You're listening to Comedy Central, Welcome.
To Hold Up. It's the show where two best friends, one being correspondent to Dulce Sloan of The Daily Show, and then me Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for The Daily Show. We have arguments, but they're not just any old arguments. These aren't things that you know you're going to see in the news, you're going to see in the in the mainstream media. These are things from the streets. All right. We're the vocal point from the people talking what they're thinking, and we hash it out here. We
come to a conclusion. We see who's right and who's more right.
You know, it's usually me. It's usually me.
That's not true, but yeah, yeah, what we're discussing today on the podcast, we're not talking about, you know, the war, We're not talking about the rising housing prices. We're talking about loud neighbors versus nosy neighbors. This is where I'm at. This is where I personally land on the side of wanting nosy neighbors as opposed to loud neighbors. Hmm, okay, I feel like you You've mentioned I feel like in the past that you'd rather loud neighbors than nosy neighbors.
Well, this is the thing. Nosy neighbors loud neighbors. And I'm not a cop, Kuala, you know what I mean. I'm not a cop, Quala. I don't play calling the cops. But I think with loud neighbors there is a like, if it gets to a certain point, you can like tell the building. Again, I'm not a snitch either, but if I herect them a real donkey, I'm gonna say something. Right. So, like with super loud neighbors, there's always like a course of action that you can take to at least get
them to chill the hell out. Because the thing is, it's like if you you have loud neighbors, it's not just you saying something like things can be done, actions can be taken, People can get kicked out. With nosy neighbors, it's someone always popping their head out of a door whenever they hear another door open. It's somebody standing by talking to the male man for too long, or hey,
I saw you got a package or did it? And I'm like, bro, first of all, get the fuck up on my business first, and foremost, this is the person who's looking at who's coming in and out of your house, right, Yeah, And I have like a lot of male friends because I'm a female comic, so most of my friends, like most of my friends aren't men. And so if I have like if you come over and hang out and then Ben comes over and hangs out in the same week,
what the hell is this neighbor gonna think? You see what I'm saying, It's like, Wow, well one came over, then the other one came over. Now they're both over. Oh goodness, what kind of life is? And I'm like, bitch, first of all, get some business.
So what I'm hearing is that what you don't like about the nosiness, outside of just the surface level uncomfortableness, is that nosy people are usually just pretty lonely. It's just a it's just a loneliness manifesting as nosiness.
No, because you could be nosy and have you know, a full family in the house. Okay, Nosey don't mean lonely. Nosy just means nosy. Nosey means like m it's you don't have no business on your own.
Yeah, yeah, like you.
Mind and mind because you ain't got no business to mind in your own.
So I'm not gonna lie. I personally feel like nosiness rather than loud, like you know, nosy versus noisy. I'm gonna go with nosy every time because I'm a pretty boring dude. So then they're not gonna get anything. They're not gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna bore the hell out of a nosy person. Nosey isn't coming for me, Oh, nosey.
But the thing is, Nosey doesn't care.
They eventually they.
Nosy just wants to know. It's like, Okay, you have a dog, right, yeah, yeah, So now every time they see you, they're gonna be pressed at what's he doing with this dog? Well, you know they haven't walked him in a while. Well you know his girlfriend's out of town. I hope the everything like it's even though you'd have to be by yourself, never leave your house and receiving no packages for a nosy person to not be involved
at all. Plus they live in an apartment building, they live in a neighborhood, right, so they're looking for anything. Any piece of information is information that they want because when they see Because also nosy people have pretendency to talk to everybody because they want to know what the tea is. So they're gonna ask, oh, well what do you do? So they're just building a case. So then it's like, oh, have you taken the dog? Well, oh, I see y'all got a new dog, or y'all been
getting a lot of packages, Like what's going on? It's like, well, when you're gonna have kids? Well maybe that's like it's all it. It doesn't matter like you, to be a boring person means that you live alone, you have no pets, and you don't engage with the nosy person.
Okay, So on a scale of one to ten at this moment in time in the conversation, how would you say you rank your feeling of wanting a loud neighbor versus a nosy neighbor? Is it like seven eight?
They're both at They're both at a want I want neither neighbor. I want neither person.
If you had to pick, though, if you.
Had to pick, well, the thing about a loud neighbor is how are they loud? That's the thing.
I'm talking loud as a structure of being in life. So we're talking about loud hookups, loud music, maybe they practice drums that are not very good. We're talking about all.
The loud oh nosy every time because wow, wow, wow every time, because it's like the people. It's like somebody down the hall they have a dog, and every time they leave, I guess when they don't tie the dog up, the dog barks by the front door, and I'm just like, first of all, put your dog away. I know you have multiple bedrooms in your apartment, like I know you do.
You have multiple bedrooms in your apartment, you have a balcony, Like, there's other things that can happen with this dog that doesn't include that dog barking for an hours by the front door, disrupting the other people on the floor, Like, do something with your dog. But since I'm not a snitch and it's not that loud, I don't say anything because at the end of the day, the dog doesn't know that it's being a nuisance. The dog knows just being a dog.
No, I get what you mean. I get what you're saying. I did not expect. I thought you would deal dig your heels way harder than you actually did. Now that we're really on the same side, because I'm at about seven where I'd rather nosy versus noisy, just because I will say, a nosy neighbor might just save your life.
You know.
Well, then I'm falling. I'm old I fell. Nosy neighbors gonna be like, I haven't seen them in a little while. Let me call somebody. Loud neighbor won't even notice. A loud neighbor will be like, man, nobody's called the cops aut us in a while.
Thank god. Yeah, because my other building that I lived in, someone did pass away.
Oh no.
The craziest thing about that is what I was telling my mom about it. Something fell off my wall and I was like, oh, we're not doing this. And here it was the craziest thing that I would in my apartment one day and I saw, like you don't just make those regular like big house lives. Yeah, I was like, fuck, did these flaws? What's happening? I was like, I saw like one or two and I was like, did I
leave a window open or whatever? And then I pulled the curtain back and there were forty fucking flies trying to get out of the window. And what was crazy? Your girl upstairs? So you know Beth that works at the office the way that they found out that something
was wrong. Was there's another girl that she's friends with on the floor, was just looking out of her window of her apartment and she saw a bunch of flies on the window of that apartment and called and called a super and the super was still afraid to go inside, and then the wife went inside.
I just feel like your building needed some nosier people. Oh, that's that's what I'm hearing right now.
Well, that's what the That's how that girl figured it out because she was just looking at her window. She's like, hey. Because he was a very quiet man, he kept to himself. But at one point she was like, why are there all these flies on this one window? Beth was telling me there was like a smell in her apartment and she didn't know what it was. And the one day we both come home from work and I'm just like, why is an ambulance here? I left and came back. They were there for fucking hours.
Wild, what's the loudest neighbor you've ever had?
MM?
Do you ever even if this was a hotel, because you know, being on the road, you have to travel and stuff.
It's just it's always sex or an argument like that's either.
I love a good argument. That's that's when I hope my neighbors will be loud, because maybe I'm not nosy enough to be nosy, yeah, but I'm nosy enough to be messy. So then when somebody's near me at it as very loud. Oh oh that's amazing. That's see.
I haven't I've never really heard. I've never lived anywhere where I could hear a really good argument. I rarely hear arguments. I heard arguments on the street when I'm like, those don't count. When I'm like, I've never had it where it was like, oh, I'm worried about this person.
Come to Chicago. Chicago has some thin walls, all right. I once heard the full on argument top to bottom, and then the makeup sex and the Honestly, the makeup sex was worse to hear in the argument because my man had no rhythm. We're talking about PLoP PLoP PLoP, Like just I was like, what are you doing in there? You need help?
It might have been with the argument.
What was the argument about the argument? I think, okay, I think it was about some petty cash. I think it was like they had spent some money that was like communal, this is our like piggy bank money. And then one of them spent it. But then it was like the whole point was to spend it. I honestly don't know who I sided with in the argument, but it got petty real fast. It got like, well, you know, because you let your dad live with us for so long, now we on our last And it was like okay o, no.
Oh.
What I love about hearing an argument through a wall is that you have to you have to choose your side. You have to choose who you're like, all right, I think I think this is the person that I'm into. Then you also have to choose as the development happens, what you feel like is the best uh, is the best argument? Yeah, it's like the best course of action
for the side that you've picked. So one time I was just chilling right and there was this there was this guy that was yelling at his roommate and the roommate was was like, a, no, it's not my turn or whatever. It's like, of course, it's your turn. It's always your turn because you never do it. And they were arguing about the dishes. All right, But then as I as I learned more about this this uh roommate situation.
It was just funny because the one that always does the dishes a pay wasn't doing anything else, and so it was like, all right, but I vacuum, and it's like, all right, well, vacuum up some dishes because you never do the dishes. And it was it got to the point where it stopped being about the dishes. Like you know, every roommate situation is lightly it's like married. It's like diet marriage, you know, because you're not even involved, but you're stuck together for the term of this lease.
Right, And I don't know, I've just watched.
I've watched and heard a lot of great, great arguments through a wall like it. Actually, it's one of those things where when you're broke and you're living like that, it's one of life's few pleasures. Well, you're like, hey, this is a bad apartment. I'm not living well right now, this is a bad situation. But you know what's brighten in my day these loud ass neighbors. Sometimes it was happening while trying to get sleep. So I still go
nosy over over loud every time. Yeah, but every once in a while, you would just hear, like, what's the best way to put it. It's like, for me, it's just funny when a man's voice cracks, all right. Oh yes, it's one of those things where it's like it's like.
A fully grown man.
Yeah, he had that base, and he might even be right. That's the worst part. You might even be right in all of your anger and your assumptions and everything's going on. You you fully correct, but now that your voice has cracked, you have lost credibility. Yeah, it's like it's and you can feel it happened. So there was one time I was laying and this is why I was on air mattress. I was not I was not having a good life.
You know.
I've been on an air mattress before my first uh, when I first moved to New York. When I first got my first apartment in New York, I had an air mattress. That's because I didn't have And then I moved in New York with like three suitcase scenariy furniture and I had one of those good like double decker, like thick, expensive air mattresses, like you could put two people. You got sex on that air mattress like it was a quality.
Yeah, no, I'm with you, it's just you went on that one quality. No, so I already have to basically put myself in a slight coma to get to sleep right, and then through the walls, I just feel like, oh, oh, it's not going down like that. No, no, no, no, no, it's just a bunch of naws, which is also how you can tell someone in an argument can't think of the next thing. They just remember that baseline is no. My position is no. I'm gonna say no until I think of another point. But no, no, no, no, no,
y'all y'all wrong for that. Y'all wrong for that.
And then that means that you're he's usually in the wrong, Like if I hear a man saying, nah, it's not going down like that. No, y'all like this nigga's wrong. Whatever's happening, he is wrong.
I love a good I'm not going out like that. Because it's such a dramatic sentence.
Yeah, I'm not going out like that. I'm like, this isn't no.
One not the end of try.
Right, it's at the end of training day. This is not the end, Like, this is not the climaxic scene of a movie. This is not a drug deal that could go wrong at any minute. You're just arguing about you probably got got caught cheating, or you didn't do something you were supposed to do, like the whole no, no, no, oh oh oh, So that's how you're gonna do me. If I hear it, that's how you're gonna do me. It's not going down like that. Oh oh oh, so what you're trying to say? What I said, ding dong.
You're fucking wrong, bro, I'm not.
Oh, I feel most of what you overhear is oh.
Oh, Like if I hear an argument Atlanta, oh oh oh oh oh, So this is what we're doing. That's what we're doing. That's how y'all gonna do me. That's how y'all gonna do me. I'm like, I know you're wrong. I know you're wrong. You're not saying nothing. Wow, that's how y'all gonna do Yes, that's how we're going to do you.
Bro.
Like it's if I hear certain sentences, when I hear an argument, especially it's if a man is in an argument with whoever, If I hear wow, so that's how you're gonna treat a black man. You were dead fucking wrong for dead fucking I don't care what happened. He wasn't supposed to take out the trash, or he had a baby that his girl didn't know about. I'm telling you the nigga is wrong. He is dead ass wrong.
Oh or wow, A good long while will do it. Because in this situation, the guy was like no, no, no, no, And then and then I heard some other murmuring because the other person wasn't mean as loud. I also think he was positioned too close to the wall and out of nowhere. My man is like who you talking to? And it was it was like you could tell he guys so upset that at the who he lost the base and he couldn't find it again, like the base was avoiding him until he got to the two and
the two was too much. The two was like two, Well.
Who are you talking to? One is one of my favorite phrases in Blackdom, Right, who you're talking to means I know you're not talking to me. Basically, I love it what I see black women doing it. Go who are you talking to? As it's a legitimate question, Well, like you're talking to you, there's no way, and my favorite is who are you talking? And then the look up?
I love say, the look around is a is a.
Ah, the look around. I've done it. I've done it. I'm sorry. Who who were you talking to? I'm It's like you've been talking to you? It's a legitimate question because there's no fucking way this human being is talking. I've said it. I know you're not I know you're not talking to me. I know you're not talking to me.
Who else?
Who else is he? Who are you talking to?
Clearly I've made the mistake of standing in between you at whoever you're trying to disrespect. Right now, full taxi driver, I want to have another quick check in because things took a turn early in the episode mm hm where I'm realizing now that even though we started out in the position of noisy versus nosy, you've quickly come over to my side of nosy over noisy, and I just want to see if you still feel that way at this point in the episode.
To be fair, I hate them both, but if I had to make this devil's choice, it was nosy all along. It It was like well loud, only because once I got the parameters of what the low was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, then I can't be on board. I can't be on board at all because now that I know that this person's going to be making every noise humanly possible, there has to be effort being put into this amount of noise, Like you can't cook this loudly, you can't talk this loudly.
Everything you do is like that's cartoon level. That's cartoon level. You're walking loud, you're talking loud, You're everything this is. You're being a fucking menace as of that point. You're just doing it for the sake of being disruptive. No one exists at a volume that everyone can hear at all times. That's not even how humans work, Like that's insane.
I think that there are people who are unintentionally loud neighbors because I've lived in places where it felt like the roof was going to cave in because I heard every footstep upstairs.
Neighbors used to like vacuum loudly every Friday, which was confusing because we had hardwood floors, So I was like, maybe they have rugs, But if there were rugs.
It would soak up the sound.
It would soak up the sound. So you are loudly vacuuming.
And it was like just vacuuming pebbles.
Every Friday, like midday on a Friday, which was fine, except that I would like the cartoon that I do Great North. We were recording on Fridays, so depending on what time they vacuumed. I'm like what they're like, Oh, we're hearing something. Say yeah, my fucking upstairs neighbor is vacuuming a hardwood floor.
They don't own a broom. All right, this vacuum has been in the family for a very long time. This is a diceon family.
No Dyson, this was a hoover. This is an original. Yes, this was the you remember being the loudest thing like it's a child like It's like, I understand, and the animals were afraid of these but like human children are also afraid of these loud asspects. They were so loud. It was like, prove to me, this won't eat me. Yeah, I'm free. What do I know? I'm ten. This still seems like a problem.
For the listener who may have landed on the other side of where we are. I do have to offer up that a nosy neighbor can still take you to a place that you're so angry you don't even really understand why. It's where things become so petty, you know, like when you have that neighbor that just moves your trash can and you're like, why'd you do that? It's not a thing that should even affect your day, but if they do it enough, you're ready to snap. I feel like nosy people have that level of effect.
It's that metalsome kind of like not minding your business, kind of like you ever been somewhere and a white person who just would randomly pop up and be like, Hey, what are you doing? And I'm just like, the fuck are you?
I don't know how many times that has happened to be, but I could see it being very aggraphat.
I've been in places and just be like, hey, what are you up to? Like what do you want? Do you go? No, I'm not telling you nothing. Well, I'm just wondering y'all are like y'all having fun? No, bitch, move you don't. That's not what you're here for. You want to know what three niggas is? Where you at move? No, It's the same concept where it's just like, oh, you
just moved in. What's going on? And it's like the whole concept of like bringing over like uh, it's like, oh, we just brought over a little like castle roll or whatever. And like, first of all, I'm like, I don't know, you're not eating your food.
I feel like, wait, I feel like we're crossing it to a territory of just people think.
No, no, no, no, no, no, you do not understand the original intent of that. Oh, hey, welcome to the neighborhood. They want to see what your house looks like. They want to see how many people are in your house, and want to see how you decorated the it's to be nosy. They don't know you and welcome you to the neighborhood to find out who you are, what you do,
who lives over here. So when they establish what the baseline of humans is over here, then when anybody who's not in a base, it's like, okay, well it's a husband and a wife, or it's uh, you know, two husbands. Whatever. If you see Bobby and Jim every day and you know Bobby done left on a trip and Jim got somebody else coming over, well we know that that's not where's well, you know, Bobby always saw Bobby would to
see the case. Somebody said he was going on going on business trip for a couple of days.
Well why is it?
You see it in it? That so now I know. So that's how you create the nosy neighbor in a neighborhood, like like you know you because people in apartments don't come checking to see how you that's not it's an apartment. But like in a house, you know, you want to see who's around, what's popping, who's doing what when to
make sure there's you know, foolish is going on. So the original intent of the hey, welcome to the neighborhood is to find out what the hell's going on at your house and how to judge you accordingly for it gotcha.
So the thing that might be a bit difficult is that the same way, the same process of being like a new nosy neighbor is also kind.
Of similar to becoming a new for it, it's like it's dangerously close. It's like like if you just moved in and I want to be your friend, and I don't know you, and I don't even know what you do, but I'm like oh maybe I want to be friends with this person. I think I have to like come over with some sort of welcome gift, and I think I have to like, you know, invite you to stuff and.
Like, yeah, but you don't know how it. But so say you want to come over develop a friendship. I you know, you have to both be interested to be friends. So if it doesn't pop off, if there's no chemistry there but one of you doesn't get it and you keep coming over, now you just nosy.
Well, look, I'm glad that we have come to this.
I think I feel like this is like one of the first times we really really agreed on something.
Yeah. I did not see this coming, at least with a nosy neighbor.
I can go in my house and then it's done. With a loud neighbor, their lifestyle isn't isn't What's word I'm trying to say, is invading my home?
Yeah?
Yeah, Like I don't live in your house, but I hear the noise in your house.
Yeah.
So it's like you don't pay rent here, so take your sounds.
Get to take the noise, take the argument. I don't know, y'all. I don't want to be involved.
I don't want to be involved. I don't want to be involved, and get out of my house.
I feel you well, thank you so much for listening to hold up. We're here every week, we drop every Thursday. We bring new topics every time, and I appreciate you being here. A DULs I appreciate that for once, we really came to a This is never like just so you know, as listeners, I don't know what episode this is going to be or anything, but this hasn't happened before, not and even.
Just in our friendship. It's very rare that me and you both are just like yep, when you take when you gave me the uh the whole spectrum of uh auditory assault that can be done, and I was like, I gotta be out I gotta be out there. The nosy neighbor has to see you to be nosy.
A loud neighbor has never solved a murder. They've never helped in an investigation. Yeah, they know the least they were like, I didn't see anything. I didn't hear anything either.
Right, but a nosy neighbor knows well she always comes home around two in the morning from work.
Yeah, and then no can Come Home, Nosy Neighbors accounts, Hold Up in Court Truly. Listen to hold Up Wherever you get your podcasts and watch the video version at Dailyshow dot Com backslash hold Up.
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