GOEs, OWLs and some extremely unhelpful advice

It’s your favorite time of the year! And by favorite time of the year, we mean that for thirty of you, it’s time to take a once-in-a-lifetime exam that both is extremely important to the ordination process and not actually a barrier for getting ordained. For the rest of us, it’s a time to feed you snacks and say encouraging things like “you’ll be fine” and “seriously, you’re still gonna get ordained” and “When I WAS a seminarian…”.

We at The Desperate Times wanted to read, mark, and inwardly digest, or maybe we just wanted to mark this monumental time in the lives of seminary seniors by providing a helpful review of all six exam sections. Please hold the word ‘helpful’ lightly. After all, Dolores Umbridge was ‘helpful’ to the protagonists of a certain popular fantasy series by providing an exact template of what not to do when you’re trying to save the world. GOEs are not at all related to saving the world, but after listening to this episode, you may be spurred to heroic acts of armchair theologian-ism and angry emails to those idiots behind TDT.

Speaking of angry emails, we welcome comments, criticism, spam calls, excommunications by anathema, and wildly misleading Twitter subtweets. All publicity is good publicity when the concept of fake news doesn’t apply to our completely-true news reporting. Any tips, tricks, and information about things we should cover on campus can be emailed, voicemailed, or Facebooked to us. We are everywhere, at all times, like the Illuminati, and will gladly respond to your wild ravings with wild ravings of our own.