Episode 67: (Sharing Series, Part 2) Building Community through open-handed living

We're in the middle of a three-part series on sharing . Last week it was about sharing the gospel Costco samples of the gospel , if you will . This week is about more practically sharing with your community .

I think it's just been a theme through my life , and then even I've been so blessed to learn from others too and watch how generosity and community builds a belonging .

And I think sometimes we think of generosity as specifically money or presence , but I think the beautiful part , the mindset shift in the last decade for me , is building belonging through everyday generosity . So I'm going to break it down .

You know me love practical brass tacks , so I'll get into logistically what others have done for me , what I've got to be a part of in this community , what we do as a family , like what the Lord's like , given me ideas for just a lot of various ideas , but one of the fastest ways to build the kind of community that you have been craving is to give it away

first , and to give it away and to just be generous in general . This episode is about sharing with your community , not simply only from an overflow , not only when it's easy , not only when it's reciprocated , but as a way of living and leading with kingdom generosity .

And the interesting thing , I think I don't know if it's unique to people with small children or in seasons , or just when you know it's easy to be generous when you have a lot , whether it's time , money , friendship , resources , emotional energy but one of Aaron's bosses he's worked with this company for 18 years , more than half his life .

Guys , I'm so impressed with my husband . I have had almost 10 jobs in the 18 years . Aaron has had one . So talk about Mr Steady Eddie responsible over there . But anyways , his bosses are phenomenal people and I've just really looked up to them . They're probably about a decade older than me , not too much older for how they've led their .

You know it's like it's a multi , multi , multi-million dollar company they're CEOs of , so it's like a big company .

They have 700 employees and I've watched them go from really small because Aaron's been there so long to this and watch them consistently grow , and they've kept their kingdom values , their like Christian principles , so at the root , and one of the things I'll never forget was probably like , maybe , like , maybe seven to 10 years ago .

They get sued fairly often , which is a byproduct of owning a business in Western America , our Western world , and then specifically in California , and yeah , it's just nuts some of the things they've gotten sued for , and one time they got sued for this is a story they share kind of freely , for it was crazy .

It was something so minute , like an address was different for on their checks versus and it's all like legal , like they have companies , but it was like the payroll company put theirs .

Legally , that was okay , but the judge ruled in the favor of this random employee who was disgruntled , and it was like a multimillion dollar lawsuit , and in that they had to sell their house to help pay for some of the fees . And then fast forward in that , though , there was this they took their executive team .

They had planned before this to take them to Mexico . We were on that team and for a retreat for executive planning , and it was like once every seven years , and we were like I think I can't remember if we were in Mexico or on the way . And I was talking to him I was like we would have understood .

Like you guys have a lot going on right now Financially . You're tight , like I know that it was painful for them to sell this house . They're making cuts to be able to afford to pay the business lawsuit out of their own personal . And I told them I was like we would have totally understood if you guys had to cancel Mexico .

It almost feels counterintuitive that we're doing this , knowing all that you're cutting back to make that happen . And I'll never forget his boss did not miss a beat . They're so in tune with their core values .

They are people who , when you have core values , it costs you to live out of them , but they do not miss a beat with , like they're undetermined when they have to pay the cost for them . That is who they are when you cut them . It's all you know .

So anyway , she looks at me and she goes if we were only people of generosity when it was easy , that wouldn't mean that we really it was . Who , in our nature , like Christ-like , generosity is when it's easy and when it's hard . And she was like so being generous is easy when there's overflow , but it's really who you are .

You understand the principle of it being like reflecting an attribute of God when it's not , when there's not overflow , in the hard seasons too . And I was like it just hit me like , oh , I want to be someone who's generous in all seasons , not when it's easy to be generous .

And so shout out to Sadie for 10 plus years ago , really inspiring that in me , and I was like , okay , what does that look like ?

I don't have the resources to take people to Mexico , but I think sometimes we just so limit what generosity looks like or what we do have to offer , and just realizing how generosity actually cult is such a key piece to thriving community . And one of the scriptures I mean we've all heard it , but really it stuck out to me and you know when you read it .

You've read a scripture a ton of times but you read it in a different translation and the verbiage

they subbed out just hits you a little differently . So this is in Acts when they're talking about you know the church after Jesus goes back up to heaven , and it's the line that you know the church after Jesus goes back up to heaven and it's the line that you know they share . All the believers met together in one place it's Acts 2 , 44 through 45 .

And they shared everything they had . They sold their property and they shared their money with those in need .

And for some reason , the word shared shifted my perspective about generosity and it was like it went from overflow or when I have abundance , then it is my job , to that's where you're generous with , with the abundance , versus sharing like what's in my hand . I think sharing just felt so much more elementary and like a basic principle than the overflow or money .

It was like it felt like breaking your sandwich apart and sharing it versus like , oh , I don't have an extra one , sorry , I don't have anything to share .

It just shifted this mindset for me and I'm like , okay , they were on to something and if we want the unity and the power that they moved in , like the kingdom principles and culture , they moved in the generosity piece and the sharing piece has to be part of our mindset , like that's a key ingredient and so just went after this .

And what does it look like in a community ? And it's been like 10 years of us , you know when we I think even Aaron started it like when we get a bonus or if we get .

We don't get tax refunds very often because we are entrepreneurs , so most of the time we we owe uncle Sam , but it's like always praying about like what are we going to be generous and what are we going to sow into outside of our 10% ? Like I think , early in marriage we got the concept of a giving fund .

So we always , regardless of having a lot or a little , always have the tithe set apart and then the giving fund set apart . So then it makes you be able to like it's just a non-negotiable , so you always have it , so that even if it's a smaller about it's just it's actually probably been really integral in making it integrated to always .

We have this concept of what do we have to share , you know . So it's just been cool when we get something there and it's like okay , let's pray about what we're supposed to be generous with . And he , like there's been some times of like praying .

Um , more recently he felt like there was this low income apartment that he passes on his way to work and he felt specifically one of the upper place , uh , one of the upper apartments .

He felt like he was meant to give a portion of his um , yeah , bonus too and he went up there and it was like a sweet old lady and he just was like hey , I felt like God wanted me to give this to you .

And he said something like kind of a general short interaction and then he prayed for her and she was just weeping over the money and then he like walked away and now every time , like we feel attached to that apartment , we haven't gone back . I think Aaron dropped off some like Thanksgiving at her door , but I don't think she was there .

But we really it's not been this lifelong friendship since then , but it does make us pray and think of that lady in a way . I was like , oh , generosity ties you to people , specifically , even in hard seasons . Or like good , like you feel like you're in it with them , even if you don't have .

I used to think that if I didn't have the fullness of what someone needed , then what was the point of giving , you know , like my 20 bucks when they needed 200 , but realizing like , oh , it's fruit and it's seed , and I'm actually like maybe I'm not meant to be the fullness of their provision , but withholding because I don't have the fullness Maybe I feel silly

or you know , like that I don't have more is actually maybe hindering what God wants to do , like through my 20 bucks , even if they need 200 . But some other scriptures ? It's funny because , like , I've just found one of the keys . One of the reasons that I think like we're so blessed with community is like we live really generously .

And this that sounds like an arrogant thing to say we have friends who have showed us the way . Like this is not a Jenna Aaron idea . So I don't feel impressed with us when I say that , but I actually feel like , oh , this is such a kingdom principle that works .

And there are so many people that I talk to , whether it's in coaching or just passing by or on Instagram , that are desperate for community . So that would be my heart . I cannot emphasize enough how , if you want community , go live radically generous . And it's funny because that's a bit offensive .

But I was like digging in and I was like I think I've read some Proverbs about this , because I think sometimes our Western mindset almost wants

to be offended by that idea . Like , well , I'm not buying friendships . Or I'm like , no , no , that's not it . I have a . I have a blurb about that in a second that I wrote , but , um , there's actually proverbs 11 , 25 . Oh , actually , no , I'm going to start with 11 , proverbs 19 , six everyone is the friend to the one who gives gifts .

And it's funny cause it almost feels offensive . But you're like , hey , if you're actually looking for friendship , the beautiful part is , I think people think it'll just attract people who are looking to use you , but I have not found that to be true .

Specifically when you give people and you know that it's hard for them to receive , or it's like beautifully humbling in that moment Not like you're trying to humble them , but like they have a need and you're able to meet it like oh yeah , let me share , let me break off half my sandwich there's something that shifts in them .

So I think there's this fear of giving and then getting friends from your generosity . That's going to be like a cycle of people who've used you . But it's so obvious when that happens and I would say that my experience is that maybe that happens 5% of the time . Most of the time that is not .

People are afraid of that , but I'm like it's actually a biblical principle . And then Proverbs 11 , 25 , a generous person will prosper . Whoever refreshes others will be refreshed . And again , it's like the more blessed it is to give than receive . And then Proverbs 22 , 9, . Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed , for he shares his bread with the poor .

But I was going to say I don't know . Sorry , I'm finding my notes the idea of how crazy , like , truly , if you know , like if someone came up to me and they're like I want to get a six pack or I want toned stomach , you would say , okay , you have to do ab workouts .

You know , maybe people have different opinions what those ab workouts would be , but it would be like , yeah , of course , like you can't get a toned stomach without working those muscles . Like this is how you get that result . I'm like this is what I feel . Like with generosity , you want community , you want abundance of friends .

Live generously , with no strings attached , where it's your gift and your honor and it's your pleasure and joy to break off what you have and share . Simply , I want to be clear . It is not performing Like .

When I talk about living generously in community , I am not talking about performing or earning love , and a lot of people who may be in their past seasons helped or gave or showed up generously because they're trying to earn a spot in someone's life .

I think the reality is like I'm not telling you to give to be liked and frankly that's not why we give , but we have watched it prove true . I'm not hoping someone will pick me or invite me or think I'm worth keeping around if I bring them a meal or offer them a ride .

That is not the heart here and that does not lead like performing , for love is not what this is about . It has to truly be an overflow , like when you , when I choose generosity , it is not striving or earning , it's an overflow .

It's , I think , to even the reality of like you can't live generously , truly honestly , with no strings attached , like it's a gift . Sometimes Aaron always says like it's not a gift if you expect to be repaid in a bit that's called a loan .

So I'm like it can only be a gift of generosity if it's a response to the love that I'm already aware that I live out of .

So my awareness of God being my provider for my worth , for my emotional energy , for my finances , then being able to give , give even if I , you know , not just out of my overflow , it's because my faith is in the Lord and I know like it's it's a act and trust to who he is , not the other person .

So I'm not waiting for a turn on my investment , for everything to work out , because it's just an overflow of what I've already received . It's like a way to embody , like I embody , security . I'm not trying to manufacture it , I'm not trying to prove I'm a good friend .

I'm just living from a place of abundance because I know that I have what I need and , even if it's not in my hand now , that if I'm giving away , god sees that as seed and I will get some level of multiplication in return , even if it's not a one , for you know , it's not from the person I'm expecting it , but I know how his principles work and I know

that I can give away and trust his faithfulness . And I do want to save this caveat . I heard on the internet recently , like someone's . I've seen some posts about irresponsible generosity or something like giving and not being able to pay your bills . That's actually not a topic . That's not what I'm talking about .

I'll give you some more examples of what I mean by everyday generosity that really builds community soon . I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't talking about earning love or performing for friendship before I got into my practical details .

But yeah , so living this generous mindset is not a transaction , because it's freely given , it's not a loan , it's not conditional of them showing up in the same . I'm not expecting equal payback . There have been friendships well , we'll get into it more later but that I have been generous , you know , like , lived this way , like just who I am .

And then maybe a year or so into the thing , I'm like oh , they have that thing . I'm going to ask them if I can borrow . And I'm aware I'm like I've never asked them to borrow something . They might not . I'm like it's uncomfortable . They might say no , like it's okay In my head .

I'm like I know that I've shown up generously for a while , so it's not like I'm trying to use them without showing them that like open handedness , you know , and it has back . It turned out awkward last , within the last 12 months , when I've asked someone for something small , you know , in generousness and asked if they would , and got my hand slapped .

I've had really awkward conversations . I think people think that that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen . But the difference is their reaction is their reaction . I don't let it reflect my identity or the principles of the kingdom . That's their own personal response . No problem , I know that is not

a condition for me to be generous . I'm not expecting that it's always equal payback . I've actually experienced that it's not , even if it's been like , you know , 10 months of friendship and then one ask and I'm like , oh , okay , no problem . But it also means that I it doesn't also mean that I let myself get used .

Like I said , healthy friendships have like a rhythm of both . They might not be perfectly balanced that's not what I'm going after , cause that would be more transactional than generous , you know but over time there's like a mutuality and there's growth and there's movement towards like wholeness .

I think a lot of times , specifically when I'm living this way , I expect to be kind of like a pioneer and a culture setter that some people have experienced this , other people they're going to get to see the fruit of it .

And most of the time , over time , people show up that way and they're like oh yes , living open , handedly and in community is so much more helpful . It's like taking the . What is it ? It takes a village to raise a child or to get a family to church is what I've said . Sometimes Like , they're like oh , I'm seeing this principle in action .

I want to show up in this . I want to be part of this ecosystem as well .

Yeah and gosh if someone in my life is in my life long term and they're consistently resisting living generously , like , not just with money , but like I mean frankly , most of the time , most of what I'm going to give examples of in this podcast are not about money , but with like , time and care and resources and presence and vulnerability .

If they won't , if they're resistant to showing up like that , like I'm going to lead by example and again , it's not a one for one , it's not a loan , but if they're not matching that culture over time , I don't get bitter about it . Again , it's this idea of like okay , let them .

I feel empathy , not pity , but I feel empathy because they're not catching this kingdom principle . That's not Jenna's idea . That is truly a game changer if they tap in from God's perspective for this generosity . So it's not personal and I don't want to get bitter . Like sometimes I'm like okay , it stings .

Yes , I have emotion about it , but I think the difference that people have been really trying to articulate . I'm like you can have a momentary emotion or pain to a situation and you don't want it to spoil into bitterness and offense , so again .

So if someone does not adapt the lifestyle , I don't get bitter at it , but it is often an indication of where they're at in their own emotional and spiritual journey . And it might mean that they're not someone that will get access to my most intimate spaces . And it's not because I'm punishing them , but my true inner circle like sorry , I'm using my hands .

True inner circle , like sorry , I'm using my hands . They , there , there is . Those people are a level of health that they share this value of sacrificial love and open-handed sharing . That it's what . That's what my inner circle like , that's kind of the culture in my inner circle .

So it's not punishment , but it usually is indicative of like no problem , you don't have to adopt this , but there probably will be like . It is indicative of kind of like an internal temperature is what I think about . Okay , so I want to get to some examples of what everyday generosity looks like . Again , you don't always need more money or margin .

I think it's just a different mindset . Some of the things that have done for me like I would say a lot , like as a new mom or when other people were teaching me this , I feel like I learned to live generously . This is not how my parents home , so it was like new . It was like me catching it and noticing what friends were doing for me .

And then I think the first time was when I had Audrey and a friend offered to like swap childcare because I was doing turbans for Tots .

And then , like a couple of times after she offered to pick up my daughter and take her to the park because she had a similar age kid , she asked me if I could do that one point and at first I was like , oh , it almost like showed me I could and I felt like it was like yes , I can do that .

So swapping like childcare nowadays , if friends are moving and they have young kids , we'll try to be like hey , you want to drop your kid off , like while you're unpacking , or is there a time it'd be helpful for us to take them to the park ? Or just thinking in terms of like again , like silver and gold do I have ?

I none , but such as I have , give a like what do you have ? That would be helpful . Everyday generosity like would look like when we .

One of the things I felt super aware of in the last season is our house has a pool and we have a whole family of bikes and we have stand up paddle boards and kayaks , and I've just had this mindset Like sometimes I think like when you don't have access , it's like I don't have anything to give and I was like , oh my gosh , we are so fortunate that we

have this pool . So there are like a lot of times I have open invites to people who I know don't have a pool or who have small kids , or while we're out of town . Like every summer we go out of town for a couple of weeks and there are families that I give the front door code to our house and I'm like , hey , our pool's open for the next two weeks .

No one's home , make yourself at home . And it's so fun because every summer there's probably a few families that I do that to , families that I know can trust and they'll take care of our stuff .

And the cool part is they'll send me pictures sometimes when we're out of town , when they happen to be there , when another family that we let have access to our pools there and it's like a community pool for a bit and like , ah , two families together at our pool .

So I think of it like oh , or we live , we have a lot of bikes and we live near a river trail , so I will if there's young students or people who are families who are trying to figure out a date night and everybody knows that once you already pay for a babysitter , budgets can be kind of hard .

So I'll be like hey , if you want to ever have a budget friendly date night , come borrow our bikes or come borrow our paddleboards . I think , just thinking that way , I'm like what do I have Like what toys , what resources , what things ? Could I just live openly in my own life and make room ?

Another way , everyday generosity is purposely giving away hand-me-downs . A friend did this to us .

First it was like kind of like most of the time we purge the things that are like too worn , so stains or holes or anything like that , but then our favorite things they would give to me and I love it , like little pink cowboy boots or furry jackets , and then it made me like again , as you receive it , even if it wasn't your culture you grew up with ,

you're like wow , this feels so amazing , like I could do this for someone else . So purposely giving away hand-me-downs , like my kids hand-me-downs . I have families that have younger kids and sometimes I ask sometimes I just give them like , hey , I have a bag of summer stuff that's 4T from Wesley , would your son like it ?

And then I don't always give out of my way to give it to people . Sometimes I'll just keep it outside the front door and I'll tell them they can swing by and grab it whenever they have a chance . And then not just hand-me-downs for my kids , though , I do it for myself .

I purge my own closet on a pretty regular basis and when I tried , actually today , I brought a few . There's like another mom who is my friend , whose kids go to the same school and I know I'd see her at pickup and she wears dresses and a few other like fancier things .

So I was cleaning my closet I was like , oh , I like there's like 10 things that I think she would really like . And then maybe I'll take the rest to Goodwill , because some of them are out of date and I'm not sure anyone else , but maybe I'll post it on Instagram , I think , just being intentional .

A lot of times we just go for the easy button and it's the easiest to drop them off at Goodwill . And , of course , no shame , I definitely I've done that this spring already when we're doing a little spring cleaning challenge . But if I can , the good stuff I try to gift and it's been so cool . Last year I remember purging some .

You know , when you gain weight and you can't wear the same jeans you wore last year , I had a stack of those and I was like man , these are so good I don't have the capacity to sell them .

Actually , one of my mentors I worked for Jesus Culture for a bit and one of my mentors said because he would give stuff away If it was under like a hundred bucks , he wouldn't bother selling it on Facebook . And I was like a young , married , broke person and I was like how come you don't sell this stuff ?

And I remember he looked at me and he was like I have learned that in the kingdom of God , generosity pays more than me making a quick buck ever will . And it was just this like light bulb shift . It's funny how , like these mentor moments , you know , just really mark you .

And so then I kind of made a core value that if things were under 50 bucks I would not sell them on Facebook and I would actually purposely gift them and treat them as like a generous seed instead of trying to like hustle for 10 bucks on Facebook marketplace , you know . So , anyways , last year I had this pile of cool jeans .

I was like I'm not going to sell them , I don't want to just give them away . So I thought about it for a second and a friend came to mind and I messaged her . And it was so cool because she messaged me back immediately and was like I just prayed yesterday for a new stash of cool jeans that she was going out of town .

She didn't have the budget to get new jeans before going out of town and it was like an answer to prayer . And I think sometimes we can kind of , like I was saying in my last episode , we can think of that as like just your own thought or not significant enough or feels vulnerable to assume someone want your leftovers .

But if you're confident enough that it's just a generous thing , no problem . If they don't want it or someone acts odd or weird , you could offer it to someone else , like I think of who's kind of my size and who's kind of my style .

And yeah , it's just been so cool how often that has like really blessed people when I thought it was just a very like practical thought pattern and it was like , oh , the Holy Spirit was on it and I didn't even it didn't register as this like profound moment , you know .

And then it's cute because my daughter , I reached out to a friend who I've become closer with and again , this is an example of being vulnerable , and I was like , hey , she has two teenagers who are about Audrey's size . I was like if you girls have any leftover or hand-me-downs , I'd love to pick them up if that ever happens .

And she responded she was really kind , but she was like we don't really do hand-me-downs or we're not big shoppers , so that probably won't happen . So that would be an example of it not going well , kind of . You know , she was polite but it wasn't like , yeah , sure , no problem .

And I knew I was taking a risk because I'm like this is not something our friendship has experienced before .

But , sure enough , two months later she texts me and I think it was last week that she had a couple bags for Audrey and I picked them up and I brought them home and I would say , mom , hack is that I look through them first , because I made the mistake of just letting Audrey look through and there's some things like in years past , not from this friend ,

but I was like , okay , we have way too much stuff . I'm gonna , I'm gonna narrow it down in mom mode first before I present , but anyways , it's been so cute and sweet .

And Audrey actually loves hand-me-downs and thinks all week she's been wearing this , these teenagers hand-me-downs , and she'll be like this is a teen sweater , these are teen jeans , this is a teen dress .

And I'm like can't we normalize that in the consumer culture where sharing is actually a sign of connectedness and is thought like feeling , thought of versus like the shame stigma you know around it ? Okay , some more ideas of everyday generosity . Um , we often lend out our cars when we're gone .

We have a bunch of friends who have families with one car and that's super hard .

So when we have the capacity because I'll go home to stay with my family on the East Coast for two weeks in the summer and usually Aaron can come for like one week he can't take off that much time so in the two weeks we try to figure out a family that we could lend our car to while we're gone to be helpful .

We let friends stay at our house whether we're home or not , even if they're coming for a conference , if they're coming , for sometimes we don't have an extra guest bed . We have a room , audrey's room . We keep a queen bed so she gets bumped , but we actually want to be inconvenienced . I think that's the part of generosity .

Like in this day and age , a lot of the culture is to not be inconvenienced . But I think that maybe would be the heart posture of living generously , that you're willing to be inconvenienced for the sake of sowing into community . So letting friends stay at us . Sometimes it's just as humble as , like you're welcome to crash on our couch .

That's all we have , but if you want it , the couch is yours . A couple of our friends in our community have done free sales , like when they've moved or consolidated Airbnbs or when we bumped out of our turbines for office . We had a bunch of random like shelves and microwaves and just tables that we didn't need .

And again , with this mindset of , rather than selling them , I'd rather generous , like doing a big free sale and it's so much less effort , like I don't know that garage sales feel worth it to me . I'm like all that work for $300 , I would much rather like my return on my effort would be put in . We've done this a of times .

A bunch of my friends have done free sales , put it out in our you know , set it up just like a garage sale , but with no effort , you don't have to tag things or monitor it and people get so blessed Like .

I'll never forget how overwhelmed people were when they realized it was free and I just put up a free sale sign a couple places in our neighborhood and people were like one lady was like teary that she got the microwave from my office for free and I was like oh , like , wow , okay , like this is so easy Another way to live generously .

A lot of us have grocery delivery services and Walmarts around the country so it's so easy to actually use your membership to send groceries to friends and needs .

I used to try to send you to send meals or these silly edible arrangements , but now I'm like you guys know I've said it before that we'll do rotisserie chicken in a bag salad to friends locally in need .

But because of the gorgeousness of Walmart delivery all around the country , when a friend has a surgery or a parent dies or something happens where they just want to , you want to express witness , a lot of our friends will just send meals to them , for you know it's for $30 minimum .

You can send a whole freaking meal versus $30 gift card to a family of five doesn't usually , you know , get very much Another . I have a list of all the

things that our community has done which I think is so cool . Oh , picking each other's kids up , being we have a text thread with people who are going to an event or at a camp or all going to the same school or go to this night at church , and it's the picking up the kids like hey , can anyone grab my kid ? I'm five minutes late .

I do it for other people . I'll ask them to do it . It's just this shared , truly like building a culture of collaboration that we want to help each other out . We're not islands , we can all . Sometimes we'll pick them up and they stay at our house for a bit . Sometimes we literally act like a taxi service .

One of our friends in our church , their second car got hit when her husband was at work . She needed help for a bit until they got a rental car to drop their kids off at home and it was like so fun for my kids too . But again , it's just the cost of being inconvenienced .

I think in our culture we have to get more attuned to like yes , I'm willing to be inconvenienced for the sake of community Cause . This is an easy way to so love . Um , another way that we one of my friends , I have two friends who are sister wives . No , I'm sorry , they're not sister wives . Wow , that was a big mistake .

I meant they are sisters and they are wives , not sister wives . Very big differentiation , please . I hope you're listening or I hope you're laughing while you listen to this . But they would if their spouses were out of town . Sometimes they kind of work for the same company so they'd be out of town on business trips . The husbands would be at the same point .

So they would just plan that those two nights they would do dinner together . And it wasn't fancy . It'd be like hey , do you have chicken ? Hey , do you have vegetables , bring it over . So now that they from their generous sharing and then when they , if they know Aaron was out of town , they'd invite me over .

It makes me think it like it taught me , it helped me think in that culture to share and invite in . So when Aaron's out of town , whoever else spouse happens to be with him on that camping trip or that retreat , or I will be like hey , I know our husbands are out of town . Do you want to come over for a play date ?

Do you want to do breakfast together ? Do you want to do just this ? Like generosity of your time and your space and your meals . It's like and it's not even that generous If your spouse is out of town . It's a bit like do you see how ? It's a bit self-serving too , but it is like it is . I'm willing and want to help when it makes sense .

One of the easiest things I have started we've started doing is saving seats for people at events . So maybe it is a play , maybe it's like we go to Bethel and there's like 10,000 people at our church . So women's nights there's three to 500 people and it's a little uncomfortable .

So sometimes I'll just start a group message to see who's going and offer to get there early , to be the one to save seats for people , because it's an easy way for people to feel like hey , I was on the fence , but because she's counting on me or she offered , or I can go and have a seat with someone .

I don't have to figure it out , it's not going to be awkward when I walk into the room . It's just such an easy , easy way to like I was already going to be there . It only cost me going 10 minutes early and sending out a group message and now I can make someone feel like they have a .

You know , like I , I benefit because I'm sitting with friends , but then I can make them feel like they have a spot and then , um , in addition to that , like like our same saving seats for events , we do it for church a lot , because our church is like nuts . You have to get there about an hour early to be able to get in line 15 minutes early to um .

You have to park in time to get into the childcare line 15 minutes early and then the child tickets , like there's we always sell , like not sell out , but there's always not enough spots for the number of kids .

So if you have to get there early or your kid won't get into childcare , and then you have to transition immediately because it's opens 30 minutes before service to go get a line for seats . So , that being said , it's kind of an ordeal . So one of the simplest way with people that I haven't got to see , or maybe , like you know , we're a family of five .

But we have friends who don't have kids or who are older or who are young , married or whatever , and there's not this clear , easy way to integrate them into our lives . Or maybe we're just in a busy season and we like to have people over for dinner a lot , but maybe that's not easy in this season .

Saving them seats Like hey , do you go to church on Sunday ? Do you want us to save you seats ? Like simply church ? I think even , too , if you're wanting to build more community at your church , just reach out to another family and be like hey , do you want us to save you seats on Sunday ?

And be thick skinned if they say no or if they're like we usually sit over here . You get to be like okay , do you ? I can say I'm over there , no problem . Or they're like I'm not sure it's not a sign of rejection for you . It probably is indicating you are pioneering a new path of something they've never experienced .

So do not take it as feedback about your identity . I don't let it hurt my feelings . I'm like I act like it's normal and they're the weird ones . No , I'm not really , but kind of like totally . And they're like I don't . We usually sit over here and I'm like , okay , you want me to save you seats over there , no problem .

And they're like , well , I don't know , because my husband's with me Like , okay , you want me to save you two seats , sure , that's not a bad . Like I got it . And they're like , okay , and I just thick skin , teflon . You're actually teaching them a new culture . They will catch on . It's not about you , they'll get it , they'll . What is it Like ?

They'll catch up or get off the bus ? No , I'm mixing that analogy , okay . Another thing , an example oh , one of my favorite things is when a couple like this was years ago . But oh , when that boss who told me that he's one of my bosses , who is like generosity , pays more than nickel and diming things on Craigslist or Facebook marketplace ever does he did .

Within that year he had me gift their older car to someone who was young and kind of struggling for money , and their car was me like . It was not awesome , they probably would have gotten like $2,000 for it , but it lit something in me where I was like , oh , I want to do that , that's one of our goals .

So before we were able to get to that spot , we had a friend whose car died and they were a family of five and it wasn't in their budget to figure out how to get a car . So the mom walked a mile and a half to take her kids to school every morning and she did it for months and none of us knew because she had such a good attitude .

So then someone in our little friend group found out and then a few of us crowdsourced our giving fund and got enough . It wasn't a lot y'all it was probably like $2,000 among a few families and we gave them that money and they were able to buy a second car . And it was such an experience of like , oh , this is worth it . How do we upgrade from here ?

Like , how does this not a one-time mountaintop high ? Like , how do we be aware of live that we're not so self-focused ?

Because I think even in our culture , one of the things that generosity does is it actually breaks you out of being more aware and the most aware of your family's needs and it makes you other people aware , because when you live generously , you notice and look for needs of how could I like maybe I can't solve that , but how could I solve it ?

So like , clearly we can't give away cars to every family that only has one car , but this idea of I'm putting it in the back burner so that when we go out of town for a couple of weeks I can offer them my car . So it's just this awareness when you become aware of other people's needs , one it shrinks your own needs , like .

One of the things I think generosity just naturally recalibrates you to is it shrinks your own , the mountains in your life when you see them in the landscape of everybody's so pity , it quiets and then it also makes you it shifts some gratitude of like .

Okay , I do have hard things , but I also have these things that I didn't realize they didn't have and I feel more grateful in these things that I had taken granted for . So I think generosity is actually so strategic in helping you not be too self-centered and self-focused , navel-gazing , I think sometimes you have pain .

We all have pain in our lives but one of the things I realize if I'm too self-focused , pity is usually it spoils . Real pain spoils into pity .

And I think generosity and purposely living where you're looking and being aware of others' needs and have a pulse on the ground or ear , whatever I can't , I'm mixing all the metaphors today it just it recalibrates that , naturally , where you don't kind of veer off into self-focus , like too far into self-focus . And then so crowdsourcing cars .

One time for one of my friends' 40th birthday party , we all crowdsourced . She was going to ministry school , no , a missions trip . I think we got to everybody pitched in and we were able . I think we raised all of her missions trip money , which was so cool .

But what it took I think I was the one that spearheaded that even though we didn't give , it wasn't like we gave a lot , it was just what it took . What it required from me was being okay , texting , getting the tech . I don't remember how I got everybody's number .

I somehow accessed the list and I emailed and text 40 people on the list with pitching , the idea of how much you needed for the missions trip , why this would matter and how they could give . And I think that's the thing is , like you don't actually always have to be the solution . Sometimes you just need a galvanizer .

Like you need someone in the crowd who's willing to ask other people if they'd be able to contribute . And I think I talked about this in one of our other podcasts . But our community does a really good job of when there's birthday parties . Usually they start a separate group thread of like , okay , let's do a group gift . Rarely do I go to birthday parties .

Now in our friend community where everybody gets , like them , their own gifts Most of the time baby showers and birthday parties there's this crowdsource and it's like , oh my gosh , we were able to give her $300 for horseback lessons that she really wanted as 30 of us . It's so much cooler when you get to do it together .

But it takes someone being willing to organize it . But I'm like , oh , what if that's ? All that generosity is sometimes is being the one who can spearhead and organize it . Yes , you can see that I'm very excited about this . I feel like I'm out of breath just because all these things .

I'm like , yes , this episode is near and dear to my heart , even okay , so I kind of touched on it too . But my next point is taking that mindset shift from self-protection to multiplication and living generously pulls you out of survival mode .

I kind of touched on that how it shifts your awareness what your problems are in the landscape of everybody else's and then recalibrates you to gratitude for the areas you had taken for granted .

But another part that I've seen true in my own life is when I'm constantly focused on conserving my time , conserving my energy , conserving my resource , my life gets really small .

And then , by byproduct , I get really self-focused and I start to believe I don't have any more to give and it'll break me if I give or like time , money , energy , resource , and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and then my world's really small and it feels really fragile because I've deeply ingrained these thoughts that this is all I have , I don't have

any more . And then I'm like entrenched in survival mode . But when you start looking outward and you can't help , like when you start looking at other people's needs and life and you're not just aware of your own well-rehearsed pain points of your life , you can't help but zoom out and what you have to give is less than other seasons of your life .

I'm not even saying compared to me , just compared to your own normal operating mode . But I just think the lie is that we never have something to give . We always have something to give and I actually again believe that principle that it's better to give in risk . So I think you'll get multiplied if you decide maybe you just have .

You could take your neighbor's trash can out or take their dog for a walk or say hi or , you know , share , bring over a coffee cup . Like it could be so much more simple . But sometimes the like , the trap of survival mode is this mindset that we have nothing to give , versus like it's way .

Like my margin and capacity is way reduced , but if I still were to respect my boundaries , what is there ? Like there's always something I could share . And again I think for me when I go back to that axe verse about how they shared what they had in common to me generous , felt big and felt like money .

But when I broke it down and made it more simple to thinking of sharing , like how can I live all aspects of my life where my mindset is to share ? That made me realize like if that's my standard , I could always share . You know , like I always have something to share . I could share a ride , I could share my extra shoes .

Like I always have something to share . I could share a ride , I could share my extra shoes . Like I always have something to share . But it feels so counterintuitive when you're in like survival mode , like you feel like if you were to share it might break you .

But in reality this principle , this like kingdom principle is it multiplies your joy and your trust and your community . So to get out of like that mindset shift to get out of self-protection to this idea of sharing multiplies what you have and it produces community . You have to stop asking like where is , where is my community , and start creating it .

It's , it just naturally shifts your perspective of how am I investing in those around me versus who like kind of like a consumer mindset with community . Okay , let's see . Last point , and I think even with sharing generosity , probably one of the easiest ways and I know I give you a list of practical ones is just with invitations .

I think it's probably one of the most overlooked ways to be generous with your life is to open up what you're willing to invite people to , and I think people think over for a meal , but a lot of times I'll just invite people to meet me at a park after school on the way home for 45 minutes , like it doesn't have to be a dinner .

And when you get too strict with living generous or sharing with your community and it has to look this way , you're going to miss all these ways that you do have to give within your limits of your current life season and within your resources . So like truly inviting someone to join you on your Costco run .

I have , literally after a school drop off , had to go to Target . Found out the mom I was talking to , who I know , had to go to Target too and I'm like you want to come with me , I'll drop you back off at your house . Or if we both have to go to Costco , I'm like , oh , let's go together . Or , like I said , saving them a seat at church .

That's an easy way to include with an invite . You know to be generous with invitations Bringing them along on workouts . If you guys have noticed , I have been doing bar since like January locally and I can bring like if someone comes with me , they get one class , their first class , for free .

So I'm always like that is a purposeful thing of like that would be such an easy way to include

people into my life . Like maybe they're not , I don't have the capacity to have them over for dinner , but I'm already going to bar . Why would I not coordinate getting them there ?

It's like so easy to make them feel included and wanted , because I do want them and include them , and it shifts your mindset too of like just your own life and it's like what other aspects of my life could I open up and easily turn into an invitation ? Sometimes you can include them into dinner . You're already cooking . Often , you guys know I meal prep .

Sometimes I'll just if I'm meant to do something with someone and I'm like you know what , I already have a double lunch . I'll just offer to bring them lunch to that work meeting we have . Or , hey , we're going to go for a walk . Do you want to come back and do lunch afterwards , because I have enough of that salad anyways .

Or come hang out , even if your house is messy , or in your backyard I do this a lot where during the summer I'll have a couple families over and maybe you know my friends have big families , so that's like 20 kids , it's like 20 people .

Three families plus mine is easy , 20 people instantly , and maybe I don't have the capacity to have my house trashed by 20 kids . But I'll say , hey , would you like to come over and stay in the backyard for a pool hangout ?

And then when they come , I will , sometimes y'all , I literally will put the piano bench in front of my stairwell so that their kids know . Like the moms know , we've talked about it . But I'm just real clear like yeah , outside we're so excited to have you for this pool play date .

And the point isn't like I think people really , when they think generously or including people , they think all or nothing and like , oh , I can't have any boundaries and if I meant to live generously , I'm just a free range . People take what they want , like , no , I very much manage and have boundaries around my generosity , of what I have to give .

I do not bankrupt myself unless I feel the Holy Spirit . You know there's been a few times that I felt like the Holy Spirit was like yep , give that and that was my share . It dipped into mine . But most of the time you can live generously within your boundaries and within your capacity .

If you get more creative and if you're okay with upholding your own boundaries , I would love to have you over . If y'all are okay with just staying in my backyard , I'm not able to . I don't have the capacity to clean the house or to clean it after they leave or maybe we have guests coming into town .

But if y'all want to come over for an hour and swim , please come over . So just getting creative with your invitations , inviting someone into your real life , not just curated moments . I think that's such a form of generosity . You don't need a perfect house , a perfect schedule or perfect plans , just open the door a little wider .

And then last portion we kind of touched on this already . But what if it is uncomfortable when you are purposely going after changing the culture and this is not a a culture that exists in your friend group already ? Most of the time , I would say it doesn't . So you're not , it's not abnormal .

If you're experiencing this and you're like no one lives like that way , awesome . This is your invitation to teach people what the kingdom could look like like , what acts could look like in a modern day thing . Like you get to be the pioneer and , to be honest , I think this generosity like living generously is inherently vulnerable .

Like living generously is inherently vulnerable , especially when relationships new or you've been burned before or you think they'll think it's weird or they'll be insulted that you are being generous within the bounds of your boundaries . You know like they're like you don't ? You're not inviting me over for dinner .

You're inviting me over to have lunch one of your pre-made salads at a picnic bench before we go on a walk . You know like , maybe they'll feel like that and you just remember that it's okay and that if they don't get it or if they don't want to , no problem .

But then also too , like you're aware that if that matters to you , like maybe , maybe they're going to catch up , and I've seen so many people then like , oh , I like that , I hadn't experienced it before , but I want to live like that and adapt . Or the ones that don't adapt , no problem .

It's like I said , it kind of shows their internal world and it gives a better thermometer of what's happening . And then you have different spheres of intimacy that then people get to be in , and then it's uncomfortable and a little bit vulnerable if you're unsure , if they want to reciprocate that kind of culture . But I have been there before .

I have been misunderstood , I've been accused , I've been shut down , I've been shamed like that's weird or that's not actually a gift . Who would want to have a meal with whatever is in your fridge ? A gift ? Who would want to have a meal with whatever's in your fridge ? And you can't punish the people for not reciprocating .

But I do notice that in the deep and emotionally safe friendships that I look for , it flows both ways over time . Maybe they're not there to begin with , but they adapt because they see the fruit . And that's actually the depth they're looking for in community , and living open-handedly and sharing is actually a key piece to the community that they're hoping for .

But I always lead with giving . I'm always going to set the bar and make sure again because it's out of an overflow , I'm not earning love , I'm not performing . These friendships aren't based on this . I know that I'm securely attached to my identity and my source of my provider , so , like they're a target but they're not my source .

That's why they can react differently and it doesn't tank me . And I've noticed too that when I don't ask for help oh yeah , I was like wait , what does my note say ? That I usually don't ask for help until I've modeled what help looks like , because to me I'm like oh , I want them to know that , like this is what I'm .

It's almost like a friendship flow I'm inviting them into versus looking for them to like save me . And it sets the tone . It tells people that it's a two-way street . And yeah , like I said , some won't reciprocate it . That's okay . Let them Awesome .

Their lives are now better because they bumped into this open-handed way of living like a kingdom , generous , everyday generosity , and they didn't opt in . No problem , jesus experienced that all the time . You'll be fine .

You just expect it ahead of time when you're going like , okay , I haven't done this before , this could go bad , it could go good , no problem , I will be able to process either way .

It's just it tells me , based on if they adapt to the culture where I'll invest long-term trust and kind of what level of intimacy and health internally that I'll probably have them on . So again , this whole thing , how you're showing up has to be rooted in identity as your safety net .

You have to be secure of who your source is and what your identity is to live generously . Not everyone's going to understand , some are going to feel taxed , but that does not mean that you're wrong . It doesn't mean you're too much . It doesn't mean

that they're bad . It just means maybe this isn't their culture and oftentimes they catch up . Maybe they won't . But when you're so rooted in God's love and Him as your source and provider , you can live open-handed , sharing constantly an awareness of what you could share , without fear of rejection or offense . They might think you're odd .

No problem , it does not need to shake your identity . So my hope in this whole episode of living generously with your community . Sharing , sorry , sharing with your community . Everyday generosity is that if you're feeling lonely or isolated or disappointed in past friendships , the most radical thing you can do isn't to wait .

It's to live the kind of community you want to receive . Open your hands , share what's already in your life , in your plate , your house , your backyard , your bikes , your kids , the park that's around your neighborhood , half your lunch . I just truly be the friend you wish you had and trust God to multiply with what you sow . It's beautiful . I can't wait .

Send testimonies . I'd love to hear from you guys . I hope you have a great day .