At the end of every episode, I say, “I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.” But today, I want to pause and really talk about what that journey actually looks like—because healing from covert narcissistic abuse isn’t what most people think. When I first left, I believed healing meant I’d wake up one day and magically stop hurting. I thought it meant I’d feel strong and peaceful all the time. Instead, I felt confused, angry, exhausted… and sometimes even guilty for walking away. Wha...
Apr 10, 2025•19 min
In this raw and emotional episode, we’re diving deep into one of the most devastating dynamics in families with a covert narcissist: when the parent doing all the emotional labor is unseen, while the other parent gets all the praise. We unpack the covert narcissist’s relentless need for supply and scapegoats—and how this manipulative cycle plays out not just with their partner, but with their children. You’ll hear the heartbreaking truth of what it feels like to be the steady, loving, rule-setti...
Apr 06, 2025•27 min
I often get asked: •Why did this happen to me? •How did I get here? •How do I prevent it from ever happening again? •How do I heal from this? These are excellent questions and they are very related to each other. Why did this happen to me has a whole lot to do with how do I prevent it from ever happening again. How did I get here is tied closely with how do I heal from this. You need to know about Radical Personal Responsibility - Your special weapon that is unreachable for narcissistic individu...
Apr 03, 2025•20 min
Not all bruises are visible—and some of the deepest ones live in the hearts of our children. In this powerful episode, we talk about the unseen wounds of emotional abuse, especially when you're parenting alongside a covert narcissist. What happens when the world only believes abuse if they can see it? What happens to the children growing up in that invisible war zone? If you’ve ever felt dismissed because your scars weren’t physical, or if you’re watching your children carry emotional weight no ...
Mar 30, 2025•19 min
What a privilege it is to introduce to you Debbie Mirza! She is best-selling author of the book "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist," one of the first books I ever read that opened my eyes to the nightmare that I was living. This book is an amazing resource for gaining awareness and understanding of covert narcissism. Her second book "Worthy of Love' presents a gentle and restorative path to healing after narcissistic abuse. Debbie is a beautiful testimony that healing is possible and thri...
Mar 28, 2025•32 min
Have you ever tried to Grey Rock a covert narcissist—only to watch it completely blow up in your face? You stayed neutral, kept your answers short, and avoided reacting… but somehow, things escalated anyway . In this episode, we dive deep into why Grey Rocking often backfires with a covert narcissist , and how to use it in a smarter, safer, and more strategic way. You'll learn how covert narcissists twist neutrality into rejection, how they bait you into reacting, and how to avoid giving them em...
Mar 23, 2025•24 min
Is a peaceful divorce possible when dealing with a covert narcissist? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with high-conflict divorce coach Eleanor Marks to unpack the complexities of separation from a covert narcissist. We dive into the concept of radical acceptance—understanding the reality of your situation and adjusting your expectations accordingly. If you're navigating a high-conflict divorce or struggling to co-parent with a covert narcissist, this conversation will provide clarity, va...
Mar 21, 2025•23 min
Imagine being pushed, prodded, and ignored—until you finally snap. Then suddenly, you’re the problem. Sound familiar? In this episode, we’re diving deep into reactive abuse —one of the most insidious tactics covert narcissists use to flip the script and make survivors question their reality. I’ll share real-life stories—both from childhood and marriage—illustrating how this pattern plays out, how narcissists provoke reactions only to play the victim, and why your reaction does not make you the a...
Mar 16, 2025•24 min
In this powerful Part Two of the two-part series with Dr. Anthony Mazzella and Renee Swanson, we shift perspectives. In part one, we discussed the adult child uncovering a covert narcissistic parent, and this is featured on The Narcissism Decoder . Now we shift to the parent who realizes their adult child exhibits covert narcissistic behaviors. Dr. Mazzella, a seasoned psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, brings his expertise in to explore the emotional turmoil, self-doubt, and painful realities p...
Mar 13, 2025•35 min
In this episode, Renee Swanson discusses the challenges of dealing with circular conversations with covert narcissists. She explains how these conversations can trap individuals in a cycle of emotional manipulation and coercive control. Renee provides strategies for disengaging from these conversations, setting boundaries, and reclaiming personal space and power. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing unhealthy relationship dynamics and encourages listeners to seek help and support for the...
Mar 09, 2025•22 min
What happens when the very dynamics that shaped your childhood follow you into adulthood—into your marriage, friendships, and even your career? In this episode, Mindy shares her eye-opening realization that she married a version of her narcissistic mother and how her upbringing with both a covert narcissistic mom and an abusive father left her trapped in cycles of self-doubt, hypervigilance, and struggle. We’ll explore how childhood conditioning makes us perfect targets for love bombing, why rec...
Mar 06, 2025•27 min
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling drained, confused, or even doubting yourself? Do you feel like every attempt at connection turns into an argument, a guilt trip, or complete silence? You’re not alone. Talking to a covert narcissist isn’t like talking to anyone else. Simple, everyday questions— What do you want for dinner? How was your day? —can be met with sighs, irritation, or even the silent treatment. And when it comes to deeper conversations, the dynamic becomes even mor...
Mar 02, 2025•18 min
What happens when a father’s love comes with invisible strings? In this episode, I dive into the hidden dynamics of covert narcissistic fathers —the ones who never yell, never hit, but control through silent treatment, guilt, and quiet punishment . If you grew up feeling like your worth was tied to achievements, if you feared disappointing a parent who never truly accepted you, this episode is for you. We'll explore the emotional abuse that comes from covert narcissistic parenting , how their su...
Feb 27, 2025•14 min
In this eye-opening episode, we dive deep into the painful reality behind “kind” gestures that aren’t kind at all. When a homemade cheesecake or a perfectly crafted cup of coffee is offered by someone who’s spent years neglecting your needs, it can feel like a calculated move—a manipulation tactic meant to keep you tethered to your old wounds. Through raw storytelling and a “Choose Your Own Adventure” narrative, you’ll hear firsthand how these token gestures, far from mending the past, often ser...
Feb 23, 2025•19 min
Many of us have been taught to focus on the good —to think about whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable and to not judge. These are not bad lessons to live by, but do they apply to our spouse in a toxic relationship ? Or are we unintentionally ignoring red flags in covert narcissistic abuse ? In this episode, we explore: 🔹 How focusing only on the good enables covert narcissistic behavior 🔹 The confusion and emotional turmoil of benefiting from the good while suffering fro...
Feb 20, 2025•24 min
Have you ever felt like your reality was rewritten right before your eyes? Covert narcissists are experts at controlling the narrative , erasing your perspective, dismissing your feelings, manipulating reality, and shaping how others see you. This is a key tactic in covert narcissistic abuse , leaving victims feeling unheard, invalidated, and questioning their own sanity. In this episode, we break down: 🔹 Signs of covert narcissism and how they erase your perspective 🔹 The sneaky ways they use...
Feb 16, 2025•20 min
Have you ever tried to figure out someone’s true intentions? Have you been suspicious of the intentions behind one’s behaviors? Have you ever asked yourself, Yeah but what do they really want? Covert narcissists hide their true intentions. You can feel this when you talk with them. Something just doesn’t feel quite right. It doesn’t feel genuine. Everything they do and say has a hidden agenda. What is that agenda? What are their true intentions? The true intentions of a covert narcissistic perso...
Feb 14, 2025•21 min
Have you ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, analyzing every glance, every sigh, every subtle shift in body language—just trying to figure out what went wrong this time ? Covert narcissists don’t always use words to manipulate, dismiss, or control. Sometimes, their most powerful weapon is silence itself. A heavy sigh, an eye roll, a dismissive shrug—these small, seemingly insignificant gestures carry messages that cut deep. And when words and actions don’t align, you’re left questionin...
Feb 09, 2025•17 min
After a family vacation that he thought was a wonderful family trip, Justin’s covert narcissistic mother pulled him aside to tell him how disappointed she was in him. What he saw as a very balanced and enjoyable trip, she only saw that she did not get enough attention and focus from his wife and him. She pushed her unhappiness onto them. Growing up with a covert narcissistic parent, you experience extreme amounts of gaslighting, blame shifting, and passive aggressive behavior. Unknown to you, th...
Feb 07, 2025•24 min
Have you ever looked back on something a covert narcissist did and thought, Did that really just happen? In this episode, we’re diving into the most jaw-dropping, mind-bending, and downright bizarre behaviors of covert narcissists. These behaviors are so absurd that they leave you questioning reality. If you’ve experienced the surreal world of covert narcissistic abuse, this episode is for you. Your story matters. Share your experience and connect with others on the path to healing. I am Renee S...
Feb 02, 2025•21 min
Growing up with a covert narcissistic mother can set the stage for a lifetime of fixing, pleasing, and sacrificing your own needs. In this episode, Cara shares her journey of living under the shadow of covert narcissism and how it shaped her identity as a fixer and a people pleaser. From the unfillable emotional hole left by her mother to the toxic relationships she found herself drawn to, we explore how covert narcissistic abuse created patterns she didn’t even realize she was repeating. Cara d...
Jan 31, 2025•24 min
How Healing Transforms Your Responses to a Covert Narcissist Healing doesn’t change the covert narcissist. It changes YOU! Healing transforms your responses and reactions to their abusive tactics. This episode of Covert Narcissism Podcast explores how healing empowers victims to break free from the quicksand of covert narcissistic abuse and reclaim their confidence. Through relatable examples, we uncover the subtle but destructive tactics covert narcissists use to manipulate and control. You’ll ...
Jan 26, 2025•19 min
Have you ever felt like you missed out on your childhood because you were too busy parenting your own parent? This episode of Covert Narcissism Podcast dives deep into the hidden trauma of parentification—a heartbreaking dynamic where children take on adult responsibilities to meet the emotional or physical needs of their caregivers, especially covert narcissistic parents. Growing up as the emotional support system, household manager, or peacekeeper in a volatile home leaves lasting scars. Many ...
Jan 23, 2025•16 min
Unmasking the Types of Narcissism: Traits, Motivations, and Hidden Patterns Narcissism comes in many forms, each with distinct traits and motivations. Grandiose narcissists thrive on superiority and admiration, while vulnerable narcissists seek validation and sympathy to mask their fragile self-esteem. Malignant narcissists combine narcissistic traits with antisocial behavior and a drive for domination, whereas communal narcissists gain admiration by presenting as altruistic and caring. Somatic ...
Jan 19, 2025•26 min
Since you are here listening to this, you have probably done some amount of research into narcissism. By now, you have probably run into the word projection as it relates to narcissism. A relationship that is built on projections and expectations is a relationship that is doomed to struggle. I talk about this a lot in my group coaching program, but I have realized that I have never done a podcast episode on it. It is definitely time! Let’s define what projection is. It is the process of misinter...
Jan 16, 2025•24 min
Narcissistic behavior can leave a trail of emotional devastation, much like a tornado tearing through lives and relationships. But what happens when these traits hide in plain sight? In this episode, we uncover the truth about covert narcissism, explaining how it’s not a standalone category but a subtle way narcissistic traits from any type—grandiose, vulnerable, malignant, and more—manifest. From passive-aggressive manipulation to the constant victim narrative, covert narcissists are often the ...
Jan 12, 2025•22 min
I was SO good at sweeping things under the rug! I could take any huge bad things that happened and just make it disappear. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever experienced this? Maybe you have heard this phrase before and don’t really know what it’s talking about. I am going to explain it right here and give you personal examples from my world. I recently realized that the broom I used the most actually has a title. Here’s what I mean. Sweeping things under the rug refers to all the times that...
Jan 09, 2025•21 min
Imagine finally opening up about the emotional abuse you’ve endured, only to be met with harsh judgments, dismissive comments, or cruel accusations that make you doubt yourself even more. Victim blaming doesn’t just hurt—it silences, isolates, and strengthens the grip of the abuser. In this episode, I unpack the devastating impact of victim blaming on survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. From dismissive remarks like “Why didn’t you just leave?” to outright accusations that invalidate your exp...
Jan 05, 2025•17 min
Michelle shares her story after decades with a covert narcissist. As a stay at home mom, she was not allowed to work outside the home. He maintained his control over her in this way. Step by step, she put a plan in place and worked towards her freedom, which is now becoming her reality. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? Are you searching for people who get it? Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do...
Jan 03, 2025•23 min
I cringe every time I hear someone ask a victim of covert narcissism why they are still there or why they haven’t left. It’s an okay question in the right circumstances. But it is a crushing question in the wrong situation. In the wrong conversation, this becomes victim blaming. You aren’t strong enough to stand up for yourself. You don’t love yourself enough. You chose this so that’s on you. If you decide to stay, I can’t help you. These statements and these attitudes are so painful to someone ...
Dec 29, 2024•20 min
