6 Powerful Mindset Shifts That Will Change Your Life

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I have a question for you. When was the last time you did something that you thought There's no way I can do that. Something that kind of scared you, you know, and I'm not just talking a little nervous, scared. I'm talking heart racing, palm sweating. Why did I agree to do this thing? Kind of scared. Something that you felt.

completely unqualified for, unprepared to handle, but you did it anyway. Well, recently I did something like that. What did I do? I went on my first ever live tour. And at first I thought, okay. No big deal. What is the big deal with going on tour? I mean, I'm just going to get up on stage, give a speech, inspire everybody that shows up. Then I'm going to head home. This is easy. Oh, my God. I was so wrong.

Because here's the thing. If you came to see the show, you probably thought, oh, well, Mel's just going to talk at me. That's not what I did at all. When I went on tour, it was a full-blown production. 30 crew members, lighting stacks. I didn't know what those were. Graphics packages. Graphics? But what is a graphic? A smoke machine? There was comedy, acting, props, cues. This was not a talk. This was theater. Here's the thing. I've never...

done theater. I was so nervous. I had stress diarrhea for three days straight before the first show. No, I'm serious. My green room bathroom, it smelled like a porta potty at a construction site. So why am I telling you this? Because Let Them The Tour was the most uncomfortable, most vulnerable, most, I can't do this thing. Why did I agree to do this thing that I have ever done?

But it taught me six life-changing lessons that I am going to unpack and share with you today. And yep, I'm going to take you behind the scenes at the tour. I'm going to tell you stories about what happened. But I'm going to unpack these lessons to help you. Do the things that you don't think you're ready for, but you really want to do. It's only in the doing them that you learn that you are ready to do it. And it sort of reminds me of...

roller coasters. Now, I'm not the kind of person that likes roller coasters, but every once in a while, I get on one. And you know that moment when you get into a roller coaster and you like click in and then you think, oh my God, why did I agree to do this?

But now the bar is down and it's too late and it's leaving the station and you are on the ride. That's exactly what it felt for me. Why did I agree to do this? And now that I'm in it, I want out. See, too often you think about whether or not you even want to get on the ride. My mission today with our conversation is to convince you to trust yourself enough in life to put your rear end in that seat. So let's go.

Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome. to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so excited that you're here. I am fired up for the conversation today. I have so many stories to tell you, so you better buckle up and pull that seatbelt tight because we are going to go on a wild ride today.

And I want to start by saying it is always an honor to be able to spend time together with you. I can't wait to tell you the stories that I'm going to share and the six lessons I want to unpack for you. If you're new to the podcast, I also wanted to take a moment and personally

And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode today, here's what I know about you. You're not only the kind of person who values your time. But you made the time to listen to this. So you got to be somebody who wants more out of your life. You're looking for the lessons that are going to help you just squeeze more out.

Take more risks. Today, that's exactly what's going to happen. And if you're here listening because someone in your life shared this conversation with you, that is so cool because they believe in your ability to do things that you're afraid of.

They believe in your ability to do big things, big things that maybe you've never done before. And they know that the conversation today is going to give you the kick in the rear end and the encouragement that you need. And I think it's so cool you have people in your life like that.

See this past month, I did something that I have never done before. I've been thinking about it. Maybe there's something like that in your life. There's something that you've been thinking about doing, but you think, oh, I could never do that. Now's not the time. I don't know if I'm qualified. It might be uncomfortable. I don't know how things would go. And so you keep talking yourself out of it. Well, that was me.

I would see all these other people that hosted podcasts and written books going on these live tours. And I thought, hmm, maybe someday I'll go on a tour. Well, it happened last month. I went on my first ever live tour. Let them the tour. And if you were there, huge shout out. It was an absolute blast. I loved seeing everybody in Boston and New York and Toronto and Chicago and London. Holy cow. And yes, we are going to take the tour out in 2026.

I can't wait to hear where you want us to come next. And I'm so excited to take you behind the scenes and tell you the crazy stories and put you right in those moments where the stress and the nerves and the fear was paralyzing. But I have to say this.

This first leg of Let Them The Tour is one of the highlights of my entire life. I will literally be on my deathbed and look back at this as one of the greatest things I've ever experienced. And it's not just because I got to experience it with my daughters, but it's because of how it stretched me.

It's because of the things that went wrong. It's because I put myself in a situation that was so outside my comfort zone and anything that I had ever done. And whenever you do that, you not only surprise yourself, but life's... surprises you back and this tour was exactly that and I cannot wait to get back out on tour in 2026 and see you and come to your city and have you experience this too. So I just wanted to say that because I'm going to...

harp on the bad stuff and how scary it was and all that stuff. But this truly was magical. And that's a big takeaway. And it's why I want to push you. Because when you do put yourself in a situation that forces you to stretch and grow. going to college, breaking up, starting a new job, moving to a new city. Anytime you've done that, you become a better version of yourself. And that's my mission with our conversation today. Because...

You have something right now that you know you want to try that is completely out of your comfort zone. Period. It's true. Like, stop and think about it. There's somewhere in your life where you're playing small. Or there's some aspects that you're just sticking to what's familiar. Oh, I'll do that in a couple years. Oh, I like watching other people do this online. Maybe someday I'll do what I see other people doing online.

but there's a part of you that really wants to do it, you know? For some reason, though, you just can't get yourself to do it. I believe the best things in life come from doing the things you don't believe that you can do. You know, the things that the little voice in the back of your head is constantly talking you out of. Whether you want to start a YouTube channel, but no, people might judge you.

Everybody else has a YouTube channel. What am I going to say? What if it doesn't work? Or maybe you want to take a dance class or you think you're a terrible dancer. You know, funny enough, I was in a new yoga studio this weekend where I live in Vermont.

And they're offering these hip-hop and shuffle dance classes. And the first thing I thought is, oh my gosh, I'd really love to do that. But then you want to know the second thing I thought? Oh, I'm a terrible dancer. I couldn't go to a class to learn to dance. There are so many things in this category. Maybe you want to start volunteering.

but you don't know how to get started. You want to write a book, but you think everybody else has already said what you want to say. You want to go on a date, but oh, what if they say no? You want to start your own business, but oh, what if I fail? All these things that you want to do. that you're afraid of, that you're nervous. These are the biggest opportunities for growth and fun and stretching yourself and learning more about yourself. And so today...

I'm going to teach you exactly how you can conquer these things in your life step by step. Because I'm going to share with you these six mindset shifts and lessons that helped me go from, I can't do this. Why did I sign up to do this? To going, oh my gosh, I'm doing this.

There's a huge difference between the Mel Robbins that was on this planet before the Let Them Tour and the person that is your friend Mel Robbins post-tour. And it's because of these six things that I learned doing something that I didn't think that I can do. If you can just take everything I'm about to pour into you, the funny stories, the lessons that I learned, the crazy twists and turns that I'm about to bring you backstage and behind the scenes, if you can take all this to heart.

It will help you take the leap. And I promise you, you are going to surprise yourself with what you are truly capable of. I mean, just like that doll can stretch beyond your wildest dreams. you can stretch into a new version of you. Now, you may be thinking, Mel, why would you be nervous about going on a tour?

Woman, you were a motivational speaker for 10 years. You were on some of the biggest stages around the world. You gave speeches for life. You have this podcast. You're talking to a camera and into a microphone right now, Mel. You record all the time. I don't really believe you. Going on a tour with something you were afraid of? I mean, isn't that kind of the same thing? I thought it was. But let me tell you something.

Going on tour is a completely different animal than recording a podcast or even giving a speech. Like, think about speeches. Like when I was hired to give a speech and I'm still hired to give speeches for some of the biggest brands around the world, it's somebody else's event.

You basically show up and they hand you an hour and I hand them my presentation and then they give me a clicker and then I go on the stage and I do my thing and then I leave and that's it. When you go on tour, you're responsible for everything. You're creating your own event from the very beginning, like absolutely everything. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And that brings me.

to the very first lesson. Lesson number one, what if you did it bigger? I want you to really consider this. what if you approached the things that you wanted to do in your life or the things that you're already doing and you did it bigger? And I want to explain what I mean. So let me tell you a story. So when I first decided, okay, we're going to go on tour. I really wanna get out into the world. I wanna see you in real life. I wanna hug you. I wanna have fun together.

We hired a tour production company because that's what you do, right? And I thought, okay, I'm really good at this. In fact, I might have said something very arrogant in the first meeting. Oh, guys, this is going to be a breeze. Like, I give speeches for a living. I know what we're doing here. We got a great team.

We do production for a living. This is going to be great. And I just kind of envisioned, okay, we would get a bunch of theaters. There would be a couple thousand people out there, and I'd walk out and I'd give a speech. But as we started planning it with this world-class production team, and here's the thing, I didn't hire a team that does like small speeches. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I didn't even realize it, but I did it bigger from the start. We hired a team that does like stadium tours for famous musicians. I mean... We brought in the big guns. So I'm sitting in this meeting, right? And I'm thinking, okay, I know how to do this. I know I've been on other people's tours where they've interviewed me on stage. I've been on stages. And as we're planning it, Marcus...

I'm going to blame Marcus because there's always somebody in your life that makes you go bigger. Today, your friend Mel Robbins is going to make you go bigger, but damn it, it was Marcus who in the meeting said, look, you know, Mel, I can't do the Australian accent. He actually has an Australian accent, which would make it sound a lot better. But he was literally like, look, I can't do it. It's embarrassing. So he goes, look.

You're a fantastic speaker. I've been watching your speeches on YouTube. You could absolutely just roll onto that stage, Mel, and you could light the place on fire and you could give an incredible speech and people would leave and go, oh, that was really great. And, you know, I feel really... fired. Or you could bring the stories of your life and the lessons that you want to share to life and do theater and leave.

People gobsmacked. And when he said that, you know what I said? Let's do that. Let's do that. Because doesn't it sound fun to go bigger? And you and I are just sitting around, aren't we, waiting for permission from someone else to say, hey, you should do that bigger. Hey, you should swing for the fences. Hey, I think you could stretch a little bit more. And I got lucky because Marcus dared me to do it.

bigger. And that's the first lesson. It's an invitation from me to you. I dare you to do it bigger. Now, here's the problem. In my defense,

I had no idea what I was agreeing to. Seriously. When I said, yes, let's gobsmack people. Yes, let's bring this to life. Yes, let's do theater. Let's have sets. Let's do all the things and just... have people be completely blown away because they weren't expecting this. I didn't really understand what I was saying yes to. And that's the beauty of this lesson. What if you did it bigger? Because you don't know.

what you're saying yes to. You don't because you've never done it bigger. And so I literally didn't even understand you guys because I just kept saying as we're marching toward the opening night, right? And... I keep getting requests like, okay, we need all the graphics. We need the visuals. We need the videos done. We need this. We need that. And I was so chill because I didn't understand that we were doing it bigger.

I literally thought, oh, no, no, no problem. The show is Thursday night. We can send them this stuff on Tuesday. We can roll in there Wednesday afternoon. We can do a quick rehearsal. I got my clicker in the PowerPoint. Oh, my God.

Because I didn't know what I had signed up for, when I showed up for rehearsal in Boston at the Wang Theater, so we're talking Wednesday afternoon, the reality... of doing it bigger hit me. And the feeling that you have when you realize, I have bit off more than I can chew. There were 30 crew members running around. There were hundreds of these huge black cases of equipment that I've only seen it like a Taylor Swift or, you know, a Kendrick Lamar concert.

They were rolling this stuff around. Oh my gosh. They were assembling this huge LED screen that took up the entire stage. There were lighting racks. There were... haze machines. They were building a platform for a bed that I was using. There were sets. I mean, they were marking the stage so that they had the camera shots because we had three cinematic cameras that filmed.

the whole thing and there was a director that was calling and all of a sudden occurred to me oh my god this isn't a speech I actually have to know the show Because I've got to be at a certain spot on the stage at a certain time and they're marking it. And I don't even know my lines for a show about my own life. And that's when it hit me.

We have one day until we have to do this show. It is three o'clock in the afternoon on a Wednesday. They're building the sets. We haven't even rehearsed this thing. Hell, we're still writing the show. The crew is starting to get really nervous because they're now realizing Mel Robbins has been telling us for a month that she's a pro at this and she doesn't even know her own show. So it was stress diarrhea.

for three days straight. That's how panic-stricken I was. And we did our rehearsal on Wednesday. It was terrible. Everybody was super nervous. We woke up the next day on Thursday. So this is going to be opening night, opening night. And the first night, I got to say, we went on. It went.

Over a half an hour over schedule, the slides got stuck at one point. I accidentally disconnected myself from my microphone. We finished the show. And you want to know my first thought after going bigger? I thought, I hate this. I woke up Friday morning. I called my husband, Chris. I was in a complete state of panic. And I said, I can't do this. Like, I can't.

do the show. I'm not built for acting. I don't know why I didn't just do a speech. I don't know why I dragged our daughters into this because they don't want to be here either. The show last night, like the audience loved it, but I didn't like it. Like, I don't want to do this again.

And I got to give props to Chris because he said to me, Mel, get your ass off this phone and get back to that theater and you get back on that stage and you go rehearse and make it better. And look, I want to be clear about something. The show wasn't bad. I'm talking about my experience of what it felt like to stretch myself and do something new. We had half of the team from 143 Studios. That's my company. They produced the podcast. Half our team was there.

After the show, everybody came back and were like, oh my God. That was unbelievable. You're hilarious. The show's amazing. And I'm like, it was terrible. It was too long. They were like, don't cut anything. And I'm like, we couldn't hear you laughing. Are you sure it was funny? Oh my God, it was hysterical. We didn't know you were that. I couldn't believe you were doing skits.

And so your experience of what it's going to feel like when you do something big or you stretch yourself is not going to match what other people experience when they watch you doing it.

The thing that's incredible about going bigger is that once you commit, you're in it. Once the stretching starts, oh man, is it painful. You are going to be so mad that you said yes to these things. And here's the thing though. By Saturday night, I got to tell you something. I thought, I love this.

I love this tour. I love the experience of it. I love the creativity of it. I love so much about this. I just want to quit the podcast. I want to quit everything. I just want to tour. And I never would have had that realization. If I hadn't committed to going bigger and if I hadn't just jumped on that roller coaster and let it rip. I mean, the truth is.

How many times have you had that moment where you're like, I can't do this, so I'm not even going to bother? Like, I don't even know if I could make it through that, so I'm not going to put my toe in the water. I mean, if you stop there, I can't do this. Imagine if I had stopped.

on Friday morning. Like I'm a really creative person. I could come up with a reason to cancel the door. I lost my voice. Like some reason to, I can't do this. I'm stopping this. But if you stop where you think the edges are. You actually never get to your Saturday night. You never stretch yourself beyond where you are right now. At some point, you have to post the video. You have to sing the song. You have to just give the presentation at work.

I could have run for the hills, but I was in the roller coaster with the bars locked down because we had sold out audiences every night. And so this conversation right now is an invitation from your friend, Mel. Imagine if you did it bigger. And you don't even have to know what that means. I mean, I certainly didn't. Clearly, based on the story that I'm telling you, maybe you have always wanted to take a dance class, but you're a terrible dancer.

And even though there's a studio just 10 minutes from your house, you've never signed up. Doing it bigger means bigger than your fears. Go sign up. In fact, we were just talking about this before the show. The producer on our team, Yuna, said, oh my God, I've always wanted to be a better dancer. There's this dance studio I want to go to. And the reason she has not gone, oh my God, I would look so bad. Well, that's what we all do. Can't you go bigger in life?

Aren't you willing to stretch yourself enough to do it bad just so that you do it? I mean, maybe you've been meaning to ask your boss for a raise, but it's been over a year and you still haven't done it. Maybe you've always wanted to be a musician and you spend hours and hours and hours watching everybody else sing and write and put their stuff on social media. You know that all you got to do is start posting covers of you singing on Instagram and TikTok.

But every time you film a video, ooh, you don't feel big, you feel small. What if you did it bigger? What if you allowed yourself to be big and you just posted it? When you go bigger, it's just like sitting that seat in the roller coaster and locking yourself in.

What is it going to feel like? Say it a little louder. What's it going to feel like when you go bigger? Even when you're an idiot like me and you don't even know what you're agreeing to. I'll tell you what it's going to feel like. It's going to be uncomfortable.

You're going to feel nervous. You're going to be afraid. Once you're kind of in it, you're going to be like, why the hell did I agree to do this thing? And here's what I want you to know. You have to keep going because you got to get to your Saturday night.

You got to do it at least three times in order for you to get through that like, I can't do this. I don't like this. This is new. I don't like stretching myself. Oh my God, what are people thinking? Until you get to the point where you're like, oh, wait a minute. This is pretty cool.

I kind of get this now. And so you're going to get to your Saturday night. You're going bigger. You're showing up. That's amazing. So let's get to lesson number two. You ready? You got to bring the fun. I mean, come on now. Aren't you sick and tired of the world being serious? Aren't you tired of everything being so heavy? And that's not to say there aren't big issues in the world or serious things going on in your life. But lesson number two that I learned by...

going big and doing Let Them The Tour, something that stretched me beyond my wildest imagination. You have to bring the fun. If you're scared, bring the fun. If you're out of your comfort zone, bring the fun. If stuff is getting stiff and serious and the stakes feel high, boom, bring the fun. And here's why this is so important. It is this counteractive anecdote or antidote or whatever the hell the word is to moments when you're afraid, because of course you're going to be afraid.

Of course you're going to be nervous. I was nervous. I mean, I already told you I wanted to cancel my own show. But there is this moment where I had to remind myself, you know, Mel, you're starting to take yourself a little too seriously. You know? You're starting to put too much pressure on yourself. Mel, you're not in an emergency room performing heart surgery on somebody that's about to die. How about you take this a little less seriously? How about we dial down the stress?

What if you bring the fun? What if you were to loosen up and lean into this? I mean, think about a roller coaster. You got a choice. You can grip your butt cheeks together and hold it all in and scream in terror and, or. you can let loose a little bit and have some fun. Because you know what? You're already in it. I mean, you and I take ourselves so seriously, and that's especially true if you're nervous.

what if you not only did it bigger and you did something you'd never done or you did it in a different way, but what if you brought the fun? And so... focusing on the fun, what was interesting is night one, I was like stiff. Like I had like rigor mortis on stage. I was walking around like Frankenstein, super stiff because I was trying to remember my marks and my lines. And so was my daughter.

And the whole goal of having fun, it just helped me loosen up. It helped me bring the fun. And when I started to loosen up, it changed the experience and it changed the feeling that I had. And here's what I discovered. I freaking love physical comedy.

By night two, instead of like saying the lines and talking really stiff and then moving to this mark, I'm crawling across the stage. I'm crawling all over the table. I'm cracking jokes. I'm swaddling my arms. I'm letting it loose because the more fun you're having, having, the more fun everybody has around you. So let me ask you, you know that big presentation or that dance class or that open house you're going to hold as a real estate agent?

Or that stuff you're going to do on social media? Or that person that you admire that you really want to collaborate with in business or music? How could you bring the fun? And one of the reasons why it's so important to bring the fun is because it's contagious.

It's really contagious. One of the coolest things that happened, aside from meeting you and so many fellow listeners, you know, from the podcast and flown in from all over the world, is working with a crew. that does these massive stadium tours with all these massive, successful, crazy, amazing musicians, right? What was so cool is...

They're like top, top, top professionals because they want to do a good job. They value what they're doing. But by the time the tour was over, it was so rewarding to hear them say to us, this was my favorite tour that I've ever done. Because it was so much fun. And you guys are about family. And there's like so much growth and stretching that happened. And because you had so much fun, the fun took the tension away. And what happens in an environment?

where you're having fun. People don't slack off. You know what they do? It's the opposite. People show up with even more excellence. People show up and care more. And so how can you add fun in your life? How can you bring more fun to work? I mean, if you're trying a new yoga class and you fall over because you're trying to do like some move for the first time, laugh. It's funny.

Like, why do you have to be perfect? If you're with your coworkers on a high-stress project, you're already playing big. How about you pause and start high-fiving everybody and cracking jokes and lightening the mood? I mean, even for me saying, well, we're not doing brain surgery here. So let's lighten up and let's have a little bit more fun with this. If you're trying to get into running, how about you create the best playlist ever?

like ever, not the old one you've listened to for three years, you know, the one I'm talking about, but you just like create something that's like, wow. And you really have fun with it. And if you do take the dance class, bring a friend so you can look silly together. Because neither of you know the steps. Let's say you want to start competing. You want to start racing or jujitsu or anything. How about you act like one of those athletes? Pick a theme song.

Put it on in your headphones, bounce around, like get yourself in the mood, have a little bit more fun because when you loosen up, you actually perform better. And bringing the fun changed everything. Because bringing the fun helped me lower the stakes and the self-criticism. Bringing the fun helped me loosen up and lean in to the ride that I was on. And bringing the fun is going to shake things up in your life, in your work, and the way that you're doing things too.

All right. So we've already covered two lessons from the tour and I'm just getting started. I haven't told you the craziest stories yet. And we got four more amazing lessons to go. Do not go anywhere. I want to take a quick moment so we can have our amazing sponsors share a few. words, and I'll be waiting for you after this short break to jump into the remaining four lessons and more from behind the scenes from Let Them The Tour. Stay with me. you

Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins. I am so thrilled that you're here with me today. Thank you also for sharing this with people that you care about because today I am giving you a big old kick in the pants. It is time to go bigger in life, to have more fun. I am sharing. six lessons that I learned kind of the hard way, honestly, doing Let Them The Tour. This was a huge stretch experience for me, and I am so excited to share the things that I learned in this next lesson.

is something that is a pro tip. I have been using this lesson for my whole life, honestly, and I was reminded of it. with this tour. And so I want to share it with you because it's such powerful, powerful, powerful mindset hack. Whenever you're doing anything in life, I want you to always start with the end. What does that mean? It means before you begin. I want you to imagine how the thing ends. It's a super powerful hack.

that really sets you up to succeed and it gives you a roadmap for how to show up for things. And let me unpack this. So people have been asking me to go on tour for a long time. But the fact is, I just haven't had time to be on the road between launching this podcast and writing the Let Them Theory book and all the other stuff that we do in our business. I'm like, I don't have six weeks to just go on tour.

But I really knew I wanted to. And so when we finally said, okay, now's the time. We're going to go on tour. We're going to go to these cities. We're going to try this as just like this little contained experiment because I didn't know how it was going to go.

And then, of course, Marcus dared me to go bigger, and I'm like, okay, we'll do a show. And next thing you know, we're basically doing Broadway and a rock and roll concert, and that was a story that I already just told you. But here's one thing. is that I was very clear from the moment I said yes about what I wanted it to feel like in the end. And I want you to stop and think about this because this is a really important lesson.

Always start with the end. So what does that mean? So here's how you set this up. When the tour was over and all the dust had settled, and the crew had gone back home, and I was back in Vermont, and we were back doing the podcast and just back to normal life. What did I want to have had happened? Right. What did we accomplish? And it might surprise you to hear what I didn't say.

I didn't say, oh, when the tour is over, I want to have sold out everything. I wanted to make a ton of money. I wanted to make the book even more popular. I wanted to go viral in terms of the videos that people, that wasn't. at all what I saw when this thing was over. Here's what I said I wanted to have happen when this was all over. Because when you start with the end,

you start to recognize what actually matters to you. So number one, I said, well, by the time the tour is over, I want to be proud of the fact that we created this. just magical experience from the moment people walked in the front doors, surprise and delight, like just unexpected what happens, that I really wanted people to enjoy this, to be moved by it and inspired.

to laugh, to walk out of there and go, that was unbelievable. And so it was really about that the experience left people surprised, gobsbacked, moved. That was number one. Number two, starting with the end, the second thing that I wanted to do is I wanted the show to get better every single time we did it.

And the third thing is I wanted to just have a ton of fun doing it. And that meant not just me. I wanted the whole crew who we had never worked with. I wanted the team. I wanted our audience. I wanted the... teams that were at all the venues that we were rolling into. I just wanted it to be fun. And the reason why this lesson, Start With The End, is so important is because it tells you what you're actually measuring for success.

And just think about how different somebody operates if they say, oh, I want to sell everything out. That's what you're going to measure? That was not on my radar at all. it's really, really important to see the power in this because it informs you how to show up. And so I said all this stuff. And even though you're going to start with the end and say, I want to have a lot of fun. I want the show to get better. I want to like have the audience be surprised.

and delighted, all this stuff, right? That doesn't mean that's how it's going to feel. That just gives you the guardrails to get yourself back on track. So if you go back to that story, remember I wanted to quit the show. I call Chris. I'm telling him, I just want to cancel everything. I hate this thing. And he says, get your butt back over to that theater. And I get to the theater and I call a meeting. What do I do? I go to the lesson number three. I think about the end.

If I think about the end, how is this going to turn out? Oh, well, the show's got to get better every night. We got to have a lot of fun. We got to make sure the audience literally is enjoying themselves. That became the guidelines for Friday morning. How do we have more fun?

I just want to get this better, guys. How do we make the show better? And so I asked everybody for feedback and then we started cutting lines and trimming the show and we got coaching about being more physical and that made it better. This tool, Start With The End, is something I have used in life, in business.

absolutely everything. And I'm going to give you a few examples because this thing is such an amazing mindset hack. So let's say you're going into a business meeting or you're going into an interview, right? Start with the end in mind. What does that mean? Here's what that means.

When the interview's over or the business presentation is done and you have left the room, what do you want people to be saying about you when it's over? Based on how you answer that question, You know exactly how to act. You know what energy to bring. You know how you should prepare. You know how you should conduct yourself because you've started with the end and that end vision gives you a guideline for what to actually have your eye on.

that matters so that you can create that. You know, let's say you are signing up for that dance class. If you have the end in mind and you've left your first dance, how do you want that to feel? You know, you're clearly not going to feel like a prima ballerina in your first class, but you might feel like that was fun. I'm proud of myself. Now you know how to show up. This is all about what you're measuring in life. Too many people, what are they measuring?

They're measuring all the crap, right? Oh, how much money do we make? How many followers do I get? How viral did this thing go? But there's a deeper measurement of success for the thing that you want to do bigger. And maybe the measurement of success is I'm just proud of the fact that I did it, that I survived it, that I got on that roller coaster, I locked in, I screamed for the first half, and then I actually let my hands up and allowed myself to enjoy it. Or maybe...

You're proud of yourself because going bigger and having fun means that you posted about your business or your art or your music 30 days in a row.

And you didn't look at followers and you didn't look at comments and you didn't look at views. You looked at the fact that you did it. And that brings me to lesson number four. Things will go. wrong. And you will be fine. See, nobody knows how it's supposed to go. And it's a skill in life to learn that when things roll in a different direction.

you can just kind of roll with them. And so many things go wrong when you're doing live theater. I've never had the number of things go wrong standing on a stage. giving a presentation. I mean, I've been in front of 27,000 people giving a speech. Nothing went wrong. Holy cow.

It was like the wheels came off every night. It was something new. I mean, on the third night of the show, this is Saturday night, Wang Theater, Boston. I am on lock. I am loving this show. We have worked out the kinks. We are having fun. We are loose. We know our marks. We've done the show. So we know what we're doing. We're doing physical comedy. It's hysterical. Oh my gosh. I started to cough on stage.

I don't just mean cough a couple of times. I mean, I had this weird thing happen where it was like, I breathed in. I don't know if that's the right word, but I like sucked in some air and it was like. It was almost like there was a cotton ball in the air that went right in my mouth and hit me on the throat. And so I had this like, I had the craziest coughing fit.

I've ever had in my entire life in front of 3,500 people. And I'm not kidding. It went on for about 10 minutes straight. At one point, I was coughing so hard. that my eyes were watering. I'm like, oh, now you know the show's alive. And I start waving at Sawyer, who's on stage with me as I'm trying to chug water. And she's like, mom, are you okay? Like, I think she thought she was going to have to do the Heimlich.

Only I hadn't been eating anything. I even walked off the stage at one point and just kind of waved at Sawyer to just riff while she was talking to the crowd. Meanwhile, everybody's running around trying to make tea, throwing lozenges. at me. I've got like 16 throat cough things in my mouth as I'm trying to like loosen up the throat so I can get some words out. He was hysterical. And once that went wrong, oh my God.

The reason why the Saturday night show was so fantastic is the wheels were off. And once I got my voice back, once you survive a coughing tack, holy cow, you show up and swing for the fences because once that happened...

oh my God, well, we might as well just take this thing completely off the rails. And that was so fun. So how does this apply to you? So let's say you do go to a new gym. Which I'm just going to say, if you haven't been to a gym for a long time, it takes a lot of courage to walk into a brand new gym. You don't know anybody. You've maybe never lifted weights, but you have, like I'm lifting weights.

And after the first rounds of reps, you drop the barbell. It makes a huge sound. Everybody spins and looks at you. Okay, something went wrong. Take a deep breath, laugh it off, shrug your shoulders. You just made it right. Or you go to a yoga class and you're like in one of those inversions and then you fart. It is the most embarrassing thing. Do you know, my husband's a yoga instructor. He says it happens a dozen times a class.

Just laugh, make a joke about what you had for dinner, say nothing, shrug your shoulders, namaste, you can make it right. Or maybe you're giving a big presentation at work and the slides don't load. Oh my gosh, I've had that happen. Things are going wrong. You can make it right. All you do to make it right is go, I cannot believe this is happening. Can you guys give me just a couple minutes while I try to sort this thing out?

And that's how you make it right. Or you just close the laptop and you say, well, this is not going according to plan. So here's what we're going to do. Instead of talking to you for 30 minutes, I'm going to share the main bullet points for 10 minutes and then I'm going to take questions. You just made it right.

There you go. You sign up for an open mic and you totally bomb. All right, things went wrong. How do you make it right? You sign up and you do it again. That's it. That's it. You try a new bold outfit and you instantly feel... Self-conscious, well, first of all, you now know that when you go bold, you're going to feel like it's terrible. And so you're doing it right, okay? It may feel wrong, but you're actually doing it right. And I think that's the twist on this. When it feels wrong...

You're actually doing it right because that's what it feels like. See, here's the thing about life. Those nerves don't go away. No, they don't.

That's part of the ride. The fear is going to keep showing up. And one of the things that I haven't truly put you at the scene at is how much fear I'm talking like. paralyzed, panic-stricken fear my daughter and the co-author of the Let Them Theory, Sawyer Robbins, had. I mean, I dragged her kicking and screaming. onto the Let Them Tour, onto that stage with me. And for this next part of our conversation, I am going to bring her onto the podcast with me.

And she's going to talk about the fifth lesson, which is how you flip your mindset about fear. Because even though I had been doing a show for years and I was terrified and all that stuff, I'd been... spending a decade on stages. Sawyer, on the other hand, the last time she was on stage was in fifth grade when she was the crow in The Wizard of Oz. And so my level of fear was a little different than her level of fear. And you're going to hear it straight from her.

Not only about how to go big when you're that afraid, you've never done it before, but what is it like to have your worst fears playing out in front of 3,500 people live on stage? Well, that's the story you're going to hear and the lessons we're going to unpack when we come back after this short word from our sponsors. So stay with me. you

Welcome back. It's your buddy, Mel. And today I'm bringing you backstage on Let Them The Tour and I'm packing the six lessons it taught me. And now it's teaching you about the importance of stretching yourself and thinking bigger and having fun. And just the importance of pushing yourself to do things that feel wrong because it's the right thing to do. And, you know, I wanted Sawyer to have you come on for this part of the conversation.

Because one of the lessons from doing this tour together is something that you said, which is fear means you're doing something that matters. And I'd love to have you just explain what that means. I think the biggest thing for me on tour is I am not... great on stage and I had so much fear going into this to give you some context my Last public speaking experience was a 15-person class in college where I had to coach myself in my dorm.

every single time before I had a speech and would be profusely sweating and freaking out and calling my therapist and just so, so nervous. Public speaking is not my forte. And so when I came on to... this tour and we decided I was going to be on stage, I was so nervous, not only because I felt like I didn't have experience, but mostly because I really, really wanted to do well. And I...

cared so much about this. This is our book. I wanted everyone to love it just as much as us. And I felt like the weakling. And so I was petrified and because it really, really mattered to me. I want to unpack this, but before we do, this connection between fear and things mattering to you, so fear and caring about something, why did you say yes? Because I can't even remember.

how I roped you in to doing, you can, how did, okay, what happened? So where were we? Put me at the scene. We were up here in the Vermont studio. Above the garage. Very sexy. And I had been overseeing this tour for about three months and owning the whole logistics and project of it. And when we started talking about who was going to be up on stage, mom, you turned to me and you said.

Sawyer, I would love for you to come out on stage for like five minutes and so I can introduce you as the co-author. And of course I said, yeah, absolutely. I'd love to do that. Like that would be such an honor. And so I agreed. Okay. Then about a month later, we actually sit down and we start working out everything about this tour. And you said, I can't do this all alone. And.

So slowly but surely, as we were planning, Mel kept being like, so you're going to come in here. And then you're also going to come in here. And then you're going to come in here too. And then you're going to go off stage, but come right back. Lo and behold, I was on stage for 50 minutes of the entire show. You're half the show. I'm half the show. Yeah. So it was very incremental and I knew that she was...

nervous. And so I wanted to be supportive. And I also, this was my project. I wanted it to be amazing. And so I said yes to everything and unsure of actually how much it was going to take. I've already talked about how I had no clue what I was saying yes to. And that I blame Marcus for making me go bigger. And you're now basically pointing the finger at me. for making you go bigger, which is an important thing in life because one of the missions of sharing these lessons is to...

inspire you as you're watching this on YouTube or you're listening or you're sharing this with somebody in your life who needs to take more risks and stretch themselves. Our mission is to have you go bigger. And when we walked in... to the Wang Theater in Boston for our first rehearsal and you saw the scale of what we had taken on, what did you feel? I completely panicked. And...

I remember going through rehearsals and me screwing up my lines and just getting so tripped up. The tears started welling in my eyes and just feeling... in complete disbelief that I was about to go out on stage and perform this. Yeah, the roller coasters left the station and you're now locked on and on it. Yeah, and I think it didn't help that you also looked at me.

wide-eyed and nervous. Like, what are we doing here? Yes. You say fear means you're doing something that matters. Fear means that you care. What does that mean? And why is that a lesson? you want to share? I think it was very obvious for me that I was so nervous about this entire tour, about doing well, about showing up.

about overperforming, getting better. And I also had my sister, Kendall, to compare to, who hopped on last minute. And for those of you who are not in the audience, she sings a beautiful song on stage. But she was not nervous at all. Not at all. Not at all. And she's a singer songwriter. She's a singer songwriter and she has experience on stage, but she.

It was so interesting to be getting ready with her beforehand. I'm freaking out. I really want to do well because this matters so much to me. And I... love what we're talking about and I have a stake in this whereas she would just roll up to rehearsal like in her sweatpants sweat like sweatshirt strum a few chords and be like all right I'm ready to go let's do this and I think that Because the let them theory, she didn't write the book and it doesn't mean as much to her in her own personal life.

She was not. She didn't care. She didn't really care. She literally would say, this is your tour. It's not mine. I appreciate the opportunity, but I don't really care. And so what you're pointing to is that if you don't actually care, you're not afraid. If you don't care, you're not nervous. That there is this very important connection between the things that you're nervous to do and the things that you're afraid of and the fact that you deeply...

deeply care. And what's interesting about this lesson is that you're right. Like Kendall is a pro. She has a tremendous amount of experience on stage, but. She felt like, okay, I just have this part to play and I can nail this part and I can sing the song that I wrote and have this moment on stage with you guys talking about comparison, but that's it.

It's not my show. I don't have to worry about it. That's how I felt when I would give a speech. I know my role. I don't really care how the rest of the event goes. I don't even think about it. But what's interesting is she's performing at a music festival outside of Chicago this summer.

And she's playing, you know, on like they have all these stages, side stage. And it's the audience that she was in front of every single night is way bigger than even who will probably be standing in front of her at this festival. And she's afraid and nervous and because she cares. And so how do you use this lesson in order to...

push yourself to do things outside your comfort zone because if you're scared to give a presentation, it's because you care how you do at work. If you're nervous to post your music, it's because the music means something to you and you care about what people think. If you're afraid to ask somebody out, it's probably because you actually like them. So how can you use this lesson to flip?

The like the feelings of fear because they're not going to go away. I mean, were you scared before every performance? Oh, every single one. I was running to the bathroom and hyperventilating and going backstage, putting on my lip gloss 15 times because I thought it. came off. I was petrified every single time. That never, never left. And so how does knowing that you care and that's why you're nervous help you manage?

the fear that's always going to be there. Because I was afraid too, because basically if you're about to walk on stage, you have no idea how it's going to go. It's a live audience. It's theater. You haven't done this tonight in front of this audience. So how could you know how it's going to go? You just know your part and that you can rely on yourself to do it. But how do you use this lesson, Soy?

to feel that fear, put your lipstick on 55,000 times, jump up and down backstage, and then walk out on that stage and do the thing you rehearsed? How do you do that? I think that I really had to... keep telling myself that I was meant to be there, even though my fear and my anxiety and my imposter syndrome... kept convincing myself that I'm not meant to be on stage I'm not supposed to be here this is my mom's show she's the performer I am the side body I should be the I'm

She is in the spotlight. I am in the limelight. And that I kept trying to push through because I knew that the fear was good. And I knew that this was what I was meant to do. You know, one thing that's interesting about you saying this thing like, oh, I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be here. That's not true because you are there. Like that's how you know that you're supposed to be in the room that you're in because you're in it.

Like be in the room and be afraid and understand that you're only afraid because you care about it. And you had this other lesson though, because I think that the other important lesson. is what you ended up doing with this notion of thinking that you can't do something or you're not supposed to do something.

And so if one of the lessons is, oh, you're always going to be afraid when you care about something, that's just part of the way that life rolls. So expect it and see it not as a sign that you're going to screw up. but see all that clenching and the nerves and the panicking as a sign that you just care about how it goes. And you had this other lesson, you actually share this on stage during the tour. And that...

lesson, and this is the sixth lesson from Let Them The Tour, what is that lesson? That lesson that I share on stage and thoroughly believe is do it because you think you can't. And what I mean by that is there is... In my life, there has been no better feeling than telling myself I'm going to do something. No matter how small it is, it could be getting out of bed, it could be going to a workout class, or it could be taking a trip halfway across the world.

picking something and telling yourself you're going to do it and actually doing it. And the feeling that you get, the proudness that you feel, the confidence, I swear to God, it's better than love. Your boyfriend does not like that line. No. Well, it's self-love. This is how you love yourself. You love yourself by showing yourself.

that you're worthy of attempting the things that you want to do in life. And that's a really important thing to understand. You will become the kind of person who can handle scary things by handling it. You become the kind of person that takes risks by taking risks. Like, I think a lot about the person that I was before we did this tour together. Yeah.

I always thought that I was somebody, and I am somebody, who swings for the fences. I jump in with both feet. I'm willing to try new things. That is one of my secrets. And I'm like, okay, I'll say yes, and then I'll figure it out. And that's what I mean by what if you went bigger? What if you just jumped into the thing, even though you don't know how to do it and you trusted that you could figure it out? Do it because you think you can't.

And can't is often, I think, code for, well, I've never tried it. Yes, for sure. For sure. I think that what in my life... The first time I ever felt this was when right after graduation in college, I was the most unhealthy I'd ever been. I felt so horrible about myself. I knew I wanted to do something. And I...

chose to do 75 hard. Which explain what that is for somebody, not the details, but what exactly is 75 hard? 75 hard is essentially a 75 day challenge where you push your mental and physical toughness through five different tasks. that you need to do every single day, including diet, exercise, no drinking, et cetera. And the whole- To put this into context, I've never been able to complete this because if you miss one day, you have to go back to the beginning. Exactly. And I-

finished successfully the 75 days and I have never, ever, ever felt so good about myself and it wasn't because I lost weight or felt more healthy or got the results that I wanted it was solely because I completed something I never thought I could do and then I think throughout my life, I've done several other things. This tour being a huge one where you kept roping me into it more and more. And instead of saying no, I knew.

I really did think I couldn't do it, but I chose to say yes because I truly thought I can. And coming out of this tour, I want like add it to the list. I truly feel so proud of myself.

Well, I'm proud of you too. And I want you to take this lesson. And this is a lesson that everybody in your life also needs. And the lesson is if you think you can't, that's the reason to do it. Like if you think you can't get the job, that's the reason to apply for it. If you think you can't post your art on social media, that's exactly why you should be putting it on social media. If you think you couldn't possibly.

ever perform live. You'd die if you had to sing a song on stage. That's exactly why you should do it. That's why you should start going to the cooking class because you think you can't ever be a cook that can cook great meals for your family. If you think you can't move to your dream location and the city you've always wanted to live in, that's exactly why you should do it. Like when you say no to somebody.

And you never thought you could say no. That's how you say yes to the person that you want to be. And so I love this advice because it's so simple and it's kind of obvious too. Like if you just did the things you think you couldn't do. you'd be the person that you've always wanted to be. And so whatever it is, you think you can't run the race, you think you can't go on that solo trip, you think you can't fall in love again after heartbreak, you think you can't backpack alone, you're wrong.

And the reason why you need to do it is because you don't think you can. You need to prove yourself wrong. Nothing changes your life faster than doing something. that you always told yourself that you couldn't. Even if you just try, you're still proving the voice wrong. I'm telling you, nothing rewires. your identity faster. Nothing changes how you see yourself faster. Nothing quiets that annoying inner critic faster.

This is, I said that the experience of doing this with you and Kendall, because of the amount of stuff that went sideways and the amount of emotions everybody had and the amount of like breakdowns everybody had and the amount of fear backstage about what was happening, that created. this hyper growth. This is like the down slope on the roller coaster. If you want to feel more confident, go out and prove it. Do something that you are scared to do.

Ask somebody out in person instead of hiding on the apps. Post the videos of you singing. Pitch your ideas at work or to like somebody that is an angel investor. Pull up at the gym. even though you haven't seen the inside of a gym in a decade and act like you belong or even better, walk up to the front desk and say,

I have no idea what to do. Is there somebody that works here that would be willing to show me a simple thing that I could do for 30 minutes? Do it because you think you can't. That's the fastest way to shut up self-doubt is do the opposite of what it's telling you to do. And here's how I know this is true. And you know, this is true too. I'm not telling you something you don't know. You just don't want to do it. The version of me that is the version post, let them the tour.

That version of Mel did not exist before this tour, period. I was built day after day, night after night. through every awkward moment, through every laugh, through every deep breath, through everything that failed, through the coughing fits, through the fights mother and daughter, through the addict, like all of it. I didn't become this version of myself by thinking about it. I became this version by doing something new and stretching myself. And did I mess? Of course I messed up a lot.

And you're going to too. You might get rejected. You might fall on your face. You will feel uncomfortable, but you're going to survive it. And more importantly, you're going to grow from it. And isn't that what you want? Do you want the same old, same old for the rest of your life? Wouldn't that be boring? Well, prove it. Because the price of admission to have the kind of life that you want and to have...

pride in yourself is doing the thing you think you can't do. Doing something that scares you and then showing up again and then showing up again until you get to your Saturday night. That's how you become the kind of person.

who can handle difficult things by handling difficult things. That's how you close the gap between who you are now and who you want to be. You got to do the things the version of you would do. So let me ask you. What's the thing you think you can't do? Yeah. The thing that makes your stomach flip or your butt. I don't want to do that. That's how it always feels for me. Oh, I don't. That thing that you've wanted for a long time.

Boy, have you spent a lot of energy talking yourself out of it. Oh, I couldn't start a podcast. Everybody has a podcast. Oh, I can't go into real estate. Everybody's in real estate. Oh, I can't move to that city. My friend lives in that city. Oh, I'll never find love because that person. found love. Oh, I'm too old. I'm too late. I'm too this. I'm too that. What is it that you're talking yourself out of? I know you know what it is. I'm not even going to give you a list. Maybe it's big.

Or maybe it's something tiny. You just are going to start saying no. You're going to stop making everyone else happy and you're going to start doing the things that make you happy. Whatever it is.

I need you to hear your friend Mel. You're never going to feel ready. And the reason why is because you've spent decades probably telling yourself, I can't do that. I'm not that kind of person. You're not going to feel prepared. You're not going to feel smart enough, talented enough. You're not going to feel ready.

definitely not the first time you do it definitely not before you take the leap that's not what makes you ready what makes you ready is actually just taking the leap you will never believe it before you do it. That's the huge thing everybody gets wrong about life. You have to do the thing first. Then you believe that you can do it.

And, you know, one more thing I wanted to say, I know there are so many of you who wanted to be at Let Them The Tour, but you couldn't get a ticket, whether it was sold out or it wasn't coming to your city or life just got in the way. I really hope that some of the things that we shared today, some of the things that we particularly put into the YouTube version of this episode brought the tour to life. That it reminded you that you can do things bigger than you've ever done before.

That your fear is just part of what's going to happen and it only means that you care and that you are capable of so much more than you think. So stop sitting around waiting to feel ready and just do it because you think you can't. And then you're going to actually realize you've been ready the whole time. You've just been talking yourself out of it. And I also want to share some good news. We are not done with Let Them The Tour. We are already planning 2026. We are going to be coming.

To cities around the world, I want to hear from you. Where should we go next? Just put it in the comments on Spotify, on YouTube, wherever it is that you are listening or watching right now. What city, what country do you want us to do? Let them the tour in next. And if you want to be sure to get a ticket, because my God, the entire thing sold out in like 20 seconds. I had no idea that we were all so wanting to get together in person and have something.

that you could do that would be inspiring and hilarious and fun and uplifting and be with like-minded people. So if you want to make sure that you get a ticket in round two of Let Them The Tour, just go to melrobbins.com and please get on the newsletter.

Because we're going to try to protect everybody from all the bots and the resellers by creating a registration process for a code and doing ticket sales completely differently this time. And I cannot wait to see you in person when we do it again.

And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to do the things that you can't. I believe in your ability. to create a better life. I hope the six lessons and all the stories that we told now makes you realize that you got to do the things you think you can't because that's the only way you believe.

in your ability to do them in the first place. Alrighty. I will see you in the very next episode. In fact, I'm going to be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.

Are you ready? All right, here we go. Something like that. Are we good? We're going to have the corresponding garage door shut. Ooh, that whey protein, people. She's got a lot of fiber in that. If you share it with people that you care about. It is an invitation. Oh, my Lord. Did you like the roller coaster thing? I like it. Yeah. I thought it really clinked it. I think it's kind of fun. And we still don't know our show.

Well, I should say Sawyer knew the show because Sawyer had memorized her lines. Back on the stage. Right on the set. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that incredible? Yeah, mic drop. Okay, great. We're good to cut. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. this podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes i'm just your friend

I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode. Stitcher.