Episode 52: A Balanced Calendar- Time Management Habits

I'm going to go back to the old school thought or phrase there , so I'm recording a podcast about the habit I have of planning in what I call white space into my calendar . So one of the big shifts for me probably one of the biggest habits like ROI , return on my investment was me growing in my ability to plan and manage my time .

Gosh , I just finished my master course and I think I would say that that feels like that habit , almost feels like how many people ? The reason I'm talking about my master course is how many people can relate to feeling resistant to planning or scheduling your time for assorted reasons .

But kind of the common theme is it feels like restraint or like some other people feel like maybe they don't write it down , so I can't see how I failed . There's assorted reasons , all of them I felt , and I took such a long time mastering and warming up to and healing honestly from my resistance to like planning my day .

I have those friends who are more type A and naturally just more structured personalities than me , who would talk about their to-do list Like it was like their best friend and how they didn't you know how they wouldn't know how to do life without it , which is I'm literally like how epic that you were born that way .

Those of us who are not born that way though it was , it was a muscle I had to grow and a lot of people . This is the thing .

People come to me with habit coaching and they're like oh , it's starting to feel like counseling , and I think that's the reality is , there are these unconscious beliefs and resistance that are tied to our emotions and our thought , habits that are keeping us from building these behavior , habits that we actually know would revolutionize our life .

So , anyways , shameless plug , for I feel like I'm rebranding . I'm not just a habit coach . I've been truly like changing my signature and my emails to life and habit coach , because they so overlap .

You cannot look at some of the areas that you've had such hard time getting your behaviors dialed in and not realize how much heart , emotions , thought , life , beliefs are totally wrapped up in it , and that is part of it . You can't handle them separately . It's like untangling a bunch of knotted wires and ropes .

So , anyways , I'd love to help you with that if you're looking for someone who's a life coach specializing in habits . But my point of it is , for me , with scheduling and figuring out , like my resistance to it .

I knew what to do theoretically and there was all these courses and classes , but I needed to actually shift some of my beliefs and emotion towards it before I could do it . So then I started . It took me such a long time .

This is what people don't talk about and I'm trying to talk about it more but when you start offensively small , the pace is so much slower than these dramatic overnight overhauls that our Western world glamorizes on , you know , like reality TV and all the other forms of Insta process that we're trying to feed .

But for me , I've really been going on this journey of like man . God doesn't actually expect us . He doesn't treat us like that . He doesn't shape and form us . There's no arrival point , sorry . He doesn't treat or form us quickly or suddenly . He's so in the long haul because he's like eternity minded and we're like it's been two years , I'm not getting it .

So how much I think for me realizing how much of the uncomfortable with the slowness was self-imposed , versus like an external source being disappointed in me . I was like , wait a minute , I'm the only one that's disappointed right now . God is not surprised or disappointed that I'm human and that I'm slower .

And actually , what if what I'm calling slow he's like wow , how quickly she's going , you know . So , that being said , with this offensively small time management piece , I took months of just opening it up , my to-do list and writing like three things down and that was it . That was success . And then eventually upgraded to writing out I think like my whole day .

Mind you , success was not when we talk offensively small people like I just finished my master course and the feedback was like I was like yeah , cool , I'm down for offensively small , but actually in the areas that you really need to start that small , it does offend you . Starting that small is offensive .

So for me with time planning , because I had so many beliefs and emotional resistance to it , I had to go offensively small . And when I say writing down three things , what you probably assumed , dear listener , is that I meant then doing the three things no , no , no , no .

Success for me because I had so much resistance to feeling caged and trapped and , like I'm failing , was just writing them . I would not go back and look or expect myself to do the things on my list . So then , when I upgraded it , the same was true . I was just writing a more thorough list of what I had to do that day .

I think I did more like of a schedule than a to-do list . It shifted on my upgrade but it was not actually doing it . It took me gosh . I wish I had written down my progression , but you know when you're in stuff and you don't realize afterwards , you're like that was a profound change because it was so slow .

I think it was probably six to nine months before I actually started going back and having upgraded my habit to success was looking at what I wrote down and then doing it . So for six to nine months it was never just doing it , it was simply just writing it because I had so much resistance .

So now , fast forward three years in and I have a monthly planner , I have a weekly planning habit , I have a daily planning habit , and these are not shameless plugs , but truly this is why I made my little habit reboot mini course is to help people Like .

My master course is a deep dive into , like looking at all these areas and your thoughts and emotions and beliefs . It's a lot more heart and habit work , where my reboot is kind of just how to organize your flow of your life and make the pieces fit for the season .

So , anyways , I teach you the monthly , weekly daily habits for time management that I do for myself for the last couple of years , and what I have found , though , which this whole episode is getting to this point , is one of my resistance that I wasn't aware of until I went so slow that I actually , I think in the going slow , when you need to go offensively

small in an area that you have a lot of resistance in , is because I'm assuming there's a lot of rocks under the soil that I'm not seeing , and that's why it's going to be more tedious to like upend and get the rocks out of the soil before something's going to grow there , if that makes sense .

There's a lot of prep work , but then when you get all the rocks out , it goes so much faster . It's just being diligent and okay that a lot of your efforts going into the prep steps before you're building something huge and impressive , you know . So , anyways , as I was getting the rocks out , I realized how much one of my big resistance was .

I enjoy spontaneity and I love being able to be creative because I sorry how about that ? It's tied . I like being spontaneous because I like to . Because I sorry , how about that it's tied ? I like being spontaneous because I like to . I get how my personality is wired is .

It feels like I actually get like a little hit for someone to be like , hey , could you do this ? And me be like yes .

So , for instance , last night after we were finishing dinner , our friends texted us and we're like , hey , I did like a little workshop for Peaceful my ebook , the Planning your Christmas , and my friend who texted us was in the class and one of the things I we had talked about is doing low stakes , light looking , versus like you know , an hour , everybody's in

the car , so we do it a lot more often , smaller . So she was like , hey , I was gonna go do that . We're driving to your neighborhood . Do you just want to walk around for 15 minutes with our kids looking at houses or at lights ? And I was like yes , and in that moment it's such a good example of like not trying to take on someone else's habits .

So my husband does not like spontaneity doesn't make him thrive . He's wired differently and he's not wrong or broken .

I had to actually get out of that judgmental mindset about how I'm wired and what makes me come alive or how he is judgmental mindset about how I'm wired and what makes me come alive or how he is and just recognizing like his form of time management was not going to work for me . I actually tried to take his . Initially .

He's like , so dialed in with his , and it didn't work for me . I tried to just take his and adopt it and then it finally learned enough about habits . I was like , no , no , I have to actually build something that's unique to my personality , not trying to strong arm me into looking like him .

You know so in that when the spontaneous invite came and I'm like , yes , this is what we're made for Kids , get your jackets , wesley . Fun fact For some reason he was in his underwear . I don't know why . You know he's five , but we just put . We have one of those snuggie blankets that has like arms , it's like a hood , I don't know .

It's a wearable blanket fully covered , and you know he's little , so it goes down to his knees , so we just put a blanket on top of his undies and then he had his like you know boots on and we just went out of the house .

But I love that moment brings me so much life to be able to be spontaneous and creative and connect , because I feel like it's creative and it's connection , and then also I really like how low the stakes is , because if you said something , if you said yes , spontaneously , it's hilarious and funny that my son's in a wearable blanket , only with boots , versus like

almost the shame of like

your kids should be put together . We planned this two weeks ago . Weren't you prepared ? I almost feel like spontaneity gives you a come as you are , if you will , which I really love . I think there's like just to speak to that .

I think there's this authenticity and vulnerability of being okay , not putting effort and being put together or presenting your best foot forward . I think you know like I had an episode about being on the structure , the spectrum with structure .

What I had , my growth path was realizing there was a lot of chaos , like I needed a bit more structure , but then I think a lot of people who are like love and are obsessed with structure . Actually they're ruled by planning ahead because they feel uncomfortable and exposed and vulnerable by not having time to prepare what people are seeing .

So I just would be curious when you're thinking about spontaneity and just being come as you are , what emotion or feeling does it bring out of you ? Are you afraid of being judged or does it feel beautiful to be able to be just authentic and real with people ? And not that there's a right or wrong answer ?

Whenever we actually just did a podcast on our marriage one I'll link it in the show notes about the judge versus the scientist . I think awareness is so monumentally important in marriage growth but a lot of times where we fall short , we're after awareness . Judgment comes so quickly versus being curious like the scientists .

So for me , when I ask you a question , I would love for you to always choose , when you're asking yourself questions , to increase your awareness of what makes you tick and what your motivation is . Be curious and compassionate with what comes up , not judgmental .

So when I ask the question like not planned , being spontaneous , like do you feel vulnerable or does it feel fun ? And then being like I wonder why it feels vulnerable , like , oh , for me , I had to go on a journey , not with this area . Well , actually I did a little bit . That's untrue .

I love spontaneity , but I'd also feel shame when people come over and like last night we literally left all of our dishes on the dining room table because they knocked on our front door and we're like , yes , we just ran off with them . But when we came back I actually felt some shame .

And it's weird being a habit coach , you guys , because people come into your house and they're so kind and they're well-meaning and , of course , like I'm very public with my habits . But they'll be like , wow , I'm so impressed that a habits coach is , or this is what is it Freeing or healing to know that this is your level of tidiness ?

As a habit coach , I get what they're saying , cause I say all the time perfect is not my standard . For my house it's 70% because I want to give my kids my best energy . And if I go to a hundred percent with my house , it's a bottomless pit . It's never happy . It's like this taskmaster that's always wants more , you know .

So anyways , but when they see it in real life and realize that I mean it , I'm not just a lip service saying it , I have to like don't be offended , it's fine . Hopefully it heals something in their heart . You're okay , jenna .

So , anyways , when we came back from that spontaneous moment , there's that vulnerability of my friend saw , you know , all of our dishes that we had , rightfully so , just left to join them .

But I had to choose internally when I felt the like vulnerability of coming into a mess with friends and whatever else was around our house , not because I didn't have that moment to present my best foot forward , being like oh no , it's okay , you chose well , like you were , like you chose connection . It's okay that this is some of the cost .

You can be okay and assume the best that whether or not they're judging you , you can be okay . That was a big deal for me , with spontaneity and not controlling everything . Even if they're judging you , you can be okay .

And I think some people are going to hear that like totally , but no , no , actually a lot of people have a fear that people are judging them and the reality is like there will be people like , and I think the shocking part for me is how often people are not Like .

I would say I've never met someone who rightfully estimates in their mind reading how often people judge them . So I would say we always inflate that number .

We think more people are judging us than we are , but then the reality is there are people who are judging us and I can say this because I accidentally judge people internally sometimes and I have to manage that . So I know it's happening for other people , even if they get to managing it and correcting their thoughts .

But then what I've had to do is disempower . I'm not afraid of their judgment . They can think judgmental thoughts , it's okay . They could say judgmental things . Power and the growth that I have done internally is that I can be okay . If they say it or think it , it doesn't actually matter .

They don't get a vote in my identity or what I'm worth or valuable or if I'm passing or failing . That's only a mean God thing . So me almost taking that cup off the table really enabled me to be spontaneous and vulnerable with these connection moments .

So what I'm getting to , though in all of this I'm going to backpedal a little bit with the planning , realizing , oh , I need to leave room for the spontaneity , and I think that's actually frankly where a lot of us in this Western world of treadmill , of schedules and , as good parents should have your kids and all these things .

And then there's actually a reality of I want service in my life , so that means that we are serving as a family here . And then we want community , so that that night goes to that . And then my husband and I want our own personal growth , so we have small group nights .

So there's things that are good on our plate , but what I had to do is counterbalance it in all of my growth with , like , my time management . I think of it as like a time budget . You know , like the expectation is you tell your money where to go on purpose , and it's helpful .

I think , like I tell my time where to go , it's my time budget and that's helpful because it's a finite resource and that actually even coming to terms with it being finite really helped me untangle . I'm failing my identity versus I've used all the time that I have , it's okay , I didn't do poorly , that's just all I have , kind of .

In the same way that if a friend needed $10,000 and I only had 10 , I wouldn't feel like I'm failing as a friend to give him the 10 .

Be like , oh , someone else is going to have to be your source for the deficit , but this is what I do have and that's how I've had to come to terms with and actually feel in a lot of healing , as I've been a better steward of knowing where my time is going with these monthly , weekly and daily plans .

Then I don't feel the shame or this identity crisis if I fail them , like . No , actually I know where my

time went and I spent it well . There's just none more . There's no more after that . It's okay that I don't have more for that thing . I'm a finite being and God made me that way , so he's not disappointed . Why am I ?

But , that being said , I had to counterbalance those areas , like the busyness , with protecting my white space , and the reason I protect the white space is because one that's where rest happens , and what I mean by white space I should impact that a little bit . Is I actually ?

When I plan my week out on Saturday or Sunday and I take you through this in my little habit , my mini course , the habit reboot , is that I actually put all the things that I have to do but I purposely leave the white spaces blank so that if I need rest , I could rest on those days , and if I need rest I could rest on those days .

But if I needed like I don't know what would be like if I had the capacity for more and a little bit of activity would be helpful . Maybe that's when we go across the street to the park or we go on a walk or bike ride or we go see our neighbor and drop off something who had a baby .

It's like it lets me assess what our capacity is when we get there and meet it . Because in all of our best planning efforts there are weeks that things emotionally take more out of us than we could have . Like there's a cost emotionally not just time or money for things .

So leaving white space allows my humanity and the kids to have humanity and limits and not have to flake or bail or push through to exhaustion .

So like if there's chunks on Monday morning with my schedule , like I purposely won't do it or won't add something , or Wednesday , or if I do have to give the Wednesday afternoon , I'm going to really guard my Monday because I know that part of my white space on Wednesday has been taken .

So it's going to be extra important to rest or be able to fill that with what I have the capacity for when I get there . So that's been huge for me . And the reason I'm bringing it up as we're going into the holiday season because our knee-jerk reaction to have a magical , connecting , meaningful . There's so much pressure on December .

It's absurd when you think about it . I actually love , I've gotten into like a spot where I enjoy traditions and all this stuff around Christmas , but when you look at the pressure we put on this month versus other months , I'm like that's really unrealistic . That actually goes in the antithesis of it being connecting .

If we have all these expectations , that's smothering and that connection does not live where it's smothered by expectations .

So in that I purposely , as I've been planning out my month , one of my shifts , is that for December I plan out all my weeks rather than just one at a time , because then I get a better idea of like , oh , I need to balance a free night .

I'll just give you an example from this week Yesterday afternoon , oh , wednesday afternoon , I had some blank space and again , oh , I don't think I impact this .

The why I say guard your white space is it's a concept that interior designers do , where when they're designing a house , you have to actually balance the busyness with white space , which means something that's not super painted or decorated or anything to make the decoration stand out , or it's overwhelming and cluttered , and then if you have all white space , you

know it doesn't feel homey or connecting . So it's this idea of it's a balance and that's kind of the concept that I take when I'm doing my time management or planning specifically my weeks . I think you can really do more balances the day .

I've kind of come to terms with the fact that in the day to day I won't find the balance that I can in the week , because there's seven days for me to be able to manage things and control my flow , because maybe I don't know about you guys , but I find that like it seems like everything happens on this day , like Tuesdays are 14 hour days .

You're like how the heck does that happen ? And they're mostly out of like my control , as in I can't set that practice or that meeting or that small group or that time zone , that client who's in Australia and I have to , you know , meet with them at that point in the day .

Um , but what I can control is then making sure I've balanced it with Wednesday afternoon not planning a play date so that we all as a family can recalibrate . So it's like I can't necessarily find balance in my days , but I can in my week . So by protecting this white space . So then , fast forward .

What I'm trying to say about December is , I think our tendency is to throw the baby out with the bathwater and maybe because we have so many expectations on what December is supposed to be , the natural , maybe rhythms we've found , we try to , we like overcompensate , like well , we got to bake cookies , so that's what we're doing tonight , even though we don't have

plans and you're like actually baking cookies . Depending on your kid's age , how planned you are , what your week could , that could actually feel as tiring , even if you're at home , as going out could . So this awareness of don't please .

This would be my charge for you in December , as I'm trying to do it myself this year better than I have before is protect your white space in December . Do not fall into the scarcity mindset of . I think a lot of times we're going to miss out , whether it's a party or a mom moment or something fun .

This FOMO I think we as a culture I know my Enneagram type is a seven , so like fear of missing out is actually huge in my life . It's something I've had to really heal from and work to not let control me . But I think we laugh about FOMO sometimes and I'm like , actually no , it's still fear that drives us to make poor choices .

So in your December , as you're planning and saying yes and deciding what you're going to do outside of your home , in your home with the kids , with all these yeses , please protect your white space , because that's actually where some of the sweetest connection or you can actually get a pulse on what you need and create in that moment , versus checking off another

thing on your list . One of the biggest things with habits is when people are like how do you find longevity ? I'm like that's never just another thing on my list . All of my habits I have connected to one of my values , one of my priorities in life . All my habits are tied to one of my identity , like someone I'm becoming .

So there's so much bigger purpose than the actual task itself . That's why I can feed myself to show up because it's not just something on my to-do list .

So when we're doing December , please don't just add things on your to-do list that you think will hit connection or joy or meaning or depth , and actually give yourself , protect your white space when you're building out your schedule for December , because in those white spaces , that's when you can assess your true capacity in real time and then build accordingly what

you need and pivot versus a pre-subscribed pressure filled . But it's on our list . We have to do it , we always do it . I think it's shocking . We're aware of how many cultural expectations there are , like comparison because of social media or Pinterest or whatever , but I think really the buck stops with our own .

How often we should our own selves with our expectation of that ? No , we have to , or we always did . My challenge for you would be this December specifically . Actually , I have a whole section in my my Christmas , my e-planner , my peaceful I can't even say my own , my own the titles to my own products .

It's called peaceful Christmas planner but I have a whole section where it's like do we need to do that one ? What worked about it ? What emotion did everyone feel when we did it ? Did it actually hit the goal we said it did last year ? Or does it not match my kid's age and capacity ? Or does it not match our budget ?

And that would actually be overextending ourselves in a way that would majorly take a hit for the enjoyment out of it . So my point is we can go on to autopilot , because tradition is so steep with expectations of ourselves and FOMO that we then tank normal limits that we have another season .

So please be aware and don't do something just because you've done it before , like actually whether or not you get my planner .

Think , be thoughtful to yourself and kind to yourself and your family , because a connecting , a connected to yourself and kind to yourself and your family , because a connected , meaningful , joy-filled season does not naturally happen just by replaying what you've done in the past . You are a different version of yourself . Your budget probably looks different .

Your family's age and scenario , our factors I feel the Holy Spirit change with different seasons and we just tend to autopilot or knee-jerk reaction what we did last time , not thinking about what our current life looks like . So please , in kindness to yourself , your kids won't like , don't let FOMO make you overextend yourself .

Please protect your white space so that you can either prioritize , rest , give yourself room for spontaneity in those white space moments , or just assess what your need is and build accordingly , versus like a December full of expectations .

Yeah , it's funny how we do all these things , hoping to find connection and joy and meaning , but actually a lot of times the busyness and the hustle actually just give us stress . So I challenge you in the best way , like in a kind older sister , to protect your white space , to be thoughtful . Like , why do we do like we're doing it this way ?

Why do we do it ? Is that

helpful this year ? Or would it be better to pause it ? Or should we scale it back ? And we love Caroline , but maybe we just go to that one neighbor's house . Maybe we don't invite everybody , like all our friends this year .

Yeah , so just think through like , oh , in my current life , do I need to scale it back to actually honor my capacity , my time budget , my money , my emotional energy ? Like , what are my actual limits and can I fill my December in a way that honors what I have to give , rather than shitting myself by ? I don't know .

I think I feel like we get haunted by past seasons capacity . So , anyways , protect your white space this December , because that is where connection and joy is actually going to be happening , that's where you get refreshed and refilled and I hope you have the best December . If you want my eBooks , only $17 .

I'll link that and all the other products I mentioned in the show notes . Have a great month everybody .