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Megan Imbert: Hello, my courageous friends on this week's episode of The Frequency of Courage. I thought it would be a good time to talk about how to have. Crucial, challenging conversations. You know, the times in your life where maybe someone says something, they send you an email or there's a phone call feels a little bit more confrontational and you might feel that tightness in your chest, a lump in your throat.
Megan Imbert: You know that something needs to be said and the seconds, the minutes, the hours, the days, the weeks that go by where you don't say what needs to be said, it's festering and it's, it's this pit in your stomach. It's noise turned inward, basically like a, an inner turmoil, an inner storm within your body.
Megan Imbert: And until you either approach and find the right words or. Write a letter, deal with it it will manifest, and it could perpetuate into [00:01:00] illness or other ailments within the body.
Megan Imbert: When we don't express ourselves or respond, I. It will show up in a way that could be considered passive aggressive. You're overthinking, digestive issues, tension, headaches, anxiety. There's a book out there called Your Body Keeps the Score. So what happens to you in this life your body holds onto it until you process that energy. For me, when I don't say what's on my heart, it's as though I am lying to myself. I am messing with my own personal integrity. I feel out of alignment from my authentic self. When I stop speaking up, when I don't respond it's as though I begin to second guess my own voice.
Megan Imbert: I second guess my needs or even down to my worthiness of expressing in the first place. And sometimes we might gaslight ourselves, [00:02:00] where we say in our minds, it's not a big deal. I'm overreacting. I don't wanna upset anyone. It's not the right time.
Megan Imbert: They have something else going on, and we bypass our own needs. When we talk about having a conversation. I think it's important to note that we don't need to react or respond in the same energy that was expressed to us. So in other words, if someone comes at you yelling and they're really frustrated and upset, it's in your right to take your time to get to a calm, cool headed place to then have a
Megan Imbert: conversation. And honoring your truth, I believe is one of the most courageous acts of love that you can offer yourself and the person. It doesn't need to be dramatic.
Megan Imbert: It doesn't need to be loud,
Megan Imbert: I think it's really important. We think through what is the cost of avoiding. There could become resentment if this is someone that you work with, you need to have a collaborative relationship, or if [00:03:00] this is a family member. It depends on the type of relationship and how often you need to share space with someone. I think these types of conversations are the ones that you know in your body that you feel a lot of nervousness around. It might challenge your comfort zone. There could be some type of emotional risk or vulnerability. It also has the power to shift dynamics, clarify intentions, give someone a full picture so there's more mutual understanding, and also can help in the healing process. My approach to this is I get grounded and centered within myself.
Megan Imbert: And typically, I might journal, I might think, what's this person's true intention? Are they trying to hurt me or do they have valid truths and concerns? And if someone comes directly to me, I applaud that. I think that's courageous. I think that's amazing versus creating any kind of drama in the background.
Megan Imbert: Let's talk about it. Head [00:04:00] on, come up with a mutual agreed upon solution and move on from it. I think there's a lot here around checking our egos at the door. Do you need to be right? If your need to be right is more important than finding mutual understanding, then there's an ego issue.
Megan Imbert: I would much rather focus on, I'm gonna share my honest truth, be real authentic, and go from there. And meet you at the door telling you where I'm wrong or I've made a mistake. , whenever I am met with criticisms, I like to just offer up space if it makes sense, depending on who the person is, and just say, I'd love to make time to have a conversation and I often will move other meetings aside make a commitment to do that resolve sooner than later so that they understand that the relationship is important to me. I think it's also important to know, depending on the [00:05:00] relationship, a personal relationship, your partner, family member, does it make sense to have phone call conversation text message, conversation, in person conversation. The energy, the dynamics, it can all impact , the outcome. I think it's also very important to use the word I, I feel, , I would be hesitant of ever using you made me feel. No one made you feel anything. You feel the way you feel based on your past experiences. I didn't make you feel any kind of way you feel some kind of way.
Megan Imbert: I think there's a point to be had around being clear and concise. That doesn't mean you need to
Megan Imbert: be cruel. Or an asshole being truthful and assertive can also be kind. The two can coexist.
Megan Imbert: The other day I said to my leadership team, I [00:06:00] was like, I'll be honest, I feel overwhelmed right now. If I go in and say that, it sets the tone. I don't feel great in my body right now.
Megan Imbert: I feel overwhelmed. When we show up in a vulnerable way, other people will too. So you could say something like, so this is really hard for me, but it's really important for me to share with you. Or, Hey, first of all, thank you for coming directly to me, and I am surprised by this because of X, Y, Z. Or, I care about our relationship. Think when we avoid short-term discomforts, short-term meaning communication, conversation. When we avoid those scenarios, I think it leads us to long-term disconnection. So I think thinking about that with any relationship, are we gonna just let this thing fester? Or why don't we just pick up the phone or [00:07:00] shoot 'em a text . As you think about this right now, what courageous conversations might you be avoiding right now?
Megan Imbert: I think it's important for us to understand really the differences between responding and reacting. Reacting is really emotional, instinctual, and it's often rooted in fear or ego when we respond, which by the way, a response can take time. You might need time to process and think through and be careful and deliberate. It's intentional, it's grounded. It comes from your higher self, not a wounded self.
Megan Imbert: So often people want immediate responses. I would say those are reactions sometimes people set expectations that were not agreed upon and they're expecting a response from you that you never agreed to and a timeline you never agreed to. I think a lot of disagreements a lot of challenges in communication are related to [00:08:00] not communicating expectations and agreeing upon what those expectations look like. When you have these moments and you feel activated or you feel that like sting in your tummy, tightness in your chest, a block in your throat, pause with that. Get curious about it. What part of me feels threatened, unseen, or disrespected, and dig deeper. Why? When you come up with that answer, why?
Megan Imbert: I give myself timeouts. So if I ever feel overwhelmed or triggered, if. I like to go outside. Usually I take sky for a walk. I might sit in the grass and I put my hands, my palms on the grass, close my eyes, and I breathe. Breathing will allow you to go from this autopilot machine stuck in your head place to awareness, to being in your body, and starting to regulate your nervous system.
Megan Imbert: Grounding, like I said, going [00:09:00] outside, literally sitting in the ground. Laying in the ground. Body scans. Okay, my, my chest feels really hot. I feel really tight in my throat. My stomach feels bubbly, , I'm hoping this episode's helpful also for tactics of phrases you could use if you don't know what to say maybe someone caught you off guard. A lot of times if someone surprises me or feels like almost an ambush in a way, I feel shocked. I don't know what to say at that exact moment. So learning to have responses in your toolkit, like saying, Hey, I really care about you, but I'm gonna need a minute to think about this.
Megan Imbert: Or, Hey, I wanna respond thoughtfully can we take some time and come back to this, or, , I really don't appreciate how this situation unfolded. I'm gonna need a second.
Megan Imbert: Also, when in a heated interaction, [00:10:00] trying to remember to stay curious, curiosity is gonna help lead to further understanding versus. Being defensive. Defensive is, let me roll out to you all the things that I did, but I dah, dah, dah. No. Think about instead of defensively, oh my gosh, how dare you? Or, you were wrong for saying that.
Megan Imbert: What made you feel that way? Why did you respond that way? Curiosity. Being courageous and curious. There's a past episode on this one. It opens that door for connection, defensiveness builds walls and creates disconnection. And it also
Megan Imbert: escalates what I mentioned earlier around using I statements. So like I feel, I noticed what I need is blank. Try to also [00:11:00] avoid any kind of blaming language and absolutes. Absolutes drive me nutty. You always do this. You never do this. I hate absolutes because you're generalizing your boxing someone in.
Megan Imbert: You're not giving them the benefit of a doubt there's lessons all the time around, like before you ask the question, before you say what you're gonna say is what you're about to say true. Is it necessary and is it kind? And I'm not saying we need to be kind all the time in a coddling way, but there is a difference, as I said before, between being cruel and being kind.
Megan Imbert: When it's a really serious discussion, I would also venture that you need to sit with it and think about what is the actual outcome that I want here? Am I looking for a resolve with this person? Am I looking to create space with this person? Am I letting go of the relationship?
Megan Imbert: Am I hoping that they [00:12:00] understand me better? Is this maybe part one of a few conversations we need to have to get to a common place?
Megan Imbert: What outcome, and also what would a loving human being do in this moment? Or maybe there's someone you admire in your life, maybe your mom. Let's use your mom as an example. What would my mom do in this situation? How would
Megan Imbert: my mom respond right now? What are you avoiding versus approaching and knowing when the right time is to actually have a conversation? So I wanna remind everyone that avoiding, you're not protecting yourself. It's actually causing prolonged discomfort and disconnection. It's causing more pain. So why do people avoid in the first place? There's fear of conflict, fear of rejection, or not being liked. Often we mistake silence for safety. Talk about it all the [00:13:00] time. Martin Luther King, right now, I think one of the most dangerous things right now is a moderate white person that is silent. Why are they silent? There's fear. There's somewhere, I believe, fear in what others might think being cast out or causing conflict because it will disrupt the embedded patriarchy. It's a whole other conversation for another day. Avoidance is, to me a form of self abandonment. And with that, I'm like, I, I cannot abandon myself. When I went on record against the NFL, against Dan Snyder of the Washington Commanders, people ask if I ever regret coming forward the answer is no, absolutely not.
Megan Imbert: I know me, and I would've been abandoning myself if I did not speak up when it was necessary. That's my value system I have to be good with me. I [00:14:00] sleep very well at night because I know my integrity and I know that I'm speaking from the heart, and I genuinely want others to be thriving and in environments where they are safe and they're happy.
Megan Imbert: So how do you know when it's time to approach a conversation? You've been kicking the can, not dealing with your shit. I think the context clues when you've been avoiding for too long, it's when these situations actually start popping up in your head.
Megan Imbert: They're replaying in your brain. I also think you could start having more dreams about working out the scenario. Our dream state is basically where our ego's not playing a role. I think dreams are often ways that we can look at how do we need to tackle certain challenges in our life? If you're feeling tightness in your body, when you see or think about the person, if you notice your energy changing [00:15:00] when you're around them, and maybe there's resentment or just an unpleasant feeling.
Megan Imbert: When you start speaking about them instead of to them when you start lowering your vibration and getting in gossipy, petty realm.
Megan Imbert: I talked about princess energy and Queen Energy princesses talk about each other. Queens, I'm either going to handle this situation or I'm not. And by the way, you can avoid forever. It doesn't mean every situation requires resolve or every situation requires a conversation. That's your discernment based on whether or not it is important enough or the relationship, whatever the dynamics are not every conflict or every person it's gonna be warranting even a conversation. Some relationships fade if someone's not willing to meet me at the same emotional maturity level. [00:16:00] If someone's not willing to meet me to have an actual conversation, then it's not gonna be worth my energetic time. And that to me is how a queen navigates the world. Not every single person
Megan Imbert: Not every single comment deserves a response. Again, before you approach sit with yourself. Get clear with yourself. What is the goal for you? What is that truth that you feel you need to express? What is your intention? Are you trying to connect, get clarity, set a boundary or have healing?
Megan Imbert: , I think it is also important to say, I wanna make sure I'm giving you my full presence here. Does this time work for you? Is now a good time for this conversation? Or when would you feel open to talking about this? You're gonna learn a lot based on how they respond to that too. In my book, if something's really important to me, it's on my heart and someone [00:17:00] drops what they're doing to make time to discuss with me that shows me I'm a really a priority for them.
Megan Imbert: I think it's really important to speak from your heart, not come in scripted, leading with care and not blaming. I like to set the tone, let someone meet me where I'm at, and I am at minimum in a state of living courageously to share with you my truth. That's heart-centered as best I can. And I by no means am perfect, but I am getting to a place of, Hey, that message you sent me that really caught me off guard, and here's why and , how can we remedy this in the future?
Megan Imbert: So much of today's conversation was really around how to have these conversations and what does it feel like in your body, and what outcome do you wanna have versus being reactive or being impulsive. When I talk about speaking from the heart and speaking your truth and getting to the place of authenticity, which as a reminder, authenticity is the highest frequency, it is really unapologetic speaking your truth, [00:18:00] not worried about potential consequence.
Megan Imbert: When we really speak our truth, there could be consequence. That's why oftentimes there's fear before being able to do that, , you might lose a friendship. Something consequential could happen. Part of why I decided to do this episode, and I think there's gonna be iterations of this, was I had a friend reach out saying, Megan, I really admire how you are able to have tough conversations with people and ultimately walk away from some relationships. When we talk about spring cleaning, we don't often talk about the people in our life and the people that we keep close to us are so impactful to our mindset, to how we achieve our goals, to our peace. And I have not spoken about some of the relationships close to me where I have really shared my truth, I've said to someone in my [00:19:00] family, I love you, but I don't like you, and I explained why, and that I'm here if and when he wants support. I also had to look at my life and what I have capacity for I've also said to somebody that felt our energy was off, and I gave examples I don't like how she talks to her husband. I don't like the interactions and the tone she has with some mutual friends of ours.
Megan Imbert: I don't like how she talks about people. There were a number of things about this particular individual that I don't want to be sharing close space and proximity the version of me from years ago, oh would've been trying to keep the peace and, oh, I'll just sugarcoat over it, or I just don't have time, or make some kind of excuse. I've heard Chelsea Handler speak recently around her relationship with Jane Fonda, and she talks about how Jane Fonda invited her over [00:20:00] and basically told her, Chelsea, you were an asshole at my party and this is why, and. Chelsea, I'm so glad is talking about this too, where if you have people that love and care about you, they're going to be the ones to call out when you're acting up or when you're not acting in accordance with who you actually want to be and can see the blind spots can see the shadows. And I, I refuse to have close proximity and friendships where we're not calling each other out. It's not being an asshole, it's, it's literally stating, Hey, I'm concerned and here's why. This is coming from a place of love. When you're coming from the heart, as we've talked about, courage comes from the heart. When you're really sitting with that, this is coming from my heart and I'm concerned and these are the areas that don't align with me then at that point, we cannot ever control how someone else is going to respond or react to us.
Megan Imbert: So [00:21:00] I would much rather put out a message that is one filled with love and it's intentional. I'm getting to the point now with some text messages that I don't even respond for days, but I might say, Hey, I need some time to think about this. Or, Hey, I wanna give a thoughtful response and I'm just very busy right now.
Megan Imbert: Or something like, we all know how it is when you're in the middle of a big workday and someone sends you a important message that requires time and thought. Not let me respond to you in between my meetings and be super casual about it. That goes back to having the intuition and knowing when's the right time to reach out to someone and when is the right time to have , an important conversation. So I wanna leave this with you today, that having the courage to have the tough conversations, having the courage to be intentional and respond thoughtfully, I think could be one of the most [00:22:00] consequential parts of your life. I hope that today this was helpful with some actual tactics and approaches that I personally use.
Megan Imbert: And I by no means imperfect, but I know that my body can tell me when something feels off or I need a little time to sit with something. I know how challenging this can be, especially those conversations where maybe you know on your heart it's time to split from your partner, or it's time to move on from the job. These are life moments in your timeline that require being intentional and thoughtful. So I am sending so much love to all of you and I'm always open to feedback in case you have any strategies that have worked for you. So if this episode resonated, please leave a review and share it.
Megan Imbert: Have a lovely week.