A driveway moment. Time travel back to October 2020; the lover that Aliya Pabani once joked I was doing "straight womanhood" fetish play with; to everyone else it was just a conventional relationship wherein we performed traditional gender roles. We called him "the patriarch". A recording from the day of a breakup. Laurie Anderson inspired stasis. DONATE to the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild (aka: KP + Mermaid Palace) Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices...
Apr 18, 2026•20 min•Season 20Ep. 4
Typewriter ribbons, shutters, jays, french, dusty, periwinkle, the desk of a currently abandoned short film, a door that isn’t really blue. A non-practicing coven, a shack full of runner ducks, and a massive malamute dog named Maple. A World Series weekend at the Chantecleer and the Fox Flower farm and Studio, where KP spends most of her time when she is not in Suburban Paradise. DONATE to the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild (aka: KP + Mermaid Palace) Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org...
Mar 18, 2026•18 min•Season 20Ep. 3
Parenthood vs Adulthood. Birds singing. Pen on paper. Play first work later. Admin avalanche. The customer is always right on hold. Daddy (age 68) saves the day with the anti-to do list. KP (age 38) gets a refund for a yearly subscription. Royal typewriter on loan from new bestie Bekky. The cement garden table after work. DONATE to the Unemployed Philosopher's Guild (aka: KP + Mermaid Palace) Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices...
Feb 18, 2026•16 min•Season 20Ep. 2
A series of episodes quietly created from her parents' garage in the sleepy government city of Ottawa. In an era of well-crafted tightly edited, lushly designed and rigorously vetted (either by the network execs that hold the purse strings, by the powers of the algorithm, or by the monster of our own digital footprint-fueled perfectionism), these new episodes do more than just show the hand of the maker, they extend open palms, bow, kneel and lay foreheads to the ground. DONATE to the Unemployed...
Jan 15, 2026•15 min•Season 20Ep. 1
[Ep 4 of 4 and more to come] We were all left with burning questions after the first three episodes. In the final installment of the original ‘NO’ series from 2017, KP and the team play VMs and read letters from the audience and have a big 'ol processing party with Samara Breger, former Heart producer, sex educator and more recently: queer romance novelist. What do I tell my kids? What if my no DOES mean yes? How bad DOES he have to feel? How are racial dynamics similar? How do I not be depresse...
Oct 08, 2025•42 min•Season 19Ep. 6
[Ep 3 of 4] Answers: Kaitlin’s search asking why coercion is so omnipresent lands her in one obvious place. Straight, cis-gendered men. In this episode, Kaitlin consults the men in her life that she loves, her friends, her father, her exes to see if they had ever pressured someone into having unwanted intimacy. But she knows she cannot end her search here. She must reach out to the men who have transgressed her to get their side of the story. Updates: we hear about the men who interviewed in the...
Sep 05, 2025•54 min•Season 19Ep. 6
[Ep 2 of 4] Why listen to this series now? KP's schpiel. And then: we catch up with our shero in her mid-twenties, waiting to fall in love. Over the years she has become an expert at advocating for her own pleasure. She has learned how to say no to the sex that she doesn’t want to have with tact and grace. Just as she thinks she has figured out the art of sexual negotiations, another unsettling experience becomes a catalyst for a search for answers. In the "reality check" section: we hear a 37 y...
Aug 13, 2025•41 min•Season 19Ep. 3
[Ep 1 of 4] Inside a locked diary are the hopes and dreams of a little girl who wants one thing more than everything else: this little girl wants to be wanted . [TW: SA] When the little girl becomes a teenager and her deepest want comes to pass, it turns out she doesn't want it. She wanted. . . something else. Something more? Something less? Something sweeter. She doesn't know exactly what she wants, but she learns the hard way what she does not want. "Advance" a non-psychedelic trip into my gir...
Jul 26, 2025•29 min•Season 19Ep. 2
Revisiting NO: after 8 years and several disappointing hook-ups wherein KP found herself wondering if the world forgot the lessons that shook 2017; she decides it's high time to listen again to the series that brings you inside of a 'no' that sounds like a 'yes', and all the 'yes's that really wanted to be 'no's. ----------- Donate to Mermaid Palace! Exciting new projects incubating in need of anti-capitalist support aka indie financing. Thank you to all who already donate, it makes a big differ...
Jul 11, 2025•8 min•Season 19Ep. 1
In 2024 Ashtar Theatre started a new project: letters to Gaza. When Tarneem sat down to write a letter to her home, this work of poetry emerged in only a couple of hours. We didn't edit a single word. It’s been 6 months since she left her home in the north of Gaza. Every day she watches the news and prays for her family, her friends, her people. She waits for the world to wake up. She waits to see her pain reflected and acknowledged. Heartbroken and determined she wonders, “are we not even entit...
Oct 19, 2024•11 min•Season 18Ep. 9
This episode was named months ago: a prayer, a wish shared by one Tarneem Jaber and one Kaitlin Prest. "THE GENOCIDE IS A MEMORY, NOT AN ANNIVERSARY". The genocide has gotten even more terrifying as we mark an entire year of slaughter, terror and complacency. Attacks are now zeroing in on the North of Gaza: the home of Ahmad Tarneem and Hamza. Every day, sometimes every hour they try to call their mother and oldest brother (and his wife, who just had a baby) who are still there, with no way to e...
Oct 15, 2024•1 hr 4 min•Season 18Ep. 8
Artist and business owner Doreen Toutikian, founder of Beirut Design Week (and many other beautiful things that she’s had to leave in her past due to war) sits down with KP on February 23rd 2024 and performs monologue #10: Taima Okasha. She reflects on growing up hiding from bombs, the “Palestinian exception” anti-Palestinian racism in the arts and her fears of what might happen to her own home, Lebanon, if Israel is not stopped. Six months and many voice memos later, some of the fears Doreen ex...
Sep 23, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Season 18Ep. 7
Audio artist and organizer Aliya Pabani takes Gaza Monologue #19 and binaural in-ear microphones (be sure to listen for the 3-dimensional effect: listen in headphones and you will walk with her) to a Toronto branch of the largest worldwide financier of weapons used by Israel. Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices
Sep 14, 2024•32 min•Season 18Ep. 6
“Before, you could count how many buildings they destroyed. Now, you count how many buildings they didn’t destroy” — Tarneem Jaber Tarneem Jaber (19 yrs old) was starting her first week of med school on October 7th. Her brother Ahmad (21 yrs old) was in his third year of dental school with only two remaining. Hamza, the oldest (24 yrs old), was supposed to graduate this June: He was a volunteer at Al-Shifa until it was obliterated. The three siblings survived the destruction of their home, food ...
Sep 03, 2024•1 hr 13 min•Season 18Ep. 5
Comedian Alaa Shahada talks about artist life in Jenin, West Bank. We hear a radiomagic excerpt of his one-man show "The Horse of Jenin". He talks about his dreams for the future of Palestine and performs Gaza Monologue #22 Mahmud Abu Shaa’ban. Alaa is a graduate of the Nobel prize nominated Freedom Theatre acting and the co-founder of the Palestine Comedy Club. EASE ANY GUILT YOU FEEL ABOUT WHERE YOUR TAX DOLLARS GO BY SUPPORTING SOME BRILLIANT KIDS TO FINISH THEIR EDUCATION . Learn about your ...
Aug 23, 2024•46 min•Season 18Ep. 4
Ali Dajani grew up in Jordan and studied in Canada, where he met KP, the friend that sits down with him in his Amsterdam home to read Gaza Monologue #1: the story of Ahmad El Ruzzi. Ali's paternal grandfather left Jerusalem in 1948. "What happened in 1948?" our radio friend asks. They both laugh. She apologizes for her ignorance. He begins to explain. Discussions of whether the cute-ass canals and oh-my-god-there’s-a-boat’s will become his permanent home frame the recording of the first monologu...
Aug 15, 2024•34 min•Season 18Ep. 3
"It's kind of corny, but I think about this quote from Che Guevara: "the true revolutionary is guided by feelings of great love." Aliya Pabani, artist, organizer and collaborator. A glimpse into the friends and friends of friends that share their stories in our upcoming series: an adaptation of the Gaza Monologues by Ashtar Theatre (Ramallah). A group of artists, activists and students from Palestine and beyond read the famed monologues from 2010. Speaking words written by teenagers experiencing...
Jul 25, 2024•7 min•Season 18Ep. 2
In this update-isode, we follow KP's whereabouts and goings-on since the Processing Palestine episode and the events that led to the genesis of our upcoming series: GREAT LOVE: The Gaza Monologues Revisited. Responding to Ashtar Theatre’s global call to share testimonies from young Gazans first performed in 2010, the series features a chain of personal connections from New York to Toronto to Jordan to Athens to Beirut to Nazareth to Jenin and most importantly: to Gaza. Connections that were forg...
Jul 19, 2024•34 min•Season 18Ep. 1
KP says sweet nothings about the great love of her life: SOUND. A shared moment and meditation: recorded at 4AM in Athens Greece with the window open as the rain fell, gazing at the Athenian mountains aka: former home of the Gods. Use this episode like you would a meditation app: come back to it when you need a moment of peace. Take out the meditation pillow. Play it when you’re taking psychedelic drugs. Use it to relax during your break at work. Play it with a group of friends on a road trip. P...
Apr 03, 2024•18 min
The love story underneath the love story. We finally meet the real-life Charlie Park. Audio artist and friend Brendan Baker : the sound genius who inspired and supported KP to be the artist she is today. Real moments from the real relationship that started it all. If you are an artist or a writer interested in the complicated journey of translating real life into a fictional universe, this one is for you. If you are a regular human being interested in how love is born and grows and changes over ...
Feb 05, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Season 17Ep. 8
The original unpublished title was “Anatomy of a Resentment”. This episode chronicles the era of a relationship wherein every minor annoyance is a symbol of the very major sacrifices we make to accommodate the shortcomings of the person we love. The story underneath the story: Mitchell Akiyama and KP spending 80+ hours pretending to be in a relationship in the summer of 2018. Fortunately, the frustrations you hear in this episode are (mostly) fiction. Six years later, Mitch and KP are Toronto be...
Jan 09, 2024•35 min•Season 17Ep. 7
What is love? What is it really? bell hooks writes that love is something that we do. Not something that we feel. Not a story. So what do we do when we’re inside of a love that feels like a great love of the ages? The kind of romance that has a life of its own? The story underneath the story in this episode is meeting Johnny Spence. The performer and musician that breathed life into the character “Devon”. Former owner of sweater. This is episode 4 of The Shadows, from CBC Podcasts, made by Kaitl...
Dec 22, 2023•45 min•Season 17Ep. 6
There are certain kinds of things a sweater spends its life dreaming about. Primarily: achieving the coveted position of: favourite. The story underneath the story of this episode is one that we will never tell. What we CAN tell: is that the sweater who speaks in this episode is real and it lives to this very day in KP’s trunk. It was given to her in the year 2014, 9 years ago this very week of November. She washed the sweater once and only once since then. The last time she wore it was last wee...
Nov 28, 2023•42 min•Season 17Ep. 5
A window into the set-up from which an audio heartthrob emerged: Charlie Park. A neurotic and immensely talented puppeteer conceived of by artist Phoebe Wang and performed by sound artist Mitchell Akiyama. This is episode 2 of The Shadows from CBC Podcasts: an auto-fictional series in which KP explores the life she would have had if she’d become a puppeteer instead of a radio producer. There IS a Terry Gross cameo in this episode. Listen closely. You also hear the real life puppetry aficionados:...
Nov 14, 2023•43 min•Season 17Ep. 4
As people all over the world grieve and struggle, KP invites you to take a moment to reflect, meditate, pray, manifest and grapple with the question of what those of us who are not there can do. Links and Resources from this episode: How to Stop a Genocide (while in the global north) , Hussan S.K The Inside Story Podcast: What Influence Can International Opinion Have on the War In Gaza? [Al Jazeera] Jewish Voice for Peace : visit this site for straightforward actions to take in the U.S.A Save Pa...
Nov 05, 2023•48 min•Season 17Ep. 3
The story underneath the story: what happened after we made “Movies In Your Head”. In a clawfoot bathtub moaning in agony, “The Shadows” was conceived. KP’s first serialized fiction show: the story of having to choose between romanticism and realism. Does the fairy tale really exist? Or does it only exist at the beginning of a relationship? Our main character believes that she’ll be one of the outliers who will fall in love, and stay in love FOREVER. Featuring: episode 1 of “The Shadows” from CB...
Oct 17, 2023•1 hr•Season 17Ep. 2
Have you ever fallen a little too hard a little too fast in love with someone you’ve just met? Have you ever caught yourself imagining the beautiful house in the country the two of you would grow old together in? We go back in time to the era before the term ‘ghosting’ had been coined and explore the phenomenon that Ayinde Bennett calls “making movies in your head”. Featuring: the Prix Italia Gold Award winning radio play (the first podcast to win a Prix Italia! That’s some radio history!) co-cr...
Oct 11, 2023•33 min•Season 17Ep. 1
In the final episode of the series Kaitlin isn't sure whether or not she truly wants to get into it with her father. Kaitlin is conflicted. Is having one last conversation with her Dad on tape a good idea? Does she have the courage to confront her dad face to face? Resources for accountability and healing at https://www.theheartradio.org/dad Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices...
Jul 18, 2023•54 min•Season 16Ep. 4
Episode 3: At age 33, Kaitlin is stranded living with her parents in Ottawa, living in their basement just like she did when she was a teenager. It's the first time she and her dad have lived together since the period the family euphemistically calls 'the dark years'. Trigger Warning - discussion and depictions of parental abuse. For resources go to theheartradio.org/dad Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices
Jul 04, 2023•1 hr 11 min•Season 16Ep. 3
Episode 2: Kaitlin's father, Greg, proudly claims the title of mister mom in 1986. He's always wanted to be a dad. When the apple of his eye enters her tween years and starts hating him he struggles to be the kind of dad he thought he should be. Trigger Warning: topics related to parental abuse, trauma, self-gaslighting, gaslighting. For resources go to theheartradio.org/dad Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices
Jun 27, 2023•35 min•Season 16Ep. 2
