I could have this emotional intelligence at such a young age, and know how to support somebody in a unique way. Those are not skills that are worthless. Those are tremendous skills. Those are worthy in any organization or company or whatever it is in your life that's important and that's okay to see and put up front and put in front of people so that they can see it. No one needs to know your weaknesses are the only way to get to you.
This is The MindShift Podcast where we share real stories, real strategies, that will help you find real success. This is the place to hear from people just like you who have taken their ideas, goals and dreams from a point of inspiration to realization or when life knocked them down, from a point of breakdown to breakthrough. I'm your host, Darrell Evans. Let's get started with today's episode.
Well, hey, my friend. Welcome back to another episode of The MindShift Podcast. I'm your host, Darrell Evans. I'm really excited to have you here. I want to thank you in advance for taking some time out to listen in to today's show. I know you could have done a lot of other things today. But something got you to stop by and
we're grateful. If you enjoy today's show, which I know you will, I hope you hit the follow or subscribe button wherever you're listening to this show, so that you never miss an episode. I am joined today by Alex Gilbert. She is a New Yorker, a Mets fan, like a real Mets fan. We're gonna dig into that. A yogi and a brunch enthusiast. Here's what's interesting, though. She also has dyslexia
and ADHD. After spending her career working in leadership development, she started a coaching and consulting business that helps adults with learning disabilities and/or ADHD, like herself, who have been struggling in their careers. Her business Cape-Able Consulting was created to help them navigate their day-to-day workload so that they could feel supported, and they're able to reach their highest potential.
Her biggest goal in creating Cape-Able Consulting is to change the stigma surrounding learning disabilities, ADHD, by reminding them that they are capable. Alex, let's go. Welcome to The MindShift Podcast.
Yeah, let's go. Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm all psyched up.
Let's get fired up. You know, I saw your bio when it came in for us
Yeah. to review. And I'm very particular about this conversation of the journey from inspiration to realization. And when life knocks us down from breakdown to breakthrough. And that is all of what MindShift is about and that's both in life and business. Although this is a business show, and we talk to entrepreneurs and leaders, that is the evolution of life. And that gets really interesting when we add right out of the gate, this conversation around
dyslexia, and ADHD. So I'm really interested to unpack this conversation today. But first things first, let's meet Alex. Tell us a bit about yourself. Yeah, thank you again, for having me. So as I mentioned, I have dyslexia and ADHD and I was really privileged to be diagnosed at eight years old, which a lot of my clients that I'm talking to are people who are actually being diagnosed into their 20s, 30s, 40s, later
on in life. So I kind of got a head start in that sense, but also had the privilege of having all kinds of resources all the way through college. You know, I had different testing locations, my tests were read to me, I was easily distracted, I was in a separate room, you know. It was all these different things that you don't think about, that are necessary for me to keep on par. But that was how I was able to stay on par with my peers and graduate and be successful in
the mind of education. Except for, none of those resources exists when you get out of school and start a job. So to put it lightly, I fell on my face. You know, I started my new job, I didn't really know how to advocate for myself in this new work setting. I didn't know what my needs were in these new settings. And I was really struggling with my mental health. And I kept feeling like I was going to fail. And I never really, quote unquote, failed in
any of those jobs. But the pressure that I had on myself to feel like I was on my own and left in the dust, in the dark, was really debilitating. And I never wanted anybody else to really feel that. So I had been working in program and leadership development for over
a decade. I was laid off from my job due to COVID and I took a step back and was like, I am missing a huge portion of people who could really use my skill set of program and leadership development, but from the aspect of someone who has a learning disability or ADHD, how to advocate for themselves in the workplace and how to really find the best balance and use their skills to the best of their
ability. So this was a pandemic baby that really has started to thrive and I'm very excited to share it with this audience.
Well, I'm excited to have you here. And there's so much that I want to unpack. Let's kind of maybe start at the beginning for maybe someone that's not familiar. What is dyslexia?
Dyslexia is . . . I'm going to put this in a way that's really digestible. Imagine your brain is wired slightly different. Sometimes it's because you're reading words, and decoding in a different way. You just think differently. You might see numbers in a different way. Wholeheartedly, your brain is
wired in a different way. But it doesn't affect intelligence, which I think is something that people often don't understand when it comes to something like dyslexia, is you think it's a learning disability, therefore, you're disabled when you hear that word, and you're not good at something. But I will tell you, some of the most brilliant people in the world are
dyslexic. Because having this ability to think differently in a world that is not as adaptable to you, makes you so much more creative, because you are constantly reinventing the wheel to make sense for you. So it's a learning disability. It's something that can be really hard, especially in school. I spell things wrong all the time, which is partially why my business name is a different
spelling than you'd expect. You know, my grammar is horrendous, because it is not something that comes intuitively to me or to someone who has dyslexia. Again, it's this whole picture of, you think differently.
Interesting. And then let's go ahead and for the listening audience, describe ADHD.
ADHD, there's really three types, which is, inattentive, which is usually what you see in girls and women, which is often why they don't get diagnosed at a young age, because they might be a little out of it, they're, you know, a
little disorganized. Then you have inattentive-hyperactive, which is what you typically think of when you think of the little boys that are disrupting class or wild or crazy, but in girls that could look like someone who is ultra talkative, and a chatty Cathy is, as they
would call it. And then three, you could be both, you could be inattentive, and hyperactive at the same time, which for me is the case, meaning I could be totally out there not paying attention to something and in another moment, I'm hyperactive in the sense that I am talking a million miles per minute, kind of like what I'm doing now. But that is usually what happens. And again, people don't get diagnosed with ADHD, because if you're not that typical boy in the classroom who's hyperactive,
it's often missed. It's often misdiagnosed in girls. It's often misdiagnosed in people of color, because even if they show the same types of symptoms, or they show different symptoms, they're only looking for the one stereotypical type of symptom. And so people go through life, struggling inside thinking, what's wrong with me? I don't think or do things the same way. Or why can't I pay attention? Why can I work harder, and not get the same results as
everybody else? You know, it's really a very frustrating thing to have not be diagnosed at a young age.
Are you finding now that more people are being diagnosed younger, or people are missing it, or dismissing it as something else? What is your take?
It's really a combination of both. I would say in the pandemic, there are people who are getting diagnosed because their home and their parents are noticing their inattentive abilities much more. I think there's much more understanding. I think Tik Tok has been a huge part in this of making people aware of different symptoms that are actually part of ADHD and not necessarily just, oh, my kid has no time
management skills. It's like, oh, they do not have the ability to understand how long something takes them, or, you know, whatever the case is that they're now becoming aware of. So I think it's really, it's a
combination. You know, whether they're getting diagnosed younger, or some people are actually getting diagnosed as adults, because they're taking their kids to get diagnosed, and it's genetic and all of a sudden, it's like, the bells are going off saying, Oh my God, I've had the same symptoms as my kid. How did I not know?
Wow! I just have to ask this because I've known lots of people in my years, friends, business associates, you know, other entrepreneurs, who've had some sort of learning disability or disability in general. Let's be clear, disabilities is what it is. It's not just about learning or episode two of this show was one of my best, best friends and he was a paraplegic, Dan. You know, you have a phrase that just resonated when you said your disabilities are your
superpowers. So the question that I want to ask is, talk to me about your self talk routine, that gets you to a place where you can carry such a strong statement for a population of people who think just a 180 degree opposite.
Yeah. I talk about this all the time, because some people who have a learning disability or disability in general, when they hear that their disability is a superpower get really upset with that phrasing because, you know, they look at it and say, Well, me forgetting to pick up my kid or forgetting to pay my bills, and all these things, that's not a superpower. And here's what I'm going to say. When you think of a superhero, you think of all of
their strengths. You think of all the things that they are incredibly good at, and everyone looks up to them and thinks, wow! When you think of a villain, they're always looking for that one thing that you're not good at. So why would you put that out there, that all the things that you're not good at don't matter. Like all the things that like you're not good at are there parts that are, are out there and that's the only
thing people see. Versus all the things that you are incredible at, that are unique to you, because you have those disabilities. So I want people to hear that with like a grain of salt, but know that everyone has strengths, and everyone has weaknesses, regardless of how, you know, unbelievable, they are. You know, no one is perfect. So when it comes to my strengths, and seeing myself in these superpower roles, it took a lot of self talk over the
years. It took a lot of therapy, to really see myself as something different because growing up, and having dyslexia and ADHD, and having teachers look down on me and say, You're stupid, you're worthless, you're not going to do anything. I mean, I could literally come up with 1000 things that were said to me. I don't believe it. And I would listen to it. And I would say, I hear you. I don't believe it. It's not serving me. And we're going away now. Because
Come on, come on.
It's just not worth it. It was never worth it. And it's not true. So what is true. You know, all the things that people have told me since I was a little kid. That I was a great communicator, and I was poised. And that I was an incredible problem solver. I actually was looking at what my diagnosis was when I was a kid.
And my mom wrote all these things about me at eight years old that said something like, I call her my idea girl, or like my problem solver, because I could walk into a room and know exactly what to do. I could have this emotional intelligence at such a young age, and know how to support somebody in a unique way. Those are not skills that are worthless. Those are
tremendous skills. Those are worthy in any organization, or company, or whatever it is in your life that's important and that's okay to see and put up front and put in front of people so that they can see it. No one needs to know your weaknesses are the only way to get to you.
Wow, such a powerful statement! That just like gave me chills. Whoo, that was rich. Gosh, and this world we live in, people like to slap labels and the labels may be factual. And then I noticed, and these are things that, you know, I've certainly don't have these two disabilities, or have not been challenged by these things but we oftentimes get these labels, and then all of a sudden, that label becomes our
identity. And what I mean by that is, it seems to justify your reasoning for not setting goals and not following your dreams. Or in your case, it seems to amplify. No, no, no, I am brilliant. In fact, I know how to solve problems you hadn't even thought about because of the way my brain is wired and yours ain't wired that way, sister, let's go. So I'm really curious to know, at what point did this level of confidence slash belief kick in? Because
you were diagnosed early. You were able to get the necessary resources but can you point to a time when you step into this belief and stepped into the knowing that you have something to offer as a result of, or even though, you had these, not one, but two disabilities, right?
Yeah, I would say I was 16 and it was probably actually when I came up with the idea for Capable Consulting, not necessarily the name or how it would look like but it was when I was 16 and I was applying to colleges and, you know, taking the PSATs and the SATs and my SAT tutor, who had been working with me for a year, looked at my scores and was like, I think you should apply to community colleges or small liberal arts colleges. And I was looking at her and I was like, why? You've
worked with me for a year. I'm president of like, six different clubs. I am a leader in all of these different aspects. Some of my teachers would say, like, the most outspoken person in their class, even if my grades didn't reflect it. I was able to communicate in all these different ways. What about that made me not college material or not college material in the way that you think it should be? And I was so upset and offended that she didn't see me as a whole
person. That she just saw me as something on paper that wasn't worthy. And I was absolutely furious. And because I was in resource room, you know, I was seeing all of these kids who had had the same thing said to them and truly believed it. And I was like, but they're really smart and I'm getting to see them in this small bubble and know that they're really smart. Why don't they believe it? And I not only got into school, I went to Indiana University. I went to a very, very large university.
Yeah.
And I'm not saying that it was a breeze because it wasn't. I mean, I was really struggling to figure out how to navigate through a large university system. But in the same vein, I, once I figured it out, I then didn't want anyone else to feel like they were going to fail. And I actually created a mentor retention program for college students with disabilities at Indiana, so that they could really succeed and thrive in this large
university system. So it was like once the light was shined on the problem, I never wanted anybody to be left in the dark. And I really have always tried to take that opportunity, whether it was professionally, you know, just having conversations. It was like, jokingly, my office was always the go-to, help me figure out what to do. And, you know, that's who I am but that's again, that's part of who I am because of my learning disabilities and I'm okay with that.
I love it. Oh, my goodness, like, Who do you think? I'm not going to no damn community college, what are you talking about? I just love your . . .
Here's the thing. That works for so many people and that works for so many people who have a learning disability or ADHD. And I know so many people who thrived in those scenarios. But just because we looked the same on paper didn't mean we were the same person and that was my frustration. I know plenty of people who did well. That's where they thrive. But we're not the same and no one is the same on paper, regardless of how you're applying. So that's okay.
I love your mindset. Good, Lord.
Thank you.
Welcome to The MindShift Podcast, right? You know, and anyone who's not heard the mindshift method before, it sounds so simple, but it is the philosophy that I live by. And I've come through my own hardships. Nothing like a health or mental learning disability, but I believe that (a) once the facts are the facts, they are facts, right? And the faster we can make peace with the facts, the better we are, because then we can go to step two, which is make a decision about those
facts. What am I going to do now about where I'm going forward? You clearly know the power of making a decision, and not letting the facts become your identity and not letting the facts limit your potential. And step three, of course, is a plan. Right? And you've obviously had resources and help and I want to talk to you about how you've received coaching and guidance in your most recent years as you've moved into entrepreneurship. And we'll talk
about that in a minute. And then the last step is of course, making it happen. Like doing the hard work. Like you said, you went to Indiana University. Hoosiers, right?
The Hoosiers.
The Hoosiers, right. So, so my fraternity Kappa Alpha Psi was founded at Indiana University, 1911, so I'm familiar.
There you go.
So it's doing the work of making it happen, right? So I want to go to a question that, you know, we talked about inspiration and realization. I think we've been unpacking some of that. But when the tough days come along, how do you handle pressure? How do you handle the moments when you actually really do get frustrated, when you're not able to do something that you really want to do maybe because of your disability?
So it's really interesting, as you were asking that question I was, I immediately thought of, where I am now versus where I was when I was working in the corporate, nonprofit world because it's very different. And I would have told you in that frame of mind when I was in the nine to five like corporate nonprofit piece that I had it all together when I was very frustrated. You know, I'm a big yogi. I would go to my classes three, four. times a
week. I never really de-stressed even though I was doing everything on paper that was helping me de-stress. I lived in New York City I was, you know, commuting. I had, you know, crazy days, whatever it was. And the reason was, I was working in someone else's timeframe. I was working under somebody else's pressure. And nothing felt authentic to me. I didn't necessarily feel my best starting at nine o'clock. I felt more productive when I started
doing stuff at 10. I didn't feel my best when I was, you know, in the middle of the day like two, three o'clock, but then I'd be sitting in four hour meetings, and I couldn't function and you know, it was, nothing was in my control, that helped me feel my best, which made everything more frustrating. And now, because I have the ability to work in my own schedule, and work with my own mindset and go with the flow of my day, I don't get that
frustrated that often. Because I am really following the flow of my day. I don't have a single day that looks exactly the same, ever. I don't start the day at the same time, I don't end the day at the same time. I am naturally thinking, Okay, I feel really good. I'm going to sit down, and this is when I'm going to work. And if I don't, I'm going to go sit somewhere else. I'm going to go for a walk, I'm going to go do yoga, I'm going to go play my guitar, I'm going
to do anything else. Because if I went with that flow, I ended up being more productive in the times that I knew I could sit down and do it. And that's why I don't get as frustrated. And I think a lot of people are starting to realize very similar things, because of the pandemic and getting to work from home, which is why people are so nervous about going back into the office because they've gotten used to setting their own
schedule. Even if there's something that's, you know, your company does meetings at this time or this time, you still get to pick what time you're waking up, or what time you're working out, or when you get to start making dinner, or if you do it in between, whatever the case is, having that ability to make those decisions for yourself is what really has helped long term, not get as frustrated because all the things on paper, I could tell you right now, I was always bubbling at the top
of my volcano just ready to erupt.
Oh.
I never get that way now.
Gotcha. You know, I want to ask you about yoga, because we talked about that earlier. Yoga is what to you? What is it as a practice? Obviously, if you say you're a yogi, that's different than saying I do yoga. Like, I'm smart enough to know that. Tell us about, tell us about how yoga plays into your life.
I started doing yoga when I was 15. And I really think that's one of the things with having ADHD is that it reflects differently in your life for women, or those who identify as women, it's really reflects differently in your cycle, too. So I think when, like my hormones were changing, and I was having a harder time focusing, I needed something that really zoned me in, in a different way, but was also physical. So when it comes to yoga, it is the most centering
form of movement. And sometimes it's really hard to meditate because you know, there's other distractions, or whatever else, but when you take the time to say, This is my time on the mat, my phone is elsewhere. You know, I have nothing else in front of me, this is my only focus. It really can be liberating. Because my mind runs 1000 miles a minute because of ADHD and it's one of the few times that I can have it run like 50 miles an hour. You know, it's a little bit less chaotic.
I like it. Yeah.
And so I try and do it as often as I can. It's not every day. But it's also not something that I gravitate to every day because that's not the kind of movement I need. Or going for a walk and getting fresh air is much more important. So yes, it could be something that's active and really special to you but if you don't do it every day, that's okay too. As long as you're following what your body and mind needs in those moments.
I love it. You're also a baseball fan, a Mets fan at that, and we talked a little bit offline.
I know. Shame on me.
What's going on? You're a New Yorker and you're a Mets fan. We won't talk about that though. Tell us about that. You guys have season tickets, huh?
We do have season tickets. I've been a diehard Mets fan, it was actually a joke that I wasn't going to date anybody who was a Yankee fan, and this guy once picked me up and he came late. So that was strike one. Strike two, he was wearing a hat and we were going to a nice restaurant and strike three, it was a baseball hat and it was a Yankee hat and I was like, You know what, this isn't gonna work. And he was like, Are you serious? It's that I'm diehard serious. Like, this is
not happening. We're not going to work and I don't need to waste your time. But yeah, no, I'm a big Mets fan and it happened to be that my husband's a big Mets fan, so it all worked out.
What do you mean it happened to be? It couldn't have been any other way.
It's true. It's true. It's true. Like it couldn't have been any other way.
Unless they liked an American League team or something, you might have let him slide.
Hmmmmmm, we'll see. But no, I'm really glad we're both Mets fans. When we got married, we like made our save the dates tickets. I mean, yeah, we're . . .
I love it.
We're big fans.
I ain't mad at you. I love it. I love it.
It's very hard to be a Mets fan. And I will say, that's part of the personality of being a superhero. It takes tremendous strength to be a Mets fan.
Yeah.
And stick with it. I've never even seen a World Series win in my lifetime.
I hear you. And you know what, and I respect that. That tells me right now the kind of character that you say that in because, you know, I've got sports team now. I'm fortunate. I'm an LA Dodger Laker Rams fan, but the Ram seasons for a good 17 years were tough. And then we had some bad years with the Lakers. And Lord knows we had some years with the Dodgers. But in all we've got championships to talk about but
I know what you mean. It's when you say you're a Rams fan when you only win a game a year, it's tough.
I got nothing.
So Alex, I saw a couple of blog posts that I tracked down through your Instagram. And I'm imagining just from looking at the title of the post that these are common questions that come up with your clients. One of the blog posts is, how do I keep my shit together? You didn't use that exact, you put the low asterik in there but I'll, it's kind of PG13. It's just not too hard.
It's fair.
Right? And then why can't I be normal? Why did you write those two posts?
I think those are the two phrases that come to me more often than anything else. And I think even in one of them, I said, if somebody asked me that, I'd be a millionaire in terms of how many people ask me that. Because people who have a learning disability or ADHD, I'll say ADHD, specifically, really struggle with organization, you know, keeping timeframes, paying bills on time, all the things that come
with quote unquote adulting. And it's really frustrating when you feel like everyone around you seems to have it all together and you can't. And I should really say can't in quotes, because you can, it's just all the ways in which you've learned to keep it together is not in a way that's actually making sense to you or functional in the way
that you want it to. So there is this tremendous fear of failure and it's provoked by the fact that you've tried 1000 things that don't work for you because they've been written for somebody else that's not you. So I tried to throw a few things out there that might be helpful to you in the sense that even if they don't work for you, it's okay. As long as something does. And I usually try and help my clients really figure that out because my coaching philosophy is, best principles versus best
practices. Because best practices is what you hear all the time, here's the 10 tips for having ADHD in the workplace and how you can function better. Again, they're written for 10 people you don't know who don't have the same type of struggles that you have, or in the same environment. They're not going to work for you, if you try them over and over again and fail. You think it's you, you're now self conscious, the whole cycle
goes over and over again. But with best principles, you can have the same goal of, you want to get more organized, but how we're going to do it is actually going to help you because it's going to be designed for you. It's going to be a system that actually makes sense for you, because it's tailored to you. And that's okay. So I try and throw that out there because those are the things that really, people are overwhelmed by or just feeling frustrated that they're not normal. But you
know what? Normal is boring, really boring. And if everybody was, quote unquote, normal, we'd have no innovation, we'd have no change. There'd be nothing interesting in the world, or the news or anything that's out there. So why be normal?
You named your company Cape-Able Consulting, and for the listening audience, you can look in the show notes and see how it's spelled. And I thought it was unique. After reading your bio, it just made sense to me. At least I think it did. I'd love for you to explain how you named your company and how you spelled it and why.
Yeah, so it's spelled C A P E - A B L E. So cape, able. Three reasons really. One, as I mentioned, I spell everything wrong. So I saw it as capeable. And I remember I wrote it out. And I was like, Cape-Able Consulting. And that's literally how I thought it was spelled. And my husband's like, that's not how it's spelt. I was like, Oh, well, it should be
because that's what it is. Two, I really wanted people to see their strengths and I wanted people to feel like they could wear their cape and wear it proudly and know that they were full of amazing, amazing things. And that's okay to put out
there. And three, I wanted to remind people that they were capable of anything because when you've been told you are less than or you're stupid, or whatever it is that you're made to feel, that really isn't serving you, it's okay to know that you are capable.
I love it. Oh my god.
Thank you.
So there was one piece to that, that I didn't actually figure out in the fact that you misspelled the word. And you were like, well, that's the way it should spell.
Yeah.
I love that piece. Like, you're like, Well, you know what, that's the way it should be spelt.
Cos it's able, you are able, so I thought, okay, that's, weird, that's how it sounds.
I love it. Because I tied it to the superpower thing. And I'm thinking, Oh, superpower, and cape. Got it. And so I just want to say that, I know it seems like a play on words. But you're like, No, I'm trying to send a message that I have lived this way. I've lived what you're living. And that's what you're now offering, through your consulting and your coaching. So tell our audience, you know, how do you work with people and where they can find you.
So I mentioned before some of my coaching strategies, so I do do coaching one on one with clients. I do strategy sessions. I do coaching sessions that last three months
at a time. And then I also do corporate consulting, to try and make sure that companies are being a lot more inclusive to those who have a learning disability or ADHD, and making adjustments in their environment, whether they're working from home or in the office, so that those who have a learning disability or ADHD, and don't necessarily feel comfortable talking about their weaknesses, and talking about the fact that they have disabilities, feel comfortable to do so because there's
resources, and that the company culture is much more inclusive and communicative about everyone's needs. So I work with companies to do that as well. But you can find all of that information on my website, which is cape, as they say it, CapeableConsulting.com. And come find me so we can talk about what we can do to help you move forward.
That's awesome. We're gonna link all of Alex's information up in the show notes, wherever you're listening to this podcast right now. You just open up the description in the show notes section. You should see a link there or come over to TheMindShiftPodcast.com and you can find all the details there. Alex, I love your story. I love the work that you're doing, the work of going to help others through your life lessons, through your distinctions, through your mindshifts, if you will. It's
just worthy to be honored. I mean, I just appreciate it. I think it's always great when you can take something that, again, could be deemed a disability, and you turn it into a superpower not just for your own life, but then you help to free others up and help change their mind and help them move forward in life. I love the topic. So
Thank you.
Before I let you run, let me ask you the last question I always tend to ask. And that is if for some odd reason, Lord knows we don't want to have happen, but if for some reason today was your last day here, what would you want everyone to remember you for?
What I would want everyone to remember me for and what they would remember me for is probably different. So I think my friends and family would probably say, I am incredibly resilient. There is literally nothing you could throw my way that I don't stumble on for a second and get up and do and make things happen. That's exhausting. But I think that's what they would
remember me for. For me, I would say, I would want to be remembered for the fact that I really have always been out there with who I am and I'm not afraid to be who I am. And it's okay to be confident, even if you're not perfect. And I really would like for people to see their strengths, regardless of whether they have a disability or they don't, to just know that you have tremendous strengths that are valued somewhere with people that you should surround
yourself by. And I would hope that people would see that and connect to that and relate that to me.
So good. Alex, thank you so much for taking some time out of being here on The MindShift Podcast.
Thank you for having me.
Hey my friend, thanks again for listening to today's episode of The MindShift Podcast. Listen, let's not have the conversation in here. Connect with me on social @MrDarrellEvans on almost all the platforms, with the exception of Facebook. My Facebook fanpage is @DarrellEvansFan. Until next week, remember you're just one shift away from the breakthrough you're looking for.