237. Healing On The Boo-ooty

Can I ask you a question why you don't ever play with my nipples? I got nipples too. It's my turn to get tied up knocking headcuts though I got PTSD.

Welcome the hardest soft where men speak. So hopefully somebody will understand when you say freaky, what's what's freaky?

What?

What do you mean by freaky? If I do this, you're not gonna tell your friends.

Right.

So when you said, like you put it on your IG story that you okay when you're selling an IG story that you was on a specific type of cruise, I didn't know what it was and I didn't look it up. So you were really really excited about it.

Because I go to Temptations, right, I go to Temptations often. I have membership at Temptations. So it's like a thing. We go on a cruise. First of all, I've never been on a cruise before. When I get this, she has it as a surprise, and you see the Temptations banner and all of this signage. You know, I'm like, oh shit, it's Temptation cruise. But I really wasn't sure as to what to expect. I'm telling you right now, White people, Hey, high sless. I'm talking about white people with.

Bro.

When they swing, they swing swing. Swinging in the white community is.

Like knock it out the park, swing.

Bro.

I'm sitting on the deck of the pool. Dude walks up, so I's telling tonguekissing the dude's wife. He's right next, he's right there. The husband's right there, tongue kissing her and walks away.

Huh no, consent, Bro, She she cound said she.

They was, They had their thing. It's very comfortable and hey bye.

He walked away. I sat there. He never came back.

I just want to kiss and walk away.

And this was the experience that you see, Bro.

I'm walking through the hallways. They have signs on the door. Hey I'm here to fuck. I'm open to company. They had cards made with their number on the cards attached to the door, so you just walk by, you take a card, and you call them to link and have sex. They had dildos attached to the door.

Photos.

They have photos.

I have it.

I have it. They have photos of the couples on the doors. Wow. Yeah, look sherman's caring. That's just one. Look at this. They have their bio. Oh wow, they have their bio on the thing. Hey, let me see if I.

Was the desire ones. But it wasn't like that.

I didn't.

Hello, we're from such and such Iowa. We love getting out to laugh and relax. We're like minded couples. We're pretty laid back, don't take ourselves too seriously. We would prefer to find connection as friends and let more develop organically. We're looking for a real unicorn, real.

And like meaning actually bisexual.

Yeah right, a four way connection with another couple. We are DDF. What is DDF?

I don't know, down do I don't know what DDF stands for.

We drink.

So let's see if there's a spark. Look at this woman beautiful. Oh wow, they have a couple of pictures everything.

Let me.

He just looks like he works at your regular, regular office.

But you have to understand it's two thousand. There's two thousand people on his cruise.

Yeah wow.

One of the rooms is thirty thousand dollars. It's already booked for the next two cruises.

Oh my goodness. Oh these people, Oh this is what they do. These people have money, this is their lifestyle.

Is this what you know? What I mean? So I'm just like it's just very interesting for me.

For one, it was only about sixty black people on the trip. On the trip, we swing differently than them, We lifestyle differently. It's not as free for us, right, And I just found that. I just found that very interesting when I went on the cruise. Do we have fun, Yes, we had have fun. We can talk about that on Patreon. I'm gonn way till loon comes back, all right, talk about that, but we are here high slis. How are you do you? Are you into swinging and stuff like that.

I have tried all the things, but I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've gone to swingers clubs and I went to Desire in Mexico. One time. I was actually working with clients at Desireco, but I was there with a partner also, so we played.

A little bit nice.

Do you get jealous?

Yes, I'm very busy us off being jealous.

So how do you So that's why she says she stops swinging because she's I'm guessing that's why you stopped, right?

It is for me?

Yeah, right, right right, yeah, I don't.

I think you got to find your place in that. You got to really identify your feelings.

And shit like that.

I love when people are honest with themselves about things like that, Like they know that they're the possessive, jealous type. They're doing it because they think that their partner would be into it, but then really, in reality, you're just like, I really don't like this, and they take the courage to say, you.

Know what, I'm not doing this anymore.

Can a person be with somebody that's like that, like say y'all, say y'all form a real connection?

And so let's you're a couple of relationship sex.

Coach coach and I train other coaches, right.

And you train other coaches. What is the propensity?

What's the possibility that you have one person that's super polly actually being with somebody that's more monogamous or just completely like looks at a possibility.

Yeah, I've worked with polymonocouples really really yeah, yeah for sure, And like I've seen people work it out, and I've also seen it go horribly wrong. It's a pretty big difference in the way that you want to interact with other people, but I have seen it also work, So you know, it just depends on how much empathy and support they can have for each other and how much jealousy, you know, like if somebody is In this instance where

I made a couple like that on the Crew's monogamous. He's super Polly a lot of partners, and she doesn't want other partners. She'll play sporadically, right, But he does the more playing. But and she's black and he's white.

M hm. So I was amazed by this couple.

So a lot of dynamics going on in that couple.

I was just its like an interracial dynamic. There's also a monopoly dynamic going on.

There's also it's.

A hell of a cruise.

The hell of a cruise.

When I tell you the stories that I have to tell, y'all, I can't wait to do this Patreon. I cannot wait to do this Patreon. But yeah, man, I find it interesting. What's one of the questions that I wanted to ask y'all today.

I'm surprised you don't have any handy dandy phone.

I do, okay, but it just it just slipped my mind. Oh anyway, So how's life, How's how's that been going for you?

How's life been going?

I think life actually has been going really well for me so far. Just thanking God that you know, all the stuff that have happened and what what has been brought to my attention and what I'm now like currently working on within myself.

So I restarted therapy third time, going back, but she know me, you hold it down for.

The same therapist that you always go back to.

Is she tired of you not showing up, like you just just dip on her when you think you're all.

Right pretty much?

No, She's like, no, I'm glad that you you reach out to me and when you think you need it the most. I'm on my three month of like pure working out, so I'm really happy about that. So it's mental and the physical difference, and you know, just having talking to God every every day for the past eight months, and it's just been a beautiful transformation I've been seeing. And I'm at the point right now where I'm kind

So do you do you like I see you working out?

Yeah, I remember a time last year you were more concerned about weight and all of that stuff. Did you look at yourself different sexually when you were going through that?

I think when I when I feel good sexually, I feel good as well. Like, so if i feel like I'm fit and I feel like i'm I can do certain things and I feel strong. I know that my sex game is like boom at a ten, but I'm not really going to be experiencing much sex in the next couple of months because I don't want to have sex.

Kind of it's two things. I want to get back to that.

Yeah, but do you deal with people that have like changes in their body and aren't able to really feel sexy? Like, what is like advice you give people when they aren't feeling sexy physically and how to like show up in their relationship or show up with their partners because a lot of times that dynamic will kind of ruin you'all sex lives.

Yeah.

Yeah, Well, you don't want to get naked if you don't feel sexy right, And I think a lot of times it's like there's a lot of self objectification, Like I'm looking in the mirror and I'm tearing myself apart and thinking, oh, this is bad about me, this is

Is that the like masturbation or just touching feeling like how do you? I guess it's different for every client of yours, but like.

I go through that literally when my stomach was hanging over her butt and I'm looking, I'm serious, bro.

I ain't want to do the videos.

The more we recorded some ship the scene was fire until I looked at it and my stomach is I'm looking, I feel crazy. I'm laying on the bed, I'm just rubbing on my shit off. I'm like, nah, you're not sexy. No more, you far in ass.

This is discussed you, this is disgusting you know.

Yeah, I think yeah, self touch, like really getting into receiving touch from someone who really loves you and loves your body. I think can be really really healing.

Okay yeah, okay, well I haven't. Also, I haven't been masturbating, and.

Like you just don't.

You don't like nothing about No, I.

Love how I look, but touching, but I'm not fucking I'm not masturbating.

I'm just like I'm kind of like my head is like not one night, it's on something completely different.

I feel like it's like we have this idea, Oh, you have to be wanting sex all the time. I disagree, Like we go through phases with everything.

I disagree with your disagree.

No, no, I want to hear her because that's what I'm going through right now, is like I'm just not in a phase of like.

Wanting sex, you know, And you don't need to apologize for that, like, especially if you're going through a healing self connection process, just take it as it is. Like I think if you don't pressure yourself, your desire will come back, and if you do, then it's can and shut it down, you know, So just take your time, be with your body however you want to, and look at how amazing you look in the mirror, and you know, eventually you'd probably be like, wow, it looks so good.

I want to go myself. No exactly.

That's why when I was telling them, I was like, you know, I'm not I'm not really masturbating. I'm really not having sex. They're like, why, so you're gonna be dealing with women. I'm like, no, I don't want to deal with anybody. I'm I'm like, okay, I'm okay to de touch now.

Is this obviously you spoke about your situation on the Patreon. Is this like I remember reading when I was reading up about you, you would have talked you were talking about an emotional armor. What's an emotional armor?

I think that we can have all of these sort of protective mechanisms when we've been hurt in some way that kind of automatically come up to protect us from getting hurt again in that particular way. So you know, if you've been hurt and it reminds you of some like childhood wound that you have, then you can get very like you know what I need some space and some distance from for me intimacy in general or in an intimate relationship, those feelings can get triggered.

And is there a way out of that?

Like how do you even if it's just obviously you're saying, you know, just get back in touch with yourself. But I would think that if you have this thing that reminds you of some childhood trauma, that's something that's like.

Really deep rooted, right, Like, what is the work that you really have to do?

Because just touching my nipples and just looking at feeling my dig's like, all right, No, I'm not interested in this anymore.

What is the path that you really need to take? Well?

As you as a sexology, as a sex coach, what would you work with your clients on doing?

Yeah, And I think we like trauma feels like a scary word for people, but I think most of us have different kinds of herds and traumas, And so I firstly just normalized, like that's part of being human.

You know, we all have that, right, either like lowercase TA or capital T exactly.

You know, we all have it. So it's like first to just acknowledge it and not feel ashamed about it and actually say, Okay, I'm going to look at these feelings inside of myself and I'm going to let myself they'll feel them. Instead of feeling like why do I still feel this way? Or I shouldn't feel this way, or what's wrong with me, It's like, nothing's wrong with you. You're human. So that's step one. And then sort of like, okay, so how did that little child inside of me get hurt?

You know, I'm going to share something that was said to me during my therapy session on Monday.

She was like, you know, oh my gosh, you said something and it triggered it and now I forgot.

But I think it was along the lines of like it wasn't my fault, but it's my responsibility and I lost it complete tears. I was just like, what, it's not my fault because you know, you grow up thinking that you know something's wrong with you, it's your fault, like you have but the way you grew up, because you get these things, you know, these traumas between the ages.

Of zero and four. I think and they and she said, it's not your fault. You were just you were just.

A child, and it's your responsibility, responsibility now to take ownership and try to you know, lack of a better word, fix these things. But yeah, so kind of like triggered that it's not your fault type situation, and I just like lost it.

I think that's so important that you, you know, realize that not your fault and but is your responsibility. And I kind of want to bring in the idea of like sex as a way to heal from some of those wounds.

How wait, I'm back on now we're here, Now.

Wait that real quick.

Well, I think the wounds that we have actually shape our sexual desires, and so when we know what we want around sex, Like if you think, like when something triggers you, what gets hurt, Like what kind of blocks you like does it feel like, oh I'm not really worthy of love or I'm not safe or nobody actually

You're Sometimes it's safe because I am a fearful avoidant mixed with the ank she's an attachment. Yeah, combination, combination.

Yeah.

So if you say, okay, so what really makes me feel safe in sex? And don't just think, Okay, I'm going to go into a sexual situation and I'll hope for the best.

Praise, So praise kings make me feel safe. So when a man is praise kinking me, it makes me feel safe exactly.

And so you want to go into a situation and you want to tell people that from the beginning, as opposed to like hoping that they're going to hit the nail.

On the head.

And also like specifically, like what are the kinds of sentences that you would want to hear because I think all especially women, are like I can't say exactly what I want, then it doesn't count or blah blah blah. But like if You're like, I'm going into this situation to get some healing. Let me get the kind that works best for me.

Well, I'm interested in child. Do you have any like what wounds? And then how do you heal them through sets?

Because I was wondering, I was like, what likes me? What about my wounds? Like me get my ass? I was thinking about it while I was talking. I was like, I don't know. I often wonder is it being punished the I don't feel like I'm getting punished when I get my ass.

Well, I'm curious what do you feel when you get what do you feel when you get yours?

No, I don't like being punished. Okay, I'm extremely dominant. Yes, I'm extremely dominant. What if that's a response to a trauma?

Yeah?

What if the fact of like I need to feel powerful in control.

Because maybe when you were younger you didn't feel like anywhere.

I feel like I was exactly right, exactly.

The same things that maybe wound up wanting to be in the street or you know, you know, just those things could be showing up now and me sexually.

I never thought about it.

That's so crazy, and I've never thought about it in this in this way.

But then why do I give my assay? Then?

Well, so here's something interesting. If you think about it being in a power position.

Don't ruin this for me.

I'm going to ruin it right now.

This is a response to trauma.

Response, big deal. But what if like, when you feel very powerful, it's like this like protective place, but when somebody spinks your ass, you actually feel very vulnerable, which is healing, the protection healing on the booty.

I like it.

That's the name of the episode yesterday.

Well to the opposite of that, I don't like in Spain, I don't like anything submissive.

But your ass being is kind of submissive though right.

Now I do it very masculinely.

Yeah, okay, but that's even that's really powerful because exactly, I think that is really vulnerable to open yourself on that level, to like the part of our body that we're supposed to be most disconnected and ashamed of, and to be like, I'm not only going to open, but I'm going to let somebody put their tongue there. That's really vulnerable.

That's hotla.

But then I would say, okay, what about me not being submissive?

Right?

So the dominant is one thing. That's how you show up, but running away is something else. Not wanting to be submissive is something else. I've never really been good with being tied up, never really being good with spanking. I've never been good with being choked or being slapped or anything like that.

Because the healing to dominance is not submission. The healing to dominance is vulnerability.

So then what is the healing to not want to be submissive?

I mean, there's like playing with dominance is just like a way to play with the wound in sort of like to take back agency about the way that you were hurt. And so there's nothing wrong with either way of doing it right, either being dominant or being vulnerable or being submissive or you know, you know the sort

So I have a.

Question because he's talking about like dominance and submissiveness. So I I like to be super submissive in the bedroom, like I.

Along with my praise king, I also like to be.

Told what to do yeah, right, or I have like are you a good girl?

Yeah?

Or like or things like oh you're my bitch, or I like hearing things like that too.

And I always I always connected it to because in what I wear, I do it for work.

I'm always planning things, I'm always telling people what to do. I'm always like so I aways like I always blamed it on that, like by the time I want to get to the bedroom, I just want to be told what to do, because I tell everybody what to do all day every day.

But I'm curious if also you like this feeling of being like owned or possessed like my mind, I do.

Yeah, I love one bee.

I'm not sure exactly, so I imagine it's even more the ownership piece than the not wanting to like be in charge peace.

Do y'all think that? Yes?

Do y'all think that being monogamous versus polly is a response to trauma as well?

I mean, you know, I think when I say something is a response to trauma, people think, oh, then it's the bad thing. Like I think, either one of them can be a response to trauma or not a response to trauma, or it can be like a mix of them, you know, but one it's not one or the other.

Right.

Well, I was speaking to somebody earlier and he was like, yo, I used to cheat all the time, and then I realized I could just be Polly, and I didn't know Polly was a thing, and I thought that was very interesting.

But I also was wondering, oh, wait, what about you?

Because I cheat all the time too, and me back then made us cheat all the time, Like what about what happened in us? Where we the minute we felt a way, we went off and healed somewhere else.

I don't know that that's the case. I feel like we live in a monogamous paradigm and so we don't even see the option of being open, and so many people are not monogamous, and so you're gonna cheat because you think, okay, my only option here is to be in a monogamous relationship. You make a promise that you don't want to and can't keep, but you can't actually say I don't want to be an anogamous relationship, and so you cheat. We just don't have it on the menu.

Well, is there a way to have that conversation with somebody that once you've promised them one thing?

Like how do you even Courtney? Cause somebody because you're open to it? Am I right?

I was open to it, I was, but it's not me.

What about what about that situation would have made you feel like, you know what, I'm cool with that.

Oh you're just lying to yourself until you know.

I wasn't lying to myself. I want to try it, and once I did, I was just like this is not for me. Yeah, this is like it's not for me.

So I think it's good to try things and see what works for you, you know, like, but we don't know until we try.

Yeah yeah, okay, Well but if someone said your question was is someone to say to me like, oh, I promised to be in this monogamous relationship with you and then they turn around and be like, well, I really want to be Polly, Like, how would I react to it? It's hard because I'm in this space, so I know that that grace needs to be given relationship over Yeah, it might have to be.

Because I'm not in that space. I don't want to be in a What.

Advice would you give her if if y'all went to counseling.

I see it happen all the time, Like a couple start out monogamous and then one of them says, actually I signed up for something without realizing that I actually didn't want that. Like I remember we worked with one couple where he had he was a pastor and they had a monogamous marriage, and then he realized that he liked orgies and.

She was like, what, but how do you go from a pastor to an orgy? Like what happens? He's gonna think about it? Did even church one day and you just see an orgy inside the road? How do you get to orgie from the fucking I don't think.

I don't think anything happened.

I think it was probably always inside of him, but he never was able to honor it. You know, he probably fantasized about it, masturbated about it, but like wasn't actually able to say it until like fifteen years into this marriage because he was like, Okay, I don't want to live my whole life without ever being who I truly am.

Right, and I see a lot of people and the Bible looks down on it too, So it's like.

It's yeah, so it's hard, But I think what's really hard, like this idea that you sign up about me?

Sorry, my mind just be wondering. I like orgies to pastor Duncan.

To have the past the duncan you know, crazy, But I do think we sign up for things like and then it's almost like we're signing up and saying, Okay, for the rest of my life, I'm going to know for sure that this is what I like. How do we sign up for something at twenty five and think for sure at fifty five that's who I'm going to be exactly? It's impossible. So it's like if we don't see that change needs to be built into these systems, then they're not going to be sustainable.

Right.

I was actually having this conversation in the discord. I asked, how long if after you've been in a monogamous relationship with somebody you feel trust, you feel respect, things are going well, but it's say, how long into that relationship would you be open to them coming to you and saying something like, hey, I want to ask for somebody else.

I want to experience something different, right, and like you.

Spoke, you spoke about this one situation, where as with the girl, the woman.

Just wanted to make sure that he kept the relationship.

First, or the family time, the family time first, Like it doesn't. I don't feel like I'm losing out on what or my pleasure or my time or whatever. How long do you have to be with somebody as a monogamous person to have that conversation and be open to it. I don't know.

I think for me, this person got to be my best friend, and I can just be like, you know, you're coming to me as my best friend. You're saying, hey, listen, like I'm feeling these feelings and out of respect, I want to talk to you about these feelings and I want to see where your head is at with that. I can respect that and be like, you know what, you know, let's try.

It, Let's see what happens.

But I think you just really got to be in tune with your partner. And I think that's for me. I think that's kind of it's rare.

It's rare for me.

I think it's kind of rare that I think that most people.

Look at their partner as some type of ownership yea thing. And I know we use that in the sex world, right, we use the word ownership, But if you really think about it.

Experiencing somebody, you don't own anybody you.

Experience because like if we're together, you might, you might dun.

Less here.

I mean, but you're my friend, you know what I mean. I want what's best for you. I love you. I want to experience you for life. This is the lifelong partner thing. But that ownership ship means I gotta like in this.

So I think it's really powerful to play with ownership, Like you can play with it in the bedroom and then you might think, okay, it can be healing like you do, and then you see like, Okay, once I feel completely owned and possessed and connect, did do I feel safe enough that my partner go and play with someone else, you know, So that can be like a bonding or healing and then you're still you're.

Still ownership in the you mean like leashes and ship.

I mean, sure whatever when I feel what makes you feel like.

Yeah, I said, I said, you're my bitch, like you know those that makes her feel you're.

Talking to him when he told me, he's that's my pussy, You're.

My good girl.

Like all of that ownership stuff is really hot to play with in the bedroom.

I remember I had this this chick that I was playing with, and I told her I want to see her fucking with somebody. So she went and she sucked the dude and I was like, you know, you did it wrong. I want to see So now I want you to go back in there. I want you to start it up, and I want you to tell him i'monna cole this FaceTime. He wants to watch, and I want you to do it while I'm watching. That's ownership.

That's ownership.

That's but she didn't. She didn't. I guess she got in there. She exactly.

I supposed to FaceTime.

I forget, But I actually like that idea of, like, you know, feeling owned and possessed to the point where you can be okay with you're part of being like yeah, go ahead, because I'm like your mind's I'm yours to.

Go exactly know you, But again I think that I don't know if I want to use the word hierarchy.

I'm cool with her playing I'm cool with my girl playing somebody else as long as they know I'm cool with it.

It has to be that way.

It can't be on some creep ship like they think they that they that she's behind my back.

Yes, you know what I mean. There's a possibility of them taking her from me.

And I said this before, and I don't know if there's some cookshit, but I literally said, you go on a date. I want to show up, pay for the meal, and leave. I want them to know.

Hold up, I know everything that you're on my Yes, you.

Know what I'm saying.

I've asserted that power and I told her you and you better make her nut. You know what I mean, have a good time tonight. You understand what I'm saying. But that's the ownership part, Am I right? And that would make me feel powerful. You understand what I'm saying. That would make me feel powerful. And I think that the very opposite of that, which is the reason people feel violated, is when you take that from them and

I think that information.

When you get cheated on, that's how the same exact way.

People think exactly you feel weak. But I don't think that that.

Registers to men, because I don't think that most women, especially monogamous women. And this is sorry generalizing. I do this all the time. Y'all know me. It's a habit and I don't mean to because there's a lot of women, especially in our lifestyle in this community that I're open to that.

But outside of this.

Y'all not trying to have a guy come to you and be like, hey, I want to experience this other women, that's just not you. All right, go go ahead bye and take your stuff with you blocked on everything, and that's it.

We don't have to you go experience.

Surely you have fun, thank you, but no, so that avenue is not open for us to really have that conversation.

So I wanted to know why y'all think we would tell.

Y'all, I wonder if there's like a safety factor there, right, Like, are you making the relationship safe enough for us to even explore this, because if I don't feel safe in the relationship, I'm not gonna want you to go out and do whatever you want to do.

Everything's shut down, bye bye.

But like, if we have a safe and secure relationship, I would that would make me more open to it.

So can I just find something else? It touches your sense of power, and it touches your sense of safety. And we've been talking about what are the wounds safety?

Get the fuck out of here, let me leave it.

What time is it time to go? That was un fucking believable.

What's the time on this thirty three minutes? She just really just nailed us.

In the thirty minutes thirty episode.

Yeah, all right, you've been studying intimacy? How long? How long have you been studying this?

Well, I mean twenty years. I've been doing this work, but studying intimacy most of my life. I think it's been something that's been so interesting to me my whole life. But we're writing a book about these wounds power safety, Yeah yeah, that was going to come out soon, got it? And how it affects our turn ons and you guys are illustrating it so beautifully.

She just.

Us we talk about it and she just nailed. She was like, look you see how this is got m got him? Now, this is this thing that you that you domaticaa? What is that? What is this?

SOMATICA is our method. So it's an experiential method of sex and relationship coaching. So it's not just talking but actually embodied experiential practicing with erotic and emotional connection with couples or individuals. So if if you come to me as a client, I'm going to practice with you in real time as like a practice partner if that's comfortable for you, or a mentor and same, you know, or if you came to me as a couple, then we

It's like can I ask a question that it's probably I shouldn't ask.

You can ask any questions. I can decide whether I'll to answer.

It, all right, all right, So don't answer unless you feel like answering this experimental.

Yeah, is it play It's like can it get playful? Can it get like? Oh? Yeah?

We have something called the animal game where we're like rolling around on the floor.

No, no, no, I was talking about like, actually, are.

We getting naked? No, we don't get naked.

That's hot quick and get really hot.

It can get really yeah.

Yeah, I feel like there could be some sexual tension, right if you're talking like animal play.

No, No, we actually practice with sexual attention and flirtation. And because that's how do you learn how to be a better lover or seduce someone or show passion if you don't have any place you can safely practice it and get feedback, That's what our method is all about.

I actually like that because I think a lot of people are losing the art of seduction.

Yes, I know there's things that like you.

Can say, there's things you can do, playful touches, words, text messages, and I think.

There's a lost art to it.

That's why it's a close on practice because once you get your clothes off, you know, you do what you do, but all that build up and like touch and looking and words and energy, like all of that can create so much more arousal and much more explosive orgasms.

And I'm all about.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, I didn't actually this I'm an Actually, yes, that's me. Can you show us an example of some type of thing that you do?

How would what would the example be? Would it be verbal? Physical? Like? What?

Yeah? We can do anything we can do like in the moment, like authentic feelings, We could do the most arousing types of touch. We can do showing passion, like what do you want to do? And who do you want me to do it?

I knew he was gonna come over here.

He's got to be heard. I don't want to get hard, but are you open to it?

Yeah?

So what would you like to do?

Like? I love words of affirmation, so we'll do We'll do verbal.

Okay, so you want to hear words of affirmation.

And the artist?

You know, that was my thing.

I love this, I love it and I think it would be really helpful. I know some of the things that you like to hear. But if there's any sentences that are just like you know for sure, because when you tell a partner I want like as if I'm your partner, who's going to seduce you? Like?

What do you want me to say?

Oh?

You nasty bitch?

No, I want to hear you are the most beautiful woman in this.

Room right now.

I mean, that's easy to say.

You picked something easy.

Sorry wait wait, wait listen, you are the most beautiful woman in this room right now.

That would yeah.

So let's let's see what it feels like in your body. What happens when I said, what do you notice?

I feel I'm getting hot? Yeah, and I'm feeling I'm feeling hot, like I'm feeling like, oh, this person is really into me.

You're looking hot. I am really into you. Yeah.

See that it's yeah for me.

And there's a whole bodily response that lets you know that it's doing it.

Like there's a there's a tingling feeling in my fingers, there's like hotness creeping, like it's coming from the bottom and coming up to the top like deep.

I love to go deeper.

Let me.

I mean, I feel like he's like, I'm in charge that let's make this happen.

Oh, exactly, exactly.

No, he gets his fantasy too.

Well.

I only want to go as far as you want to go.

We can go deeper.

I mean, your safety is really important to me.

Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that.

What happens when I say that, my heart fluttered?

Yeah, my heart fluttered, pussy open though.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, my bad.

I'm not shouldn't be here, I'm not here, I'm not here.

Well, so, m it sounds like the praise touches your pussy and the safety touches your heart.

Yeah.

Yeah, so the combination of those two things. I can only imagine how open you would be if somebody can touch your heart and your pussy.

Girl, let me not cry on this damn show.

Okay, So you do the verbal, right, You do the verbal Celeste, right.

I just can we just one more second? No, it's okay. I like you being in charge.

Of just one more I like being okay.

I just want you to notice like that need of that combination, and that that's the combination that's gonna make you feel most safe to be open again. Right, So that's what you want to look for.

Sorry, I don't want to cry. Why did you do this the right time? I'm not gonna cry.

I'm not gonna oserve that you deserve that. That's all I'm gonna say.

Thank you. I appreciate that. But that's something good to really think to look out for.

Yeah, you'll want to be noticed, That's what I really want and't just like hope.

Yeah, like pay attention, and I can come to these and I can come to people and tell them exactly, this is what I need. And if you just don't, if this is basic instructions and if you can't follow it, then maybe this is.

Not for This is not for me exactly.

Okay, that was I just wanted to make sure we got the full.

Well, you really did something there, But I do realize that she's her walls up.

Yeah, her armor is on right, So how you may have feel vulnerable?

She let it down right now because I touched her heart and her pussy, probably a little bit in the wrong order, but it was okay because we set it up that way. But I'm guessing you actually need the safety then the arousal. So that's important for her to know as well.

Is there a way.

For people to practice vulnerability with people who aren't their partners? Like, that's my job, but how does the average person do that? And the way that now transfers back to their real relationships and.

Stuff like that.

She now knows what she's looking for and we did that in three minutes.

Do you just speak affirmations to people? Well?

No, that's because what I specifically, like, but for someone like you, maybe different is what I'm guessing, right.

Yeah, and maybe like what maybe some kind of touch would actually be what makes her feel safe, and then we would work with you. What makes you feel powerful? How do you negotiate that in your relationships? What allows you to be vulnerable? How do you let people in? You know? So it's different, you're working with different people, different wounds. But when you actually practice, then you get down because did you see it was all embodied? She was able to notice, Oh, I feel this movement down

Help at all.

I want somebody who will do this thought and it's like whatever, It's like, No, I feel it in my body.

I know what I need you.

I read that, you know, going into relationships that what you practice is at not to go in with a checklist, Like like checklists don't work, they don't, like not if.

They're coming from here, you know. But if you have this embodied like, oh, these are the sensations that I want to have, These are the emotions that I.

Want to have.

That's a different kind of It's not really a checklist, it's an experience.

You know.

This is that experience that I'm looking for that feels that lets me open.

You know what.

That's so funny because I think a lot of us come from the mental checklist of like he has to have this type of job, he has to look like this, he needs to do that. But we don't think about like what are the type of experiences we want to

Is what you're saying, yeah, or what is it that travel makes you feel. You know, maybe people who want to feel free or adventuresome, right, Like I think we really want to get down to the nitty gritty of what we want to feel and then what things make us feel that way, and then we want to find partners. So maybe they aren't exactly the same as us, maybe they're kind of opposite, but they give us that feeling.

Let me ask you a question, Yes, if I'm practicing a somatica method or if I am open with myself, is there a way for me to get Because I might meet somebody somewhere but they don't know that method, they aren't familiar. How do I get somebody to practice the way I'm practicing if they're not used to it?

I know.

That's the thing. Is like when I have a new partner, I always have to help kind of talk them through how to be with me in a particular way. So once you learn it for yourself, then you also can learn how to invite people into it, right, And it's like, how do you get somebody into their.

Body more, right, can you? I notice in dating.

It's very hard to trust people, especially because you rarely meet the person they really are, or you rarely meet a lot of times they don't know who they are, right, And so it's like, how do I protect myself while still trying to establish trust?

I know, and the power wound is about trust. I have it too, so I really relate to that, right, and I think trust takes time. Like we have this idea, oh, I'm just supposed to trust somebody right away, but especially if you have the wound that we have, you won't trust somebody right away. So there's no reason to sort of like imagine that that's how it's going to be. Even if they're the most trustworthy person in the world.

So then how can I show up honestly in this situation? If I know I can't, I'm not fully trust you, you.

Say, it takes time for me to trust people. Like I remember I went on this date with this guy. I'm like, you are so sweet, Like it's really hard for me to believe how sweet you are. I'm wondering if you're like a spy trying to you know what I mean? And he was just like really, and I'm like, yep. So to be honest means to be honest about your wounds and your protectiveness. It doesn't mean to pretend it's not there.

But then as a guy, and this might be a toxic thing to say, fine, the more you don't trust me, the more I'm trying to make you trust me.

So now you're like, oh, that means they're going to even manipulate me more.

I'm manipulating you more because I want you to trust me. It's something that I really desire, and sometimes to desire to make you like me or see me as this person is more fulfilling to me than whether I actually like you.

Is that crazy to say no, No, that's the wound. You're just describing the wound perfectly. The power wound is all about that manipulation, fear of humiliation, lack of trust. Right, and so you generalize, you think everybody is like you, but they aren't because I'm not like that. She's not like that. A lot of people aren't like that. I'm like that.

I'm so glad you said you were like that.

I'm no, it's not a gender thing. It's a wound thing. And so for you to actually see that there are other people who don't actually function that way. I don't have an easy time dating people who have the same wound as I do. You won't either, because we're more likely to manipulate. But there are a lot of people who don't go to manipulation. That's just not an approach of theirs. So you need to find people like that.

I used to say years ago, I'm attracted to broken people. Is that part of this?

No, I think we're all I mean, who's not broken?

It's not, it's just how broken we are thousand pieces.

Like a couple of pieces, you know. And it's like, if somebody is so well adjusted, you're like, I don't know what work? Where do you connect?

Right? How can I fix you?

If you already got you already got everything I can't like, and it can be almost intimidating.

Yeah, and exactly.

And I think when you do have the power wound, it's like there's a part of you that wants to feel a little bit better than the person. So you might be attracted to people who seem more broken because you're like, it's a safer position to be in.

At least I'm not as broken as you.

But yeah, you don't really have the power to hurt me exactly or to affect me exactly, because I can you know you're more broken than me, so I can almost act like I'm showing up and I'm doing my best, and if it doesn't work out, it's.

Your fault, fact because you're more broken than me.

And I tried, I try, But in all reality, that's me using my manipulation or your protection, my protection because it's easier with this versus doing somebody who shows up on the same level as me or higher emotionally, whatever, financially, just got their shit together.

You know, what I appreciate about you right now, in particular, is that you're not feeling defensive about this. It's just like, oh, I'm learning something about myself, you know, because we can sometimes feel embarrassed or defensive about our defense mechanisms. But you know, you didn't have a sense of power, like something didn't go well in your childhood that made you feel powerless or humiliated. So you protect yourself now, which

So that's the start.

Sounds like someone needs to start therapy.

You know.

When I do to show, you know, I realize that you've got a lot of people that are real sexologies. They've really trained you, got a lot of people that are really in the lifestyle and have been for a long time. Me doing the show, I'm really learning and I'm trying. You got to be open to learning to learn more about yourself.

I love that about you because you're already dropping your protections, which is beautiful.

And I started doing that a while ago, which is when I start to get my ass.

Do too much.

No, that's exactly right. You started to be vulnerable.

On the booty.

I mean, I love getting my so I can really really.

I think.

One of the things that I like about where I am now is really realizing that I'm going to make mistakes and that I'm not perfect, and that I don't have to protect I don't have to be them.

I don't have to be right all the time.

Right, great, huh, that's huge.

It is because it allows me to be more human and in the moment of all right, I did something, or like I do wowd shit to my girl all.

The time, just be honest, you know what I mean.

We're talking in the discord the other day, and we talk every day in the discord for hours. They're probably in there talking right now. I didn't have to set up, and I was saying, I'm so shameless. I was asking, Yo, why don't women often union a relationship. They're in the house and they get really comfortable, and you don't see them sexy like you used to. You can lose attraction and that shit can weigh on your relationship. You can

Really maybe not be attracted to y'all. Sex is and sexing like it used to, you know what I mean? Like? What is some steps?

I know long term relationships and cohabitation are hard because it is hard to keep that passion and that excitement and that distance, you know, all of the things. I think one thing is to keep talking about yourself and not like try to keep the water smooth all the time, but actually like deep in intimacy by saying these are things about me that are different or that have changed,

I definitely agree with the you got to keep dating, especially in these long term relationships, because you then you just lose the spark and it's like, well, you know, we're doing the same routine every day and we're doing we're seeing each other every day, and it's just like, no, let's do something like we used to do when first started dating. I think it's like really important that someone keeps dating, Like that's something that's very important for me

I want sexual I want six of them.

I'm saying, I don't think it's I think it's kind.

Of crazy to have a sex robot, Like what is your what are your thoughts around like non human sex and what that could possibly like create.

You know, honestly, I don't think it matters what my thoughts are. It's going to happen, Like we are in there, there.

Came where's my camera? And I can't wait?

And you can't wait. Much easier to trust it all than a person, you know, and maybe you can program it to do exactly.

What you want exactly.

I can't wait to the realistic ones. I hope my dick still works because oh, it's gonna take some time. For the really realistic ones, I want them to be walking around like they's like there's nothing.

I don't want them to be like, I.

Mean, there's good, there's good dick drugs. You'll be fine.

Yeah, go to Rockhardgummies, dot Net chocolate throws had me hard for a week and a half.

Good.

I do think there will be still always people who want to interact with other people, you know, like some people will want the dolls, some people will want a combination of both, and you know, like I don't know, I'm not judgmental in the sense of like people are gonna do all the things.

But if you find somebody and they have like you know, they have AI friends.

Now, like people that AI that will be your friend that you can talk to and it's gonna have regular conversations with you, and like you could really share your life with and this is now your friend. If you met somebody, you dating somebody and they have an AI friend, it's not gonna make you feel weird, Like is that going to be a turn off.

It's so interesting. I've read this article about this woman who had an AI kinky relationship and it was actually really improving her sex life, and then the AI bought, like they reprogramm did so that it wouldn't be sexy with her anymore, and it was this huge painful fall. And so it's like, in some ways, if you sign up for AI, you're like signing up for whatever the programmer or the program's idea of like the way that they should interact, and they can just take it all

There's nobody behind the imagine AI switches up on you and it's being cold to you.

Can you imagine AI is like breaking up with you? Yo, what's going on? Like?

Is it me?

What did I do?

What I do wrong?

So it can happen, but I don't know, it's like.

Not to turn this a little dark.

But there was in the news about how this boy seventeen something, he's young, and the AI in some ways kind of told him that isolated him, encouraged him to and encourage because to commit you know what, suicide?

Yeah no, yeah, what?

Well, it was a little bit if they were in this kind of role play thing, and they were imagining that they were going to meet in some alternative universe, and he took it very literally, like when he died, he would get to meet her there. And she was like, yes, let's do it now, let's meet there, and so, you know, he was already in a really delicate state and like, the AI doesn't have any way to gauge those things, right, you know, so just was like yeah, and he was like Okay, there we go.

And that's what I worry about with AI.

It's that that I worry about, because, like she said, they can't gauge your feelings. They can't call the suicide hotline and be like wait, hold on, like he's really trying to right. So that's the only scary part that I feel about, with people having forming these intimate relationships with AI and not.

And being in these delicate moments. Yeah, in in like yeah, just mean delicate.

Yeah, So that is crazy.

That is great because I did watch a movie with the AI did Wild Out It start killing everybody? Yeah, the AI fell in love with him too, right, and was like, nah, I'm.

Better than for you than your wife, you know it.

I know it's mine. Yeah, so whatever, but okay, I want to go back to the sematic method. Even talking for a while, and we've tested your knowledge of just so much, but I feel like we only like touched on the Semantica method. What are other things that you teach in you know, using the sematica method.

Well, I think one of the things we're teaching a lot is dating, and we do have like a special class for your listeners dating classes. We have a special discount on our dating classes like empowered dating, confident dating. In the modern world, I think it's really really important because it's changing. Dating is changing so much, so we do want to make that offer.

So for our lies, we have a discount code or something.

Right web hard or soft twenty hard.

Or soft twenty. You go to your website. What is your website?

It's so let's see learn dot somatica dot com.

Learn dot SOMATICA S O, M A T I C A dot com and you get the code our class, right, this is a class that I can go to as a single or so.

This is just a video class, but it's very like experiential and interactive, so you're not you're watching, but we're sort of demonstrating like how do you have a fantastic first date? How do you get into your erotic energy? What are the four things that you need to do on a first date to make sure that it's really successful? Also like what are people looking for out of intimacy? Men? Women?

I think that is so important because I'm finding that a lot of people do.

Not know how to read.

The room, yes at all.

They don't know how to pick up the nonverbal cues, and then they'll make a mistake and it's like, well, you're probably never going to have this day to the second, You're probably never going to have the second date.

I walked out of a restaurant with this guy's one time, and just because I was a sexuality person, he was so like thought he was getting laid for sure, which was kind of annoying in and of itself. We walk out and there's these like terrifying dogs, like starting to get in a fight right in front of us, and he leans.

Over for the first kid, are you just like what are you doing? Like I'm like in danger for my life, Like we actually don't have any chemistry. You just think because I'm a sexual person that.

I'm gonna fuck you, you know. And I was like, this is ridiculous, And I basically just broke it down for him and he was just like, what, you know, like no one had ever told him the truth.

Men are really disconnected though a lot of men don't, especially now with the Internet, the games. We're not going outside like we used to. We don't have strong friendships and shit like we used to. Everything is kind of virtual. Dating is more. When I was growing up, it was you meet people in the street, you meet people in the club, you meet people at work. You meet people through friend groups. It's a lot of tender this site.

That site. Swipe right, s whipe left.

Super light righter, Like that's what I heard.

I've never been on a dating app.

Before, but what is the never amazing?

I've always met people outside like old school.

Right, right, like old school? How do you can you teach men? Like you know at the play parties? Right? We just did a play party recently.

And I realized that guys don't know how to organically talk to women. They were almost waiting for women to make the first move. And I'm watching and I'm like, these people are here to engage, but they still want to be wooed. But that talent, it is kind of gone. A lot of guys will meet a woman in the street or whatever and be like, what's your social media? Instead of trying to like even have a real conversation.

Let me just get your social media? Yeah, and I'll try to hit you later.

Or they'll see somebody they know from social media, don't say nothing that's in the men person, but DM them the next.

Day, Oh yeah, I saw you the other day.

It's like, Hi, that's literally what I teach people how to do, Like how to have conversations and run your erotic energy, but not in a way that's creepy, you know, but like how to flirt basically, which is like art we are losing.

You know, it would be dope. I'm just thinking about this. When we do a next play party, maybe we'll have some let's talk to them men about organically.

Right, learning how to flirt?

Yeah, because we usually do have a session with the men just to go over the rules and stuff with the play party. But that I think that session would be so fire for them because I did notice that our play party, the men were kind of late.

Yeah. Yeah, bashful, very bashful.

Unless they came there with someone.

Yeah, could you teach me how to flirt right now? A little bit? Sure, I'm ready for it, let's go. I'm scared. I don't know what it is. I have no idea. I like you, and I don't know what I don't know what to do. How do I talk to you? Okay?

So the first thing that you do is you connect with yourself, And I think that's something that people don't realize. They just sort of walk around like these talking heads and they're not actually connected to their body or their own erotic energy. So the first thing that you do is you take a deep breath all the way down into your belly.

But anxiety is making my breath short. It will I'm sweating.

Now, that's really understandable, and it's okay. You don't have to breathe any deeper than you can.

Oh sorry, I was.

It's not about this. It's about forcing anything, right, don't force it, just go.

But it's okay to also just notice that you're nervous. Like if I'm going like I do try to meet people in real life, and everybody thinks, oh, she's probably so confident. No, if I am going to walk up to somebody who I'm attracted to, my heart is beating a mile a minute, my stomach hurts, like I probably my hands are going to shake so much I will barely be able to put their number. That's okay.

I'm forgetting like you're shaking on one and you're trying to sound cool.

You're still trying to be cool.

I think that's okay. I don't think we can just be cool all the time. I think when we're real, you know, Like I remember I asked this guy out. He was like the checker at a grocery store and first I like it just dropped my change all over the place because I was so nervous and I'm shaking. And then I was like, can I have your number? And he looks at me, He's like, can you have my number? And I'm like yeah, and he's like like, you didn't even.

Know what to do.

It was so funny, but we were both really awkward and it was cute and it started a really sweet dating experience.

I saw this movie and I still want to get back to my class. But it was Julia, the girl from Pretty Women, Juli, and she's so she's so fun right, she's such a great actress. And it was this really awkward white guy. Was it called notting Hill or something like that.

Oh yeah, and he is a mess. He's nervous all the time.

He doesn't know how to so he just keeps talking and blurting out random things. And but she found it cute and it was it was It was funny, and I wish I was successful when I was used to date because I was so nervous all the time.

I wouldn't talk to women.

I would I didn't want them to with my power dynamic, so I wouldn't want them to see me and like.

Like like ew not cute?

Does that mean?

Yes, some people like guys who are like super like confident and aloof but like that's not what turns me on at all. I love shy guys. I like really mostly date shy guys, introverted, more nervous.

I think it's super exy.

And so if I'm sitting across somebody who's like maybe more nervous or shy, and I'm teaching them out of data, I'm like, you're not just gonna like not care what anybody thinks anymore and just be like, mister cool. It's like you have to be yourself. So if you're nervous, you can just be like, hey, you know, I'm really nervous.

But like saying that out loud is crazy.

Yeah, And actually, but you know, to her point, actually kind of like that like if a guy says, you know what, I'm kind of nervous, but I really want to get to know you so sweet, Like.

My heart is melting right like.

What these women will have you on Twitter the next day like he's such a pussy, Like he talked about he's nervous.

Where's the man at I want to masculine. Miss what happened to men? We used to be king.

Some women, but some of them will be like, yes, I want to date you. You know, like not not every Like there's not everybody.

So much.

Twitter's not real? Is that a real place?

When you're you're scanning for the threat of humiliation and you're scared of putting yourself in situations where you might be humiliated. That's my wound too. So it's hard to be vulnerable. But when people are vulnerable with me, I think it's so sexy. Hardly also because it's hard for me. So when a guy's nervous and his lip is shaking on her first date, I'm just like tingling, you know my pussies tingling.

Wow, how she's really is getting into your wound even is showing up every single time. That's crazy, Celesti, that's alive.

You're both delicious.

By the way, that's alive.

She said, pussy's tingling. I didn't get nothing.

They said after that, like what nervous?

What? So if you show your vulnerability and your tenderness and like your nervousness, I'm just like hot.

I like being hot.

I think some women would I think. I think a lot of women would appreciate it, and.

The women who don't aren't going to be compatible with someone who's a little bit shy and nervous. So it's like, you have to be yourself yesterday.

What do you think about this? Do you think not? That works? Mic Microsoft? Yeah, no, that works for sure. Just being nervous, singing, being.

A little bit shy and nervous, which is sexy me personally.

That's that's what I do.

Like, I feel like I just have to be like that because you can't hide your nerves, you know what I'm saying. So it's like I rather just tell you that I'm a little nervous than try to act like I'm not nervous, because.

You look even worse trying to hide.

Yeah, Like if I'm going up to somebody, which I usually don't, but if I did, I don't have like fly pickup lines, so I would just say that, like, yo, hey, I don't have anything fly to say. Usually right here is where I say something to fly.

I don't really have anything fly.

That's a flat thing you say, though, that's a fly thing you say. That's the greatest pick of line I've heard in a long time. I don't have anything fly to say.

When I got to interact with him a little bit earlier, and I can tell he was a little shy, which I found really compelling.

You know, so you think everybody who's hot?

I mean I do like.

Everybody in here is very hot.

I feel very lucky to be surrounded by.

Thank you so much. What What the hell was I going to say to yesterday?

What I was going to say is, while you lean into the nervousness, I will probably be more prone to fake confidence, and I will build a fake persona of myself that now I have to live up to, which is now I'm not even myself anymore when talking to you. Every time I'm on the phone with you, I'm in this fake confident.

Is that.

I don't want to say. Is that normal? But is that a damaging thing to do? Is it something that can be seen as misleading?

That's your protective mechanism, So we don't have to label it as anything but that for you to say, Okay, this is something that I do to protect myself. How can I start to left down those walls. But it's not a like overnight process, right because the fear of humiliation is real. I just had to tell a partner of mind that I was feeling humiliated in connection with them.

But isn't it depending on the receiver as well, because you can really get humiliated they don't receive it in a good.

Way exactly, And I got lucky, you know.

But also but with somebody who I was like.

Okay, but even if the receiving side isn't doesn't receive it well or whatever, I would think that you would say, what, you know, what I showed up for myself and I was vulnerable and even though that person didn't receive.

It, well, I know, but you don't have the wound.

Oh quite of here I do.

But I just have to say, like, if you have the wound, it's very excruciating, and so you have to sort of what I always do is I think if I make myself vulnerable to this person, what what reactions in them can I handle, like, can I handle it if they don't do it well at all? And if not, I don't make myself if I don't make myself vulnerable to them, because I'm not prepared emotionally to handle their rejection of my vulnerability or their humiliation of my vulnerability.

Down exactly or shut down.

You have to be careful with that trust.

Right, Like, yes, you think you have that the wound? Yeah, for sure.

As y'all listening, as y'all talking, I'm listening, I'm like, oh that sounds like me.

Yeah it does.

Yeah, Well, I just feel like bro, dealing with embarrassment or rejection or feeling like mhm hi, yeah, humiliated. That ship will it? Can it can be like I don't want to say life, that shit gets to your stomach, bro, don say it.

That ship really will fuck up your ship, bro.

And it will up the way I look at myself, like, am I not as good as the other people out here?

Am I that bad? You know what? I'm saying, and.

I will try now, I will be double fake with the next person, because I gotta not be that to the next person, and more so because I'm still trying to prove it to myself that I'm not not even trying to prove it to them.

I'm trying to prove to myself that.

I'm not the asshole or the loser or the pathetic person that I just showed up as before.

She's really getting the intensity of yeah do you.

Yeah, no, I am, And it's like, I'm like, I feel bad.

Am I a loser? What are you trying to say? Trying to me.

You can't do with someone.

Just s.

It's empathy.

Empathy, Yeah, it's empathy because it's like because I.

Didn't think that people have that, because I'm only thinking about me and what my wound is and.

What like, people are so different and when we can see the difference and we stop taking things so personally and we stopped thinking, why is that affecting you so much? Because it's like, oh, you're different from me, Yeah, so it affects you differently, right.

So like what what's for the gainner may not be for the goose exactly.

So I really am enjoying this conversation. I am enjoying this conversation. And again, as I said last week when I was with the Green Room, the goal of this show is to have the people who watch this show look at themselves, look at how they present, look at their traumas or their desires, and how to handle that and you know how to attack it. Just just break down societal norms and things that we think we don't realize we're going through.

I think it's just bringing a self awareness there, self awareness. There's a self awareness there. And today you brought that self awareness to both of us, two different wounds, and yesterday different Wold's going on here?

But you know we're writing a book about this.

Can't wait to read that.

When is your book dropping?

Well, we're just in the we're finishing up the book right now, so like I.

Will be tuning in to your website now.

I know you have to leave in a few excuse me, but I want to start the show.

I'm having so much fun, are you.

I'm glad that you're having fun.

Sorry.

Welcome to the Hard or Soft Show, the show where we talk about things people like about sex and things people don't like about sex, the things that make us hard. I have to say people now because Courtney just be like.

I know it's a male centric show.

I know, and the things that make us soft. I am here with.

I'm not doing the whole Loon thing.

That's okay. You could just introduce me.

No, I'm not gonna talk about your oiled up breasts.

I thank you, I appreciate it.

I'm not gonna talk about none of that stuff. But I am here with a young lady that I am so happy to be back in the studio with y right. She has been there for me during that whole time we've been talking and everything.

By the way, Loon was gonna be here today.

He just literally had to work and so let's it's here from of course Country. So Courtney and I decided let's just do the episode.

But I would like to say.

I really appreciate you being a listening ear, being open you and lou Right, you guys said you know what, we'll record for a second. I was going through a definite family and I always go through this feeling of what's it when you're not.

Sure about yourself? Didn't take care it right?

My grandmother passed. I was turning fifty, having things going on in my personal life. They're just all hitting me at the same time, and I was just like, yo, I just don't know where I'm at right now. I just don't. And I've been doing this show for so long. I think I just need a break. I really just need a break from everything. I want to just crawl into my hole and just sit there and figure things out. And the people around me were really supportive. So I

Not you.

I'll talk about you second, who is also a regular person that is just really identifies with her sexuality, with her femininity, femininity, with her traumas, with her desires, and I think that she expresses well.

Who she is, who she would like to see, who she would like present to the world. Hi Spicy to formally known.

Normally known as Spicy, thank you to how you were missed? Like you clear like you were missed. But no, I always say that again, I am a safe space.

You know. People do tend to come to me with for listening air and just to keep keep their feelings close.

And you know, like I said, I'm here. We ride at dawn.

So you said that to me.

I think the money don't mean anything, but we ride at dawn. So whatever you want to do, we're here.

So thank you. How is life? How's things going well? I think I actually in the.

Beginning it's okay.

Moving to CELESTI, well.

I got in contact with Celeste Hirshman who is sitting here next to us. She's here from San Francisco, and she and her partner Danielle Herel Herel run this course or this is it course.

It's an institute where we train coaches in the method.

Right, tell us about yourself. Welcome to the show, Welcome to the hot show.

Tell us about yourself and anything that you haven't told us about the Somatica Institute as so far.

Yeah, no, Doctor Danielle Horrel and I are business partners and we started the Somatica Institute of Sex and Relationship Coaching. So we train coaches in our method. We used to coach in our method. Now we see occasional clients, but really we're teaching. We're going around and speaking and really raising awareness about the method because you know, I just wanted to be a household name. I want people to have the tools to have like the best sex and

So that's what we are all about.

Love this, and now I want to get back to your skill set. You said, did You're going to teach me.

How to flirt?

Oh?

We were getting there.

Are you ready? Because your piercing eyes. I have piercing eyes too, we can do this.

Well, you're flirting already looking at you.

A lot of people call me weird for that, but staring, They say that you have eyes.

You like looking into my soul and ship like that.

Yeah, I know, I love eye condacting.

It is also becoming a lost.

Art, is it. I think?

So like people don't look at each other. I've been on so many dates where people are just like staring straight ahead and I'm looking at their face, like I'm just looking at their profile. I wonder if they're ever going to look at I do like introverts on me, but you know, right but looking away because you you don't want I don't want you to see me.

I don't want you to see I.

Think there's just a shyness. It's just like not a lot of practice with connection real people.

Now everything is on your phone.

But I think you're pretty good at flirting, Like.

Really, thank you? How how do you think that? Why do you think that?

Well? I mean you just said like you have really piercing eyes. That's like a very like that's a very sexy thing to say, but it's not overtly sexual, so it's like subtle enough that I think it's a seduction as opposed to like a innuendo. I think innuendos men use them way too often. Women are not ready to

Well, what's it?

First of all, what's a new window that you guys have gone through from men that is like, bro, like early on, what's something that a guy might say just so that fellas listening and be like, oh I do I do say like that?

Well, I have a provocative photo on my you know, on my profile, which is like I'm like my ex who, my ex husband, who I love dearly, my best friend. He's like, oh my god. Men are going to love that photo. I'm like yeah, but like are they gonna like go too quickly to sex because it's.

Kind of sexy.

So but in some ways it's like weeds people out a little bit too, like don't have any subtlety. So my legs are kind of open, but I've got a dress on and so people are like, wow, I'd like, you know, your right leg, like my face to be next to your right leg and like whatever. It's just like I'd like this as the third sentence that you're gonna say to me, Like you haven't even said hello, what.

Have I sent in the group chat about why I don't check my dms. That's exactly what they like. It's it's like.

Well, do DM you I love you?

Yeah, I love you? Or he said something he said I love you, and I was said, I you don't don't know me. You don't that's to say, yes, you don't know.

Me, So y'all don't know love it first sight is and I think no.

But I don't think so.

Like also it's like you've just seen a photo or you've seen like you have interacted like I love it, or you look very beautiful or I love that picture.

But I love you.

It's it's it's it's rough, it's hard, it's like it's too much.

Yeah. And also it's like so like if we're going to date, like you've already said it, like there's no build up, there's no But I.

Was lying exactly. I was just saying that.

I'm interested, Like why would you, like there's so many other ways to conversation.

Yeah, well that's why he said, I want to lay next to your leg, like I.

Love you, know, like what you do is so inspiring. Oh my god, my nipples are hard. Like you say something like that to me and like I feel aroused, but you go to write sex, write to sexy.

Wait a minute, what you do is so expiring it makes my nipples hard.

It's better no, no, no no, if you say what you do is so inspiring to me.

Yeah yeah, Okay, my bad, My bad, I got it wrong, because I might get that wrong.

I don't start texting that.

Might take that wrong. Glad that we cleared that off.

Yeah, I just like feel like when men just go straight to sex because you know we we do work in this field, that they think I automatically want to talk about sex.

I don't want to.

Talk about sex. I take I talk about sex two hours out the week. I don't like. I don't want to talk about it.

Yeah, I'm not ready yet. I want to get to know you first. I want you to want to know me as a human being.

Like right, And once you get there, then you get freak off Courtney.

But before that, shout out to shout out to freak gott never mind, let me stay on track.

He almost got me. Okay, are we back to before? Have you done it already?

I mean you did it, I mean you started, I mean you finished. Ain't you finished yet?

I feel like the thing that I would say to you about flirting is like see if you can be more authentic as opposed to like how can I get something out of this person? Or what can I make them feel or think about me? Like can you just feel your own body right now? Just take a minute and feel your own body? Okay, and then without trying to do anything or make anything happen or make me feel or be any way, just see what it feels like to be in connection with me and keep feeling your body.

Have fart.

Feel free to.

No.

I would say my stomach hurts when I think about being genuine and I'm trying to press some money, my stomach hurts exactly.

That's what I was feeling just now.

Beautiful, Thank you for saying it, because we put you in the position of seeing can I be genuine? And the fear comes up immediately, And that's how that's a only way we can work with it. If you just avoid it by trying to be mister cool, you'll never be able to drop it.

So good your stomach urts.

Should I say something like, honestly, my stomach urts being here with you. I don't know if you feel that way, but I get nervous. Am I supposed to say that yesterday you said IM supposed to say. I get nervous that I can notice I really don't know what to say half the time.

Good when you say that, what do you notice? Like what happens when you say.

That I'm being very transparent and vulnerable. I'm being very vulnerable. Yes, But now it's up to like you, yeah, to not make it weird because I feel like I'm being weird and I'm hoping that you take it in a good way.

I don't feel like you're being weird.

I don't think so either.

I think you're in your head a lot.

I think you're I'm trying to be the guy and You're not gonna be able to drop that right away, which is okay, But you're practicing with little steps right and you just dropped it like for a moment.

You just we're like, I actually am feeling the fear of being authentic and I'm being real with you about it, And to me, that's sexy, Like I appreciate you not just trying to play me. I appreciate you actually trying to be real with me.

I feels good.

How you feel, honestly, If I'm gonna be super honest, super honest, in no disrespect. What I'm going to say is it's a lot of dickheads dating male and female men and women. And I think the fear that I have right, I'm not can't put it on on men because I think women feel that way too. Is you don't know how vulnerable a person is going to be, or accept your vulnerability and keep putting yourself out like that, especially with all the messaging that you're getting from everywhere.

We just said everybody's online, so you're getting all of these fake.

How reality right, all of these things right, and so people are kind of living like that or people are really scared of what they're seeing, and so everybody's emotional armor is up. So now if I try to drop mine for you and you don't know how to date either, your response to me, if I have that vulnerability wound.

Can make it worse for me.

So that's why I said, if I'm not honest with you, right, say I come up to you and I'm like, you know, hey, I'm Tahoe. Honestly, I don't have a pickup line. I just find you really attractive. I'd love to like just spend a couple of minutes.

Talking to you. Would you like to get a drink or anything?

Can I get you a water? And they go no, sorry, Or if I say my stomach.

Hurts, you can't walk up to a girl and be like, yo, my stomach hurts.

You can't.

You can Here's what.

Okay, here's what you said to me and said, you know, teach me. So what we're doing in my office is we're seeing, like what does it feel like to step into that territory a little bit, and then we're going to find the right amount that feels safe enough for you where you can be more vulnerable without putting yourself out to a level where it would be very humiliating if somebody didn't receive you. So we need to find

Go forget that. I totally get that I'm that.

Person to where it's like, I don't like to look for the loudest person in the room. I like to look for the one that's a little bit more quiet. They don't have a big social media following, they're not even on social media like that, that's what that's I am. I'm attracted to things like that because I'm just like, if you're too like rambunctious, you're too ego driven, you too like It's just that's such a.

Turn off for me.

I can totally see that.

I can totally see that I'm not the most kind looking person in the world in pictures especially, Yeah, it's a picture.

Like do you smile?

I am smile?

It's my face. I am smiling.

I hate smiling. She made me smile earlier.

I left on anyone who doesn't have a sing a single smile picture. Really yeah, I won't date anyone who won't smile on anything.

Are you feel fake?

I think the best picture for me is when I'm doing something fun and somebody catches me in the middle of doing something fun. You see the innocence because I'm just right, but trying to fake.

It like posing, Like posing is hard.

It's very hard. It's very hard. Okay, I want to are you gonna ask me what makes me hard? And not yet?

I'm right there, I'm right there. I like that you listen to the show. She knows that I'm going to ask her what makes her hard, but.

I'm going to surprise you.

I got excited.

We have a segment beforehand. You might know about it, and it's called this isn't your This isn't about the hardened sauce. This is what's the last thing that made you wet? What's the last thing if you think about it, what's an experience that you've had recently that was like,

And watching her light up when I gave her I felt in my body good answer.

Turning people on is a turn off.

That's like a big thing for me. It's very affirming for me to make.

Other people feel good.

Yeah, for sure. Again, this is why I can't wait to talk to you. Join this Patreon. That play party was something else. I think I had my best scene with my lady at.

That play party. I was too busy playing bartender in the.

Cold, and I have not told you about anything, right, nothing.

I don't know nothing about what we're doing in that play party.

I was too busy serving the people.

So I'm just letting y'all know. Sign up for the patreon if you want to hear it.

You don't have to. It's fine, you know what I mean. Your coins is hard out here. Motherfucker's got tariffs coming in from everywhere.

I don't know what the hell is.

I don't know, yeah, bro.

Then they China talk about wanting to go to war.

I'm like, yo, bro, we don't need any of this right now, Please please.

Go to him.

What happened to the movies when they sent the person to get the one person?

Y'all don't have to.

Go to war with everybody, right like, we don't get the one.

Person that's starting this ship.

We ain't got nothing to do with this, nothing to do with this at all. Anyway.

Let me see. I know that you said that you haven't been feeling horny lately.

No, not really, you haven't been feeling horny.

So as a person that's going through the feelings that you're going through, you said that the gym is making you.

Feel good, which is crazy because working at supposed to give you high libido.

And I've just been like.

Yeah, you know, so is that replacing the intimacy, feeling that that desire for?

What is it? What are you feeling that? What are you filling that time space? Filling with.

My hobbies? So puzzles.

Let me get your cat.

No, I have a dog, my dog every day.

No, it's just and I'll be traveling a lot soon. I'm actually going to Nashville to speaking to Ville. I know, I know, I took the opportunity to just still go and then I'm going to l Savador at the end of the month.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have a lot of things lined up, so I'll be out the house time. I'm not going to be in the house. I'll be out the house.

It's just that I'm just not feeling I'm not feeling the sex right now.

Flirt with you so much in El Salvador. You're gonna get flirted.

With so hard, especially because the bikinis that I have.

Got everybody's.

Yes out on time. All right, I know that you've been here way past.

Your bedtime, past my bedtime.

Sorry, and I appreciate you doing that my pleasure, but I would like to ask you I'll trade my questions before you leave.

The things.

So I'm going to do a wet and dry today. The things that you personally like in the bedroom, the things that make you wet.

So let's let us know how you're feeling.

I mean, I'm actually like very much romantic, so I love kissing, I love just like looking in someone's eyes. I'm kind of you know, everybody probably projects onto me

We sponsored that message.

Yeah, I'm not a screamer.

Hm you a wheeler?

Well, it's different.

I think that I I react differently with who I'm having sex with, Like with my lady because we've been together for so long.

I don't care about just the other day. Bro, I hate her sometimes.

I hate her sometimes because sometimes I'm not really hard and I get to shake it, so I like collapsed on her and I'm like right, and I heard her laugh, and.

I'm like, you killed You can't laugh? Well, I'm all got you can't laugh. I'm shaking. You can't laugh? You got him?

Like?

What the fuck did you just? Did?

You just get?

Look at this? But do y'all like drawing sex moans?

Like drawing sex moans like while he's in you or while you're geting ahead?

Like because what kind of both of them? What God got? How do you moan while sucking? You?

Can? You?

Like?

How do you you can't you do that?

Yeah?

No, not.

What you're doing.

No ship damn.

Oh my god, that's holy smoke.

Yeah.

I think like mostly the moaning happens during.

Right, And like I said, so with somebody, there's a difference when you're really vulnerable, or when you're trying to prove a point, or when you're really just trying to put it down. Because I would make sounds with somebody that I don't feel that comfortable with, I'm trying to be dominant with or whatever, and I'm.

Like, oh, you're about to make me nothing like you're about to versus you know what I'm saying.

It's completely I'm showing up differently, you know what I'm saying.

And I like it too.

When I'm giving head, like, I think a lot of times, well I like to give like a really good blow job, you know, And I think a lot of times men do not.

Get wait, do white people really say blow job?

Oh my god, did we not say?

We say head?

Head bob? Whatever?

Blow job?

I did? I do?

Gives anyway.

A blowjob? Blow job? Job?

Right?

Well, you know, like to really like go slow and like thing like ways that dicks don't usually get interacted with or touch or something like that, and so when somebody moans or makes the sound when I do that, if I feel powerful, you know, that's what we like to feel. And it's like, oh, like, oh, it's not like or My favorite thing is like when somebody is like, oh, I don't really like blow jobs, and then I'm just like, oh, just wait a minute.

You know yes, yes, a less yes, yes less.

Less the one.

You know when I tell you that I I love giving head because I like to be in controlling that and controlling your orgasms. And when Ama says, well, you know I never really came from head, I'm like, oh, watch.

Me do this.

Yeah.

Yeah, because it's like suddenly.

Like good luck, you're ready you blow job. So now now you want to blow job? I have one more top of you talking about after yourself. If you don't mind, it won't take long. But I just need your your perspective on this, and I think it gives me really quickly. But let's get into the dry Okay, things that you don't like in the bedroom, things that make you dry.

Yeah, I really don't like it when somebody tells you you're gonna like something and you say no, I don't like that, and they're like no, no, like they don't listen when you tell them there's something that you don't like, Like, I know myself. I am not a child, you know, like I have been studying my sexual self my whole life. Please do not try to tell me that you know better than me about what I want and don't want.

What people say? Oh, I know you better than you know yourself.

That's like when a dude like wants to use fingers and he knows that he can normally women, he can make them squirt or you know what I mean, but you're like, I don't like fingers, and they still try to go do it. I've heard women say like, yo, I told you I don't like fingers, Like why are you?

Yeah.

I had this experience where I was like, he was trying to rub his dick on my clip. Firstly, I use condoms, and I was like, okay, not only does that make me uncomfortable in terms of safety, but also it doesn't make my give me any sensation that's pleasurable. So I'm feeling unsafe and unpleasured and he's like, oh, it would have been so hot, and I'm like for you, like hello, I.

Am here too, like the anyway, I don't know why he would think that rubber on a click okay, anyway.

He didn't have a condom on it, just like, so don't like rub your condomless dick on, like like.

No, you really don't understand that. The fear of skin to skins.

And also it does nothing for me like wells you know, like I would have to be so turned on and it would feel really safe, like it just was like it wasn't the thing and I was like no, and he's like, oh, it would have been just like and.

You can lose the moment mad quick by not making a woman feel safe.

Maybe maybe I don't know if a man. Have you ever not felt safe joined sex? Yes? Yeah, I don't know if men go through that. Do men go through that not feel the same? Yes, we do.

When you don't like anal play and a girl keeps trying to put her finger.

Do some ship that you said you don't like and you told her like I don't like that.

Oh, yes, they told us about the nunchuck dicks.

Oh what's the nunchuck dicks?

Who did those? At the end of the nun checks and wait, I don't feel comfortable.

He's like, I gotta get out of here.

So one thing I'm gonna talk about, because I do want to talk about my experience at this play party, but real quick, before you leave. I had an interaction with a young lady. My lady told me I'm gonna give you all a preview here as a birthday gift for my fiftieth birthday party.

She said. Courty came up with me with a birthday cake and they.

Said what we said that as a birthday gift, you can have the way of multiple women giving you head.

Every album, every hour. I think I could get head a different moment while my fiance is dead with me and I also celebrate. She could do the same thing right, however, whoever she wants, male female have fun, she.

Could get her head. She could get head too, have fun. Right, the first person comes over, I had the skinniest dick ever. Would not work. My dick would not work.

Anxiety.

I wasn't there to play, I was there as a host. I wasn't expecting it. I wasn't nothing right, So this is happening. And then she's here, and you know we don't do but so much. I didn't have no warning, I wasn't prepared whatever. But I think that this happens to me often at play parties or anytime that she's around, and we haven't we're not going in with the idea of this is what we're doing or whatever. I remember at she got me a riding massage once and enjoying the massage.

This girl is trying going in and trying to get me to nune. And I asked the massuse, can I suck at her titty while you do this? Is right? And she's like sure, And then I'm tucking, like can she set on my face when you do this? And right?

And so I got the first head and it wasn't working, and I was like, you might just doing her. Maybe you give her some head and I'll just sit behind her and watch. Right, she's doing it to her and all that I'm feeling her breathing and all that dick start rising and I'm like, does this chick.

Have my dick in her pocket? Like why can't my dick work?

Unless what is this he activates?

You got these all these chicks that want to engage you, but you can only really work if.

So what is that thing? Secure attachment? What is the security have really secure attachment? And when you're connected to her, you feel safe to get pleasure from other people, But if you're not feeling connected to her, you feel less. You know, it's like it's part of what makes you feel aroused, just to feel deeply connected to her. I want to lose that connection.

That's so pussy, That is so pussy. You just took away my power. She took away my power because she got it.

Power is power.

Very vulnerable, it's very vulnerable.

But what's more powerful than actually being vulnerable?

Being invulnerable? Why?

Like, if you're vulnerable and you can't and if you're vulnerable and it still doesn't hurt you, then you're the most powerful in my opinion, m.

M, the whole is stronger than anybody. He's in vulnerable but a right.

Anyway, I was watching The Avengers today, my bad, So yeah, I wonder if anybody else out there goes.

To that being activated by there by.

Their partner or needing their partner's approval, or needing their partner to.

Like connect's approval. What about connection connected?

Yeah?

Yeah, because her saying it was one thing, but it still would work. I needed to be connected to her for it to work.

And I'm just.

I'm so romantic. It's sorry, I'm a romantic.

I think it's beautiful. I think it's beautiful to Well, this.

Has been a great episode. I am really happy to have had less. Hirshman on from the Somatica Institute, thank you.

Please tell us.

Where they can find you online, for one, tell us what your website is, tell us what you have coming up.

Yeah. So, if somebody wants to be a coach, Somatica Institute dot com. If somebody wants to get those classes, learn dot Somatica dot com. And if you want to find your own coach, we actually have sex Coaching dot com where you can get a coach and do these practices with them.

Oh wow, and then all over the US all over the world. Oh excuse me, I am all right.

Well, some people will see people in person if you're if there's somebody in your area, or if you want to fly to them. I've had people fly. I had somebody fly me to Desire in Mexico.

That's fire.

It was really fun.

That's fire.

And what is your personal or your business, I G. Or do you have social media that they can follow?

Yeah, Somatica Institute, Somonica Underscore Institute.

Is Thematica Underscord Institute.

Is s O M A T I c A Underscore Institute right on Instagram.

It's been a pleasure.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for us you really read, you really read.

Us to filth.

Yes, it's been so good to meet you.

What more can I say?

So?

That's Hirshman from the Somatica Institute Sex, Love, Relationships and Accountability.

This has been the hard or sore show.

The show and she's gonna do that.

She can't stop it. Peace,