When a familiar face brings Kira news from the scrap yard, she’s back on a cold case from before the end of the occupation. But when the Cardassians catch wind of the news, she’ll have to team up with Dukat to beat up some Storm Troopers. Should you give musical instruments to your friend’s children? How do you tell the difference between guts and robes? Is Dukat gambling in his own Game of Buttholes? It’s the first week of #MaxFunDrive 2019! Our goal is 2,000 new and upgrading supporters. If we...
Mar 18, 2019•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 253
When Worf notices a bootleg Morn, he begins to slip into his bad security habits. But when O’Brien and Bashir get taken prisoner by some Jem’Hadars, finding a cure for bad habits might be the only way the Doctor can save them. What are the steps in Ketracel Anonymous? What’s the downside for Chief O’Brien of being able to skip all those banquets? Do Jem’Hadars even have chill to harsh? It’s the episode where we did so much research we found out Quark’s last name! Follow The Game of Buttholes: Th...
Mar 11, 2019•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 252
When Ben Sisko vanishes in a freak workplace accident, his son Jake is left without anyone to hug. But when a much older Jake jumps at the chance to change the past, he must be willing to o destroy his present, and with it the writing career he’s always wished for. Are costumes clothes? What rhymes with “gardener”? Does a television set need a geometry consultant? It’s the episode recorded and edited from podcast jail!
Mar 04, 2019•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 251
When the Klingons’ plan of “Stop, Frisk, and Blood Test” raises the tensions near the wormhole, Worf must find out their true motivations before it’s too late. But with Gowron personally leading the armada, Sisko must depend on guile (as well as a DS9’s newly installed torpedo launchers) to repel their attack. What’s the one thing NOT worth waiting for? Who is the red phone? Where do they keep the old uniforms? It’s the episode that plays some rough darts!
Feb 25, 2019•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 250
When the Little D is deployed to the frontier of the federation, nobody is initially suspicious that Jake Sisko seems to now be a Starlfleet Admiral. But when aliens we’ve never heard of threaten war with the Federation, it’s the diplomats you really have to be worried about. Is the Defiant on its way to Vertiform City? Why does Eddington want to kill the Doctor? What kind of predicament would make you wish you’d become a barber? It’s the episode that finally hits the Jeffries tubes from the rig...
Feb 18, 2019•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 249
When Jadzia Dax assembles her friends for a symbiote bar mitzvah, everyone is invited. But when some guests overstay their welcome, it’s up to Dax to convince Kerzon that the party’s over. What’s the most boring video game? Which actor may be “too scary for tv”? Does Darien Wallace fuck? It’s the episode where we did it on the first take!
Feb 11, 2019•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 248
When Kira is confronted with the prospect of the most awful person possible becoming the head of her planet’s government, that news comes with a mission from that same awful person. But when she tries to repo some farm equipment from her old terror cell, it’s more than just pizza ovens in peril. What character in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure was most foundational to the host’s sexualities? Should Sisko have joined O’Brien for darts a long time ago? How long does a resistance refractory period last? I...
Feb 04, 2019•2 hr 41 min•Ep. 247
When a secret investment scheme by Quark’s mother is laid bare, it makes everybody else in her family uncomfortable. But when a freighter captain visits DS9, it’s apparent to everyone that Commander Sisko is looking to give her docking ring preferential treatment. What is dumb for a Ferengi? Do tomatoes have cores? Where’s Leeta in all of this? It’s the episode that’s going to confuse a lot of people “who don’t listen to both.”
Jan 28, 2019•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 246
When a bend-at-the-waist hug, leads to a father/son sailing trip, the Sisko men get to cranking. But when the adventure threatens to provoke a diplomatic incident, they’ll have to keep their new hobby in a bottle. Why is Dax cock-blocking Bashir? What’s a super comfy long-term sleeping solution? Can Chief O’Brien get “I love you, man” drunk? Romulan scientists are so vain, they probably think this discovery’s about them. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the product...
Jan 21, 2019•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 245
When Enabran Tain devises a military strategy straight out of the Admiral Hanson playbook, the fight does not go well. But when their plan to splash the Founders puddle gets them all wet, Garak must choose between escaping with his friend or going down with the ship. How do you pronounce Enabran? What do you do when you have too much bag? Are you a thermos or a jacket person? It’s the Ginuwine “Pony” album of podcasts!
Jan 14, 2019•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 244
When an attempt is made on Garak’s life, it’s not just tailoring paraphernalia that gets blown out into the open. But when the Cardassian spy stops dissembling and the Tal Shiar stops playing chess, the potential conflict takes on a Spaceball One sense of scale. Is Quark finally fulfilling his debt to society? How big a threat are the Romulans now that they can walk two abreast? Do the Star Trek caves have mattresses on the floor? It’s the one where Garak Jazz Hands take on an ominous overtone.
Jan 07, 2019•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 243
When Commander Sisko gets taken to the Mirror Universe, he makes strong choices w/r/t “the right thing to do” vs. “the Mirror Universe thing to do.” But when confronted face to face with his Prime Dead wife, his mission begins to suffer from a case of performance anxiety. Is the human brain capable of grappling with the sexual morality of multiple universes? Are the Pakleds in charge? Should we be getting more cut fruit in our diet? It’s a feel-good version of politics that you wish existed.
Dec 31, 2018•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 242
When Garak is in the midst of soundly defeating Bashir in a round of Birthday Chess, Quark introduces a scary man to the doctor. But when that man goes rummaging in Bashir’s personal space, that space turns out to be more personal than he originally bargained for. How many boba teas did Altovar drink during production? What distinguishes good hand loaf from bad? What does Colm Meaney think of stuffed crust pizza? What are some tennis ball brands? It’s the episode that establishes the existence o...
Dec 24, 2018•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 241
When Chief O’Brien gets irradiated, the side effects are disorienting. But when his premonitions predict danger for DS9, he’ll have to rely on the only person he can trust: himself. How dangerous is the ceremonial garter throw? Is Sisko Kira’s “work husband”? Could Wyatt Miller be involved? It’s the episode that just puts a patch on the blowout.
Dec 17, 2018•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 240
When a mysterious stranger gives Quark blue oomox (bluemox? bloomox?), the ne’erdowell bartender is forced to room with Rom. But when the Nagus makes Maihar’du cry, Quark will risk everything to get Zek addicted to snuff again. Are we ever going to stop hearing about these stem bolts? Do Star Trek’s various giant, silent valet characters ever hang out? What’s the best board game to play with the desiccated remains of Ferengi? It’s the episode where we find out that the Prophets are just like us....
Dec 10, 2018•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 239
When Cardassian scientists arrive on DS9 with a plan to communicate through the wormhole, it’ll take more than a Bajoran with a picket sign to stop Commander Sisko’s mission. But when prophecy turns into reality, O’Brien and the Cardassians must work past their differences in order to save the day. How many Peck’s Bad Boy films are in the Marvel cinematic universe? In which quadrant is the bedroom? What is the half-life of embarrassment? It’s the episode that doesn’t blink. Ever.
Dec 03, 2018•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 238
When Kira and Odo borrow a Starfleet runabout they get stuck doing Starfleet work. But when the mission turns into a crisis, Odo will have to decide if he believes Kira’s performance. Does Odo have a butt? Which side of the iron curtain is the best venue for metamorphosis humor? Does O’Brien have a kayak kink? It’s the episode that adds a fifth rule of Greatest Genquisition. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the...
Nov 26, 2018•2 hr 31 min•Ep. 237
When an age appropriate love interest for Jake Sisko appears looking for a date, it’s love at first sight. But when the A story starts publicly humiliating the B story at the dinner table, the crew of DS9 is left stuck with the bill. Does the Kai have upgrade status on Bajoran transport ships? Are interstellar geopolitics a part of a healthy medical recovery plan? Which cast member do you trust an entire page of dialogue to? It’s the episode that requires a brain transplant to enjoy.
Nov 19, 2018•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 236
When Ghosts and Gimme’s team up to take over the DMV, initially only the Dims will support their cause. But when the Defiant starts to drain its supply of time travel particles, the Chief rolls a three-sided dice. What are good demands when you’ve got that big hostage energy? Are hippies weird or high? Where’s the soot? It’s the episode we recorded on our way into the eight figure club! Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!...
Nov 12, 2018•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 235
When a freak transporter accident disappears Commander Sisko, Dr. Bashir and Dax, Chief O’brien is a little concerned. But when the away team appears at a critical time in the past, the death of a crucial historical figure has them scrambling to save the timeline. Is Brenner Information Systems a part of the Terminator movie universe? What’s the street value of a clown costume? How do Ferengi eulogize each other? It’s the episode that has a really cool tribal armband tattoo that we’d love to sho...
Nov 05, 2018•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 234
When a couple of the crew welcome their long-absent lovers back, everyone’s favorite ambassador to hate crashes the festival. But when the polarity of the station’s boners is reversed, only the passionless Doctor Bashir can save the day. How much coffee should you drink before sex? Is Bajor’s spiritual homogeneity the product of a horrifying and bloody religious war? Is Quark awesome at canasta? It’s just another episode from the human interest story of Star Trek podcasts. Come see us live on to...
Oct 29, 2018•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 233
When the Federation’s most popular commander beams aboard DS9 for a little R&R, the crew believes he’ll be making the station his own personal Risa. But after he starts throwing the D around too aggressively, the most sensitive parts of the galaxy are in danger of being punished. Where can you get a dope-ass tamale? Is Cal Hudson’s true legacy sartorial? Do the Cardassians take a dump without a plan? It’s the episode that chooses the wrench!
Oct 22, 2018•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 232
While trekking in the gQuad, Sisko and the gang encounter a disappearing reappearing planet whose inhabitants Dax finds very bonable. But while her relationship with one of the locals flowers, back at on the station, Quark’s depravity takes a turn for the worse. Does the Defiant need a dongle to disappear? Why is the makeup department neglecting Dax’s neck? Why do people keep going on these non-date dates? It’s the episode where we try out mid-90s flirtation. Come see us live on tour with Greate...
Oct 15, 2018•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 231
When Chief O’brien trips DS9’s security system, the station’s car alarm triggers a very hostile form of lockdown. But when the crew get covered in “buts,” they may have to collaborate with an unlikely ally. Are there ANY new poop euphemisms? Why would anyone wear their communicator in an anti-Hudson configuration? Is embarrassment lethal? It’s the episode recorded with back-turned confidence!
Oct 08, 2018•56 min•Ep. 230
When a familiar purple haired lady returns to the station to fool Quark twice, he takes the bait and brings more than just shame on himself. But when part of the acquisition becomes Odo’s charge, the station’s safety will have to rest on the Lycine Contingency. Is Sisko’s parenting style inspired by Larry Miller? Do clothes make the man, and if so, why is this kid in a ninja costume? Should we be concerned about how Odo has decorated Chez Bucket? It’s the episode where the crew gets handed a win...
Oct 01, 2018•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 229
When Major Kira is given an unwanted makeover, her aestheticians give her the hard sell on accepting her new look. But when she begins to question their motivations, she’ll have to depend on those she hates the most to get her out of this mess. How do you defend against a “look dunk”? What are the seats you should choose for your wife on an airplane? Do you ever want to get handsy with the loaf? It’s the episode that makes us question our very identities!
Sep 24, 2018•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 228
When Jadzia whips out some treacly keyboard skills at a dinner party, she puts the Siskos in an awkward position. But as her life turns into a bad episode of Fool Us with Penn and Teller, it starts to seem like Dax may have forgotten more than just her level of musical proficiency. Which host is in the pocket of Big Pun? Are Dax and Sisko chess hipsters? How does anyone get any shuteye on the Defiant? It’s the episode where we find out who’s Charlie Brown, and whose balls he’s trying to kick. Co...
Sep 17, 2018•1 hr 22 min•Ep. 227
When Keiko quits her job, Chief O’Brien must throw out the manual in order to fix the problems in their relationship. Meanwhile, after Quark gets into a bar fight with a drunk, his punishment requires that he defend himself both physically and mathematically. How can you tell if it’s a split diopter shot? What does Minkus look like today? Who is the best person to talk to about your domestic problems? It’s the episode that’s fine, really.
Sep 10, 2018•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 226
When Odo finally discovers Planet Bucket, his curiosity takes the form of an interrogation of his goopy species. But when the rest of the gang returns to the station, they find the Federation negotiating a peace treaty that’s even worse than the one they have with the Cardassisans. Does a golden handshake count as watersports? Do Bunkbed Mark II Shuttles have rear windows? Are the Changelings just a cult? It’s the episode where the hosts take a deep dive on blasting butt. Come see us live on tou...
Sep 03, 2018•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 225
When midlife crisis Ben Sisko rolls up to the station in his brand new ride, he can’t wait to show the crew what’s so special under the hood. But when he invites them on a trip around the block with him to show it off, the feedback from their neighbors is surprising. Where do we stand on Big Almond? How do we verify if “Scepter is Authentic”? Why can’t you go through the wormhole cloaked? It’s the episode where we decide where a “yes, and” belongs.
Aug 27, 2018•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 224
