shop together, and I'm like I want that, and I feel like, you know, when I'm pursuing my own relationship and I see you know, and we talked about Andrew moving out. I'm totally fine with us moving out. I just don't know that we'll hang out as much. And there's a little bit of sadness to me about that.

But also I think where I got really upset was that, you know, he he was saying, like, guys shouldn't even have a big problem with us hanging out because you know, Brenna is so cool about it, and I probably a lot of my life revolves more around you. I spend more of my time doing what you want to do

than you do what I want to do. So a guy that might be threatened by me in your life if you were, if we're talking about you dating men and and having conflict when you tell them that you live with your best friend or like you have a best guy friend that you're like work partners with, those guys shouldn't be as jealous as Brenna has reason to be because I spend way more time with you doing what you want to do around your schedule than you do with me, And I go, yeah, because you work

for me, Like that would also be like Brenna's so cool that I go to work and I'm like, why does Brenna have to give you? Why do we even have to And the thing is this is not about Brenna is cool and has never been an issue. But I just took it as like, oh, well, isn't that convenient for you? When you know, maybe and let's not even say, Brenna, any girl in your life would ever get threatened by me, you can throw me under the bus and be like, well, I have to she's my boss.

Whereas when a guy gets jealous of you in my life, I go, I want him around because I like him, you know, like I don't have the excuse of like he's my boss. I got a sorry, babe. And it's like that offended me a little bit because I'm like, I want I want to be able to be friends with anyone and have them go, no, she's my friend. I like hanging out with her as opposed to I don't even want to, but like I gotta make a paycheck. She pays me. And I just felt like it was

do you wonder do you hear what I'm saying? Yeah? And I just snapped. I was like, oh, I'm so so o' Brenna's so sweet to let you go to the to let you work for me, and like I and you're so thank you so much for hanging out with me. And then I like you wouldn't otherwise And now I and I even said, I go, I know, you fucking throw me under the bus. If she's a little bit annoyed that you have to go out of town for the weekend, You're not like I want to,

You're just like, well, NICKI needs me there. Like it's like Nikki, she's a lot, like I know how we talk about our bosses and listen, I can be a lot, but I just I don't want I don't get to use men in my life as an excuse like that, like I gotta put up with Andrew. He's I don't need to make an excuse. I can just be like I actually like him a lot and he makes me laugh.

That's why I want him around. And if you have a problem with that, well, then by you know, I have to kind of like I have to say the harder thing, which is I like someone aside from the fact that they pay me or something, and you know, that's just the nature of our relationship. And so it just made me feel like, fuck, I doubt he would hang out with me if I didn't give him an opportunity. But I just I just know that's not true. That's

not true, and that's why we talked. We kept talking, and then we got to a place where I was like, listen, I know you didn't mean to say that, but it just felt like I'm like, I'm the old like ball and Chain that you can just go. God, I don't even Brenda. I don't want to be with her. I

just have to. And it's like sometimes you do want to hang out with me, and that's okay too, that you don't need to make it like I don't know, like you should be able to just go get lunch with me, and not because I'm your boss, but because you want to. And I feel like, you know, men and women can't really be friends because are you know, if we want to have relationships outside of that, it's just too it's too threatening and this and this is

not talking about anyone in our immediate lives. I'm just like kind of examining, you know. I just feel like marriages and relationships feel like a trap and feel like ownership and I don't want to be owned and I don't want to be I feel like I have to, you know, well, I have to hang out with Andrew because um, he has this thing I need to pick. He's bringing this thing from that that I have to get from. It's like, can't we just be like I like this person and it doesn't mean I don't know.

But I said to Andrew, I go, would you be okay with Brenna having a best friend that's a guy that makes her laugh harder than uh? Like, that makes her laugh the hardest she's ever laughed. Would you be okay with that? And he was like, uh, I go right, So I'm kind of it's not a good it's not a great position to be in, so I gotta dump him. But let's get it in here so I can talk to him just kidding. And that brings us to just kidding, which we'll talk about for a second. Andrew pay glovey,

what's going on? Um? Sweet? Look, did you like that text I just sent you? Yeah? Well, at first I didn't get the It's funny when you send the video. You didn't get the video at first, you were just freaking out. I'm not freaking out. But I was just like, did you get my text? Yeah? So I texted him last night after I just told them about our talk. Yeah. Um, and I said that after the after we talked, I didn't say this, but I just was like feeling so good. I was just like, oh, that was the best talk.

Like we resolved this like really tense moment where I got really angry, like really angry, more angry than I've been in a really long time, because I felt like you were saying you only hang out with me because I pay you. And that's how I and I misinterpreted it. I mean, if it was more money, no, that's that. Yeah, I think it got lost in my mouth. Latian. It's funny, like it would probably be with my list. It's probably

better I just text. Yet if you did, like the voice speak, it would just be snakes, um and like water splashes and your phone you have to put your phone in rice. Um No. But I like, we had a good uh, we had a good talk, and so I I you know, we rarely express um like. I was just feeling like a lot of love for you as my friend. I was just like the same way I say to my girlfriends all the time, like I love you, Like I was just like, I love you, thank you so much for that time. I forget what

I said. I said before we went to bed, and he didn't write back because he didn't even deliver. I wasn't like, what the funk? And then this morning you wrote me back in a really nice thing. But I was driving when I got your text. I couldn't write back, um, because I was already texting someone else and um, I was reading a book as I was on the highway and um, you're in the back seat and uh. And then I also saw my mom this morning and she kept saying her classic jess kidding. My mom does this

thing Noah, where she will say something really offensive. She was like, nicky, that skirt is too short on you, jes skidding, like she'll or she'll be like I love the Taliban jifkin and she just cuts it with a jack kid. And so today I got her to say a just kidding, and I filmed it. And I didn't even film it knowing that I was going to use it. But I wrote back Andrew after he wrote me back. So he wrote me back in the morning after I

had sent it. We had just gone to bed and I sent the text, so it's like I figured he was going to be still up, but he didn't get it till this morning and he wrote back, and I just wrote back to be honest, Um, I was really upset about your the delay and you getting back to me. And then I let it sit and then like two seconds later, I sent this, hold on, let me just blame my mom. Wait, do you have a Noah? I wish you gotta. I wish you posted on like Instagram

because you could just repeat it over and over. Just kidding, just kid, so that I said, Andrew, it should be a doll that you like, pulled the string and should we make it if anyone makes dolls out there that can talk, just kid, make us all dolls. But I send that as because I hate pranks, and you know that I hate any kind of like you think this for a second. I wanted to instill. I sent them together,

but the video didn't arrive. Yeah, it's always funny when videos delayed when you're trying to set up like the punch line of the joke, and you're just like fun, and then you can't delete, or you try to send up. You send a picture and then you write a captain for it and it sends and you want the picture to go after it and you're like, fun, cancel because it just did. That happened to me when I was dog walking. I think I told you his story, but are sent a picture of his dad and boxers, and

I was like, and I zoomed in. I got nice dad's dick, and then I sent it to a dog owner instead of back to the group chat and nice dad's dick just a zooming of a dad's dick and box, and so I tried to like, I was like unsend und because I could see it's still working. Because I was in a basement for a comedy show, so I was like, oh, I have time. And then I didn't say anything, you know, like I didn't you can't write to that, Hey, sorry about the dad's dick. Hey, I'm

on a chat with my friends. And he said a picture of his dad's stick. And there's no explanation. I mean, even even knowing you guys, I'm a little confounded at it. So that was on the weekend, and so then I went in on Monday to walk the dogs and I could tell he wouldn't like look me in the eye, like I felt like a weird vibe from him that I never felt before. And I was like, hey, but you didn't write anything. I didn't write anything. I just let it say because I didn't know because I thought

I might have deleted it before it got there. Oh, I thought, maybe is there any way to stop a text from sending mid scent. I don't know Jon grudenone like that, Uh for an email? I don't know. I don't know who that is. He's the one that just got fired for your writing misogynistic and homophobic. He was a football coach. Oh, I don't know. They went through his private emails. This our sports moment. Can we get it over with? No, this isn't this email through private

more of an email thing. Okay, gotcha? Oh gotcha? So anyway, so I end up going the guy and go, hey, man, did you get a text from me over the weekend? He's like, yeah, yeah, I got it. Yeah, And I was like, yeah, it was a friend thing. And the dad like it was his dad. I know this is insane, but I my friend and like, I feel like, guys understand he was. He's a cool guy. He got he got it, Like, but it definitely could have gone very awry. No, what do you have the video that one of our

listeners sent of their dogs Penis? Did I ever send you that? Yes? You did? Do you have it? Because I really want to show Andrew I've been done. I cannot believe I've forgotten. I've sat on this for so long. I mean I couldn't. It would seriously come up through my throat. Um, I don't. I mean some dogs have hogs. Wait, what's the biggest dick you can think of a dog having?

Just give me, give me what you think you believe, because I gotta say when rolled in and said because I was talking about Luigi's pa too big, I mean, they're usually thin for a dog. If it's a thick thick have never seen anything like that? Oh my god, I'm excited. Well when no one finds it, well we'll watch it. But until then, stay tuned for this dog dick because it's going to blow your mind literally. But yeah, I was really, um, I we we got through such

a good talk last night. That was like a really perfect a friend uh conflict, and I just feel like we're at a really good place right now. And I and I and I don't you know whatever, like like whatever you're doing like towards me, like like nice one, like not like I need to andrew off. But I have the dog's dick. Do you want to see? Please do? Because that was getting too sincere and I was getting really I feel like dogs dick in my mouth. I was like okay, no, are you gonna put it up

on the screen? Yes, if this thing allows me to. I mean, this is like big foot footage, you like, I can't even did the dog sign of consent. I'm feeling a little nervous, I know. I asked the girl if we could show it, and she said yes, So this is totally consensual. The carpet that it was dragging on did not consent to have to be penetrated this way, way too. Hold on it. Where does this dick? So like it's oh my god, it's not that it's not going to let me show it. It's that big, because

oh it won't let you show it. No, if you text it to me, I can just hand it to him. Okay, And I don't think it's gonna fit. I'm gonna have to go get my iPad. It is so big. Andrew, should we put it on the big screen? I mean we will later, will transfer it on there, but um yeah, I mean too many gigabytes. It was. When this girl sent it to me, I just go, Okay, your dog is a big dick. Let me just watch this video. And I was I tell you all the time, Rott

Wilders have sex, but the butt. They start doggy style, and then the male rott wilder will turn around and bang her through his own legs backwards because then he gets more. I guess they do the reverse doggie. They do your style. Yeah, but they're both dogs. But but that's so weird. I know. But that's how thick and longer cocks are. My god, wait do they put it in doggiest island? Then they step over their own and they twisted around. Oh yeah, I guess I guess that's

how it would have to happen. Yeah, no, assented to me. Oh, I mean, this is unbelievable. I'm like, I can't wait for you your reaction. Okay, you have a glove on, by the way. Okay, let's see this. Oh my god, oh my god, Andrew, describe what you're seeing. It's purple. It's a monster. It's how big absolute monster. It's probably no joke. I mean, the dog isn't a huge dog. I'm going with like about a seven inch thick hog.

And then he blows himself at the end, which is he doesn't, Yes, he does, Yeah, he sucks his own kind. I mean, why how couldn't you? You're right there? I mean it's already in his mouth pretty much. It looks like an old like kind of sheep dog. Dude, he's walking he just got off a horse. I mean maybe he's maybe he's a quarter horse. I mean that that is. I would be embarrassed to walk that dog around. Yeah, especially i'd be embarrassed to be her husband. I couldn't

live with that dog in the house. I'd have to new her everything I knew her as Penis and leave the balls. I'll tell you that. I mean every morning I wake up and be like, are you fucking serious? So we're back to a good place. Yes, Yeah, we're in a good place. Last night he was all kids, all gravy. It was all gravy. I was just yeah, it's just I'm I'm really just struggling with just having Kirsten come back and hang out so much. I love it so much, and I'm just get so sad when

she leaves, and I blame like monogamy for it. Oh yeah, like I just blame I blame the only friends I hang out with, our single girls like once my friends getting relationships and like get married. It's just like, I know, I've brought this up all this week but it just why does it have to be that? Why can't we all live? If you very serious relationship, you might end up doing the same ship. I want to stay friends

with everyone. That's why I won't get in a relationship because I don't want I don't like that when when it starts to be like no, now it's just us and we're creating our own new thing, Like I want to take all of our friends with us. I can't. I don't want to say goodbye to this life and I but I don't have to. That's the thing. I'm

just like, Oh, I have a satisfying sex life. We were even talking about, you know, if I was in a long distance relationship, or if I was with someone and we couldn't be together all the time because of my schedule or their schedule, how many times I would need to see that person a month for intercourse? Honestly, twice a week on AV would be great to have sexual intercourse and hang out with that person. I don't

need more than that. I think I could just say in a relationship where we see each other two days a week and then some days you know, obviously have weeks where we're together. But I generally think that's a good and I don't mind if they hooked up a little bit with that. With your friends with Kirsten, you get three solid, amazing friendship days. You almost get exclusively

rather than a little bit here and there. If you if you lived in the same town, you might not see you know, when we live in New York or whatever, we see friends all the time. No, I was, dude, I was if you went to the Olive Tree, I guess No, I was meeting up with Sara, Lena and Elena and Anya every night. Yeah. To Andrew's point, as Stare Pearl talks about this, and you can't have your partner be your everything, your emotional support, and that's what

I think the partner, Yeah, exactly. So imagine how much richer your partnership with whoever you choose to be in in a you know, sexual relationship with and all that. How much richer it would be if you did have of friends who fulfilled the things that your partner couldn't

really fulfill. Yeah, and then and and to go back to your point, Noah, of you know kind of or the thing we were talking about before about like mourning the loss of the moms we wanted or the partners we wanted, and like, yes, it would be amazing to have a partner who just checks every fucking box and so you don't need anyone else. It just doesn't exist, and so you know there's gonna be I might end up with someone who isn't funny, let's say, but like, okay,

I have funny friends. It seems absurd that I would be with someone who isn't funny, would want a romantic relationship with someone who isn't funny. But I also have friends who aren't funny that give me other things that I don't I don't expect them to be funny, you know, or you know, there's some things that I think are just deal breakers, like I need a guy who again you know, goes down on me. But you can have

like your friends for that. What's her name, alant of laser like she married like a scientist who she like met on a train, who like is the antithesis of what you would think, got to take more trains. Sounds like he's plans ain't getting no. You would think like I don't know. I mean I think like, yeah, you find someone that they don't have to fulfill everything. I just think at the end of the day, for me, I just want someone that can get along with everyone.

Like that's the number one for anything. Easy going, easygoing, not someone that you have to worry about when you bring them to something, because you know what I'm I can offer that to Like, I love when I've been in relationships and I've been brought into like a kind of high stress. I don't know anyone's situation where they know everyone and they say to me afterwards, and I've

gotten this comping in a couple of times. I never had to worry about you being like, oh, I gotta go make sure she's okay, and not like feeling alone. Even if I am feeling alone, I just said there alone, I'm okay. Like I love that I can offer people that and I'm self assured enough. And I wasn't always like that. I would have been like, why are you

leaving me? Like you'd talk to me at all. It's like now I can really be secure enough in those settings and and and give that gift to someone who you know has to do a lot of heavy lifting

around family and friends or whatever. And also even if I am feeling left out, they know that I'm not going to be like pouty ladies and be like because I've done that before too, I've just being like, yeah, it was fun, it's fine, and just like well yeah, and and they might leave you alone and they know you're okay, but they know that you're gonna have resentment about it. Like I can truly now let go of that, I think and realize going into a situation, this isn't

the Nikki Show. Like you can have that when you get home. He's not gonna be doting on you all the time. You can't. If you want that you got, you're asking for a pushover and you don't you're not

attracted to mend that are like that. Um So I think that that's kind of something I've had to do, and I think that it depends on like how obviously with COVID now, but like there's nothing worse than being wried about someone else when you bring someone and you're like having to like just make sure that they're not feeling awkward or and I listen. But that's but saying that, I also want to say, Noah, if you ever go to something with me, like an event where you feel

awkward and I go no, I got you. I like that, but like a partner that you're just like, you can do this. It's not as big of a deal as you're making it. I'm not disrespecting you by leaving you over there. I want you to come along, But if you want to go over there, I'm gonna leave you there and know that you're gonna be okay. I'm gonna be by the shrimp cocktail party over there, eating some shrimp. You go hang out with people, I'll be fine. I'll

be with the shrimp. But I also love someone who is willing to admit that they're scared going into social situation and is going to say, hey, listen, this is what I need from you, and I'll go, oh my god, thank you for like this is what I can give you. Let's compromise. Yes, there's a difference between here are my fears and I don't want to go because dude, I hate talking to people and I hate this and I hate just using the word hate all the time as

opposed to like, oh no, I'm just scared. Like there's a difference between those two things. And you know, I mean, look, I get it. Some social interactions, some social parties are the fucking worst, and you don't know anyone there, and you feel like you're out in left field. So you want to feel intended to by your significant other because you're so uncomfortable. But like, there's a way to just

be like flow, let's all just flow. But then it's interesting because then on the other end of that is like, yeah, let's just fucking flow. Let's sucking eat acid at the party, you do whatever, and it's like, well, well that's too much flow. Yeah we drank. They drink a little too much. They get to be they're they're taking chances on the dance floor that you're like, I don't think that. You don't want to see the still photo of that later on? Yeah,

there's you just want someone. And I think this comes back to the best relationships are ones where each individual would be fine without the other person. You're not dependent in any way. Like That's what my old abuse of therapist used to say, and I really do believe that was the one nugget I got from her, aside from the fact that I'm not a beauty and that's okay, is that the best relationship is one that you can

live without with or without and you'll be fine. Like the way Share describes men, She's like, I think they're a luxury, They're not a necessity. My life is good. I might get a nice Bentley, but I don't need a Bentley to get around like I feel for the first time ever that Um and that's why Shared dated Vid David Geffen for eighteen months in the fucking seventies. David Gvin was gay. Eighteen months. He was in a love affair with Shair. They were the most in love

he's ever been. They were deeply in love, lived together, came out of nowhere. He the first woman he'd ever been attracted to. And um, and I just I'm like, oh, that's why Share was just like, this guy actually adds to my life. Come along. I don't even care if you're before, Like, I just want you around and until you until I fall in love with. Um? Who did she fall in love with? Uh? That? What are those brothers? The not Doobie brothers, That Alan brothers, That Alan Parson

are the some one of those brother man? She fell in love with one of those Greg. She fell in love with Greg Almond and kicked old Geff into the curb. But I just like that because ever since I heard herself, she said so many great things of like, Mom, I am like, I just want you to marry Richmond. Mom, I am a rich man, and like the men are a luxury that she goes. I love men. They're like dessert. I love dessert. Do I have it? Do I need dessert? No?

But it's nice to have sometimes, like and that's not insulting men of like, you're not ship. We don't need you. It's like, no, you like you would make my life better. But if I don't have you, I can still be Okay. Yeah, it's like women for me are just a hole in the wall, yes, with hair in the wall. Although I do sometimes when I'm in a physical relationship, I miss masturbating. I miss like having a little quiet orgasm by myself

in bed, like laying like a in a sarcophagus. But why can't you have that in related because if you live with someone, because I I'll have to suck a dick, like I have to like service someone, which I like doing as well. What about when you have like two days off from that person, do you feel like, okay, it's time to masturbate or you're like okay, I'm kind

of tired now. I don't even feel sexual. No, Sometimes I just yeah, Sometimes I'm like, oh no, I just came a couple of times the other day, so I don't need to. But they're sometimes where I'm like, I just I want to see what King dot com has out, Like they put out some new videos probably, and they've been making more videos steering towards my preferences because I think they're learning that, you know, Gang Bang should be supportive purchases they connected. Oh god, I've a couple of

bondage pieces saved on there. Okay, let's get to the news. That news you your first day. Happy Thursday, folks. It is Thursday, so we all know what that means. It is Thursday. I hope you're having all the swells out there. Nikki Is I just got a canker sore burn in my ear. It's like coming up through my ear. It's fine. I'm being a little bit of a baby. No, you're not baby. What do you want your bottle to? The

sick roll? In psychology? Remember yet last night when you told we confirmed that we would both be really good psychologists, and then you said that there was math involved. Yeah, I don't know what kind of math, but I remember I remember I took one psychology class in college that I cheated every time on, and I think I actually

was given the final. I think I said, my grandma died again, and uh she ate her like an older new banana or something, and then like she had hamburger, and then like you know, no, but but they gave me. I got to take the test by myself, and I snuck in notes and I still failed the test with the information in front of me. I think the numbers that you saw that the math was just the time of the class that that's true, showed up for and I didn't know what time it was. Okay, a house

where have all those swells? Okay, a house when team violently murder Oh, a house where team violently murdered his mom and sisters features chilling Halloween display twenty years after the killings. Okay, well that's awful. Yeah. So John Cecilin twenty years ago beat his mother and teen sister with a baseball bat. I guess it's the sports moment and stabbed him. That's so funny, And stabbed him with a kitchen knife before he plunged a blade into his distraught

six year old sister's throat. Okay, I mean we don't need to hear distraught distraught his call and placid six year old sister who just watched her mother get beaten with a bat. I mean this specifics make things so much worse. And they don't know what she was at the time. They don't know if she was distraught. They're adding things before baby cam and like TikTok where she filmed it. There are three gravestones around so nowadays, so the people that live there now are owning homage to

the murders, decorating it for Halloween. It was their family's home, they've lived in it, they rented to this family where the killings happened, so it was there. It was like, yeah, it doesn't make it better. I mean, I think the sad thing here is is that, um now, this is so now. They have three gravestones that surrounded by police tape.

There's evidence marker of a baseball bat on the porch, the front door, and silhouettes on the glass would help us written and dripping red paint no on the front windows. The woman who grew up And now, okay, so this is the thing. What is the thing? Because this is not This house is well known for these killings, right, and so constantly they live in the house now constantly people will drive by and you know, oh John killed the girl or whatever. You know. So this woman that

owns it is like, I'm aware would happened here. Yeah, it was a triple because three died. But she wants to go I'm aware what happened here. We know what happened here. She leaned into it to show like whereat that a child died makes it like not okay? And I and I hate to be the person that's like, well, it's fine if it's adult like having these caveats of like cancel culture or whatever. I don't. I just think it's it's so fucking tragic, especially since the six year

old was distraught. I didn't know that until that. Um, you know what I mean. It's just it just is tacky and and and insensitive. What did you think of? This kind of reminds me of the backlash that Kim Kardashian is getting for the o J joke because she said I can take a stab at it, and she said, you know, he was the first black man I met, let me a stab in the dark something. What other jokes she made something about him being distraught. No, I don't think he was. He was he was if anyone, yeah,

he was straught. Um No, I think, well, I think I don't know. Your glove that you're wearing looks shittier than the Bruno'malley gloves found at the crime scene. Look, it does fit. So I can't quit. I want to quit. Um, Wait a second, I really think that there's something about like murders where you're just like God, I just think when there are children involved, we don't we don't need to. Like the baseball bad It's just it's too much. It's so sad and it makes it almost everyone else can

joke about it. But then if you're close to it, you can't joke, like you know what I mean, Like there's been thousands of jokes, but because j jokes. It's like, listen, if I ever get stabbed by, if I ever died tragically, and the murder is just like so horrible, so um brutal, look so sad. I'm distraught. I'm six. I'm telling you I'm okay with jokes being made about it, because that's how you deal with pain, That's what I'm saying. So yeah, but if you're close to it, that laceration, you can't.

A joke ain't going to solve that kind of pain. But yes, that is how people. I hope people make jokes about whatever kind of befalls me in the end. You know. Um, I remember Sarah Silverman did a joke at one of the roasts about Jennifer Love Hewitt and she said that, you know, Jennifer love It, you're Jennifer Love Hugh It is here. Ah, hi doll. People call you a a young Audrey Hepburn. Do you is that weird to you that knowing you're going to die of

colon cancer? M hmm, because Audreyburn died of colon cancer and I remember that getting a lot of um. It's just like she didn't kill her, She's just acknowledging she died. The word cancer people are like, my great uncle died of cancer. When Sarah says it cancer, it sounds cute. It is really fun to talk like her because it's like it just makes things like like just more cute and silly and liked. Yeah. Um so, but I know,

I just think it's interesting that like with Kim. Kim was close to it, So that's her joke to make. I think her dad died to cancer or oh yeah cancer and then can and then this woman it's her house. She should be able to make the joke, Like if anyone can make the jokes, she should be able to make the joke. But I also think, like it's interesting when like people put up scary decorations, but when there's a true story behind it, it had so much more. Would you rather someone stab you or be with a

baseball bat to kill you? I just wanted you to, like, pick, you've been stabbed, okay, and so you know what that feels like. I don't yet though, So I want to just see what it would feel like to spend it all depends on where you're stabbed and where where the baseball? Did you? Wait? Okay, so let me just say, let me offer you some choices of okay, thanks. Uh. So, let's say you have to be put to death, right gallows? What's the gallows again? Head chopped off? Keep guessing, Vincent Gallo?

He stabbed you know? Yes? Hung so hung um uh firing squad okay um u um lethal injection. So we're going by like or um electric chair. Uh, let's throw it in, but you're not going to choose that one. Who's who is going to choose that? Or um uh um getting hit by a jump jumping off a building like a tall building, or um a semi truck running you over at like sixty. I don't think no one's going to pick pace about that. I mean, we've we've those would be fine. I think I think it's pretty easy.

Lethal injection really yea, I have heard lethal injections really painful. I think I don't think it's like that humane. I would probably go firing range for you. Oh from me. No, I would do firing range for myself too. But here's the thing. It depends where they're shooting you. That's like well, I mean I would say, please aim for my head. I get the firing range. This is very Graham. The reason why I wouldn't do it for you is because I want to know that I'm twitchy and they might

miss it and hit my jaw. No, I just if I did it with like six other guys, i'd be upset that I don't know if I'm the one. That's why they do it, you know, so they don't know who did it. You want to know, you want to know one all right, let's get to the next story. Halloween. That's a good Halloween section. That was a really good Halloween segment. Sorry for the gruesome nature of it, but yeah,

your honestly, I just have one thing to say. Can we send that Black Mirrors killer robot dog grows huge penis? No think robot with a giant cock became a reality terrifying four legged robot dog with a sniper rifle. I never saw the Black Neror episode they're referencing, but okay, on its back was unveiled at a trade ship, unveiled, unveiled. I wish the lambs would be unveiled. Um, okay, So there was a why are people making murderous robots when we are so close to the robots being like just

turning their heads, being like, I am smarter than you. Now, my roombot would never hurt me. Well, then they're going to say the robot dog would never hurt you. I mean if you, But I'm not striking strubbing a rifle to my room, bas back, maybe we should and sell it. That'd be pretty bad if one day my room but was just like and then it just slowly was like right, yeah, Nikki, time to die. And it just like started like vacuuming over my feet and I'd be like, room, but this

is fucking ridiculous. What are you even doing? Get back to that dust, getting rid of bu trying to eradicate bunyan. It would be funny. No, and then it just like rolls over me and I get sucked into it and it just climbs over. That would be like a horror movie where a roomba just is like and I'm like no, and it's like my leg and it's just crawling up my leg and then it just like makes me all bloodied.

So then I bleed out and then it cleans it up. Yeah, and then it goes like me perfect crime now cleaning room feeling, and then Luigi high fives it. Hey, look this is a little dark. Okay, what's the next new? But I love that they called this thing a dog to like like it's kind of like Sarah's woman saying cancer. It's like it's just a dog, second murderous little dog dog. It's just a robot that's gonna destroy us all. But it looks so clue yeah, it's a little um. Yeah,

so we're probably gonna definitely die by that. I mean, we're gonna blame these nerds for being for hooking guns up to these robots, like those robots that they that look like the NFL one. Yeah, it's it's like they always have a dynamics uld drive by it all the time where I worked in ye Boston, Taunton, Massachusetts, would drive by it and you're like, God, there's nothing good going on up in that road. Well, yeah, you gotta take a break. We'll be right back. It's time. You

know what time it is? Sports Gears Andrew's weekly sports Moment. Wait, boy, I love Thursdays. Yeah, and you put on your little sport glove for this one and your your golf hat. My I got it all boy, getting ready for my golf trip. I feel like if I wear it more, I'll beat my brothers. Okay. A fan caught a ball in her friends prosthetic leg during a White Sox game. So they were waving this girl's leg at the outfielder with a mid of the end, no, just the whole

of the prosthetic leg. Way. Yeah, I think it's a thigh thickness that the top of it the tip. Oh my god, Yeah, it does look like one of those scoops, those like lacrosse kind of netted. Oh my god, that's hilarious. I love this. I love I love a prosthetic leg being used as a prop and just own it. Yeah, it's fine. I wish I if I lost my legs, I pray to God that I could have a sense

of humor about it. I saw this one, this TikTok where this guy gets on the leg machine at at like him and he has no legs and he's like like he forgot today. That's so funny, and it's just like, oh my fun that ship. There's just something so hot about a guy with one leg that's like in shape. No offense to people that are like being I would think that most people. But there's like a really fit guy that has has you think it's lost in the war or like he blew it off cleaning his gun

or whatever, like or some robot dog bit it. Yeah, attack that one guy that one dog dick hit it. There's just it's so hot for someone. I love a guy with a limp. I got it, And I'm not trying to like sexualize or um, what's it called fetishize that? Because I know that I once had a friend that was really into women with stumps and like prosthetics, like actively was horned up for it, and so why not that's great? Yeah, but I don't when when does a fetish?

Why is a fetish bad? I'll tell you I would not. I would like to. I would definitely think about being with someone younger. But if they had a mill fetish where they're like, I like that you're older, like that's the reason they wanted to be with me, it would feel icky. And I think that a lot of that's true. If that was why then because I if they liked my little stumpy lashes. I pretty no. I don't want to fake ones on right now, by the way, I don't. Don't you dare to blame me for that? Um, I

wear them on my theater shows. I wear fake ones. But I will say that I think I can't speak for the Asian women, but I do hear that Asian women it's it sucks for them because sometimes they're fetishized when they think it's just a guy wanting to go out with them, but it's really about and it it

just makes it not about you. Like when I got upset last night, it was because I thought you were saying you only hang out with me because you're I'm your boss, And I was like, that makes me feel that is a facet of our relationship and that you do like about me, probably, but in that I give you opportunity and believe in you and all the things that come with being your employer. But also that's it, Like, that's what I would feel if it was like if

someone had a mill fetish. My thing is that if you're a prosthetic, if you have a prosthetic leg right, a lot of people are instantly ruling you out because of that. So if there's a small percentage of people that are like really turned on by it, if I had a prosthetic, I'd be like, yeah, I will say if men were into bunyan's, I would if you only like me for my bunyans, so do I. I only like. My point being is like a lot of people rule you out, probably after they saw your feet, Yeah, they

probably would. I went to a foot fetish party for Not Safe, and the guy was just like, you've never seen that clip. He just goes, that's not for me and it was it was actually offensive. And then one guy was massaging my feet and he said he was getting excited. What can we go through? What happens at

a foot fetish party? Like you go in and they go take off your shoes, and then you go in and there's women hired to either be like kind of models, foot models that walk around and they'll walk on guy's feet. They're like, you know, a guy will land the ground and a woman will just put her feet on the man and they'll suck their feet and they get tipped and things there and then they're, um, it's mostly men paying to be there and women being paid probably by

you take your shoes off and the guy goes. He was just like yikes, okay, and I go and then I put I put my feet together. It was a really funny clip. I put my toes together and did this like this, like I was contracting of the evil plane because I can. I'm pretty, but I'm pretty dextrous with me with my toes. Um. Yeah, so but yeah, anyone that owns that ship, that's awesome. And I like that. It was the girl's friends too. The girl is just like,

I just stop it. They were bullying her, and we're like, that's fucking cool. Man, Like my friend who used to pee her pants when she laughed, Like that was like a true disability she had. Every time she left to ar she would kiss her pants, all full bladder, not just a little squirt, full bladder. And we used to like we used to just surround her when we thought

it was happening and try to get it. I mean, Kirsten would fight each other to be like, no, I was the one that made her pee, almost like a firing range, like no, it was me, it was mine. I'm like something about a full bladder that just makes it so much sadder because it takes that's a thirty second. Like, dude, she didn't have that. She didn't have any power to stop her peace stream because one time I was peeing. She was over my house and I went in the

bathroom and was peeing. We were talking and I couldn't hear her, so I stopped my stream and be like, what did you say? And she goes, did you just what? Did? You? Just stopped and started again and they go, yeah, everyone can do that. Then she's like, I can't. Once it starts, it all goes out and I was like, oh, um, okay, ever controlled it or not, you know, And when those commercials came out that we're like, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now, I gotta go, gotta go. I

was like, get on that stuff. Talk to your doctor about laracell or whatever the funk it was. Your ears fall off, but then can stop your piss. Yeah, I mean she was born prematurely. So she also has this thing on her eye that her doctor said that one day. I start laughing because it's so funny the way the doctor described it. But they said that like one day her eye will she'll just she'll go blind in one

of her eyes, and that the curtain will close. It'll be like and we just always pictured like two little guys on the side of her eyes being like and it's time to like the end of the show, and then like people come out and bow and flowers. Like one time we were swimming in the pool and she was like, guys, the curtains closing. The carden is closing, and we were like, but it hasn't closed yet. So

she's she's okay for now. There's got to be something you can do about that, some kind of stitches, cool eyepatch. She'll be fine, that's pretty cool. No, she'll she'll deal. But it is sad. I mean blindness. I can't think of anything. Honestly, I really would rather lose my ability to walk than to be to go blind. But I've never heard someone blind just because their eyelids don't work. No, it's not their eyelids, dude. It was like it was

just a it's like macular deilation. But it would happen like I thought when you were talking about curtains, like there were two little guys pulling the eyelids together, like sane. That is insane that you thought that that might be a thing that your eyelids would just permanently closed and we just surgically remove your eyelid if it refused to like a stingy clam. Oh my god. We used to call this one guy quam eyes because he kind of

tore to dish. He talked to his mouth just like because he wanted to, And we used to call him quam eyes because his eyes. A lot of people do have clam eyes. I'm jealous of them because their eyes meet the same up as down, do you know, like they come together in the middle instead of mine go the top comes down. But quam I people, because he had that us we called him Clammis and his eyes were like Unda dust Si and they were widow quams. And then there are times Steve Shemmy has quam eyes.

You know where It's like it both. So send in your quam I submission for our next Fan Trex. Hey, can I go to the bathroom before we get to fan trax or maybe um Andrew can just harald us in? Okay, you hold the show? Why I It's gonna be very very fast. Okay, yeah, I got it all right, No, let's get it. Let's let's start out Fan Trax. Oh Man obviously sounds happier than ever. So what do we got first? Here? Excited? Okay, I don't know. I feel like we need to wait for Nikki to come back. No,

start her up, I'll fill her in. So Noah, Yeah, let's read this one. Noah's famouss Tucson famous, which is you're like a R rated celebrity. Nikki is the alphabet. Nikki is so famous that she got me recognized in Tucson at an a in my life, Story of my life. I gotta put back on my Tailor Swift shirt. I put over my jumper because you know, I'm going strong now. I think this is like day seven of Taylor of a Tailor Swift shirt, and some might be a repeats,

but they're different shirts. I want to get to take off your holes, to take off the shirt, to get up to the rumper. But I'm back. Okay, no, what, Yeah, you got spotted at ari I by someone who recognized your voice. It was so cute that can I just read this part of the message, which is already giving me a hot flash. Okay, he goes. I just realized I saw you and av at ari I tonight. I was listening to the pod before I got there and overheard you talking. I was like, man, that voice sounds

really familiar. Then I looked you up on Instagram and sure enough it was you. Oh my god, and you remember this guy? So yes, because I then, of course I go and I look him up on Instagram and we like, I went to, do you know that this guy was on Instagram from from the from the message that he sent. Picked him up from the message? Got it? Got it? I thought you were like saw him in r e I and there was a new kind of

shazam for people's faces. No, no, no, And then like I do remember I was looking at like the leggings and stuff, and I just like, see this guy kind of like looking at me. But I didn't like I was, I don't know nothing of it. You were just like, oh you might think I'm cute, or you might have overheard a conversation or yeah. And I just find that people here in Tucson are very um, sociable and like just friendly, you know. They just imagine tell us friends in a parking lot, six of them. I met six

like well eventually became six friends. Um so yeah, so high and thank you. I hope that I didn't say anything weird. I love that. And can I just beg our listeners, if you see us out and about maybe you're nothing, maybe you don't even want to, but like say, hi, we would love it. Would you have loved it? Or what do you feel? I would have been like, okay, So you remember I was, um, my sister in law and my brother took me on vacation when we were doing the radio show. It was maybe like two months

in and uh, it was like a Ritz Carlton. It was like a very nice hotel. Remember that we were at breakfast and my nephew just kept going Auntie Noah, Auntie Noah. And someone at a table nearby overheard. I think her name was Steph. And she comes over and she goes, are you the Noah from the Nikki Glaser radio show? And I was just like my whole world. It was like you know, um in the Wonder Years when where they like zoom out of Kevin's head and

there's that like narrator, that that narrator voice. Yes, it was just like what is happening? And she was so sweet. She said she would listen every morning, and I couldn't believe that I got recognized that that point. That's how famous. I mean, people do love you, and they love your voice as I'm talking over it. No, it's like it makes me so happy when people give me letters to give to you, which, by the way, I do have. Um, actually I have it. No, please don't, okay, but I do.

I do have more letters from our our fans this past week. Maybe these are from last week. Anyway, Let's get to our Let's get to one of the voice memos or you're gonna read one. Let's um let's play a voice memo from Kristen. Hey, Jukie, bestie, kristin here, long time listening, And so I have a mispronunciation story, and I also want to shut you guys out for giving me some courage recently. So my mispronunciation story takes

place like ten years ago. I was in middle school and my long distance bestie and I were hanging out with your grandparents doing what we always did, making updates to our tumbler pages. I was googling something and I needed to minimize a pop out window, but instead and saying that, I said minimize and I've pretty much pronounced that way ever since. I hope that next thing is NICKI. I have to shout you out. You brought me so much light during COVID and I can never thank you

enough for being my Taylor Swift. I remember how you've openly talked about attending comedy shows alone and how much you enjoyed it, and so you inspired me to get tickets to your show this Friday in Durham, North CAPLACKI I spent more than I've ever spent on shows or tickets so that I could get a seat in row A. I'm so excited for Andrew and Anya in the whole game. So thank you for giving me the courage to attend

the show alone. Look out for me because I'm going to be wearing these snakes scanned boots I bought after seeing how hot you looked in your pink ones. Also, Nikki, your voice sounds adorable and you'll be welcome with open arms and Durham no matter what Canker swore procedure you just had. Also, ps, I love how that one best bet wrote in one time said how they wrote out their voice message before recording, and so I did the same thing. Love you guys can tell I love her.

Oh my god, I don't want to minimalize that, but that was fantastic. I'm just like, I don't know if if if I if our listeners get the same joy from hearing these as we do. But Jesus Christ, what was her name? Kristen? Kristen? Um, make sure you um you DM me girl and and let me know um uh you're I want to meet you. So I'll give you a little meet and great um bump up um, because thank you so much for did she say she

want four tickets? I didn't hear four tickets, but she said that it was Um, you know, she had saved up and spent a good amount of money and she's looking forward to I mean, I am like overwhelmed by people spending their hard earned money on a ticket to see me. I am going to that show is going to be super special now, more so than ever because in swear night and my brother and my little brother and his wife's gonna be that's awesome. No, I'm gonna

really give it my all now because no, not really. Well, I'm taking it back down a couple of notches, Crystal. But what she says she's gonna be wearing pink boots, Um she got oh yes, yes, yes, mine the minor. I hope they're not real, but I'm assuming they're not because it's all right, I have I'll allow it. This girl can do no wrong in my book. I loved

that note. I love that she wrote it out. I love that another bestie kind of encouraged her to do that, because I bet there's a lot of people that are like, I'm gonna fuck it up and I'm gonna say something stupid and then it's gonna like beep, and then it's gonna be too late, and then no one's gonna play it. We're gonna get made fun of. We won't do that

to you. By the way, and if you come to my show, let me just make sure you know I am never if you need to go to the bathroom and get up in the middle of me telling a story and it's really quiet, I'm never going to be like, look at this guy taking a fucking dump or this girl's way out. Where are you going, missy. I'm never going to call you out. I understand and panic disorders, I understand anxiety, I understand having to do the bathroom. I want you to be as comfortable as possible and

never feel trapped. You can run out screaming, and I will never be like, fuck you bitch, like, I'm never gonna do that. So feel free to come to my show and sit in the middle and don't be worried about, oh my god, I'm gonna be trapped. She's gonna like it's gonna be too weird for me to get up, and then everyone's gonna see and she's gonna make fun of me. I will not do that to you, I promise, Unless you're wearing a really dumb shirt. Just kidding, but

I really won't. Yeah, I will don't do it during Andrews bit, but mine, I promise, just hold it for Andrews. But during mine, I will not make fun of you. Um, all right, let's get to uh, do you want to read the next one? Yeah? That one, or maybe it's not the one that I think, But do you want to read the like one of the letters that someone gave you? Oh? Yes, sure, I'll read this. Sure, okay,

this says Nikki. Hold on, let me open the card. I. Um, someone gave me a New York a um Starbucks ornament that says New York on it, and she'll got me a Star Wars S gift card. Another person also got me a Nikki Glazer survival pack or like what are those things where it's like the emergency emergency yet thank you? And it was yeah, and it was a Starbucks gift card. Um a the ordinary uh hydrating serum that I talked about.

And what was the other thing on? Oh maybe also one with the tailor's with dog leash and it was something else that was really funny. God damn it, I'm sorry. Maybe candy or no, it was a protein bar. It was a vegan protein bar. So good. Thank you so much. Forget the name of the person that gave it to me, but it was really really nice. Shake it off. Oh my god, this is a tailor swift card. I know cards can be overwhelming for you, so I'll keep this short.

You saved me from one of the darkest periods of my life simply with a podcast episode. Your your feature on Esther's Weird Adults podcast. Oh awesome. So um, guys, check out me on Weird Adults with Esther. Um, Little Esther. No matter what path you take in your career, you're five fans, true fans. I was like, five fans. Your true fans will always have your back. We love you for you. Your stand up does not make up your entire identity. Thank you for forgetting me tickets to the

sold out show your Bustie, Christine. Christine, thank you so much for that. And read this one other one really quickly. Um. This girl gave me. This was from Jen. She gave me them the cup. She said, I'm not always creative with gifts, but I know you like Starbucks. Maybe you'll spot down, Maybe you'll spot John Mullaney again. Oh the

old Don Milaney at Starbucks yesterday. Actually, um, sometimes I draw what a whole grain looks like for my patients, but I secretly think it looks more like a vagina. Thought you may enjoy my dual artwork that does look like a vagina a whole grain. What does this bitch do? Yeah, maybe she's a nutritionist or a gluten um. Uh yeah. The guy that looks like us stressed out? Uh like

Starbucks barista John Mlaney John Laney four months ago. Yeah, um he I saw him yesterday with Kristen at the Starbucks, and I did the thing that I hate when people do, where I whispered to Curson, I go look behind you, John M. Laney And and then she looked up and he was looking at us right when he after he saw me whisper doer. And I hope that he thought that I was like, like, guy looks like John Laney

because John Laney's hot. It's not it's not bad, but I thought, you know, it was just it seemed like we were making fun of him. Because then she laughed because it was so uncanny, but not because it felt so bad. Then you almost want to say something, Yes I did, but I didn't and I should have. My canker stores were hurting so bad. I was just like, I'm just gonna let him think that we're bullying him. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have another voice one you

and that glove. What's up? So many voice messages? Um? This one comes from Maddie. Hey, guys, how are you doing? And Okay? First of all, I just want to say that I'm the tooth who made all of those posts in the Nikki sub reddy um. But none of them are negative though, So I just want to say that. Also, you just put my story on your story, and if I knew you were going to do that, I probably

would have written something cur so I'm glad that I didn't. UM. But yeah, anyway, I just want to say, uh, like during the whole pandemic, when you were, when you were still doing the your podcast, I was. I was in the exact same situation as you, because I was living this amazing life in a different city with lots of friends that I've always wanted, and I had to move back in with my parents even though I felt like we're too old and I didn't know what was going

to happen next. I was like, so, oh my god, I was sort depressed and listening to you up every day. Oh my god, like you haven't no idea? How oh god, like what that did for me? It really really helped me. So yeah, like that's what I really wanted to say, and yeah, all the swells and don't be curt mm hmmm what was his name? Maddie. Oh my god, Maddie,

thank you so much. I get really tear eyed when people talk about um uh last year and like listening to that podcast, because that podcast was really hard for me to do because I was so depressed and some days it was like running a marathon with prosthetic legs, which I don't understand what that would be like, but

it really was like the last a lot easier. Um. It was the last thing I wanted to do, and it was so hard and I was so sad, and I feel like it got me through it too, because I just I guess I was thinking about those people that were listening. I can't even believe people were listening. I was in such bad place. I'm glad that it helped people, but man, I was so alone then too.

It just it makes me people feel better in retrospect, even though maybe I wouldn't didn't know it at the time, I think that like I felt like the hands of all the people on my back when I was sitting in that chair and my dad's office, and like it was a hot summer day. I just remember being so depressed and being like, I don't want to do this fucking podcast. I have to just talk by myself. I don't have anything to talk about, and poor Noah would have to like edit it later on and like listen

to me ramble about like I was. My brain was so in a bad place. But there's something when I picture that time, I honestly start picturing like all these people listening and like how I wasn't alone, and like that podcast actually probably saved me. And honestly, thank you to everyone who listened to that and who listens to me now still and and because you put up with a lot here too. But I really love you, know, I promise I've met everything. But just get in is

really fun to just drop it. Are you excited about my brother me at the show tomorrow? So let's get um. No. I know, of course, I know that I was supposed to say yes and then just kidding, but it's funnier that thing you excited to me to do. No, I got it, just getting wait what did you say? Just wait one time? More time? I'm just kidd final thought. Do we have one more? Yes? Wait? Can you read the one that we you sent to us today from Andrew?

Andrew you should read it? Yeah, well you read that one? No? Uh, okay, just kid, just getting just getting get that dog's dick out of your mouth and bread before Andrew. Okay, Um, here it is. I had gallbladder surgery yesterday and when I woke up in my room, my nurse kept asking me random thing about you. I was answering all their questions, but I a little confused. Then when one of my doctors came in, he was telling me that during the whole surgery recovery, I was telling them that Nikki Glazer

is my best friend. Just geting no l O L really having all the swells. I hope you guys are staying well this girl. And from Amanda, what's Amanda? Amanda? Dude? That makes me so happy that you even like the stuff we say when we're in uh, you know, anesthesia state fantasia. When we're an a Stasia Kominski. No, when we that is, that's just so embarrassing, even the stuff like Kirsten said that a couple of times last night.

She said, I was saying full sentences. I was just like talking in my sleep, and I know what I was dreaming about. I'm really scared of what I might have said. I can only imagine the ship that I would say to an ill that she can she tell you what you said? She said, it was just like me being like and I just think that, and it's just like I was talking that loud, but she said it was nothing specific, But I was like, who, because I had some incestual dreams, kind of incestuous. Do you

know what that means? No? Yes, Like that's a common I'm not embarrassed to admit that sometimes my dreams get a little incesty. You've never had that happened where you're like, something happens with a family member sexual kes Nikki just admitted, you know what you don't know, And honestly, I don't mean any of this. I was so but I have incest dreams sometimes and I'm not I'm serious, dude. No, have you ever had a dream where you're like you

I have. Okay, I'll give this one to you. I never had incests dreams, but I had a dream that I was like kissing someone and I was sharing a bed with my sister and I woke up and I was kissing her head. Oh my god, that's so you just actually had an incest moment. That's hilarious. It's so humiliating, but we can't help it. Okay, listen, I had a dream that I was blowing my brother while his dog watch and when I woke up, just blowing his dog. Oh god, be so embarrassed. Okay, look at this. This

literally name a family member. I've dreamed of banging them shut the front door. And I come from a Catholic family. We've got many many uh have a lot of relatives. These are five common sex dreams aren't actually about sex. Number one sex with your boss. Number two cheating. This is an article from archive dot a t tn dot com. Three sex with your best friend. I've I haven't had a sex dream about you. Four incests. Incests maybe the

most unsettling sexual act to dream about. You will gon up horrified from a dream about sex with a parent or other family member. It doesn't mean that you are sexually attracted to them on a subconscious level. These dreams tend to reflect tension or distance influence familial relationships. Sex with a parent may have to do with transitioning into adulthood or becoming a parent yourself. Sex with any family member can be about acceptance, deep forgiveness, a longing to

be closer, or just what you really want. I'm just kidding, or healing a rift. So just kidding, but um, I am really flattered that someone thought they're friends. You are friends with me, honestly you are. You don't have to live a gallbladder to admit it. What is the gallbladder? And like what why why? I guess we don't need it. I think it's one of those which is weird. Yeah, the trial of God giving you a oregan you don't need. Well,

you have the bladder and then the gall bladder. The gall bladder, I think, is the one that gives you bile, which you definitely need. You definitely need that to know you lost your gall You need to stop throwing up. If your blieming out there, I mean that's hopefully she's okay. I guess she's okay. I guess I think, Um, yeah, let us know what if your gall bladder is okay, and if you had it removed or what was going on and how we can all prevent that from happening

to us. We gotta go. Um that is so. But I'm so flattered by that. I what a treat that someone thought about me when in there, Like have you ever been under anesthesia? Yeah? With my asshole? Oh that's right, Okay, it's weird, you say anything weird. I did have visions. I had visions of like they knew like I was awake while they were flipping me around, and I had like visions of them like pointing at my and laughing at my penis. Okay, well that but it was my uncle.

So it's completely It's just about familiar. Is there a thing called ancest where it's like incest but with like ghosts of your ancestors whoa like you blow your old like uncle, great uncle who met before Tony. Yeah, I don't know, but he would he might have been in that surgery room. But I just kind of have a weird memory of them like flipping me around and like, I mean, I want to hear if you're a bestie and you've witnessed people on Antesesia. What's the weirdest thing

you've heard someone say? And did you tell them afterwards what they said? Let us know. Uh, we'll hear from you next week with fan Trax on Thursday. We have so many there's piling up. We gotta get thrown faster. Next week, maybe we do a whole episode of them. Pretty coming up. Um, thank you for dealing with my canker sword drama this week. We are healing up. I can't wait to see you in Durham tomorrow night and

then in Charleston on Saturday night. Thank you so much for going to shows, and then Indianapolis next weekend, Milwaukee next weekend, and um, yeah, I can't wait. And I love you guys, and gee Florida or organ you meaning