Jon Stewart and Desi Lydic on Trump’s Ongoing Campaign Meltdown | ICYMI

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Hey, everybody, welcome to the Dallas Joe.

My name is John Stewart and I am ritten from COVID hell.

First timer. First timer did not care for it.

I don't want to welcome in all of our viewers who are probably joining us from X after watching an amazing and surprisingly life affirming conversation.

You're doing. Donald Trumvi andt Elon Musk. You know.

When they started quoting their favorite Maya Angelou passages to each other. My interpretation to Cage is singing for bitcoin.

We never got a joke for you tonight. Markkeban is going to be joining us later. You know, we mentioned our on this program occasionally.

We do make fun of Donald Trump occasionally, and with the ribbing and the joshing and the pulling the pants down and the pointing.

But he's in pain right.

Now, multiple sources tell The Washington Post, Trump has grown increasingly upset about Harris's surging poll numbers.

Trump is quote complaining relivelessly posting multiple times on social media, clearly frustrated with Biden's decision to step aside, saying quote now we have to start all over again.

Not fair Janus a month ago. He's basically already the president.

He ad cheated death started a new ear accessory trend. Back then, people thought his VP selection was a smart choice.

He had it all in the bag and it was taken away.

He was perfect on the beam. He now at the dismount.

He was walking the podium to get his medal, and Romania files an inquiry at the last right, at the last minute.

And they're just stealing it from him.

And by the way, Romania file all you want, you're not getting a metal back. Oh I'm sorry, we have an inquiry. Yeah, good luck. But now, instead of enjoying the fruit of six years of Biden attacks, Trump's gotta start all over again, and the audience has to literally sit through him getting up to speed.

There are numerous ways of saying her name.

You can say Kamala.

You can say Kamala, Kamala, Kamala, Hey, Kamala.

Trump misspelled Harris's first name as Mabla.

I get Kamala, I get Kamala, Kamabla. Judges, are we taking Kamabla?

I hope the Romanians don't have a problem with that.

But you know what, I guess what Trump calls her isn't as important as figuring out what she is.

I don't know is she Indian or is she black?

Because she was Indian all the way, and then all of a sudden, she made a turn and she went she.

Became a black.

What am I gonna do.

With all my Indian ethnic slurs that was gonna use mostly involved Termeric Acuman when she made a turn into black. He talks about it like she wandered into the wrong neighborhood. She went driving on the Upper West Side, and then boom, she's in Harlem.

Boom, what a turn.

You know what, Donald, You're clearly struggling. Let's get some issue oriented ideas flowing here.

You know we're gonna do. Come on, my brother, I'm gonna help you out. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna do, We're gonna do some.

Apparently I'm in a musical about gambling. All of a sudden, Yeah, all right, here we go. I got my panic, got my padic, got advisor. Forget the biographical suffer. Now let's focus on the issues.

I saw it yesterday on ABC. They said, oh, the crowd was so big, and I've spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody's spoken to crowds bigger than me.

Okay, okay, that's one of those mom and pop issues for the single issue crowd sized voter. I'd move on, but you've got more.

I had one hundred and seven thousand people in New Jersey. You didn't report it. I'm so glad you as what does she have yesterday? Two thousand people we had in Harrisburg twenty twenty five thousand people and twenty thousand people couldn't get in. We had so many nobody ever mentions that when she gets fifteen hundred, people said, oh, the crowd was so big. I have ten times, twenty times, thirty times the crowd sized.

I had an infinite crowd one guy. She had one guy named Jeff.

All right, very clear, you have everybody she has nobody.

Can we move on?

He wrote?

Has anyone noticed that Kamalad cheated at the airport? There was nobody at the plane, and she ate Ida and showed a massive crowd of so called followers, but they didn't exist.

He goes on to say, she's a cheater.

She had nobody waiting, and the crowd looked like ten thousand people.

Oh my god.

Now all right, for those of you who are almore saying like, oh, it sounds like he's losing his mind. Just because there's video and photographic evidence that Kamala Harris's crowd was real doesn't mean that it was real. And then you might say, oh, well, John, I was actually there. I was in the crowd, And have you considered you're not real? Have you considered that.

What is this?

Donald Trump doesn't need to fake news media and their AI crowd shots to win this thing because he's got inside information on Kamala Harris from someone she used to date.

Well, I know Willie Brown very well. In fact, I went down in a helicopter with him. We thought maybe this is the end. We were in a helicopter going to.

A certain location together and there was an emergency landing, but he told me terrible things about her.

You were in a helicopter.

With former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown, who famously dated Condilla Harris, And while the helicopter was going down, as you were plunging to your imminent death, former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown turns to you.

And says, this might not mean anything to you.

Now, But.

To you, do you remember that lady I was going out.

With the prosecutor well before we die.

I just want you to know she worst.

I do not want to meet my maker without giving you that.

Piece of information. And you survive, you may need it. Oh my god, I gotta tell you.

I'm sure a moment like that was seared not only into the memory of Donald Trump, but also into the memory of former Mayor Willie Brown.

To be clear, you have never been on a helicopter at the wittn time.

But he's kidding me.

You know, he would any black and he made a mistake, thought it would lead.

What what that is so dum that I'm sure that is not what happened.

What are the chances Trump is just mixing up his black people.

It seems that the African American politician in question was not Kamala Harris's ex former San Francisco mayor Willie Brown, but rather this man Nate Holden, a former Los Angeles City Council member who says he had a bumpy ride with Trump in nineteen ninety.

Oh my god, do you know what this means?

Nate Holden, former Los Angeles City Council member, told Donald Trump as their helicopter was going down.

Bad things about Kamala Harris.

That I guess Willie Brown had told him if they knew each other.

That is the only explanation, right, hold.

Him saying, quote, Willie is the short black guy living in San Francisco. I'm a tall black guy living in Los Angeles.

I guess we all look alike.

Hey, Donald Throw is out racist.

He just meets a lot of people on death helicopters, and he needs some mnemonic device help. If the chopper goes down, that's not Willie Brown.

Take a little little amount of device. Here's one.

If the flight's not going great, you're probably riding with me.

Look, people they pulled the candidate Trump was crushing. It's hard. You think you could write a new Hour in a month. It's not easy. He's trying.

He's trying out some good catastrophizing on Harris.

If Harris wins this election, you will quickly have a crash.

Like in nineteen twenty, we could end up in World War three. The suburbs will be overrun.

Boom, that's what I'm talking about.

Stock market crash, World War three, suburbs destroyed.

It's fresh it's new. We haven't heard what was that. I'm sorry.

If Biden got it, you'll have a stock market crash.

The likes of nineteen twenty nine are worse, a very real risk of World War three.

They're going to, in my opinion, destroy suburbia.

This is just a remix, dude.

You can't just find and replace Biden with Kamala. That's lazy apocalypsing.

Look.

Man, if you want us.

To genuinely fear your opponent as the existential threat you'd like to make them out to be, you're gonna have to do better than boilerplate cut and paste shit.

You're better than this. Donald.

Joe Biden is a failed president.

She was a failed vice president, the worst president in the history, the worst vice president in history.

He is incompetent. She's incompetent. Everything he's touched has been bad. Everything she's touched has turned to bad things.

And can't talk.

She can't talk, And in many ways, he's worse than Burnie.

She's worse than burning low IQ. He's a low IQ individual.

She happens to be really a low IQ individual.

She really does. She has a very low IQ.

This is bullshit, man, This is like when Elton John changed like three words and then pretended Candle in the Wind was always about Diana.

It wasn't very disrespectful to Maryland. Too soon. Here's the problem.

Even when Trump does figure out how to come a Kamala, it's not really landing because most of the time the bad stuff he's saying.

About her applies even more to him.

If Kamala will lie to you so raisingly about Joe Biden's mental incapacity, then she will lie to you about anything.

She can never ever be trusted.

Yes, Donald Trump is telling America not to elect a liar.

Donald Trump is saying that I don't about the liar. I mean, for God's sakes.

He's like the Michael Jordan of Lion, or, as Trump would say it, the Willie Brown of Lion.

And confused. Look, I had to say it. I don't think Trump has gone in him to go after Kamala. Harris. He's been fighting Joe Biden for six years, it's all he knows. He misses the fight so much.

He was still workshopping nicknames for Joe Biden this weekend.

What do you like better?

It doesn't matter anymore, But what do you like better crooked Joe or sleepy Joe's Sleepy Joe crooked JOm.

It's a sad.

It's like seeing an old man talking to an empty spot on the bench, and then you realize.

That's where his wife used to sit. He would give up everything for just one more moment. We cook at Joe.

I hear he's going to make it comeback at the Democrat convention.

He's going to walk into the room and.

He's gonna say, I want my presidency back, I want another chance to debate Trump.

I want another chid.

He's not coming back. He's not coming back. Donald. Okay, you know how I know he's not coming back. We have a camera on him. That's him.

He's just sitting there at the beach, having an Arnold Palmer. Hear, I'm sighing over the waves. Does this look like a man marshaling his forces to take back denomination or filming a Corona commercial.

He's finding his beach. It's over.

There's only one way, Donald, get me a camera.

One Hello, friend, May I call you? Donald?

I get it. You wanted to run against Joe Biden. Just two old dudes go in toe to toe. Fungus, last Hurrah Rocky twelve.

It's not fair.

Now you've got to run against someone who appears healthy.

And youthful and happy, her vigor standing as a stark counterpoint to whatever front butt thing you have going on. And it's pretty clear that Biden isn't going to do what needs to be done to stop this steal. Someone I know loves stopping steals right feeling me Kamala Harris accepts the nomination next Thursday night, which means it may be time to get the gang together storm the convention pull in August twenty second, this time on behalf of

Cause, a federal judge ruling the Department of Justice must return the spear and for helmet belonging to Quanon Shaman, Jacob Chancelly.

Shaman, Don Knight Fair helmet we ride on for bide on.

Donald Trump is trying to reach out to undecided voters, but he also knows that sometimes you got to work the base. Luckily, there's one place where all the far right mouth breathers come together, Twitter or X.

If you're nasty, what could go wrong?

Overnight?

Former President Trump holding a free wheeling, albeit glitch filled conversation on X with its owner Elon.

Musk technical issues delaying it from the start for more than forty minutes, must blaming a so called denial of service attack, saying the massive attack illustrates there's a lot of oppositions people just hearing what President Trump has to say that we provided no evidence of such a cyber attack.

I think it's pretty obvious at this point that this is the deep state. That's right.

Only the deep state could make Elon Musk's website suck, just like they're to blame for making his cars look like a Dolorean whose mom smoke during pregnancy. But if there's a deep state trying to silence Donald Trump, you suck at your job, okay, because he is the opposite of silent. There is no one more unsilent than Donald Trump right now, Hey.

Deep State, look at me, Look at me. Do better, do better.

But eventually they sold the technical issue and got the conversation going. Although It sounded like the glitch had moved from the Twitter servers directly to Trump's mouth.

I want to close up Department of Education, move education back.

To the states, where.

States like Iowa, where states like Idaho.

You know, not every state will do great.

What is happening in his mouth?

I know the guy's big on slurs, but this is next level.

He said it.

And look, I know his speech was distracting, but did Sylvester Trump over here just say that he wants to close.

The Department of Education? Think this through? Trump? Without schools, where are you going to ban books from thing? Thank? It's weird.

He's even talking about sending teachers to the gulag. Because Trump has more popular policies, like his proposal to end taxes on tips, which is so popular that Kamala Harris now says that she supports it, and Trump is not happy about.

That no tax on tips, and all of a sudden she's making his pieces and there will be no tax on tips. I said that months ago, and then all of a sudden for politics, she says, you know, she comes out with with what I said, hips.

Look look to be fair.

Kamala did copy Trump's no tax on tips idea, which would make it the first time in history that a woman got credit for repeating a man's idea.

We did it, girls, and she didn't stop there.

Kamala also completely ripped off his idea to lead in the polls by three points against.

A rapidly deteriorating candidate. That was his thing. That was his thing now.

Obviously, Trump did his fair share of dragging Kamala during this interview, but there were also moments that he took it in a surprising direction.

Of her on Time Magazine today, she looks like the most beautiful actress ever to live.

It was a drawing and uh act.

She looked very much like our great first Lady Melania. But of course he's a beautiful woman, so we'll leave.

It at that.

Right Oooh, someone has a crumb?

Oh junk?

Where did this come from?

Did he have a sex stream about Kamala that he just can't shake? And now everything feels different. You can't focus on anything. He's just going through Time magazine looking for a centerfold.

Look.

Either way, I think we finally found the one thing Trump is incapable of lying about. If he thinks someone is hot, he'll say they're hot. He'll lie about winning an election, but he has deep respect for the sanctity of bangability.

Yeah, that's noble. That's a noble thing.

But maybe my favorite part of the entire interview is when Donald Trump told the story of how he threatened Vladimir Putin not to invade Ukraine in the most nineteen nineties way.

I said to Vladimir Putin, I said, don't do it. You can't do it. Vladimir, you do it, It's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it. And I told them things that what I do. And he said no way.

And I said way, no.

Way, way.

Where have I heard that high level diplomatic language before?

No way way?

Ah?

Yes, Wayne World, Wayne's world.

It's like Wayne's world, except the wigs have gotten a lot worse.

Now.

If we believe Donald Trump, and I always do.

His conversation with Vladimir Putin went no way, way, And apparently he spoke to many other world leaders with the same linguistic spirit.

So Putin said, no way, and you said way.

That's right. And then he said, but I want to invade Ukraine. But I said, Vladimir, do not go in there. WHOA And he said all alrighty then, and I said, hello Newman, right, gotfront is worse than ever. They're taking ballots and they're making copy.

Right.

So then Shinzo Abbe calls me and I pick up and I say, wadaa, what's up? No, you're not saying it right, wada what's up?

What's up?

When I was president, the economy wasn't just booming, it was smoking. But then Joe Biden wrecked the economy and all you can say is did I do that?

Well?

Yes, and he said, got any cheese?

Oh, you're not doing it right. So Erdowan asks me who is this? And I go, my wife, No, sada tank. That's from Pooty Tank ever see Pooty Tang.

No, it didn't get to South Africa.

Oh it holds up. Man, come over tomorrow and we'll watch it.

That sounds smoke in you really sick of this?

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