For survivors of covert narcissistic abuse, the New Year can feel overwhelming—another reminder of time lost and dreams unfulfilled. But this year can mark the start of something new: freedom, healing, and renewal. In this heartfelt episode, I share how I transitioned from merely surviving to truly living—reclaiming peace in my home, my heart, and my mind. I’ll provide practical steps to help you let go of emotional burdens, set boundaries, and embrace small, meaningful joys. The life you deserv...
Dec 26, 2024•10 min
Today, I want to talk to you about a question that lingers in the hearts of so many: Why can’t I feel intimate with my partner? Let me assure you, you’re not alone in asking this. Intimacy, that deep connection we all crave, can feel impossible when you’re caught in the web of emotional abuse. Victims of covert abuse spend years wondering what is wrong with them. Why am I not more sexually attracted to my partner? We go to the doctor to learn what is wrong with us. We try medications and hormone...
Dec 22, 2024•17 min
The holidays can be a difficult time for survivors of covert narcissistic abuse—what should be moments of joy often become memories of tension and survival. In this heartfelt episode, I reflect on past holidays that were filled with anxiety and share how I transformed my life and home into a sanctuary of peace, love, and laughter. Six years after leaving a chaotic environment, I’ve learned how to reclaim joy, create genuine connection, and build a home where feelings are safe and celebrated. If ...
Dec 20, 2024•8 min
Emotional abuse is often described as insidious, and for good reason. It doesn’t have to happen constantly to dominate your thoughts, emotions, and decisions. Even if the abuse only happens 10% of the time on a clock or calendar, the fear of it, the anticipation of it, and the recovery from it consumes your mind 100% of the time. You are constantly analyzing it, trying to figure out what went wrong, wondering what you could have done and so on. Let’s talk about why that is and what we can do to ...
Dec 15, 2024•19 min
I can’t keep living like this. I’ve tried everything I know to try. Things might get better for a little while, but it never lasts. I continuously find myself right back in the same place. Over and over trying to explain how I feel and everything is always flipped back at me. I’ve been doing this for years, or even decades, and I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve tried everything I can try. I’m damaged. My kids are damaged. I’m done. I want out, now what? That very thought can be intensely overwhel...
Dec 12, 2024•24 min
Are you dreading the holidays? Approaching them with a pit in your stomach? I remember those days all too well! I didn't want to take the trips with him. I didn't want to go visit family with him. I didn't want to be with him 24/7. Who dreads the holidays? People who are living with a covert narcissist or visiting a covert narcissistic family member To those of you who are heading into these holidays with covert narcissists in your life, I see you. I hear the discouragement and exhaustion in you...
Dec 08, 2024•20 min
Can you get PTSD or CPTSD from a relationship with a covert narcissist 100% yes!! Let’s talk about PTSD and CPTSD in relation to narcissist abuse. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma response triggered from a single terrifying event, such as: •natural disaster •home intrusion •car accident •serious injury Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is trauma responses developed from ongoing or chronic trauma. It is prolonged traumatic events, such as: •ongoing abuse •childhood abuse •domestic vi...
Dec 05, 2024•21 min
For those of you who have been or currently are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, what are some of the things you thought were totally normal but now realize are not normal? That relationships are SO incredibly hard, like trying to get water from a rock. Isn’t that the way it is supposed to be? “Feeling ridiculously anxious when you hear their car pull in and the front door open.” Or when the garage door opens! “Name calling and screaming!” How did we ever get to the point that we thou...
Dec 01, 2024•24 min•Ep. 293
Welcome to Covert Narcissism Podcast, I’m your host Renee Swanson. This is a safe space where survivors of covert narcissistic abuse find hope, understanding, and healing. Today, this episode is dedicated to you—an affirmation of your strength, resilience, and worth. Take a deep breath, settle into a comfortable space, and let these words remind you of the incredible person you are. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by what you’ve endured but by the incredible strength you’ve shown in rising...
Nov 28, 2024•8 min•Ep. 292
This episode is dedicated to everyone who is going through the upcoming holidays with a covert narcissist. As the world sees this “wonderful” person in your life, I see you! I see the pain, the doubt, the confusion, the fear. People who have survived this often feel invisible, dismissed, or doubted when sharing their experiences with others. Today, we’re diving into what survivors wish more people understood, and how we can better support those who’ve endured this hidden abuse. Let’s unmask the ...
Nov 24, 2024•18 min•Ep. 291
I would never have said that abandonment was a concern for me in my marriage. He was never going to leave me. He would never run off with another woman. I knew that he would always be home in the evenings and on the weekends. Other people talked about the issue of abandonment. Some narcissists do run off with affairs. They discard their victim simply to get another one. But that didn’t apply in my situation. So I really didn’t think that abandonment was an issue for me. Until one day, I opened m...
Nov 21, 2024•20 min•Ep. 290
Have you ever experienced a covert narcissist trying to make peace? How did that go? Did you walk away feeling better? Or did you walk away feeling like you had just been through hand to hand combat? When a covert narcissist tries to make peace with you, you go through yet another level of destructive interactions. This destruction centers around a facade of sympathy, backwards apologies, intense blame shifting, minimizing their bad behavior, and entitlement in the form of expectations of your f...
Nov 17, 2024•23 min•Ep. 289
Are guys sometimes victims of covert narcissism? Absolutely! This is not a gender issue.Female covert narcissists are incredibly destructive. In this story, Todd tells his story of dealing with his covert narcissistic wife and how a glance back at his childhood showed how he was primed for this relationship from the beginning. He was in an abusive marriage and didn’t know it. This behavior and the feelings he was having were normalized from his upbringing, so the red flags didn’t go off. He just...
Nov 15, 2024•27 min•Ep. 288
Absolutely. I haven’t met one yet who is truly happy and content in life. They are grumpy, angry, defensive, hypersensitive, insecure, lazy, unmotivated, full of drama, worked up, and upset. They do not know how to love nor to be loved. They are constantly seeking it and don’t recognize it when it is right in front of them. When they have it, they are so afraid of losing it that they push it away. They do not know how to actually relax and enjoy life. They have no idea how to be in the present m...
Nov 10, 2024•22 min•Ep. 287
In the series of Survivor Stories, Wendy shares her story of a long-term marriage full of betrayal. From very early on, her husband had an affair and left her. She fought for the marriage because she didn’t want her son to grow up in a split home. This happened a second time during their son’s young life. However, the third time he left for an affair, she let him go. After 30 years of this, it was time to find some healing. She went to a therapist and said: “I don’t understand. I have all these ...
Nov 08, 2024•23 min•Ep. 286
Grandiose narcissists cross physical boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in a physical manner. They hit you, shove you, grab you, or throw things at you. They have no regard for your physical space or safety. Vulnerable narcissists, often referred to as covert narcissists, cross emotional boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in an emotional way. They hit you emotionally, blame you, guilt you, or dismiss you. They have no regard for your emotional space or s...
Nov 03, 2024•23 min•Ep. 74
Everyone dealing with covert narcissism deals with FOG, but Christians have a extra layer of FOG to handle. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These 3 issues keep a victim of covert narcissism trapped for years and decades. If you add Christianity to this, it becomes nearly impossible to see things clearly. You are already dealing with the fear of your partner's reactions, fear of upsetting them, and fear of abandonment. Add to this the fear of disobeying God and being condemned to hell....
Nov 01, 2024•31 min•Ep. 284
I stood in my own home and realized that I was frozen, absolutely stuck. What to fix for dinner, what to watch on tv, when to sit down and read my book. I was no longer capable of making even small decisions. This is life with a covert narcissist. I can't decide where to go for dinner or what to cook. I can't figure out which bathroom to use in my own home. I can't decide which shirt to wear around the house. All because of the belittling comments, controlling comments, self-focused comments, an...
Oct 27, 2024•18 min•Ep. 283
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate, manipulate, and control another person, typically in the context of intimate relationships. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that can also include physical or sexual violence but is often more subtle and sustained. The goal of coercive control is to strip the victim of their autonomy and independence, making them dependent on the abuser. This type of control puts the covert narcissist in charge and leaves the target at ...
Oct 25, 2024•23 min•Ep. 282
“I started this relationship looking for reasons to like him, but I ended it fighting against all the reasons that I hated him.” I have so many people voice this to me. You don't want to hate them. You fight against that for years, but your heart just keeps screaming louder. You spend years wondering what is wrong with you. Why can't you just focus on the good and move on? There are good traits and good days with them. I’m supposed to dwell on that, right? But why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? ...
Oct 20, 2024•22 min•Ep. 281
Let’s remember what trauma bonding is - In a simple definition, it is when the one who has hurt you is the one you turn to help you feel better. Trauma bonding feels like, “you’ve broken me into pieces but you’re the only one who can fix me.” The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes. You could even call trauma bonding a conditioned dependency. You have been conditioned to rel...
Oct 18, 2024•26 min•Ep. 280
People blow you off, saying you are making a big deal out of nothing. You’re just being too sensitive. You need to get tougher. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. But yet when you try, you get blamed for being the problem. So what's the big deal? Why am I spending a lifetime learning about covert narcissism? Because it matters!! Covert narcissists erase who you are. They rob you of your perspective, identity and personality. How do we stop this cycle? By giving our kids and our world em...
Oct 13, 2024•19 min•Ep. 73
Why can’t I actually leave this relationship? I want to! I’m tired of being treated this way. I’m tired of the ups and downs. I want stability. I want peace. I want less drama. Why can’t I actually walk away? Why do I keep coming back? Why do I continue to give them another chance, over and over? What is wrong with me? Am I crazy? If this is you, what you are experiencing is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding keeps us tied to this person, no matter how badly they treat us. How does this work? Trauma...
Oct 10, 2024•22 min•Ep. 278
I’m surrounded by narcissists. Is everyone a covert narcissist? Is every marriage affected by this? I can’t take anything at face value. Right now in today’s world, I feel like we can’t take anything at face value anymore. The news says one thing. Social media says another. At times, it truly feels like we are surrounded by a fake world. Covert narcissism is absolutely a part of this fake world. Covert narcissism is narcissistic traits hidden behind and covered up by learned good behavior. This ...
Oct 06, 2024•20 min•Ep. 277
There is a reason that this word FOG always appears in capital letters now. It is an acronym for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These words explain the progression of things for the victim of narcissistic abuse, and even more so with covert narcissistic abuse. The internal reaction of, “I’ll never do that again,” or "I'll never say that again," is the beginning of FEAR. Whatever it was that provoked that reaction from them that you just experienced, you will now avoid at all costs. Fear of their an...
Oct 04, 2024•23 min•Ep. 72
Narcissism seems to be everywhere. You hear about it in so many families. Marriages that you thought were good, you learn that they are falling apart behind closed doors. Family members, friends, co-workers...everywhere you turn. Is narcissism on the rise? Yes! Why is this? There are many contributing factors. In this episode, I address a few of these reasons for this explosion in narcissism. The more we can understand, the more we can educate ourselves, the more we can help educate our children...
Sep 29, 2024•18 min•Ep. 275
Last night, I was caught off guard with a question I had not really thought about. I was not prepared to answer this question about my journey with a covert narcissistic husband. Here's the question: Name 3 significant landmarks along the way. Three things that boosted me forward on this journey and got me to where I am today. At first, I only thought of external events. Things that actually took place on a specific day and involved people in my life. These events were what I named at the time. ...
Sep 27, 2024•23 min•Ep. 71
Q & A With Renee Swanson and Her Covert Narcissism Podcast Journey Recently Renee had the opportunity to be interviewed about her journey with Covert Narcissism and how it led where it is today with the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Currently the Covert Narcissism Podcast is downloaded by hundreds of thousands of listeners each month, and has expanded from Renee’s guest room, to a studio, and from a small facebook group to group coaching and retreats that take place year round. The question on ...
Sep 22, 2024•16 min•Ep. 273
It doesn't take long for struggles to show up when you are dealing with a covert narcissist, but we can easily convince ourselves that every marriage has its problems. We conclude that this is just normal relationship strife. But covert narcissistic behavior is more than this. You are not overreacting when you feel like this is a bigger deal than normal. Trying to talk ourselves out the issues we are facing everyday is detrimental to our health. It takes its toll emotionally, mentally, physicall...
Sep 19, 2024•25 min•Ep. 272
Trauma causes post-traumatic stress disorder. This is literally the effects of the stress after the trauma, the remaining results of the trauma. Too much adrenaline in your system is extremely dangerous. Stress is a killer. What is stress? According to the World Health Organization, stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. This just described your world when you are living with a covert narcissist. It IS having an impact on your brain. The good...
Sep 15, 2024•22 min•Ep. 271
