Trump Testifies About Dangerous Fruit | Daniel Ricciardo

got a great show for you tonight. Our guest is one of the biggest stars in formula One. Probably know him from Netflix's hit show Drive to Survive. Daniel Ricardo was joining us every one the best Smiling Racing plus Dandy Light Extractor weekend, Whether Donald Trump is terrified of fruits, and we introduce you to the most scandalous congress person in these streets. So let's do this people, Let's jump straight into today's headlines. Let's kick things off with the

latest news from Afghanistan. For months now, we have known that the Biden administration completely botched the exit of American troops from America's longest war. Yeah, even the game of thrones. Guys were like wolf rough ending. But now for the first time we're learning the details of how costly this mistake actually was. We do have some news and in reporting this morning in the US left behind seven billion dollars worth of military equipment in the chaotic draw from

Afghanistan last year. That equipment now in the hands of the Taliban. What kind of equipment is it? According to the report, a few details aircraft, munitions, military vehicles, weapons, communications gear, a lot of it. It requires very precise maintenance to remain usable. They don't know if the Taliban have been able to keep all of this stuff running. That's a that's a key question that they may never get an answer to. They left seven billion dollars worth

of military equipment in Afghanistan. How is it even possible? Like because I get anxiety leaving a hotel in a hurry, you know, I get that, you know, like when you're rushing and then you forget your toothbrush. But let me tell you something, if I left seven billion dollars worth of toothbrushes, we're turning this uba around. People were going back now. According to the people who left the stuff behind,

and this this one was really interesting. They say this might not be an issue because they say the Taliban might not be able to operate this stuff anyway because of how complicated it is. And first of all, I feel like they're just saying that to cover their ass. Second of all, how they're gonna act like the Taliban

doesn't have YouTube. You can find anything on YouTube. Anything you're telling me only Americans can use this equipment, but the Taliban cons they're acting like to turn the tank on, you have to say say saying like the theme song to friends. You know, there's gonna be like, come on, guys, you gotta get the claps right. It's not working. What's happening? Here's my question? Here's my question. American never has the money for anything, alright. There's not enough money for health care,

there's not enough money for education. There's not enough money to finally finish the Washington Monument by putting two balls on it. But America has no problem with leaving behind seven billion dollars worth of weapons. How come that never happens any other way? Like, just once, I would love to turn on the news and here's something like this, just sound the government has too much money for health care.

So everyone gets a free butt lift. It's mind boggling, people, It's mind boggling how much money America wastes on the military. And don't let them trick you into saying like, oh, no, it goes to the troops, because it doesn't go to the troops, right, the troops are not bawling in the club. No, the defense contractors is where the money goes. And then you hear these people are like, well, we need to

spend that money to keep people safe. But let me ask you this, what's more threatening to people in America a group of rebels in some foreign country, or healthcare? Nobody can afford toxic drinking water, poverty, pollution. Because if I was America, I would spend my war money on the biggest threats. Yeah, that's what I would do. And then I would send the Taliban flints, old water pipes. That's how it fights. You don't need missiles, just send

that ship. Yeah, I try drinking now. All right, But let's move on to England, the world's number one exporter of Benedict cumberbatchers, because you may know, UK Parliament can be a pretty rowdy place. You know, every day people are shouting and booing at each other like the crowd of the world's pastiest rap battle. But it turns out that there is something that you're not allowed to do

on the floor, as one British politician found out. The Conservative Party has launched an investigation into claims by some of its female MPs that a Tory colleague watched pawn on his mobile phone in the House of Commons itself. Who is the Tory MP accused of watching pornography in the Commons? We still don't know that. Government ministers have lined up today to condemn him, saying there's no place

for pornography in any workplace. The MP could be suspended and thrown out of the Conservative Party, and the story has reignited criticism of the overall culture in parliament. A member of the UK's Conservative Party was caught watching pawn during a session and now he could be expelled for it. And I'll be honest, I'm just trying to understand the motivation here, not not like like what part of parliament made this guy want to watch porn? Like what what

what turned him on? Was there some new legislation that was getting him hots? You know? Was that some other minister who was like, this country is going deeper and deeper into debts we cannot put out at this point. It's just like little boy. Oh boys. And you know, if you ask me, kicking him out wasn't the right punishment. Man. What they should be doing is what parents do when they catch a kids smoking cigarettes. Yeah, they should force them to watch all of porn hub. I'll teach him

a lesson. He'll be like, oh, I've seen all the categories I didn't know existed. Please New Congress at Coca. You know, Jesus, it's too much. Mitch McConnell like, then you saw him in your mind? That was funny port of He was like, ah, I saw it, Trevor. I mean, look, I get that Britain doesn't want its politicians watching pawn at work, but I will say I think the one exception should be the Royal family. No, I think Pawn could really open their eyes to the beauty of interracial relationships.

You know, that could be a good thing for them. Oh and finally, and finally, do you want to talk about politicians getting into weird trouble? And there's no better example than Donald J. Trump, President of the United States and Phantom of the Mara Lago coving station. You see, the former president is currently being sued for inciting violence against protesters, and it's gotten serious enough that he was

actually forced to testify about it. Former President Donald Trump testified under oath he was worried that protesters would hurl things at him and that they were dangerous as part of his deposition from back in October for a civil lawsuit in New York where activists claim that the former president's bodyguards violence broke up protests outside Trump Tower back

in Okay. First of all, it's crazy that there are so many Trump scandals that he's literally getting dragged into court for something we didn't even know was a thing, Like did you know this was a thing? Did you nobody knew? Nobody knew about this, I didn't. Trump lawsuits are like Nicolas Cage movies. There's like a bunch where you're like, he lost a pig? When did that happen?

But anyway, Trump was being sued for inciting violence to protests right against protesters rather and then he came up with one of the most crazy defenses I've ever heard. This might be my favorite story of the year. And to fully understand the story, you have to hear the actual deposition that Trump gave in the case. Now, unfortunately

there's no recording, but fortunately there is a transcript. So to give you a little taste, I'm gonna get some help from our very own Michael cost Everybody, I see for your for your understanding and enjoyment, Costa and I are going to read sections from the transcript for you. Now. He will be reading the parts of various lawyers and

I will be playing Donald Jack Fruit Trump. And again we're just gonna read excerpts from the actual transcript because I promise you no comedy writer is gonna come up with something funnier than this. Are you guys ready? So because you say you understand the key section begins with lawyers playing a video from a Trump. Ready, if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out up about you? Seriously knock the crap out of him? Would you? That was your statement? Oh yeah,

it was very dangerous. We were threatened with what they were gonna throw fruit. We were threatened, We had a threat. How did you become aware that there was a threat that people were gonna throw fruit? We were told, we were told, and you get hit with fruit, it's no, it's very violent stuff. We were on alert for that. A tomato is a fruit, after all, I guess it has seeds. It's worse than a tomato. It's other things also, but tomato, when they start doing that stuff, it's very dangerous.

It's very dangerous stuff. You can get killed with those things. I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were gonna do. They were gonna do to fruit. And some fruit's a lot worse than tomatoes are bad, by the way, but it's very dangerous. No, I wanted them to watch. They were on alert. They were gonna hit. They were gonna hit hard. Do you have any knowledge as to whether or not anybody was found to have tomatoes in their possession on that date.

I don't know, But it didn't happen. It worked out that nothing happened. We heard it what was gonna happen, but nothing happened. Mr President. Isn't your expectation that if your security guards see someone about to throw a tomato, that they should knock the crap out of them. Well, tomato, a pineapple, a lot of other things they throw, they have to be aggressive and stopping that from happening, because if that happens, you can be killed if that happens.

And getting aggressive includes the use of physical force to stop somebody from throwing pineapples, tomatoes, bananas, stuff like that. Yeah, it's dangerous stuff. I have no further questions. And see if you got not thankings, thanky, I couldn't do without. And thank you so much, thank you, thank you very much. How our two men show the presidents and the fruits will be off Broadway soon again. That conversation really happened

with the former president of the United States. I will say this, He's not wrong about being hit with the pineapple being dangerous, you know. I mean, that's got spikes built in and a banana to and might not seem dangerous. But remember someone throws a banana comes right back at them, so you can just throw it at you keep hitting you over and over again. You know what, I think the worst fruit is to get hit with honeyed you. Yeah, no, not because it's hard, just because you could get someone

within your mouth and that ship is disgusted. I hope it hits me in the head and kills me, so I don't have to taste it. That's what I hope for. But not people. This is serious stuff and it's actually caused the Secret Service to alter their methods. I'm told that we've obtained a classified training video that shows how Secret Service protest is are now going to be dealt with. And here's some of the new training. Incredible, brand incredible.

All right, that's it for the headlines, but before we go, let's catch up on this weekend's weather forecast. Without very own desil Like everybody than to see crazy things. What's going on? Everything's great. I finally disposed of my last burner phone, so that's really exciting. They got nothing on me now, I don't know what that meant. I mean, what's going on with the weather? Oh? Oh yeah, no, I'm glad you asked about that, because I've been meanting

to talk to you. It has been freezing inside this building, like really cold, every single room. We got to do something about that. I mean, who's set the thermost at the patriarchy? Yeah. By the way, that Trump fruit thing that really strikes a chord with me. Have you ever been hit in the head with a piece of fruit? No? Never, No, no fruit, not like a kiwi or a tangerine clementine. No fruit ever pair no, no fruit clumb, no fruit, some sort of melon like a canalow, marischino cherry, an apricot,

an apricot, that's the same thing twice. I have never been hit by a fruit in the hands. Lucky, lucky, lucky Wow. Oh, by the way, can you believe that guy got caught watching porn at work passively? I mean, what kind of psychopath watches porn passively like it's a commercial or something. All right, you should be doing one of two things when you're watching porn, either pleasuring yourself or crying while pleasuring yourself. There's like no one between,

even at work. Got to really set the mood and commit you. Got to dim the lights, roll out a bear skin rug, fill a glass with a piping hot cup of French onion soup. Make it nice. I thought you were oring the soup because you were sick. Don't kink shame me, Trevor, I'm not kinching. Could you please just tell us what the weather is going to be. Oh no, I haven't been outside in weeks. Now, I gotta I gotta lay low the whole burner phone thing. What is this about? Well, I would tell you, but

you know, you might have to testify. Who Trevor, have you not been listening the fruit, the porn, the French onion soup. Allow that you know? Well, frankly, now you're implicated, So you gotta think about what you're gonna say. I don't know anything though, Ah, yes, exactly, say that. That's good. No, No, I don't know what you're talking about. Tell him that I don't know what. This is why I roll with you. I don't I don't know what. No, I don't roll with you. I don't know. This is why I roll

with you. This is why we roll. I feel like you committed a crime and I don't want to be a part of I'm not roll with you. No, No, you're not dasil like everybody. I'm not. I'm not long with me. You know what? You know what, Let's do this. We're gonna we're gonna take a quick break separately, not with Daisy, and then after that we will tell you about the many, many scandals of Congressman Madison Calcorn. You don't want to miss it. I'm not with you. I'm not.

OK's welcome back to the Daily Show. You know, most politicians get into trouble every once in a while. Now it's part of the job. A little illegal campaign contribution, a little sex scandal, a little storming the capital, you know, trivial stuff we've all come to accept. But in the past few weeks, one member of Congress has been collecting scandals like Steve Harvey collects those pinstripe suits. So let's check him on what this politician has been getting up

to in another installment of fringe Watching. Right now, the reigning scandal champion in Washington and is none other than Madison Cawthorne, Congressman from North Carolina and what Lacrosse would look like if it were a person. From the moment he showed up on the political scene two years ago.

Cawthorn has always been a controversial figure. At first, he faced sexual harassment allegations from his time in college, and then he was caught lying about getting into the Naval Academy, And then he got in trouble for gleefully posting on Instagram about his visit to Hitler's Mountain Retreat, or as he called it, the vacation house of the FURA. Yeah,

which is weird. I mean, we don't need to be referring to Hitler by his nickname, like I called Jay z Hova, all right, but I probably wouldn't do that anymore if he committed genocide, you know. And not. By the way, this was all before Cawthorne even got into Congress. Since he's taken the oath of office, his scandals have

definitely not slowed down. Most recently, you've probably heard that he made headlines by claiming that other members of Congress had done cocaine in front of him and invited him to orgies, which, first of all, snitch the second of all, the whole thing was a lie. Of course, it's not true. These people are in Congress were throwing an orgy. That's way too complicated for They have to secure funding for the sex toys. First, they have to agree on a

time in a location. They have a committee to debates about the rules just kissing aloud, can you do butt stuff? And then at the last minute Joe mentioned would show up and object and everyone have to put their dicks back in their pants. Na, But those coke orgy stories, that's in the distant past. That happened way way lows like three weeks ago. Nobody's even talking about that anymore, because Cawthorne is getting into new trouble. Every damn day

starts with some really bad driving. Newly released video shows Congressman Madison Cawthorne getting his license revoked during a traffic stop in Cleveland County. The traffic stop came after the truck crossed the center line. As the trooper approaches, Cawthorne's informed that his license plate tag is expired. The trooper discovered Cawthorne's driver's license had been revoked due to an

out of state ticket. Yeah, first Madison Cawthorne was pulled over for swerving, then the cops found out that he hadn't expired license plate, and then he was busted for having a revoked driver's license. I mean, those are Hall of Fame numbers right there. I don't even think O J broke that many lords during his cop chase. And what's crazy. What's crazy that this is the second time that he's been busted for driving with a revoked license.

At this point, he's probably the only member of Congress who might show up to work with an idea that says mclovin. He's like, that's me, that's real. But if I'm honest, I can I can see why. Of course he's going to drive with the revoked essence, do you know embarrassing it must be when he needs to ask his mom to drive him to the orgy. You know, it's just like, Mom, don't drop me off in front of the mansion, just leave me at the corner. And you're like, okay, love, you make sure you have enough

cocaine for everybody. So, yes, Madison Corton is not allowed to drive himself anywhere right now. But before you think of giving him a lift to the airport, you might want to be careful when you're throwing his bags in the trunk you as. Republican Congressman Madison Cawthorne was cited by police on Tuesday after they found a loaded handgun in his bag at a North Carolina airport. Ts A agents found a nine millimeter handgun when Cawthorne passed through

a security checkpoint. Police say he was cooperative and cited for possession of a dangerous weapon on city property. It is the second time in just over a year the young congressman has been stopped for carrying a gun at an airport. Before you judge, Before you judge, who hasn't made this mistake? The ubers waiting outside, You're trying to pack your bags real quick. You're throwing your cologne, you're underwear, You're a K forty seven? What am I doing? You

can't take cologne on a plane. The craziest part about the stories, that's the second time he got a court trying to bring a gun onto a plane in a year. I get if you made this mistake like fifteen years ago, but twice in one year. Why are you so invested in getting a gun on a plane. Huh? How intense is the battle for your arm wrest my man? What are you doing? And before you ask, yes, the congressman

was punished. He was given a citation, which I know sounds like something they give you for having the biggest watermelon of the country fair. But this, this will hurt him. His life will be the same, you know, in a way, I respect him. A lot of Republicans talk about being pro police, but he's the only one out here personally keeping all of these police departments in business. I respect that.

So Courthorne got court dry having without a license, and then he got caught trying to bring weapons onto a plane. And most people would take a breath after that, but not Madison Quothorne. No, because the same day the news broke about the gun, he was accused of taking part in a cryptocurrency inside a trading scheme. Yeah, I know, I was also shocked. Yeah, that this guy was into crypto. Who would have thought? So now we got suspended licenses,

guns at airports, possible inside of trading. Basically three stars on G T A and guess what, my friends, Madison quoth even has scandals that expose his character as a scam. In order to understand this next scandal properly, first you need to know that Madison Cawthorne has been saying certain things on the campaign trail about what it means to be a man. Our culture today is trying to completely

demasculate all the young men in our culture. We have bred a generation of soft men, and that generation has created a lot of problems in our society. Culture. If you want me to sit here and call a man a woman, you are asking me to buy into this line, and I'll say no to that. Your left wing movement is forcing children to endure radical expressions of sexuality. And I never imagined that one of my sacred duties in this hallow chamber would be explaining to the how speaker

the difference between a man and a woman. You'll never amend biology. Science is not burger king. You can't just have it your way. That's an interesting way to put it. I like how Cawthorn is working some product placements into his flaw speeches. Gender is simple. Men are like Arby's, we have the meat. But yes, Madison Cawthorn has been talking a big game about defending traditional conservative notions of masculinity and gender, selling himself as the icon of traditional

Christian manhood which this country has lost. So you can imagine how all what it was for him to try and explain this to North Carolina Congressman Madison Cawthorne, responding to photos circulating online to show him wearing women's lingerie, Kathorn said on Twitter that these images were first reported by Politico and came from a game he played during a cruise. The North Carolina congressman says the photos were taken long before he ran for office. Well well, well,

check out Madison over here. What game were you playing. I'm gonna put on this lingerie and look good doing it. Huh. You said you were a good Christian soldier. Looks more like a good Christian Lubatan soldier. Huh. Now, I want to be clear. I want to be clear. A man wearing lingerie isn't a scandal, right, It isn't a scandal in any way. Men can wear whatever they want to wear. But this particular man, he spends a lot of time attacking other people for how they dress, how they identify,

and what their values are. All I'm saying is the next time gender issues come up again, this dude then not get his panties in a bunch. That's what I'm saying, you know. So that's what Madison Cawthorne has been up to for the past month. Yeah, and nobody knows if any of these scandals will end up hurting Cawthorne in the upcoming election. But what we do know is his mom's definitely gonna need to drop him off on election day.

All right, stay tuned, because we're gonna be drawn by Drive to Survive Shop Formula one Superphone Daniel Ricardo after Day, Welcome back to the Danny Show My guest tonight. It's Formula one driver Daniel Ricardo. He's here to talk about racing for McLaren at the upcoming Miami Grand Prix. Please welcome Daniel Ricardo. Daniel Ricardo, welcome back to the Daily Show. Thanks. You know, this is how long it's been and how much has changed? Are you? Are you mesmerized by the Yeah,

it's it's getting bigger. It's a nice feeling, right, Yeah, it's cool. Thanks. Let's let's let's talk about a few things. Yeah, let's talk about a few things. It's like number one. Oh wait, sorry, let me let me make you comfortable. There's the water, but you don't need water here. Sorry, I don't even know what. I didn't change this earlier. We can, we can do this, but you just make things a little more comfortable for you, you know we can. So we can, you know what I mean, make the

interview a little more comfortable. You know what I mean. We want to make sure everyone's drinking what they normally drink. Here we go. Anyone who doesn't know is like, what the hell are they doing right now? So do you want to explain it? Can? I can? Which? What do you want go on, go for it. So um. Daniel Ricardo, one of the best racing drivers in the world, has a tradition, UM where when he wins this champagne. You've probably seen that the races and they popped the champagne.

But this man, I guess maybe because Australian decided not to drink the champagne out of the bottle but out of a shoe very sweaty. Yeah, I mean, it's all the flavor of the victory, you know what I mean, that's what they say, the taste of victory. And so now it's affectionately known as a shoey. So cheers my friend. Yeah, I mean I normally don't do this unless I've won, but hey, you've won by being Mm that's good. That's good. That's good. I I just raced in those this weekend. Yeah,

let's talk about everything. Man. The first time you want on the show, I had to explain to some people what formula one is. And now you are easily one of the biggest stars in the Like, can you walk through the street without people recognizing you? Uh to watch the bottle. Um, It's it's grown a lot like it,

It really has. Um. I think since you Drive to Survive and that's that's had uh four seasons now three and four four, it's yeah, every time we get to the States, it's getting more and more and people a yeah, kind of spotting me and saying what's up and with me? Like so people are with masks of your face. That's how your smile is iconic, your joy is iconic. There are many people who watched Drive to Survive and they're just like, this is the most dramatic sport I've ever watched.

You guys like you try to kill each other, you crash into each other. Max for stepping famously, Max snapping famously, I said, I don't want to be on the show because it makes Formula one seemed more dramatic than it actually is. Where do you stand, like how much drama is in the sport? There's certainly a lot in the sport, and there's there's like there are you know, true rivalries

and and all of that stuff. Um, you know. So I think with the show on Netflix, Drive to Survive, it's I would say, they like sprinkle a little bit on top, but it's already like drama filled. But then they'll they'll just nudge it along and a little bit of hey, how are you on top? You know, I want to know how you stay being one of the

friendliest drivers, not just like smiling with the fans. You know. So, for instance, you recently had a crash, right it was color Science, but you went up to him afterwards you apologize. Do you do you think like there's something in you that makes you go, I know we're competing, but you know we all want to get along. What is that

I hated every second of the apology. It's yeah, I get I think probably just with like experience and just being in it for so long, Like I know, I have the I guess maturity now to know like how much we all put into it, and as competitive as we are, we all have something you know, strongly in common. And there's only twenty of us in the world that

do it. There's only twenty one drivers. So it's you know, you kind of just respect everyone's journey and so like the incident, you know, like if I hold myself accountable for something, then yeah, I feel like I want to just apologize, and um, it's not it's nothing personal, you know what I mean? So I don't think everyone would do it but for me, I just felt better by doing it. So we kind of like clean, clean slate

for the next one. And I know that when we come like alongside each other on track next like there's no there's no intensity. That would be an intensity, but nothing heightened. I guess the next race is Miami for the first time ever, which means no one has raced on the track. That's always strange for drivers because you guys visualize the track, you remember what it was like, you know the surface, the whole Like, how much harder is it to race on a track that you've never

raced on than one that you've been on before? Is like is it a big jump or is it that you guys are like, I don't know, whatever, it's a challenge. Like you, there's there's some circuits now that we know. Literally I could drive it in my head and if you've got like a stopwatch, I'd be able to visualize within it probably a second and you hit the times. That's me when I think, if you time me going to the fridge to get ice cream in my head,

I can do it. I can go all right, then I'm getting I'm going to the couch and huh, go to the fridge. Act like I'm going to get the baby carrots and then I don't know the thing, get the thing the ice cream, and then I'm like, have on and then I'm embarrassed. Then I take more, and then I'm ashamed. Then I'm like the man as well, finish it and then huh put it back. Then I'm like it's not finished, and I have that. Then I'm like, it's there another one. Then I go not to enough

enough self control closed the phrase. That's pretty much me visualizing. It's pretty much the fun. Know what you mean that you don't you visualize when you can't. You can't do that in mind? Are you even gonna be able to concentrate in Miami? Minamme is a party. It's a full on,

NonStop party. And you guys are gonna be all, yeah, it's it's no. I don't want to say it's tough, but for sure when you when you compete in like a big city, because some circuits are in the middle of nowhere, you know, um, because you need a lot of space to build a circuit, so some are out in kind of like in fields somewhere. But you know, Miami is going to be it's gonna be around hard Rock Stadium, I believe it's called and yeah, it's gonna

be nuts, but so we'll do. There's like simulators, so each team has a simulator, like a very high tech, sophisticated once. I was on that on Tuesday and trying to just learn at least where the track is and how it goes. But it's really into when you get

on track in practice. That's where it's time to learn as quick as you can and getting to a new circuit you kind of gives you a chance to maybe catch onto something a little quicker than someone else, so it can maybe like create a bigger separation for the ones that like click and maybe the ones that struggle a bit more before I let you go. When you look forward to races, what are the ones where you think, man, I cannot wait to get back on that racetrack and

you can't stay a straighter. That's obviously number one. So that's home. Yeah pick another one. Uh. And I'm not just saying this because we're on American soil, but Austin, like I get so excited for really yeah, why I swear I have some like some DNA like Texan DNA and I don't know. I love it. Oh dude, thank you so much for being on the show again for

love of the worst of the season. Be sure to watch Daniel compete in the Formula one Mining Ground Player on May and we're gonna take a quick right well, be right back after this. Thank you. I'm not sing tonight, but before we go, I just wanted to remind you that many four thousand homes have been destroyed and more than forty thousand people have been displaced by the floods

and mudslides in South Africa now. Gift of the Givers is a South African based disaster relief organization on the ground helping those who have been affected by the floods. So if you can help them in their work to act fast and save lives, than please donate at the link below until tomorrow. Stay safe out there, and remember if you see fruit anywhere, run What's the Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central and stream

full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast