How to Design Your Life in 1 Hour

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. How cool would it be if you could just teleport into one of the most popular and interesting college courses that's ever been taught? You know, be a student again, no matter your age, and learn from two of the top professors on the planet.

You know, one course that I've always dreamed about taking more than any other courses at Stanford, and it's called Designing Your Life. In fact, when I started this podcast here in Boston, which is the world's home for higher education. That was my vision. To have world-renowned professors and experts come here to Boston and give you and me the exact same lessons, takeaways, and wisdom being taught in the most incredible courses. and research being done at the top universities on the planet.

Well, today I am so excited that the two Stanford professors who created the Design Your Life course 20 years ago. are here in our Boston studios to teach you their greatest life lesson. Now they're going to tell you that the real challenge isn't designing a life. It's designing your life.

So it has more meaning and purpose than And today you're gonna get the same proven frameworks that these professors have used for two decades to help people take charge of their lives. They're gonna walk you through a powerful exercise that's gonna give you clarity. Especially when you feel stuck, uncertain, or overwhelmed, you will leave this conversation with a crystal clear idea of what will bring you more meaning right now. And trust me when I tell you.

What's going to come up for you when we do this exercise is going to be a total wild card. It's not too late. You can find work that makes you happy. You can experience more meaning and fulfillment in your life. And using the process you're about to learn, it will be easier than you think. So grab your seat because class is in session. It's time to design. Papa, hur kommer jag in i mammas mage? Oj, nu börjar reklamen här, den måste pappa lyssna på. Tanka hos Ingo.

Lågt pris till alla. Ingo kom längre för pengarna. Lågt pris till. Jag vet ju att jag kommer ut i snan, men hur kom jag in? Oj, nu börjar nästa reklamer. Till ändå lej här. Har du koll på de senaste förkortningarna som YOLO, you only live once eller Jadle. Jämför alltid innan du lånar. Jämför lån och välj den bästa rentan för dig på lendo.se. Sveriges största jämförelsetjänst för lån.

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I'm thrilled to be here. And I'm excited that you're here too. It's such an honor to be together to spend this time with you, but I'm super excited about what's about to happen. And if you're a new listener or you're here because somebody shared this with you, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family.

I cannot wait for you to meet two professors from Stanford University who are here in our Boston studios to walk you through how you can design the life you want. The lessons that they've learned from teaching one of the most popular courses in the world for more than two decades are gonna change everything. Dave Evans and Bill Burnett are the founders of the Life Design Lab at Stanford University.

They're also the creators of the Designing Your Life course at Stanford, which has been taught for almost 20 years and is now being taught at over 600 universities. But long before they were teaching life design, for decades, Bill and Dave, they were designing products and leading teams at startups and Fortune 100 companies across Silicon Valley. Bill Burnett earned his bachelor's and master's degrees in product design at Stanford. He worked at Apple in the early days designing their laptops.

He also worked on the team that designed the original Star Wars action figures. Today he's a professor in mechanical engineering and design at Stanford. Dave Evans also earned his bachelor's and master's degrees in mechanical engineering at Stanford. He also went on to work for Apple. And while Bill was designing laptops, Dave was leading the team that created their very first computer mouse.

Dave was also the co-founder of the video game company Electronic Arts, which is one of the most successful gaming companies in the world. If Madden... FIFA or Sims ring a bell? Well you're about to meet the co-founder who made it happen. Together, Bill and Dave have offered multiple bestsellers, including the number one New York Times bestseller, Designing Your Life, and their latest blockbuster, How to Live a Meaningful Life. So without further ado,

Please help me welcome Professor Bill Burnett and Professor Dave Evans to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Thanks for having us. We're thrilled to be here. Yeah, this is fantastic. You too have been at the top of my list. Since I started this, I have been waiting for this moment. I hope you don't disappoint me. No, I'm just kidding. You're gonna call sooner. We would have come sooner. Oh my gosh. Okay. Here's where I want to start.

How will my life be different if I take to heart everything that you're about to share with us today? Yeah. And I apply it to my life. You're gonna get freer. You're gonna feel more agency in your life? You're gonna realize you actually know how to find your way. And as you go along it, you can make meaning every day. Everybody's so busy and there's so much going on, you're gonna learn that it's not about cramming more stuff yet.

It's about getting more out of what you've already got and what you can, you know, what you can design for. Um, and I think that helps people just relax, you know, and understand that they they probably have enough.

Bill, what do you think it is about the popularity of your both of your books and the course? What does all of this interest say to you about what? we're searching for. Particularly amongst the students. And I've taught at Stanford and I've taught all over all over the place. And we've got over six hundred schools now teaching the class. With the students, it's it's really it's really clear. And it's gotten Kind of worse vaguely in the last five or six or seven years.

social media and other things. Will I have a good life? Will I find a good job in it? I want meaning and purpose, but people tell me jobs aren't purposeful. The Gallup pulse is seventy percent of Americans are disengaged from their job. Is that the world I'm going into? Is it gonna be that bad? And so the for the students, it's that kind of anxiety about how do I get started.

And and I had s been in office hours for students for years and years and years before Dave and I decided to put this together. And it seemed clear to me that designing the the the new thing in the world, because I've been teaching designers to design iPhones and iPads and websites and things for years.

Designing the new thing in the world was just like designing the you. What am I gonna be in my future? And so everybody had that problem. And then we started working with folks in the, you know, so the mid careers, thirty five, forty five. And they're having the same question. Gee, it isn't as much it wasn't as cool as I thought it would be, or I'm kinda done with this job, or I need to pivot. Now what?

Now what? And I haven't thought about that in a long time and I don't have any framework for thinking about it. And I've been doing work with folks who are retiring, you know, in their 50s, 60s, or folks that are um, you know, suddenly empty nesters and they're like, well, geez, I organized my whole life. My wife and I are empty nesters. Organize my whole life around my kids.

And now it's just me and my wife, like, do we even know each other? Do we have to do we even like each other anymore? What are we gonna do? So this question just keeps coming up and it's about Will my life, will my future be meaningful? Can I find something to do that is got some purpose in it? And a lot of the structures of that. It used to be well, you had a community, everybody grew up in the same town and

So you knew where you fit in or maybe you had a faith community or a church or something. And a lot of those communities have gone away. There's this huge loneliness. People really feel isolated and lonely. And things are changing so fast, right? That they they don't know they don't know where to turn. for even a way to get started. You say in your number one New York Times bestselling book, Design Your Life, that the true way to design a life is to design your lives.

What does that mean? We say all the time, all of us contain more aliveness, more personhood. Then one lifetime permits you to live out. There's more than one of you in there. Uh Which is why by the way Maslow's idea about Self actualization through fulfillment is dead wrong because he literally says in the nineteen forty three paper

You achieve that by becoming all that one can be. No, you can't possibly be all that you can be because you're way bigger than your own lifetime. Look, I buried plenty of people. None of them were done. That's the good news. Oh whoa. I wanna make sure they that that you didn't miss it. We've buried a lot of good people and none of them were done. Yeah. I mean, I'm at an age where I know plenty of dead people closely. And they all left with a long to-do list. That's the good news.

You're far bigger than your lifetime. So the chance of you being bored or running out of things is zero if you're paying attention. Right. That's the good news. So the best way to design your life is to recognize if there is no getting you right.

There is no right life. There are lots of good lives. Let's go lean into the And by the way, you don't know the future. You might have a good idea and implement it poorly. You might have an idea you thought was good and it didn't work out very well. Whoops. Oh, I blew it. No, I learned

my way forward and I'm gonna keep going. Yeah. There's no getting it right. They're just getting it going. Imagine this. We have it this linear accelerator stamper. It's not the big and it's not as big as it used to be because we had bigger ones now, but this one's pretty good. It still runs.

And I can put you I can put you in the tube and fire you to the end of the accelerators. Two miles long. And by the time you get to the end, you're going ninety-nine point nine nine percent the speed of light, at which point you will experience the multiverse and You can have as many lives as you want simultaneously. You could be the astronaut and the ballerina and the stay-at-home mom and whatever you want. And you'll know.

About all the universes at the same time. And then we asked the the the I said on the count of three, one, two, three, tell me how many lives you want. I go one, two, three, and people go everywhere from one the really bored, burnt out guy, to Infinity. But on average Seven or eight of the earth. Seven or eight. People want eight lives. And I go, well, that just proves our theory there's more than one life in you. If you could have all those lives, wouldn't it be cool?

And if you have seven lives worth of interest in you and you get one life, you're going to be fourteen percent of your personhood. Right now. Oh by the time you die. Wait, hold on a second. Yeah. Hold on, because I imagine a world where Your one lifetime. Could have seven different lives in it. Sure. Which means where you are right now in this particular chapter. Right.

Is just 14% of what you will experience. That's also true. Which means you have the opportunity, if you change your mindset, to really design the next. Fourteen percent section, whether it's from age seventy one to seventy four, Dave, or I don't know how old you are, Bill. But I little younger. We won't hold that against the six. We won't hold that against you.

Um, but if you really think about it that way, that means You could create whatever you wanted that was meaningful to you. Well, and particularly now I tell my students, don't you hope five, ten years from now you're doing a job that hasn't been even been invented yet? I mean, do you really want to constrain yourself to I'm just gonna be this computer scientist or I'm just gonna be this economist or something?

Because first of all jobs are gonna change. Remember in the age of AI tech to be it's gonna be different. And and you can look at that and be terrified or you can look at that and go, Wow, there's gonna be so many new things that show up. All I have to do is pay attention. You know, as these jobs disappear and reappear. Like

When I got out of Stanford long years ago when you know dinosaurs still roamed, you know, White Plaza, you had to learn drafting to be a designer. Drafting on a drafting table with a with a pencil. Who's done that in forty years? So now I can just do something on my phone and print it on a 3D printer. It's amazing. And so if you stay In the growth mindset, if you stay curious. The next ten or fifteen years are going to be amazing for jobs.

for careers, for possibilities, get your boat in the water now, you know, learn some AI, get some get get figure out how to I think it's actually gonna be a renaissance in creativity because it'll be possible for everyone. To do a video, to do a drawing, to do anything, to write a song. This generation feels a little bit despondent.

You know, there's a lot of stuff going on in the in the news that I think like this will be the first generation that doesn't have more than their parents. This will be the first generation that can't afford at home. This is the first gen those kids aren't getting married because they just don't see a you know, they don't see a future.

And um I think the design mindset, it's an inherently optimistic mindset. It's like I can't make the design, but I can make a better one, you know, I can make a better one than the one I've got. Could you speak to somebody in their twenties who is feeling that sense? of discouragement, which frankly is justified. Yeah. Given some of the factual research about the cost of living and changes that are happening and the headlines. Like look, first of all, if you're twenty. Yes.

Be encouraged by the following facts. Your neocortex, which is the part of your brain that allows you to have an executive function and actually allows you to have full empathy for other people, isn't formed until 27 or 28, a little later in men. Big surprise there. So if you're 20, 21, 22. You're not even here yet. We remind our graduating seniors, you're not broken, you're twenty two.

Your 22-year-old job is not to figure it out because the you that's you're ever maybe even gonna have a shot at figuring it out is six or eight years away from you. So your 20-year-old self's job is to give your 28-year-old self some interesting options.

No, no mean sit on the couch at mom and dad's house and wait for something to land in your lap. Get out there, start living, do things, learn your way forward, all that stuff we talk about in all our books. But if you're twenty something It's gonna get more interesting, so don't give up yet.

Now, externally, the macro situation we're all living in, I mean the that macro situation I was living in in nineteen seventy-six when I graduated college is pretty radically different from what's going on right now, fifty years later. Uh people are feeling powerless for a good reason, because people with power are hanging onto it and exercising it pretty egregiously right now, personal point of view. That being said, okay. There are systems that are bigger than you. The question then says

Do you want to spend your time working on those systems? Yeah. Bill's got a son named Ben who's currently working, you know, in Congress. He's gonna go directly after the problem. You know, I'm not going directly after the problem. I'm writing books about meaning making for everybody else in the meantime. I hope that leaves the campground a little better than I found it. So find what you can do within the constraints of reality.

Maybe it's different than your parents' generation. Who cares? That was then, this is now. What world are you in? What is available to you, how can we make the most of what is, not complain about what is.

But I get that it's hard. It is hard. It's hard. And I see this in lots and lots of our students. People say, Oh, the Gen Zs don't want to work hard and they want to be pampered. It's like not the ones we know. The ones I know, they'll do a startup, they'll work a hundred hours a week if they believe in something. And so I'm I'm very optimistic about the generation coming up and the generation that's already out there and say, Well, you know What can I do?

You know, a lot of people feel like they don't even know what they want. But there's this other exercise that you are world famous for called the Odyssey Plan. Yep. Can you just walk the listener through a little bit? Because it can help you see other lives in yourself.

And how to live a meaningful life to lean into. So we know you have to have more ideas to get your best ideas. And if you get stuck on the one idea, you're gonna get stuck in a corner. So If we're gonna plan the future possibilities, we gotta hear from more than one of you. Three's kind of a magic number because it really gives you some freedom. Um

And one of them is probably the life you're already in. The other one is if you can't do that, what else would you do? And the third one, the wild card, if money were no object, you know, and nobody would laugh at you, what would you do? That's the wild card. Well, maybe I would open the Beanie Baby store or I'd start the button shop, whatever the crazy thing is. The reason we ask people to have a crazy idea is not because the crazy idea is a good idea.

It's because we need to train you to quiet the internal critic. So as soon as you say, well, you know, the fifty four year old woman says, I mean, I'm thinking about going back to medical school. I always wanted to do that. I don't think it's too late, but my friends say I'm all crazy. What do you think? So her internal critic is being encouraged by all of her friends' internal critic going, Well, that's crazy. You can't do that.

And that's the part of evolution that keeps you from being eaten by the saber toothed tiger, you know, so there's a negative bias built into your brain evolutionarily, lest you be eaten. Um, so you have to learn how to overcome that critic. So the Odyssey plan helps you imagine there's more than one way you can live.

And it helps train you to quiet your internal critics so you get the rest of your ideas back. So I want to make sure that you really got that. So the way that you help yourself imagine different possibilities in your life is Through the Odyssey planning, you ask yourself three questions. Right. What happens in my life if I change absolutely nothing? Where am I for five years? Five years from assuming it goes well.

Yeah. Well, I I I thank you for that. Like, let's just assume it goes well. Let's assume it goes well. What happens in five years? What is my life like? Who am I? Who am I? Okay. Second one is. All of this disappears. Yep. Can't do that. Can't do that, but I gotta pay my bills and plan B. Yep. Gotta have a plan B.

Five years, what am I doing? Yep. What am I doing? And the third is money's no object. Yep. Whatever you want. Whatever you want. Nobody's gonna laugh. Yep. It's gonna work out. Yep. What are you gonna do? If you do those three things and we've done this with

I mean tens of thousand tens of thousands of people, including people like I'm not doing this. You know. And we give them twelve minutes. Twelve twelve. Twelve minutes. Sometimes fifteen. Yeah. And absolutely I mean ninety-nine point seven percent of the people do it just fine.

I'm sit standing behind this fifty seven year old chiropractor at the yeah, we were real guy at one we had six hundred people in the room. This one guy's sitting back from their room, just looking at the paper going, hmm. So I come up to him and say, um So how's it going? Fine. I go, Yes, you just gonna sit this one out? He goes, No, no, I'm I'm doing it. I go, Well, you're not doing much. It's uh you gotta pick up the pen. He goes, Yeah, I'm a little stuck. I go, Well, what do you do?

I'm a chiropractor. Okay, great. Do you like it? Yeah, I like it a lot. How long have you been doing that? Twenty seven years. Okay. You want to die doing that? He said, what? I said, by the time you die, do you want to still be doing this? He kind of goes, Well, I don't think so. I said, Oh, then at some point you're gonna do something else. He goes, Well, I guess so. I go, and what might that be? He goes, Oh, I guess I am gonna do something else, aren't I? I said, Yes, you are.

Write that down. It goes, Oh, okay. I mean, he had it in him. He just had to get over himself. I love this. And I'm gonna encourage you as you're listening, unless you're driving a car, do this right now. Think about it. It like if you if nothing changes, it goes well, what does life look like five years?

If everything disappears and you gotta go to plan B, what does life look like in five years? And what are you doing? What's the something else? And what is the crazy wild thing that you don't need money? And nobody's gonna laugh at you. What is that thing? Classes and lectures. It's a series of these little workshop things and design exercises. So then people get in threes and they read each other. I I read my Odyssey plan to the other two people and we teach them to listen very generatively.

In in tens and tens of thousands of these, the last question I ask when I'm debriefing the class, I say, you know, those wildcard plans that you heard from everybody in the class. Of the listeners. How many of you think that person could actually do the wild guy? It's not nearly as crazy as they 100%.

Hundred percent. It's not as crazy as you think. And again, we're not trying to get people to quit their jobs and you know and join the circus. Join the circus. It's just that it's proof there's more life in you than you think.

There's more possibilities than you think when you think in threes, not binaries or ones. You you know, you light up like the Sicco sign in Boston when you talk about this. What is your wild card? The last time you did this? Artist. Being art like a painter? I am a painter. I have been a painter. So I went off to Stanford. was even back when I did it was kind of expensive. And um I wanted to be an art major. My dad was a pretty practical guy and he said, look,

If you want to be an art major, yeah come back and go to go to UMass. So I'm not paying for Standard. But I found this design thing and that was pretty cool. 'Cause the our design major was a combination of art, engineering and psychology. But I did make a promise to that eighteen year old kid that someday I would be an artist. And so I have a studio, uh painting is my thing.

And when I'm in the studio painting, that is I don't know if I'm any good, I don't care. Robert Henry is a famous uh painting school in New York in the nineteen twenties. His phrase was the the goal isn't to make art. The goal is to be in that marvelous state of mind that makes art inevitable. Do you know that's the mission of how we do work here. Yeah. That quote. I cool. I I can tell. So that's on the door of my studio. And to be and to be in that marvelous state of mind.

Yeah, it's a very special place. Yeah. And so I promise myself that that will be my that is my wild card and that is coming up. Dave, what's yours? Well, there are a bunch of'em. One probably c uh came very close to becoming an actor. But there's a particular version of performance art that I've long thought would be really fun to try, which is to be a waiter in an extremely elite restaurant. Really? Yeah. Which I think is absolutely performance art.

First time I've ever heard this. So tell me more. How to read the room. I mean, so um, you know that people are coming in, their expectations are incredibly high, and this couple's having an argument and that, you know, family is celebrating the kids' graduation. And and can you read, can you read the room? Can you maximize this incredible experience? Cause you go to a fine dining experience.

for a particular kind of celebration or a particular kind of, you know, outing, and the right weight service catalyzes it beautifully, the wrong weight service wrecks it. And can I deliver the improv Performance that has nine different stages at the same time called tables, playing nine different parts. Having every one of those people have an amazing experience in real time. Can I pull that over?

I mean it renting a really, really amazing restaurant is a really, really hard thing. It's really hard. That's definitely not on my fantasy list. My fantasy list I don't want to be in the kitchen. It's too scary. Mine for sure is I want to write a fantasy trilogy. Oh, okay yes, all about angels that are among us and the theme of our own. Aren't good or bad and I have this whole I've been thinking about it for ten years.

And I'm gonna I'm I'm going to do it. Yeah, yeah. Right. I'm going to do it. Like, but it's it's always in there. And I love that you share that. And for you listening or watching, I I want you to share your wild card. Yeah. Either with us or put it in the review or the comment of the show or when you share this episode with somebody that you care about. Be a little cryptic and say my wild card is this.

And you'll know exactly what I mean when you listen to this. And then I want you to tell me yours. Yeah. You know, Mel, uh Bill and I have we talk about the stuff we've been doing for a long time. We often say at the end of the day, what we're really doing, we're just giving people permission to live their life.

It's really just giv yes, you can. You do know how to do this. You have it in you. You may not have it in you to be a an Olympian, but you have it in you to be something. And that because right after the Odyssey plans comes prototyping. What on your plan do you want to learn about?

And then they prototype. Oh, that's the next step. They come back. Yeah. Back to the next class and they go, Did you know you can actually make a living in the circus? I had one student who was a gymnast at Stanford and she wanted to go to medical school. Her parents wanted to go to medical school. She cut a deal. Can I do something before I go to medical school? She's now been in circuit Soleil in China, and she is a circus clown.

Which was on her Odyssey plan. And she's having a great time. But have a hard time even imagining something so wild it's not possible. And when they talk about plan one, it's kinda like, yeah, well, so I'm gonna just keep being an accountant. I'm gonna do this thing. And, you know, I'm pretty good at it and da da da. But when they talk about their wild kind, they're like, You know, I really love diving and underwater photography, and I'm wondering if I could be a

A dive instructor who does photography, maybe for National Geographic. And I said, Well, I happen to know a guy who started a company building underwater cameras. Would you like to have a prototype interview? And they're like, Really? I go, Yeah. When you know that you don't know what you're doing.

Right. The competence of you have to be competent at your incompetence. You have to be good at knowing when you don't know what you're doing called the future I haven't figured out yet. Yes. So you make a move, then learn something, make a move, learn something, but go back, you know. Keep making moves until you finally iterate your way forward through prototyping. That's what we teach. Life is a series of incremental prototypes.

You find your way by living into your life. You build your way forward, we keep saying. There is no knowing. There is only doing, learning, and growing. Bill and Dave, I am so happy that you're here. I hate to say this, but I gotta hit the pause button real quick. I know you're loving Bill and Dave too, but let's give our sponsors a chance to share a few words, and I want to give you a chance. To share this episode with somebody who needs to hear it.

Because we all deserve the permission and we also need the frameworks to design the life we truly wanna be living. Don't go anywhere because there's so much more to dig into, and we've got a really cool exercise that we're gonna do when we return. So stay with us. Det är choklad. Nej, du kan sova igen nu. Nu kan du eller någon annan njuta av en chokladkaka varje gång du. Eller tankar 25 liter eller mer. Gäller för dig som medlem.

Du vet, jag har ju min egen runda. Här är i varuuset. Precis. Och nu när min familj börjar hitta hit, så försöker jag lära dem den med en karta på kylskåpet. Ja. Ja, men nej, de vankar hit och dit. Ingen struktur. På Biltema är det lätt att hitta. Mercedes. Ja, tre dag kvar här. Ja, sen är det jag som ska bli expert på att göra. Absurd. Ja, vi börjar med ett bisamhälle, får vi se. Kan bli fler? Vi säger: vi finns här när du vill spara till pensionen.

Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins and today Stanford University Professors. Bill Burnett and Dave Evans are here for our first ever double guest episode. We're talking about how to create a meaningful life. And I am loving it. I know you are too. So let's jump back in. So I know I'm going to get a ton of questions about this. Can you guys give a couple examples?

of what actually a prototype looks like. Clowning. Clowning's actually a thing. And there's i is it the Shriners? Is it there's there's some outfit where they try to train the members and they do clowning in hospitals to visit kids. Oh, so you could probably call the local hospitals and does anybody do clowning with the children? Oh great. Do they have a training for that? So you could go f uh yeah, I trust me, there's somebody who will train you to be a clown.

can be a little bit of clowning that you could go into the children's ward and try cheering some maybe just ride along with them, watch them c you know, I mean, there are ways to get at the thing that you think you're thinking about. So you're twenty something You see your friends living in Montana. Should I live in New York? Should I go to Montana? Should I go into eye banking? Should I be a ski bomb? Like

I don't know what to do with my you know, you're twenty-eight. What's a pr an example of a prototype? Here's another one. A Uh, stay at home mom. The kids are gone. Now it's my turn. Right. What am I doing? Am I going back to nursing school? Am I finishing my degree?

Am I writing that novel I've done? Am I writing that novel that I'm thinking about? Like what does that mean in terms of just a couple specific things that you've seen people do to give the person listening an idea? So I'm sitting with the 57-year-old. Suddenly emptinessd mom who left a couple of things behind, doesn't know what to do. Great. So let's

quickly come up with your list of things that might be at all interesting. Okay. Oh yeah, I'm thinking about being a ski bum, I'm thinking about going back to medical school. I actually talked to a fifty four year old about that, you know, and I'm thinking about being a novelist. Okay, fine.

Now, maybe I should oh, I'm gonna go back and and get a master's degree in creative writing and spend three years and thirty thousand dollars and then write one blog and I didn't like it that much. Terrible idea. That's jumping way off the cliff. So the prototype idea would say talk to people, try stuff. So go out and have a bunch of narrative conversations, not with, oh, you're a novelist and how much do you make and what Did you school, did you go to those are transactional conversations?

not narrative conversations like what's it like to be you and what do you enjoy and what do you not enjoy and tell me all about that. And I have these narrative conversations with people in the world I'm thinking about being in. Which is what Dan Gilbert at Harvard, not a bad school. would say is surrogation, not simulation. Quit reading about it, go talk to people about it, because you're a person And when you encounter a person

who tells that story, that story becomes real, you'll actually learn more from persons in the world you're thinking about than reading about it. You'll feel something. You'll feel something, you'll experience something. And then maybe some of them can get you a ride along and a visit. You can you can do some experimentations, try stuff.

Long before you overcommit and then eventually after enough iterations, you'll make a better decision. You know what's interesting? Because I want to build on this. Yeah. Because so many people probably say to you, Well, I have no idea. I have no idea what I want to do. And I That's almost never true. I agree with you. And if you're saying that right now, like I don't know what my life's about, I don't know what I like.

I I love this fourteen percent thing and this idea and the invitation you gave us to step into a time machine accelerator thingy. Yeah. The average person says, I've imagined eight lives. Yeah. So you're in one of them. Right. You've got another seven. Yep.

What are the other seven lives you would imagine in the fantasy of your mind? Right. And those are the things to then lean into and get curious about, correct? I always wanted to be a dive instructor. I love diving, but I always wanted to be a photographer. I want to have a podcast. Okay. Jump into the podcast. Try writing, you know, a 2000-word essay every day for five days.

See how that feels. Oh, that was really hard. It was really lonely. Dave hates writing because it's lonely. I'm the introvert. He's the extrovert. I love sitting in a room talking to myself all day long. It's wonderful and he can't stand it. Um so like try st the trying stuff and the talking to be if you talk to writers, they'll say writing is very lonely. If you can't handle that, you're probably not it's not going to be a good thing for you.

And you wouldn't know that unless you talk to somebody who does it. So it's almost like time travel. You can have a little experience of talking to somebody who's the person you think you might want to be. They're already ten years down the road doing it.

And that experience that but that conversation is so much more powerful than, oh, I'm gonna look up on the Google how many, how many writing hacks are there? You know, when when did the five most famous writers write? You know, they wrote in the morning, they wrote in the afternoon, but there's no patterns any of that stuff. So uh you can prototype anything and and the lack of the lack of curiosity isn't really true. I I got I have no ideas. You have really have no idea.

Okay. You know, what did you what was the last show you watched that you th I thought was interesting? Excellent simple. We're not talking about the thing you'll do for the rest of your life. We're talking about what do you want to do next week? So as all of this opens up for somebody and they have this sense of what might create more meaning. Right. And

I wanna get curious. I wanna prototype. I the fear failure and the fear of what other people are gonna think probably comes in like a sledgehammer. What do you say to people in your classes when they get this moment of clarity and then it's like Start really small. I mean g cut yourself some slack for God's sake. We talk about failure immunity because the purpose of a prototype is to learn something, not to succeed. We don't prototype to make sure, oh, will it work? No.

what do I need to know more about? I'm I'm gonna go right along, you know, and and be an auditor of the children's clowns, you know, at the hospital. You know, and I might say the wrong thing. I mean, did I blow it? No, no, no. I'm just I'm just trying to learn what it's like here. So first of all, have your prototypes not bet the farm.

You know, like m maybe my maybe what I'll do is I'll I'll I'll go to Shea Panice in Berkeley, you know, one of the most expensive restaurants in all of California and see'cause I know a friend who's really close friends with Alice Waters and she could probably get me in as the waiter. So my first night as a waiter is in front of Alice Waters at Chapanese. That is not a prototype, that's a performance. So

Cut yourself some slides. Likely to fail. And I'm likely to fail. I probably wouldn't even want to serve the bread there. So like and that's so so make it easy, make it small where almost nothing is at stake, of which there are plenty of opportunities. Give yourself a break. Make it interesting. Make it fun. Cut it down small and Don't shoot too high. We're we're really big on set the barlow. Should you set the Marlowe and clear it? This is the whole

Psychology behavior change. You're not going to change if you make something so big, you know, this is the new year and people have made their resolutions. I'm going to run a marathon this year. It's like, no, probably unless you break that into very, very small steps, it's not going to happen. And so we really don't for super simple things.

Uh and then that builds up your confidence too. If you try something and you, you know, try some prototypes, you learn some stuff, you get a little more confident. Eventually, you know, when you flip into these this designer's mindset, you realize, oh, I can prototype anything. There's really no failure here. You know, the failure is just some rule I made up in my head. And uh once I get rid of that rule, I'm I'm much more free. But yeah, fear drives a lot of people to to not try. Yeah.

Is it never too late? I think there's a big fear that it's too late. I've blown it too much. Like it's never no, it's never too late. I mean the fi uh I'm coming out of a talk, a fifty four year old woman has asked me about, you know, i am I crazy to go to medical school? And I said, look, let's let's just run the numbers really quickly.

Okay, based on the DNA of the gene pool you were born into, what's the likelihood of when you're gonna die? She kinda goes, I'm probably gonna make it to my late eighties, early nineties. They go great. If you m let's say you make it healthy to eighty five, eighty eight, how long do you wanna work? Well

Probably eighty. I said, Okay, great. So we got twenty six years to go. Um And, you know, so you applied probably gonna spend a year going to, you know, uh a medical school application preparatory program, you know, called a post back program, spend a year on that. Spend a year trying to get in, that's two, four years to get through medical school. Now you're in residency. By the way, 90% of medicine is done by residents. So you're already a doctor. You're now practicing medicine.

six years into the program. Eventually let's you finish your specialty. You know, we're now eight years into the program. That puts you at sixty-four. You got eleven you got eleven to twelve years to go before even backing off, maybe fifteen. Cut out the crap of all this conventional thinking and just ask yourself the question, What's happening? What might it be? I mean, I'm about to get married for the third time.

'Cause you know, my wife died on me, and which was not the plan. And uh a lot of my friends hit me because they're like it's too hard, it's too much. I don't you really want to go through that again? I go, sure. Um it's terrific. Um it's a ton of work. It's an absolute mountain of work, you know. But I mean what what else am I doing?

Dave, thank you so much for saying that. There are so many more things I have to ask you. I've been waiting for this moment since I started this podcast. I need to give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. So let's just hit the pause button for a moment. And they've given you so much to think about. And I know as you've been imagining, imagining all these possibilities, all these lives that you could be living.

Somebody's popping in your mind. There's somebody in your life who's stuck, somebody who needs this framework. Text them this episode, share this episode, because this episode is proof that creating a happy, meaningful life Doesn't have to be a guessing game or a pipe dream. You don't have to do this alone. There are proven tools and strategies and frameworks that can help you and the people you care about do it. So share this and don't go anywhere because we'll be right back. Stay with us.

Du är sjovt klar. Du kan sova igen nu. Nu kan du eller någon annan. Varje gång du laddar eller tankar 25 liter eller mer. Gäller för dig som medlem. Välkommen till Prem! Du vet, jag har ju min egen runda. Här är i varuuset. Precis. Och nu när min familj börjar hitta hit, så försöker jag lära dem den med en karta på kylskåpet. Ja. Ja, men de vankar hit och dit. Ingen struktur. På Biltema är det lätt att hitta. Ja, tre dag kvar här. Sen är det jag som ska bli expert på att göra absolut.

Ja, vi börjar med ett bisamhälle. Kan bli fler? Vi säger: Vi finns här när du vill spara till pensionen. För alltid.

Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today you and I are spending time with Professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, the brilliant minds behind Stanford University's incredible course called Designing Your Life. And today they're here to teach you and I. how to create more meaning in our lives. Here's another thing I was wondering about. When you go to a funeral, it's very interesting. Oh yeah. The second you walk out of the funeral,

You feel more alive and you have more urgency to do what you came here to do, Dave and Bill. You said we want to give people permission to live their lives. And Especially right now when the world feels so overwhelming and people are exhausted and there are very big problems, is easy to go. It doesn't matter. And when you start to do the math, whether you're telling me that You have seven different lives you could do. You're gonna die with shit on your to-do list and things you never achieved.

You you're fifty, so what? You got forty you're seventy, you probably got twenty more years left. What are you doing? Yeah. My next milestone is death. I haven't got time to waste. Well David and I've been in wonderful communities. I've been in this group of men a men's group for thirty two years'cause I started when my son got born and I needed to figure out how to raise a son.

And we end up we've been around long enough that we've had some guys die and gone to their funerals and said wonderful things about them and then we decided Why don't we wait till we die before we send say wonderful things about each other? So we have a a protocol in our men's group where you can say, I'm gonna die next week. I'd like everybody to write a eulogy. And then you come in and then later quietly and you listen to people say

The most wonderful things about you, right? Because eulogies are not about, oh well, you know, Dave had a big to do list. He crashed off lots of things. His power points were very well done and he always got his budget set on time. Nobody says that. Yeah. They say he was a good man, he was a wonderful husband, he was a great father.

So um do that. Have your friends write your eulogy and find out what you really mean to people. It's amazing. You could also you do that exercise thinking about what you hope or wish. is being said about how you lived your life. Because what you don't want it to be is

Well, he got to be seventy and had the love of his life and just turned down the opportunity to get married again and do it. And she wanted to go to medical school but talk herself out of it for thirty years. Right. No, I mean it's smugger but guys for fifty one years. Formed in 1974, called TD3, Tom and Three Dave. I'm the founding Dave. And you know, we just went through this exercise of

Moving into our 70s. And so we said, okay, let's all first of all announce what age we think we're going to die at. And then write the eulogy you hope will be true by then. And make sure that the eulogy includes things that aren't true yet. So you can live aspirationally into that. And we really do believe that a human being is a becoming and that becoming should be a nonstop program. Don't quit early.

Now you might have some constraints physically, circ circumstantially, otherwise, but there's always more you can become into. So which questions do you want to live into? And by the way, preferably it does really help to have some people around that you're asking these questions with. Yeah. So how old did you say you were gonna be when you died?

And what was the thing that you haven't done yet that was on the list? My line uh eighty five. I'm guessing I'll make it to eighty five. I'd like you to live a little longer. Well, I yeah, I'm thinking I may ex w work for an extension to the contract, but nonetheless I I said at the time I said eighty five.

And the way I put what I'm aspiring to was when I get to heaven I want to be recognized as somebody who's already been there, meaning I've already stepped into profound acceptance and universal love and welcome to all persons at all times. I want to look like I'm already doing that by the time I get there.

I think there's a huge power, and you know this based on the way the brain works, in really embracing the truth of everything that you just said in terms of giving yourself permission to not just live a meaningful life now and find moments of meaning, but to really think about what you want. to accomplish by the end. You know, I'm thinking about this. Who do you want to become? Yeah, who do you want to become? I'm thinking about my mother in law who's eighty nine.

I think she's eighty-nine. Is she eighty eight? I don't know. But she's she texted in the family wide group chat. I'm gonna be here another 10 years. Okay. Because I want to see all the grandkids get married if they choose to get married. Right. And I was like, wow. She's in the game. She's in the game. Yeah.

She knows what she's doing. Yeah. And I think that's there's an invitation to all of us. And so I love that construct of what age do you think you're dying and what are all the things that you want to accomplish that you haven't done yet. And what do you hope? Yeah. The specific tool in the book for that's called the focus question. We actually encourage you to come up with the focus question, but focuses

your attention on what you're trying to become at this particular moment or season of your life. So can you write down the question that not look, d will I have enough money to retire by then? Those are transactional questions, but, you know, A year from now, two years from now, three years from now, if you live well into the invitation to become more yourself, what question do you hope to be able to answer?

by the end of the next year, two or three that you're thinking about. So in my case it was, you know, how will I learn to live out of get to not got to. Because I think that's a more generous position that might allow me to hit heaven in the right point of view. Um and so that's the focus question I've got. How do I live deeply into get to and I got to?

Um that's my focus question for now. And so we and preferably having some people around you that can help you with that question. And by the way, I don't think anybody writing their eulogy or those questions says, I wish I had more I think I'd want to have more money by the time I'm back.

Because you you get to the second half of life, uh assuming that money is uh enough and happy it's not, but Or whatever, but it's hardly you you start to realize that those kinds of transactional accomplishments, while important and interesting ways of keeping score.

Um, aren't the things that are gonna make you happy when you when you Yeah I know you get to that point. So I think I you know, it's uh really encourage um the the folks who are you know thinking about this stuff, think think a little, you know, give yourself a little bit of time, turn off the phone and give yourself a little bit of time to think about. You know, what what would I hope people say about me and and how do I become the person that deserves them to say that? And that stuff comes up.

And this is it could be connected to your wild card. It could be just connected to, you know, where you are in your journey. That stuff comes up.

Where you you know, a lot of time so and I do this actually cause you know, one of the first things I said to Dave when we set this up is You know, we gotta do everything we put in the books, otherwise they're the biggest civics on the planet. So we do all this stuff. And every once in a while and I do this stuff, I lean back and I go, Oh wow, where did that come from?

You know, that's a good like that's a that's an idea. Where did that come from? And it you know, it came from some part of me that you know just needed a little bit of quiet. to you know to find its voice. So I hope people can do that because it's really Yeah, if you're paying attention, life is full of invitations. I think life is full of invitations to your becoming self if you're paying attention.

Yeah, you said turn off the phone and take the time for the person that says, Well, I I just can't, I'm overwhelmed. I have no time. What do you want to say directly to them, Bill? I'll bet if I looked at your phone and tell me how much time you spend on Instagram, how much time you spend it on TikTok.

How much time you spent scrolling mindlessly, you know, through uh reels or short videos on YouTube. I do it too, and every once in a while I look at that and go, I can't believe I spent an hour on this crap. So give yourself a power, a pause. And you know, go look at the phone, it'll tell you how much time you spent just doom scrolling through stuff. And I and I always ask people, tell me the last video you'll watch. They go, I don't know. Tell me the last really, I don't know.

Tell me the last, you know, text you read or the the last thing you read on on X. I don't know. I said so if you're doing it and you can't even remember what it was. Would you like to reallocate that time to something more interesting? I'm only talking about 20 minutes here. Can you give me 20 minutes that you would have spent and just be present with yourself? And see what comes up. You know, standing in front of a big blank canvas.

And I'm going, Oh, well the world really needs an older white guy painter because we we need more painters in the world. And I'm gonna paint something and no one's gonna care. So I go through all that stuff in my head. And then if I quiet down for a little while and I, you know. Just stare at this thing. I get an idea. Then I get another idea, and I get another idea, and pretty soon.

The painting is painting itself and everything is is wonderful. But boy, everybody's got that moment where like, oh, this isn't gonna work or this is stupid or this is useless. I have that all the time. Well That's the moment. Yeah. That's what it all comes down to. Because you can stay there. Or you can lean into the other world you've taught us about. Pick up impression.

Put something on the canvas and again set the bar alone. Like, oh, I really need to start meditating, so I should do twenty minutes every morning between six and six twenty. I gotta get up at five thirty, you know, and eat some really pure yogurt first. Like, whoa, dude.

lighten up. Um we've got a thing called the seventh day savoring. Once a week sit down and pick a moment during the week when you felt deeply alive, go back and savor it because you didn't have time to fully experience it in real time. You know, uh you could just go back there and like linger over it. I mean, put put that let it sit on your tongue and really get the most out of it. Okay, it's five minutes a week. And your prototype is, I'll do it that twice. Okay, so two five minutes.

on a Sunday afternoon and then ask the question, was I worth it? Did I enjoy that? Well do a little bit more? It's okay. You don't have to jump over your head. If you're moving, you're you know, that's moving toward a meaning-making practice. So you're designing your way forward. I want to read to you from your blockbuster bestseller, how to live a meaningful life. And this is page eight. All of us are not.

This longing for more meaning may be one of the most universal things that all humans want. Lives that are generative and joyful, fulfilling, and connected, Lives that are about more than just getting through each day, paying the bills, maybe taking a vacation now and then. And too many people are finding too few an answer for how to get what their hearts keep telling them they were made for the meaning and purpose that they need.

The quest for meaning can seem too big and too overwhelming. But here's the thing. There is something you can do, really actually do, to experience a more meaningful life today, right now, in this exact moment.

So Dave, what is that one thing? Well the first thing is you get a reframe. You know, in design we do problem finding before we do problem solving. One of the reasons people fail is they're working on the wrong thing. Problem finding precedes problem solving. Okay. So the question, oh, how do I live a more meaningful life usually frames itself is what is the meaning of my life? I have not yet found my purpose. What is the one true thing that really is what I'm here to do?

And we think those are all the wrong questions. Because they all treat you as a transaction, as a problem to be solved, for which there is a correct answer. Okay. So instead of working on the what is the meaning of life, we're here to give you tools to design more meaning in life.

Okay, I want to make sure the person listening got this. Yeah. One of the reasons why I get stuck and you get stuck and the people that you love get stuck is number one, we're asking the wrong question, which is how you're going to be able to do ultimate answer to life. The ultimate is this really it? Have I found it? No, you haven't found it because you're gonna keep growing and the it's gonna change. So stop worrying about it.

And let's work on this. Well what I love about it is and you know, look, this is why you guys are brilliant. Okay. Just gonna say. Is because as I've been sitting here going, you know, I gotta find it. That that statement in and of itself says it's out there. Right.

How do I create more meaning right now here? Yes. So don't wait for the ultimate answer. No, by the way, we have both in different ways have worked on the big questions for a long time. And we think the big questions really matter. I'm not saying never think about that. What I'm saying is don't defer life is good and worthwhile until you find those answers. What you can do is start living into the moment that you're in. So the first reframe is, how do I find more meaning now?

And then the second thing is, and where might I find it? Well, I'm glad you said there was a second question. Here's the thing. As somebody who's really screwed up her life for large stretches of it, there are times if you had asked you had instructed me, Mel. The answer is to find more meaning where you are right now. You know what I would have said? Probably F you, because I don't like where I am right now. And there is nothing meaningful about this, which is why I want something else.

Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. What do you say to the person that's feeling that right? Like there is no way to find meaning where I am right now. That's probably because the thing that's not working, there's something that about my uh the job is not working, the marriage isn't working, there's something I'm really unhappy about. Yes. I'm not getting what I wanted from this particular aspect of my life.

And so then you say, well, find more meaning. You're trying to tell me how to make a bad thing good. This is the old well when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Okay. The problem with the lemonade idea is let's take a bad thing and make a good thing of it. No, no, no, no. Okay, there's something that's not working. I get that, but that doesn't mean there aren't other parts of your life.

where more meaning and more aliveness are lurking latently waiting for you to discover them. Don't let those go. Now, meanwhile, we might want to have some projects to maybe your job is a bad situation when when we have got asked over and over again, why isn't it more fulfilling? It's I thought I did everything you guys said and it still isn't working for me. We're hearing that skyrocket as a question in the last two years.

I'm just not having the impact I want to. Well, impact is important, but it's only one form of meaning making and it's got a very short half life. Like it right after you finish doing something successful, three, two, one, what have you done for us lately? So there are other ways to experience meaning.

Which happen in this place we call the flow world, not in this busy world we're all in most of the time we call the transactional world. So our big invitation for where that more meaning is is spending more time in the flow world, which is right here, by the way, but there's a lot more in front of you than you think. This is easier than they told you. Okay, that's the part I want to hang on to. Yeah.

This is easier than they told you, and this is also easier than what you're currently doing. So flow is that state where time stands still, you're in the moment. by definition, because that's where you are fully engaged. And in it's a it's a moment where actually you you're you're making energy. Psychologists will say it's a it's an energy generating moment because It just feels

So good. Dopamine and other good chemicals going in the brain. And um some of this comes from the work of Dr. Lisa Miller, you know, her from Columbia. She kind of updated the left brain, right brain model. We used to say the right brain was the creative brain, the left brain is the analytical brain. It's more nuanced than that. And her model is there's a the achieving brain, the the transactional brain.

And the awakened brain is where we experience flow, where we experience spirituality, where we experience a connection to something bigger than ourselves. And so all we're arguing for is recognize that those two things. The transaction world but slow world. the achieving brain, the awakened brain, and get a little more into, you know, building your whole brain, which is having uh a balance between the two.

And being in the flow world and experiencing this awakened sense of yourself connected to the world, that's when we are more human. Right. So we need both sides of the brain. We need both awakened and achieving. We need to be in the transaction world and the flow world. Uh, and we and we're under practiced, right, at getting into the flow world. Can you give me some examples in day-to-day life?

that really help illustrate for the person listening who has never even considered that there's a second world to live in other than the one in your head. Right. What does it feel like to be in flower? What's an example that you might find in somebody's everyday life that you could hold on to and go, oh, I've experienced this. I okay, I understand the this this difference.

If you're an athlete, you're in you felt it, you're in the zone. You're that place where you just know where the ball's gonna be. If you're a runner, it's the runner's high where you you've your your brain goes quiet and you're just on the run. Um, I like to cook. For me, it can be as simple as, you know, I'm chopping onions, I'm doing my mise en place and preparing everything before I cook. and put on some good music and just be in that state.

And then I'm not thinking about school. I'm not thinking about, you know, the budget. I'm not thinking about other things. I have a lot of voices in this head that are talking to me all the time. And so learning to just kind of quiet them down and do some do an activity. running, cooking, something that you enjoy doing. But really being all in, totally present, and being available to what the experience can be.

I keep coming back to this 14% thing. I think you your next book should be the 14% mindset because I just feel this sense of the invitation of the unlived life. That there's these two lives that we have. The one you're living. Yeah. The one you're living and the one you have yet to create. Sure. And one of the things that you two write about is that you can boil a design your life process into a post-it note.

Bill, what's on the post-it note? This is hard. Professors don't like to boil their their things down to something so simple that anybody can do it. I exactly. Um those Mark Twains, if I had more time I'd have written a shorter letter. Okay.

It happened on Canadian Live TV. We we were running out of time. The producer goes, We're just about out of time. Can you do the book in a sentence? I said, Dude, we're Stanford professors. We don't give short answers to hard questions. He goes, Oh then you're off the air. He said, Give me a minute. I was a marketing guy. Um get curious, talk to people, try stuff, tell your story. So it's 10 words. It's really not one sentence, but it's get curious.

Lean in, lean to the availability. Talk to people, go out and engage with the world, you know, because the narrative story is where it's at. Try stuff. prototype your way forward, then tell the story of what you're learning. You're becoming Pay attention, reflect on what you're learning. You know, hey, how's it going? Oh yeah, I g I binge watched Game of Thrones all night last night again. What'd you do? That's not that interesting. Well, I was talking about Robinson. She's talking about

There's not there's 14% of the lives I'm living as well as the ones I'm not. I'm really thinking about that. And they kind of go, oh, say more. What's going on with that? So if you're leaning into and living your life and paying attention to it, get curious. Talk to people. Try stuff. Tell your story.

the circular pattern I'm telling stuff from telling my story. People say that's very interesting. I think have you thought about talking to so and so or this, trying this or this, and it just keeps going. You know, your curiosity leads to more engagement, which leads to more prototypes, which leads to more stories. Once you get that flywheel running, you know, it runs by itself. And it and it feels like, hey, I'm I'm making progress. I'm going somewhere.

I'm not exactly sure where it is, but I'm pretty sure I'm going in the right direction. Well, I think it's really cool to just allow yourself to imagine. That there are all of these things that you can do. Yeah. And you're you're gonna die with the to-do list and the experiences and all of the things that you could have become, regardless of whether you mope on the couch. Or you use these principles.

You gotta move from FOMO to jumbo, from the fear of missing out to the joy of missing out. So people think the reason I have FOMO, right? Fear missing a some cool thing goes by like, you know, oh, oh wow, oh we should have done that instead. Shoot, I missed it, says the person who has FOMO. The phrase I missed it acts as though the world is a scarce place and there's barely enough to make an it of your life, and if you missed a little bit of an it you are now diminished. Wrong.

Seeing something cool go by you haven't got time to do just remind you the world is a target rich place and you are a highly capacious creature who could be interested in so many more things than you have time for. Isn't that great? So get used to get a comfortable attitude toward wonderful things passing you by. Just remind you the world is a cool place to live and enjoy that which is in front of you. Look, he talks me into writing a book. Again, I've just we just wrote this third book.

And I said, oh my God, if I do that, the next four years of my life are completely spoken for. Do I really want to do that from seventy-one to seventy-five? It's a year or two to write a book and I get a year or two to talk to Mel about it, you know. I feel like do I really want to do that at this point in my life? Oh sure. And it comes in packages of yes or no.

And the yes to this book is got about seventy-five no's in it for things I'm not doing right now. Yeah. And I'm perfectly happy living into the life I've chosen. Choose your life. Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, what are your parting words? You can do those. And I really hope you do.

You deserve it. My wish for for folks is just try something. Try something really small and see if you can find that little piece of joy or that just a like a pointer towards something that wakes you up. And we know you can do it. Well my wish for you is that I'm at the table at the night that you do your readering and that when you have your opening exhibit for the paintings you don't think the world cares about, that we're all there to clap for you. I will absolutely invite you. Okay.

I'm gonna make you. I'm gonna be there whether I'm invited tonight. Now I know Dave will text me and tell me even if you don't. No, seriously. I love you too. I love the work you do. Thank you for the difference that you make in all of our lives. Thank you for coming today. Thank you for writing this blockbuster of a book now more than ever. I know We are all searching for more meaning. Yeah. And we real I really am grateful that you're giving us the blueprint to find it where we are. Thank you.

Thank you. You're a dear woman. This was really sweet. Yeah, we really appreciate the appreciate the opportunity. It was a great conversation. It really was. And thank you. I wanna thank you for spending time with us and for Making the time to invest in yourself, to listen to something that's gonna open up possibilities for your life and your future because you deserve, as Bill and Dave said, to live a meaningful life.

And this conversation has given you not just tools, but the permission and the encouragement to do so. And in case no one else tells you today is your friend, I want to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And as Bill and Dave said, do it for crying out loud. All right, I'm gonna welcome you into the next episode, the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.

Are you a motorcycle rider? No. I had one motorcycle I crashed it and then I decided I don't have the reflexes for this thing. So I stopped. I j I chant a little Steven Stills every time I walk into a room and I d an order to find. Love the one you're with. Love the one you're with. Yeah. That that's your next book. That's how to find meaning in your marriage. Um, it's a ton of work. It's an absolute mountain of work, you know, but I mean what uh what else am I doing? You know, um

Come on, people. Sorry. No, I This is your life. I mean, come on. You guys are so good. Oh man. You can do this for a living. You're actually pretty good at that. I mean, I I think you ought to seriously consider doing this. Yeah. Yeah. This was great. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes.

I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Podcasts. This segment is sponsored by Microsoft Copilot.

So I've been away from home on a work trip for almost a week. And while I was gone, I'm trying to juggle work and meetings and exercising and eating right and keeping tabs on everybody in the family all while living out of my suitcase. It's been a lot. And you want to know the first thing I did when I walked through my front door? First I kissed my husband Chris.

Then I said hi to our dogs. I picked up the cat and petted him for a minute. And then I plunked down in my favorite chair. And immediately I started to think about all the stuff I needed to get done. What is wrong with me? My inbox was full of messages that I'd been meaning to answer for weeks.

I still had to book flights to go out to Los Angeles to see our daughter. Our fridge looked like a wasteland. Next thing I know, I'm out of that chair, feeling overwhelmed, wondering where to begin. I needed help. I grabbed my phone and I opened up Microsoft Copilot. I think of Copilot as my little AI companion because it helps me take care of the million things that are on my mind so that I can be more present.

And it helps me do it in so much less time. But I also love Copilot because it's so simple to use. All you do is open it up and ask it a question. You give it a problem to solve. And within seconds, it's working with you to come up with answers that work for you and your life. For example, that flight to Los Angeles that I have to book. Do you know how long I had been thinking about that? Okay, I should have gone.

Here's what I did. I just gave Copilot the non negotiables. Okay, here's the dates. Here's the airports, and I asked it to find the best deal. Then I said, okay, now that you have the best deals, could you explain all the trade-offs of picking one over the other? This was all done in a couple minutes. Flight book. Then I had co-pilot help me reply to a work email. I knew the gist of what I wanted my response to be, and here's what I love about it.

I was unloading the dishwasher as I was telling it how I wanted to come across to be professional and firm, but in a kind tone. A few seconds later, I had a draft, I read it, I made a few adjustments, and before I knew it, inbox cleared. And how about that sad empty fridge? I opened up the door, I snapped a photo, and co-pilot built a simple meal plan and grocery list for the week.

It gave me new recipes, it told me exactly what ingredients I needed to buy at the store, and gave me cooking instructions. I didn't have to carry all this stuff around with me anymore in my head, draining my energy because Co pilot had my back. I felt the tension lift from my shoulders. And I realized why. The overwhelm that you and I feel, it doesn't come from doing all the things that we need to do. It comes from carrying those things around in our heads.

The planning, the coordinating, the remembering, the checking back, the thinking about it, the strategizing, the mental to do list, it never shuts off. There's a term for that in science. It's called cognitive load. There's a lot of research around this, but I'm going to tell you what researchers in China found not too long ago. And this research was published in the Journal of Humanities, Arts, and Social Sciences.

When you're trying to keep too many things in your head, your thinking gets slower, your emotions get louder, everything starts to feel heavier than it really is. Your brain has a limited amount of mental bandwidth. It can only hold so much at one time. So when you've got a million open tabs in your head, your brain isn't just stress. It's overcapacity. That's why even the tiniest things start to feel huge because it's not the fridge, it's not even the work email.

It's the fact that you and I carry all the planning and decision making for these things around in your head all day long. You're getting up every day, you're taking care of yourself, you're taking care of your family, you're caring for people, you're doing the best to take care of your health, you're trying to be all these things, you're doing so much.

But it's time to stop doing it all alone. You have to get this out of your head. That could mean doing what I call a brain dump. Just jot all these mental drains on a sheet of paper so you don't have to hold on to them. or talking them out with a close friend. Or what it's meant for me more and more is I open up Copilot. And what I've found is Copilot is just like the perfect partner. It helps you stop all those little mental drains and leaves you feeling empowered.

See, when I sit down with Chris for dinner tonight, I'm not going to be replaying everything I need to get done, because Copilot helped me figure it all out. I can be present in a moment that really matters to me. And there's nothing better than that. Thanks, Copilot. If you want to try it for yourself, visit Microsoft.com backslash Mel Robbins to download the Copilot app.

Get started with Copilot today for free and see how handing off all the small stuff gives you more energy and more time to be present for the moments that matter. That's Microsoft.com backslash Mel Robin. Du är så klarar. Nej, äka. Du kan sova igen nu. Nu kan du eller någon annan. Varje gång du laddar eller tankar 25 liter eller mer. Gäller för dig som medlem. Välkommen till Prem!

Du vet, jag har ju min egen runda. Här är i varuuset. Precis. Och nu när min familj börjar hitta hit så försöker jag lära dem den med en karta på kylskåpet. Ja. De vankar hit och dit. Ingen struktur. På biltema är det lätt att hitta. Vi ses.