Relationships Are Frequency Exchanges: How to Attract High-Vibe People

I'll say like , make friends that sort of thing , and especially with us , you know , being entrepreneurs and working for ourselves and not going into an office full of people and kind of not having the usual work interactions that a lot of people have, I think sometimes you kinda get in . We have our own little world, and we don't go outside of it oftentimes .

But we need those external relationships for a number of different reasons , you know . I think we need them for personal development , we just need them as an outlet and for enjoyment , you know . And so I think that it's important to put an effort into going out and making new relationships and investing in current relationships .

It's hard when you're 40 years old and going out and asking other dudes if they want to be your friends and friend and that sort of thing , and how do you start that process . So that's what we're talking about .

And so I think for me and it's really cool because I've seen this happen in all of the different places that we've lived , because we've lived in so many different places and I've been in so many different stages of my life , or like levels in each area that we live I think about , like my friendships when we lived in Idaho .

I think about my friendships when we lived in Idaho . They were very surf , a whole lot of time to build female friendships , even though I craved that . And in college , of course , it was a lot easier because you're with people all of the time . But then it wasn't really until we moved to Georgia and moved to Athens specifically , that I made a girlfriend .

That was like a very deep , deep , deep , deep friendship for a number of years Beyond that . In high school I had some good friends , but you graduate and you lose touch . And then in college I had some incredible friends that I still love so much , but you also move on and lose touch .

And in moving to Arizona , I think and hopefully this is all tracking and making sense . I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy , so mom brain is like fully , fully kicking in , but I think I am the best version of me .

I've ever been living here , doing what we're doing , surrounded by the people we're surrounded by , and I have the most incredible female friendships and I continue to build friendships with women that are on that same frequency of ambition but also cheerleading each other , which I think is so incredibly important .

And so I'm building these friendships where we're challenging one another and we've got that kind of rapport where we can be very gut , level , honest , but we're also in each other's corner and we're the first ones to pop up and be like you got this .

The higher I vibrate , so to speak , or the higher that you spend the most time with are , they say , that's who you become your closest five friends or closest five people to you , and I think that that's absolutely true . How would you say is a wise way to audit your circle ?

Whatever your relationship with yourself is going to translate into what sort of relationships you're willing to have and what sort of relationships you're pursuing , I think . But as far as auditing , it's kind of interesting . I think guys tend to be a little more easygoing and I've had a lot of friends , um , in my life .

But you know , 99% of those are kind of surface level ,

just friends and that's okay , like I . I think I in general have been much more okay with having like surface level friends and I don't think that there's anything wrong with that .

But I think there gets a certain stage in life when you start recognizing the need for boundaries and the people that you want to have close to you , the people that you can depend on , the people that are going to interact with your family , you kind of want that .

So I think that , in general , as a rule of thumb is you know , self-reflecting , what are your standards , what are your core values , and then evaluating the people that you spend time with , that you are ultimately investing the most precious resource , which is your time with and determining . You know if your values align .

If I am around someone and at the end of hanging out with them I feel drained or I feel weird or I feel like there are some red flags , doesn't mean that I'm like going to ghost someone , but that's not a friendship that I want to pour a lot of time into .

And you know , now we're about to have a second child , we have a business that's growing and morphing and doing all of these cool things , and so our time is more limited . And so my inner .

I'm very happy with having an inner circle of friends that is like not bigger than my hand you know what I mean and so I'm very happy with having an inner circle of friends that is like not bigger than my hand . You know what I mean . And so I just consistently ask myself how is this person making me feel ?

Because I am so sensitive to energy and every person is sensitive to energy if we tune in and if that energy feels dissonant , I pay attention to that and I'm at a point in my life where I'm not trying to fix it , not trying to go overboard . I don't want to do like friends therapy with people , you know . I want it there to be a level of ease there .

So my first friend that I met here was Stephanie , and then Christina and Stephanie I met through you through real estate .

Then I met Lexi through real estate and what I just kept saying to myself is I'm not going to judge anyone in the first couple of meetings , I'm just going to get to know people and enjoy getting to know people and see what happens and see what happens . And so generally , you know , I'll ask myself that question , like , how does this person make me feel ?

But I keep a very open mind . I don't go into an interaction going like are you going ? to be my friend or not .

I'm just very naturally curious about people and I liked getting to know people , so I think that was a very good way for me to kind of introduce myself to the Scottsdale market , so to speak , and I also , as I've gotten older , have become so open to different ways of meeting people . Maybe I go to an event and I meet someone .

That's how I met Luba and Christy . We went to an event by Candy Valentino and we all met randomly there . I am open to meeting your friends' wives and becoming friends with them . I'm open to meeting somebody at a yoga class or a P-Volv class and getting to know them and saying , hey , do you want to grab coffee sometime ?

I'm also open when people slide into my DMS women , not men

. But when women slide into my DMS and they , you know , start to chat it up with me , I feel like I'm very open to that . I'm not like closed off and I'll invite people to do things , and so I I am . I I'm just a very open person and that has served me well .

Then the flip side of that is if , energetically , I don't have anything to give , I also have no problem telling someone , hey , I just don't have it in me right now and I'm so sorry , and let's make another date to get together , but I can't make it today .

But you know , at this point in life it's definitely a choice , um , and it's not really my personality to kind of go pursue uh people and pursue friendships and that sort of thing , but it's been something that he likes to hang out with his family and his wife .

Well , you know , especially in recent years , that's a million percent been the focus and it will still continue to be the focus .

But I think that it's since that same period , since we moved out here a lot of the close friendships that I had before , that you know , people have their own families , they have their own things , and if you're not in the same , you know , five , 10 mile radius , they can things just fall to the wayside and that's just the way that it is .

So I'm at a point now where I need to kind of step it up and make more of an effort and , um uh , make connections I and be more open .

You know , I think there's a level of being vulnerable or vulnerability that you uh will need to put out there , and to me all that really means is like you were talking about , like , hey , you want to go grab coffee or you want to go grab a beer or whatever it is . Um , and taking those steps whatever it is . Um and taking those steps .

I see you , guys .

Because I think you come back with new ideas and expanded horizons and new experiences , and so I think it's so healthy , in a relationship too , to depend on each other in certain ways , but not depend on each other to fulfill every single need that we have .

I don't want you to be . That's not fair to you . Okay , so let's talk about friendships a little bit more and how to cultivate that inner circle that so many of us crave , and we're just going to talk about three very , very simple things One we already touched on , which is become the energy that you want to attract .

If you want to attract let's say you're like me and you want to attract female entrepreneurs that are ambitious , that are mothers , that are also empathetic and want to have deep , deep levels of friendship , be that , be a female entrepreneur . Be someone who is willing to do the work and go deep and talk about things that are uncomfortable .

Be someone who is willing to risk being honest , even if you feel like it make that person a little bit uncomfortable , because truth can be spoken in love , and I think that that's so important .

I think for Sam , you are a guy who wants to attract other high performing guys who are interested in business and have a zest for life and who love their families and who have a moral compass . And so you ,

being those things which you already are , when you go out and exude that , you're going to attract that right back . If you go out and you're needy and you're like I want to attract female entrepreneur friendships but I need it so bad , I need it so bad and I'm not there and I'm not doing it , you're not going to attract that same level of friendship .

So what Banya told me several years ago was whoever you want to be in five years , just start acting like that person now . That's an extremely effective way to call in the frequency that you want , just like . If you want to be a millionaire or a billionaire , start acting like one . That doesn't mean go spend money frivolously because you can .

It means embody that energy of confidence , embody that curiosity about your business , embody that zest for life , that zest for learning more .

But what I find is , when I hang out with people that are more successful than me , of course there are those very human thoughts of man . I would love to have that level of success . But we get to choose our thoughts and I can also choose to say , hey , if she can do it , that means I can do it .

And even better , if we're in the same circle , I can ask her how she did it , I can ask for the play-by-play , I can ask for advice , and so I have found it to be such a fun thing to interact with people that are way more successful than me , because it's like a step up . Yeah , you know .

So decide what you will put up with and what you won't put up with . My mom used to tell me all the time growing up , you teach people how to treat you , and so if something feels off , stand up for yourself . If something is awesome , continue down that path , but be very clear what you will and will not put up with .

Do you have anything to add to that part ?

And I think , going back to you asking me , you know how did you make friends when we moved here ? Like pretty quickly , and I think I just immediately started . It's like salve on my heart . I love them so much . But it's because over the last three years , four years , I have spent time with these people .

I've been intentional , I've sent text messages , they've sent text messages . We send each other voice notes that are several minutes long , updating each other on what's going on , even if we can't talk on the phone or hang out .

Whatever kind of partner you want to call in , start becoming that person . Start becoming that friend now . And it's the same way in romantic relationships . Whatever kind of partner you want to call in , start becoming that partner now . Anytime I feel like I'm not getting something from you that I want , I try to audit myself and go why don't I become that ?

for him and then see how he reacts , and more often than not you meet me .

And make yourself a little list , set the boundaries without the drama , and then nurture those relationships that feel expansive . All right , thank you all for listening . Live on purpose , live on frequency , and we will catch you in the next episode .

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