What do you do when your child lives part-time in a home where regulation, connection, and felt safety aren't present? In this episode, I talk with Sybil Cummin, a therapist specializing in working with families navigating coercive control. Sybil shares practical guidance for showing up as a steady, safe presence for your child, even when the other parent’s home feels unpredictable or unsafe. In this episode, you’ll learn: What coercive control is and how it impacts both children and the parent ...
Jul 01, 2025•59 min
Part of why you keep listening to this podcast is for parenting tools and strategies, right?? So, what do we do when it feels like nothing is working?! What’s really going on when parenting tools feel useless and you want to shout “THIS ISN’T WORKING?! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why parenting tools “work” when they come from connection, not protection What to ask yourself when it seems like nothing helps anymore How to know if your child’s needs have outpaced the support you can give on your...
Jun 24, 2025•36 min•Ep. 227
I know- sometimes it feels impossible to feel delight toward your child. I get it! BUT! If you can find even micro-moments of delight, it can be very powerful for both you and your child. In this episode, you'll learn: How is delight related to secure attachment The science behind why it’s sometimes very hard to find delight in kids with vulnerable nervous systems How to intentionally look for and pause in moments of delight Why delight doesn’t just help your child, but your nervous system too R...
Jun 17, 2025•33 min•Ep. 226
When your child’s behavior leaves you feeling confused, frustrated, or even hopeless, staying curious might be the last thing on your mind. But curiosity is actually SO COOL! It’s both a parenting strategy AND a nervous system state. In this episode, we’ll explore how to access curiosity, even when behavior makes no sense, and how that curiosity helps us find the path forward. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why curiosity is a sign your owl brain is online, and how to use curiosity to invite your...
Jun 10, 2025•30 min
When you're dealing with whining, hitting, defiance, back talk…well, of course you want it to stop. But what if behavior change isn’t actually the place to start? Not for long-term behavior change, at least. In this episode, I explore why behavior change does matter, but why it’s not the first goal, especially for kids with vulnerable nervous systems. HEADS UP! I’m not necessarily asking YOU- the one facing these out of control behaviors- to change your goal of behavior change. But…what if the p...
Jun 03, 2025•34 min•Ep. 224
Have you ever freaked out at your child and then later thought, “Where did that come from?” Yup, that’s being triggered! In this episode, we’ll unpack the neuroscience behind why we get triggered, what memory processing has to do with it, and how to find your way back to presence and connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: The anatomy of a trigger What’s actually happening in your brain when the past takes over the present What to do next- how to help your owl brain come back and parent in th...
May 27, 2025•38 min
Why do kids sometimes - or a lot of the time! - suddenly act much younger…or sneakier?! In this episode, we use Dr. Bruce Perry’s concept of state-dependent functioning to reframe some of the baffling behaviors as signs of stress, not signs of defiance. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, join us over in The Club. In June 2025, we’re having a masterclass all about behaviors and state dependent functioning- complete with a brand-new illustrated resource. If you’re hearing this episode in ...
May 20, 2025•38 min
Could you use a short refresher about what I mean when I say your child’s "owl brain flew away"? Or do yoRu know someone who is willing to listen to a short explanation of how you’re approaching your child’s baffling behaviors? In this episode, I revisit - briefly- what behavior really is and the owl, watchdog, and possum brain metaphor. I explain why it's such a helpful way to understand your child's baffling behaviors. I also talk about what actually helps those protective brains calm down so ...
May 13, 2025•29 min
If you’ve clicked on this episode because you’re feeling like you're failing—at parenting, at keeping it together, at helping your child—I'm really glad you’re here. Because first, I want you to know this: you’re not failing. You’re doing something incredibly hard. Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system, whether your child has been impacted by trauma, or has sensory differences, or just has a brain wired a little differently, is extremely intensive parenting. I created this episode s...
May 06, 2025•19 min
If your kid refuses therapy, what other options are there? Or maybe they don’t refuse therapy, but you’d still like to increase the therapeutic support for your child and family. Here are 20 different non-therapy therapeutic supports based on Dr. Perry’s work of ‘moments of healing’ and experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory Over on my website, you can download a handout that lists them all out (and was generated with the help of AI) so you don’t have to take no...
Apr 29, 2025•48 min
Have you ever wondered what types of questions you should ask a new therapist to assess how well they understand behaviors through the lens of the nervous system? No need to take notes during this episode, I created downloadable handouts you can access with just one click. Listen to the episode then head over to my website! PLEASE NOTE. These are suggestions. Please vet your professionals thoroughly. I’m certain there are many important questions left off of this list. I’m also certain there are...
Apr 22, 2025•52 min•Ep. 218
Kids with vulnerable nervous systems need more co-regulation than other kids their age and yes it’s exhausting. Did you know it’s possible to be GOOD exhausted and not just BAD exhausted?!?! It’s you’re chronically exhausted, you’re probably not doing as much co-regulation as you are masking how dysregulated you are. And hey- no judgment here! This is very explicitly a no-judgment episode. I don’t want you to feel bad or even try to do anything different. In this episode, you’ll learn The differ...
Apr 15, 2025•32 min•Ep. 217
Have you ever wondered how those behaviors that feel 'on purpose' fit into this nervous system approach? They feel so intentional! Like there is so much Owl-brain thought involved. But they certainly aren't behaviors of connection!!! This episode will: Demystify 'on purpose' behaviors Remind you to always consider regulation, connection, and felt safety...then strategize how to respond to those 'on purpose' behaviors accordingly Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources! You can download all sorts of...
Apr 08, 2025•38 min•Ep. 216
Monitoring and modifying are the two essential elements of regulation. ~ Dr. Dan Siegel When we really understand what makes up the skill of self-regulation, we can be more intentional about helping our kids develop those skills. We can also be more understanding and compassionate when they aren't able to use those skills! This episode explores the skills of monitoring (noticing) and modifying (changing) our level of arousal and activation as the main ingredients of self-regulation. Remember tha...
Apr 01, 2025•45 min•Ep. 215
Medical trauma can feel confusing because in many circumstances, we are seeking out the very medical interventions that our kids experience as traumatic. Trauma is in the eye of the beholder. Some kids experience trauma due to their time in the NICU. Some kids experience trauma at the dentist. Some kids experience trauma due to an emergency or accident. Much of the time, parents feel helpless or even guilty for ‘causing’ the trauma. In this episode, you’ll learn How medical treatment can have a ...
Mar 25, 2025•48 min•Ep. 214
Resentment. We’ve all felt it. Very little about this parenting journey has gone according to plan. We’ve done the hard work- the never-ending work actually - of rewiring everything we thought we knew about behavior, what it means to be human, how to parent, and how to have a family. Some days we do it without a second thought. Some days are full of resentment and anger. You aren’t a bad person. But resentment feels bad! In this episode, you’ll learn The very important job that resentment does f...
Mar 18, 2025•43 min•Ep. 213
One of the harder things to navigate when shifting to a nervous system lens on behavior is the feeling that a lot of the strategies seem like they are rewarding bad behavior. Strategies that invite regulation, connection, and felt safety are usually strategies that feel good. If our kids feel good after bad behavior, will they have MORE bad behavior?? In this episode, you’ll learn What it might be signaling if you’re wondering if you’re rewarding bad behavior How to avoid unintentionally increas...
Mar 11, 2025•44 min•Ep. 212
We talk a lot about hard very too hard for your kids (thanks Amanda Diekman for that hard vs. too hard language!). But have you considered applying that concept to yourself? This is intensive parenting! Far beyond when parenting is supposed to get less intensive, you’re still giving super-hero level scaffolding, supervision and co-regulation - and it’s a LOT! In this episode, you’ll learn How to assess for when it’s just TOO hard- for YOU! The importance of making an owl-brain decision about thi...
Mar 04, 2025•28 min•Ep. 211
This BONUS episode is the audio from my FREE webinar, Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior. This webinar aired lived on 02/04/2025. You can watch the video webinar for free over at https://RobynGobbel.com/webinar You can also download the free, accompanying resources, including: eBook, fridge sheets about the Owl, Watchdog, and Possum, all the slides as handouts, and some additional accompanying infographics. ::: Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources! You can download all sorts of free ...
Feb 28, 2025•54 min
It’s very common to feel like our kids are either intentionally sabotaging good things or that they are purposefully setting us up to be mad or disappointed or to have to say no. You aren’t imagining this phenomenon! All humans do it, but our kids with vulnerable nervous system and big, baffling behaviors may seem like they do it more often. In this episode, you’ll learn The neuroscience behind WHY our kids sabotage situations or set us up to be dysregulated What they are really doing (and it’s ...
Feb 25, 2025•36 min•Ep. 210
It took me a looooooong time to really truly believe and understand that- no one is coming to save me. I had to do the hard work to take responsibility for my own triggers, my own nervous system, my own change. This only happened after oodles and oodles of safety, connection, and co-regulation. Maybe you, like me, have held onto the hope that someone else will fix this. Your child will change, you’ll get the services you need, something will happen and everything will get better. Maybe this jour...
Feb 18, 2025•43 min•Ep. 209
Rose LaPiere LPC, RPT-S, and ACS invites into a space of safety and connection so we can make room for grief. Rose brings her own experiences of grief to her work as a play therapist (and co-leader in Robyn’s immersive training program for parenting professionals, Being With) so she can bravely welcome in, and be with, her client’s big, at times overwhelming, feelings. In this episode, you’ll learn The importance of authenticity, naming, and acknowledge even really really hard feelings The role ...
Feb 11, 2025•50 min•Ep. 208
You’ve lowered stress and demands. You’ve reframed your child’s behavior as a response from their autonomic nervous system. You’ve worked hard to help your child’s stress response system rest and begin to heal Now what? In this episode, you’ll learn How rest is only one part of the healing process The importance of reintroducing stress The difference between stress that prompts growth and stress that leads to injury and burn-out Resources mentioned in this podcast: Stress Response System {EP 94}...
Feb 04, 2025•39 min•Ep. 207
Jon Fogel is a dad who combined his passion for parenting, neuroscience, and impacting the world to create a viral social media account (@wholeparent) and then to publish his book, Punishment-Free Parenting. Jon and I get lost in some pretty deep topics together, including How he helps parents make huge parenting shifts How parenting with punishment relies on a pretty pessimistic view of humanity Boundaries vs. Consequences vs. Punishments Resources mentioned in this podcast: Punishment Free Par...
Jan 28, 2025•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 206
How do we help kids feel safe when they are safe? How do we help them take in the safety that exists in their life when their life experiences seem to have convinced them that nothing is safe. Scaffolding. Yes, we can scaffold felt safety. My recovery from a very serious back injury left me pondering the importance of felt safety in taking risks and the necessity of scaffolding felt safety. In this episode, you’ll learn The importance of relationship in felt safety How even felt safety must be s...
Jan 21, 2025•57 min•Ep. 205
Play makes kids stronger. It’s necessary for their physical and emotional development, and even their academic development. Play helps kids work through and make sense of hard things. A few months ago I went searching for a resource that teaches parents some of skills I used as a play therapist because I am passionate about breaking down barriers and teaching these skills to as many adults as possible- not just therapists. Tina Payne Bryson’s newest book (co-authored with Georgie Wisen-Vincent),...
Jan 14, 2025•55 min•Ep. 204
Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated? This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do. This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.” It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help. In this episode, you’ll learn How nervous systems match each other How we get our sense of safety from the state of each other’s nervous system The serve & return and rhyt...
Jan 09, 2025•28 min
Have you ever felt confused by your child’s silly behavior? It seems like they are having fun, but it doesn’t feel good at all? In this episode, you’ll learn How to tell the difference between fun-silly and dysregulated-silly What’s going on in the brain and nervous system for a child who is dysregulated-silly Practical ideas for how to support your child returning to regulation, connection, and felt safety Resources mentioned in this podcast: The Connected Therapist by Marti Smith Join The Club...
Jan 07, 2025•45 min
You aren’t parenting wrong. It’s not your fault. Asking “What am I doing wrong?” is the wrong question! Here’s what be curious about instead. In this episode, you’ll learn: That you’re not doing it wrong (well, not any more wrong than anyone else) A more helpful to question to ask ourselves when our kids are struggling Why having kids who are never dysregulated isn’t the goal Resources mentioned in this podcast: Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook Influence Behaviors, Not Control ...
Dec 31, 2024•34 min
Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems In this episode, you’ll learn: The relationship between trauma and grief Why it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselves The role of self-compassion How a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes grief Resources mentioned in this podcast: Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbook Read a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/grief Check Out All Robyn's Free...
Dec 26, 2024•37 min
