Conflict is inevitable. But most of us were never taught the skills that would help us find our way through the dark corridors of this house called ‘Conflict.’ This month’s coaching conversation illuminates predictable patterns and practical tools to navigate successfully through Conflict House. The book Tom references in this episode: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Stone, Patton & Heen. Related episodes this month are: A Difficult Conversation Disag...
Nov 02, 2017•17 min
There are a million ways to conduct one-on-one meetings with direct reports. How you run yours will reflect your personal style. This month’s coaching conversation focuses on specific best practices that will enhance your one-on-ones no matter what your style. In the commentary portion of this month's episode is a question for you. Share your thoughts in an email to: [email protected] You can sharpen your management skills with the Executive Coaching Tips in the "Management Skills...
Oct 05, 2017•21 min
This month's episode introduces "Acting on the Corporate Stage." That phrase was Tom's original branding phrase, before "The Look & Sound of Leadership" became his branding phrase. "Acting on the Corporate Stage" aims at helping you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived, which, of course, is the reason d'etre of every episode. Also this month, Tom shares reflections on attending his first-ever podcaster's convention. ...
Sep 07, 2017•23 min
Delivering a top-notch presentation requires you to master your ideas. Of course! But even more, you need to master yourself. Your audience won’t be able to lock onto you unless you are “in focus.” This month’s coaching conversation shows you how to get “in focus.” Related episodes are: Prepping Like a TED Talker http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/prepping-like-ted-talker/ Talking Like a TED Talker http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/talking-like-ted-talker/ All Presentation Skills Tips are available...
Aug 03, 2017•17 min
Preparing a presentation raises many questions. How much are you going to rehearse? What will you actually do during your rehearsal? Are you going to memorize your talk? This month’s coaching conversation covers all that and more. Four core concepts this month: Rehearsal is obligatory. Manage your self-talk. Find your throughline. Rehearsal means “out loud.” In the archive is a whole set of Tips about “self talk.” It’s at: http://essentialcomm.com/tag/self-talk/ There’s another set about “presen...
Jul 13, 2017•17 min
Holding each other’s attention is a constant challenge. But you can’t achieve The Look & Sound of Leadership if you can’t keep people listening to you. This month’s coaching conversation emphasizes three little slogans to make sure you aren’t driving your listeners away from you. All three slogans are just three words long: “Short sounds confident.” And “Communication takes effort.” And “Stop talking sooner.” There are so many reasons why embodying those slogans is hard. And, in truth, it’s ...
Jun 01, 2017•17 min
Tom exchanges emails with two listeners. One exchange addresses issues of personal boundaries in the workplace; the other addresses scarcity and abundance. This Bonus Episode is only the second one in the 9-year history of "The Look & Sound of Leadership." If you like this and want more, tell us. Contact us through the homepage at: essentialcomm.com Or by email at: [email protected] The prior bonus episode -- with two other email exchanges -- is titled "Readers' Lett...
May 23, 2017•16 min•Ep. 158
TED Talkers turn us into engrossed detectives, absorbed in solving the mysteries unfolding before us. But TED Talking doesn’t have to be saved for special events. This month’s coaching conversation explores ways to turn everyday presentations into compelling content that will hold people's interest ... like a TED Talk. If you're crafting an actual TED Talk, use Chris Anderson's terrific book: "TED Talks." I have a nifty 3-page reduction of Anderson's book. Reach out...
May 04, 2017•19 min
Authority. It’s a slip-sliding sort of thing, isn’t it? Do we get it automatically along with a title? Sometimes. But sometimes not. This month’s coaching conversation examines both the thoughts and the words that give us authority. The ideas in this month's episode echo motifs embedded in many other episodes. Just a few related Executive Coaching Tips are: Assertion vs Aggression Choosing Persistence Don’t Take it Personally Getting Unstuck The Look & Sound of Self-Esteem Speaking For ...
Apr 06, 2017•18 min
At work, we often diminish the importance of feelings – our own or those of others. We think, “I don’t have time for that” or “That’s silly.” But feelings don’t disappear just because they’re inconvenient. And, when unacknowledged, their impact can be severe. This month, two coaches discuss the difficulties of managing “the human element.” Related episodes: Building Empathy Building Emotional Intelligence Coaching Your People Compassion During Change Dealing with Emotional Responses...
Mar 02, 2017•17 min
Self-limiting beliefs hold us back. We limit who we are so we don't shatter those beliefs. This month's coaching conversation serves up several strategies to help you push back against those demons. Along the way, we mention " Leadership and Self-Deception ," a great book to help you on your journey. We also touch on the topic of " Coaching versus Therapy ," something I've been talking about for years. You can find an epsiode about it in the archive. I also men...
Feb 02, 2017•16 min
Getting to the next level of executive presence usually demands the adoption of new behaviors. This month's episode explores a three-step process that helps new behaviors become habits. Helping you change behavior so you can be perceived the way you want to be perceived is the raison d'être of this podcast. If it's time for you develop more effective behaviors, there is an entire category in “The Look & Sound of Leadership" archive that will accelerate your development. T...
Jan 12, 2017•17 min
When we feel threatened or in danger, an old part of our brains, the one that regulates emotions, hijacks our executive functioning. We say and do things we regret. In the workplace, this can have serious consequences. This month’s Executive Coaching Tip has seven strategies for stopping yourself from getting hijacked. The seven lessons in my conversation with my client, Kimberly, are: Emotional hijacks are real. They happen when your emotions take control over your reason; Emotional hijacks hap...
Dec 08, 2016•16 min
This episode addresses three issues that arise when you’re facing an executive team. First, what meaning are you making about the event itself? Is that meaning helping you or not helping you? If it’s not helping you, change it. Second, how will you address the moment when you need to say, “I don’t know”? Prepare for it. It’s going to happen. This episode has lots of ideas to try. The final issue is confidence and finding your executive presence; the core of every episode of The Look & Sound ...
Nov 03, 2016•15 min
You can’t be an effective leader if you are not able to have hard conversations that are successful. “Successful” means addressing tough topics in a way that will create change. One crucial skill to make hard conversations successful is attending to how things are being said. Without an awareness of the ‘how,’ things won’t be as safe as they could be. And if things aren’t safe, they won’t go deep. And if they don’t go deep, they probably won’t stick. Five other episodes that relate to these skil...
Oct 06, 2016•17 min
Conflict on teams is a good thing. Really! Well, it's good if it’s healthy. This month, two techniques to help team members engage in healthy conflict: arguing about what's best for the business and turning hostile non-verbals into dialogue. Related episodes to help with these skills are: Disagree Agreeably Facilitating Open Dialogue Getting Agreement Holding People Accountable Leadership and Listening Resolving Conflict...
Sep 08, 2016•15 min
Meetings are often viewed as a necessary evil to be endured. But they can be engaging events that build people’s skills and accelerate the work. This month, a recipe for mixing up meeting magic. There is a four-meeting model discussed in this episode. If you want a graphic illustration of the model, just look at the online version in the archive: http://essentialcomm.com/podcast/ or email me at [email protected] Two books are also discussed in this month's episode: Patrick Lencioni&apo...
Aug 04, 2016•15 min
Fear is natural but insidious. It can carve caverns in the foundations of our confidence, weakening our capacity. This month, a client learns about three kinds of fear and a transformational question that tames fear. A seminal book to help master fear is "Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. At the end of this month's episode, Tom tells a story about the amazing reach of podcasts.
Jul 07, 2016•16 min
Empathy is a crucial component of The Look & Sound of Leadership. Some people have it naturally, others don’t. In either case, it can be developed and learned. This month's episode has lots of ideas about what empathy is, what it isn't, and how you can develop it. There are lots of resources discussed this month. A book called "The EQ Edge" by Stein and Book. A great 3-minute animation by Brene Brown about sympathy versus empathy. It's on the home page of her website...
Jun 09, 2016•17 min
A bonus episode! Tom shares email exchanges he had with two podcast listeners. One exchange is about handling people who interrupt presentations. The other is about defining tasks and responsibilities when they're not defined for you. During the podcast, Tom mentions two other episodes that support the ideas here: one episode is “Facilitating Open Dialogue.” The other is “Creating Devoted Followers.” If you’d like more bonus episodes like this one, let Tom know at [email protected] ....
May 17, 2016•15 min•Ep. 145
How you brand yourself sticks with people a long time.Thismonth, a senior executive dreads having to brand himself duringaninterview – until he learns about the PersonalHistoriestechnique. In addition to giving you this simple yet powerful tool tohelpbuild your personal brand, this episode also references abookcalled "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team." Details about this book is at the end of the podcast. ThereIdiscuss that there are actually TWO books about theFiveDysfunctions. They&ap...
May 05, 2016•15 min
This month, The Look & Sound of Leadership gives you a tool for developing your team. A process that takes only minutes to learn, if practiced regularly, this exercise has far-reaching ripples. Welcome to "The Plus/Delta Tool." Other episodes to help you develop as a leader of teams are: Your Team's Best Interests - Part One Your Team's Best Interests - Part Two Coaching Your People Engagement and Performance Performance Reviews Resolving Conflict...
Apr 07, 2016•17 min
From the Harvard Business Review to the New York Times, mindfulness is widely touted as a powerful tool to increase personal effectiveness and well-being. This month’s Executive Coaching Tip explores the “how to” of being mindful with an executive who was already on the path but didn’t know it. This episode shows that mindfulness is neither complex nor mysterious; it just takes practice. More importantly, this episode puts forward the idea that all professional and personal development requires ...
Mar 03, 2016•17 min
Coaching is expensive. Coaching is hard to measure. Coaching is too touchy-feely. There are a million arguments against coaching. This month, a tough CEO puts Tom on the defensive about coaching. If you'd like to explore this topic further, here are nine related Tips: A Breakdown of Listening Coaching Your People Coaching Versus Therapy Creating New Behaviors High-Stakes Meetings How Behaviors Change Leadership & Listening Self-Knowledge as Leadership Who’s Coachable Or you can search t...
Feb 04, 2016•16 min
The goal of this episode is to give you a three-step process to help you succeed in meetings when you feel there’s a lot at stake. Step one: Clarify the Story. Four other episodes can also help with this step: “ Sounding Executive ,” “ Communicating With Clarity ,” “ Executive Presenting ” and, the mother of all communication tools: “ Sorting and Labeling .” Step two: Do Your Homework. This step is different for everyone. Sometimes it means getting information from another department. Sometimes ...
Jan 07, 2016•16 min
For many businesses, uncertainty and ambiguity is their new norm. In such anxious times, people long for leaders who will make tough decisions, stand behind those decisions, and protect their people. In some circles, this is called “showing teeth.” In this episode, I refer to The Center for Talent Innovation and their white paper on Executive Presence . I also refer to four related episodes: Assertion versus Aggression Gravitas Speaking for Yourself Speaking Your Truth For more ideas about “Show...
Dec 03, 2015•15 min
Lack of engagement can assume many disguises but there is one outcome that is predictable: poor performance. What would you say if you found out you could get people engaged – and improve performance – with just two questions? Sounds like a miracle, right? That’s what I thought, too.
Nov 04, 2015•15 min
Disruptive executives take many forms—bullies, catastrophizers, resisters, you name it. But no matter what mask they wear, they create upheaval. Whether the disrupter is your boss, your peer or your direct report, coping successfully requires two things: courage and skills. Here’s how to find both.
Sep 30, 2015•18 min
Presentations are a golden opportunity to display your executive presence. Here are six behaviors that’ll help you command the room and deepen your brand.
Sep 02, 2015•17 min
We all think we’re better listeners than we really are. Luckily, we all have the capacity to improve our skills. But not all listening is the same. Here’s a breakdown.
Aug 05, 2015•17 min
