Chelsea Handler On Biden’s State of the Union Address | Alycia Baumgardner

so let's get right into the headlines. Let's kick things off with the news out of Congress today where Republicans held a hearing about how social media silences conservatives at least what that's what they were trying to prove. The problem is. Once Twitter executives started testifying, we found out that lots of complaints came from the big fat baby who used to be president. Earlier, you testified about a tweet um that was about President Trump, and I think

it's from miss Tigan. What was the tweet about. Please excuse my language, this is a direct quote, but Chrissy Teagan referred to Donald Trump as a pussy as bitch. From my understanding, the White House reached out to ask that this tweet be removed. At that time, up to three insults were allowed, and so is our job to

determine how many insults were included within that phrase. I love that Twitter had to decide whether pussy as bitch was one insult or it does beg the question is Donald Trump a pussy and an ass and a bitch or is he just a bitch with pussy ass qualities? I love when I have to get philosophical. Interesting that Trump doesn't like being called a pussy ass bitch when those are his three favorite things. Either way, asking Twitter to take down a mean tweet about you is really

a pussy ass bitch move. But that's enough about the old president. Let's move on to the new president, who also is very old. Last night was the State of the Union, Washington, d C's biggest non orgy event of the year, and I'm gonna be honest, I have never watched the State of the Union before because I have a life, so I wasn't looking forward to it. But I'm glad I tuned in because it wasn't nearly as boring as I thought it would be. In fact, it's apparently got a bit of a UFC slash junior high

cafeteria vibe. Now, even before the speech started, things started getting rowdy. There were some tense moments at last night, stayed to the Union address, Cameras captured a heated exchange between battled Congressman George Santos and Senator Mitt Romney. One lip reader posted this account of how the exchange went downs. I'm well embar you. You ought to be embarrassed, that's your I would like to go on the record tonight and say that I am sexually attracted to Mitt Romney.

It's not the first time, and it won't be the last time. I don't even care that he's a Republican or a Mormon. In fact, since he's a Mormon, he'll be open to another wife, and if not, he's a Republican, so he'll be open to having an affairs. And yeah, what Rodney said doesn't sound too harsh, but remember it's Mitt Romney. You want to be embarrassed? Son is the Mormon equivalent of suck my friend, you pussy as bitch. And then when Biden actually started talking his Republican friends

across the aisle, we're not having it. Entering a House chamber now run by Republicans, President Biden extending his hand to the news speaker Kevin McCarthy before confronting Republican heckling head on tangling over the fate of social Security and Medicare, the president taking aim and an idea floated by just a few Republicans instead of making a wealthy pay their fair share of some Republicans, some Republicans want Medicare and

so security sunset. I'm not saying it's a majority of the comment drawing outrage and booze, including from GOP firebrand Marjorie Taylor Greenhand Republicans were acting like why old animals, and I liked it. Keep this up to you, guys, you finally made a State of the Union watchable. Marjorie Taylor Green stood up during this speech and screamed out liar, and then George Santos stood up and he's like, over here,

what are we gonna do about Marjorie Taylor Green. I mean, she's like one of those dogs that needs a big backyard to run outside and expend all of her energy, but instead she's stuck living inside a one bedroom apartment slamming her head against the wall. When are they gonna put this woman on Real Housewives of Atlanta? And to be fair, MTG wasn't the only one dressed like a lunatic last night. Look at the outfit Kirsten Cinema chose

to wear. She looks like she's going to a Kincinera as the pinata her last preh had some look at the State of the Union. We go to Roy Wood Jr. Who's in anything? Hi? Roy, you were at the State of the Union. What did you think of Biden's speech? Chelsea? It was amazing. I loved all the things the President said. Biden talked and he said some stuff, and he talked a little bit back to you. Wait wait, wait, wait, we just started like, what specifically did you like about

the State of the Union. Oh, well, you know all of it. You know, like the part where he talked about the Union and the state it's in, uh, you know, Russia, healthcare. As he was talking, he says some stuff. But it sounds like he didn't actually watch the speech. An I didn't watch it. Okay, I didn't watch the State of the Union. I went to a bar to watch Lebron James break the all time score with the in the n b A. But where I was I was at

a bar. Pardon me for wanting to see history. How do you expect me to pay attention to a boy and ask speech. I don't care about buying them can't even dunk? Well, first off, you don't know that he can't dunk, And second, I'm sorry the game interfered with your job. But they can't move the State of the Union. What do you mean they can't move the state of the the un It ain't Christmas. It's just an old dude talking to a bunch of other old dudes. That can

happen at any time. Biden should either have moved the speech back a week or just done the speech at the game. He could have fit the whole thing in during the time out. Infrastructure good, gas prices low, police bad, but also good, build back better on three. You weren't to three. It's all he had to do. Well, Roy, I'm glad that you got to watch the Lakers win. Oh no, no, no, no, the Lakers loss. But in a way, isn't that a metaphor for America? In one way? Yeah,

I don't know. I was hoping you had something. But aren't you excited about this? You live in l A. You must be hyped that Lebron broke the record. Yeah, definitely, because now he has more points than the guy that had it before. And you know who that is, right, of course I do. He's the tall black guy. Okay, so you are saying that's right, all right. When we come back, we'll find out why I'm ruining society. So don't go away. Yeah, welcome back to the Daily Show.

One thing that I have made abundantly clear is that I do not want children. I say it on stage, I say it in interviews. It's the first thing I say to myself in the mirror when I wake up each morning, right before I tell myself, God, you're a dynamic woman. Kids don't respect me, and quite frankly, the feeling is mutual. And the fact is there are millions of women just like me, but for some reason, every single one of us, at some point in our lives, is shamed by society for not wanting a baby. And

that's what I want to talk about. In tonight's installment of Long Story Short in America and honestly everywhere, motherhood is treated as a woman's central purpose in life, as if our destiny is to let a tiny stranger rip a hole through our Pikachu from the inside out, and then as soon as we turn eighteen, we're just supposed to sit back and wait for Nick Cannon to impregnate us. And look, I have infinite respect for moms, but motherhood is hard. It's so hard it even broke Marie Condo

tightening upwards her life's work. Then she has kids and was like, living in squalor is fine. So it really shouldn't be surprising that some women aren't signing up. But many people aren't, just surprised that they're horrified. Childless women are seen as unfulfilled, unhappy. Even the Pope has slammed us, saying that not having children is selfish. First of all, I am not going to take pro creation advice from a guy who's never even penetrated anyone, well, not that

we know of, anyway. And what's crazy is that, for some reason, people feel entited, entitled to tell you what a horrible person you are right to your face. When people ask me do you have children and I say no, they always look at me then and say, oh, I'm sorry, as if like there's something like physically wrong with me. And I've had people break down in tears to me about the fact that me not having children is bying them of something. I've gotten everything from your selfish for

not wanting children. Your childhood must have been terrible if you don't want to have children, are you one of these career thirsty women that doesn't want children? And how could you deny your man the chance to have children? I wouldn't want to be with you. Yes, because men are so upset every time they're denied a chance to have a child. Watch an episode of Maury Povich to see how excited men get to find out that they are the father. And it's bad enough when people judge

your life choices. But apparently childless women aren't just harming themselves, we're actually destroying society. You look, Kamala Harris AOC the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children. And how does it make any sense that we've turned our country over to people who don't really have a

direct stake in it. We're effectively run in this country via the Democrats, via via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable to it. Maybe if you two weren't such boner killers, women would want to have more children. I don't want to make the country miserable. I love this country. It's where all of my things are. And I've got news

for everyone. Instead of shaming childless women for what we're doing to the country, you should be thanking us. We are safe eating society. We are more likely to give our money to charity. We have a lower carbon footprint, or the reason there are fewer screaming children on airplanes, in movie theaters and restaurants. And every baby we don't give birth to is one less baby that could grow up to be the next Elon Musk. And guess how many children he has nine? You better bring them all

to Mars with you, buddy. Okay, and when are you going to Mars? Go already? But these Fox News trolls are right about one thing. I am miserable. In fact, I was just scrolling through my Instagram fee the other day realizing how miserable I am. I'm miserable on the beach, and then here I am miserable on the top of a mountain, and then here I am miserable. Scuba diving, and then I'm miserable again. Smoking a joint in a hot tub every day is truly a new circle of

hell for me. The simple truth is that I'm not having a kid because I'm happier without them. And that's really not of anyone's concerned but my own. I know, I don't hate kids, I just don't want them. That's what's so great about nieces and nephews. I love being an aunt. I'm crushing that role. Guess who gave each one of them their first edible? This girl? But hey, what do I know. I'm just an unfulfilled, lonely, miserable

waste of two ovaries. So if you want to know the real issues with not having children, you need to talk to your O, B, G Y N. Like I did. Take a look. Oh, I bet you have been around the world a couple of times. You're like a pussy go pro. Hi. Hi, great to meet you you too. So I'm just going over your chart here says you don't plan on having any children now it actually says quote never ever, not even if me and Chris Hemsworth were the last two humans on earth. All right, yeah,

I mean if he and I hooked up. It would probably just be a bunch of but play. Okay, Well, um, not having kids is a big decision, and you should know it's going to affect your body and your life in a major way. What kind of ways, dr Well, for starters, your body will never go through the trauma of childbirth. You'll have what the medical community calls beautiful, boisterous breasts and a very tight, tight, little little vagina.

That's funny because I've been hearing a lot about that from different people that I've been having casual sex with, giving me different kinds of compliments, and I thought it was just dirty talk. No, no, no, that's that's a medical term. How much sleep do you get? I mean it varies anywhere from eight to sixteen hours a night,

you know, depending on what I get up to. If I go to like one of Leo's sex parties, I'll be up really really late, and then I'll come home and I'll be starving, and then I'll have an entire pizza in my bed, and then I just finished myself off one more time and sleep like a baby. Is that normal? Perfectly normal for someone with your condition? Great, it's probably m hm. You have a great muscle tone. Thank you. It's probably because I have so much free

time to work out after I'm sleeping. Um, are we doing anything that is going to require me to be in a hospital gown today? Yeah? Now, I know all this information can be really overwhelming, which is why I am going to prescribe some recreational drugs. Here's a sample for you to take home. Oh my god, I love pills. Thank you. Oh oh, and there's one more thing we should talk about. Ultrasound. Oh, I didn't think I was

getting an ultrasound today. Ultrasound the music festival three days in the desert, Lizzo headlining, and I bet you can get there because why you don't have any kids at home to worry about. Oh my god, thank you. This is like the best doctor's appointment I've ever had. You are so welcome, and you know what, Literally nothing is going to go wrong for you. It was so nice to meet you. It was a pleasure to meet you too. Thank you. You're welcome. Oh. By the way, you do

have gnarrhea. Thank thank hid. Because let may come back. I'll be joined by the undefeated super Featheruate champions in the daily show. My guts to it's a professional boxer who just became the undisputed super featherweight champion. Please welcome lay Von Gardner. Cool. Hey, oh my god, I'm so excited to meet you. You're such a badass. You are even though I need you to break down a little bit for me because I don't I'm not familiar with

the term. So what does featherweight mean? So I'm super featherweight. So that's one thirty Okay, my fighting division that I became undisputed. Okay, I'm wanting Okay, I'm also I'm also one thirty, so I mean we're in the same weight class at least. But had you ever thought it that weight before? Yes, it's always been my weight class that

I've dominated, um since I became world champion. And yeah, m so talk to me a little bit about, like, you know, the gender disparity in boxing, because obviously women, I mean, it is a new thing. You're hearing more and more about female boxers. But I would obviously guess that you've been around for a long time female boxers and they're just now getting some of the attention that they deserve. Yes, very long time. I think it's important that women are just stepping on the platform and making

a name for themselves. Yeah, and you know, we are boxing as a male dominated sport, but I don't look at as a male dominator score. I look at it as a sport where I'm able to capitalize in and make a difference as a woman. And I'm truly blessed to be able to do that. And so what's your like, what is your training regiment? Like, I mean, what's your everyday situation? Break it down for me. Yeah, So with a camp, it's very, very hard, but it's all rewarding.

So we get up for a five thirty run in the morning, a good three mile, and then we go to the gym. Depending on how many rounds were sparring, we can do eight rounds. Women fight two minutes ten rounds for championship fights, and then for a third workout we do a recovery. So that could be a swim, that could be stretching, um, yoga. But it's very it's very hard, but it's very rewarding and I was well

prepared for that fight. Yeah. You it must take a lot of mental grid, right, Yeah, what are you thinking when you're beating the ship out of somebody in a boxing round. I'm like, I hope they feel that. Yeah, So I have a question because I know there's a lot of these, like people who aren't really boxers, like influencers. Hate that word so much, influencers, It's so stupid. But like that are doing but you know that are having boxing fights, like big promotional boxing fights like Logan Paul,

I know is one of them. What are your thoughts on that? You know? My thoughts are boxing is an entertainment sport, right, so when you're stepping into this sport, it's fun, but it's also serious that you have to go in there with a mind that people are risking their lives. So it's all fun in games, but you have to be a professional when you step in there.

So I get it. But at the same time, we have to respect the sport and respect who you are when you're stepping into that ring and who you're fighting as well. Yeah, and what is can I ask you what you did? Well? How do you celebrate after you win a boxing match like you did at Madison Square Garden this past weekend? You know, honestly, this time my whole family got to come. I fought in London the

last three fights. So my whole family was there. We got to celebrate and just really just mingle and just catch up. So that was my celebration. What do you have alcohol? Like? Ian get to details like are you are you? What are you into? What? How do you? Yeah? Do you drink? Yeah? I do? And yeah, okay, I have a drink. A Moscow Mules my go to. Okay, yeah, like a Moscow mule, though we have to change that name now with the war, we need to call it

something else. You know. I like that drink too, but I don't like ordering a Moscow mule, but I would like to share a Moscow moving with you, all right? Yeah? Um, the congratulations on everything. Thank you so much for coming and sitting down with us, and I wish you the best of luck. Thank you so not that you'll need it. Alicia vom Garden everyone, Okay, it's my crank. It will

be right back after day. How's that show? Okay? Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcast What's the Daily Show weeknights and eleven tenth Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount cloves. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.