Tucker’s CGI Wood Twitter Aesthetic, Masturbation Explained? 06.08.23

Hello the Internet, and welcome to season two ninety, episode three.

Of Danny's Eye Guys Yeay.

Production of iHeartRadio. This is a podcast where would take a deep dave into America.

Share Consciousness.

Might be taking a deep dave into America share Consciousness.

Whoa it is?

Thursday, June eighth, twenty twenty three. Oh yeah, blue blue collar comedy. Did you do you remember the Here's Your Sign thing by Bill Ingwall?

Oh? Yeah, you tried to make that happen. Yeah, because I thought that was just like me and my friends caught that and thought it was really funny and we would always say it to each other. But I just heard forget who was referencing it. But a podcast. I listened to this old play Here's Your Sign? Like, oh, that made it outside of my group of friends. Yeah.

Oh but June eight kind of a kind of we got it all. Today it's World Ocean's Day. It's a national Name your Poison Day. Sounds like something to do with a bar, National Best Friends Day. Also World pet Memorial Day before one out, you know, for the foe, like Pete Davidson did for his mom's dog and then yield to beat up that.

Yeah, Yeah, my name's Jack O'Brien aka Jack sad.

At home in his two short shorts, totally emotionally focusing on sports, muscles, tents as he watched all the jumpers, and that's when he exposed everyone.

To his plumpers. They're plump, they're plump, they're white le like bread. They're plump, They're plump, they're plump. His kids have fled.

Jack shorts were bursting, We're going We're Jack shorts were bursting.

At the scenes that pallid flesh would haunt them all in their dreams, so white.

If they voted, they'd be trumpers.

Mere fabric can't contain the power of the plumpers.

Woo wow. Heard see of one Hugo Boss. Wow. First first listener guest that we had on Tuesday's episode.

Not the first, I mean that goes to Christy Almaguchi Man, but yes for the for thedation first full s was Christy Alma Gucci Man.

Yes or will be well yes at some point if he's will yes. Shout out to Hugo Boss, thank you for that aka to.

Lump to the United States of America, and also Christy Alma Gucci Man did do a lump plumpers aka earlier on so I I do not want to engage in any CHRISTI Yamagucci man erasure. Okay, good, Hey, Miles, I'm thrilled to be joined as always my co host, mister Miles Growl.

Wow, thank you so much for having me again today.

Let's see Miles great aka come from Grimace, Come, come from Grimace.

Happy birthday kid. Here's a couple of his business.

Okay, to Scouty Magoo, we we've we've fucked up by even evoking the idea of Grimace extreme.

Purple milkshake has to be Grimace. Come.

I think we can get our guests involved in this conversation, but I'm pretty sure it has to be Grimace.

But anyway, shot Out Scotty even going all of the wild Grimace case y'all hit on discord, I will I will go through them with a tooth comb, you sick motherfuckers.

Well, Miles, we're thrilled to be joined by a very funny comedian, Yes, sir, who you've seen on TV uh in Insecure on Comedy Central doing stand up. The Great American Joke off his album Happening in My Head just dropped in April. It's Luke Mona, Oh my god, thank you guys.

So I'm so hyped. I mean this is like, uh, frankly, I was ready for uh party songs the whole episode. I was I was hoping we'd stick with lump that entire I have gone. I mean I thought it was. I was like, I think we're on verse three and I'm like, I'm about to lean back and just enjoy it. You're like, well, Luke, it's been great having you on. Man. We're like, what thing? Yeah, I mean that's what I was. But I mean i'd be cool with that. But I have to ask just to just for thank you for

Listener is also a Domino's pizza delivery person who is constantly We had him on for for an interview earlier this week, and apparently once every couple months, somebody comes to their door and exposes themselves to him. Yeah, and he's like unsure. They don't they don't react, they just have no pants on and they're just like, yeah, this is happening.

And I think that's like a thing. I think that people. I think that there's a certain thing that's where flashers went. Yeah. Yeah, they used the Dominoes mainly Dominoes. It's not no other delivery, it's not Amazon. They use Domino's delivery as a way to kind of complete their sort of voyeuristic to fulfill their voyeuristic fantasies. Yeah, not voyeuristic.

What is it the opposite X Yeah, exhibit exhibitionist is what I was looking for. I was almost that expositional, expositional. Hey, hey, well it's great to have you here, thanks for joining us, Thanks for having me.

Guys. My favorite I just got to say.

What the first thing a clip I saw of you, because we're in the age of seeing comedians and clips, was when you said you were more of an Emperor guy but like liking Star Wars as a Star Wars fan.

I was like, was like, yes, thanks, yeah, you know what's so funny is like that that bit, like that bit like I feel like a lot of comedians had this. I certainly had that bit just like never worked and people always like audiences just stared blankly as I tried doing that right, and then one day it just kind of worked and I like started doing it, and then like I was like, I have no idea what the secret sauce was that got people to laugh at that.

I was just thinking about how how the the Emperor went out without much of a fight, Like what was going on with him when Darth Vader just like picked him up and threw him over. Was like, are we to understand that when he's doing force lightning, it's like an orgasm of some sort, and like he can't really like come back to his or because he just lets him throw him over the over the edge, right spoilers.

What the fuck, dude, Edi Jedi yet. But I'm just like a little disappointed in him because he is such a good, big bad for like the whole trilogy and then he's just like and now I'm frozen. Well I can't do it. Yeah, you know, I I never thought about that. I think orgasm probably is the best comp for for h It'd be great if you if the Emperor was killing Luke Skywalker, he was like, oh, even the guys in the Red Helmet and they just see them like suddenly look at each other. Yeah, he's doing

It's kind of good if you know you're gonna laugh at how fucking dumb it gets at the end.

Maybe, but of course could just be terribly upsetting.

Anyway, it doesn't matter what I said anyway, Welcome to Star Wars Talk, Luke.

I can I make one more point about that? Yeah? Please, because you guys got me going, so you blame yourselves. But yeah, always the guy I think Ian mcdermoid, the guy who plays Palpatine, is like in his sixties now, which means that when when he played the Emperor in nineteen eighty three, he was like twenty six and like, fuck a hot young actor in this life. We want to give you just the grossest makeup. He's like, can

That's amazing foresight on them, literally incredible forest. Yeah, all right, Luke, we're going to get to know you a little bit better.

Sorry first, no, no, just I'm the one who brought it up to begin with. So it's all on. Yeah, little house keeping up top.

We're doing a new public hation schedule for the summer eight episodes A week one episode on Monday, one episode on Friday, Tuesday mornings. Episode are going to be like some weird evergreen not weird, but just we're interviewing listeners and we're interviewing experts. But if you want to be a listener guest, tell us about your job. Tell us you know things that people don't know about your job, the craziest shit that ever happened to you on your job.

What's great is like every time we ask y'all for to like submit, everyone writes in and already it's like we got someone who's like a prosecutor in Florida. We got someone who's like what was the latest one? Oh, like sex workers, we have like custodial staff. There's so many interesting people that trust this is we're really look, we love you all.

Equally, Thank you so much. And yeah, well we'll be talking to you all in the coming days. Today some things we're talking about.

We're talking about the Utah book banning and why it's dumb and why what somebody did to kind of undermine it in a pretty brilliant way. The debut of Tucker on Twitter, which should be read with a fully wooden deck background. For for some reason, God, he's going so hard on the wood.

Supposed to just.

Read as like American masculinity. Like it's just like it's wood man, you know. Yeah, fuck yeah, Okay, Well good for him.

He's also got pool cues behind him. Yeah, yeah, he's just he is hanging out in the lodge where Harlan Crow and Clarence Thomas hangout, like on their vacation. Hey, speaking of going so hard on the wood, people have been masturbating for millions of years. A study has found.

I find this study to be weird, and it seems like, I don't know, like we've found yeah, exactly followed under no ship. But they're also like there's some assumptions baked in that, like it's weird that we masturbate. Kind of like it seems like they're like, well, why did our masturbating like branch of the evolutionary chain thrive while others didn't, and I'm just like, no, all of them were masturbating. Every everything that has hands is masturbating. Guys, what are

New Captain America reboot, which they've had to change the name on a couple other things. But before we get to any of that shit, Luke, we do like to ask our guests, what is something from your search history? Yeah, so I've thought about this because there's a couple of things over the last twenty four hours that I really I felt I could present to you. But one thing I was in I mean, I feel like this is a no judgment zone for like fucked up Internet stuff, so I feel like I can just come here and

That's just like people who like dig in, like the like mud looking for stuff like on river banks and ship Yeah yeah, we did like forty minutes on that one time.

Yeah yeah, trust so don't worry about it. Okay, I feel I feel Wait wait, but who is the old Yeah?

Well, I mean I'm going to ask you as if you know, and I don't want to see those hands typing looke jeez. Who currently holds the mantle of like oldest person on earth?

Yeah? So the oldest person right now. Her name is Maria Bronyas Morrera. She was born in nineteen o seven. Wow. She lives in Catalonia, Spain, in a nursing home and she runs her own Twitter.

Hey so do I deal? I think that's impressive. Yeah, sir seyn be some ship posts man? Yeah wait wait so was that one hundred and seventeen years old. Well, he said nineteen oh seven, so.

I believe she's one one hundred and sixteen. Have you seen that video of this old like thie monk who's like in the hut? Yeah?

Who, Like it's like this clip of this tie monk and like a little girl is playing with them and it looks like an animated skeleton.

Yeah, that guy, I think, unfortunately, everyone is like, that's another one of those guys who it's It's interesting because it's always like often it's like holy men who lie about being the oldest man in the world. But I think like that guy has been like deep over because

Yeah, At a certain point, like people just look old as hell, and if they're like I'm actually one hundred and fifteen, I'd buy it.

Yeah, I mean this guy does look old and nine years old.

That truly is that skeleton skeletor with like a loose like coating of skin.

Okay, there are holes in his cheek. This does look like an animatronic from like Indiana something, Pirates of the Caribbean, Right, I think I'm thinking of a different guy because this guy looks one hundred and nine as hell. That guy looks That's what I'm saying, Like, this dude looks legitm man, you look one hundred and nine as hell. It would have move my heart if Luke, if you busted it. You're like, dude, that guy no fucking seventy two, dude,

And then they just like bring children by to like pet him like he's Yeah. The videos of like a child runs up and like he just reaches his hand out and like kind of generally pets and them, and then another child runs up and does the same thing. There's just just like grab when I saw like the little girl grabs him, Like is it easy?

Easy? Easy? Yeah? I want to be sideshow attraction old That's what I'm going for. Yeah.

Yeah, but that's gotta be like not the tenure on that position oldest in the world has to be among the among the shortest tenured positions.

So true, you know you're not going to be hanging out that long. You know you're in the waiting room. If that's what's going on. Right when when you get the call up to the varsity team, Yeah, the big one. What's uh, what's something you think is overrated? Oh? Man, another thing I've been Uh, I've been wrestling with something I think is overrated. I'm gonna say the push for meta verse stuff. These apple glasses. They got me kind of freaked out. I've been. I watched that promo video

Yeah I had that thought. I was like, Wally missed because they still have screens in front of them that they're looking at at a distance. I mean, this is what it's going to be.

Yeah, the goggles are I mean I actually think that Google Glass was like the clu Even though it looked kind of dorky, it was like the closest thing to like I can't I'm surprised. I think it was just a little early. But yeah, these big goggles, I mean these look extremely goofy. I mean, yeah, you're going to see people at the airport walking with these goggles on. It's gonna be like you're gonna see them at the airport like in a month wearing that, and it's, uh,

I mean there, I was like, this is the sickest TV ever. That is how when I saw that, I was like, what if I blew up watching whatever the fuck I'm watching? Like when they did the things like what if it was a hundred foot screen and you're on a lake in Switzerland And I was like, whoa, that's been true. Yeah, that's like that was the only thing. I'm like, that's cool. However, I'm not gonna spend thirty

And yeah, I didn't think about that, you know, as you said the one hundred foot screenthing, I'm like, oh, this is going to kill the movie theater eventually. It is.

Yeah, it's gonna kill so many things. It just like further allows you to completely disassociate into a like cellular existence and like just makes it so cool to be in a room by yourself doing absolutely nothing.

I've I've become one of these people who, like, I'm very big on proselytizing to everyone I meet about like the dangers of AI and kind of you know, being the trying to se I'm not trying to make myself sound like I'm ahead of the time. I feel like everybody else a lot of other people are doing this too, But like I feel like AI, chat GBT, all this shit is going to like fundamentally disrupt our society and economy more than COVID did by like a long shot.

Yeah, the I feel like the vision pro goggles or whatever, it's like easier to see where that goes. I think for some people, like AI's still like kind of obscure to them, where they're like, I don't know, it seems kind of cool, whereas like I think, like you're saying, it's like this is Wally, this is black mirror, remember the thing we have examples of how we entertech dystopia or maybe the matrix where everyone's a battery and like in their own little pod at some point.

Yeah, true, it's like the beginning of the yeah, it really is like the it's like our first footstep into lifting in a completely digital way, and I think I call it something else, right, Like they they invented their own term that I saw at the Apple event that I'm forgetting now. But it's not augmented reality. It's like in reality.

If something hands reality feels like what it will be called. Yeah, it's it is so funny to me, like just in retrospect looking at like when Mark Zuckerberg released his version of this, it was like it looked like it was fifteen years old and it was just like such dog. It just looked like such shit. And then Apple drops this and it's like, oh yeah, I mean that's that

I'd be like, oh wow, this is really powerful. But he just dropped. He just dropped some like first iteration of Wei level ship like the Nintendo Wii like everything inside that looks like a Nintendo Wi generation below it and miners like we actually just improved on reality.

Yeah fuck having an Avatar Just how about you watch Avatar on a thousand foot screen in the in the ocean. Yes, but I feel like Zuckerberg at least his like instinct of like people are going to be on this. Maybe that was correct, even though he's like diverting billions of meta dollars into this like goofy. Like it looks like in the office when Dwight created a second life character.

It looks worse than that.

Yeah, it's like if you've seen Jury Duty, it's like the defense Defense Attorney his video that he shows.

Every time you say jury duty, I think of a poly shore movie. I don't know. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. Why what's everyone else talking about?

Yeah, biodome, Luke, it's a real biodome situation. Everything that these apple glad I'm like, I mean, think about it. We're all gonna be living in biodomes and then we'll come out as virtual and Sino men because we haven't been in society. Next thing, you know, I'm fighting in the Global Wars because I'm in the army. Now, I'm like, Wow, these guys love Polly Shure. Are you guys like, so, how have you been wheezing the juice late? Yeah?

Hey, buddy, are you are you are you? Are you married? Are you good son in law? Luke? What is something you think is underrated? Oh? Man, what is something I think is underrated? I'm gonna go with I'm gonna go with like knockoff crocs. Yeah, m hmm. What do you mean by that? Like just off brand crocs or like literal fake like modulant crocs. I'm gonna that's also. I'm gonna go off brand crocs because I feel like I love a croc. H I feel like I was in

I got an argument eat crocs? An investigation? Yeah, advice or should let me? Okay, keep going and and I'll let you know when I get okay.

Thank you? Yeah, yeah, I think they did that. The Department of defense did something. No anyway, But I have off brand crocs I got for like twenty dollars on Amazon and its it served me well, and you know, they're the easy brand kind of made their croc But now I feel like that's a problematic to wear. So yeah, I'm sticking with my Amazon brand crocks. I feel like that's super underrated and it needs to be more and more widely accepted.

Oh yeah, yeah, I think it's funny how like everybody there's just so many like at this point when you say off brand crocks, we're just all kind of into the idea of like kind of chunky round slippers and we're like, yeah, yeah, why not?

Why not? Why not?

Like they're comfortable, Like I have like some Amazon big chunky foam like sandals that I'm like, these are so fucking comfortable.

They're like, yeah, totally off brand, but I'm like this, it's the comfort baby, But they are not too so maybe they are, maybe they're not, maybe they're properly rated, But in my mind, I was just like I always felt like crocs are becoming like the like Kleenex, where it's like the brand is almost the name of the wider thing now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, this is something A rep Yeah, I think they are actually becoming that.

They said, no, it's like this. I'm like, you could kind of. I guess they're just saying, like, I mean, if you want to go ahead.

Yeah, it's like celery. It's like it it's fine vitamins, but eat it. Yeah, fun funny enough.

Yeah, man, When I went shopping at the mall for Christmas, like the one store that was absolutely just like had people like pouring in and out, was like like Crocs was doing better business than the Apple store.

It was oh yeah, that's awesome. Yeah I was.

I was like the coolest uncle because I got my nephew minecraft Crocs, Like I bought one pair of Crocs and then like now I get emails all the time to like, hey, the new Minecraft collab and I was like, this seems like the perfect thing for like a ten year old, and yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got.

The most gratitude I got for a gift in the past, like probably a couple of years, was from my mother in law being the good son in law. We's in the juice and got her some Crocs with the little gibbets gibbets. Yeah, and she was very charmed by that.

So because they do call them charms as well, there you go. I'm just thinking of the Crocs flagship store at the mall having like a Crocs Genius bar where people are like helping you right to come up, Hey, can we help you? Or you bring in your cracking Like I don't know what to do with this, Oh but you're pretty sure. Yeah, why don't you pop your

Oh I thought we would say that for next time. Really, I think do you have time level air for all? Right, let's take a quick break and we'll come back and talk about some news.

And we're back.

And Utah currently has a system in their schools where basically any parent can have any book reviewed, so it can be.

Like banished from the curriculum. Yeah, which cool system.

Yeah, it's the way you get like any but you're like, oh, this like John or Haint Green book guy, this has like some reference to sexon or something I wanted out of the school.

And so one parent was.

Like, oh, this is an interesting system, and basically was thinking like, well, if you think Tony Morrison's Beloved is so fucked up, what about your own fucking book of incestuous.

Ghost stories aka the Bible?

And a parent So basically a parent submitted the Holy Bible for review, basically being like this shit is all over the place. This is what the parent wrote in their complaint to the school. They said, I think the Utah legislature and UTAP parents United for making this bad faith process so much easier and way more efficient. Now we can all ban books and you don't even need to read them or be accurate about it. Heck, you

Wow. Guess what I did not know about the dildos in the Bible. That was my takeaway from that.

Yeah, and I'm like, literally about the searche dildo Bible. It's probably gonna come up with something else. But guess what they banned the Bible.

Wow? Yeah, so well done, well done, which is like one of those things where you're like, wait, hold on, what are we doing here?

I mean because I think most people are thinking, surely that will you know, catalyze a conversation about like what's going on, But they're just like, okay, cool, Yeah, the blade can cut both ways with this, like just knee jerk way of doing things. So now the parent is going to follow up with the Book of Latter day Saints or the Book of Mormon to actually be like all right, let's test your gangster now see if you're

Oh totally, I'm sure that parent who is trying to make a point. It was like, oh, okay, well, I guess let's also ban Book of Mormon, right, and we'll see where that goes.

I think it's revealing that they're good with the book the banning of the Bible, because like they're not for any reading, you know, they don't want their kids like knowing anything because they don't asking difficult questions about the dildo in the Bible, right, So yeah, this is fine with them, and then they'll just like, well, we'll just make some ship up when when our kids ask questions, we want our kids dumb and uninformed and like under our control.

Essentially. Uh, there's yeah, there's some dildos in here in the Book of his Ekiel. Oh yeah, you know. I just I had to just go back into my mind and just be like, apparently idolatry. Is that what they were doing with the false idols?

I don't know, and Moraley again, that's what I do, Yeah, they said, I guess if it says such as the all the jewelry that Judah the town who has described as an adulterous wife, I guess as in a metaphor for some reason, is turning into dildosa quote.

You also took the fine jewelry. I gave you the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them. Oh okay, yeah, I can see how that would be a weird way to describe that. I mean, yeah, dildo's is an idol. You can spell dildo's with idol. You just got to add a d oh. Oh yeah, I never thought about that. Da Vinci coach shit. Yeah, the whole thing is just a word jumble.

And that's how all the greatest minds of all time have operated, is just through local newspaper level word jumbles.

For you to solve. Yeah, yeah, that's a great da Vinci code. Sequels is Robert Langdon just trying to prove that people these things fucking themselves, right, the search for the first dildo, the first holy dildo. Yeah, well Robert the cryptext or whatever. But they're like, wait, it's a dildo. We never thought of this.

This episode certainly has a jerk off theme because our next story is Tucker Carlson.

Is up on Twitter.

He dropped the first episode of his new Twitter show, which is apparently all being filmed inside a remote cabin in the middle of the woods.

Yeah, yeah, the set.

Is terrible that I just want to play the intro the first couple of seconds because he has the energy of like a like an early ots YouTube blogger. The whole thing feels it's so and the pacing is so fucked up like this goes to show I mean, you are don't you have like a ton of money, Like is anyone making this? But anyway, here's the beginning of it.

Hey, it's Stucker Carlson this morning. That's already too much. Hey, okay, I'll give you one more time. Hey, it's stuck Her Carlson this morning. It looks like somebody blew up the Kakovka damn in southern Ukraine. Wait, like you just left Fox.

This is supposed to be your big comeback and you just go like, hey, Tucker Carlson, somebody blew up a damn.

Yeah no intro. I also have to point out from watching it just now, it sounds like for a guy who was Look, I'm not saying my audio is perfect, I'm not saying my level so perfect, But for a guy who makes twenty five million dollars a year, as broadcaster here. It certainly got a lot of echo in there.

Yeah, tiny well agains Again, he chose probably one of the worst acoustic environments, just solid wood. It's like everything's reflective, so true, but this is a I guess that's the vibe because wood equals American.

Man.

I mean, that does seem to be a decision he's making because at the end of the ten minute long show, the camera pans out and it's revealed that there's literally nobody in the room with him and he's just like using a mouse to scroll through a teleprompter. Yeah, like he's just buy himself. So I think like that's what he's trying to prove a little.

Bit, like listen to idious audio?

Is it?

But like that's not a win like again, because his whole thing is like he's like, I'm off, Like the reason I'm on Twitter is because there's no gatekeepers here, yeah know, And he's like that this is going to be the short wave radio of the future some shit. And but again, you you don't even have like this sort of same production quality. I don't know, it just it it it just it just reads as I'm alone, completely and isolated and.

Also obviously a complete fucking you know, like that it's a complete fabrication. He has somebody doing his makeup and doing his hair and all that shit, like they're hiding just off screen just because he's operating his own teleprompter, but surely does not mean that he's doing this all by himself.

Also, like, let's be very clear, like the those windows behind him aren't windows, Like this is like still a set, even if he's at a cabin right right, Yeah, yeah, because lighting would be a nightmare. You can tell at the end of the video that it's like, oh, that's clearly a fake backdrop. So he's in They've built him a little studio and they've put pool qu's behind him. Yeah, this is the this.

I'm sorry listeners, but I'm just gonna look at the last shot here and it's just like I'm.

Sorry, now, I'm like, are those actually pool qu's? Look? Are they like walking sticks? Like stick rack?

Okay, all right, Billbo. So you're out there doing your one man show with like your windows quote unquote that just looks like shitty lcdtvs or something.

Yeah, those are not There's no way, especially look at the one on the left.

I mean that is that looks like when you look at a screen from the side, because the mewing angle becomes a little too acute. But anyway, but Tucker, great to see you going off on you know, homophobia and anti semitism pretty much straight off the bat with this first episode.

Yeah, just coming with the conspiracies. It's like Tucker Carlson's conspiracy Theory hour. He so he starts off saying that this damn was an act of terrorism by Ukraine. He also, this is a direct quote, what exactly happened on nine to eleven? Oh you don't know that exactly happened on nine to eleven? Well, it's still classified. How did Jeffrey Epstein make all that money?

How did he die? How about JFK? And so endless lyon then he said, who organized those Black Lives Matter riots? Three? Yeah, no, one's got to the bottom of that. And it's called public outrage? Right?

Who organized? That's so fucking the police? The police state organized it by creating as something that people were reacting to. I guess, yeah, maybe that look no further than the police. Tucker, who was the mastermind behind all of this Black Lives Matter outrage? Couldn't have been people's just inherent sense of justice. But yeah, barely cracked freebird length. It was mostly dedicated to like so he claims that Ukraine blew up the Kakovka dam not Russia. And then he like says that

Two for one right there. Ye've gone homophobic and anti semitic with just one goal right there. Just wearing my brain out, Yeah, truly, But.

It's just also funny think, like, you know, I don't know if people remember in World War Two the Russians also blew up a damn in Ukraine. Yeah, there is a slight history of them in the Danipper River. But yeah, I mean now I think most people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah, because that that helps Ukraine's That's why they do it. It's not because you know, Russia is trying to like

Yeah, and it was immediately like picked up by Russian state TV. So's he's doing his job there.

Yeah, I wonder what kind of ad deal they've worked out between the Kremlin and Twitter and how all this is working.

I mean, that's like, I don't know what it's.

It can't just be the Tucker Carlson has like a tremendous love for Vladimir Putin because like it's like he's defying even his own logic at times with like how pro Russia he'll be.

So like a lot of people are like there's got to be compromat or something or money or whatever. I'm like, I don't know, it's it's it's hard to know. Or the worldview just is in line is aligned with what he thinks. Like, well, if I can use my influence to get more people to think Russia is like that, we should be doing more things like Russia, and then maybe that's like a way to begin, I don't know, weakening the American psyche or something. I don't know. It's maybe they have a syndication deal.

The way that like the real thing that makes sitcom writer writers like generationally wealthy is like the fact that there's always The Simpsons on at any time, like right at any point in the day.

Maybe maybe that's what he's got going. It'd be, well, we'll see what episode two looks like and what kind of terrible things that come out of his mouth. But they say that's some like that video like sixty five million views or something. It really yeah, I mean it's what they are huge.

But well because Elon Musk like tweeted and he's like boosting it right, yeah, he finished it. And also as we know, like he fired like when his posts weren't getting enough interaction or whatever traction and someone was like, I think it might be if you like look at these metrics here, it indicates that people don't fuck with you.

Also, the Super Bowl all was happening that day. Bro, there's that part and then he fired. That person is said that that's so funny. Oh my god. Yeah, I think this is just going to be a thing.

I wouldn't put it past Twitter to do what like Facebook was doing with video views, like back in the tents, oh yeah, where they're like, sure, oh yeah, had sixty five million views right there, it's like maybe you maybe you pushed it to sixty five million accounts or something. But like, I I mean I saw I saw like people quote tweeting, and I think I never watched it until like earlier this morning because I just wanted to

Exactly there? It really is a lot like that Facebook twenty sixteen vibe. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

It's like it was on for two seconds while you scrolled. That's a full watch, all right, now bring us your ad dollars?

Whoops? What do we do to everyone? So insane?

But like what like going back to the idea that he's acting in somebody else's interest and not just like trying to launch a show, like to open your first episode with like conspiracy theories that are like pro Russia and you're trying to appeal like is that in line with the like Fox News orthodoxy? Like I know they were a little bit less on board than you know, the mainstream media with regards to like the Ukraine, Like you know, pro Ukraine stuff, but I think.

They got into it over that, like his pro russianists like even push them to be like.

Easy, dude, Like if you're trying to expose us to a bunch of new people to like try and grow your audience, and the first thing is like this you know, kind of convoluted Ukraine conspiracy theory, Like it just feels like a weird decision. I'm hoping I'm hoping he fucked up in that respect, and that everyone was like, all right, well this is boring, Like your conspiracy theories aren't even interesting.

It starts off too with like Putin be like when Trump was president, right, it was hard to say Putin was a bad guy because Trump loved him so much. So to point out that Vladimir Putin was like an autocratic despot would.

Be like, oh, you're like Joe Biden now. And I think it's like that was the beginning because he always then he'd always be like why is Vladimir Putin seen?

It's such a bad guy, and like that's I remember he started doing that ship when Trump was in office because that was like cover for Trump, and then it became a thing where it's like and then as the war like heated up, that just became a thing that Joe Biden was trying to do his foreign policy.

So then he's just like suddenly like pro Russia in that sense where maybe you could have been more like anti war. But hey, look who organized these Black Lives Matter protests? What really happened on nine to eleven? Eleven? Did Ukraine? Is it? Zelenski? Right? Oh my gosh, All right, let's take a quick break.

Yeah, and we'll come back and find other ways to talk about jack offs and that.

Sort of thing.

And we're back, and as promised, a new study has quote traced the origins of masturbation all the way back to ancient primates.

Wow, shut up, I hate the person who wrote this. I've traced the origins of masturbation. Okay, I'm sorry, go on to ancient primates.

Apparently this behavior was present a whopping forty million years ago, even before high speed internet existed. According to one of the researchers, it is an ancient evolved trait.

It's ancient. Is this like mystical? Now?

If they discovered masturbation wasn't present in any form of humanity that had like fingers, and a hand that would be the surprising thing. But being like we this one goes all the way to the top, folks, We really like people have been masturbating for a long time. It's like yeah that yeah, no shit, Like have you ever had a pet, like any like animals are frequently uncomfortably horny, Like I was.

Just yeah, I'm watching it, I'm dog sitting right now, and I'm pretty sure the dog has been sucking its own dick. And on top of that, I'm going, well, basically, any any human, I would say, any animal that can suck its own dick is sucking its own Yes, we can just assume that that is like a mathematical certainty. Yeah right, that's like exactly, that is a certainty that if you can, if somebody can suck their and dick

Oh, that's just his d nothing nothing nothing nothing, get this leads going on there. But yeah, apparently like yeah, this has been like I just I think like in the eighties or something was the first time they you know, people saw it like on a sonogram.

Yeah. The mom is like I feel like kicking. They're like those are kicks.

Oh yeah, those kicks, ma'am. It's kicking like a bunch, like in a really rapid succession.

Wow, like thumper. Yeah.

But so they poured over hundreds of publications personal notes about masturbating primate primates from primatologists and zoo keepers and like they're also like, we found it baffling that no one had properly researched this topic already, And I like, what the fuck are you talking about. It's just it's so common for the reason that it feels good and people can do it and there's nothing wrong with it.

Yeah, right, Like what it's like, It's like it's like we've traced back the origins of waking up in the morning yawning and stretching your arms out like this.

Ahace it back like other animals do it too. Yeah, yeah, even yeah, I don't understand the origin of like how do they even go back that far? Number one? And what would make them think that any animal wasn't doing that? Right, that's the So that's the thing.

So they have this whole section about like how they have these theories about the evolutionary reasons why male primates because like obviously, you know, this is based on historic research, and history does not want to acknowledge women's pleasure, nor does like modern Hollywood. Right, But so they have a lot of data on like male primates doing it, and but they're like positing these theories about the evolutionary reason and they're like, one theory is that it boosted the

Right, I mean is that just?

But is that just because like it's not like the primates were like, hey man, you should get checked out, man, you want to go jack off by the tree to just make sure you're good. Or is it that all the jacking off primates survived the venereal disease like outbreak, you know what I mean, it's like, yeah, the horniest ones, the horniest ones got through.

That's their theory. But finds a way, so their theory.

I don't I don't think they're saying like it was a strategic decision right there, saying, you know, the way that natural selection works is that it's like, you know, a group that has this random, you know, evolutionary.

Trait happens to survive better.

So like I'm not suggesting that they're saying, like everybody got together in a huddle and was guys, we figured this thing out. But like that, it does assume that we were part of a peculiar branch of the evolutionary tree that masturbated, like that we were different and masturbating and like that, therefore it must have given us an

Why this particular fish didn't make it through the Jurassic era.

Yeah, but it does feel like this is coming from an angle of like what where did we get this like weird behavior from it? Just like as opposed to like this is a natural thing that feels good to animals and therefore they all do it. It feels like it's like benefits. Feels like they came up with this paper in like middle school when everyone was still pretending that they didn't jerk off.

I just like it's just so funny too, Like how just the concept of masturbationing seems so like across the board from like in the in the fucking womb to animals or whatever. Because I'm pretty sure you can google fucking any animal in the word masturbate and you'll get something like I just googled. I just googled squirrel masturbate.

You know that he's been saying. I just happened to. I searched that one just because I was curious and just just why the fuck am I on trial? Man? But there were immediately articles and pictures about squirrels masturbating, like and this one was saying, like, squirrels do it to help clear their you know, their pipes and help ward off like st i s and stuff. I got to write down some of these defenses. Yeah, please please do them. It feels good and it helps me clear

I guess I on the bush's Yeah, keep it to yourself.

But it's it's fine everyone. Don't let the paper make you feel weird. All animals do it and it makes them feel good. Please, but they would lived without it. This is the most human behavior. Observe the observe. You're not going to ser subway ride, so why don't you get off? All right?

And finally, I'm not sure how we're gonna pull this one back around masturbation, but showtime has mysteriously pulled episode of Vice. Pull it off, Yeah, pull it back around. Yeah, Oh, actually I have one. He was a He was a

But I don't know. That is something very peculiar, but also not surprising given how we see like mainstream media be like, yeah, yeah, we don't just not rock the boat to hard right now.

Yeah yeah, I mean I've been behind the scenes that. Like one of my first jobs was like working the phones at like one of the major networks like news desks, and saw a story get completely defanged by a current current prominent politician. Wasn't a politician then, was more of

It's it's gonna be so annoying. What was the story? How it worked?

It was just like basically being like he's a bullshit billionaire, he's like not as rich as he claims, and fraud.

And yeah, I guess he stamped a lot of that out. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah exactly.

So anyways, hopefully somebody, maybe other journalists who don't have massive legal departments with big overhead like can take this as an indication that there's something there and it's worth looking into.

But because it's like I'm trying to think if it's revealed, right, people who like I don't know how this affects someone who would vote for him if the news came out. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like it's one of those weird stories where like people you hear the name and you're probably gonna immediately be turned off or turned on

That's so true. We really are in the era of like people the they're sort of an impenetrability of candidates and like people are not easily dissuaded, and like attack ads don't work on even like swing voters really, so it's like interesting that like, yeah, we're still framing things that way, but you're totally right, Like there's I think in the person who's who will change their stance based on that.

I think it's just like a personal humiliation for DeSantis that he doesn't want to because I'm sure he probably knows how to, like he's maybe if he's probably avoided reckoning with it. So that's why he wants to avoid it, because at one time he was asked about it when he was like in Israel, fucking lost it lost.

Yeah, I do think his whole thing because I don't think there are that many voters for him, Like obviously they're in Florida for you know, his current position, but I think his whole momentum is like mainstream media personalities thinking he's an alternative to Trump, and in that respect it could be damaging because they're the sort of people who would give a shit about a story like this, you know. Obviously, like maybe his voters wouldn't be because he's running to the right of Trump.

But right in which case, like I'm sorry, and this is so cynical, but you'd think that harming like Muslim detainees and Guantanamo Bay would be like a fucking badge of honner for these monsters. Yeah, where they're like, yeah, he did that exactly, that's my president type of shit. But I don't know that's where it's like so odd when we're like, wait, so, what is a level of cruelty that's acceptable to you?

Yeah? And on the pill. Yeah.

I think his whole thing as of right now is just that the mainstream media takes him seriously as like what if Trump went to Harvard? Harvard a school that's five six. Yeah, but we're lifts, so you couldn't tell.

Hey, they're fucking cowboy boots. They're not lifts.

I don't put anything in here to make them lifts. They're just really high heeled cowboy boots. They naturally lift.

Yeah, exactly. Find a new angle. Find a new angle, asshole. Luke.

Such a pleasure having you on the show where people where can people find you and follow you?

Thank you guys for having me. Yeah, I'm I'm at all the stuff at Luke Monus M O N E S. And yeah, my album happening in my head on Spotify, iTunes and everywhere else. Thank you guys appreciate it.

And is there a work Amedia that you've been enjoying?

Oh?

Wow, you know, like I tweet. Those are lifts. I mean those that's all. I justs boots and they look.

Like, hey, they got to be a little bit high off man. Yeah, he looks like like he looks like like a time traveler, like fell into twenty twenty three and it's like i was Zoro's arch nemesis.

But I'm gonna put this suit on. Someone finds me out, dude. The media I have to recommend that I've been enjoying lately is the picture that Miles just pulled up of yeahoy boots. Yeah, that's the media. I have to strongly recommend that has changed my life. They are so unnatural looking, it's crazy, that's sir. They should have little they should have fish tanks in them.

Oh yeah right, because you imagine he goes to like a disco platform shoe next wow.

Or like the Robert de Niro irishman shoe. Have you guys seen that? Oh yeah, the insane Oh he was in big lifts, dude. His the lifts were like He's just gonna fall over. He walked like he was going to fall over it. And well that's certainly true too.

Yeah, that one scene where he's supposed to like be a young menacing enforcer where he like walks down the street and oh yeah, holy shit.

They are.

Yeah, they're like CRUs that somebody was like clone at Clone at Clonet, like just the most soul that any shoe has ever heard.

My millennials will remember this. You remember rocket dog platform sandals?

Uh that some of the the ladies out there and female female identifying homies was wearing that back then. Those they look exactly like rocket dog platforms, but with like a leather fucking I don't know whatever wingtip upper.

I'm looking now. Oh yeah they Oh yeah remember those? Yes, yes, Jack, you remember those without me saying them. Do you remember rocket dogs? No? I don't remember those at all. You've never seen this like a rocket dog? Yeah, Like this was like standard footwear. I felt like in the early as I've seen them more recently than that. They're coming back. Baby rocks and rocket dogs and you can eat a rocket dog. It does sound like they should be like you know ice cream bars that you can get from

Yeah, right, Miles, Where can people find you? What is the work media you've been enjoying. Find me on Twitter, Instagram at Miles of Gray.

If you like basketball talk, check Jack and I out on our basketball podcast Miles and Jack got mad as we discussed the NBA. Fine, if you want to hear me talk shit about reality TV, then check out four twenty Day Fiance with Sophia, Alexandra and I. Now let's see the thing. I'm just gonna keep saying it because people keep have been tweeting, like, what's that reality show? I was kept talking about Siren on Netflix, the Korean reality competition show, which is like next level Capture the Flag.

Just gonna say, if you have time, check that out. It sounds great. Yeah. I love to Capture the Flag when I was a kid. Oh yeah, It's it's like I felt like that was like the purest like form of of competition, like in school when it's like we're gonna split the class in half and you guys run at each other and take the fucking flag the best. Uh.

A couple tweets I've been enjoying Small Cat one. Small Cat tweeted, they don't id me at the liquor store anymore because they see the light has left my eyes.

I've had that thought. I'm like, what, Wow, what changed? Yeah? Why no more ID? I think it's like posture two.

Yeah, you know, like I remember when I was young buying out club like hey, like even like when I was like twenty one, I'm like, I was like yeah, and now I'm like, man, just fucking ring it up, dude.

And Ben Rosen at Ben Underscore. Rosen tweeted the Grimace's birthday image and new, I guess it's Verry flavored new Berry flavored Grim's milkshake. Celebrations starts six twelve, and then pointed out a June twelfth birthday suggests Grimace may have been conceived on September eleventh.

This is just something that everybody should keep in mind as we're celebrating. Oh never forget.

You can find me on Twitter at Jack Underscore. O'Brien, you can find us on Twitter at daily Zeitgeist. We're at v daily Zeitgeist on Instagram. We have a Facebook fan page and a website. Daily zeikeis dot com, where we post our episodes and our footnopes. We link off to the information that we talked about in today's episode, as well as a song that.

We think you might enjoy it.

Okay, So this is from a Lebanese group called Samir in a boot abb o ud and I found it on this There's like these compilation albums that are really good.

It's called the bb Funk and I've.

I've pulled tracks from these compilations before. This one is called Games, and the vibe is like they're singing in English but they're like they fail. It feels like a Lebanese Steely Dan or something, because this song's from nineteen eighty three and it's got kind of like the same sort of like syncopated sort of like jazzy shit going on, but with like super easy lyrics. So this is Games from the Lebanese duo Samir.

And I'll boot check that all right. We will link off to that in the footnote.

The Daily Zeikes is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

That is gonna do it for us this morning, back this afternoon to tell you what is trending, and we will talk to y'all then. Bye bye,