Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You

Are you stuck, focusing on what's wrong in your relationship?

Deeply embedded in the work of intimacy, desire and relationships, psychotherapist and best-selling author Esther Perel, ask us to take a look at ourselves first, rather than listing the short comings of our partner.

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In this Academy of Imperfection, Hugh (who sadly was violently ill last time we talked to Esther) comes armed with questions about the mental load (with love, from Penny), and how to navigate their differing needs for affection.

Ryan asks Esther whether we’re capable of falling in love with AI, and Josh wants to know why we sometimes put up walls with the ones we love the most.

And, if you’ve ever asked yourself any of the below, this episode’s for you;

• is working from home causing social atrophy?
• what does it mean to be an embodied creature?
• what are the downfalls of a frictionless relationship?

Esther, you are welcome back anytime. ANYTIME.

If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/u5HsDD9bjRQ 

🫖Other episodes of the Imperfects mentioned on this episode

• Esther Perel - Let’s Be Better Lovers - https://bit.ly/41m8R4f
• Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/3PPugAp

💻Things to check out

• Where Should We Begin? At Work card game - https://bit.ly/48jpQYJ

🎧Things to listen to

• Where Should We Begin - Esther’s podcast - https://bit.ly/4dtsNJK
• My AI Loves Me Better Than Anyone Ever Could - Where Should We Begin - https://bit.ly/4twUbeC
• Esther Perel on Why A.I. Intimacy Feels Safe but Isn’t Real - https://bit.ly/4sofVsf

📖 Things to read

• Mating in Captivity, by Esther Perel - https://bit.ly/3Os5Dcx
• The State of Affairs, by Esther Perel - https://bit.ly/48yFn74

📺 Things to watch

• Rethinking Infidelity TEDTalk - https://bit.ly/4seN3md
• Love Story - https://bit.ly/4ct63se

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0:00 – Intimacy: what has changed, what has stayed the same? 
6:23 – This is my partner, AI
14:08 – A mismatch of affection
23:56 – Bids for connection
32:08 – Can you repair trust?
41:02 – Post-traumatic Growth
49:43 – The central hub of our needs
58:38 – The Mental Load Pt. 2

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