Biden Impeachment Inquiry: The Hunter Biden Files - podcast episode cover

Biden Impeachment Inquiry: The Hunter Biden Files

Sep 20, 202323 min
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Episode description

Republicans have opened an impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden after months of investigations of his son Hunter Biden's foreign business dealings. Jordan Klepper hit up one final Trump rally before Election Day 2020 to hear what Trump’s supporters think about Hunter Biden’s laptop. Plus, Desi Lydic Foxsplains Hunter Biden, and Trevor recounts the FBI's investigation of Hunter Biden’s taxes and highlights the history of nepotism in the White House.

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Transcript

Speaker 1

You're listening to Comedy Central YEW.

Speaker 2

With three weeks to go on till election day and millions of votes already cost, coronavirus remains the top issue for America, and any normal presidents would be layser focused on getting Corona under control, helping businesses stay afloat, keeping schools open. But Donald Trump is not a normal president, so instead he's focusing on this.

Speaker 3

With weeks until the election and trailing in the polls, President Trump seized on a report in The New York Post published Wednesday claiming files and emails were taken from a laptop that allegedly previously belonged to Hunter Biden. The report alleges that the former Vice president used his position to advance his son's business interests in Ukraine, and that

both Bidens were not truthful about that relationship. The story sourcing has also raised questions out its authenticity, as the files were given to the Post through an attorney for the President's personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. Twitter and Facebook have limited the distribution of that Hunter Biden story, and last night, Twitter, if you're to suspend the Twitter account of White House Press Secretary Katie Mcanini when she tried to share that story.

Speaker 2

Damn, you know a story is shady when Facebook is saying whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. Maybe people shouldn't see this because think about it, Usually people are posting about how vaccines did ninet eleven and Facebook is like, okay, wait, wait, let's hear them out tell me more. And honestly, it's insane that Trump's people are even going off to Biden by targeting his son. Like, if these were my sons, I'd maintain a strict kids are off limits policy. Look

at them. They always look like they've done some shit wrong, and they should also go without saying. But obviously people should be skeptical of anything where Rudy Giuliani is the source, and just as a rule in life, never trust them. Man who died and dashed on his dentist halfway through the job. You just don't trust those people.

Speaker 3

Now.

Speaker 1

Look, I'm not surprised.

Speaker 2

That Giuliani is trying to come up with something before the election. I mean, I get it. What I am disappointed by is that the Trump campaign is using the same story really hacked.

Speaker 1

Russian emails again.

Speaker 2

You're just gonna reuse the same October surprise as last election. It's called an October surprise, not in October. Hey, I know this one. It's not a surprise if we can see it coming. A surprise has to be an ex surprised. But I gotta say, I don't think this plan to get people caring about the Barisma scandal is gonna work because who even knows what barisma is? I mean, Trump himself can't even pronounce.

Speaker 4

It eight months after his alleged meeting with the Bermesia executives.

Speaker 1

So this uh.

Speaker 4

Bermicia, Bermicia, they say, pronounce it Bervicia, a real beautiful company.

Speaker 1

Oh man, that was painful to watch. You know what that looked like.

Speaker 2

That was like watching Trump's mouth trying to walk down a ramp. I mean, how does Trump not know how to say barisma when that's all he's talked about for years?

Speaker 1

This should concern people.

Speaker 2

If Tony the Tiger was like frosted flakes, they're grunk, you'd be like, I hope this guy's brain is okay, okay, Tony, Yeah, I'm groomped. The best part is after Trump mispronounces the word, he then tells everyone that no, that's how you're actually supposed to pronounce it, which is the oldest playground move in the book.

Speaker 1

I totally meant to do that.

Speaker 2

There wasn't a mistake where they do you wanted your pants to split open so we could all see your spider man. Undea.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that's how they say you do it on the internet. But you know what I say, enjoy it while you can, people.

Speaker 2

Because Donald Trump is the Michael Jordan of mispronouncing words, We're gonna have to wait a whole nother generation to get someone messing up words at this level. Even then, I still think that Trump is going to be the greatest of all time. You know, I'll be that old dude in the barbershop, like, yeah, this young blood miss pronounced a shit, all right, But Donald Trump invented not making sense. Watch him trying to say barisma and tell me he's not the gold favorite he Watch him say baristhma.

You ain't never seen anybody mis pronounced like that. This is the final week of Donald Trump's campaign rallies, so we thought, let's send Jordan Klepper out for one more ride on the Trump train. In another episode of Fingers the Pulse.

Speaker 5

After an history at two hundred and twenty seven year campaign. I found myself at another Trump rally, one of three he was having in Pennsylvania that very day.

Speaker 6

And while there was.

Speaker 5

Still some of the usual totally realistic expectations.

Speaker 1

I'm calling forty seven, say, but Trump.

Speaker 5

At this rally in the final week of election season, I noticed something different.

Speaker 6

It was quiet for people just tired, you know, I think people. I think people are are exhausted.

Speaker 1

For me too, and I'm ready to move on.

Speaker 5

I've been to a lot of Trump rallies before, and I have to say this is probably the most subdued rally I've been to.

Speaker 6

It's inherently quiet.

Speaker 5

You can hear a q andon push notification ding in someone's pocket. This was a chance to hear Trump make his final case and frankly for MAGA country to do the same.

Speaker 7

They about the economy.

Speaker 8

He provided jobs and when people are working and not out looting and burning cities.

Speaker 6

Historically, this presidency has lost more job than any other. True, I'd be like Tony, I need my sheet. I'm going to give you facts. The fact that what's on the fact sheet.

Speaker 7

I'm the fact sheet is that in my car.

Speaker 6

We have not had a fact sheet before this is really bring.

Speaker 8

I'm bringing it.

Speaker 5

I hope it doesn't have a list of all the dead, because that thing's gonna be a huge.

Speaker 8

Okay, Jobs added four million under Biden and Obama negative two points.

Speaker 6

What is the website? I don't know, you don't know. I'll have to google it.

Speaker 5

Okay, So her friend didn't have the facts, but she did have the zinfandel.

Speaker 8

Let's talk about African American dandies and all the things.

Speaker 1

He's done for that great What has he done with the UH?

Speaker 6

With the jail here?

Speaker 7

You know where he was corrected the UH.

Speaker 6

You gotta help me out here, Kelly, tell me here.

Speaker 5

While I waited for Tony to get her ship together, I wanted to wrap my head around their hail Mary October surprise. And that's Hunter Biden and his well, I'll just let them explain it.

Speaker 9

You can see you on you know, Fox and one American News about the UH, the laptop, the Hunter Biden's laptop and then all the crupts and taking my from the different countries, you know, from Russian. Then Joe Biden would do whatever these countries needed.

Speaker 6

What did you do?

Speaker 10

Oh?

Speaker 2

What?

Speaker 9

Either what he did or did not do, what didn't?

Speaker 6

What did he do?

Speaker 1

You have to be determined exactly what he did.

Speaker 6

I saw pedophilia and China something like that. Do you believe it?

Speaker 1

I don't know. I had something.

Speaker 6

I have to look into a lot more.

Speaker 11

We see about like the Hunter Biden scandal.

Speaker 6

What exactly happened with that?

Speaker 11

I think they found a laptop that had you know, emails and who was an FBI. They found a laptop with like emails and pictures of you know, Biden talking with like Ukraine and China about business deals and stuff like that.

Speaker 6

Which Hunter Biden did it? Something happened.

Speaker 10

They want to push it to get it, you know, get the investigation under way before the election.

Speaker 6

But what's the investigation up about?

Speaker 7

Just the laptop?

Speaker 2

And was on the laptop?

Speaker 10

I mean the conspiracy theorists would say that it's Joe Biden and Hunter Biden communicating with you know, outside countries on business deals and stuff like that.

Speaker 6

Are you calling him a conspiracy theorist? That's just what he said, right, the.

Speaker 10

Conspiracy plus only because it hasn't been proven.

Speaker 7

Yeah, make a ton of money and do absolutely nothing except that, Hey you can meet my dad.

Speaker 5

That's a disgusting trait right to just use your father's name to make money off of that.

Speaker 7

Absolutely, nepotism needs to be looked into.

Speaker 12

Big talk.

Speaker 6

Yes, what do you think about Avanka?

Speaker 7

Oh, she's so gracious.

Speaker 9

I'd see Ivanka as someone who is following or creating and enhancing people's lives around jobs and training and whatever causes she has, just like Lady Diana had twenty years ago. She had certain causes, aids and different things like that that she was involved.

Speaker 5

With, Lady Diana seeking copyrights in China while she had a position of power.

Speaker 9

I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 5

As the horn rang and the masses filed into the last rally, there was a bittersweet feeling in the air. Folks are heading on in This is the last chance for them to get unfettered access to the President of the United States after this and might be their flexiglass, maybe with a telephone. If this somber attitude was a reflection of what could happen on election Day, are these folks prepared for a world post Trump?

Speaker 6

Trump could totally win.

Speaker 5

If for some chance he doesn't win, what happens to all of this afterwards?

Speaker 6

Me personally, sure.

Speaker 7

I will not live under a socialist government. And just look up the three red flags on the Biden campaign poster.

Speaker 9

There's three red lines.

Speaker 6

Yeah, look it up on Google. Well, I think it's an E.

Speaker 7

It's supposed to be an E. But look at the three red flags or three red banners.

Speaker 6

And they mean communism. He's not communism right there on the flag.

Speaker 2

You got it?

Speaker 5

Really, you don't want.

Speaker 6

To be in a place of socialized medicine, Nope? So where would you go?

Speaker 5

I'm gonna look at Costa Rica, Costa Rica, which has universal healthcare.

Speaker 7

Yeah, I mean, I'm just I'm not gonna live under socialist rule. I don't think Biden's gonna make the four years and the camelback forget.

Speaker 6

It, amilback.

Speaker 1

Who's that?

Speaker 6

Kamala?

Speaker 5

Oh wow, that both mispronounced the name and xenophobic.

Speaker 6

Yeah, absolutely, Well that's a tufer.

Speaker 5

If they don't take you in Costa Rica, I'm sure Argentina would welcome you and your point of view with open arms. So the pitches have been made and the escape routes planned. Don't they love to do other than vote your asses off and hope we get the results soon. Until then, I'll be hiding out right here, good luck America.

Speaker 2

For two weeks now, conservative media has been in a frenzy over a supposed scandal involving Hunter Biden. And since the mainstream media isn't covering the story, we made Desi Leidak watch Fox News for forty eight hours straight so she could try and tell us what it's all about.

Speaker 8

So basically, Rudy Giuliani obtained Hunter Biden's laptop and the contents are so explosive I threw my phone into oncoming tracks. Get this, Hunter Biden is communicating with known criminals from his email address Corruption Jewry, Ukrainian Money Dot Scamp, and he's hitting up all the big time Olagars, Vladimir Putin, Jonathan Burisma, Anthony Fauschikov, Liza Minnelli. He's making deals despite not even graduating from the third grade. Here's what we know.

In twenty fifteen, Hunter Biden aka Hunter Pelosi bin Laden made fifteen trillion dollars by investing in a Chinese planned parenthood. One year later, Hunter makes an additional nineteen the brilliant dollars the Russian satellite dish. He's living on a yacht under the name Don Mexico and hooks up with Mary mc cheese of Moscow. Start the hedge fund with you, guested Hillary Hussain Clinton. Check the Hungarian bank accounts, Check

Robert Mahler's secret TikTok account. Check that receipt for cheese poppers from the applebe's at Kia Airport. All this evidence, and yet I'm the one getting my house repossessed. That's the real malarkey. And by the way, did you know that malarkey is Mandarin for I will ban fracking. Let's take a step back for a second. You don't think it's fishy that Hunter Biden is sending texts to his dad My kids haven't her my text in years?

Speaker 2

Sommy loves you.

Speaker 8

She just wants to warn you about Adam Schif's pedopal ring slash casual burrito restaurant. You're not fooling anyone, Kamala la law.

Speaker 2

Do you guys remember the twenty twenty presidential election. You know it was the day when you voted for a president and a bunch of local races that you had to google from inside the voting booth. Well, one of the stories we thought we'd never have to hear about again. Once the election was over, just came roaring back to life.

Speaker 12

Hunter Biden, the president elect, Sun says the US attorney in Delaware is investigating his tax records. Sources tell CBS News the FBI has been looking into Hunter Biden's taxes since twenty eighteen. Under Justice Department policy, law enforcement didn't actively pursue the case during the weeks before the presidential election to avoid politicizing the investigation.

Speaker 2

That's right, people, Apparently Hunter Biden is under investigation for his taxes, and Donald Trump must be fury right now. Did you guys see that Hunter Biden is being investigated for tax fraud? I'm so angry, sir. Are you angry because you wanted to use it against his dad for the election? No, I'm angry because tax for it is my thing. How's he's stealing my thing?

Speaker 10

Criminals?

Speaker 2

And I'm not gonna lie. Hunter Biden announcing his own investigation. Who that's a pretty ganster move.

Speaker 13

I mean, usually you see pictures of people covering their faces when they run into court. You know they're trying to hide that there's an investigation. But Hunter is like a guy coming home late at night, like, oh, babe, you're gonna wanna go through my phone.

Speaker 2

Honestly, I think that in the end, this kind of scandal will be good for America because we just spent four years with scandals twenty four to seven. We con'scious go down to zero scandals cold Turkey, and Biden's family is gonna help us taper it down. Like right now, Hunter has a tax thing. You know, this is a tax scandal. Maybe next year Joe Biden asks the Ukrainian president for something inappropriate, but it's just the answers to a crossroad.

Speaker 1

Puzzle just offs us off.

Speaker 2

Right now, we're addicted to scandals. Now. Look, we don't really know what, if anything, this Hunting Biden story will lead to. But if he has done anything wrong, my advice would be to ask President Trump for a pardon before he leaves. And I know that may seem unlikely, but based on how Trump has been making it rain,

anything is possible. Impeachments, it's democracy's mulligan. For weeks now, practically everyone has weighed in on the Ukraine scandal, from Trump to Pelosi to a cured Rattlesnake, everyone except the man at the center of it all, Hunter Biden he sat on the board of a Ukrainian energy company while his dad served as vice president, and now that Trump is using it to target his dad, Hunter is finally speaking out.

Speaker 14

Hunter Biden speaking out for the first time, defending his business dealings in Ukraine, saying he did quote nothing wrong at all, but acknowledging to ABC News what he calls poor judgment.

Speaker 2

Did I make a mistake, Well, maybe in the grand scheme of things, Yeah, But did I make a mistake based upon some ethical laps?

Speaker 6

Absolutely not.

Speaker 3

If your last name wasn't Biden, do you think he would have been asked to be on the board of Barisma.

Speaker 1

I don't know.

Speaker 6

I don't know, probably not.

Speaker 2

I don't think that there's a lot of things that would have happened in my life that if my last name wasn't Biden.

Speaker 1

Yeah, you know what, He's right.

Speaker 2

If Hunter's last name wasn't Biden, his life would have been a lot different. For one thing, he definitely wouldn't have gotten into the Harvard School of Surprise Massages. Yeah, but you know, I do appreciate Hunter's honesty there because he admits that he was probably hired by the Ukrainian energy company because of.

Speaker 1

His last name. That's how the world works.

Speaker 2

A lot of people get opportunities because of who their parents are. Cindy Crawford's daughter is now a model, Andrew Cuomo's father was the governor of New York before him. And do you think Harry Potter would have gotten all that attention if it wasn't for his famous wizard parents?

Speaker 1

Right? No, I don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that he wasn't a good wizard.

Speaker 2

But he was like the only student whose name dumbled on youw He was like personal yeah, Dumbledoe, cold run in her mind, he was like freckles and girl Harry.

Speaker 1

And by the way, family names work the other way too.

Speaker 2

That's why Ginny Weasley was getting eaten by snakes in the basement.

Speaker 1

It took every on four hundred pages to notice that shit.

Speaker 2

I'm just saying, man, the truth is, your name could be a big reason that you get a leg up in life.

Speaker 1

Like I know for a fact, I know.

Speaker 2

The only reason I got to where I am today is probably because my great great grandfather built the ark.

Speaker 1

Like I've you know, I accept that. What can I say, man?

Speaker 2

My great great grandpe loved boats, and watching animals.

Speaker 1

Now, with that said, that's what he was doing on the boat. That's normal.

Speaker 2

Now with that said, with that said, you can't deny it's not a good look that a Ukrainian company hired Hunter Biden just months after Joe Biden became the Obama administration's pointman on Ukraine. Because it looks very much like he got this business because of his father's position. And I understand why a lot of people would complain about that. What I don't understand is why these people are complaining about that.

Speaker 4

Let's talk about the double standard. What do you guys think would happen if Donald Trump Junior went to China and came back with one point five dollars? They're not one point five billion, just one point five dollars. Can you imagine if I took three cents from the Ukraine or four cents from China.

Speaker 1

I mean, it's it's it's unbelievable.

Speaker 2

We gave up our entire business so my father could run for president.

Speaker 6

We don't do anything overseas anymore. We gave up.

Speaker 1

We didn't have to do.

Speaker 6

You see me on any boards?

Speaker 1

Do you see don on any boards? You see Vonka on any boards.

Speaker 2

Okay, first of all, I'm not surprised nobody has put Beavis and Forehead on any corporate boards.

Speaker 1

That's that's not like a a scandal. That's not a thing.

Speaker 2

I don't even think they're allowed on diving boards. This is like, no, Eric, you're jumping off the wrong end. Jump into the wet part, dude. And secondly, and secondly, if there was ever an example of people who got opportunities because of their names.

Speaker 1

It's these two.

Speaker 2

I mean, Donald Trump Junior just got paid fifty thousand dollars to give a speech at a college. If he wasn't Donald Trump's son, why else would they be asking him to speak huh, to share his expertise on bad beards?

Speaker 1

Huh?

Speaker 2

Or would it be more like ladies and gentlemen, A man who once sat on a tree stump, Don Junior, He's like, so, what happened was my bunyans were acting up and there was no chair in sight. But then I remembered someone once told me stumps are okay to sit on.

Speaker 1

Thank you good nights.

Speaker 2

Also, also, if Trump's sons are actually concerned, like truly concerned about children of politicians doing business overseas then, can someone please explain to me why they've been doing this.

Speaker 15

Trump promised no new FLCE deals, but that hasn't stopped his family from continuing business overseas. The Trumps have plowed ahead with deals in India, Indonesia, Uruguay, and the Philippines that were already in the works before Trump took office.

Speaker 16

By Wednesday, Eric Trump will have gone to four countries on Trump Company business since January first. In early January, it was a trip to Uruguay for a glitzy party to promote a new property.

Speaker 17

This morning, Donald Trump Junior is in India to promote Trump branded condos in two cities there.

Speaker 1

As a business, we're going to continue to run.

Speaker 4

We have incredible assets all over the world that will continue to operate and to grow.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2

Even with their dad in office, the Trumps are still growing their business in places like India, Philippines, Indonesia, Uruguay.

Speaker 1

They're all over the world. It's like the Amazing race with no running and no chins.

Speaker 2

Donald and Eric are doing so much international business. It almost feels like Donald is just trying to not spend time with his sons.

Speaker 3

You know.

Speaker 1

It's almost like He's.

Speaker 2

Like, boys, I've got a new business for you to take care.

Speaker 1

Of it on Mars. Was like, but there's nobody to get back from Mars.

Speaker 2

And I appreciate your sacrifice.

Speaker 1

Bye bye. And I know this is crazy to say.

Speaker 2

I know this is crazy to say, but at least Donald and Eric a one step removed from the presidency because there are other Trump children who are in business and governments.

Speaker 15

Jared Kushner and Evanka Trump's roles in the White House opened up another potential avenue for foreign influence. Officials in at least four countries talked about ways they could manipulate Kushner, in part by taking advantage of his complicated business entanglements.

Speaker 17

Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner took in as much as one hundred and thirty five million dollars in revenue last year. That includes almost four million dollars Ivanka Trump pulled in from her steak in the family hotel here near the White House, where diplomats and foreign dignitaries spend big money.

Speaker 15

Last year, China approved more than a dozen trademarks for Avanka Trump branded products. The timing just as the US and China were trying to restart trade talks. Raised eyebrows.

Speaker 2

Okay, come on, China approved a dozen trademarks for Evanka right as her dad was negotiating trade deals with China. You can't tell me that's not suspicious timing. I mean it's like, how right before Christmas, my mom said that a horrible accident happened at santisfactory.

Speaker 1

How does this happen every year?

Speaker 16

Mom?

Speaker 2

Huh, they need to look into safety regulations at the factory. I'll never get my twice. And China does not mess around with his trademarks. That's what you have to understand. For instance, Michael Jordan had to fight for four years to trademark himself. Yeah, the Chinese courts argued that this was not Michael Jordan.

Speaker 1

Yeah. They were like, no, that could be anyone. Some of they were like, yeah, I was jumping the other day. Who knows that's me.

Speaker 6

That could be me.

Speaker 2

That's how crazy they are about trademarks. And I mean that's wild. This would be like saying that this isn't Don Junior. I mean, no one else has ever sat on a stump like that.

Speaker 1

We know who that is. Stump Man, stump Man, stump Man. Now let's be clear. Let's be clear.

Speaker 2

I'm not defending Hunter Biden. I don't know him, I don't know about his business. All I'm saying is that the last people who should be talking about the blurredlines of family names and political influence of the people currently running their home office from the White House.

Speaker 11

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you.

Speaker 1

Get your podcasts.

Speaker 2

Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

Speaker 7

This has been a Comedy Central podcastow

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