#112 An Old Chimp's Tale

You know, besties are connecting with each other, um, and people are getting dates because they like the show and they're there. We had a you know last week on fan tracks, which we'll get to today. Uh yeah, a bestie found out one of the guys she was meeting with on one of these apps was a fan of the show, and so they had a commonality right way. I loved it. So maybe introduce a fan that might need a friend to the show today, because god damn, you guys are my friends. So excited to talk at

you today. Um God, I no I talked too much. I just and and you know, if this is the place for it, obviously because it's my podcast, But um, lately I've been making jokes about how I talked too much around my friends and people and and certain people that I just kind of started talking like meeting and

just making like kind of just jokes about. Like yesterday, I was talking to two of the people that are following me around with cameras for I don't even know what um, but I said something about someone who talks a lot. I was like, they just like to hear themselves talk, and that comes from someone who likes to

hear themselves talk. And they both left so hard that it verified for me that I'm someone that they've probably talked about behind my back, being like cut, she talks a lot, And I just hate That's how you like test if something is true about yourself, you disparage yourself. And if someone actually does like a real laugh, like you get them to laugh in a genuine way, that's

confirms it. Like sometimes I'll say some things on stage and I go the way you guys laughed at that I don't even like because it confirms what I just said is so true, you know, Like when I got called Owen Wilson at UM the roast and like the everyone goes, Nikki, no, that's not true. You don't look like when I was like, why did the roof literally blow off the place? Then with how funny it was, because the truth is funny. It's ridiculous, but it's a

little bit true. Um. And as someone who talks too much, I just I just asked you a question and then I talked through the answer, which is what I do to you, like every day. I gotta get better. I mean, I don't have I'm not a talkative person. I do wish I had more of that quality. And it's something that makes me very anxious when I go to, like, um, a party or just like a place where I don't know any one. I wish I could have those talking skills. Bring me bring like if anyone wants me to, I

don't know, just bring up. I just wanna. Um, I'd love to help people that have that are scared to do that because honestly, what is it about like talking that makes you nervous? Because maybe I can help people out that don wish they were a little more talkative and talk about how you could be more talkative, but not as talkative as me, because I honestly it's a burden.

Yeah I have Ah, I guess I get like I overthink how do I start a conversation and how do I walk away from a conversation, and um, just not being able to talk a lot about stuff, which I can always talk a lot about stuff because I know more than I give myself credit for it, just the just how do I spark up a conversation and how do I walk away from it and not get trapped

in it? I think that the best way to spark a conversation at a party or at you know, if you're trying to you Let's say, if you're a guy out there in the masculine energy or a woman in the masculine energy, and you would strike a conversation with up a stranger. I mean I just was at Starbucks and caught the just saw a guy that was like so attractive, and I tried to do the five seconds stare. It did not work, but I just lingered nearby at

a table. I like, I was gonna walk back to my apartment, but said, I like took a seat at a table and was like, maybe he'll turn, Like I was behind him. He thought I passed, and then I went back and then I just sat behind him and he never even turned around to see that I was there. I was. I think his friend that he was with thought I was like checking him out. Um, but I get really nervous like that too, especially approaching men. Maybe for a romantic thing, but in terms of like at

a party, I think honestly leading with the truth. So let's say you're going to a social function where you do know a lot of people or you don't know anyone, and you're at a party and you're like, I'm so scared. I'm not going to know anyone. I only know the host. That happens a lot, you know, and they're gonna be schmoozing and running around. I don't want them to do

hand on me, to like walk me through things. Literally, that is such a common fear that you can already just guarantee that, no matter what, at least thirty of the people at this party are going to feel the same way, and that most people that didn't even show up to the party didn't show up because they feel that way. So the fact that you're going is already

like congratulate yourself for that, because that's hard. So even if you go and you just freak out and you leave, like the fact that you even tried to go like is really brave. And I just think we need to challenge ourselves to do things that are out of our comfort zone because first of all, think of the worst thing that can happen. Like you say something to someone and you say like, like, no, you're not gonna say You're gonna put your foot in your mouth, like in

the worst way. You know, You'll you'll say something awkward and be like, yeah, that reminds me of when I shipped my pants right now or what. Like let's and then you shoot your pants or what, like that's the worst thing. Like then you have a story where you get to say you ship your pants at a party awkwardly for the rest of your life and you get to tell people that and like that party like maybe the story will get out, but everyone ships their pants,

so it's okay. But I do think the best conversation starter is the is what's honest? And this is what I do when I'm on when I'm on stage and I dig myself into an awkward hole. Let's like, say I'm on stage and I'm tackling a subject that I really haven't flushed out the bit yet, I admit something that's like no one relates to the audience is kind of staring at me there, like, will you please like move on? The subject is really uncomfortable, and I just

it's like I'm bombing. You know, generally I would feel the trickle of sweat start to form on my lower back that I get the flop sweat. I know I'm bombing. If that little trickle of sweat I have, I have four inches to save that, because why at the time if when I feel it rich my ass crack and disperse into my butt, that's when there's no turning back. But I have that that time between where it becomes a bead of sweat that's heavy enough to slowly trickle down.

I have that trickle down to save it. And the truth is, even if it like splashes into my asshole, I still have time to save it. The thing that I didn't realize until seven, I would think I realized this two years ago. Not less than the honest honesty will always dig you out of it. So for me, I go wow. The audience is thinking this is awkward, Nikki, can you please move on to another joke? I just call out the obvious thing that is making it so uncomfortable. Wow,

this is Nikki. You didn't really figure out that joke enough to present in a way that's funny. It's making everyone feel really weird, and we wish we could go back five minutes ago when you were killing talking about your vagina. I just call out the thing that you know. It might not be what they're thinking, but it's close enough to what the truth is, which is something bad happened,

and now this is weird. So for you going into a party, going to the bowl of pretzels and making yourself a drink and sipping on it and being like, I have nothing else to do, do I look at my phone? You can literally be on your phone and if there's someone else there that you're like, oh, I maybe want to talk to them, or even if you don't want to talk to them, if you just want to feel more social, truly, you could go up to a group of people that already is having a great

time and go this is what I would do. Okay, this is Nicki Glazer, not comedian Nicki Glazer. Everyone knows me Nicki Glazer. This is Nicki Glazer. Where I'm in fucking Dubai and no one knows who I am. Maybe not to Bai because it's culturally would be different, but in an American world and most of like the Western world, I would go up to a group of people and go, guys, I know you're in the middle of a story. I don't have any friends at this party. I feel really awkward.

Can I just stand here like I'm one of your best friends. That's funny, it's honest, and I swear to God, they're gonna be like, oh my God, of course. And if they look at you like you're weird. I think if someone did that to you and your friends at a party, someone who was shy came up and goes, guys, I don't know anyone on at this party. I know this is awkward. I'm so nervous to even do this. But can I just like stand here so I don't have to like awkwardly look at my phone and pretend

like I'm texting someone that I'm really not texting. Just be honest, or if there's another person that's also alone, just go up to them. Go. I'm honestly so anxious right now because I am the word party Elicits nothing but fear in me, Like when something when there's a party size bag of checks mix. I get social anxiety even eating the bag alone on my couch. Say what and maybe you can't think of something, Nikki, I can't be that funny, I can't be that personable. I'm not

expecting you too. But if you just say what's honest. Literally, if the host comes up to you, you can say, I'm probably gonna leave, not because I'm not having fun, but because I have social anxiety. Guess what. Social anxiety is so common that if you just call out what you're feeling, you could even say I literally like I put on a strap lest bra for this. It's the

wrong bra, and I can't think of anything else. You could say that to someone at like the punch table, be like I like And let's say you don't want to say something self deprecating or true. A great way to spark up a conversation with someone is to just compliment their shoes. Say something about them that's true that you could compliment, like, Wow, you have really good posture. I gotta work on mine, Like, uh, you're where? That

haircut is great? Where do you go? Just something that will get them talking, and then watch Love on the Spectrum you guys, when they run out of things to talk about, they just go Michael goes, wow, my mind is at a crossroads right now, and it's like he just says the truth. And there's something That's why I'm attracted to artistic people in terms of like wanting to be around them, be friends with them, because they just they do the thing that took me fifteen years to

realize is the great thing to do. Because when these autistic people on the show around neurotypical people, people that aren't artistic, when they say something that's so true about like you know, at one point, Michael is on a date and his the gal. He's on a date with his own glasses, and he goes, would you take off your glasses for a second, And she takes them off, and he goes, now put them back on, and she puts them back on, and he goes, just what I thought,

you're more attractive with glasses. And it's like it was and she was so touched by it because she's probably insecure about her glasses, like and and you know what, it was true and it's just even if it's awkward for you to do that, I really want to. I know these things like you're maybe saying to yourself, Nikki, I'm gonna I'm gonna shake violently. I'm going to have a panic attack just walking up to a group of people.

I can't do that. You have a voice, you have, legs, you have or what maybe like you have the ability to approach a group of people. You can do anything. You really can do these things if you're able to have talk or communicate, whether or not you get a panic attack, like I don't want to make anyone do something that is truly out of the comfort zone. But you're capable of so much more than you think. And I think we get in our way when we go no, I don't do that. I'm I just can't do that.

When people go I don't do the dating apps, they're not for me. I'm I'm special, I'm unique. You guys have heard me talk about this before many times, but I think that it's a good reminder, even to myself that things that you think that are just not for you, parties, aren't for me. I'm not a party person. I guess what you're probably not. You're right, you're not a party person. But you know what you could be is someone who does difficult things. You know that Um that book by

that we all read last year on Untamed Undefeated. It was written by um. Do you know what I'm talking about? Noah? I think the lesbian woman, the woman that wrote a bunch of books and then she decided that she was in love with a soccer player. Fuck what is her name? Everyone's either shouting out that there's a book that came out last year. Anyway, the message of it was we

do difficult things, we do hard things. And I really think about that all the time of when something is scary to me, run towards it, and or and before you do, think of the worst thing that can happen. And what does that mean for your life? Does it mean you're gonna go to jail? Does it mean you're gonna lose your children and your parents aren't gonna love you anymore? If it means those things, don't do it.

But if it or if it means you might die, if it's like deathifying But if it means and if it means you might have a panic attack that makes you have a heart attack, don't do it. Right. But if it's not going to kill you, I mean, what doesn't kill you? Makes you stronger. Obviously we've all heard that before and a Kelly Clarkson song and many times before that on motivational things. But I know that, Like today,

I'm taking a self defense class with my mom. Um, I I know, no, h, I doubt We're going to like a martial arts studio and I'm taking a self defense class with my mom. My mom does not want to be on camera, and I have cameras following me around. She is so stressed out about being on camera, being seen, like not looking pretty, having people judge her. She's also worried.

I got her maid service, um, because she's worried about the way her house might look with cameras on it, and so I said, let me get a cleaning service. She's super scared of anyone coming into her house and like cleaning and judging her for being messy. So I'm guessing the house is spotless for these cleaners to come in. But she didn't want to do it. She didn't want to accept these gifts. She didn't want to have people come in and I go. But the thing is, this

is a normal thing that people do. You're not special for being anxious about this. You're missing out by having this fear that you think is your thing, and like keep like I my mom's like I don't I don't have made services, I don't let strangers into my house. I don't go on camera. I'm not someone who wants to be on reality shows and starts. So almost identify with like a sense of pride that you're not that person. How about having pride that you're going to do something

that makes you so uncomfortable. How about that like having me like I'm someone who doesn't like people in my house, but I'm going to try it out once and if I don't like it, I can stick to it and know that I try. I didn't didn't like it. But if you haven't tried these things that you're so adamant, like it's not for me, you don't get it. You don't get to say that it's not for you. Truly.

I was always like, I hate outdoor activities. I hate canoeing. Yes, I went as a kid, but it had been I hadn't gone as an adult, and I kept saying I hated it. So I challenged myself to go on a trip and I learned I do not like it. And here's what I don't like about it, So maybe if I go again, let's change the things I didn't like about it. I don't want it to be so long. I don't want a man crawling into my canoe to do a demo of how you get back in a canoe after you fall out of one. I don't like

there are things about it that I learned. But my mom is doing the self defense class on camera, which she's not good at physical activity. Last night she had a migraine and a headache and her neck got thrown out, and all of that was happened out of the blue. Why do you think because she was fucking stressed and nervous about today, and so I told her, I'm so

sorry your neck is hurting. If we go tomorrow and it's still hurting, you can sit on the side and just watch me do the class and it'll be funny enough the cameras can film that that will be a whole story, will work around it. But that's the worst that could happen is that you're still in jo tomorrow and you don't do it. But just show up, you know, even with your neck, and just let this woman clean your house. I know her. I trust her. Um. People

get their houses cleaned all the time. Mom, you're getting older. This is something you should maybe adopting your life to make your life easier. People do it for a reason, it makes their life easier. I'm buying the service for you. Please accept this gift and also thank you for doing something so outside of your comfort zone. I thanked her. I was like, you were proving to me how fucking cool you are. And this is why I love you, is that you're willing to stray from these things you

think you know about yourself. And you know, if you hear me on this podcast, sometimes sometimes at some point the future, say like that's not for me. I don't do that, and you find me to be hypocritical. Let me know, because sometimes you say these things that you don't even realize. Well, you haven't tried it, so don't. You can't say that you're not it's not for you.

Stop identifying with the things we can't do, and let's start identifying with the things that we're willing to try, so that we know we can't do and then we can identify that we don't like them. I just wrote a fun fact about myself today for this promotional thing that they're doing where they're like, we want Nikki Layser fun facts. And I was like, my phobias include um uh first dates, air shows, two lane highways, and um,

drunk men on diving boards. I used to say fat men on diving boards because it was something about the board breaking. But just it's drunk men, I realized, like reckless drunk men. And and it wasn't a fat shaming thing. It's about like the board breaking like That's why. It wasn't like fat men are more reckless than regular like or like you know, uh not fat men or whatever. That was not what I was saying. It was just generally fat men like way down the board more and

it is about to break more. Um. And I looked at each of those phobias and I go, have I confronted each of those things and learned that I didn't like them in the right way. And the truth is, yes, not with air shows, I haven't been to one as a as an adult, I'm going to challenge myself to go to one again and see if I can do it. Two lane highways, Yes, I have confronted that, and I have a plan of action for that. Centipedes. I'm working on it. If I do, I have improved so much by, like,

you know, giving a name to spiders. Last year, I named my spider Trevor. That was in my parents bathroom, and that helped me with my spider thing. Spiders have eight legs. Centipedes have a hundred legs. It's the leg thing. There's too many legs. So if I name, you know, eleven spiders, that takes us up to eighty eight. Now let's do twelve twelve spiders times eight is eight sixty seventy two. Nine. Wait, twelve times eight is what is that a hundred? No, it's it's ninety six. But I

cheated and six we're still okay. So I need I need twelve point three spiders, and then it can be a centipede because I think centipes have a hundred legs. I don't know, and then I can maybe confront my centipede fear. Um, you guys just learned that I confronted my fear of not knowing my twelves times tables past seven, and I showed you I was a little bit stupider than you may have thought I was. But that's my fears being stupid, and I'm running into it because when

I get honest about it, it frees me. And what I don't know makes me open to things that I can know more than being so set in my ways. And I learned that from the Book of Doubt. All right, let's get Andrew in here. Um, hey, Andrew, I from what our apartment is big? You know, Yeah, that's I ran again sunglasses because I saw you at sunglasses and I want to look cool. And my eyes are just a little puffy today. I took a melatonin last night and so I woke up a little swollen daddy eyes.

When I'm warned up by the way call back, shout out, shout out when you say Siri. Yeah, people's computers are like talking to them when you say it, So we should start doing it more. Oh no, like on the podcast. No no, no, no no, no, don't do that to them. Don't do that. He grabbed a knife. Oh my god, Astro grabbed the knife. Hey, Astro murder her husband? Murder my husband? Does Astro respond to its name? Is that? I'm guessing it's gonna be like like a hey thing. Yeah, probably, Um,

what do you do for like Amazon? If forget it's Hey Alexa. Oh yeah, that's right, right. My my cousin's name is Alexa. Hey Alexa, UM, take out the butt plug and put in your husband's ass. I was going to do a segment called Hey Alexa with my cousin Alexa. She's so like interesting and funny. Yeah, where I just talked to her about like I asked her things that you would ask Alexa. Yeah, we should do that. It's kind of a fun idea. Well, we should compare what

Alexa says and then what real life Ali. That's a good idea. I just got an Alexa and I haven't plugged it in yet because I just don't want I want to make sure Siri knows that I'm dedicated to her before I bring in up. I don't want to be Polly uh Polly computer woman is. I wonder if we could have Siri and Alexa have a conversation like, Hey Alexa, say hi to Siri and then Hey, Siri, I'm not talking to that bit. If jobs told me I couldn't, computers are eventually going to be like funk

that bitch, fuck Siri. Yeah, you were saying the other day that love on the spectrum they kind of talk like computers. Yeah they do, and that we're maybe not so far from computers. Yeah, I feel like they are like whatever. I mean, it's I don't know, because they don't they don't um, they don't have a sense of they're not worried about what other people think about them, so they just talk like this. It's kind of very Michael talks like this, and like it is very Sometimes

they do sound like a little bit robotic. Yeah, yeah, and uh and it sounds like a computer trying to talk like a human. Yes, but but it's so like some of them love to laugh. Some of the autistic people on Love on the Spectrum love to laugh and like crack jokes and like and some of them have zero sense of humor. Like Michael does not laugh. He gets excited when people have the same is the best

character I've ever not. He does not understand jokes where his mom is constantly laughing at everything he says, because

everything he says it's hilarious and she's cracking up. And you know what, Michael had a beautiful moment in the second episode that I want to highlight that reminded me of stuff we talked about on the show where he went to a speed dating event with neurotypical women and then with also one autistic woman, the woman that he ended up going on the date with, the one that I just referenced, who's He told the thing about take off your glasses and he was like, you look better

with classes. I thought that was a lovely thing to say. You guys, you and Chris were like but I was like, no, that's nice. He goes like I suspected, Yeah, he goes, you look even better. So he was acknowledging that does look better, which is a very honest statement. But that's something you want to I want to tell you, like, oh no, I would I think I think it would love if some guy was like, god, you know, even better equals you already look good to look even better.

It's like our friend Ari, when he puts classes on, he doesn't have his beady of eyes right, they kind of make his eyes. He looks handsome in both ways. Ari is um I'm like attracted to Ari, uh like, and I always he's married and he has such low self esteem when it comes to his body image and his but yeah, we'll show his body all the time. But he's like hot. Ari's hot. I probably would have

had a crush on Ari if you were not married. Yeah, well maybe he'll get divorced soon as a kid now and if I like her too, But but I always want to let Ari know, like you're hot. Ari, I'd probably like be like trying to like, i'd be crushing on you if you were single. I just wanted him to know that he'll probably hear this. I feel that way about Anya's boyfriend Matt. I was like, Matt, you're hot. That was kind of an autistic move by you to just say that. He took off his mask, and I

was just like, Jesus, Matt, you're hot. I was like, I like, good jobs. And my friend Manya, like, what do you feel about that? Noah? If like, I was with Ari and you were just in the other room doing something and I didn't say it because you weren't in the room, but let's say, sorry, you were in the was in the other room. I was with Av. You were in the other room, but it wasn't like I said it because you were another room, but you

like heard me and I go, Noah, good job. I had told he's so hot, and like, okay, good because you know that it's not coming from like it's coming from a place of like if you didn't exist and I just saw this guy, would be like I want to stick around and sit behind him at Starbucks and and wait for him to maybe turn around look at

me him. Yeah but ham but if yeah, so I just I didn't think it was I think he appreciated it because Matt, I know, also like doesn't think he's hot as as hot as he is, and he's like, seriously, a good look at you. No. I think Ari and I are very similar. We are not very secure. Although people will maybe you're much more secure than as you know you're hot. I don't. I really don't like. I really don't like. Honestly, I don't feel hot right now.

I'll tell you that I feel a little flabby, and I'm just like but I'm kind of like leaning into I feel comfortable whatever. It's like a whole thing. But I don't feel hot. I just feel okay with completely okay with that. Do you feel hot when Brenna helped Brenna looks at you and handles that's nice. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah,

but I don't think about it that much. So when it is said, I feel like we should normalize girlfriends and wives telling their husbands that they're attractive, because I don't think they hear it enough or that were like just men in general, Like it doesn't mean that she wants to fuck you. It just means like, hey, you're like a hot guy. You know that right? Like you should we should celebrate that because I don't think men

hear it from their guy friends ever. And so there's actually a reddit that I just saved the other night that I'm going to do on Reddit dumb next week that touches on exactly that. Where men are not complimentary enough to their guy friends, girls get it a lot from their girlfriends. We shower each other are in compliments um, which are mostly insecurities about us, like God, I wish I had your skin? Why is your waist so small?

I want that? But like, men need to do that for each other, do it somewhat like before we'll go out at night, at least in your twenties, when you go out with your four guy friends, you're like, what, sure you're gonna wear? Oh you're gonna wear that stripe one? Oh you look good in that man? Oh your arms look big in that yeah, like I say stuff like that, or man, your cock is really throbbing through the gene.

I just I really am reluctant to comment on guy's muscles popping because I just don't want the men that I'm trying to date spending more time at the gym. Like it just doesn't. It looks good, it feels good, but it doesn't. It doesn't. I don't want more of it, just like I don't I don't want I think that a lot of times, you know, I'm just projecting. But when people are like, wow, you look like you lost a little weight, I'm like, I want to keep going. I want to leave it even more because this is

I just wanted to just go. I just want you to stay that way. It's almost like when you're in sex and you're like, oh, this is good, and then they get faster and you're like, no, just like keep that exactly that. It's like when you get a haircut and you're like, hey, I just want a trim, and then they go okay, and then they cut more and it's like no, I just I always say I want way less than I want. Always go at least like say you want a fourth of what they're actually what

you actually want, because then they'll always do more. It's interesting. I mean I don't know. That's definitely something with the psyche. Sometimes I'll get told my body looks good, and then I go, Okay, well I've done enough. That's the other thing.

That and you also because you've usually like like gone to workout classes every day and eating healthy and been on this like diet, that's making you like I can't have the foods I want And it's like so then when you finally let yourself off the hook, you go so hard into other things. It's about like still get to eat pizza you don't need, Like dieting is not gonna last. There's always gonna be the pendulum will swing

the other way. What is a good compliment, like a good ton of compliment to give a guy from a girl's perspective. Let's say someone in my jiu jitsu class, right who happens to be like cute or whatever. But I don't want him to think I'm trying to flair with him. I just want to give him an honest compliment to like pay it for jujitsu, do it at that time, like supermarket or something what's like a platonic I think maybe saying listen, I'm saying this with no

like I have a boyfriend. I just know that men probably don't get as many compliments as they deserve. And I hope you know that, Like you're a really attractive guy, and I hope you're on the dating apps putting this outfit out there because you need to take a picture of yourself today and put it on the dating apps because this is what women are really going to respond to.

You look great today, and even preface it with like, I'm in a relationship, I'm not hitting on you, and and I think say that again, lead with like honesty, like I feel like you might not hear this a lot because men don't compliment each other. But Brad, you're a good looking guy. Do you have a girlfriend? No, I'm just honestly, this look that you have right now, I should take a picture of you, afford it to you so you can put it on your bumble because

this is you're a good looking guy. I do that a lot to guys of like, we need to capture this, this needs to you need. Women should take pictures of men in their lives because men never take have good pictures women. That's the big thing. Women need friends that are single. Take pictures of your friends and air drop them, or like a guy at the store, or like to be like and that might be a good way to hit on a guy. Be like, are you on dating apps?

Because you need to capture this look right now, like you're hot, Like this is some this is a swipe right for sure, this look. And guys don't have a lot of pictures of themselves. You always take a picture of you and just quickly air drop it because you need to like you need to die. That's a great pup. That broccoli really brings out your green eyes. Yeah, it's hot, can yeah? I um yeah, hold that broccoli up. That

would be a funny picture. So of a fish, just like a big My friend and I who's one of the camera people or the people following us around with cameras. She is on a st less dating app and we were screenshotting. I was just on it last night, not even combing for like a guy, but like just looking for funny things to make fun of. I gotta to share some of these things that these guys you never you never finished what with the this it's funny to room, but just knocked on the door. Worried. I thought we

had an intruder. Wait, what did I not find? Very short intruder who's crawling towards the door? Um No. On Love and the Spectrum, there was one thing from okay, thank you for that. Um uh. He said that he was talking to his mom about speed dating, and on speed dating, he wrote down three women that were his

top choices. He only got one match, and Heather is the one that was autistic, and he kind of, I think, wanted these other two girls that were also just neurotypical, and he didn't match with them, and he was really bummed about it that he only got the autistic girl. I think, and um. And then a couple of days later, he's like, mom, and it's like the day of his date with Heather, the autistic girl, and he's like, at first, I was very upset that I did not match with

my other two choices, and his mom's cracking up. She's like, don't Michael, don't say this. He's like, at first I didn't. I was really mad that it was just Heather. And then I thought about it and the more, and then

when I talked to Heather on the phone today. I realized it was actually for the best that I didn't match with them, because I really don't have as much in common with those girls as I do Heather, And after talking to her, I realized he like he was able to with no like reading a self work book or like listening to David Goggans, he was able to realize that this thing that he thought he didn't want, the failure of not matching with these two neurotypical girls

actually made him steered him in the direction that was the best outcome for him, which was this girl that he actually like, I was more excited about than he would have ever thought. And it was just beautiful that he was able to do that on his own. And he he asked her right away on the first day to didn't He ask her how many matches she got and she's like, I got three, And he goes, I got one, and she goes, oh, that's interesting. She's just too so. She wasn't like, you only got one, Oh

you're not as valuable. She didn't judge it. She was just like, interesting. It was just so cute. I love that show so much. If if I hadn't sold you on that show. Yet what do you I mean, what you even listened to this? I thought the show was a different show for something. There was a one where they went on a dating around New Orleans. That's what I thought, dating around, That's what I thought that show was. So that's why I never checked. You believe you haven't

seen the first season. It's my favorite show. I think it's my favorite show that's ever been better than Veep. It's just heartwarming, so beautifully shot and just um my buddy, he brought up, He's like I finally watched started watching Ted lad So and I was like, oh you like that. There's not a show love on the spectrum. And then I described he goes those shows have nothing like are both so heartwarming? They are doing me to do my ted Lasso as we get into the news, Uh, never

went over your bumble though the dating night. I'll save it for a final. Okay, this is my ted Lasso beginning the theme song. Whenever I'm watching Ted Lasso and like anyone asked me a question like hey, will you grab me as ZV, I'm like he I'm thinking of the sound like it sounds like a horse, like losing its virginity. I'm out all right, apparently here we go. Sound like that. That's great for something. Um, you're already here first. I hope you're having All the swells out

there are gonna have a great weekend. It's pretty much the last weekend for you to jump on a boat, go out with your friends. I don't know climate change is really keeping things. There was a dy degrees here yesterday. It was nuts. Probably got three more months to get on a boat. Just you know, let your hair back, Get on one of those wakeboards right around the little big get on a tube, you know, do stuff or don't just go walk your dog around the block. Yeah,

and look at those people. Yeah, all right. A study, Yeah, if you can't go on TikTok and watch people, wait for it. Hell yeah, dude, parks bonifit forever. I don't know what that's for people out there. Okay. A study declares that a horny chimp masturbating with a manmade sex toy a discarded plastic bottle, could be the first So a chimp recently started having sex. Good news about plastics

entering the environment. Yeah, recycling by putting on a monkey a cock sleeve or of Okay, So, oh my god, there's like a drawing the monkey using the plastic bottle. What wasn't what I wonder if it was like a m how big monkey penises? Are we talking like a or a gatorade or like a vitamin water? Yeah, well Gatoray Vitamin want is probably similar. But I heard of one using like a frog before, like a frog's mouth.

Oh who did that? I don't know. I just like I think if it's either an old wives, an old chimp's tail or I just remember there's some like there's some video of it or something I did not. I don't want to see that. That sounds like so sad could have been into it. But this is the best plastics news I've heard ever, Like there's no good things coming out of plastics being in the world. Well there's. You know what's nice is they're going to bottle this and sell it on Is it? Does it? Is it

fat burning and carbon carb killing? It kills carb from the St. Louis Zoo to your child's mouth. Okay. Much like humans, male apes are more apt to masturbate during times of stress or when they're unable to find a mate to help them relive. Relieve their RELI and yeah, there are also no into forge for paraphernalia to assist with self pleasures, such as leaves, fruit and other organic objects. Oh, they pull a little call me by your name. Yeah,

they'll have sex with a peach act. Uh, that's something you can complement your platonic friend for doing. For twenty five seconds he made pelvic thrusting movements into the bottle how many seconds which he had positioned flat on the ground in front of him. I'm telling you we laugh at these monkeys, right like, Oh, I can't believe this monkey is doing that. We do it every day we were I'm not laughing. I think we're impressed that monkeys

are using tools to masturbate. Like I think it's like a anthropological or like whatever it is to study chips. I think that Jane Goodall would be like, you know, really excited about this, not like being like what I do. We put a pocket pussy in the middle of the Amazon and sees what's see what happens? If I had a pet chimp, I would absolutely buy them sex toys and things to fuck. But then people would put that on you, like why are you doing that to the

monk and sexualizing the monkey. Why are you jerking off the monkey? I mean, don't people jerk off horses to get horse? Come? Well, I told you that those dogs would get jerked off. There was a person's it would jerk off the dog until right before it came in. Where do I sign up? Where do I submit my resume? You could just do it right here with Luigi on camera. Well, that happened one time accidentally. It wasn't an accident, but

it absolutely was. I thought I was trying to trick his penis into going back in its sheath because it was out, and I was using his own paw to stimulate around the penis to scare it back in its hole. But instead it just caused enough friction that it made

him splooge luge, luge, splooged. Wait wait what Luigi got a red rocket During a podcast taping on Not Safe on My Show and Dancing Germaine and Brian Franchie, my podcast co host, were like, it was red broke, it's out, and I was like, guys, shut up, like I've already been told by the vet that his penis, like the skin around his penis is too big. The hole is too big. It's got cut or something. Um, I don't know, like those who had those scissors that caught it that way. No, um,

it got the whole is too big. So his penis like slides his red rocket slides out more than other dogs does, and so I was like stop and sometimes it just goes back in fast, like if they just get on horny. So I took his own paw to like tap around his penis to make it scared back in so that they would stop being children and being

like it's red broken the lipstick. So I was like took Luigi's own paw and like jerked luis pretty and then there's some white stuff that came out of Luigi's penis hole, and we all were horrified because I jerked my own dog off with his own paw. Case, Claus,

how many paw did you give the dog? Like it literally I was just tapping around it and we were laughing because I was like go in, go in, and I was just like just I wasn't like doing it hard, and I wasn't using my own hand, you know, I was using his paw and it just yeah, And I wasn't using his nails either. I was using like the paw pads so that it wouldn't hurt it or everything. Um, and so it just yeah and it um it, it's

all right. Um. I'm so into hand jobs lately, by the way, but like I feel like hand jobs are my new anal of Like I can't believe I'm doing them all the time. Not all the time, but like they're my favorite thing. You just like feeling a cock in your hand, well, you know, like I usually like to lay back and just get it, you know, like have someone do stuff to me and I do nothing, Like I just like to have my vagina just like worked on while I do nothing. Right. Um, And then

I realized, like I want to be that. I like that doesn't always have to just be me doing nothing.

Like I like the idea of my partner laying back and doing nothing while I just do give him like a happy ending and like he literally just like sits back and it's just like he's laying out in the sun and I just use a lot of lube and just I get to just and I'm just doing whatever i want and I'm just like playing with it, like and it just there's no like pressure on me to be like this needs to be like he does it or he and like I have gotten feedback of like

that is was is amazing. Do you play like musus like we just like talk and like it's really like it's it's weird. There's like more eye contact, it's like more connected. It's like it's really, um no, we are going to incorporate that. I'm gonna try. Um, I have analgene that I might be able to fit him inside. The next story, there was a guerrilla going down on another grilla at a zoo the other day in front of kids. It's pretty amazing to learn about the birds

and the beds from a guerrilla. I mean they were probably just laughing being like you it's eating, it's you know, like it's probably like it's eating it's poopoo or whatever, you know what I mean, Like, I hope kids don't know what that is. Like, I hope a kid wasn't like mom, that girl is going down giving oral like he knows way too. That's hilarious. That is fucking funny. Andrew,

thanks Nick. All right. So the next story, Britney Spears celebrates the end of her father Jamie's thirteen year conservators by going up in a plane for the first time. Can I tell you something though, what I what I think if the theory the conspiracy that they control her Instagram, if it went from her showing her tits and dancing to her now she flies a plane, like are we

gonna get it? Is the future, Britney spears is like next she's doing physics, like she's done like showing her body because brit is going to k Yeah, this girl, Britney, She's going to be like at a chalkboard, like goodwill hunting, solving some kind of equation. It's problem. Listen, you're making it sound like a woman who shows her tips also can't fly a plane. And we know that's true, so we already know that's true. I'm gonna have at that. But it is. It is interesting, like she's man, she's

every woman. I love that she's taking flying. She's I'm a little worried that I don't know that she's someone I would trust flying me around. I'm just saying I'm certain people are good at certain things. I would not have thought she was good at like math things, But my my, I guess which I think you have to be, like very good at math? But now that conservatives you know that word which I probably shouldn't have one because I can't say that word. Um, that proves that you

need one. If they just go pronounced this word, they go conservatives, I take my money. Um No. But maybe like in three months from now we go. You know what, maybe that Brittey Spears always was a pilot, like now

that it's over, so maybe we're judging her. I know a lot about our girl Britt in terms of like the book she reads, like the things she likes, and I just and I remember watching a video recently where she was like talking about and she was homeschooled, Like maybe she was really into math and like technical things, but I would I think that she's more an artistic person. And I just know that if she were my friend and we're like I just learned how to flat plane,

like will you come up there with me? Like I would not like Carlisle take me in a plane, even if carl I was like Nikki, I've been learning and Carlos smart as funk, but not in that way. I wouldn't trust me. And I had a friend who couldn't drive stick shift and like he literally couldn't he he always stalled out, even though he bought, uh, some kind of doesn't mean she's dumb one. And I also said we should all challenge ourselves to do things that are scary to us. But I also said, don't do what

things if they mean that you might die. So I'm standing by the fact that I don't want to fly with Britney Spears. I'll fly with it, but I do have to say that I was scared to scuba dive at one point, and I was going to Thailand to visit my ex boyfriend, and I was trying to be like adventurous girl and also I did I love the ocean.

That didn't interest me to learn. But I also was like that is something for like really technical people, people that are good with math, and like, yeah, at least I just assume that there's tanks, there's like a lot of like equipment, you know, and I'm just very simple, like you're dead sure, Like there's a lot of you were scared to do it too, scared um. But I saw that Paris Hilton was able to do it, and I knew that I have the same kind of brain as her, and I was like, Okay, if she's able

to do it. I can learn to. And so are you taking flying lessons? Is that what you're saying. No, I don't have an interest in flying. But if I did, and I saw that Britney could do it, I'd say I I think that maybe she. I don't know. I'm just like I. I could do fly. I bet I could fly plane, but I just wouldn't I would trust myself to fly plane with my No, I wouldn't even trust myself. I don't know what I'm saying. I could see you flying a plane and I'm proud of our girl.

You're just cuddling up in the chair sleeping. I'm like, Nikki, you gotta you're you gotta wake up. I know I planes make me too sleepy. That would fall asleep with the sounds. Just be the autopilot, and I just I can't be in that much control it gives. It gives me too. But maybe I would be good at that because I do love to drive when you know, I like being in control obviously, all right? Next story Angelina Joe Lee and the Weekend. I know fuel dating rumors

with another dinner date. No, I don't like this. I'm sorry, I've heard the weekends like not a nice guy. Yeah, I used to walk dogs in the building he lived in and he I think where did I hear that? Though, Like I'm just saying, like maybe from me from this maybe No I've heard like not, I've just like, I would not want my friend to date the weekend based on things that I don't even remember where I heard them.

So I'm gonna say I plead actually ignorance on this and that unless I have my facts straight, I'm happy for her. Well, I can tell you just being in his uh like in the lobby at the same time, the same lobby as the weekend. Now, granted this isn't I'm not allegedly I feel this way. No, I could feel like an aura of dick holeness from him, but

he could just be a serious guy. Things very serious, but you know, seriously, Yeah, he was in the lobby and they were setting up the paparazzi photos and they were waiting for the paparazzi to show up so that they could walk out, And then I walked down. I got in US magazine. Yeah, you're in that looking like Bigfoot in the background. That's a great shot. You gotta put that on your Instagram did honestly remind people that it's so funny, But um, Angelina's only I just want

her to be with someone that, you know what. She she's a badass bitch, and I know she's doing things that are only good for her right now and her family. So I actually trust that this is the right move for her. And you know, I just I thought she was older than six. But I thought she was older because she had six kids. I don't know her, however, she's been famous for so long that you think that

she's probably famous in her mid to late twenties. Now, she's been famous since she was like eighteen, probably, But I guess you know, you date someone you have six kids already, you just want to have fun. You suck the weekend on. He's thirty one. It would be kind of hot, like a little yeah, you know, freaking Mrs Robinson kind of thing. And you know what, I bet that whatever he might, whatever stories I might have heard about him in relationships with other women, he might not.

There's certain women that these kind of guys or I'm not I feel like I heard that he was just like not that kind to his girlfriend's maybe like just emotionally or something in the in different lobbies. And I don't know what I'm basing this off of, So this could be completely I could be talking about the week day. It could have been like the guy that wrote that

coming up on a Tuesday song. I could be conflating this, So just let me know that, like I don't ever go off of like Nikki Glazer said, the weekend sucks. I don't know where I'm getting this from, but let's say he does. Let's say we live in a world

where he does suck. I think that sometimes those kinds of guys can be with a woman that like Angelia and Julie and they'll treat her like a She would never know that until way down the line, when like, sometimes guys don't become the worst versions of themselves in a relationship until like I've heard about guys were like I got a girl that I know dated this guy who was like so emotionally and verbally abusive to her that I mean, I couldn't even look at this guy

in the face when I would run into him in public. And then he ended up they broke up, Thank god, she got away. He ends up dating this woman who is super famous and who I know. He puts on a pedestal and he's a he's a fucking prince. And I hear her talk about him, and it's like, that is not the same guy, and she probably won't see that version of that guy until it's until a long ways. No, not in the time that this guy took in between girls. No,

he can't. But maybe but maybe, um, but maybe he did like eighteen times Ascaska eighteen times or something on them. They could just like The Weekend wants to he's producing now the show on HBO. Yeah, I don't know. All right, let's get let's take a quick break and come back with why do I care? Sp Oh sports? Alright, it's our weekly sports moment. Oh boy, are you sitting now? I'm Nikki. Yeah, I always am. Well, get up because you're gonna get excited for this one. Okay, here's Andrew's

weekly sports moment. Oh boy, she's up, folks, She's ready. The St. Louis Cardinals. Oh yeah, what did we did? We win again? We lost last night? Sit down, Yeah, the streak is over. I can stop wearing these underwear. Then. I love how comfortable our little chairs are because it takes us like seconds to get up and we're really sunken in these things. Um. Yeah, So they lost it to Brewers seventeen games in a row, which is the longest streak from a National league since nine So we

damn well that is a huge accomplishment. God damn at those fucking Brewers. I do feel like if you're dating a man who's a big Cardinals fan, sex is gonna be better during a nice streak, you know what I mean, Like things that are gonna all gonna be be nicer when when their team's winning. I feel like, if you out there, when did they lose? What time? Last night?

Because I was with a Cardinals fan last night and the mood shifted at one point, And I wonder it's because if you looked at the phone and looked at the square, are you paying attention to the game? Were you at all invested in this? No? I was invest I'm only not invested because I'm doing this camera thing, But I um, I generally would. I was very I love a good street. Who doesn't love a streak? Everyone loves? I mean the Maggio fifty six games in a row,

he hits safely snatchat for some reason. They actually they're algorithms supports. Like they did a thing called streaks, were like every day you you talk to someone, and then if you talk like they go like two days streak. You guys have messaged each other, and it keeps people wanting to keep streaks live. So it keeps people on the app because people love streaks. Oh my god, so we're probably at like thirty what do you mean our streak of talking to each other not on Snapchat but

just in real life. I think we skipped a couple of days last year. Yeah, maybe, yeah, we were. We had some We've read some pretty good streaks though, we did. We definitely have, do you Yeah? I wonder like if if we could take a poll of like different sports. Yeah, they always stay on the super Bowl. It's like when domestic violence goes up because teams lose. Like it's like you've never heard that. Oh yeah, I mean men's attitudes

are really they're they're very much. Uh. That's why I said when Norm McDonald died, like reach out to the the middle aged white men in your life, because I haven't met one that doesn't love Norm McDonald and he's probably suffering today and thus people in his life will suffer because he's in so much pain that he might not be able to express because he's the middle aged white man, you know, like and especially like Yeah, sports,

you guys put so much. I mean some days you go out and play golf, and if you have like a little off of a day, I can sense it, Like everything in the way you close a cabinet like impacts you. But the same way that I sleep at night sometimes in fact, like I'll think about why I wasn't good, But what about a team losing? Have you ever but affected that way? No, I've never been like, uh,

one of these because you know what it is. I think like if you're raised in a city, like if I was raised here in St. Louis, would be a Cardinals guy. But I was raised two hours away from big sports teams in Florida, so I didn't. I kind of was a Heat fan, and I was kind of a Magic fan. I was a Dog fan and a little bit of a Tampa Bay Bucks fan. So you don't like rest all of it on one team, so you always have another one that might be it helps to be from that city, you know, people, Look, that's

my city. That's my city on my back kind of thing. Swifties, Uh, we we get very invested and not so much me, but the community gets very invested in like Taylor Swift winning like the kids Toy Awards and you have to vote, and if she doesn't win, they're like, like they read it like very upset on her BF and I don't. She's the only thing that I can think of that I care about as much as men care about sports, and I don't feel like if something, you know, if

she got pregnant. Honestly, I might react like the Cardinals lost the streak, because for me, that's going to make her go off on a path that I can't relate to, and it's gonna be a little bit devastating. That's gonna end my stew months from them, I know, I'll be like I I honestly I might be open to it. At Taylor there was a picture of Taylor Swift though at Lena Denham's wedding. It's just her back and her ponytail,

because like you know, she's very private. But um, I almost bought the dress that she was wearing because I follow this account that that posts every single outfit that Taylor Swift wears, there will be like a sliver of her jeans in a TikTok video that she does, and someone will find out the exact kind of gene. Like she'll be wearing an earring that you see a second of through her her hair, like a part in her hair, like a little piece of strand of hair, and they

will zoom in and find the exact airing. It's amazing what this this Instagram account does. So anyway, I before I saw the pictures of Lenda Dunham's wedding, I saw, uh that this account that tells you what Taylor was wearing said that to to Lena Dunham's winning she wore this dress and here was the link to the dress, and the dress is like seven dollars. But I was like,

I would love this dress in my life. I would keep it forever, Like yeah, it's just like looks like like I couldn't really wear it on stage, but it would be like just a nice dress to wear and dates or like just just a nice dress to have weddings of course, and like I never know what to wear to wedding, So like if Taylor was wearing its wedding it's good. So I was like about to buy it, and I go, let me just see what it looks like on her, and like because we have a similar body.

And then I looked at the picture and it was what the bridesmaids were all wearing. It wasn't like her, so it was just like it was Lena picked it out, and I love Lenda Dunham, but I'm not going to buy a dress unless Taylor as like, you know, it's bride'may dresses are you know, notoriously what the woman wearing them does not want to be wearing and just has

to because it's the bride's choice. It is interesting, like anything Taylor wears like that company, we'll have a spike in sales and be like, why is my dog bone necklace selling? You know what I mean? I mean we I don't know the same fashion senses are really like I don't love a lot of the things she wears

just because she's in a different air. I'm like more in her lover I want to wear everything she wore during her lover era, and now she's in a more folklore like she's in love, so she's not doesn't need to be like sexual as much. I think maybe that's my projection of it, but um, yeah, like I would.

I bought a necklace in an eighth grade. I asked for Christmas a necklace that I saw an Entertainment Weekly magazine that Jennifer Anderson was wearing in a picture with Brad Pitt and George Clooney that she was at a m at a runway show and my and back then, it would just say like the designer name, and then the cost. It would be like you know, business Jewels, sixty five dollars, and I remember we're being like, Mom,

I want that for Christmas. My mom found the company called it and like ordered it like on this, and I got the same necklace as Jenniferranston that's in this picture. And I don't know what happened to it, but I loved it for so long, and so I've always been I'm literally wearing I mean, this is pre all this ship that came out against Shila buff but you're wearing shoes that you saw Jean. I go, what are those nikes?

And they were all white? And then I found either and I got ni, yeah you just know that person is cool or yeah, yeah, he's not a woman kicker. So those shoes are you know they're flush free. Let's get to fan trax Jesus Christ Tope love it. Oh my god, I just saw that I got the song sent to me, the finished song. Oh. Very excited. Let's get the fan tracks though. Let's get to our first voice moment whatever it is. Okay, So our first message is from Lauren, who lives in St. Louis my sister.

Uh different Lauren, she don't even have your numb I haven't heard from Lauren in so long. I very excited. Hey, Nikki, Andrew, and Noah, this is Lauren from St. Louis, huge bestie here, UM, calling in for a myriad of reasons today, so please bear with me. First is I just wanted to say thank you, um, thank you three for the unique perspective that you bring to this world. You brighten my day,

you make me laugh, you make me think about things differently. UM. I've recently been going back and listening to old episodes since I'm all caught up, UM, and I'm absolutely obsessed with each of you, and equally so thank you. Second, I was at the show this weekend. You absolutely killed it, Nikki and Andrew, so amazing job. It was my first show seeing both of you, so I was really grateful for that, and till has been raving about you. And

then thirdly, so funny little story. Um, I sat next to your second grade teacher at the show so quickly realized that and was jotting down notes of different things she was telling me about you, um, which I'm a huge fan, so I was seeking out majorly and was planning to tell you everything she shared with me, But as we both know, she stood up during the show

and shared it with the entire crew podcast. Yes, it reminds me of something that you said a very long time ago, which was the audience will remember the beginning, the end and whatever made them uncomfortable. Hears to that and don't be guys, Lauren, thank you so much for going to the show. I mean, she is I mean, can we can you believe we have fans that are that sweet? Can hang out with Lauren? Can we be friends? Let's be friends? Dude? That is so freaking nice. Um.

Mrs Erdmann was there. My second grade teacher did interrupt the show and I was talking about like I was a dork in high school, Like I know you guys all think I'm like some like slut that like got around and this is Erdmann. All of a sudden goes, I know I was your teacher, and I was like, who what teacher? She was like your second grade teacher, and I was like, and I couldn't remember her name.

I knew it started with an E. And also she got married and changed her name like halfway through, and I thought, honestly, she did not look anything like the woman I remember. Um, And she said that, I go, did you remember me or did you like actually, like, because it's that was that was a long time ago. Do you really remember You've been teaching this whole time?

Like it's funny that she like found a way to get She said, um, that I was very shy, and that that we had to do a poetry slam or something, and that I asked my mom if she could write it for me, and my mom called the school to talk to her. Anyway. She had a lot to say, but she was just taking a long time to say it.

So it was I honestly, it was a little uncomfortable at times because she was like I was, I wanted to know what she remembered about me, because I don't even remember anything about me back then, And I was just like, let's just get her backstage so like she can tell me afterwards. And um, I wasn't able to talk to her after the show, but I did connect with her on Instagram and I'm going to have her on the show to ask her a couple of questions about what I was like, because I go, did you

really remember me? Or are you just now remembering me because you know that like I'm famous, and so you like are making false memories to be like, oh I remember her and have all these stories like was I actually make an imprint on you then? Because I just thought it was like a nothing, like you have a different name and I don't recognize you know, she definitely was my teacher. It was really cool. Um, let's get to the next story. Thank you so much Lauren for

going to the show and saying such nice things. Next voice message is from making it. Come to the show in Atlanta on Saturday. Yeah, we have a show in Atlanta that tickets are still available for a second show, So if you know anyone in Atlanta, send them to our show ten thirty at the some place in Atlanta. Niki Layer at com Theater. Okay, here's Megan. You're like, all right, Hi, Nikki, Andrew Noah. My name is Megan.

I'm twenty four. I'm from Seattle. I'm pretty new to this podcast, but I became obsessed right away because I listened to a ton of podcasts, and this one I relate to more than any other podcast I've listened to, and you guys are obviously hilarious. I really wanted to come on here and be the person who was like, I've been listening from the very beginning, blah blah blah.

But I honestly think I found you in the exact perfect time in my life, because I've always had kind of a drinking problem, and I think I wouldn't have been ready or have wanted to hear some of the things that you've said about so bri d. But in recent months, I've come to the realization that I need to change something or quit and I just did not know how. And when I started listening to the podcast, I felt like you talked about how amazing sobriety is.

And when you brought up the Alan carbook, I ordered it Amazon overnight delivery and I read it in one day and I'm two weeks sober now, and I just feel like happy and free and I don't know if that urged should drink and um yeah, and I'm just super thankful. Thank you for everything you do. UM, I love you guys, Megan, thank you so much for sharing that.

I know that that voice message is going to like reach someone who needs it, and like you just did a great service by like by calling and doing that, Like that wasn't just for us, but that I know one her, at least one person is going to hear that and be like that girl like sounds like she was really dependent on drinking and probably never wanted to quit, and yet she is feeling happy and free and she

read that book. Maybe I can do it. Um, thank you for everything you said, especially the part about like you're you felt a little weird about being late to the show, but now like sometimes you're not ready to hear like you know, I I am reluctant to go, oh, get this book. Drinking is being sobers great spreading that message, because that can really deter someone because I used to never want to. I knew that stuff was out there. I knew the answer was out there, but I didn't

want to hear it because I just wasn't ready. And sometimes you're not ready. I've said before, like you'll you'll never want to quit drinking. It's always like, especially if you love drinking so much, it's it's always going to be a struggle. But sometimes you're you want to be open to the idea of a life without it. And I think that's where you came in with that openness,

and maybe you weren't there before. And thank you for trusting and for ordering that book and for like spending money on this wild idea that you could read a book and not want to do this thing that you reallyize so much on because it really does work. And yeah, I'm just like, so I'm so happy for you to

be free of that of drinking. And it's there's a lot of stuff ahead for you because as someone who's coming up on ten years in December, like it both gets easier and harder, but harder in ways that you can now manage much easier because you're not drunk. And so um, just if you ever need a boost of encouragement or those voices start creeping up again that you know tell you that oh it's normal, it's I can just have one all those things. Maybe that is true

for them, or maybe it's true for you. I don't know, but um, listen back to your message that you left us, like, I hope that you save this this UM podcast because you're in a place right now that you can stay in if you want. And I just needed to hear that too, because when I just recently stopped smoking pot, and there have been times recently. I ran into a freshly packed bowl in my desk the other day and it smelled good, and I was anxious, and I was like,

it would be so easy. This is almost a sign from God that I should. And then I was like, just remember how good it feels, like all the times that you felt so good that you're not doing it all the benefits, And I thought about that page I wrote down in my journal of all the bad things about pot, and like the things that pot takes away from my life so much that my hand was hurting, and I never even got to the list of good

things that Pott did. And I was just like, you didn't, yeah, well that that those pages and I didn't even to go back and see them, the fact that they existed, and I knew that at one point I was able to make two or three pages of listing of things that pot is bad for made me close that drawer. I didn't throw it away, so it's and don't write to me and say, Nikki, go throw that away. Listen. I almost like having like the opportunity to do it

and choosing not to. And I could go back and do it if I want to, Like, relapse is a part of recovery, um, But for today, I know that like I've done the work to remind myself of all the things that takes from me. And I hope that you return to that voice memo and I hope that's your version of like the the journal, anything you like to add, and I think you you nailed it all. I just think, thanks for being honest and thanks for listening and and I don't know, it's just very touching.

Like I literally, if I wasn't wearing any sunglasses, you would probably see a little bit of crust I'm sleeping that you didn't wipe out. No, that's sweet, and like, no, it means a lot. I know, I got chills all over my body and I have to go shave my legs again because I just grew some hair from from that voice memo. No, let's take us into final thought. Do we have one more? Yeah? All right, here's a

message from Chloe. Hey, I love the podcast. Um, I just realized something really embarrassing and I thought you guys

would appreciate it. Um. So, I just recently like started dating someone and like they just spent the weekend at my place for the first time, and I was recently catching up on run the weekend getting too I Do, and left it out on my desk, and he definitely saw it, Like he definitely went to put his stuff down on the desk and saw a book that says getting to I Do with a huge fucking like Yeah, so I'm kind of mortified. I don't know, it's just

really cringe really, I don't know. Okay, make me feel better, Chloe, you didn't do anything wrong. The book cover sucks. Um. Also, just the more comfort, like if this guy stops hanging out with you wasn't meant to be, Like anyone who sees that book, it's definitely like, definitely kind of scary for certain guys. You can just say, I think you've seen a book on my desk and I'm mortified that

you saw it. Let me just tell you, I listened to this podcast and this girl is always talking about this book about like that's taught her how to really respect herself. But the title is embarrassing, and she always told me to get a book cover and I just hadn't gotten around to it. I'm really reading this book because I'm learning to love myself. I promise you this is not I'm not one of these women in a Nora Ephron film who's trying to like trick a man

into loving me. I'm having a great time with you. And also maybe I don't know know it. Maybe don't say fucking anything and just be, uh, what do you think? I think? Just let it be, and if it comes up in the future, then say exactly what Nikki said or maybe even more depending how open you you guys are. Book should have a chapter about if a man sees you reading this book, what to say. She should buy another book that has a tight like I just want to blow you all the time and never commit. That

should be the fake cover. It comes with, Oh my god, I'm dating lots of men and I'm a prize and I don't need any one man in my life and you need to prove your worth before you fuck me. That's what it says. That's a scarier book titled than getting Do I do? Let me, Let me guarantee you it is not men. If you value yourself and say I don't fun guys that aren't like really special, they'll try if they want to fuck you, they'll get really

special and they'll be like, wow, I want to. We always want the thing that will make us feel like we're special. So if you value yourself and like think of yourself as a prize, that guy is gonna want to do what he can to earn you, just like you're gonna do what you can to earn him, which is read a book about how to trick him into loving you. I mean, I think it's a pretty quick test to figure out who you're getting, you know, who

you're ending up with, You know what I mean? Like, how great of a test to be, like, oh, here's a book out if you run, fuck you If you're stay okay, that's a great sign to keep going. You know, Well, what did you feel when you found out that Brenna read Why Men Love Bitches? Um? I thought that Uh, I didn't even look into it. I didn't even think about it exactly. So maybe maybe you were. You know, maybe you're doing research about books, dating books that women

read like he doesn't. He can, he doesn't need to know, and just keep following the book and it'll all work out despite anything that you may leave out. He's not going to think, oh, that behavior must have been chapter four. And if he does, that's like, oh, he has like weirdos and I bet his friends will be like, dude, you gotta fucking run. But like, if you keep following the stuff in the book, he can't. He will not

be able to help himself. He'll still want you, despite all of that, to lean into it and buy thirty more books. Put him in every room, lean into it. And it's really a If anything, this is more of a reason to get a kindle or a do a digital copy of this book. But I love that man, Thank you so much for reading these books. What I couldn't find her? Did you hear that? Noah, No, I didn't, it's not coming through. No. Siri just said sorry, I

couldn't find hurricane in your music. But if I misspelled it, please let me know. I wait, did you said hurricane? Seen Unforgivable, that classic YouTube video the black GUYE in the woods and it's like black and white and he's like, what's the small and I was like, bitch, give me a shoulder. I watched it last night. Is so funny. Everyone go watch Unforgivable. It's a classic YouTube video and it's very aggressive, but it's it's a guy playing a funny character. And it was like one of the most

It was one of the first viral videos. And I read the whole history of it last night. I went down a worm hole. Anyway, we gotta go. Don't be um. Oh day