Part two of a 4 part series on Guilt and Shame with guest, Dr. Anthony Mazzella, Psychotherapist & Host of The Narcissism Decoder Podcast What if the guilt you carry… isn’t actually guilt at all? In Part Two of this powerful conversation, Renee and Dr. Anthony Mazzella dive into the subtle but life-changing difference between guilt and shame —and why confusing the two can keep you stuck in cycles of self-blame, anxiety, and emotional paralysis. You’ll learn: Why guilt is actually a sign of e...
Jul 24, 2025•35 min
With a covert narcissist, the outcome is always the same: you’re the problem. No matter how gently you speak, how carefully you tread, or how hard you try—somehow, it always comes back to you. That’s not bad communication. That’s emotional abuse wrapped in manipulation, guilt, and gaslighting. In this episode, we walk through a choose-your-own-adventure version of life with a covert narcissist—where every decision leads to blame, confusion, or emotional fallout. Whether it’s handling a parenting...
Jul 21, 2025•24 min
Part one of a 4 part series on Guilt and Shame with guest, Dr. Anthony Mazzella, Psychotherapist & Host of The Narcissism Decoder Podcast What if the root of so much emotional pain, self-sabotage, and confusion isn’t who you are —but what you've carried? In this powerful first episode of a two-part series, Renee is joined by Dr. Anthony Mazzella to explore how shame , not arrogance or ego, often sits at the center of narcissistic traits—both in ourselves and in the people who have hurt us. T...
Jul 21, 2025•35 min
Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a single event—it’s a process. In this episode, we break down the myth of the dramatic midnight escape and explore the emotional, psychological, and logistical realities that make leaving so complex. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” or been judged by others for how long it’s taken to get out, this conversation is for you. We’ll talk about the mental rewiring survivors must do, the fear of not being believed, the self-doubt that comes f...
Jul 14, 2025•22 min
Why do so many people stay in relationships with covert narcissists for years—sometimes decades? This episode is a raw, honest, and deeply validating exploration of the emotional tug-of-war that keeps survivors stuck in toxic dynamics. I open up about my own 20+ year marriage to a covert narcissist—why I stayed, why I didn’t see it sooner, and why that doesn’t mean there was something wrong with me. Because covert narcissists are masters at being “just enough.” Just enough good to make you stay....
Jul 11, 2025•20 min
When you're in a relationship with a covert narcissist, peace is often a performance—maintained at the expense of your own emotional well-being. This episode of The Covert Narcissism Podcast explores how covert narcissists condition those around them to bend, sacrifice, and stay silent just to avoid upsetting them. From partners who tell their kids “just do what your dad wants” to adult children asked to adjust their lives to keep the narcissistic parent happy, this episode exposes the high cost...
Jul 06, 2025•21 min
You left. You blocked them. You did everything you were “supposed” to do to break free from the covert narcissist in your life. But somehow… they’re still there. In your thoughts. In your inner dialogue. In the way you second-guess yourself when no one’s even around. In this episode, we explore why covert narcissists continue to live “rent free” in your head long after the relationship ends — and how emotional abuse rewires your brain, leaving behind patterns of self-doubt, hypervigilance, and i...
Jul 04, 2025•23 min
What happens when you finally speak the truth to a covert narcissist? Whether you’re pointing out a small forgotten chore or confronting them about a huge betrayal, the emotional fallout can feel overwhelming and confusing. In this episode, we’re diving deep into the two most common narcissistic reactions to being called out: the emotional implosion of shame and the defensive explosion of blame . Learn why narcissists either spiral into shame-filled self-pity or launch into rage and blame-shifti...
Jun 29, 2025•22 min
When the yelling stops, the lies fade, and the manipulative games come to a halt… does it mean they are getting better? In this episode, we explore the confusing and disorienting experience of living with someone who has changed their behaviors , but hasn’t done the real emotional work underneath. Drawing a parallel with the concept of a "dry drunk," we’ll unpack why behavior management without inner healing leaves survivors of covert narcissistic abuse still feeling unsafe, unseen, and emotiona...
Jun 26, 2025•21 min
Empathy — we all think we know what it means, until we’re in a relationship where it’s missing. Covert narcissists are often skilled at sounding emotionally intelligent. They can say the right words, mirror emotional language, and even cry on cue — but something still feels off. That’s because what they offer isn’t real empathy; it’s a performance. In this episode, we explore the difference between true empathy and intellectual mimicry , revealing how covert narcissists can talk the talk while l...
Jun 22, 2025•19 min
Are they a covert narcissist or an alcoholic? What if the alcohol goes away? Does this get better? In this candid and thought-provoking conversation, I sit down with Todd Rennebohm, host of Bunny Hugs and Mental Health , to explore the complex intersection of addiction, trauma, emotional dysregulation, and misunderstood behaviors. Todd opens up about his lived experience with substance abuse, undiagnosed ADHD, and the journey from survival mode to genuine healing. Together, we unpack the blurry ...
Jun 19, 2025•32 min
You planned everything perfectly — the dinner, the outfit, the guest list. But somehow, your birthday still ended in silence. Or tears. Or walking on eggshells. If you’ve ever felt like your special moments were stolen — you’re not alone. In this episode, we explore why covert narcissists sabotage holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and even simple family gatherings . We’ll dive into the hidden motives behind their emotional sabotage, including control, envy, and resentment — and how their behav...
Jun 15, 2025•19 min
We all live on the "main floor" of our emotional house—handling relationships, responsibilities, and day-to-day life. But when things break down, the real answers are often hidden in the basement: our childhood. In this episode, I unpack how unresolved childhood trauma silently shapes the way we love, react, and connect as adults. You'll learn why survival responses like people-pleasing, emotional numbing, and fear of closeness aren’t signs of weakness—they’re signs of old wiring that needs your...
Jun 12, 2025•15 min
How do you raise emotionally grounded, self-aware children when you're navigating the chaos and confusion of covert narcissistic abuse — or healing from it yourself? In this powerful episode, we explore what it means to parent with intention, clarity, and compassion in the aftermath of narcissistic harm. Whether you're co-parenting with a narcissist, raising children who were exposed to emotional manipulation, or trying to unlearn toxic patterns from your own childhood, this episode is for you. ...
Jun 08, 2025•24 min
Are narcissists born or made? In this foundational episode, we unpack the complex roots of narcissism through the lens of both nature and nurture. We explore how temperament, early childhood environment, and relational trauma interact to shape narcissistic behaviors — and why it’s not always a direct path. You’ll learn: How biological traits like sensitivity or the need for validation can become liabilities in emotionally unsafe environments Why narcissism is often a learned survival strategy — ...
Jun 05, 2025•19 min
Why is it so hard to leave — even when you know the relationship is toxic? In this powerful episode, we expose the hidden truth behind trauma bonding with a covert narcissist. It’s not just emotional confusion — it’s chemical addiction. You’re not addicted to the person; you’re addicted to the highs, the relief, the dopamine rush that follows emotional chaos. And while you're chasing connection, they’re chasing something else entirely: your Fix-It Mode. We’ll break down the neuroscience of traum...
Jun 01, 2025•24 min
If you’ve been bending over backwards trying to fix a relationship that keeps breaking you… this episode is for you. Today, I’m sharing a personal story about the moment I was asked a question that stopped me in my tracks: “Can you honestly say you’ve done everything you know to do?” That one question made me face the truth — not about the relationship, but about how much of myself I had been pouring into something that couldn’t be repaired by effort alone. In this episode, we explore: Why survi...
May 29, 2025•13 min
If you find yourself dreading the weekend and breathing easier on Monday mornings, you might be living in the upside-down world of covert narcissistic abuse. In this powerful episode, we explore what it’s like to live with a covert narcissist whose presence turns weekends into emotional minefields. While others relax and recharge, you're managing moods, walking on eggshells, and just trying to make it through. We’ll walk through the emotional rhythm of the week — from the sweet relief of Monday ...
May 25, 2025•23 min
Are they a covert narcissist—or are they just being a jerk? That’s one of the most common (and most confusing) questions I hear from clients and listeners. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we break down real-life examples of those cutting, guilt-laced, or backhanded comments that leave you wondering: Was that emotional abuse, passive-aggressive manipulation, or just a bad moment? From relationship red flags like “Must be nice to have that kind of freedom” , to parental guilt tri...
May 22, 2025•18 min
Ever walk away from a conversation feeling more confused than when you started—like somehow, even though you were calm, kind, and clear, you’re the one apologizing again ? Welcome to the maddening world of circular conversations with a covert narcissist . In this episode, we dive into the logic-defying, soul-draining dynamics that keep you stuck in emotional loops—where nothing gets resolved, the goalposts always move, and your reality is constantly twisted. Before you even had the words “covert...
May 18, 2025•21 min
In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we take a much-needed breath of fresh air—literally and emotionally. If I weren’t talking about covert narcissism every week, I’d be out in the woods learning survival skills: building fires, navigating with moss, and figuring out which berries won’t kill me. Why? Because sometimes, healing from covert narcissistic abuse means taking a step back to reconnect with who you are outside the trauma. This episode is your invitation to pause the obsessi...
May 15, 2025•17 min
What if the guilt you’ve been carrying… isn’t guilt at all? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast , we peel back the layers of false guilt—those heavy, painful feelings that whisper “you’re the problem” anytime someone else is upset. Renee walks through a real-life example of emotional coercion in a relationship with a covert narcissist, showing how guilt is often a disguise for fear, shame, and manipulated responsibility. You'll learn how to recognize the difference between true guil...
May 11, 2025•19 min
What if you said yes — but didn’t feel free to say no? In this powerful and necessary episode, we’re confronting the hidden reality of sexual coercion and assault within marriage , especially when the partner is a covert narcissist . From guilt-laced manipulation to emotional punishment and silent withdrawal, we explore how control can show up quietly — and why consent isn’t real if it’s not freely given. You’ll hear real-life examples, common tactics used to override your “no,” and clear steps ...
May 08, 2025•19 min
Welcome to Part Two of Things My Therapist Said That Deserve to Be on T-Shirts . We’re continuing the conversation with five more transformative truths that cut through confusion, emotional manipulation , and internalized blame—especially for anyone navigating covert narcissistic abuse . These one-liners don’t just help you name what’s been happening—they help you stop second-guessing yourself and start reclaiming your peace. Whether you're living with a covert narcissist , healing after a painf...
May 04, 2025•21 min
Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs in healing from covert narcissistic abuse come from just one sentence—something so simple, so true, it rewires your entire nervous system. In this part one episode, I’m sharing five powerful one-liners my therapist said that helped me finally recognize the emotional abuse I had been living through—and start the real work of healing. We talk about what it means to stop apologizing for your emotions, how guilt isn't a moral compass , and why setting boundaries w...
May 01, 2025•19 min
Covert narcissism sends you spinning into cognitive dissonance circles! But your brain and your gut were never supposed to be enemies. They're both trying to protect you—just in different ways. Healing begins when they stop arguing and start working together, guiding you out of the confusion and back into clarity. Key Takeaways: Covert abuse hijacks your logic and intuition. Your gut has always known the truth—you just needed your brain to stop making excuses. Healing starts when you trust yours...
Apr 27, 2025•18 min
In this part two conversation, Renee Swanson and Jerry Wise delve into the complexities of covert narcissism, exploring the impact of guilt in relationships with narcissistic individuals. They discuss the importance of self-focus and reframing one's internal environment to foster healing and personal growth. The dialogue emphasizes that it is never too late to reclaim oneself and that closure comes from within, not from external validation. Takeaways Guilt often stems from family dynamics, espec...
Apr 24, 2025•23 min
In this part one of two conversation, Renee Swanson and Jerry Wise delve into the complexities of narcissism and the concept of self-differentiation. Jerry shares his extensive experience in family systems therapy and explains how self-differentiation allows individuals to grow into their true selves without absorbing the toxicity of others. They discuss the loss of self often experienced by those raised in narcissistic families, the internal messages that keep individuals stuck, and the distinc...
Apr 20, 2025•24 min
What happens when the fairy tale was never a fairy tale to begin with? In this powerful episode, Renee Swanson is joined by Andrea, the candid and courageous voice behind the hit podcast How Not to Suck at Divorce . Andrea doesn’t just share her story—she lays it all out. The red flags she ignored. The justifications she clung to. The slow unraveling of her identity. The physical collapse that finally forced her to confront the truth. Together, Renee and Andrea dive deep into: The invisible trau...
Apr 17, 2025•24 min
In this episode, we’re diving into the conversations I wish I could have had with the covert narcissist in my life. The words I rehearsed but never said. The truths I buried for the sake of “keeping the peace.” The sarcasm I bit back. The boundaries I swallowed. All of it. Because sometimes, the only way to make sense of the madness that is covert narcissistic abuse is to talk it out —even if it’s only in your own head. We’re pulling back the curtain on: The emotional minefield of everyday life ...
Apr 13, 2025•19 min
