Be Fearless with Finances with Alexa von Tobel

Hello Sunshine.

Hey besties. Today on the bright Side, we sit down with financial planner and best selling author alexav Tobol. She's on a mission to empower women to be fearless with our finances. It's Tuesday, April twenty third. I'm Simone Boyce.

I'm Danielle Robe and this is the bright Side from Hello Sunshine.

Simone.

What do you eat for breakfast before we get into recording, and do you eat it at home or do you eat it in the car?

I eat it at home like a normal person. I drink coffee in the car and I eat breakfast at home. Right now, I'm really into my yogurt parfes. I have made this berry syrup that I sprinkle on it because I use plain Greek yogurt, and it tastes like your mouth is cement, you know the feeling that I'm talking about. So I made this berry syrup that I put on it and granola and it's actually delicious. So that's my breakfast at the moment right now.

I always break it up with honey, but I love a syrup so good. I'm having trouble finding time for breakfast. I'm stuffing my face with like some sort of bar. Sometimes I forget and I can hear my stomach grumble on the microphone when we're doing interviews.

It's so funny and I'm like, can the interviewee hear this?

We have really good microphones, y'all.

One thing we agree on is coffee. We always have our coffee.

Hell yeah, I am wired right now from this cold brew.

I have a cutoff at eleven. I will not drink a sip past eleven.

Am. Oh, well, that's wonderful for you, But my life is a bit different, and I normally have a really high coffee tolerance. But this cold brew is like, I'm wired up right now. I'm electrified.

Well, you grew up partly in Miami, and every time I go to Miami, I always get Cuban coffee and it wires me like nothing else.

It's the best. This is the thing that I miss about Miami the most. I have been saying this for years. Somebody needs to open up just a little walk up window of Cuban coffee in Los Angeles.

At some and should be you.

It should, but listen, maybe we'll kick start it.

I like it. Should we get into the show today.

Let's do it. We're gonna start with some share news, y'all. She is getting her flowers from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She is officially in the class of twenty twenty four, along with Ozzy Osbourne, a tribe called Quest, Mary J. Blige, and so many more. I'm so happy for all of them.

I feel confused because in December, Chaer said that they couldn't pay her. If they gave her a million dollars, she wouldn't be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And now she's being inducted, which is I'm glad she had a change of heart because she deserves to be in there.

She is such an icon.

You know, we do need some clarity around that situation. I'm glad you brought that up, Danielle, because Chare's been quiet on social media about that. But I don't know. Maybe she's just maybe she's accepting the win now, maybe she's taking the w I.

Think another person who should be inducted is Lenny Kravitz. That to me feels overdue.

We have a big Lenny Kravitz crush on the right side.

He's our short thing forever.

Also, this is interesting nominated, but did not make the cut. Mariah Carey mem that's got to happen eventually, right, I think so.

Speaking of talented musicians, the Spice Girls. These Spice Girls were united at Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice's fiftieth birthday party over the weekend and performed the Stop dance at the party.

My heart skipped a beat whenever I saw this. Yeah, our hearts stopped completely. Cardiac arrest.

How many puns should we make? We always make puns?

Okay.

David Beckham, like the good husband that he is and the good Instagram boyfriend that he is, shared a video of it to Instagram, and then Victoria shared it on her page with the caption hashtag spice up your life.

Okay, here's the best part.

All of them were there, including Melby, who recently shared that she got kicked out of the group chat for talking about a potential reunion.

Was this what she was talking about? Is this the reunion?

The reunion was at Victoria Beckhams fiftieth birthday party.

I'm just wondering.

Guess who else was the Thomas Cruise Tom Cruise jump on the couch Cruise Listen, He's evolved since then, Okay.

Of course he's the most incredible action hero of our time. Yeah, I was gonna say of our time, but sure of all time. Also true doesn't mean he didn't jump on a couch on Oprah however.

Many years ago.

I'm a Tom Cruise fan.

That's because you used to do red carpets like I did.

And anybody who does Red carpets knows that Tom Cruise is the nicest to every reporter on a red carpet. He speaks to everybody from the front of the line to the very back. And when we started and we were in the very back of the line, we appreciated Tom Cruise.

It's so true. He looks at you, he acknowledges you, makes eye contact. But also, I am obsessed with top Gun Maverick, unhealthy obsession with me. It's incredible. I love that movie so much. I listened to the soundtrack whenever I work out. It's the best motivation. Anyways, we digress.

I don't know how this became about Tom Cruise, because this was about the Spice Girls. I used to I watched that movie at my basement in Chicago before school on repeat.

I just love that they were all there, that seems like a big scheduling feat. Okay, Danielle, I saw the cutest story on the Washington Post this morning. An eleven year old girl and her dad were fossil hunting on a beach in England when they discovered not one, but two extremely rare fossils. So Ruby Reynolds and her dad Justin later learned that both of those fossils were actually part of the jawbone of a new species of marine reptile. So they discovered a new animal together.

This is so special.

Isn't that cute?

My dad and I used to read books together, but we did not discover a new animal together.

That is really really cool.

I mean, this is how big their discovery was. They wrote to a local paleontologist who told reporters that he was blown away because ninety five percent of the time when he gets calls like that, people just find rocks. But they actually found a new species.

How do you think paleontologists who have worked their whole career to find something like this feel about daddy daughter duo on vacation finding this.

Honestly, I would give up at that point. I would just throw my hands up. I'm done. I'm done, I mean, just give up.

Okay.

I recently saw some chatter about the perils of kindness and it really stuck out to me because I've never thought of kindness as being perilous. I've always thought of it as a great thing. But this article says that in relationships sometimes kindness can do more harm than.

Good because we're not being fully truthful in the name of trying to be kind to someone, We're holding back.

Is that why, Yes, that's exactly it.

So there was a writer for Psychology Today that calls it the truth or care dilemma. So he says there can be tension between two competing ways to show respect for someone you care about. Basically, are you hitting someone you love with a truth bomb or are you keeping it to yourself?

But aren't we putting a false binary on this? Can't you do both? Can't you have kindness and candor at the same time?

For sure?

I think part of what he's saying too is like you have to have tact with it. But what I'm wondering is if you switch it up depending on who you're talking to, Cause I know in my friend group there's some people that I know can handle the truth bombs and some people that probably just want my ear.

I think that speaks to the time that you've spent with that person, the history that you have in that relationship, and also it speaks to the person's willingness to change. And also I think in friendships and probably romantic relationships too, the best kind of feedback is feedback about something they can actually change. If you offer feedback about something that they cannot change about themselves, then that's I think where feelings get hurt.

Yeah.

I think sometimes though, feedback makes people feel not seen because they feel like you're not understanding where I'm coming from. You don't see me or my point of view on this. So I'm actually really careful about feedback. I'm more of a listener. If somebody asked me for my feedback, then I give it.

Yes.

When I was younger, I used to just dish.

Out my feedback. In college, I don't know why people were friends with me. I was a real truth teller, and I think through therapy I learned that for me it's better to Sometimes you got to ask like, hey.

Do you want an ear or do you want do you want to know what?

I think? I think that's the best question that you can ask is do you just want to vent right now or do you want me to prescribe something.

So I actually interviewed an expert on kindness a few years ago. His name's Houston Kraft, and he wrote a great book about it. And I said to him, I've always hated this phrase, do nice guys finish last? Because I love nice, I love kind And he said, nice guys do finish last. Kind guys finish first. And the difference is that kindness has boundaries. Nice is just nice for the sake of it, and that's not great either.

I also think this article is speaking to a larger phenomenon in our society where we tend to catastrovize the consequences of being really candid. We always think that it's going to cause more harm than it actually does. But telling the truth in relationships can actually enhance your life. I wasn't sure about this until I came across this study where researchers ask people to be honest in every

I really like that, Simon. Yeah, it's not as bad as you think it's going to be.

Exactly Up next, what are three things to consider before taking on debt?

We'll find out after the break.

We're back, Danielle. Today we're taking the veil off of a taboo subject. Money. It's something that I love talking about with other women because we're often socialized not to talk about it.

That is spot on.

Alexa mon Tolbo is the founder of Inspired Capital and the best selling author of Financially Fearless. I like that word fearless when it comes to money, and she's here to tell us about the importance of starting financial education at a young age. I'm talking playground wheels on the bus, Kittie Pool, Plato kind of young, Simone.

See, that's when it needs to start. And Alex's latest book is a children's book for kids called Money Matters, A Guide to Saving Spending and everything in between.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I could probably use that book as well.

I think we could all use this book, Alexa.

It's so great. To have you on the bright side.

Hi, guys, very happy to do this with you.

Guys.

Oh, thank you.

Okay, So it's financial literacy month. Why is financial literacy imperative?

Financial literacy and the education piece of it matters so much to me because for every human being on this planet, money is a big part of our lifeline.

It's absolutely critical.

I have three little kids and I care about them being empowered in their wallet. Money gives you choice. Let me be clear, do not support the quest for money. We're not trying to get as much money as possible. That's a pretty miserable life actually, to be on the quest for only money in life. Money does not equal happiness, but money gives you choices. If you're in a job that really doesn't suit you and your miserable, money lets you change jobs and find something that lets you be

If you need to.

Go and see an important doctor that isn't totally paid for by insurance, money allows you to do those things. And so for the most critical things in life, money gives you choices, and I care that more people on this planet have choices.

One of the parts of your work that I feel really drawn to is changing our habits at a young age. And you said you want financial literacy taught in elementary schools. How old are we when we start to pick up habits around money?

Sure, and so first, very important for every parent out there.

There's a new study out of the University of Michigan that tells you that as young as let's call it five, it's three to five, kids are already learning how to feel about money based on how we exhibit the tone of how we behave around money.

So if every time money.

Comes up it's a stressful, anxious filled they have now proven that fifteen years later, twenty five years later, that that child will have a less healthy relationship to money. And if the tone in your household is matter of fact, can do positive And that doesn't mean you're always telling your child they can get what they want. I regularly tell my children, so sorry, you're not going to get that toy. But the tone matters. And so back to

And making it tangible, actually forcing them to feel it, to touch it. That is so important too, because I mean, we all know how easy it is to spend money now with Apple pay, It's like blop, three hundred dollars gone and you never see the money. It's just there's nothing there.

I mean literally, men, imagine your five year old living in twenty twenty four. Boxes arrive every day to my house from like a magical man, and they just show up and when you open them often they're filled with like delicious and yummy things, snacks and gummy bears and toys and present and so back to your point, it's so important that we make it tangible. I do a few key things that I think are really important. Number one, my kids have allowance. They have piggy banks. I put

Alexa, you're so successful now at this point, I mean, you're a founder, you're an author. But I'm curious, what are the narratives that formed around money for you as a kid that you had to unlearn as an adult.

One of the major reasons that I started spending more time on trying to learn about money is very unexpectedly.

I lost my dad, but I was fourteen years old and my mom.

Became a single mom with two older brothers, and I remember in that moment, in thank goodness, we were financially stable, but my mom for the first time had to take care of the money in our household. And it struck me at fourteen profoundly that I was like, I can't believe not only does she have to manage us and manage just like massive, massively big trauma in our family just was to go learn about money, managing.

Our money for the first time.

And so when I went to college and I started trying to like, Okay, I'm going to learn about money, and then I was like, where's the classes. And I went to Harvard and there was a single class. And so I was really on this quest to get really good at just managing money so that it could be something that I could feel empowered for my whole life, for the rest of my life, to be on my

So that was the huge thing that I had to really overcome.

And it's also hopefully helped you understand why I'm so authentically passionate about just paying this forward to boys and girls all across the country at all ages. I want everyone to feel powered in their wallet, and all of us feel negative about money a little bit at times because there's always someone who has more, and you have to learn that does not matter. It's about feeling in control of your life, and that's the goal with money.

That's my favorite thing that you've shared, because it really is about control.

I've personally felt that.

You know, you've been really emphatic about writing this book for a specific audience, and it's girls. You wrote it for kids, but particularly girls, Like why did you write this for girls in particular.

As a mother of two daughters, as someone who has been successful in business, there are still not enough women at the top. I mean that is just not acceptable in my mind, on every level, board, CEOs, sea, level, suite, all of it. Still it's part one, and then I

We're taking a quick break. We'll be right back with more from Alexa von Tobol. Welcome back. We're here with Alexa on Tobo. Alexa, you have a chapter on investing and it includes stock market basics. Now I can already hear the skeptic saying, wait a minute, this is too young, Like why would we even be bringing up stocks with kids.

So, first of all, it's so fun. Let me just start there.

So investing is something all of us have to do, every human listening right now.

Investing. You know, if you look at the last one hundred years, you look.

At you take the S and P five hundred and you just take a long point of view, take a whole hundred year view. On average, it's been about ten percent growth year. We are on average, everyone listening, we have to invest in our retirement accounts. That's what the purpose of a retirement account is. So investing is the most important thing we all have to do in our wallet to have enough money.

It's critical.

So because it's so important, I'm like, of course you should teach a child to understand it. And what is investing? Investing is looking around in normal life when you see a product that you're using all the time, thinking to yourself, humh who makes that company? Is that a company that I could buy a share of? And the way I explain it to my kids is it's okay to actually be really smart and lazy in your wallet.

And what that means is I want my money working for me when I.

Am sleeping, when I'm on vacation when I am doing absolutely nothing. And that's what investing is is all of the people at that company when they go to work, they are going to work for you and your dollars because you're a shareholder. And I think it's just a very important way to teach kids to understand investing. And that does not mean stock picking, to be clear, not trying to teach your kid to go and pick a single stock. You want them to buy ets and index

You eat every day.

Just helping them make it relate. They know what Coca Cola is, they know what her she is. Helping them just understand those basics.

Is so important.

Hearing you talk about investing, I think we've been approaching it all wrong. I think we should have always done it from a children's point of view, because it just makes it so much easier to digest, Like it took me years as an adult to feel comfortable with understanding the stock market and how it works. But I'm sure a lot of people are listening to this wishing that they had your book when they were kids, but unfortunately we did not. So what are your top three tips

So I'm going to start with tip number one, which is really important, which is rip the bandit off and throw the shame away. Every single one of us feels a little ashamed about money in some way. Every one of us does, and I think that that's sort of really step one to being really empowered in your money is to say, of course I made some mistakes. Of course I got something drunk. Guys, I'm sitting here the

And the third is.

Set some goals and maybe even set some goals with an expert. So go find I'm a Certified Financial Planner, which is a Doctor of Money CFP. Find yourself somebody that could work with you. And even when you don't have a ton of money, there's so many digital companies out there now online where you can go find a place where you can start to have a healthy relationship with money. And part of that will look like And this is my zero point three sub bullet point. I

To nine months.

Number two, everyone needs to pay off your credit card debt in full.

Get it to zero. That may take you a few years. If you have a lot, if you have very little, rip.

The band it off, pay it off now, don't go out for the next three months.

Do whatever you got to do. Get it to zero.

And then the third is everyone needs to start a retirement account. Every single person, as early as you can in your twenties should start contributing something to retirement because compounding interest is not magic, it's math, and.

If you start saving a bit, it will grow. Those are your three goals and just.

Get them to you fantastic. I like those. Didn't Einstein talk about compound interest.

I mean it's like the most beautiful thing is watching money compound.

Yes, I agree, Alexa. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Alexa.

You guys are amazing things. So much for having me. What an honor.

Alexavon Tobel is the founder of Inspired Capital, a financial journey, and the author of the new children's book Money Matters, A Guide to Saving spending and everything in between.

Danielle, I'm going to be honest. When I heard there's a money book for kids, I was like, huh, that's interesting. But after talking to Alexa, it's so important. It makes so much sense. I think every home should have one of these books.

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I think we both had that same sentiment. I feel like I need the book. I mean, just a few years ago, I finally told myself I was going to stop being quote bad with money, and I felt out of control. And Alexa mentioned that a lot about money is control. And I went through all my credit cards, I went through process like I did a whole deep dive, and I actually do feel

They'll just grow up understanding. You know, it's Financial Literacy Month, and I want all of us to be financially literate. But I like Alex's approach because she's going to the root cause of the problem. She's going to the source and trying to catch kids when they're still really malleable and can learn good money habits. So I was really convicted when she talked about the studies that show that as early as three to five years old is when

Do you think that you've you've been a positive influence so far or are you changing things.

I've either been a neutral influence or a negative one. I don't know that they're old enough to pick up up on, you know, discussions about money when my husband and I are feeling stressed about it. I don't know that they're old enough to do that. But I'm definitely going to be way more mindful about how we talk about money in the house, and also how I frame work for me and how I frame it as something that's life affirming and that it gives me purpose.

I liked when she said that.

What did she say, Mommy's going to work and mommy loves work.

Mommy loves puzzles. She's going to go solve a bunch of really big puzzles.

Yeah, it was so affirming. Well, the good news is Alexa talked about forgiveness.

So tomorrow is a new day.

If you feel out of control or stressed about money, you can decide tomorrow to change that forgive yourself.

All right, Bessie, Speaking of tomorrow, we are in for a treat with entrepreneur James Beard Award winner and the brains behind Jenny's Splendid ice creams Jenny Britton.

And that's it for today's show.

Listen and follow the bright Side on the eye, heartradio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Simone boys. You can find me at Simone Voice on Instagram and TikTok.

And I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram and TikTok.

Hit me up, see you tomorrow, folks. Keep looking on the bright side.