JOANNA - Houston, We Have a Squatter: Part 1

Yo, when I tell you that I completely understand why we pay for convenience, you guys, I, oh my god, this whole introducing the video portion of the podcast has been basically like a nightmare. The finished product is going to be great, but the trial and error aspect of getting to people across the country connected to really damn good internet with high processing. Music.

Devices is insane um i understand why people pay professionals who know how to do these things to do them for them and not like completely try and learn a new skill um really like like with days left to publish day. So my apologies for that. And again, I thank you for the grace that you've continued to show me throughout this process because I am learning.

But yeah, so to kind of give you a lay of the land, you are listening to episode 24, Houston, We Have a Squatter. This is Joanna's story, part one.

So without further ado really i i feel like we should just dive right into it because you guys have been waiting all day so again thank you for the grace that you're showing me cross your fingers for no more tech issues and with that my name is amanda arnier and this is the dichotomy diaries so we're just gonna get started okay all right everyone it's the day you've all been waiting for.

Sorry that it's been like three weeks since I put anything out, but the nature of this guest is really important. So I wanted to make sure that everything was right. And while we've had some trial and error with software and this new video recording platform that we have, I think that we haven't figured out now. To preface, Joanna and I have spoken, But I don't know, like, the whole, whole story. And so it's really like you're getting real-time reactions.

And I'm going to hear it at the same time you do. So without further ado, I'll introduce you to Joanna. Hi. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Of course. This whole process has been very therapeutic for me. But I think that it's also interesting because I kind of became a little bit of an investigator when I was going through the thick of it. And what I uncovered was a lot of women that have gone through the same type of situation that you and I have.

So my first question for you before we get into the narrative and a little bit about you is, what was your reaction when I first reached out to you? Yeah. So when you first reached out to me, I honestly was relieved because I, first of all, I felt bad because I knew something bad had had to have happened with you and Dick. And then also was relieved because I was just happy that somebody was doing something about it because I know a lot of us women have gone through the same things with Dick.

And so, yeah, I was just like immediately willing to, yes, let's do it. Jump on this. I want to be part of this. I want to bring light to this. So yeah, I was excited, but also at the same time, I felt like sad for you. Cause I knew you were his, you know, most recent wife and I knew, you know, it hadn't been bad for you to want to do something like this. So yeah, definitely. It was pretty bad. So how long ago has it been since you guys, you and Dick were together.

And then obviously about about the situations that we'll discuss, but about how long ago was that? So I met Dick in 2016. So what is that? Like six years, seven years since if I'm doing my math right. Yeah. So it's been a minute. We were together in 2016 and yeah, that was when everything happened. All right. And what do you hope that you sharing, like, what do you hope that the listeners get? What do you hope the outcome is from you willing to share from the podcast in general, all the women?

I just want to either bring hope to somebody who maybe is going through the same thing that there is a way out or just like comfort and also just in general shedding shedding light on what narcissistic abuse is. I just want definitely to bring hope or comfort to somebody who's going through it, but also the aftermath, maybe somebody who's gotten out of it, the healing process of that. And yeah, I just hope that my story can help somebody in that way. It definitely will.

So why don't you tell us a little bit about you, so about your life, where you're from, what you do, siblings, family, kind of just the rundown. Yeah. So I am 29 years old, just turned 29 in March, and I've grown up in Las Vegas, Nevada. I've lived here most of my whole life, but I did just move back home from Albuquerque. I run my own little cottage in-home licensed cottage bakery, and I'm also an author. I write romance books.

What else? I have an older brother, an older sister. I'm really like family oriented. Family is very important to me. So yeah, that's a little bit about myself. Are your parents together? So are your parents still together? No, they divorced when I was in high school, but they are both happily remarried now. So yeah. Awesome. Also same like mine. I think it's really interesting that you enjoy baking and that you're an author. Two things that I love more than anything.

I feel like if I had to give two hobbies off the top of my head, I'd be like, I love to cook. Yeah. I love to write. I like to read, but I like to write more. Yeah. I feel like there's a type. Oh, yeah. Dick definitely has a type. We all don't look the same. But if I think about having conversations with all of the different girls, there is so much overlap in just how we are. Like the type of woman. And what would you, how would you describe that type of woman?

Yes. So from what I see, Dick definitely goes for women that maybe definitely are family oriented. Like they care about family. They give and give and give. And he takes and takes and takes. So somebody who's a people pleaser, maybe a little insecure. He goes for women who are kind, are sweet, are maybe a little bit innocent. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, those are like the things at the top of my head that I can think of.

But he definitely goes for a certain type and preys on a certain type of woman for sure. Yeah. And I think to add to that too, I think that there is a lot of, it's not equal, the give and the take in the relationship from the very beginning. I think that what makes makes all of us attractive is that we are givers, like you said, and caretakers.

But I also recognize through kind of the conversations and my research, all the interviews, whatever, is that from the very beginning, we weren't really getting anything. Correct. And we were okay with that. And so I like to think on that a lot because that's really what what my therapy journey has been around. Why did I want to be loved so bad that I was willing to overlook.

Such major red flags especially during a time where like it should be honeymoon phase it should be great everything should be wonderful but the reality of it was that it wasn't and and i can only assume so for you oh yeah for sure also too like the way dick is so good at manipulating things like in the beginning it seemed like okay yes i'm putting all of myself into this in a very very specific way, but at least I'm receiving love from him back in this way.

So I'm giving in all of these areas, but at least he makes me feel good. He says all of these nice things. He was really good at making me feel comfortable about giving so much, even though I was ultimately getting nothing in return. So yeah, absolutely same. So I think that's a good segue. I think that we should jump right into it. Yeah. Let's start from the beginning. So how did you guys, how did you meet Dick?

So I met Dick on Instagram. He followed me. I followed him back. I commented on one of his pictures. He messaged me. We started talking and it was very, like, he was very quick to want to hang out. And he's very attractive. He was back then. So I was like, yeah, like this, I can't believe this guy's like this into me. He's ready to hang out. The first time he asked me to hang out, he asked me to hang out with his brother.

So I was like, Ooh, this is a good sign. like this guy's like into me so but he asked me to go to a club and I had never been to a club I was underage so I had to borrow my sister's id it was a whole thing but yeah so we went to I don't even remember what the club name was but that was the first night we hung out and when I met him met up with him his brother there was something off about his brother's like energy like he

seemed very standoffish towards me not that I blamed his brother or anything I obviously just just didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. But yeah, so his brother, there was some weird tension there between him and Dick. And he wasn't very friendly to me either. But yeah, so I just spent the night with Dick at the club. At the end of the night, we decided to all go eat together. But that's how I met him was through social media.

And at the end of the night, we decided to all go eat together. And Dick asked if he could drive with me. And I was like, yeah, yeah, of course. And he was like, I have to get some stuff out of my brother's car. Can we go to my brother's car? And I was like, yeah. So we go to his brother's car in the parking lot at the, club and he starts loading trash bags full of his things into my car, like big black trash bags full of all of his stuff into my car. And I'm just standing there like,

what is happening? What is he doing? Like, what are, is this his stuff? Like, what is he doing? He's literally loading bag after bag into my car. And so I just stood there and I didn't say anything. And like, in the moment, thinking back, I'm like, why didn't I say anything? Like, what were you thinking? But I don't know. It was just like, it was such a good night. He was so sweet to me. He wanted to make it very known that we were together at the club, which I thought was also a good sign.

Like he wanted to touch me and hold me and like, you know, that we were there together. And so I was like, okay, like, let's just ignore what's happening, whatever.

So he gets in my car, we go eat. And then at the end of eating, I asked him like, is there anywhere I can take you? And he just stares at me, like blankly stares at me, no emotion in his face, no nothing in his face. And doesn't answer my question. And so I'm like, okay, do you want to go back to my house? Like if there's nowhere I can take you, like, do you want to just sleep over? So he ended of coming to my place. We did not sleep together for the record.

And so he spends the night, the night he's like pretty respectful. He doesn't like overly try anything or like try to sleep with me. He's just there. And like I said, he's, you know, perfect package in the beginning. So he seems like he's respectful, like he's not going to try and push any boundaries. So the next morning, yeah, the next morning I wake up and I ask him again,

like, is there anywhere I could take you? And again, he blankly stares at me, which I know that, you know, that that's like part of his manipulation, passive aggressive behavior. Joanna, I can't even like, I had never in my life experienced anybody do that to me before. Yeah. It felt like, you know, how sometimes on social media, there'll be like videos of like chickens that are like not moving and people are like, this is a glitch in the matrix.

Yes. Yes. The first time he did it to me, I thought something was wrong with him, like cognitively or he was having a seizure. And I think that I don't even remember because it's happened so frequently, but I think that I was like.

Hello are you like okay but but even asking that there was it was like dead eyes yes like completely stoic face I think I would be like can you just talk so that I know you're okay still wouldn't say anything and and so it's weird because the it's a manipulation tactic I mean we know that now because then it's like we're freaked out right and we're like we have have to make the right choice because this is kind of scary yes you feel unsafe oh it was that's

the one of the i mean he does a lot of crazy things but that's one of the things that across the board everybody has said oh the staring right the staring yeah it's not just him go look on all of the npd facebook groups all of it it's like oh that's so creepy that was the one thing i really really hated was the staring out because like you could be like dead in a conversation deep in conversation and just not get anything from him like and it makes you feel unsafe and

unsure also too i think you want to know actually how it made me feel okay let's say like the second or third or fifth time because obviously happened a lot it made me feel like stupid it made me feel Because I felt like something that I had said prior to that was so dumb that he had no words, that he would just be like. I can't do it because I have an emotional face.

I have a soul. yeah but it really always made me like second guess what I said and I think also I know that I always I how my brain works is very very like I think unique to conversational like canter because I I have a lot of like long pauses and whatever but this like made that so bad yeah when I was I developed a stutter because I never wanted to say the wrong thing. And so I sometimes couldn't remember words. I had a stutter. And I think that it was the trauma of that exact scenario.

Yeah. Yeah. I totally understand. And it makes you, like you were saying, second guess yourself, it makes you feel stupid. It makes you feel like you don't want to speak, which I'm having a a realization right now on why I don't like to speak sometimes. And so, yeah, it really makes you fearful of what, what your words could cause out of him. Like, and so, yeah, I totally understand.

Yeah. Keeping, keeping the peace, I think is like overarching umbrella of all of the relationships that people have with him. Okay. So you, so he's putting garbage bags in your car. Yes. And he comes back and he's not pushy and not super sexual. But he's at your home. Yes. Describe your home at that point. Did you have your own apartment, house? What did that look like? I was living with my dad at this time, but I was living in the casita in the

backyard. I had my own privacy, own entrance to the home and everything. But he was at my home. First night meeting him at my house, we'd only been been talking for like a couple of days. So I didn't know him at all. And, but like, I was fine with him being there. Like I said, like he appeared to be respectful, kind, like he was super into me. So I was like, okay, this is fine. I'll just drop him off somewhere in the morning.

And then the morning came and I asked him again, is there somewhere I can take you? And again, he did that stonewalling staring at me. And it was at that point that I realized he was like truly homeless.

Like he had nowhere to go nowhere to be all of his things were in my car did he ever admit that to you or was that just something that you assumed so yeah we ended up talking about how he had nowhere to go and he explained that he had just been kicked out of his brother's house i don't know why he never expressed to me like what the reason was and we were it was so early on that i didn't feel comfortable asking that deep of a question even though now he's living at my house But yeah,

so I don't know why he was kicked out of his brother's house. I just know that he was living with his brother, got kicked out and genuinely was homeless.

Like he had nowhere to go. so did finding that information out so early on about somebody who you're like so you're attracted to him he said right and in he's not being pushy he's showing like public displays of affection you met his brother so how did finding out like that bombshell like how did that affect how you saw him did it did you view him differently did it make you you more like empathetic, sympathetic? Yeah, I think I felt empathy. I felt like I almost felt like sorry for him.

Like I wanted to help him. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to be there for him when no one else was because everyone had abandoned him. So let me help him. You know, like I was the fixer and I, so yeah, I felt like sorry for him and I wanted to. Yeah, like be there for him through his hard times. And without even asking why he was going through those hard times, like something in me didn't even care to ask or to know what was going on.

It was just like, I'm going to say like, it probably didn't matter because I, yeah, I think that I don't, I I'm not a hundred percent certain of when I was officially like the most hugged he He had his claws in me the deepest, but I would say it was pretty early on. And I know this because I felt defensive of him. Yes. Very early on. I felt defensive of him because of the past insurrections and all of those things and how he was viewed.

But I can imagine myself in that scenario and him confiding in me and letting me know. That's an embarrassing thing for a man to admit, right? Yes. if he's confiding in you, he's being vulnerable, you're taking that as love and commitment to you because that's how it feels because not everyone we date is vulnerable, right? Right. Exactly. And that was another thing too that he would do is he would be vulnerable. He would cry in front of you. He would tell you all of those things.

He just wasn't genuinely doing it. He was doing it to manipulate you, to make you think everything's good. I'm into you and and I'm here with you. But it just wasn't real. So your dad lived in the main house. Had he met Dick at this point? He met Dick that week that Dick now lived in with me. And my dad absolutely did not like him. He told me flat out, this guy's using you. This guy is not really into you. He told me before I even knew things about Dick, he was telling me,

I bet this guy's on steroids. I bet this guy's doing all these things like my dad knew he knew Dick was not a good man. Parents, parents always know. They know. It's wild. But I think that was was Dick like, did he try to, like, impress your father or how did he act towards him? Yeah. So he was very, I say now, fake, like he was over the top. Hey, what's it like? like handshaking, like full-blown conversations, looking him directly in the eye.

He definitely was, he knows the perfect way to seem and appear like a good man, but it's almost too perfect. Like his mask is too perfect that it's easy to see, at least now, that it was so phony. And his like over-the-top fake smile and like, it just, yeah. Yeah. I remember very early on, and this was one of the things that really, I don't know, sold me the most on him. But when he came and he finally met my family... He was very like lovey-dovey to me in front of them.

So much so that like at some point later that week, I think my mom or my grandma had said something to me like, oh, you can tell how much he loves you. He just like, he always has his hand on. Yeah. Whether it's under the table or if he's standing like in the small room back. He's always touching you. And if you're in the room, he's kind of always like knows where you're at in the room. Like, I think that they took that as love, but I'm pretty positive that that was control.

Yeah. Like, don't say anything, squeeze the knee, you know, what are you saying over there? Are you going to leave? You know, like always check in.

That's kind of what I take that as now. But my granny saying that, my mom saying that made me feel like, well, if I'm having any doubts, which I don't think that I was, maybe a few minor, that they made them all go away because of what they saw yeah so yeah I think mine was a little different it was like he knew my dad didn't like him so he was like over the top respectful and not touching me and not you know like I think that's one thing he does as well is he mirrors to the

situation like he he acts certain ways to fit the situation so yours you're probably right it was about control where mine. It was about getting in my dad's good graces and like, you know, I don't know. It's just like he was nearing. It makes sense. I feel like it really does make sense. So what happens after that? Now he's living with you. You like officially have almost like a squatter, but like a hot, muscular one who you think loves you, right?

Yeah. So definitely a squatter living in my house. But like I really did like at this point, I was obviously attracted to him. I wanted to be the fixer and help him. So I just let him stay with me. We did have a talk very early on that if he was living with me, then we were exclusive. We were dating. He was my boyfriend. I was his girlfriend and that was it. And so he did the whole Facebook official thing. And that's another thing Dick does is he really pushes girls on social media.

So if he's with you, he's going to let everyone know he's with you, but it's to, again, like make you feel safe and secure in the situation. He's not actually with you, if that makes sense. Like he wants to appear that he is publicly, but it's not. I think that it's social media platform specific. I think that he wants everyone to know on Facebook. Yeah. You know, he wants to make it official on Facebook.

I mean, I don't know how it was back then. Was he like posting a lot of photos of you guys on Instagram together? Oh, yeah. He would even post just single pictures of me. Like just post women crush Wednesdays. Yes. Yeah. We would do the whole thing. I thought that felt so good. Exactly. And he did it to make me feel good and make me feel secure in the relationship. Make it seem like we were really solid and together. And he like really loved me. And he was doing that stuff.

Early on. But because he was doing that stuff early on, I had girls messaging me saying, hey, your guy just sent me a dick pic on Snapchat. Hey, do you know your guys on Pornhub? I had all of these people reaching out to me, telling me what he was actually doing or had done behind the scenes. So yeah, he was hosting us, but it bit him in the butt because it just got him into trouble.

So yeah, it seems so crazy to do that because if you're going to be promiscuous And you're going to be using those platforms to, you know, cheat or, you know, like be unfaithful. Like, why would you do that? I don't know. That's confusing to me still to this day. Yeah. I just think it was to make me feel like everything was okay when it really wasn't. Like it was to make me feel like I really do love you. I'm going to post your face on Instagram and tell everyone how much I love you

because it makes me feel good. But it wasn't genuine or real. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like the camera probably just caught me having a light bulb above my head moment right there. Like I said, what I just said, where I'm like, I don't know why he would do that. And then I immediately was like, oh, my gosh, it didn't.

I don't think that it matters who he's in a relationship with on any of the platforms, because if it did, all of the situations that have happened with me with one, two, three, four, you know, looking at the timeline, like four people that were like during or after me. I was proudly displayed on his social media as his wife. And what I realized now is the story that he was telling them was that I'm married. She's horrible. She stole all my money. I'm so depressed. I want to kill myself.

And I need to get out of this. And so it almost is this perfect set up like just teed up for making him a victim oh yeah so we're like we're like oh my gosh that feels so good he's public no nobody's gonna first of all women internet women they don't care about that kind of stuff oh no but also it makes us feel good and it's two-pronged it's only a benefit to him because then he could say whatever he wants about how horrible we are behind our back out. And he, and everyone will know

who he's talking about because he does make it so public. Right. Yeah.

Interesting. So what's next? So, yeah. So at this point he's living with me. We're, you know, navigating what that looks like having known each other for like a week before, not even, it was like a couple of days before he just like moved into my house. And I didn't really know anything about his career at this point. So like I'm finding out that he, I don't even know where to go next with this story. Sorry. So I find, I find out as he's living with me that he is a promoter for clubs.

So he's not, you know, home at night. He doesn't have a car. He's, he has a couple of side hustles as well that I found out about later, which like Like I said, my friend reached out to me and was like, hey, I saw that you posted this video, this picture with you and this guy, just so you know, like this guy's on Pornhub. And I was like, what? Like, no. And so I obviously did my Google searching and my searching and found him on there.

And then I found out that one of his side hustles was like, what's the word? Like basically selling photos of his body for money and being on video like that. Like virtual sex work. Yes, exactly. That's what the word I was looking for was virtual. So, I mean, and I don't know if it ever was like actually in person physical. I'm sure that it was. But yeah, from what my understanding of it, it was just like virtual sex. Sex work. So I was finding out real quick right there. Sorry.

I think that this is something that a lot of people, this is a question a lot of people have asked me and I always find it difficult to, to answer it. I don't know what, I don't know what the right answer is, but so I can only assume that like you knew that he was Mormon and that he may or may not have at that time, taking that pretty seriously. So if he, because he's, he's obviously looking for someone who has values of, of religion, family oriented, stuff like that.

How did you make it okay in yourself with, I guess, truly the dichotomy of his actions and his values? Yeah. So he did portray himself as a Mormon. He did portray himself to have these like certain types of values values and morals. He even took me to like a youth group or young adult group at his church and everything. So like he seemed like he cared about all of that stuff. But again, now I see it as he used it as manipulation.

So he used it to make himself seem like he was this great high moral, high respectful person when he actually wasn't. And then behind the scenes was being who who he really was, which was, you know, selling his body for pictures and trying to make money through that way and being a terrible partner. So yeah, he was to me in my eyes, he wasn't truly Mormon. He wasn't truly a Christian, like Mormons and Christians, they don't act like that. They don't do that.

He would use it like, Hey, I see that you use that label as, you know, you want to make yourself appear better. That's. How did he justify what he was doing on the internet to you? Like, so I'm only assuming that it's the same experience that basically all of us have had. But so the clients are men. Yes. Or women. How did he justify like being seemingly gay on the internet side hustle and being straight in real life? So he was a major like fitness influencer type of person when I was dating him.

And he, the way he justified it to me when I brought it up to him was that, oh, this is normal. Like this is all fitness influencers do this. Like all, this is just something that all male fitness influencers do to make money on the side. Cause none of them are making enough money as influencers. So like, it's totally normal. What are you like upset about? They're all doing it. And so I hearing that over and over, it was like, okay, maybe something's just wrong with me. Maybe I don't understand.

Like maybe this is normal. normal so yeah that's how he justified it to me just by like making me feel dumb for not realizing that this is normal when it actually isn't so wow that actually hits home so hard because i felt very very naive when i learned about while i didn't know about about quite a bit of what he was doing from having you know like a checkered past of my own there was a whole world that i I had no idea about that he normalized for me.

And now I know that is not normal. Right. At all. And he delivers it so well. And that's something about Dick as well is he's very smooth with his words. He knows how to perfectly say things to make you feel dumb while at the same time making himself seem so wise and like he's got all the answers. And that this was one way he did that was like making me. Like doubt and question my own values and morals and say like, okay, like this is normal.

This is okay. This is acceptable. I can't looking back. I'm like, how the heck did I think that that was okay? Like how I don't understand, especially like in a relationship and the type of content he was sending to these men and getting like the way he was getting money. It's like, Like, how did I ever accept that as normal and okay? I think about that a lot because as I've told my story, I think a lot of people question like, oh my God, wait, like you actually helped him in that respect.

Like I built a business around it. Yeah. I believed him so much. And the only answer that I have to that is because I feel everything so deeply and like definitely a blessing and a curse. When he would, when he started to explain this to me, he didn't start with the benefit to him, which was the money. He started with the benefit to the other person. And he would say things like, you know, Amanda, like these people, like they don't have anybody, like they're like mom's basement dwellers.

And maybe they have like some social things and it seems like a lot of them do. And maybe they're mentally unstable. And like, I'm providing a service. I think at one point, he really did say like, almost like therapy, which is crazy. But I'm providing companionship.

Companionship. He absolutely said the same things to me and it makes you, that's another trait that he looks for in a woman is somebody who is empathetic, very specifically empathetic because not sympathetic, like there's a difference. And he really tries to use it against you to benefit him. And that's absolutely. He told me the same things like I'm providing a service. I'm helping these people. These people are like sad, lonely men.

And like, no yeah don't you feel bad it's like i did i did feel bad exactly like wow when you put it that way maybe i should do it too yes like oh oh my gosh sorry to interrupt but it's just it's okay because i think it's crazy and i'm really happy that we're doing this on video because and there's going to be more and more and more so i feel like my head's going to explode as all the similarities start But I think it's really,

really validating to me to sit here with you, with everybody watching and listening, because I, I still have felt I've like gaslit myself and felt crazy about why I accepted that stuff. And like. My hope is that people will listen to you and to me and to everybody else who's upcoming and be like, oh shit. Even if they don't understand narcissistic, sociopathic abuse, all of those kind of things, like maybe they'll understand it a little bit more and not look at us like, y'all just stupid.

Because, you know, that's how I've been feeling for a while. And I, yeah. I mean, I definitely think we were stupid, but also there's the amount of mind game manipulation. There's no way to understand it unless you've been in it and been through it because it happens without you even realizing it's happening. And you start to think that you're going crazy or when you're out of it, you're like, what?

Like, how did he manipulate my mind so much that I gave up so much of myself and I let go of so many of my morals and values? Like, you don't realize how bad it is until you're out of it. And yeah, people are gonna call us stupid, but like, you don't understand it unless you've been in it or been through it. Like, it's, yeah. Yeah, very much so.

All right, I'll let you continue Continue on your narrative. Sorry. There's just something I'll interrupt you at some points because I know that, the profound moments. I'm like, I have to say something. Yeah, no, you're totally fine. So yeah. So at this point I found out all of the side hustles he was doing, which was sex work.

And then also he was a promoter, which, so he was obviously cheating on me with the promoting because he's, you know, like telling these pretty girls to come to the club and like, you know, so I found out that he was cheating on me through that messaging girls, sending them dick pics, meeting them up at the club, you know, doing stuff with them, not coming home at night. So that was a huge thing in the beginning of our relationship.

And then, yeah, so I found out what he was doing for work. In the beginning, he was very good about like paying the bills, paying for everything, paying for dinners, like taking me out to dinner, going on dates, like always constantly paying for things. And that quickly dwindled.

Sorry, I feel like I've gotten off track on the the story a little bit where do you want me to go like do you am I so are you still living at your day in in the casita I don't know if yeah okay so you're still with your dad you're there and like, I guess I guess I'm just trying to understand like you guys are you guys in your mind you're together and you're living there and he's paying for things so you're you're like in a relationship relationship, but then it starts to kind of go away.

And, and did you confront, did you confront him about that? Like, were you like, Hey, like, where's your half of this? Or was it more like now, now he's struggling and you felt even more bad, like you're picking up most of the slack at this point.

Yeah. So, well, at, at first when we were in the casino, I didn't pay rent because I don't live in a city. And then we decided to get our own, get an apartment together because... Again, I just felt like I had to take care of him. I felt like I had to take this step with him. We had to get out of my dad's house. And so, yeah, we ended up getting our own apartment together. This was about two weeks into our relationship, which is just crazy. And we only lived together for two months.

But the first month was good. The first month, he was paying for everything, helping out with bills. And then the second month, he didn't have money for anything. Like all of a sudden had no money. Like his card was always getting declined. So, but again, me wanting to be the fixer, the helper, like I just wanted to help him. And he made me feel like I needed to. He made me feel bad that he wasn't making money and he wasn't helping.

Like he made me feel like I needed to just take the lead on that and step up and pay the bills and pay for all the food and help him live his life as a total like mooch on my couch, basically.

So so he didn't have a car so was he using your car yeah so he would drive me to work in the mornings like very early in the morning and then he would just keep my car all day long which i also later found out he was taking my car to go cheat on girls with me and like he also oh that was the other side hustle i found out about he i don't know if i told you this last time but he would take like a sign down to the strip and like like people would take pictures with him for money on

the strip because he was so ripped. Like that's what he would go do to make extra side money. Like, like the, the Vegas show girls or like the naked people on Fremont. Yes. That's what he was doing. And like a little speedo holding a sign.

I don't know if I do this. Yeah. And so how I found out about it was I just had like a gut feeling that he wasn't at home at the apartment when I was at work. Like I just had a feeling like he was doing something he shouldn't be doing. I texted him like, where are you? And one thing about Dick was he always tried to make you feel good. So he sent me a selfie, like I'm laying out by the pool. I could tell he wasn't out by the pool though.

So I was like, no, where are you? Cause that's not our pool at the apartment. And he's like, he finally admitted it to me that he was down on the strip holding a sign. And that's what he did for money as well. Cause this man was was desperate for money. Okay. Like he had again, also to found out he was addicted to gambling. So that's like why he needed so much money constantly. Cause he had a major addiction to gambling. So yeah, that was one of the signs. Or.

Was location sharing a thing then? I don't know. Okay. Did he share his location with you on and off and stop it? So when we first moved in together, when he first started living with me immediately, he shared his location with me. So I had his location from the beginning. And yes, sometimes he would turn it off if he went out late at night and didn't come home. He would turn it off and, of course, just disappear.

So he would do stuff like that. but the location sharing at the beginning again made me feel warm and fuzzy inside like wow this guy's super open he's super on it he's not yeah he's not hiding anything from me so yeah so i could see his location but that day when he was at the at on the strip i couldn't see his location like it just wasn't loading so obviously he turned it off and then yeah so that's how i found out about that but I was gonna go somewhere with that with the location sharing

did you feel did it make you obsessive compulsive like crazy refreshing oh my goodness zooming in like it looks like he might be at this corner but he could also be in this building and like become the biggest researcher or is it 100 yes especially the more the lies stacked up or like little things were happening, oh my goodness, I was obsessed with checking his location. Like constantly checking, constantly checking it. And then you would check it

and see that he had turned it off again. And then it would make you panic and you'd freak out. And yeah, so for sure, overly obsessive about it. But I think there's like a healthy way you can have locations on. My thing is loading. Yeah. Okay. No, is yours good? No, it's good now. I think that there's a healthy way that you could do it for sure i will say like i've never experienced it being healthy and now to be honest.

If someone shares their location with me and if I've known you less than six months, there's a problem. Yeah. Because how do you feel if someone shares it with you? You feel like you have to share with them. Yeah. That is literally the whole entire reason. And since being single now, there's been people that I've talked to that have done that. And I've fallen for it. And then once you share it, you can't unshare it without them seeing it.

I'm strapped in this phone jail you know like yeah yeah so that it's crazy that it's I I don't know maybe it's a me thing and I just need to be like fuck you man but at the same time I think that they do it for a reason but I do remember and my mother could tell everybody that's so well about how obsessive I was about that no he said he was here but he might have meant here and there there is a jewelry store there.

And I'm like, I was just making excuses for him, but I was trying to make what he said the truth, even though it was on. Oh yeah. Agreed. Like maybe his location is just glitching. Maybe he's not actually in this place. Yeah. Maybe he's over here. Yeah. It's so funny how we gaslight ourselves. Like we know that we know the truth, but we don't want to believe the truth because we wanted to believe what he would say. And he was so good at saying the thing that it was hard to not believe it.

But yeah, so this is how I found out that he was like on the strip selling his body in another way for money. But also this is how I found out he was a gambler because I saw him on his location one day at Arizona Charlie's, which is like mini casinos here in Las Vegas. And I was like, what the heck is he doing at Arizona Charlie's? Like it's kind of like a Dottie's. Like you were saying, like it's like a ghetto place to go. You know, like it's not even like I don't know how to explain it.

Did he gamble in gas stations and grocery stores? Yeah, anywhere. He would do it anywhere. Yeah, anywhere. There was lots. And that's why I was saying Arizona Charlie's is like a rundown, weird place to go. It's like where old people go, right? So when I saw him there, I was like, why is he there? And then I believe I messaged his first ex-wife about it. And she was the one that told me that he was addicted to gambling. He was an alcoholic.

Or not an alcoholic. sorry he was addicted addicted to gambling he was addicted to sex and was a diagnosed narcissistic like literally diagnosed narcissist and so that he actually was diagnosed that would that would shock me actually because i apologize my work phone was going off and i'm like yeah this off diagnosed i don't think so i think that that would require him to go to a therapy therapy. Well, I did take him to therapy.

That was one of the things that I, and he was the one that told me that too. He confirmed, I don't know if it's true, but he confirmed that to me. Yeah. When I was taking him to therapy, because that was one of the things we did as well was he got like back into therapy and was pretending to like, you know, want to be a better man. And his parents got him into therapy and I would take him every Thursday to therapy. And I, I'm like 99% sure he He told me he was diagnosed narcissistic.

An addict to gambling and sex. Like it was diagnosed. I don't know if that's like, maybe he was lying. Yeah. I mean, maybe he's lying. That's a weird thing to lie about. Like, you know what I mean? Like maybe I'm a millionaire and I'm a genius, you know, like attributes, literally all the worst ones. That's crazy. So was let's coil back for one moment. So was therapy, the only therapy he's told me that he's done in the past was through Was this church therapy?

Yeah, I think it was a church. Like, I didn't take him to a church, but it was like religious led, if that makes sense. Yeah, like I think how he explained it to me whenever was that there are members of the church that are psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors that don't have their time back to other members of the LDS community, essentially.

Okay, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's free for 20 bucks or something as opposed to paying just to go somewhere without insurance because he's never really had insurance with me at that point, I think.

And then you said you mentioned his parents. So have you met them? And what do you think of them? And what's your relationship like? I never met his parents in person, but I did like the first week we were living together, He did FaceTime his mom while I was with him and his relationship with his mom was very off. Again, like same with his brother. I could tell there was tension. I could tell that there was an underlying, almost like secret, like something was off.

He was being super sweet, super friendly, super loving towards her. She was very short, vague, you know, didn't really say much to him back on FaceTime. That was confusing to you probably, right? Because I know it was to me. Yes. It was so confusing because it didn't make you not like her or almost be again protective over him. Protective for sure. I was so protective of him. I thought that he was perfect and everyone else was doing wrong and that nobody was treating him how he deserved.

I was very protective of him. So that was the situation with his mom. He just didn't seem close with her.

I knew already he wasn't close with his brother. and I know his mom from what I understood at the time she was very LDS very religious so like he had his ears pierced at the time and she you know she even mentioned something about it on FaceTime that she was like why do you have those in kind of thing so I thought it was them I thought it was his parents are just you know super strict religious and they just don't like him because he's a little bit different so I blamed

it on that and then like same with his dad I never met met his dad in person. I don't think I ever even spoke to his dad, but he was on the phone with his dad once when we were together, his dad didn't know I was in the room, but like, again, energy was off. There was distance. There was. You could tell that his dad didn't want to be talking to him. And Dick was like so sweet to him. So, you know, like loving toward him. But it was like. He had him in his absence all the time. Yes, absolutely.

But there was, you know, something clearly missing. Like there was a secret there that I didn't understand yet.

I think that we touched on this in recall. call, but wasn't there something that you overheard with the dad? Yes. So he was on the phone with his dad the one time that I was there and they were talking about something. I think they were talking about therapy because they got him back into therapy. And that his dad said on the phone to him on speaker, he said, how did he word it? He said, you can't keep manipulating these women just because you're pretty.

Like he said that to Dick because he would use his looks to manipulate manipulate women because it was so easy for him and i just remember dick like kind of like laughing it off like whatever but yeah so i did overhear his dad say that and i was like what does that like you know that you're like wait he doesn't do that to me he loves me exactly i'm dead you're in you're in the thick of the manipulation so crazy story in june of

this year july when i was going and through really the worst of the abandonment. Like it was officially over. He wasn't coming back. I don't, I never really liked his father because I, just like you, felt like his dad should treat him better. And I was the only one who loved him. And I was gonna prove to him that I was irreplaceable and fuck everybody else because I'm your family and we're a team. Yeah. I called his father because I didn't know what to do.

And his father told me about a time when he had had a conversation with him and very like just kind of like that matter of factly he asked him instead of told him but said you know dick why do you do this to these women and his father told me that his reply was because it's just too easy and i was just like i can see him saying that. I believe it. Yeah.

His father also had told me, you'd think that you'd get some sort of emotion, like, hey, I'm really sorry that my son did this to you. There was no emotion in the call. It was more like, you're a smart girl, I think. I don't really know you all that well.

But dick is i think he called him a sociopath or might have said it was either sociopath or psychopath and he was like i would just cut your losses and run as fast as you possibly can in the opposite direction wow and do you know at that time i still was under the the spell i still you know what i did with that i literally used it as a tool to get him to talk to me it was like i can't Your father would say, listen, I love you so much and come back home with me.

I know. And that's why I say when a lot of people are like, I'm sorry I didn't reach out to you. I was like, dude, please don't be sorry because I had his own father telling me that he was a sociopath under a run. And I was like, you, I know him better. Yeah. And same like how my story ends. If that hadn't happened, I would not have been able to get out of the relationship.

So i fully get what you're saying yeah it's like some type of like tie that binds you that you just can't break like no matter what anyone says no matter like how anyone tries to convince you that it's wrong or he's a terrible person it's like no this is my person i know him i know him but we don't we don't we're just manipulated and blinded to what reality is i'm so sorry that that happened. That's so sad. Music. Yeah. We don't know who Dick is.

In all reality, I don't think that Dick knows who Dick is. And that's what makes this story so unbelievably insane is the confidence and conviction and cockiness behind the persona that is dick. You know, like God's gift to man, that's what he thinks of himself. And I think that we all think that at some point a little bit too when we were in relationships with him. I mean, we put so much of our life on the line to believe in this person and to support this person.

And it's difficult to relive personally. It's hard to hear others talk about it. It's necessary and I feel affirmed in my experience and affirmed that I'm doing the right thing in order to heal myself to move forward and be the best person, woman, and partner that I can be in the future. So you have part one under your belt and I'm sure that you guys are like, why do we have to wait for more?

Well over the course of the next i don't know how many episodes you guys are going to be hearing from multiple different women and men and their stories are going to be cut into two parts, potentially three depending on honestly how long we talk i can't even imagine editing a video audio episode that is longer than two hours, but say a prayer for me. Anyways, I have a little surprise for you.

So I obviously now have video content of this episode and I'm working diligently on I'm getting it edited for y'all. So probably by the time you're done listening to this episode. I'll be somewhere close to done and ready to upload that to the Dichotomy Diaries YouTube page. So keep your eye out for the full episode of Joanna's story on the YouTube page. Make sure to like, subscribe, follow, turn those notifications on, all the things.

And I'm excited for you guys to get to see me finally as we podcast. Let's talk about lighting and camera angles. Oh my God. I have a lot to learn, but I apologize that this is coming out late in the day. I know some of y'all really love to work out in the morning and drive to work and listen to this, but I'm trying my hardest, I promise. Anyways, thank you for listening. I'm your host, Amanda Arnier, and this is the Dichotomy Diaries. Music.