Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Sir Carl Trentkins, a name that we all know and floors at this point, Sir Carl Jenkins, I am Jack. That is Miles, and we are all just getting over our coronation hangovers from the you know, getting up at three am on Sunday, Saturday, but Saturday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because we saw it, Yeah, Saturday.
It's all a blur man, you know this weekend.
The best part was the media obscuring the amount of protests there were over there. Yeah, that was one thing I felt like was not there. And when you I mean, we might have to talk about it because the way the people they were talking about how they got arrested, it was basically they're like, yeah, we knew what they
were intending to do. Like we're saying the how the police have powers to round you up if they think you have the intent, but they're like saying that they intended to disrupt the ceremony and just the the disruptions or thought of disruptions, yes, yes, yes, yes, disruptive thoughts.
But anyway, Minority report without the pre cogs, with just police gut gut into a bunch of causers, which is usually pretty good. Police usually have a pretty strong guy. Truly.
The only piece of coronation content I consumed was the tweet from the Great Christy Amagucci Mane at Wapple House, who did side by side of King Charles with his like crown and cloak and golden neck garland and two scepters, And he just tweeted that next to the scene from I think you should leave with Carl Carl Havoc then there's too much fucking ship on me, which yeah, he doesn't give off. He gives off the vibes of I just don't want to be here anymore type. Could you?
Could you imagine, Now this is a little abstract, but if you could reduce every jewel and diamond and piece of gold and give it a human scream value, number of screams, number of screams now fain that has.
Been caused by Yeah, yeah, yeah, accumulation.
Yeah, that's the kind of that's the kind of math I'm into.
Yeah, one glove on, one glove off. But so he was letting us see his meaty little fingers and then left our rule with a sausage fist, soft sausage fist there's also so this was not an actual conspiracy theory that went around, but it was one the media was reporting on because it's fun. It was basically a joke someone tweeted, So Megan did not attend. Megan was back
west in the us SR Oh California. Yeah, might as well be the USSR, if you know what I'm saying, celebrating her child's birthday and just not getting caught up in the in the messiness and the you're actually not allowed to walk on the red carp it, so we're gonna need you to kind of stand over here. So she stayed home. But conspiracy theorists aka one person on Twitter joked that Megan secretly attended the coronation in disguise because there was a person at the coronation who couldn't
have looked more like somebody in disguise. Like he has the most wig like real hair that I think I've ever seen, big kind of bottle cap sunglasses in yours.
At the aviator type eyeglasses almost that you could see like Estelle Getty wearing in like Golden Girls.
Yes, massive massive mustache just like Wilford Brimley mixed with Ed Sharon Ed sheeron, Yeah, I think great or a.
My initial thought I was like Lemmy's uncle, he's his uncle.
Is also very good because the.
Mustache is very Lemmy esque and the hair is like, yeah, man, I was there in the seventies, but I ain't changing my dude.
Yeah, kind of still looks good.
Yeah, I mean it does. It does seem like a potentially even a Tim Robinson character for sure.
Turns out it as a legendary composer. Sir Carl Jenkins nah, which explains why he was sitting next to Andrew Lloyd Webber. That would be very strange if Megan Markle came in disguise and decided to sit next to Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Why do I always think Andrew Lloyd Weber is not alive.
Because he's one hundred years old?
Is it? Probably because like all like is their like contribution to like music is so like just huge. You're like, that person can't still be around.
He might be the person, the still living person most likely to evoke a Mandela effect when he dies. I feel like you're right that a lot of people are like, wait, he died back in ninety three.
I thought, yeah, and You're like, he's seventy five like that, you know what I mean? Like, oh damn, because in my mind I'm like, yeah, man, all those classics he did from the eighteen hundreds, no right cats? Yeah, someone with no perspective on musical theater.
Yeah, so new King. Everybody's excited New king hoodas Trump will not be testifying in his rape trial, probably because of all the horrible things he would say under oath. Somebody tweeted out the front page of a German newspaper and said, any of you speak German, who can translate this for me? And the headline is ist Donald Trump ein sex monster? Which, yeah, news at eleven. I think we think we have the answer to that. He will officially, like he said he wasn't going to, but he had
until five pm on Sunday to decide. Also, the court released video footage of Trump's deposition, which might also shed
some light onto why he didn't testify. So during the deposition, he mistakenly identifies Egene Carroll, his victim in this case, as his ex wife Marla Maples, which is a pretty big fuck up because like, was that e g And Carroll isn't his type, which is a crazy defense and just like it's like him being like, I'm, you know, using sexism to defend his horrible, monstrous behavior like in court. But the yeah, he specifically like it is like if you saw it in a movie, you'd be like, that.
Is too easy. Yeah, that's a scene where like they got him.
Yeah, just completely shoots himself directly in the foot and then reloads and keeps shooting himself in the foot, which is wild that he has made his career of doing that and might be our past end next president if you believe the polling. But yeah, he's shown an old photo of him with his first wife, Evanna Miss Carroll, and her then husband John Johnson, and he says it's Marla. Yeah, that's Marlae. Yeah, that's my wife, before his lawyer correct him. And the people, I mean, it's sorry because.
Even the attorneys on the other side who are like asking questions, they can't even believe that this guy went from like, I mean, why would I get near her? She's not my type? And also you you're you're not, he even said the fucking lawyer. He's like, you know, you're not, and that's it. And it's like, bro, this is why he can never take the stand because he doesn't understand anything. Uh but yeah, this is this is the clip of him insisting. He's like, I don't even
know who that is. I don't know is that my ex wife? Let's say I don't know who it's Marla? Mar's this photo? That's Marla? Yeah, it's it's my wife. Which woman here, Carroll?
And the person the woman on the right is your then wife. Know this was the picture?
I assume that's John Johnson?
Is that?
Wow?
I don't know this was the picture?
Uh? You guys, uh, that's your Okay, that's your ass.
I would think, ye who knows? This truly reminds me like anytime there's something like this in a movie, I'm reminded of that Brady Bunch episode where they get taken to court by a guy who claims they like broke his neck and he comes in a neck brace, and then mister Brady drops a book and like the guy jerks his head to the side to see what made the loud boys and the judges like case closed. That guy's neck isn't actually hurt.
Funny, our legal system was that simple, because yeah, that would get his as he got sure.
Yeah, Unfortunately, we have no clue if this is going to do anything or have any impact on the case. But truly a monster. New polling saying that he's leading Joe Biden by seven points. So yep, fucking terrifying. Yeah, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back, and we're back. And the MTV Movie Awards were weird.
Oh they happened.
They still did it. So there's the WGA strike. Drew Barrymore dropped out as host in solidarity with the writers. She had, I guess pre recorded several bits and then was like, I'm out. So in addition to the pre recorded segments, winners pre taped their speeches and the rest was made up of flashback clips from past awards show.
That's tough, tough, that's tough.
From previous award shows. At an award show, for like.
Were they just running the clip of like Tom Cruise and Ben Stiller. Yeah, that was over a moment and that was the only thing I can remember like being a thing where I was like, uh, that was kind of funny.
We always at each other's sandwiches. I was going to say sentences, sentences, but yeah, the most actually speaking of the most notable tape speech came from attention vampire Tom Cruise, who accepted his Golden Popcorn trophy for top gum ever
while flying a goddamn jet. No, you, I think he just can't Tom Cruise at this point, Like the way he still looks pretty good is he did something that operates by speed bomb logic, like the logic of the bomb that's on the bus and speed, and if he goes below three hundred miles per.
Hour, gravity will catch up to his face.
Yeah, so he just lives in a perpetually moving plane. He can't drop below mock one.
Do you think he's in a remember like and even in Contact. Do you remember the Jody Foxter film Contact? Yeah, like the mysterious science guy like that was like funding everything, Like he moved to space because it said he was slowing down the progress of his cancer. Like, and so that guy lived, Like I feel like Tom Cruise is like we're pretty close and being like, yeah, I actually have to live in a zero gravity environment in order to live this long. I don't care about my bone density.
I just want to live forever.
So I mean, Howard Hughes spent a lot of the end of his life just in a plane flying around the globe. So there's something to it, folks. Add that to the carnivore diet of things to aspire to.
Yeah, did you see his new Tom Cruise sneakers that just dropped empty tissue boxes?
Uh? Super producer Brian is saying, So he's basically Jason Stathum and crank actually crank. He had to keep his heart rate up, I believe, Yeah, was his thing. Tom Cruise is the similars to do with gravitation and the time continuum.
I like, I'm actually.
This theory that I just made up on the spot. It's incorrect.
This is more of a the Boss theory that I have from the speed.
Yeah. The Daily Mail is reporting the Jill Biden doctor Joe Biden wants Joe Biden to ditch the ice cream and stop eating like a child.
Yeah, it's an it's a nice, like very light touch hit piece, like on Joe Biden because I've got his daily mail. Daily Mail, the Daily Fail, you know as a conservative like nonsense rag with just like the most salacious gossip too, So it gives you a little bit of everything. But I like on this and they're like, all right, how do we how do we hit Joe Biden?
Oh right, Jill?
How Jill Biden wants him to eat better because he's so old and could collapse at any second because of his diet. I mean, I think that's true of most American men of a certain age. But his favorite foods are pretty relatable. I'd say you might want to run on this as your campaign.
This is the most relatable thing about him.
Yeah, his favorite foods a bacon, egg and cheese croissant. I love a chrissangwich. Of course, love a crissangwich. You can't, okay, joke, chocolach ice cream whatever, it's pretty down the middle. Chocolate chip cookies.
Man, I actually really don't fuck with chocolate chip ice cream. I feel like it's just chocolate chips are best when they're not super cold, and.
Yeah, because they just they're like they don't melt right.
It feels like the take of somebody who was like, oh, you can put shit in ice cream, like the first time somebody did that in nineteen eighty two, and he just like stopped at that, right, you know, he doesn't know that there are other flavors.
So Chris sang, which chocolate chip, ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, peanut, butter and jelly ketchup is listed is its own item angel hair pasta with red sauce. This is where I'm thinking, did somebody from England just be like write some like juvenile shit American people eat? Does he know what I mean?
His hot dog? Like that? Would that? That's I need to know what this ketchup devotion looks like? Yeah, is he just straight ketchup on a hot dog? No?
Spaghetti with butter and red soace is more specifically what they're saying, like that's.
Okay butter, Wait butter and red sauce.
I don't look. This is why I'm like, I'm a little dubious.
Yeah at this point, though, I'm also like, you don't want to like change this man's diet at this well, like this has kept him alive for this long, right right, Not that he's like operating at top function, but I don't know. I just feel like when you got an old car, you don't want to be like, let's, uh, yeah, let's change the air filter one piece of the dungeon.
Like m it's working like this, it's working like it.
Is just let Joe cook, you know god that I mean, just do nothing.
And no, actually, don't let him cook because you're going to make a bunch of unhealthy stuff for himself.
Let Joe cook, but like, don't let him literally cook. That would be really bad, uh, and would burn the White House down. And then the Wall Street Journal has an article about tipping at self checkouts and and you know, has customers crying. Emotional blackmail is the headline. And then they like, in the course of the article they get into the fact that it is companies basically putting the onus yeah, for paying employees onto customers, rather than you know,
the raising the wages themselves. Yeah, but the headline makes it be like, look, guys, everybody's mad about this. You don't have to tip anymore, you know, almost like the Wall Street Journal editorial board is fucked up and weird and gone.
They've gone beyond what is normal. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I always tip as much as I can. The one thing is whenever you have to check out and they're like, you want to donate to a homeless pet, Oh no, you don't. Don't worry about that because they've already paid and they're trying to pay themselves back with giving them the money they've already paid.
And when the option goes between like typing it in or you know, adding the twenty percent or whatever, or giving them cash, always give cash for sure, because because there are it's not enough to say don't tip, because like this only happens sometimes, but sometimes the tips that you put into like the machine, like the checkout register, like don't make it. Most of them do, and there
are laws in place to say they have to. But obviously when it comes to enforcing those laws, it's corporations versus employees, and America is stacked heavily in the direction of the corporations.
So yeah, and I think finally, just this is a terrible violent weekend, especially in the state of Texas, whereas people there's another one incident where I think eight people died after someone drove through a bunch of people at a bus stop, and then a shooting at an outlet mall that I believe left eight or nine dead, and the response from the officials in Texas have base They've all just said to pray. Meanwhile, there's two Democrats in the Texas House. They've co sponsored a bill just because
this is how far we've gone. That would require third graders in public schools to have access to bleeding control stations and turniquits that are part of battlefield trauma kits the military uses. And with all this, it's like, it's really I don't it's just so difficult to keep watching this thing play out over and over and hear this like asinine suggestion of like, well, you know, I have my faith in God and so we're just gonna pray
about it. I'm like, you know what, how about we do this rather than legislating people's like trans people's rights away and body autonomy away, why don't y'all pray on that shit and then use your legislative you know, might or will to legislate the gun thing, because you clearly have clearly have the will to legislate something, and then pray for others. Soone just swap them shits out real quick.
Yeah, And the coverage has been like kind of weird and quiet on this, like the Texas small shooter had like Nazi tattoos and just seems like they're they're just trying to make it normal.
Their rhetoric of this driver too, you're saying all this anti immigration shit when they're like trying to apprehend him, it's yeah, my god, I mean, as much as they want to be. Like, It's the thing that blows my mind is when they report on these shootings and things, and like investigators are trying to figure out where he obtained those weapons fucking anywhere? Fucking what?
Yeah, why is that even a thing?
You say?
Yeah, they're always like he actually got them legally, folks. So so nothing to see here, I mean, this cycle, it's I don't I mean yeah, I mean, Joe Biden is now like, yeah, you guys need to do something.
But.
He's talking to us specifically.
Yeah shit, I mean maybe the people out It's true. It seems like the people who aren't elected officials have the will to want to see something done differently.
Yeah.
But anyway, all that and plenty more are happening this weekend.
All right, Well, those are the things that are trending on this Monday afternoon. We are back tomorrow with the whole ast episode of the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be kind to yourself, get the vaccine, don't do nothing thing about white supremacy, and we will talk to you all Tomorrow fight bite
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