Danielle Daem: Understanding Sugar Addiction and Emotional Eating

Like many of us , she struggled with her own health , was tired , exhausted , messed up around her relationship with food and started to do the deeper healing work in her work , had her own breakthroughs , went back to school in 2016 to become certified as a holistic nutrition coach and she launched her career .

She's also a speaker and just recently launched her own podcast called Beyond Sugar Freedom , and now today , her expertise is in helping women to get down into the root causes of our struggles with food . So welcome , danielle .

But I would say my light bulb moment it wasn't really a moment , it was more like a light bulb couple months Really happened about six years ago at the end of a year-long trip that I was taking with my husband in South America and I'd been learning a lot and connecting with my body in a different way and noticing how people treated food in a different way

and how that really led to how we felt and really how I thought the brain fog and all the other things that I know we could talk about . So coming home from that trip was really the eye-opening point because towards the end of that trip I went through what I call my accidental sugar detox .

I had no idea I had a problem with sugar or food I've always been relatively thin and active and at the end of that trip we were actually living at a retreat center in the middle of the Colombian jungle which , side note , I do not recommend ever doing your sugar detox in the middle of the Colombian jungle , without houses only .

So , anyway , there was not a good time to do that , but I had no idea what was going on and it was the first time , probably my whole life , that I've actually spent two weeks not eating processed food . We were living completely off the land and just eating whole real foods and I went through the withdrawal symptoms . I mean , I didn't know it at the time .

I thought I was sick . I thought there was like , oh , my goodness , I must have a parasite . What's going on with me there ?

I'm really coming home from that trip , even in the airport , starting to have some treats that I used to like and noticing that I didn't like them anymore , and I really started having that awareness of , oh like , my sugar cravings aren't there and I started .

Just that difference in being able to see what I felt like before and what my taste buds were now guiding me towards was really , I'd say , like the light , one of the light bulb moments that really hit home for me in shifting my journey . And then , you know , I just started becoming really curious and diving .

In coming home from that trip , my husband and I became really , really excited to clean up our diet . We'd been eating like crap if I can say that here for a long time and that was a really eye-opening moment .

We just felt so horrible coming home from that trip after our accidental sugar detoxes and eating like not well for 12 months and beyond , and we really just cleaned things up . We went off sugar , we actually went off meat at that time . We went vegetarian just to eat really clean , no processed foods , and really started dabbling with that just for general health .

We just wanted to feel good again . Right , we wanted to lose some weight , we wanted to feel good and it was during that you know couple months when we first got home , that I really started having more and more light bulb moments around sugar , specifically around like my cravings weren't the same .

I didn't like the treats that I used to like and they didn't have the same pull on me that they used to .

There was still a pull I'm not going to lie , okay that there was still there , but it wasn't the same in my mouth and in my taste buds and it really just got me passionate and curious about nutrition , about how what we eat actually dictates how we're going to live , how we're going to feel on a daily basis and also disease development in the future , which

in my genetic lineage is riddled with every single chronic disease that exists and I really had a couple of moments where I had to take a hard look at the future that awaited me if I didn't make a change with how I was treating my body .

So I started really tying a lot of these pieces together and becoming fascinated about nutrition , which is when I went to school , you know , I took my course as a nutritional coach and really started diving into learning about how food and nutrients actually affect our body and how toxic processed food is and what it's actually doing to our world and keeping us sick

. You know that really angered me the more I learned about the industry and really kind of fired me up to continue my journey . And my journey with sugar really took its own time . Let's say that and I know a lot of you out there might be relating to this it took me a good two years before I felt like I had a handle on things .

There were a lot of ups and downs . There was a great week where I didn't eat any junk and then there was a binge week and then there was two weeks when I didn't eat any junk and then there was a binge week . So it was a huge , huge roller coaster .

And tell about that two year mark when I finally had done enough digging into why I was craving and the inner root causes of where my addiction to sugar was coming from , and I finally got to a happy place with that and with myself that things really started to shift .

So that was the point , you know , after I finally got clear headed and free from sugar that I really decided okay , I need to be helping others do this and helping other women do it in less than two years with a lot less strain and struggle and pain . So I hope that answers your question .

I know that's a quick little synopsis of my story and how things really shifted for me on that trip and I'm so grateful it did . It's led me into my passion and helping women in such a powerful way .

The last couple of months have been really deep and really intense for me in a beautiful way and really freeing myself from the inner wounds and these patterns .

So how I kind of before I talk about specifically the inner work , I think it's important to mention one of the things that makes what I do so unique , and I came across this just sort of by accident working with clients , you know , attempting to get women off sugar .

We would detox from sugar , I would be , hold them accountable , We'd really walk through all the food and how to cook and all the good stuff that you can eat and supporting them through that .

And after the detox was over , time and time again , the women would still slip back into the old habits and patterns , and I noticed myself doing that in the past as well and I became really curious about why . Is just getting it out of the body not enough . Like , what else is going on ? What are we missing here that can actually create lasting change ?

I am absolutely not a supporter of fad diets and just diet culture in general , and I became , like I said , really fascinated with , like , how do we actually create lasting change in all areas of our life ? I was going through a transition , starting my own business , just doing a lot of changes in my own life that you know .

I was really curious about how we create that real change . And in order to get to that answer , we have to first understand you know why we're eating , why we eat . So I became really fascinated with that question , Like , why are we addicted to sugar beyond the physical ?

Obviously , we know and I'm sure you've had lots of experts already , right , we know the physical reaction that sugar has in our body . That keeps us addicted on a physical level . But what about the psychological level ?

And I personally believe the psychological and these inner wounds and these inner pieces are 80% of the battle and they're also the hardest part of the battle . It's actually and I know some people might argue with me on this it's actually the easy part to give up sugar . It's actually easy to give up sugar for 30 or 90 days or a year .

That's the easy part . It's black and white . We know what to do . It's easy to track , like all the things around . That don't get me wrong . It's very tricky , for sure . But this inner piece is these foundational pieces .

When we start lifting the hood and looking at where our need to fill a void with sugar inside ourself is coming from , it gets really painful and it gets really tricky and really uncomfortable . And I'm grateful . I'm the type of person that has always just had a zest for that . I welcome learning about myself .

I welcome seeing not so good things about myself or reopening wounds that need to be reopened , to be healed , like . I embrace all of that and it's become my new addiction in a way , which I'm really , really grateful for .

So what I uncovered and can come back to your question , florence is really where I focus most of my work with my clients now is because the deep understanding and healing that happens at the root level Right , if we think of building a house . Right , you're not going to be able to build a house if the foundation has cracks in it , right ?

So we keep trying to build this house , the sugar free house and it keeps falling down year after year and I know a lot of you may be listening . I can relate to that .

You know trying to give up sugar and failing trying to give up sugar and failing and you know just the damage that that's doing to mentally , physically , to your , to yourself , is is not something you have to go through .

So some of these pieces there are so many that , but a couple of the really common ones that I see everyone having is really to take a hard look at our emotional connection to food . Most of us have you , especially sugar .

Okay , like I say , food , but you know it's it's different for everyone and I know that here on this podcast you're probably listening because there's something going on with sugar .

So we we really have been taught from a young age right to use sugar to to numb out any emotion , right when we're feeling uncomfortable or if we want to celebrate like it's tied to everything and there's so many deep , deep layers around the emotional piece . There's a lot of really emotional wounds that a lot of us have .

A lot of us have have never really learned to feel or honor our emotions or actually express our emotions , and that creates like this inner tornado and we we use sugar to cope , we use sugar to get through that , to make us feel better . And there's , there's so many pieces that I walk my , my clients around that .

So that emotional pillar at the foundation is is really number one , that to look at , another piece to really dive into and these kind of tie together but is our belief systems . So our belief systems are essentially , in the first seven to 10 years of life , how we decided the world worked .

So it's it's almost like the glasses and I know , florence , looking at your glasses , it's like these glasses that we put on to see the world through . So how we believe the world works , how we believe our role in the world , is how we know to be a good girl .

You know , how do we know to emotionally show up , and really it's this time in our life where we we develop all the subconscious patterns to keep us alive and safe and this is , this is a survival mechanism . So , but a lot of these beliefs are now operating our days in the background as adults and they're no longer serving us .

So things like I hate , I hate to cook , or cooking eating healthy is really boring and tasteless , or it's just a belief to feel . Most of my clients actually , like 99% of my clients , have that belief . Like it's , it's just not safe or not okay to feel . It was always stifled in their household growing up .

So if we have all of these blockages , of course we're just going to keep finding something to cope with , whether it's sugar or alcohol or something else that's going to like get us out of this inner kind of disconnection .

So this is our big , big piece of the work as well , and another area to look is really I mean , this is getting super layered deep , but you asked the question so is our identity . We have to start looking at who we are and understanding who we are . Most of us have , since childhood , been shaped by society to be someone who we not really who .

We don't really know who we are , we're , we're not , we're not unfolding , as you start doing this inner work , into your authentic self and into understanding and , through that , learning to love yourself and accept yourself .

And this is this is some of the biggest wounds that most of us have around not feeling loved , not feeling worthy , not feeling like we're enough . Those are the three core belief wounds and really , when we can dive into those and explore them and get curious about them and start to repattern those , everything in your life will shift .

And that includes , you know , your need , quote unquote need to reach for food when you're not feeling well or when you're feeling unloved or disconnected , so that identity and the self , love and those , those core beliefs , are really big pillar as well .

And then there's other , there's other pieces in the inner work that we need to look at , like setting boundaries right . You know people pleasing and where your cravings are really coming from , and I mean the list goes on and on . Those are really the biggest ones . I could talk about this for hours , but I'm not going to . I know we have limited time .

So those are really just , you know anyone listening , you know a couple areas for you to start looking at and just knowing that coming at these with curiosity is really , really important . This isn't about guilting yourself or shaming yourself . You didn't do anything wrong .

We all were raised in the society that really shaped us in this way to fit in and stay safe . It's a survival mechanism . So you did your best and you did what you needed to do to feel safe and accepted in your household growing up .

And now's the time and opportunity for you to start just being curious and start bringing awareness to where this is coming from for you , so you can shed those layers and really step into your power and and from that place it's so much easier to make healthy decisions for yourself . It's it's pretty amazing .

So I look back now this is all in hindsight because I didn't I didn't have the awareness at the time with what was going on , but before I went on that year long trip with my husband , I was actually working . A lot of people don't know this .

I worked in the finance industry here in Canada so had a really important job and I got to wear high heels to work and I , you know I felt really like I made it . I was successful . I , you know , graduated University and now I was working in this high powered job that that essentially sucked the life out of me .

It was one of the most toxic environments that I've ever been in . At this moment , I can say I'm so grateful for that experience because it shaped me and so many really brilliant , beautiful ways . That's allowing me to be the person in front of you today .

But at the time , you know , that was probably the most miserable two years of my life . I cannot believe I lasted two years . I thought I accept myself for that and and I'm grateful that I did get out instead of spending my whole life there , and you know it was in that time . Looking back , I remember being so stressed and riddled with anxiety .

Every single day I was depressed . I was really , really in a bad emotional state Most of the time . You know I was living for the weekends and I was not appreciated at work . The environment was toxic .

You know , nobody was supportive , like it was a really bad , bad place to be and I hope anybody who's in that right now please know that you can choose to get out of that . Life is so . You're so much , you're worth it , you're worth making that change . And you know , in that time I remember needing all the coping . Things were out . It wasn't just sugar .

So after lunch every afternoon I would get exhausted . I would be tired . I would have the afternoon energy crash that we know is famous in sugar . I would go and get a coffee and I would get a muffin , which is just cake , which we all know . That would be how I got through the afternoon at work . Then I would get home somewhere between five and six .

I would be so exhausted I have zero brain power left to think about what's for dinner . I'd get pizza or takeout or I would make some pasta and cheese . That was always my go-to . I would grab a bottle of wine and I would grab candy and this other pasta . I would just go in the bath and binge on Netflix . It was all of the numbing out tools .

It was the Netflix numbing out , the food numbing out , the wine numbing out . That was really how I coped . At the end of the day I was just so disconnected from myself and so not doing well emotionally and mentally . My poor husband at the time he was so supportive and he wasn't doing well either .

We would essentially just come home , disconnect from each other and just totally numb out to get through , then get up the next day and do it again . This cycle continued for a good two years . Finally we got to a breaking point . There was no one thing that happened , but it was the breaking point that we both realized there's more to life .

We both quit our jobs and went and traveled for a year .

That was , I say , the height of my emotional eating and my mind you , I've been emotional eating my whole life , but that was really the big moment for me and really understanding that I wasn't well and I was using food and wine and Netflix and going in the bath to just totally escape myself and really not be present and not be in my body .

Fast forward after our trip , I really became fascinated about myself on our journey in South America . I had started learning to meditate . I started being involved in more spiritual conversations , which I've never really had a belief system growing up . It was really cool just starting to connect with Mother Earth .

We went to a couple of ceremonies and I really just started connecting with the energies of the planet and nature . Nature has always been a big part of my life and a big part of who . I am Really starting to bring that more into my life and that energy was really beautiful . When I came home , I started developing this yoga and meditation practice .

I started actually spending time in nature every day , just sitting with myself and my thoughts . That , I would say , was one of the biggest supports and it still is . It was actually in a meditation one day that I was like I'm going to do this nutrition coaching .

I had all these big my intuition speaking to me and I started really honoring and listening to that as emotions start to come up , obviously as you know Florence and anyone listening who's been off sugar before . You know that when you remove that , you don't have your crutch anymore . You have to face what comes up .

I was having to face the difficult emotions that I used to use sugar and I'm out from and I would walk myself through them Through meditation , through getting out nature , through talking with my husband , through having a good cry . I really just started exploring and experimenting .

How can I process and support myself with these emotions without using food , without needing to go through that ? There was still stress in my life , there was still anxiety , there was still grief .

There was a lot going on for me at that time , but the absence of sugar and really commitment to eating healthy and staying away from processed food really allowed me to open up that space , to start baby stepping my way through practicing these practices Before I knew it .

I actually just last week , had a really triggering , difficult event that brought up a lot of anger and a lot of sadness . It was really neat for me to observe myself this is five or six years later from starting this journey for me Really observing myself taking a pause instead of responding right away . First of all , no need to response .

It was a pretty nasty email and really just allowing myself to be present with my emotions . Really , my first go-to now is like I'm going to feel this , I'm not going to avoid this , I'm going to let myself feel this , I'm going to cry , I'm going to yell . I'm going to process what I need to process in a healthy way .

It's been a beautiful week to just practice that . I'm really grateful for those examples that show up for me now where I can see how now my go-to isn't sugar . I didn't even think about food at all and actually when I'm stressed , I don't even want to eat anymore .

I'd rather go out or fast or have a hot bath , go in our sauna we have a sauna go for a walk , cuddle my cat , you know do some journaling , meditate , you know . I have so many tools now that are my go-to and it's just automatic now because I've created that new belief system .

Right , that feeling is important and I'm gonna work through these emotions instead of hide from them . So it's really it's not been one you know moment with my emotional journey .

It's been a accumulation of the last five or six years of just this inner work , my spiritual journey , the practices that I have , and yeah , it's really beautiful and it's true freedom , if you ask me .

And what was the biggest belief that you turned around that made the biggest difference in your journey of recovery from food issues ?

But I would say , you know , the first place to start , maybe this is good , this is you know , the first level would be to just sit down with maybe some goals that you have , so let's say it's getting off sugar , right , and looking at that goal and then writing down .

Even just brainstorm , free flow brainstorming giving up sugar is right and just see what comes up right . Or even just getting curious about . You know what was the conversations around food growing up , did you have to eat everything on your plate before you got dessert ? That's a belief , right ? Did you know ?

Did you have to finish everything on your plate because there's children in Africa starving Right . Like , yeah , there's a belief in that . And you know , really starting getting curious about , like , did your mom cook ? What was the conversation around cooking ? I know a lot of my clients are , you know , didn't have moms that cooked , right .

So below that , we develop beliefs like cooking is a waste of time , or cooking is boring , or , you know , eating whole real foods is tasteless , right ? A lot of us had that , had that belief . I know I did . It was like , oh , eating real food is gross , right , I want the ice cream .

So you know , really , just inviting yourself to prompt with the starts of those questions like giving up sugar is , or eating healthy is , or cooking is , and just allow yourself to just free form Like what comes up for you , you know , just brain dump and just get curious about that .

Another great way to start identifying these beliefs is asking your parents , right , what do you believe about healthy eating or what do you believe about food , right ? Just because we got a lot of our beliefs from our parents , so we're not immune to that .

So asking your parents , which were the biggest influence in those younger years of your life , can be really eye-opening as well , and start seeing if those things resonate with you . So that would be like step one in terms of starting to be curious about where these beliefs are .

And I'm gonna be bold here and say that all of us are carrying around the beliefs that we're not worthy , we're not enough and we're not worthy of love , we're unlovable .

These are the three core deep wound beliefs that I mentioned and it can be really difficult to connect with those because they're quite painful to connect with right , when we really accept and and admit to ourselves that we don't feel like we've ever been enough . You know that our parents never , never , made us feel like we were worthy .

And you know , just allow yourself to really be gentle as you start navigating those , those wounds , because they're they're really deep for all of us and I carried all three of those , so I would say those would be the biggest ones that that I shifted .

There's a lot of , you know , my childhood and just my upbringing and I mean I had a great family , right , it was all good on the outside , but when I start diving into the energetics and just the , the disconnection that that existed there for me left me with those , those beliefs as well .

So those three , you know , and I'm still working on them , I'm still working on them . You know they pop up here and there and I'm like , oh wait , why do I not feel worthy of that thing that I want , right ? Like what's going on here ? Why am I holding myself back there ?

But it was actually , you know , what really shifted for me and where I've done a lot of my own work on learning about shifting beliefs is through my own coaches and mentors .

So it actually started in the beginning for me with a business coach , you know , as I was starting my business and they really blew my mind open with with a lot of these belief systems that I had around money and that I had around relationships and even business in general , and so I started really like learning sort of from that angle and then applying it

obviously my personal life . Then I started working with with a personal coach as well , someone that was really there to help me dive deep and mirror what was coming up for me and that was that was the next layer for me and understanding oh yeah , these are some beliefs that I have that no longer serve me and you know a really time to shift .

So you know that bringing that awareness for me with those three and a whole list of others , by the way , we have like thousands of beliefs and I know a lot of people really love and benefit from like EFT tapping for shifting those beliefs that's a really great tool .

I've used other tools like neurodynamic breathwork and obviously meditation and yoga , and just repetition is one of the best ways . So , if we can start identifying a belief that's no longer serving us , right , so maybe it's I'm , I'm unlovable , right , this is a big , big belief .

Or you can start with something I would , I would recommend with starting with something a little easier . Like cooking is boring , right , maybe something like that , and rewrite that Like , what do you want your new belief to be ?

So , once you get that , you know cooking is fun and self care time , right , or something like that , whatever your words resonate with you . And once you have that new belief , you , what you do is you double down on repetition .

So you put it on your phone , you put sticky notes in your car , on your computer , on your fridge , so that you're repeating it subconsciously multiple times a day . Because , ideally , we need to create a new neural pathway which is just like a path through the forest .

We need to walk a new path and we need to tread it as often as possible so that it really becomes a well worked in path . And that takes time and commitment and keeping it fresh of mind every day and over time you'll start to notice oh okay , I'm , I'm believe I'm thinking this new way a little bit more than I am thinking this old way .

So that that would be , you know , the the cold notes around beliefs . That's , like I said , a really tricky one to just share quickly because there's so many nuances and deep pieces behind it . But I hope that answers your question .

So is there anything else you want to add about the inner game of getting our relationship to food sorted out and to be able to freeze us up , building that foundation so that we can build our sugar free lives on top of it and have it be very stable ?

This is , this is the lasting result , and I know we've all been trained to do things in 30 to 60 days and then , all of a sudden , our life is totally different and that's just not the case . You know , a lot of this inner healing is energetic work and we can't we can't shift our beliefs that we've been believing for 50 years in 30 days , right , like .

We have to get really honest and real and realistic with ourselves that this is going to be a process and it's also not a process that's difficult forever . So this is really important to say . I was actually talking on another interview just yesterday about this and I think it's a really important reminder .

Just like when you're going off sugar , right , the first couple weeks , yeah , are a bit tough , or they can be right there they're the hardest weeks and after that you start flowing into a new rhythm . It starts to flow , you know what to cook , it becomes easier , and so , with this , this inner journey . In the beginning it's really . It can be really painful .

It can be really difficult to feel again if you've never felt right , if you have that wall up your whole life and really starting to be curious about that and know that the difficult part of that , the icky , yucky part of that journey does end right , it does become so much easier and I'm five or six years through this now and when things come up for me ,

it is so easy for me to navigate and I know that when I have really heavy , difficult emotions come up , I'm gonna be fine . I work through them . I set myself up . I booked in a call of my therapist , I chatted with my best friends , I'm doing a motion code session , like I'm starting to get out in nature . I've journals Like it's not difficult .

So really just be gentle with yourself is the reminder I think so many of us have been taught and raised in the society that breeds diet , culture , black and white thinking and a real hateful , fearful relationship towards food and ourselves . So please lean into self-compassion right . Know that this is a journey and you're not gonna be perfect at it .

You're gonna fail all lot and that's part of the human experience and it's part of your journey and you will . If you get the right support . You're gonna keep on track to have that breakthrough and finally get to a solid place where this inner work becomes a bit easier and it doesn't feel like , oh my God , I'm gonna be doing this for the rest of my life .

It's like , yes , I get to do this for the rest of my life . I'm excited to learn more about myself and continue evolving and growing as a human .

So , just in the beginning pieces which might be a year , it might be two years , it might be six months , who knows right With the big wounds , just really set yourself up for success by number one , being in a community that gets it and is a safe , non-judgmental space , and get the support and the guidance that you need from somebody that you resonate with .

Right , whether it's me or someone else doesn't matter , as long as it's somebody that is really there to support you and show up for you during the difficult pieces of that .

So self-compassion , curiosity just really put the war with your body and food to the side for a second and start leaning into this kindness and self-compassion and what we're thinking on a daily basis is so huge in how we're gonna show up right .

If we're thinking we're just a loser and a failure and we're never gonna be worthy of anything , that we want that track on repeat in our brain all day long is obviously gonna drive us to unhealthy habits , of course , like we're so disconnected from loving ourselves . So start practicing that . Start just practicing choosing a new tape to play . Right .

Anybody remembers tapes . I am old enough to remember those . I have the old tape , disc radio . Yeah , just start choosing that new track and just practicing being kinder with yourself and when you have bad days or a binge or things aren't going well like , take that as a lesson and learn through that .

Another big piece of the inner work is that I dive into with my clients is the belief around failure we have so many and success . We have so many messed up beliefs about failure , and failure is actually a huge gift . So allow yourself to embrace that and just be gentle as those times come up and take the lessons from it and move forward .

much . This was an amazing interview , and I don't know how old you are , but are you in your 30s ? I am , yes .

Yeah , just incredible to see a 30-year-old that's just stepping into the space because you're gonna resonate most especially with your generation , that's looking for leaders in this space to guide them through into the real work , instead of just fighting with diets for decades . That many of us did , and so it's just wonderful that you're out there .

I'm happy to share a deal with my audience and thank you for your time today .