¶ Getting on the Same Frequency
Hello and welcome to The Freq Show . I'm Jaclyn Steele Thurmond . This is my husband , Sam Thurmond .
Hello , hello .
This is episode 34 , and today we're going to be talking about how conflict can lead to getting on the same frequency as your partner .
Yeah , this is uh , I think this will be a good one , because we talked about this before . It's an actual experience that we just had this past week , and after we had these conversations , we were like , man , this would be a really good topic to discuss and basically just have the conversation that we had last week , yeah ,
So I think we should just dive in essentially , and we're just going to lay it all out on the line , right ?
I mean , I think so , I don't know what you're about to say .
Well , I challenged you last week and I think I pissed you off a little bit and I was a little afraid that I hurt your feelings when I said I think our approach to getting our next real estate deal is not working and I think maybe my delivery could have been a little bit better and maybe I should have prefaced my delivery with like "hey , can we talk about
this for a minute ? " , rather than just blurting it out , um , which sometimes I'm really good about doing , and then sometimes I just am off the cuff .
I see I disagree with you . I don't, I think that just because something like pisses me off or catches me off guard in the moment .
But ultimately sometimes I think that's necessary and we've had that, we've talked about that before on the show where sometimes it's necessary to kind of shake the other person awake , whereas if you're coming with too many pads on , it doesn't really have the same effect . So I kind of don't think you approached it the wrong way at all .
I actually think that it's good and I've given you permission to, you know , basically speak to me that way and call me out when you feel like there's something that needs to be called out .
One . It's always coming from a place of love and a common goal , and that we want to optimize our lives and challenge ourselves and make a lot of money and do a lot of really cool things and make an impact on the world .
So , it's all coming from a good place , but my hesitance is rooted in something my mom told me on our wedding day , where she said whatever you do , don't break his spirit . And so I come at things wanting to make sure that I am aware of your feelings and aware of how you process things and how things affect you .
And you're an extremely tough dude , Like you're a man in every sense . But I also know that you're a human , and so I . You have told me in the past that sometimes I can be I don't know that you would say aggressive in my rhetoric , but I can be very direct , and sometimes it can be um , it can cause friction between us , and you can be too with me .
Yeah , um , I'm trying to recall when I may have said that about you .
Well , sometimes , you, you've just said , like my tone or the way I say something . My intention may be one thing , but the way that I'm saying it and my tone in saying it makes it sound a little bit more aggressive or accusatory .
Yeah , I think that there are moments that there are different scenarios and and different um you know , issues that pop up that I don't really feel like apply to this conversation , because I feel like this conversation is more business partner hat than it is , you know husband and wife hat .
Okay , okay , I get that . I respect that .
For those other things . Yeah , I think sometimes you need to check your tone a little bit , because I don't think that it's necessarily all that fair ?
Yeah , I think you're right .
And the same is true for me, but um .
You're usually pretty,
But the the point is is the point I'm making is, you uh , it's . . .
h sat across the table from you and I was like , "Hey , we need to have a business conversation . Something isn't working because we're not getting our next deal" and you are in charge of getting our next deal , which is our livelihood for the most part , and so if it's not working , we've got to fix it .
Yeah , yeah , and which was a total fair call out by you , and I think you need to know that you are free to do that whenever you're having those feelings , because I don't want it to become something . Whenever you're having those feelings because I don't I don't want it to become something , where you're kind of looking at me sideways Like what are you doing ?
Um , this isn't working . You're doing it all wrong . You need to switch something up .
Yeah , and I don't like a passive , aggressive approach . that's I insecure I'm also insecure people .
And I'm also not saying that you were right , like in what you were saying it was perfectly fine for you to say , and I invite that , because being challenged like that is a good thing , because it forces me to be like , well , oh shit , am I like , like , am I doing the right thing ? Like , am I doing all the things that I should be doing ?
Because then you know , I took the next half of that day and kind of went through well , I could do this different , I could do that different , we could add on this . And I also had some conversations outside of you and I just to kind of run by , uh what what I was currently doing ?
Like I talked to Travis and he just went to the Hormozy thing , so he was all pumped up on Hormozy , which was awesome .
Nose strip ready to go yeah .
Yeah , but bounced it off of him and thought about it even more , but the conclusion I came back to is no , I'm doing what I need to do , it just takes time . And when we step back and we think , when we really started really pushing to get this next project hasn't been that long . Um , it takes time . It's a very competitive market .
We don't want to get ourselves in a situation . We only want to buy good deals . I've bought some bad deals in the past and it is . It really sucks when you have to dig yourself out of those holes , but I don't want that to make me too passive on or I need to .
You know , in this market you still need to be aggressive and go after the opportunity and take risks .
And I think that was my concern, is I didn't want us to be passive .
Yeah , Well , I think you wanted, you were looking for more like channels to generate deals , which I don't think is a bad idea , but when I kind of when I was assessing everything and everything I was looking at was, there's all this additional stuff that we could do but one, over the last seven , eight years .
I've done pretty much all of those things and the return hasn't been there . So you might get something on it . But how much energy are you going to put into that approach , versus if I just focus that energy on the things that I know work and have worked and continue to trust that those are going to pan out ? That's what I need to do .
So really , what it was was just a really good check . You were able to share your concerns , share your perspective , which was completely valid , and it forced me to check what I was doing to make sure that that was the right path that we should take .
And then we kind of came back together and discussed it a little more and , I think , got on the same page and ultimately we got on the same frequency as far as that particular topic goes .
Uhmmn, and I think an interesting dynamic that we have , which I think is what makes us really great business partners and life partners , is that pioneer builder sort of metaphor , where I'm naturally a pioneer , I want to push forward , I want to like make stuff happen .
I have sometimes like shiny object syndrome , where I'm like I have an idea , I'm going to create it, now I'm ready to move on . I have an idea , I want to create it, now I'm ready to move on . And you , which I need , you are a builder .
You go deep , you go wide , you like really go into all the details of things , whereas I am like I just want to be creating all the time . I don't really want to do anything else .
Yeah . YShout out to my buddy, Chad Bonawitz, for the whole pioneer/developer . . . Yeah, it's true , and that is the perfect match .
When you have someone who is more pioneer , that's going to kind of you kind of think of the pioneer as the one that kind of knocks down the walls , and then the developer is the one that actually , once you get to that other side , they kind of set up and say , okay , this is what the opportunity is and this is how we capitalize on it .
And if you let a pioneer just kind of run free , they're just going to keep going and they leave a really large wake behind them . And they leave a really large wake behind them . So it's good to have us be somewhat opposites on that . I think we both can do both .
Oh , we can definitely both . We can definitely both do both .
Yeah , oh , we can definitely do that for sure , for sure , but so anyway , yeah , that was that topic . Any more on that one , or do you want to ?
No , I feel like that was really important for us to have that conversation . You know , as entrepreneurs , we generally get like a good chunk of a paycheck several times a year . So we have to always be thinking ahead and we have to always be thinking , especially in our line of work in real estate .
You know , sometimes projects take four , six , eight , nine months , maybe even a year . So we have to constantly be making sure that we're prospecting and doing what we need to do to make sure that we're okay . You know , six months from now . Yeah , consistency is a challenge .
Consistency is a challenge and you know , as we've progressed in kind of the projects that we're doing and the projects , the price point for the projects become higher . We take that step and then , as we're , we take that step and then , while we're doing it , we're kind of like learning all the ins and outs of that uh of of doing something at that scale .
So I'll speak for myself . I was scared to do and add another project on top of it at that scale before we had actually gone through a cycle ?
I was too, no , I was too
And uh proven that out . So and that happens no matter what .
Which we crushed .
Yes , we did .
We crushed ,
And that happens no matter what .
But it was scary .
So, now, we're at the point where it's not that big of a deal , because we know what to expect , we know how much money to raise , we know, you know, how to over budget for everything always .
Yeah , we're much more capable of taking on a large scale luxury project , but at the same time , we also don't want to purchase one just to purchase one . We want to make sure that we're getting a real deal and it's going to benefit everybody involved .
Yeah , and we just missed out on a deal literally right before we started this episode , because we were unwilling . We were unwilling to go above what our spreadsheet said , where we needed to be , what our top was , and I'm perfectly fine with that .
Yeah , I have peace about that one too . I think it was going to be . I think there was a chance that we would have done really well on it , but there was also a very good chance that it would have been so close that we would have just broke even , and then we'd be wasting four to six months of effort .
And that will leave space for an even better project with higher returns
And I know it's coming .
Yeah .
I know it's coming .
Yeah , and so the takeaway for me was to just keep doing what I'm doing and be consistent with it , because the way that I farm deals is , for the most part , through wholesalers and through real estate agents , and you help with that as well , and so there's not like we're not .
We don't have a big marketing budget where we're sending letters or cold calling or have a whole , you know , cold call team or anything like that . So it's hard to put a dollar figure on .
Ok , if I spend $10,000 , it gets me one deal or two deals , whatever it is , and I know I just have to pay that money in order and then that deal will ultimately come . For me it's more just time and energy and analyzing deals and talking to people and measuring . Shout out to Trev again .
My cost of acquisition , I think , is what it's called , is measured in time and energy versus dollars .
We love Trev , so much , but also one of the most successful men I know who is in real estate said to us a few weeks ago it's a numbers game . You have to look at hundreds of deals before you're going to find one that really pencils out , or , in our case , case spreadsheets out .
Yeah .
So once we had that chat and I heard you come back with that kind of answer , I had peace about the way we were moving forward .
What it reinforced for me, what I was doing, it's always good to check your, have a fast feedback loop as Elon talks about to where you make sure you're getting feedback quickly on what you're doing , to make sure you're not wasting your time or wasting energy . So that was good for me , to force me to confirm that , and for you .
I think you were able to get those thoughts off your chest and then feel comfortable again with the way we were approaching it .
Yeah , yep , I do . Okay , now you tell me how you challenged me last week , because you, you came at me too .
Yeah , and I don't know . Maybe I was looking for something to challenge you with after you challenged me , who knows ? But um ,
little tit for tat .
Yeah , no , it really wasn't but , um , it really wasn't that . But , as you , as you , it just happened that way . But as the you know , the listeners know , we created um the Freq app and and we're in the phase where we've, we've , uh , launched it . It's more of a soft launch . We're still kind of
Working out some kinks .
And everything , but
¶ Navigating Business and Personal Dynamics
it is .
Although Version 2.0 is pretty awesome .
Yeah , it's great . It's so cool , it's so cool .
Yeah . I'm so proud of it .
But we haven't really put the gas pedal down on the marketing plan just yet , because we haven't had the time . Yeah , but we also wanted to work the kinks out before we did that .
100% .
But you and I were talking and we were talking about I brought up this podcast and um , a big part of the marketing is talking about the app on on the podcast , um , and I brought up the , my concerned , my concern that that was going to be the most effective way of marketing the app and I was hesitant to do that because you put so much work, time and
work into the podcast .
Yeah , I was ready to go . I was like ooh .
But again it's having the business partner hat on . It's the conversations that you have to have .
It's important that you ask me these questions and so , yeah , his question was is creating all of these episodes for The Freq Show the best way to get the Freq app out , and should we potentially pause The Freq Show if we need to , to focus more on the app ?
And to me , The Freq Show and the Freq app are like brother and sister and it's so vertically integrated for me .
Yeah , um , well , and that's not the only reason we have the podcast . We have the podcast just because we , you know , we like having the conversations and like sharing .
Yeah , we like sharing what works for us .
Yeah but I think the the crux of where the, where the rub was and where the discomfort was, was I knew that the podcast is near and dear to you , as it is to me , but reality is, is you put more work into the podcast than I do . My focus is more on finding real estate deals , yours is more on the podcast .
Yeah , and the cadence . I think it's worth it to say the cadence of our business is Sam is the numbers guy , he's the deal finder , he does all the number crunching and analyzing . I am, and you're a visionary too , no doubt, for sure . Yeah , calling me out right now . But you're not wrong , I did say that .
And I could feel it .
It didn't mean it in a negative way . Look , we need each other . I think we are iron sharpens iron .
I think where my skillset comes in is I have this big , grandiose vision for our brand becoming a whole lifestyle brand and a big part of that is talking about our lifestyle and I think the best way to do that is through a podcast and through video on YouTube and letting people get to know us and telling people what we're about and what we're excited about and
what we're creating . And so for me , it's like a no brainer to do a podcast , but it was also good for you to ask me that question , because it made me go . Ok , let me go back to basics here .
This podcast does require time and energy , and I am the one that is most of the time writing the episodes and coming up with topics and making sure that the podcast editor has everything they need .
I'm loading all the video , I'm manning the cameras and the lights and the production value of it , and so it is a lot of work , but to me it is an investment that may not monetarily pay off at this point , but it is an investment that will help us create the kind of brand and the kind of impact that I want Beckon to have .
Yeah , and I totally understand that and you have always had a broader vision from like a branding standpoint and building that brand and where that is going . And I'm much more of a keep it simple , stupid kind of guy, like, does this input equal this output ? And if , that's ..
You like KPIs and spreadsheets and I can't get, like, I never want to see a spreadsheet again in my life . Well , that's not true . I like to know numbers , um , because I like to know where we're at all the time , but I'm not a like . . .
Yeah , it just makes me think what, there have been many kind of uh , disagreements or arguments , or let's call it finding our frequency together , where you have been upset because you didn't feel like you had a good handle on where we were and what was going on with like finances and that sort of thing .
And you'd be like I have a spreadsheet .
Yeah yeah , and then immediately your eyes glaze over the second that . . . Remember I used to always send you the spreadsheets for like budget and everything but this is like way back in the day .
Yeah , and now I do our , I do our personal budget , you do business budget
Yeah , yeah , we definitely have kind of switched roles .
Yeah . I'm . I'm the budget hawk now .
Well , it's a good thing .
I love it .
It's like in Millionaire Next Door .
I want to be like how little can we spend this month ?
And that's fun to me .
I know .
As long as I get to eat what I want that's fun to me .
Yeah , I think it might be fun for the listeners to hear what you spend the most money on and what I spend the most money on .
Well , you definitely spend the most money on books and makeup , and . . .
I haven't bought a lot of makeup recently , though .
Well , if we do over the last 15 years , it's been a lot of makeup .
Yeah , that's , probably true .
And that's fine , but a lot of books and a lot of makeup , and then I eat a lot of food .
Yeah . He likes to have his specific meals .
Yeah , and it's not like they're like , are expensive meals .
No , and neither of us are big, like, brand name , like I don't need to have fancy handbags . I like Parker Clay . They support women in Africa who have come out of the sex trade . And , like I , I like small businesses . It's just who I am .
We've shared a car for the last four years , and so it's not, yeah , we're not extravagant by any means . Honestly , I think that the business has been the most expensive thing by far , by far . Back to those , back to those bad deals .
And then renovating our home is super expensive .
Yeah , for sure . So , anyway , I think I challenged you on the podcast as far as , like , the marketing mechanism for the app , and I was hesitant to do so because I knew it was something that you've put a lot into . And I didn't really want to question that because I didn't want you to think that I don't value it and don't appreciate it .
But at the same time . . .
And I'm like, you're being a little bish .
Yeah , and then I said you were being a bish because you couldn't handle it , handle the questions , but uh , but it was something I needed to do , I needed to say , and it was a legitimate business question Like is , it's okay to say is this the right marketing .
And it was good, it was good for me to think about it too , and I'm still not sure that I have all the answers . I know that I want to continue doing this podcast because I feel like it's valuable , um , and I think for what we want to build it's valuable .
But I think you asking me those questions is totally legitimate and it's always good to be challenged . I think we need to be going back to the drawing board every quarter and go what's working , what's not working ? Where are we spending a ton of energy ? Where are we wasting time ?
You know all of that , and then we can call each other a little bish and move on .
Exactly .
And we say bish because in 2018 , we went to Greece with some friends who live in Greece . They are Greek and they always say bish instead of bitch . And then , for beach , they say bitch instead of beach .
Going to the bitch bish .
Yeah , that's exactly what they said . So Sam and I like to call each other little bishes .
All done good fun .
All right . So what did we decide to do as a result ? I think we're going to keep searching for deals in a very methodical way and it's just a numbers game where we know the more deals you look at , the higher the likelihood that something will pan out .
And then , as far as the podcast goes , we're going to keep creating the podcast for the foreseeable future because we think it's a value add and hopefully you think it's a value add and it is vertically integrated with the long-term vision of the brand that we're creating , all right , so conflict can lead to getting on the same frequency as your partner , whether
that's in business or life . So I don't think . I think the major , major takeaway for this episode is don't shy away from conflict .
Right
Be respectful . Sometimes things get heated and that's okay . To take a beat , take a minute , take a day , but then come back to the table and work it out , because if you're both in it , the end result is going to be better because there have been more thought and more intention put into it .
Yeah, and again, our topic are business related, it's critical to have that . But it also applies to relationships in general
¶ Uncomfortable Questions for Business Clarity
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Oh , 100% . Okay . What's the question that we're going to leave the audience with ?
What uncomfortable question would lead to clarity in your business .
All right . Thank you for listening everyone . Live on purpose .
And live on frequency .
Thank you so much for listening to The Freq Show with Sam Thurmond and me , Jaclyn Steele Thurmond . We would love to connect with you via our website , beckonliving . com , and on social media .
You can find us on Instagram and TikTok @Beckon Living , and you can join our email list to receive uplifting messages , podcast and business updates and discounts on high frequency products just for our Freqy community . Cheers to high frequency living !