This episode of Bald is proudly brought to you by the National Bathroom Sex Toy Safety Council, reminding you to always follow the three W's before your wet 'n wild adventures: "Wash, Warm-Up, & WERK." As winter stretches its legs for one last sprint before Spring arrives, we'd like to remind our listeners to follow the most important rules of the Bathroom Dildo Doctrine: 1) Always test the suction of the dildo on your shower wall prior to use, in order to properly gauge the strength of the ...
Mar 21, 2023•53 min•Ep. 103
From the windy city famous for its decadent Deep-Dish Pizza, dill pickle-laden Chicago Dogs, and the local spirit Malort (which can best be described as "What would happen if a pungent overripe fruit had a drunken threesome with a can of gasoline and a pile of herbs,") comes over eighty minutes of auricular ecstasy sure to satisfy even your biggest hunger pangs for both Chicago and the two fabulous drag divas who bravely and boldly sat in comfy chairs and spoke into microphones for a bit over an...
Mar 07, 2023•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 102
Open now in beautiful West Hollywood, CA, it's The Brians' Breakfast Shack! It's like the Love Shack, but with less sex and more superfluous orange blossom plate garnishes! The Brians' Breakfast Shack Menu includes all your favorite hearty, wholesome breakfast foods! Featuring items as varied as our Flying Firkus Pancake Platter to our Egg McCooken Sun-Dried-Chicken Legs Breakfast Sandwich to our world-famous Griddled Brian Toast™, which Oprah's Book Club referred to as, "A honey-cinnamon-tinged...
Feb 21, 2023•52 min•Ep. 101
On the brutal, kill-or-be-killed plains of the Serengeti, power is determined by sheer brute strength. It is measured by the breadth of one's chest, the size of one's claws, and the length of one's incisors. But in the stiflingly hot concrete jungle of Los Angeles, power is determined by the ability to sit down in very comfortable chairs, hold microphones, and talk about life's daily minutiae for approximately 45 to 60 minutes while glorious air conditioning washes over you like a cool salve for...
Feb 07, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 100
Next to the shimmering turquoise waters of the Côte d'Azur, on the picturesque beaches of Saint-Tropez, sits the Shack D'Amour: a delectable, debaucherous nightclub teeming with music-loving crustaceans, boys in bikinis, and girls on surfboards. Come for the baked potatoes and tanning butter, stay for the non-stop fruggin'. Check Out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://Squarespace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain! Get ...
Jan 24, 2023•56 min•Ep. 99
Nestled amongst saguaro cacti like a majestic mirage in the arid sands of Palm Springs, we welcome you to the glistening, pink-hued motor lodge that is the Trixie Motel! This amazing inn features seven themed rooms expertly prepared for only the finest desert debauchery. Amenities galore await you, like our sparkling pool, perfectly fit for your sun-dried hot dog legs and pale, bald dome. And if you're extraordinarily lucky, two gay goblins may be relaxing poolside on chaise lounges, shoving hom...
Jan 10, 2023•48 min•Ep. 98
As we make the annual trek back to our hometowns to visit family, consume desicated turkey, and meet gross Uncle Rich's 22-year-old girlfriend with a dead tooth, let us take a moment to reflect on the past year and all the wondrous gifts that it has bestowed upon us, including that holly berry-hued eczema that appeared out of nowhere. From everyone at Bald Headquarters here in beautiful Gomorrah, California, we wish you and yours a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year. PS - the new ointment f...
Dec 27, 2022•59 min•Ep. 97
A'lo, guv'nor! Grab a steaming cup of PG Tips, take your place in the queue, stuff your face with bangers & mash, and use the trusty National Health Service to check up on that rash that simply won't go away! Come and join Trixie and Katya as they travel to merry 'ol England for a live show at the historic Troxy theater! From insulting the locals for their consumption of blood sausage to detailed stories of hand-based romantic acts, this episode has it all! Happy Holidays to one and all! Hea...
Dec 13, 2022•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 96
A dusting of snow gently kisses the needles of a vividly green six-foot balsam fir, all alone in a small forest meadow. Nothing captures nature's majesty quite like a pine-scented solstice soldier, standing guard against the cold; a stark contrast against the pallid December sky. The time has finally come. The season of Krampus is officially upon us. Lock your windows, bolt your doors, and gird your loins for the long, dark, bone-chilling embrace of winter. This episode is sponsored by BetterHel...
Dec 06, 2022•56 min•Ep. 95
Looking for a last minute gift? Go to https://establishedtitles.com/BALD and order a digital title pack certificate to print today! They are running a massive Holiday Sale, plus 10% off on any purchase with code BALD. Thanks to Established Titles for sponsoring this video! With a richly tapestried history spanning nearly two millennia, London is the jewel of the Thames with its cobblestone streets, priceless museums, and trendy boutiques. As the official seat of the once-powerful British Empire,...
Nov 29, 2022•50 min•Ep. 94
As the sun fades and day turns to dusk in Paris, the beautiful Champs-Élysées becomes a twinkling thoroughfare filled with the comings and goings of sharply-dressed Parisians, bustling to and fro beneath the majestic Arc de Triomphe. In a small, nameless cafe, Trixie and her family open a fourth bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape as they laugh and smile over a table filled with escargots de bourgogne, couilles de mouton, and tarte tatin. As the warmth and fellowship from this intimate Thanksgiving ga...
Nov 22, 2022•45 min•Ep. 93
The effervescent, enchanting, & ever-so-ebullient Natasha Leggero stops by the house to chat about her new book, "The World Deserves My Children". She and Katya have a sparkling conversation about such disparate topics as pediatric caviar, mid-life-crisis-techno-DJs, and brainless gutter people having relations with robots in a post-apocalypse hellscape. Natasha's new book "The World Deserves My Children" comes out today, November 15th! Go to: https://bit.ly/NatashaLeggeroBook Cancel unneces...
Nov 15, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 92
Behold, Tik Tok judgement day is nigh! As the soiled masses scroll through prosaic videos of cats, choreography, and cleaning materials, do not pretend you are free from fear. When the end comes, it shall arrive with righteous wrath and fierce anger, darkening the sun, cloaking the moon, and causing the stars to fall from heaven. Tik Tok shall pass judgement upon you and all whom you know, causing the desolation of the land and crushing all social media sinners to dust. We have spoken! Let it be...
Nov 01, 2022•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 91
The fog has settled in, surrounding the dark soulless condo nestled amongst the broken dreams and shattered souls of Hollywood. High above the urine-stained street, a lamp flickers dimly in a window. Faint shadows on the walls can be seen from below, giving only a tiny glimpse into the horrible monstrosities that dance within. Two hairless, beady-eyed incubi sit opposite each other, their bony claw-like hands holding microphones as they laugh and jest and mock humanity between ads for underwear ...
Oct 25, 2022•43 min•Ep. 90
After two years of wearing easy cheese-stained sweatpants and that vintage Cher 'Do You Believe?' tour t-shirt, it's time to re-visit your closet and break out those accessories. While dainty chains, layered strands, and zodiac trinkets have been en vogue this past summer, it's time to step out into the crisp, fall air with some bold bijoux that tells everyone around you, "I'm a Winner." Made from only the most affordable raw copper on the market, the "Winner" necklace is the must-have accessory...
Oct 18, 2022•50 min•Ep. 89
Grab a piping hot mug of Tim Hortons, turn on the NHL, hide your Royal Canadian Mounted Police porn VHS, pour a shot of pure Canadian maple syrup, and bury your fat face in a pile of steaming poutine. The dolls have invaded the great white north for a live show at the Just For Laughs Festival in beautiful Toronto. Join us as we both marvel at their universal healthcare and mock them for their smorgasbord of crazy accents. A special thank you to Duncan and all the staff & crew at Just For Lau...
Oct 04, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 88
We here at Bald Headquarters would like to use this week's episode to introduce our listeners to the mostly-unknown art form of comic books, the even more obscure phenomenon of superheroes, and the finer points of the opening of the rectum on the body's surface, colloquially known as "the anus". And while you're listening, please enjoy a wonderfully-refreshing early-Fall beverage recipe from our Myspace page: "Katya's Eat the Poor Limeade." A spoonful of sugar and a dash of love is all it takes ...
Sep 20, 2022•1 hr•Ep. 87
This sexy little minx was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Her legs, of which there were six, went on for days. The jelly in her prothorax, mesothorax, and metathorax jiggled like a jar of freshly opened blackberry jam. There were so many segments in her abdomen that I couldn't decide which one to focus on as I salivated at the sight. I was lost in the ocean of her compound eyes, sitting just below her antennae that were themselves doing an age-old dance of seduction as she waddled across my f...
Sep 06, 2022•53 min•Ep. 86
As summer comes to a sweaty, malodorous end and you attempt to enjoy a few solitary moments of seasonal joy, take a minute to dry your swamp-ass in the air-conditioning, put on some clean underwear, and chill that special box of wine you've been saving for a special occasion. This week, we're revisiting an amazing chat with the co-editors of UNHhhh, Jeff Maccubbin & Ronald Hill. Come join the girls and guys in the studio to talk about creative porn scenarios, soul-devouring rockabilly chicks...
Aug 23, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 85
The harvest moon shone bright in the Hollywood sky, illuminating the shattered dreams and stained casting couches below. I was back from tour and more tired than the plot of Morbius. As I settled in for a solitary evening of Netflicking and Green-Cheffing, I took a few too many puffs of the 'ol Green Unicorn Kush. As my mind raced and the synapses in my brain accelerated to the point of near-insanity, I retired to the safety of my bedroom, with only my iPhone in hand. As luck would have it, whil...
Aug 09, 2022•45 min•Ep. 84
To celebrate the premiere of Season 4 of What We Do in the Shadows, we're revisiting one of our favorite episodes ever with the one, the only, Guillermo from What We Do in the Shadows, Harvey Guillén! Listen as Trixie and Katya fan-girl the f**k out in an amazing interview with everything from Harvey's magical audition story to the show's countless running gags to the ever-expanding set & genius costume design. Don't miss Season 4, now available on FX and Hulu! Follow Harvey: @HarveyGuillen ...
Jul 28, 2022•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 83
MEN SEEKING MEN (Los Angeles Metro Area): Just watched HBO's 2019 series Watchmen. We are two fabulous, bald drag queens seeking omniscient, radioactive, nuclear physicist with massive, luminous blue genitalia for casual sex and future-telling. Monkey pox vaccination preferred but not required. (Time-travel capabilities a plus) Please send pics of your cerulean phallus to "totally_not_trixie_and_katya@lay_me_out.sex". Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo To watch the podcast on...
Jul 26, 2022•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 82
In a world where one's public image is everything, we here at Bald, LLC would like to propose a different route: that of radical honesty. Have a small penis? Wear it like a tiny, proud badge. Hairy in all the wrong places? Include that despicable rat's nest in your nude pic. What we're trying to say is stop trying to be something you aren't, and live your life as the disgusting, disfigured, and completely unlovable quasi-human-being that you've always known yourself to be. Follow Trixie: @Trixie...
Jul 12, 2022•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 81
Do you find yourself frequently having dreams about a burned, disfigured man wearing a dirty red-and-green-striped sweater and brown fedora? In these dreams, does said man make pun-based jokes and threaten to kill you? Has your bed recently tried to eat you? If so, you may have unintentionally roused the ire of a certain "Mr. Frederick Krueger." While a horrific death may be in your future, we offer the following option: propose a mutually-agreed-upon sexual romp with Freddy in exchange for your...
Jun 28, 2022•50 min•Ep. 80
Do you frequently experience an itching or burning sensation? Is discomfort in your posterior region a regular occurrence? Do you have night terrors involving killer clowns & bed-wetting that may have led to a divorce? Trix Pads™ with cooling Katyamine lotion are here to save your marriage, ease your discomfort, and soothe that burning ass. Side effects may include chronic perspiration, sudden-onset bilingualism, and the sprouting of a superfluous third nipple. Happy Pride, Everyone! Follow ...
Jun 14, 2022•53 min•Ep. 79
We here at Bald Headquarters, LLC are thrilled to announce our new collaboration with Fleügghendorfen Air Conditioners! Straight from a snow-drenched chalet in the Bavarian Alps comes Europe's oldest and most-respected HVAC specialist, Fleügghendorfen Air Conditioners. As Trixie deals with the vocal cords of an 80-year-old cigar smoker and Katya is finally on the road to recovery after quadruple hip-replacement surgery, the one thing that brings both of our esteemed hosts a respectable degree of...
May 31, 2022•55 min•Ep. 78
Actor, drag queen, comedian, & musician Kelly Mantle visits Katya in her dark layer of sewing and sequins! They discuss Kelly's experience on the Trixie and Katya Live tour, her ridiculously long IMDb page, and the self-confidence perils of acting alongside genetically-perfect Hollywood a-listers. You can currently see Kelly on the Trixie and Katya Live tour and starring as Sheila on the OUtTv/Amazon Prime sitcom, The Browns. Follow Kelly: @KellyMantle Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel Follow Kat...
May 17, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 77
Some of us have gams that appear as if they were sculpted by the gods themselves on the apex of Mount Olympus. Others, however, have legs that seem like they were dry-cured in the basement of a French farmhouse next to a beautifully-marbled Andouillette sausage. We'll let you decide if this episode is about the former or the latter. To learn more about microdosing THC, just do a quick search online or go to Microdose.com and use code: BALD to get free shipping & 30% off your first order. To ...
May 03, 2022•59 min•Ep. 76
To celebrate our 75th episode of the auditory smegma we call The Bald & The Beautiful, we were planning on either making out with strangers underneath the 101 overpass or recording a live episode at the beautiful Paramount Theatre in Austin, TX as part of the Just for Laughs Moontower Comedy Festival. We opted for the latter. Enjoy the utter exquisiteness that is the next 60 minutes of your life, you disgusting heathens. Special Thanks to: Dustin S. and everyone at the Paramount Theatre in A...
Apr 19, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 75
As the Trixie and Katya grand tour exits the green, moist forests of the Pacific Northwest and meanders east towards the lumps and bulges of the Rocky Mountains, we check in with our favorite role models to learn about penile hygiene, flatus consumption, and how to make a real difference in this crazy thing we call life. If you aren't properly motivated to better yourself, spread love to others, and join a cult after this episode, then perhaps you should stop listening to this podcast. Follow Tr...
Apr 05, 2022•51 min•Ep. 74
