#102 Where'd You Go To High School?

good stuff to show you. We're gonna go over that video that is UM that we talked about yesterday that I discovered over the weekend that I think should be you know, mandatory viewing for the world. To make the world a better place, sometimes you need to be reminded that, um, that you need to go the extra mile to or just like step out of your comfort zone to help others, and that helping others feel so damn good. That was

like the biggest realization to me. And getting into kind of recovery uh language and like learning stuff and in those kind of from those people that have been you know, twelve step eat type stuff, is that when you do good for others and step outside yourself. It makes you feel better and less depressed and less anxious. And I

just that always just seemed like something to me. That's like people just say that so it encourages people to do more good, but it really does because it's not so much about the act of doing good and being like, oh, I'm such a good person, I feel better. It's more just it makes you forget that you're this your It makes you forget about your worries. So it's it's hard to remember though, man, when you're having a bad day or really in your own stuff of like my life

is just falling apart. It's hard to pick up the phone or pick up some trash, or pick up dogshit that your dog didn't make, or just do something that is completely selfless. Um. But there's nothing worse. I really hate picking up cold dogshit worse than warm dogshit, because sometimes I do do that? Do do I do do that?

Where uh you know, Luigi will poop. I'll forget a bag, there's no leaves around, there's no um, you know, sometimes I just throw a mulch on it and then cover it in mulch and then pick it up with the like a big scoop of mults, so I don't touch it. But there's nothing like that. So the other day I didn't like he was a stick and I only got half of it, and I was like, I had to leave half his ship there, and I was like, Okay,

so tomorrow I'm gonna pick up someone else's ship. And boy, that's just not as much as warm gooey ship is gross. I've always said it. It's a little handwarmer, and I don't mind it. I just don't mind it. And I really don't like picking up like hardened old dog poop like I even though that's like should be preferable and aren't. Rocks are a lot of like rocks dinosaur poop or something like that. I always remember being like you, it's

it's dino poop. UM. Always remember Laura Dern and Jurassic Park, like digging in that big pile of ship, being like she's sick or whatever. I don't know, Um, No, have you seen Jurassic Park. I have seen Jurassic Park a while ago. Did you like it? I mean, as a kid, I liked it. I don't know if I could suspend this belief as an adult m M. Yeah, I think you could, because that's the whole point of it is that they like walk you through the science of like how it could be. You know, it's not just like

it's it's I feel like it. It presents a scenario where you're like, I guess that could happen. Um what I was just I guess it came on nineties three. I want to say I'm pretty good about dates of the nineties, and I bet you're right about it. I was just like blown away by the meg like how visually impressive it was. I remember the scene where Laura Dern and they're seeing the dinosaurs for the first time and they're in that like you know, door lest jeep

or whatever. Why I'm I don't know how you do this. It is exactly should do more nineties early two thousands trivia songs, any pop culture and I'll like, I'll get you real close. Uh. I think that when I know of just because it was like, were such a huge deal cinematically or like, and I was a big I like loved movies back in the day. I was voted most likely to be Sisko and Ebert by my eighth grade superlative and I was like, which one you know? Um,

but I guess just both. But I just remember being like, I don't know. Movies used to like stay with me, dude, Like they used to just for days. I would just go to bed and I would daydream about like how magnificent it was, and I couldn't wait for it to come out on VHS and I would. I was moved

by Jurassic Park line can oh. But the scene and in Dressed Park that stays with me more than any um is the Braunosaurus is feeding and when they see them first and they like go and they lift up on their hind legs to like get the top of the tree. I think I liked that scene because I knew nothing bad was gonna happen because the music is like no, it was just like safe music where you're like, okay, I'm music. And whenever you're like worried in a movie,

it's because the music it's not about anything else. Generally, like music really gets you. I didn't even know. I don't notice it so much of the time because they it's so deliberately but like you know, subconsciously tells you how to feel so much of the time. Um, but yeah, I was like I was just blown away. And you know, she gets out of the car and she like takes off her sunglasses like slowly, and it's just like that's like one of my favorite scenes when she takes off

her sunglasses in amazement. That's how I felt watching that scene and I was obsessed. I was just like I can't believe, like it looks so real. It still holds up too. Like that's the thing about dress of Marker. That's cool. The c G I like, actually would I

think would be pretty impressive even now. Um and then the Lion King, I just like all again, the magnitude of the animals, Like I remember the like the um what was the big there was some big stomping animal and Simba's like dodging it as he's singing, and I just was like, oh my god, they're so big, Like I don't know, there's something about big things that really blew my mind. I was obsessed with blue Whales and nine eleven, like the magnitude of nine eleven, like the

bigness of nine eleven. Like I was listening to Sam Harris podcast about it, like Andrew doesn't know anything about like not that he doesn't know anything about nine eleven, but he doesn't, Like, I just don't understand people that aren't like obsessed with nine eleven, Like it is the most insane thing that has ever happened. We didn't even we've never seen a seven forty seven crash before, like into something. There's no like footage of that ever. That's

why everyone thought it was like a cessna. No one had seen a passenger jet flying into something. And and the importance really of the second jet was like, that's when we knew. The second plane was when everything really fucking went off the rails, because that's when it was a deliberate thing. Most everyone else thought it was like an accident at first. That's why no one. Everyone goes, why didn't they evacuate the you know, um whatever tower

was hit second? I don't know, like I know so many things about nine eleven, except, um, the tower directions because I'm bad with directions. But the second tower, that the second tower to be hit, none of those people evacuated, Like so many didn't evacuate because they just thought it was an accident. And Andrew last night was like, why

wouldn't you evacuate? It's like because Why would you think you're gonna, like just because your twin gets hit by a car, Why would you think that you're going to get hit by a car accidentally? You know, that's that's the same kind of logic. And I think in in hindsights, so much of us can be like I would have done this. It's like you don't know what you would do.

You don't know what you would do. Grief is fascinating and I've been really lucky to not have like a lot of loss in my life, but you know, we all will. And it's interesting. There was a psychologist or psychiatrist or something that was talking about how when a family loses someone and they all um they all have

to help each other. There's a mountain of grief and they all are at the top and it's like there's a blizzard and they are out of food and they all have to like get down the mountain in their own way. They can't really help each other like they

have to. If you help someone else, you're not going to help yourself, Like you you might help someone oh across this travase or crevass, whatever word is that's up on the mountain, But then you're still on the other side of it, and maybe you've helped them, but you're not.

Everyone's on their own kind of and that's why you got to get outside help that people aren't grieving, but then someone's so This woman that did the article presented that kind of analogy to another person that works a lot in grief, and she said, what do you think about this mountain analogy that everyone has to get down

on their own? And she said where everyone gets down on their own time, you know, and the woman goes, that's uh, you know, that's not true because the truth of the matter is many people don't make it down the mountain, like some people just die of grief, like

it stays with them forever. And it made me so sad, and it made me think about that um video I watched the other day of the dog crying because it's dead dog friend was there and it would like I didn't like animals grieving, and then reading about how if you if you put down an animal, you should bring it back home for your other animals to see so that they understand that it's gone and that it's not just like hiding, because there was this Reddit threat of

this dog crying about a dead dog, and I thought I talked about in the podcast, but I just realized I was talking about with friends and on in the comments, they were like, you know, animals need to see what the animals going through in this video is like necessary because otherwise they just don't know what happened to the

animal and they don't understand it died. They need to like see the body and as you know, as uh impossible as that might be sometimes to like bring a dead animal home, Like there's something like there were stories that people were sharing of like my dog I couldn't even walk, you know, at the end of its life, but it was still like crawling around looking for the dog. It's dog front that you know that we had to put down five years before. It like never gave up looking.

It was like, oh my god. Um yeah, So I don't know, man, I've had a couple of losses in my life that were like, uh that I just didn't want to feel because I was just like, it's just I don't deserve to feel it. It's I didn't know that person well enough. Um, that would be ridiculous to cry that art over someone. But you know, when the feelings come up now I just put on a good sad song and work through them. Like we talked about yesterday, getting high off your own supply. No, you really. You

reached out to me later. You liked that. Um, you said to me, I couldn't relate to it. You couldn't relate to it. Tell me about that. So I'm not a feeling. I'm not a person who doesn't feel my feelings. I just don't talk about them, so I don't know what it's like to not feel them. And I was I was very curious about that, and I was curious to learn more about how. You know, I guess how you go through it. Now, Yeah, I don't even know because it's almost like I don't know what they feel like.

Because that's trying to like a blind person trying to explain color, like I don't know what I'm not doing, Like I don't know what I'm not feeling, Like I know what sadness is, and I know what um like

heartbreak or guilt or um. I know the feeling of wanting something I can't have or being sorry for myself, but those are always overcome by You're by the feeling of shame of like you shouldn't be feeling this way, so like you know when people tell me that they cry, So, how do you, like, how do you feel your feelings if you don't, um talk about them? How do you feel them? Like? What does it look like for you? Let's say if you're sad or like feeling Yeah, let's

say sad. If I'm sad, I just uh, I mean, I just kind of go through it. If if I need to cry, I'll cry. Now you cry alone? Or do you need to like talk to someone about it? Like what, well, it'll just come out. Yeah. I um, I'm trying to get better at talking about it because I know that it could help, But I usually just try to go through it alone. Do you go with like a room alone? Do you go in the bathroom? Do you go in the shower? Like? What does it look like when you go cry alone? In your car?

Car is a good place. Bathroom is a good place. As a kid, I used to cry in the bathroom a lot just because it wasn't just have private See do you cry like in silence? Do you need a song to get you there? Like? I really do feel like I need you just like think about it. You just think about the thing that's making you sad and like go into it. Yeah. I think like the most recent example was I, you know, just like mourning the

loss of my of my dog. So I'll just okay, you know, like, um, I used to just say, all right, well it's time to move on. Just don't don't allow yourself to cry. Just stop looking at the pictures, like avoid looking at the pictures. But I won't avoid it now. I'll just look at them. And if I get that gulp and it's like okay, I'm about to cry, I just do it. Yeah yeah, no, I Um, I can

do that. Sometimes I don't know. I think I have to like talk about it, and I can't talk to alone, so um, it always has to be with someone to talk about it. That will get me to cry. But then as soon as I start getting verklemped, uh, I feel bad that the person has to like witness this and like suddenly come to my rescue or like get they like they they're like, oh my god, she's crying. Oh what do I do? Like there's like some kind of panic in them of either I don't want to

be here. I mean I've talked about this before. Either they don't want to be there or they like have to now stay longer and comfort me, and I just don't want anyone to do. It's like, you know, like looking at someone on stage, they have to laugh, and I just don't want to earn people's sympathy by you know, I feel like it's a trick to get love and

like or to get attention. Like I feel like even though it's not a trick, it's like that's a sign that you need extra care from your friends and loved ones. Like what's wrong with that? I don't know, because I don't want to be a burden, even if it's a

close friend. And in that conversation, they're very welcoming of you, just saying or doing whatever you need to do to feel better, you know, like do you remember what I mean to me and you cried for a reason that we won't say, Did that help you feel better going through that sadness? And just yes, yes, I think that. Yeah.

It's like it always feels better afterwards. It feels like you know, after you calm, like it's just like for me at least after I just feel like, oh I can go to sleep now, and like, yeah, you you get over it. But like, you know, that was God. That was That was when I was in Cayman, right, Oh my god. Yeah. And I and before I reached out to you, I tried to talk to Andrew. Andrew really wasn't having it. He just couldn't. I think he started biting his nails like as I was getting anxious,

and I was like, I can't. He doesn't want to be here for this. And then I tried to call Robin and because she was more privy to the situation that was um happening around that and she was busy, and then I was just like, Noah's always there for me. She is like such a calming force. I know that she'll I haven't felt too much of a burden to her lately. So I called you, and uh, yeah, that was really helpful and I didn't feel bad, you know.

But like in Tuloom when I was having when we were all about to go to dinner on our last night and I was just having a bad moment and I needed to cry. Everyone like came to my room, but everyone was like hungry, want to go to dinner. Everyone's like dressed up and cute, and I'm just like, like it just felt like, God, shut up, everyone wants to go, but I just kind of didn't care because it was so painful that I was so selfish, you know,

like sometimes my pain makes me selfish that I don't care. UM. So, so I'm wondering in this new um getting high off your own supply, are you going to try to go through those feelings without calling someone and testing to see

if you could do it on your own? Yes? Yeah, Like yesterday I was driving to my sister's house to go get my dogs and the air conditioning on from my mom's car was like sometimes wind makes my eyes water, and it was like it was like, um, it was like lube, you know, like a synthetic um, a synthetic thing you bring into the bedroom too, you know, to uh what's it called emulate um too, to be to

be like what your wetness should be. So you feel like that can't make me wet, But sometimes lube does make you wet because it's like, oh, it shows me what that feels like in my eyes or in my vagina to be wet, and then it reminds me of vagina, like oh, make more of this. So it's not even porn.

It's like it's actually bringing something synthetic and to cause the tears, And honestly, that gets me there because I'll be like, I'm already crying, and then I put on a sad song and then I just like cried and I didn't even know what I was crying about. I was just like there were just feelings coming up, and I just like, I just I faked it. I tried to fake crying until it would happen and a little bit came out. But then I was like, oh no, if I show up there and like my eyes are teary,

my mom's gonna be like, what's what? What are you crying about? And I'll go, oh, I'm just sad because I'm going through like like someone in my life disappointed me, and I had a hope about this person and now I feel like the hope is gone and I'm just sad about a boy. And she'll be like, oh God, this is just I don't like. She won't be like you're ridiculous for feeling sad. She'll just be like ah, and then they won't ask me about it, and I'll just feel like mad that they didn't ask me about it.

You know that kind of thing, So I just wanted to clear up my face. I didn't want my face to be puffy and red for to be in front of my parents, not because they would have shamed me about it, but because they wouldn't have done what I wanted, which is like asked me about it and like talk about it um, because it just makes them too uncomfortable

for me to have feelings. And I think that's probably why I get nervous when people get anxious when I cried, because my parents probably didn't know what to do with me when I cried, because it just seems like what the fund do you do? And then it was so cute because Poppy was crying. My my niece. We went over there and she was doing this thing where she was holding onto the side of the couch and just

jumping up and down like it was a trampoline. But she jumped too far and she went over and her head like fell on the bed the table next to the couch, and then she toppled over and knocked over lamp. She was totally safe, but it's it's our reaction scared her.

And then you know, my mom's just like, don't that's why you don't jump on the couch Toppy, you don't jump, And I was just like, and then she came over to me because I was just like everyone was just she was getting upset because she was embarrassed, but she didn't know how to really. She was having so much fun and then she was embarrassed because it just got out of hand, you know, like she tripped almost and that feeling of like being sad because you're soul embarrassed.

And then she came over to me because I was just kind of like not saying anything and just going like and she came over to me, and I go, I bump my head so many times on things. It's just you're trying to have fun and then you bump your head and she just like fell in my arms and like just like wanted to lay there because I

wasn't pitying her. I was just like relating and I was like, it sucks, oh no, and it was just it's nice to give that back, the thing that I want so badly, and and maybe Poppy will be there for me someday when I need to cry, because she's learned from me and from my sister, who's said beautiful examples of never making their kids feel bad about anything. They cry about, um, which I don't know where they got that from. Um, let's bring in uh someone. I'm

not comfortable crying in front of Andrew. Hey, Andrew, good morning. Hey. Um Uh, we got a package from a fan. I don't know how they got our address we got Yeah, I thought it might be well. I opened it up because I thought it was UM. It wasn't labeled like sometimes when I get a package that has no or an obscure return address that just seems like a shipping center. I think it's a sex toy because everything is shipped

discreetly from these companies. Yeah, and I have a lot of stuff coming from Nikki's going to get the package. She's coming back. She's sitting back down. I just got a bunch of so. I made an order on Blessa, which is this company that has given me a lot of free stuff in the past. Um and Blessa is uh. They call themselves the Netflix of porn, but it's all like female produced porn, and I love it. I do

um a scription subscription to their site. But they also have a sex store or like sex toy shop, and they've they've reached out to me. I've done their podcast called Balls Deep, which is so funny. These two girls hilarious comics host it. Um. But anyway, they've given me so much free stuff over the years, and I've done a poor job of promoting them. So the other day I placed an order and I knew that they would give me it for free, but I just was like,

they deserve my money. So I spent like four dollars on new stuff, and this bitch that runs the company and I say that with love wrote me and goes, no, no, no, your money is not good here. Like she saw the order come through and was like no, so she sent me it all for free. Was so nice. So UM shout out to Blessa And there I'm the packaging. It looks like I thought it was. I was like, looking at that, I was like, that's how I wrapped presents

on Hanukkah. So yeah, card the box arrived. This is from one of our besties actually, and I just wanted to share it with you. They sent um. This is a pot holder that they sent Okay, and it says there's a quote on it says what does it say? Andrew? You could pull the rack out and make it easier. This is based on the pizza incident with me and Andrew. It says on it, you could pull the rack out and make it easier. And the eyes are dotted with hearts.

Love it. And then we got another pot holder that says, I'll get I'll get it. We should hold these up like a game, you know, yes, And then we got Um. I got an air freshener that says is, uh, do it yourself air freshener, add your favorite perfume, cologne, or essential oils. And it has um picture of Taylor Swift on it. And then on the other side it's the picture of Marion that looks exactly like the Taylor Swift picture. And then look at all these shirts she made me.

She made me Taylor Swift shirts. This is one of the poster I have in my bedroom. Um did another one Tyday Pink. There's another one of her on the Red Tour Um, and then another one. I mean, I'm gonna wear these all on the podcast when we have the video up. Another one of her, uh the Lover concert that she did. She made a kid shirt. Kid. There's a shirt that says kid on it, and then a tank top that says kid on it or no,

this one is good. She did a Simone Biles quitting quitting, and it says it's Simone Biles looking serious and like over it. It says quitting when you have the courage to put your needs over your ego and though situation and then um and then another on Taylor Swift mug that she got me. I mean or he or she or they let me read the note. It says, thank you so much for Nick First, thank you so much everything you do. I've been a bestie since you up You are part of my morning ritual and I listened

to you while I get ready for work. When you up ended, I was truly devastated and missed you so much. I'm so glad you're back. You were more than a podcast to me, and I think you were just perfectly imperfect, and I wouldn't want you any other way. Sometimes I write you one I g knowing you won't even see it, but it's more of a diary for me. I love that. Screw all the haters. You should be proud of who you are because we are never stop being you. Please

good days, bad days, I want it all. I'm sorry. I didn't know your size, so there's a variation in here. But hey, everyone needs some big PJ shirts, right L O L your favorite Bessie Sky Taylor Douglas. Thank you so much, Sky Taylor Douglas for these amazing present. Yeah like that, I really love. Yeah, you're Andrew Todd Colin. I hate the name. I was almost named Todd, and Todd's of definitely chat name. Yeah, it's not good. I met one guy from the mid West Toddler. Maybe it

would fit you. Then there's such a Todd will call me by my full name if you're gonna say, uh, Andrew Toddler Colin. Is so funny that you were you were named after Toddler. Fourth there. I met a guy from the Midwest one time. He goes, because your middle names Tad, I'm Tad. I'm like, no, it's Todd. Yeah, I'm Tad. So they say Tad. Yeah, we we say Highway Farty, Far Highway Farty. That's like the St. Louis thing. There's two St. Louis things. Okay, what is it? Where'd

you go to high school? Let's go through these high schools and what does it mean? Like top three high schools in St. Louis And what does it mean about you? And which one did you go to? Kirkwood That means, man, um, you you your parents are probably liberal and you're not religious and probably don't have you're not extremely wealthy, but you could be. You could like the upper middle class if you're a white person that went to Kirkland. I like rich people that send their kids to they're going

to learn the real world. Yeah right, I mean I loved Thank god I didn't go to a private school. Um, I'm who knows I would have had a good experience anymore. It's the number one school you could say you're from that you went to in St. Louis where everyone's like, um for girls like Villa viz M I c d S. That's like you, uh, your parents have a lot of money because it costs a lot of money to go there.

I guess, you know, I guess it's I guess it's a thing a conversation because people stay and say it's like a big city that I don't understand why everyone doesn't do that, because for me, I always thought it was about do you know people I know? Like, who do we both know in common? Because obviously you know people you went to high school with, and we it's very segregated by high school, like you don't hang out with people at other high schools like I live. I lived.

There's people in meeting now who lived locks away from me, but I would have never known them because they went to private school and I went to public school. We didn't co mingle. Maybe a lot of people moved back to St. Louis or just don't leave St. Louis. It's like if I stayed in my small town of Virea would be like, did you go to the public school or to private school? But no, don't do that million

if you stay there. If I've been too small, I've been to towns and people don't whenever I go like, oh, if I meet two people and they're both from Charlotte. Let's say we're in New York and I go, they go, oh my god, cool, and they don't ask what high school?

Like why don't you ask what high school? You both that if we were in our land at this guy went to first Academy and we played against him in football and you're yellow and blue and he's like, I am yellow and blue, and that guy's gonna love me forever. I don't even know why I asked, though, because I don't know anyone from other high schools. But the joke is that's what St. Louis is. At St. Louis, AND's asked is where you go to high school. But what it really is about is how much money did your

parents make? Like what that's that's really what you're asking with that question, which is disgusting. But St. Louis is very elitist, very like what kind of car do you just say them yeah, like but more subtle, Yeah, what kind of car did your parents buy you when you turn sixteen? And like mine was a Mercedes NI Mercedes was awesome, so funny if you lead with Mercedes, everyone's like, what a spoiled bitch, and then you keep going. It's like and it would go like it was every time,

and we called it the old Bastard. Kristen named it that. She was like, it's the old best. If your dad doing getting diesel, if he's Mr. Recycle, I mean it was just an old car that week. I don't know how my dad got a deal on it or something. I don't know, a diesel on it, and uh yeah, So that's and then the other St. Louis thing, as I was saying, is that we say like farty far and like, uh yeah, park your car on farty far, Like it's like tad tad. Yeah right, I gotta explorer

for my first car, brand new Sport. But my stepmother drove it. They bought it like two months before I could drive. So every day I was on the bus and literally almost every morning I saw I was like this and I'm so spoiled. Did yeah brand new, but she got I mean she got it first, and uh every day I know, I was just you know, there were kids driving BMW. I mean that you were Yeah,

that was not that impressive. I mean we were my dad was a doctor, but we were in my school literally is like millions and billionaires, like billionaires, like they drive being like so, I was just like, did you wear uniforms? We had to wear a tie and button down. Were you it was a co ed? Did you have girls too? Yes? I like I like the idea of

a uniform. Noah, did you ever feel I know that you were kind of like, uh like not into high school and wanted to just get through it, and but like I felt overwhelmed by wearing the coolest thing looking like the girl is that parents had money, like having Abercrombie and like, you know, I remember a shirt for thirty six dollars was like so much fucking money to spend on a dumb Ambercrombie shirt. But like, I always wanted uniforms so that we all just not have to

deal with that. And it was based on your hair, which I was also failing out. It looked like the Quaker oats guy. Know what what what you're feeling on uniforms? Uh? No? I mean like I um, I think in high school is when I started to like dress a little bit better because I told you that, Um, all of my clothes until high school we're basically like hand me downs from my cousins who were very well endowed in the

chest area and I was not. So in high school I got to like dress up like a little bit freaky, like what like what it was your like favorite outfit? I had these um rocket dog flip flops that had like a black no, it was like black like fuzzy, um like shiny. Uh I don't know what it's called strap. And I used to uh. I used to go to the village and get like chains and like the spike bracelets and stuff. Yeah, okay, so you were a little

bit like alternative Gothy. Yeah I wasn't Gothy. I was just I don't know, like freak, a freak or trying. I never wanted to get any attention for any I didn't want anyone to be like, what is she like? I hated getting attention for my outfit. I wanted to blend too, but my mom would buy my clothes and like I had a tide. I was like had heart, like a heart on I don't know she like she dressed me how she I never picked out like I was. I'd wear whatever, Like I really didn't you would think

wearing a tie every day. I just wanted to match, I guess, yeah, but I never even thought about what I was wearing. I wish I could go back to high school. I would just wear because in fifth grade, before I cared what people thought, I wore like shirts that said save the rainforest and like had animals on them. I loved animals. I had one shirt that had different kinds of bird poop all over it because I thought

it was funny. And like, I just liked like things that said saved the world, and like had I just liked animals, so I put animals on my shirt and it's like I I then you start. Then Leslie Lambers tells you one day you were that shirt like every day and I didn't. I just wore rainforest stick out. If you wore a bird ship poop, so even if you wore once every two weeks. Yeah, she was just like, you seriously wear that shirt every day, and I was

like I kind of did. Like I remembered how that you know the tree frog that every that symbolized save the rainforest. It has those like big eyes and it's kind of like on a leaf and m yeah. And now, like all I want to wear is things that I like, so it attracts other people who So if I wear a Taylor Swift shirt, I get to talk to the the lady at Schnooks who was a little autistic, who was like, I like Taylor Swift, and then I get to talk. I get to have interactions with other people

that like the things I like. Well, I mean, maybe bring back the rainforest stuff. I remember in like third grade, before I went to private school, I was in public school, and I they'll remember this photo I had a sleeveless shirt with a cool shark and an orange like very loud fun clothes. I was smiling year to year. And then I went to private school. My parents got divorced, and I just didn't I just started wearing dark clothes. You just lose so much of what you care about.

That's why I loved when we were talking about pleasures yesterday, like those things are so embarrassing to have that are different than the other people in your age group, like me liking Taylors with now is different than most thirty seven year old women. There's a lot of meat out there, but they're not I don't come across them often. But if I if I cared about something that was that not acceptable at that age, I would have kept it inside. And so now it's so nice to just be like yeah, iking,

like I'm trying to get back there. I bought these Haynes sweaters on Amazon. D're nine dollars. I bought them in seven different colors. And this is A'm gonna wear on the pot. I'm gonna I have one for each week. Great, and then I'm done. How many times have I heard? And then I'm done? And then you you're not done. Just stop this I'm done thing. I'll get it. Yeah, he's holding up, I'll get it. Is that the sign

of just stop saying what you're saying. I was reading yesterday on reading about A D D and it reminded me of you, D H D A D. And it was saying that, um, you know, one of the things is just going through hobbies very quickly, going through obsessions, like getting really into something and being like getting all the equipment for it and then abandoning it within a week and then moving on to something else. And it

reminded me of you. And You're like, I've heard so many times like I just got three these three pants, I got these three sweatshecks, got these two new shoes. I'm done. I'm done. And I'm like, and it's almost like the grocery store thing where you go, I'm going to the grocery store, you on anything, and you're like, no, I'm full, And I'm like, it's not about now, it's about late, like you will need other clothes later. You're not done, might be done forever. I mean for a while.

I've stuck with golf for four months now. Golf is a real thing. Yeah for you. Um No, I'm sure at one point I'll go, well, I'm gonna start dressing more mature. But I don't think I think I passed that. I look at what my dad wears. My dad wears like yeehaw junction like button down there, like the toll booth shirts, like he dresses like he wears crocs. He just doesn't a man. I mean, you get just comfort.

But there's something about saying just wearing comfort where you go you're accepting your like that you're old in a way. So I think there's like a balance of like that's the fear, right, what's your favorite thing a woman wears? Like your girlfriend, like, what does she look bust in when you're like, oh my god, I love a romper. Guys love rompers. They fucking love why. I don't know. Chappelle. Yeah, Chapelle was wearing another denim romper the other night, and

I was like, I literally want that romper. It was so it was like a feminine romper. I love a romper. I do feel bad that you have to take it off all the way to ship. Oh I didn't. The other yesterday I was wearing one, the one the Leopard one or the snakes one. I over, I don't even notice I was. I guess that is a romper. Yeah, yeah, So I went over to my sister's and I didn't feel like taking it unbuttoning it down to take it off to P So I pulled it to the side

like a swimsuit and soaked it in urine. Because when you pull your to the side, like it just trickles like a cave wall. It doesn't come out like a stream. It just to the like a cave woman. Wait wait, wait, so wait, so you pull it to the side, when did it get on you? When you know when I P Because the P doesn't come out in like a direct It's not like I have a penis that makes it just come out of a street whole. It like it just it hits other things and it's like it's spread.

It's almost like, um, I don't even know how to like when Jesus cries like those like when you hold a hose. At the end of a hose, you know, yes, yes, there's too much blocking it and so they don't go on the sides and you have to like really get your you know, it was just a little b um well you're like I had already been sweating and stuff and I was over there, so I was like, oh, it's fine, like you know, I'll just change when I

get home. And that's what I did. So it was fine, But yeah, it was It was like that that was your last you were wearing that because you had no laundry like yet, I know, and it looked like I was so oh yeah, but I did. I did laundrying, still all in the dryer though, Um we uh, we're going to a concert tonight. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know any of him, but you're a fan and became a fan of him. He's a big Texas uh song singer songwriter.

I was introduced to him in college freshman year by this guy, Brian Vogel, and he, I don't know, he liked him and that one song party goes on forever whatever. And I think if I listened to his songs three times today, yeah, I'll know the lyrics better than you will. And you've heard it a million times, Like you are not a lyric guy, no, never been. I know the last word of everyone? What do you do at a concert? Like what's your body gonna do tonight? Like are you

going to sway to the music. What do you do when you're listening to music and you have to stand by Luis you just jumped down? Um, I know we're not drinking. Yeah, what do you what's going to happen? Like That's kind of what I'm nervous about, is like

what do I do with my body? Because if I know the words, I'm like singing along, I'm dancing, and I like, no, when the beat's gonna drop out, I can like, you know, but there's nothing worse than when you don't know it and everyone else like stops at this one point, but you're still going because you don't know that it drops out. Yeah, you're like this song

was only two minutes thirty seconds. I but I like to find a nook sometimes, like and with just my friends and we people watch and I kind of just can really take in the musician instead of like, I I don't want to be in the front. I don't want to be even I don't want to be stuck at all. I just never want to be in the front. Oh, I love the front. Now are you a front? You're

like a mosh pitter? I Uh, but I don't like being in the front row because I'm terrified that someone will put the microphone in my in my face and then I'll just be like like Usher did to me at the I Heart Awards. Oh my god, that was so embarrassing, and um yeah, that's a that's a that is terrifying and you might go, uh if I start around myself with thing like honestly, Michelle Williams and the Survivor sounds like someone put a mike in our in her face at a concert. That is how bad it is.

Um yeah, I don't. I don't want to. I love with Jeff Tweety making eye contact with me. I love touching Nellie for Tato. I love running my hands through Adam Durrett's dreadlocks. I love John Mayer possibly looking like I love being front and like I know that they well I don't know this, but I would imagine they get off on people being such fans that they are singing their songs and their mouthing the lyrics, and like I if I'm if I'm that fan, I want to show like how excited I am and I want to

be upfront. Um, but about the attention you're getting from them? Are you given it? To them. No, it's like, but no, it's it's just being as close as I can and too brilliance into this thing that has brought me so much joy, and also like showing them like I appreciate you, thank you, thank you. I'm like, I hope you see how much I fucking love you, and I want to say that. Uh tonight, though, I have a goal of just observing this guy's been around forever right live performing,

I mean, he's in the sixties, been around. I want to just as someone who's looking into getting into singing, songwriting and performing, I wanna see what things I like about. I'm gonna observe the performance and the stage presence and the stage banter and things like that. I'm sure I'll have really good banter. He's supposedly pretty funny, and yeah, he's gonna probably show you that less is more. It's

what I'm thinking. Harry Styles is coming tomorrow. I kind of want to find Jenny Lewis is opening for him. I know, dude, I I kind of want to go. Do you want to try to get tickets? Okay? If anyone in St. Louis can get us tickets to Harry Styles tomorrow, and St. Louis please hit us up. All right, let's get to the news. Yes, right, yes, I do. Keep watching him dance on stage, and you just got a girl crush when he sings that song. It's funny

because it's like, would I go gay from him? It's like, no, he's way more feminine than women. I've probably already fucked. I mean I met him once and I did not think anything of him before I met him, and then in person, I was just like, oh my god, he is just just beautiful. He made me realize I'm probably a lesbian. How tall is he tall? Right? You know I'm hype blind. I don't know. Yeah, you are hype blind. I'm very high. And he was like probably still growing

at the point I met him. I think they were still young. Oh yeah, he's a man. Now he's gone through. It's like JT fades with that cross tattoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm talking about. That when JT became a man. Yeah, when he got the cross tattoo on his shoulder and every girl was like, oh, I'll funk him now. Yeah yeah, yeah. Alright, the news, baby, it's Tuesday, Phots. I hope you're having all the swells, having a great time out there. At least I think it's Tuesday. But hey,

it's Friday somewhere. No it's not. Some schizophrenics maybe you think it's Friday. What if it's only Friday in some person's mind, that's great, What a good life. Bruce, a disabled Kiwi parrot lacking his upper bill, invented a way to preen himself by using pebble pebbles grasp between his tongue and lower bill. His unique preening behavior appears to be deliberate, an innovation for self care as a direct consequence of his disability. Wow, that is impressive. This reminds

me of the octopus teacher. If you guys haven't seen it, um, just that little know what that octopus was capable of? Oh, what a sweetie, a little bird with he looks like he has an underbite with a bird and he uses I get what he's doing. He's using the rock. He uses his tongue almost as the top bill, and then he probably scoops the rocks so that it tugs at

his feathers. And what a sweet He uses a bunch of different objects, and like when you start using when animals start to use tools, it almost makes you go, why do we eat chickens? You know, it almost makes you think that maybe chickens deserve better lives than the ones we give them. But but you know, you like your eggs too much to that. But I like, dude, chickens are in hell because they make eggs, so that

he does it. And also baby chicks are murdered by the millions every year because they are not egg laying heads. So yeah, it actually the egg industry leads to a ton of But I didn't know that, That's all I thought. I didn't know there were two different kind of eggs, right, right, Well, all you would have to do is maybe just go what's bad about eating eggs? And then you would learnt that's a good point to Yeah, this, that's so sweet. I love when birds when animals are used tools. There

was this other um and preening is cleaning itself. I didn't know what that was. Yeah, yeah, well you don't even know what cleaning yourself is too. You need to look up that part. I'll get it. Um. No, the

the octopus teacher. Uh that that was really interesting to me because this octopus, like the guy that was studying him, was learning things about him that he would go home and research and go No one has any documentation of an animal doing this kind of thing, and so animals are capable of things that we don't even know yet. And it's just so I felt emotions. I don't. I

haven't felt I honestly, I think that's why. That's a feeling that I have right here in my solar plexus that I can't let up, Like that octopus cause something in me to um, it's a bruin, and I don't want to release it because it will be it will make everyone's life around me hell to like to excuse

why do I keep thinking? But yes, I think like the way you can't watch that and argue that any animal doesn't have the capability to want comfort and is sweet, like if an octopus can be so um, you know, if you can put so many feelings and emotions into the way that it's undeniable. It's not even like you're doing the thing where it's what is it called when you put you you anthropomorphie, you you who humanize an animal. I forget what it's called. It's not that, but it's um. Yeah,

I think anthropomor uh anthropomorphized. I don't know. It's something about when it's just your projecting, like, oh, you're having no empathy because you're like that animal is just like a human because it looks scared, so it must be scared. But it's like animals display different things, so you can't just assume. But you got to watch this because you just you realize it's every This guy had an epiphany one day. He used to never have like this guy

that the octopus teacher guy. He even said in it, he goes, I did not used to have a lot of empathy for animals. I just like I didn't care, Like, yeah, I knew that they were like cute and like he pretty much felt the way most people feel like dogs and cats and bunnies and kittens and everything. We're like, oh my god. But he didn't extend it. And then something happened he like marks the day where he was like,

oh my god, like this just broke my brain. Like every animal it is capable of of this, of the of wanting to live, of like wanting to you know, not every animal. I think there's some like you know, single cell organisms that don't really have feelings but I remember the day. I remember that day for me too, of like whole what just happened, Like my brain broke,

of like I can't. I can't eat animals anymore. It's not like I don't want to, I can't like that is and it's I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, but there's a moment that you can have an awakening of sorts where you just realize it's not you can't do it anymore, because every animal, like even bugs, are like little. The video that we were talking about yesterday with Michael the flight attendant helping Veniceo, the poor old man who had Alzheimer's who went in his pants at

the airport and just helping keep deaf. Okay, so let's talk about that video. It's about six minutes long. It was on our story yesterday. We put it up. We told you then to show to go watch. It is from a any reality show called Airline I believe that would just um follow the you know, the drama of

working in the airline industry. And there is a story one day of a guy at l a X, an old man and his like probably late eighties, whose wheelchair bound and his wife, the sweet woman who is you know, his caretaker, and they're stalled at the gate of Southwest flight. They've been kicked off the flight because he defecated in his pants, and they go, we gotta call Mike, and Mike is just like walking like at first, I go, I don't like this guy's walking had a weird energy.

At first, Yeah, I go, I don't. I don't know that I'm gonna like this guy. And then this guy just handled this situation in a way that you just most people wouldn't And I think most people would think they would handle it that way, but they wouldn't. You know. It's like he not only you know, makes this woman feel so she's humiliated that her husband's pooped and she doesn't know what to do about it. And he's yeah, yeah, and they just want to go home to Albuquerque, and

he's like, we're gonna get you home. We're gonna get you on another flight. Don't you worry about that. And he he goes, we got to get their luggage off the plane. And then he goes and eat change is the man himself, and I'll help you. You don't have to say sorry. You have to say sorry. He goes and then he related to her, which I think helps so much when someone's going through something like being like

my mom is sick. This is like oh that was his quote, this is life, which I you are not alone, you know you're not alone, and he goes, this is life, and that that just makes it like, that's what life is. Life is ugly, it's messy. Sometimes you got book gloves

on and white. But guys asked for five dollars and fifty cents an hour, and uh yeah, you just gotta know that, Like that person doesn't want to be shipping their pants are like you just all you have to do is go would do you think this person wanted this? Like do you think they wanted to be in this scenario?

Like even yesterday I was over at my parents house and or at my sister's house, and my mom was talking about the um you know, the three comedians who died or the three comic There's one comic and then two other people and then Kate Quickly, a comedian. Four people were like three of them died from fence at all in cocaine. They were all just like partying and Kate Quickly, we don't even know what's gonna happen with her? Thankfully she survived. She is someone that I know and like,

I am definitely pulling for. And you know, first of all, it's got to be embarrassing that everyone now knows you've done coke and like you you did fent at all, and uh, you got a bad supply, and it's like and my mom's goes. You know, my parents are like they need to, you know, prosecute the dealer, Like they need to find who the dealer was and who did this. And I'm like, do you think the dealer wants to be dealing cocaine? Like I don't know, Like I don't,

I don't, I can't. I'm with your parents on this one. Honestly, I don't think anyone deals. Yes, I understand what people deal drugs when they have other options, but I think so our system is so broken that in order for some people to survive, they that's the only way they're going to be able. You can't afford a one bedroom apartment on minimum wage. And if you're a single mom or a single dad that has four kids and you're trying to clothe them and feed them, and you can

either go get a job at Walgreen's years old. He's a maserati. Well, I bet he has shitty parents and do you think he and that and he didn't get enough love or support and he probably goes to a shitty school because he was born into a shitty neighborhood. It's like, no worry. No one wants to be these things. No one wants to be a bad person. I mean, and I know this is like where does it end?

It doesn't end. You can extend. I can extend empathy for Trump even because he didn't choose his fucking awful brain and he's a bad person, but like he can't help it. He's just a terrible person and he was born with that brain. I just think if you knew fat in always in it, like if you're dealing coke, pure coke. People are having a good time, that's fine, but once you know that you're putting fat and all in it because it's cheaper, even though that some people

might die. Go well, I don't think that. Well where I said, I I get what you're saying. They're like the person that put it in and knows the consequences as we should find them and punish them. So that there's an example set to other people who might do that. But I do think that just because the deal we shouldn't. My parents just assumed the dealer put it in I go, But the dealer got it from someone, so maybe was

that person. So it doesn't end. I always want my parents to know, like, if I die, don't avenge my death, because I guarantee if someone murders me, they had a fucking terrible childhood that they were probably physically abuse, you know, like murder their parents, murder their grandparents. Like whoever does the thing? Like? And you know, I f and eye doesn't work, like it just it's it um to I don't know. I just I. My mom was like, we gottas no one can do drugs, no one can do

cokeer heroine. My sister goes, oh yeah, we know. She goes, no, she goes, we can't do coke er heroine. You guys, this is scary, this fent and al. She's were googling it. She's like, my god, and I go, it's so funny to me because we're just My sister and I are both like a ring, would we do coker here? When she goes, I don't mean us. I mean just like anyone and I'm like, yeah, we we everyone kind of knows that. But but she is right, like the fence and al thing is out of them. That's how mac

Miller died. And uh, I was listening to Michael Kay Williams who just actually passed away. Who knows what was in his I think it was heroindow, but it might have been laced with that and all, who knows. Uh. He was talking about the wire and that's really what they wanted to show with the wires, that like no one wanted to what you're saying, Like, no one wants to be a drug dealer, and it's their environment that

pushes them there. They don't wake up and go, hey, I want to fucking no one wants to be in a gang. A lot of times there they have no choice. They'll get they'll get beat up and murdered if they don't join the gang. And then you hate people for being in a gang. But it's like if you were born you white privilege motherfucker who thinks these people chose to be in a gang, and like they're bad inherently and that you would have done the same thing if

you were born in their situations. So stop this whole thing of like I wouldn't do that if I were them, Yes you would. It's called empathy. Realize you have a different brain, you have different parents, you have a different socio economic status that you were born into, and yes, you have things in your life that that the gang member should empathize with the fact that you can't fucking understand why they would be gang members. They should empathize with the fact that your brain is so fucked up

that you can't have empathy. Like we all need to extend it all the biker gang just admit that the outfits are cute. I just love biker gangs. Out they are, but they're all wearing leather together. I don't know, it's it's so cute. It's always funny for people who act like they don't give a ship or they're so like, you know, against the grain, like like even Chappelle wearing a jumper. That's always my example of like this guy who apparently doesn't give a ship. He chose a onesie

that he buttons up. That's a guy who cares. He made patches with his name on him that everyone in his entourage wears. That's a guy who cares what you think about him. Yes, and I think he would even admit that himself. Even the Edge comic would say that, Okay, oh Edge, he's staying away, though for now he might come.

Studies of regret show that people are more inclined to regret the things they don't do rather than the things they do, which is interesting because usually when you talk about regret, like I fucking regret doing coke that night, and then I regret this, But then it's not like but then yeah, so like the things you didn't do, whether it's like what maybe you didn't study in college, what you actually really wanted to do. It's almost like

the death bet thing people say they don't regret. They're what people say on their death butt is not what they did did, it's what they didn't do, like being with family more, be more present, like all these things that, like you died tomorrow, what would be a regret of yours? Living in St. Louis No, Um, I'm turning never answering a question, sincerely, Yeah, no help there, it's the first time I know, what do you do? You feel like?

I think of regrets in my life and I'm like it's when I've I've hurt people that I love three seconds ago. Yeah, um, let me think, Uh, what would I regret not doing or just um or believe you know, I regret not reading a book that someone recommended to me that would have changed my perspective on something I regret. I probably regret not getting closer with my grandparents while they were around. I feel like my brother didn't a much better job with that. What are you missing out

on now because of that? You think stories understanding where I come from, Like why maybe I behave a certain way, why I like a certain thing, what they had to go through struggles which might make me appreciate more what I have. Don't you have a grandma that still alive? Can't you actually know what? I want to call her? Oh, you wouldn't call her? Just trying not to be sincere she's a hundred and she has dementia and she doesn't really know where she is. She worries though you know

they're just three minutes. Yeah, yeah, yes, like yeah so I could. Yeah, No, I could do that with my mom too, and I still I don't. I'm not like I don't do it. Yeah, regretting what you. Yeah, I guess my regret is what I've done, it's not what I haven't done. So I'm trying to think of what I haven't done that I regret, and it's um probably like no, no, no, it wouldn't be like that. It would be like I regret um, I regret, not um.

Apologizing for things like the other day, I apologize to someone that I felt like I had wronged before, and I was able to reach out and like, because I thought, like, what if I die, you want to I want to

do that? And how long ago we were like talking about this person and I knew that I had like past beef with them, and I was just like, I this person I actually really respect and I and I like and they and I was able to see through their work that they've been through a lot of struggle and that their life isn't I was able to empathize with the person and be like, whatever whatever I assumed about this person, they actually are extremely they have their

own story, what brought them to however I judged them and how did they react? They they accepted it and we're like thank you, and then we it was just like good to go. So the next time I see this person, it's not gonna be weird. And it's just I don't expect to be best friends or like, you know, like chummy every time we see each other. But now I just took accountability for being a twat, you know, and they feel like you're an actual twatter? Was it more in your head? Like you know what I mean?

You know sometimes when you're like, I gotta owe that person apology and they must be thinking about this or it must be they thought I was a lot for sure, they did, and they should have like I, you know, it was that was that was one that was you know, I I went ahead and did only because I was like, I would regret this if I died and that never got tied up um or they died. And and also because I was exposed to some of their work that let me in a little bit more and showed me

the struggle that that person came from. And I just was like filled with a lot of love for that person and like, wow, thank you. They shared something really vulnerable. That person isn't as isn't what I thought. And I shouldn't make assumptions about people ever, and it's so hard not to do and no, what about you. The thing that comes to mind is, um, I guess I I wish that I wasn't such like a hermit in my twenties.

I was so um, I don't know, like anti social and I had a lot of like fun opportunities that I could have made more of. And I and that's my regret. I got invited to go to the Grateful Dead concert last night, um and John Mayer's like Dead and Company done Mayor is there and um, and I turned it down because I just didn't feel like standing all night. I'm going to the concert tonight And I turned it down. And I wrote the person later being like, I really regret I didn't go. I really regret it,

being as it would have been fun. I haven't been to that venue in a while. It's now named something. It's named like the American Casino Stages, and I thought it was going to be some casino like venue indoors, but it's Riverport. It's the place I went to go see Dave Matthews as a teen, Like it was it

would have been nostalgic. But then I reasoned that there was a reason I didn't go, And the reason is that I could have been in a car crash there or like on the way there all the way back, like who knows when I avoided I needed to watch nine eleven documentary with you and and learn how we got to a place where the Taliban hated us. And then we put on scenes from marriage and I was like, scenes scenes from marriage, Oh my god, that I kind

of liked it. I can't wait for the next episode. Actually, all right, we'll take a short break and come back with why do I Care? Why do I care? All right? Why do I care? Andrew? This is big news. Are you sitting? Yeah? I mean you're looking at me. I don't thought you could be floating. Are you sure? Kanye West follows Kim Kardashian back on Instagram. I haven't heard this usually I know what's going on with why do

I Care? Oh my god? Yeah. So the big thing I guess with celebrities now is when you know it's really over the follow Um, all right, well, you know that is the mother of his children. Someone pointed out the other day on de moi subreddit that there's an interest they go, what's like an interesting fact you've realized about celebrities that no one's noticed and someone said that all of the Kardashians only have babies with one man

even when they're not like actually on good terms. Like there's something about that family that goes, we're not gonna do We're not going to accept the mother. I mean, obviously, Robert Creditian died so she couldn't do so she went over to before he died. Yes, I believe, Oh yes, Um, I don't know. I'm not like trying to quiz you. I'm just you know, I think they were, but you know, um, Chloe had a baby with Tristan. Tristan, yeah, to two different I think. And then Kylie is now having another

baby with her baby daddy. But their speculation that they aren't really on good term Scott Disick that guy, Like that's an interesting thing that I would have never put together. So I think that Kim will maybe continue to have babies with Kanye, even if they don't have a three or four st Chicago Norris maybe three and then another one maybe that they did Sergasy. I don't know, um, but what I do know is, um, yeah, I mean that doesn't She was like promoting Donda and like kind

of celebrating him a lot. So I don't know that they're over, but um yeah, I mean I guess I don't care. I really don't care. You know what I did like was um machine gun Kelly. Did you see his lyrics that he posted to that he formed at the A Daddy? No, he's talking about like he was like, I'm a genius. I could have I could have made Donna, but I bade this from my dead father. Yeah, like he to say that to make a claim that he could have done. I haven't listened to Donap. I listened

to some of it. I it's a little Jesus e for me. I do love his last album, which we've listened to a tony you know. And then Redren was a great song, the one he did with Kid Cuddy the kids he ghosts. But I don't know. It's getting a little preachy. It's like they're starting and Bieber does it too. There's like a line between like when is Christian rock? When has it become too much Christian rock. I don't even think Kanye think. I think he thinks

he's Jesus. It's it's there's no way that Kanye will I think that someone's better than him, even Jesus I feel, so it's weird to me that he would even uphold. Yeah, Like, I don't know there's I feel like Kanye thinks he's he's Jesus and and that's a common thing for people with his mental illness condition to think, well, I think there is, but I don't. I haven't heard Donda, I don't.

I don't know anything about it. Become like very like strictly religious after they've maybe had a lot of past like bullshit that they've done or past like mistakes, and so they recreate, they re they go the other way. Yeah, they find God and will God forgive, Jesus forgives and so all of the things that you've done. Like it just it's such a nice thing when you do. You know, I found God to not Jesus but God, and like

it does. Uh. Like I was talking to my friend last night and I was lamenting about you know, boy stuff, and she was just like, well, God as a it's all gonna God's gonna take care of it. It's all gonna go. And it was just like, oh good, I don't have to fucking worry like I It's just it for whatever reason, it just makes you not there's so much, so much of what we do, so much of the bad that comes in the world, I think is from shame and feeling like you're responsible for the way you

act and what you do. And my my sense of God is no free will, like whatever I was born into, like it's just gonna happen. There's it's already gonna happen. There's already it's already in place. I can't change. I can't. I don't get to pick how I think you're God. There should be like a different word for it, because like when I think God, I think religion, and what you're talking about seems like a higher like a higher higher power. That's that's what I mean by God. It's

not like an entity. I just believe like there's something that's it's not in my control. And when I lose control, I can calm the funk down. Like when I used to be sleepless for weeks because of nuclear war and I saw a movie the day after tomorrow in eighth grade and it ruined my life because I was like any second I could just turn into a flashing skeleton. And like every we are like gonna live in a world where there's no electricity and famine and we all

have sores on our faces. It was like I just couldn't handle it. And then one day went down to my parents room eighth grade, going to sleep on the floor, and I was like, Mom and Dad, I like cracked open the door because I was always scared of that they were gonna have sex or I'd be walking into them having sex. And I was just like, and they just my dad just goes what And I was just like, I just can't sleep. I can't stand the fact that there could be a nuclear war, like someone could press

a button and then we could all evaporate. And he's like, there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing, And I just shut the door and went to bed for the rest of my like, I never thought about it again because he took away my sense of control, which I never had. It's an illusion anyway, that you have control over anything. Do you think, Like Trump's dad was like, you're going to handle the codes one day, you know what,

your death. But that's what God does. God, the idea of God, takes away the sense of control you think you have. Because when you think you have control, it might make you feel like you feel better, but it actually makes you feel worse because when things go wrong, you you are to blame. You're fundamentally wrong something. You you're a bad person. I feel that so much d especially on stage, like I feel like such a relief for some reason of like not caring what the audience like,

Like what I think they'll think? It's funny, right, And it's just like and it's the same thing in life. It's like, don't do things because you think that person is going to react a certain way to you do it because that's what you want to do. Yeah, if I bomb now and I remember God, I just remember like this was meant to happen, Like I I never had a choice to not bomb. Well, you could have prepared more, No, I couldn't have. That was part of

the plan too. Well, why does John mulaney get to be always so funny and successful and never not prepare Because that's his that's his plan, it's not yours. Like that's what God had in store for him, not what he had in store for you. He also has a lot of bullshit in store for John mullaney that you can project a lot of perfection onto him. But you know, so that's what I was I don't. I try to

remember it's not my fault. Everything is not my fault, literally anything that happens, and um, yeah, so that's how I feel about it. Let's get to the reddit dump. But it's hard to remember. God damn it is it hard to remember that things aren't my fault. This is your reddit, all right? So this is where I go on Reddit at night. You guys get it, and I save things that I want to share with you. Okay. Um. This was from ask creddit, my favorite UM subreddit, that

said what makes you the happiest? What gives you genuine happiness? And I just want to read some of the answers that people had because these are always the ones that UM make me happy. Uh. Someone said seeing people enjoy food that I cooked, especially seeing my fiance smile when she eats my from scratch chocolate chip cookies. I would never get enjoyment from that, like cooking and then feeding someone.

It's just I'm so glad that's an I'm so glad that people have enjoyment from things that would bring me zip. How are the cookie or what about when they go? Was I did did you am I good golfer? Yeah? The same thing. Is the cookies good? This person said, I think it may be the only time I'm ever genuinely happy when I am in this that state of going to sleep where I think where I think, but at the same time I am neither asleep nor awake. It feels like I'm entirely detached from the physical world,

free of fear and pain. And someone someone wrote, and this is the most up voted comment on the whole thread. Someone replied to that, don't try heroin, and everyone goes, yeah, if you love that feeling of if you resonate with that, don't touch heroine because you'll never stop. Um. Someone said, watching my cat get stuck somewhere stupid than yelling for help. The best place so far was in a cabinet over

the stove. Um. Being outside with no people around. Live in a city and I get up super early and just walk around before everyone else is out best part of my day. So those were nice. Um. Someone said this is from white people Twitter. Um, this was a tweet that I enjoyed. It said. It's is from limited limitless Jest on Twitter limitless Jest. It's you have a Nintendo sixty four with gold and I you just ordered pizza with extra cheese. Your friends are coming over, and

you have four rumble packs. You don't know it right now, but this is as good as life we'll ever get. And I just like, I mean, I don't relate to that, but I relate to the cheese pizza, friends coming over. It's there. I remember being like I, but I knew I was like this. I would witness adults and go, that sucks. This is it. You just get some star crunches with your friends, you eat with abandoned. There's no like I'm gonna feel fat tomorrow. There's no. And I'm

not assuming that kids don't feel that way. I didn't, not yet at least. Um. But I saw this video yesterday on Instagram, on the real thing, the tiktoki thing on Instagram, and there was this little girl crying in her like she's probably four, and she's just like, I don't want to be an adult, and she's crossed. She's sobbing because something she has to be an adult, and her mom goes, I don't want to be an adult either, to go you havetill you. I don't even want to

be a teenager. It doesn't feels like a jail. It looks like a prison and it was so how is that kids so aware? That's like that's what I used to say. I used to wake up in the middle of night and go in to my parents room and go, I don't know how to write a check. When am I going to learn that? How am I going to learn that? Like I used to freak out. This was probably fourth grade and my parents go, you'll learn it, and I go, is there a class about how to

write checks? Because I have no idea how I'm going to do that. And guess what, I still don't know how to write I don't know how to balance a check book or anything. Okay, this one's good. This is on ask men, what is the most shallowest deal breaker that you hold secretly? This princes I'll go first and say, and I say, with no disrespect, piercings. Just can't think of anyone who I found attractive when they had piercings. Piercing, I think they mean anything beyond like uh someone corpse

manufacturer says, really nasal voices. I'm fine with almost everything, from Morgan Freeman to those really squeaky and child just tones. But the moment you start talking like a basic betch from two thousand's bad TV movie Teen Movies. I'm out. I feel really ashamed. Most people can't out bet, but I'm unable to take people seriously with it. Um. Someone said how loud they check chew food? Um? Someone said

gum to two threetio if there's too much gum. Yeah, I can't either, actually really, and that's something that gets to me for some reason. A gummy smile, like little teeth and too much gums. Yeah, okay, I only have gums, so I don't know what. Yeah, that's a little bit of hypocritical. Yeah, look, I'm just Someone said I took this one personally fake tan obsession. Yes it's shallow, but it's a look I personally do not find attractive in

any way. Well, I guarantee you that person wouldn't like me more when I'm tan than pale, but only for four days of that. Yeah. Someone said weird knees. You can be a straight dime, but if your knees are weird, then I'm out. Has knees, I know mine looks like they have African elephants on them. Yeah, or babes. Some people have babies and knees. It's like souls of dad people. Yeah. Someone said, um, yeah, that's so true. Uh, there's so

um dragon talent nails. Someone said if they scrape their cutlery against the plates when they eat, or they bite the cutlery when they when eating. Um. Someone said, uh, auty belly buttons. Uh. Someone goes, y'all don't understand the word shallow. Shallow is not people who smell awful or have horrible personality. Shallow is not dating women with big noses or eggs ama or tattoos or something. Um. Someone says, if you leave toast crumbs in the butter, I'm sucking

out the door. Whoa toast crumbs in the butter? Yeah, I wouldn't want to date that. Um, what do you have any you said gums? Um, well, like physical things or or more. I mean shallow stuff that they probably can't control. Um. I mean it's shallow, but I'm getting over it. But when a woman has like a happy trail, a little like three hair is I just like I zone in on them and I don't know why. What does it mean to you? I'm about to blow a guy's masculine to you. Now, I don't I guess. I

guess so. Maybe it's just for some reason, but I'm kind of getting I'm I'm very close to over all those like shallow things at least or getting closer. It's not getting worse with age, it's me understanding more later on. What about no chin? You know, let's get into final thought. The thing about no chin is I thought that was

one of my deal breakers. But the thing is, I've fallen in love with someone who just didn't really have the like the like at a Yeah, but it wasn't like I just realized now I can be in love with anything like. I just don't have any physical deal breakers.

Certainly when I'm just bumbling or something. I'm just like me look like anything like that, but you know, real life, yes, someone that like, um, I don't know what my deal breakers are, honestly, someone with like that's too fit, like that's too that spends too much time at the gym, that's too that grilled chicken and asparagus and like just you know, breaks it up and during the week. Yeah, I just don't want to I don't need I just I just beat my eights sort of. I don't want

to have to beat yours too. Um, I just uh some guy that um you know, uh what about Bald. You don't mind people that people that you know, anyone that that's not shallow, but like voting for Trump or being friends with people that like tolerant not Bald doesn't know, that's not that doesn't doesn't bother me. I guess like when people oh, um, not being open to being vegan and that's not shallow. Actually that's just like I I don't if someone just just like I'll never do it.

It's just like or they like don't see that it's wrong, like just acknowledge that, like I'm right, you know in that scenario, Like there's just no doubt about it. That's what I always say about being vegan. That's the best part about it is where there's no way we're not right. That's the best part. You don't have to agree with us, but it's just it's there's just no way we're not right that we just like want animals to live. It can't it cannot be argued against. But I'm trying to

think of deal Burgers. Do you have any No, I just lost half of our listeners, by the way, by saying that I'll get them back. There's nothing better in nice Cheeseburgerka, I'm gonna put on my kid tank top. I try to be tolerant, and I don't. I can't really think of anything shallow that would be a deal breaker today. But I used to be obsessed with guys with long hair, and then I dated one and his hair routine was way too long and which specific, and that turned me off so much. Yeah, after that, I

just couldn't date guys with long hair anymore. And I mean long long hair, not shoulder oh oh, like like bass player for heavy metal band like down to and they like so did they condition it? Would you have to blow dry it? They don't even blow dry their hair. Put it back to eu out like the idea of a guy that's a happy trail. Oh yeah, Like if you put his hair to ponytail, would you start getting wet?

Because you know that's what guys like. There's a Pavlov's dog response that guys get boners when girls put up their ponytails, because it's generally that's so funny. I never put up my hair to blow someone, Really, what do you do with it? I just like you have a lot of hair. No, I just go like this and I like kind of go like twist it or something, or I just like blow them with my Oh, I guess if they're laying down, get in your mouth and everything.

I just like, oh, if you're yeah, yeah, if I'm on big back, your hair will get in your own mouth. And yeah. I mean I I don't know. I don't really think about it. I never like put it back, but uh yeah, I'm trying to think of deal breakers. I have Jesus Christ. That's a hard one because you don't even know it till you see it. But I think that, oh, not liking Veep, like being like it's watching Veep or thirty Rock and being like, no, it's just like yet to ease their own, but your own,

you're you have a bad own. I mean. On the same thing, if you love like Law and Order or c S. I I probably Oh my god, this one. Oh really that's every girl, dude, What the fun? Oh my god. I'm just saying like, if you probably love those shows, you probably don't love Veep. No, that's not true. People love those diagram people that love like people love the smartest people love Law and Order. Oh yeah, like most maybe I haven't given it. John Malaney has been

about law and order. Try law and order. You would be obsessed with it, dude. I mean I don't like it because I just don't. I don't really care. I just have never gotten into it. But people are. I love it. This one was a great one on Reddit. It's from cringe Topia. The subreddit cringe Topia is just cringe e things and this is a TikTok. The girl says, this dude at the bar trying to pick up my friend with his Wells Fargo account, so he pulled up

his app to show his bank account. I'll look at this. Really, I'm sorry, you just lost your life eighty six. He repeats it to where he goes She's just like no, and he goes, well, you just lost in life, like not even like fuck you money, Like I love that. That's like and you know that someone in his life just died and he got that and took it to like this wasn't just earned throughout hard work. This guy just because he's just so excited to have that. That

is so I just I love it so much. There was something about having to go to a t M all the time, like only like ten years ago, you'd always see what's in your banking every day you're reminded of whether you're rich or poor, you know, like every day you look down on that piece of paper and you're like, oh, and then I saw like my Oh. I would always say, no, I don't want to see it. I never because of recycling or just because because I didn't want to see it. I mean, even now, if

I have money, I don't. I used the only time I was able to look at my bank account ever, when I was super broke, and even now but I don't drink anymore, was when I was drunk. I would sometimes go in and go, Okay, you can see it. I was so scared of that number. Yeah, did you haven't looked at it? There's something about the tangible nous of it is be like, oh, yeah, that's money, like because money, you know, when you feel actual cash, which

we never do anymore. Yeah, but that number. Yeah, Sometimes I see the number and I go, you know, because I so rarely look at it. Sometimes it really disappoints me because it's I thought it was higher or and sometimes I just don't know that there's other accounts that have stuff in it, like there, I will say, there are people that know what my money is, and those people are making sure that it's not stolen from me. But man, if those people were in my life, wouldn't

wouldn't notice what I would never notice. It's really, um it's a problem. It's like, you know that's something that rich people get money stolen from them. Yeah, I mean. And then there are other people that are like very they know every I but like your brother, even though he has a lot of money, but he knows where all of it is and how much it is, Like I bet he's fastidious about it, whereas I just don't. I don't want to know if I have it or don't. Like. I just it stresses me out if I do it

stressed to me out. If I don't, it's I really got to work on it. It's not good. It's a weird thing that we put so much emotion on a number you know or like. And I'm so much I love spending. I like, I like spending on money on people better than myself. Like I'll buy myself cheap stuff and my like birthday gifts presents. It's always like the most expensive brand. Because I want people in my life to have the best of the thing. But I always get like, you don't want that. What makes you think

they want that? Because because people do want the best thing, I just want ten more. No, you like you would would you rather me get you a Haynes sweatshirt or a you know, Buck Mason. To be honest, where I'm at right now, mentally give me four Haynes over to No. No, no, it's either it's not the same amount of money. I'm either spending a lot of money or not. I think I'd rather have the I'm not even kidding, I think at this point alright. Well, message received forty second birthday

Tesla key Chain. Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening to the show. We'll be back tomorrow. Don't be cut out there. And Jeffrey